Why The #1 Fact Of Military History Is A Lie - Hilarious Helmet History #2

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  • Опубликовано: 28 янв 2017
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Комментарии • 2,4 тыс.

  • @Taylor_Lindise
    @Taylor_Lindise 7 лет назад +884

    You can't use the Mongols as an example because they are the exception!!!

    • @Corey-dk3xi
      @Corey-dk3xi 7 лет назад +3

      +

    • @leavy
      @leavy 7 лет назад +31

      Tyler Lindsey-Delise hey I got the reference!!

    • @crasherdgrate
      @crasherdgrate 7 лет назад +52

      Tyler Lindsey-Delise Cue the Mongoltage!

    • @danielkorladis7869
      @danielkorladis7869 7 лет назад +49

      *chaotic sounding trumpet music*

    • @Germania9
      @Germania9 7 лет назад +36

      I'm Green with that reference.

  • @SilentMover95
    @SilentMover95 7 лет назад +450

    Lesson : Dont invade Russia in winter if you are not Mongolians.

    • @krombopulos_michael
      @krombopulos_michael 7 лет назад +3

      Nikola Tesla its pretty rare that any great powers war ever would be so fast that they could end it before winter came around.

    • @Darth_Valken
      @Darth_Valken 7 лет назад +13

      Or Polish, apperently

    • @brainwasher9876
      @brainwasher9876 7 лет назад +14

      or the Germans, in WWI, who invaded during the winter and won. Hitler invaded in the spring in WWII and lost.

    • @InfernosReaper
      @InfernosReaper 7 лет назад +25

      Pro-Tip, don't invade a place without a supply line.

    • @Frost517
      @Frost517 7 лет назад

      lol In Supreme Ruler 2020 I had a booming economy based in upstate New York, New England, and PEI. I saw Saskatchewan, Canada ripe for the taking... but because a supply line was impossible across so much Canada it was an utter failure. lmfao Those damn canooks were just mad I took PEI and made it a booming port territory. LOL

  • @user-oj7ye9zp6p
    @user-oj7ye9zp6p 6 лет назад +875

    First rule of History: The Mongols follow none of the Rules of History.

    • @BlackSteelKeyChain
      @BlackSteelKeyChain 6 лет назад +48

      Ma. D. Fa Stark yes and that is cause they wrote the rules of history deliberately wrong to stop everyone else from copying of their success

    • @erdrickcapet3945
      @erdrickcapet3945 5 лет назад +34

      Except for... wait for it... The Mongols. (cue the Mongoltage)

    • @marcopena7638
      @marcopena7638 5 лет назад +33

      Ma. D. Fa Stark
      They followed one:
      Invade Russia from EAST TO WEST, NOT the other way around.
      Russian strategy has never been something besides retreat to siberia. As long as you take siberia first, the russians are the ones stuck in place.
      Japan won the ruso-japanese war for the exact same reason.

    • @vguyver2
      @vguyver2 5 лет назад +16

      Not sure there ever were rules. But everyone had an interesting approach.
      Rome: Kill the enemy, parade their leaders, enslave some of them, and make the rest pay Rome tribute.
      Napoleon: We defeat them into a peace treaty, make them pay taxes while forcing them ally with us against Britain.
      Dutch: We steal everything the Portuguese and Spaniards have gained.
      Portugal: We mostly want to trade, but God forbid you don't give us exclusive trading rights, or we'll take down your Empire. By the way, do you mind selling us some slaves?
      Spain: We kill their leaders, enslave those that that can mine gold, and convert all of them to Christianity.
      Assyrians: We take over the lands and resettle the entire population in all corners of our empire causing them a cultural-linguistic genocide without mass murder.
      Mongolians: We tax 10% of everything, including able men and children ....but if they rebel, wipe out 90% of the population.

    • @josephleonard6695
      @josephleonard6695 5 лет назад +6

      @@vguyver2 genghis khan is a badass

  • @nathanseper8738
    @nathanseper8738 5 лет назад +183

    He also glosses over how the Mongols were able to overcome the rasputitsa: they used the frozen rivers of Russia as an invasion route, showing how one CAN successfully conquer Russia in winter.

    • @cringename4391
      @cringename4391 4 года назад +28

      Mongols use winter against winter

    • @nathanseper8738
      @nathanseper8738 4 года назад +9

      @@cringename4391 Couldn't have said it better myself.

    • @stevewondering6311
      @stevewondering6311 3 года назад +3

      darn asians...

    • @Gia1911Logous
      @Gia1911Logous 3 года назад +2

      Yeah, when there is no one to fight you, is it really a fight?

    • @MrStolboy
      @MrStolboy 3 года назад +1

      Are you actually dumb? Did you see kievan rus when mongols invaded? They just could walk in because siberia was not even discovered.

  • @wjd23104
    @wjd23104 7 лет назад +424

    Arguably Hitler did have to Invade Russia. While Stalin and Hitler had signed a peace agreement, they both did so to buy time. Stalin assumed the French and British would fight a long exhausting war with Germany and whoever eventually one would be severely weakened (Obviously this kind of blew up in his face France surrendered within a couple of weeks). For Hitler it was a matter of wanting to avoid a two front war. The peace agreement gave him time to dispatch the Brits and the French and then fight Russia but he was fully aware that Russia remained a threat and when he couldn't achieve a decisive victory over Britain he launched a surprise on Russia nearly reaching Moscow.

    • @RatherEmpty
      @RatherEmpty 7 лет назад +5

      what?

    • @EmpressLeana
      @EmpressLeana 7 лет назад

      Daniel White If this were true, Russia wouldn't have been so hilariously underprepared for war, and shouldn't have invaded Poland.

