What is pair bonding & does her sexual past matter | Relearning Relationships
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
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@RelearningRelationships
I have been trying to date a girl for the past four months or so now I’m in my mid-30s and she is overall a decent woman compared to those I met before, but I keep coming back to the fact that I do not think she can pair Bond. It is like any single thing to challenge the relationship or ask about her past and question her motives she immediately wants to throw everything away. I do firmly believe that the more sexual partner someone has had something in them goes numb as they say, they dull their emotions. I equate it to a drug addict needing a stronger fix every time, pretty soon that one hit or amount doesn’t do it for them they need more and more and they are numb. So when a good man does come along and tries to treat them right, they honestly don’t know how to accept the love. It is like sex is a transaction for them and strictly all about personal pleasure. I have learned this especially as the guy after having sex it is always important for me to at least hold the woman and have her wrapped up in my arms if I love and care about them so many women that I’ve had with a promiscuous past will put back on their pants brush their hair and go about their business like it was nothing. Meanwhile as the guy I am sitting there like what the hell? What are you doing? That is an example of the pair bond in action or obsolete. I feel like women are desensitized when they’ve had too many sexual partners. It’s hypergamy in the bedroom which is wanting to get with someone better than your own social status and allowing that to be the framework for your relationships and how you treat people how you allow yourself to be treated. I also relate to their relationship with their father and their mother has the biggest red flag. Any girl that I’ve tried to date where the mother ruled the roost that girl was a mess. It was like the mother had the final say of their daughters behavior such as allowing them to have guys sleep over or to just get their way, and the father was walked all over. You need a man in your life a father figure to sit a daughter down and tell her no you’re not going out like that you don’t act like that you hold your self with a higher respect and integrity and unfortunately too many of these women nowadays don’t understand that because they haven’t had that kind a father figure. I’m honestly not sure if a woman can be fixed if she cannot pair bond. But it is absolutely comical Howell women will get so defiant and try to tell you the past should not matter or you are insecure to bring it up, I think they all inherently know it matters a lot but by the time they realize it, it is too late
Walk away and find better.
when two people get together the bond is there. The minute she cheats the pair bond is GONE. The other doesn't trust the one that cheated, the relationship is done after that. When someone cheats its dead take it from me.
If she cheated on you she lacks integrity and self control. If she had bonded with you truly she wouldn’t have cheated on you.
@@RelearningRelationships facts
T6
@@RelearningRelationshipslove this video. Can you please share the link for that study you referenced? Thank you in advance!
Wrong
The thing people don't understand is that the female body remembers genetic profiles from the men she sleeps with. She can only pair bond when the genetic profile is a better, stronger match then the ones before. If you're the 50th guy she's been with, you've got 50 profiles you have to beat to get the bond. Damn near impossible.
And, men get ruined by promiscuity too. They remap sand screw up their vasopressin bonding. They won't pair bond either. If he's giving it up that easy, he can't bond, he's not what you want, he's wrecked.
as a biologist let me correct you the females loses a hormones that is responsible of pair bonding with the men she' is with it this case the husband or the children she biologically have as mother. if she had that more than 2 or 4 then her body loses the hormone and never produce it. if she has 50 she never be wife material and will never pair bond with a husband and her children there is a reason why women's in western countries specialty USA they divorce a lot . here will go that's the number one reason
Wait so question How many times can a woman pair bond? Also can dna be stored in a woman’s body forever?
@@purpleviolet9046 we don't know exactly yet because studies are just now giving us reasons to do more studies. Then they have to find funding for those studies. But here's what we seem to know so far about how many: IN THEORY she should be able to bond anytime she's got a stronger male. What makes a male stronger is relative to what is already in her genetic makeup. What's a stronger or more compatible man for one woman isn't necessarily so for the next. I think physics & geneticists will figure that situation out in about 50 years. However, what we know from research is that woman who have had more than 5 sexual partners are more likely to be unhappy in their marriages. We know that she will stop getting the oxytocin as her body count goes up, which is needed for the pair bond (we think). She will then only get dopamine which is a temporary reward, not a bonding chemical. As far as how long the DNA stays there... we can't prove that but, supposedly forever. When the make DNA was found in women's brains it was an accidental discovery so they weren't sure what to do with that information right then. They had to think about possible ways the DNA got there in the first place. They didn't know all of the women's sexual history because they didn't know it mattered, this was a study for Alzheimer's. No one was thinking about anybody sexual history. What they do know is some of the women were not mothers so for those women, it's not possible that she had her sons DNA in her brain. Another theory is that the woman was a twin & consumed her twin brother in the womb, but this isn't likely for ALL of the childless women in the study. They didn't ALL consume their twin brother. So that leaves the male DNA to be from an intimate partner. They'd have to do an additional study with more controlled subjects with more verifiable information. That study will probably be bashed by women & buried as a Hate study or slut shaming or whatever. In this gynocentric society, I do not believe additional studies will see the light of day. It would be devastating. It would be known that an entire generation of women were filled up with genetic profiles of lots of men. When would never be looked at the same again. Women are already insecure & unable to obtain lifetime commitment so there afraid they're gonna die alone so having this information would not help society AT THIS POINT.
