Wenzes, as always fantastic work and I will pursue work with you as I improve current finances. That said, as an INFJ last born, it wasn't fair growing up in my family. Upon the funeral of my narcissistic mother (sort of like the lady from the movie "Throw Mama From the Train), I clearly told my vampire siblings that that was closure seeing them. As time has passed, people thought I was "just angry" but they found that I live with sanity without my siblings in my life (not decided upon lightly but after years of drama, enough was enough). Yes, people are surprised but it is best for my pursuit of a decent and improving quality of life.
I often ask myself are the INFJs born or made. I think that maybe our Ni is coming to fill the missing gaps in our mind because of the tendency to precalculate our words and actions. I mean that Ni is coming as a mechanism to give us a way out of our world of otherwise comunicational and expressional stagnation. It is said that the INFJs are so genuine, but our genuinness is actually hidden deep inside under layers of precalculated actions that are coming from our perfectionism and empathy which makes us care deep about what we are saing and what we are doing and that is what makes us ungenuine. The Ni is what gave us an escape plan from this, but when it's not enough we begin to project our Ni fantasy on someone and that's where the things go wrong. In other words the point where you step into a one-sided relationship is the point of top emotional dissatisfaction in you curent life. You have to be aware and prevent your self from this, you have to keep your life interesting and as more less preplaned as it can be and of course be surround with a true friends you can have full trust in. Switch off your phone and social media when you feel unsatisfy, go touring, draw something, write something, reconnect with your spirit with actions that make you feel purly free.
I have had life long friends, who I would constantly make excuses for their bad behavior, in my mind. They're just having a bad day, They're only human, no one is perfect. But when they step over the line, boom gone lije the wind! 50 years of friendship snuffed out like a candle
Good observation! I never had confidence in this concept until now in my 30s. But I did always get the feeling that your comment is true about INFJ behaviors. ☺️
Yes! I had one literally say to me: "I NEVER THOUGHT YOU WOULD DO IT!" the crazy part is: **I had been telling him all along, hundreds of times** and in **many many ways** that if he didn't change how he treated me I was gonna delete him from my life
I think when a lead NI finally speaks we stack a lot of conclusions in a line. I think most people are used to less. They may think that is intelligence, but I am not so certain it always is.
I think that we are not hiding anything. It is very hard to manipulate us with power plays. Intimidation tactics do no phase us. None of us are perfect. I enjoy the thought process of everyone, everything. I don't walk on eggshells anymore, I stomp on them. I have no problem admitting when I am wrong and I love a good discussion.
Damn when did I write this message "I have no problem admitting when I'm wrong" something I pride myself with and I'm conscious of because I hate people that have a problem admitting that they are wrong.
It's true. Over the past two years, I had to fundamentally change the way that I view others, myself, and the connections we share. I'm still just as kind and goofy as ever when I want to be, but I know how to create boundaries and refuse to be taken for granted now. The mental/emotional journey to this point has come with a lot of struggles, but in hindsight, it was all worth it. I'm truly happier than ever nowadays, and my life will continue to get better. ☀
It's quite amazing when we're able to turn off our Fe (as much as we can at least) and not be so affected by others. I rmb growing up being a people's pleaser but now, I try to always engage my Fi and see how I feel about things, etc rather than putting other people first. It's wonderful, but just like you, took many years to get to this mental state of mind :)
I think a lot of people joke about the INFJ bridge burn, until they experience an INFJ burning a bridge with them. If I get mad, and say, "I'm done!" i'm just mad and not really done. When I burn a bridge it's done silently. I just walk away and never talk to them again, unless I'm forced to (like seeing them out in public, or something like that). And often, if I see them, I'll deliberately avoid talking to them, even if it makes me look like an a$$h0le...Espeically if they did something to REALLY piss me off.
I think what most people don't realize that INFJ is so honest, that when we say they are not worth the effort and they are in the wrong and it is time to cut them loose, that they should take it as gospel and others should realize what kind of person they are. We are usually right about people. And that the bridge is not coming back. It is not worth building it again.
I only engage if truly needed. seeing someone in public I have no need to interact. In the situation now and do not speak with them unless needed (she would need me more than I need her). I get my rent money to her on time and keep it moving. There's nothing to say to someone who felt I was a liar and a door mat and wants to make it my fault for exposing her and not accepting it she's used to.
I've learned everyone suffers, no matter how much someone suffers it doesn't give them the right to be shady, use others, manipulate others etc in any way. There's no excuse. If you act like a crappy person your going to feel like a crappy person..and at the end, you have no one to blame but yourself. We let people who do wrong get away too easily, we pity them way too much, while we never pity the person who actually tries to be a better human being. If we all stopped accepting shitty behavior then people wouldn't be able to get away with it.
Door slam is really rare and hard, cus honestly is harsh. I like harmony, but lately realize seeking my own harmony can be better, sometimes closing the door without them knowing or if they know not feel such emotions about it , look in the mirror and say "I manifest my destiny, don't dim myself"
For me, I really identify with people who have gone through similar traumas as myself. I know what it's like to be ignored, neglected and treated as though I don't count. So when I meet someone who has had the same experience, I want to "heal their pain" and help them in any way I can. I would only walk away if I felt like they didn't need or want my support.
I think we genuinely want it to work out before we door slam the person. Simple respect such as honesty, apologies, etc are lacking. Bottom line: no one can control other people unless they are heavily into manipulation and I dont know any infj capable of that, so that means the tolerance level is very low.
@@joshuasukup2488 But it’s like a little white lie. When you tell someone a lie because the truth can be painful to hear. Use manipulation in the same way. For a good cause. Indeed, we sometimes masterfully manipulate... Lol So sorry for my poor English English isn't my firs language.
Very well explained. This is what happened with me as well. My cousins used to mock and make fun of me for simple things, they used to ignore me for all the important things and used to say "they just forgot because I don't talk much" and I used to think that I'm not good enough or they know better than me and stuff like that and I used to forgive go out with them. After few years I realised that I have been treated badly and I deserve more and that's it. I am not even in the talking terms with all those cousins from 5-6 years. I have just shut the door on their faces. And it was shocking to them since they thought they can always treat me like a door mat and I will be fine with that (heard that from another relative) 😄
I just found out I did emotional door slam and I didn't noticed it. Like yea I know of some people existing but I am not invested in them anymore like at all.
