U.S. Agencies Can’t Agree on Covid Origin | DJ Donald’s Favorite Tunes | Elf Sighting in Mexico

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  • Опубликовано: 26 фев 2023
  • The Department of Energy says Covid leaked from a Chinese lab, but other government agencies disagree. Elsewhere, America’s former president is enjoying his role as house DJ at Mar-a-Lago, and Mexico’s current president says mystical elves live among us. #Colbert #Comedy #Monologue
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Комментарии • 2,3 тыс.

  • @TheOGClassicMan
    @TheOGClassicMan Год назад +527

    Playing all the hits from, "Find me 11,780 Votes ..." to "Bing Bing Bong Bong Bing Bing.." And who could forget his #1 Hit...Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV.

    • @Tao_Tology
      @Tao_Tology Год назад +19

      'Horseface'
      - Orange Don

    • @gamepapa1211
      @gamepapa1211 Год назад +2

      You forgot the tracks that got him to chart in the first place: "Grab 'Em By the Pusspuss"

    • @HairynosedWombat163
      @HairynosedWombat163 Год назад +42

      Who could forget his other hit 'I'm leaving on a jet plane with loo paper trailing behind and I'm out of my tiny mind' Top ten!

    • @jeffs6090
      @jeffs6090 Год назад +35

      Whose boat is this boat?

    • @cuttwice3905
      @cuttwice3905 Год назад +37

      His hit (How do I close my) Umbrella haunts me to this day.

  • @tinnagigja3723
    @tinnagigja3723 Год назад +151

    Aretha Franklin was born in March 1942, Joe Biden was born in November 1942. Regardless of the release date, any of her songs are 'of her generation' and therefore technically also 'songs of his generation'.
    Calypso facto.

    • @TheBEstAltair
      @TheBEstAltair Год назад +4

      QED

    • @johnbrowne3950
      @johnbrowne3950 Год назад +6

      And Aretha, like Biden, couldn't get any respect either.

    • @tcookie
      @tcookie Год назад +7

      Upvoted for "calypso facto" which I am now stealing

    • @lisab9541
      @lisab9541 Год назад

      Yes, he probably followed her career since they were both young.

    • @VinceValentine
      @VinceValentine Год назад +4

      Which actually makes Biden too old to be a boomer.

  • @nyerineu3388
    @nyerineu3388 Год назад +21

    'Murder on the Orient Express an instructional video'...spot on!

  • @lynnhaywood8013
    @lynnhaywood8013 Год назад +348

    I live in Wayne County Mi and when I heard they were bringing the toxic waste here from the train wreck I was speechless. We do not want it here. Send it to those rich owners area. They said it’s harmless so give it to them.

    • @beth8775
      @beth8775 Год назад +17

      For real! Dump it on NS CEO's lawn.

    • @zuglymonster
      @zuglymonster Год назад +3

      No we don't!! Do you know where in MI they were supposed to take it?

    • @libertas5005
      @libertas5005 Год назад +10

      I wouldn't be surprised if they dumped it into Lake Michigan, that's how malignant they are.

    • @MonkeyJedi99
      @MonkeyJedi99 Год назад +8

      @@libertas5005 And why not? The fine has to be cheaper than dealing with the polluted soils properly...

    • @shesails25
      @shesails25 Год назад +4

      How about sending it to red states!

  • @lady_draguliana784
    @lady_draguliana784 Год назад +35

    California's new State Motto: A Song of Ice and Fire

    • @Leopoldshark
      @Leopoldshark Год назад +3

      And earthquakes we sleep through

    • @MrSmith-vc8xd
      @MrSmith-vc8xd Год назад

      All you need is the lightening bolts and 88 tattooed on your neck and your colors will be complete. 😅🤣

  • @uhforja
    @uhforja Год назад +8

    9:41 As a Spanish speaker congratulations on putting the inverted exclamation marks. Many English speakers forget them.

  • @palmdoc1618
    @palmdoc1618 Год назад +12

    Remember that one time Colbert vehemently defended the wet market theory?

    • @NittyGritty420
      @NittyGritty420 Год назад

      Yup just another conspiracy theory lmao

    • @robassable
      @robassable Год назад +1

      Turns out he's the one with the tin foil hat.

  • @bizzmoneyb
    @bizzmoneyb Год назад +5

    the CEO of Norfolk Southern, the company the owns the train, said "i don't know" also when asked where the waste would be taken. YOU'RE THE CEO!! he also said "i'd have drun'ken that water." i think he may be a decoy.

  • @Zangoose69
    @Zangoose69 Год назад +202

    I’m from Mexico and can indeed confirm elves south of the US border look like Marjorie Taylor Greene. 🤭

  • @mick7even
    @mick7even Год назад +18

    Texas already has toxic waste. Ted Cruz

  • @marvinmartin4692
    @marvinmartin4692 Год назад +3

    Take the toxic waste to the CEO’s property for disposal! Most appropriate place!

  • @larrysernyk6154
    @larrysernyk6154 Год назад +6

    DJ Don can spin records for his inmates in Rickers Island prison.

  • @billyakin3301
    @billyakin3301 Год назад +12

    There are no rules or laws governing Large Corporations. That ship sailed many years ago when they purchased our Politicians.

    • @rosalie4797
      @rosalie4797 Год назад +4

      Yep! Thank you, Reagan😠.

    • @billyakin3301
      @billyakin3301 Год назад +2

      @@rosalie4797 True story.

    • @user-yy1rs3df3q
      @user-yy1rs3df3q Год назад

      @@rosalie4797 You blame Reagan but what was stopping successive administration from reversing course?

    • @freya8133
      @freya8133 Год назад

      @@user-yy1rs3df3q We blame Reagan for a lot. He sucked.

  • @andrewalderman9489
    @andrewalderman9489 Год назад +13

    The name of the agency that won't say it's name.... No Such Agency...AKA..NSA.

    • @karinwolf3645
      @karinwolf3645 Год назад +3

      Yep! Very likely... Medium probability! 💋💖😆😆😆

  • @pauljr1533
    @pauljr1533 Год назад +6

    It's amazing that ideological hatred can blind a person to such a degree that they can't ascertain the truth while it's staring them in their face.