The human pair bond is pretty impressive & I have my own theories and how it breaks,& why it breaks but it's a whole ass chapter of it's own.
I doubt that bitch knows this 😂😅😂😅😂😅😂
@@teralynl4285 this is fascinating and deserves far more attention. can you please point us to a good source(s) for this? tyia
this guy has NEVER raised his voice his entire life. lol
soft, affirmative, confident. this is exactly how people should talk.
calmly and clearly.
I really appreciate that man.
This girl is the best I’ve been with so far. But I can’t help but think about how nothing is special. Because everything we have done she has at some point done with other people. Whether sexual or emotional like saying I love you. And we live in a society that promotes having casual sex and saying I love you fast. How can I not think about that.
She’s not the best. Walk away.
I have told people this and seen it getting used to always hooking up becomes hard for people to settle down with
Very well explained ❤ it’s shocking what people do for fun and in turn affects them
"you dont get it out of your system, it ends up getting in your system"
“Cannot turn a whole into a housewife.” Wow dude…good words.
It’s possible for women or men to change by God/Jesus Christ/salvation if they have a bad promiscuous sexual past etc .. All things are possible with Christ:). ie:- redemption/freedom from past sexual sin
Yes. This is the only way!
Lol, good luck with your born again virgins. No amount of bible study is going to undo the physical and chemical changes a promiscuous past has had.
Thank You so much 💓 I've heard this term but didn't really know what it meant. My husband of 12 years just discarded me a month ago. He shacked up with the secretary at his work. I'm devastated
Being in Love is the Most Important Feeling there is. And there are also some Sweet Girls who are not at all sexually casual who find themselves alone in life, as I am because I have Cerebral Palsy, and the person I Love is married. Also I seem to be far too particular for my supposed 'peer group.' I shall Continue Being a Good Person, regardless.
I hope you are able to help Many Folks with your Wisdom!!
Gaia's Blessings, Always!!
💛💛🐈⬛🐈⬛
Please, stay a good person and hope for the best! Most of all, having it good with yourself is the key to a happy life! I truly wish you the best!
@@godnyx117 Thank you!!
Prezzie:
There is a guy on You Tube who has an 18-yr-old White Dove named Noah!! He is Beautiful!! (Refrain from being 'scaredove' stuff 'cause
We. LOVE. Our. Dove. Friends-giggles!!)
Gaia's Blessings, Precious Hearts!!
💛💛🐈⬛🐈⬛
Lea Wilson..Yeah you are right being In love is one of the most important feelings in the world but a lot of people don't agree with that placing career and status over love. Most of those people will become lonely in old age too.i have a disability like you and I have met many people in life and most people you can't trust when it comes to relationships / romance/ sex. I've been involved with married people too in the past. Not a good feeling because they just use you as a third wheel substitute husband or wife. They never will leave their partners because if they can use you for something that's lacking in their relationship that's all they will see U as. There's plenty of single people you would be better off meeting around the world than hooking up with someone else's husband that will never belong to u
Thanks for doing this video coach. This topic is considered very sensitive in our culture.So not many people are willing to discuss about it.
I know terry. Next video will be up Sunday.
the point of a relationship is commitment, commitment leads to value, without value a relationship is random and pointless, just call it a friendship with benefits then. another example is: your partner vs your best friend: what's the difference? the sexual exclusivity and commitment to that partnership. otherwise what's the point?
