Responding To Humiliation And Adversity
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- Опубликовано: 2 мар 2021
- Destiny shares experiences from his past including overcoming humiliation and adversity, cheating in exams, plus more...
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Date - 28 Feb, 2021
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So basically Destiny lived Whiplash in his highschool jazz band and now he's the debate king? nice
Imagine unironically calling someone 'the debate king.'
@@Kallermarh aaaaaaaaAAAaAAAaa
@@Kallermarh あああああああああああああああああああ
@@Kallermarh good thing I was being ironic there chief, WOOF that was a close one, can you imagine?
@@Kallermarh I guess you could call me THE IRONY KING
I'd pay for a based compilation of every time destiny start spitting absolute life lessons and the chat just bursts into TRUE/based comments
I feel like he doesn't account for peoples' individual neuroticism.
Destiny's bit about neural plasticity is so true. A lot of people just drop learning about new things once they're past high school or college. People would be surprised at how insane an adult brain is at learning new, so long as you keep at it.
So true, the reduction in plasticity is more than compensated by the increase of efficiency in integrating new parts in the persons mental model of the world that comes with experience.
Big true. Been looking at math stuff I missed in school recently and it’s sooo easy as an adult.
It's almost like plasticity was a descriptive rather than prescriptive. Since kids are forced to learn their plasticity is high. If you just keep learning your plasticity will be high
I spent 3 years studying japanese between high school and deciding what to do for college; high school memery was so bad for my brain that just learning a language 3 hours/day made college somehow easier than high school. Literally just pick something fun and study it, it helps a shit ton.
Agreed. I don’t even think I learned particularly well in highschool - my sleep was absolutely terrible and I was pretty unhappy with school in general. I honestly find I learn a lot better in my early 20’s
The thing that made Destiny a better musician wasn't 'abuse', it was practice. What he's touching on is what methods are effective for fostering motivation. Carrots and sticks. That becomes a question of willpower. We do that with incentives, consequences, assigning greater meaning to an action, or increasing blood sugar. Destiny seems to be driven more to prove people wrong than to earn praise. That's probably why he responded better to accountability measures. But its not like theres a universal formula for how to best motivate any given individual. Some people like carrots.
This was really insightful, thank you.
I just learned about the UNO hit piece, and Mark Gudgel being forced to sever ties. I feel so devistated that all the good you attempted to do was shutdown by the amount of hatred online. I hope this doesn't discourage you from future political activism. Your focus on local politics was inspiring 😟
Sadly it mighty cause he sunk a large amount of money and time into doing this, and it fell through and was already unsure about doing it again after this.
Destiny can easily help in local politics through canvassing, he just can’t work directly with the campaign.
What happened I just found him a few weeks ago. Been binge watching all his lives plus when he goes live so past ones go on hold. I missed it what happened here.
The child labor part was SOOO absolutely BASED. I needed to know what it was like to work and develop those real-world skills young. That would have been so useful to me. To take it further, maybe have some very basic mandatory internship opportunities for career exploration in high school. I had no idea what to focus on in college and wasted a lot of time/money. People just kept telling me my whole life that it would just come to me one day. That was bullshit.
Thank you. I’m in the same boat of having wasted lots of college money not getting a feel for what I’d like to do for work. It sucks. Good to know someone else had the same experience.
Some other countries start people on the educational path for trade profession/white collar job/other at a younger age than the U.S. And it usually includes internships while you study. I think it would help a lot of kids with developing those skills and help with the "not really sure what i want to do" as you're going into college.
@@11DaltonB I would LOVE this
You may not like it, but he speaks hard truth about the college stuff.
Learning how to hold yourself accountable and to just do the work is the key.
... Hey can you send me a link to the art in your profile picture? Or the name of the artist or somethin?
@@Yuvraj. Ohhhh. Okay I tried that thanks. Unfortunately I can't seem to find any high res images. :T
And good habits, like getting enough sleep, showing up to class early
Doing college completely remotely is so hard lol, The fact I can just not do it is too much power for me.
Yeah, the best way to do remote anything is to have a planner/scheduler up and ready with what you will need to do. Once you start doing that and make it a habit, it's really hard not to abide by it.
