When someone with dementia REFUSES to bathe [try this]

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  • Опубликовано: 13 ноя 2021
  • Welcome to the place where I share dementia tips, strategies, and information for family members caring for a loved one with any type of dementia (such as Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia, etc.) Every Sunday, I share a video to help you in your dementia caregiving journey.
    In today’s video, I’m sharing some ideas for how to get your loved one more clean and less stinky without having to take a bathe/shower. Obviously, the ultimate goal is to help your loved one bathe completely, but if that has been a struggle for you, I hope these 3 tips can help you.
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Комментарии • 140

  • @DementiaCareblazers
    @DementiaCareblazers  7 месяцев назад +1

    Join our empowering Change Maker Community! Dive into discussions on navigating tough situations with a supportive network. Let's tackle challenges together at www.dementiacareclass.com/change

  • @jds0084
    @jds0084 Год назад +32

    My grandmother went from normally taking a bath twice per day to maybe one per month if we were lucky. It was so frustrating and probably one of the hardest for us to deal with because she always took such pride in her appearance.

  • @sylviaalexander5808
    @sylviaalexander5808 2 года назад +24

    Thank you for sharing these suggestions. Here is how I was able to coerce our Mother to bathe. I purchased a modest bathing suit for her and told her how wonderful it would be if we could bathe together just like we did when I was a child. So I suited up as well and in the tub we went. Bathing with my Mother has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. This is not always a simple task, but well worth the effort.

  • @hollyfirefly1
    @hollyfirefly1 2 года назад +23

    I just tell my dad, We are going shopping or visiting etc… and we need to take a shower before we can leave. I tell him how handsome he looks and smells. Works like a charm. However, getting him to wash his hands regularly is much harder.

    • @s.elh.3281
      @s.elh.3281 2 года назад +3

      Oh yes....washing the hands. With my loved one it comes in phases: some time it was really hard, right now it is a bit better. Also brushing the teeth 🙈

    • @dellhodo
      @dellhodo 2 года назад +3

      Holly, the shower is probably the best idea!I flat out told hubby we don’t go out if you don’t shower works for me. I have a bidet but you still have to wipe.

  • @aynos629
    @aynos629 2 года назад +35

    This is the only thing my mum does without batting an eyelid. Maybe I should be grateful!

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  2 года назад +3

      I am so glad to hear this is not a struggle you are experiencing!

    • @aynos629
      @aynos629 2 года назад +3

      @@DementiaCareblazers thank you, there is always a silverlining. However, my mum goes to the toilet and inserts her fingers trying to get her own poo out, and she may do this or try, up to 8 times on a bad day. The only remedy is to go everytime with her to the toilet. I mostly get her out as much as I can to keep her out of the obsession with the toilet, or if I am busy, she just gets on with it and I sort her and the toilet afterwards, not the best solution but I am human. My mum does this when she is nervous, my dad has always been very fragile but he has managed 89, and looks after her, with my help now, if she feels he is not well or anything she resorts to this or attention seeking behaviours. Alzeimers people need a lot of attention, distraction, love

    • @AF-ke9by
      @AF-ke9by 2 года назад

      @@aynos629 Much love to a fellow family caregiver. Is your mom, perhaps, having a difficult time with bowel movements? A few months ago, I had to talk to my aunt’s dialysis team, because she was having a hard time and getting a little constipated, so they told us to add a non-addictive stool softener. We add one Colace Clear to her regular evening medicine, and eventually adjusted it to 4 days a week. It took a few weeks to find the right pattern that worked for her, i.e. everyday was too much. Maybe your mom’s medical team has some ideas that can help? If this has already been part of your experience, my apologies. Just want to try to be helpful. I understand how difficult those moments can be. I have been with my aunt for 21 months, and I am grateful to have my mom’s help (her sister) for the last 9 months.

    • @aynos629
      @aynos629 2 года назад +2

      @@AF-ke9by thank you AF. You are doing a good job, God bless you. My mum has a little prolapse and hemorrhoids, but I think it is a neurotic symptom. When my dad is not well, my mum gets very nervous and starts doing repetitive stuff. However, I have found blood in the poo today, so I am booking an appointment tomorrow. I had Ulcerative colitis for years until they cut off my large intestine, and I did hear sometime that it gets transmitted mainly by the mother line, although there is nobody in my mum's family that I know have it. My dad does have/had lots of duodenal/stomachal problems . So God knows. I will mention the tool softener to the doc when I manage to get the appointment. Thank you for your input and best wishes for you and your family xx

    • @AF-ke9by
      @AF-ke9by 2 года назад +1

      @@aynos629 Good luck, Sonya. I know how scary it can be to try to get a diagnosis when trying to give symptoms with only half the information. My aunt developed c.diff., recently. I hope your mom’s medical team can help you come up with a solution that works for your mom and you. Best wishes!

