Sam, I think of you and of your mother daily. My mother once chose religion over me, but she came around. I wish so badly your mother would show up at your door and embrace you and save herself, but I know that is very unlikely. This being posted right before Mother's Day, I wanted to say that regardless of the heartbreak, your mother raised the most remarkable man. Obviously Melissa and your two beautiful kiddos have a huge part in your success and your ability to move forward after such heartbreak. But it's your heart and your compassion, your open-mindedness and your gentle nature that make you unbelievably impressive person you are. I have a deep fear of men, but as a mother myself, if ever I met you, I wouldn't be able to help myself from hugging you. While you celebrate your beautiful and incredible wife tomorrow, keep in mind that you're literally changing the world. And you wouldn't be that person without your mom. ❤💔
Wow! Thank you so much 🥹 you have no idea how much this means to me (Sam). You prove my point of the world being full of kind and good people. Thank you for your love ❤️ Happy Mother's Day 🙂
@@GrowingUpinPolygamy Thank you, and that's incredibly nice of you to say. The FLDS lost perhaps its kindest man the day you and your brother left. And please remember that your mother loves you despite the distance. You're always her little boy. I assure you that every mother on here holds immense pride in you and your accomplishments. I'm a little younger than you, but I claim you as my internet son and send love and good wishes each day.
I absolutely adore how loving, kind, and compassionate you both are not only towards each other but to complete strangers as well. Girl you had me crying right along with you ❤
I just want to say thank you for not jumping to the opposite end and bashing Christianity as a whole. I’ve been recently watching a lot of these types of videos. I didn’t know so many of these groups/cults existed! Many channels just jump to the far end and bash Christianity as whole not realizing that orthodox/conservative churches are very different from these high demand groups/ cults. I appreciate your channel and sharing these difficult topics and drawing attention to them.
I grew up in a variety of churches. Mostly pentecostal. My Dad was an independent preacher (and a narcissist and a controlling person) and would go wherever they'd let him preach. But I related to so much of this! We were more strict than anybody I knew. So many rules! As I look back, I think my Dad was just inches away from being a cult leader. As a kid I knew we were weird. lol I'm 61 now and still sometimes feel like I don't get some cultural references. It was a giant revelation as an adult for me to realize God extends grace and mercy to us. I'd always heard those words. But in reality what came through was judgement and punishment. Thank you both for being so open. It's helping.
I came out of a high demand Christian religion and am the mother of an adult child. I just cannot wrap my head around how so many of these groups will say they are family focused and put an emphasis on the family, yet regularly force their children out of their lives. I don’t understand how parents (and grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.) can justify the contradiction of valuing family while discarding their kids. My heart breaks for those whose family turned their backs on them just for who they are or what they believe. I wish them all the joy and love of found family.
Sam and Melissa, I'm so glad that you didn't cut out your emotional reaction to the separation of families when people leave these high demand groups. Your relationship is so beautiful and supportive, and you're such kind people. I'm so sorry that Sam's parents and your children cannot know their grandparents and that Sam's parents cannot experience Sam as a parent and husband and the two of you as a couple who created a loving and happy family. Thank you for sharing yourselves with us. You are loved.
Hi. I'm in New Zealand. The Exclusive Brethren is a worldwide religion. I taught at an Exclusive Brethren school here and got to know many of their 'interesting' way of life
I work with a lady that was in the Exclusive Brethren. She’s middle aged now but she told me about how she got out when she was young and the first thing she did was cut all of her hair off. She had waist length hair because she wasn’t allowed to cut it, and after escaping she got it cut to about an inch long and kept it that short since then (for decades). It sounded like she was quite traumatized and she commented that she’d never again grow her hair out. That was over a decade ago and nowadays I only see this lady in passing now at shift changeover time, but I noticed over the last few years that she’s grown her hair and keeps it at shoulder length now. I’d never ask her about it directly because that would seem too forward, but it makes me smile because to me it indicates that maybe she’s been able to process and integrate some of the past trauma… I hope I’m right, because she’s a beautiful and kind lady and I really do hope that she’s happy and has found some peace 🩷
A few points: They have their own school system now called One School Global. When I was a child, we went to public school and only got to socialize with our group of insiders. We went home for lunch. Now they have their own school system with their own volunteer bus drivers. They are not located only in New Zealand. I came out of a Canadian locale in Winnipeg and also belonged to the Maple Creek locale for a short time. My great grandfather led the church out of Neche, ND. He passed away in 1987. There are locales in Canada, America, UK, Australia, New Zealand, Barbados, and I believe possibly one other. The last names bring back memories to me on the outside. It’s funny hearing a name out here and the memories flood back of those with the same surname inside, such as: Symington, Holt, Rochat, Cavenaugh, Mailey, Admiral, Hughes, Hales, Boram, and so on.
I grew up in a community with a big number of Exclusive Brethren. They came to public school up until the age of about 13 (Year 8) but didn’t continue on to high school. They were “home schooled” after that but the girls I was friends with all knew that once they left Intermediate School they were basically starting their training on how to be a mother. Their marriages were pretty arranged and they had systems to try and prevent close inbreeding - the girls I was at school with knew that when they were of age to marry they would be shipped off to another town to marry into the community there. They rotated where the girls were sent each year. In our town, the Exclusive Brethren owned many of the businesses and they employed “worldly” people to use computers or other technology necessary to make a profit. They were very much integrated but separate. Many of them were really nice people - my mum was a teacher and was friendly with some of the Brethren mothers, who tried their best in the circumstances they lived in. Many of the boys struggled with learning disabilities and people kind’ve understood it as a byproduct of inbreeding. I don’t know how scientifically accurate it is but the teachers all bemoaned the fact the Brethren girls were generally pretty bright but the boys were dumb as, and that the girls would never have a chance to pursue higher education.
Just to clarify, I was raised in the Plymouth Brethren Church and experienced nothing like this. Actually, I have fond memories. Most of my older family members were PB. It was no big deal for those of us who moved on to other churches. My UK PB relatives are definitely stricter than what I experienced. The Exclusive Brethren are one of several splinter groups and are considered sects. Btw, I lived in Utah County for about a decade. I had no clue there was polygamy in Utah until I saw FLDS at Costco in St George. I love your show. The 2 of you make a great team.
PS-We wore a head covering at church. Other than that we dressed the status quo and socialized normally. I grew up in the 50’s and 60’s and left the PB in the early 70’s.
I also grew up in PB, or as we called them in my part of the US south “chapels.” My experience was like yours-quite mainstream aside from a couple of differences in our worship practices. The head coverings during worship became a matter of contention around the time I became old enough to be expected to wear one. A lot of women wore crocheted lace-doilies, essentially. I wore one for about a month or two before quietly stopping, just as many of the younger women in our congregation gave up the practice. The other thing that set us apart was having a separate weekly service for the Lord’s Supper (AKA communion) which was largely silent. And that was the only time we took up offering, because it was not a service many visitors would attend. There was somehow a simultaneous expectation that everyone would give generously AND a near-complete unwillingness to talk about money. Somehow, even making a specific ask for donations was considered lacking faith that God would provide. We also didn’t have designated or paid clergy. Certain men of the church who were considered to have some sort of gift for preaching shared the task in rotation. That included church elders, but was not limited to that group. And absolutely no denominational structure between congregations. There was an informal friendliness with other chapels, but not even anything like a directory of them. And no formal membership within congregations, either. But like you, there was no shunning if people left the church. No pressure to live separate from the rest of the larger community.
This is EXCLUSIVE BRETHERN or Plymouth Brethern Christian Church - I’m guessing you were in open Plymouth Brethern. This is EXACTLY what happens in the exclusive Brethern I was born, raised and lived in one for 25 yrs then kicked out and ripped apart from the family!
I grew up in Takanini, Auckland, New Zealand, and remember seeing Closed Brethren families shopping in the supermarket near our house when I was a kid in the 80s.
I so appreciate how you are helping others who are trying to leave these cults and high demand religions. To leave everything you have known behind takes an enormous amount of courage. Thank you for your great work!
I have Brethrens and exclusive Brethrens and LDS near me in Australia. I live about 2 blocks from where LDS people go to worship. The next block has a JW kingdom hall. I'm in a town of about 5,600 people. Lots of different religions and denominations here. The next town over has the Brethren church and a big Sikh temple and both our towns have mosques. We had a Jewish synagogue about 70 years ago. Now Jewish people travel over 2 hours to a metropolitan synagogue.
