IS THE INFJ MEANT TO BE A LONE WOLF?

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  • Опубликовано: 26 июл 2024
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    INFJ Life Coach Lesson: INFJs are known for being introverted, intuitive and feeling. They’re also known to be a bit of a loner. But is this really true? Do INFJs prefer to go it alone or do they actually need other people in their lives? In today’s video we explore the idea that every personality type needs social interaction and community, including the INFJ. We look at why so many INFJs feel like they don’t fit in with society and how they can find others who share similar values and interests as them.
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Комментарии • 274

  • @Wenzes
    @Wenzes  2 года назад +38

    What are your thoughts on INFJs being/needing to be lone wolves?

    • @anewchapter1336
      @anewchapter1336 2 года назад +13

      I think we should be prepared to be lone wolves until we can meet the right people we can be interdependent with...that is what I do and it works for me. I spent over thirty years molding myself to fit in with other people especially here in the midwest where people are so different than Aruba where I am from. I lost myself doing that and I am feeling free of that now.

    • @simovtransportmedia1137
      @simovtransportmedia1137 2 года назад

      I like to think about it this way to avoid the depressive loop's: what you experience is what you are, but not in positive or negative way. I mean that some thing's will always be with you, but how will they effect you is your choice territory. The stereotype's just make our live's more and more heavy. In fact before I found that I'm an INFJ I was quite depressed sometime's when I felt my differenses from other's. Now I have the idea of what I am and that's perfect. I know that everyone is unique and everyone has his place and role. To realize your full potential you have to clear your mind from negative stereotypes first and you will find how you begin to act more extraverted, not fake, but just open enough to let more people be interested in you and soon or later you will find your one. Who you will be is your choice.

    • @thewatchtower8330
      @thewatchtower8330 2 года назад +3

      I broke with a lot of friends and friend groups of my past, when ageing. Mostly not because they stopped contact, but because I decided to. Sometimes by a door slam. Sometimes just accepting that not every friendship is there to last: there is a reason why some friends didn't make it to the future. Only a select group of people I kept of which I know I can trust them, they accept my way of living and know me,... Also: a few of them is more manageable. And I don't get peer pressured to join silly parties like weddings, birthday parties or Babby drinks.
      When it comes to love, that's another story. I don't see how I can live with someone day in and day out. I never met someone with who it feld good and natural. Not as a duty and with all kind of obligations. I don't know if it's easy to find as a (male) INFJ, or it also could just be me.

    • @riyajacob2909
      @riyajacob2909 2 года назад

      @Wenzes,love your videos.it rings true for me.
      About your video on INFJ & enfp,have a feedback to share-some enfp s donnot want to connect the way we (INFJ) want...have learnt to be okay with that...may be momentary connections,once a while connection are valid for them,many of them donnot think long term scale like us.It could also be a point to look at our attachment styles.🙏

    • @tigre7739
      @tigre7739 2 года назад +1

      Option three is definitely what I aspire to. I, like most I'm sure, have gone option 1 and 2, and it is so true, that the lone wolf may be necessary, and I do sometimes go back and forth between that and option one it seems, sometimes it feels like I have no choice but to do that, and it probably is some type of survival mode, but it is true, that really it is not a happy place, and definitely not one I desire to really be in, so I will continually push myself live option 3, I think I've made some progress, because each time that I find myself reverting to that lone Wolf option, I spend less and less time in that mode and feel stronger pulling myself out of it. Even though I probably already knew this in my mind, hearing it said and you explain it really helps reinforce it.🎯 👍🤟😃

  • @robbiewilliams5263
    @robbiewilliams5263 2 года назад +260

    Being an older person who is an INFJ, I have learned and chosen to only be around a few people who that accept me for me. It’s very refreshing . It’s also comical. The people that don’t understand me call me when they can’t figure something out or don’t know how to do something. I laugh as I say to them “ really.? You want the odd ball to help you.” The usual response is “ you always know.” Lol. I say this to all the other INFJ’S. Be proud of who you are and how you are. Remember, the other people need us more than we will ever need them.

    • @susanbrown8802
      @susanbrown8802 2 года назад +25

      Man took years to learn that one.

    • @lindateuling7862
      @lindateuling7862 2 года назад +15

      Super! As! A senior citizen myself, I hear what you're saying! 🙂

    • @anewchapter1336
      @anewchapter1336 2 года назад +28

      They call me too for help after ridiculing me. I won't be answering much anymore though. Tired of it. People will use you if you allow them to.

    • @domainflipp
      @domainflipp 2 года назад +25

      I honestly don’t mind being alone 😊

    • @jamesmarshall4093
      @jamesmarshall4093 2 года назад +4

      Amen, brother

  • @WarnerElliott
    @WarnerElliott 2 года назад +129

    I wandered the US by myself for 10 years, homeless on foot, and loved every second of it. I believe I've gathered enough information to begin writing and painting my experiences. Then, Paul the INFj, I found myself.

