12 Practical Tips to Turn Your Partner into More of a Minimalist
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- Опубликовано: 6 июл 2024
- One of the questions I am most asked is, “How do I get my spouse to embrace minimalism?” Here's a list of ideas to help you navigate this difficult but common terrain.
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My husband got on board gradually on his own. He saw how much better our closet looked once I decluttered so he was inspired to declutter his clothes too. Over time, we've become declutter buddies working in 30 minute chunks on anything that was his. I found that once we got rolling in one of his spaces, he often lost track of time and went on past 30 minutes... My little "just in case" husband even let go of a broken Roomba he was keeping in the garage "for parts" 😂
Just in case” 😂😂 thats also me,
@@Mujcanal I think people that are "just in case" or "I could use that for something" are very creative and can think of 1000 ways to use or repurpose something. Sometimes it's about giving the person "permission" to let it go.
@@simply.clutterfree that's true, but sometimes opportunity to use these things is not coming.
With my husband, I convinced him by indirectly complimenting how happy I was to have a tidy and decluttered house. I would say things like, "Wow, I'm so happy to relax in this living room now that I don't have to clean for as long." Or I would tell him how much better and more relaxed I felt not having so many things. It wasn't long before he started decluttering his own items because he saw how happy it made me. ❤
My husband is a true minimalist. He never buys himself anything unnecessary. One day I asked him, “Can I buy you new sunglasses? You’ve been wearing them for the last 10 years, isn’t it time to buy a new pair?” He replied: “Why? My sunglasses are absolutely fine." After his answer, I felt so embarrassed because I ALWAYS buy something new just because my things (by the way, there is nothing wrong with them) “get old and boring.” My husband never criticized me for this, but after 10 years of living with him, I realized that my craving for something new is absolutely stupid and pointless. Thanks to my very patient and wise husband, who year by year without any pressure turned me into a minimalist without even noticing it.
This story warms my heart.
I am blessed with a minimalist partner as well. I was living a minimal lifestyle before I met him and one of the reasons I fell in love with him is because he is tidy, shares the load regarding household tasks and isn't a pack rat.
So glad you learned to appreciate the benefits!
Its great to have a balance! 😼🥳👏
One key phrasing choice I noticed helped with my husband was saying I could help him "organize" not "declutter". He also doesn't like labels like "minimalism" so "simplifying" our home sounds more reasonable to him. For anyone who's really frustrated that their spouse isn't coming around, don't lose hope! It took my husband almost 3 years to appreciate the minimizing I did in our home and although he has his own spaces that are very cluttered, I can tell it bothers him now looking at it compared to the rest of our house. And I've accepted the fact that peace in my marriage is more important than having our entire house simplified.
Brilliant word choices. I'm going to steal those!
Several years here. I had seriously lost hope that he would ever get rid of any of his piles of clutter because I agree----peace in my marriage is more important......and then last week my husband let me help him declutter his t-shirt drawer AND his shelves near his desk. 🤸♀🤸♀🤸♀
He's finally seeing the benefits! How calm and peaceful it feels, how much more functional it is, & how much faster & easier it is to clean...and how happy it makes me :)
He still has tons of stuff he's keeping "just in case" and refuses to negotiate. Triplicate tools in the garage, huge piles of clothes that haven't fit him in decades, books he will never re-read, tons of computer parts & electrical cords, etc.
I've put a lot of it in large lidded bins so it doesn't give me as much anxiety, but it sucks to have so much space in our home rendered unusable for living because it's like a storage unit. We're planning to sell our house and move in a couple of years, and I've been dreading having to shlep mountains of heavy bins of clutter to our new home, but now I have a tiny bit of hope :)
I really like your word "simplifying"! My husband also hates "declutter" and "minimalism", so thanks for that! I'm going to use that instead.
