Thank you, this was encouraging to hear someone with a similar story. I am also 28, and from an environmental science background. Currently I’m a “homemaker” without kids due to chronic pain. Leaving my career was difficult but like you, I told myself it will only be for a part of my life and then I can figure out what I want to do later. I do enjoy staying at home but sometimes I still feel sad I don’t have a career
Rather than meal planning meaning you are not carefree, I see meal planning as something that allows you to be carefree! Instead of scrambling everyday to figure out what to eat, you put a little mental effort upfront once a week so that you can enjoy the rest of your week without that daily stress of “what do I make!??” It’s like setting yourself up for success so you can be present and relaxed in your day to day :)
I identify with you so much. I had my 1st child in August last year. I had just graduated with my MFA a year before and had been working nonstop that entire time after and then got pregnant and was too ill to go to work so I was suddenly at a stand still. I was able to get back out to work 4 months later and then found out I was pregnant again now and back home I went, pregnant and sick and no job at the moment. It's daunting and I'm definitely lost and confused😂
You are a wonderful example Ashley! I wish more moms would just wait a few more years to get back to their careers… (which isnt always possible) Those first few years are so so precious and important for you and your kids! Don’t feel weird about not being that “typical” homemaker-mom with an apron and a souerdough starter in the kitchen… you do such a great job! ♥️
This sounds SO much like me, thank you! I have been in the same boat as you with the 'apron wearing, homeschooling mom of many' online. I love it for them and enjoy watching them on YT, but it's just not me. I have a MSc degree and really enjoyed research, but I also wanted kids young, and did not want to work full time with tiny kids at a daycare, so when I fell pregnant quickly, I quit my job. What I really love, and what has been my sanity-saver is that I started a second Master's (part-time) - it makes me feel like I can use my brain, have adult conversations with class mates and when the kids are in school in a few years, I'll have two career fields to choose from! It can be though, but I love it a lot and wouldn't want to miss it. I get to raise my kids, and have an adult life as well.
Absolutely loved everything you're sharing! Especially the bit about being 28 and realising that there's still so much life in front of you. I personally am feeling really connected to that realization at this moment. I also really resonated with the idea that one is not necessarily "bad at cooking" or a "black thumb". It's so true and so reassuring actually to remember that learning and practicing is a necessary part of becoming good at something, whatever it may be. Thank you!
I can feel the growth and resilience you're accumulating as a result of motherhood, and it's absolutely beautiful and inspiring. I find motherhood to be like a career as well. You're literally investing in your present and future by creating life companions aka your children, you're learning new skills at such a rapid pace, you have a routine, you do provide a lot of value for the people around you - irreplacable value, you're relishing in a sense of belonging far greater than any corporate or small business could provide you with, and the list goes on, and yet I also don't find it sufficiently fulfilling, and I too I'm not sure why LOL Is it because it's not too personal or rather egoistical? Like I can't take credit for how my children are and will turn out, I can only take credit for having fulfilled my responsibilites toward them or not. So the unique, ME as an individual aspect is missing in motherhood I guess. Personally, I've been finding that mystical fulfilling euphoria in digital marketing and ecommerce LOL
I feel the same way as you, wanting a career while also wanting to be home with my kiddos. Both our kids are about the same age and it’s refreshing to see I’m not alone in these feelings.
Thank you for sharing♥️ I have also been struggling to be truly content in letting go of a career in favor for temporarily focusing on homemaking. It's still such a mental hurdle, no matter how temporary the change💔
I left my office management job I got with my environmental degree. Office life not for me, VERY rewarding work tho as I worked with kids. I left that job and have been blessed to not work as I build a new normal (my father passed/we lived together). Thx for sharing for those who are seeking validation for what you do! Love the look/setup 😍
Wow! Thank you for this video. I’m on maternity leave with our second and I’m feeling guilty for not enjoying so much time at home. It resonated with me when you said you’re not the homeschool mom to wear dresses and aprons with a ton of kids around. Lol
This is very interesting to me as I am on the precipice of the same thing. I have a 1,5 year old son and I finished my masters now in something that is my true passion. But I want both.