Spot on! I have been liking someone SO MUCH but I never really know her. I just saw her and all my imagination created who she is and I fell in love with her. I would check her from time to time but now I am getting better. I stopped pursuing her because since the beginning CLEARLY she is not into me and I am just creating everything. I finally realized that I fell in love with the idea of her and that's it.
Even when done with a person I will still help if they need me... they should never think an INFJ is their door mat... this is not the case ...I'm older and know I have a choice... we become much more aware of the agenda of other people .. Thank you ...
When I slam the door, there is no warning. I say nothing. My mind is simply made up. The other person is shocked because all along they have been in the receiving end and being self absorbed and taking things for granted. So when I am finally triggered...I remember so many things I let slide. The door closes and there is no looking back.
I don't quite understand why we would limit ourselves to being stable? I always felt that our ability to switch perspectives is a gift. I remember telling my buddy (who prides himself on being authentic) "why would I be one person? When I can be whichever suits my mood?" He was silent and walked away! Lol
I used to be somebody who people thought would put up with a lot for a long time, and they often told me that I was too soft-hearted. Then when I'd get fed up with their verbal and emotional abuse and stand up for myself, they'd freak out. Their reaction used to bother me, but not nearly as much now - I simply learned more about myself by going through exactly what you talked about in this video. My "door slams" (and I've done some) are more like "disappearing acts" or simply leaving - (announced or unannounced) a toxic situation that was of no value to me. By the way - I appreciated when you mentioned how all this builds our Ni.
It's a simpl psychology. Not only for INFJ. When people realize that they can no longer take advantage of you, they become very angry and crazy because they want to force you to give in and go back to the old way so that they can continue to take advantage of you. I can even verbally harass you. This bullying usually lasts for a while, and when they realize you’re not giving in they stop. So be strong and don't give up. The reward is that they stop looking at you like a doormat. Now they look at you with respect.
The second time immediately take care of yourself and your needs. Immediately set a limit for an unreasonable request. Don't wait. Timely action is extremely important.
I just let go of 43 yrs of best friendship it almost killed me 😪 but it was for the best for me...also I now realize WHY I've been thinking about my last "situationship" and couldn't seem to STOP omg driving me nuts !!! I can normally just walk away. I have just recently learned I am also an INFJ and it blew my mind how much I resonated with it so Thank you 💖💖 now I understand why I am the way I am .
Good luck, I think she got it right with engaging our SE to find actual provable things to back up our conclusions. That way we cannot idealize people.
Hey, that was interesting. When you see goodness or beauty in every person it becomes difficult to single out what it is you are willing to accept (as in a relationship).But 'doorslamming' only happens when I can't take stuff I find offensive, anymore. And I never try to explain it to them. A line is crossed. End of story.
My ex husband seemed to think his insults and manipulations and angry threats and outbursts would somehow bring me back to him after I decided we were done. It was interesting how things just switched from tolerance to disgust with him. I was constantly trying to facilitate and make excuses for his behavior, blaming myself. Once I decided to leave and knew it was over and not ever going to work, I was so happy and so resolute and nothing he did could sway me and I actually wanted to laugh at his attempts to guilt me back.
This is so accurate and timely for me. I cut off my bff a couple months ago. He is a negative INTJ who did not want to improve in life and brought me down too. I always emotionally supported him like an unpaid therapist. (I’d be rich now if I charged him!) But once I told him bye, he kept trying to call and text as if nothing happened. He should’ve been more thoughtful before!
What was the main reason you cut him off... if it's because he wasn't growing or improving fast enough you may be making the error of putting people's spiritual growth/progress on a timer determined by you. People grow in their own time, it would be very selfish to cut people off because they aren't growing quick enough... you only cut people off for violations and betrayals NOT weakness because all humans have weaknesses. Please elaborate on the main reason you cut them off.
I had a friend of 20+ years who was a roommate. My son was 10 and lived there too. When I found out she was sweet as possible to him when I was there and turned into a screeching maniac with him when I was gone….well… I burned that bridge completely. She was also trying to gaslight both my son and I. He was traumatized by it and…well…an INFJ Mama bear is a dangerous thing.
Yeah, I often was always forgiving and reliable with my ex wife, but the moment she said she was leaving me for another man, I moved on very quickly and this was a 20 year relationship. I think she was taken back on how well I moved on. My feelings are if you turn your back on me in the most harsh way, I will move on.
facts. i dated a girl from PRESCHOOL till senior year of college. I’d ringed up freshman year, but had to wait till graduation to marry her (the condition upon my parents paying for her tuition). No one knew though, she was making me wait till marriage for sex. I was frustrated and suffering self esteem issues as a result… but couldn’t let on without being shamed for “not respecting her choice”. but she knew i loved her unconditionally, and took advantage of it. When she showed up pregnant 5 months before the wedding, she actually expected me to except that and still marry her. But i was heartbroken. Used. I slammed that door so hard and so fast no one could understand why. But I refused to badmouth her publically or speak on it at all. Spent those last months of college a social outcast for dumping my fiancé before the wedding. And didn’t outwardly care. But inside? well… i still haven’t really dated. it’s been almost 20 years.
You did the right thing sir, that is tough, maybe starting to talk about it more is the first step to being able to clear out that pain enough to let somebody else in.
You're a great communicator. Compared to the other videos I've watched on this subject....you're the most organized in your thoughts and speech. I have scripts stored away in my brain for almost every topic. Most I'll never need...lol....I thought it was a Virgo thing, or a highly sensitive person thing...lol...I'm fairly new into the infj thing, even though I've been into self help, esoteric, occult, and psychology....not that I applied anything, and several things I did authentically anyway, which always surprised me. I'm a 55 year old straight male...though I look and feel 38. The doctors office thought I was someone else, because of that....though, I think I use the magical technique of glamoury...lol...I've been trying to figure out what my issue was...even though I call myself crazy, I knew I wasn't. Looked into bipolar, schizophrenia, depression...lol....but, none fit. I one time went to a shrink, she told me I was the sanest person who came into her office, and told me I take great mental health care of myself and she didn't need to see me...lol...I'm extremely independent, my father died when I was fairly young, and when he died my mother who was 56 at the time, was in a coma from an overdose of multiple sclerosis medicine she was administered and ended up a vegetable, that me and my new bride, and childhood sweetheart took care of...I'm very much a loner, but I've been with my wife since 1983, when she was 14 and I was 16. Back then, I thought I was naturally gifted in the magical arts....though I wasn't a practicing witch or anything like that....I just had extremely strong psychic skills...not knowing I was infj at that time. Everything, about infj isn't me, but maybe could have been, without the life experiences I've had...95 percent is....not knowing infj...I studied other similar topics, mainly to protect myself from outside energy....Okay, I'll stop babbling....my apologies...lol... Thanks, Enjoying your knowledge.