    • @krombopulos_michael
      @krombopulos_michael 7 лет назад +20

      I thought the real point is that his whole plane revolved around getting Russia. That wasn't a last-minute cocky impulse, that was the plan from the start. Taking France was done to pre-emptively prevent the same thing that happened in WW1

    • @crazycakemanflies
      @crazycakemanflies 7 лет назад +6

      Stalin didn't even believe Germany had invaded until after Kiev (I think it was Kiev) had fallen. So for a leader who was making preparations for invasion he certainly wasn't aware it would happen to him. I dont think Stalin ever considered stabbing hitler in the back...

    • @user-rh8lh5ix2s
      @user-rh8lh5ix2s 7 лет назад +4

      Stalin literally went AWOL and got drunk after he was told about the invasion. sure he probably thought they'd eventually come blows but he was not even remotely ready

  • @jacobwoolf2010
    @jacobwoolf2010 7 лет назад +1457

    how do you fight an enemy thats willing to destroy it self to win.

    • @vasectomyfail442
      @vasectomyfail442 7 лет назад +166

      just tell him his crowd size is smaller than the women's march.

    • @XXC0Y
      @XXC0Y 7 лет назад +131

      You keep a good supply line, rebuild, enforce your newly won positions, look well after the people still living there who just lost everything, so they see no reason to fight you - and don't even bother rushing after the army that destroyed their homes.

    • @Sorain1
      @Sorain1 7 лет назад +37

      Basically. The government and military might be perfectly willing to burn down their cities, and fields, and infrastructure. Hell, even some of the population might be okay with it. But not all the population.
      If they're willing to let you take the ground, then you dig in to keep it and suddenly their loss of all that stuff, especially if your the one the locals who didn't flee depend on for food/burnables/ect? They've lost a chunk of their country.
      Yes, you didn't get all the shines because they burned them, but it's not your shines being burned here. No nation can keep that up indefinitely because no population can withstand that for terribly long.
      It takes your winning being WORSE then having everything they know destroyed for that kind of thing to fly. When time with you holding land proves your being in charge is demonstrably not worse? Support for their war effort implodes on them.
      Now if you mean an enemy on the smaller scale (individual, unit of troops ect.) then you just set up a position where you have hideously overwhelming advantage (Fortified position with machine-guns covering the approach vs infantry for example) and let them kill themselves on you for minimal loss. They're willing to die, meaning their judgement of risk to themselves is already compromised.
      Keep in mind that's not 'willing to risk death', that is 'willing to accept the certainty of their death'. It does make them dangerous by conventional standards, but if you know your going up against it, you can swap tactics and get kill ratios so high your likely to be investigated by the Hague.

    • @ReverendTed
      @ReverendTed 7 лет назад +57

      Easy - let it destroy itself.

    • @agilemind6241
      @agilemind6241 7 лет назад +12

      +Sorain1 That only works if you can afford a prolonged war, because a weaker force is unlikely to attack a fortified position unless they are incredibly stupid. Neither Napoleon nor Hitler could really do that because it would give the UK and her overseas allies time to regroup and launch an offensive against them leading to war on multiple fronts which would spread their troops, resource, and supplies thin. Rebuilding fortifications and maintaining supply lines to secure captured Russian territory would have been too costly as every mile deeper into Russian territory increases the length of the front/border that would have to be defended. In addition, they would be extremely vulnerable to insurgency from starving Russian citizens who are just as likely to blame you for invading as their own leaders for destroying their own land to prevent you from capturing anything of value. Keeping the Russian citizens in the captured territory happy would add even more expense as would defending against resistance/insurgent fighters supported by guerrilla tactics by the Russian army since they had an advantage in manoeuvrability. All of which would leave Hitler/Napoleon extremely vulnerable to attack from UK & her allies.

  • @goneutt
    @goneutt 6 лет назад +700

    The Mongols are probably still ahead of us on coat technology

    • @luisgraciaschaziga8559
      @luisgraciaschaziga8559 6 лет назад +10

      Matthew Trzcinski they are not idiot in this day we can buy winter clothes that provide us heat in temperatures of -10° C

    • @PainMonkey
      @PainMonkey 6 лет назад +23

      It takes an astonishingly sophisticated synthetic fiber to really compete with the heat retention of the right furs. We got them now...but they cost a fortune and probably come with an alternate heating source.

    • @Zamolxes77
      @Zamolxes77 6 лет назад +28

      Yeah, that's Minnesota, in Russia gets to -50 C and regularly into -30C, so your state of the art -10C clothes are as good as toilet paper.
      Have you peed in -30C weather ? I did, while being drunk, caroling on Christmas in '94 or '95. It was -28C, in the city, and the hot pee froze as it hit the ground, creating small pyramid like structures.

    • @MultiMixSAint
      @MultiMixSAint 6 лет назад +9

      Zamolxes77 lucky you didn’t freeze your nuts off

    • @orszag572
      @orszag572 6 лет назад +13

      Some acquaintances of mine went to Kamchatka during the winter, and they had to replace their hi-tech arctic clothes with wolfhide coats from the local market, because they weren't warm enough...

  • @pablononescobar
    @pablononescobar 4 года назад +47

    The German army in WWII actually had far more horses than tracked or even wheeled vehicles

    • @surprisedgordon7786
      @surprisedgordon7786 Год назад

      Really? Tell me more about it

    • @r2zdena
      @r2zdena Год назад +1

      He didn't send more tanks because they had problem with oil shortages

  • @AmanShah187
    @AmanShah187 7 лет назад +831

    More of these, really like ur history videos

    • @launderedsilvrr2110
      @launderedsilvrr2110 7 лет назад +7

      most of their videos have bullshit distorted history, because all of the actual historical topics have already been covered by people who are way better

    • @cameronsipka3352
      @cameronsipka3352 7 лет назад +1

      laundered silvrr haters gonna hate

    • @mestowigge6503
      @mestowigge6503 7 лет назад +2

      Cameron Sipka yes cause why should facts get in the way of your ideas?

