Nerd³ Plays... Three Terrible Old Games

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  • Опубликовано: 8 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 452

  • @undeniablelogic1963
    @undeniablelogic1963 7 лет назад +371

    "I don't know what happens when you divide 0 by 2. I'm scared."

    • @lemon93
      @lemon93 7 лет назад +36

      U. Logic ashens is a comedy God

    • @undeniablelogic1963
      @undeniablelogic1963 7 лет назад

      lemonman93 yes

    • @polyjohn3425
      @polyjohn3425 7 лет назад +3

      I was laughing so hard I had to stop the video and go make some coffee.

    • @leinadlink
      @leinadlink 7 лет назад +3

      It stays the same... What would be scary it's if youtube decided to divide his income by 0.

    • @AnirudhGiri
      @AnirudhGiri 7 лет назад +4

      ^ So he gets infinite money?? Thats pretty good..

  • @General_Nothing
    @General_Nothing 7 лет назад +39

    With just a few minor tweaks, I could see Bionic Granny being a very successful mobile game.

  • @karmascamera5275
    @karmascamera5275 7 лет назад +45

    Well, there's one game that's on Greenlight called test "Test"
    It's literally *nothing*

  • @wheresmyhugat
    @wheresmyhugat 7 лет назад +71

    In the start, Stuart sounded like a depressed Tom Scott

    • @Adumb_
      @Adumb_ 7 лет назад +16

      Murdoc Niccals maybe they are the same person. Along with Simon Pegg.

  • @NoooiZ
    @NoooiZ 7 лет назад +70

    "There's not anything this terrible on Greenlight, surely..."
    Oh, Dan, how wrong you are.

    • @jaxindonohue220
      @jaxindonohue220 7 лет назад

      NoiZ I read that as he said it, really weirded me out

  • @LazerLord10
    @LazerLord10 7 лет назад +14

    Terrible old games you've probably never heard of.
    *I'M SO GLAD THERE IS A NEW EPISODE*

  • @TavierCorsair
    @TavierCorsair 7 лет назад +158

    Yes Dan, as an Australian I can confirm that we only have one kind of treat called a 'Lollipop' and that is comprised of something sweet attached to the end of a small stick that you suck on. Not sure where you've been, but it wasn't Australia.

    • @54321blader
      @54321blader 7 лет назад +3

      He went to Canada... clearly...

    • @Speeder832
      @Speeder832 7 лет назад +44

      im guessing he was referring to our use of the word "lollie" as all "sweets" and he confused it with lollipop. also, hello my fellow upside down vegemite man! (its not racist if im australian too!)

    • @OriginalPiMan
      @OriginalPiMan 7 лет назад +27

      Tavier Corsair
      He seems to think we can't tell the difference between a lollipop and a lolly.

    • @robonerd125
      @robonerd125 7 лет назад +7

      Some Lolis are not underage, though those are usually demons or vampires or some other creature trying to eat your face...

    • @GamingDestinyGD
      @GamingDestinyGD 7 лет назад +12

      OriginalPiMan I don't know if I'm understanding this correctly or not but if you guys have lollipop and lolly as two different things then that's what he's referring to, as we just have lolly as a short way of saying lollipop ;)

  • @BuildABarns
    @BuildABarns 7 лет назад +22

    Dan and Stuart and some of the most wonderful people on the internet.

  • @pasta9006
    @pasta9006 7 лет назад +818

    Is the hell series starting up again?

    • @TheKingKart
      @TheKingKart 7 лет назад +20

      is dat coming back i miss it

    • @ThisIsLiin
      @ThisIsLiin 7 лет назад +17

      I hated that series.

    • @CrobatmanIamthenight
      @CrobatmanIamthenight 7 лет назад +36

      Delta Pi hell was an awesome series

    • @5Andysalive
      @5Andysalive 7 лет назад +24

      it wasnt funny. With a few exceptions. He just shouted at a game for 20 mins. He's much better when hes kinda enjoying something.