  • @cynthiabotsko2449
    @cynthiabotsko2449 Год назад +5

    "After Monday & Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF" -- Maxine 🤣🤣🤣

  • @FugazStar
    @FugazStar Год назад +59

    Man, I have to get up for work at 5 am and I'm here watching Stephen Colbert at 12:20 Am -_-

  • @progidy7
    @progidy7 Год назад +407

    4:13 I am absolutely shocked that Texas was officially upset at receiving toxic waste. And 2013, a fertilizer plant exploded, killed 15 people, was located next to some schools, and destroyed the town. People started asking if fertilizer plants were storing chemicals in their neighborhoods, so of course Texas attorney general Greg Abbott made it illegal to give that information to the public. He soon after went on to become governor.

    • @cyndis3942
      @cyndis3942 Год назад +29

      the devastation of beirut was caused by improperly stored fertilizer.

    • @BaconTomatoCheese
      @BaconTomatoCheese Год назад +2

      And the idiotic sheeple voted him in… AGAIN

    • @Olsenator
      @Olsenator Год назад +16

      Ahhh yes the cycle of a politician. I’m not entirely sure but I think after that federal regulations were made regulating fertilizer plants proximity to towns cities etc.

    • @mirrage42
      @mirrage42 Год назад +1

      The stuff Texas got from the derailment is probably much safer than all the chemical crap it produces in the Corpus Christi area.

    • @jamesbonn2394
      @jamesbonn2394 Год назад

      @@cyndis3942 terrorist lies. bierut wast targetted by russian seperatists who wanted to push russian nationalist's agenda. but go off with your lies.

  • @kindablue1959
    @kindablue1959 Год назад +40

    To be fair, Biden was 43 when Aretha sang that song. That's a perfectly normal age group to fully appreciate Aretha. Generational music isn't just what you listened to as a teenager. Plus, it's almost 40 years ago, so it still counts as what he listened to as a 'young man' for someone that's 80.

    • @hitchensghost
      @hitchensghost Год назад +6

      more to the point, he is born in the same year as Aretha. she is from his generation.

    • @dragomilosevic4823
      @dragomilosevic4823 Год назад

      Thanks for your wise knowledge of what is acceptable in your world

  • @AmericanAntiCorruptionAct
    @AmericanAntiCorruptionAct Год назад +253

    IMAGINE HOW STRONG OUR COUNTRY WOULD BE IF CONGRESS SPENT THEIR DAYS WORKING FOR THE PEOPLE WHO ELECTED THEM INSTEAD OF THE PEOPLE WHO BUY THEM.

    • @shwnshts9469
      @shwnshts9469 Год назад

      but in a way the self-serving trust fund lobbies that GOT them elected ARE the ppl who elected them, they just did it by TRICKING YOU. so in a weird way CONGRESS is doing EXACTLY what you want. Problem reframed and solved. You are welcome!

    • @2fabalwayz83
      @2fabalwayz83 Год назад +7

      👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

    • @DefaOmega
      @DefaOmega Год назад +1

      WHY ARE YOU YELLING!? Maybe it's because you're angry about what an obvious truth this should be to everyone? Yet nothing changes and we keep running this Country on the whims and wants of giant companies. And everyday people keep supporting politicians making horrible decisions that favor said companies, because they've been mislead into believing it's somehow good for them?
      Or was Capslock just on accidently?

    • @traceybee1409
      @traceybee1409 Год назад +7

      STOP YELLING

    • @earthling_parth
      @earthling_parth Год назад +7

      Then they wouldn't get elected though 😅

  • @bipolarminddroppings
    @bipolarminddroppings Год назад +117

    Biden can't remember what Zoom is called but he can remember an obscure Aretha song from the 80s. I'm fine with that.

    • @peggycamp9503
      @peggycamp9503 Год назад +25

      Long term memory! I’m 65 and probably wouldn’t have come up with zoom either…🤦🏻‍♀️😬

    • @id10t98
      @id10t98 Год назад +9

      @@peggycamp9503 I've never even used Zoom lol

    • @tpgajtg210
      @tpgajtg210 Год назад +4

      Joe is the president?

    • @lenawagenfuehr53
      @lenawagenfuehr53 Год назад +5

      That's classic Alzheimer's...no short term memory

    • @bruincatjove24
      @bruincatjove24 Год назад +3

      He is OK

  • @kenbrown2808
    @kenbrown2808 Год назад +41

    I'm waiting for the CDC report on why Texas has a blackout every time it gets a little chilly out.

    • @8arrows
      @8arrows Год назад +6

      I get it.

    • @45-Subscribers
      @45-Subscribers Год назад

      Meh.

    • @burtmcgurt3577
      @burtmcgurt3577 Год назад

      It happened one time dummy and effected about 15% of the state.

    • @kenbrown2808
      @kenbrown2808 Год назад +2

      @@burtmcgurt3577 that's cute that you think we'll believe that.
      3.6 million homes out of power out of 11.11 million is about twice what you claim.
      and the same thing has happened about every decade.

    • @sorenrousseau
      @sorenrousseau Год назад +3

      You should probably learn that the DOE operates and oversees all national laboratories and nuclear facilities.

  • @XuXaX
    @XuXaX Год назад +6

    Let me tell you that the Aluxe or elf is very real. We mexicans stand by it. ❤❤❤❤

    • @billbill2236
      @billbill2236 Год назад

      Todos los mexicanos? No lo creo. La leyenda de los Aluxes, de origen maya, seres que se convertían en piedra cuando les daba el sol, es eso, una leyenda. Además la foto que publicó amlo es vieja y era para ejemplificar la aparición de brujas en Nuevo León. Lejecitos de la península de Yucatán.

    • @XuXaX
      @XuXaX Год назад

      @@billbill2236 esa foto es de uno de los ingenieros que trabajan en el proyecto del tren maya obvi que hay mas fotos de aluxes, hasta en la lucha libre 🥰🥰🥰🥰

  • @ingridfong-daley5899
    @ingridfong-daley5899 Год назад +4

    California singing Beastie Boys in the snow like "I got Dust and I got DUSTED!"

