I know I’ve commented this a few times but I really enjoy your content lately. I love that you don’t use your kids for content and you share YOUR life 👏🏽 Your content is a nice break for me while I do laundry or make my kids lunch. ETA: there is actually a lot of research saying how the first 5 years of a child’s life impacts who they become as adults. I’m right there with you. I love being a SAHM but it is a sacrifice to choose to be the one to raise your kids. It’s not an easy decision. I think the people who say stuff to you are sending their kids to daycare and are maybe trying to make themselves feel better by saying send your kids off. We often do that to feel better about our own choices rather then know that we are all making our own choices for our own family. Daycare has its place 100% but moms choosing to be home has its place as well. Keep doing what works 🤍
You’re one of the few moms who I watch on here because you always keep it real. The good and the bad. I so appreciate that! Makes me feel less alone in motherhood ❤ Thank you!
Your home is so beautiful! And I think you look great with or without the glasses. Idk how you have the time to make your hair look so perfect and gorgeous while chasing around two littles! God bless you my friend
Those first few years are so important for your kids. You are giving them such a gift by being there for them. They get to build a strong bond with their mama, which is scientifically proven to help them so much, both now and for the rest of their lives. I’m in the same boat of not loving every minute of being a stay at home mom, but I would never do it any other way.
A hard thing to swallow sometimes is that not only do different moms make different decisions to suite their families. But many women who make one choice also feel that the other choice is substantially worse. AND. THAT'S. OK. It's ok for a sleep deprived mom constantly complaining about being up all night to be fundamentally opposed to sleep training. Or a mom who's breastfeeding journey is costing their mental health to be opposed to formula. It's challenging when you see someone hating their situation but still being unwilling to make a decision that you've made as a mom and still be secure in your own decision. I would say I'm pretty secure in my decision to work full time (after taking a year mat leave for each of my kids). But even I find it hard to hear that you don't like being a SAHM but do it so someone else isn't raising your kids. But just as a sleep deprived anti-sleep-training mom deserves space to complain about being tired, you deserve space to talk about the challenges of being home full time with the kids, and sharing what has made the situation better.
Sacrifice is difficult even when you have a willing heart. Thank you for opening up a conversation for mothers to speak up about their difficulties and find comfort while continuing to make the best choices for their family.
I love your realness! I also find being a SAHM not very fulfilling but I feel having a parent at home to focus on home and children to be the best thing for our family. Love your relatable content!
Love this. It’s so true, it’s hard to come across people who do what they’re doing out of principle and not just based on how things make them feel. I’ve found that one of the best things about motherhood is that I keep learning how to put my children before me and sacrifice for them. I think the most beautiful people in the world are the ones that willingly suffer for the good of another person, so I am thankful to have the opportunity to become a little more like that. And I think trying to shift our mindset about things can definitely make it a more joyful experience, but there’s always going to be hard aspects of being a mom even if we love it.
I relate to you so much. I have two boys close in age to yours. I quit my tech career to stay with my kids and I don’t really enjoy it. I kept feeling like I’m losing myself more and more to motherhood. Sometimes I don’t recognize myself anymore I don’t know this version of me. Seeing your videos made me feel that I’m not alone. I felt confident to talk about how I feel without fearing people opinions specially I got both sides of opinions before some people will tell me to get a job others will tell me I should be thankful for being able to stay with my kids. I know I’m doing the right thing for my kids and I love it for them to have a stay home mom but you made me realize that I could help myself. I started looking for activities and hobbies to fill my cup. You are the one that inspired me to start being the main character in my life again. Thank you for being you and sharing that with us 💕
My husband is the stay at home parent and I think he could relate a lot to this. I sometimes ask if he'd be happier with a different arrangement and he always says that, out of all the options, him being the SAHP is the least depressing. He's still generally unhappy, but it's what makes the most sense for our family right now and our son loves being with dad all day :)
I am sorry that the critical comments have seemed to put you down, I completely understand why it would affect you. I've been watching you from when you vlogged your first son's baby phase in your smaller home, and you've always had such a nice and normal life that really made me enjoy watching your content. We don't have the same lifestyles because although I was a SAHM for the first 2 years w/ my daughter, I am now a law student and she is in daycare so it is very crazy and I do feel guilty for always being busy, so I applaud you for taking that sacrifice to stay home with your kids even when you know that you could maybe enjoy life more if you had time away from them. I hope you don't let the criticism impact your ability to create such meaningful content.
You are spot on about there just not being room to be a sacrificial mum. I work outside the home and my kiddo goes to daycare. I don’t really love what I do but we just can’t afford for me to stay home. Thank you for creating a space for all the moms doing their best!
It’s actually so funny that you talked about your under eyes. As I was watching I thought to myself “her complexion is so bright and she has NO eye bags. I wish my eyes looked like that! “, and then you went into a whole talk about your eye bags 😂.
I really really appreciate you talking about your experience with staying at home. I've gotten comments like you have and it's super helpful to know I'm not alone.
I just somehow found my way to your channel. As someone further down the road than you are with staying home with your kids...mine are 14, 12, and 9 already. Let me tell you that I did NOT always feel comfortable at what I was doing. Society doesn't really allow women to do this without extreme amounts of guilt or condescension. People that didn't know me would make comments about my work ethic, my marriage, my parenting choices, my financial situation, my wasted potential or my intelligence all based on the fact that I just wanted to raise my own kids that I brought into the world. No wonder we struggle with our self worth. Now that my kids are older (and I have more time to myself because constantly being "on" doesn't really allow for anything...I didn't even have energy left over to think about how I was feeling I was so burned out) I know that I made the right choice. Nothing about raising kids is easy for anyone whether you stay home, work part time, work full time...we are all just trying to make the best choices we can with our values, our financial situations, and personal goals. I chose to stay at home because I basically did not trust daycare and am very committed to healthy food, not necessarily because I thought it suited me. I chose, I learned, I did and continue to do the best that I can, I cherish the good days, I survive the bad days. I wish you peace.