    • @0xs
      @0xs 7 лет назад +15

      The hell series isnt my hell bring it back

  • @lucusloc
    @lucusloc 7 лет назад +19

    "Nerd Completes Killer Caverns"

    • @LittleScience123
      @LittleScience123 7 лет назад +7

      *Permadeath*

    • @lucusloc
      @lucusloc 7 лет назад +8

      Too short. If we want to watch him suffer it needs to be all 17 pieces no matter how many playthroughs it takes. I want to see what the treasure is damnit.

  • @ryanward1906
    @ryanward1906 7 лет назад +129

    "you may encounter a secret game if you do that in spreadsheets"
    ???
    *frantically googles*

    • @spacebun5049
      @spacebun5049 7 лет назад +11

      Ryan Ward did you find anything?

    • @ryanward1906
      @ryanward1906 7 лет назад +12

      maybe??? I'm testing this now

    • @spacebun5049
      @spacebun5049 7 лет назад +1

      Ryan Ward holy shit

    • @deemp6773
      @deemp6773 7 лет назад +39

      In Excel 95 there is the Hall of tortured souls

  • @phantomkitten73
    @phantomkitten73 4 года назад +3

    The static man in Killer Caverns could actually make a really good horror game concept. Slowly appearing closer and closer to you.

  • @haroldfrogspawn
    @haroldfrogspawn 7 лет назад +10

    Bowtie pasta is butterfly (farfalle) pasta really, which I like.

    • @haroldfrogspawn
      @haroldfrogspawn 7 лет назад

      I like all pasta really. Italian family, it's all part of the territory.

  • @Hassworld10
    @Hassworld10 7 лет назад +22

    "Also in my cv I am a fight pilot" FLASHBACKS TO WARTHOG SIMULAYOR

  • @SSofIreland
    @SSofIreland 7 лет назад +7

    Somebody's going to mod a lollipop lady into Skyrim now, aren't they?

    • @fredrickbanks1966
      @fredrickbanks1966 7 лет назад +6

      We can only hope

    • @KirbyMario12345_939
      @KirbyMario12345_939 7 лет назад +5

      Right now, searching "skyrim mods lollipop lady" brings up questionable websites so yes, we can only hope.

  • @Vera_Nova
    @Vera_Nova 7 лет назад +4

    Is there a substantial likelihood that we would not have prior knowledge of these abhorrent and ancient pieces of interactive media?
    Edit: oh alright Dan, you beat us all to the punch

  • @Fenrir1
    @Fenrir1 7 лет назад +9

    Bottom of the barrel crud from over 30 years ago, amazing. I wonder what the people who made these games do today, and if they ever learned what makes a game fun to play.

  • @KitsuneNoMeiji
    @KitsuneNoMeiji 7 лет назад +1

    "Captain Random Loli Thrower"... I just imagined some guy throwing little girls at people.

  • @z-beeblebrox
    @z-beeblebrox 7 лет назад

    "Don't let the lollipop lady throw lollipops at you" is an instruction that only makes sense screamed at you by a lunatic who just grabbed you by the collar.

  • @Adumb_
    @Adumb_ 7 лет назад +9

    Ashens being up at 5AM makes his upload times make a bit more sense.

  • @timothymclean
    @timothymclean 7 лет назад +1

    Of course American roads are longer than British roads. The United States is longer than Britain; if our roads were as short as British roads, we couldn't get past Chicago!

  • @multiplio2924
    @multiplio2924 7 лет назад +1

    I suddenly got the feeling watching this that I can never truly understand what it was like for this type of game to be all they had...

  • @intcheese
    @intcheese 7 лет назад +4

    Who told you Australian's think 'lollipop' applies to all sweets?

  • @matthewmccloy4283
    @matthewmccloy4283 7 лет назад +229

    ...that we've never heard o-
    *checks description*
    DAMMIT DAN, I TRIED TO BE FUNNY AND ORIGINAL...
    unlike ur mum.