@@rickyemiguel I agree that is what my sister does I had a loss in motivation due to lack of funding and resources. I had to wait 3 almost months into being in college until I got money from the state to pay for my laptop I did some work on my sisters laptop in the time being but with her also being in school it made things hard for me so when I eventually got my laptop I was already behind on like 1.5-2 months worth of work from 4 classes plus what was already due so I just completely lost all motivation
That feeling when Destiny says he started music late in middle school and I'm just starting now in my 30s...
You got this my man! Keep at it
Jam out, my dude.
You can do that!! XD
That shit with Nathan being discouraged but capable is so real with younger kids. My daughter is 8 and I know 100% for a fact she can skate without needing help, I've seen her do it, but if you ask her to go outside and skate she'll say she wants her hand held because she thinks she needs help. Have the hardest time working through it with her but telling her she's wrong for being nervous or scared has had zero success. Taking a break and hyping her up to try her best works but after every time it's like she mentally resets and can't do it again. Wonder if thats an adhd thing.
I have ADHD and I’ve always been like that. You’re a great dad if your trying to build your daughters confidence like that. My parents just give up on me when I’d become upset or scared. It just reinforced me giving up on homework etc. It’s SUPER important to build “self-efficacy” in ADHD kids.
The fear of failure comes from adhd, be careful how you go about helping him deal with it. Most feelings of failure are internal, I couldn't care less about what other people think, in fact it stokes my fire but if I feel defeated internally it's crushing.
Holy shit that's exactly it! Why couldn't I ever put it into words before?
For me it happens because my ADHD makes me see everything as one single impossible task. It’s hard to explain. It’s like I process everything at once.
For me it happens because my ADHD makes me see everything as one single impossible task. It’s hard to explain. It’s like I process everything at once.
is he confirmed to have ADHD? Cuz fear of failure can manifest from a lot of things including that, him having ADHD would just be news to me
Id like to share; when I give my absolute all, try my hardest and still fail/get defeat, that’s when I absolutely lose my shit. I pretty much black out in rage and lose all control. Very rare it happens and it is not pretty. Some people are just more equipped for that emotion.
The sandwich man believes in all of you, whatever is you want to do, you can do it!
Did you eat a sandwich today?
thanks sandwich man
Your an allrye guy sandwich man.
Thanks man
a great teacher is fair. they are fairly disappointed when you don't meet their standards, and fairly offer praise proportional to the difficulty of your accomplishments. bad teachers are too abusive and cause you to lose faith in yourself, or too nice and delude you into thinking you're great when you aren't.
Destiny's most humiliating moment was when he started the call with nobullshit lol
@h True aaaaaaaaaaaand... Yeah, that's pretty true. That's true and- yeah that's true. That's true. That's true- That's pretty true. That's pretty true, I mean-... That's true. Yeah. That's true. Uhm- That's true. That's fuckin' true. Uhm... That's how it is dude
“Destiny is a girl name”
@@Americansikkunt "I'm Steven I'm dumb I have fuckin stupid fans" 😂 my fav quote from that convo
NoBS is intellectual heavyweight, Steven couldn't hold his own in that one. I don't blame him. Some say NoBS has 5 PhD's, he just refuses to show them in order not to spoil to his enemies about his expertises
@@misskif8174 The king amongst the humble.
“Go down the line” moments instantly brought back some insane memories.
Be driven by love, not fear
Positive reinforcement is based
Thats sweet my man
but also not enough. the idea of the carrot AND the stick exists for a reason.
@@tanszism Yeah everyone's optimal balance is different and there are definitely ppl who's past experiences make it really difficult to get literally any benefits from punishment-based reinforcement, but I'm def inclined to agree that some mix of both is ideal fro most ppl
@@tanszism Not enough for incapable teachers.
This type of content is incredibly valuable and motivational as someone in their mid-teens.
Going off of his high school advice, taking classes from your community college during high school is the best. I took a single summer semester of sign language at the college and it fulfilled the 4 years of language I needed in high school, it’s ridiculous the shortcuts you can get.
