Excellent....I am a victim of Academia...my DNA tested cat scanned specimens of my Perfectly Preserved Mudfossil Discovery made enemies of everyone I knew as I tried to interact. I presented my work to Yale and in 2016 "Exceptional preservation of soft-bodied Ediacara Biota promoted by silica-rich oceans" they agreed that there was a Fast worldwide salty global flood that created the Mudfossils which I presented to them a few years before and mine are FULLY tested. Because my research is supported Yale and no other University will return my communications so my work is only on my channel. To communicate I need sopmeone that will respond even if nasty...I can work with that by asking questions but DEAD silence is what I find.
Sometimes even certain insults/ridicule can be taken constructively by a level headed person, but then there's some that think any kind of criticism is insulting/abuse. We all care what someone thinks, even if that's just ourselves, it's not always bad. Decent video, Diogenes was a first class ba1lbuster.
@Ben Lotus I can see your “Doomed !” Comment to me in my email but it is getting shadow banned here. It shows that there are 5 comments excluding the one I am currently composing but even with “show all” comments your does not appear. @Academy of Ideas you would figure Goolag would actually make comments they don’t want to see the light of day completely incapable of being seen, especially the fact that it exists but isn’t showing. They must be reveling in their abusive filtration so much so that they WANT everyone to see that they are shadow banning specific dialogue. I wonder if this comment will make it through their filter. Love your work brother. Were I not reeling from heinous divorce supporting you would be way high up on my financial expenditures.
The problem with this is that you might not realize when someone is wiser than you. It's important to judge the criticism based on its own merits, not your esteem of the person who delivers it.
@@steelmantv Basically, judge the validity of the proposition and not the person? A person that is confident in his or her convictions doesn't necessarily mean their ideas are any more important than the next.
@@steelmantv Accepting criticism is no different to taking advice. Criticism is advice that is not asked for. If you don't think the person is wise, you shouldn't be accepting their advice or their criticism. On paper, we are often forced to accept criticism in order to keep a job. However, that is very different from accepting the criticism in practice. We can determine ways to resist... On paper, we can make it look as though we are responding constructively to criticism when in fact we have schemed a work around.
Caring about other's opinions too much can cripple you, however, not caring can keep you from recognizing, and learning, from mistakes. A middle path needs to be followed where you learn to separate destructive fools from those who are alerting you to errors in your actions.
The problem, I see today, is that although you can live your life without the approval of others, we now have to worry about the perception of us through others on social media. Population has proven again and again to judge through the lens of others without actually experiencing the individual for themselves.
Here is a related Aesop’s fable that I heard when I was a kid and it changed my life: A man and his son were once going with their donkey to market. As they were walking along by his side a countryman passed them and said: “You fools, what is a donkey for but to ride upon?” So the man put the boy on the donkey, and they went on their way. But soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said: “See that lazy youngster, he lets his father walk while he rides.” So the man ordered his boy to get off, and got on himself. But they hadn’t gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other: “Shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge along.” Well, the man didn’t know what to do, but at last he took his boy up before him on the donkey. By this time they had come to the town, and the passers-by began to jeer and point at them. The man stopped and asked what they were scoffing at. One men said: “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor donkey of yours - you and your hulking son?” The man and boy got off and tried to think what to do. They thought and they thought, until at last they cut down a pole, tied the donkey’s feet to it, and raised the pole and the donkey to their shoulders. They went along amid the laughter of all who met them until they came to a bridge, when the donkey, getting one of his feet loose, kicked out and caused the boy to drop his end of the pole. In the struggle the donkey fell over the bridge, and his forefeet being tied together, he was drowned. The original moral of the story is: Try to please everyone, and you will please no one. Personally, it taught me that 100 people can have 100 opinions, so by pure logic other people's opinion can't be a good reference point to be used as a personal compass.
Reminds me of a joke I heard years ago... A farmer is walking an old donkey along a country road. Under one arm he has a pullet and under the other he has a cock. All of a sudden the donkey stops dead in the road, and refuses to move. The farmer knows the only thing that will make the donkey walk on is a firm slap on his back, but his arms are full, carrying the two birds. Just then he spots a beautiful young woman walking towards him. He calls out... "Excuse me, Miss..." "Would you hold my cock and pullet while I slap my ass?"
“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” ~ Oscar Wilde, [De Profundis]
@@Senorzilchnzero Because it’s easier to copy than to do your own thing. And most people like easy and are fearful. It’s laziness and fear that’s the problem.
I stopped caring what people think about my life choices and decision making when i was 17. I'm in my 40s now and it's one of the most mentally freeing things you can ever do for yourself. You'll find the more people conform, the more miserable they become. Live well.
agreed I stopped caring wat people thought about me years ago I get judged a lot for being old fashioned im 39 now don't have a smart or I phone not obsessed with social media don't go on it tell the truth its toxic. people should live their lives how they want not be judged. people enjoy insulting overs its wrong im about respect and helping overs if needed.
Maybe their bad decisions are what got them in the place they are. If they are self aware then their criticisms may be a warning to you not to follow the same faulty path they have. Judge subjectively. Do not have bias based on your judgements of who you think someone is.
I stopped caring what others think of me the hard way. I overheard a co-worker speak horrendous things about me. Although I didn’t agree with anything we was saying, it affected me tremendously, knowing that someone who I treated really good and worried about, could speak so ill about me. Needless to say I eventually thanked him for having changed my life for the best. I freed myself from worrying about other’s opinions.
I went through the same thing with my father. He spoke down on me so badly to his friends and then to my face praised me, and asked me for everything I had at the time and I ofcourse gave it to my then warped perception of a loving parent just for his approval. It ruined me for a time.
This is a terrific video. I graduated from Stanford Business School and spent two decades working in Silicon Valley. I’m no psychologist but my assessment of many of the characters encountered in that time was a collection of narcissists, psychopaths, and arrogant types whose world view was measured by how much money they made, how much control over others they exercised, and the belief that the sun rose and set on their foreheads. I never cared whether those types “liked” me; I knew them for what they were. This video lays out why everyone should step back and consider whether what anyone else thinks of you is immaterial. Live your own life; it is shorter than you think, and it’s yours.
Steve Jobs also said the same thing - "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."
Put into a simple statement "No one has any authority over you unless you give it to them." It is therefore incumbent upon an individual, realizing that they are their own vessel and vehicle of thought, to not give any authority over them to anyone else unless it is respectfully earned. To those whom we give that authority we reserve the title of 'mentor'.
When you depend on others for income because personal disability or general lack of economic opportunity has left you incapable of self-sufficiency, it's not as simple as just choosing who you give authority to. Especially when those you depend on use their power to manipulate you, to force you to abide by their opinion. Not to mention what happens out in the world, even when you are theoretically self-sufficient, and then those around you see it fit to resort to violence or other evil against you because you contradicted their opinion. If people's opinions stopped at their words, it would be easy to stop caring about them. But it never does. It continues into their actions, out their mouths as poisonous words to others you care about and others you look up to, down their arms to a violent fist or a firearm, to the destruction or theft of property, to the invasion of your privacy, and so much more.
I wish I had heard this truth when I was a teenager. It simplifies everything in your life as soon as you start to understand, that you will never become what others expect you to be. You are always you and that in itself should suffice.
"Listening like a stone", is particularly useful online. Trolls and people making abusive comments are best ignored. Starve them of the attention they crave and you will save yourself from a lot of stress at the same time.
The timing of this is perfect. I live in a busy town centre. Some local young men have decided that they like to tell me what their assessment of my sexual preference is as I walk by, and in not very kind language. I don't know these men, nor have they ever seen me doing anything apart from walking to the shops. Their words hurt me and I find myself thinking about it for most of the rest of the day, and then I get angry at myself for letting them ruin my day. I was bullied in school, a long time ago, so this kind of thing hits me hard. I've been working on my confidence and self-improvement and I'm getting better at 'being a stone'. I may even be brave enough one day to say something funny to them. I was thinking "You're not my type, love". This video gave me another boost. I took notes. Thank you.
@@koniu1111ful Thank you. I am currently reading 12 Rules for Life (Joran Peterson). It's really helping me deal with the bullying in the past and how I face the future. I also benefitted from Atomic Habits (James Clear), in being more productive and getting my health in order.