I have a great aunt who was exclusive brethren and our family didn't know her or her family They left at one point but my auntie returned They came to my nan's 90th birthday and were sooo upset they hadn't grown up knowing us all. So many little stories of the church community keeping their mum from seeing her family ( as she got older and they would for instance take her out on her 100th birthday knowing her sisters and family would want to visit) We are Australian and live in Aus
I live in Sydney Australia and in my suburb we have a massive brethren congregation. They do not talk too or acknowledge anyone. In their own world. They have their own schools and obky support each other.
Oh, y'all. I was raised in a cult here in Texas. I escaped in my early 20s. I also got my mom out eventually. But, yes, we were told similar things--if we leave, God will turn His back on us, we'll be stricken dead, you'll never see the face of God. We couldn't mix with "the outside world. They were "wolves that will tear us apart." Not supposed to see movies, listen to worldly music, etc. And yes, when a person left, they were completely shunned. You can't return. You're made to feel you're leaving God, your chance to know "the truth", your community, your job, your home. I left EVERYTHING to be free. And we were not LDS or anything. We were "nondenominational". I found later, its roots are in Pentecostalism (among other things). They believed in end times, having no children, there's no hell, and speaking in tongues. At age 50, now, i have two, grown children. ❤ And I have most certainly lived a life. I'm so glad I walked away. I'm glad you both did, too. ✊🏼
My husband and I both were raised in the 70’s and 80’s in a Free Will Baptist Church. There was actually a group of them all considered Independent. We were raised with no TV, women not wearing pants, no earrings, no makeup, no shorts for men or women. Some of them didn’t believe in men wearing neckties, watches or even wedding bands. I remember when we got married on Friday night we went the first thing on Sat morning and bought a used TV.😂 We quit going to church but a few years later after having our 2nd child, we decided we wanted to raise the kids in church, so we rededicated our lives to the Lord. We got rid of our TV, my pants, etc. That’s all we knew “Christians “ were supposed to live. There was one preacher that the others followed and it was like he was God. My husband gave into the calling to preach. Gave into pastoring. The term not of the world was a term used in these churches. Children went to public schools and the girls had to even take physically education classes had to do so in a skirt and the boys in sweats. No sports allowed, neither playing nor watching. When our daughter was in 2nd grade and she was a tomboy and I was at school one day and there was all these dads around and she was turning flips and showing her underclothes. That’s when I went home in tears talking to my husband about her definitely not being modest. Anyway we prayed and started studying the Bible for ourselves. Deut. 22:5 was the scripture used for it being a sin to wear pants, in KJV it says it’s an abomination for a woman to wear that which pertaineth to a man.,We started to realize in the mid 90’s that we were following man’s tradition not the Word of God. I made the statement once that I felt like we were trying to leave a cult. This was in what’s considered the Bible Belt, East TN, SW VA, Western NC were the areas we went to churches, via revivals etc. there’s so much more to our story, but compares so much to some of these churches. When someone left the church you were the topic of gossip in those churches. Eventually we were able to see our families because of them getting to see the grandchildren. We had words many times because they would tell our children they were going to hell, etc, so we had to keep them away until they decided to let us raise our children the way we felt was pleasing to the Lord. It’s still hard on me sometimes if some of them see me in a pair of pants.
Thank you both for this informational video. I’m currently on a huge learning path atm, I’ve been learning about christianity and Judaism for a couple of years now and as I’ve currently got LDS missionaries from Utah having conversations about religious beliefs and the Morman church.. I’ve also studied the FLDS and followed ‘the news’ about Warren Jeffs. I live in Australia and I’ve never heard of this particular religion at all… so I would like to thank you again. ❤
It is so good to see the growth in awareness and support for people, especially people who have lived their whole life in these exclusive communities, to awhina/support these people who have left the exclusive bretheren rebuild themselves and their lives in the worldly world, they are too often so alone cut off from their families and all that they have known
Wow! I’ve been watching you guys for years with fascination and now I was super shocked to see you comment on the cult that I was born and raised in. I was born and raised in the exclusive brethren. Excommunicated 17 years ago. Just so everyone is clear there’s all kinds of brethren groups and brethren branches and splits, but the documentary that’s being watched is the group I was born and raised in - the most extreme and conservative and strict of all the brethren branches. They used to be known as the exclusive brethren. Recently they rebranded as the PBCC, Plymouth Brethren Christian Church to be more palatable. The leader Is BDH, Bruce D Hales is Sydney, Australia. See the Get A Life podcasts.
on Wikipedia it says It is difficult to number the Exclusive Brethren, with the exception of the Raven/Taylor/Hales group, of which there are approximately 46,000[17] meeting in 300 church assemblies in 19 countries, with strongest representation in Australia, New Zealand, Great Britain, and North America.[3][4] Other Exclusive groups now number only 2-3,000 in the UK, but there are larger numbers on the European continent and also in North America.
As someone who has been watching LDS content for a couple years now, as someone who saw your Missionaries as I grew up the child of a missionary. And as someone who was raised in the Sister church per se to this church, I found this very interesting. I grew up in a church called the gospel hall, which also descended from the brethren movement or the Plymouth brethren. We were less extreme than this, but still very conservative
Wow! Very many similarities I can relate to! Love and admiration to you both! I am now experiencing the joy of someone loving me for who I really am and I dont have to always be trying to be good enough. Thanks again for all your efforts to help people from these situations and helping everyone understand us better!!
Here in the uk we have plymouth bretheren, they are very inward looking and i remember one of my daughters not understanding why they couldnt play together out side of school
I recently watched a creator on RUclips, comparing and contrasting two religions (she used to be mormon) and i turned it off halfway through ... I didn't like the bad talking. I very much appreciate and love that you two can talk about religions you were part of, with respect and not bashing or saying they are wrong. Thank you for that. Really. And the love you have for each other is very obvious. I would love to give you both hugs and just hang out - ive never felt that way about strangers on RUclips, but you two bring those feelings to the surface. Thank you for being you ❤.
I remember being required to read the Miracle of Forgiveness, that i was better off dead and buried, than to lose my virtue. This was required of me in the late 80’s to go through the temple. I was a 17 year old mom, who had been molested from age 3 to age 8 and raped at 15. That was a hard part of the LDS faith to accept. I am not active.
Melissa, thanks for posting that quote about the strong social pressure vis a vis chastity in the LDS teaching. Chastity is very valuable, but we shouldn't harm ourselves for falling short.
I taught kids who were exclusive brethren. You had to run two programmes because they weren‘t allowed to have access to any media (newspapers included) and anything make believe was completely off the table. And this was in a state run school. Also the way the boys treated the girls was really unpleasant. They were also notallowed to share food with anybody so they were taken of school at lunch time. They have their own school now but before we were expected to cater to their ideas.
I left a semi-fundamentalist church and I’m SO lucky to still have a strong relationship with my family. I often wonder: Do non-religious parents feel similar pain and heartache if their children grow up and choose to follow a religion? Or just disappointment maybe? It seems like human nature to want our children to follow in our footsteps and we’re disappointed if they choose a different path.
Talking about new things... I didn't get to experience water parks until I was an adult. I love that I got to experience water parks for the first time with my now-husband. I also grew up in this cult, in the Chicago locality.
Seems like my parents were their own high demand group, no religion involved. I felt so isolated in a way until watching this made me realise that religion or not the similarities are too many. After losing my everything of 28 years (RIP Ian Bowman 21/05/2024) on top of being cut off by my parents and family I felt nobody could really understand. Also, the profound sense of calmness and compassion you both exude is a beautiful thing. I have never been one for prayers but if you both or anyone has any appropriate prayers for Ian or me, it would be greatly appreciated.