Willpower, passion, and thus the motivation to prove your worth.
When destiny was talking about how we should mix the learning stage of our lifes with the working stage more it blew my mind, ive never even thought about anything even close to that before lmao
duuuude, i haate it when people say "oh youre so talented, i could never do that", especially when it comes to my art (i do a lot of portraiture), and i tell them evvvvery time, "i started out just as crappy as anyone. i just spent like hundreds of hours practicing". The idea of talent fosters the belief that you can't pursue something unless you have a "natural inclination" for it but it's not true. I recently guided a friend in doing a portrait, and she caught on so well and was so excited. Least to say, she went from "i could never" to "wow, i did".
I'm a burgeoning concept artist and I really hate when people say I'm talented because it kinda denegrates the sheer amount of time put in, so I really make sure to differentiate talent and skill.
Im a tattooer and i cant stress enough how true what youre saying is. 'WoW yOu dRaw So GoOd, i CaNT eVEn dRaW a sTiCk fIgUre' im at a point where i just ignore those comments because for me its like super awkward when people want to like drown you in praise. It often feels like im pulling teeth just to get like constructive criticism from people so i can grow haha
the skipping class thing is the truest shit ever. feels like it completely fucked my life cuz i dropped out of college for the same reason. bonus meme: when i got called to the teachers office for missing like above 50% of ALL my classes i said i was suffering from anxiety about all the tests ad not going would ease my stress. they sent me once to the school psychologist and never questioned my absence again.
This was the most interesting long video I've listened to, wow
I love hearing stories from other people's lives. Really gives me some perspective on the world. Guess that's why I like watching Dr. K's interviews and the Trash Taste podcast.
Magic Tree House was the best book series I’ve ever read unironically
This is precisely why I was drawn to Destiny in the first place -- the nuanced introspection.
I also don't like compliments and prefer to be challenged instead. This whole move towards excessive niceness is super toxic to me.
Nowadays, I don't trust anyone who tries to be nice all the time. That's just not human, and they're definitely hiding their power levels.
Idk man, not disagreeing on the concept of toxic positivity but there are definitely some people who are genuinely just that nice. Some ppl fake it like you said but I know someone who's almost grossly nice to everyone just bc that's who she is and how she was raised and it sucks when I hear ppl question her authenticity. I'm js be careful not to make that assumption about everyone who's like that cuz that projection can really mess with otherwise awesome relationships
It honestly really bothers me I have to tell my classmates at the end of a presentation to be ruthless with their criticism of my Powerpoints. Especially when 70% still just leave "good job" on the notes and I have to severely limit my criticism of theirs.
@@haruhirogrimgar6047 This may or may not be good advice, but I think you should treat others how you wish to be treated. Give them some ruthless criticism and maybe they'll feel the need to do the same to you.
@@WanderTheNomad Nah, that goes blatantly against the social norms for Social Workers and classes. You are supposed to be positive and one of the first things they try to ingrain into your head is taking a "strengths based approach." Which is basically trying to view a person from the resources and strengths they do have rather than focusing on their faults. Being incredibly critical over the way someone presented a chapter from a textbook is an unspoken taboo.
Edit: I feel the need to add context to this that I have high functioning autism. At this point I have to be especially conscious of social norms, implied rules or behaviours, and what proper or improper responses or statements are. So I am probably more cognizant of this stuff than my classmates.
@@haruhirogrimgar6047 Perhaps I should rephrase "ruthless criticism" to "the type of criticism you would like to receive from others".
In some of the classes I've had, when judging other people's work, the teacher has it so you write like 2 good things about it and 2 bad things. And probably preferably useful comments, instead of just words to make you feel good/bad.
It's funny to me because the times I've worked the hardest is always after feeling humiliated. Spite fuels my motivation far more than praise ever could.
I love these story-streams, feelsgoodman
Same
21 minutes in and this is one of my favourite destiny clips of all time
I think so much of it comes down to developing confidence and just attempting to generally "do hard things". Before I learned web development I approached most complex problems with an "I'll never understand this so why bother" kind of attitude. As a designer, going through a coding bootcamp was probably the hardest thing I've ever done, but since then I've approached most complex subjects and problems in life with a far more open and analytical approach.