Joshua, I’m so thankful for your videos. I’ve been watching for a couple years and now my husband is coming on board. We are debt free, and now downsizing our home, which the move is allowing the declutter of EVERYTHING. He’s letting go, and I’m so proud of him. I’ve been praying 🙏 At times I’ve gotten on his nerves lol but it’s so amazing to see him let go. We have saved so much money , we don’t need to shop to just shop and over spend. It’s really life changing and I’m so thankful! God bless you and your wife.
1. Begin with yourself
2. Share success stories
3. Offer to help
4. Initiate a no buy challenge
5. Celebrate even the smallest victories.
6. Specifically communicate the benefits.
7. Compromise and Bargain
8. Set a relevant time-frame
9. Turn the process into a game
10. Reward the effort
11. Seek middle ground
12. Find professional help, if necessary
I urged my husband to start decluttering by stating I didn’t want to leave all this stuff for our children. My husband is 70 and has collected for “just in case”. He has embraced it amazingly well. He knows what it was like to clear out his parent’s property. He started with his garage and has also worked on his excess stuff in the house. I don’t nag, praise. It’s working amazingly well.
Thank you this comment. This is a similar approach that has been working with my husband as well. We have one child (our son is almost 20 now) and I don’t want to leave him a ton of stuff to have to go through and clear out. We have gone through downsizing with both our parents so we have both seen how hard that is. I (unfortunately) used to nag. I have stopped doing that (I think) and things are going much smoother now. It is such a gradual process and I think my problem was I was trying to rush him to get to the point where I already was. Thanks again for sharing
My grown son and I are basically roommates (he has health issues). I started on a path toward minimalism and it took a lot of negotiating along the way. We had to make agreements on how I got rid of some of my things. Like books and dvds. We agreed I'd box up what I wanted to donate, but that when if he had an attachment or desire to keep any of what I was getting rid of we would discuss it. Like books that I didn't realize he had a childhood attachment to. I tried to lead by example because he wasn't on board, and I figured as long as his overabundance stayed in his room then I needed to let it go. But our kitchen, living room, bathroom, and my bedroom have all been cleared of excess stuff. That is enough of a win for me. I have also made it very clear that I am here to help in any way he should need if he decides to declutter his own belongings.
I agree with your #10 idea; buying more to replace what you've discarded isn't usually a good idea, but it can help/make sense in certain situations.
My mother always wanted a stand mixer, but her excuses against it where that she already had enough appliances she didn't use and she didn't have anywhere to store it conveniently, but didn't want it on the counter. Personally, I knew she would use it if she had one and was able to bring it out and put away easily, so I eventually convinced her to critically assess her other small appliances and get rid of any she truly didn't use; the money's already spent and they're not going to suddenly become used after 10+ years sitting in the cupboard. It worked; she got rid of a ton of stuff, like damaged pots and pans, duplicate storage containers she had too many of, and all small appliances except toaster and coffee maker, and with about 5 minutes of re-organizing what she had left, we fit all 3 appliances in one cupboard which was easy to access and she embranced decluttering the rest of the kitchen and house naturally on her own. Also, she uses that mixer at least once a week. It won't work for everyone, but this was the perfect way to get her on board after years of procrastination and excuses.
4:01 This is an important point, and one that a lot of people need to take into account in their marriage, regardless of whether minimalism (or lack thereof) is an issue. "Compromise" is often seen as a dirty word in society, but there's no reason not to find a way to compromise (a.k.a. be flexible) if the issue is nonmoral. How much you declutter, the way you load the dishwasher, and whether you wear socks with sandals have nothing to do with morality. They're matters of preference, and people are entitled to their preferences. (Yes, even your spouse!)
If being on the same page on something would benefit you BOTH (such as is the case with adopting a more minimalistic lifestyle), then work TOGETHER to find the sweet spot. Otherwise, save your gumption for the things that actually matter, and let everything else slide. When your spouse learns you don't feel the need to pick on every little thing they do, they're more likely to take note when you do express discontent. Plus, your discussion is less likely to be emotional and/or frustrating, because they'll know you're not just picking a fight to pick a fight. Your spouse is your equal, not your subordinate, and they deserve an equal say in the way the household functions.
