Why you shouldn't vent anger (according to science and philosophy)
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- Опубликовано: 1 июн 2024
- We celebrate and even glamorize anger as a society. But should we believe the hype? This video shows why we shouldn’t vent anger and why we’re better off preventing and reducing this emotion altogether.
Video: Why you shouldn't vent anger (according to science and philosophy)
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#angermanagement #anger #buddhism
00:00 Introduction
01:53 A philosophy of anger
06:02 The science of venting
10:33 Arousal-decreasing activities
"When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred." -- Thomas Jefferson
Good advice
I think Einzelgänger is a mind-reader, whenever I deal with a particular issue, he post a video on that topic right away. Blessed to have you in the RUclips Philosophy Community. 🙏
No doubt! 🙏
literally this is something i have been fixated on thinking about for several days. it’s insane
literally this is something i have been fixated on thinking about for several days. it’s insane
It is really creepy! I just blew up at someone; I go to youtube and what is the first video in the cue? Was Einzelgänger listening???😉 Well, perfect timing with a very helpful message. 🙏🙏🙏
Same thing here. Amazing timing.
Vegeta is a perfect example of this. Vegeta had above average skill level and constantly trained hard to get better. As powerful as he was he was held back by his anger. In his hard battles he often showed a hard outburst but always short lived and the calmer opponent won the fight. Goku was more relaxed and jovial in his day to day and took things less serious. Is why I believe he had more energy to put towards when it came time to fighting and training. Goku was the most powerful character because of this. If your body is always in fight or flight your brain is not able to put the same amount of energy on other things. Staying calm in the middle of a storm. Not letting the external affect your internal. Than your internal has more energy to put external. Great video as always. Many blessings to all 🙏🏾
Bringing the real life examples. I like that.
I fux wit this
Goku's anger at the death of Krillen is what allowed him to become a Super Saiyan thus giving him the power to defeat Freiza. Gohan's anger turned the tide of the battle against Raditz and again against Cell. If we're going to explore the effects of anger in the DBZ universe, we have to look at all characters not just Vegeta.
Vegeta glazer
I always feel awful and stupid when I have an anger outburst. I always regret I didn't handle it calmly. I feel out of control and stupid for letting someone push my buttons. The older I get, the more I feel so much better when I don't over-react in these situations. I feel better just walking away when I have the choice to do so. Wish I'd learned this long ago.
Yes, and the one trying to make you angry is satisfied when they're successful, and dissatisfied when they're not
Perhaps it comes with our environment. I grew up with a family who has to raise their voice when they disagree or confront some kind of conflict. They did tell me not to get angry but they don't show me how. In the end, I get easily agitated in any shortcomings. Hopefully, I will become more calmer in time.
I let my anger out at my co worker once. I felt nothing but regret. Every time I get angry, I try to remind myself how I felt during that moment. Now, I have better control over it. In fact, I don't think I had an angry outburst since.
Good point there , after the incident comes the regret👍
🙏🏾
Like a week ago?🤣
exactly . nothing but regret. no catharsis. lesson learned 👌💪
Good to hear, I still strugling to keep my anger these days😢
As an adult with ADHD, anger and I are old frenemies.
Emotional disregulation is a demon we must wrestle with all our lives.
* I actually like shooting my bow 🏹 as a stress reliever. I don’t see it so much as violence, but I picture it as holding something tight, like a negative feeling, and then releasing it.
I had a lot of anger issues when I was on adderall and they disappeared entirely when I got off it. Something to consider if you’re medicating. I learned to cope with ADHD without my meds and I am much happier
@@brianschwarm8267 Oh absolutely! My anger management was worse when I was on adderall. I have been traditionally unmedicated most of my life. Big Pharma calls it “self medicating” and doesn’t like the idea of people growing their medicine in their backyards,🌴 (I don’t do that, I am rubbish at growing plants) and Big Pharma (or money) controls a few of this world’s politicians.
Reminds me of a grouchy old wizard I know of who preached that magic was good and all, but the world runs on money. 💰
Emotional disregulation is a demon we with ADHD must CONQUER. Trust me, it is possible. To say that "we" as people with ADHD have to wrestle with emotional dysregulation our whole lives implies that there is something wrong with us, and that we are permanently stuck that way. That simply isn't true, is disempowering and misleading, and is rooted in victim mentality. I'm not judging you, just trying to dispel ignorance. I believed the same way for a very long time. The truth is that YOU have the power to overcome your emotional disregulation. YOU are strong, creative, sensitive, intelligent and capable.
