Hi! I’m a 19 year old BW and a college student, and here’s my point of view: I understand broke and abusive men come in all colors, and you need to be discreet always. But the women in my family were all assaulted, belittled, and talked down by BM (not all but a big wide majority of them). Recently, I’m dating a white man who attends the same class and club as me. He approached me and asked to join his study group, and later on we got closer and closer. He’s a metalhead but he’s studying to be an engineer, he’s really good at electric guitar, he works at a guitar shop, he hates drugs, and his family is really sweet and accepting! He’s also autistic and Christian just like me :-) I love him a lot and I’m praying to God if he’s the one Jesus set me up for. Black women, I’ll say this time and time again to PLEASE go where you’re appreciated. For real. Whether you date in or date out, know that struggle love is out and accepted love is in.
Dating is hard for anyone that has strong, healthy boundaries and goals. Think about that. Strong, healthy boundaries and goals. How many ppl we know are like that in their 20s? 30s? These are unfortunately RARE qualities in the dating arena. And the sad truth is not everyone will find that amazing partner. It's statically impossible ❤✌
I would say as far as age range I would try 26-29 as a sweet spot. 💕 Usually, at that age you have a lot in common and you able to find someone to grow old with. You are absolutely right about not dating someone who isn’t financially where you are. A man who isn’t financially satisfied will be a miserable partner.
Just found your channel and love the videos I’ve seen so far! I’m 28 and got married last year. In my early to mid 20’s, I was on the apps and went on too many dates to count. I learned a lot about myself and met some interesting people in the process, but it was when I gave all the apps up and put it in God’s hands that I met my husband. I know it sounds cheesy, but I decided to take at least 6 months off the apps to reset and just focus on myself. I was about 5 months into this when my aunt texted me and said she and her husband wanted me to meet someone. We all went on a double date and I knew that night that I didn’t need to go on another first date. It was just easy and peaceful with him and we had the same core values in common. Flash forward 3 years and we’re married with a baby on the way. I know it can feel hopeless and like there’s no good men left but keep your mind open and trust God’s timing. It will happen when it’s meant to and maybe just when you’re taking a break from it all.
I feel bad for the good young girls and guys. It's going to be tougher to weed until you find your mate smh But not impossible ❤ stay true to yourselves!
I am 22 and do not do casual relationships… I am a virgin saving myself for marriage… I date older, too. I’ve found they actually respect boundaries more & do take dating more seriously than guys below 29ish 30ish
Such a good and relevant topic. I dont date anymore, because there is no guy who is honest and there is a illusion of toomany options because of the acces overload.
I don't either I tried to go out on a date with a man earlier this year. It was not good the chemistry and compatibility. So I have no desire to date anymore.
I also feel like social media ruined dating also people feel like they have soo many options and still have direct access to an ex or someone they were once stuck on. I'll just settle for finding love the regular way being out and about living my life and just casually stumbling across someone
Hey. I just turned 30 and i can say you are very very mature for your age. At least that’s what im getting by watching your videos ☺️ but also my boyfriend is only 26 and so much more mature than a lot of other ‘boys’ in their 30s. Age really is just a number hehe
I know the common synopsis of dating is that “it’s hard or impossible” but you really do have the power to change the story you tell yourself about dating and finding someone who wants what you want. I believe there are plenty of possible romantic partners and I believe there are plenty of them who actively want the same as you. But at the same time, societal pressures can make you uncomfortable 😢
Exactly in my experience talking to black men in their 30s (I’ve been doing this since 25 and I’m 27 now) wasn’t that much better of an experience. They were either unhappy in their current relationship using me to emotionally cheat and have “casual sex/flings” with. Or they think they’re are the prize and expect the woman to plan & chase after them. And ridiculed me for living with family still, always chanting at me to move out & get my own place but did NOTHING to help. The next time a man wants to fix his mouth giving input about my living situation and not do anything to help me is getting blocked. So I decided to stop dating all together. It’s difficult when still under your family’s roof. You get no privacy and be asked “where are you going to or why are wearing that?” TO DEATH. I accomplished switching to an IT career but I’m still low income and need to pick up another job so I can invest, travel, clear my skin, and maybe buy an investment property
Im bi and the dating pool on both sides are trash. It feels like running through a crowd of zombies and instead of brains, they want punani. It’s really discouraging and hard to deal with when you just want to love someone and not fantasize about them. Everyone wants more than one I honestly believe our generation may end up having a record breaking decline in marriages and long term relationships
Recently single, not really dating again yet but have been absolutely put off of dating because of all the horrible stories and personal experiences. Men approach me wanting hook ups or are involved with other women. I am just focusing on myself for now.
