My Psychotic Episode // delusional and calling my work lol
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- Опубликовано: 18 июн 2024
- okay so i seem really quiet in this video (compared to my usual one) but its just because i never speak about this time, really and i just found it awkward. Apologies about that but i hope you still find it bearable haha xx
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age: 20
height: 5'9 and a bit
editor: FCP
camera: canon 600d
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just want you to know that i truly love you and thankyou for changing my life, Marie x
My partner killed himself during a stress induced psychotic episode last year and a lot of your symptoms sound so similar (especially the “everyone is plotting against me and only I know the truth”), it’s way more common than people think and I wish there wasn’t such a stigma around it. You’re so brave to talk about it ❤️
My older brother constantly thinks this, but we’re trying to deal with his mental health as we suspect he has binge eating disorder and ptsd from his past but maybe more than that because he’s quite anxious and... hm... it’s hard to explain.
Oh god this makes me so sad
Aw Marie, it makes me so sad to see you get like a bit embarrassed about this subject.. there's literally no need to be more ashamed about being in hospital bc of psychosis than for being depressed. They're both symptoms of mental illness. Neither of them make you batshit, they just make you ill. But you got better, and that's amazing. So good of you to talk about this! I think the reason you feel awkward might just be because it's not talked about much and people are not educated about the subject, so talking about it is the first step!!
My boyfriend had the same thing around a year ago, literally no previous mental health issues or anything, just a case of childhood depression that went away by his teens. He called me in the middle of the night and came over trying to prove that he was Jesus and how every person in his life played a part in the rapture which was coming in the morning. This went on for about a week and there was just no getting through to him he wouldn’t listen to anyone else, convinced he was right. I don’t want to go too much into detail because it’s still something I’m super uncomfortable but thank you for sharing your experience, I feel like there really is so little information about this topic!! Lots of love x
I had an episode myself and also thought I was Jesus incarnate! It was bizarre I’m not even religious (although I was born and raised Catholic.) The delusions spiraled from there it was awful. Hope you and your guy (whether y’all are together or separate) are doing well
I’m here because my dad has bipolar 1 and experiences psychotic episodes during his mania. I’m trying to find answers right now, because just a couple of days ago he caused great harm to my grandpa, who’s now in the hospital. I’m so sorry that you’ve experienced this, my heart goes out to anyone who goes through such a thing. My heart breaks for my dad who has no idea what he’s done. Thank you for sharing your story. ❤️
Well done for talking about this so openly on the internet. I don't suffer from anything like this and I've never experienced it myself but it's interesting to hear about and learn about what a psychotic episode is actually like and not just how the media portrays them.
Also, you don't need to be embarrassed about this, we understand this wasn't actually what you think
YES MORE CRIME VIDEOS
I had a psychotic break in 2001 and was convinced of things that were not true at all! My perception was so off, I couldn't sleep or eat (At the time of my episode, I weighed 105 lbs when my usual weight is 118), it's like I was in a different reality than everyone else and I couldn't find my way back. The worst of my delusions lasted about 2 weeks and those receded. But it honestly took me 3 months to fully be back to myself physically, mentally and emotionally. It was very scary and was triggered after being physically abused by my bf at the time. I was also sleep deprived and very stressed with college before the episode began.
I got better though with the help and support of my parents and family. I eventually gained back my weight and was able to sleep normally again.
I also had a friend who had a psychotic break after a traumatic miscarriage. She was convinced she was the reincarnation of the virgin Mary and that her ex boyfriend could receive telepathic messages from her. These delusions lasted about 2 months before she came back to herself. Stress and Trauma can do some interesting and scary things to our psyche. I stayed by her side because I understood what it was like to sort of lose yourself. Thankfully Shes better now and hasn't had an episode before or since that time.
Its just nice to know I'm not the only one who has experienced this. I hope you continue to heal and practice self care and I think you are very brave to share something so deeply personal ❤️
did u take any medicine that helped initially?
I went through this to such a severe degree, that I didn't sleep at all FOR A WEEK, and needed sedation. I still need meds to sleep after 13 years. Traumatized mw so severely, I'm Frderally disabled, today. Healed so much, to where like is ALMOST "normal".
Hey! The voices you’re describing are one of the most common types - just strangers narrating what you’re doing like “now she is opening the door” etc. So try not to feel too strange, brains are funny and you are not weird/alone/etc! & thought insertion / deletion is also really common (taking thoughts in and out of your head) I am blown away by how well you are describing such complicated symptoms!