However there is no obligation to be successful and beaming with happiness after leaving a cult. Leaving a community behind is hard. One should not feel pressure to prove that leaving was the right choice. We are all born free and that’s it. ❤
I was raised in what they called the Brethren. We always called it “meeting” not church. We never had a pastor. They believe that the Lord puts on the men’s hearts what should be said. Not “in tongues” but just for teaching or sharing their thoughts. We didn’t live close to others-like all living in the same community. All the women used to wear head covering such as a mantilla. My parents didn’t allow us to play sports but other families did. A lot of the families homeschooled -not my family. Our main belief is pretty much “repent of your sins to be saved or you will go to hell forever.” I still believe those teachings but no long go to this type of church-but this teaching is preached in other denominations. I don’t regret having to live that way. We just felt that we should take our kids to more of a mainstream type church, which didn’t cause any hard feelings with anyone!!
I use to live among them in Perth, Western Australia. The neighbors across the street were very nice, but you were never allowed into their homes. They never cut their hair, all girls have to drive, they picked up their kids from school at lunch time, no TV, books (only religious), no radio, no jewelry except watch and wedding ring, no movies, eating out at restaurants. At that time 90's, the women could go out alone shopping, but I believe that changed long after I left Perth. The guy's parents lived next door. Their churchy place was in our neighborhood, pretty much high walls and concealed. They would speak to me, and his wife sometimes came over to chat, she didn't wear her scarf then, just clips with ribbons which they called tokens to ward off the devil. They didn't use fax machines or computers, yet their leaders office was vandalized in NSW, and guess what? They had computers and kept tabs on all their followers. They believed the devil lived in the air ways. However, they would ask businesses if they could use their copiers and fax machines. This was my experience with them, there were a lot of other not so nice things they did.
I worked in a Closed Brethren Community in NZ's largest city. Not with any of them, but in an area where there was a church and a fairly large Brethren community. Every time a house in the street and close neighbourhood came up, where their church is, a Brethren family would purchase it. I had a friend whose daughter had a closed Brethren boyfriend. He was totally shunned, he still lived with his family ( he was like 16 ) but they did not talk to him, he ate separately, moved out of home and got employment as soon as he could. A group of five men would stand in the shopping centre once a week to preach, they all had turns at speaking. It was like they were almost mechanical, were talking to the wind, rarely anyone interacted with them, they were not approachable. While they kept themselves very separate. if there was a 'Jesus March" they were in there with everybody else. I found that interesting.
This was really interesting to see, especially because I'm a New Zealander and am somewhat familiar with this religion. There is a fairly large population of closed brethren in the community I grew up in and I lived within a 5 minute walk to their church. I also went to school with a lot of brethren kids. They always stood out because the girls had very long hair with a ribbon in it and they never ate lunch with us, even on school trips they would eat separately. I believe they would go home for lunch so all lived really close to school. One girl I knew of cut her hair and was excommunicated which was awful to see. They were often pale and wore glasses and I hate to say but us kids used to say that was because they were in bred. Their church had no windows so that also added to the speculation and we would try to sneak around hoping to hear something but never did. I remember sometimes there would be large groups arriving from other countries and we used to joke that this was to increase their gene pool. Kids are awful 😔 They are known locally as being good businessmen and I'm aware of several very successful businesses they own here. They do employ non members but I believe they're quite strict with the dress code and hair length for men. Edit to add ... As an adult I did get to see another side of some brethren people which was nice. I also discovered the parents of my childhood friend had left this church and the two oldest boys were born into it. They were were an unusual family and I never met the brothers but was aware one was in prison. My friend's mother has since written a book and that really answered a lot if questions i had about their family. It put things into perspective and how leaving really affected all of them.
I went to high school (UK) with Brethren in the late 90’s - 00’s. They started there own school towards the ended up leaving the our state school and you’d only see them at exams. There was lots of things which they weren’t allowed to participate in (especially the girls). I still wonder what happened to these now women.
I wondered if spouces need or have groups to learn why their counterpart does things differently and why. I had never heard of this group either other then in passing. It's scary to see how many different groups are out there and how they are alot alike
I went to a college that was “Brethren” but nothing like this. The accent brought in mind (unrelated otherwise) Gloriavale. Check out Lilia Tarawa:….she’d be such a cool guest.
Have you seen the documentary on Netflix, The Program: Cons, Cults, & Kidnapping? The teen centers are owned and ran by a Mormon. Would love to hear your take on this.
Having been brought up in the Exclusive Brethren ( now rebranded as the PBCC ) 43:04 things have changed a lot since I left in 1973 at age 20 but I was an only child and my father had passed away 2 years before. from 1973 until my mother passed away in 2006 we had no relationship. The world leader I’d now based in Sydney, Australia, They now have their own schools. A lot of these clips are quite old but there are a lot of more current information on the Get A Life, ex cult conversations on RUclips Tube. There are lot of parallels. I have listened to a lot of your podcasts. I am now a grandmother of 8 and feel sad my kids missed that grandparent experience.
I did a temp job for the Brethrens once. I wasn’t allowed to go into their lunch room, we had one for non-Brethren & I had to wear a long skirt to work, no long pants & cover my arms & shoulders. I live in Australia.
there was a Plymouth Brethren church half a block from where I lived from 3rd grade through high school. They had a club for neighborhood girls that some of my neighbors went to. When I asked permission to go, my mother (who had a master's degree in theology, was a member of PCUSA, and worked full-time as a Christian educator in the United Methodist church, sat me down and awkwardly told me that she did not want to interfere with me exploring my faith, but she wanted me to know that I didn't have to believe something about God just because the people at that church said it was true. I replied, "Oh, mom. I don't believe half the stuff you do, why would I just accept what someone else says." Years later, my mother told me that was the moment she knew she didn't have to worry about my ability to follow the faith journey God had laid out for me, whereas before she had been worried that I might end up in a cult.
We have a large population of Plymouth (exclusive) Brethren in our town (Queensland, Australia)…. They used to attend the local public school and a mother would come in every day to sit with all the brethren children for lunchtimes. Now they have their own small school to attend.
I’m from Queensland too and would love to know the area you are talking about. I’m from the Sunshine Coast and went to school with a few Exclusive Brethren families too. 😁
I grew up in a christian church and was homeschooled the only thing I relate to is having a great childhood. We watched limited movie that were approved by my parents. Never anything PG13 til highschool and only historical movies that we watched with our parents then. So I definitely relate to not understanding pop culture in highschool/college but also remember feeling annoyed by people my age because they only talked about movies. When I would try and change the subject and talk about a classic book, or history that I thought everyone has read, or learned. I would get called weird. I am still a Christian today, I love Jesus and feel happy to be a christian. I'm raising my kids the same way but it's a different world then I grew up in. It makes me so sad to hear about cults that prevert the gospel. I pray every one would read the new testament or the Bible and and decside for yourself. No person or group should add to the bible.
I agree with you. I don't think there is anything wrong with keeping your children away from worldly influence, but do believe children need to be able to navigate the world so when they become adults they will make good decisions in order to not hurt yourself or others.
I honestly have so much sympathy for the people still brainwashed and involved with FLDS. That poor woman is missing soooooo much in Sam and Melissa's life, and their kiddos of course. it boggles my mind!!
Started in Dublin then spread to the UK and itinerant preachers from Scotland and Ireland spread to the States and AU apparently the start of the brethren and free churches was around the time of the revolutions in USA etc and Protestant “free churches” such and Methodist, brethren arose rebelling against the established Church of England
The Brethen family of churches has a variety of branches. The Central Valley of California had a big influx of Brethren churches. Fresno even has a Brethren University. It’s one of the “peace” churches committed to non-violence.
Non violence? I experienced it as very violent for children. I had a torture childhood and Children from the other families in the group I was forced to attend, too.
@@zwetschge80 I am so sorry. The Brethren churches preach against war and the like - that's what I mean by being a peace church. Obviously you didn't experience a peaceful childhood.
The bretheren encourige to beat and tourture their children. They buy books that tell them to do that and parents share with each other how to hurt the childrens best or worst. How to make or use items you can beat and tourtue the kinds with. I don't care If they are against war between countrys, as long as they behave like a war Lord at home, behind closed doors or in front of other bretheren. It's illegal in Germany now to beat children, but I'm shure they didn't stop that. It's part of their belief system, that that is a good thing and the bible tells you to do it.
They don’t go to public schools anymore, they have their own. We don’t often see them around anymore. The last time I saw some exclusive brethren men in Napier (NZ) where I live, they were ‘preaching’ in town. Quietly, no eye contact with anyone & it was clearly for show because they’re not allowed to engage with us worldies (what they call everyone else). I stopped to talk to them, told them I was a Christian and tried to talk to them about sharing the gospel but it was clear they didn’t want to talk and they soon moved on.