As a 31yr.old woman who was promiscuous, but is currently in a committed relationship headed for marriage, is all hope lost? I was promiscuous because I spent a lot of time not loving and valuing myself. I haven't had my father in my life since I was 11, and spent a lot of time seeking validation and love from men through sex. Now that I'm older I've recognized that, and working through it by re- establishing my relationship with God, and going to church with my boyfriend. I've seen a lot of content on youtube lately speaking on "modern woman", and saying that we don't deserve love or relationships. I've seen very little on encouraging and uplifting woman who are trying to do better. I just refuse to believe that all hope is lost.
You can heal through Christ. Keep in mind, we all reap what we sow. Some things you may have to live with, so long as you move forward with faith & love, all things are possible !
I think men are forgiving if they sense that the woman is sincerely apologetic and recognizes that her past affects both parties. They can both move on. When a woman justifies or argues that that behavior is acceptable, it turns men off. I think you will be ok as long as your heart is sincere!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAYING THIS. As a guy I thought all this cruelty against women that had an unhealthy dating history is really unjustified and shallow, life can be rough at times and there is always coming back, going to church amd getting proffesional mental help can definitely help, I don’t think it’s that black and white
hey, thanks for this video,I'm wondering if a men is also damaged the same way, or is it only women i'm really confused. i'm 23 years old, i started thinking of getting maried. so i was thinking if I should ask the girl about her past. Especially that I have very few experience. i dated only one time. and it was 5 years ago. so i think it would be better to look for someone "pure" as me. SO PROUD OF MYSELF.
Amen! Only marry a pure, feminine woman!
The very first question you need to ask a girl is about her relationship with her parents. If she was abandoned by one of them or she hates one or both of them, move on. A gamut of psychological issues arise from BPD, father or mother attachment issues, etc. She’ll drag you through her emotional and psychological turmoil. which you won’t be equipped to handle or fix. Move on to a girl that has a healthy relationship with her parents.
@A M thank U😌. well Done to U too.
I believe you are completely wrong in stating that if a woman was promiscuous, she literally can’t form a pair bond. I know what pair bonding is and I have read the article you are referring to in this video along with listening to and reading different interpretations of this article. The article did not state that people who have casual sex can’t pair bond, it stated that they will have a harder time forming a strong pair bond. Also the evidence more so suggests that people’s ability to pair bond is more heavily influenced by genetics, alcohol, and drug use than causal sex
Yeah, kinda shallow to judge it all like he did, but tale the video with a grain of salt and know it is not all so black and white
More than 4 sexual partners and they begin to lose the ability to make an emotional connection with a man (other studies say just more than 2) at this point the probability
of divorce rises to almost 60%. If the bodycount is high, it does not matter which psychologist she goes to or what treatment she does, the damage will be irreversible and irreparable.
Thank you for posting this video, this is a real eye opener... wished i have seen this video years ago
Some promiscuous girls might have found God, yet, their past will still hurt their future relationships. So…it’s nice that they might decide to refrain from having sex outside of marriage but that won’t guarantee a healthy bonding experience with that person.
May Allah swt grant pure spouses to all
You the prophet's followers have the right of it. I am not Muslim not Sunni, Shia, sufi, or alawite. But I have great respect for the moral messages of your faith and the dangers and sins it warns against. The dedication of those who submit to Allah is inspiring to me. If only Christians still held themselves so fully to their faith perhaps the west would be better than it currently is.
Amin!
It’s cool watching some of your older videos and comparing it with the newer ones to see how you’ve embedded Christ in your newer lessons, and walked away from self-improvement. If you don’t mind me asking, what led to this? What’s your testimony?
I was saved October 2016. I implanted self improvement 3-4 years ago because I was lukewarm and young. I’ve matured since then.
@@RelearningRelationships Same here brother (to the being lukewarm and young previously). Glad to see the sanctification process in full swing
Men need to be better then the family structure will be regenerated. She only has “daddy issues” because daddy wasn’t up to the job. However, it’s not his fault either, it’s generational. Blame I’d not the answer, we need more empathy.
*is
Thanks again for the amazing advice learning and healing at the same time
Its up to a men whether he is okay with fresh intact coke bottle or bottle with broken crown.