Firstly, I love the look without the glasses. Secondly, yes! I feel the same way about being a SAHM. I don't love it and most days feel like I'm just trying to survive. Sacrifice isn't a popular concept at the moment and that's why our society is turning to excesses and will ultimately fail. You're amazing, keep it up. ❤
Im watching your videos, not in order, but I’m a relatively new subscriber (a couple weeks now). I actually found your channel when you were pregnant with your first. You came up on my home feed and because we’ve been ttc, I’m loving pregnancy vlogs, but now watching the more recent videos, I appreciate your channel a lot. I love how raw and honest they are. It’s a lot of chaos but I enjoy that. I like your personality and I like the way you come across and talk! Looking forward to watching more videos ❤
Little late to the party, and I want to say, that I am so glad that I found you. For the first time I feel understood in me not loving the stay-at-home mum thing, but still doing it for my son. Thank you! I really appreciate your perspective.
What a great point! There are so many different ways to approach motherhood and it blows my mind when people act like there isn’t. Your boys are lucky to have you❤
It’s the “perfect” for me when Rook doesn’t want the food at the end😅 Thank you for sharing real moments of your life🫶🏼❤️ - From a mama of 2 small children
It's the same sometimes with breastfeeding. Any time I would vent about some struggles with breastfeeding people would tell me to just stop. It can be hard but I'm still glad I do it.
I love that you admit to it being a sacrifice. My husband in particular hates this "do what makes you happy" societal pressure. He loves to say, "First and foremost, do what is responsible." I see this type of mom shaming even in other scenarios, maybe not so much in terms of staying at home, but a lot of moms who cosleep will be told exactly this. Instead of letting people vent a bit or share some hardships, the answer is "Well you shouldn't have had so many kids so close then" or "well then just sleep train them, my kids would cry for hours and we have a good relationship anyways!" type of stuff. Or with how difficult it can be to homecook meals for a huge family or avoid certain items "Just buy from the store" I feel like many of this shame-hate is actually their own guilt or shame on the decisions they have made as parents (or people in general, being selfish instead of more sacrificial and overall "better" people), because it implies the decisions they have made are sub-optimal and it shows them that there were options and measures even these people could've taken. So ignore the haters, and we're so happy to listen to you love on your kids amidst the struggles as well ! :)
I think it’s good to do hard things ❤ acknowledging something is hard and doing anyway is commendable. I think your boys will be very grateful and appreciative when they are old enough to understand ❤
I love your videos. Unfortunately for anyone online is that folks are quick to condemn and use zero nuance. Two things can be true at once. I personally am a SAHM and love it, but I also feel like it is a sacrifice I make for my kids. I do enjoy the tradlife to be fair. I totally believe you are happy. These days folks expect their lives to be constant glee, comfort and zero sacrifice but that isnt reality. You can be incredibly happy while still having adversity or not being exactly comfortable or in a state of perfect trancendance. Life is messy, life ebs and flows.
Thank you for sharing this little glimpse into your life, it really helps me not feel alone! Motherhood is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and it really does take a lot of sacrifice. Thanks for sharing that and not shying away from it!
I really appreciate seeing the transition from working mom to stay at home mom because I have so much guilt when I don’t work. We’re still getting my husband through school so I get guilt from working and being away from the kids, but at the same time guilt in the phases where I’m not working. Finding a balance is so hard and I love seeing how you find that balance on the good and the bad days.
Hell yeah, your content is relatable even to mums in different situations. I am on my pregnancy leave, and I am a SAHM for one year, and feel a lot of your struggles, and it helps me feel less alone. Mom identity crises is such a game changer.
I'm a full-time working mom. Moms sacrifice a lot with everything. I would love to be home with my kids. While work is fulfilling, I miss my kids. Summer is tough because I see how SAHM moms can do a ton of activities with their time. I wouldn't change anything, but im with you in that life has complex choices.
Ashley, I love your content and think you’re extremely thoughtful, articulate and honest about your motherhood journey. I’m sorry you’ve received negative comments about your choice to stay at home. I think what this conversation is sometimes missing is the perspective of moms who go to work full time, put their kids in childcare, and genuinely feel that is also the best choice for their children (not just them). To put a personal spin on this: I am currently pregnant with numbers 2&3 (a huge shock; in the words of Monica from Friends: “we only ordered one!”) and due to the incredibly high cost of childcare where I live, am facing the very real possibility that I might have to take a career break after this next maternity leave and stay home with my kids. This saddens me, not because of leaving my job (though I do love what I do), but because I feel guilt about removing my child from an environment they love, and not giving my younger kids the same opportunities as the older one. I see how my toddler adores her nursery, how much she learns every day, the activities she does and relationships she has that I could simply not facilitate as a SAHM. I know every family is different and all moms should be trusted to know and make the best decision for their kids and their family (as I’m sure you have); I just feel that there is often a blanket assumption that staying at home with a parent is best for kids (hence why it’s often presented as a “sacrifice”) and that going to work full time is somehow robbing them of something, when in fact it can give as well. Even some of the other comments on this video have implied that moms who work outside the home and use childcare feel (or should feel?) guilt about it, which doesn’t ring true for many women I know. Just another perspective to throw in the pot. 😊
I totally agree with you and I’m sorry if I didn’t make myself clear. I think full-time work with full-time daycare is a great option for a lot of parents, it’s just not for me! For my family I feel it’s best to stay home with them but of course part time preschool is still a part of my story 😄
@@AshleyEmbers Oh no need to apologise- I think it’s great you know what’s best for your family! I just don’t see my pov represented much in these discussions online, though irl most of my friends feel the same as me, so there’s a disconnect there. Just thought it was interesting. I am about ten years older than you and live in the UK (though I’m Canadian like you) so maybe there’s a generational/cultural element to it. Who knows!