    • @johnd.2803
      @johnd.2803 2 года назад +5

      Hi Paul, I’m curious what kind of things you learned during that period of time? Just in general what you learned

    • @WarnerElliott
      @WarnerElliott 2 года назад +21

      That all those who wander are not lost and to travel light

    • @janeofthejungle4
      @janeofthejungle4 2 года назад +12

      This is what I always believed Jesus was doing during his missing time. I always thought he was probably just collecting knowledge and wisdom by wandering and visiting.

    • @an_anishinaabe_son
      @an_anishinaabe_son 2 года назад +9

      I (INFJ) was homeless for 2 years with my wife (INFP), we loved it!

    • @chrisevans386
      @chrisevans386 2 года назад +6

      Currently 3 years into living stealthy in an old mechanical van. First time with this level of isolation and have enjoyed it soo so much.
      More and more spending time with peeps but am much more selective and am much more aware of energy levels

  • @alinavoliarchuk
    @alinavoliarchuk 2 года назад +80

    This is exactly what I am experiencing now! I was focusing on the needs of other people all the time. It wasn't a genuine connection. I understood that I had to think about myself first, pay attention to my true self, create a lifestyle that is positive and exciting for me...and join groups of people who have the same interests as me. Yes, when we pretend to be somebody else to fit in, we betray ourselves.

    • @anewchapter1336
      @anewchapter1336 2 года назад +11

      I am at this place as well now at age 49!

    • @alinavoliarchuk
      @alinavoliarchuk 2 года назад +2

      @@anewchapter1336 yeahhhh!!! 🎉🎉🎉

    • @patrickcurtis11
      @patrickcurtis11 2 года назад +2

      @@anewchapter1336 I am an infj. I am 46. I am in the Midwest. Kansas to be specific. I am originally from NYC. I absolutely hate asking you this especially here, but: want to meet for coffee? Worse case scenario, we at least have an awesome very interesting conversation.

    • @erikknudsen4034
      @erikknudsen4034 2 года назад +1

      Well said Alina! Thanks for sharing that!

  • @davidbigd9047
    @davidbigd9047 2 года назад +79

    After removing myself from the world and being a lonewolf from the age of 15, I have found who I’m meant to be and I’m definitely trying to find those interdependence relationships all while being authentic. It’s truly difficult when you never meet anyone willing to be your friend. The pain of loneliness hits hard after 10 years of being alone when you know you value family above all else.

    • @jennysmith3664
      @jennysmith3664 2 года назад +1

      I don't know what you mean but I kind of do. All part of going on this journey through life alone. I feel you, man. Take it easy. Also I am drunk.

    • @davidbigd9047
      @davidbigd9047 2 года назад

      @M1000 I hear you. Growing up, my Grandpa (my mom’s dad) was the only person who introduced me to interests which he knew I will come to enjoy. Unfortunately, he passed away while we were in Belgium (where I grew up since age 5) and could only afford my mom’s flight. That led me to grow distant from my own family which helped my decision to move to a location which is financially difficult for them to visit me.

  • @deborahwolff5651
    @deborahwolff5651 2 года назад +18

    I have been a lone wolf for years and grew to
    love it. I feel comfortable in my own skin.

  • @karinal75
    @karinal75 2 года назад +31

    As an INFJ I disconnected from people so quickly. I find that I’m able to detach and just move on with my life. I value my alone time so much but I also have very few people I connect with. People have described me as being stand-offish and intimidating

    • @kellynewman862
      @kellynewman862 2 года назад +9

      Most remain with surface level conversations because it’s their comfort zone. These unique personalities desire a far more deeper level to talk about. An interaction with substance. Therefore leaving still feeling empty because nobody could relate. Others judge what they don’t understand.

    • @jennysmith3664
      @jennysmith3664 2 года назад +2

      You have a survival skill. Congratulations.

  • @lauraf.e2788
    @lauraf.e2788 2 года назад +38

    I'm such a lone wolf. I tried hard in my 20s to pretend to be someone else, faked being an extrovert, etc. I ended up very unwell.
    Can't lie, it's not exactly easy being this way.

    • @MTSLINY
      @MTSLINY Год назад +1

      Almost like I wrote that myself Laura

    • @lauraf.e2788
      @lauraf.e2788 Год назад +2

      @@MTSLINY least we're not totally alone I guess. The life of an extrovert sensor would have been so much easier.