    • @peteard5089
      @peteard5089 7 лет назад

      mesto wigge Alternative truth media? There's a name for that.

    • @laurahewitt5451
      @laurahewitt5451 7 лет назад +2

      Haakon IV. Nobody talks about Haakon IV.

  • @Headshot51423
    @Headshot51423 7 лет назад +235

    The "penis helmet" or stahlhelm is actually one of the best helmet designs and is the basis for many modern helmets

    • @luismerchan9140
      @luismerchan9140 5 лет назад +4

      Alex Bassett We all were penis helmets then

    • @Damnto
      @Damnto 5 лет назад +11

      You are right..he is a real dumbass.. and soo disrespectful

    • @shafayatzamil_
      @shafayatzamil_ 3 года назад +2

      Well, the ancient Boaecian helmet used famously by Alexander the Great was very much like this and the first of its kind.

    • @kunaljanvalkar2850
      @kunaljanvalkar2850 3 года назад +4

      Its a legit design. Only complain about it was about being heavy. On the other hand allies didn't even had size variations for their helmets...

    • @spencerw9784
      @spencerw9784 3 года назад +1

      @@kunaljanvalkar2850 I believe the Americans were the only ones who didn’t

  • @dystrophic
    @dystrophic 7 лет назад +1043

    I thought the #1 fact of military history is that the victor writes the history books.

    • @JorisVDC
      @JorisVDC 6 лет назад +51

      Most important fact when you look at 'his story'.

    • @unknowngamer7325
      @unknowngamer7325 6 лет назад +13

      dystrophic I dont know how you can call someone who conquers an entire continent stupid, they just applied what worked for them until then

    • @seankraus5246
      @seankraus5246 6 лет назад +16

      dystrophic cracked would say anything for views they just dont give a fuck anymore.

    • @lepellxcore
      @lepellxcore 6 лет назад +34

      People who write write the history books. Genghis Khan won but no one think's he's a great guy.

    • @michieljames737
      @michieljames737 6 лет назад

      dystrophic Truth spoken right there!

  • @ysbrandvdvelde4352
    @ysbrandvdvelde4352 6 лет назад +385

    Fun fact: Most millitairies around the world use a upgraded cavelar version of the German penis helmet. Becauze it's the best helmet out there even the US uses it today.

    • @nikobellic3716
      @nikobellic3716 6 лет назад +5

      Ysbrand vd Velde not Indian tho they wear turbans, square helmets n half helmats

    • @ysbrandvdvelde4352
      @ysbrandvdvelde4352 6 лет назад +13

      Hey Niko! It's Roman, let's go bowling.

    • @modrotpendragon5781
      @modrotpendragon5781 6 лет назад +2

      Niko Bellic maybe their turbans are just a kevlar cloth.

    • @JacktheRah
      @JacktheRah 6 лет назад +3

      Fun fact: the helmets aren't really supposed to stop bullets they're supposed to kill you quick. The helmet will deform to break your skull. So you're better off wearing a hat.

    • @LeeCzere
      @LeeCzere 6 лет назад +19

      That might have been a fact, but, it was not fun.

  • @legoinsomniac
    @legoinsomniac 7 лет назад +30

    "You fell pray to one of the classic blunders! The first is never get involved in a land war in Asia but only slightly less well known is this! Never go in against a Sicilian, when death is on the line!"

    • @davidb5205
      @davidb5205 7 лет назад +3

      AHAHAHA AHAHAHA AHA-----

  • @JD1010101110
    @JD1010101110 7 лет назад +508

    Wait did he just boil down the entire battle of britain "to Britain had to many boats to be invaded" ?!

    • @NexusDarkworld338
      @NexusDarkworld338 7 лет назад +98

      For most of modern history we had the best naval fleets in the world, so that isn't too surprising if that ended up being a major factor.

    • @Tuning3434
      @Tuning3434 7 лет назад +49

      +JD1010101110
      It is not completely untrue: the Luftwaffe had to face the RAF in order to bomb out the British ports and the Royal Navy. Without uncontested air superiority above the Channel, there was no way that German invasion forces could out maneuver Royal Navy units.

    • @georgelaidlaw3748
      @georgelaidlaw3748 7 лет назад +49

      Fundementally true. Even if the Germans had mananged to win air superiority or even supremacy over the UK, they still had to deal with the Royal Navy. While you can bomb individual ships into oblivion, it is rather more difficult to destroy entire fleets that are protected by carriers, ship AA and harbour defenses. The RN would still need beating and the Germans had pretty much no good, quick way to beat it. That further hinders their ability to attack the Navy because they now have to divert planes to maintaining air supremacy etc. Would not be fun to be living in a British city and logistics would get even more complex but losing the Battle of Britain would, contray to popular opinion, not have immediately led to a successful Operation Sea Lion. There were significant questions as to whether the German transport barges were suitable even for the short trip across the Channel and they were certainly not amphibious assault craft. Once you have dispatched the RAF and RN, you still have to deal with the British Army who would ferociously resist any attempted landings leading to heavy casualties for the Germans. Most historians agree that Operation Sea Lion was doomed to utter failure regardless of the Battle of Britain.

    • @scott8074
      @scott8074 7 лет назад +3

      Maybe my history education isn't up to snuff on this but didn't RADAR play a big role in the battle of Britain?

    • @danielkorladis7869
      @danielkorladis7869 7 лет назад +33

      Yes, because it basically comes down to that.
      The Royal Navy was far too strong for the Germans to mount an amphibious invasion. Yes, Germany could have used paratroopers, but they'd have to be resupplied somehow, and you run into the same problem.
      That's why the Luftwaffe tried to bomb Britain into submission, especially terror bombing against civilian targets, meant to demoralize the public (it didn't work, obviously).
      It's also the reason for the U-boat commerce raiding campaign, to try to starve Britain out (despite some successes, this also failed).
      If not for the presence of the *massive* Royal Navy, the Germans would just have invaded Britain like everywhere else.

