What Causes Autistic People to Fawn?
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- Опубликовано: 26 авг 2024
- Hi! I'm Orion Kelly and I'm Autistic. #ActuallyAutistic #orionkelly #autism #autismsigns #whatautismfeelslike #asd
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And sometimes you don't win either way. I worked for someone who could not be pleased. He was upset if I was just myself and did what he asked to the best of my ability. He was upset if I masked and did what was necessary to have other people not complain to him that I forced them to follow rules they didn't like. If I took any people pleasing actions in dealing with him I was accused of trying to curry favor. More than anything I just wanted him to leave me alone and not treat me like 💩. I could not succeed with him. I endured and he has at last retired. Trauma is real.
Fawning is a way to kind of mask who we are or to help others as much as possible
Thank you 🙏🏼 I had no idea I, “the mom” was autistic. Yet, I have seven kids 13-26 and 4 are Dx’d “late dx-autistic”.. the rest of us mask & fawn until “late dx” is no longer a TikTok dx-Stigma 🎉
Sorry, I'm autistic myself but I don't actually what dx means. What does dx mean?
Now it all makes sense for me about why i’ve done certain things after listening to your explanations!
This made me tear up.
The last is a big one, but it understand how it works for me, one needs to adjust the language: “This is what a good person who cares about others is like. People who do not behave in these ways are selfish and egocentric.”
I internalized this so thoroughly that I still can’t wrap my head around an alternative interpretation: am I supposed to say this is how I am, and others have to accept it? Isn’t that just giving myself permission to be an ahole? Yes, I have tried to be that good person forever, and the extent to which my internal wiring undermined me has resulted in me feeling like I am a POS, which is a big part of the fawn response: other people are simply better than me, I am half a person at best.
Honest to god, I don’t know how I am supposed to get out of this problem. A lot of the stuff that gets talked about in terms of authenticity is stimming, or sensory issues, or eye contact...things that in most contexts can be viewed as not a big deal for other people to adjust to. But not being emotionally open or good at showing interest in other people, even people you are close to...some of us do have that problem. It can even get stigmatized on autistic forums sometimes. If I am unable to fix it, what else can I do but go into fawn and apologize endlessly for being defective?
I have been trying to figure out how many people are actually making up any particular person that I encounter. I often get the impression that there's more than 1 person, not because anyone told me, but because of behavior that's clearly the voice in the ear kind. Or answers to an invisible authority, or vocabulary that speaks as it holds space or respect or regard for the way or being or role . But not a hey, occupying a mind with a roommate kinda groundworks for understanding. I believe I have a war of sorts thinking that they all have rights to prime real estate,. Audacity to actively harm competition, and lack of consideration for the captain who is me. I consider myself a whole entire person. Is a half a person like feeling like there's not a person to fill a roll of the hemisphere? Or half until the occupied isn't prevention of a whole? I just want to understand.
I feel the same. I found it's a deep rooted belief that I am less than, detective, or as you said a half person. Like it's a given just as the sky is blue.
But it's not true, we are whole...
it's just tough when the allistic world outside keeps treating you like you are the problem. It's incorrect, yet being treated that way daily makes you believe the bs... plus the loneliness of it all. It's thanks to channels like this one that feel like breathing for a bit, like a small relief that I'm not defective, just different, and there are people with similar brains like mine
I'm considering I'm autistic and fawning is definitely my response if fleeing or freezing aren't options. Though I don't know how much of that is because of childhood trauma, but certainly when I was punished for being too scared during fireworks or thunderstorms or physical abuse fighting back or fleeing was never an option, I was too small. So trying to act like a good child in other ways felt like a way to "earn back" love and acceptance. And also sometimes I just didn't know how I was expected to behave so falling back on people pleasing seems a safe bet.
Masking is basicly fawning 24/7. 😢
Simple : It leads to less trouble than the other three of the four F's.
Usually.
4th grade me being told by my step-dad “LOOK AT ME little girl!” 5 inches from my face with beer and cigarette breath… that was a sensory nightmare! Yes, my young brain and body felt that as trauma! Now I definitely fawn and mask as an adult. 😢
Great points. Things like Autism & ADHD can be 'magnets' for abuse that leads to trauma. Then along comes fawning, which, although 'logical', still serves to add to the initial damage from bullying, by putting others first, including the bullies, by suppressing our true selves. It's also as though terms like 'viscious circle' and 'Catch22' were created with us in mind. The combination of fawning and masking, just by themselves, make it difficult to develop the self-respect, courage and resilience to 'stand our ground' in life, which, let's face it, is pretty important. That's a real shame, as we have the strength and ability to really shine in life if we give ourselves 'the green light' that we won't be getting anytime soon from the World, to unleash our true potential.
Thanks this is really enlightening
Well....this blew my damn mind. Had so many fights with my dad because I'd just speak up and say what I thought without a filter.
Could autism be the reason?
I wish I could love this video.
Thank you ❤
Basically to avoid any more trauma ahead
At school, I was really good, so to stop bullying, I became a more good pupil, and in high school, I get some respect...particularly from other very good students, and teachers, so that was my easy solution 😅
That usually doesn't work for most people. Being a good student is typically a target on the back. I'm glad that worked out for you though!
Yes, and fawning seems worse now I have discovered I am autistic, or is it just that I am aware? 😢
More aware, it is now being officially recognised as a response and that there are 4 F's not 3. When I was growing up there was just fight, flight, flee.
Wow
ever since I grew teeth I ate like somebody was about to steal my food I still have this issue but recently my grandparents and mother have been trying to make the assumption I am autistic my aunts and cousins told her no I was perfectly fine and that was just the thing I do she started hysterically crying after realizing nobody thought what she said was true it made me sad about how I was judged and told by my own mother I was well- defective after this I did not talk to my mother and only told her what she would want to hear and decided that maybe I am autistic I thought about my nervous smile and my different way of thinking always trying to look for clues of trying to find out something somebody was hiding from me I realized my over emotional self might be because I’m autistic but I’m not going to let that bring me down because I know I’m amazing already
Damn right you are ❗️
You go 👍
😉
..... but listen: unless your greatness includes being perfect ALL the time 🙄 ? MAYBE give mum the same break you'd wish for yourself when YOU make a BIG mistake, eh? Confide in ur mom again. Tell her just what you wrote here ...... 😏
Rise above ....... ✊️
I will thank u
Ur right I should give her a break she dose everything for me
@@Yyyyyyourtoslow
Again, you GO girl 😉
There it IS
THERE YOU GO ❗️ ❗️
You have JUST PROVEN that YOU REALLY, DEFINITELY, ABSOLUTELY, GENUINELY
ARE
A-M-A-Z-I-N-G 🙌 👏🏿 👏🏿 👏🏿
Wanna know how I know that ❓️
.... by your LAST comment/reply to me 😃 😊
Yeah man - THAT comment tells everything one might need or want to know of your character ... as well as your level/degree of insight 👍
You is smaaaaaaat
- yeah you are 🙆♀️ 🤸 🤸🏾♀️ 🤸♂️ 🥳 😊❗️
And so, HERE is ME virtually Toasting YOU
🍾 🥂 😌
YOU are gonna go (very) FAR in Life ❗️
I pray 🙏 you NEVER lose your self confidence and self esteem, nor your ability to reflect & garner insight honest insight into truth/reality which gives you the wisdom of knowing your blessings AND where gratitude is due 😉
☆▪︎☆☆ Truly, I am in AWE of you 🙏 ☆☆☆
😢 Truth
I'm at peace with it
237
What is fawn ?
Flattery
Being a people pleaser, being someone who always tries to deescalate