Did I miss somewhere in that study where it just talked about women having a hard time pair bonding after being with multiple people? You are harming men by not sharing this information. Men have a hard time pair bonding as well. Men are not supposed to be promiscuous either
I have a question. How do males and females bond with each other? I don't see how men and women can bond (especially romantically) with each other.
Women can build incredible friendships and become very close to each other in a way men can't bond, and science shows that women can bond very well with each other. Generally, women are even more social than men are. After something bad happens, a woman quickly rushes to talk to all of her female friends to get support, whereas a man can isolate himself and grief alone.
Women tend to be more emotional, more caring, more empathic, more compassionate, more affectionate, more loyal, more nurturing, more understanding, more sympathetic, more sensitive, more kind hearted, more peaceful, more calmer, more gentle, more expressive, more intuitive, and more outward than men are, and thus bond more with other women in a special way that they can’t with men. Men, on the other hand, are not that emotional, and thus can’t bond with other men in a special way.
Women are more comfortable being around with other women than they are with men. They have a type of bond that usually men with women won’t really have, or with men and men.
Keep up using the Bible as your base of information 💯
I will 👌🏻👌🏻
What about the guys? Is it true that there is research that suggests that Males are not as likely to have impaired pair bonding compared to females.
If a guy sleeps around and is promiscuous the same logic applies. He will lose the ability to pair bond Too.
Promiscuous men are more likely to cheat and watch porn.
@@RelearningRelationshipsThanks!
@@RelearningRelationships i guess I have dysfunctional pair bonding. My dad was a total skirt chaser back in his days... I picked it up from him or rather I was taught it. Is there even a way to fix this if it is even possible at all? Or am I stuck? 🤔 I woud like to settle down but it just seems to elude me.
Do the self improvement. What are your values? Your morals? work through childhood issues. Put God first and put value on purity and dignity
Sadly there isn't any women that are suitable for LTR or Marriage. Good luck finding a girl that hasn't been ran through by her late 20's and they all lie about their numbers. If she says 5 guys it's probably 10 to 15
9:00
Yeah that sounds familiar.
"I don't love you, I never loved you"
Awesome! You saved me a shit ton of trouble
You’re welcome man!
From your profile pic I can see that you served.
Thank you for your service!
@@RelearningRelationships yea thanks, half of my life up to know was Army. I think of what your saying is similar to idiots leaving thirsty sexual comments are what causes girls in this generation to be unable to pair bond with a real human. Would your dog love you like they do if they had a computer telling them “ Good Dog, you’re so pretty, so sweet !” all day long???
Please may I have the link to this paper/study.
I really think this is something that should be evaluated on a case by case basis. It’s possible to be too judgmental and sometimes it’s reasonable to avoid someone who has been with too many people. What if a woman in her late 40s has had a body count of 8 in her lifetime and most of these were boyfriends and the relationships just didn’t last and she deeply regrets the one hook up she had at a time when she was lonely and currently she has not had sex with anyone for 5 years because she wants to pair bond for a meaningful long term relationship and is waiting for the right guy is she doomed to fail because she can’t change her past? I don’t think she’s necessarily unworthy. She may find someone she is compatible with. Maybe he also has a body count of about 8 people and they accept each other and decide to spend a meaningful rest of their lives together as a pair bond. In this crazy world we live in we can’t always expect people to be perfect.
Exactly :)
Watch justpearlythings on youtube. She says that research has found that virgin women at the time of marriage have an 80% chance that she is satisfied with her marriage after 10 years. If she has slept with 5 or more men then she is 20% likely to be satisfied with her marriage after 10 years.
8 people is too high. She was having sex for fun, and not for serious relationship. Otherwise she would have a Lower number
@@bladejesus2579 8 is too high? LOL. Buy a dog die alone.
Learning this the hard way. Painful very painful.. willing to do this with her but it’s taken a toll on her over the years and now on me.. she runs, she gets scared
So is this just for women? When men sleep around, this somehow doesn't apply to them? I'm curious to know.
it damages men too
How about men? Do they pair bond, and does the number of their exes matter?
If they engage in casual sex, yes it does matter!
Thank you. I was going to ask this question. It seems that these questions are always asked about women, but very rarely about men. I don't necessarily agree, because even in the animal world, pair bonding and sex are two different things and not always congruent.
Sex is sacred and it’s designed for you to bond with your partner for life. Sex is never mean to be casual. Casual sex leads to a plethora of problems
@@RelearningRelationships Exactly!