@@jase1976 As a social anxiety type of man - a classical philosophy like Schopenhauer or Kant or Spinoza, it really helped me to dicstane myself from other people and be calm all the time.
Great video. Being in an office environment is one way to ensure you are forced to contend with everyone’s opinions. A man who lays bricks often walks taller and with more confidence than a man who works in a cubicle and is forced to cow tow to the many opinions around him.
Validation seeking is one of the most damaging things you can do! As a new college student it was a sad eye opening experience when at a family gathering one of my family members was trying to pass off information I had shared with them as an independent thought! This experience changed everything!
thank you so much for your premium content, AOI. because of your dedication, you've inspired me to learn everything about video editing. it was this channel i had in mind when i published my first video about a month ago. i hope my channel ("Beyond Formidable") can be only half as good as yours some day. thank you again for your wisdom and dedication.
This guy doesn't care that you donated, he has his videos mostly done for him. He posts, collects the revenue, then posts again when another video is ready. What a waste of money dude. Edit: Also don't donate money in an attempt to get a free advertisement to your channel. It's a disgusting practice.
That’s my boyfriend’s channel. He really wasnt promoting his channel by thanking aoi. He feels almost indebted to academy of ideas for making his channel seem possible. I do hope you can reconsider, prof pwnalot
I learned to ignore the opinions of the crowd while still listening to the feedback of my friends when I became excessively busy with work. When you are occupied with fulfilling your purpose, you learn to separate true criticism from noise.
And really, it's all in our heads how much other people even care about our latest hairstyle or what Instagram post we made. Think about how much YOU are concerned about yourself (how you look and what you say), THAT is how much other people think of themselves too.
Except for when you’re singled out and bullied. Sure, bullies don’t ruminate over their actions or thoughts about others; but is that a reassuring thing? No.
and think about how much you actually care about the other person's hairstyle or whatever, especially if you never saw them before. if you are a relatively good person without bully habits, you probably notice the little flaw or tic in others, probably even oversee it, maybe think about it for a second or whatever and then you just go on with your day, kinda accepting the other person the way they are and don't really think about it further, while the other person, if as insecure as you, goes on thinking "oh my god he/she is thinking about my fucked up hair and laughing about me". while you probably already forgot, concerned about your own flaws. (im still pretty anxious in social situations even if i know it to be stupid tho)
“Whatever happens around you, don't take it personally... Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.” “Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.” “Wherever you go you will find people lying to you, and as your awareness grows, you will notice that you also lie to yourself. Do not expect people to tell you the truth because they also lie to themselves. You have to trust yourself and choose to believe or not to believe what someone says to you.” “But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said. You are hurting yourself. There is no way I can take this personally.” ― Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements
Seeing the crowd as a bunch of individuals and looking at each of them as they are, ends the importance you've given them. To be unfazed by people's opinions like a stone requires a deep understanding of human nature. Enlightening video and great lessons! Thanks for spreading awareness.
This is very therapeutic content. I am often morbidly terrified of social judgment simply because I dont know what to do with my life and society is full of simpleminded overstaffed jobs like the one I work at. College is too easy. Family doesnt see my potential and doesnt know how to respond to my neurosis. But with all this cynicism perhaps I can work to rectify my own insecurity by foraging for better work, more strong/challenging education and very harmonious family interaction.
I have long taken comfort in the fact that the people who despise me for my beliefs are despicable people; indeed, they are usually horrific monsters. If I was held in high esteem by such people I would know I have drifted very far off course. The enmity they express towards my opinions is verification that my opinions are correct.
wow i was literally thinking about this last night. i was thinking how to care what others think is only disappointing to myself, everything besides fully embracing my true self just leads to disappointment. hence just do it, follow you intuition and don’t hesitate. it’s okay to fear the (perceived) reactions but what’s more disappointing ? self disappointment or others disappointment. if you come with love for yourself and the people around you how can anyone hate in that, if they do it only shows how limiting they think. this video only solidified my feelings about it, thank you for putting this together.
Yeah, In my youth I had the same problems. what he says in this video is all true and it will behoove you to listen to it again. With social anxiety it is always from within. what you will come to find in time is.. it is futile to care what the majority thinks because the majority doesn't think. I know human nature like few will ever know. If you want some major keys just say "go ahead" I don't want to talk if you don't want to listen. ...anyway , good luck.
“I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others.” -Marcus Aurelius.
Loving someone is very different to caring about their opinion of you. First show them unconditional love. Later they will mentally form a strong positive opinion of you, even if they don't express it outwardly. Only hold someone in high regard, but never above yourself, as long as you share opinions. Be prepared to disagree quite strongly on certain points. Also be prepared to change your mind after uncovering compelling evidence. Weigh the pros and cons of all evidence. Ask yourself who is producing the evidence and what their underlying motivations may be. Everyone operates on an agenda.
The only one that truly works is building yourself up. Once you do that you can care less. If you are in a hard place in life and have nothing, it's easy to care way too much, trust me.
It's been a very long time since I have cared what anyone else thought of me. However, this video has shown me ways to turn the contempt of others into entertainment.
It is fun later noticing philosophical attackers ultimately stumble and eat their own words... Some people are never satisfied. They are upset with what you write and say, but also upset that their own actions cause them further problems...
Epictetus’s “The Art of Living” helped me not care what others think and it was a good reminder to not adopt the affairs of others. The only thing that adopting the affairs of others, or concerning yourself with what people think about you only makes you an anxious, worrisome, faultfinding person.
Meditation can make someone see reality in the literal sense. It can help a person to see his/her strengths and recognise his/her wrongdoings. Moreover it makes us more authentic.
Cyrano de Bergerac did a pretty good job of handling insults. He showed that he could insult himself with far more wit than the person who was trying to make fun of him.
my boss told me yesterday, that many people at work felt that the things i said were inappropriate, i asked her for examples, and she hedged...told her i didnt care, as long as i havent used inappropriate language or anything else like that i didnt care. we had a 90 minute conversation, where she continued to try and force me to care....but i pushed back. fuck people and their BS, including mine
I’ve done these things for years. Turns out I’m a stoic. Caring what others think can be stressful and it’s not worth the toil on your health to worry.
Philosophers always express themselves with a beautiful antimetabole or a chiasmus. (For what I know, they do not approve, and what they approve, I do not know.) Grammar is at the heart of philosophy.
It is so freeing when you stop caring what people think about you. Some people will like you some will dislike you. The rest will never know about you.
I think the key to being outwardly confident is to be inwardly self-consistent to a high degree. Of course, it is not possible to be completely self-consistent. However, wisdom involves establishing a detailed world view.
I have learned to not take anything personal if someone makes a remark to me about my actions unless their remark is genuinely justified. It is so freeing not being a slave to the opinions or remarks of others when they don’t have any real reasoning behind them to begin with. As you get older you realize that people say mean and rude things sometimes not because of you, but because they do not have the mental capacity to hide those mean things and say them as a means of self reflection of their own reality. Now, if you genuinely are doing something wrong then that’s different, but most of the time people will take their anger out on you because they themselves are miserable. Learn to isolate the remarks that are valuable and the remarks that are meaningless, it will change your life for the better immensely.
This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I would say I stopped caring what people thought of me a long time ago, but I still find my value in the admiration from those close to me. I need a select few that I let inside the bubble to think I'm smart, or athletic, talented, or funny. Cause I think I'm worthless...
One cares about other's opinions when one has something to gain from them. Think about it, the more you have something to gain from someone, the more their opinions will matter to you. What you gain can be as subtle as your very self image, that is one one never bothered to look at one's life & is instead relying on other's opinion of them. The key is to realise what one gains & then see is it worth it. If you'll understand it's not worth it, it will be dropped itself. Also, it's not always bad to rely on other's opinions but God has given you eyes & ears for a reason.
“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly.” ― Albert Einstein
1:43 -- "A useful first step to cultivating a healthier attitude to the opinions of others is to reflect on the character of the individuals whose approval we seek" "Your boos mean nothing, I have seen what makes you cheer! [...] Every breath I take without your permission raises my self-esteem!" Rick from "Rick and Morty", s04e03
I live with constant abuse in the city I live in because I was mentally ill at one point. I ignore the taunts and insults. But it still gets to you that people can hate a complete stranger that much.