  • @caddilacbob
    @caddilacbob 7 лет назад +7

    speaking as an Australian i would just like to say that we do use the term "lollipop lady" to the exclusion of almost all other possible synonyms including the typically american "crossing guard". on the other hand, the word "sweets" is really rather uncommonly used and is also seen a more typically american term. furthermore *OH GOD THE SPIDERS SOMEBODY HELP*

    • @KasumiKenshirou
      @KasumiKenshirou 7 лет назад +1

      I'm American. The things you think we call "sweets", we actually call "candy".

    • @caddilacbob
      @caddilacbob 7 лет назад

      Jeff Jacobson XD thanks for setting me Straight

  • @aether_creature5357
    @aether_creature5357 7 лет назад +2

    I was wearing headphones for that bit at the beginning of the game, and I think I now have permanent hearing damage.

  • @andrewkovnat
    @andrewkovnat 7 лет назад +4

    Three Terrible Old Games You've Probably Never Heard Of

    • @andrewkovnat
      @andrewkovnat 7 лет назад +9

      *Reads description*
      Thanks for stealing my joke, Dan.

  • @shadowfragment
    @shadowfragment 7 лет назад

    Why did you think Australians wouldn't know what a lollipop is? A lollie is a hard sweet/candy, a pop is a confectionary with a stick in it (like a popsicle, or a lollipop). From my own experience being an Australian in Australia, everyone seems to use the word correctly.

  • @matthewguest4361
    @matthewguest4361 7 лет назад

    Dan, us Australians don't call any 'sweets' sweets, we do infact call them lollipops. We bag the poms (English) for calling every lolly or treat a sweet

  • @leroyvisiongames2294
    @leroyvisiongames2294 6 лет назад

    1:spider versus magenta colored Pac-Man. 2:WTF am I playing ?!? 3: a poor man’s pitfall.

  • @dragonflymoonraven
    @dragonflymoonraven 4 года назад

    Anyone else notice that the bionic granny in-game looks like Church Lady from SNL?
    Also, when she dies, a Grass Mask appears above her in order to take her soul to hell to meet... SATAN!

  • @objectivel3mur224
    @objectivel3mur224 7 лет назад

    "They're not all SWEETS you weird FUCKS!" I damn near pissed myself I was laughing so hard!!!

  • @samk9139
    @samk9139 7 лет назад +1

    As an Australian I have to disagree with your statement of Lollipops. We know what a lollipop is, we even have lollipop ladies too, we don't call everything sweets, nothing really, it's all lollies. I think you may have us mixed up with another culture :)

  • @geoffbushill5587
    @geoffbushill5587 7 лет назад

    The second one was a part of the 199 range. We had a C64 and the 199 range we got from WHSmiths and the games cost £1.99 this was a lot back then but my Dad brought a few back in the day. All games took an age and you had to wait for the tape deck to load the game (and then fail!) o the memories!

  • @charlieporter5349
    @charlieporter5349 7 лет назад +6

    I feel like Dan riffs off good games a lot better than he does shit games. They just offer very little in the way of comedy other than, "look how bad this game is!"

  • @hourlord
    @hourlord 7 лет назад

    Dan, Dan, Dan, We do not call All Sweets Lollipops. We call them Lollies. Lollipops are the ones with the stick in

  • @POLARLYBBACON
    @POLARLYBBACON 7 лет назад

    I'm Australian and I've only ever heard people refer to ANYTHING as "sweets" if they either moved here from or had parents who lived in Scotland or England

  • @ringking7
    @ringking7 7 лет назад

    Yes Dan, we do know what lollipop's, and lollipop ladies are.
    Lollies = all sweets (other than choclate)
    Lollipops = lollipops
    You don't get to lecture us either. In your country, every dessert is f***king pudding even when it's not...

  • @zogmorp
    @zogmorp 7 лет назад

    I'd pre-order the Bionic Granny reboot and sit through it's 20 minute long intro cinema and unskippable tutorial. Then after it glitches out and crashes I'd download the 2 to 12 GB patch that fixes a couple of the problems but mostly just preps the game for the season pass DLC. I'd totally do it. I like fun.