  • @rebeccaliar9873
    @rebeccaliar9873 6 лет назад +271

    All I've gained from this video is a new meme:
    The Mongols were badass enough to invade Russia in winter.

    • @mindseyemelodies
      @mindseyemelodies 6 лет назад +9

      Just ask John Green...

    • @redrounin1440
      @redrounin1440 6 лет назад +10

      Unless you're...wait for it...

    • @smithnwesson990
      @smithnwesson990 6 лет назад +7

      Anyone large enough can invade Russia. The germans MASSACRED Russia in WW1. Russia is actually isolated to about 6 to 8 major cities maybe less. Sure the continent is big but most is uninhabited

    • @russianbear7832
      @russianbear7832 5 лет назад +1

      “Nobody conquers Russia!”
      Mongols: That's where you’re wrong kiddo.

    • @WastedEfforts
      @WastedEfforts 4 года назад +1

      @Ron Burgundy Moscow wasn't Capital and he didn't fucked anyone in Moscow either since it was abandoned, you deranged memer.

  • @stephenstokes4350
    @stephenstokes4350 7 лет назад +12

    2:00 "i dont read" lmao yeah clearly

  • @JOEking990
    @JOEking990 7 лет назад +67

    I haven't heard someone say "give me the penis helmet" over and over since the 8th grade.

    • @lancerd4934
      @lancerd4934 7 лет назад +5

      If there's a penis helmet, it's definitely the ancient Greek "Corynthian" style one, not the german. s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/16/a9/36/16a9360396a857fa081d8758e9b23c74.jpg

    • @erikthegodeatingpenguin2335
      @erikthegodeatingpenguin2335 7 лет назад

      Holy shit!

    • @lancerd4934
      @lancerd4934 7 лет назад +1

      Erik the God Eating Penguin Yeah, it's funny how they left that detail out of _300._ I can't Imagine why lol

    • @lancerd4934
      @lancerd4934 7 лет назад +7

      RockPapersBeer That helmet is derived from the 15th century sallet. You know you're probably onto a good thing when it survives 500 years of warfare.

    • @lancerd4934
      @lancerd4934 7 лет назад +3

      K Will So advanced it came from the 15th century lol

  • @ripopol
    @ripopol 7 лет назад +44

    might want to rename the show "hilarious HEADGEAR history" as it encompasses both Hats and Helmets

  • @jonathanm9993
    @jonathanm9993 5 лет назад +38

    "EvErYbodY gEt's tHis wroNg, we aRe verY sMart!"
    The same guy: "WW1 Germany attacked Russia AFTER the October revolution"

    • @alextaws6657
      @alextaws6657 4 года назад +2

      i had to scroll down far too long to find that! :D (I heard/saw this "legend" it on other channels, too. I mean, it's on wikipedia, c'mon, people...)

  • @raggedyanarchist
    @raggedyanarchist 6 лет назад +17

    Someone make sort of a shoegazey alt-rock band called The False Dimitris. I have already pre-ordered all your albums. Thanks in advance.

  • @tereziamarkova2822
    @tereziamarkova2822 7 лет назад +44

    Good point, and I am glad that Hillarious Helmet History is back. I love your passion for popularization of science and history.

    • @launderedsilvrr2110
      @launderedsilvrr2110 7 лет назад +4

      you realize this is just a bunch of cherry picked facts with clickbait titles right? most of what he says is absolute bullshit

    • @Pivitrix
      @Pivitrix 7 лет назад

      People who payed attention in history class should know this, so yeah. Not really... I won't deny the clickbait, and some of it is abit oversimplified. But please realize you were dumb.

  • @Klerik131
    @Klerik131 7 лет назад +65

    You act as if it were just these 2 that caused the saying, leaving out Prussia, The Ottomans, The Tutons and the Swedes, to name just a couple more. They saying is also because nothing grows in Russia in the winter, so there is nothing to forage and armies starve. I mean, you are trying to put an effort into this video, but it's really not well researched and very cherry picked.

    • @launderedsilvrr2110
      @launderedsilvrr2110 7 лет назад +21

      i agree completely. It physically hurts when someone says "oh, I learned so much from these videos"

    • @adityac90
      @adityac90 7 лет назад +12

      Well, I seriously doubt anyone is looking to a get a PhD level knowledge of history from a 6 minute comedy video. This hits several big points on misconceptions and the viewers are free to explore further if they are so inclined online.

    • @kourii
      @kourii 7 лет назад +3

      +K Will you have a 'millennial' view of spelling

    • @marcl637
      @marcl637 7 лет назад +1

      they eaven took pictures from the german army after ww2, just 0 reserch

    • @Vityvikt0r
      @Vityvikt0r 6 лет назад

      K Will
      I really hope you were born before 1980.

  • @johnboone45
    @johnboone45 5 лет назад +3

    "Napoleon got 'rope-a-doped'" is the best historical metaphor I've ever heard. So catastrophically true.

  • @xbox7
    @xbox7 7 лет назад +411

    German WWII helmets were badass.

    • @MinnesotaMontage
      @MinnesotaMontage 6 лет назад +41

      Wacky Tic Tac and they provided the best protection

    • @user-mb9nm7bq5e
      @user-mb9nm7bq5e 6 лет назад +39

      Wacky Tic Tac I hate nazis. So much, but their outfits look super cool. Too bad they suuuuuuckkkkkkkkkkkjkkkkk

    • @user-mb9nm7bq5e
      @user-mb9nm7bq5e 6 лет назад +3

      Wacky Tic Tac I hate nazis. So much, but their outfits look super cool. Too bad they suuuuuuckkkkkkkkkkk

    • @justinb954
      @justinb954 6 лет назад +11

      That's Hugo Boss!! He designed 2000 different 'High' fashion Nazi Uniforms.