On regards to insults, my father used to say somthing along the lines of: If it's false, then just ignore them since it does not reflect reality. If they are true, then you listen to the insult and try to improve on them. And if they are something you cant improve upon, tgen they are not insults, they are just reality.
I found this channel 1 month ago. It is brilliant 👏 Thank you sir! These ideas which you share are the ones I wish I was told by the kind/wise father or uncle I didn't have. I can't believe that my education didn't cover many of these things, so I shall make sure to propagate them so that others can benefit and become strong. Bless you all.
What fascinates me is how deep one has to go, like this video, to become more resistant to judgement and criticism. Criticism and judgement by others is so, so powerful. It's so deeply ingrained in our nature. We lose our minds because of it, so we need videos like these.
From now on I’m going to do my own thing, regardless of the opinions of others. I will now be more assertive, and take control of my life, within reason, just so long as it doesn’t rock the boat and upset my friends and family too much.
"Our dependency makes slaves out of us, especially if this dependency is a dependency of our self-esteem. If you need encouragement, praise, pats on the back from everybody, then you make everybody your judge." -Fritz Perls
Thank you.. I come away from this video a better man. It knocked some dust of the old parts of me that have been left by the wayside by delivering it in a way that I hadn't heard before. Thanks again.
You don’t have to forgive but I can tell you from my own personal experience that choosing not to forgive and/or living in anger isn’t healthy either. You should learn to let shit go (forgive) and keep people that are toxic out of your life or limit their influence over you while having compassion for them if possible. If you can learn that you’ll probably be a happier person.
@@SeanMurphy00 that's ignorant why forgive someone for causing you pain. Don't be blinded by peace of mind or happiness. There are no wrong feelings after all. Some people deserve dirt instead of forgiveness.
@@Animeraccoon What's ignorant about it? Maybe forgiveness isn't something everyone should pursue but it's demonstrably effective. There is a man I used to hate. That hatred sat in my heart, burning a hole through it. I let go of the hate, and part of that process was realizing this man could have acted no differently than he did. That allowed me to forgive him to a degree because I understood that he was hardly in control of his own actions (this man, while certainly an intellectual, had a profound lack of self-awareness). Now, I may have forgiven him and let go of my hate, but I'll never forget the decisions he made. Never will the trust be mended, never will I seek out his company, and given the option I would gladly go my entire life without hearing his name ever again. But I don't need the hate and anger.
I like the updated title better than the "stop caring about what others think" but also at the same time I like the idea of framing it in terms of thoughts vs opinions. The reason is most people, except perfect narcissists and who cares what they think anyway, have probably had at least one experience where their thoughts were just wrong in some way. Most honest people would be willing to say the same with opinions but I think more people are more attached to opinions than they are their thoughts. Sadly, many opinions are not well thought out and in some way based almost entirely or have major components based in the appeal to authority bias and or social availability bias. The word "care" can mean several different things depending on the context. I default my definition of "care" to "what I actually spend my time doing" because in some way I can say I care about a thing more if I spend more of my limited time with it than with something else. Generally speaking I don't care about the thoughts and opinions of others and I mean that in the specific way I defined. Basically I mean I generally don't spend my time thinking about the thoughts and opinions of others unless it directly or indirectly involves them or in some other way those thoughts and opinions are/should be relevant. Many people, and even people most wouldn't think of at first, base their worldviews, opinions, etc on consensus and while I personally think it makes sense for things we don't care about, I also fail to see how it makes any sense if we care. In the end all a person can really say with any real level of certainty when they base their thoughts and opinions on consensus are a series statements about what others think and not much about the actual subject. Just as an example, "The majority of specialists in X field believe Y so therefore Z". If Z is almost anything other than a restating of Y then it is an appeal to the authority of X. In less formal examples this same basic thing has been given the label "collective illusions" and is basically where people believe, or pretend to, a thing just because they think the majority of people believe or think it.
I learned on my own that not even giving credence to other people’s pointless comments or insults is the best way to dismantle someone. You are unmovable, they may try to raise you to a boiling point but to keep calm and laugh off their attempts at inciting anger makes one emboldened. It shows that you are not only unphased by their commentary, but that you find it humorous. Perhaps even adding in a joke of your own to swindle yourself and the other individual out of it. If not, that other person will talk themselves into foolishness, and any that are listening will learn quickly that the one that remains speaking is the true fool, for he argues himself to a pant. And truth be told, it all _is_ funny and rather pointless. Watching a man get angry and flail themselves around is a circus act. It _should_ be laughed at, it’s ridiculous.
The more i grow old the more i prefer to be alone, and this is not good, i've been a hermit almost all my life, i am not a good person, but i had to become bad, everywhere i go i always get hated on, if i am not ignored i am being bullied.
Good afternoon AOI. A decent collection of nifty quotes and insights. Thanks - what is, IMV, amiss is the pointer to whence this approval seeking stems. Years ago, during studies reg some human-history-psychology topics, i noted that this social anxiety/approval seeking might stem from those ancient and also rather recent ways of communal living: in a tribal / family setting, losing the approval of the collective usually and very often meant: being exiled, expelled from the tribe/family. Then, on ones own, survival was a much greater challenge and probably not very successful. Survival depended on being approved of by the collective. - When pondering this, I realised that such deeply engrained thought/behaviour patterns can’t be discarded just by rationally deciding to do so. As I recall - the worst punishment in tribal cultures (which is our common human history) was being sentenced to EXILE. This approval seeking was probably once a very usual ‘skill’ to have in order to survive. And it can get in the way nowadays when outer circumstances have changed considerably compared to just 100 yrs ago. Important topic , no doubt ‘bout it. Cheers -
Oh man. I've needed this video for a while now surrounded by increasingly mocking and undermining colleagues intimidated by my way of doing things which has always been unconventional and surprisingly often very effective. I thank God every day for giving me a strong will to follow what's written in my soul and discard noise that is obviously meant to put me down and dim my light. That said, I try not to hold it against them and sort of understand where they are coming from.
If i wasnt poor i would be a member bc the way i see it this single page is more valuable than 99% of the other well funded unceasing trash streams on the internet. I have thought about making a channel just like this more to start conversations to move forward since unfortunately even most philosophers (rare individuals) just ironically recall quotes and do no forward thinking and even shun forward thinking for not being academic. And im saying i could not make a channel better than you are creating this one. Sincerely thank you, not for me but for everyone who has access to the internet and choose to think uncomfortable necessary thoughts.
In developed countries like USA or Sweden this is widespread attitude. Those societies are states of individualistic not collectivist morality like Iran or China. The price which they pay is loneliness. Because you have to choose personal opinion and loneliness or collective opinion and socialization. There's no middle way.
Agreed. I tend to care what people think of me because I know I can’t succeed alone. I wish I didn’t have to , but to some extent I need to rely on others. If I lived without caring what people thought, I could be broke and homeless. Unfortunately life is a game and for most of us, we must play by the rules to get by.
I am Swedish and can tell you that you are dead wrong. Swedes have a scary ability to collectively snap into a different Overton window seemingly overnight. There is usually no discussion. The new way of thinking is told to the people by the mass media. The old way of thinking is then quickly forgotten. We have almost no debates in Sweden, and if we do, the debate is after the political decision has been made, not before it. Swedes also have one of the worlds highest trust in their own government. Even if the government is the only thing capable of abusing you without a chance to resist. Most people I have met don't believe we even have corruption in our political class.
You're missing someþing! If a common consensus can be found for one or two aspects, þat everybody agrees upon, þen in less important areas, people can oppose each oþer wiþout damaging þe social fabric.
I'd say another price of more individualistic societies is also the ''fck you, i got mine'' atttitude you find more often. Both kinds of societes got their pros and cons i'd say, which can be different for different kinds of people.
Exactly, and also that's why my wife and I are keeping our kids away from Social Media. It makes you Stupid. And I always say "Just because everyone is doing something you know is Wrong doesn't make it Right".
I don't think the desire for approval is irrational, I believe it's highly rational and tied to survival. You need other people to survive so constantly gauging the opinion of the people around you is only natural. This is allthemore true for women, being them weaker and more dependant than men.