    • @Brickwilliams
      @Brickwilliams Год назад +2

      @@lauraf.e2788 certainly would be, but less important and meaningful. we are very important for the people around us and the world in general, the most important of all the types by far. there’s a trade off to everything, to me the trade off of living the hard infj life is being important. it’s also very interesting to live as an infj, once you realize you’re weird which can be hard to accept it’s kinda fun living weird. i almost don’t care about being weird anymore, i kinda just live and try to make others better and connect with them despite being weird. although it’s hard to be so alone, there are people who like us the most which is comforting. every enfp i’ve met couldn’t stay away from me, and they’re not a small percentage of people, like 8-10%. so i believe i can find true happiness from marrying an enfp and traveling the world relaxing on the earth and inspiring others, and that i’ll end up being happier than most se doms who have no idea what they want in life. we’ll see

  • @benjamingrant2642
    @benjamingrant2642 2 года назад +41

    Unless an INFJ is fortunate enough to be understood and have that community from the very beginning, I feel like it's very likely that the 'lone wolf way' is almost a certainty.
    I can't just fit in so I can make my life feel easier(especially if i feel the connection isn't genuine) when I know if I make certain sacrifices I can find a better or more 'true' way to have fruitful relationships.

  • @silentecho4445
    @silentecho4445 2 года назад +10

    I've been more of a lonewolf for the past 21 yrs..im sick of being lonely....God says, its not good for a man to be alone.. men and women

  • @annadw6086
    @annadw6086 2 года назад +6

    I wanted to find myself - so I took time out to be that lone wolf - slowly but surely I’m stepping into my authentic self

  • @liveintentional2659
    @liveintentional2659 2 года назад +38

    Great video! I think it’s important for INFJs to genuinely develop a mindset of “being ok with being misunderstood”. Once you reach that point chances are you will still be a lone wolf but you are free from making that your mission. Your mind is no longer acting out of a chameleon state or a strictly independent state.

  • @brittbee3584
    @brittbee3584 2 года назад +14

    I've always been a lone wolf. I somehow make great friends but they're always short term friendships. Like I had a best friend in each grade of school, but never talked to them after that school ended, made great friends at each job I had, but never stayed friends with any former coworkers after leaving jobs. It just sucks feeling alone all the time.

  • @craigmdietrich6916
    @craigmdietrich6916 2 года назад +3

    Be yourself. The people who matter don't mind. The people who mind don't matter.

  • @nadimahmad2902
    @nadimahmad2902 2 года назад +5

    Infj are here to go on an inner journey . You need solitude for that.

  • @mr.goodwrench8273
    @mr.goodwrench8273 2 года назад +35

    What are my thoughts on INFJs being/needing to be lone wolves ? I like it. I still interact with people enough, yet I get more accomplished by going it alone and avoiding any micro-management. I would rather talk about what I did rather than what I'm gonna do.

  • @ashley-nicolemusic6778
    @ashley-nicolemusic6778 2 года назад +5

    We weren’t created to be understood. We were created to realize and stand in our power.🙏🏾❤️

  • @sharoncowart2206
    @sharoncowart2206 2 года назад +9

    It took me 58 years to find my tribe. It is so worth it to look. I think because we are constantly growing and bettering ourselves, we outgrown lots of people. So our friends change over the years. If we outgrow someone, it is ok to still think fondly of them, but to move on. You can still catch up with them, but you will find that as more time passes, you will find that you have less and less in common with them.

  • @varadrajankunsavalikar9141
    @varadrajankunsavalikar9141 2 года назад +3

    Sun is alone too...but it shines...

  • @hawaiiskaterdad
    @hawaiiskaterdad 2 года назад +6

    I am a sigma infj-a. Inclusion and judgement of others is irrelevant. Being alone and observing the insanity of normal people from a distance brings me peace, amusement and disgust. Society is a collective of the narcissistically insane. Being alone, there is no pain, its more comforting than when I was admired in a prestigious position. I like being alone, people are draining to be around...

  • @johnmorgeneier7748
    @johnmorgeneier7748 2 года назад +24

    I had a complete cut everyone off Lone Wolf period of time and I kept that identity for a very long time. But I've started working more in the interdependency and I've found that my loner time has helped me maintain healthy boundaries and agency of what I'm doing. When something is being negotiated or I'm collaborating, I don't give in to what someone else wants if I believe something else is a stronger choice and I don't have to worry about losing a collaborator or a relationship because I know if I'm alone it's not the end of the world.
    I don't think we're meant to be alone in the sense of being a hermit somewhere no one can reach or even that with just posting or writing something. Not to nerd out too hard but we're kind of like Wizards or Sorcerors in a fantasy setting. We spend a lot of time alone but then there's quests and missions and adventures and when those are done we go back to our personal spaces. Sometimes we need other people or something that only other people can do so it's good to have connections, relationships, or some way of interacting with the outside world.

  • @vguerrero3999
    @vguerrero3999 2 года назад +3

    I need help, but I need a lot of help. Totally broke. And I think I will indeed be a lone wolf, I've only ever been happy being alone.

