I Will Never Have a Best Friend Again
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- Опубликовано: 2 окт 2024
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I used to be a people person. Then people ruined it.
Well said!
Yes!
Me too!
Oh so true!
My GOD, how true!
Being excluded by mean people is a blessing 🙌
Amen!
@@amybrownmidlife - that's right, Amen and Amen.
@@sharonlain5830 exactly 👍
I'm declaring myself a Sigma personality type. Concerning friends: I have acquaintances. I am happy with my own company and my grown daughter's company. I think most older women are the same way. We are done with the BS, the cliques, the gossip, and the misunderstandings when a group of people get together. We are friendly, certainly, but we don't want any of the crap others can bring into our lives. I AM my own support group.
I like your attitude! Thanks for watching
I can relate to this.
I so relate! 😊
Exactly 👍🏻
So, you never feel lonely?
I'm 60 and enjoy my space and my own company
Thanks for watching. Take care
Me too
I am 71, me three
Me four!
I have always felt when women formed groups it was dangerous. I felt I could no longer be myself. I would have to conform to the group dynamics. So I stay away from groups. I cant be myself in a group. I need to do what I want, when I want and how I want.
Thanks for watching. Take care
Hello wildflower wind….. Here’s an example of toxic women I do ballroom dance competitions…. our dresses can be anywhere from $500-$10,000….. Each competition is a minimum of $5000…. everyone is thin, wearing high heels, wearing tuxedos everything you see on the television….. and the men are unreal hunky!
You're a queen bee minus the personality disorders. ❤
Same reason I can’t do rumba, Zumba or classes like that at the gym. I can’t follow anyone moves. I’m great at free dancing.
I tell people this all of the time, I’m not a joiner.
Some women never leave high school sadly. The "sisterhood" is a garbage myth.
Multiple times I have relived Junior high. I didn't have a lot of friends when I was in elementary school but I had two maybe three definitely two. In 6th grade my best friend stopped talking to me and Then Junior high was hell. High school wasn't better It was a little better in 10th grade. People talked to me and they didn't call me names. That was nice. But my best friend was 40 minutes away by car. We had fun together. She was the daughter of a friend of my father and my uncle previously when they lived in another state. So mostly I didn't have friends. Hung out by myself.
I had a job when I was 21 and older and the girls there - I really pissed off the queen bee. They would whisper about me.
I figured maybe I could get another job but it would be just the same. I went to church with some girls and some of them were nice to me. The ones who are a little older than me were nicer and better friends until they ran off with the guy that I had a crush on but neither one of us were in love with each other and my friend, my best friend she kept getting engaged to everyone. And then she went after the guy that I liked to be around. I didn't want to marry him but I sure had a crush on him. She did things to push me out and make me feel like I was the third wheel when the boy and I were the same age and she was 9 years older. Years later after I was married and divorced another friend of mine did that with another guy that I hung out with but I wasn't really having a crush on him. And we were three friends together she had been my friend since let's say from 79 to 2000 maybe. And we were hanging out in his apartment and he was rubbing my back cuz it hurt and I thought Well I don't want her to feel left out so I said why don't you rub Lisa's back and so he did. And then she just started usurping him and kicking me out of our friendship. He didn't really push back and we had different days off during the week and she would invite him to her family events so I couldn't really go. It was one of the reasons I moved away. Also my former husband was asking me to have sex with him. I don't know if he was still married to his second wife that he dumped me for. I had some other jobs after the one with the queen bee and even during that one as I got older I was around some older women not old just older and they treated me with respect. So it was less awful. I left there I got married as previously mentioned. I started hanging out with some fans of an actor I got divorced because my husband ran off with this other woman. I was naive about that but my minister said that he probably had a girlfriend. He was right. I hung out with these girls online. Until the queen bee kicked me off their mailing list. And nobody else knew it happened. I'm not saying they didn't know what happened I'm saying they didn't even know that it happened. as time went by I discovered a lot of people didn't like her. But a lot of people followed her around. And she was more talkative and the nice people were less talkative. Anyway years of tears caused by mean people. And now and then I had an older friend who peeled me off the ceiling. But that person was my best friend. And right now she's taking care of her mother with Alzheimer's and the rest of the time she's in two ukulele groups so we don't even get to talk on the phone. And I miss her. But she's not being mean she's being busy. Each ukulele group seems to think that you have no other hobbies in your life I have noticed this. Anyway I have ducks and I have a place that I need to be in a few minutes online
A woman befriended me after I joined a club. After awhile I observed she befriended people so she could gossip about them. After gossiping about a new friend I told her to her face “I wonder what you say about me behind my back?”
I bet the mean girl didn't like that. Ha!
There is an old saying: "With friends like these, who needs enemies?" It sounds like these women were never your friends and were very immature to be resorting to junior high antics. The "queen bee" was probably very miserable with her life outside the group and felt like it was out of control, so she wanted to exert control over the group. You definitely don't need people like that, and very often the universe removes people from your life because you deserve better. You weren't rejected; you repelled what wasn't right for you.
Thank you for your words of wisdom.
After a couple of decades of shitty comments from my oldest friend (since 4th grade), the clincher for me was a bizarre conversation I had with her husband after my ex husband died of cancer. These people were not my friends and I had to finally get into reality about it. 40 years of “friendship” needed to end. I just blocked them. The end. That was 2 years ago and it’s such a relief. I have a lot of light friendships these days through my 12 step recovery groups and that suits me fine. I don’t date. I don’t have a best friend and I am happy just living my life. ❤
I'm glad you have found happiness. Thanks for watching
I never had a need for a “group of girlfriends “ of course I have 5 sisters & a brother so there is that. But my mom instilled in us as young kids this wisdom “ I don’t get into the habit of going to a neighbor’s house for “coffee hour with the rest of the women around the neighborhood, that is trouble in the end. They gossip about others that are not there and are cruel & judgmental”
Your mom was a wise woman!