Yes it is I’m single with no kids and it’s hard to find a meaningful serious relationship. The men get on my damn nerves they make me sick. All the sleeping around is played out. Nowadays most people are users . I’ve been celibate and stopped dating. I have no energy left in me.
Let’s celebrate women and all the women around us and all the abundance we want naturally comes .just go out be you and shine don’t care about looking for any man live your life and they come naturally ,you have to not look for them just be your gorgeous feminine self ,set your standards and the opportunities will arise ,men will never stop pursuing you ever you don’t have to ever feel like you won’t be able to date at any point in life ,just look at it in a perspective that you are not looking for it ,you are waiting because it will happen for you
I am glad you are dating 30 year old men Toni. They should know themselves by then and be more financially prepared for seriousness. Men in their 20s are not ready for that.
I've always preffered dating older. When I dated men who were my age or close to my age I had to deal with them not taking it seriously, cheating, immature behaviour, them not taking their career seriously. Multiple times guys my age that I've dated expressed their insecurities about me having my career figured out when they don't. And a lot of times I also felt like they couldn't lead the relationship. Many times when I tried to let them make decisions they would let me down, lose my trust and I often felt like "lemme just do it myself". Granted you can still come across these things with older men but I generally don't. My current boyfriend is 8 years older than me. I am 29 and he is 37. He has a good stable office job, saves money, he doesn't drink or smoke, doesn't party. He lives a very simple life and he's very responsible. The biggest thing for me is that I trust him to lead our relationship and make good decisions. I'm not afraid that he's going to mess something up then I will need to step in. He has no kids, he's financially responsible and he brings me peace. That is all I've ever wanted.
One thing black women have to understand about these fairy tale love stories is that statistically the odds are stacked against us, especially if we’re race loyal. We literally have a much higher of becoming single mothers than getting married.
I love this video! Dating is extremely hard as a black woman. You vocalized everything that is literally happening now. It feels like it’s doomsday all the time
Good luck. I'm over 40 and a majority of my friends are either single and never married because guys are cheaters and liars or married and extremely unhappy stuck with a husband in the house waiting for their kids to be old enough for them to divorce or they already went through an ugly divorce. I only know a few couples who have been married over 10 years and are happy. The sad part is alot of women who may be married and appear happy have actually went through hell with being cheated on and lied to so are they truly happy? Doubtful. Moral of the story...Most guys don't know how to be faithful or truthful or they just end up being weird or crazy. Lol
At 25 I was dealing with a guy who is 28 years old and he is still very immature. It seems as though you truly do have to wait until they’re 30. I guess something probably clicks in their head, possibly the fact of their own mortality, but they tend to just behave better I noticed I had a huge hangup about the age thing it’s something that I had to let go for the lifestyle that I wanted best decision I have ever made
I definitely agree, when a career women in her early twentys takes time for herself, shes usually involved in her career. Versus a career man in their early 20s they aren’t looking to advance, they want to see what their new found funds can get them with women. Alot of them who never got women before great careers also are very vengeful and are TERRIBLE at courting.