  • @squishybrick
    @squishybrick 7 лет назад

    I don't think I've ever thought or wondered if nerdcubed series needed "fanart".. But I really wish there could be fanart for the helicopter scorpion.

  • @benedictrogers1478
    @benedictrogers1478 6 лет назад

    watching this again, I love the joke that what makes Ashens contact Dan isn't actually losing money, but the result of maths.

  • @KasumiKenshirou
    @KasumiKenshirou 7 лет назад

    As an American, I had to look up what a "brolly" was, as it wasn't obvious from the graphics. (It's an umbrella.) Also, the kids on the package reminded me of the Canadian comic strip "For Better or for Worse".

  • @NGLGxbox
    @NGLGxbox 7 лет назад +1

    I am actually surprised Dan can play these games for as long as he does.

  • @MuchWhittering
    @MuchWhittering 7 лет назад

    "Bowtie" pasta is called Farfalle, which funnily enough means butterflies.

  • @The_Unholy_Nerd
    @The_Unholy_Nerd 7 лет назад

    he's a one eyed one horned, flying purple butterfly eater, he's a one eyed one horned, flying purple butterfly eater, he's a one eyed one horned, flying purple butterfly eater, please just don't eat me! etc

  • @isaacbrown1594
    @isaacbrown1594 7 лет назад

    Australians use "Lolly pop lady" too, also we don't call anything "sweets" basically every thing is a lolly

  • @PyroOfZen
    @PyroOfZen 7 лет назад

    As an Australian, what the fuck are you talking about, Dan? No-one calls lollipops "sweets." No-one calls anything "sweets." You either call them by their name, i.e, "Lollipop," "Jelly Bean," "Gummy Bear," etc, or if there's an assortment, simply "lollies." Also "Lollipop Lady" is a term we use for the people who work children's crossings, as well.

  • @andrasbeke3012
    @andrasbeke3012 7 лет назад

    At least Australians don't refer to all bodies of water as "The Drink"

  • @crittermoded
    @crittermoded 7 лет назад

    In america, what you call 'lollipop lady' we call a 'crossing guard'. Which admittedly sounds way more boring. But also way cooler

    • @KasumiKenshirou
      @KasumiKenshirou 7 лет назад

      It also accurately describes what the person does.

  • @RRW359
    @RRW359 7 лет назад +3

    I've probably never heard of these.

  • @ashab6101
    @ashab6101 7 лет назад

    0 / 2 is going to be 0 as you are diving nothing, so basically if you divide nothing by 2 you get nothing. For example if you have no chocolate bars and you decide to half the amount, you will get nothing because there are no chocolate bars. And because you are poor because you can't afford chocolate bars.

  • @stormblessed178
    @stormblessed178 7 лет назад +2

    That I've probably never heard of?
    God dammit dan... why would you put that in the description

  • @goldenravenart7506
    @goldenravenart7506 7 лет назад

    That feeling when a hour long add loads faster than the video

  • @joederbyshire7029
    @joederbyshire7029 7 лет назад

    When u said get angry while drinking a drink it sounded like my cat when u take its treats away from it lmao lol

  • @LeafShade
    @LeafShade 7 лет назад

    What sort of Australian calls all sweets lollipops?
    Lollies? Sure.

  • @whydidthetilda
    @whydidthetilda 7 лет назад

    "I don't know what happens if you divide zero by two and frankly I'm scared to find out" lol

  • @braders790boop
    @braders790boop 7 лет назад +1

    Killer caverns would make a good game for a charity stream

  • @CpnGame
    @CpnGame 7 лет назад

    I think it's safe to say neither Bionic Granny nor Helpless Harold will be appearing in the next Super Smash Bros. game.

  • @CryptidSystem
    @CryptidSystem 7 лет назад +1

    lollies are sweets. lollipops and sweets on a stick.