I was diagnosed with ADD at age 10 and have been on and off stimulant meds until I decided to stop permanently a year ago. I switched to drinking green tea instead of coffee too. Stimulants do not help regulate your emotions (on the contrary), they only help you dissociate from them temporarily. I learned how to regulate my emotions and nervous system through lifestyle & diet changes, somatic therapy, yoga and meditation. Now most of the downsides of having ADHD are easily manageable for me and I became a coach to help others do the same. Don't give up hope brother.
Emotional disregulation is a demon we must CONQUER*. Saying that we with ADHD must "wrestle with all our lives" is simply not true, is disempowering, and is rooted in victim mentality. It implies that we are born broken, and there's nothing we can do except take hard drugs to manage it.I'm not judging you, just trying to dispel ignorance. I believed the same for a long time because I let my parents and others in authority convince me that there was something permanently wrong with me. It's sad that this persists today with so much evidence to the contrary. ADHD is simply a result of being born with a sensitive nervous system and experiencing overstimulation, chaos and trauma that is practically inevitable in modern life. YOU have the power to regulate your emotions and nervous system. You are wise, calm, creative, intelligent capable, sensitive, and in control of your emotions
I was diagnosed with ADD at age 10 and have been on and off stimulant medications for 20 years. I decided to stop permanently one year ago. I also switched from coffee to green tea. The truth is that stimulants do not help regulate your emotions (on the contrary), they only help dissociate from them temporarily. I learned to regulate my emotions and nervous system through introspection, journaling, somatic therapy, yoga and meditation. Now the downsides of my so-called "ADHD" are minimal and easily manageable. I became a coach so I could help other people do the same, with or without ADHD. Don't give up hope brother, you can overcome this demon.
Emotional disregulation is a demon we must CONQUER*. Saying that we with ADHD must "wrestle with all our lives" is simply not true, is disempowering, and is rooted in victim mentality. It implies that we are born broken, and there's nothing we can do except take hard drugs to manage it.I'm not judging you, just trying to dispel ignorance. I believed the same for a long time because I let my parents and others in authority convince me that there was something permanently wrong with me. It's sad that this persists today with so much evidence to the contrary. ADHD is simply a result of being born with a sensitive nervous system and experiencing overstimulation, chaos and trauma that is practically inevitable in modern life. YOU have the power to regulate your emotions and nervous system. You are wise, calm, creative, intelligent capable, sensitive, and in control of your emotions
I was diagnosed with ADD at age 10 and have been on and off stimulant medications for 20 years. I decided to stop permanently one year ago. I also switched from coffee to green tea. The truth is that stimulants do not help regulate your emotions (on the contrary), they only help dissociate from them temporarily. I learned to regulate my emotions and nervous system through introspection, journaling, somatic therapy, yoga and meditation. Now the downsides of my so-called "ADHD" are minimal and easily manageable. I became a coach so I could help other people do the same, with or without ADHD. Don't give up hope brother, you can overcome this demon.
A Vegeta appeared in the thumbnail... It's super effective!
I like anger. Not all the time, just every now and then. I think it’s part of being human. I try to channel my anger as motivation for working harder.
As long as you're not hammering nails!
I agree but replace anger with hate
I think hate makes us human
But "hate is a strong word" they say
We're gaslit into rejecting our hate
I believe this generates anger
I believe anger is imperfect hate
Not sure I particularly agree with everything said, my man. Personally I find that physical activities have made me better at regulating my emotions, particularly running. In essence, I find when I routinely incorporate these into my day, I rarely arrive at anger in the first place, and are more likely to approach stress with a sense of poise and reason. If I’m misled by the emotion, then again it returns me to my center, where I can dispel the emotion with logic and reason.
I think he is talking about only going running as a result of an anger triggering event. That would be just a coping mechanism. What you are describing is probably already a habit. Doing regular physical activity will decrease stress levels in the first place so that you can be more mindful. then you don't get angry in the first place
Anger is probably a surface symptom for something else. Oftentimes, this could be fear. Along with this, many other things.
Anger is often depression turned outwards
Realized recently for me it was fear, anger pushed me away from my family and friends, gave me a justification to avoid my fear which was just some social awkwardness. So much strife for so little reward. Once i let it go and just faced my fear, it dissolved in a moment when i saw how it had warped my perception.
Most likely depression, particularly in males. Angry guy is almost definitely also sad guy. Sad guy is much more likely to become angry guy.
Anger is one thing but it isn't healthy to keep bottling things up. Swearing (as long as it is not focussed at someone) has a number of benefits! Unexpressed anger breeds resentment. There is such a thing as healthy anger- telling people when they are taking the piss is important so that you aren't treated as a doormat.
Thats all im saying. ❤
Venting implies it's bottled up and needs to be, well, vented. Calmly expressing your issue with something as it arises is very different to venting.