  • @oscarthomas9130
    @oscarthomas9130 Год назад +5

    The elf was last seen with an inner tube and a bed roll headed north. 🌵🤠🌵

  • @TheSunflowerGalaxy
    @TheSunflowerGalaxy Год назад +58

    "Speaking of deadly leaks, remember all that toxic sludge--" 4:02
    Stephen opening a story on Donny? No, wait... it's Ohio.

    • @MrMick50
      @MrMick50 Год назад

      or Rudi Giuliani farting in court

    • @CloudsGirl7
      @CloudsGirl7 Год назад +1

      I would've guessed the entirety of the GOP, but similar story, I guess. (I mean, jeez, Cheney's the last principled member and she's STILL an anti-woman bigot - a blood-traitor.)

  • @MegaFortinbras
    @MegaFortinbras Год назад +68

    The nickname of the National Security Agency at least used to be "No Such Agency".

    • @Turbojonny5
      @Turbojonny5 Год назад +3

      NSA

    • @wetguavass
      @wetguavass Год назад

      Mexico has become less dependent on the US. Almo, with the help of Trump, ended the Merida initiative, and Fast & Furious ...less money for US weapons makers. Amlo undid Hillary/Obama/Blackrock privatization of Mexico's energy. ...Mexico is making changes to how elections are ran, not allowing the US to influence their elections. ...so USA is ramping up stories like this . Amlo got help from Russia ...RU helped prevent the US from corrupting the elections Amlo won 4 years ago. Mexico hasn't had a real president in decades.

    • @seadonkey6913
      @seadonkey6913 Год назад

      When a man that is Stephen’s age tries to be appealing to people half his age, what do you really think is going on?

    • @Dragoness-si2xr
      @Dragoness-si2xr Год назад

      @@seadonkey6913Seriously? The man is Great at his job.

    • @seadonkey6913
      @seadonkey6913 Год назад

      @@Dragoness-si2xr you easily fooled😱

  • @yourface8698
    @yourface8698 Год назад +5

    I think the village people is the only band that will let him use one of their songs

  • @barbarabarnett9600
    @barbarabarnett9600 Год назад +58

    The four levels of confidence:
    1. Nah
    2. Possible
    3. Probably
    4. Betcherass
    💖😁

    • @MyMarsham
      @MyMarsham Год назад +2

      Now put that in a report a politician can understand.

    • @AtariEric
      @AtariEric Год назад +2

      5. OH LORD IT'S COMIN'

  • @fitforfreelance
    @fitforfreelance Год назад +8

    Murder on the Orient Express and Gregorian chant jokes 💯

  • @deniseboldea1624
    @deniseboldea1624 Год назад +7

    Apparently the Elf on a shelf moonlights as a Skinwalker in the off season?

  • @tyinva1212
    @tyinva1212 Год назад +2

    4:40 "everybody in, Marko"
    I literally spit my coffee. That's funny 😁

  • @elram2649
    @elram2649 Год назад +5

    @7:41
    Lolz
    "Keebler Cookies! Demon Flavor!" 😂🤣
    And yes, in Mexican lore, Elves can either be good or bad. 🧐👉📖

  • @laalaa99stl
    @laalaa99stl Год назад +347

    So he's not a DJ. He's a... Qrator.

    • @jeffbaer5851
      @jeffbaer5851 Год назад +29

      That's.... actually... genius. Take your thumbs up.

    • @yoyoyodaboy
      @yoyoyodaboy Год назад +13

      Lmao that is sooo good 😂 Enjoy your imminent RUclips fame!

    • @elodi_rose
      @elodi_rose Год назад +12

      that’s gonna stick for sure 😂😂😂😂

    • @Olyfrun
      @Olyfrun Год назад +9

      A crater you say?

    • @Immortal628
      @Immortal628 Год назад +7

      Nicely done.

  • @traviselrod7803
    @traviselrod7803 Год назад +3

    In his desperate attempt to prove how right he was, he forgot one thing…
    …that he is supposed to be funny.

  • @alumpyhorse
    @alumpyhorse Год назад +21

    6:20 ‘Gregorian chant, Dies Irae, Dona Nobis Pacem…’ = one of the many reasons why I will always love Colbert. He met his wife at Philip Glass production. The guy knows his music.
    I do wish the show would have that kind of music on as well as the most popular stuff. a chance to introduce people to ‘classical’ music (wish there were a better term, seems so stodgy and it isn’t) as well. It’s incredible music

    • @kindlin
      @kindlin Год назад +1

      Care to inform us less knowledgeable in the world of fine music? I can't say I know any of those, and only a bit of googling and reading would tell me why this is funny, at which point I'll have forgotten what I was supposed to be researching to begin with.

    • @alumpyhorse
      @alumpyhorse Год назад +1

      @@kindlin happy to oblige. Gregorian Chant is one of the best known early examples of ancient Western notated music. it’s often referred to as plainchant where everyone sings in unison (in the church), a kind of singing that was developed during the 5th through the 9th centuries. If you were to google ‘Gregorian chant images’ you would see that the notes don’t yet have rhythmic values assigned to them, no time signatures, just black dots representing the notes and shapes. People knew what to do back then.
      so it’s an ageist joke :) told through nerdy music history. The rest of the terms also refer to ancient music. Dies irae is a motive (a group of notes in a certain order) used in music to signify death. It’s a beautiful motive and comes back in many pieces throughout the centuries.
      I’m simplifying all of this, of course. historians have written reams of material about these things.
      Stephen could’ve won even more points if he had added Guido of Arezzo (c.1000) to his list. I think he was the first to name the notes ABCD etc. but he did good :)

    • @kindlin
      @kindlin Год назад +1

      @@alumpyhorse Ahh, got it, ty.

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage Год назад +653

    So... how long before Tucker rants about Mexican Elves coming to steal our Mall Santa assistant jobs?

    • @Tao_Tology
      @Tao_Tology Год назад +33

      They have do something to fill that yawning void of "we're not talking about how we're being sued and our documented lies are public"

    • @MrMick50
      @MrMick50 Год назад +15

      It's in the works

    • @virginiaf.5764
      @virginiaf.5764 Год назад +20

      He has to edit the J6 videos first.

    • @id10t98
      @id10t98 Год назад

      Fox News- they cover the stories the Liberal Left is afraid to show!
      Watch tonight at 7pm when Laura Ingraham shines the light on the Caravan of Mexican Elves Headed for US Southern Border!