The dating conversations are rough in the black community. The one hands women are rejecting the patriarchy in terms of dating right? But I noticed to many women cling to do many parts of the patriarchy in terms of dating? Masculine/ feminine energy… provider… a man isn't a man unless he play my bills (which involves capitalism but whatever). It's confusing I think we need to get rid of these gendered concepts all together but it seems too many men and women (sadly) are too embedded in these ideologies. Also, i really dislike the term and how it used. It's heavily encoded in homophboia and puts black men into a rigid box of masculinity, which we’re trying to break right? How can we ask more BM to be emotionally intelligent, but when they do anything unconventional were constantly weaponising, the word sassy against them it’s just homophobic and harmful. Also, BM towards BW about us being golddiggers and all these other horrible things, it’s just horrible all the way around. I think everyone’s projecting trauma online and needs to heal or stop absorbing other people’a trauma online. Everyone needs to stop talking on these podcasts at this point.
I’m so glad I found a good guy. Got married. And now we have a family cuz whew it looks tough out there. I’m not that much older than you at 25 (soon to be 26) and there’s alottttt of duds that I hear about from friends and acquaintances
I am 32, with very little dating experience however I do prefer older men. I dated two men in their mid forties, both European but sadly it didn't last. I can't really relate to people my age or even date guys my age, not even a year or two older. Minimum is probably 35, maximum is maybe 50. That is how I feel
my husband is 15 years older then me and i met him at 23. married at 25 and will be a great father and we are both working hard to be a stronger couple for our future family. A lot of women wait 5 - 10 years before having kids with a man. I could not find a young man as established as my husband they are cute but wasn't realistic for my unique circumstances.
I enjoyed your video and discussion about dating! I personally disagree though with the idea of “courting a woman” I think it is outdated. I feel relationships should be equal and people shouldn’t have to do things because of their gender. Gender roles make relationships unequal and unequal relationships have a high chance of failing. Also when a man pays for u he is going to want something in return he may not say it outright though….and that puts pressure on you too. I’m a woman and if I want to go on a date with someone I would pay for them. Then if they want to take me on a date then they could pay. I feel that is better than expecting to be paid for every time. It just wouldn’t feel right either because I am not a child why is an adult paying for me all the time? 😂 I also disagree with this idea of submission. Also the idea of only the woman being submissive. I think it’s a fantasy which can lead to abusive relationship dynamics. What does it rlly mean?? Letting a man control you? And Toni u said you can’t be controlled which I agree with.
Dear Heavenly Father I just pray for Toni that you will send her the husband for a desire from marriage only comes from you lord I rebuke any counterfeits sent by the devil in Jesus mighty anointed name amen
Yeah, unfortunately they can’t help people if they can’t help themselves. They just need to make $$$ and feeding off of other broken people will do the trick. Why would I pay $130 for a 30 minute class about forgiveness? I can just pray to God for that ❤
Yeah sis, sorry, but you feel kinda demang and cocky lol . But the later edit saved it. :D It's not easdy for many guys be at higher financial status, when women have much better education (65F/35M) and are not held back anymore. And I love that for them, but good luck with finding someone who does better than you because every girl is looking for him too.
Also most guys have almost 0 options, you are projecting your experience onto them. It's really hard for everyone, for men to find someone and for women to find good partner in the sea.
Men are typically as loyal as their options (due to their nature) and when they’re at the top, they don’t commit to a relationship. Elevating a man who would most likely leave/ or mentally check out of the relationship once he gets to the top is the most naive thing you can do. He will go after the woman that never looked his way when he was down or sleep around. Unnecessary risk.
Hi! I’m a 19 year old BW and a college student, and here’s my point of view:
I understand broke and abusive men come in all colors, and you need to be discreet always. But the women in my family were all assaulted, belittled, and talked down by BM (not all but a big wide majority of them).
Recently, I’m dating a white man who attends the same class and club as me. He approached me and asked to join his study group, and later on we got closer and closer. He’s a metalhead but he’s studying to be an engineer, he’s really good at electric guitar, he works at a guitar shop, he hates drugs, and his family is really sweet and accepting! He’s also autistic and Christian just like me :-)
I love him a lot and I’m praying to God if he’s the one Jesus set me up for. Black women, I’ll say this time and time again to PLEASE go where you’re appreciated. For real. Whether you date in or date out, know that struggle love is out and accepted love is in.
A bm can say the same about you. Don't get upset.
You are 19 and are already putting wm on a pedestal and talking down on bm based on your experience. WS 101.