In short - balance! Balance in everything.
@@AdamOwenBrowning when you present it this way, it does sound alot more conscious and thoughtful❤️Respect❤️
Don't supress any emotion but instead give forgiveness for your peace
Maybe I'm misinterpreting the video, but I'm thinking that the studies are showing that "bottled up anger" or "repressing anger" isn't actually a thing. The healthy alternative is hard work since it requires rewiring our brains to remain calm in the moment and breathe and let it pass. Lately when faced with hard moments of infuriating morons I've been reflecting on the insignificance of this moment, this person, and how much it won't matter 1,000 years from now, or probably even 1 year from now. This video and it's studies seem to be reinforcing it. Humans aren't as advanced as we think we are and we have a lot of work to do, I'm rewiring my brain to think that children act out, and adults have created skills to move through anger calmly and properly.
Anger has always been a problem for me, I have calmed down over the years compared to my younger years, but it does come out now and then. Hearing the negatives about anger, I must add that it can sometimes be positive. Twice in my life, my life has been in danger, and my anger has saved my life. The first occasion was when a person ran up behind me as I was walking home in the early hours, with the intention of robbing me. He hit me over the head with a metal bar, then tried to stab me with a knife. He failed to fell me, I snatched the metal bar from him, and battered him until he was unconscious and bloodied, and no further threat to me. The second occasion was an industrial accident, where I was trapped under some very heavy machinery, had I not lost my temper, which gave me the strength to remove the machinery from off my body, then I would most likely had perished, as no-one else was around to help me. Sometimes anger saves life.
As it is a tool of fear , it helps us to survive. Awesome take.
@@blackmonarch2380a tool of fear? That's sounds like a weasel take. Not getting angry is the tool of fear. Being scared to put lessers in their place or punch them in the face comes from the fear of this bitch made society causing trouble in our lives. It's too many weak people saying anger is bad but it's okay for evil to go unfettered by the anger less.
Burnout.. working non stop for 10-12-14-16-18 hrs can generate a short fuse as our capacity to take on additional stress is substantialy reduced. Thats why rest, meditation, breathing exercises, sleep, taking a naps just laying down and relaxing can reduce the sensitivity to stress from outside factors and increase our capacity to take on more stress
Sometimes in this world, if we dont get angry in some occasions people will take advantage of us.
Anger is an emotion to be used wisely with control.
I have read in a psychology journal that venting reinforces our brain to get to a state that needs venting in the future because venting feels good. Almost like a smoker smoking cigarettes. They create an environment in their body that reinforces getting that fix.
Yeeeh😊
I have been venting lately. This is a great reminder that I should stop and accept stillness.
I agree with this… venting is needing someone else to validate your anger… if you can validate it yourself, you can let it go
Another reason showing that common sense is no proof in an argument. Science needs to provide it
Would ypu perhaps share the journal you got that from? I'd be interested to read into that myself.
If anger were solely negative and had no benefits, it would not exist according to evolutionary psychology. So I think it is necessary to understand anger in both a positive and negative way, and to learn to harness the positive aspects and control or eliminate the negative ones.
As it is a tool, like all things in life, nothing should be wasted in use and potential.
We crave sugar and technically it has a benefit, but we are better off without it, just because something has a use doesnt mean there isnt a better way to do things.
Freud also writes that blocked emotion, nevrosis can be released by humour. Laughter is just as relieving as anger and the better way.
I've been venting my anger my entire life. It really hurts my own self. Thank you man for posting this video. There's been certain times where I give in to my own anger, and I regretted it all. Theres nothing good in anger. And thats why today I will try my very best to live an anger free life.
It's the same as "being happy". Neither achieve any tangible result. Instead, get sheet DONE. The end, 'n that's it. 💪😎✌️
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
"Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In time, all points converge, hope's strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again."
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
--Diamond Dragons (book I)
Anger is life force fella, I blocked mine for my whole life and scared myself silly about venting it, it was utter bollocks, it’s just energy moving through, although we as a society have learnt to suppress it, that and the other emotions of course!
In Buddhism they say like: those who fully come to terms with the fact of their eventual death, all their conflicts, enmities, resentments are silenced. Something like that.
It is a profoundly liberating statement and simultaneously a very depressing one. Don't know which is more.
Another brilliant and thought provoking video Einzelganger bro. Thank You.
I love the Buddhist perspective on this. The concepts of impermanence and surrender have helped me a lot
"Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die"
- Buddha.
Memento mori
Time is the only resource.
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
"Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul's fate revealed. In time, all points converge, hope's strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the universe's endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again."