    • @larrywashington6259
      @larrywashington6259 Год назад +4

      Fun facts : the swine flu was from Mexico.

  • @adriennegormley9358
    @adriennegormley9358 Год назад +22

    The standard joke is ,"California does TOO have four seasons." Those 4 seasons are
    1. Fog
    2. Fire
    3. Flood
    4. Earthquake

    • @jameslamb9930
      @jameslamb9930 Год назад +2

      Johnny Carson ,carnac the magnificent had the best... on a clear day....
      UCLA

    • @five-toedslothbear4051
      @five-toedslothbear4051 Год назад +6

      I would make number 4 to be “fault line ruptures”, just for the alliteration.

    • @bluecanine3374
      @bluecanine3374 Год назад

      Due to climate change Flood is now Addittional Fire

    • @anotherlover6954
      @anotherlover6954 Год назад

      The joke in California is the government. I drove down the 5 last year and to my right were hillsides covered in dead orchards -- rows and rows of dead trees, upside down on the hillside -- and to my left was an aqueduct full of irrigation water headed for the ocean.

  • @caseyford3368
    @caseyford3368 Год назад +1

    Combine self running generators and power walls in homes and businesses for seemingly endless clean energy everywhere all the time. We already have the answers to our issues. We just need leaders and officials that will actually use it correctly.

  • @BigDawg-if7ti
    @BigDawg-if7ti Год назад +36

    A US agency that cannot be named said… nothing?
    Wouldn’t that be happening all the time?? 😂

    • @tracycraft
      @tracycraft Год назад +1

      A family member has a relative who is retired from NSA. So, the family joke was that NSA (national security agency) stands for no such agency.

    • @shwnshts9469
      @shwnshts9469 Год назад

      @@tracycraft is that relative you?? bc that would be the cherry on top of the most NSA statement ever.

    • @tracycraft
      @tracycraft Год назад

      @@shwnshts9469 no. 8 have never worked for the government.

  • @gixellia8455
    @gixellia8455 Год назад +6

    Hey, Gregorian Chants are wonderful!

  • @gweebara
    @gweebara Год назад +29

    And this is when Steven got us into war with Mexico lolz

    • @marce0830
      @marce0830 Год назад +7

      As a Mexican I unfortunately agree with everything he says

    • @rosalie4797
      @rosalie4797 Год назад

      I think we already had a war with Mexico. Isn't there some rule about double dipping???🤔

    • @clave26
      @clave26 Год назад +4

      AMLO so desparate to get attention away from Sunday's massive protests. And I am learnig about his "elf" through Stephen Colbert. 😂😂😂

    • @Nile55555
      @Nile55555 Год назад

      Not at all, AMLO is indoctrinating his followers, who believe everything he says. He is a dictator, who wants to replicate Cuba in Mexico. But the majority of Mexicans are not going to allow it.

    • @oscarleon8026
      @oscarleon8026 Год назад +4

      @@clave26 massive? 😂 did you see his (Obrador’s) massive protest weeks ago? We were at least 4 times more than what the opposition had this Sunday. Facts!

  • @roccocid
    @roccocid Год назад +10

    being from Mexico... The Elf thing cracked me up.

    • @COCOBLONDELLA
      @COCOBLONDELLA Год назад +4

      Un chiste del presidente de México, mal entendido, que ahora lo hacen ver como otra cosa.
      México con sus aluxes
      E. E. U. U. con sus ufo’s y área 51 (?)

    • @erikcastillo2454
      @erikcastillo2454 Год назад +1

      @@COCOBLONDELLA se burlan de lo que desconocen por completo

    • @Michi830Mx
      @Michi830Mx Год назад +1

      Los gringos se burlan de todo, y luego creen en la existencia de ovnis 😂

    • @cristalitovoltair
      @cristalitovoltair Год назад

      @@COCOBLONDELLA Pues quien no se va a reir, eso de la foto no es un aluxe, sino un gibón de Indonesia, un mono arborícola nocturno. Yo que vivo en la Riviera Maya, no he visto, pero sí cuando los chamanes hacen las ceremonias para pedir permiso, he visto cómo los empujan, hasta casi tirarlos, porque van indicandole al mismo, que árboles sí y cuáles no derribar para iniciar una construcción. Aquí la verdad son muy respetados por eso. Por cierto, un UFO es todo aquel objeto no identificado (van desde aviones en vuelos ilegales hasta globos aerostáticos y cohetes).

  • @beverlyswartz3486
    @beverlyswartz3486 Год назад +4

    My sister gave me a coffee mug that reads "I wake every morning glad that DJ isn't president." I stored it in a cabinet, cuz I never want to think of him.

    • @dkamphaus43
      @dkamphaus43 Год назад

      You never want to think of him? Well it doesn't seem like you're really succeeding at that right now.😉

    • @anotherlover6954
      @anotherlover6954 Год назад

      It ain't gonna age well in 2024 lol.

  • @hotlavatube
    @hotlavatube Год назад +58

    I wonder if Mar-a-lago bought a recurring public performance license to play Y.M.C.A. and the other tunes that Agent Orange is tapping into his i-pad.

    • @mehere8038
      @mehere8038 Год назад +8

      I think we all know the answer. Might be time for some mass law suits against the orange one - turning the tables on him & his suing games

    • @CloudsGirl7
      @CloudsGirl7 Год назад +2

      I bet not. Should, but not.

    • @MonkeyJedi99
      @MonkeyJedi99 Год назад +5

      Oh! Mar-a-Lago would be a great place to ship all of that toxic soil and water coming out of East Palestine Ohio!

  • @JenMistress
    @JenMistress Год назад +168

    So, by Trump's definition of DJ, anyone picking songs on a jukebox is a DJ. 😉😂🤣😂🤣

    • @terri6854
      @terri6854 Год назад +4

      Most radio DJs have been using buttons and computers for decades now.

    • @Shlevel
      @Shlevel Год назад +2

      @@terri6854 didn’t realize he was a qualified radio DJ 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 - he looks so SAD…lol

    • @c.guydubois8270
      @c.guydubois8270 Год назад +2

      Not many people know this....