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I suffer from schizo affective disorder depressive type (which is schizophrenia plus depression), and I always see people posting their story with depression, anxiety, bi polar and stuff, but you hardly ever see someone talking about psychosis. Mostly it is just in the form of a 'psychotic killer' in some horror movie (which is obviously nothing like what people with a disorder on the schizophrenia spectrum are like).
Anyways, I just want you to know your awesome and I love watching your videos!
Never be embarrassed or ashamed. Mental health is so over looked on and judged when it’s entirely out of our control. Please continue to education people on this. I have bpd and I get manic episodes with delusions.
Yes psychosis can happen temporarily with trauma or stress. Thank you for your testimonial.
I love and relate to this so much. Honestly never see anyone sharing this kind of experience and so its really comforting when they do. So proud of you. I love you babes xxxx
It's so amazing that your work are so supportive. I had alot of time off work for depression and anxiety... unfortunately my work decided to fire me :)) as "they thought it was best for me." so fabulous to know mental health is taken as serious as physical health in the workplace right? Thanks for another fab video marie!! xo
So proud of you! You've gone through so much I'm so proud. Makes me confident I'll get through my toughest time right now xx
this was so interesting! im so proud of you for deciding to post this! lots of love x
I have bpd and I get mania that causes me to get delusions. I feel so alone and scared to open up about it but this helps me feel not so “weird”. Mental health should be more normalized than it’s been.
Couldn’t click on this fast enough! I’m so proud of you and your attitude towards everything and how you keep going, sending you so much love babygal you are an inspiration and a bloody angel xxxxxxx
Okay dude you are so freaking awesome, your bravery is so apparent and your strength comes across so strong I think you’re so so so cool
you are amazing Marie, your videos honestlyreassure me that i'm not going crazy sometimes, I know you said a few times in this video that its embarrassing but it's honesty not! You have been brave enough to tell us what's gone on and you will help so so many people with this video
Congratulations for 19k I really admire you and I learn a lot about mental health and accepting my mental health issues with your videos✨
Marie you're an absolute sweetheart you don't need to be embarrassed you're so bloody strong to be here still 💗💗💗 I'm so proud of you.
You are truely so brave Marie. I have had a psychotic episode and I know how hard it is to tell others about your experience because even yourself find it so hard to even remember. Keep looking after yourself :)
I seriously just love you! You make me feel more normal about my mental health!
Kinda offensive... like what her mental health is so bad it makes you feel better about your own???!
@@kikipeachie ........ no having someone to relate to helps...
You are amazing Marie, u are such an inspiration for others! There is such a stigma out there and it’s so good that u can dispell so much of that. All the best beautiful lady.😊
You're so strong and inspirational, keep making videos ♥
I’m so proud of you Marie ❤️
You’re so brave for sharing this. We love you beyond words.
you’re the bravest person i know!💓 you are amazing!! x
Yasss girl you'll be at 21k sooner then you think❤️ you deserve it more than anyone!!! Love youuu also yayayay I loved your crime series soso good💓💓💓
This is extremely relatable, thank you for sharing.. Best of luck and health to you. It’s extremely hard to share stuff like this but it’s important because people like me and you don’t feel alone
OMfg I’m been waiting for a video like this 💗💗💗💗I’m so proud of u u have come sooooo far I love u 😘😘😘😘😘
Ilysm!!! Your so strong ❤️❤️
Definitely do the crime videos, I love them! Also, well done for opening up about this, psychosis is a very hard thing to go through.
Thanks for sharing. You’re brave talking about it. I always had a hard time making friends and having a mental breakdown just like yours have blow away my social circle. I’ve lost most of my friends and feel so lonely because they got scared. I didn’t even hurt them in the slightest manner! Anyhow my life is a nightmare sometimes I want to erase myself...
This video is amazing I searched for physcotic episodes stories because I had one my self and still have smaller episode today I searched this because I’m interested in how common my experience ours are totally different with slight similarities anyway thank you for sharing your experience be proud of your self for having the strength to pull through I know some people I met in hospital some never came home and others are in the revolving door
I can’t believe that we met when this began, I had no idea so much was going on xxxxx
you are amazing Marie ❤️
Love you SO much! Your tan looks amaze btw 💖
Love you Marie you’re amazing
Its so courages that you dare to speak so openly about such a personal and difficult time in your life❤
My ultimate diagnosis was/is Bipolar with pyschotic delusions. I have been able to live a very good life despite it, but definitely helped by my meds. I will never go without them. I have therapy twice week to monitor progress. I'm a mom, successful career, live on my own, etc. So people is possible to live happily beyond a disorder. I'm glad that you are doing well!!