Chad wheeler is your boyfriend. You support him.
Dating is hard for anyone that has strong, healthy boundaries and goals.
Think about that.
Strong, healthy boundaries and goals.
How many ppl we know are like that in their 20s? 30s?
These are unfortunately RARE qualities in the dating arena.
And the sad truth is not everyone will find that amazing partner. It's statically impossible ❤✌
I would say as far as age range I would try 26-29 as a sweet spot. 💕 Usually, at that age you have a lot in common and you able to find someone to grow old with. You are absolutely right about not dating someone who isn’t financially where you are. A man who isn’t financially satisfied will be a miserable partner.
Not even lol
Tuh! I'm 26 and dating is @ss!
@@RamboQuellz right lol
Just found your channel and love the videos I’ve seen so far! I’m 28 and got married last year. In my early to mid 20’s, I was on the apps and went on too many dates to count. I learned a lot about myself and met some interesting people in the process, but it was when I gave all the apps up and put it in God’s hands that I met my husband. I know it sounds cheesy, but I decided to take at least 6 months off the apps to reset and just focus on myself. I was about 5 months into this when my aunt texted me and said she and her husband wanted me to meet someone. We all went on a double date and I knew that night that I didn’t need to go on another first date. It was just easy and peaceful with him and we had the same core values in common. Flash forward 3 years and we’re married with a baby on the way. I know it can feel hopeless and like there’s no good men left but keep your mind open and trust God’s timing. It will happen when it’s meant to and maybe just when you’re taking a break from it all.
Amen ❤🎉 Congratulations!
I feel bad for the good young girls and guys. It's going to be tougher to weed until you find your mate smh
But not impossible ❤ stay true to yourselves!
I am 22 and do not do casual relationships… I am a virgin saving myself for marriage… I date older, too. I’ve found they actually respect boundaries more & do take dating more seriously than guys below 29ish 30ish
girll i a 25 and a virgin too!
27 and also waiting until marriage
Such a good and relevant topic. I dont date anymore, because there is no guy who is honest and there is a illusion of toomany options because of the acces overload.
I don't either I tried to go out on a date with a man earlier this year. It was not good the chemistry and compatibility. So I have no desire to date anymore.
I also feel like social media ruined dating also people feel like they have soo many options and still have direct access to an ex or someone they were once stuck on. I'll just settle for finding love the regular way being out and about living my life and just casually stumbling across someone
Hey. I just turned 30 and i can say you are very very mature for your age. At least that’s what im getting by watching your videos ☺️ but also my boyfriend is only 26 and so much more mature than a lot of other ‘boys’ in their 30s. Age really is just a number hehe
I know the common synopsis of dating is that “it’s hard or impossible” but you really do have the power to change the story you tell yourself about dating and finding someone who wants what you want. I believe there are plenty of possible romantic partners and I believe there are plenty of them who actively want the same as you. But at the same time, societal pressures can make you uncomfortable 😢
I was dating a man who was 32 and he was just not sure what he wanted in life. I think men want to have their cake and eat it too.
Exactly in my experience talking to black men in their 30s (I’ve been doing this since 25 and I’m 27 now) wasn’t that much better of an experience. They were either unhappy in their current relationship using me to emotionally cheat and have “casual sex/flings” with. Or they think they’re are the prize and expect the woman to plan & chase after them. And ridiculed me for living with family still, always chanting at me to move out & get my own place but did NOTHING to help. The next time a man wants to fix his mouth giving input about my living situation and not do anything to help me is getting blocked. So I decided to stop dating all together. It’s difficult when still under your family’s roof. You get no privacy and be asked “where are you going to or why are wearing that?” TO DEATH. I accomplished switching to an IT career but I’m still low income and need to pick up another job so I can invest, travel, clear my skin, and maybe buy an investment property
Im bi and the dating pool on both sides are trash. It feels like running through a crowd of zombies and instead of brains, they want punani. It’s really discouraging and hard to deal with when you just want to love someone and not fantasize about them. Everyone wants more than one I honestly believe our generation may end up having a record breaking decline in marriages and long term relationships
Recently single, not really dating again yet but have been absolutely put off of dating because of all the horrible stories and personal experiences. Men approach me wanting hook ups or are involved with other women. I am just focusing on myself for now.