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
--Diamond Dragons (book I)
@@coolbreeze5683 All religion have the same view, they all say that u should hold ur anger
I’ve always been angry since I was a little child it’s all I know even around myself
I don’t think venting it out ever helps
But I also never knew how to not be angry
I don’t have outbursts anymore it’s just all inside me not going away
I will try meditation and mindfulness
Science actually backs physical release of intense emotions through things like exercise and cathartic yelling
Man I remember this guy with 80k subs …. Wild!
"To be angry at others, you must first resist your own unpleasant feelings" - Hillside Hermitage
Can u explain please???
I Dint get it..
If you don't control your emotions, your emotions control you.
emotions control you because that is being human... it takes quite a lot of mindfulness to keep a logical brain about oneself all the time.
@John-PaulHunt-wy7lf More like be gone Moon!
Letting anger out is something you should do very judiciously.
There are times when nothing else will get the job done, sad though it may be.
The trick is realizing that using anger to achieve your ends is the personal emotional equivalent of smashing the emergency glass.
It should only ever be a last resort
As someone going through an anger filled situation right now, this video helped me a ton. I've been venting to my friends about it and it starts to make me angry all over again. It started to feel like a vicious cycle, I'm so glad I found this video.
I notice the media that portrays anger positive is action movies. In those movies and tv shows, direct confrontation is the solution. In other genres, anger produces mixed results.
I have always dealt with anger as long as I can remember, and I used to think that venting anger was the best way to deal with it (even psychiatrist recommended to me) but I can tell you that after screaming and shouting I always felt a deep feeling of regret and shame. Anger can make anyone do or say something that can seriously harm others and themselves, I can tell you that by experience. Overtime I believe I have made some progress and improvements in this area, it all comes down to the simple realization of "There is not a single problem that can be solved by anger, but any problem can be made worst by it".
What the fuck are you even talking about? Why can’t I be angry if I’m fucking angry? Who says it’s not healthy to express? It’s just the reality of the moment, denying it is utter madness
I can only agree but it is very nuanced, expressing might look like venting but verbalizing without screaming helps me process things with reason and logic and find many times that ilogic thougths or expectations emerge from those bursts, allowing me to think beyond the moment and deal with the experience.
When anger swells I tell myself we’re all gonna die and return to the nothingness forever then everything seems trivial
Exactly! In 100 yrs, none of our human nonsense is gonna matter 😅 it DOES put a lot of things in perspective
Hi, I don’t know if you read all these comments, but I’ve found that exercise is a great way to deal with anger, frustration and anxiety. I try to exercise at least 30 min every day.
It’s been shown that prehistorically, human beings used to be physically active all day long. It’s how we were meant to be. But now, we don’t. And so, our stress hormones build up instead of being used for what it was originally intended, which is to work out your stress hormones through physical activity.
100%
makes sense
Anger is nothing to be ashamed of. It comes from a place of wanting security and safety. Unhealthy anger is terrible though. The meditation book called 30 Days to Overcome Anger by Harper Daniels was helpful for me. Anger can be a great teacher if observed and not responded to with negativity.
Nothing to be ashamed of? It’s a low level fight or flight emotion that shows weakness of character not strength and hurts others because the person with anger can’t control their own reality. A practice of control and dominance. It is shameful.
Observation is necessary yes. Until it no longer exists.
@@xbemos Anger is a primal emotion, nothing to be ashamed of. It's being unable to accept it or directing it at one's self or others in the form of blame that is toxic.
@@magueysunset that’s a train of thought that most spiritual practices would not agree w. It’s primal yes. But the entire goal of evolution is to overcome weaknesses of flesh.
A good quote my medic just told me. " It is perhaps most necessary to have patience whenever we do no want to have patience". I am trying to calm myself right now. Petty people with petty problems.
Letting anger out is something you should do very judiciously.
There are times when nothing else will get the job done, sad though it may be.
The trick is realizing that using anger to achieve your ends is the personal emotional equivalent of smashing the emergency glass.
It should only ever be a last resort.
Venting is part of the process, it lets off some of the pressure so that the rest is easier to deal with. It's OK to vent, but probably on one's own.
I agree. Whilst it may be true it has some good uses in the right condition, it may be too uncommon of an ocurrance for it to be generally recomendable
@@transitionshotline
...Your channel name makes everything you just said so sus.
@@ephraimwinslowokay and? Are you actually going to engage with the content of what he’s saying or?❤
@@arthurb1191
Nope.
Just like how that extraneous emoji ruled you out of the serious discussion column.
i found the idea that "there's no reason to be angry. anger betrays reason" interesting. i'd like to watch/read more content from this point of view
Maybe because of ADHD but for me without physical outlet it is difficult to calm down. Telling someone who will involuntarily throw next object to "just calm down" is like telling a bullet to "just stop". In my experience it is better to work on not getting angry over small things then at controlling the anger.