  • @frankiefurbag9030
    @frankiefurbag9030 2 года назад +27

    I am heading for this with my dad.He refuses to wash his hands and changing clothes is a major event.

    • @nancyrandall1762
      @nancyrandall1762 Год назад +4

      I have the same issue; not wanting to wash hands after using the toilet. I've tried reminding, put out hand soap, installed a nice small drying cloth, all to no avail. So now what I do is make sure that the doorknob is cleaned (by me) as well as cleaning any hard surfaces that my brother touches. I suspect that this is something that a lot of people just don't think about doing (washing hands when needed) and to ask someone with dementia to do it kind of reminds them of being treated like a child. As for the clothes, I will put out a change of clothes and then compliment my brother as to how great he looks...that works (sometimes). It''s a stuggle, wish you well Frankie!

  • @barthglennh
    @barthglennh 2 года назад +25

    When I was in a hospital years ago they had a foaming waterless cleaning product called Aloe Vesta. It is perfect to use by adding foam to the toilet paper and then wiping. It leaves skin clean and soft. I have used this ever since. I used to use a warm wash cloth on my father-in-law, he loved it on his neck, face and hands while he was sitting on his favorite chair. I also had a soft warm towel to dry him.

  • @lauriemclean1131
    @lauriemclean1131 2 года назад +17

    The warm water & wash cloth approach has worked well with the person I'm helping (early stage / mild dementia) to keep herself much cleaner. For the last several YEARS, getting her to shower was mostly unsuccessful and she did have a terrible odor. She was resistant to anyone helping her to bathe. What has been working somewhat better recently is that after she gets up in the morning, I will bring her a change of clothes, a dishpan container of warm water (I add a few squirts of baby wash), and a couple of wash cloths. Where she did not want someone to wash her, she was perfectly willing to do her own morning "freshening up." Granted, that only gives her the means to wash the top half. I count on using wipes to clean her bottom to help keep her freshened up between showers. She no longer refuses the help of the twice a week bath aide from hospice, and that has been the most amazing improvement. I think any of us at any level of cognition would absolutely hate having someone else wash us when we have been washing ourselves from early childhood on up through adulthood. It was such a breakthrough for my client when she finally began to accept the help she needed.

  • @blueminnie13
    @blueminnie13 2 года назад +22

    Great suggestions as this issue has been one of my greatest frustrations! After over three years of care here are some of my suggestions. I bought a larger dish washing pan to soak mom's feet. My mom has such sensitive skin that any soap must be used VERY sparingly - just for feet and underarms. I learned the hard way when I used a body wash that said for sensitive skin caused my mom to break out in an itchy rash all over which took months to arrest.
    For an actual bath: Get a "sturdy" bathtub chair. Try it yourself to make sure it works and doesn't move around. I also bought several of those larger beach towels so mom can wear one right into the bath (just let it get wet) and use another large towel when finished to keep a greater sense of privacy. I also find warming up the bathroom (whole house) is helpful as mom is ALWAYS cold. I have a stove like space heater in one bathroom as its larger, but the other bath is too small to safely run a heater so I turn heat up for that hour. I have to have everything ready before the bath as mom is so unsteady, I can't leave her alone. I'm planning to have a grab bar installed.

    • @bycracky22
      @bycracky22 2 года назад +3

      You are a dandy blueminnie and i will try the towel idea on my gal.

  • @mfinchina__117
    @mfinchina__117 2 года назад +19

    Some of the bidets you can buy, such as the Toto Washlet, can also warm the toilet seat, which could be nice for elderly people who are sensitive to the cold.

  • @chrislim7976
    @chrislim7976 2 года назад +41

    Is checking oneself into a mental institution an option. I can't do this anymore.

    • @chrislim7976
      @chrislim7976 2 года назад +5

      @@Wife_LiLith
      Thanks someone does stop by a few times a week. I am still losing it. He insists on cooking and shopping while he may have his damn leg amputated. He doesn't care about anyone else.