Yes, 100% true 🙂👍 I felt like I was explaining myself of someone's behavior in many situations and it took me some time to realize that what you see is what it is. I stopped doing it because if someone really cares for you they will show you, if someone wants to be in relashionship with you they will ask you on a date or do something, if someone loves you they'll say it etc.. I guess I'm just sick and tired of childish games. The connection is long gone and I'm happy with it. It's a big relief for me 😊 Now I'm with feet firmly on the ground person and I wont let anyone play with my feelings again 👍 The logic has taken the upper hand and I've definitely changed the way of seeing people 😊✌ If someone was or is shocked that I'm DONE with them? - I have NO idea but I'm sure they will sooner or later realize it 👍
So true. If that person really valued you, then they would have called you or made an effort to contact you when they said they would. They would have shown it in action not just words.
I was just explaining this to someone the other day. I hate this abt myself. The emotional obsessions are so dangerous. I think it is a chemical addiction. Ive had the past few years of psych pain from this. I think i have learned the lesson. Thank you for explaining and comfirming this and breaking things down so well.
Well explained. Personally went through this a couple of times through struggles, before a serious mental struggle recently and opened my eyes to massively increase my perspectives. Now I constantly develop myself and opening up even more. Learned psychology as a side tool, and can now act as mirror to offer counselling by using shadow psychology. Fixed decades worth of family problems within 3 days, and now on a path of discovering true meanings behind art. Still a tough life ahead, but worth the journey to constantly expand boundaries. Sticking around here, always happy for new info :P
I don’t easily get obsessed over people nowadays. I mean I still have good positive comments towards them but I just have to keep observing and just do my thing because people can come and go but I always have the best version of myself. Then I would definitely have to courage to walk away.
But this makes it sound like the INFJ was the one who changed and, as a result, replaced the people in their life who no longer serve them. From my experiences, as an INFJ, it's that the other person has gradually but continuously changed or their truth has come to light, and after an unbelievable amount of patience and tolerance the INFJ hits their wall and finally accepts that other person is no longer compatible with INFJ values. Deems it hopeless, with finality.
When INFJ make decisions and says I am done with past its last decision so past feelings doesn't matters anymore for them .. They are living in present making decisions for future and they are quite sure an confident about their future and they are working through it to find a way 😊
I have to say I've never made that mistake I could see where some might do that though in some delusional fashion but you should never delude yourself and you should always be honest with yourself alone anybody else
Reality does not match up with the World in my Mind... I call it "The Turbulence" and that's when I tear it all down... and I walk away. I have this down to a science.
Like how do people not see it coming.do they not have ears.its not like they were not worn.its not like we don't try to communicate and find equal common ground.so the day we wake up and say.ya I quit you.and don't turn back.there like your cold how can you be so cold.
From my point of view, we are able to make the switch even if we do not change our opinion about the person (at least in my case). It is when the old behavior would make no sense any more.
Yes I get the part of being stuck on someone and obsessing. Ironically I attract the same. I spend so much time in my head which can be fun with the imagination and dark. Thanks for the message - fellow, female INFJ.
yes, it's realizing a mistake in judgement. All the excuses that others are suffering and there always is a good reason - are all valid and true, therefore it's no reason to change and we make no change. But acknowledging a mistake on our part is the logical reason to change. You got this one right, as usual. Great work Wenz
Great adjectives. We bathe in their energy and it is a high. However, I've learned reciprocity + tangible evidence eradicate our destructive patterns. I cut them off with the swiftness.
Thank you. Every time this kind of situation happening I feel like I am getting closer to some kind of maddnes. This maddnes want to get into my head to find the week spot to disrupt my inner structure. This sound like fairy tail but evil want to break down what I am so I become a willless muppet. This is some kind of chess and you are the main figure in this giant game.
I had to let go of a twin, most my friends and relatives. INFJ-A, PTSD, anxiety, depression and suicidal tendencies. The door slam is very easy for me. My sister calls me a runner, thinking that I run from my problems. 😂😂 Far from it and will use your videos to help her see who I am. she doesn't believe me when I tell her things. 😢
My sister likes to say I run from conflict. I don’t. I’m just over her toxic energy and conversations. Another person I door slammed said I do the silent treatment. Only people that continuously disrespect people think this way about our door slam
I like improving myself and make changes to reach the outcome to position myself in the direction of my dreams.and the people that are around me.dont like to change and just stay in the same position they are and just cry about it.i try to encourage them but it's a headache
I am so glad I found your channel! I am going through the after math of a door slam and it sucks! I am also so much more focused on me and my needs and my kids! I am not sure if I could have done it all without seeing the videos of yours I have watched so far! This is exactly what I needed to understand why I did it and not feel like such a horrible person for cutting people out who I love dearly! Love is not enough and it is sad that some people don't want change! An INFJ can only show love for so long if not returned in a respectful way back. I understand the mirroring and now I know why some people would rather not be around me than to face the truth and admit to their own part they played in why they weren't happy ... but can you do a video please on how to handle it when it is an ex who because of child custody you can't completely cut them off (I wish) and they continue to try and hurt me instead of admit that they had an addiction etc. etc. ... and they have to continue to try and make me look crazy and mean for the mirroring etc. instead of admit what they did and fess up to everyone!? Instead of a complete door slam, I have to deal with court etc until they either get their way or can make me look bad so they look good or both ... when they know deep down their lies, deceit and betrayal were the reason behind the failure ... not how MEAN I was when pointing out what they did or mirroring it back! It can be funny when they call me crazy, mean, or something similar for mirroring them ... cuz if showing them what it is like and that is their reaction, then they are ten times worse for doing it all the time for a long time before I ever mirrored it back! Once my limit was reached and I couldn't hold it in anymore lol I am trying to do more of an EPIC life change before getting into another relationship. Loving the transformation and finally paying attention to ME for once!!! Thanks so very much Wenzes!!!