I want to say, we have different lifestyles and different life choices and I always appreciate your honesty and willingness to choose to do what you do even if it isn't the most fulfilling thing to you.
Not every mom process motherhood the same way it’s a lot of changes you go through and it can be a lot , as one of those mom’s, I really appreciated your refreshing content 🩵 your doing an amazing job 🤗
Wow, you look gorgeous without the glasses! I mean you look great with them too, but being without them you can really see your beautiful features 👌🏻 And I agree about there not being a space for mothers who choose to stay home with their kids but don’t necessarily fully enjoy it. I’m in the same boat. I’m doing it because I believe it’s what’s best for my kids but somedays it gets really hard. Feels good to know I’m not the only one 🙂
I love the ole-henrikson eye cream! I also admire you so much for balancing motherhood and content creation. It's so hard. I do more UGC and have either no time or no inspiration to make my own content anymore. you're doing amazing.
I am sure your choice(s) do feel very isolating at times because people LOVE to give moms hate. But know there are tones of moms out there like you who are doing what they think is best for their kids/family, even if its not what they personally love or feel fulfilled by. Many moms would love to stay home full time with their baby/kids but cannot afford to. Other moms would love to return to work, but cannot find/afford appropriate childcare etc. Just know, you are not alone in what you are experiencing! As long as your choices make sense for you and your family, thats all that matters!
Thank you so much for sharing your journey ❤️ I feel exactly the same… I am a work from home mom that makes the sacrifice for my kid! And if it wasn’t for you I would think I was completely alone in these feelings! It’s not something I always enjoy but I do it for my son. I was the last kid being fetched from daycare everyday at like 6pm and I swore I would do whatever I could to not let that be my kid… I know it is a means to a must in most cases but I HATED being that kid! Thank you x
Hi! I’m in your same boat! I don’t enjoy all the time. It’s hard for me. One the other hand I would much rather take care of my children than someone else taking care of them. I Can make the sacrifice right now. I Can give of myself right now. I am not the most important person in our family. I know this is the best for our family and for my kids. This is how my family works and i am willing to make that sacrifice. Don’t listen to those people since they are discouraging a good sacrifice that you want to do ❤ If you think you can make it work give it your all. It will be worth it when you look back. I’ve recently love the quote “choose your regret”. We all have regrets in life, so we might as well decide what we want to regret. I don’t want to look back and regret not being with my kids more. I will not regret staying home in the long run. I think our society is really inclined into instant gratification, and not being uncomfortable. Motherhood is uncomfortable. So we gotta choose what we can realistically do. I love your realness. I don’t always agree with you but that’s fine. I can learn so much from a different point of view. And when I don’t I move on. I am so sorry you are getting negativity, I think the anonymity of online comments makes it so easy for people to say such unhinged things. Also, glasses or no glasses you look beautiful ❤
Thanks for articulating this. I don’t like to say it’s a sacrifice being home because it’s where I choose to be and wouldn’t rather be working with a child. But it’s not like… FUN for me. I don’t enjoy the random toddler things I go to do because they under stimulate me to the point where my head actually hurts. I hate cooking too, but I’m not bad at it and try to get better, same as you. I don’t think me being super content and fulfilled is part of the job. It’s just doing what is honestly scientifically best. I’m not as maternal as I thought I was. But I have always had the pull to stay home, even before I got married. Even if I do end up homeschooling for a few years, I think this is just an absurdly short amount of time and can’t think of a more important place to be. Thanks for your content. I do enjoy the content of other mothers who are cartwheeling and baking bread etc because it makes me feel more lighthearted about my position, but it’s good to see someone like me too.
I don't usually comment but I need to say this. You say what everybody wants to say but don't. I don't think anybody is happy every second with any decision they make, and in my opinion you try to achieve the most difficult balance, and you're actually doing pretty great at it. I know I will want something very similar to what you have, so it's refreshing and encouraging for me to see how you do it, how real you are about it all. Nobody wants to see perfect, nobody wants someone to say "I chose a and I always like it", life is not like that for me with almost any decision and I think I'm in the majority. Also, doing things because it aligns with your values is a very valid reason, even if you don't always enjoy it, I think if we always needed to feel like doing something we wouldn't have a life, or relationships or community. Life choices are based on many factors, and one can see you're living through your values, and many times enjoying it, but not always, trying to be ambitious and trying to take care of your needs, it's aspirational! Lots of love, I love your videos, since before you were pregnant, and this place needs someone like you! :)
The world seems very much on focusing on "me first" and doing what makes "me" happy. To a degree you have to allow yourself time to pour into your own cup because you can never pour into others if you yourself have nothing. But the world doesn't understand how much JOY (which is stronger and longer lasting then HAPPY) can come from serving others. Putting others first. Treating and giving to others the way you want to be treated. Jesus said it so many years ago and it's the truest thing. I'm a stay at home mom to 2 girls very similar to your boys age. My youngest just turned 9 months and life is so much easier then it was a few months ago. It's hard to explain how some days can be so hard and you're depleted, yet you know in your heart this is where you should be and you wouldn't want to do anything else.
Sacrifice is so true, it’s so hard. I am a “working stay at home mom” I have a full time remote job. There are so many days I wish my kids were in daycare, but unfortunately I can’t afford it. I also can’t afford to not work. It’s really challenging. There isn’t a easy solution for most people
Noone should really be commenting on anyone’s motherhood journey but in talking about sacrificial motherhood lets not forget about the moms who SACRIFICE and go back to work way too early not because they wanted to feel good but because in this economy not everyone is blessed to be able to provide for their kids on one income.
You also have the moms who put their kids in daycare, and go to work full time, but would rather either stay home or work part time! (Due to financial reasons)
I loved watching your videos while I was on my 15 month mat leave. I loved being home with my baby but it’s not easy and mental health wise I struggled a lot. I totally get where you are coming from and I love your perspective! I’m back at work now and I personally feel more balanced but I would love to work less hours to be home with him more. That’s what I’m hoping for in my near future.