    • @AF-ke9by
      @AF-ke9by 2 года назад +8

      I feel for you. I have been taking care of my aunt, who tends to be contrary, for 21 months. Do you have any other family or friends who can step in for a few hours, periodically, to give you a break? At my lowest moments, just taking a drive and blasting music, having a meal by myself, taking a walk, or having a long phone chat with a friend, helps me decompress. Can you find small ways to carve out some time for yourself? I know it is time for me to do this when all I can think about is getting in the car, and taking a road trip to nowhere, and never coming back. Sometimes it ends up being an hour-long, sobbing rant at a friend who called and asked how I am, at just the right moment. Reach out. Best wishes for you and your loved one, Chris.

    • @aynos629
      @aynos629 2 года назад +1

      Breaks or holiday, even of one day. I start feeling nasty when I am at the end of my tether, so I take the door and walk away. Do something that you like, book a class for you that you like, and go no matter what.

    • @chrislim7976
      @chrislim7976 2 года назад +2

      I do have those phone chats and walks but it is so lonely and with this pandemic it is so isolating.
      I've unwillingly lost 25 lbs so this taking a toll and I am scared.

    • @AF-ke9by
      @AF-ke9by 2 года назад

      @@chrislim7976 I hear you. Caregiving is taxing under normal circumstances. Doing it during this pandemic has been awful. This life is already isolating, then we had to stay away from all other human beings. *sigh* What do you feel you need most?

  • @livus3787
    @livus3787 Год назад +8

    What to do with an already stubborn 97 yo person, physically still very able almost like a 60 yo, can (could...) do anything alone, even hopping in and out of the baththub ( took baths in his entire life, rarely shower, loves to dip into water till the neck) and no. matter. how. lovely. we paint bathing to be, no matter the approach, calm and patient or a bit more pressuring, making it seem like its his idea, DOESN'T matter coz he just says simply "no", "not today" "I bath when I want not when others tell me", refuses wet towel washing idea, anything that comes from us is an "order" or simply stupid for him, laughs at us? Once a week is a dream already we are well into week 5...

  • @billbernhard3582
    @billbernhard3582 2 года назад +8

    Thank you ! Keeping the emphasis on the "nice" and the "fun" and the "you're going to be great" aspects of the care will always be better than anger and forcing compliance. The Care Staff need every option to get the job done, without devolving into anger & demands.

  • @alittlewheiser521
    @alittlewheiser521 3 месяца назад +1

    I fight my mother on bathing….I tell her either I do it or a stranger hired by the state comes in to do. For now that works. The last shower I helped her with she passed out from the anxiety of me cleaning her private parts and was in the hospital for two days. She was diagnosed with syncope and the doctor stated that the anxiety of me washing her could absolutely cause a syncope incident.

  • @dianamallory8535
    @dianamallory8535 2 года назад +15

    A little to late for me. Yes I still get stubborn streaks with my MIL, But I found timing was critical to get her bath over with. Her morning routine plays a big part. If I allow her to get dressed before she gets her shower there will be no shower that day. I have to catch her going to the bathroom in the morning and tell her oh good your up it is shower day. I get the bathroom ready before hand. And always change the subject when she starts to argue about it.

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  2 года назад +3

      It sounds like you found a wonderful way to incorporate bathing into her routine!

    • @igigirising6150
      @igigirising6150 6 месяцев назад

      I've tried that and she tells me " get outta here!". I said to her it's shower day and she says to me So fucking what. I'm not getting in. Then she tries to fight me..YEAH!!!!😢😢😢😢. She then walk around swishing her gown around fanning the funk around. I said to her go into the room right now that's disgusting. She turns around and laughs at me. My father gave up on her awhile ago but he's no saint either. I've never seen him take a shower or a bath. What's wrong with these elderly people not want to wash their bodies?

  • @ashleyburk2309
    @ashleyburk2309 2 года назад +6

    Thanks for the ideas! This is the biggest challenge for my grandmother and so stressful for her supporters

  • @zachreyhelmberger894
    @zachreyhelmberger894 5 дней назад

    I have done HUNDREDS of Google searches for this kneeling bench I saw in a hospital years ago. The incontinent person would kneel on this bench that is placed in front of the toilet with his butt over the toilet and would make it very easy to wipe the poop off their butt and go right into the toilet. It had arm rests so the person would be comfortable while being cleaned. I tried for HOURS to find the name of this thing and how to purchase one but I finally gave up trying. I KNOW it exists!