Welcome to the world of making music; you have to do it for the love!
I remember seeing the video of Destiny playing piano at Orlando in the thumbnail, everyone was commenting on how awkward and shy he was during it and he seems way more confident nowadays.
I remember I had a class in college with a bunch of stupid busywork assignments, and at the end of the semester, I had like two done, so I just submitted empty zip files for the rest.
My teacher gave me like 70s to 85s on all of them, and I never mentioned it.
The guy was clearly just phoning his shit in and giving everyone random passing grades without actually looking at the assignments. I think it took like two months after the class was done for us to even get our grades back for our *midterms.*
I heard JUG and instantly got ptsd. Thanks my dude
I have a fear of failure when I set the expectations for myself but when others set expectations for me or underestimate me or undermine the level of my skill, I become much more motivated
i can 100% relate. projects i start myself are doomed to fail, while projects i do for others/to prove others wrong always go well and in a ridiculously short amount of time.
Skipping is a very tricky situation. If your mind is so poisoned you decide to wield that power, you just have to be ready to crunch. For my business ethics class in college I skipped the maximum number of days allowed yet I still managed to fully prepare and present my projects independently. It all comes down to how much you can handle the pressure :)
to the 3:00 point im completely like this, i hate compliments like completely like this i cant respond to it in a productive way but if someone tells me im garbage there is this motivation im getting
The reason why it doesn't really work for me is I get spiteful. My thought process when someone calls me out forcefully is usually something like "ok well fuck you then, I'm out". It might be that my experiences have specifically had to do with assholes though. I'm from eastern Europe and I feel like we have "dickhead russian teacher" types around too.
Zoom school COMPLETELY FUCKED the lmao do your hw in between classes thing and I’m dying
DOWN
WITH
HOMEWORK
My 2nd year college Strat we me and the guy I chilled with in my course always teamed up with the 2 asian exchange students because they were super attentive and were really hard working, but their english was somewhat broken so we would always get a far smaller section and most of our work was formatting
I’ve actually thought about this a lot and although the large majority do respond well to positive reinforcement I’ve noticed that when you choose to be negative it feels like whiplash to the kids and they are stunned and they end up listening it’s an effective tool but only if you do have those reinforcements around. Sometimes I’d have a bad week and me being negative would work once twice or 3 times but after the effectiveness drops and they lose respect quick
Edit: I’ve been working at a daycare for kid 5-11 for a year now and you find out quick how kids respond
Destiny is slowly becoming the Joe Rogan of Twitch
13:50 HOLY SHIT I THINK ABOUT THIS ALL THE TIME. Even subconsciously it fucks me up because I'm scared that I wont be able to learn as much as I do now since I'm getting close to 30
@socially unacceptable just learn it lol
positive reinforcement is motivation by seeing progress. negative reinforcement is motivating by fear
Fear is a much better motivator. Our ancestors were motivated primarily by fear.
@@NexusCapital survivorship bias. if 1000 people run across a room blindfolded with falling anvils, the 10 people who made it will tell you it was the easiest thing ever
@@Tocinos No idea how that relates to fear being the better motivator. If I had to use your analogy though you take 500 of those people a month out from the anvil drop and tell them good job everyday while they are training and its okay if they dont make it but try their best. I'll take the other 500 and very coldly explain to them that this is serious shit and if you aren't training your hardest every single day you are going to fucking die and be smashed into meat bag soup. Wonder which group is going to be the most prepared? My group might not like me but I dont give a shit, I'm hard on them because I care. Military is no different. The hugbox that is being created in the US infantry scares the shit out of me if we went to war with other countries that didn't rely on "good job" to train their soldiers.
@@NexusCapital This whole conversation is dumb. "Better motivator" - everyone knows when you're training someone you use both. People who exceed expectations get medals and recognition, people who let others down get smoked. If all you hand out is negativity people will only work exactly hard enough to not get called out, and will otherwise sham all the time.