I loved it when you ploughed through the tears, and yet they were still there. Of course I was crying as well. You truly are such a kind person, and you and Sam are so lucky to have found each other. The sweetest couple of RUclips.
Sam obviously has no accent because he is a well-versed person who speaks with depth and thought! Mom spent time with her 12 children and no doubt that is where the gift of communication developed!
The exclusive brethren are active in Australia as well. The women are easily identified by their conservative dress, long long hair n head scarf. The men dress conservatively also. There are some branches who don't believe in electricity n other "modern" tools for life. There are terribly sad stories of families broken apart due to their beliefs. It would be good to know more about them.
So much of what I hear reminds me of being raised Pentecostal. I was raised Pentecostal and there seems to be a lot of similarities. I wonder if others would agree?
My ex husband was from New Zealand but he was atheist! I grew up Catholic and still am Catholic which my husband and my daughter are, In fact my daughter has gone to Catholic school all her life even college which she is now. I love your videos Sam and Melissa you guys are great and I have always had interest in cult and very fundamental religions!
Wow! I know someone who grew up in the Brethren, or at least that's what he called it, but I don't know if it was this group. We went to University together, but we were just classmates and not terribly close so I don't know a ton about his life and situation. I know at one point they shunned his brother and were not speaking to him. I hope things are better for him now.
In Australia they have some of their own schools. Although not all Brethren live near them so some kids go to public school. Under Australian law they have to let other kids attend their school even if they’re not the same religion. I’m not sure how they get around that. I also have heard the teachers are not Brethren as Brethren are not allowed go to university. I used to follow an ex brethren member on socials, he mentioned they have these books that have photos of every Brethren family in it with names. It can be used to match up couples around the world. But if you leave they just change the photo in the next edition to one without you and remove your details from your families page. It’s like you never existed.
21:34 This section made me melancholy. I was thinking about him, and people raised like him in the U.S., and then North Koreans came to mind, and it made me sad the way some are raised to think about others in the world. Once they lift their heads and look around their minds expand (hopefully).
Oooh! Yeah! These guys have most probably come out of the Raven/Taylor/Hales Exclusive Brethren group. Their worldwide headquarters are located in a suburb of Sydney Australia and are led by a man called Bruce Hales. It's about 2km from where I live so there's a lot of them living in my area. Family is important to them. They only have one wife and usually quite a few children. The women must cover their hair hence the headscarves but some families allow their women to just wear a hair decoration of some kind. They live in separate family homes within any suburb or town. They worship together and work in each other's businesses and only associate with each other. Every family has a different business which are quite often building related. The children go to the local government schools until about year 4 when they go to the Exclusive Brethren school called One School which is run under that name worldwide. They are only allowed to eat with ither Exclusive Brethren folk. At One School it is self directed learning (home schooling but with a teacher to help). The curriculum is not the same as set out by the Government Department of Education which all schools in Australia must follow. Rather all the content is controlled by the elders of the church and the teachers cannot stray from that (I have 2 friends who teach there and they find that frustrating since it is so narrow.). I've been told the kids have no hope in their hearts as they look forward to the future because it's already mapped out for them. There are also a high number of kids with ADHD and other similar conditions due to all the inbreeding. They are restricted in who they can marry to try to reduce the incidence of this but it's difficult when there's been so much intermarriage in the generations before that now they're all cousins of each other. They are only allowed to do tertiary study online since they're not allowed to interact with outsiders. All internet use is limited to business or study only. While I was doing temporary administration work, I worked twice for Bruce Hales company. I had to wear a dress below the knee and stockings! Even though I am a strong Protestant Christian, I was treated like a leper. A few years ago I got a job with a family run company. My heart fell on the second day when I found out they were Exclusive Brethren!! However this family was a little more open to outsiders and had many working for them. As far as I could tell we all had some form of Christian background. At the end of the first week I met a young man, whom I'll call Brad, who was from another family in the group. It happened to be his 20th birthday. Now Brad was wanting to leave the group and I saw how appallingly they treated him during the 3 months we worked together. One would call it coercive control. Brad wanted to leave because he said Bruce Hales had set out the plan for the next 10 years for the church which was the same as they'd been doing already. Brad didn't like that as he thought it wasn't working out very well already. During those 3 months Brad had to meet several times with the elders and had several really long conversations with the boss, where they were trying to persuade him to stay and grilled him with endless questions. The poor kid went through hell during that time! His father locked him out of the house several times and if not for one of the men on the factory floor, he would have been homeless. Brad told them he wanted to go overseas so they tried to persuade him to stay by offering to pay for his trip and that he'd be welcomed home after it and get all the material goods he could wish for. But Brad stood firm and said no because he wanted to get out and live a life that was of his choosing not theirs. He also didn't want to marry who was available for him to marry. Brad would tell me bits and pieces of what was going on and it became very clear that he was not getting support from anyone! So I tried to play mamma by giving him clear Biblical viewpoints. I told him they weren't treating him as a Christian should. And since it was clear to me that Brad wanted to travel I had to rack my brain for the sort of advice a parent would give to their child. Things like how to deal with social media and trusting people with his story plus a few other guidelines of living in the real world. Shortly after Brad was told to leave, I was also asked to leave. I was quite glad to go as their view of life was incredibly naive. They thought they knew the world but they seriously didn't! Living in such a closed group makes one so insular in one's thinking and also more than a bit inappropriate in one's actions around others!! There are two types of Brethren church. This one and also what is sometimes referred to as the Open Brethren or Gospel Chapel. The Exclusive Brethren are a cult. The Open Brethren are not. The OB's are ok with outsiders and while conservative, act fairly similarly to other Christians.
I'm curious about your home schooling. Were you taught the basics that we all learned in school, or was it more faith based? If it was faith based, how did you cope furthering your education?
In Barbados every church is against lgbtq people. My dad is from Barbados and my mom is Canadian. It was always strange growing up having one side very accepting and loving of lgbtq people and the other side very against it. Needless to say my father isn’t happy I’m trans.
There is a group called German Baptist brethren very prominent in Indiana. Very sweet people but they don’t like TV’s have a distinctive dress type. They are anabaptists similar to some Mennonites
Sam, I think of you and of your mother daily. My mother once chose religion over me, but she came around. I wish so badly your mother would show up at your door and embrace you and save herself, but I know that is very unlikely. This being posted right before Mother's Day, I wanted to say that regardless of the heartbreak, your mother raised the most remarkable man. Obviously Melissa and your two beautiful kiddos have a huge part in your success and your ability to move forward after such heartbreak. But it's your heart and your compassion, your open-mindedness and your gentle nature that make you unbelievably impressive person you are. I have a deep fear of men, but as a mother myself, if ever I met you, I wouldn't be able to help myself from hugging you. While you celebrate your beautiful and incredible wife tomorrow, keep in mind that you're literally changing the world. And you wouldn't be that person without your mom. ❤💔
wow. I would like to "like" this 1000 times.
This is so sweet
This was lovely. Thank you for sharing
Wow! Thank you so much 🥹 you have no idea how much this means to me (Sam). You prove my point of the world being full of kind and good people. Thank you for your love ❤️ Happy Mother's Day 🙂
@@GrowingUpinPolygamy Thank you, and that's incredibly nice of you to say. The FLDS lost perhaps its kindest man the day you and your brother left. And please remember that your mother loves you despite the distance. You're always her little boy. I assure you that every mother on here holds immense pride in you and your accomplishments. I'm a little younger than you, but I claim you as my internet son and send love and good wishes each day.
So crazy to stumble upon this because I am a New Zealander and I have family members that are closed brethren in NZ that I have never met ❤
I absolutely adore how loving, kind, and compassionate you both are not only towards each other but to complete strangers as well. Girl you had me crying right along with you ❤
Thank you! ❤️
Thank you so much! ❤️
I was crying too!
I just want to say thank you for not jumping to the opposite end and bashing Christianity as a whole.
I’ve been recently watching a lot of these types of videos. I didn’t know so many of these groups/cults existed! Many channels just jump to the far end and bash Christianity as whole not realizing that orthodox/conservative churches are very different from these high demand groups/ cults.