  • @TheDWZemke
    @TheDWZemke 2 года назад +9

    Lol timely... I am installing a Towel heater in the bathroom this afternoon (planned out 2 weeks ago). I have purchased 30 x 60 fluffy towels. Granted these are items, we would have not spent money on in the pasted, now, this can be a special reason for the bath. She sees herself as a scientist (granted she is a PhD) therefore we need to TEST out the new towel heater... yes we need to do the bath first... Wish me luck...

    • @TheDWZemke
      @TheDWZemke 2 года назад +3

      @@Wife_LiLith Thanks for asking, the towel heater looks great, and works. It has a 1 hour timer so we do not need to then address questions about energy use or being left on. Lol not my concerns at all. She spent an afternoon fixated those concerns. I finished by saying URL have signed off! My wife still needs a sizeable amount of redirection to get in the bath.
      She is open to the idea "As a scientist we need to test this towel heater out and she needs to either shower or take a soaking bath for a true test". Fyi, my wife is a PhD that loved to spend time getting all the details perfect. In this case the details are taking the bath, not just feeling a warm towel. So it's 5% towel heater and 95% working with her personality.

    • @TheDWZemke
      @TheDWZemke 2 года назад +3

      Quick update. The towel warmer takes 30 min to warm up. She got in and out much quicker... note to self: start heater 30 min earlier. Lol

    • @ccpperrett7522
      @ccpperrett7522 Год назад

      Love it.

    • @rctechtime
      @rctechtime Год назад

      They have no rinse bathing wipes that u can heat up , work great for the day or so in between showers. If they have no problem with cold /heat they have no rinse. With adding a little water. It makes a soapy foam on the disposable rags and it really
      Cleans them
      And makes there skin smoother (nail clipping is another story!). Takes us 20 minutes a hand Lol

  • @tddimer
    @tddimer 2 года назад +12

    Well, I have tried it all, and she is just not having it.. I think its time for the fire hose. :) I am really struggling with this.

    • @TerracottaMs
      @TerracottaMs 2 года назад +5

      me too, from thansgiving to mid january no shower-bout 10 weeks.then six more weeks to next shower and now it is going on to five weeks, i even put heaters in the bathroom and get the temperature up to 80 and still he adamantly refuses. i am thinking of hiring a visting nurse to work at it

  • @Somewhere-In-AZ
    @Somewhere-In-AZ 2 года назад +9

    My cousin took care of her mother (my aunt) years ago. She loved when I came over because I would wash her hair, bathe her, do her nails. It was our special time. My cousin liked not having to fight with her over these things. If you have a person with ability to call on for help, it sure makes it easier. Sometimes it’s a person who just comes for this. For some reason it works. Start early in the process and it’s more acceptable. I love the bidet suggestion. Might have to get my mom one now so she’ll be accustomed to it before it’s too late.

    • @cmstacy
      @cmstacy 2 года назад +4

      Sometimes an " outside " person has better luck with personal care on a loved one. I think our loved one is used to us and knows how far they can go with us. Whatever works is great !

    • @TerracottaMs
      @TerracottaMs 2 года назад +1

      we have had a bidet for years but now my husband hates the water spray, no matter how i try to reintroduce it to him weeks go by before he bathes

  • @stacyheath9647
    @stacyheath9647 2 года назад +5

    Thank you, Dr. Natalie.

  • @bycracky22
    @bycracky22 2 года назад +4

    Bidet is goid for cleanliness but not a good idea unless you are present when it is being used. My wife will get up and leave with bidet still on and has flooded the br several times.

  • @andreahawkins5890
    @andreahawkins5890 7 месяцев назад +2

    I think I'm at the wrong video....my lady is to the petrified stage not 100percent but it's physically so hard for me it's a really sad situation.

  • @pathayes7292
    @pathayes7292 5 месяцев назад

    This is very helpful! Can’t wait to hear your next video. Thank you ❤

  • @ScaryMary-7
    @ScaryMary-7 2 года назад +5

    Need them dried after bidet
    Great ideas as I bring foot bath for mom
    She has issues with filthy hands 🙌🏻 so soaking her hands is great idea

  • @user-fr2eq3hq9n
    @user-fr2eq3hq9n Месяц назад +1

    I am elderly with mobility problems caused by tremor. in legs meaning I can't stand for long and feel unbalanced when I do. I try to shower at least twice a week but it is hard for me to manage alone. I have bought non slip shoes to wear in shower, a stool so I can sit and one of those suction grab handles to help me get in., I have only had one fall in there so far and that is because I tried to shift the stool whilst sitting and it tipped back. In between showers i wash myself top and bottom at the sink whilst seated at the toilet next to it, I fill an empty washing up liquid bottle with water to squirt and wash my privates and a nice bar of Sanex soap and drying on separate flannels for face and privates. It keeps me clean after using the toilet and before going to bed. I would hate to smell. It is hard getting older when you have a disability too.

