Family Vacation with Autism, it's a different experience.
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- Опубликовано: 20 окт 2024
- In this video I talk about some of the things that have to be considered when you are traveling with Autistic family members. I also reflect on how having a Memory Disorder impacts my vacation experience.
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I also struggle with curly bangs. I love the way they look but they do drive me crazy sometimes. So, I keep one of those butterfly clips with me or a bobby pin, and I just pin them back or to the side on the days that I can't handle it. That way I can have bangs when I want or pin them back when I'm not feeling it. I LOVE that blue shirt on you! The colour suits you so much. The way that I know that I'm having fun is if I'm smiling. Or if I'm dancing, or my body feels loose and relaxed. That's what I figured out for myself, not sure if it works for anyone else. We went to a Toronto Blue Jays game last week and I had a panic attack for the first hour that I was in the building. There was just so much noise and so many people. Once I got used to it I could relax and have fun. My idea of fun is a hike in the woods, near a lake with a book, or knitting while watching youtube 😄
You've been getting me to think of my concepts of fun in my life, too. I've been called no fun and boring and snobby and different things before, but I'm glad I worked on my self confidence about those things... for the most part, I still get anxious if I'm thrown in with people and expected to socialize.
Though now as an adult, I carve out my time how I want it, I spend time with family and that's fun to me even if we don't do much, and like you said: peace is fun!
That's the word that came up for me too, when you mentioned autistic fun. Peace is wonderful. So is flow and engagement in something. The combo of those = chef's kiss! lol. Yes I resonate w/ everything you're describing about fun! Puns and dad jokes!
Nice photos of the vacation too! Take care!
Thank you. It's good to hear other Autistic people's perspective of fun too. It's so weird how people can be so judgy about if someone isn't "fun" to them.
oh, a book on how autistics have fun would be awesome.
I hated going to the beach as a kid and, until I figured out that I'm on the spectrum, I couldn't really tell why. Then it hit me that it was just too over-stimulating. Getting nauseated from the long car rides, the long wait to find a parking space, the countless hours spent under the burning sun, surrounded by itchy sand, wind gusts that would randomly get us covered in sand, freezing cold water, and lots of loud people. The textures, the heat, the bright sunlight, the non-stop noises, the anxiety of going to the water because of the jellyfish. The anxiety of being removed from my special interests for several hours a day for days without end. Family vacations were never fun to me. If it was my choice, I would just go to the beach early morning, late in the evening, or just not in Summer, and spend maybe 1-3 hours there. Or go to a park or a museum or somewhere not so hot and quieter. But it wasn't my choice; I was just a kid, being dragged around and yelled at by my family, which means my brain has pretty much learned to associate vacations with trauma.
Part of my thing is that I wanted to like these things. Maybe because it was "normal" to do so, so I really would dissociate all the negative sensory stuff and I just masked masked masked. Now I'm getting more in tune with really how miserable vacations are but at the same time I do STILL want to experience travel. It's hard.
Same...8:00 pm the day is officially done and over. Having dinner in the hotel room is the best.
Yes...slowing it way down...making things work for you and as a family is far more important than trying to see everything. The fewer people around the absolute better.
My son remembers how he felt away on vacation and not so much about what he saw or did. I totally get what you are saying.
BTW Amanda I love your hair. I am so sorry that you aren't comfortable with your new hair style. But it looks so nice on you. ❤
Learning to not cram all the things in on vacation because it's what I "should" do has made it much nicer! Thank you, I do love the look maybe I'll get used to it, or pin the bangs back when they bother me. We'll see. 😊
Thank you for sharing some photos of your vacation with your family! I'm glad you got to get away for a few days to relax. 😎
I can relate so much to feeling anxiety on vacation, and feeling like "I'm supposed to be having fun, but I'm anxious and can't relax". There have been many trips I've gone on, and the first few days were basically all about acclimating myself to being out of my usual routine, and getting used to all the new sights, sounds, and sensations around me. Once I got used to everything, then I was able to relax and enjoy things. This was all before I knew I was autistic, and I didn't understand why I couldn't just "be like everybody else" and have fun on vacation (or doing anything out of the ordinary, for that matter!). Now that I know I'm autistic, it all makes so much sense now. I have more compassion and understanding for myself, and I realize there's nothing wrong with me, my brain is just wired differently, and I can find ways to accommodate my needs so that I feel more comfortable in new situations.