  • @faridaashu5505
    @faridaashu5505 2 года назад +39

    Personally, I think the INFJ Lone Wolf is a phase. It was a phase for me anyway.
    My journey was more along the lines of extreme independence in every other aspect in my life, then codependence in my relationships. As such, it was a tug of war that ended up leaving me burnt out.
    My 'lone wolf' phase, was a choice to discover myself so I knew how to relate with others in a manner that was healthy for me. And I knew I couldn't do that without figuring out who I am. However, I always knew that I couldn't be an island if I wanted to live a fulfilling life.
    I consider my 'lone wolf' phase, the phase I became human. Now I actually FEEL human not like the hollowed out space aptly described in the video.

    • @Flowering19
      @Flowering19 2 года назад +1

      I resonate w this a lot. 🙏🏽

    • @faridaashu5505
      @faridaashu5505 2 года назад

      @@Flowering19 I'm glad😊.

    • @Peaceforall20111
      @Peaceforall20111 2 года назад +2

      Right now I’m in the independent stage but I understand what you mean like sometimes it feels like this is a phase like when I was in a codependent stage I can see how that stage and I can kind of see how where I’m at now is in a similar stage as in it being a stage or a phase

    • @faridaashu5505
      @faridaashu5505 2 года назад +3

      @@Peaceforall20111 I can relate to what you're saying. If what I'm going through right now is anything to go by, we know when a reality is a phase or something more permanent.
      I always knew my independent and lone wolf states were a phase, and that's exactly how they turned out. Now that a more permanent way of being is manifesting, the implication of it is dawning on me. And I find myself more conscious and deliberate in each moment of my decisions.
      Best of luck. Remember to be kind and merciful to yourself. You're doing your best with what you know. It's all you have at this point.

    • @Peaceforall20111
      @Peaceforall20111 2 года назад +3

      @@faridaashu5505 very thoughtful response. I agree always knowing if in state of flux or likely permanent. So nice to hear people talk like I think. Very hard to find like minded others especially with low rate in population

  • @music_observe
    @music_observe 2 года назад +2

    I like how u talk about the infj as a person and not as this mysterious assassin the media likes to make them

  • @Peaceforall20111
    @Peaceforall20111 2 года назад +20

    once you are who you are to everyone else you will feel a sense of confidence and others see it.

    • @jennysmith3664
      @jennysmith3664 2 года назад +2

      Yes that is true. But some days it is easier than others.

    • @Peaceforall20111
      @Peaceforall20111 2 года назад

      @@jennysmith3664 So true

  • @tonyharrison1726
    @tonyharrison1726 2 года назад +6

    Also, with age I find comes wisdom. We have roamed and explored this planet long enough that once we hit our mid forties, we are just done. We see the flaws without filters in humanity and we fully know there is no invisible force to correct it. Self destruction is the proof that we are still not that advanced. Ignorance to our weakness will still flourish until one day we have the courage to kill it with our under nourished strength. There is no such thing as perfection, but there is strong validation in improvement. Thanks for this post Wenzes. Loved it.xx

    • @jennysmith3664
      @jennysmith3664 2 года назад

      Yes, basically. Trust in yourself. Do you believe in actual "improvement" or in growth and change. Nothing is permanent.

  • @reinettesteynberg8432
    @reinettesteynberg8432 2 года назад +2

    Some of us are meant to be by ourselves ... only way for some of us to be happy ..

  • @prettypuffprincess
    @prettypuffprincess 2 года назад +3

    I choose me, but I don’t want to EVER open myself up to others!!! I’m tired of HUMANS💯

  • @VonKrieg
    @VonKrieg 2 года назад +9

    INFJ Sigma here aka Lone Wolf. I live and travel life alone. I didn't intend this lifestyle. I do not think the lone wolf lifestyle is for most INFJs. It's not a blanket subset personality of most INFJs.
    You have to have a certain mindset and have to be extremely prepared for it or yes, you will live in sadness, even as an INFJ. A person with a true lone wolf capacity is very uncommon.

  • @mykulpierce
    @mykulpierce 2 года назад +14

    I think for me I feel very comfortable with a few strong friendships, but as I learn how other types think and act I feel a little more confident that I can easily manage pleasantries with many people and even engage in small talk as a sort of social game. The name of the game is this: get people to talk about themselves. The first rule of this game is to only start with two questions, if you have a awkward lull simply say, "nice talking to you!" And say goodbye. Come back another day and begin the process again until the people feel more inclined to talk. With this strategy you learn a lot about people, insulate yourself from oversharing, and if you don't like what the person focuses on just simply play the game with someone else.

    • @mykulpierce
      @mykulpierce 2 года назад +3

      I can't take credit for this game. I got it from an ISTP as I interviewed them to understand why they were so socially successful.