Yes it is I’m single with no kids and it’s hard to find a meaningful serious relationship. The men get on my damn nerves they make me sick. All the sleeping around is played out. Nowadays most people are users . I’ve been celibate and stopped dating. I have no energy left in me.
Let’s celebrate women and all the women around us and all the abundance we want naturally comes .just go out be you and shine don’t care about looking for any man live your life and they come naturally ,you have to not look for them just be your gorgeous feminine self ,set your standards and the opportunities will arise ,men will never stop pursuing you ever you don’t have to ever feel like you won’t be able to date at any point in life ,just look at it in a perspective that you are not looking for it ,you are waiting because it will happen for you
Whew I love this!!! Amen to that👏🏽
I am glad you are dating 30 year old men Toni. They should know themselves by then and be more financially prepared for seriousness. Men in their 20s are not ready for that.
i agree, if someone is meant for you, they will be yours!
I've always preffered dating older. When I dated men who were my age or close to my age I had to deal with them not taking it seriously, cheating, immature behaviour, them not taking their career seriously. Multiple times guys my age that I've dated expressed their insecurities about me having my career figured out when they don't. And a lot of times I also felt like they couldn't lead the relationship. Many times when I tried to let them make decisions they would let me down, lose my trust and I often felt like "lemme just do it myself". Granted you can still come across these things with older men but I generally don't. My current boyfriend is 8 years older than me. I am 29 and he is 37. He has a good stable office job, saves money, he doesn't drink or smoke, doesn't party. He lives a very simple life and he's very responsible. The biggest thing for me is that I trust him to lead our relationship and make good decisions. I'm not afraid that he's going to mess something up then I will need to step in. He has no kids, he's financially responsible and he brings me peace. That is all I've ever wanted.
One thing black women have to understand about these fairy tale love stories is that statistically the odds are stacked against us, especially if we’re race loyal. We literally have a much higher of becoming single mothers than getting married.
I feel this 💯
I love this video! Dating is extremely hard as a black woman. You vocalized everything that is literally happening now. It feels like it’s doomsday all the time
Good luck. I'm over 40 and a majority of my friends are either single and never married because guys are cheaters and liars or married and extremely unhappy stuck with a husband in the house waiting for their kids to be old enough for them to divorce or they already went through an ugly divorce. I only know a few couples who have been married over 10 years and are happy. The sad part is alot of women who may be married and appear happy have actually went through hell with being cheated on and lied to so are they truly happy? Doubtful. Moral of the story...Most guys don't know how to be faithful or truthful or they just end up being weird or crazy. Lol
Im 30 year old man, single, and no kids and i think I will be single the rest of my life.
I’m lesbian. Thank god I don’t have to deal with some of the problems with dating some men 😭
You look so good!
My birthday is December 30th as well! 🥂
At 25 I was dealing with a guy who is 28 years old and he is still very immature. It seems as though you truly do have to wait until they’re 30. I guess something probably clicks in their head, possibly the fact of their own mortality, but they tend to just behave better I noticed I had a huge hangup about the age thing it’s something that I had to let go for the lifestyle that I wanted best decision I have ever made
I definitely agree, when a career women in her early twentys takes time for herself, shes usually involved in her career. Versus a career man in their early 20s they aren’t looking to advance, they want to see what their new found funds can get them with women. Alot of them who never got women before great careers also are very vengeful and are TERRIBLE at courting.
I don't think you have to work on blocking someone with minor things bc that could be red flags many women dismiss
The dating conversations are rough in the black community. The one hands women are rejecting the patriarchy in terms of dating right? But I noticed to many women cling to do many parts of the patriarchy in terms of dating? Masculine/ feminine energy… provider… a man isn't a man unless he play my bills (which involves capitalism but whatever). It's confusing I think we need to get rid of these gendered concepts all together but it seems too many men and women (sadly) are too embedded in these ideologies. Also, i really dislike the term and how it used. It's heavily encoded in homophboia and puts black men into a rigid box of masculinity, which we’re trying to break right? How can we ask more BM to be emotionally intelligent, but when they do anything unconventional were constantly weaponising, the word sassy against them it’s just homophobic and harmful. Also, BM towards BW about us being golddiggers and all these other horrible things, it’s just horrible all the way around. I think everyone’s projecting trauma online and needs to heal or stop absorbing other people’a trauma online. Everyone needs to stop talking on these podcasts at this point.