The "queen bee" is a genuine narcissist. You never want to be associated with someone like that. They thrive on dominance, manipulation and chaos.
Thanks for watching. Take care
I call my sister in law, Queen bee, she thinks everything and everyone should revolve around her all the time.. dont think so...
@Juliet.....My sister, another queen bee, told me that's what her co-workers call her. She actually thinks it's a compliment. When she bragged that they call her "the queen bee"..... I asked her if she knows what the "B" stands for.
Oh yes - I got kicked out of the bee hive by the Queen and lost my play group friends. Really devastating at the time
@misskaren.....It may have been painful at the time but in reality you're fortunate to escape. The longer you're around them, the worse the abuse gets. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way. It's even worse when it's family because you deal with them for decades. I've cut off contact with my sister permanently. She'll always be nasty and I've had enough.
Still today, in my 70's I run across Queen Bees regularly. There is one in my senior apartment building. Nasty! I avoid at all costs. I have a cousin like that too. They never stop.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I couldn't agree more - at least give your reason.
There is one reason and one reason only....EXTREME JEALOUSY...😊
Yes. But also extreme insecurity and low self esteem.
Thanks for watching. Take care
I learnt in my teens to not go where I was not needed or wanted. Friends are few and very far between in life & can come and go as you move through life, acquaintances are aplenty. 😊
Thanks for watching. Take care
After I became an adult I've thought the concept of best friend is for children. One shouldn't associate exclusively with one person. There are neighbors, work friends, church friends, husbands.
Thanks for watching. Take care
Interesting *fixed " ideas, its all covered.
@Paleface324 Exactly my thought. My life is so full with my husband, family, career, church, I haven’t had a “best” friend as an adult and haven’t wanted or needed one. This whole issue seems very grade school to me.
More fixed ideas
@@oneseeker2what exactly do you mean by “fixed ideas”?.
Dang, I'd be honored to have a friend like you. Some women are just brutal.
Sorry to hear that happened. I haven't had a best friend in years myself. I had a 15 year friendship end after covid. There were issues leading up to it that I ignored for years, but once 2020 hit, I realized it was a one sided friendship. I was always reaching out to her, and she rarely reached out to me, unless she needed a shoulder to cry on. So, no more one sided friendships for me.
Yes! Ending one-sided friendships is hard but necessary.
So many stories similar to my experiences. Makes me feel like I’m not alone. Thank you for sharing your stories.
Thanks for watching. Take care
I’m sooo sorry oh had to go through this. I had an inseparable best friend for 15 years. At the most joyful moment in my life, the day my first grandson was born she completely ghosted me. I begged her to tell me why and all she said was that she didn’t know what I was talking about. It affected me so badly that I went to therapy. Six years later she has No friends, her family wants nothing to do with her and after she chased her sweet husband away she is now engaged to a man she doesn’t love. In all fairness, I don’t think she has the capability of love. This is called a narcissist and both of us were sadly caught in their web. Please don’t waste another brain cell over this shell of a human being.❤️
Thanks for sharing. Take care
Great video. Thank you. With women, I've also found that a certain percentage of them want you on the (metaphorical) sidelines rooting for them and offering support, but there's also a jealousy factor if step outside the role of the "cheerleader friend". Like if you are successful in an endeavor or you excel at something, they simply don't want to hear it.
I am my best friend! And I love her so much!
How beautiful, as it should be....
Well said!
You are absolutely right and that’s what gets you through life
I have never been in any group. There's definitely a queen bee in a group which i can't kowtow to.
Thanks for watching. Take care
So sorry that happened to you and your daughter. I am 57 and I have a friend of 12 years who has done the same thing to me. We would text all the time several times a day , see each other all the time . One day in the middle of texting she stop texting me . I thought the same thing maybe she didn’t get my text ? Maybe she is sick? Something has happened? Then a few days later me and my husband gave her and her husband a ride . As soon as I got in the car I knew she was pissed about something. She was super cold and you could have cut the tension with a knife. Her husband was super over nice and talkative to cover up her attitude but it was clear she had a problem with me. So I decided after 12 years of friendship and seeing behavior like this from her in the past to walk away. It has been painful. 12 years is an old friendship but if it ends up like this that was never friendship to begin with. It has been a few months now and I still have no idea what she got mad at me about. I probably will never know and that is fine because I know I did nothing wrong to her. I am just considering myself lucky to be free of a toxic friendship.
Wow - that is so sad. She threw away a 12 year friendship. Take care
@@amybrownmidlife yes it has been really hard and hard to believe. All I can say is I am getting through it and having been hurt like this I know I don’t want to ever have her in my life to hurt me again. Lesson learned. When I see res flags believe it and walk away.
At 67 my best friends are my adult daughter and my sister. It's been like that for years. Only women I feel I can be real with and not be judged. I am so over the drama. It's just not worth it.
The drama gets so tiring. Ugh!
“Mean Girls” never really grow up. I was blessed to have a divine connection with two women in my lifetime. These women were in my life for 40 years. Both of them have now passed on. Each of them was a great blessing to me.
I'm so glad you experienced great friendship during your life.
Every day I mourn the loss of a friendship from 45 years ago. In my experience time does not heal all wounds. 💔
I really relate to you. Time does not heal all wounds.
Time heals is a myth
That is weird.
My 'best friend' from age 14 (52 now) just stopped caring when my son was born 13 years ago. I had moved to the US from Europe and contact with her was sporadic anyway, and she didn't care to see my son's photos, or when I talked about him. She stopped contacting me , forgot my birthdays etc. IMO it was jealousy as she's childfree. She was my sister basically and now I feel she won't care whether I live or die.
@@lucialuciferion6720 Wow. Sad to think that you thought you knew your friend when in reality you didn’t. That’s hard.