Also not everyone has the mentality to endure constant struggle, otherwise everyone could join the special forces.
"Skipping the first class in college is like eating an apple from the tree of knowledge. Once you do that, you are just so fucked."
Steven Destiny Kenith Bonnell, my friend if you are remembered for anything, let it be the wisdom coming from this quote.
@Nath Krishna That shit hit home for me lmao.
I had a huge problem getting work done in school growing up. It wasn't that I couldn't do it, I just didn't want to. Also my mom said that I would get in my own way. Like with writing I'd erase and rewrite the same sentence over and over again sometimes.
It wasnt until junior and senior year I realized how easy it was to get everything done if I'd get it done at school. It also helped that all my teachers those years gave us time in class to do homework.
Just got done watching the Omaha video lmao
I think a large part of what makes going back to school after taking time off is after you have started working and taking on more bills/financial responsibility it can be tough to make the sacrifice to going to part time. Focusing on school and taking less time to work is what you SHOULD do but the reality is people don't want to give up their short term financial gain that got from working part time.
This reminded me of a moment I had in high school jazz band where I had practiced this solo for like hours and hours before the concert, but for that one time I literally missed like half the notes and just gave up, like the pressure got to me. And there has never been a point I can remember feeling more failure than in that moment and yet it was so relieving somehow i cant explain. Whats funny is even tho i basically butchered this whole thing, at the end the instructor still read my name out lol
*"Evidence is the plural of anecdote"*
Destiny the high level memes was finding out your homework before it was even assigned, doing it in class after you finish classwork (without letting the teacher know), and then never having to do anything after school at all
Very true about going to class Destiny. I was almost kicked out of university after my freshman year because I stopped going to classes and failed most of them. Now I make good money with my degree so I am very happy I stuck it out.
I don't think I ever did even one piece of homework at home
16:20 - I took a gap year and jeeez I can't imagine going back to school. I know I could, but ouch
I have experienced and can relate to literally every second of this video
You play rotmg?
@@kingsloth4106 ofc!
@@instakillgaming Nice. I thought the game was dead, but it’s nice to see that people still play.
@@kingsloth4106 thriving, surprisingly. I dont keep up with the rotmg youtube scene much anymore, but every time I check there is a new channel with a rotmg video that has 100k+ views, pretty cool to see
Thats the content i like in my feed!
1:09:49 Sitting in the same spot is super effective for encoding information so it's unsurprising that people tend to stay in the same spots. Sitting in a new spot every time can seriously compromise your ability to effectively process information.
For anyone that's curious- @33:00 he mentions the chemistry course requiring memorization. That's not the point, the point was that there's a pattern to the table and you could map it out in your head based on the table instead of the ions. glhf in Chem
I'm only like 8min in..
I think a part of this is not just the person, but also where they are in the process.
I think positive reinforcement can be really good when you are first starting out in something new.
Also, I wouldn't say that in Steven's example that the teacher was giving "negative" reinforcement, but realistic advice/expectations.
Lastly, not every activity is going to be right for someone. Some subjects you get into because someone challenges you or you can see the value in it because of how interested they are in the subject, but then there are other subjects where you find your own meaning in the activity and that's why you get into it. As an example, I didn't really care about English class that much until I had a couple of really good teachers. For my Sociology course though, I was instantly hooked on it, and would have been regardless of the teacher.
the idea that you lose the ability to learn new things after a certain age is terrifying and i'm glad it's turning out to be false. there's so much that i want to learn to do before i die.
Stravinsky was known to buy new music theory books and do all the exercises on paper in his 80’s. I play in a band with a guy who is 70, started playing at 50 yet still has more experience than plenty of decent guitar players.
I love the I member stuff
When destiny is talking about the Mayflower it reminds me of the Mysterious Benedict Society
Your take on morning shift was so fucking spot on. I’m an the night time AM at my restaurant and it is exactly what you said.
It is kind of crazy that people start learning instruments in high school are always considered to be at a serious disadvantage
My favorite thing about multiple choice was to survey through the test, make marks like "EZ" or "L" for Last and circle ones I knew I felt shakey on from reading the prompt.