    • @qazedc3
      @qazedc3 2 года назад +2

      I used to do this naturally as a way to not share about myself and it definitely got everyone to like me on a surface level but doesn't guarantee success with personal relationships. I found it keeps the narcissists who like talking about themselves too much in your life and the others away who might actually be good listeners and receptive, caring people

  • @simplypositiveme
    @simplypositiveme 9 месяцев назад

    YOU SAID SOMETHING ...be with people...
    "Who likes me from me liking me"!! MIC DROP 🎤 and my mouth dropped 😮

  • @larapunk3532
    @larapunk3532 2 года назад +5

    Yesterday at midnight, I was saying to myself : "you meant to be alone", it's ur fate, otherwise I didn't have up at finding the real connection I want it's my hope to continue my path, in the end I'll be called a "seeker or survivor"
    And it had made a big change, now I talk, I can find people listening attentively and I find other didn't even care to listen, and I find others listens but really won't understand
    And it doesn't seem to matter, time after time, I'm happy being me and not being the "Fit" "Harmony" fot others, they r just different it's not an obbligation
    Now I walk with people inspired and happy, then I was filled with negative energy and sadness.

  • @erikknudsen4034
    @erikknudsen4034 2 года назад +4

    It seems like other personalities can fit in just perfectly, be accepted, and be so content. How does this happen?

  • @vph14
    @vph14 2 года назад +3

    Good shot. You have found the balanced spot for INFJ's life and the resolution for this major struggle.

  • @rickymoala7710
    @rickymoala7710 2 года назад +2

    Forget about being a “Sigma” INFJ. You can still take time for yourself to reflect, while keeping relationships you care about.

  • @e.goldmanhilbert9233
    @e.goldmanhilbert9233 Год назад +1

    I’ve always felt this way. I’ve never heard anyone express it so succinctly. I’ve tried to understand and connect with everyone around me- But they were unable to do the same for me.

  • @broadbandtogod
    @broadbandtogod 2 года назад +13

    Imagine a medieval village with modern comforts of only INFJs

    • @jennysmith3664
      @jennysmith3664 2 года назад

      That is interesting. Thank you.

    • @janish3059
      @janish3059 2 года назад +1

      Not only is that an interesting statement but I totally totally resonate with it!

  • @user-ox6ip8ie7d
    @user-ox6ip8ie7d 5 месяцев назад

    I had it made. I was living alone in the desert. Glorious sunsets, wildlife everywhere…
    After rehab I moved to town, I discovered the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, I found people that needed help. Things are making much more sense now. Thanks.

  • @LOVE_ALL_AROUND
    @LOVE_ALL_AROUND 2 года назад +2

    I like my space also. I work and go home, do art, listen to music, read, hang with the dog. I used to be much more social in my 20's and 30's. Turning 55 on Easter and have fully found myself in my introverted state but wonder when it will shift to date and socializing again. And with dating I have always wanted and needed a good amount of alone time and have found most men don't get it.

  • @Flowering19
    @Flowering19 2 года назад +4

    So grateful to of found this channel! I’m definitely a loner & outcast of my family. It’s a lonely road, I hope to find my person one day & the right career that fulfills me & create a beautiful family. I don’t want to give up hope even though some days it’s really hard. Much love all & Namaste 🙏🏽

  • @jofussh.2103
    @jofussh.2103 3 месяца назад

    Wow, I have most definitely been through this. I hadn't realized it was connected to my personality, that wanting to be a "lone wolf" had to do with self-preservation. I have been thinking about this, the balance between empathy and self-preservation. That's the thing, it is a balancing act, and maintaining a constant self-awareness is key to finding this on a personal level. Thank you for sharing Wenzes!

  • @8neptune7
    @8neptune7 Год назад +2

    I have a wife and son but otherwise I’m a lone wolf and have been so my whole life. I have no idea how others make friends. It’s always been me on the outside looking in and at this point it just is what it is but these videos help me so so much in helping my mental health. I have already seen progress in taking Wenzes’ advice and insight

  • @johnmichael2753
    @johnmichael2753 2 года назад +6

    Haha the accent comes out “in order to be connected”
    The wolf probably tried and tried again to be accepted and eventually they realize they will never be accepted so go on to choose that path. When you’re a bright light you attract everything including those who can’t handle the light. And everyone seems to try to tear down what they don’t understand and it takes a long time in life to realize you are better off alone.

  • @lindateuling7862
    @lindateuling7862 2 года назад +15

    Since we INFJs are called "Introverts most likely to be mistaken for extroverts," perhaps our struggle with "Lone Wolf" tendencies puzzle us ourselves as well as other people. For my own part, I'm a lone wolf - except when I'm not.
    I like the way you showed us how the "Lone Wolf" times can help us steer more clear of codependence. I see this as time when we can (1) be ourselves (2) nourish and deepen our "real selves" and (3) develop even better communication with others during our solitary times.
    We're introverts - not hermits - even when we have our Lone Wolf times! 🐺❤🙂

  • @danburke1341
    @danburke1341 2 года назад +3

    As much as I would like to connect with people, there's just something in me that won't allow me to be fake and pretend to be someone I'm not just to fit in so the lone wolf route suits me perfectly.
    I can always tell when someone could use my advice or a listening ear so I never have any issues there, it's just being around narcissistic, energetic vampires that keeps me away from the social scene and general group settings.
    All most people know how to do is compare themselves to others and try to compete and backstab their way to the top, and I personally don't play that stupid game.