Sounds like you came to a place of accepting what is and letting partially go of control of what is not yet. I was there for a couple of years, albeit without kids. My partner and I moved to a new state and all of sudden found myself hyperfocused begrudgingly on home life since I hadn’t secured a new job. I resented his ability to flee the scene of homemaking to his job and wished for a thing of my own to continue building. I was so resistant on settling as a homemaker (even though homemaking is not settling… it’s a very critical and important role) but ultimately realized that I was resistant to turning out like my grandmothers and mother, homemaking and giving up on some dreams in priority of their husbands career. Little by little I worked through the anger of cleaning, cooking, and contributing any which way I could (we had a miscarriage in this time) and then I threw myself into renovations and gardening. Like you I learned that if I didn’t know something I just had to learn it to build my skills and knowledge. Seeing my planted seeds sprout was the highlight of my life… moreso than getting my masters and working a job I was good at for 13 1/2 years before moving. Everything small became magnified to find joy in it. Still restless and not willing to “settle” I put my masters to work and got a job… which I then quit after 5 months. Something wasn’t aligning and something else was gnawing at me. I wasn’t living the life I imagined even though the life I imagined was completely attainable right in front of my nose. I realized that once again I was settling. I want kids and a career but I didn’t want them “here” in this big house that I loathe cleaning so remote from family support and away from conveniences which increased a reliance on home cooking. I didn’t want the responsibility of a yard mowing and weeding on the weekends where I’d prefer freedom do do something I actually wanted to sink my teeth in. After a couple of years of gardening and money down the drain it felt somewhat of a dead end. I saw older people shopping for plants (mostly annuals… not perennials) on the weekdays and realized that they were creating the highlights in their current life with plants… but I’m not there yet. All of a sudden it became clear that there was still a seed of life wanting to grow inside me… the life I kept putting on hold for some reason or another. That life was out there. I can accept where I’m at all I want, talking myself into it… meanwhile my life is still waiting for me… the smaller house, with minimal maintenance and yard (maybe a condo is just right), near family support, with a kid or two, my PhD, being a professor which everyone of my mentors and professors seemed to dig out of me, my own business or private practice or joint business with my partner like we talk about. Living near conveniences again and a bustling city that energized to me to be out and about often. Being back home where I can share my hometown big city history with my future kids. I was treating where I was at currently in life as a given. So I’ve come to a new conclusion… try not to settle or put things on hold as much as possible and just make it happen already. Stop delaying and rationalizing and forcing myself to accept. What is settling for me may not be settling for another, what is accepting for me may not be what is acceptance for another… but then again the life, the desires, who I am and want to be for me may not be what is for another… I try to focus on that now. I’m going to see what happens. To sum it up… some people dream of homemaking and staying home with the kids and that is their dream to make happen and some people dream different… acceptance comes when we are at peace with what is. I feel women consistently find themselves at crossroads that men don’t consider. I don’t want to be another generation in my family of backseat dreams unfulfilled. This was the 3rd option I kept in my back pocket like an “option” but truly it was my life… the one I wanted to live but apologetically resigned in lieu of other priorities including that of others. There was a time when wars called for women to work and now there is this time which calls for women to stay home due to industry changes and job scarcity. As women, we still have lives we dreamed of living and that means something. Loved the conversation you put out. It is much needed.
I’m from the uk so obviously idk how things work outside of that, but I’m a stay at home mum with a part time job that works around my partners job. He comes home two days a week at 4 and I go to work at 5 and then finish work at 9pm. That’s been a massive help for me, to get to enjoy the mum life but still having a job and an outside life from just being mum. It’s really helped me feel fulfilled in lots of different avenues, and once my kids are all in full time education I can start thinking about working full time
I appreciate this discussion. I have a foot in both worlds: an apron-wearing future homeschooler as well as a professional (soft) scientist. I work part time from home with two, two and under. In my mind, being a full time homemaker and mom would be the dream but I have a job that I need to do and that I enjoy doing. In many ways I am grateful that I wasn't able to just out-and-out quit working even though time management and making room for "just for me" activities has been a challenge. It's good to have a lifeline to the adult world.