The reason we stuck on some one is we normally do not find that especial person to call him our other half and when we find that person and it doesn't workout it's a disaster that we avoid.
So true, the internal build of your personality, I also believe in that and that this is our strenght, is it also because of the introversion and NI? Thanks again!
Omg now I truly with all of the surveys that I took that I'm infj hahahhaha everything about infj personality that has been explained truly accurate about me
Just found your channel yesterday. How are there not more likes and subscribers? I am a believer that you have to balance on a tight rope with self-improvement due to toxic positivity, but I still listen to people and learn from them even if I agree with them 50% of the time. But, with this channel, I feel like I'm drinking from a well of knowledge. Love your stuff!
That is another way of being shallow just because you have changed it's pretty mean to sever ties with your old friends and with no concern just to find new ones that is shallow and not healthy .
My husband's best friend suddenly "cancelled" his friendship with my hubby. No explanation - no nothing. My hubby is quick to forgive - me....not so much. Now after 3 years his buddy is showing my hubby some attention and of course my husband is quick to forgive. Again....me...not so much. What do I do? I will NEVER trust him again. I despise him.
Thank you for doing what you do! The way you explain things always helps me understand myself that much more. Honestly for the longest I thought there was something wrong with me until earlier this year I found out I was an INFJ-T and everything started to make since..
How do you door slam someone instead of obsessing about them and wondering why they never reach out to you? I just can't bring myself to do it, I guess because they've not hurt me enough yet.
Why are INFJs often overlooked. I feel like I'm the invisible man, maybe I need to wrap my head in gauze and put on sunglasses. I knew a few people who slighted me so badly, I'd throw them an anchor if they were drowning, metaphorically ofcourse.
My case is a bit different I think than imagining and obssessing over a person because she was interested in me first and my idea of her is based on everything I've observed (heard and seen) in the class I have with her plus everything she's said to me while we've been texting the past several weeks I am 99.9% sure she is a sweet and beautiful girl because she is very straightforward and genuine with everything she does and says (which is one of the main reasons I like her back).
But what if that person you want to cut off from your life is a parent or a sister. I'm an INFJ and I deal with toxic parents and a toxic sister. You are stuck with those people your whole life. Please tell me what to do😢
I am stuck on a person who gave me joy. But then he hung himself. In our shared bathroom. I am never killing myself like that, but my god I relate to this.
I wonder if could ask you some questions based on a religious perspective.. Simply, my religion rules or guidelines was taught to me from a young age so sometimes you say stuff that contradictes those teachings.. However I'm conscious of it.. I've been a single parent of 2 for 8 years and now I'm married for a year... I was 22 at the time.. So I've had a lot of adapting to do... Finally.. Thank you for shedding light on the topic of my mind... 😢🤗
I've noticed a lot of INFJ quotes being touted by the masses. It's cute and sometimes comical. Especially when it's someone you know and you see a post about cutting people out of their own lives that person has never cut anyone out of their life, ever. Maybe a cold shoulder for a few months tops. LOL. Sit down. Makes sense though. We do have the best quotes.
I appreciate this subject much. Not certain as to what led the algo to feed this to me but thankful it has. My concerns are labels and categorization of the sovereign expression so the "propping up" of a particular behavior and manner of the human experience to be something to consider. Further, camps within the camp that must identify with the spinal script in order to participate. I am granting nonsense. I think the most difficult is to consider self role and that the role played is, potentially, entrapping another sovereign so much adored and fearing that the reversal of unconscious interaction with them most difficult. As though a virtuous goal is provocation of another that will likely drive them away, at least, and into a malicious fantasy now justified in reaction to. Most frustrating to me is that I cannot correctly communicate the importance of the sovereign over the collective experience and yet the presentation is that the sovereign is subject to the ultimate flow of the collective experience that feeds upon the degradation of the sovereign true Identity.
Hello Wenzes. question as an INFJ yourself do you sense paranormal activity? I'll make a prediction just for fun. my prediction is (you don't want to touch this subject).
Are people shocked once you are DONE with them for good?!
Dunno really, haven't bothered to find out :P
Wenzes, as always fantastic work and I will pursue work with you as I improve current finances. That said, as an INFJ last born, it wasn't fair growing up in my family. Upon the funeral of my narcissistic mother (sort of like the lady from the movie "Throw Mama From the Train), I clearly told my vampire siblings that that was closure seeing them. As time has passed, people thought I was "just angry" but they found that I live with sanity without my siblings in my life (not decided upon lightly but after years of drama, enough was enough). Yes, people are surprised but it is best for my pursuit of a decent and improving quality of life.
I often ask myself are the INFJs born or made. I think that maybe our Ni is coming to fill the missing gaps in our mind because of the tendency to precalculate our words and actions. I mean that Ni is coming as a mechanism to give us a way out of our world of otherwise comunicational and expressional stagnation. It is said that the INFJs are so genuine, but our genuinness is actually hidden deep inside under layers of precalculated actions that are coming from our perfectionism and empathy which makes us care deep about what we are saing and what we are doing and that is what makes us ungenuine. The Ni is what gave us an escape plan from this, but when it's not enough we begin to project our Ni fantasy on someone and that's where the things go wrong. In other words the point where you step into a one-sided relationship is the point of top emotional dissatisfaction in you curent life. You have to be aware and prevent your self from this, you have to keep your life interesting and as more less preplaned as it can be and of course be surround with a true friends you can have full trust in. Switch off your phone and social media when you feel unsatisfy, go touring, draw something, write something, reconnect with your spirit with actions that make you feel purly free.
@@tahlin5442 same.
I have had life long friends, who I would constantly make excuses for their bad behavior, in my mind. They're just having a bad day, They're only human, no one is perfect. But when they step over the line, boom gone lije the wind! 50 years of friendship snuffed out like a candle
Are people shocked once I am DONE with them for good?! Yes. Their shock is a result of them assuming I was playing games or bluffing.
Good observation! I never had confidence in this concept until now in my 30s. But I did always get the feeling that your comment is true about INFJ behaviors. ☺️
Yes! I had one literally say to me: "I NEVER THOUGHT YOU WOULD DO IT!"
the crazy part is: **I had been telling him all along, hundreds of times** and in **many many ways** that if he didn't change how he treated me I was gonna delete him from my life
Once that door closes, it feels like I’ve lost the key and cannot open it back up - even if I tried.