I agree with you. I think it’d be easier for me to work my 9-5, have a set schedule everyday and make money and come in everyday expecting how my day will look pretty much. Stay at home mom sounds way more difficult emotionally/physically. But I definitely think it will be more fulfilling for me and there is a responsibility I owe my children and I should sacrifice for there well being. It’s for a season of life, it’s not forever you’ll be doing a 24/7 sacrifice. I think that the world has become so adult focused and we put our own needs and wants and desires above our children. It’s all “what’s best for mom” at the end of the day. I really think we need to create a culture that is more willing to put aside there selfishness for a short time for their children and that be OKAY. I agree with you on the middle ground of mothering
The idea of "just send them off if you're not happy and work full time" is so absurd. People shouldn't have children for others to raise. If someone is able to stay home, then they should. I am 36 years old and just had my first child almost two years ago. Prior to having my daughter, I worked full time at a company that I have been with for 16 years. I was proud of that accomplishment, but I knew once my husband and I started a family, my life was going to change. It is no longer about me. I am a stay at home mom. Is it hard? Yes. Is it SO different from my professional life? Very. Am I always happy doing this? No, not always, but my husband and I are true believers in the importance of one of us being the primary caregiver for our children. We believe this is what is best for them, their wellbeing, and their development. Nothing will ever change my mind on making this decision, even if I have hard days. Anyways, I appreciate your content and what you have to share about the "stay at home mom" life. Keep it up. You're doing a good job. :)
About sacrifices: I think there is no way one can have kids without making sacrifices. Also everything has two sides. So even if you enjoy doing something in general or do something willingly because you thing it's the right thing to do it probably isn't always and just a pleasure. It's a weird idea to look at life and expect it to be about fun only. For example if you did take a job and spend less time with your kids maybe you wouldn't feel fantastic about it all the time either because you're missing out on time with your kids or because you're stressed switching between job demands and the demands of your kids. Maybe the job wouldn't be fun all the time either. I mean, if you were indeed very miserable without a job and all the time with your kids then it might be better for you and your kids if you changed what made you miserable. But if you just feel a little miserable every now and then... well I guess that's just life? Hopefully this makes sense. So talking about it and finding compromises is a good way of handling your situation. :-)
I actually think that most moms “sacrifice” by staying home with the kids. Raising those little troublemakers takes the most patience and love than anything else you’ll ever do. Kids teach you to be selfless… of course there are those who are not willing to learn that lesson and instead just indulge in whatever their desires are. But putting down women who are willing to learn those lessons and come out a better person in the end? Makes no sense.
I don’t think she was putting them down? She said some women find a lot of fulfillment in staying home. Many want to have kids and stay home from the get go. This isn’t directed for them. It’s directed to the moms who realize this is an important job they want to do but they might prefer to be doing something else. Her experience is that she’s struggled with feelings of not wanting to do this. She still does because she’s willing to do this sacrifice. I think she’d agree with you that kids teach you to be selfless and that’s why she shares her journey, so that we don’t feel bad when we get lost in motherhood or struggle with odd feelings
I’m sorry I haven’t comment every time I have felt so understood by someone. Thank you for being THE mom that tells another truth Thanks for being so open and making me feel seen Keep up your amazing job as a mom Keep up trying to find yourself in ways you know how. You are awesome
I don’t think you are giving yourself, or at least outwardly projecting, the credit you deserve. I wonder if “fulfillment” is the best word. Because it seems like it’s just not fun to you. Boring, even. But it also seems like you understand the value of it, you find purpose in doing so, and you see and experience the rewards of doing it. That appears to be by definition, “fulfillment” which is, in turn, achieving rewarding results for your family. But it’s just not fun work! It’s not your dream job. You are sure you would find more excitement and stimulation elsewhere. That’s totally fair
Can someone explain to me why daycare (high quality, licensed, city run centre) is not considered a good option for kids 18 months and older? Genuine question as this mentality is not at all present in my social circle, neighbourhood etc. Instead, daycare, socialization, and early childhood educators are highly valued beyond their ability to allow parents to work. Totally not being defensive about my choice or judgemental about SAHM, I genuinely don’t understand :)
I've listened to a podcast on this, several actually, and the reason I found as to why is, especially during the first 3 years of a childs life, they need that ONE person. They are not really at that age where they need to form a bunch of relationships with others. That comes when they get older. In the first 3 years, they are learning to love. Not socialize, etc. They are looking for that main person that feeds them, changes their diapers, gets them down for sleep, etc, and when they are in daycare they don't get that full time one on one with someone. They get bits and pieces of attention between one, two, or three people, not really being given the opportunity to form a solid bond like they need to. Kids need their momma. Or whoever their main primary caregiver is. After 3 or 4 years, that's when they learn a lot through play, and even around 5 they'll learn by socialize and education.
@@DaniellePalomado Thanks for the info! I know that there is not consensus in the academic literature on the effects of daycare on parental attachment so it’s very interesting to hear the more pop culture take on the topic :)
We unfortunately live in a “me me me” society nowadays. People are just projecting onto you because they feel guilty about putting there kids in daycare for 8 hours a day.
I know I’ve commented this a few times but I really enjoy your content lately. I love that you don’t use your kids for content and you share YOUR life 👏🏽 Your content is a nice break for me while I do laundry or make my kids lunch. ETA: there is actually a lot of research saying how the first 5 years of a child’s life impacts who they become as adults. I’m right there with you. I love being a SAHM but it is a sacrifice to choose to be the one to raise your kids. It’s not an easy decision. I think the people who say stuff to you are sending their kids to daycare and are maybe trying to make themselves feel better by saying send your kids off. We often do that to feel better about our own choices rather then know that we are all making our own choices for our own family. Daycare has its place 100% but moms choosing to be home has its place as well. Keep doing what works 🤍
You’re one of the few moms who I watch on here because you always keep it real. The good and the bad. I so appreciate that! Makes me feel less alone in motherhood ❤ Thank you!