I appreciate your channel and sharing these difficult topics and drawing attention to them.
I grew up in a variety of churches. Mostly pentecostal. My Dad was an independent preacher (and a narcissist and a controlling person) and would go wherever they'd let him preach. But I related to so much of this! We were more strict than anybody I knew. So many rules! As I look back, I think my Dad was just inches away from being a cult leader. As a kid I knew we were weird. lol I'm 61 now and still sometimes feel like I don't get some cultural references. It was a giant revelation as an adult for me to realize God extends grace and mercy to us. I'd always heard those words. But in reality what came through was judgement and punishment. Thank you both for being so open. It's helping.
I came out of a high demand Christian religion and am the mother of an adult child. I just cannot wrap my head around how so many of these groups will say they are family focused and put an emphasis on the family, yet regularly force their children out of their lives. I don’t understand how parents (and grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.) can justify the contradiction of valuing family while discarding their kids. My heart breaks for those whose family turned their backs on them just for who they are or what they believe. I wish them all the joy and love of found family.
New Zealand needs to get smarter to the abuse that’s going on in these communities, I’m glad you are bringing it out in the light
Thank u so so much for exposing the Exclusive Brethern/pbcc! I was born & raised in this hell hole thank u!
Sam and Melissa, I'm so glad that you didn't cut out your emotional reaction to the separation of families when people leave these high demand groups. Your relationship is so beautiful and supportive, and you're such kind people. I'm so sorry that Sam's parents and your children cannot know their grandparents and that Sam's parents cannot experience Sam as a parent and husband and the two of you as a couple who created a loving and happy family. Thank you for sharing yourselves with us. You are loved.
Thank you! ❤️
Sam, dude, it’s your natural curiosity that ultimately saved you! I’m so proud of all you both have done
Oh Melissa! You made me cry! (At about the 45-minute mark) ❤❤
I’m crying for you. Thanks for the kindness you show.
Hi. I'm in New Zealand. The Exclusive Brethren is a worldwide religion. I taught at an Exclusive Brethren school here and got to know many of their 'interesting' way of life
We can all agree that Sam is a remarkable person! Made me tear up too.
I work with a lady that was in the Exclusive Brethren. She’s middle aged now but she told me about how she got out when she was young and the first thing she did was cut all of her hair off. She had waist length hair because she wasn’t allowed to cut it, and after escaping she got it cut to about an inch long and kept it that short since then (for decades). It sounded like she was quite traumatized and she commented that she’d never again grow her hair out.
That was over a decade ago and nowadays I only see this lady in passing now at shift changeover time, but I noticed over the last few years that she’s grown her hair and keeps it at shoulder length now.
I’d never ask her about it directly because that would seem too forward, but it makes me smile because to me it indicates that maybe she’s been able to process and integrate some of the past trauma… I hope I’m right, because she’s a beautiful and kind lady and I really do hope that she’s happy and has found some peace 🩷
A few points:
They have their own school system now called One School Global. When I was a child, we went to public school and only got to socialize with our group of insiders. We went home for lunch. Now they have their own school system with their own volunteer bus drivers.
They are not located only in New Zealand. I came out of a Canadian locale in Winnipeg and also belonged to the Maple Creek locale for a short time. My great grandfather led the church out of Neche, ND. He passed away in 1987. There are locales in Canada, America, UK, Australia, New Zealand, Barbados, and I believe possibly one other. The last names bring back memories to me on the outside. It’s funny hearing a name out here and the memories flood back of those with the same surname inside, such as: Symington, Holt, Rochat, Cavenaugh, Mailey, Admiral, Hughes, Hales, Boram, and so on.
I grew up in a community with a big number of Exclusive Brethren. They came to public school up until the age of about 13 (Year 8) but didn’t continue on to high school. They were “home schooled” after that but the girls I was friends with all knew that once they left Intermediate School they were basically starting their training on how to be a mother. Their marriages were pretty arranged and they had systems to try and prevent close inbreeding - the girls I was at school with knew that when they were of age to marry they would be shipped off to another town to marry into the community there. They rotated where the girls were sent each year.
In our town, the Exclusive Brethren owned many of the businesses and they employed “worldly” people to use computers or other technology necessary to make a profit. They were very much integrated but separate. Many of them were really nice people - my mum was a teacher and was friendly with some of the Brethren mothers, who tried their best in the circumstances they lived in. Many of the boys struggled with learning disabilities and people kind’ve understood it as a byproduct of inbreeding. I don’t know how scientifically accurate it is but the teachers all bemoaned the fact the Brethren girls were generally pretty bright but the boys were dumb as, and that the girls would never have a chance to pursue higher education.
Just to clarify, I was raised in the Plymouth Brethren Church and experienced nothing like this. Actually, I have fond memories. Most of my older family members were PB. It was no big deal for those of us who moved on to other churches. My UK PB relatives are definitely stricter than what I experienced.
The Exclusive Brethren are one of several splinter groups and are considered sects.
Btw, I lived in Utah County for about a decade. I had no clue there was polygamy in Utah until I saw FLDS at Costco in St George.
I love your show. The 2 of you make a great team.
PS-We wore a head covering at church. Other than that we dressed the status quo and socialized normally. I grew up in the 50’s and 60’s and left the PB in the early 70’s.
I also grew up in PB, or as we called them in my part of the US south “chapels.” My experience was like yours-quite mainstream aside from a couple of differences in our worship practices. The head coverings during worship became a matter of contention around the time I became old enough to be expected to wear one. A lot of women wore crocheted lace-doilies, essentially. I wore one for about a month or two before quietly stopping, just as many of the younger women in our congregation gave up the practice. The other thing that set us apart was having a separate weekly service for the Lord’s Supper (AKA communion) which was largely silent. And that was the only time we took up offering, because it was not a service many visitors would attend. There was somehow a simultaneous expectation that everyone would give generously AND a near-complete unwillingness to talk about money. Somehow, even making a specific ask for donations was considered lacking faith that God would provide. We also didn’t have designated or paid clergy. Certain men of the church who were considered to have some sort of gift for preaching shared the task in rotation. That included church elders, but was not limited to that group. And absolutely no denominational structure between congregations. There was an informal friendliness with other chapels, but not even anything like a directory of them. And no formal membership within congregations, either.
But like you, there was no shunning if people left the church. No pressure to live separate from the rest of the larger community.
This is EXCLUSIVE BRETHERN or Plymouth Brethern Christian Church - I’m guessing you were in open Plymouth Brethern. This is EXACTLY what happens in the exclusive Brethern I was born, raised and lived in one for 25 yrs then kicked out and ripped apart from the family!
L@@ninaradio
I grew up in Takanini, Auckland, New Zealand, and remember seeing Closed Brethren families shopping in the supermarket near our house when I was a kid in the 80s.
Yes, I grew up in Dargaville, New Zealand. The community was large, around 2 to 5, in our class at school. And all went home for lunchtime.
My eyes got a little bit sweaty at the end. I love the way you two love each other.
I so appreciate how you are helping others who are trying to leave these cults and high demand religions. To leave everything you have known behind takes an enormous amount of courage. Thank you for your great work!
I have Brethrens and exclusive Brethrens and LDS near me in Australia. I live about 2 blocks from where LDS people go to worship. The next block has a JW kingdom hall. I'm in a town of about 5,600 people. Lots of different religions and denominations here. The next town over has the Brethren church and a big Sikh temple and both our towns have mosques. We had a Jewish synagogue about 70 years ago. Now Jewish people travel over 2 hours to a metropolitan synagogue.
I have a great aunt who was exclusive brethren and our family didn't know her or her family
They left at one point but my auntie returned
They came to my nan's 90th birthday and were sooo upset they hadn't grown up knowing us all.
So many little stories of the church community keeping their mum from seeing her family ( as she got older and they would for instance take her out on her 100th birthday knowing her sisters and family would want to visit)
We are Australian and live in Aus
I live in Sydney Australia and in my suburb we have a massive brethren congregation. They do not talk too or acknowledge anyone. In their own world. They have their own schools and obky support each other.
Excellent content. So wonderful to see these very raw reactions. You are both so thoughtful and respectful.
Thank you so much!