I struggle with this. I tend to lack confidence in my self i always seek validation from my peers..as a result i dont feel im true to myself at times. 😊
My problem is I am invisible, at best. Let me explain. I'm a 6'1" 35 year old straight white male. I'm bald. I'm in good shape, and work out everyday, but am by no means ripped or a body builder. I live alone. I work from home. I don't have any friends. I haven't so much as been on a date in over half a decade. My only social interaction are either with my parents and siblings, or at the grocery store. I don't drink anymore, so I don't go out. I exercise, but it's solo. Like riding my bike 12 to 15 miles a day or working out at home. I think I'm miserable. I have no idea how to fix this at this point. I don't like most people, honestly, and most people and interactions I have are disappointing, at best, and downright negative, at worst.
Very difficult situation. The only thing I can think of is to find a hobby or something that you enjoy, and keep at it. It is at least harder to feel miserable when your are busy. As for the relationship thing, I got no good advice. People on the internet tend to wanna give dating advice all the time, like they know it all. It is just silly to do since we are still strangers online and I think you have to know someone to give such advice.
Dude I’m in the same boat. Just gotta force yourself to do shit with other people and at the end of the day come home and have a cigar regardless of what happens
Even though it looks like you like your own company best, we are still people. Maybe you still need some human interaction? Even loners need some, unless you're part of that 0.1% who can just fck off and go live off the grid for years without seeing anyone else. After you're done with school it's always harder to make friends. People often look for new friends through hobbies, so maybe there's some gymbuddy out there after all, or at some other hobbies? You can always find more hobbies if you want as well. And do you know why you don't like most people? Because that's definitely unusual, most people get along fine with one another. I kinda like my own company best as well, and am not jumping for joy for most interactions, but for me that's because i can't filter external impulses well because i'm autistic, so while i get along fine with most people and most conversations go well, they end up making me feel drained and make my brain feel 'full' for lack of better words. If you don't know why it might be good for you to figure out the cause of why you don't like interacting with most people.
I enjoy others opinion if it's fresh. Too often i find it's an arbitrary judgment based on nothing, or they want something from me and are attempting to steer my behavior toward their end.
Got an excellent lesson in this during the last couple years... I didn't wear a mask, stay in lockdown or do anything recommended by the media(not because of any political opinions, I just knew that it wasn't necessary and I didn't feel the need placate others)and I was treated poorly by strangers because I refused to conform. A lot of people cut me out of their life and honestly that's what taught me that I don't need to respect everyone's opinion of me especially if they don't at least try to hear mine before making a snap judgement and assuming things that aren't necessarily true. If you take the time to listen, you will be able to discern who these "fairweather friends" are that fall into the trap of relying on other people's opinions to justify their actions.
Nothing is absolute. There are always exceptions, even to good advice such as "don't care what others think." Ignoring unhelpful criticism is healthy. Ignoring public health guidelines during a worldwide plague is selfish and gets people **killed.** Perhaps we should listen to people who tell us that we are **poisoning people around us with our breath, infecting them with a deadly plague that we DON'T KNOW WE HAVE.**
You were very brave. Going against the masses, is something most will never do, nor consider. And as with most things that are technical or scientific, those in that field can easily dupe those who are not in that field. As an example, I am willing to bet that most people get duped by their HVAC repair people regularly as it is extremely technical where most do not have the background or experience. Futhermore, contrary to the media, no respiratory disease can spread to another person, without the person having symptoms of illness. That has always been true and continues to be true. You were correct to live life normally. Let the sick quarantine themselves as was always the case throughout history.
@@h2oquality2010 asymptomatic transmission is literally a real thing with most diseases. This "me against the world" mentality might make you feel vindicated, but FEELINGS don't mean REALITY especially when it affects OTHER PEOPLE. So doctors are all conspiring against people but POLITICIANS and MEDIA TALKING HEADS are the ones that know the truth? That's a truly ass backwards way of thinking. It's not bravery to ignore rules during a plague and get people killed. It's SELFISHNESS.
@@h2oquality2010 conservative politicians and media MAKE THEIR MONEY by getting you to hate Biden. So anything he does is evil and a lie according to them. It’s about MONEY AND POWER. They tell you to NOT follow safety guidelines so you’ll VOTE FOR THEM.
Spot on ~ you stayed true to yourself while avoiding to be hypnotised by mass media propaganda. It was tough, I can relate as I did the same thing, and NO we did not endanger anyones life, but we actually inspired others to remove their masks, walk freely in public spaces, continue to enjoy the outdoors and not live in fear. It takes strength of character to walk against the crowd. Stay Real.
Something that's a real shot in the foot in regards to this is autism and ADHD. Long story short, these conditions generally make it extremely difficult to not care about other people's opinions, since the way these brains are wired makes you very sensitive to other people's perceptions, despite not really understanding them. I'm pretty sure I might have it despite not being formally diagnosed, but I can confirm it's genuinely fucking difficult to not care about what others think especially after a multitude of bad and malformative experiences.
When someone tells me "I don't care what anyone thinks!", I always explain that it doesn't make them look confident, assertive, and a free spirit. It makes them sound like an egotistical narcissist without a moral compass and totally devoid of empathy. These people almost always attempt to justify horrendous behavior with weak slogans like "I keep it real", "Don't silence mmy truth", and "Its not my fault you can't handle the truth."
I never cared what people thought before. The only thing that matters to me is what my wife tells me to think😂 if you don't believe me, ask her. She will tell you what I care about😂
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
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Excellent....I am a victim of Academia...my DNA tested cat scanned specimens of my Perfectly Preserved Mudfossil Discovery made enemies of everyone I knew as I tried to interact. I presented my work to Yale and in 2016 "Exceptional preservation of soft-bodied Ediacara Biota promoted
by silica-rich oceans" they agreed that there was a Fast worldwide salty global flood that created the Mudfossils which I presented to them a few years before and mine are FULLY tested.
Because my research is supported Yale and no other University will return my communications so my work is only on my channel. To communicate I need sopmeone that will respond even if nasty...I can work with that by asking questions but DEAD silence is what I find.
Sometimes even certain insults/ridicule can be taken constructively by a level headed person, but then there's some that think any kind of criticism is insulting/abuse. We all care what someone thinks, even if that's just ourselves, it's not always bad. Decent video, Diogenes was a first class ba1lbuster.
*tosses a comment to the algorithm*
Terrific video! A subject that really needs to be discussed!
@Ben Lotus I can see your “Doomed !” Comment to me in my email but it is getting shadow banned here. It shows that there are 5 comments excluding the one I am currently composing but even with “show all” comments your does not appear. @Academy of Ideas you would figure Goolag would actually make comments they don’t want to see the light of day completely incapable of being seen, especially the fact that it exists but isn’t showing. They must be reveling in their abusive filtration so much so that they WANT everyone to see that they are shadow banning specific dialogue. I wonder if this comment will make it through their filter. Love your work brother. Were I not reeling from heinous divorce supporting you would be way high up on my financial expenditures.
Another good quote I like to keep in mind:
Never take criticism from someone you would never ask advice from.
The problem with this is that you might not realize when someone is wiser than you. It's important to judge the criticism based on its own merits, not your esteem of the person who delivers it.
@@steelmantv Basically, judge the validity of the proposition and not the person? A person that is confident in his or her convictions doesn't necessarily mean their ideas are any more important than the next.
@Raditya Rasyid Maybe you can explain what I'm not comprehending.
@@steelmantv Accepting criticism is no different to taking advice. Criticism is advice that is not asked for.
If you don't think the person is wise, you shouldn't be accepting their advice or their criticism.
On paper, we are often forced to accept criticism in order to keep a job. However, that is very different from accepting the criticism in practice. We can determine ways to resist...
On paper, we can make it look as though we are responding constructively to criticism when in fact we have schemed a work around.
Cope
"Better to be disliked for what one is, than liked for what one is not."
I disagree
@@vv7299 So, you think it better to put on a facade and be liked for this falsity, RATHER than "being yourself" and disliked for your reality?
100%
@@brucejackson4219 yes
@@vv7299 If U R being serious then that is your choice, and certainly no shame at all. Perhaps U should consider acting as a career. Best etc.
Caring about other's opinions too much can cripple you, however, not caring can keep you from recognizing, and learning, from mistakes. A middle path needs to be followed where you learn to separate destructive fools from those who are alerting you to errors in your actions.
Well said indeed.
Aristotle really nailed it with the mesotes. It can really apply to anything, even strangers’ opinions
The problem, I see today, is that although you can live your life without the approval of others, we now have to worry about the perception of us through others on social media. Population has proven again and again to judge through the lens of others without actually experiencing the individual for themselves.