    • @tadhgknight3484
      @tadhgknight3484 6 лет назад +2

      Nah fam German Pickelhaube (yes I am aware the Stahlhelm provided waaay more protection, it just didn’t look as cool as the Pickelhaube)

  • @captainobvious1415
    @captainobvious1415 7 лет назад +143

    I came so early, the past is pregnant.

    • @NJ-wb1cz
      @NJ-wb1cz 7 лет назад +103

      The present is clearly a miscarriage and you're the one to blame.

    • @dizzyiguana981
      @dizzyiguana981 7 лет назад +8

      Bear Arms lol

  • @anthonymacgregor9790
    @anthonymacgregor9790 7 лет назад +47

    I am pretty sure by the time of napoleon we had books for the trick to be written in

    • @Glaucus08
      @Glaucus08 7 лет назад +17

      Anthony Macgregor I think he was saying Fabius Maximus didn't have books

    • @Jeddostotle7
      @Jeddostotle7 7 лет назад +41

      He was basically saying that the "trick" was so old, it predated books.

    • @leavy
      @leavy 7 лет назад

      Anthony Macgregor I'm pretty sure pbbshhfjkkannjckkleknmmnmmmnnnnnnnsoif

    • @HamuraiC-137
      @HamuraiC-137 7 лет назад

      Jeddostotle7 it wasn't

    • @maxmustermann9058
      @maxmustermann9058 7 лет назад +2

      Everybody knew what fabian tactics were at the time. Napoleon even studied Charles XII failed swedish invasion of Russia (which he coveniently left out) in order to avoid the same mistakes. His downfall was that nobody from europe expected them to burn down Moscow, at the time you basically won if you took the capital. Fabius would not have burned Rome, nor would the french have burned down Paris.

  • @AnDream109
    @AnDream109 7 лет назад +4

    "They weren't ready to visit Minesota, much less beat Stalin in an away game." Is probably the best understatement of a military tragedy ever.

  • @jonathandavenport2500
    @jonathandavenport2500 7 лет назад +1

    Really enjoy watching these! Please keep making such great historically informative and entertaining videos. They do not go unnoticed by history majors, buffs, and lovers. : )

  • @jedaaa
    @jedaaa 7 лет назад +5

    4:05 "they all died" hahahaha

  • @TheVFMAC
    @TheVFMAC 7 лет назад +2

    "Zero fear of casualties." HAHAHAHAHAHA. Yes, the commissars put an end to fears. And choices, and possibly your life.

  • @danyelleorr-mcneil4711
    @danyelleorr-mcneil4711 4 года назад +1

    I love the sarcasm on this channel!🤣🤣🤣

  • @MFD388
    @MFD388 7 лет назад +3

    I think I could watch Alex talk all day about pretty much anything.

    • @josepablolunasanchez1283
      @josepablolunasanchez1283 2 года назад

      Alex has a unique style. I could listen to him ranting about anything a whole day and I would not get distracted. Great presenter.

  • @angryyogbuscus1578
    @angryyogbuscus1578 7 лет назад +7

    Hmmm... As a frenchman, one would think Napoleon would know a lottle about the Fabian strategy.

  • @danteller8282
    @danteller8282 7 лет назад +3

    The Poles were a great example because the story is awesome, but it's worth pointing out that the Russians did spend the next few centuries trying to put the 'pole' in Poland, if you know what I mean.
    The Mongols were kind of already in "Russia" since they invaded from the steppes, and they went on to conquer an empire WAY bigger than Napoleon's or Hitler's... or Rome's, or the Assyrians', or the Mughals'... I could go on. Point is: maybe not the best example. As John Green over at Crash Course was so fond of pointing out, they were kind of the exception to just about everything.
    One thing you're definitely right about: History is awesome.

  • @horationelson1840
    @horationelson1840 7 лет назад +2

    HAAHHA. HOTLER COSPLAYING AS NAPOLEON. LMFAO!

  • @FranciscoCostaRamos
    @FranciscoCostaRamos 7 лет назад

    This is so amusingly instructive I can't look away to anything else.. help

  • @blue04mx53
    @blue04mx53 7 лет назад +3

    Congratulations on surviving past 12 Alex !

  • @mattheww4523
    @mattheww4523 7 лет назад +5

    can you make 20 to 30 minutes explaining a countries history in a really brief way but funny

    • @launderedsilvrr2110
      @launderedsilvrr2110 7 лет назад +1

      he'd do america and skip the trail of tears and the imprisonment of japanese americans during ww2. Also slavery

    • @alainarchambault2331
      @alainarchambault2331 7 лет назад +1

      Well that is the only way to make it "funny"

    • @MrElectricVibration
      @MrElectricVibration 7 лет назад

      Check out geography now, it has what you are looking for but shorter format.

  • @november382
    @november382 7 лет назад

    This was unsurprisingly educational in a very surprisingly entertaining way. Love it!

  • @ghdelao
    @ghdelao 5 лет назад +1

    the dry humor in this video is brilliant

  • @ZerqTM
    @ZerqTM 6 лет назад +45

    HEY!!!! YOU FORGOT SWEDEN!!!
    we invaded Russia too..
    Then we got tired of war... because Meh!

    • @arthurwu6030
      @arthurwu6030 4 года назад +4

      ZerqTM then you got destroyed and your empire collapsed

    • @elyndafae1593
      @elyndafae1593 4 года назад

      Yeah! And maybe they didn't actually invade Russia, but the Finns kicked their asses too.