Turn away
Distance yourself from controlling Queen 👸
They aren't special.
They want to be special .
Expectations of power , fame , social respect .
wanting your obedience.
You are right on!
I've always been an independent person and I'm the oldest of four daughters so I think I kinda wanted to be the leader but as I got older my sister's made fun of me and even told people that I was adopted because I was unique and did things differently. Well going forward I found my best friend in 5th grade. And things were good with us until we became adults. And now I'm almost 48 and I can kinda see the big picture better now. I can see how my best friend used me and how much of our time together was on her terms and at this point I view her as a pretty selfish person. Our friendship is distant and now I'm to the point that in a way I don't want friends because I really do enjoy my own company and I feel more at peace alone. I'm my own best friend now. I think it's good to have healthy connections with people if we can find others that help support us on our journey and maybe encourage us instead of bringing drama and stress to us. Thank you for posting this video and sharing with us your story. 😊
Yes I was ghosted by my older sister by 3yrs, 5 yrs ago. To this day not sure why, but she was always wanting to argue about politics when we talked on the phone, an I always refused. She lives a couple states away, but for years we would talk for hours on the phone on weekends. We were super close since the the twenty years. We both lost our first born daughters the same year, and that brought us closer. So now being ghosted is very hurtful. At least give your reason. So all this shows me the type of person she really is. I miss her, but it’s her choice. I’m 64 now and have really been seeing people for who they really are. By that it’s by their actions. Life is short. Why can’t we all just get along?
The past 9 yrs have separated close families, tight friends, cousins, you name it. Seperation.
Also religion can do this.
Tons of emotions the past 9 yrs.
It's !more than "politics", it is self preservation.
I know what I see, hear, believe, what's happened what happening isn't humorous or humor.
I don't listen to preachers.
Ppl can be mean spirited, evil.
I'm not ghosting, I'm done.
To give you some perspective, I ghosted my sister who I was very close to. I just got tired of my family depending on me for emotional support, financial support, etc. Whatever the issue was, I was the first one called to solve it. Granted, they are all equally capable and financially some are in better financial position than me, but the breaking point was when my father died, I had to pay for the funeral, and they all alleged they had no money. I think the sister I ghosted gave me $1K. At what point do you let people stop using you even if they are family. My Mom keeps referring to my as "the big sister." I am not their mother or their provider.
@@shayscott7498 I understand that. My sister and I are super independent and always took care of our families. So that’s not the case with us. I think ghosting is a coward way out. At least letting the other person know the problem would be helpful. I hope you have found peace with your issues.
Ghosting is immature & cowardly. Own your reason why. If you ghosting, you took a part in it and now running. It's cruel and the person you're ghosting deserves to know why. Even if you have to text...communicate.
@@Dreamer-by4nk I’ve had the same experience but my sister is 3 years younger. After years of digs, passive aggressive comments, and yearly ghosting for months or years at a time, I am well and truly done. She attempted to reach out again after a full year (and didn’t call after a tornado leveled much of my town). I feel relief that this roller coaster has ended. Sometimes a sister is not a sister.
I would have send the ladies a thank you cards for the gifts for your daughter. No matter how others behaved, we will still be the polite as we were brought up to be. We are above the bullies. True friends will always be there for you regardless. Those women weren’t your friends.
Thanks for watching. Take care
You are a class act!
New here, your title drew me in, because at 50 I can honestly say the only best friend I have is myself. I have a couple close friends, but I rely on myself and don’t put expectations on others, because often times those expectations bring on disappointments. I learned from a very young age that girl friends came with a lot of drama and back stabbing. I actually enjoyed hanging out better with the boys and was more of a tom boy. As I got older I did have best friends that eventually we drifted apart for one reason or another, and once I got married and started my own family, it was my family that became my main focus, still holds true now. Now at 50 and after going through some hardships without support from friends, it made me learn and realize that I can count on myself to get through without seeking support from a best friend. In truth most of the friends I had only used me as their venting person, they always needed me to comfort them, but never included me in the fun moments of their lives. Who has time for that? Not me! 😊
Thanks for sharing - I appreciate your comment
My lesson on this started with childhood friends. I lived on a block of mainly 4 girls including myself. One was a year older than me and I was friends with her. Two were two years younger than me and I hung around with them mostly. I am an only child so these people were like sisters to me. My parents were a generation older than most parents and with no other children to make over, they definitely made over me . . . a lot!! Christmas I got more than any child. To me, the gifts were for my "friends and I" to play with. I did get very nice clothes too. My house was the hang out especially at Christmas. I never noticed but I think, looking back, these children were very jealous. "It wasn't my fault". Naturally a child is going to be happy over what they get. My parents are deceased now but maybe they, and "I love them a LOT," put me in a position where other children would be jealous. Maybe the other children's parents didn't explain to them that my parents were older and only had one child to make over. One of the two younger children was, looking back, outwardly very jealous but I was so busy being happy I didn't notice. She started making short remarks to me about physical features, correcting me about the words in a song, commenting on my bedroom, and on and on. I just pretty much ignored it at the time. The other younger girl had been my very close friend the longest but she was easy to win over and since the two younger ones were in the same grade at school, when I graduated they were together two more years in school. Being older, I got the first car, the first job giving me more opportunities to buy things etc.. They didn't have money and I spent my money on them so they could do things like we always did. I met new people who I took them to meet at parties and just in general. They went along. The older girl I mentioned in the beginning went to college without a car and obviously didn't have the money I had to blow which I pretty much did on anybody and everybody. When the older girl came home on week-ends from time to time she always came down to my house to look in my closet. I was happy to see her but all she wanted to do is see what I had bought. When the two younger girls went to work and bought a car, it