Great description! That is exactly what it feels like. Even if I wanted I couldn't. It's like I have woken up from a daze.
Yes no longer a choice.
Exactly @mariyane , Like I have finally woken up **and I cannot unsee** anymore
I think, what's most shocking for people is.. is our intelligence🤷🏻♀️ like it can't be possible for me to be a smart person, in their opinion 😑🤣
I think when a lead NI finally speaks we stack a lot of conclusions in a line. I think most people are used to less. They may think that is intelligence, but I am not so certain it always is.
👍
Your name 🤣🤣🤣
Lol😅
That's because we hide that until we see who people really are.
The worst shock is when an INFJ gets mad.
I think that we are not hiding anything. It is very hard to manipulate us with power plays. Intimidation tactics do no phase us.
None of us are perfect.
I enjoy the thought process of everyone, everything.
I don't walk on eggshells anymore, I stomp on them.
I have no problem admitting when I am wrong and I love a good discussion.
Damn when did I write this message "I have no problem admitting when I'm wrong" something I pride myself with and I'm conscious of because I hate people that have a problem admitting that they are wrong.
Thank you...do true...
I’m an INFJ. The reason I cut the off is because I have determined I’ve given them enough chances and they are only using me.
It's true. Over the past two years, I had to fundamentally change the way that I view others, myself, and the connections we share. I'm still just as kind and goofy as ever when I want to be, but I know how to create boundaries and refuse to be taken for granted now. The mental/emotional journey to this point has come with a lot of struggles, but in hindsight, it was all worth it. I'm truly happier than ever nowadays, and my life will continue to get better. ☀
It's quite amazing when we're able to turn off our Fe (as much as we can at least) and not be so affected by others. I rmb growing up being a people's pleaser but now, I try to always engage my Fi and see how I feel about things, etc rather than putting other people first. It's wonderful, but just like you, took many years to get to this mental state of mind :)
@@SirChocula I'm proud of you :)
@@SirChocula Hey, I'm proud of you :) It takes a lot of work, but I'm sure that it was worth it.
I'm doing the same thing! Good for you!
@@SirChocula yes I too share the same experience and I put myself first now instead of everyone else.
I think a lot of people joke about the INFJ bridge burn, until they experience an INFJ burning a bridge with them. If I get mad, and say, "I'm done!" i'm just mad and not really done. When I burn a bridge it's done silently. I just walk away and never talk to them again, unless I'm forced to (like seeing them out in public, or something like that). And often, if I see them, I'll deliberately avoid talking to them, even if it makes me look like an a$$h0le...Espeically if they did something to REALLY piss me off.
Yep this is me
Yep, true.
Same!!
I think what most people don't realize that INFJ is so honest, that when we say they are not worth the effort and they are in the wrong and it is time to cut them loose, that they should take it as gospel and others should realize what kind of person they are. We are usually right about people. And that the bridge is not coming back. It is not worth building it again.
I only engage if truly needed. seeing someone in public I have no need to interact. In the situation now and do not speak with them unless needed (she would need me more than I need her). I get my rent money to her on time and keep it moving. There's nothing to say to someone who felt I was a liar and a door mat and wants to make it my fault for exposing her and not accepting it she's used to.
When I’m done, I’m DONE FOREVER and it can happen in a SECOND. You will never see me, hear me, again in your life …and I never regret it.
That point in a conversation where you realize you're done with someone and then everything just shuts off.
I've learned everyone suffers, no matter how much someone suffers it doesn't give them the right to be shady, use others, manipulate others etc in any way. There's no excuse. If you act like a crappy person your going to feel like a crappy person..and at the end, you have no one to blame but yourself. We let people who do wrong get away too easily, we pity them way too much, while we never pity the person who actually tries to be a better human being. If we all stopped accepting shitty behavior then people wouldn't be able to get away with it.
Well said. We should pity/sympathize ourselves for once, the one that is on the receiving end of the mistreatment and trying to be a better person.
It is me, when I am done,I am done, no matter who you are. You don't exist anymore.
Door slam is really rare and hard, cus honestly is harsh. I like harmony, but lately realize seeking my own harmony can be better, sometimes closing the door without them knowing or if they know not feel such emotions about it , look in the mirror and say "I manifest my destiny, don't dim myself"
For me, I really identify with people who have gone through similar traumas as myself. I know what it's like to be ignored, neglected and treated as though I don't count. So when I meet someone who has had the same experience, I want to "heal their pain" and help them in any way I can. I would only walk away if I felt like they didn't need or want my support.
I think we genuinely want it to work out before we door slam the person. Simple respect such as honesty, apologies, etc are lacking. Bottom line: no one can control other people unless they are heavily into manipulation and I dont know any infj capable of that, so that means the tolerance level is very low.
I like manipulation (subliminal influence) its an amazing game when you win and really improve someone, does that mean I am not an INFJ?
@@joshuasukup2488 yes, you are 😂
@@joshuasukup2488 But it’s like a little white lie. When you tell someone a lie because the truth can be painful to hear. Use manipulation in the same way. For a good cause. Indeed, we sometimes masterfully manipulate... Lol So sorry for my poor English English isn't my firs language.
@@joshuasukup2488 healthy manipulation its good, but people start doing heavy and dirty games...
Very well explained. This is what happened with me as well. My cousins used to mock and make fun of me for simple things, they used to ignore me for all the important things and used to say "they just forgot because I don't talk much" and I used to think that I'm not good enough or they know better than me and stuff like that and I used to forgive go out with them. After few years I realised that I have been treated badly and I deserve more and that's it. I am not even in the talking terms with all those cousins from 5-6 years. I have just shut the door on their faces. And it was shocking to them since they thought they can always treat me like a door mat and I will be fine with that (heard that from another relative) 😄
Power realized...good for you!
Funny what people can dish but cannot eat 😳. I can relate to where you are. 💛
I just found out I did emotional door slam and I didn't noticed it. Like yea I know of some people existing but I am not invested in them anymore like at all.
Spot on! I have been liking someone SO MUCH but I never really know her. I just saw her and all my imagination created who she is and I fell in love with her. I would check her from time to time but now I am getting better. I stopped pursuing her because since the beginning CLEARLY she is not into me and I am just creating everything. I finally realized that I fell in love with the idea of her and that's it.