Yes the 'Home making' life is huge on social media now but in my country it's actually rare when mums are at home that many years. Here in Hungary I think we have a sweet spot that you can be home with your kid for 3 years (pay is shit but it's something at least), and at age 3 kids must attend kidergarten. If you have multiple children you can be at home (kid x 3) years but many people make another degree or something while being a SAHM. I'm not a career woman but I like to work. Science is also important for me and gardening is also in my plan. I've been home for almost 2 years and I still think about work a lot. So you're not alone!!! ❤
Hi Ashley, Recently found your channel. So nice to hear you. I love the way you are honest and put everything up how you are feeling. I love that part. I have seen your birth story video...that your 2nd baby was growing behind. I just want to know how he is doing now on growth chart. I am in the same situation now. Could you please make a video on that. Love to hear from you ❤️ 💕 😊
Yeah, also totally not into the "trad life" despite being a SAHM, as I don't feel fully fulfilled solely by motherhood/still desire a career of sorts. Just very uncertain of what that future career path will look like!
Haha I guess I’m a weirdo because I LOOOOVE cleaning 😂😂 and I find so much satisfaction in soap lather, like doing dishes and laundry 👌 and don’t even get me started on dirty water buckets after washing the floors or windows.
Ashley, I am wondering if you can give advice to us new moms. I don't like not leaving the house - but my baby is so adventurous and alert and wants to look around the entire time we are out of the house and will refuse to eat and sleep the entire time(3months old). It's so isolating and lonely. 🥲
Not Ashley but am a STM myself. My eldest could never sleep on the go really as she too was too stimulated by everything and hated the baby carrier. I still got out loads with her but had to be strict about when scheduling outings to make sure I was back for when I would have to put her down for a nap. Like, I would do lunch at someone's house instead of dinner if she still needed a late afternoon nap because otherwise the dinner visit would interfere with her last nap/bedtime.
I understand what you mean. In the early days any outing would throw my little one “off” that it was a struggle the rest of the day when we returned home. Overtired, cranky, disoriented. I would select days I felt that I could handle it and know the next day or two would be dedicated home day to resettle. My baby is a slow grower so I obsessed over his feeds. As he became older and the wake windows increased, it became easier to runout for short bursts (walks, shops, church, coffee run).
Thank you, this was encouraging to hear someone with a similar story. I am also 28, and from an environmental science background. Currently I’m a “homemaker” without kids due to chronic pain. Leaving my career was difficult but like you, I told myself it will only be for a part of my life and then I can figure out what I want to do later. I do enjoy staying at home but sometimes I still feel sad I don’t have a career
Rather than meal planning meaning you are not carefree, I see meal planning as something that allows you to be carefree! Instead of scrambling everyday to figure out what to eat, you put a little mental effort upfront once a week so that you can enjoy the rest of your week without that daily stress of “what do I make!??” It’s like setting yourself up for success so you can be present and relaxed in your day to day :)
I 100% agree! Without meal planning I'd be frazzled, and I don't equate being frazzled with being care free!
I identify with you so much. I had my 1st child in August last year. I had just graduated with my MFA a year before and had been working nonstop that entire time after and then got pregnant and was too ill to go to work so I was suddenly at a stand still. I was able to get back out to work 4 months later and then found out I was pregnant again now and back home I went, pregnant and sick and no job at the moment. It's daunting and I'm definitely lost and confused😂
You are a wonderful example Ashley! I wish more moms would just wait a few more years to get back to their careers… (which isnt always possible) Those first few years are so so precious and important for you and your kids! Don’t feel weird about not being that “typical” homemaker-mom with an apron and a souerdough starter in the kitchen… you do such a great job! ♥️
This sounds SO much like me, thank you! I have been in the same boat as you with the 'apron wearing, homeschooling mom of many' online. I love it for them and enjoy watching them on YT, but it's just not me.
I have a MSc degree and really enjoyed research, but I also wanted kids young, and did not want to work full time with tiny kids at a daycare, so when I fell pregnant quickly, I quit my job. What I really love, and what has been my sanity-saver is that I started a second Master's (part-time) - it makes me feel like I can use my brain, have adult conversations with class mates and when the kids are in school in a few years, I'll have two career fields to choose from!
It can be though, but I love it a lot and wouldn't want to miss it. I get to raise my kids, and have an adult life as well.
I should maybe add that I live in Europe, which makes studying pretty cheap... I pay a couple hundred euro's a year in tuition.