Thank you for sharing 💖
I went through a similar situation a few years ago it was pretty scary.Only I though demons were trying to destroy me and I became pretty paranoid and delusional.I remember even hallucinating and people's eyes looked red and I thought they were possessed and they wanted to hurt me and I was afraid I was gonna be possessed and get hurt or hurt some one else I also went to the hospital..Just a really bad time in my life.I know it's hard to talk about these things because there's a lot of stigma around it,hearing about people's mental health issues makes me feel better,less mental I guess you could say.
I was cracking up at the adopted part. Omg, but I went through a similar experience and it's no joke, really scary and this made me feel less alone thank you!
Level three in psych wards be having you bargaining for an extra inch of the door closed; whilst you tryna take a poop. XD But in all seriousness, I love your video. You explained everything so well; despite what you might think. I live with a psychotic disorder myself. And I am now well into my fourth year of a psychotic episode. I'm coming out of it now (thankfully) but still have a way to go before I get better. As I still hear voices everyday. But am much less bothered by them then before. I mainly have people in my head talking ABOUT me. Not so much too me. Thank you for adding that part into the video. Because I really thought I was so weird for just having them mainly talk about me, rather then to me. And no one really understands my illness. My mental health team don't, my family don't, my friends don't, I don't even understand a lot of it. But it's been really nice hearing someone else talk about what actually went on for them in their head during the episode. Because it helps me to recognise more of what could be symptoms in my own mental health. Just little things you said about people talking about you and how the voices spoke ("Queen." But not really explaining what "type" of Queen. If that makes sense, just kind of how they spoke about the delusions???). So thank you for your video. I'm glad you're doing better now and I'm glad that you've come out of this with such strength. I hope you have a good rest of your life. And that you never have to go back to a psych ward again. :) :) :) :) :)
I’m hearing laughing but not in a bad way because I had a similar Psychosis experience I thought I was famous some how and everyone was somehow testing me. Like everything in your head makes sense to you know matter how impossible it seems.
Omg yes😂😂
i honestly couldn't care what u upload I'll love it regardless
I went through a psychotic break about two years ago and was the scariest time of my life.. mine is also stress induced and sucks. I’ve noticed myself kinda slipping back there a little bit but I’m trying to keep it under control since I’ve had it before and come back out of it. It just sucks when u are going through it cause your reality is morphed and emotions and cravings you usually get just go away. I currently haven’t been eating much cause it’s almost like my body won’t let me get down food without me feeling like I’m going to throw up. I completely understand what u where going through. I just hope i come back out of it again.
you are amazing for speaking about this so openly and you did a wonderful job explaining how it feels/what happened! Way to go :) an excellent book about schizophrenia and psychosis if anyone is interested is The Center Cannot Hold by Elyn Saks :)
I had a psychotic attack when i was 17 and ever since i am scared of having one again as am a mum and cuz i had one am worried i will have one postpartum cuz am more prone to it but am 6 months pp so it makes me feel hopeful as my moods are better than ever i get help my advice is get help talk to ur family also get a break get baby sitters cuz if u don't have a break u will break
Thanks for sharing this. I had a similar experience.About two years ago. I got admitted into hospital when I had a seizure. Then I had a psychotic episode when I was there. I was getting paranoid and delusional. I left hospital the TV/radio was talking to me. I was never admitted to a mental hospital. I can relate to this alot.
It's true that describing it is like trying to explain a dream, and it's difficult to explain. My audio comes in the form of songs, not necessarily voices. Like thinking about a song and repeating it in your head. But they sing songs I hate from my childhood and get louder and louder to the point that I go in a room by myself and tell them to shut up. Then I go back to regular life. I have to tell them to shut up in order to make it stop. Daily.