Oh, y'all. I was raised in a cult here in Texas. I escaped in my early 20s. I also got my mom out eventually. But, yes, we were told similar things--if we leave, God will turn His back on us, we'll be stricken dead, you'll never see the face of God. We couldn't mix with "the outside world. They were "wolves that will tear us apart." Not supposed to see movies, listen to worldly music, etc. And yes, when a person left, they were completely shunned. You can't return. You're made to feel you're leaving God, your chance to know "the truth", your community, your job, your home. I left EVERYTHING to be free. And we were not LDS or anything. We were "nondenominational". I found later, its roots are in Pentecostalism (among other things). They believed in end times, having no children, there's no hell, and speaking in tongues.
At age 50, now, i have two, grown children. ❤ And I have most certainly lived a life. I'm so glad I walked away. I'm glad you both did, too. ✊🏼
Thank you for sharing your experience 🙂
It was the church of wells huh? I've read about it
My husband and I both were raised in the 70’s and 80’s in a Free Will Baptist Church. There was actually a group of them all considered Independent. We were raised with no TV, women not wearing pants, no earrings, no makeup, no shorts for men or women. Some of them didn’t believe in men wearing neckties, watches or even wedding bands. I remember when we got married on Friday night we went the first thing on Sat morning and bought a used TV.😂 We quit going to church but a few years later after having our 2nd child, we decided we wanted to raise the kids in church, so we rededicated our lives to the Lord. We got rid of our TV, my pants, etc. That’s all we knew “Christians “ were supposed to live. There was one preacher that the others followed and it was like he was God. My husband gave into the calling to preach. Gave into pastoring. The term not of the world was a term used in these churches. Children went to public schools and the girls had to even take physically education classes had to do so in a skirt and the boys in sweats. No sports allowed, neither playing nor watching. When our daughter was in 2nd grade and she was a tomboy and I was at school one day and there was all these dads around and she was turning flips and showing her underclothes. That’s when I went home in tears talking to my husband about her definitely not being modest. Anyway we prayed and started studying the Bible for ourselves. Deut. 22:5 was the scripture used for it being a sin to wear pants, in KJV it says it’s an abomination for a woman to wear that which pertaineth to a man.,We started to realize in the mid 90’s that we were following man’s tradition not the Word of God. I made the statement once that I felt like we were trying to leave a cult. This was in what’s considered the Bible Belt, East TN, SW VA, Western NC were the areas we went to churches, via revivals etc. there’s so much more to our story, but compares so much to some of these churches. When someone left the church you were the topic of gossip in those churches. Eventually we were able to see our families because of them getting to see the grandchildren. We had words many times because they would tell our children they were going to hell, etc, so we had to keep them away until they decided to let us raise our children the way we felt was pleasing to the Lord. It’s still hard on me sometimes if some of them see me in a pair of pants.
I grew up in Timaru, South Island of NZ and was aware of Exclusive Brethren in the area.. never knew much about them though.. super interesting video!
I've never heard of this group interested in learning more about them! Great video as always ❤
Thank you both for this informational video. I’m currently on a huge learning path atm, I’ve been learning about christianity and Judaism for a couple of years now and as I’ve currently got LDS missionaries from Utah having conversations about religious beliefs and the Morman church.. I’ve also studied the FLDS and followed ‘the news’ about Warren Jeffs.
I live in Australia and I’ve never heard of this particular religion at all… so I would like to thank you again. ❤
It is so good to see the growth in awareness and support for people, especially people who have lived their whole life in these exclusive communities, to awhina/support these people who have left the exclusive bretheren rebuild themselves and their lives in the worldly world, they are too often so alone cut off from their families and all that they have known
Wow! I’ve been watching you guys for years with fascination and now I was super shocked to see you comment on the cult that I was born and raised in. I was born and raised in the exclusive brethren. Excommunicated 17 years ago. Just so everyone is clear there’s all kinds of brethren groups and brethren branches and splits, but the documentary that’s being watched is the group I was born and raised in - the most extreme and conservative and strict of all the brethren branches. They used to be known as the exclusive brethren. Recently they rebranded as the PBCC, Plymouth Brethren Christian Church to be more palatable. The leader Is BDH, Bruce D Hales is Sydney, Australia. See the Get A Life podcasts.
on Wikipedia it says It is difficult to number the Exclusive Brethren, with the exception of the Raven/Taylor/Hales group, of which there are approximately 46,000[17] meeting in 300 church assemblies in 19 countries, with strongest representation in Australia, New Zealand, Great Britain, and North America.[3][4] Other Exclusive groups now number only 2-3,000 in the UK, but there are larger numbers on the European continent and also in North America.
Yes. So many splinter groups have formed. I once worked for the Hales family and even though I am a Christian was treated as if I wasn't.
As someone who has been watching LDS content for a couple years now, as someone who saw your Missionaries as I grew up the child of a missionary. And as someone who was raised in the Sister church per se to this church, I found this very interesting. I grew up in a church called the gospel hall, which also descended from the brethren movement or the Plymouth brethren. We were less extreme than this, but still very conservative
Wow! Very many similarities I can relate to! Love and admiration to you both! I am now experiencing the joy of someone loving me for who I really am and I dont have to always be trying to be good enough. Thanks again for all your efforts to help people from these situations and helping everyone understand us better!!
Here in the uk we have plymouth bretheren, they are very inward looking and i remember one of my daughters not understanding why they couldnt play together out side of school
You guys are just the sweetest couple in the world.
Happy Mother's Day, Melissa! This review was fascinating. Interesting to see the similarities.
I recently watched a creator on RUclips, comparing and contrasting two religions (she used to be mormon) and i turned it off halfway through ... I didn't like the bad talking. I very much appreciate and love that you two can talk about religions you were part of, with respect and not bashing or saying they are wrong. Thank you for that. Really. And the love you have for each other is very obvious. I would love to give you both hugs and just hang out - ive never felt that way about strangers on RUclips, but you two bring those feelings to the surface. Thank you for being you ❤.
I remember being required to read the Miracle of Forgiveness, that i was better off dead and buried, than to lose my virtue. This was required of me in the late 80’s to go through the temple.
I was a 17 year old mom, who had been molested from age 3 to age 8 and raped at 15.
That was a hard part of the LDS faith to accept.
I am not active.
I am so sorry 😢
You guys are the kindest couple , your love for each other just shines through
There is a group of Exclusive Brethren in Adelaide, South Australia.
Ex old order Amish here, and oh my goodness ... deja vu over and over!
An aquaitance of mine taught in one of the Brethren schools the uk. He was horrified at the treatment women. All married off young.
Melissa, thanks for posting that quote about the strong social pressure vis a vis chastity in the LDS teaching. Chastity is very valuable, but we shouldn't harm ourselves for falling short.
I taught kids who were exclusive brethren. You had to run two programmes because they weren‘t allowed to have access to any media (newspapers included) and anything make believe was completely off the table. And this was in a state run school. Also the way the boys treated the girls was really unpleasant. They were also notallowed to share food with anybody so they were taken of school at lunch time.
They have their own school now but before we were expected to cater to their ideas.
I left a semi-fundamentalist church and I’m SO lucky to still have a strong relationship with my family. I often wonder: Do non-religious parents feel similar pain and heartache if their children grow up and choose to follow a religion? Or just disappointment maybe? It seems like human nature to want our children to follow in our footsteps and we’re disappointed if they choose a different path.
Talking about new things... I didn't get to experience water parks until I was an adult. I love that I got to experience water parks for the first time with my now-husband. I also grew up in this cult, in the Chicago locality.
Canada also has quite a few brethren churches
There are Plymouth Brethren in the U.S. We had Plymouth Brethren neighbors in our apartment complex in suburban Detroit.
They also have The Exclusive Brethren in Australia.
Seems like my parents were their own high demand group, no religion involved. I felt so isolated in a way until watching this made me realise that religion or not the similarities are too many. After losing my everything of 28 years (RIP Ian Bowman 21/05/2024) on top of being cut off by my parents and family I felt nobody could really understand. Also, the profound sense of calmness and compassion you both exude is a beautiful thing. I have never been one for prayers but if you both or anyone has any appropriate prayers for Ian or me, it would be greatly appreciated.