Absolutely loved everything you're sharing! Especially the bit about being 28 and realising that there's still so much life in front of you. I personally am feeling really connected to that realization at this moment. I also really resonated with the idea that one is not necessarily "bad at cooking" or a "black thumb". It's so true and so reassuring actually to remember that learning and practicing is a necessary part of becoming good at something, whatever it may be. Thank you!
I can feel the growth and resilience you're accumulating as a result of motherhood, and it's absolutely beautiful and inspiring. I find motherhood to be like a career as well. You're literally investing in your present and future by creating life companions aka your children, you're learning new skills at such a rapid pace, you have a routine, you do provide a lot of value for the people around you - irreplacable value, you're relishing in a sense of belonging far greater than any corporate or small business could provide you with, and the list goes on, and yet I also don't find it sufficiently fulfilling, and I too I'm not sure why LOL Is it because it's not too personal or rather egoistical? Like I can't take credit for how my children are and will turn out, I can only take credit for having fulfilled my responsibilites toward them or not. So the unique, ME as an individual aspect is missing in motherhood I guess.
Personally, I've been finding that mystical fulfilling euphoria in digital marketing and ecommerce LOL
I feel the same way as you, wanting a career while also wanting to be home with my kiddos. Both our kids are about the same age and it’s refreshing to see I’m not alone in these feelings.
Thank you for sharing♥️ I have also been struggling to be truly content in letting go of a career in favor for temporarily focusing on homemaking. It's still such a mental hurdle, no matter how temporary the change💔
I left my office management job I got with my environmental degree.
Office life not for me, VERY rewarding work tho as I worked with kids.
I left that job and have been blessed to not work as I build a new normal (my father passed/we lived together). Thx for sharing for those who are seeking validation for what you do! Love the look/setup 😍
Wow! Thank you for this video. I’m on maternity leave with our second and I’m feeling guilty for not enjoying so much time at home. It resonated with me when you said you’re not the homeschool mom to wear dresses and aprons with a ton of kids around. Lol
This is very interesting to me as I am on the precipice of the same thing. I have a 1,5 year old son and I finished my masters now in something that is my true passion. But I want both.
Sounds like you came to a place of accepting what is and letting partially go of control of what is not yet. I was there for a couple of years, albeit without kids. My partner and I moved to a new state and all of sudden found myself hyperfocused begrudgingly on home life since I hadn’t secured a new job. I resented his ability to flee the scene of homemaking to his job and wished for a thing of my own to continue building. I was so resistant on settling as a homemaker (even though homemaking is not settling… it’s a very critical and important role) but ultimately realized that I was resistant to turning out like my grandmothers and mother, homemaking and giving up on some dreams in priority of their husbands career. Little by little I worked through the anger of cleaning, cooking, and contributing any which way I could (we had a miscarriage in this time) and then I threw myself into renovations and gardening. Like you I learned that if I didn’t know something I just had to learn it to build my skills and knowledge. Seeing my planted seeds sprout was the highlight of my life… moreso than getting my masters and working a job I was good at for 13 1/2 years before moving. Everything small became magnified to find joy in it. Still restless and not willing to “settle” I put my masters to work and got a job… which I then quit after 5 months. Something wasn’t aligning and something else was gnawing at me.
I wasn’t living the life I imagined even though the life I imagined was completely attainable right in front of my nose. I realized that once again I was settling. I want kids and a career but I didn’t want them “here” in this big house that I loathe cleaning so remote from family support and away from conveniences which increased a reliance on home cooking. I didn’t want the responsibility of a yard mowing and weeding on the weekends where I’d prefer freedom do do something I actually wanted to sink my teeth in. After a couple of years of gardening and money down the drain it felt somewhat of a dead end. I saw older people shopping for plants (mostly annuals… not perennials) on the weekdays and realized that they were creating the highlights in their current life with plants… but I’m not there yet. All of a sudden it became clear that there was still a seed of life wanting to grow inside me… the life I kept putting on hold for some reason or another. That life was out there. I can accept where I’m at all I want, talking myself into it… meanwhile my life is still waiting for me… the smaller house, with minimal maintenance and yard (maybe a condo is just right), near family support, with a kid or two, my PhD, being a professor which everyone of my mentors and professors seemed to dig out of me, my own business or private practice or joint business with my partner like we talk about. Living near conveniences again and a bustling city that energized to me to be out and about often. Being back home where I can share my hometown big city history with my future kids. I was treating where I was at currently in life as a given. So I’ve come to a new conclusion… try not to settle or put things on hold as much as possible and just make it happen already. Stop delaying and rationalizing and forcing myself to accept. What is settling for me may not be settling for another, what is accepting for me may not be what is acceptance for another… but then again the life, the desires, who I am and want to be for me may not be what is for another… I try to focus on that now. I’m going to see what happens.