Even when done with a person I will still help if they need me... they should never think an INFJ is their door mat... this is not the case ...I'm older and know I have a choice... we become much more aware of the agenda of other people .. Thank you ...
When I slam the door, there is no warning. I say nothing. My mind is simply made up. The other person is shocked because all along they have been in the receiving end and being self absorbed and taking things for granted. So when I am finally triggered...I remember so many things I let slide. The door closes and there is no looking back.
I don't quite understand why we would limit ourselves to being stable? I always felt that our ability to switch perspectives is a gift. I remember telling my buddy (who prides himself on being authentic) "why would I be one person? When I can be whichever suits my mood?" He was silent and walked away! Lol
They always get so many warnings before we finally decide to let go of people who don't or won't appreciate who we are.
Weird how almost every video you release seems to directly address a specific issue I'm facing at the moment.
I used to be somebody who people thought would put up with a lot for a long time, and they often told me that I was too soft-hearted. Then when I'd get fed up with their verbal and emotional abuse and stand up for myself, they'd freak out.
Their reaction used to bother me, but not nearly as much now - I simply learned more about myself by going through exactly what you talked about in this video. My "door slams" (and I've done some) are more like "disappearing acts" or simply leaving - (announced or unannounced) a toxic situation that was of no value to me.
By the way - I appreciated when you mentioned how all this builds our Ni.
It's a simpl psychology. Not only for INFJ. When people realize that they can no longer take advantage of you, they become very angry and crazy because they want to force you to give in and go back to the old way so that they can continue to take advantage of you. I can even verbally harass you. This bullying usually lasts for a while, and when they realize you’re not giving in they stop. So be strong and don't give up. The reward is that they stop looking at you like a doormat. Now they look at you with respect.
The second time immediately take care of yourself and your needs. Immediately set a limit for an unreasonable request. Don't wait. Timely action is extremely important.
The straw that broke the camel's back.
I just let go of 43 yrs of best friendship it almost killed me 😪 but it was for the best for me...also I now realize WHY I've been thinking about my last "situationship" and couldn't seem to STOP omg driving me nuts !!! I can normally just walk away. I have just recently learned I am also an INFJ and it blew my mind how much I resonated with it so Thank you 💖💖 now I understand why I am the way I am .
The door slam. I’ve tried really hard to *not* do this.
Good luck, I think she got it right with engaging our SE to find actual provable things to back up our conclusions. That way we cannot idealize people.
Hey, that was interesting. When you see goodness or beauty in every person it becomes difficult to single out what it is you are willing to accept (as in a relationship).But 'doorslamming' only happens when I can't take stuff I find offensive, anymore. And I never try to explain it to them. A line is crossed. End of story.
Yep
Yes we’re so good and they push it they can’t understand our door slam
Actually most of the times it is because of their behaviour we resort to door slam..
My ex husband seemed to think his insults and manipulations and angry threats and outbursts would somehow bring me back to him after I decided we were done. It was interesting how things just switched from tolerance to disgust with him. I was constantly trying to facilitate and make excuses for his behavior, blaming myself. Once I decided to leave and knew it was over and not ever going to work, I was so happy and so resolute and nothing he did could sway me and I actually wanted to laugh at his attempts to guilt me back.
This is so accurate and timely for me. I cut off my bff a couple months ago. He is a negative INTJ who did not want to improve in life and brought me down too. I always emotionally supported him like an unpaid therapist. (I’d be rich now if I charged him!) But once I told him bye, he kept trying to call and text as if nothing happened. He should’ve been more thoughtful before!
What was the main reason you cut him off... if it's because he wasn't growing or improving fast enough you may be making the error of putting people's spiritual growth/progress on a timer determined by you. People grow in their own time, it would be very selfish to cut people off because they aren't growing quick enough... you only cut people off for violations and betrayals NOT weakness because all humans have weaknesses. Please elaborate on the main reason you cut them off.
I had a friend of 20+ years who was a roommate. My son was 10 and lived there too. When I found out she was sweet as possible to him when I was there and turned into a screeching maniac with him when I was gone….well… I burned that bridge completely. She was also trying to gaslight both my son and I. He was traumatized by it and…well…an INFJ Mama bear is a dangerous thing.
Yeah, I often was always forgiving and reliable with my ex wife, but the moment she said she was leaving me for another man, I moved on very quickly and this was a 20 year relationship. I think she was taken back on how well I moved on. My feelings are if you turn your back on me in the most harsh way, I will move on.
Yep the past is gone. Good on you, hope you are in a better place now.
👏👏👏
You did exactly what you needed to do. So proud.
facts. i dated a girl from PRESCHOOL till senior year of college. I’d ringed up freshman year, but had to wait till graduation to marry her (the condition upon my parents paying for her tuition). No one knew though, she was making me wait till marriage for sex. I was frustrated and suffering self esteem issues as a result… but couldn’t let on without being shamed for “not respecting her choice”. but she knew i loved her unconditionally, and took advantage of it.
When she showed up pregnant 5 months before the wedding, she actually expected me to except that and still marry her. But i was heartbroken. Used. I slammed that door so hard and so fast no one could understand why. But I refused to badmouth her publically or speak on it at all. Spent those last months of college a social outcast for dumping my fiancé before the wedding. And didn’t outwardly care. But inside? well… i still haven’t really dated. it’s been almost 20 years.
You did the right thing sir, that is tough, maybe starting to talk about it more is the first step to being able to clear out that pain enough to let somebody else in.
You're a great communicator. Compared to the other videos I've watched on this subject....you're the most organized in your thoughts and speech. I have scripts stored away in my brain for almost every topic. Most I'll never need...lol....I thought it was a Virgo thing, or a highly sensitive person thing...lol...I'm fairly new into the infj thing, even though I've been into self help, esoteric, occult, and psychology....not that I applied anything, and several things I did authentically anyway, which always surprised me. I'm a 55 year old straight male...though I look and feel 38. The doctors office thought I was someone else, because of that....though, I think I use the magical technique of glamoury...lol...I've been trying to figure out what my issue was...even though I call myself crazy, I knew I wasn't. Looked into bipolar, schizophrenia, depression...lol....but, none fit. I one time went to a shrink, she told me I was the sanest person who came into her office, and told me I take great mental health care of myself and she didn't need to see me...lol...I'm extremely independent, my father died when I was fairly young, and when he died my mother who was 56 at the time, was in a coma from an overdose of multiple sclerosis medicine she was administered and ended up a vegetable, that me and my new bride, and childhood sweetheart took care of...I'm very much a loner, but I've been with my wife since 1983, when she was 14 and I was 16. Back then, I thought I was naturally gifted in the magical arts....though I wasn't a practicing witch or anything like that....I just had extremely strong psychic skills...not knowing I was infj at that time. Everything, about infj isn't me, but maybe could have been, without the life experiences I've had...95 percent is....not knowing infj...I studied other similar topics, mainly to protect myself from outside energy....Okay, I'll stop babbling....my apologies...lol...