    • @Ultimita01
      @Ultimita01 Год назад +4

      @@c.guydubois8270 I think the problem is those kind of people like trump calling themselves DJs. Like how people hire a wedding 'DJ' lol. There are real ones out there still but people have hijacked the meaning of what a DJ is sadly.

    • @steveaustin2686
      @steveaustin2686 Год назад +3

      I can cross off that item off my bucket list now. 😎

  • @pushinkeys
    @pushinkeys Год назад +13

    “I believe he passed his magic on to me” 😂😂😂

    • @erikcastillo2454
      @erikcastillo2454 Год назад

      He probably did. All his work is out of this world! Absolutely superb!

    • @AA-cg3gd
      @AA-cg3gd Год назад

      @@erikcastillo2454 If you are neo con liberal that loves war and Covid mandates. Otherwise he's really not.

  • @jimcable9689
    @jimcable9689 Год назад +3

    Holly SH*T!!!! as someone who has been studying the ACTUAL folklore, common fantasy races are baised on, I can confirm, indeed, that is an ACTUAL dark elf, from elfheim, as mentioned in folklore. Sure, unlike the usual elf sighting " the hat man" shadow person, it's garbed in a robe, so, it can ACTUALLY exist in the third dimension, but, that.... That's an ACTUAL elf!
    : 0

  • @SpaceForceCommander
    @SpaceForceCommander Год назад +505

    To those of you who have ever used a jukebox, congratulations! You have passed the DJ course at Trump University! (Diplomas availability after full payment.)

    • @terri6854
      @terri6854 Год назад +9

      Most radio DJs have been using buttons and computers for decades now.

    • @louiebee6745
      @louiebee6745 Год назад +8

      Crypto currency is accepted.🤑

    • @nstark1066
      @nstark1066 Год назад +6

      Jukeboxes sound soo much better..

    • @sandraallen497
      @sandraallen497 Год назад +1

      😂😂😂❤

    • @supernaturalflavor
      @supernaturalflavor Год назад +8

      I hate Trump more than most. But honestly, a radio DJ picks the tunes. I listen to college radio all the time and they pick songs. They dont mix them or do anything creative. They just play the ones they like in the order they want. To frame this as some sort of gotcha moment is just giving Trump the attention he craves. Trump loves that we are talking about his lame DJ skills bc that means we are not talking about the real problems he causes.

  • @katiehettinger7857
    @katiehettinger7857 Год назад +34

    I thought the on going joke that is George Santos was our greatest source of fun. 🙃😄

    • @jackderipper2233
      @jackderipper2233 Год назад +6

      Santos died on a cross for All of us!

    • @St.Linguini_of_Pesto
      @St.Linguini_of_Pesto Год назад +2

      @Katie Hettinger "Santos" is also the reason some celebrate Arbor Day.. bc he "invented" everything around us & he rescued thousands of people from that devastating earthquake in Turkey & Syria.

    • @St.Linguini_of_Pesto
      @St.Linguini_of_Pesto Год назад +2

      ​@@AndiDuck who? I thought we were discussing Anthony Devalder.

    • @St.Linguini_of_Pesto
      @St.Linguini_of_Pesto Год назад

      ​@@jackderipper2233 sassy!

    • @MyMarsham
      @MyMarsham Год назад +1

      Santos died in a war for people like you!

  • @MaryAnnNytowl
    @MaryAnnNytowl Год назад +6

    Wow, TFG, our Orange Idjit, doesn't know what a DJ does? I'm just flabbergasted! Thanks for what you and your team so, Stephen.
    ❤️❤️

    • @leesarolan
      @leesarolan Год назад

      Jesus loves you he died on the cross for your sins. Believe in him and you will be saved and go to heaven!

    • @Nobushido
      @Nobushido Год назад

      lie constantly? 🤣

  • @warren52nz
    @warren52nz Год назад +3

    Isn't it weird that even in the 21st century when everyone has a high quality camera in their pocket or purse that ALL photos of strange, mystical things are blurry? Hmmm... 🤔🤣

  • @couragekarnga8735
    @couragekarnga8735 Год назад +34

    TFG dances like he's doing a purp walk and really has to pee! What Melania ever saw in him is a mystery to me! Is money really that powerful?

    • @shawnnewell4541
      @shawnnewell4541 Год назад +13

      Yes. To some people.

    • @Tao_Tology
      @Tao_Tology Год назад +25

      I think it's fair to say that if she knew she would end up being dragged into First Lady world and all of don's bullshit and cheating.......she would have hitched herself to a different sugar daddy.

    • @maxmartin2763
      @maxmartin2763 Год назад +18

      Check book + Green Card + fast track Green Card for her parents. That's the mail-order bride trifecta!

    • @sandrawilson8792
      @sandrawilson8792 Год назад

      ​@@philipsmashmouth8782bye boy, bye.

    • @mandyharewood886
      @mandyharewood886 Год назад +3

      Yup! But not to me!

  • @elram2649
    @elram2649 Год назад +3

    Drumpf doing a George Santos:
    "I'm a DJ!"

  • @chrisoakey9841
    @chrisoakey9841 Год назад +6

    Steven, clearly the unnamed department is "control" fighting "kaos" since the '50's

  • @rachel_rexxx
    @rachel_rexxx Год назад +6

    The elf story feels like a promo for the next season of Los Espookys

    • @lisab9541
      @lisab9541 Год назад

      Is that an actual show?

    • @usefulstuff8435
      @usefulstuff8435 Год назад

      Good idea, Los Espoockies are already scaring the living shit out of Eateban and his cartel bosses

  • @Fathimir
    @Fathimir Год назад +16

    Sing it with me, folks!
    "It's fun to stay at the
    Y N D A!
    By singing along, you're all contractually entering into a legally binding
    Y N D A-a..."

    • @Rhov9
      @Rhov9 Год назад +3

      10/10 😂

  • @jadedragoness2736
    @jadedragoness2736 Год назад +4

    Yeah, as a Californian I can confirm that our other weather option is fire but I'd also add smoke... a ton of smoke.

  • @Hornswroggle
    @Hornswroggle Год назад +9

    6:05 For reference: Gregorian chant originated during the 10th century (so it's literally over 1000 years old) and is written in the oldest recorded form of musical notation known to man. In a way it is the oldest recorded music in the world.