Thank you ☺️
Your home is so beautiful! And I think you look great with or without the glasses. Idk how you have the time to make your hair look so perfect and gorgeous while chasing around two littles! God bless you my friend
Also I think
It’s actually so beautiful you are doing what’s best for your children and not focusing on what you want
Those first few years are so important for your kids. You are giving them such a gift by being there for them. They get to build a strong bond with their mama, which is scientifically proven to help them so much, both now and for the rest of their lives. I’m in the same boat of not loving every minute of being a stay at home mom, but I would never do it any other way.
A hard thing to swallow sometimes is that not only do different moms make different decisions to suite their families. But many women who make one choice also feel that the other choice is substantially worse. AND. THAT'S. OK. It's ok for a sleep deprived mom constantly complaining about being up all night to be fundamentally opposed to sleep training. Or a mom who's breastfeeding journey is costing their mental health to be opposed to formula. It's challenging when you see someone hating their situation but still being unwilling to make a decision that you've made as a mom and still be secure in your own decision. I would say I'm pretty secure in my decision to work full time (after taking a year mat leave for each of my kids). But even I find it hard to hear that you don't like being a SAHM but do it so someone else isn't raising your kids. But just as a sleep deprived anti-sleep-training mom deserves space to complain about being tired, you deserve space to talk about the challenges of being home full time with the kids, and sharing what has made the situation better.
Sacrifice is difficult even when you have a willing heart. Thank you for opening up a conversation for mothers to speak up about their difficulties and find comfort while continuing to make the best choices for their family.
I love your realness! I also find being a SAHM not very fulfilling but I feel having a parent at home to focus on home and children to be the best thing for our family. Love your relatable content!
Love this. It’s so true, it’s hard to come across people who do what they’re doing out of principle and not just based on how things make them feel. I’ve found that one of the best things about motherhood is that I keep learning how to put my children before me and sacrifice for them. I think the most beautiful people in the world are the ones that willingly suffer for the good of another person, so I am thankful to have the opportunity to become a little more like that. And I think trying to shift our mindset about things can definitely make it a more joyful experience, but there’s always going to be hard aspects of being a mom even if we love it.
I relate to you so much. I have two boys close in age to yours. I quit my tech career to stay with my kids and I don’t really enjoy it. I kept feeling like I’m losing myself more and more to motherhood. Sometimes I don’t recognize myself anymore I don’t know this version of me.
Seeing your videos made me feel that I’m not alone. I felt confident to talk about how I feel without fearing people opinions specially I got both sides of opinions before some people will tell me to get a job others will tell me I should be thankful for being able to stay with my kids. I know I’m doing the right thing for my kids and I love it for them to have a stay home mom but you made me realize that I could help myself. I started looking for activities and hobbies to fill my cup. You are the one that inspired me to start being the main character in my life again. Thank you for being you and sharing that with us 💕
My husband is the stay at home parent and I think he could relate a lot to this. I sometimes ask if he'd be happier with a different arrangement and he always says that, out of all the options, him being the SAHP is the least depressing. He's still generally unhappy, but it's what makes the most sense for our family right now and our son loves being with dad all day :)
I am sorry that the critical comments have seemed to put you down, I completely understand why it would affect you. I've been watching you from when you vlogged your first son's baby phase in your smaller home, and you've always had such a nice and normal life that really made me enjoy watching your content. We don't have the same lifestyles because although I was a SAHM for the first 2 years w/ my daughter, I am now a law student and she is in daycare so it is very crazy and I do feel guilty for always being busy, so I applaud you for taking that sacrifice to stay home with your kids even when you know that you could maybe enjoy life more if you had time away from them. I hope you don't let the criticism impact your ability to create such meaningful content.
You are spot on about there just not being room to be a sacrificial mum. I work outside the home and my kiddo goes to daycare. I don’t really love what I do but we just can’t afford for me to stay home. Thank you for creating a space for all the moms doing their best!
I also love that you are a voice for the sacrifice-making moms. I relate so hard to you and really appreciate your videos too
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Two things
1. Your hair i need to know what you use and
2. Seeing so many other moms relate to you makes me feel so happy and less alone
It’s actually so funny that you talked about your under eyes. As I was watching I thought to myself “her complexion is so bright and she has NO eye bags. I wish my eyes looked like that! “, and then you went into a whole talk about your eye bags 😂.
I really really appreciate you talking about your experience with staying at home. I've gotten comments like you have and it's super helpful to know I'm not alone.
I just somehow found my way to your channel. As someone further down the road than you are with staying home with your kids...mine are 14, 12, and 9 already. Let me tell you that I did NOT always feel comfortable at what I was doing. Society doesn't really allow women to do this without extreme amounts of guilt or condescension. People that didn't know me would make comments about my work ethic, my marriage, my parenting choices, my financial situation, my wasted potential or my intelligence all based on the fact that I just wanted to raise my own kids that I brought into the world. No wonder we struggle with our self worth. Now that my kids are older (and I have more time to myself because constantly being "on" doesn't really allow for anything...I didn't even have energy left over to think about how I was feeling I was so burned out) I know that I made the right choice. Nothing about raising kids is easy for anyone whether you stay home, work part time, work full time...we are all just trying to make the best choices we can with our values, our financial situations, and personal goals. I chose to stay at home because I basically did not trust daycare and am very committed to healthy food, not necessarily because I thought it suited me. I chose, I learned, I did and continue to do the best that I can, I cherish the good days, I survive the bad days. I wish you peace.