  • @spaceman221
    @spaceman221 7 лет назад

    These games look like they were made in an "Intro to Video Game Programming" class or something like that.

  • @andrewclayton1215
    @andrewclayton1215 7 лет назад

    @officialNerdCubed
    I'm pretty sure the mask says 'oogabooga', it sounds weird but then again it's a magic mask that talks and gives you lives.

  • @Thom_YIIK
    @Thom_YIIK 7 лет назад +2

    well don't know about you but the lollipop lady at my primary school used to give me and my friends lollipops

  • @chrisdbs
    @chrisdbs 7 лет назад

    Watching this while drunk, the intro was so incredibly confusing...

  • @Personwhorox
    @Personwhorox 7 лет назад

    I'VE NEVER HEARD ANYONE HERE IN AUSTRALIA CALL THEM "SWEETS" EVERYTHING'S A LOLLY! Except a lollipop, we call them lollipops ;)

  • @WhiteXCr0w
    @WhiteXCr0w 7 лет назад

    Hang on, Australians don't call all sweets lollipops, we call all sweets lollies.

  • @MarkDawsPresents
    @MarkDawsPresents 7 лет назад

    What makes those games even worse is the fact that you would have had to wait for them to load for many minutes before you got to play.

  • @VodkaHellstorm
    @VodkaHellstorm 7 лет назад

    What, we just call sweets lollies like Americans call them candy... and we have lollipop ladies. But they actually also have lollipops and they bounce out into the street on a kangaroo to stop traffic.

  • @RealRaeddie
    @RealRaeddie 7 лет назад

    Bionic Granny features the infamous grassmasks. The earth is doomed, have a nice day.

  • @balthor2137
    @balthor2137 7 лет назад

    Speaking of old things coming back up again... HOW ABOUT THAT LAST EPISODE OF SAMURAI JACK?!??!?

  • @usbhub95
    @usbhub95 7 лет назад

    Lollipops are still called lollipops in Australia and we also have a "lollipop lady"

  • @1JoshieWashie
    @1JoshieWashie 7 лет назад +2

    I always heard 'Awoogabooga' from the mask in Crash Bandicoot, anyone else?

  • @Richard-zu3gz
    @Richard-zu3gz 7 лет назад

    okay so through the intro I kept buffering and somehow it just made it frustratingly better

  • @sickly300salt3
    @sickly300salt3 4 года назад

    as an australian, i can say that i have always called lollipops, lollipops. not sweets because, y' know WE DONT USE SWEETS THERE LOLLIES AHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

  • @tjnohra2043
    @tjnohra2043 7 лет назад

    Just to clarify, Australia does have lollipop lady's and lollipop men

  • @sandraholcombe879
    @sandraholcombe879 7 лет назад

    3 three games Fridays meets nerd cubed hell

  • @Robovski
    @Robovski 7 лет назад

    Every damn video has to start with a built-in advert.

  • @lwaves
    @lwaves 7 лет назад

    I've heard of Oric computers. I never had one but I remember them from the 80's.

  • @pale2457
    @pale2457 7 лет назад

    My throat is filled with bile, my heart hammers and sweat pours from my brow. I'm in Hell again.

  • @KuraIthys
    @KuraIthys 7 лет назад

    Yay. 1983. I am SO glad I was too young to remember those games.
    The NES looks like the most amazing thing ever compared to those old games. XD
    Commodore 64! Atari 2600! Yaah! Nostalgia!!!
    Apparently. XD

  • @animeme12
    @animeme12 7 лет назад

    I'm probably wrong, but it appears that the Deadly Caverns game is not random, but patterned. It seemed like the steam was appearing at specific places at specific times. It's hard to tell in a game like this, but possibly it is just a pattern you have to memorize for each rooms.
    Game is still terrible though.

  • @finnmchenry207
    @finnmchenry207 7 лет назад +1

    what is Dan on? we call them lollipop-people here, and I've never heard a lolly without a stick referred to as a lollipop

  • @maxgreen2941
    @maxgreen2941 7 лет назад

    In Australia we do call them lollipops, then we just call everything else lollies.