  • @miguel-ib9lg8kt3h
    @miguel-ib9lg8kt3h 2 года назад +1

    I'm ok walking by myself right now because I know I won't be a lone wolf forever.

  • @rachadfryar4159
    @rachadfryar4159 2 года назад +3

    I always knew I was a loner jus didnt understand why, was always told I had an old soul, didnt understand what it meant, so thankful I took the test and did research on y I am why I am..feels good to kno me.

  • @joselozano0528
    @joselozano0528 2 года назад +4

    For some of us, it can be choosing between lone wolf or starting a family.

    • @annaandrea8320
      @annaandrea8320 2 года назад +4

      No way. I would never willingly bring a poor child into this messed-up world! I'd rather be the last of my kind.

  • @teresafinch7790
    @teresafinch7790 2 года назад +2

    It doesn't matter if I am meant to be or not, I am, the stuck with it.

    • @annaandrea8320
      @annaandrea8320 2 года назад +1

      If there's nothing you can do then, accept it with stoicism.

  • @salvaged_wretch
    @salvaged_wretch 2 года назад +7

    i make friends with all kinds of people and often times these people get it twisted as far as with my intentions. i intend to be strictly friends, then over time the other person develops intimate and mixed feelings towards me. why is it like this for me ??? anyone else ? is this an INFJ thing i wonder ??

  • @Lonewolf_rider
    @Lonewolf_rider Год назад +1

    After divorce 7 years ago, now selling the house and buying a big camper van!
    Hear me howl Hooowuuu 🔥🐺

  • @francescos7361
    @francescos7361 2 года назад +1

    As a true INFJ I m a Beast!!!

  • @NorthStarPNW
    @NorthStarPNW Год назад +2

    This video is really brilliant. I love the codependent-independent-interdependent model, although I don't know how to find non-judgmental and energizing people to really be interdependent with. I know hundreds of people through work and groups, but almost none to share with closely. Often I'll trust one or two with something personal (sharing a photo or an observation), and then... no reaction (sometimes not even a response). I'm always disappointed in people, nobody gets me.
    It doesn't help that I'm naturally drawn into leadership positions and helping others, only to find they begin to take me for granted and then even expect my permanent assistance without so much as a thank you. After retiring, I now find myself withdrawing wholesale from every group and almost everyone (and it feels great). You don't have to move to another state or country, just move to another part of town - or even stay put if you must but start shopping at completely new stores (grocery, hardware) and visit completely new parks, libraries, etc. Radically change your milieu and your 'haunts' to refresh your life.
    I am seriously considering just getting a dog and avoiding people from now on. A Lone Wolf with a dog, quite the combo.

    • @normblack8509
      @normblack8509 Год назад

      I share your mindset and temperament; I really could have written exactly what you did here. I too trusted two close friends with something personal (a short and humble soliloquy of fate describing my career, including 14 layoffs...) and really received a hollow response from each. Maybe they did not know what to say. I am trying to write a book to help others cope and deal with life. I am getting some spirited encouragement from Wenzes' videos and hope to refresh my life. PS thinking of getting a dog too...

  • @ifyoudontworkyoudonteat7644
    @ifyoudontworkyoudonteat7644 2 года назад +1

    I hate when people ask me why I don’t talk a lot smh. I don’t talk a lot because I knew you will like me so much that you would want to be my friend and I got too much to think about to hear about your day. Unless you wanna hear me talk about ancient civilizations🤷🏾‍♂️

  • @Liwind1
    @Liwind1 2 года назад +1

    I love humanity but I best serve mankind as a lone wolf because of our finite power.

  • @janedoe1776
    @janedoe1776 2 года назад +13

    This was an eerily timed video for what’s going on in my life right now. Thank you for always giving great advice that I can integrate into my life.