I’m so glad I found a good guy. Got married. And now we have a family cuz whew it looks tough out there. I’m not that much older than you at 25 (soon to be 26) and there’s alottttt of duds that I hear about from friends and acquaintances
I am 32, with very little dating experience however I do prefer older men. I dated two men in their mid forties, both European but sadly it didn't last. I can't really relate to people my age or even date guys my age, not even a year or two older. Minimum is probably 35, maximum is maybe 50. That is how I feel
I’m 36 newly single after 6/7 years and it’s rough Toni
my husband is 15 years older then me and i met him at 23. married at 25 and will be a great father and we are both working hard to be a stronger couple for our future family. A lot of women wait 5 - 10 years before having kids with a man. I could not find a young man as established as my husband they are cute but wasn't realistic for my unique circumstances.
I turn 23 on march 13th. And I agree that 23 is really making adulthood set in for me. Like dang I’m really an adult, like is getting too real now 😂
I enjoyed your video and discussion about dating! I personally disagree though with the idea of “courting a woman” I think it is outdated. I feel relationships should be equal and people shouldn’t have to do things because of their gender. Gender roles make relationships unequal and unequal relationships have a high chance of failing. Also when a man pays for u he is going to want something in return he may not say it outright though….and that puts pressure on you too.
I’m a woman and if I want to go on a date with someone I would pay for them. Then if they want to take me on a date then they could pay. I feel that is better than expecting to be paid for every time. It just wouldn’t feel right either because I am not a child why is an adult paying for me all the time? 😂
I also disagree with this idea of submission. Also the idea of only the woman being submissive. I think it’s a fantasy which can lead to abusive relationship dynamics.
What does it rlly mean?? Letting a man control you? And Toni u said you can’t be controlled which I agree with.
5:43 this is why I don’t think a 23 year old girl should be settling down 😩
Dear Heavenly Father I just pray for Toni that you will send her the husband for a desire from marriage only comes from you lord I rebuke any counterfeits sent by the devil in Jesus mighty anointed name amen
Dating has always sucked and will always suck. There’s a long list why but it is what it is lol😊
Dating in Atlanta is just difficult girl how do you do? 😂
chile....😭😭😭 let's just say I am taking a long break right now😂
1:22 23 is still soooooooooo young lok
Who’s the black tiktok creator featured? What’s her @?
❤
these podcast seem to be broken unhealed ppl giving advice ... tsk tsk
Yeah, unfortunately they can’t help people if they can’t help themselves. They just need to make $$$ and feeding off of other broken people will do the trick. Why would I pay $130 for a 30 minute class about forgiveness? I can just pray to God for that ❤
21:50 what’s her TikTok account or RUclips
Illegal to be so early
And know that all this spiritual awakening come from a black man in todays time God knows just wanted to drop facts
Yeah sis, sorry, but you feel kinda demang and cocky lol . But the later edit saved it. :D It's not easdy for many guys be at higher financial status, when women have much better education (65F/35M) and are not held back anymore. And I love that for them, but good luck with finding someone who does better than you because every girl is looking for him too.
Also most guys have almost 0 options, you are projecting your experience onto them. It's really hard for everyone, for men to find someone and for women to find good partner in the sea.
Would yall ladies ever date down and try to elevate a man to be better ?
Yeah no !
Men are typically as loyal as their options (due to their nature) and when they’re at the top, they don’t commit to a relationship.
Elevating a man who would most likely leave/ or mentally check out of the relationship once he gets to the top is the most naive thing you can do. He will go after the woman that never looked his way when he was down or sleep around.
Unnecessary risk.