💯 friend
You will never be punished FOR your anger, but you will always be punished BY your anger.
One must understand that until they can rule their mind, it will rule them.
It is very different to move your energy to release it from having violent thoughts or intentions. As Bruce Lee says: Express with emotion, not with violence.
Whenever I feel like I'm gonna spill, I remind myself that my emotions are never a result of outside influences. If I ever do spill, I just say something super quick just to get it out and move on. I never dwell.
I love the Stoics - Seneca's essay on anger is fantastic, and Epictetus is incredibly compelling. Nonetheless, I also love Chekhov's beautifully presented criticism of the Stoics in 'Ward Number 6'. It's only a short story, but a very powerful one, and for me, it is the best argument against Stoicism. Have a read if you like to challenge your beliefs
A Vegeta thumbnail on an Einzelganger video? Today’s my lucky day
Since I'm early, let me take the time to thank you for all the marvelous insights you've given us over the years.
It's very much appreciated. 👍👏🙏🙏
seeing this video felt so timely because i just listening to Marshall B. Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication series and he shared this belief that anger only leads to more violence, but i think his belief is that anger isn't a bad thing to experience inherently, but that it's a signal to oneself that a need of theirs is not being fulfilled, and they should take it as an opportunity to deconstruct that internally so they can later approach others in a more compassionate way
I have a feeling the need to vent anger is linked to desire for at least some control of the situation. It feels like an active response rather than passive acceptance. It might be that we feel it as a sign of weakness to not do anything, and so anger is deployed as a form of defense strategy (i.e. angry and strong > calm and weak). But clearly, as explained in the video, this strategy backfires.
I shouted a lot of angry things at my annoying neighnor from inside my apartment (hoping she would hear) for a year.
Soon after I got some painful arthritis.
Coincidence ?? idk.
This is a great topic. I've always been told to go workout or do something physical if I'm angry about something. I started linking those activities with my angry feelings and that bred more aggressive feelings.
Talking through why I'm angry with someone or learning to put the anger into perspective in my mind seems to re-train my brain to go into calming mode instead of jumping to aggressive forms of venting.
Every time you lose it, you lose. Stay cool, calm & collect. Mae West said it best.
It's one thing to know that anger is bad, but another to actually control yourself in a tense situation.
How about dealing with anger by engaging in activities that require a lot of attention so you literally have to divert your attention from anger to something else?
Like "Sorry, anger, I don't have time for you"
Anger is important for ensuring boundaries are respected
"Speak when you are angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret" idk who said that but 💯💯
This channel has helped me more than anything
Excellent video. I wonder if some of this can be extrapolated to other emotions like sadness or anxiety. It’s surprising how popular a therapist with a masters degree will tell you to hit a pillow. It’s no wonder why some things are the way they are, seems discouraging. I have found that knowing my suffering from anger is a choice, wanting not to have the feeling last more than it has too and manual labor help, along with music. I agree with the stoic and buddhist stance on the subject. Those two ways of thought, plus taoism, have helped me tremendously overcome my rage episodes. Taking that one second before reacting is practicing my freedom.
As always, thank you for the video, I appreciate it.
I am a neuropsychologist and also just read this study....I LOVE it!!!! I share this with my students. Absolutely LOVE your channel and now I see you have many followers!!!! So happy for you!!!! I started listening to you from the beginning 😁 I tell all my students about your channel. You provide such excellent topics!!!! Thank you ever so much and have a splendid day 🌻
Thank you for your compliments and sharing my work with your students. I'm honoured :). Have a nice day, too!
I have a complicated history with anger. While I've been aware of the harmful nature of anger, I didn't know more about it until now. Thanks for posting!
agreed. anger should only be used for life threating situations or emergencies. most people abuse or overuse it with diminishing and detrimental effects. anger is a symptom of a problem that should be solved or avoided. my mother used this all the time on business and relationships, it only just drains her energy and easily forget the wrongdoings of her enemies and my father.
Can’t agree. Righteous anger is a powerful emotion to stop harm or evil.
Also.. you shouldn't keep anger inside of you (according to science and philosophy). Moderation is the key.
Yep. Very unhealthy to suppress emotions. Suppressed anger can actually turn into chronic pain
@@leonkennedy3398THANK YOU❤ according to most of the comments, you’re wrong for feeling this way. Ain’t that a lil off?
Science is corrupted and sold.
@@leonkennedy3398
But...vice versa....