@@Dee_9999 then you've missed the entire point if this video.
Truth
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Yourself is not real. It just an everchaging multi-dimension structure of what you perceived.
@@jangdi. No, it is both real AND ever changing.
..and I have accomplished that, despite numerous and relentless attempts to change me into someone I wouldn't like.
@jangdi. Yourself is real in the context of everyone else and their influence though...
Here is a related Aesop’s fable that I heard when I was a kid and it changed my life:
A man and his son were once going with their donkey to market. As they were walking along by his side a countryman passed them and said:
“You fools, what is a donkey for but to ride upon?”
So the man put the boy on the donkey, and they went on their way. But soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said:
“See that lazy youngster, he lets his father walk while he rides.”
So the man ordered his boy to get off, and got on himself. But they hadn’t gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other:
“Shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge along.”
Well, the man didn’t know what to do, but at last he took his boy up before him on the donkey. By this time they had come to the town, and the passers-by began to jeer and point at them. The man stopped and asked what they were scoffing at.
One men said: “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor donkey of yours - you and your hulking son?”
The man and boy got off and tried to think what to do. They thought and they thought, until at last they cut down a pole, tied the donkey’s feet to it, and raised the pole and the donkey to their shoulders. They went along amid the laughter of all who met them until they came to a bridge, when the donkey, getting one of his feet loose, kicked out and caused the boy to drop his end of the pole. In the struggle the donkey fell over the bridge, and his forefeet being tied together, he was drowned.
The original moral of the story is: Try to please everyone, and you will please no one.
Personally, it taught me that 100 people can have 100 opinions, so by pure logic other people's opinion can't be a good reference point to be used as a personal compass.
Thanks for sharing this.
Love it. Thank you for this
Moral: if you try to please everyone you will end up losing your ass.
@@oldschooljack3479 BUAHAHAHAAAAA!!! Funny shtuff!!
Reminds me of a joke I heard years ago...
A farmer is walking an old donkey along a country road.
Under one arm he has a pullet and under the other he has a cock.
All of a sudden the donkey stops dead in the road, and refuses to move.
The farmer knows the only thing that will make the donkey walk on is a firm slap on his back, but his arms are full, carrying the two birds.
Just then he spots a beautiful young woman walking towards him.
He calls out...
"Excuse me, Miss..."
"Would you hold my cock and pullet while I slap my ass?"
“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” ~ Oscar Wilde, [De Profundis]
@deez the way people choose to communicate does not correlate to intellect.
This is one of the most powerful statements ever made. We are just mimicking what others have done and said before us.
@@Senorzilchnzero Because it’s easier to copy than to do your own thing. And most people like easy and are fearful. It’s laziness and fear that’s the problem.
@@Mr.Honest247
That's a "they/them" problem. Not a "your" problem.
@@edeliteedelite1961 Communicative ability _does_ correlate with intellect.
I stopped caring what people think about my life choices and decision making when i was 17. I'm in my 40s now and it's one of the most mentally freeing things you can ever do for yourself. You'll find the more people conform, the more miserable they become. Live well.
agreed I stopped caring wat people thought about me years ago I get judged a lot for being old fashioned im 39 now don't have a smart or I phone not obsessed with social media don't go on it tell the truth its toxic. people should live their lives how they want not be judged. people enjoy insulting overs its wrong im about respect and helping overs if needed.
You were on social media when you wrote that comment, ironically.
@@votewaldo9876 I dont do social media dont care about it too toxic
Me too and i am single and unemployed
The best quote I ever heard was, "Don't take advice or criticism from those you'd never trade places with."
Maybe their bad decisions are what got them in the place they are. If they are self aware then their criticisms may be a warning to you not to follow the same faulty path they have. Judge subjectively. Do not have bias based on your judgements of who you think someone is.
Dang, both good arguments
Ahh , but didn't Fredrick Nezchie say , ( who's to my key doesn't fit your lock ) ,,, and I know, I cant spell 😂
That would leave me with nobody to take advice from.
"Thinking is difficult, that's why people judge" - Carl Jung
Brilliant
Thinkers love to judge
I think alot … but thats easy for myself. …. It being hard to think seems to be a issue for others . (Sometimes)
That doesn't sound like Jung, you're wicked smaht.
@@0oo00 lol
I stopped caring what others think of me the hard way. I overheard a co-worker speak horrendous things about me. Although I didn’t agree with anything we was saying, it affected me tremendously, knowing that someone who I treated really good and worried about, could speak so ill about me. Needless to say I eventually thanked him for having changed my life for the best. I freed myself from worrying about other’s opinions.
thank you for your story
Fascinating. It’s often the people who you observe to be gossiping the most who are also gossiping about you.
You have a fan
You are growing as a person, proud of You!
I went through the same thing with my father. He spoke down on me so badly to his friends and then to my face praised me, and asked me for everything I had at the time and I ofcourse gave it to my then warped perception of a loving parent just for his approval. It ruined me for a time.
This is a terrific video. I graduated from Stanford Business School and spent two decades working in Silicon Valley. I’m no psychologist but my assessment of many of the characters encountered in that time was a collection of narcissists, psychopaths, and arrogant types whose world view was measured by how much money they made, how much control over others they exercised, and the belief that the sun rose and set on their foreheads.
I never cared whether those types “liked” me; I knew them for what they were. This video lays out why everyone should step back and consider whether what anyone else thinks of you is immaterial. Live your own life; it is shorter than you think, and it’s yours.
Steve Jobs also said the same thing -
"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.
Everything else is secondary."
Put into a simple statement "No one has any authority over you unless you give it to them." It is therefore incumbent upon an individual, realizing that they are their own vessel and vehicle of thought, to not give any authority over them to anyone else unless it is respectfully earned. To those whom we give that authority we reserve the title of 'mentor'.
When you depend on others for income because personal disability or general lack of economic opportunity has left you incapable of self-sufficiency, it's not as simple as just choosing who you give authority to. Especially when those you depend on use their power to manipulate you, to force you to abide by their opinion. Not to mention what happens out in the world, even when you are theoretically self-sufficient, and then those around you see it fit to resort to violence or other evil against you because you contradicted their opinion.
If people's opinions stopped at their words, it would be easy to stop caring about them. But it never does. It continues into their actions, out their mouths as poisonous words to others you care about and others you look up to, down their arms to a violent fist or a firearm, to the destruction or theft of property, to the invasion of your privacy, and so much more.
Yah, no such thing as power. Really? Whew.
Reminds me of that Kendrick Lamar song "Crown".
I wish I had heard this truth when I was a teenager.
It simplifies everything in your life as soon as you start to understand, that you will never become what others expect you to be. You are always you and that in itself should suffice.
"Listening like a stone", is particularly useful online. Trolls and people making abusive comments are best ignored. Starve them of the attention they crave and you will save yourself from a lot of stress at the same time.
The timing of this is perfect. I live in a busy town centre. Some local young men have decided that they like to tell me what their assessment of my sexual preference is as I walk by, and in not very kind language. I don't know these men, nor have they ever seen me doing anything apart from walking to the shops. Their words hurt me and I find myself thinking about it for most of the rest of the day, and then I get angry at myself for letting them ruin my day. I was bullied in school, a long time ago, so this kind of thing hits me hard. I've been working on my confidence and self-improvement and I'm getting better at 'being a stone'. I may even be brave enough one day to say something funny to them. I was thinking "You're not my type, love". This video gave me another boost. I took notes. Thank you.
Read a lot of philosophy and you will definitely get better.
@@koniu1111ful Thank you. I am currently reading 12 Rules for Life (Joran Peterson). It's really helping me deal with the bullying in the past and how I face the future. I also benefitted from Atomic Habits (James Clear), in being more productive and getting my health in order.
@@jase1976 As a social anxiety type of man - a classical philosophy like Schopenhauer or Kant or Spinoza, it really helped me to dicstane myself from other people and be calm all the time.
Great video. Being in an office environment is one way to ensure you are forced to contend with everyone’s opinions. A man who lays bricks often walks taller and with more confidence than a man who works in a cubicle and is forced to cow tow to the many opinions around him.