I used to play trumpet when I was in middle school. I still have it but it’d have to be fixed to be played again. I’ve been thinking about that because recently I realized there’s been a lot of things I used to do but put down like that and sports. I’m 23 now so I don’t know but this makes me want to reconsider. I also went through one of those down the line things though in elementary school band
I skipped class once in college cause I was sick, but by that point I was so aware of the amount of work I had to do that I was shitting bricks the whole day, and pretty much never did it again.
Idk what sax you played but I played the alto saxophone from 7th to sophomore year. I also joined the jazz band and I also had similar call out experiences. I never knew how to tongue properly and he made me play my part and I tounged and articulated so horribly. It drove me to learn how to play better and idk I just related so hard to that story. I ended up playing a solo at some music in the parks for jazz band. Music in the parks being related to Disneyland and it was also the most nervous I have been ever.
For me in hobby's like gaming sports etc I grew up around competitive ppl so when you did bad you got destroyed when you did good you got praised like you killed the final boss and saved the world. It's like motivation and I take it as yea they expect much of me and they force me to raise my bar. Everyone is different tho
15:45 everything is specialized. Destiny is contemplating things that put light on things he wouldn’t like to consider.
Regarding cheating in school. I remember a friend of mine programming the quadratic equation into his scientific calculator and using it when he was on the test. He apparently said he was just testing if it would work as he didn't need it as he had it memorized.
My school had classes of 20 to 29 kids with 6 periods. The teachers went to school early to have teacher's meeting for tests and homework amount to not overburden students and parent teacher's conferences where they mandatorily can only leave by 5pm at earliest, most not living in the city itself and the meetings are like 7am.
Some of the teachers had to bs if they could.
Wait, is it normal that you don't rotate your shifts around? Aka the morning shift is always the same people? In my country it's normal to rotate the shifts every week so you dont get people who only work nights or something
Yeah I did the skipping classes thing in highschool and thought I'd be fine but then skipping one day turned into a whole week then the covid thing happened and I just gave up and I hate myself for doing that and now I just don't know where to go from here
24:52 Had all of those exact same nightmares about school lol
You're not alone, a compliment is the first thing to make me not care. Call me a trash (whatever) and my motivation appears from no where. I have hypothesis for why people like me exist but nothing supported beyond anecdotal evidence. Also those types of teachers get astonishing performance from students like me. I got 100% in my Algebra. (He said something like "Do you need to relearn your ABCs or do you need to barrow my hand to count past 10. Finding these values isn't difficult ." i believe what caused me to make Algebra my bitch. He is dead now but he will always have my thanks for that push.)
I did both IB and AP. they were the same shit - IB had you do really random weird requirements, some extra papers here or there. I didn't get the "IB Diploma" though - that was a really hard feat, they had a lot of extra tests that was scored pretty strictly. out of 950 kids in my grade only like 40 got that diploma. that's really the only difference, both are based
It's nice to listen to intelligent people. My country is the worst in the world in terms of covid. It's nice to know taht intelligent people exist.
i always think i m literally the worst when put on the spot but there's times i put myself on the spot and trash everyone while doing a personal record on something. like it cant be just luck, and those moments confuse me
Nightshift Burger king in high school. I closed that place and cleaned the broiler like 5 times a week. (everyone was supposed to close once a week, twice at most) Left that place past midnight all the time.
I took the forbidden fruit in the first semester of the first year of university. Everything was optional, I had never been in this position before, I was free. I went to nothing and managed to scrape a pass, the habit continued to the following years heavily hindering my grade, no first, just a 2-1.
Actually adults can learn a new language just as much as kids. It turns out that children are just exposed to the language far more often and seem to learn faster.
This really depends on what theory of linguistics you subscribe to, if a child does not learn a language by say 14, they will never be able to learn any language
@@ryanmadigan4715 I’m talking about the speed at which a child learns. It’s commonly thought as echoed by Destiny that children are faster learners for whatever reason
Yea, I've also heard it's that children just have a lot more time than adults, and also that some adults just succumb to "oh I'm too old for this, I can't do it" and that causes them to learn the language much more slowly. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You got a source on that? That contradicts literally everything I have ever read in psych, linguistics and my own experiences learning.