However there is no obligation to be successful and beaming with happiness after leaving a cult. Leaving a community behind is hard. One should not feel pressure to prove that leaving was the right choice. We are all born free and that’s it. ❤
I was raised in what they called the Brethren. We always called it “meeting” not church. We never had a pastor. They believe that the Lord puts on the men’s hearts what should be said. Not “in tongues” but just for teaching or sharing their thoughts. We didn’t live close to others-like all living in the same community. All the women used to wear head covering such as a mantilla. My parents didn’t allow us to play sports but other families did. A lot of the families homeschooled -not my family. Our main belief is pretty much “repent of your sins to be saved or you will go to hell forever.” I still believe those teachings but no long go to this type of church-but this teaching is preached in other denominations. I don’t regret having to live that way. We just felt that we should take our kids to more of a mainstream type church, which didn’t cause any hard feelings with anyone!!
Wow. Thank you so much for sharing this with us 😊
Repent of your sins to be saved by WHAT?
Loved this 🥰 you guys are ANAZING!!!
I use to live among them in Perth, Western Australia. The neighbors across the street were very nice, but you were never allowed into their homes. They never cut their hair, all girls have to drive, they picked up their kids from school at lunch time, no TV, books (only religious), no radio, no jewelry except watch and wedding ring, no movies, eating out at restaurants. At that time 90's, the women could go out alone shopping, but I believe that changed long after I left Perth. The guy's parents lived next door. Their churchy place was in our neighborhood, pretty much high walls and concealed. They would speak to me, and his wife sometimes came over to chat, she didn't wear her scarf then, just clips with ribbons which they called tokens to ward off the devil. They didn't use fax machines or computers, yet their leaders office was vandalized in NSW, and guess what? They had computers and kept tabs on all their followers. They believed the devil lived in the air ways. However, they would ask businesses if they could use their copiers and fax machines. This was my experience with them, there were a lot of other not so nice things they did.
Thank you
I live in Western Sydney Australia, and often see Exclusive Brethren women and girls at my local shopping centre.
I worked in a Closed Brethren Community in NZ's largest city. Not with any of them, but in an area where there was a church and a fairly large Brethren community. Every time a house in the street and close neighbourhood came up, where their church is, a Brethren family would purchase it. I had a friend whose daughter had a closed Brethren boyfriend. He was totally shunned, he still lived with his family ( he was like 16 ) but they did not talk to him, he ate separately, moved out of home and got employment as soon as he could. A group of five men would stand in the shopping centre once a week to preach, they all had turns at speaking. It was like they were almost mechanical, were talking to the wind, rarely anyone interacted with them, they were not approachable. While they kept themselves very separate. if there was a 'Jesus March" they were in there with everybody else. I found that interesting.
This was really interesting to see, especially because I'm a New Zealander and am somewhat familiar with this religion. There is a fairly large population of closed brethren in the community I grew up in and I lived within a 5 minute walk to their church. I also went to school with a lot of brethren kids. They always stood out because the girls had very long hair with a ribbon in it and they never ate lunch with us, even on school trips they would eat separately. I believe they would go home for lunch so all lived really close to school. One girl I knew of cut her hair and was excommunicated which was awful to see.
They were often pale and wore glasses and I hate to say but us kids used to say that was because they were in bred. Their church had no windows so that also added to the speculation and we would try to sneak around hoping to hear something but never did.
I remember sometimes there would be large groups arriving from other countries and we used to joke that this was to increase their gene pool. Kids are awful 😔
They are known locally as being good businessmen and I'm aware of several very successful businesses they own here. They do employ non members but I believe they're quite strict with the dress code and hair length for men.
Edit to add ... As an adult I did get to see another side of some brethren people which was nice. I also discovered the parents of my childhood friend had left this church and the two oldest boys were born into it. They were were an unusual family and I never met the brothers but was aware one was in prison. My friend's mother has since written a book and that really answered a lot if questions i had about their family. It put things into perspective and how leaving really affected all of them.
Liked. Shared. Commented.
Up the algorithm!
I went to high school (UK) with Brethren in the late 90’s - 00’s. They started there own school towards the ended up leaving the our state school and you’d only see them at exams. There was lots of things which they weren’t allowed to participate in (especially the girls). I still wonder what happened to these now women.
Great show!
I wondered if spouces need or have groups to learn why their counterpart does things differently and why. I had never heard of this group either other then in passing. It's scary to see how many different groups are out there and how they are alot alike
I went to a college that was “Brethren” but nothing like this.
The accent brought in mind (unrelated otherwise) Gloriavale. Check out Lilia Tarawa:….she’d be such a cool guest.
A college???
Have you seen the documentary on Netflix, The Program: Cons, Cults, & Kidnapping? The teen centers are owned and ran by a Mormon. Would love to hear your take on this.
Having been brought up in the Exclusive Brethren ( now rebranded as the PBCC ) 43:04 things have changed a lot since I left in 1973 at age 20 but I was an only child and my father had passed away 2 years before. from 1973 until my mother passed away in 2006 we had no relationship.
The world leader I’d now based in Sydney, Australia, They now have their own schools.
A lot of these clips are quite old but there are a lot of more current information on the Get A Life, ex cult conversations on RUclips Tube.
There are lot of parallels. I have listened to a lot of your podcasts.
I am now a grandmother of 8 and feel sad my kids missed that grandparent experience.
😩😩😩 I adore you Melissa. Sam is So lucky to have you - who loves him for who he is!
Very nice podcast 😊
I did a temp job for the Brethrens once. I wasn’t allowed to go into their lunch room, we had one for non-Brethren & I had to wear a long skirt to work, no long pants & cover my arms & shoulders. I live in Australia.
there was a Plymouth Brethren church half a block from where I lived from 3rd grade through high school. They had a club for neighborhood girls that some of my neighbors went to. When I asked permission to go, my mother (who had a master's degree in theology, was a member of PCUSA, and worked full-time as a Christian educator in the United Methodist church, sat me down and awkwardly told me that she did not want to interfere with me exploring my faith, but she wanted me to know that I didn't have to believe something about God just because the people at that church said it was true.
I replied, "Oh, mom. I don't believe half the stuff you do, why would I just accept what someone else says."
Years later, my mother told me that was the moment she knew she didn't have to worry about my ability to follow the faith journey God had laid out for me, whereas before she had been worried that I might end up in a cult.
Not all "Brethren" churches are "Exclusive Brethren"
I’m from NZ so this was very interesting. Would be interested in your perspective on the Deybel case.
We have a large population of Plymouth (exclusive) Brethren in our town (Queensland, Australia)…. They used to attend the local public school and a mother would come in every day to sit with all the brethren children for lunchtimes. Now they have their own small school to attend.
I’m from Queensland too and would love to know the area you are talking about. I’m from the Sunshine Coast and went to school with a few Exclusive Brethren families too. 😁
@@sueb2220 yes! Nambour.
@@sharaharper2253 me too! Born in Nambour and grew up there. Wow it’s so good to talk to someone from my home town.
I grew up in a christian church and was homeschooled the only thing I relate to is having a great childhood.
We watched limited movie that were approved by my parents. Never anything PG13 til highschool and only historical movies that we watched with our parents then. So I definitely relate to not understanding pop culture in highschool/college but also remember feeling annoyed by people my age because they only talked about movies. When I would try and change the subject and talk about a classic book, or history that I thought everyone has read, or learned. I would get called weird.
I am still a Christian today, I love Jesus and feel happy to be a christian. I'm raising my kids the same way but it's a different world then I grew up in.
It makes me so sad to hear about cults that prevert the gospel.
I pray every one would read the new testament or the Bible and and decside for yourself. No person or group should add to the bible.
I agree with you. I don't think there is anything wrong with keeping your children away from worldly influence, but do believe children need to be able to navigate the world so when they become adults they will make good decisions in order to not hurt yourself or others.
I am in Australia and there are also Exclusive Brethren groups here 🇦🇺
Awe I just want to hug Sam. I’m sure your mom misses you.
I honestly have so much sympathy for the people still brainwashed and involved with FLDS. That poor woman is missing soooooo much in Sam and Melissa's life, and their kiddos of course. it boggles my mind!!
Brethren is a big thing here in Australia too and I had no idea that this didn’t really carry world wide :/
Started in Dublin then spread to the UK and itinerant preachers from Scotland and Ireland spread to the States and AU
apparently the start of the brethren and free churches was around the time of the revolutions in USA etc and Protestant “free churches” such and Methodist, brethren arose rebelling against the established Church of England
The Brethen family of churches has a variety of branches. The Central Valley of California had a big influx of Brethren churches. Fresno even has a Brethren University. It’s one of the “peace” churches committed to non-violence.