Your bangs look so cute, but I totally understand about not being able to tolerate the sensation on your face. I have had bangs before, and I've always immediately regretted getting them, because I can't stand the feeling of hair on my face at all! Even whenever I'm outside and the wind blows my hair onto my face it feels intolerable, even if it's just a few strands. I know this sounds extreme, but it really is so upsetting to me!
Thank you for making this video because as always, it got me thinking about so many things, and it makes me feel not so alone in the way things affect me.
It's so strange how people can judge you for not having fun in a typical way. It's just another way to make us feel different, wrong and weird. But dang it, we have our own kind of fun! 😁
thanks, thought provoking...
Beautiful paintings! 🖼 like, I would seriously buy them. Adorable doggie. ❤️. Thanks for posting this video. “Having fun” is such a major part of human life, yet in our culture it often is talked about as an aside. It is a hugely important topic, especially since as children and teens we largely gain an acute awareness of our neuro divergence by comparing “fun” between ourselves and our peers. This awareness can last a lifetime, and without adequate support and/or explanation (diagnosis), we can have a hard time fully embracing what is fun for us.
Well said. ❤️
I wonder how many of us have fun in ways completely differently from the prescribed “method” in that book! Also, thanks for describing how you took time on the beach to “acclimate” yourself to the ambient sensory input, note anxieties, think about the positive aspects of a yucky weather day, and after that, you settled in to enjoying the beach. I wish I’d understood the sensory input adjustment process in my family members a long time ago, but it’s good to have learned a lot about it in the last couple of years.
Exactly, I feel like it was a good book with a lot of good points but there's more than one way to have fun, especially for different brain types.
I'm so glad you had your getaway that you designed to work for your family's needs and desires.
One benefit for me of visiting touristy spots on overcast days is that it's so much less popular that I get way more space and quiet to myself. That makes it so much more relaxing for me.
Yes, we try to schedule our vacations in off seasons as much as possible!
It’s interesting-my family (at least three of us being autistic) is similar on vacations. We spend a lot of time in the hotel. We still get out and do things, but we do collectively like to “recover” from the trip there or “prepare” for the trip back by relaxing in the room and spending time together playing games or watching a movie or whatever-not necessarily getting out and *doing* fun on location things.
It always felt like I was "doing vacation wrong" with how much time we spend in the hotel, but it works for us. I'm glad to hear we aren't the only ones.
I think that's a great way to explain SDAM.
Thank you Amanda for sharing your story. I was particularly challenged by when you were talking about your memory disorder… I really identified with the content page but struggling to recall a chapter… or remembering facts.
I lived in China for four years and I can only recall fragmented moments… it’s quite sad now I think of it.
Thank you for encouraging me to analyse it and seek to understand myself and my unmasking journey
So many Autistic people have excellent memories, but this is one where I am not the stereotype! I'm glad I have a name for my memory disorder. There are a lot of types of memory disorders though but so far this one fits my experience.
"Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera."
🤣🤣🤣
Great video and love the slide show. Thank you for sharing. ❤
You're so welcome! I decided to add that because this is my personal vlog journey too and my family is so important to me. 😁
I’ve never been to Seaside, but I have heard there are a lot of activities to do there. I usually go to Newport or Lincoln City. I’ve never been on a proper vacation. I can’t turn my brain off even when I get days off, and then I end up beating myself up for not enjoying myself enough.
I don't know if this is autistic or not, but I read for about 1/3 of the book then I can't stand not knowing how it will end and will read the end, then go back to where I left off and read the details with perspective of how it ends. Love that ❤!
I am serious mostly too, except once in a long while I can come up with a real funny joke or comment. But only once in a big while...hahaha 😀
I’m from England. Went to Astoria , Seaside and Cannon Beach I loved Cannon beach Seaside was busy so not for me. I wasn’t diagnosed ASD then so few arguments with husband because I was so uneasy. I was diagnosed this April ‘23 age 64 years old. My kids had lots of holidays with me and we always went to less populated areas and usually very early in the rain was best or dull weather. We never went out at night. I can’t begin to tell you the ways the hotels could make me melt down or shut down. Kids were non the wiser as the Mummy mask was securely in place. And my sharp sense of humour would surface for the occasion. Although some old photos show me sitting on benches in the distance alone whilst the kids and their Dad would be running about. I needed a holiday after the holidays’ Now we know why. Enjoying your content. 🇬🇧🤓💐
I love Astoria, it's so quaint. Seaside is more that traditional boardwalk family place. I prefer the sleepy coastal towns.