    • @akinpaws
      @akinpaws Год назад

      Hurrian hymn #6.

    • @ejrason76
      @ejrason76 Год назад

      So that might've been Biden's actual generation of music👍

  • @judiruthmeredith6427
    @judiruthmeredith6427 Год назад +18

    Honestly, I just love Biden. He’s adorable and at the same time ridiculously competent and knowledgeable.

    • @solidshake12
      @solidshake12 Год назад +2

      Apart from when he speaks and tries to walk upstairs...

    • @valval3919
      @valval3919 Год назад +3

      You want a pillow to go with that dream?

    • @RonnyC880
      @RonnyC880 Год назад +3

      You mean incompetent -------right?

    • @dkamphaus43
      @dkamphaus43 Год назад +2

      Wow, there actually exists someone more deluded than Rob Reiner.

    • @user-yy1rs3df3q
      @user-yy1rs3df3q Год назад

      You must know a side of him that we haven't witnessed. Did Joe sniff your hair?

  • @paulwolstencroft4820
    @paulwolstencroft4820 Год назад +154

    Thank you sooo much Stephen. I don't think you could ever understand how your show pulls me out of the Maga quicksand of depression and frustration.

    • @Pbav8tor
      @Pbav8tor Год назад +13

      I need Stephen, Kimmel and Seth to keep sane-ish.

    • @naomiarram5187
      @naomiarram5187 Год назад

      He pulled you out of the MAGA quicksand depression by subtly reminding you that your current president suffers from diminishing cognitive abilities.

    • @vvohvaelez9277
      @vvohvaelez9277 Год назад +4

      @@JoshuaSmith99 its called appreciation, get a clue

    • @patrickcanter6136
      @patrickcanter6136 Год назад

      @@vvohvaelez9277”get a clue” is so lame lmaooo

    • @paulwolstencroft4820
      @paulwolstencroft4820 Год назад

      @@naomiarram5187 Amazing though, Biden still outperforms trump,

  • @maxdoubt5219
    @maxdoubt5219 Год назад +238

    "I will admit it: you humans are keen.
    You found I’m feeble against a vaccine.
    But I have allies like Marjorie Greene.
    "Nyaah, Nyaah!!” -Covid 19

    • @UberLummox
      @UberLummox Год назад +6

      HA!

    • @MsThebeMoon
      @MsThebeMoon Год назад +7

      That is SOOO lame. thumbs up! 👍

    • @TheGuinever
      @TheGuinever Год назад +11

      That's a keeper!

    • @realpoopypants
      @realpoopypants Год назад +6

      Nicely done, @Max Doubt

    • @petermoller8337
      @petermoller8337 Год назад

      Deaths per 100 thousand gop v dem areas will tell you everything about viruses.

  • @gestaltdude
    @gestaltdude Год назад +6

    Come on Steven, you know there were still Teleri in Mirkwood and Silvan Elves in Lothlorien Middle Earth during the Fourth Age! If you keep making elementary mistakes like that, Peter's going to take you off his Christmas card list. :P

    • @Pixis1
      @Pixis1 Год назад

      It would have been Silvan Elves in Mirkwood. The Teleri had split into multiple clans by that point, such as the Silvan, the Sindar, and the Green-elves (As long as we're doing Tolkien corrections, I thought I would join in. :P )

    • @gestaltdude
      @gestaltdude Год назад

      @@Pixis1 Bugger, you're right. The Teleri were the sailors off the coast of Valinor, weren't they? I thought I remembered Teleri meaning "unwilling" and was used to describe both the sailors and those who remained in Middle Earth.

    • @Pixis1
      @Pixis1 Год назад

      @@gestaltdude The Teleri were the largest elf clan but they split into multiple smaller groups - the Sindar/Grey-elves, the Nandor/Silvan Elves, the Laiquendi/Green-elves, and the Falmari who went to Valinor (those are the sailors you were thinking of). The Avari were the ones who were called the Unwilling. They stayed in the east where the Elves first awoke.
      There's a lot of elf clans in Tolkien's works so it definitely gets confusing.

  • @scottklandl488
    @scottklandl488 Год назад +1

    You know where that toxic sludge should go? Norfolk Southern corporate executive office suites. Let ‘em store it under their chairs

  • @philoctetes_wordsworth
    @philoctetes_wordsworth Год назад +20

    The Department of Energy is headed by Rick perry, unless he was fired. 2:23 rick perry never had any business in the appointments he was given.

    • @kevyak
      @kevyak Год назад +8

      The current head of department of Energy is Jennifer M. Granholm. Your thinking of the Trump years

    • @ElSantoLuchador
      @ElSantoLuchador Год назад

      Rick Perry was told to GTFO right after the election.

    • @jemiebridges3197
      @jemiebridges3197 Год назад +7

      The head of departments generally change with the party in charge.

    • @jpvanden1
      @jpvanden1 Год назад

      Google is your friend. Stupidity appears to be your state of being. A modicum of research would help cure that. I'd suggest trying the Google next time before displaying your ignorance for all. Rick Perry hasn't been Energy Secretary since 2019. You're welcome.

  • @St.Linguini_of_Pesto
    @St.Linguini_of_Pesto Год назад +26

    Oh great, these things I've been hearing about the train industry does _not_ sit well in my gut.
    My husband, son and myself (& Meatloaf the kitten) reside next to the tracks, as do 3-4 other households.. and they blow by like a bat out of hell.
    Just remember me fondly, "fellow" humans. -Yob Tarley 👽 and my travel buddy CorRn'Holio👾

    • @chippychin
      @chippychin Год назад +3

      Oh damn, you just made me realize we don't live far from some tracks. Now we have to be afraid of trains too? 😫

    • @AcademyNS
      @AcademyNS Год назад +2

      Was that...two Meat Loaf references?

  • @jayfredrickson8632
    @jayfredrickson8632 Год назад +2

    His signature song as a DJ: The high cost of low-flush tois.