    • @user-lv2yo5vh4c
      @user-lv2yo5vh4c 4 года назад

      The Finnish were defensive.

    • @ZerqTM
      @ZerqTM 4 года назад +1

      @@arthurwu6030 that is often the case russia tend to absorbe and disipate the impact of invaders... but they are still paranoid due to the lack of obstructing landmark like mountains or rivers etc...

    • @ZerqTM
      @ZerqTM 4 года назад +1

      @@user-lv2yo5vh4c probably why they where successful... no one successfuly invaded russia since the Rus people basically..

  • @jasonblalock4429
    @jasonblalock4429 7 лет назад +4

    I'm always a little disappointed when Alex reaches the end of a video without dying.

  • @natep9171
    @natep9171 7 лет назад

    Alex, you're one of the funniest guys at Cracked and on RUclips. You keep doing you.

  • @cuindless189
    @cuindless189 3 года назад

    Here it is, four years later, and the line "They weren't ready to visit Minnesota, let alone beat Stalin in an away game," cracks me the hell up.

  • @olliemad
    @olliemad 7 лет назад +4

    When he started getting a crook in his neck, I started smiling thinking his death was coming, but no, what?Alex didn't die?

  • @valathe
    @valathe 6 лет назад +12

    aaaaaaaactually, the russian revolution(s) happened in 1917, 3 years *after* the start of ww1 (the russian empire was actually the very first to mobilize its army in the build-up to the war). the february revolution of 1917 saw the end of romanov rule (the romanov dynasty had ruled russia for over 300 years); but the provisional government decided to stay in the war against germany. thus the german empire arranged for vladimir lenin to be brought to russia from his swiss exile with the specific purpose of further destabilizing russia, which eventually succeeded with the october revolution of 1917

  • @knuckduster
    @knuckduster 6 лет назад

    Lmao "..and if you make that mistake..ehh..je m'appelle Alex" 😂 dude you crack me up

  • @OmarMohamed-ik6pd
    @OmarMohamed-ik6pd 6 лет назад

    Lmfaoo just discovered this channel and so far I love it, mostly for this show

  • @ciangargan
    @ciangargan 7 лет назад +129

    What about Afghanistan being uninvadeable. The British tried in the 1800s, the Soviets tried, the Americans are still trying 15 years later. The landscape makes it near impossible.

    • @jamesoleary2476
      @jamesoleary2476 7 лет назад +30

      Cian Gargan not uninvadeable. Just incredible expensive and difficult to occupy.

    • @BaresarkSlayne
      @BaresarkSlayne 7 лет назад +4

      +Triggered lol - Well, that isn't entirely true. The soviets were not on their knees when they started. They started their campaign to get into Afghanistan 20 years before they finally did (so around 1960). Then it was impossible to hold on top of finally getting into there.

    • @SpriteCranberry666
      @SpriteCranberry666 7 лет назад +23

      didn't the Mongols invaded Afghanistan

    • @qwerty83408
      @qwerty83408 7 лет назад +40

      3 Indian Hindu empires have ruled over Afghanistan for total of 1017 years
      Alexander the Great has alsoconquered it and Greeks ruled over it too

    • @SamuelSwinton
      @SamuelSwinton 7 лет назад +13

      Cian Gargan the Americans did it successfully right away. The thing that is taking time is killing the terrorists

  • @enqrbit
    @enqrbit 7 лет назад +9

    The mongols is an exception.

  • @williamkelly53
    @williamkelly53 Год назад

    Thanks Team Cracked knowledge wrapped in humor is one of my greatest loves ❤🖖!

  • @robbieclark7828
    @robbieclark7828 7 лет назад

    This is a really inventive series, I hope you keep doing it

  • @Fancypants117
    @Fancypants117 7 лет назад +23

    while this is true and it's kind of silly people think that winter was the only reason the nazis/napoleon lost in russia and it is a pretty big misconception, cracked just has a tendency to omit small details that explain lots of things
    Like the fact the nazis didn't have any tracked vehicles was mostly because the production of these vehicles was very new and the idea of massive numbers of tracked tanks everywhere was still barely even seen in the world's army's
    The production line at the factories were already producing all these vehicles and to switch around the assembly line to new ones would set back the production of new equipment for troops that needed it by months even years not just in the troop waiting to invade Russia but also in the Africa front that was an on going battle
    Hitler had a loose peace at best with Stalin, the communists were planning on invading Germany after they had their internal issues figured out after the great purge, the Germans were trying to take advantage of the Russian lack of command structure while they could, it's why they took as much as they did in the first place

    • @charlescalthrop2535
      @charlescalthrop2535 4 года назад +2

      Ardail Coffey I wouldn’t even call the Nazi-Soviet Non-Aggression Pact a peace treaty. It was basically just utilisation of mutual motivation. Hitler was always going to fight the CCCP, as this was a major factor in his political theory of Judeo-Bolshevism. As you said the Stalin was also going to invade Germany so their pact was basically worthless.

    • @XXXTENTAClON227
      @XXXTENTAClON227 2 года назад

      @@charlescalthrop2535 Stalin literally didn’t fire back initially when they were invaded because he thought Hitler made some kind of mistake. The only ones who warned Stalin was the UK, but he kept dismissing their warnings. Stalin even locked himself in his room and had a breakdown because of it. That’s not someone who’s expecting war.

  • @michaeldellarippa4168
    @michaeldellarippa4168 2 года назад +3

    You forgot Charles the XII of Sweden.

  • @leocoelho4536
    @leocoelho4536 6 лет назад

    this is glorious, great video!

  • @benzodronic
    @benzodronic 7 лет назад

    This was so funny I nearly choked with laughter! Goddamn I can't even remember the last time I saw something as funny as this! Thanks man! I needed that!

  • @debries1553
    @debries1553 7 лет назад +20

    This hat is because.