Thanks, Enjoying your knowledge.
Thanks for sharing!
Yes, 100% true 🙂👍 I felt like I was explaining myself of someone's behavior in many situations and it took me some time to realize that what you see is what it is.
I stopped doing it because if someone really cares for you they will show you, if someone wants to be in relashionship with you they will ask you on a date or do something, if someone loves you they'll say it etc.. I guess I'm just sick and tired of childish games. The connection is long gone and I'm happy with it. It's a big relief for me 😊 Now I'm with feet firmly on the ground person and I wont let anyone play with my feelings again 👍 The logic has taken the upper hand and I've definitely changed the way of seeing people 😊✌ If someone was or is shocked that I'm DONE with them? - I have NO idea but I'm sure they will sooner or later realize it 👍
So true. If that person really valued you, then they would have called you or made an effort to contact you when they said they would. They would have shown it in action not just words.
I was just explaining this to someone the other day. I hate this abt myself. The emotional obsessions are so dangerous. I think it is a chemical addiction. Ive had the past few years of psych pain from this. I think i have learned the lesson. Thank you for explaining and comfirming this and breaking things down so well.
Well explained. Personally went through this a couple of times through struggles, before a serious mental struggle recently and opened my eyes to massively increase my perspectives. Now I constantly develop myself and opening up even more. Learned psychology as a side tool, and can now act as mirror to offer counselling by using shadow psychology. Fixed decades worth of family problems within 3 days, and now on a path of discovering true meanings behind art. Still a tough life ahead, but worth the journey to constantly expand boundaries. Sticking around here, always happy for new info :P
I don’t easily get obsessed over people nowadays. I mean I still have good positive comments towards them but I just have to keep observing and just do my thing because people can come and go but I always have the best version of myself. Then I would definitely have to courage to walk away.
This is beyond true! At least when I was younger, now, not so much! Perfectly explained and helped me understand what happened. ❤
But this makes it sound like the INFJ was the one who changed and, as a result, replaced the people in their life who no longer serve them. From my experiences, as an INFJ, it's that the other person has gradually but continuously changed or their truth has come to light, and after an unbelievable amount of patience and tolerance the INFJ hits their wall and finally accepts that other person is no longer compatible with INFJ values. Deems it hopeless, with finality.
When INFJ make decisions and says I am done with past its last decision so past feelings doesn't matters anymore for them .. They are living in present making decisions for future and they are quite sure an confident about their future and they are working through it to find a way 😊
Yes and its too damaging for our own growth and path. Me 9 years and in one 10 years. So disappointed in myself
I have to say I've never made that mistake I could see where some might do that though in some delusional fashion but you should never delude yourself and you should always be honest with yourself alone anybody else
I've been told by family members and friends and that but I never change. Probably in a lot aspects I don't button so my do
Reality does not match up with the World in my Mind... I call it "The Turbulence" and that's when I tear it all down... and I walk away. I have this down to a science.
This was so helpful and it made me so much less 'victimized' about my INFJ qualities. Thank you for helping me understand myself better.
Like how do people not see it coming.do they not have ears.its not like they were not worn.its not like we don't try to communicate and find equal common ground.so the day we wake up and say.ya I quit you.and don't turn back.there like your cold how can you be so cold.
Couldent hear a word you said, your cuteness is just too freaking loud.
From my point of view, we are able to make the switch even if we do not change our opinion about the person (at least in my case). It is when the old behavior would make no sense any more.
It's a wraperoni homey... 💯
Yes I get the part of being stuck on someone and obsessing. Ironically I attract the same. I spend so much time in my head which can be fun with the imagination and dark. Thanks for the message - fellow, female INFJ.
yes, it's realizing a mistake in judgement. All the excuses that others are suffering and there always is a good reason - are all valid and true, therefore it's no reason to change and we make no change. But acknowledging a mistake on our part is the logical reason to change. You got this one right, as usual. Great work Wenz
Great adjectives. We bathe in their energy and it is a high. However, I've learned reciprocity + tangible evidence eradicate our destructive patterns. I cut them off with the swiftness.
Thank you.
Every time this kind of situation happening I feel like I am getting closer to some kind of maddnes. This maddnes want to get into my head to find the week spot to disrupt my inner structure. This sound like fairy tail but evil want to break down what I am so I become a willless muppet. This is some kind of chess and you are the main figure in this giant game.
Feed the kind wolf.
You are always so on point with these videos, I appreciate your existence!!
I had to let go of a twin, most my friends and relatives. INFJ-A, PTSD, anxiety, depression and suicidal tendencies. The door slam is very easy for me. My sister calls me a runner, thinking that I run from my problems. 😂😂 Far from it and will use your videos to help her see who I am. she doesn't believe me when I tell her things. 😢
My sister likes to say I run from conflict. I don’t. I’m just over her toxic energy and conversations. Another person I door slammed said I do the silent treatment. Only people that continuously disrespect people think this way about our door slam
I like improving myself and make changes to reach the outcome to position myself in the direction of my dreams.and the people that are around me.dont like to change and just stay in the same position they are and just cry about it.i try to encourage them but it's a headache
I am so glad I found your channel! I am going through the after math of a door slam and it sucks! I am also so much more focused on me and my needs and my kids! I am not sure if I could have done it all without seeing the videos of yours I have watched so far! This is exactly what I needed to understand why I did it and not feel like such a horrible person for cutting people out who I love dearly! Love is not enough and it is sad that some people don't want change! An INFJ can only show love for so long if not returned in a respectful way back. I understand the mirroring and now I know why some people would rather not be around me than to face the truth and admit to their own part they played in why they weren't happy ... but can you do a video please on how to handle it when it is an ex who because of child custody you can't completely cut them off (I wish) and they continue to try and hurt me instead of admit that they had an addiction etc. etc. ... and they have to continue to try and make me look crazy and mean for the mirroring etc. instead of admit what they did and fess up to everyone!? Instead of a complete door slam, I have to deal with court etc until they either get their way or can make me look bad so they look good or both ... when they know deep down their lies, deceit and betrayal were the reason behind the failure ... not how MEAN I was when pointing out what they did or mirroring it back! It can be funny when they call me crazy, mean, or something similar for mirroring them ... cuz if showing them what it is like and that is their reaction, then they are ten times worse for doing it all the time for a long time before I ever mirrored it back! Once my limit was reached and I couldn't hold it in anymore lol I am trying to do more of an EPIC life change before getting into another relationship. Loving the transformation and finally paying attention to ME for once!!! Thanks so very much Wenzes!!!