was like I didn't exist anymore. I worked a lot so I wasn't really noticing it like I do now looking back 50 something years later. I was a very kind child and person growing up. Too Kind. One day, the girl I was closest to, when I went over to wish her Happy Birthday, told me she had her own friends now. I was crushed totally. Everything I had ever known was immediately ruined. I screamed, cried, and went home. I was so hurt but I was still young enough to somehow recover. I made new friends immediately and continued on. The other younger girl took up with a married man in his 50's and eventually married him so she was out of the picture. The older college girl took up with a man who had a good job and money and married him while in college. (I think he was the choice because he could give her everything she couldn't have without him) They are still together as far as I know but they live out of town so I really don't know for sure. No contact on her part. LESSON: I thought these children would be my friends my whole life. I could see us all getting married and living nearby and pretty much continuing on like we had always done. Wrong! For the most part, it doesn't work that way. Children grow up, meet men who may or may not like the person's friends or their husbands or wives or whatever, "move away" sometimes long distances, don't even pick up the phone to call the people they were best friends with as children, have their own children and everything is about their own children as it should be, and about their husbands and his family. Parents die. ""Only children" feel very hurt when all of this happens even when they are also married. LESSON TO PARENTS: Think about everything you do with your children because it can come back to haunt them. Giving a child just about everything they want will make others jealous sadly. Explain to your children some parents don't have but one child to give to while others have multiple children to split everything with. Teach your children how life "might" be when you get out of school regarding their friends. Teach your children how to be a friend, keep a friend, and love a friend. Teach your children Not to give their money away to other children who will just one day not even be around. Teach, teach, teach about life. END: The girl I was closest to since I was about 3 or 4 and was easily swayed by the other girl died at age 45. She had an anyeurism. Sudden. Luckily I can say one day out of the blue when I was around 40 I called her up and asked her if she and her husband wanted to go out to eat with my husband and myself. She said Yes! We went. We knew all along we loved each other so there was no need to say more. It wasn't like it used to be but at least I feel I did the right thing. The other two girls remain jealous or whatever and even though they have raised children, still seem like they are very immature not realizing we grew up in the best neighborhood with the best friends and parents anyone could ever have. I remain hurt and will always be hurt until the day I leave this Earth. Girls can be very mean, jealous, and just about every other thing you can think of so always Think when you are dealing with them. Sad it's this way but it can avoid a lot of hurt.
Hello Amy:
Here's a short story for you and your other viewers if you care to read: A woman whom I had known for about 45 years
(she dated my Brother years ago....when they were teenagers) suddenly (last Summer) told me on the phone, that she
couldn't be my friend anymore.....because my life wasn't happy enough for her. (Meaning that because I have problems
she didn't want to be my friend.) A "friend" like that????? Is NOT a Friend. I have had no friends since that. I have
acquaintances, but no friends, and will probable not ever have any. Kind regards to you, M. from Upstate New York
Thanks for sharing. That is awful. I'm so sorry.
Thank you for sharing this. I used to have best female friends, but as I've gotten older, my husband and my mom are my "best friends" because they are the ones who support me the most and vice versa due to life changes. I still have meaningful friendships, but they have shifted over time. I have had to adapt my mind to life changing. I always thought my childhood female bestie would be it, but at 53.......it's not the same.
Thanks for sharing. Take care
So sorry this happened to you, the exact same thing happened to me recently. A good best friend, we talked every day, but I have realized that politics had started to ruin this. When she hung up on me, we weren’t even discussing politics. I’m early 70’s, so still painful. Best to leave in the past and move on to just casual friends. Really enjoyed this topic! 😢
That's awful. I'm so sorry.
I have learned over the many,many years, if someone is talking about another person you can be sure you’re next on the list. Learn who you are, not who you think you are, learn about the real you. Then be your own best friend, if you haven’t got anything good to say about someone say nothing, your words may come back to haunt you, so keep your own council, keep away from toxic relationships, don’t listen to gossip, trust your own judgment and learn from your mistakes, be kind to yourself and others. Life is a journey of learning don’t worry about others if they hurt you just learn from that and move on it’s another life lesson we can learn from to become the best version of yourself. At the end of the day we have no control over others we only have control over ourselves. So take care be at peace with yourself and learn from the lesson that come our way.
I too have fallen for false friendship in my early adulthood, "cool" people who really just needed a foil, someone to feel superior to or someone to prop up their fragile ego. Now that I'm older I walk away from
the red flags, nope, I no longer have time or bandwidth for that. I'm lucky to have had the same best friend for 50 years now. Sometimes we
don't speak much or get together much and that's ok. We are both secure in knowing the other will always be there for us. I wish everyone had at least one friend like that.
That's so wonderful that you have such a good friend. Take care
Wow, Amy. I got chills listening to your story. Something like that happened to me too. I am kicking myself for letting it go on for 20 years. My Queen Bee didn't kick me out of the group. She kept me around as an emotional punching bag. She used endless little slights, barbs, and jokes at my expense. She was able to corral all our mutual friends to join in and they didn't know, because they had been gaslighted into thinking it was harmless fun. I nearly ended myself from all that damage.
I had to leave all 20+ of those friends and start over. I did and am.so much happier. It's still a little complicated since everyone knows everyone, but at least I'm alive.
I'm so glad you finally got out of that toxic situation. How awful! I'm glad you chose to start over. I too started over and it took many years to "rebuild." Thanks for sharing!
The older I become it seems natural to spend more time alone. I discovered that pets are enough for me. I don't need more than that, when busy with my own interests. Although, I do enjoy spending time with my daughter and grand-daughter,
Women can tricky, and mean girls are the trickiest. You are so adorable, I would imagine you having loads of friends. I've finally learned my lesson - if a friend isn't kind and respectful, they're not a friend. I'd rather be alone than have 'friends' like that.