You work at target
Validation seeking is one of the most damaging things you can do! As a new college student it was a sad eye opening experience when at a family gathering one of my family members was trying to pass off information I had shared with them as an independent thought! This experience changed everything!
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are." ~ Kurt Cobain
Such a good quote
thank you so much for your premium content, AOI.
because of your dedication, you've inspired me to learn everything about video editing.
it was this channel i had in mind when i published my first video about a month ago.
i hope my channel ("Beyond Formidable") can be only half as good as yours some day. thank you again for your wisdom and dedication.
This guy doesn't care that you donated, he has his videos mostly done for him.
He posts, collects the revenue, then posts again when another video is ready.
What a waste of money dude.
Edit: Also don't donate money in an attempt to get a free advertisement to your channel.
It's a disgusting practice.
That’s my boyfriend’s channel. He really wasnt promoting his channel by thanking aoi. He feels almost indebted to academy of ideas for making his channel seem possible. I do hope you can reconsider, prof pwnalot
@@Prof.Pwnalot you need to check your shadow
I learned to ignore the opinions of the crowd while still listening to the feedback of my friends when I became excessively busy with work. When you are occupied with fulfilling your purpose, you learn to separate true criticism from noise.
And really, it's all in our heads how much other people even care about our latest hairstyle or what Instagram post we made. Think about how much YOU are concerned about yourself (how you look and what you say), THAT is how much other people think of themselves too.
True
Not necessarily. People are different; some care more, some less. Some notice more, some not as much. It's all variable.
Except for when you’re singled out and bullied. Sure, bullies don’t ruminate over their actions or thoughts about others; but is that a reassuring thing? No.
and think about how much you actually care about the other person's hairstyle or whatever, especially if you never saw them before. if you are a relatively good person without bully habits, you probably notice the little flaw or tic in others, probably even oversee it, maybe think about it for a second or whatever and then you just go on with your day, kinda accepting the other person the way they are and don't really think about it further, while the other person, if as insecure as you, goes on thinking "oh my god he/she is thinking about my fucked up hair and laughing about me". while you probably already forgot, concerned about your own flaws. (im still pretty anxious in social situations even if i know it to be stupid tho)
@@graceg3250
A good ass whooping always solves a problem or two when people get out of line. 😂
“Whatever happens around you, don't take it personally... Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.”
“Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.”
“Wherever you go you will find people lying to you, and as your awareness grows, you will notice that you also lie to yourself. Do not expect people to tell you the truth because they also lie to themselves. You have to trust yourself and choose to believe or not to believe what someone says to you.”
“But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said. You are hurting yourself. There is no way I can take this personally.”
― Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements
Seeing the crowd as a bunch of individuals and looking at each of them as they are, ends the importance you've given them.
To be unfazed by people's opinions like a stone requires a deep understanding of human nature.
Enlightening video and great lessons! Thanks for spreading awareness.
Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
This is very therapeutic content. I am often morbidly terrified of social judgment simply because I dont know what to do with my life and society is full of simpleminded overstaffed jobs like the one I work at. College is too easy. Family doesnt see my potential and doesnt know how to respond to my neurosis.
But with all this cynicism perhaps I can work to rectify my own insecurity by foraging for better work, more strong/challenging education and very harmonious family interaction.
I have long taken comfort in the fact that the people who despise me for my beliefs are despicable people; indeed, they are usually horrific monsters. If I was held in high esteem by such people I would know I have drifted very far off course. The enmity they express towards my opinions is verification that my opinions are correct.
Sounds like you might have a few issues yourself
@@vv7299 I thought the same. She's still using the opinions of others to box herself in, but in a sort of inside-out kind of way. Weird
Let me guess, you're a normal Christian and everyone hates you for being normal
I highly doubt they're "horrific monsters." Remember, people are not bad people merely because they have different beliefs and opinions.
@@orirune3079
People who advocate authoritarianism and the silencing of dissent are horrific monsters.
wow i was literally thinking about this last night. i was thinking how to care what others think is only disappointing to myself, everything besides fully embracing my true self just leads to disappointment. hence just do it, follow you intuition and don’t hesitate. it’s okay to fear the (perceived) reactions but what’s more disappointing ? self disappointment or others disappointment. if you come with love for yourself and the people around you how can anyone hate in that, if they do it only shows how limiting they think. this video only solidified my feelings about it, thank you for putting this together.
I struggle with social anxiety so I needed this so bad and might need to review frequently, thank you!
Yeah, In my youth I had the same problems. what he says in this video is all true and it will behoove you to listen to it again. With social anxiety it is always from within. what you will come to find in time is.. it is futile to care what the majority thinks because the majority doesn't think. I know human nature like few will ever know. If you want some major keys just say "go ahead" I don't want to talk if you don't want to listen. ...anyway , good luck.
@@Autojones Go ahead, Mr Joestar
@@Autojones go ahead
Put yourself in a position where you interact with a high volume of people daily.
@@Autojones Go ahead sir Jones
I feel like the anonymity of social media has normalized rash and harsh judgment in my generation and its made us all paranoid
“I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others.”
-Marcus Aurelius.
Commenting this before even watching the video, so I don't know if this is going to be mentioned or not.
Screw what others think, the only approval and validation you need is from yourself.
Why the hell is the timing of this video so apt 😭😭
I am sure you have heard this a lot @academyofideas
They always are 🥹
Well, even a broken clock is right twice a day ⏰
I can have confidence… but just one look from a stranger at me and the confidence is gone..
but i have learnt a-lot from this video.
I care about the opinions of the people I love and hold in high regard, as I recognize I'm not all knowing and there's always room to improve.
Loving someone is very different to caring about their opinion of you.
First show them unconditional love. Later they will mentally form a strong positive opinion of you, even if they don't express it outwardly.
Only hold someone in high regard, but never above yourself, as long as you share opinions. Be prepared to disagree quite strongly on certain points.
Also be prepared to change your mind after uncovering compelling evidence. Weigh the pros and cons of all evidence. Ask yourself who is producing the evidence and what their underlying motivations may be. Everyone operates on an agenda.
@@stevenverrall4527Beautiful information. Thank you.
The only one that truly works is building yourself up. Once you do that you can care less. If you are in a hard place in life and have nothing, it's easy to care way too much, trust me.
It's been a very long time since I have cared what anyone else thought of me. However, this video has shown me ways to turn the contempt of others into entertainment.
It is fun later noticing philosophical attackers ultimately stumble and eat their own words...
Some people are never satisfied. They are upset with what you write and say, but also upset that their own actions cause them further problems...
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect." Mark Twain
"I'm not in this world
To live up to your expectations
Neither are you here to live up to mine, yeah"
-Peter Tosh
This is something I been struggling with alot, so thank you.
"Care about what people think of you and you will always be their prisoner."
- Sun Tzu
Thank you.
Epictetus’s “The Art of Living” helped me not care what others think and it was a good reminder to not adopt the affairs of others. The only thing that adopting the affairs of others, or concerning yourself with what people think about you only makes you an anxious, worrisome, faultfinding person.
Meditation can make someone see reality in the literal sense. It can help a person to see his/her strengths and recognise his/her wrongdoings.
Moreover it makes us more authentic.
Cyrano de Bergerac did a pretty good job of handling insults. He showed that he could insult himself with far more wit than the person who was trying to make fun of him.
This is one of your best essays. Great work and thanks!
my boss told me yesterday, that many people at work felt that the things i said were inappropriate, i asked her for examples, and she hedged...told her i didnt care, as long as i havent used inappropriate language or anything else like that i didnt care. we had a 90 minute conversation, where she continued to try and force me to care....but i pushed back. fuck people and their BS, including mine
I’ve done these things for years. Turns out I’m a stoic. Caring what others think can be stressful and it’s not worth the toil on your health to worry.
Philosophers always express themselves with a beautiful antimetabole or a chiasmus. (For what I know, they do not approve, and what they approve, I do not know.) Grammar is at the heart of philosophy.
It is so freeing when you stop caring what people think about you. Some people will like you some will dislike you. The rest will never know about you.
Thanks!
I think the key to being outwardly confident is to be inwardly self-consistent to a high degree.
Of course, it is not possible to be completely self-consistent. However, wisdom involves establishing a detailed world view.
Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one and some stink. I was told that when I was younger and it has stuck since.