  • @hokorikara411
    @hokorikara411 7 лет назад

    I put BlockBusters on my CV. No one is phoning up a dead store :)

  • @rednefarious6968
    @rednefarious6968 5 лет назад

    American here, you saying not all lollipops are sweets? I can only picture that big multicolored candy wheel we call all the other stick candy suckers usually. In fact those are also sweet I stand with Australia!

  • @zalenka-387
    @zalenka-387 7 лет назад

    Here in Australia dan the person who holds the stop sign is called the person who holds the stop sign

  • @GeorgeMonet
    @GeorgeMonet 7 лет назад

    I'm pretty sure that the game simply kills you once you eat 11 butterflies.

  • @zh9664
    @zh9664 5 лет назад

    Australians dont think lollipops are all sweets, we only think the hard candy on a stick is a lollipop. and yes we have lollipop people that hold the signs two?!!?!

  • @ThirdWarfleetOfTheKrthaags
    @ThirdWarfleetOfTheKrthaags 7 лет назад

    That third game was one modulo away from avoiding this video...They could have just timed the traps to go off every n frames, since they already had a counter going for the timer

  • @thesnowedone
    @thesnowedone 7 лет назад

    So.. if they are not all sweets; that means that a lollipop is a still a sweet though right? Onna mate!

  • @TiggityRits
    @TiggityRits 7 лет назад

    I don't know if anyone else noticed but in Bionic Granny all of the black kids ran down the same road

  • @trifsith
    @trifsith 7 лет назад

    We don't call all sweets lollipops. What on earth are you talking about!

  • @synchronizedelbow5702
    @synchronizedelbow5702 7 лет назад

    Are you sure these aren't games Meatwad played in Aqua Teen Hunger Force? I'm almost certain he played Bionic Granny...

  • @BrainStormGaming
    @BrainStormGaming 7 лет назад +91

    Surprised ET wasn't on here!

    • @adamfreeksack0314
      @adamfreeksack0314 7 лет назад +35

      BrainStorm "you've probably never heard of"

    • @ordelian7795
      @ordelian7795 7 лет назад +13

      No you're not. Everyone and their mother knows how shit the game is. Putting it on a video listing terrible games is just beating a dead horse.

    • @pasty609
      @pasty609 7 лет назад

      But he hasn't played it on the channel

    • @F_I_J_I_W_A_T_E_R
      @F_I_J_I_W_A_T_E_R 7 лет назад +44

      Terrible old games *you've probably never heard of*

  • @londonmidland4040
    @londonmidland4040 7 лет назад +18

    Can this be a new series plz as Nerdcubed hell/Hates has stopped.

    • @danie52746
      @danie52746 7 лет назад +3

      That's what ashens is there for

    • @autizm0x
      @autizm0x 7 лет назад +3

      London Midland40 but this is actually Ashens' series

  • @tombhousetv
    @tombhousetv 7 лет назад

    "Woggerbugger". Was a line crossed? Lmao

  • @d2factotum
    @d2factotum 7 лет назад

    All games most definitely did *not* look like this in 1983, believe me! That was the year games like Manic Miner and The Birds and the Bees were released for the Spectrum.

  • @KurosakiYukigo
    @KurosakiYukigo 7 лет назад

    Hey look, three Terrible Old Games I've Actually Already Heard of.
    Thanks, Ashens!

  • @RAFMnBgaming
    @RAFMnBgaming 7 лет назад

    That was at least 12 butterflies on that second attempt. i counted.

  • @jacobmarcelo9805
    @jacobmarcelo9805 7 лет назад

    Oh my god, this is off-topic but on the Nintendo Switch's site it says The Binding of Isaac: Afterbirth is now available, and Skyrim is releasing in Fall, yas!

  • @lorettasullivan4084
    @lorettasullivan4084 7 лет назад

    what are all-sweets, we call them lollipops too.