You are spot on - I'd also rather be alone than have "friends" like that
You have a lovely smile❤ Loved this video. Mean girls come in all age groups unfortunately & cliques is there ever a safe area for the nice girlies😂 asking for myself✨️
I became instant friends with a newbie at work. We did everything together. Then, one day I told her I couldn't help her move this time that was 10hrs away from where she was( I helped her move 2 times before, one time being 8 hrs to another area then back to my town again). She turned on me, saying I was the worst person ever. That was the last thing she had ever said to me. Didn't realize how much of my free time I gave to her until the energy vampire exited my life.
Love your term "energy vampire." Take care
This same thing happened to me. It was with a work colleague. I had just gotten divorced. Her apartment had flooded and she asked to spend the night at the apartment I had JUST MOVED INTO the day before. I was not in a great emotional place having to leave my marriage and start fresh. I told her it wasn’t a good time. She lost her cool, and became so toxic…telling others at work what a selfish person I was…how I was fake and not to be trusted. I was stunned. Needless to say, she was doing this same thing to many people.
Make family and extended family your friends. It's the only friendships that work even a little, as you have a connection and a sense of belonging with them.
You raise a valid point.
Unless they're toxic and nuts.
I left people at the age of 60. I'm 71 now and love my solitude.
Thanks for watching. Take care
I'm in my 60s I have a very small group of women in my life. I'm single never married. I like my alone time. I have a cousin who has a circle of work buddies that due things and often will include me in going to dinner or other event which I throughly enjoy. I also have a couple of coworkers that I get along with but the only person I call everyday is my mom and would include her as a best friend. She's in her late 80s now and I will miss her terribly when she is gone. In all my years I have never felt bad that I don't feel I have a best friend that I share intimate things with and thst is okay with me.
Thanks for watching. Take care
I am one of 8. My mother gave birth to my best friends. Sure we get mad and dont talk sometimes but we get over ourselves.
Typically people show bad manners when they’re threatened- that threat exists with or without you - it does not originate with the person that is treated poorly.
Group dynamics are the pits.
You are right on!
Very much so. There are always one or two members who dominate and have to run everything. It's why I avoid groups like the plaque.
And irritatingly predictable. 🤐
But fascinating… from the fringes.
I have been cured from wanting close friendships. I tried. It was so horrible that I am done with close friendships.
Mine walked out of my life no explanation.was told i did nothing wrong.i will NEVER put that kind of effort or time in another person.we"re talking 7th grade to mid 40s.never again.guess i outlived my usefulness to her😢.
That is so sad. Just awful. I'm so sorry.
There are lot of manipulative, toxic people around who are only too ready to boost themselves at the expense of others. It seems that if you’re a nice person, they think you’re an easy target. I don’t know why these people are like that - what might have happened in their pasts to make them need to be in control and put other people down etc. but ultimately, it’s irrelevant really. Nobody has the right to treat others like that. You did the best thing - you walked away and kept your personal power. Kudos to you 👏🏻
Thanks for watching. Take care
Thank you I think I've found a home of like minded women.
I've spent the last six years eradicating not nice people out of my life and wow my stress levels have dropped so much.
When I have to go to hospital, I get strange looks when told I have to briing in a support person for a procedure and I tell them I don't have anyone.
Thanks for visiting my channel. I appreciate you
One of the best lessons we can teach our kids is to pick your battles. To take on every conflict is pointless and a waste of time and energy. Self esteem matters.
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@@lindapendleton9176 bravo Linda pick your battles is a lesson that will take them throughout life. Well done girl words of wisdom.
I have to say that my best friends were my best friends.
I've lost them all
To death. But they were 100% my best friend and I to them.
I have zero friends now, I've changed, I go it alone in travels, when sick no one.
I miss my best friends, every day, they were the best of the best people.
I was fortunate I suppose.
I'm so sorry for your losses. Take care
She sounds like a very unhappy person, and she wants other people to be unhappy. I learned over many years just like you that if someone treats other people a certain way that's is not correct, your turn will come. I also have not had a "best friend" since I have been an adult. I have friends that I have had for many years, and at times, I am closer to some than others. I have said before and I stand by it, with all my friends together, I have one excellent friend.😂 But, it can be exhausting.
Thanks for sharing. I like how all of your friends together equal one excellent friend. I've never thought about it like that.
@@amybrownmidlife ❤️
I like that phrasing too! How does it feel to have 1 excellent friend?
People like the queen bee are exerting control. I see that at work all of the time through team chats, etc. it’s best to limit contact with them and you were right to leave the group. If it’s a work situation limit contact and show neutrality, but don’t join in the game. Queen bees do this to maintain leadership and control of the group. Nothing good about them. They are completely selfish, but pretend they care about others except for their targets who they feel threatened by. When the mothers groveled it confirmed she was still in control so she let them back in.
The other mother that was hostile towards you probably received negative and false info about you from queen bee. Going back to your initial intuition about the red flags that wee going off when you met queen bee. Listen to your intuition about those red flags. We tend to want to believe the best in people, but not everyone deserves that. Do we believe the best in satan or give him the benefit of the doubt? No. We know he is evil. People can also have evil intentions.
Thanks for watching. Take care
Been there and we grew up together. She is now a pastors wife who i also went to school with . If you dont do what she wants you dont matter
Yep - if you don't do what she wants, you don't matter.
Wow! Where did you find these women. I have a group of about 10 women that I am close to, and although we are not perfect and have had our issues, it’s nothing like that! We love each. We are sisters in Christ and we forgive and love each other. There is no “ queen bee”. We all love and support each other.
That sounds amazing! Glad you have these friends. Take care
I never cared about mom groups. My kids were trained athletes, I was an athlete, and we traveled all over the country. I never cared about exclusivity of groups, and my husband and I retired at 44. We had our own goals and goals for our kids. Our kids became leaders and excel in their careers.
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Amy you are not alone in feeling this. I am just going through this right now. It sucks.