Non violence? I experienced it as very violent for children. I had a torture childhood and Children from the other families in the group I was forced to attend, too.
@@zwetschge80 I am so sorry. The Brethren churches preach against war and the like - that's what I mean by being a peace church. Obviously you didn't experience a peaceful childhood.
The bretheren encourige to beat and tourture their children. They buy books that tell them to do that and parents share with each other how to hurt the childrens best or worst. How to make or use items you can beat and tourtue the kinds with. I don't care If they are against war between countrys, as long as they behave like a war Lord at home, behind closed doors or in front of other bretheren. It's illegal in Germany now to beat children, but I'm shure they didn't stop that. It's part of their belief system, that that is a good thing and the bible tells you to do it.
They don’t go to public schools anymore, they have their own. We don’t often see them around anymore. The last time I saw some exclusive brethren men in Napier (NZ) where I live, they were ‘preaching’ in town. Quietly, no eye contact with anyone & it was clearly for show because they’re not allowed to engage with us worldies (what they call everyone else). I stopped to talk to them, told them I was a Christian and tried to talk to them about sharing the gospel but it was clear they didn’t want to talk and they soon moved on.
Melissa you are such a beautiful human being 💕💕💕
Thank you so much!
I loved it when you ploughed through the tears, and yet they were still there. Of course I was crying as well. You truly are such a kind person, and you and Sam are so lucky to have found each other. The sweetest couple of RUclips.
Sam obviously has no accent because he is a well-versed person who speaks with depth and thought! Mom spent time with her 12 children and no doubt that is where the gift of communication developed!
Not me crying right along with Melissa. 😢
The exclusive brethren are active in Australia as well. The women are easily identified by their conservative dress, long long hair n head scarf. The men dress conservatively also. There are some branches who don't believe in electricity n other "modern" tools for life. There are terribly sad stories of families broken apart due to their beliefs. It would be good to know more about them.
Hello again from Norway 🙂I`m the first to comment tonight.
Tjena frän Sverige. 🙂
Hi! 😊
@@Keeks_Eek Hei granne Keeks.
Hi from Chile
Hola hola! 🙂
So much of what I hear reminds me of being raised Pentecostal. I was raised Pentecostal and there seems to be a lot of similarities. I wonder if others would agree?
My ex husband was from New Zealand but he was atheist! I grew up Catholic and still am Catholic which my husband and my daughter are, In fact my daughter has gone to Catholic school all her life even college which she is now. I love your videos Sam and Melissa you guys are great and I have always had interest in cult and very fundamental religions!
Wow! I know someone who grew up in the Brethren, or at least that's what he called it, but I don't know if it was this group. We went to University together, but we were just classmates and not terribly close so I don't know a ton about his life and situation. I know at one point they shunned his brother and were not speaking to him. I hope things are better for him now.
In Australia they have some of their own schools. Although not all Brethren live near them so some kids go to public school. Under Australian law they have to let other kids attend their school even if they’re not the same religion. I’m not sure how they get around that. I also have heard the teachers are not Brethren as Brethren are not allowed go to university. I used to follow an ex brethren member on socials, he mentioned they have these books that have photos of every Brethren family in it with names. It can be used to match up couples around the world. But if you leave they just change the photo in the next edition to one without you and remove your details from your families page. It’s like you never existed.
21:34 This section made me melancholy. I was thinking about him, and people raised like him in the U.S., and then North Koreans came to mind, and it made me sad the way some are raised to think about others in the world. Once they lift their heads and look around their minds expand (hopefully).
Oooh! Yeah! These guys have most probably come out of the Raven/Taylor/Hales Exclusive Brethren group. Their worldwide headquarters are located in a suburb of Sydney Australia and are led by a man called Bruce Hales. It's about 2km from where I live so there's a lot of them living in my area.
Family is important to them. They only have one wife and usually quite a few children. The women must cover their hair hence the headscarves but some families allow their women to just wear a hair decoration of some kind. They live in separate family homes within any suburb or town. They worship together and work in each other's businesses and only associate with each other. Every family has a different business which are quite often building related.
The children go to the local government schools until about year 4 when they go to the Exclusive Brethren school called One School which is run under that name worldwide. They are only allowed to eat with ither Exclusive Brethren folk. At One School it is self directed learning (home schooling but with a teacher to help). The curriculum is not the same as set out by the Government Department of Education which all schools in Australia must follow. Rather all the content is controlled by the elders of the church and the teachers cannot stray from that (I have 2 friends who teach there and they find that frustrating since it is so narrow.). I've been told the kids have no hope in their hearts as they look forward to the future because it's already mapped out for them. There are also a high number of kids with ADHD and other similar conditions due to all the inbreeding. They are restricted in who they can marry to try to reduce the incidence of this but it's difficult when there's been so much intermarriage in the generations before that now they're all cousins of each other.
They are only allowed to do tertiary study online since they're not allowed to interact with outsiders. All internet use is limited to business or study only.
While I was doing temporary administration work, I worked twice for Bruce Hales company. I had to wear a dress below the knee and stockings! Even though I am a strong Protestant Christian, I was treated like a leper.
A few years ago I got a job with a family run company. My heart fell on the second day when I found out they were Exclusive Brethren!! However this family was a little more open to outsiders and had many working for them. As far as I could tell we all had some form of Christian background.
At the end of the first week I met a young man, whom I'll call Brad, who was from another family in the group. It happened to be his 20th birthday. Now Brad was wanting to leave the group and I saw how appallingly they treated him during the 3 months we worked together. One would call it coercive control.
Brad wanted to leave because he said Bruce Hales had set out the plan for the next 10 years for the church which was the same as they'd been doing already. Brad didn't like that as he thought it wasn't working out very well already.
During those 3 months Brad had to meet several times with the elders and had several really long conversations with the boss, where they were trying to persuade him to stay and grilled him with endless questions. The poor kid went through hell during that time! His father locked him out of the house several times and if not for one of the men on the factory floor, he would have been homeless. Brad told them he wanted to go overseas so they tried to persuade him to stay by offering to pay for his trip and that he'd be welcomed home after it and get all the material goods he could wish for. But Brad stood firm and said no because he wanted to get out and live a life that was of his choosing not theirs. He also didn't want to marry who was available for him to marry.
Brad would tell me bits and pieces of what was going on and it became very clear that he was not getting support from anyone! So I tried to play mamma by giving him clear Biblical viewpoints. I told him they weren't treating him as a Christian should. And since it was clear to me that Brad wanted to travel I had to rack my brain for the sort of advice a parent would give to their child. Things like how to deal with social media and trusting people with his story plus a few other guidelines of living in the real world.
Shortly after Brad was told to leave, I was also asked to leave. I was quite glad to go as their view of life was incredibly naive. They thought they knew the world but they seriously didn't! Living in such a closed group makes one so insular in one's thinking and also more than a bit inappropriate in one's actions around others!!
There are two types of Brethren church. This one and also what is sometimes referred to as the Open Brethren or Gospel Chapel. The Exclusive Brethren are a cult. The Open Brethren are not. The OB's are ok with outsiders and while conservative, act fairly similarly to other Christians.
They have all their own schools now and only go to public school for the very early first few years…if even.
I'm curious about your home schooling. Were you taught the basics that we all learned in school, or was it more faith based? If it was faith based, how did you cope furthering your education?
I just want to say I love your channel and are a beautiful couple
The pentecostal church also says we live in this world but shouldnt be like the world
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What platform is this documentary on?
I googled Exclusive Brethren documentary and in the results were several RUclips channels
You Tube 🙂
In Barbados every church is against lgbtq people. My dad is from Barbados and my mom is Canadian. It was always strange growing up having one side very accepting and loving of lgbtq people and the other side very against it. Needless to say my father isn’t happy I’m trans.
What is the name of the docuseries please
It's called "Life in the Exclusive Brethren Church, and After" and it can be found on YT
There is a group called German Baptist brethren very prominent in Indiana. Very sweet people but they don’t like TV’s have a distinctive dress type. They are anabaptists similar to some Mennonites