32:14 "destiny how tf are u atheist after that" lmao
Grounded moral axioms
The burger king story took me out 🤣🤣
Right in my feeeed
dum
lmao "take AP, TAke IB, Take Dual Enrollment, Study! Take Band and Art and extracurriculars. :)" great advice if you didn't go to a 300 person school in the middle of nowhere tiny southern town. im just lucky i had internet access, because i swear most of what i learned came from the chan boards Literature, Music, and Art Critique.
27 min dude, that tactic to use the test is how i passed my early science class tests, just using every scrap of the test to ur advantage without knowing the material.
Discipline is I would argue is the core philosophy of music school as a whole.
So fucking true about skipping class in Uni. What he described about realising no one cared was exactly what happened to me.
playing sports taught me that everyone needed criticism differently. one of the best players on my team would completely shut down after getting yelled at. a good leader should take the time
The thing about skipping classes in college is the most true thing I have ever heard in my life.
Don't do it ya'll. I'm speaking from experience
I remember google translating an entire hand-in a couple of minutes before deadline and copy + pasting what I wanted to translate instead of the translation without noticing and then turning it in. Good times.
@Destiny Do you think the way you respond to abuse has anything to do with sticking to that toxic relationship for that long in the past?
I think the important part about being nice vs. mean in criticism is compassion. Nice is safe because even if you're not compassionate it still comes across as wanting someone to do better, whereas mean works in the extremes; if you're compassionate about it, people will be much more motivated to meet your standards. If you're not compassionate, you'll come across like a dick and people will just fight back or give up.
Another possibility is people decide to push harder to spite the teacher and prove them wrong when given harsh criticism with no compassion, that happens a lot so can't leave that out.
@@voltaicburst4279 That's valid. I'd be curious to see how often this is the case, and whether those people are still seeking praise at the end of the day but going about it in a roundabout way. If they go through the effort and the teacher still refuses to acknowledge their work, I'm curious whether that would be a positive or negative impact.
I know a russian guy who came to America when he was in his late 20s. He didn't know english. He worked for a russian guy so he didn't need to know english. Eventually he worked hard and learned english, went to school, and graduated as a pharmacist. His english is amazing. Despite the evidence for his ability to learn english and also all the math and chemistry he needed to graduate, he still thinks children are way better at learning languages and that adults suck.
Yeah when it comes to language specifically, that's pretty much a widely accepted fact within the field of psychology, our ability to absorb languages is absolutely fkn next level for kids under the age of 7, it's one of the most well-researched sensitive periods there is. I mean there are a lot of kids out there who are literally fluent in like 5+ languages by 7 years old, it's so damn awesome
Shut up Dan the I remember streams are some of the best content we get
The college thing depends on your mindset I guess. I dropped out for 2 years but I was still learning things I was interested, then I went back and had a goal/understood the value of it all. 18 year old me got shit grades but 21 yr old me got almost a full ride and graduated with straight a’s. College is based when you understand what you want to put in and get out, but going in with uncertainty at 17/18 can end badly imo.
This is definitely true. I regret not dropping out and then going back (did a major I hated so my grades weren’t great) now I changed my major and I’m doing much better but that time could have been spent better by not paying money for a major I hated lol.
I totally disagree. I have been through 6 years of conservatory and bad abusive teachers really turned me into a socially anxious mess for many years. I don’t agree at all that it is good for learning. There is a real distinction between being strict but kind and being an abusive toxic bully. Going down the line is good but humiliating someone is a toxic culture that unfortunately is too common in music. You can just easily tell
someone “you have to put in more work if you want to be able to keep up” without screaming, being mean, humiliation, etc.
For the engineering cheat sheet thing I gotta agree with the guy. I wrote key equations in an organized manner rather than jam fucking everything on the page. Also I wrote equations I couldn't fit on the dark desk in pencil so it could only be read from a specific angle. Its free real estate.
Best double spacing trick it to make your periods bigger. It’ll make the spaces a little wider which will help you for your 10+ page essays