Thank you for sharing. Take care
I am quite happy with me being my best friend.❤
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@@amybrownmidlife I will.🥰
I walked away from a group of friends one who I had for decades because a Queen Bee came into the group and was a bully. I just left. Never said a bad word just walked away. Now I won’t accept being disrespected by anyone. Few friends and I love it. No drama.
I have a husband. I don't need a BFF. "Friends" are ok though. Two divorced, unmarried old friends from my young single days wanted to pull me into a tight group. Too much time and soul-space away from my husband. No. There is a time and place for those friendship groups. This is not the time for me.
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I've been ghosted, I've had friends that just slowly grew apart because of different interests, and I have been the one that had to ghost. It's the circle of life. You know your lifelong tribe, and I have a few of those too but they live far away. We don't talk often ,but when we do, it's like time stood still. At 65, I'm currently not accepting any new applications for "best friends". LOL!
I have three friends I met at work almost 40 years ago. Two of us have lost sons at an early age not to mention the loss of parents. These women are family. We have moments where two of us may not be talking but is very short lived. We have a lot of common interests. We have ugly cried together and been in the trenches with each other.
Very touching! Just subscribed as I understand much of what you shared. After reading a lot of the comments, it appears many of us have been in a mean girl group and been abandoned . 😊
When you don’t have children, you learn these lesson early. You become expendable. I can remember MY mom losing friends when the kids got older. Those of us who aren’t parents can be easily overlooked but can be some of the kindest people out there. We don’t have the luxury of just tossing people away. Through my hobbies and my business I’ve realized that most of my friends will always be men. Despite the stereotypes, my relationship with my husband has always been honored by them. The men in my life challenge me to be better, encourage me to go to the next level. I have exactly two good female friends, and am peripherally part of a church group. It’s all good. Oh, and my dog and cat are girls❤
Thanks for sharing! Take care
Wow that sounds so shitty of them and I'm sorry you experienced this.
I appreciate your comment. Take care
15:17 Actually, I was thinking that’s what you’ve _been_ doing: going out with groups rather than seeking one-on-one friendships and how that approach doesn’t seem to be the best working one.
Groups always tend to have a ringleader naturally rise to the top and so then sides are always chosen when things go south.
I would encourage you not to give up but to go for _quality_ (one-on-one) over _quantity_ (as with a small group) because then you can also know, when time is spent together, who *really* wants to be there with YOU specifically, and who is just along for the group ride (which, for example, is what it sounds like 4:00 was doing).
Don’t give up! And remember the great lessons you’ve learned!
Cheers!🥂
I appreciate your feedback and think you are spot on! Take care
She sounds like she had friends for power. Ghosting is for power
Absolutely. Being ghosted hurt temporarily but good riddance!
Agree. Ghosting is for power and/or for someone who has zero empathy.
Not just ghosting....
That queen bee is a narcissist. Just being the "queen bee" gives her power. Having the ability to oust someone from their mommy group (and knowing that the other 'follower' mommies will do as she says) is power.
The entire story is a story of a narcissist and her narc supply. @Amy meant nothing to her... (in sorry to say). She was just pulling puppet strings and watching everyone do as she says. She enjoyed the drama.
The people of this world can be divided into 2 categories.... narcissist or follower.
You're better off without friends @Amy. Im 42 and I haven't had a close friend since I was 23. My life is SIGNIFICANTLY better now that im not trying to impress anybody. Just be yourself and don't care about them or what they think about you because they couldn't care less about you. Trust me.... you'll find true peace within yourself and the happiness and contentment that follow is indescribable. *Don't be someone else's follower.* Live for yourself.... nobody else.
How about living for God?@@Shadow_Lurker968
I had a woman who I thought was a friend but was constantly using me. The last time she asked me to watch her children on the spot about ten minutes after arriving to hang out, all so she could go out with her husband, I stood up and walked out the door. Never texted or called again. I was over being invited over just to be asked to watch her kids and left. I ghosted her. I guess it was for power? Was just taking my time and dignity back.
My friends many years ago were drinkers as was i. We went out a lot socialized smoked cigarettes had a lot of fun. However my health started to suffer i knew i had to leave my social group and start over my life. I dont miss them i have good memories of those ladies. We very occasionally say hi on facebook im house bound now very old and i read cook watch RUclips and like i said i have my memories. Hope you find happiness soon you can live happily without those awful people ❤❤❤
I often miss my best friends, but then I realize we often miss ppl bc memories are usually composed of only the good times. I then also realize all the toxic behaviors I endured, all the sadness, hurt, anger, resentment I felt. I won’t shift all the blame on others, bc I definitely also had my faults. I know who I was I would never want to be again. Even though I left the friendships, I was extremely hurt by the situation. I wouldn’t say it jaded me from developing new friendships, but I’m definitely more guarded & have more wisdom with relationships in general.
I am a different person now - I have accepted that maybe no one was fully at blame, it’s just our chapter was done in this book of life. It took me a long time to fully heal and move past it. My husband is my best friend and I focus on making that a healthy, supportive, loving, lasting relationship and grow as individuals on a parallel path. We’re blessed to choose each other as life partners every single day.
We sound very similar. Thanks for sharing
I had a neighbor lady move in on my street recently. I was excited to meet a new person near me. Within 10 minutes of our conversation she said she doesn't need new friends because she has her family and enough friends. I am pretty introverted and have a busy life raising a special needs child I barely have time to myself. Anyway, I just thought it was a little much. I realize people have had bad experiences, but I also think making decisions about new people right off the bat and building a border around yourself is life limiting. You actually might meet a nice person. BTW I don't talk to her so I'm not "bugging" her.
Wow - this neighbor sounds toxic.
Around 19,20 I lost two friends, both my age, to marriages. I just somehow knew once this took place, there would be no room for me in their lives anymore, and I was right. I find it appalling for all the talk about sisterhood, the strong bonds we have that men don't have and all that---that we treat each other like such trash.