I've had to accept that my husband will never become minimalist. He's not a hoarder but he LOVES mess and clutter and sees empty space as cold and unwelcoming. When I decluttered my half of the wardrobe so that I had more space around my hangers, he simply went out and bought new clothes for himself, so now the wardrobe is even more crammed than it was before, with my clothes taking up 1/10th of the space! Ditto with any other shared space - decluttering actually makes the problem worse as for every one of my items I remove, two new ones get added!
For anyone else in the same situation, I advise having designated areas that are ONLY for your stuff! If possible, have one room that you get to keep the way you want, but if not, at least have one cupboard or set of shelves that is yours and your partner does NOT get to fill that empty space with his or her belongings. When the rest of the house feels overwhelming, looking at that clear space makes a huge difference. And when they turn up with a new pile of 'stuff' remind yourself of all the things you love about them that outweigh the clutterbug tendency!
Thank you,I thought I was the only one.
Love how clear, concise and to the point your videos are! It is like the simplicity and clarity of minimalism transcends stuff and shows in your videos too!
My husband is finally getting on board. He recently said he wanted to clean out all the woodworking supplies in the garage. Wow! Never thought he’d be on board with it. I will help him in any way he would like!! Thank you for setting me on this path.
I'm still working on my own clutter. My husband can see my stuff but not his own mega piles. I get discouraged that he does nothing and encroaches on my craft area, where he adds his stuff when he has a very large detached garage with his tools more clutter. We are both in our late 70's. I do feel better that I have blessed others with something they could use. God bless you.
Great suggestions! Trying to help my sister transition to assisted living and she has a lot of things. I always have to remind myself that this transition is very hard on her, no matter how difficult it is for me as well. I have been making weekly trips out of state to help her with various crisis issues until she can move. It's all tough.
🤗
Great ideas! My husband isn't on board with minimalism, but he rarely buys things himself, and we're pretty traditional, so he views the home as my domain mostly. So, there isn't much strife. He's easygoing, so even though I get the occasional eye roll when I go through his clothes and ask if I can donate things, and he never gets rid of a lot, I think we both stay pretty satisfied. I try not to push, but sometimes I will ask him questions like, "When was the last time you used this?" or "Do you have plans to use this in the next year?" If it's something inexpensive, I say, "Do you think since this could be replaced for a few dollars down the road, we're safe to donate this and worry about it if we actually need it ten years from now?"
Good ideas. I 've decided that I am okay with accepting his messy, TV room and den. I can keep the rest of the house exactly how I like it- clean and minimalist. We've been married 54 years, so I love him even more than the way the house looks. A happy compromise.
Thank you for your videos. I have learned a lot.❤
That's the same for us
Great advice Joshua, I've found that the benfit of minimizing my own stuff has had a huge effect on my own mental and physical health. My husband is very slowly getting on board, but even though we have different perspectives on this, just knowing I am only keeping the items I need or lovd has made a huge difference, I think over time our spouses see that and want that too. All these tips were really helpful. 😁
I was just commenting to my husband this morning about how happy I am to have a minimalist wardrobe, I get down to my last outfit from time to time (I have 6, as do each of our 7 children) and I realize I really need to do laundry, thankfully even with a large family this only means a few loads and we are all caught up. Before minimizing I would have maybe a dozen loads of laundry if I got to this point. And while my husband doesn't have a minimalist wardrobe, the rest of us having one make enough difference to be life changing. It truly did start with me, and it's SO worth it.