  • @muthoniwanyeki8757
    @muthoniwanyeki8757 Год назад

    Valuable and amazing information. I am inspired. Thank you so much.

  • @rustyreynolds6619
    @rustyreynolds6619 Год назад +2

    I give my dad a haircut and tell him he’ll need a shower to get off all the little hairs. In the meantime my mom gets his clean clothes out and the water warm. He’s pretty agreeable after his haircut and head/neck/upper back massage!

  • @nancymayberry1900
    @nancymayberry1900 2 года назад +9

    We got some bad news Friday. My husband with dementia was diagnosed with esophageal cancer again. 20 yrs without any cancer. We are 71 yrs old now and he has gone through many other things since. Latest before this is rapid heartrate which the cardiologist said that 15 to 20 yrs out from his initial cancer, organs start to break down. On the positive side we've had 20 yrs that we weren't sure we'd have back then. He's seen 5 grandkids born to us, we had one back then. He's got a strong will to live but at this time he's down to 154 lbs skin and bones. But we have tests on Friday and Thursday so will know more than.

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  2 года назад +2

      I'm so sorry to hear this Nancy. Sending positive thoughts to you and your husband

    • @AF-ke9by
      @AF-ke9by 2 года назад

      How heartbreaking! Love and light for you and your husband.

    • @sherronallen4077
      @sherronallen4077 Год назад

      HOW’S YOUR HUSBAND? I’M PRAYING FOR YOUR FAMILY.

    • @nancymayberry1900
      @nancymayberry1900 Год назад +2

      @@sherronallen4077 he is slowly losing ground. 145 lbs, skin and bones. We are working with hospice. His blood pressure was low the last 2 weeks. Today seemed like he was struggling with breathing and talking. Sleeps off and on in the daytime, He also thinks the cancer has decided to get active because his esophagus feels like it is narrowing. We've been married 53 yrs hard to watch your loved one just fade away. He was a very strong robust guy, but since this last diagnosis it's been tough. He asked his oncology Dr a few weeks ago if she had a time frame for him and she said 'if you asked me at the last diagnosis I would of said 2 months. But here you are one year later.' He's a strong willed guy and wants to live. Thank you for asking. Kind of you.

    • @rachelsanders2314
      @rachelsanders2314 Год назад +1

      @@nancymayberry1900 Praying for you!

  • @MysticPrairie
    @MysticPrairie 2 года назад +3

    Really appreciate this video ❤️ Thank yoi

  • @michaelzumpano7318
    @michaelzumpano7318 2 года назад +1

    That was very helpful. Thank you.

  • @rebeccacurtis6680
    @rebeccacurtis6680 Год назад +2

    Good ideas. Thank you. Baby wipes have been a standard in my hm since I had my son in 2000. They had been used often for him when we were in a rush or something so he/we would take a "wipe bath" instead for a quick clean. These days, with my Mom not wanting to shower, I've been having her use baby wipes in between showers and also to clean her bottom after going #2 so she stays cleaner. I have to instruct her as she cleans, though. I believe Cetaphil lotion can also be used w/o water & am considering using it for her face & wiping it off with a warm rag. She won't wash her face & her Rosacea gets bad.

  • @raydeo61
    @raydeo61 5 месяцев назад

    Great suggestions and approaches.

  • @billbernhard3582
    @billbernhard3582 2 года назад +9

    Would you consider tackling an episode engaged with an obvious lead-up to institutional care - the sights and signals and even procedures & conversations that would normally lead to a change, indicating the need for institutional care. Most of us do not want to take this action, so it seems logical that we could zoom right past the the signposts, indicating the need for a change. A visit to a nursing home, possibly, to introduce the prospect of the change ?

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  2 года назад +2

      Hi Bill! You make some great points and the decision to pursue nursing home care can be difficult. I did a video on this several years ago that should address some of your questions: ruclips.net/video/3ZuhqHK8wDE/видео.html

    • @CarolSteinfeld
      @CarolSteinfeld Год назад

      Visiting the memory care facility didn't help us. She still wants to leave. And won't bathe, not even her hair, which she would do before. It's heartbreaking. I live 1000 miles away, and my father, her husband, has health issues.