Expressing too much anger too often also may cause physical
and/or mental problems.
Nonreaction
equals ✌
@joannaedwards6325 you're letting built up anger out. But you should also not let every little thing anger you. A good balance
"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured"
- Mark Twain.
"Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools"
- Ecclesiastes.
"Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die"
- Buddha.
I needed this. I’m a pretty calm person, but I have definite anger issues that I need to work on.
Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.
Anger is probably my biggest personality flaw. I'm more patient, agreeable, and diplomatic than most. Once I lose control though, I'm a monster.
I generally employ box breathing when I feel it coming. If that doesn't work, I remove myself from the situation to collect my thoughts. If I'm so angry I can't recenter myself, boxing and lifting weights never fail. Can't be angry if I'm exhausted.
I think it is more accurate to say that we should avoid "wrath" rather than anger itself. Anger is classified as one of the few basic human emotions in psychology, along with sadness, happiness, fear, surprise, and disgust. "Anger" is more accurately viewed as a feeling--rather than an action. It is what you do with that emotion that determines if it is healthy or not. So if you use your emotion of anger to inflict disorder in the world around you (considered wrath), that would be considered negative. But you can utilize your emotion of anger for positive things aswell. The video makes very valid points on the need to control anger, and this is expressed thoroughly in Buddhist philosophy. In Buddhism, when you feel anger it is considered the "first bullet" and this is unavoidable for everyone, but when you take this anger and cause inappropriate chaos, that is considered the "second bullet." It is within our grasp to control and even eliminate this "second bullet." Some examples of "good" anger include Ghandi's peaceful protest, MLK peaceful protest, and even Jesus' anger in the temple. To eliminate anger is asking to eliminate a basic human emotion, which is to reject an aspect of the humanity that lives in you. It is thus more important to learn how to control and direct it to more productive avenues.
TLDR:
Anger = human emotion and often necessary. Need to learn how to control and use rather than "avoid."
Wrath = negative expression of anger; bad and should be avoided. (what the video is more specifically referring to)
This was interesting and I learned something very useful. I am old but when I was young I thought Freud was full of crap. I did not know, however, that venting anger could be bad. Everyone, everywhere said it was good to get it out. Being old, it takes to much of my valuable energy to be angry. I don't like to vent anymore and I do feel more peaceful. From now on I will let all anger go like a balloon. This video is very very helpful. Thank you!!!
I'm very emotional and I used to have a lot of problems controlling my anger (especially with my family, my partner, etc.) in certain situations, but even if I vented in my room or somewhere that I wasn’t hurting anyone (throw a pillow) it would only make it harder to control next time.
At some point I realized that the best way to dealing with anger was just letting the feeling pass without doing anything. Now I don’t get angry as often and when I do rarely feel the need to raise my voice and much less vent, I just recognize that something in the situation is upsetting me and I try to deal with it the best than I can.
What you are saying is 100% true. Outward venting of anger is destructive in every sense. How many children have lived through a childhood of house hold anger only to turn that learned behavior on themselves. Now that is truly tragic.
Ironically, I see this video after quitting my job for this same reason. Thank you for the info 🙏 really appreciated.
Whenever i feel sudden anger arising in me, instead of directing it to someone or myself, I write it out or type it out on my phone. “I am so angry right now!” “I am so angry with so and so at the moment!” “Why am i feeling so angry…maybe its because…” are some of the things i write right away and that immediately activates my frontal cortex and get me out of my primitive/narcissistic limbic system. I recommend it to everyone ❤ Peace ❤
This works absolutely so, great recommendation! Peace.🫀♾️
For me, anger and shame have been dancing intimately all my life.
Oh damn I feel this
I'd love to experience anger as a normal person. Could probably work on it then but for someone depressed and stuck in their head anger is like a best friend handing you a gun with the confidence to end it all. It shortcircuits your mind, there's no point in tackling the anger at the point cause it's just woken up a worse demon for you to contend with - suicide.
I think all the points you have made, using a these narrative driven points are missing something that unhinges them. From what I’ve come to understand is that feelings are feelings, they are all equally valuable, the moment we place value on them(be it “good feeling” or “bad feeling”) we become blind to their mechanistic purpose. The more we think anger is bad, the more we avoid it, the more unfamiliar we are with being able to recognize why it is their and how to deal with it, work with it. Cold showers are not as difficult when you take them frequently. Frustration is different from Anger, anger is different from rage, rage is different from contempt. Each is a progression from a LACK OF PROPER ACTION, not action it’s self. Anger is a precipitation of proper action. The action is up to you but it builds pressure for you to to have momentum to step forward on solving a problem, that step could be as simple as saying I’m not happy about this, your words hurt and I don’t know what to say, it could be anger at yourself for not knowing what to do. This is why, hitting things, hard exercise and all that sillyness doesn’t work, you expended energy on not overcoming yourself to over come the probes you are angry about.