@@RelearningRelationships like what please explain
is it not the same for guys tho? if the man has many bodies can they not pair bond as well with the female?
Exactly what I was thinking
Yes it goes both ways
no it's not, men still can pair bond no matter the number.
thank you for the video and explanation
Thank you for posting this video. You have a new subscriber. Keep up the great work.
you did not put the article in the description?
Lv frm pakistan thats why islam is amazing ..it doesnt allow promiscouity for men and women
Islam isn't special, most religions prohibit that
@@sashadecote7522 she didnt say anything about it being special. She just said it is amazing.
@@Mursh6 it isn't unique
@@sashadecote7522 again.. nothing about unique or special.. just mentions amazing..
Wow, you suck at reading comprehension. It's "amazing" because X. Well, isn't unique at all. Most religions don't allow promiscuity. Therefore there's nothing amazing about the religion, it's just like all the others. Got it now?
Good quality video, informative and meaningful … this same advice can be given in regards to A MAN TOO though. Lol
I just got out of a relationship with this guy that who was constantly looking for someone else buying girls pictures online, and not ready to settle down…. I’m just wondering tho why is it okay for a guy to sleep with a woman first date and he can be of high quality but not a woman?
A man who sleeps around is not a quality man.
Men do not have a biological need to spread their seed to multiple women. Men have an innate need to give their seed to the woman they love. It’s that simple.
🙏🏾Thank you, brother 💪🏾
Did you post the link?
very interesting video... so how many sexual partners would you say it takes to remove a woman's ability to pair bond?
Studies show, just a few can do serious harm. 3-5 can damage her unless she heal, remains chaste & comes to Christ.
If it’s any over double digits then there is no way she can connect with a man.
Same goes for promiscuous men. Be careful and guard your heart!
@@RelearningRelationships I see… thanks for the reply! Also, would you happen to have any links to these studies, and how can you tell if a woman’s healed from a previous relationship?
Read my book. I have a chapter on pair bonding. The source is there. Research from 1995-2008.
There’d a lot of variables. If there is no ex in the background and she makes it clear she has nothing to do with him anymore when you being courting her, then that’s a good sign too.
You can’t really fix pair bonding unless you undergo extreme behaviour changes, therapy & repentance.
@@RelearningRelationships very interesting.. again thanks for the reply! Are you religious btw? This is the first video I stumbled upon on your channel so I’m not too familiar with your work!
Works both ways…
Amen to this! ❤
Do you have the link to this article ?
It got taken down.
Great video.❤
spot on brotha
Thanks man
Why are we acting like this is specific to women? the study specifically mentions this applying to all humans.
I know. I have other videos explaining how it’s bad & damaging when men do this.
Because divorce laws are in favour of women
I don’t see a link to your article in the description
It got removed. The link is in the comment section.
Wheres the link?
i would like to read the article, where can i find it?
It’s been taken down now.
Thank you brother 😢
where is the linked article? am i missing something?
It got taken down.
@@RelearningRelationships I wonder why..inconvenient truths?
This goes both ways. Promiscuous men are equally shitty if you are looking for a mate
100% agree
Not really. Women who have been unfaithful in marriage have 230% more sexual partners before marriage than women who are not unfaithful in marriage.
Study:
ruclips.net/video/rUhWOryHF7w/видео.htmlsi=ZHzDg09yP3PiqssV&t=148
Where is the link to the artical ?
It got taken down. Read the comments.
This is really interesting, thanks for sharing
Well said!👍
You remind me of Jonathan Rhys Myers
😂
B A S E D
Semen wars
Mind sharing the article?
psiloveyou.xyz/what-happens-to-your-brain-after-having-too-much-casual-sex-41a206c7f303
You can also find the article on the medical institute for sexual health on pair bonding :) it’s in there linked too. I also explain this in a video on why casual sex ruins pair bonding
@@RelearningRelationships I think the article has been taken down. Even checked Thier Twitter and it still navigates me to the website but no article is there. No problem though thanks.
psiloveyou.xyz/what-happens-to-your-brain-after-having-too-much-casual-sex-41a206c7f303
You didn’t leave a link for the article ?
Medinstituteforsexualhealth.org and go type in pair bonding and the brain.
I spoke about the article in the video. The link got taken down a few months back