  • @alumpyhorse
    @alumpyhorse Год назад +2

    4:45 audience response: Polo! priceless😂

    • @alumpyhorse
      @alumpyhorse Год назад

      6:20 ‘Gregorian chant, Dies Irae, Dona Nobis Pacem…’ = one of the many reasons why I will always love Colbert. He met his wife at Philip Glass production. The guy knows his music.
      I do wish the show would have that kind of music on as well as the most popular stuff. a chance to introduce people to ‘classical’ music (wish there were a better term, seems so stodgy and it isn’t) as well. It’s incredible music

  • @AccidentalNinja
    @AccidentalNinja Год назад +187

    I initially heard about the Dept. of Energy announcing that the lab. leak was probable & wondered why it was commenting on a pathology issue. Now I'm wondering why the Dept. of Energy runs bio. labs.

    • @coomtothebroom778
      @coomtothebroom778 Год назад +15

      I was wondering the exact same thing. 😄

    • @Tao_Tology
      @Tao_Tology Год назад

      (deep breath)
      THEY DIDN'T SAY IT WAS 'PROBABLE'
      Fuuuuuuuucking hell what is wrong with people (and by 'people' I obviously mean you but I'm pretending to be polite).
      "with **LOW CONFIDENCE** "
      Jeeeez-auce. 🤦🏻‍♂️
      Example: I can conclude 'with low confidence' that you actually read their statement, seeing as you didn't understand/know what they said.

    • @AnnoyingMoose
      @AnnoyingMoose Год назад

      People who think that Covid 19 is caused by a man-made virus make Flat Earthers look intelligent.

    • @bradhombre6912
      @bradhombre6912 Год назад +15

      I’ve watched a few different news programs cover the story, but none gave as much relevant details and context as this comedy program.

    • @AccidentalNinja
      @AccidentalNinja Год назад +20

      @@Tao_Tology I didn't read their statement; it was based on headlines & I suspect that most people won't get as far as "low confidence" or know what it means here. Fair criticism.
      However, that still leaves the questions of why the Dept. Of Energy has anything to say on the subject or why it runs bio. Labs.

  • @Numbah12AD
    @Numbah12AD Год назад +24

    That elf photo reminds me of the old story of the chupacabra. If ya gotta know what I really think it is though, I'd say some sort of small mammal like a lemur or monkey is in your tree, senor presidente. (I can't spell or speak spanish, so sorry to any spanish speakers out there.)

    • @LilDyablo1
      @LilDyablo1 Год назад

      It's propaganda for the train they want to build to save the southern jungle and Maya traditions. An Aluxe is like a mysthical creature but the right wing conservatives are making fun of the president and saying he's crazy cuz they want him out of office.

    • @PADS62
      @PADS62 Год назад +1

      I think you're Absolutely Right!

    • @susansokoloski2233
      @susansokoloski2233 Год назад +3

      Except lemurs are located in Madagascar, not Central America.
      But those are clearly the eyes of a wild animal.

    • @teresalynnarmstrong5132
      @teresalynnarmstrong5132 Год назад +3

      ​@@susansokoloski2233 Well, Mexico isn't in Central America either. It is in North America along with the United States and Canada.

    • @susansokoloski2233
      @susansokoloski2233 Год назад

      @@teresalynnarmstrong5132 yes, the larger section of it is. The designation also is called "Mesoamerica" which includes both most of Mexico and other Central American countries. The point is, that lemurs exist on only one island in the entire world and nowhere in the Northern or Western hemispheres (unless one includes zoos or unfortunate privateownership/collections)...but the biggest point I made was agreement that these are clearly reflective wildlife eyes. Since the comment is about lemurs and monkeys, I used the ecological, geologic and anthropological/archaeological term of "Central" but I would have been more accurate using the term "Meso." You assumed I used the modern geopolitical term, which I did not.

  • @melusine826
    @melusine826 Год назад +2

    "Low confidence " means it's basically zero/implausible/ or no evidence chance if they are asking "was it a lab leak"?

  • @michelemaliano7860
    @michelemaliano7860 Год назад +1

    Gotta love a president with a sense of humor!

    • @dkamphaus43
      @dkamphaus43 Год назад

      Well Biden basically is one big joke.

  • @robertacomstock3655
    @robertacomstock3655 Год назад +6

    Betelgeuse Betelgeuse Beetle - Juice Agency.

  • @ricardocerrillo3472
    @ricardocerrillo3472 Год назад +6

    Donnie is probably DJ'ing from his underground bunker.

  • @anuksunamun101
    @anuksunamun101 Год назад

    I LOVE GREGORIAN CHANTS. In a moment of Peace is an epic sounding song to hear

  • @JF-cn3cz
    @JF-cn3cz Год назад +1

    Lol be pulled out Dies Irae. I haven't heard that since my music history class
    Kudos to the writers

  • @cynthiamason4069
    @cynthiamason4069 Год назад +82

    Concerning the toxic waste story, no one has mentioned where it was coming from, who sent it and who it was going to be delivered to. Maybe one of these three possibilities could play a role in its destination now?

    • @alleyhughes4529
      @alleyhughes4529 Год назад +7

      Conway, Pennsylvania was the destination, a factory that makes pvc pipes.

    • @debasmitamanna6166
      @debasmitamanna6166 Год назад +1

      Your followers are not at all welcoming in this era.

    • @thisbushnell2012
      @thisbushnell2012 Год назад

      East Liverpool is as sensible as spent nuclear power rods stored in Toledo salt mines under Lake Erie on top of a fault. Radioactive steam plumes, anybody?

    • @bovinityleak2066
      @bovinityleak2066 Год назад

      Absolutely

    • @pluribus_unum
      @pluribus_unum Год назад +7

      "Until Friday, Norfolk Southern “had been solely responsible for the disposal of waste generated by the East Palestine train derailment,” the department said, but waste disposal plans “will be subject to EPA review and approval moving forward.”" - CNN, February 26th, 2023.

  • @zotha
    @zotha Год назад +12

    Voldemort isn't a secret US agency... he is the Australian opposition leader

    • @Rhov9
      @Rhov9 Год назад

      Maybe he’s just 1 of the horcruxes like Trump 😂

  • @maube8007
    @maube8007 Год назад +1

    “You don’t see the Census Bureau building nukes.” No but the Department of Energy oversees nuclear power and I think weapons as well.