I'm sure most people will say they can't their Hubby on board. In our case, it was me who struggled to get rid of anything. My Hubby would go on rampages & start throwing things away. While his Mom was ill & he cared for her, I started decluttering our kitchen. I started with a drawer, then another & another. It was awesome. I'm really hoping this winter to get my sewing / craft room decluttered. I think my Hubby will be working on his bedroom closet & helping me. I'm excited to get started. 😊
I worked through Karen Brown's daily sewing/craft room declutter challenge last January. It was so fun to get a new email with a link to that day's RUclips video each day and then to tackle that task. I touched everything in my room and either decluttered or organized and labeled it. I am looking forward to this year's challenge and hope to get leaner and meaner with what is still unused over the last year. Her channel is called Just get it done quilts. Enjoy!
@@karenneiman856 Oh yeah. I like her too. Mine used to be quilts & now it's cardmaking stuff.
Very good tips. I ask my hubby to help me for about 5 minutes a day with decluttering. It often turns into 15+ minutes and every minute helps.
I really like your point about being willing to change in other aspects of your life that would mean a lot to your spouse--I'd say even if you don't ever bring it up to them or wait a month of consistently trying before starting the compromising about minimalism. I think it helps me feel what it's like to make a change I don't really feel like or to realize more of the impact of my requests on my spouse. It's tough. :)
You make some fantastic points here. I can just imagine the resentment that can build on both sides. I'm so lucky that my husband is doing this journey with me, but I do appreciate and see how difficult the other side of the coin would be. Thank you for doing what you do, you've changed so many lives! 🌻
My husband jokingly comments on needing to 'nail stuff down' but luckily we are on the same page with possessions and I so dislike having unnecessary things that we never use.
Yes you make mistakes ~ my girlfriend encouraged me to buy some shoes, I've never worn them.- lesson learned! Listen to your inner voice not anyone else's opinion. I've sold them for a lot less of course, but got something back for my mistake, thank goodness.
Dear Joshua😊 I so much appreciate your videos on Minimalism.I started to listen to you many months before we moved from a 500 m2 house to a garden apartment with only 140 m2 - it was quite a dramatic step in our lives since I couldn't do all the work of elimination before our definite moving to the new much smaller living space. Nevertheless thanks to your wonderful and helpful tips my husband and I were able to consider to get rid of soooo much stuff - in most of the cases when it comes to items that we loved and still love I apply the method of asking my heart if this item still sparks joy to me , so when my body answers NO it is such a relief of giving it away - 😮 I am still in the process after almost 6 months (of which I counted 90 active projects ) and I hope to finish soon before the rainy season catches us (there are still boxes out in the yard to be dealt with)
So, Joshua 😊 I thank you again from all my heart for your tips and support and especially for the way you explain things to motivate
Thank you, Ingeborg from Israel
A very helpful video! This one has meant a lot to me.
I don't have a spouse but I do have an adult son and a teenage grandson living with me. This information is really helpful. Thank you, I'm going to work more on their participation and support.
Fantastic tips Joshua :) Incredibly helpful, as always. Reinforcing the positives of Minimalism (and how it can help simplify your life) is a must for sure ❤ Your wonderful videos help so much with this 🥰 Thanks for sharing ❤
Great suggestions!!!! Love your books too !!!
A very thoughtful topic. Thanks for the encouragement! 👍
This seemed to be such a taboo question several years ago with the only answer being to declutter your stuff first etc. I’d like to add having spouse read or listen to a decluttering/minimalist book; emphasizing the fact that someone else will be challenged with dealing with their stuff someday; the fact that it is harder to keep things clean with too much stuff; and maybe some type of bribe I mean negotiation. I used to get upset with spouse not helping to declutter but son made me realize that people are different in this area. Baby steps is my mantra. Thanks for what you do. Hmm, should I send this video to spouse?
Inspiring by example is probably the most effective. Thank you for the video!
While my husband has not really become a minimalist, he did see the changes on our home and began his own simplification process. He lets me help at times, but he's making progress and is supportive.
Terrific video! I just love your style and presentation. ❤
Very useful tips, thank you Joshua.
Just read your book today half way through. And it won't clutter my home, got at the library..
Finally some tips to get our partners onboard! Thank you!