Firstly, I love the look without the glasses. Secondly, yes! I feel the same way about being a SAHM. I don't love it and most days feel like I'm just trying to survive. Sacrifice isn't a popular concept at the moment and that's why our society is turning to excesses and will ultimately fail. You're amazing, keep it up. ❤
Im watching your videos, not in order, but I’m a relatively new subscriber (a couple weeks now). I actually found your channel when you were pregnant with your first. You came up on my home feed and because we’ve been ttc, I’m loving pregnancy vlogs, but now watching the more recent videos, I appreciate your channel a lot. I love how raw and honest they are. It’s a lot of chaos but I enjoy that. I like your personality and I like the way you come across and talk! Looking forward to watching more videos ❤
Little late to the party, and I want to say, that I am so glad that I found you. For the first time I feel understood in me not loving the stay-at-home mum thing, but still doing it for my son. Thank you! I really appreciate your perspective.
What a great point! There are so many different ways to approach motherhood and it blows my mind when people act like there isn’t. Your boys are lucky to have you❤
It’s the “perfect” for me when Rook doesn’t want the food at the end😅 Thank you for sharing real moments of your life🫶🏼❤️ - From a mama of 2 small children
It's the same sometimes with breastfeeding. Any time I would vent about some struggles with breastfeeding people would tell me to just stop. It can be hard but I'm still glad I do it.
I love that you admit to it being a sacrifice. My husband in particular hates this "do what makes you happy" societal pressure. He loves to say, "First and foremost, do what is responsible."
I see this type of mom shaming even in other scenarios, maybe not so much in terms of staying at home, but a lot of moms who cosleep will be told exactly this. Instead of letting people vent a bit or share some hardships, the answer is "Well you shouldn't have had so many kids so close then" or "well then just sleep train them, my kids would cry for hours and we have a good relationship anyways!" type of stuff. Or with how difficult it can be to homecook meals for a huge family or avoid certain items "Just buy from the store"
I feel like many of this shame-hate is actually their own guilt or shame on the decisions they have made as parents (or people in general, being selfish instead of more sacrificial and overall "better" people), because it implies the decisions they have made are sub-optimal and it shows them that there were options and measures even these people could've taken.
So ignore the haters, and we're so happy to listen to you love on your kids amidst the struggles as well ! :)
I think it’s good to do hard things ❤ acknowledging something is hard and doing anyway is commendable. I think your boys will be very grateful and appreciative when they are old enough to understand ❤
I love your videos. Unfortunately for anyone online is that folks are quick to condemn and use zero nuance. Two things can be true at once. I personally am a SAHM and love it, but I also feel like it is a sacrifice I make for my kids. I do enjoy the tradlife to be fair.
I totally believe you are happy. These days folks expect their lives to be constant glee, comfort and zero sacrifice but that isnt reality. You can be incredibly happy while still having adversity or not being exactly comfortable or in a state of perfect trancendance.
Life is messy, life ebs and flows.
Thank you for sharing this little glimpse into your life, it really helps me not feel alone!
Motherhood is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and it really does take a lot of sacrifice. Thanks for sharing that and not shying away from it!
I’ve been loving your content lately! You are one of the most “real” and relatable mom content creators I’ve found.
PLEASE share where your jeans and sweater are from in this video!? 😍
I really appreciate seeing the transition from working mom to stay at home mom because I have so much guilt when I don’t work. We’re still getting my husband through school so I get guilt from working and being away from the kids, but at the same time guilt in the phases where I’m not working. Finding a balance is so hard and I love seeing how you find that balance on the good and the bad days.
Hell yeah, your content is relatable even to mums in different situations. I am on my pregnancy leave, and I am a SAHM for one year, and feel a lot of your struggles, and it helps me feel less alone. Mom identity crises is such a game changer.
I love your jeans!! Where do you get them from?
I'm a full-time working mom. Moms sacrifice a lot with everything. I would love to be home with my kids. While work is fulfilling, I miss my kids. Summer is tough because I see how SAHM moms can do a ton of activities with their time. I wouldn't change anything, but im with you in that life has complex choices.
Ashley, I love your content and think you’re extremely thoughtful, articulate and honest about your motherhood journey. I’m sorry you’ve received negative comments about your choice to stay at home.
I think what this conversation is sometimes missing is the perspective of moms who go to work full time, put their kids in childcare, and genuinely feel that is also the best choice for their children (not just them).
To put a personal spin on this: I am currently pregnant with numbers 2&3 (a huge shock; in the words of Monica from Friends: “we only ordered one!”) and due to the incredibly high cost of childcare where I live, am facing the very real possibility that I might have to take a career break after this next maternity leave and stay home with my kids. This saddens me, not because of leaving my job (though I do love what I do), but because I feel guilt about removing my child from an environment they love, and not giving my younger kids the same opportunities as the older one.
I see how my toddler adores her nursery, how much she learns every day, the activities she does and relationships she has that I could simply not facilitate as a SAHM.
I know every family is different and all moms should be trusted to know and make the best decision for their kids and their family (as I’m sure you have); I just feel that there is often a blanket assumption that staying at home with a parent is best for kids (hence why it’s often presented as a “sacrifice”) and that going to work full time is somehow robbing them of something, when in fact it can give as well. Even some of the other comments on this video have implied that moms who work outside the home and use childcare feel (or should feel?) guilt about it, which doesn’t ring true for many women I know.
Just another perspective to throw in the pot. 😊
I totally agree with you and I’m sorry if I didn’t make myself clear. I think full-time work with full-time daycare is a great option for a lot of parents, it’s just not for me! For my family I feel it’s best to stay home with them but of course part time preschool is still a part of my story 😄
@@AshleyEmbers Oh no need to apologise- I think it’s great you know what’s best for your family! I just don’t see my pov represented much in these discussions online, though irl most of my friends feel the same as me, so there’s a disconnect there. Just thought it was interesting.
I am about ten years older than you and live in the UK (though I’m Canadian like you) so maybe there’s a generational/cultural element to it. Who knows!
I want to say, we have different lifestyles and different life choices and I always appreciate your honesty and willingness to choose to do what you do even if it isn't the most fulfilling thing to you.