  • @Figgy_23
    @Figgy_23 4 года назад +4

    I think from what I remember Napoleon had like half a million men during the Russian invasion and like 95% of them died. That is alot of dead people.

  • @Jackalope904
    @Jackalope904 7 лет назад

    Where were these videos when I was in school? Learned more in 7 minutes than at least a month or so of 90 minute classes.

  • @DiceB
    @DiceB 5 лет назад

    i love this Hilarious Helmet History series bravo guys

  • @brennanschrader3608
    @brennanschrader3608 6 лет назад +10

    Nazi helmets are actually pretty practical

  • @philv2529
    @philv2529 7 лет назад +8

    never get involved in a land war in asia

  • @jag_meistermeister4839
    @jag_meistermeister4839 7 лет назад

    This was funny, entertaining, educational, and not depressing(most history videos like this have depressing undertones). More please!!!

  • @PKTarik
    @PKTarik 7 лет назад

    This is really good cracked Congratulations.

  • @Niilo-
    @Niilo- 6 лет назад +35

    1. A Stahelm looks nothing like a penis 2. Napaleon recruited more men along 3. The hell is a Pershing doing in Russia 4. "This hat is heavy so I want a helmet"

    • @Niilo-
      @Niilo- 6 лет назад

      That Oneguy A tiger II isn't a super heavy tank

    • @ethan9869
      @ethan9869 6 лет назад

      Where was the Pershing?

    • @modrotpendragon5781
      @modrotpendragon5781 6 лет назад

      4:22 are you talking about this?

    • @sauronthegreat7778
      @sauronthegreat7778 6 лет назад

      Henry Walker Those are T-34’s, how the hell do they resemble a Pershing in any way!?

  • @Confirmed105
    @Confirmed105 6 лет назад +3

    I like how when people talk of invading Russia they forget the Swedish Empire (as it were a major power then).

  • @triiton4443
    @triiton4443 6 лет назад

    Made my day! Thank you

  • @frankwilliams3036
    @frankwilliams3036 5 лет назад

    Excellent information.

  • @Caleb-zz8sg
    @Caleb-zz8sg 7 лет назад +32

    Mongols were always the exception

    • @eagle-tn6br
      @eagle-tn6br 6 лет назад +3

      They got defeated in egypt....

    • @Daniel-ys2uk
      @Daniel-ys2uk 5 лет назад +1

      The modern day mongols have nothing to do with the Moguls of the Grand Tartary. Those guys were white. Not Asian. The whole myth of Asian modern day mongols being descendants of those guys that build the Grand Tartary is a ... myth.

    • @paulmentzer7658
      @paulmentzer7658 5 лет назад

      No, they did invade Russia in winter. The problem is invading Russia in SUMMER. In summer, you have to cross rivers, lakes and swamps. All three slow down armies in the Summer. Come winter Russia's rivers, lakes and swamps all freeze over thus Russia becomes a huge flat pancake. The Mongols attacked in winter when Russia is a huge flat pancake. Napaleon and Hitler attack in Summer with all of its problems and then faced the mud seasons marching instead of holding up till winter kickes in. You attack Russia in winter, then find a place to stay during the thraw or Mud season and consolidate your conquest in the summer. Thus long moves in winter where the rivers, lakes and swamps are frozen so none are barriers. Short moves between rivers and lakes in summer to consolidate your conquest. Simple, but you have to make sure your troops can move in winter and that requires good boots and other winter gear.

    • @drizzy6302
      @drizzy6302 5 лет назад

      Daniel S what do you mean by white they were modern day americans?

    • @justgamesaaron7968
      @justgamesaaron7968 5 лет назад

      @@eagle-tn6br thats true

  • @Ruffceyx530
    @Ruffceyx530 7 лет назад +4

    Russians should've known to not invade Finland in the Winter.

    • @NJ-wb1cz
      @NJ-wb1cz 7 лет назад

      It was successfully conquered in 1809 and remained a part of Russia for *more than a century* before Bolsheviks came and severely weakened Russian state.

  • @cpi23
    @cpi23 7 лет назад

    OMG you're like the nerdy sarcastic kid at the back of the Crash Course World History classroom this is great

  • @markosantos79
    @markosantos79 7 лет назад

    super liked this video, great job!

  • @BuzzinVideography
    @BuzzinVideography 3 года назад +3

    Uhm. I thought number one was
    *THE VICTOR WRITES THE BOOK*

  • @sergeykhristoforov3414
    @sergeykhristoforov3414 7 лет назад +5

    So you assume to invade Russia soon?

  • @sandipatil5
    @sandipatil5 6 лет назад

    sir, your way to explain history is outstanding.....

  • @ericcook1201
    @ericcook1201 7 лет назад

    Excellent video!! Accurate and funny.

  • @tph420
    @tph420 7 лет назад +28

    The movie 1612 is a fictional fantasy, it had unicorns in it. Russia loses wars and gets invaded like any other country.
    Poland captured Moscow and the polish armies stayed in Moscow for two years. After negotiations failed, the Poles returned home. Russia was suppose to join the Polish Commonwealth, but difference in religion prevented the Polish King and the Russian nobility to agree on terms. When they left, Poland took a chunk of Russia to compensate (Smolensk area). That's how wars worked in the old days. Two countries go to war, the winner takes only a chunk of territory and not the hole country. Basically you can't take the hole country because the population will rebel and unless your OK with mass genocide, you better off taking a small piece. Usually rebels get financed by foreign powers and try to break up the hosting country.
    Same with Germany in ww1, they won against Russia. Just look at the territorial changes after the Treaty of Brest-Litovsk.
    Just check out territorial changes of Russia in general. When it looses a chunk that's because it lost a war.