Dad humour... I bet you'd enjoy the channel - How to Dad.
My best vacations always involve nature, especially near water. One that stands out to me was when we camped at a lake. The weather was beautiful and there were hardly any other campers. As a result I felt freer to express what I call my 'hippy" self, sitting and watching nature, insects etc without people around to wreck it with their loud voices or potentially judge me. A good vacation to me always means that I can let go and become closer to nature.
Yes, nature vacations always are better than city ones to me. Although I really do want to go to the Smithsonian Museum one day!
Gotta be honest: my favourite dad jokes are all filthy. 😂
Really? I thought the genre was supposed to be clean?
Going anywhere and doing anything where there's people and sensory provocation is both exhausting as well as exciting. Definitely in survival mode at literally all times. Especially around people. I just can't deal with people. I'm very socially inclined, but I'm very awkward and anxious.
In the past, the only way I could ever feel comfortable in crowds or groups was with alcohol and music. Thankfully, I haven't been an alcoholic in over a decade. But yeah, I remember vacations as always being un-fun. The expectations of other people were always out of my element and I had to feel or understand "fun" at my own weird pace.
Unless, I was in the present moment like swimming or near the ocean😄
I was a very bored child unless I was outside by myself playing with bugs and toads, or my dogs and cats, to be honest.
Yeah, it's hard, I'm glad to go on vacations, but they are also hard. Good job on sobriety. ❤️
Amanda you looks so pretty. I love your information videos!!
Thank you on both things! 😊❤️
It's weird how many people tried to tell me that the things I enjoyed weren't fun, like they thought they were imparting some great wisdom that would magically make my life better.
I made a picture book about fun using colour to express the interests of the characters, and the flipside of it when one person's idea of fun causes someone else to become anxious.
People get really weird and judgemental about Fun and what is Fun don't they?
I thought I had a lot of hobbies, interests, love to travel. While theres still truth to all of that, I am just learning about my (likely, very high but entirely undiagnosed) autism, as an adult female... and all the ins and outs of masking. Astonishing, horrifying and enlighting all at once... I wasn't just average "weird" in school. -- You know what I mean. 😞 What really amazes me though is how quickly I note feeling entirely overstimulated now and never knew what to call it. My mental blocks and anxieties re: travel and transitions make a lot more sense now. Its all so taxing! Another thing -- The amount of time I could truly spend doing/listening to nothing at all and how peaceful it's becoming. The burnout is unfair, but so very real. 😰 I just wish the people in my life could understand. I also wish I didn't feel like I was just wasting so much time doing "nothing" and "wasting my life". How do you find balance when it comes to that? Thank you for your videos, Amanda. ❤
Its baffling that its possible to make it into my 30s without anything seeming that "off"... but I guess my seemingly limitless tiredness makes a lot more sense now 😪😮
I didn't get diagnosed until 42. Part of that was because my mom was also undiagnosed autistic. So she thought my struggles were just normal. There hasn't been enough information on different presentations of Autism. That is slowly changing due to social media, thankfully.
Wherever you are looks nice for the simple reason it is so deserted! U.K. beaches are always packed with hardly an inch of space at the merest hint of a sun ray.
It got more crowded further down the beach, but the part we were on was so nice and empty!
After a trip over one and more days I need alone time at home for a long time if possible. It makes me more tired than something else 😅
I was happy I had the weekend to recoup! "I need a vacation from my vacation" is definitely an Autistic motto!
Love kitty!
And you are gorgeous !
I go from a flow state to a torturous state where I can't stop doing what I am doing.
I can't do artwork at my house because it will start out fun but then I can't stop what I am doing. I don't stop to eat, pee, sleep etc. I want to stop but I can't.
I wonder if a workout type sweatband would help make your bangs less distracting.
I can clip them back if I need to. I do like the look, I've got to decide if I'll give them a chance or grow them back out. It was a very much ADHD moment! Haha!
12:05 ❤ Hi, Watson!
He says, here's my belly you can pet it!
I literally coped my whole life as undiagnosed audhd with heavily dissociating to the point I now also have cptsd & osdd 😢 😅
❤️❤️❤️
Someone stole my antidepressants yesterday…. Hope they are happy with themselves
😂😂 Very punny.