    • @Peaceforall20111
      @Peaceforall20111 2 года назад +1

      Me too Jane; wenzes always get deep into the issue

    • @Flowering19
      @Flowering19 2 года назад +1

      Ditto 🙏🏽

  • @codycarter2643
    @codycarter2643 2 года назад

    I just lost myself when I had the break down, I just needed my friends to remind me of who I was

  • @elliottsmith7530
    @elliottsmith7530 2 года назад +2

    As a INFJ, Taurus, AND only child, this channel is gold! Ever since a child ive always been in my head, pensive, observing....Always have known im very sensitive and empathetic so to counteract that so i dont get hurt im very choosy with engagement. Also having developed a logical basis when decifering life events has helped me keep a level head and not take certain happenings TOO close to heart....Built comfort in being solo dolo and grown to love/prefer it after just becoming single..... Also very socialable in right settings and love sharing experiences with ppl so balancing this as ive gotten older has been the key. These videos and comments have solidified all this for me 🙏🏾given words to what ive always know and felt

  • @Paul-eb2cl
    @Paul-eb2cl 2 года назад +4

    Wow, this is a really powerful way of looking at a fundamental difficulty of being an INFJ. I had to watch it a couple of times, as the first few I was just in tears. Great content, thank you for the time and effort you put into it 🙏❤

  • @henningskogstoe2700
    @henningskogstoe2700 2 года назад +10

    INFJ males I think are certantly more suspect to become eternal lone wolves.
    In a world where your social media profiles and pictures\likes counts more than anything else.
    So having a hard time relating to other wavelengths, together with not looking particularly attractive\interesting makes for a "bad" combination.

  • @pcfulgrl33
    @pcfulgrl33 Год назад

    So many of us need the type of validation you offer through sharing these insights. Than U again.

  • @mybeloved1313
    @mybeloved1313 Год назад

    Wenzes, watching your videos over the years, I can see how you have always had knowledge and insight in your chosen field, but I can see how you have become more comfortable, confident, happy and skilled. This has given me so much inspiration for growth. You are a good role model for me.

  • @chriscampbell2679
    @chriscampbell2679 2 года назад +3

    Whether I’m meant to be a lone wolf or not; I am.

  • @SykeeNot
    @SykeeNot 2 года назад +5

    People don’t need each other.People can depend on others for survival and or division of labor to make life easier or more calm. The only time we need anything is when we can’t take care of ourselves.aka when we’re babies n kids

  • @carylpark7192
    @carylpark7192 2 года назад +2

    Oh my gosh this was absolutely incredible. I listened to your video all the way to having a tatoo on my wrist for my 3 daughters and 5 grandchildrrn and 1great grandson. Realizing full well what the reaction might be from others and I am 100% Ok with that. I am a loner already and I am happuer than I have ever been.

  • @danielemory82
    @danielemory82 2 года назад +1

    EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT VIDEO!! Had to listen to some parts twice. I'm 63 and the codependent, independent, interdependent parts are point on. We really have to understand that yes we are different and have an enormous amount to offer but there are very few who can handle even half of it. Becoming comfortable with the uniqueness of our being is vital and then learning appropriately when, where, how and with whom is somewhat experimental. Many people arent ready for us. I had someone explode on me today because I presented them with the truth. We have to be discreet in our associations as well. The lone wolf, after 63 years of dealing with this crap is looking comfortable, with minimal interaction or connectiveness ,if you will....lol

  • @mlissgay5054
    @mlissgay5054 Год назад

    Lone wolf..moving from jungle to community! Aloha❤

  • @pauldunsford2299
    @pauldunsford2299 Год назад

    Spot on as usual. This dilemma has been with me for a few years. Thanks for the input

  • @jakemcnamara8317
    @jakemcnamara8317 2 года назад +1

    I'm choosing the lonewolf route so hard-core that I'm moving from Pennsylvania to Texas mainly to be alone. I understand it's probably not a wise choice as an INFJ, but yeah. Hopefully I'll have the best possible outcome.

  • @livysardothien5745
    @livysardothien5745 2 года назад +1

    Your videos feels like home to me. I feel so understood and belonged and finally an advice I can actually resonate with. Thank you for sharing your truth and light to us all. I feel the same with what you said. Thank you🙏💖✨

  • @ocho8172
    @ocho8172 2 года назад

    Absolutely fantastic! OUT-Friggin- Standing! Thank you! Thank you!

  • @triplemmm333
    @triplemmm333 2 года назад +1

    I guess I was always alone in my whole life, yet I think I am getting my "indepentent period" now. I don't really want any close connection. I have always felt misunderstood or not understood at all, like a typical outsider. Eventhough I had some nice conversations with people (mostly about themselves), and I enjoy getting close to them, paradoxically it feels like they are miles away from me still. I opened fully to one person in my entire life, well... that doesn't ended well. Since that I don't mind solitude at all, although sometimes it would be nice to have some who listens to me sincerely.

  • @sonyagirodon9510
    @sonyagirodon9510 2 года назад +1

    Wow! Now THIS is a truly helpful video!! Thank you!

  • @Jamiereid6166
    @Jamiereid6166 2 года назад

    100 totally relate to every single word ,I needed to hear this 💫

  • @matthewgmcmillan4436
    @matthewgmcmillan4436 2 года назад +2

    I didn't realize how many defunct people were in the world - not just those around me. I am doing my best to use my abilities for my passion. I tried the rest and it is all garbage - including all politics. I am just not interested in going back. Ever.