Not every mom process motherhood the same way it’s a lot of changes you go through and it can be a lot , as one of those mom’s, I really appreciated your refreshing content 🩵 your doing an amazing job 🤗
Wow, you look gorgeous without the glasses! I mean you look great with them too, but being without them you can really see your beautiful features 👌🏻 And I agree about there not being a space for mothers who choose to stay home with their kids but don’t necessarily fully enjoy it. I’m in the same boat. I’m doing it because I believe it’s what’s best for my kids but somedays it gets really hard. Feels good to know I’m not the only one 🙂
I’m a new mom and I have found your recent content very relatable and admire your honesty.
I love your videos and I appreciate you making the sacrifice without loving every minute, because that's how I feel, too!
I love the ole-henrikson eye cream! I also admire you so much for balancing motherhood and content creation. It's so hard. I do more UGC and have either no time or no inspiration to make my own content anymore. you're doing amazing.
I love your glasses on you! I understand the need for a change sometimes I feel like that as well
I am sure your choice(s) do feel very isolating at times because people LOVE to give moms hate. But know there are tones of moms out there like you who are doing what they think is best for their kids/family, even if its not what they personally love or feel fulfilled by. Many moms would love to stay home full time with their baby/kids but cannot afford to. Other moms would love to return to work, but cannot find/afford appropriate childcare etc. Just know, you are not alone in what you are experiencing! As long as your choices make sense for you and your family, thats all that matters!
Thank you so much for sharing your journey ❤️ I feel exactly the same… I am a work from home mom that makes the sacrifice for my kid! And if it wasn’t for you I would think I was completely alone in these feelings! It’s not something I always enjoy but I do it for my son. I was the last kid being fetched from daycare everyday at like 6pm and I swore I would do whatever I could to not let that be my kid… I know it is a means to a must in most cases but I HATED being that kid! Thank you x
Hi! I’m in your same boat! I don’t enjoy all the time. It’s hard for me. One the other hand I would much rather take care of my children than someone else taking care of them. I Can make the sacrifice right now. I Can give of myself right now. I am not the most important person in our family. I know this is the best for our family and for my kids. This is how my family works and i am willing to make that sacrifice.
Don’t listen to those people since they are discouraging a good sacrifice that you want to do ❤ If you think you can make it work give it your all. It will be worth it when you look back.
I’ve recently love the quote “choose your regret”. We all have regrets in life, so we might as well decide what we want to regret. I don’t want to look back and regret not being with my kids more. I will not regret staying home in the long run.
I think our society is really inclined into instant gratification, and not being uncomfortable. Motherhood is uncomfortable. So we gotta choose what we can realistically do.
I love your realness. I don’t always agree with you but that’s fine. I can learn so much from a different point of view. And when I don’t I move on. I am so sorry you are getting negativity, I think the anonymity of online comments makes it so easy for people to say such unhinged things.
Also, glasses or no glasses you look beautiful ❤
Thanks for articulating this. I don’t like to say it’s a sacrifice being home because it’s where I choose to be and wouldn’t rather be working with a child. But it’s not like… FUN for me. I don’t enjoy the random toddler things I go to do because they under stimulate me to the point where my head actually hurts. I hate cooking too, but I’m not bad at it and try to get better, same as you. I don’t think me being super content and fulfilled is part of the job. It’s just doing what is honestly scientifically best. I’m not as maternal as I thought I was. But I have always had the pull to stay home, even before I got married. Even if I do end up homeschooling for a few years, I think this is just an absurdly short amount of time and can’t think of a more important place to be.
Thanks for your content. I do enjoy the content of other mothers who are cartwheeling and baking bread etc because it makes me feel more lighthearted about my position, but it’s good to see someone like me too.
I don't usually comment but I need to say this. You say what everybody wants to say but don't. I don't think anybody is happy every second with any decision they make, and in my opinion you try to achieve the most difficult balance, and you're actually doing pretty great at it. I know I will want something very similar to what you have, so it's refreshing and encouraging for me to see how you do it, how real you are about it all. Nobody wants to see perfect, nobody wants someone to say "I chose a and I always like it", life is not like that for me with almost any decision and I think I'm in the majority. Also, doing things because it aligns with your values is a very valid reason, even if you don't always enjoy it, I think if we always needed to feel like doing something we wouldn't have a life, or relationships or community. Life choices are based on many factors, and one can see you're living through your values, and many times enjoying it, but not always, trying to be ambitious and trying to take care of your needs, it's aspirational! Lots of love, I love your videos, since before you were pregnant, and this place needs someone like you! :)
Biossance has a great eye cream! It’s done wonders for my bags. I have really dark under eyes and it’s helped so much.
Thank you so much for this! I have been feeling the same way ❤
The world seems very much on focusing on "me first" and doing what makes "me" happy. To a degree you have to allow yourself time to pour into your own cup because you can never pour into others if you yourself have nothing. But the world doesn't understand how much JOY (which is stronger and longer lasting then HAPPY) can come from serving others. Putting others first. Treating and giving to others the way you want to be treated. Jesus said it so many years ago and it's the truest thing. I'm a stay at home mom to 2 girls very similar to your boys age. My youngest just turned 9 months and life is so much easier then it was a few months ago. It's hard to explain how some days can be so hard and you're depleted, yet you know in your heart this is where you should be and you wouldn't want to do anything else.
Amen 💓
@@Morsey_2 ❤️
Sacrifice is so true, it’s so hard. I am a “working stay at home mom” I have a full time remote job. There are so many days I wish my kids were in daycare, but unfortunately I can’t afford it. I also can’t afford to not work. It’s really challenging. There isn’t a easy solution for most people
What do you use for skincare on your whole face? How do you keep your skin clear?
Noone should really be commenting on anyone’s motherhood journey but in talking about sacrificial motherhood lets not forget about the moms who SACRIFICE and go back to work way too early not because they wanted to feel good but because in this economy not everyone is blessed to be able to provide for their kids on one income.