Note to self: Look at externally observerable facts...
Everything you say connects..it's surreal ..how utter subjectivity is made so palpable..
The reason we stuck on some one is we normally do not find that especial person to call him our other half and when we find that person and it doesn't workout it's a disaster that we avoid.
Is that the nightmare version of the poster @1:23? It came up looking crazy with inverted colors and burnt on my phone. Lol.
Her top color and her eye color are same. It feels so soothing to see.
Thanks Chickadee, jimiedwards
Lol, we are really the I told you so ones.....
So true, the internal build of your personality, I also believe in that and that this is our strenght, is it also because of the introversion and NI? Thanks again!
Jisus, Thank you that you created this channel!! it helps a lot! I cant believe how its presice
Omg now I truly with all of the surveys that I took that I'm infj hahahhaha everything about infj personality that has been explained truly accurate about me
This was such an excellent take & advice on this particular topic that we deal with.. thank you!
Just found your channel yesterday. How are there not more likes and subscribers? I am a believer that you have to balance on a tight rope with self-improvement due to toxic positivity, but I still listen to people and learn from them even if I agree with them 50% of the time. But, with this channel, I feel like I'm drinking from a well of knowledge. Love your stuff!
Bang on
True! You are correct on every count.
That was really good, thank you 🙏
Yes, I´m so agree with you
I love your channel.your awesome
Thank you
That is another way of being shallow just because you have changed it's pretty mean to sever ties with your old friends and with no concern just to find new ones that is shallow and not healthy .
My husband's best friend suddenly "cancelled" his friendship with my hubby. No explanation - no nothing. My hubby is quick to forgive - me....not so much. Now after 3 years his buddy is showing my hubby some attention and of course my husband is quick to forgive. Again....me...not so much. What do I do? I will NEVER trust him again. I despise him.
Thank you for doing what you do!
The way you explain things always helps me understand myself that much more. Honestly for the longest I thought there was something wrong with me until earlier this year I found out I was an INFJ-T and everything started to make since..
Great point. So true of my life. I can relate. By the way, that colour blue looks amazing on you.
omg thats my life
How do you door slam someone instead of obsessing about them and wondering why they never reach out to you? I just can't bring myself to do it, I guess because they've not hurt me enough yet.
Absolutely agree 👍🏽... dealing with this now. I rebuke it
Why are INFJs often overlooked. I feel like I'm the invisible man, maybe I need to wrap my head in gauze and put on sunglasses.
I knew a few people who slighted me so badly, I'd throw them an anchor if they were drowning, metaphorically ofcourse.
I just did this today 😂
this was a really informative and inspiring!
My case is a bit different I think than imagining and obssessing over a person because she was interested in me first and my idea of her is based on everything I've observed (heard and seen) in the class I have with her plus everything she's said to me while we've been texting the past several weeks I am 99.9% sure she is a sweet and beautiful girl because she is very straightforward and genuine with everything she does and says (which is one of the main reasons I like her back).
But what if that person you want to cut off from your life is a parent or a sister. I'm an INFJ and I deal with toxic parents and a toxic sister. You are stuck with those people your whole life. Please tell me what to do😢
THIS REALLY HELPS!!!
Thank you so much!!!
I am stuck on a person who gave me joy. But then he hung himself. In our shared bathroom. I am never killing myself like that, but my god I relate to this.
thank you so much, your in depth explanation really gave me a deeper insight and vast understanding of being an Infj :)
I wonder if could ask you some questions based on a religious perspective.. Simply, my religion rules or guidelines was taught to me from a young age so sometimes you say stuff that contradictes those teachings.. However I'm conscious of it.. I've been a single parent of 2 for 8 years and now I'm married for a year... I was 22 at the time.. So I've had a lot of adapting to do... Finally.. Thank you for shedding light on the topic of my mind... 😢🤗
I've noticed a lot of INFJ quotes being touted by the masses. It's cute and sometimes comical. Especially when it's someone you know and you see a post about cutting people out of their own lives that person has never cut anyone out of their life, ever. Maybe a cold shoulder for a few months tops. LOL. Sit down. Makes sense though. We do have the best quotes.
Helpful video
I appreciate this subject much. Not certain as to what led the algo to feed this to me but thankful it has. My concerns are labels and categorization of the sovereign expression so the "propping up" of a particular behavior and manner of the human experience to be something to consider. Further, camps within the camp that must identify with the spinal script in order to participate. I am granting nonsense. I think the most difficult is to consider self role and that the role played is, potentially, entrapping another sovereign so much adored and fearing that the reversal of unconscious interaction with them most difficult. As though a virtuous goal is provocation of another that will likely drive them away, at least, and into a malicious fantasy now justified in reaction to. Most frustrating to me is that I cannot correctly communicate the importance of the sovereign over the collective experience and yet the presentation is that the sovereign is subject to the ultimate flow of the collective experience that feeds upon the degradation of the sovereign true Identity.
I think the "victimhood consciousness" is being done away with which makes it all the more difficult.
Even they're ready to extend to understand more there's no hope to renew things?
If you please suggest some good books explaining functions..
Is 64 and not in the best health too old to get damaged INFJ 4w5p2 bucket list completed before incapacity or death?
Yes... I do that door slam... sorry...
Hello Wenzes. question as an INFJ yourself do you sense paranormal activity? I'll make a prediction just for fun. my prediction is (you don't want to touch this subject).
I read your comment. I just wanted to share with you that I, personally, happen to be clairsentient which some consider a paranormal ability...