I have learned to not take anything personal if someone makes a remark to me about my actions unless their remark is genuinely justified. It is so freeing not being a slave to the opinions or remarks of others when they don’t have any real reasoning behind them to begin with. As you get older you realize that people say mean and rude things sometimes not because of you, but because they do not have the mental capacity to hide those mean things and say them as a means of self reflection of their own reality. Now, if you genuinely are doing something wrong then that’s different, but most of the time people will take their anger out on you because they themselves are miserable. Learn to isolate the remarks that are valuable and the remarks that are meaningless, it will change your life for the better immensely.
This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I would say I stopped caring what people thought of me a long time ago, but I still find my value in the admiration from those close to me. I need a select few that I let inside the bubble to think I'm smart, or athletic, talented, or funny. Cause I think I'm worthless...
One cares about other's opinions when one has something to gain from them.
Think about it, the more you have something to gain from someone, the more their opinions will matter to you.
What you gain can be as subtle as your very self image, that is one one never bothered to look at one's life & is instead relying on other's opinion of them.
The key is to realise what one gains & then see is it worth it. If you'll understand it's not worth it, it will be dropped itself.
Also, it's not always bad to rely on other's opinions but God has given you eyes & ears for a reason.
“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly.”
― Albert Einstein
1:43 -- "A useful first step to cultivating a healthier attitude to the opinions of others is to reflect on the character of the individuals whose approval we seek"
"Your boos mean nothing, I have seen what makes you cheer! [...] Every breath I take without your permission raises my self-esteem!"
Rick from "Rick and Morty", s04e03
Saving this gold for later
I live with constant abuse in the city I live in because I was mentally ill at one point. I ignore the taunts and insults. But it still gets to you that people can hate a complete stranger that much.
Truly enlightening, thank you for spreading your wisdom.
On regards to insults, my father used to say somthing along the lines of:
If it's false, then just ignore them since it does not reflect reality. If they are true, then you listen to the insult and try to improve on them. And if they are something you cant improve upon, tgen they are not insults, they are just reality.
Another AWESOME message! Great video 😎
I found this channel 1 month ago.
It is brilliant 👏
Thank you sir!
These ideas which you share are the ones I wish I was told by the kind/wise father or uncle I didn't have.
I can't believe that my education didn't cover many of these things, so I shall make sure to propagate them so that others can benefit and become strong.
Bless you all.
We appreciate content like this. They contain useful and informative insights.
What fascinates me is how deep one has to go, like this video, to become more resistant to judgement and criticism. Criticism and judgement by others is so, so powerful. It's so deeply ingrained in our nature. We lose our minds because of it, so we need videos like these.
There is a quote, paraphrased, “Your jeers mean nothing to me because I have seen what makes you cheer.”
Rick sanchez
The opposite should be true as well.
From now on I’m going to do my own thing, regardless of the opinions of others. I will now be more assertive, and take control of my life, within reason, just so long as it doesn’t rock the boat and upset my friends and family too much.
"Our dependency makes slaves out of us, especially if this dependency is a dependency of our self-esteem. If you need encouragement, praise, pats on the back from everybody, then you make everybody your judge."
-Fritz Perls
Thank you.. I come away from this video a better man. It knocked some dust of the old parts of me that have been left by the wayside by delivering it in a way that I hadn't heard before.
Thanks again.
Just remember that your family is those who you choose. You dont have to forgive bad parents or toxic siblings. Ad astra per apera 👍
You don’t have to forgive but I can tell you from my own personal experience that choosing not to forgive and/or living in anger isn’t healthy either. You should learn to let shit go (forgive) and keep people that are toxic out of your life or limit their influence over you while having compassion for them if possible. If you can learn that you’ll probably be a happier person.
@@SeanMurphy00 that's ignorant why forgive someone for causing you pain. Don't be blinded by peace of mind or happiness. There are no wrong feelings after all. Some people deserve dirt instead of forgiveness.
@@Animeraccoon What's ignorant about it? Maybe forgiveness isn't something everyone should pursue but it's demonstrably effective. There is a man I used to hate. That hatred sat in my heart, burning a hole through it. I let go of the hate, and part of that process was realizing this man could have acted no differently than he did. That allowed me to forgive him to a degree because I understood that he was hardly in control of his own actions (this man, while certainly an intellectual, had a profound lack of self-awareness).
Now, I may have forgiven him and let go of my hate, but I'll never forget the decisions he made. Never will the trust be mended, never will I seek out his company, and given the option I would gladly go my entire life without hearing his name ever again. But I don't need the hate and anger.
I like the updated title better than the "stop caring about what others think" but also at the same time I like the idea of framing it in terms of thoughts vs opinions. The reason is most people, except perfect narcissists and who cares what they think anyway, have probably had at least one experience where their thoughts were just wrong in some way. Most honest people would be willing to say the same with opinions but I think more people are more attached to opinions than they are their thoughts. Sadly, many opinions are not well thought out and in some way based almost entirely or have major components based in the appeal to authority bias and or social availability bias.
The word "care" can mean several different things depending on the context. I default my definition of "care" to "what I actually spend my time doing" because in some way I can say I care about a thing more if I spend more of my limited time with it than with something else. Generally speaking I don't care about the thoughts and opinions of others and I mean that in the specific way I defined. Basically I mean I generally don't spend my time thinking about the thoughts and opinions of others unless it directly or indirectly involves them or in some other way those thoughts and opinions are/should be relevant. Many people, and even people most wouldn't think of at first, base their worldviews, opinions, etc on consensus and while I personally think it makes sense for things we don't care about, I also fail to see how it makes any sense if we care. In the end all a person can really say with any real level of certainty when they base their thoughts and opinions on consensus are a series statements about what others think and not much about the actual subject. Just as an example, "The majority of specialists in X field believe Y so therefore Z". If Z is almost anything other than a restating of Y then it is an appeal to the authority of X. In less formal examples this same basic thing has been given the label "collective illusions" and is basically where people believe, or pretend to, a thing just because they think the majority of people believe or think it.
I learned on my own that not even giving credence to other people’s pointless comments or insults is the best way to dismantle someone. You are unmovable, they may try to raise you to a boiling point but to keep calm and laugh off their attempts at inciting anger makes one emboldened. It shows that you are not only unphased by their commentary, but that you find it humorous. Perhaps even adding in a joke of your own to swindle yourself and the other individual out of it. If not, that other person will talk themselves into foolishness, and any that are listening will learn quickly that the one that remains speaking is the true fool, for he argues himself to a pant. And truth be told, it all _is_ funny and rather pointless. Watching a man get angry and flail themselves around is a circus act. It _should_ be laughed at, it’s ridiculous.
The more i grow old the more i prefer to be alone, and this is not good, i've been a hermit almost all my life, i am not a good person, but i had to become bad, everywhere i go i always get hated on, if i am not ignored i am being bullied.
Good afternoon AOI. A decent collection of nifty quotes and insights. Thanks - what is, IMV, amiss is the pointer to whence this approval seeking stems. Years ago, during studies reg some human-history-psychology topics, i noted that this social anxiety/approval seeking might stem from those ancient and also rather recent ways of communal living: in a tribal / family setting, losing the approval of the collective usually and very often meant: being exiled, expelled from the tribe/family. Then, on ones own, survival was a much greater challenge and probably not very successful. Survival depended on being approved of by the collective. -
When pondering this, I realised that such deeply engrained thought/behaviour patterns can’t be discarded just by rationally deciding to do so.
As I recall - the worst punishment in tribal cultures (which is our common human history) was being sentenced to EXILE.
This approval seeking was probably once a very usual ‘skill’ to have in order to survive. And it can get in the way nowadays when outer circumstances have changed considerably compared to just 100 yrs ago.
Important topic , no doubt ‘bout it. Cheers -
Oh man. I've needed this video for a while now surrounded by increasingly mocking and undermining colleagues intimidated by my way of doing things which has always been unconventional and surprisingly often very effective. I thank God every day for giving me a strong will to follow what's written in my soul and discard noise that is obviously meant to put me down and dim my light. That said, I try not to hold it against them and sort of understand where they are coming from.
If i wasnt poor i would be a member bc the way i see it this single page is more valuable than 99% of the other well funded unceasing trash streams on the internet. I have thought about making a channel just like this more to start conversations to move forward since unfortunately even most philosophers (rare individuals) just ironically recall quotes and do no forward thinking and even shun forward thinking for not being academic. And im saying i could not make a channel better than you are creating this one. Sincerely thank you, not for me but for everyone who has access to the internet and choose to think uncomfortable necessary thoughts.