    • @thedreaddeagle8561
      @thedreaddeagle8561 7 лет назад

      Yosemite Russia lost those territories because people who lived there wanted an independence and Russia defeat was like a perfect moment to declare it.

    • @Kevin-sd9ec
      @Kevin-sd9ec 6 лет назад +1

      Almost your whole comment is flawed

    • @Kevin-sd9ec
      @Kevin-sd9ec 6 лет назад

      Russa used to be fractured, but whole

    • @NotADuncon
      @NotADuncon 5 лет назад

      It wasn't "a difference in religion" The Polish King was a Catholic nutjob. He was so crazy about religion his own family didn't want him in Sweden so they sent this rotten egg to us in Poland. If he was more accepting towards religious freedom in Russia and didn't insist on sitting on both trones himself Russia would be part of Commonwealth. He also could have controlled the Swedish throne but again his bird brain catholicism prevented him because he couldn't stand Lutherans.

    • @justinian-the-great
      @justinian-the-great 5 лет назад

      @@NotADuncon Yeah, by that point in history there is no way that there could live both catholic and ortodox Christians in the same country without troubles and wars, no matter how much religious freedom you give to them!

  • @davidinmossy
    @davidinmossy 6 лет назад +31

    Thanks Russia for your major sacrifice during WW2 the west tries to forget this fact and big up America but we know who the real heroes of WW2 where! Thank you comrade!

    • @carterdc3576
      @carterdc3576 3 года назад

      Do you not remember the Molotov-Ribbentrop pact? The Soviets were fine letting the countries of Europe fall to the Germans as long as they weren’t effected. The Russians should not be considered heroes in the West, because they fought in the war not to help the Allies, but to defeat the Germans. Refer also to the Cold War.

  • @lightzpy8049
    @lightzpy8049 4 года назад +1

    Napoleon: Was fasting way too much
    Meanwhile
    Hitler: Got dementia
    History: "This cake is a lie"

  • @blue04mx53
    @blue04mx53 5 лет назад

    Andrew, Congrats on your Jeopardy WIN !!!

  • @DenniWintyr
    @DenniWintyr 7 лет назад +3

    Why is this hat?
    Because it thinks

  • @robin6084
    @robin6084 7 лет назад +6

    Idk what it is, but this guy is so funny and likable. Definitely subbing!

  • @fafikommander1903
    @fafikommander1903 6 лет назад

    Just stumbled upon your show. I love IT!😅

  • @carnage2332
    @carnage2332 6 лет назад

    One of my favorite sites on youtube. Keep it up.

  • @mythopoeic8236
    @mythopoeic8236 6 лет назад +6

    This guy is hilarious

  • @surgeon36
    @surgeon36 7 лет назад +19

    I like your videos Sheldon Cooper

  • @jeffspc88mx
    @jeffspc88mx 4 года назад +1

    I love this series. Too bad there aren't more.

  • @laceyleighlovell2967
    @laceyleighlovell2967 7 лет назад

    I want to watch helmet history every day for the rest of my life! And since i plan to live forever you should get on that!!!!

  • @MrJohnycomelately21
    @MrJohnycomelately21 7 лет назад +59

    Just don't invade Russia..... just don't.

    • @windex527
      @windex527 7 лет назад +21

      Nuke it instead

    • @sebastianquintero1834
      @sebastianquintero1834 7 лет назад +5

      Mahmud Chariev what if their nukes get nuked

    • @Peregrin3
      @Peregrin3 7 лет назад

      considering that most of them are hidden and mobile that would be a bit problematic

    • @daisygowanditchburn4844
      @daisygowanditchburn4844 7 лет назад +4

      Nuking something into oblivion doesn't really count as victory. I mean you'd never be able to show people what you'd conquered. You'd show the children your achievements and they'd say "But all I see is a pile of ash, that's not so hard to take."
      Sure you've won but you wouldn't be able to do the whole march around like you're the coolest guy on earth making fun of the locals. No triumphal parades.... Basically the only things that would make it worth while.

    • @ranger-rj2ym
      @ranger-rj2ym 6 лет назад

      Gowan James Ditchburn "Look children. You see that Radioactive country over their. That I nuked the crap out of because of a Russian named Soviet Haxker. Now he won't hack bullet force anymore."

  • @engleshen
    @engleshen 7 лет назад +5

    Trump is taking notes right now

  • @ashleyetc
    @ashleyetc 7 лет назад

    This is hilarious and wonderful; Alex Schmidt is my new favourite.

  • @mariovilas4176
    @mariovilas4176 4 года назад

    This is my favorite video in the whole series 😃

  • @ThogusDonatus
    @ThogusDonatus 6 лет назад +8

    Sweden did also invade Russia and failed as well :/

    • @Hairysteed
      @Hairysteed 5 лет назад +1

      I think Jakob De La Gardie might disagree

  • @Voronza
    @Voronza 7 лет назад +10

    Thanks for funny and good stuff! From Russia with love.

  • @1manorgy
    @1manorgy 7 лет назад

    This guy works really well with the editor. Really sticking the timing on these jokes.

  • @pietrdavgar3744
    @pietrdavgar3744 7 лет назад

    Man, best f**k*** vídeo. I love it!! Plz continue!

  • @andyb6177
    @andyb6177 7 лет назад +17

    Guys, can we all at least agree that this click bait needs to stop.

    • @hilpano
      @hilpano 5 лет назад

      What clickbait? this is content

  • @85gamingwot55
    @85gamingwot55 4 года назад +4

    The #2 fact is never screw with Finland

  • @BeautifulEarthJa
    @BeautifulEarthJa 4 года назад

    This is great. Miss all these intelligent types of content.

  • @semperludens9241
    @semperludens9241 5 лет назад +1

    "Lost half of his troops to death" hahaha xD
    Are you sure you haven't just lost them? Where did you last see them? Did you check the lost and found?