So nice! Sounds like a recipe for success in more ways than one😊
Very interesting, thank you.
Great tips!
Oh boy truth. Even a little minimal but nope. Lol❤. Ty for ur wonderful advice. Yeah.
Need to write a book on how we get our spouse to do what we want. Ha ha that’s funny. the way I see it if the worst he does bring some extra junk in the house. I guess I can’t complain too much lol he’s a wonderful husband.❤❤❤
Excellent
Thanks
Great ideas! Thanks!
❤ Thank you for your tips. A warm handshake from my humble country the Philippines 🇵🇭
you are so awesome, kind and smart. thanks for your videos, they are truly inspiring
Great ideas! I made house rule that if it doesn't have a designated home, it leaves. Value it and use it or it leaves.
My mum is a hoarder, luckily we don t live together but every time I go to her house I feel soffocated. It s absolutely impossible to convince her to let something go, and when she does it, she simply moves the object to the tavern or the garage or her second house (so full too).
When we speak about this we always argue, she says my house looks like an hospital, that is not true, it s simple clean and airy
Great video again. Thank you 🙏. Although I have decluttered a lot, I have a lot more to declutter to be a better example 😊. But Any idea of how to encourage decluttering books😬😀. Tx again
Have you tried the container concept? You only keep as much as comfortably fits in the designated container, or in this case, bookshelf. Maybe even consider getting rid of a bookshelf (or 3!).😊
Thank you! :)
All very good suggestions but when you are dealing with someone who has the hoarding illness, it is far more serious and much more difficult to change, Unfortunately, most hoarders never change. My wife is a hoarder and I have spent 10 years trying to help her cure her illness. Nothing has worked and the only solution is for her and I to live in seperate homes.
How indeed !🙂
❤
Probably the reason we will always live separately but he does envy my empty countertops😂
Joshua boa noite.
Perfeito, com simplicidade e amor conseguimos trazer nossos companheiros para uma vida mais intencional e simples.
Com mais alegrias e satisfação pelo que vc é e não pelo q vc tem!
Abraços aqui do Brasil de Minas Gerais! 🌸
❤👍
Thanks. Tina, Al's wife
This content is filled with cutting-edge thoughts. I discovered a book with like themes that revolutionized my thinking. "A Life Unplugged: Reclaiming Reality in a Digital Age" by Theodore Blaze
If you're leaning more into gender roles he's just gonna have to deal with some household changes. 😉 It's usually the "community" stuff that drives people crazy. The hobby/certain personal things are generally negligible then. Boundary lines more or less.
When I help my husband change the toner or find a file on the computer I ask him to “give me 20 minutes” as my “payment.” Instead of listening to him tell me how how smart I am to be able to find/fix something I stop him and ask for the 20 minutes. Some time later I find an area I’d like decluttered in his home office and we set a time for him to spend 20 minutes going through a particular horizontal pile. I take away what he hands me. This makes me feel much better. I’m not sure he is changing in his habits but a little bit of the house has less stuff than it did before. Repeat and repeat and repeat. Little steps.
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Definitely not a minimalist. I find an overly tidy space sterile, depressing, and lifeless. I love being surrounded by lots sentimental items. It feels homey. Came here to find ideas that might be coming at me from this minimalism trend so I could be ready to firmly push back against them. I think I can handle this easily.
“Would it help if I took the first pass at your closet and pulled out a few suggestions I think you could discard?”
If I ever said this to my wife, I would end up on the next episode of Dateline about the wife who hires a hitman to take out her husband 😂
Seems that most of the comments are about getting hubbies on board. Come on, guys (and some gals), let's get some more stories about getting wifey on board 😊
😂
Sorry, but I feel sad for people with the idea that minimalism is the only way to be. It is a joyless existence, devoid of evidence of life experiences, travel, FUN. I feel sorry forñ your partner.
Very interesting. I have found that owning less allows us to have more money and time for travel, experiences, and fun.