This is one of the hardest but most rewarding things you can do.
Thank you. I struggle at times with anger management and this was helpful. 🙏👍
as Jordon Peterson said, do not talk to the group/crowd. that does not exist. there is only collection of individuals.
I have a need to be disapproved by the collective crowd. Then I know I am heading in the right direction.
Great narrator, writing, thought and understanding
In developed countries like USA or Sweden this is widespread attitude. Those societies are states of individualistic not collectivist morality like Iran or China. The price which they pay is loneliness. Because you have to choose personal opinion and loneliness or collective opinion and socialization. There's no middle way.
Agreed. I tend to care what people think of me because I know I can’t succeed alone. I wish I didn’t have to , but to some extent I need to rely on others. If I lived without caring what people thought, I could be broke and homeless. Unfortunately life is a game and for most of us, we must play by the rules to get by.
I am Swedish and can tell you that you are dead wrong. Swedes have a scary ability to collectively snap into a different Overton window seemingly overnight. There is usually no discussion. The new way of thinking is told to the people by the mass media. The old way of thinking is then quickly forgotten. We have almost no debates in Sweden, and if we do, the debate is after the political decision has been made, not before it.
Swedes also have one of the worlds highest trust in their own government. Even if the government is the only thing capable of abusing you without a chance to resist. Most people I have met don't believe we even have corruption in our political class.
You're missing someþing!
If a common consensus can be found for one or two aspects, þat everybody agrees upon, þen in less important areas, people can oppose each oþer wiþout damaging þe social fabric.
I'd say another price of more individualistic societies is also the ''fck you, i got mine'' atttitude you find more often. Both kinds of societes got their pros and cons i'd say, which can be different for different kinds of people.
Still one of the best channels ever created.
Thanks for your work, please never stop
Exactly, and also that's why my wife and I are keeping our kids away from Social Media. It makes you Stupid.
And I always say "Just because everyone is doing something you know is Wrong doesn't make it Right".
Awesome thank you! ! Keep this channel strongn
No one can make me feel inferior without my consent ❤
You've never been severely abused
This really spoke to me… thank you 😢❤
I don't think the desire for approval is irrational, I believe it's highly rational and tied to survival. You need other people to survive so constantly gauging the opinion of the people around you is only natural. This is allthemore true for women, being them weaker and more dependant than men.
I struggle with this. I tend to lack confidence in my self i always seek validation from my peers..as a result i dont feel im true to myself at times. 😊
My problem is I am invisible, at best. Let me explain.
I'm a 6'1" 35 year old straight white male. I'm bald. I'm in good shape, and work out everyday, but am by no means ripped or a body builder. I live alone. I work from home. I don't have any friends. I haven't so much as been on a date in over half a decade.
My only social interaction are either with my parents and siblings, or at the grocery store. I don't drink anymore, so I don't go out. I exercise, but it's solo. Like riding my bike 12 to 15 miles a day or working out at home.
I think I'm miserable. I have no idea how to fix this at this point. I don't like most people, honestly, and most people and interactions I have are disappointing, at best, and downright negative, at worst.
Very difficult situation. The only thing I can think of is to find a hobby or something that you enjoy, and keep at it. It is at least harder to feel miserable when your are busy.
As for the relationship thing, I got no good advice. People on the internet tend to wanna give dating advice all the time, like they know it all. It is just silly to do since we are still strangers online and I think you have to know someone to give such advice.
Dude I’m in the same boat. Just gotta force yourself to do shit with other people and at the end of the day come home and have a cigar regardless of what happens
Even though it looks like you like your own company best, we are still people. Maybe you still need some human interaction? Even loners need some, unless you're part of that 0.1% who can just fck off and go live off the grid for years without seeing anyone else.
After you're done with school it's always harder to make friends. People often look for new friends through hobbies, so maybe there's some gymbuddy out there after all, or at some other hobbies? You can always find more hobbies if you want as well. And do you know why you don't like most people? Because that's definitely unusual, most people get along fine with one another. I kinda like my own company best as well, and am not jumping for joy for most interactions, but for me that's because i can't filter external impulses well because i'm autistic, so while i get along fine with most people and most conversations go well, they end up making me feel drained and make my brain feel 'full' for lack of better words. If you don't know why it might be good for you to figure out the cause of why you don't like interacting with most people.
I enjoy others opinion if it's fresh. Too often i find it's an arbitrary judgment based on nothing, or they want something from me and are attempting to steer my behavior toward their end.
Got an excellent lesson in this during the last couple years... I didn't wear a mask, stay in lockdown or do anything recommended by the media(not because of any political opinions, I just knew that it wasn't necessary and I didn't feel the need placate others)and I was treated poorly by strangers because I refused to conform. A lot of people cut me out of their life and honestly that's what taught me that I don't need to respect everyone's opinion of me especially if they don't at least try to hear mine before making a snap judgement and assuming things that aren't necessarily true. If you take the time to listen, you will be able to discern who these "fairweather friends" are that fall into the trap of relying on other people's opinions to justify their actions.
Nothing is absolute. There are always exceptions, even to good advice such as "don't care what others think."
Ignoring unhelpful criticism is healthy. Ignoring public health guidelines during a worldwide plague is selfish and gets people **killed.**
Perhaps we should listen to people who tell us that we are **poisoning people around us with our breath, infecting them with a deadly plague that we DON'T KNOW WE HAVE.**
You were very brave. Going against the masses, is something most will never do, nor consider. And as with most things that are technical or scientific, those in that field can easily dupe those who are not in that field. As an example, I am willing to bet that most people get duped by their HVAC repair people regularly as it is extremely technical where most do not have the background or experience. Futhermore, contrary to the media, no respiratory disease can spread to another person, without the person having symptoms of illness. That has always been true and continues to be true. You were correct to live life normally. Let the sick quarantine themselves as was always the case throughout history.
@@h2oquality2010 asymptomatic transmission is literally a real thing with most diseases.
This "me against the world" mentality might make you feel vindicated, but FEELINGS don't mean REALITY especially when it affects OTHER PEOPLE.
So doctors are all conspiring against people but POLITICIANS and MEDIA TALKING HEADS are the ones that know the truth? That's a truly ass backwards way of thinking.
It's not bravery to ignore rules during a plague and get people killed. It's SELFISHNESS.
@@h2oquality2010 conservative politicians and media MAKE THEIR MONEY by getting you to hate Biden. So anything he does is evil and a lie according to them.
It’s about MONEY AND POWER. They tell you to NOT follow safety guidelines so you’ll VOTE FOR THEM.
Spot on ~ you stayed true to yourself while avoiding to be hypnotised by mass media propaganda. It was tough, I can relate as I did the same thing, and NO we did not endanger anyones life, but we actually inspired others to remove their masks, walk freely in public spaces, continue to enjoy the outdoors and not live in fear. It takes strength of character to walk against the crowd. Stay Real.
This is why I like dark humor like jimmy Carson he turns any heckle he gets into a great joke. A dark joke ironically takes people out of darkness
I'm guessing I've failed a small test by reading the "Comments" section...
Underrated Comment
Not really.
Caring what others think does not correlate to understanding what others think.
Thank you. I really needed this right now.
Something that's a real shot in the foot in regards to this is autism and ADHD. Long story short, these conditions generally make it extremely difficult to not care about other people's opinions, since the way these brains are wired makes you very sensitive to other people's perceptions, despite not really understanding them. I'm pretty sure I might have it despite not being formally diagnosed, but I can confirm it's genuinely fucking difficult to not care about what others think especially after a multitude of bad and malformative experiences.
When someone tells me "I don't care what anyone thinks!", I always explain that it doesn't make them look confident, assertive, and a free spirit. It makes them sound like an egotistical narcissist without a moral compass and totally devoid of empathy. These people almost always attempt to justify horrendous behavior with weak slogans like "I keep it real", "Don't silence mmy truth", and "Its not my fault you can't handle the truth."
This channel has saved me this senior year in highschool thank you.
I never cared what people thought before. The only thing that matters to me is what my wife tells me to think😂 if you don't believe me, ask her. She will tell you what I care about😂
Your wife tells you to think? You sound weak.
😂