As much as I have studied stoicism and Buddhism and loved it, there is alot of spiritual bypassing in both, as well as a lot of philosophy and religion, Science proves what you want it to prove nowadays, just like religion and philosophy, the truth is looked at like an anomaly and then it is put to the side because it’s uncomfortable.
anger is a defense mechanism to a weakness.
that weakness is pain.
we all feel angry because we were hurt or offended.
I really hope many people watch this video
yep
This is profound. Thank you, Eisenganger.
I have been jogging for over 30 years and for a long time, I get angry basically every time.
Have stopped coffee before, and tried different strategies, and there are issues occurring that are not being dealt with , but there is always something that triggers me. I am by myself, so rarely seen, but really shocks me how aggressive I can internally feel.
I used to be a Pilates and Yoga instructor, so I imagine I had counterbalanced the jogging before.
I am female, and never been an angry type (fearful for sure) until age 40 or so.
The options you give sound really doable.
Thank you!
You are a Warrior 💪 Nothing is wrong with you .
@@bigcatproductions2789 warriors, joggers and ragers age very badly.
It is biochemistry.
I aim to age with wisdom, and as much calm beauty and greater communication skills as possible. A 55 year old female body refuses to be bashed around.
( I am already an active small farmer off grid, not living an overly soft life).
I am surrounded by amazing older male farmers who's bodies suffer extremely from injuries.
Take care. Warriors need to assess the outcomes of their strategies, particulary if they have simply become a habit. The older body becomes the habits of youth.
Forever count ur words before spitting them out - I came off some heated words .. all I could do was listen & be quiet, could not reason. And there I was ! 😮
Thanks for this. Been going through so much anger from betrayal, hardships, victimhood mentality and been venting it out to my partner. I started to STOP venting and complaining to save my relationship. To summarise, things have been a lot better now and calmer.
Only time I felt anger rise to a super high level, was at school and the school bully was chipping away. After one little encounter where i remained steadfast, as he walked away i took some deep calming breaths. A fellow student who was petrified of the bully asked me about it, about me deep breaths. I told him, he wants a fight and i am not willing to give him one but i wont back down either and so i need to remain calm and the breaths help... But i would get agitated driving on the road until one day while at a set of light that would take me 3 changes to get through, upon the green way way way ahead the woman in front started throwing her arm up and gesturing and shouting to the cars so very far ahead, they weren't moving quick enough. I realised then, her anger came from her inability to control the elements of her trip and that meant the other drivers. And i realised something else, the danger of superimposing my driving experience onto others, and that wherever I am going will still be there. And i would rather people drive within their skills than exceed those skills and crash, even if their skills almost cause crashes. And as i cannot control any other driver, i should go with the flow, like a cork bobbing on the water as a river takes it down stream. And from that moment, i have never angered again behind the wheel. Cut me off? Figures. Don't see me? Figures. Zip in and out? Figures and clearly hasn't done the math and how little that will gain them. Lane ending and want to squeeze where there is no gap? Figures, there you go, come in and be gone from my space. I now drive like a retired person with zero sense of urgency and it is so peaceful.
I’m so grateful that you make captions for these videos.
Very true. When I was much younger, I used to deal with anger by driving fast on a car/motorcycle. As the years passed on , I became slower but I still needed the drive to blow off steam.
Turns out that I was meditating while driving while observing the beauty of nature while doing so. It was never the thrill of speeding and weaving, but it was a way to escape the situation and the triggers of me bursting to a place where I can collect my thoughts and be calm.
Anger is imperfect hate
Embrace hate and anger melts away, is excercised
Anger just happens to you, but hate is a part of who you are
We all hate something, in a way thats deeply personal
Lying about it to yourself creates anger
"The intoxication of anger, like that of the grape, shows us to others, but hides us from ourselves" - Colton.
Dealing and facing anger is to treat it with peaceful understanding why you are angry.
Thank you..the world should watch thus video
I try to use the negative energy that anger provides me with to do productive tasks. I'll work out or go for a brisk walk to release the desire to be physical while thinking through whatever it is that has me so angry. It doesn't always work because I can't always drop what I'm doing to exercise, but I have found that it helps.
❤❤❤ You won't believe how much I needed this video - right now! Thank you so much.