  • @Michael500ca
    @Michael500ca Год назад +2

    The Ohio toxic waste should be sent to that other toxic waste in Mar-a-Lago.

  • @JesterLind
    @JesterLind Год назад +5

    @6:26 either Stephen knows his gregorian chants OR he has donuts

  • @oldscratch3108
    @oldscratch3108 Год назад +15

    That Keebler Elf illustration was incredible.

    • @Slo-ryde
      @Slo-ryde Год назад +1

      That was MTG looking for a place to pee in the dark while vacationing in Cancun with Ted Cruz!

  • @johnsmithe4656
    @johnsmithe4656 Год назад +2

    Snow and fire actually go pretty well together, Stephen. Winter dries the wood. All it takes is a spark. Those snow bros might end up needing some surfer shades....

  • @Moonpile
    @Moonpile Год назад +46

    I love it when Stephen gets his Tolkien reference in. Luckily for me that happens at least a few times a week.

    • @veganpower7825
      @veganpower7825 Год назад +1

      I bet he loved it more when he used to visit Epstein on his island😂

  • @laalaa99stl
    @laalaa99stl Год назад +57

    You just know Stephen is talkin' 'bout Benny when he says "come pet the dog it feels so cool." 🥴

  • @ElSantoLuchador
    @ElSantoLuchador Год назад +27

    The reason the national laboratories are under DOE started with the Manhattan Project, This was why the labs were initially built. They transferred to DOE after the war when Americans were smitten with the idea of a nuclear future. Now they do a lot of cutting edge research that is mostly unrelated to energy. It's an artifact of history.

    • @gorkskoal9315
      @gorkskoal9315 Год назад

      Nuclear energy FTW!

    • @chrissyce5613
      @chrissyce5613 Год назад

      Thank you for knowing a bit of this. The DOE actually kept this ability to follow outbreaks/research is because they wanted to follow human dna mutations after different nuclear uses. After Chernobyl they had enough new mutations that they started the human genome project.

    • @tsubadaikhan6332
      @tsubadaikhan6332 Год назад

      Until China is completely honest with us, and even if they were, we probably still wouldn't trust them, we're never going to know where the Corona came from. DOE or not.

    • @tsubadaikhan6332
      @tsubadaikhan6332 Год назад

      @@chrissyce5613 We didn't even map the Human Genome until 17 years after Chernobyl.
      So it would have been rather strange to notice alterations in it 17 years before we realised what it was.

    • @deborahfreedman333
      @deborahfreedman333 Год назад

      It's also unrelated to microbiology. And even if they have some researchers, working on mammalian genetics, viral genetic differ so greatly from that of living organisms, it just isn't applicable.

  • @louiebee6745
    @louiebee6745 Год назад +1

    Gregorian chants! Classic!😂🤣😂

  • @gothkatgoddess8204
    @gothkatgoddess8204 Год назад +1

    When he said "I'd like a plate of wet apps" I thought he said "I'd like a plate of wet a**" and I lost my ability to human 🤣I laughed so hard my soul left my body 🤣 oh my god! LMFAO 😂

  • @AwkwrdPrtMskrt
    @AwkwrdPrtMskrt Год назад +10

    Snow in LA? Damn, GTA Online leaked into real life.

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage Год назад +47

    I've become so cynical that I legit thought all that snow was a convoluted marketing ploy for Cocaine Bear. For like, way too long.

    • @douglaslowe5
      @douglaslowe5 Год назад +7

      was ironic timing, lol

    • @trevorz459
      @trevorz459 Год назад +5

      😅🤣

    • @Leopoldshark
      @Leopoldshark Год назад

      The balloons were a marketing ploy for Top Gun: Rooster

  • @cheesedude1733
    @cheesedude1733 Год назад +1

    The CIA response "No, that wasn't us." Barely kept the coffee on the inside.

  • @robgable2426
    @robgable2426 Год назад +2

    IT WAS A LAB LEAK, THEY KNOW IT, STOP LYING TO THE PUBLIC!!!!!

  • @PhylllisDWS
    @PhylllisDWS Год назад +10

    🤭😊😄😁😂🤣🤣🤣 Oh gosh! Who's zooming who??????? The tears will not stop...you are hilarious, Stephen!!!!

  • @zkeesh1
    @zkeesh1 Год назад +4

    yes!!! highlight of my day --> gregorian chant major throwback for ancient sleepy joe lol

    • @jeffbaer5851
      @jeffbaer5851 Год назад +7

      The best part of that joke is... no matter how old and goofy "Sleepy Joe" is? He looks like a young JFK slaying the political world compared to a sad, Willy Loman-style failed grifter has-been like Trump.

  • @dasstigma
    @dasstigma Год назад +1

    "I have seen something no one has seen before me, a new phenomenon.
    But I already know how it is called!"
    - Smart Humans

  • @Chunkboi
    @Chunkboi Год назад

    4:13 Send the toxic dirt where it belongs…Mar-A-Lago.

  • @jefflabbecomedy
    @jefflabbecomedy Год назад +3

    7:32 Has Stephen worked in a kitchen? That's 90% of head chefs... 😂

  • @studio1954thereflections
    @studio1954thereflections Год назад +77

    Great show! always keeps me laughing! Love from Ontario Canada 🇨🇦❤️🇨🇦

  • @barbaramedlock4337
    @barbaramedlock4337 Год назад +1

    what a world of incertaintly and confusion stay strong my friends

  • @Cypress_tuff418
    @Cypress_tuff418 Год назад +69

    As a Mexican, this is the hardest I've laughed yet at a Stephen Colbert episode

    • @lk3309
      @lk3309 Год назад +2

      As an American this dude is sad. All he talks about is Trump.. pretty boring

    • @carlosgamboa-montoya
      @carlosgamboa-montoya Год назад +1

      De veras? Mmmm y te dices mexicano..

    • @mariaelenavargasmejia4931
      @mariaelenavargasmejia4931 Год назад +1

      Me too, my Presidente it's a "Mapache rabioso"

    • @burtmcgurt3577
      @burtmcgurt3577 Год назад +3

      Wait... somebody laughed at Stephen colbert? Why would you admit that?

    • @erikcastillo2454
      @erikcastillo2454 Год назад

      como por?