You also have the moms who put their kids in daycare, and go to work full time, but would rather either stay home or work part time! (Due to financial reasons)
Totally! I just feel like the online presence is either one side or the other. Staying home and loving it or working full time and loving it.
I loved watching your videos while I was on my 15 month mat leave. I loved being home with my baby but it’s not easy and mental health wise I struggled a lot. I totally get where you are coming from and I love your perspective! I’m back at work now and I personally feel more balanced but I would love to work less hours to be home with him more. That’s what I’m hoping for in my near future.
I agree with you. I think it’d be easier for me to work my 9-5, have a set schedule everyday and make money and come in everyday expecting how my day will look pretty much. Stay at home mom sounds way more difficult emotionally/physically. But I definitely think it will be more fulfilling for me and there is a responsibility I owe my children and I should sacrifice for there well being. It’s for a season of life, it’s not forever you’ll be doing a 24/7 sacrifice. I think that the world has become so adult focused and we put our own needs and wants and desires above our children. It’s all “what’s best for mom” at the end of the day. I really think we need to create a culture that is more willing to put aside there selfishness for a short time for their children and that be OKAY. I agree with you on the middle ground of mothering
Where do you shop for Clothes? I like your outfits
The idea of "just send them off if you're not happy and work full time" is so absurd. People shouldn't have children for others to raise. If someone is able to stay home, then they should. I am 36 years old and just had my first child almost two years ago. Prior to having my daughter, I worked full time at a company that I have been with for 16 years. I was proud of that accomplishment, but I knew once my husband and I started a family, my life was going to change. It is no longer about me. I am a stay at home mom. Is it hard? Yes. Is it SO different from my professional life? Very. Am I always happy doing this? No, not always, but my husband and I are true believers in the importance of one of us being the primary caregiver for our children. We believe this is what is best for them, their wellbeing, and their development. Nothing will ever change my mind on making this decision, even if I have hard days.
Anyways, I appreciate your content and what you have to share about the "stay at home mom" life. Keep it up. You're doing a good job. :)
Yes 💯 !!! I believe Children are a blessing from the Lord and I believe if we have children, we should raise them-no one else.
About sacrifices: I think there is no way one can have kids without making sacrifices. Also everything has two sides. So even if you enjoy doing something in general or do something willingly because you thing it's the right thing to do it probably isn't always and just a pleasure. It's a weird idea to look at life and expect it to be about fun only. For example if you did take a job and spend less time with your kids maybe you wouldn't feel fantastic about it all the time either because you're missing out on time with your kids or because you're stressed switching between job demands and the demands of your kids. Maybe the job wouldn't be fun all the time either. I mean, if you were indeed very miserable without a job and all the time with your kids then it might be better for you and your kids if you changed what made you miserable. But if you just feel a little miserable every now and then... well I guess that's just life? Hopefully this makes sense. So talking about it and finding compromises is a good way of handling your situation. :-)
I actually think that most moms “sacrifice” by staying home with the kids. Raising those little troublemakers takes the most patience and love than anything else you’ll ever do. Kids teach you to be selfless… of course there are those who are not willing to learn that lesson and instead just indulge in whatever their desires are. But putting down women who are willing to learn those lessons and come out a better person in the end? Makes no sense.
I don’t think she was putting them down? She said some women find a lot of fulfillment in staying home. Many want to have kids and stay home from the get go. This isn’t directed for them. It’s directed to the moms who realize this is an important job they want to do but they might prefer to be doing something else. Her experience is that she’s struggled with feelings of not wanting to do this. She still does because she’s willing to do this sacrifice.
I think she’d agree with you that kids teach you to be selfless and that’s why she shares her journey, so that we don’t feel bad when we get lost in motherhood or struggle with odd feelings
@@cinthiaham1517 exactly. She said the opposite so I was agreeing with her
I’m sorry I haven’t comment every time I have felt so understood by someone.
Thank you for being THE mom that tells another truth
Thanks for being so open and making me feel seen
Keep up your amazing job as a mom
Keep up trying to find yourself in ways you know how.
You are awesome
💚
I don’t think you are giving yourself, or at least outwardly projecting, the credit you deserve. I wonder if “fulfillment” is the best word. Because it seems like it’s just not fun to you. Boring, even. But it also seems like you understand the value of it, you find purpose in doing so, and you see and experience the rewards of doing it. That appears to be by definition, “fulfillment” which is, in turn, achieving rewarding results for your family. But it’s just not fun work! It’s not your dream job. You are sure you would find more excitement and stimulation elsewhere. That’s totally fair
Oooooo wow you’ve given me a lot to think about
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Can someone explain to me why daycare (high quality, licensed, city run centre) is not considered a good option for kids 18 months and older? Genuine question as this mentality is not at all present in my social circle, neighbourhood etc. Instead, daycare, socialization, and early childhood educators are highly valued beyond their ability to allow parents to work. Totally not being defensive about my choice or judgemental about SAHM, I genuinely don’t understand :)
I've listened to a podcast on this, several actually, and the reason I found as to why is, especially during the first 3 years of a childs life, they need that ONE person. They are not really at that age where they need to form a bunch of relationships with others. That comes when they get older. In the first 3 years, they are learning to love. Not socialize, etc. They are looking for that main person that feeds them, changes their diapers, gets them down for sleep, etc, and when they are in daycare they don't get that full time one on one with someone. They get bits and pieces of attention between one, two, or three people, not really being given the opportunity to form a solid bond like they need to. Kids need their momma. Or whoever their main primary caregiver is. After 3 or 4 years, that's when they learn a lot through play, and even around 5 they'll learn by socialize and education.
@@DaniellePalomado Thanks for the info! I know that there is not consensus in the academic literature on the effects of daycare on parental attachment so it’s very interesting to hear the more pop culture take on the topic :)
We unfortunately live in a “me me me” society nowadays. People are just projecting onto you because they feel guilty about putting there kids in daycare for 8 hours a day.
Nice wine bottles 😉
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Damn. Your kids are noisy while you neglect them.