I have BPD, and had a psychotic break I guess you could say, about a year and a half ago. I would on and off be super delusional and believed I still lived with my family and worked my old job, when I was in fact married in real life, and my husband would have to explain who he was to me because I “didn’t know him.” That or I’d believe some other man had replaced him, and he wasn’t my “real husband”, or that he’d kidnapped me and taken me away from my old family and life. I’m doing a lot better now, I now know that the only reason that stuff was happening was because of a lot of stress I was under due to stuff I probably wouldn’t go into detail with, but it’s definitely hard to explain those kind of experiences to others who’ve never been through them. It feels embarrassing, even though it shouldn’t. It’s not our fault:(
This happened to me last year from the stress of working in a new job in a different country. To this day I cant bare to think about it never mind talk about it. This video makes me feel a bit more normal😊
The hat example is totally spot on. Respect!
You are so beautiful, sweet and natural...you dont need any kind of royal titles...i hope you remember this if you ever experience one of those episodes again
I really need to let this out because it's driving me crazy.
I strongly believe I had a psychotic episode from July to October of last year. I received phone calls from people I quietly left back in 2022 to move on in life and I received them at a time where I was already experiencing a lot of stressors. I think the phone calls were the final straw for me because suddenly, I just lost it. I verbally harassed people I knew of, none of who had anything to do with the phone calls, by messaging them with inappropriate and disrespectful messages. I attacked so many past friends, also none of who had anything to do with the phone calls, on social media, publicly, at that. I believed that I was only right and that everyone else was trying to attack me back verbally.
I don't know; back then, it was all real to me and I believed everything I did was for the better and right. But, looking back as a rational person, away from that crazy mindset, it embarrasses me and I feel so much guilt and shame. I lost so many friends and people for absolutely no reason, all because of my episode alone.
I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, recurrent, severe with psychotic symptoms, and it's only now making sense to me that what I was experiencing and doing during those four months was indeed, a psychotic episode.
I really hate myself for all the things I did and said. I apologized to a lot of them, both through letters and on social media. But, in a way, learning that what had happened was a psychotic episode makes me feel a lot better because now, I know and can say what actually happened. It just saddens and shocks me about what I did because everything I did was too much, doesn't make any sense, was way out of proportion, and was simply, crazy. But, I guess that's why it's called a psychotic episode, right? It's not supposed to make sense what I did because I lost touch with reality and had so many delusions, had so many beliefs I believed were true, but I can now look back on and see how untrue they all were.
It feels good to let this out. I hope I made sense and don't seem completely crazy. But, I know what I had was a psychotic episode.
I'm healing and doing a lot better. I'm more reserved and quiet now. I feel like a completely new person, which I don't know is a good thing. But, I stopped all of those crazy and concerning habits I did back then, which, also looking back on myself, scares me because I can't believe I actually did all of those things.
Okay, that's it
Just trying to keep it together, and this is helping. Thank you!
You are so great, thank you for sharing xx
Don't judge yourself. Just tell your story. It's ok. And your experience may really help someone. I have had a pyschotic break twice in my life, so I understand.
Yes, love your Crime videos!
Did you tell those girls (your work colleagues) what actually happened or that you weren’t adopted in the end? Xx
25:10 why was that “whatever they want, they’ve got it” so satisfying to me
lol I had the same type of voices during a manic episode and it was so scary even though it was just narrating! 'He's picking up the cat now!'
I haven't been diagnosed with schizophrenia either but I still have 2 antipsychotics I take. They help me enormously because I really struggle sometimes
I too went through a psychotic episode some months ago, first time it happened. It was bc of stress and it lasted maybe a few weeks. I went to the hospital, they took me in it and I started crying and acting weird, so they saw that I wasnt ok, they thought I was dangerous for myself maybe. Well I too did cringy things, I called one of my university teachers (!) I dont know why, I remembered him and wanted to call him from the hospital lol He knew about me because we talked about my stressful time before all of this happend. I also sent him weird emails without thinking it's so cringy and I still cringe about it now I'm going to see him again and it will be so embarassing
Also I find it SO interesting that you didn’t believe your parents were your parents! I had the EXACT same thoughts! Crazy! I was literally convinced that my (real) mom stole me from the hospital where my Russian mother (I have no idea why I was convinced my real mother was Russian lol) died giving birth to me.... so interesting to hear another bpd share such a similar thought process and experience.
Were you on any prescribed medications at this time?? Just curious. Love you ✨xx
Literally had the same thing back in 2016. Hope to never have to go through that again. Fucking scary.