To sum it up… some people dream of homemaking and staying home with the kids and that is their dream to make happen and some people dream different… acceptance comes when we are at peace with what is. I feel women consistently find themselves at crossroads that men don’t consider. I don’t want to be another generation in my family of backseat dreams unfulfilled. This was the 3rd option I kept in my back pocket like an “option” but truly it was my life… the one I wanted to live but apologetically resigned in lieu of other priorities including that of others. There was a time when wars called for women to work and now there is this time which calls for women to stay home due to industry changes and job scarcity. As women, we still have lives we dreamed of living and that means something. Loved the conversation you put out. It is much needed.
I’m from the uk so obviously idk how things work outside of that, but I’m a stay at home mum with a part time job that works around my partners job. He comes home two days a week at 4 and I go to work at 5 and then finish work at 9pm. That’s been a massive help for me, to get to enjoy the mum life but still having a job and an outside life from just being mum. It’s really helped me feel fulfilled in lots of different avenues, and once my kids are all in full time education I can start thinking about working full time
I appreciate this discussion. I have a foot in both worlds: an apron-wearing future homeschooler as well as a professional (soft) scientist. I work part time from home with two, two and under. In my mind, being a full time homemaker and mom would be the dream but I have a job that I need to do and that I enjoy doing. In many ways I am grateful that I wasn't able to just out-and-out quit working even though time management and making room for "just for me" activities has been a challenge. It's good to have a lifeline to the adult world.
Yes the 'Home making' life is huge on social media now but in my country it's actually rare when mums are at home that many years. Here in Hungary I think we have a sweet spot that you can be home with your kid for 3 years (pay is shit but it's something at least), and at age 3 kids must attend kidergarten. If you have multiple children you can be at home (kid x 3) years but many people make another degree or something while being a SAHM. I'm not a career woman but I like to work. Science is also important for me and gardening is also in my plan. I've been home for almost 2 years and I still think about work a lot. So you're not alone!!! ❤
Hi Ashley,
Recently found your channel. So nice to hear you. I love the way you are honest and put everything up how you are feeling. I love that part. I have seen your birth story video...that your 2nd baby was growing behind. I just want to know how he is doing now on growth chart. I am in the same situation now. Could you please make a video on that. Love to hear from you ❤️ 💕 😊
I love your new title slide!! ❤
Yeah, also totally not into the "trad life" despite being a SAHM, as I don't feel fully fulfilled solely by motherhood/still desire a career of sorts. Just very uncertain of what that future career path will look like!
your hair is beautiful!
Haha I guess I’m a weirdo because I LOOOOVE cleaning 😂😂 and I find so much satisfaction in soap lather, like doing dishes and laundry 👌 and don’t even get me started on dirty water buckets after washing the floors or windows.
I love this!
I hope you have a plan for the future in case your marriage like 50% ends.
Ashley, I am wondering if you can give advice to us new moms. I don't like not leaving the house - but my baby is so adventurous and alert and wants to look around the entire time we are out of the house and will refuse to eat and sleep the entire time(3months old). It's so isolating and lonely. 🥲
Not Ashley but am a STM myself. My eldest could never sleep on the go really as she too was too stimulated by everything and hated the baby carrier. I still got out loads with her but had to be strict about when scheduling outings to make sure I was back for when I would have to put her down for a nap. Like, I would do lunch at someone's house instead of dinner if she still needed a late afternoon nap because otherwise the dinner visit would interfere with her last nap/bedtime.
I understand what you mean. In the early days any outing would throw my little one “off” that it was a struggle the rest of the day when we returned home. Overtired, cranky, disoriented. I would select days I felt that I could handle it and know the next day or two would be dedicated home day to resettle. My baby is a slow grower so I obsessed over his feeds. As he became older and the wake windows increased, it became easier to runout for short bursts (walks, shops, church, coffee run).