You are so right - for all the talk, it's just rubbish.
I haven't had any real friends since grade school. I was made fun of all thru HS, and the ones I thought were my friends then ridiculed me also. I'm 65 now and there is no one for me, I do get lonely but not much I can do. I know if I died no one would mourn me. Not feeling sorry for myself, just stating a fact.
Loneliness is awful. Thanks for being a part of my channel.
There's nowt so queer as folk! Prefer my own company these days.Vanessa from the UK ❤️
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I am 71 years old. I have a few close friends that I’ve been close to since 3rd grade. Old friends are just different. One that I had been closest to, that I thought of as a sister, started treating me different. She would still be nice if I called, but never called me. Stopped coming to visit, once a year that she’d done forever. We don’t live close, so these were special trips. I just assumed she was busy going to see her grands out of state. When we would go to there town, they weren’t available anymore…it just became more & more strange. Then, one day she didn’t like a post another mutual friend posted on FB, but instead of attacking her, she attacked me for my comment. Everyone that knew our history was shocked. I texted her and said “ what in the world is going on?” Turns out, she was mad at me for something she “thought” I was thinking at her last visit to my house 10 years before! Seriously!? She had two specific things she assumed I was thinking that visit. I assured her I was Not thinking either of those things but asked her why she had not said anything way back then, instead of just letting it fester in her mind. I apologized 3 separate times after that, but things will never be the same…this was about 4 years ago. Things are still awkward. I’m too old to play these silly games. I’m nit going to beg her to be my friend. I will always love her, but I have to guard my heart.
I stumbled across this video and then went back and watched the other one. I am so sorry you are struggling with this. You seem like a very kind and caring person. I definitely experienced some mean girl exclusion in elementary school in middle school. Back then having a best friend was everything. In high school, I experienced not having a best friend. And these actually were people I had gone to school with since kindergarten. Since then I have not had someone I would call my 'bestie' However I do have some very good friends. And in a somewhat different experience from yours, 2 of them are people I worked with. We have gone on to other jobs and retirement- but we have maintained our friendships. So I say I have some good friends, some friends, some coworkers I like, and some family members I have become closer with over the years. Put ultimately, there is not any group that I belong to and I personally like it that way. I am comfortable in my own company and very much a homebody, so for me it's not lonely. But honestly, for the friends that do live in the same city, we still don't get together in person that often. An occasional lunch or coffee, which is nice. But everyone is kind of busy in their own lives. And I get it, I am too. So for me , the closest friendships are not necessarily where we see each other often, but they are with people who are actually nice human beings. I hope you find your tribe.
Thanks for sharing. I hope I find my tribe too. Take care
You are a Very Kind, Dear person
I appreciate your Honesty
God Bless 😙💕💞💕💞
Thanks for watching. Take care
There’s an old saying, “with friends like that you don’t need enemies”. This person is cruel and toxic!!
Thanks for watching. Take care
Yes, this has happened to me twice now. I lost two good girlfriends. I reason that some people are only meant to be with you for a season. Not everyone is a lifer.
People get married and change.
People move away and seldom travel anymore. We are all at different stages. It helps to understand. I still miss these gals!
It's so hard to lose good girlfriends. I'm sorry that happened to you.
im 64 live alone no real friends i have someone who calls me everyday when she is going from a to b in her car it passes her time,at one point this same person was buying me big gifts and wanting me to go every where,then for some reason it all stopped the gifts the going out,now all i. used for is to pass her time while driving.
That's awful. I'm so sorry.
Why answer the call ?
@@lisaa6099
Exactly! I never answer the phone. That’s what voicemail is for. Except I rarely listen to voicemail either. Phones are a necessary evil.
@@lisaa6099 Because it happened gradually and before I knew it the only time I heard from her was as a stop gap,tried not answering but she rings over and over again so I would my phone off all the time.
Your story doesn’t surprise me in the least. When you are a considerate thoughtful decent person you get to the stage where you just don’t want to get too close to anyone any more. I’m old now and I will always be kind and helpful to others but I’ve been so used by people I just want to be left alone with regard to friendships. Wishing you all the best and your daughter. ❤
Thanks for watching. Take care
Really sorry to hear your story, not nice at all! I am so fortunate to have many great friends, they mean the world to me and vice versa. I tend to keep them all separate tho and avoid the group dynamics, so none of them are really friends with each other. They all have their own seperate friends too. We all know each other from events like get togethers and I am what they all have in common, and vice versa. I feel this works much better. Everyone is kind to each other and get along great. I’ve never been one for the group thing, it never seems to work. My advice would be not to write off future friendships, you only need just one good friend and this could transform your life. There are a lot of nice people out there looking for the exact same thing as you, it’s just finding them ❤ Friends are the family we choose! Good luck xx
I have 2 bffs, one that I have known 35 years and another 25 years. I also have a husband of 30 years. Invest in those who invest in you.
How sad we hurt and disappoint each other. People can be way more trouble than they are worth.
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I've been through a somewhat similar scenario, as has my mother in her later years, so apparently, you're never too old for friends to turn on you.
On a positive note, without trying or meaning to, I have made not one, but three wonderful friends over the last 2 years. They are all middle-aged gay men, and they are honest, authentic, sweet people. I didn't expect to make friends at this point in my life; these men have been a real gift and I feel very fortunate to know them. So, never say never, I guess.
I'm so happy to hear that you have made some authentic friends. Thanks for sharing
I first saw my friend in a university cafe, thumping the table and ranting about politics. We were 40 and 54, respectively. My first thought was "Oh, stay away from this woman!" I was a mature student and I knew no one, and she was friendly to me. We were friends for 20 years and there were times where she was so good to me, and my children. Something happened as she aged. She didn't just rant about politics, she ranted about tv programs, what presenter were wearing when they presented the news/weather, the phone company, the supermarket. Raging down the phone even when i explained it really upset me. I just stopped talking to her. There was no argument. It made me sad but the peace is wonderful. I didn't heed the red flag and had years of being friends with an angry, unstable woman. Never again.