First of all the most important thing is the circumstances which we live in, in today's world you can't be a monk where everyone is trying to abuse you, you have to react so that they don't do it again
I enjoy the increasing quality of video production 😁
I have always had a temper. At its worst in my early teenage years I thought I found release in playing football and "moshing" to heavy metal music. While those releases were temporarily satisfying, the feelings still persisted. But when I changed "moshing" to relaxing dancing to hippy music, the release became endearing and ultimately fulfilling. This may seem a subtle difference, but the significant difference was I was experiencing positive emotions.
I owned a Jack Russell terrier, a dog that had a TON of energy. One way or another I had to do something active with him daily or else he would release his pent up energy in destructive ways. But part of the key was to do positive activities with him so he was happy while releasing that pent up energy.
So there is something to the need for "release" for some people, I think the trick is that that release should be a positive experience in itself.
I believe maybe in a possible middle way. A way wherein anger isn't ignored and bottled up into resentment, and isn't capable of growing into a full-blown forest fire. Like idk, sometimes we can't really just ignore how angry we feel and set it aside, but neither should it uncontrollably explode.
Anger, a rabbit hole we pull one another into, that is actually a bottomless pit.
Anger, as long as it isn't turned outward, is a catalyst for change. Fuel.
That’s a lifetime work, you simply can’t decide that from now on you’ll be calm…lots of inner healing to be done over the months and years or even decades
Good reminder, thanks. Read some vipassana books some years ago that used a fire metaphor. First you light yourself on fire with the emotion, then you spread it to others by venting on them. Makes sense that not being on fire would actually help the situation, not turning up the heat. This will take some practice :)
We shouldn't suppress or avoid feelings of anger. Anger is usually covering another feeling or emotion like humiliation, dissapointment, grief, annoyance that must be addressed. I think we should be ok with feeling upset and not feel shame or treated as inferior for experiencing it. Stoics are anti negative feelings because the appearance of calm is what makes them feel in control. We learn how to express anger with our upbringing as we see our parents deal with it. Also, it is very naive to say anger is always explosive. Look around you and see how many people are angry but don't express it. They walk with anger, and then later manifests in physiological and health problems. Anger must be addressed and processed. It must be transformed into clarity and positive action or resolution. Meditating and doing yoga is a temporary fix and distraction from what makes the person react in anger. If you don't question it and transform it, you will be doing meditation and downloading mindful apps for life. Im dissapointed that the only solution in this video is meditation and yoga.
When I feel particularly angry, I tend to sort of vent to myself whether out loud or in my head in the privacy of my room so that over some time I've blown off some steam without unnessecarily hurting anyone by either physically or verbally using them as a punching-bag (I've only lost my temper only very few times throughout my life before, but I'm afraid of allowing my emotions to blind my judgement and lead me onto a irreversable path of self-destruction) nor keeping all of my strong emotions bottled up untill they explode, so far it has consistently been of great help to me, being able to nagivate through difficult external an/or internal circumstances through self-love and self-reflect plus using your feeling and thinking side in tandem can really get anyone far with or without outside-support.
I have manic-depression. Mania can be wild excitement or it can be deadly rage. I have destroyed machinery and tortured animals (this, anymore, makes me SICK to think I once did) and pulled weapons on folks. I've been in jail twice for exploded rage. Displaced anger -a.k.a. -the pecking order -has a LOT to do with this. Now, I am away from the source of the anger -an abusive family -and haven't lost my temper since November of 2018. I haven't threatened physical harm against anyone since June of 2010. Medicine and counseling and old age have all calmed me down. The other part of manic-depression -depression itself -is still very much with me. I have suicidal despairs. One thing that has helped control the anger is a positive outlook. I try to see the good things about people rather than the bad. Oh, I know that there are many bad things in life, but I focus on the good. Another thing is to avoid negative influences; e.g., my brother's fists. Akh, life is WONDERFUL!
I had in mind venting was talking about your emotions and talking about what makes you angry so you can calm down and figure out a solution to the triggers. If venting is letting out things in outbursts, it definitely does more harm than good. It doesn't help much either. I would rather figure out my emotions than take them out on anything else.
Incredibly helpful as always. Accessible, profound insights with top-shelf video and script editing. Absolute respect for viewer time, but more than that. I'm talking myself into a tshirt purchase
Thank you so much for making this video. Really shines a different light on how to deal with Anger.
Emotions are healthy and natural. Expression of emotions is healthy and natural. The determining factor in this case is the individual. Their temperaments, impulses and urges. If your emotions run wild and become destructive, its not a problem with the emotion, its a problem with the individual.
I don’t get it!
" despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage "
Smashing pumpkins. 1990's.
Just watched this for a second time. Thank you so much for your efforts!
What a valid and well put perspective on anger. I really needed this today dealing with an angry coworker. Thank you 🙏 everyone be well.