  • @parisjoy7875
    @parisjoy7875 2 года назад +1

    I e felt “alone” before. Hated it. 2 times I’ve felt suicidal is in high school with zero friends and then after marriage (to a real ISTP loner) with zero friends and kids.
    I’ve NEVER wanted to feel alone again . I crave connections with people and always want to be wanted. I wish I had the superpower of knowing everyone single person I talk to most precious need and fulfill it.

  • @blainelemire9583
    @blainelemire9583 2 года назад +1

    Something I have been struggling with for a while now. This is so accurate. And unfortunately, I have chosen this lone wolf attitude because it has this false sense of being less painful.

  • @jacklang363
    @jacklang363 2 года назад

    Not forever, only temporary.

  • @hopemuyambo6663
    @hopemuyambo6663 2 года назад +1

    Thanks for this video 😍it is what I was looking for

  • @qazedc3
    @qazedc3 2 года назад +1

    The part you said about not being a supporting character anymore in other people's lives and instead being our own main character is a theme I've been grappling. I think I was on the right track but I seem to always have that unconscious drive to be what someone else needs and then they start to overshadow me in my avoidance of building my own self/life. I needed to work on my boundary issues (emotional, mental, spiritual) as I realized I'm a lot more easily affected by others than I wouldve liked to admit.

  • @9December3
    @9December3 2 года назад +1

    Wow, you brought this up the same day my therapist did.

  • @carolineangelard4274
    @carolineangelard4274 2 года назад +1

    I think I will start each day from now on with this vid... thanks!!

  • @tonyharrison1726
    @tonyharrison1726 2 года назад +1

    Thankyou so much for this insightfulness! I feel so awakened by what you have said. Us INFJ's can be so Yin and Yan without seeing into the middle of it. What you are actually in a nutshell saying though, is spend more time with people who zen with your ideas, spend less time with them that snort at us, and then............ Chill. ( Our bodies do , but brain does not comply.)

  • @marcp.1752
    @marcp.1752 Год назад +1

    I don't need society anymore, i have a few, very good friends. People into the long term are always behave the same...they're intrigance, superficial, sneaky...i've had truly enough of this, and being older. People only contact or call you, *if* they need some kind of help for issues, they can't solve alone. And then, you don't hear anything again for months...or even years..or being using you as their emotional wastebin, to unload, vent all their issues. It's not healthy for yourself, being used this way.

  • @simplybradley984
    @simplybradley984 2 года назад

    Thanks for this video. I can see that you really want to help people, and you’ve helped me a lot, with other videos as well. So again, thank you :)

  • @TabJH
    @TabJH 2 года назад

    As an INFJ I'm happy to be a lone wolf but I need to also be around ppl and my animals and I'll still be happy in my own way

  • @codycarter2643
    @codycarter2643 2 года назад

    I was just trying to show my best side, But I was broke, I just didn’t want to go bankrupt

  • @codycarter2643
    @codycarter2643 2 года назад

    My cup just overflowed even tho it was empty

  • @codycarter2643
    @codycarter2643 2 года назад

    I love being around my friends

  • @DebbieHollandNZ
    @DebbieHollandNZ 2 года назад

    Great video and so on point for my life thank you

  • @codycarter2643
    @codycarter2643 2 года назад

    I like being alone, I just hate being left out

  • @johnstorton
    @johnstorton 2 года назад +2

    Useless factoid:
    NO wolf EVER wants to be alone! Wolves depend on living in a pack to survive. A lone wolf is a wolf that has been banished from the pack and is in search of a new pack to join.

  • @amberv4223
    @amberv4223 11 месяцев назад

    I’m happiest as a lone wolf.

  • @khadraLuula
    @khadraLuula 2 года назад +1

    Thanks a lot Wenzes for sharing this. I am on the road to being independent and defiantly hard but I would choose loneliness than being around the people I am usually surrounded by . Thanks for explaining that this is an important step. Sometimes I really question if I am moving forward or falling behind. I think this is the right place to be for me now since I was really codependent .

  • @codycarter2643
    @codycarter2643 2 года назад

    I just push people away before I get left

  • @reinettesteynberg8432
    @reinettesteynberg8432 2 года назад +2

    YES WE ARE MEANT TO BE ALONE... I AM DONE WITH PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

  • @poyobunny8508
    @poyobunny8508 Год назад

    It's so frustrating how every time I make a friend and I finally open myself to them, they start distancing away from me.. This keeps constantly happening and I don't know how to stop it.

  • @alanhaston1088
    @alanhaston1088 9 месяцев назад

    asocial works for me. just go get some social interaction when needed

  • @victorabayomi3584
    @victorabayomi3584 2 года назад +1

    I just began the lone wolf thing. But this video just let me understand I still have a third option

  • @codycarter2643
    @codycarter2643 2 года назад

    I will start writing my life story tomorrow