I've experienced minor phycosis mostly when I'm stoned I thought my dad was coming after me and saw his car and saw him in the car waving at me franticly and I then realised that it wasn't even him
I love you ❤️😭
Can you share the medications that have kept you stable..
@marieroseeee You are seriously amazing I try to stop but it’s an
addiction to me I hear voices all the time and I have loads of help but I don’t think I’m getting better but I’m trying😔
"Linger onnnnnn.... your pale blue eyes". good song. Lou Reed and Antony
Thanks for talking about this topic so openly!!!
It’s called micro-psychosis! Xx
Thank you!!
HAd a few episodes during my life.. HAd one two weeks ago.
It is really hard.. but i feel better today.
Basically when i hear people talk i think they talk about me. I mean normal people.
And i think they say the most horrible things about me spreading rumors about me being a pedophile and other horrible shit...
It is hard to live with, and it is hard being at work. Even if i know what they say is not true, there are things that i connect to my life sometimes, and then i am like OMG they are talking about me.
DOes enyone experience similar things?
ur amazing xxxx
I love you so so much
I have been given by God to be a revolutionary to tear down society. Sounds crazy right. Well I sincerely believed it like I have never believed anything else in my life when I was psychotic.
Oliver Makower same!
OMG THE TV TALKING THING HAPPENED TO ME TOOO. It was Steve Carell in a show I was watching talking to me asking me if I would save the people?? lol it was literally so wild. Then I'm like was that real does he know me?
Were you ever given rapid tranq? Since oral meds weren't working for you. Also, a weird one, I think in 2016 you were admitted to the hospital I work at? Absolute madness I know. I also have a question about which PICU you were on, some of the descriptions sound like the one I work on, like it being a tiny ward etc. Don't worry if you don't feel comfortable with these questions, you don't have to answer. I'm not asking about specific details about your care etc lol :)
My daughter went into psychosis at age 16. Can anyone who went through psychosis and are now okay, can you tell me if you took medications and if so, which ones? I'm dying inside. Literally..
I did b4 about 2 years ago and didn’t find out the name of what I was dealing with till now all I can say is ask a doctor about any medication
@@liljtheking8786 I appreciate it. Are you better today? I hope you are no longer in psychosis. I cannot believe no one gave you a name for what you were dealing with! That's crazy, but maybe good. I'm not sure labels always help people.
Prayer keep her home speak positive to her.
@@YellinHelenP yea I’m good now thanks I’m just now seeing ur reply lol
In the u.s. we say in THE hospital. In the UK it seems they say I was in hospital. When I was in my boss was so cool but it was embarrassing
brave girll xxxxxxx
yess more crime videos
Omg your beautiful
Get better miss . ❤❤❤
WHEN DID THEY START HAVING PROMS IN THE UK?
❤️
I have so much love for you idk I just wanted to say that lol xx
Brave woman 💪
Yayyy can’t wait to watch this
What is your diagnosis, can you also share that..
MarieOSEEE... YOU HAVE to START giving GUYS a CHANCE!!! You ARE INCREDIBLY GORGEOUS (INSIDE & OUT!!!)!!!
I KNOW you THINK you have "issues", BUT SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE!!!
God Bless YOU Kiddo (and God Bless Your Sister TOO!!!)!!!
Surely he’s not allowed to tell people things like that though even if their not true?
How is it weird that ur an emotional person? especially seeings how ppl like us with bpd are quite literally defined to suffer from intense emotional instability......i don’t believe I have ever heard of a bpd that isn’t an emotional person.
How are you in the UK
wew your so tanned
R u on medication? If so what med helped u
hi, i haven't been feeling so good like I cant understand my emotions and cant be bothered with anything and because of this i barely even attempted my gcse's so i know i've failed but i'm not depressed so i feel i don't need help but i neither feel happy and it is affecting my daily life. I also for some reason cant seem to process how others are feeling and it is incredibly difficult leading me to take friendly jokes to far and befriending a lot of friends, does anyone have any advice?
also things that would make someone upset such as parents divorce doesn't seem to affect me and i'm really confused, and when my brother went to a family gathering and i wasn't there they all made fun of me because i am so skinny and only eat minimal amounts of food and have done since i was 3, this didn't affect and i feel it should of does anyone know why i could be feeling like this?
Hi, sometimes depression means you don't feel anything ... Just feel flat. Hope you spoke to your doctor after you left this comment! Hope your GCSEs went okay, too... even if they didn't, it's not the end of the world! Xx