Oh gosh - that sounds awful. Glad you escaped that relationship.
That woman was a narcissist and they rage. They also get worse with age. My mother is one.
I've seriously been so let down by friends over the years I am 50 and feel the same
I'm sorry you've been let down often. It stinks.
I think as I grow older “Best Friend/s” means something different to me . I have a sister and two adult daughters and up until last year my mom before she passed. But, these women I trust and due to our relationships I can share differently with each of them. There are other women in my life a childhood friendship going back to when we were in elementary school. We don’t speak regularly and our lives have taken different paths but, when we see each other it’s as like no time has passed. I have another friend that I made while living in Kentucky and she is my Sister in Christ. Now I have new friends women of a similar age and this provides a spaces for sharing and understanding. Again noting is like the imagery of a “Best Friend”.
I was best friends, I thought with a friend and her husband. We shared everything and bubbled together. When she started to retire she got wiggy and first started with bitching me out for I don’t know, her and I whining about our sons (together). And it hurt another friend’s feeling. I was bawling and she didn’t even meet my eyes. I cried for 3 days. I wanted to bolt. My other friends convinced me to give her grace for the time she was retiring and not admitting she was stressed. She continues to be cruel for a year. I brought it up 5 times then I finally got mad. When I tried to talk about it I told her I thought the friendship was in jeopardy, she convinced me it wasn’t. When I finally got mad and said I wanted a break, she ghosted me. I finally sent her flowers and even sent a card apologizing for my side. She sent her husband, who I adored to unfriend me and tell me it was wholly inappropriate. I was totally humiliated. I wanted to hide under a rock and never see our mutual friends again. I still feel a soul would. She just wouldn’t even clear the air. She has no empathy and one time wondered out loud if she was a sociopath because she didn’t care … yes, having a best friend is out. I have sweet friends but I now try to keep some distance. It’s been well over a year, and I still have days of tears. She erased me. So little respect for me, she erased me. Sad for both of us ❤️
I had never fit in with any of the mom cliques. My child is an adult now, still see moms around town, they're still snobby. My son wasn't really "accepted" either, despite him being a really sweet and likeable kid.
Even friends I grew up with, thought I'd have for life disappeared.
I would say my most recent bad experience was a friend I had for 20 years, that I trusted more than anybody I ever knew, burned me. She was going on a trip, but she was waiting on her check, so I loaned her $300. Never heard from her again. It's not just about the money (though I really needed it back), it was the fact she didn't communicate with me. If she had said she would be late, couldn't pay it in full, we could've worked it out. It's disheartening to know you really can never REALLY know someone. I know people say don't loan money, but she was the only person I truly believed I could do that for.
That is so awful. I know what you mean - it's not about the money, it's about the friendship and communication. That stinks.
The story of these friends groups is really heartbreaking to hear. Most of my friends are men because women can cause so much drama. It seems that in every group a leader kind of comes forward based on personalities.
My guess is this particular person how to pick on others in order for her to feel better about herself? And unfortunately, people hurt people. I too moved away from my family and it was difficult to make new friends. Hopefully you can build a community here where you feel some camaraderie. ❤
Thank you for your kind words. Take care
I lost my 3 best friends to cancer over a three year period. Realized I didn’t want to go through that pain again. I just do my things alone or with my daughter while she is living close by. (I’m 68, retired, no grands.)
Thanks for watching. Take care
Thank you for sharing your story and I'm really sorry you've experienced this. At least you saw it coming and were able to somewhat prepare yourself by making a decision ahead of time. Like yourself, I've found it kind of hard to make friends here in the U.S. I do feel like there is a minimal investment for a maximum return type of attitude in the U.S. (not saying everyone is like this). I also find that a certain percentage of people lack basic empathy. They like when you hold space for them and show them empathy, but they aren't willing to reciprocate. I've had this happen several times. BTW, I'm old enough to remember answering machines. All the best to you.
I believed what I saw in you the first time. You are a wonderful friend and you should have wonderful friends. Don’t close the door on that.
Thanks for watching. Take care
That was High school drama into adulthood. Sad.
As an introverted adult, I've never wanted a "best friend" of the type you describe because I cannot deal with the "obligations" that go along with having to stay connected at that level. From my perspective, those types of friendships are for people who cannot be alone and just need someone - anyone - please, anyone!!! - because I'm desperate to not be alone. Those types of friendships are superficial, and in my opinion, lack the depth and meaning true friendships are really about.
I have several best friends that I may not talk to for several months (or even longer), but when we do connect, the conversations are deep and rewarding. We just pick up from wherever each of us is at without obligations around when to connect. Among those friends are people who have never been inside my home, we always meet at public places. I also belong to several groups who share common interests. My connections to the people in the group are usually limited to group time. My attitude is "my personal business is my personal business". I don't need someone to constantly share small moments in my life with unless I choose to share AND because that person has earned my trust. Being too involved with people drains me and takes up time I'd rather spend doing something I consider meaninful.
When choosing friends, I avoid anyone who seems toxic, clingy or needy, as well as perfectly nice people I just don't feel an affinity with. In childhood, I was bullied by neighbors and classmates. Perhaps this has made me jaded and distant as an adult in much the same way you've reacted to the toxic "friend".
Thanks for sharing your story. Take care
Your video came up on my feed for a reason! Today I was feeling that going to a local knitting group @ a library would be good for me. A have a few friends that still work & I am retired, so felt the need for more connection. I now remember that I am not a " group" person. There will always be a nasty one & I have zero tolerance for that. I agree that best friends are a great concept when you are growing up. Thank you for your honesty!!
I'm glad my video found you somehow. Take care
58 years old.. love my time. my space..