    • @billbernhard3582
      @billbernhard3582 Год назад

      @@CarolSteinfeld Greetings Carol. I have just concluded a three year care project for a long-time, 100 year old friend - the result of her eventual death, from natural causes. As a result of this experience, I'm just now beginning to figure out the lessons from it all. My friend got her wish - to die in her own home, among the things she knew and with which she could still relate, somewhat. But of course, I had a lot of help too, especially with the bathing and cleanliness tasks. Do you have access to social services assistance for your concerns and problems in this process? Without cleanliness, infection quickly arrives. I'm not an expert - just someone who has been through what you're going through now. Expert Home Care is always preferable, but not always possible. So reach out for guidance and help as you figure out how best to proceed. I was very lucky too, due to the resources that were available to me to hire. fire & supply the home care needs. In order for family and care-givers to provide best care, they must first be secure and content in their own lives. Only then can they attempt to accept of the realities of managed care.

  • @amykelley4610
    @amykelley4610 2 года назад

    Thanks for the good ideas.

  • @carolinehill3759
    @carolinehill3759 Год назад

    These are great suggestions! Thank you. Both my parents have dementia. A carer bathes my Mum, who always resists. My Dad just wont bathe. Life is sh1t.... at times. However, these ideas might help.

  • @patriciagruteke1517
    @patriciagruteke1517 Год назад

    I like your idea very helpful 😊

  • @petrashappyplace
    @petrashappyplace 2 года назад +7

    I was thinking that you could also get one of those packages of wipes and store them in a "warmer" like they have for babies, and use wipes. Sometimes the LOWD has a fear of water or doesn't like being totally exposed so something as un-invasive as baby wipes might work. Plus - they are disposable and SOME are even flush-able.

    • @gigimoore3738
      @gigimoore3738 2 года назад +1

      Nice idea....but please don't flush any wipes, even if they say that they are flushable. I've seen reports on how bad that they clog city sewer lines. It's not pretty & someone has to clean them out.

  • @sandrapride1046
    @sandrapride1046 2 года назад

    My mom always likes to go to church so she would shower the night before church and Wednesday Bible study. I had to get her up two hours before we had to be somewhere so morning shower would have only lengthened that. She did get up sometimes in the middle of the night to shower because she was going to church. She’s in a wonderful nursing home now.

  • @chandraw.3905
    @chandraw.3905 2 года назад +1

    Thank you

  • @Dinngg0
    @Dinngg0 2 года назад +5

    The bidet is a huge time saver, highly recommended. It does not always do the job however. Once in a while there'll be more feces smeared there than the Bidet can help with. I have learned by experience that the wet wipes don't always work either. There can be more feces just at the end and every time I wipe more just comes out.
    In that case the ONLY thing that works is to get her in the shower. I have a gloved hand and an old washcloth and she gets all clean in no time. She still doesn't want to bathe, but in that situation she does not have a choice.

  • @toinimoore3463
    @toinimoore3463 2 года назад

    Warm water is nice it’s wonderful 😊

  • @wandaulmer4229
    @wandaulmer4229 2 года назад +1

    Thank you for those great ideas!! We have been using disposable wash clothes that can be warmed in the microwave!! We do a bed bath on her!

  • @MarieJesne
    @MarieJesne Год назад +1

    Definitely get a heated bidet if at all possible. It is OK to cut costs on the bidet if you don't have dementia but for someone who does, the cold shock of water is hard to get accustomed to

  • @druchampion-payne1489
    @druchampion-payne1489 Год назад +2

    My husband has Alz and we've been married for 35 years. But last year he received an official diagonosis and that's when taking a shower became a battle. All the previous years we never battled showers (he hates taking a tub). But for over a year now he's resisted taking a shower. And I've tried positive reinforcement by telling him how great he smells after a shower and want to cuddle with him, but that does not work with my husband. He genuinely doesn't care about how bad he smells.

    • @thomasblanchard4390
      @thomasblanchard4390 7 месяцев назад +1

      You r not alone ! Nothing I've tried works;. only leads to " R u telling me I stink ! When I hug her , I hold her arms down. When she puts her arms around me, the stink is so bad that my eyes water. She says the shower spray is not painful. She refuses to use a wash cloth only her hands. Yet she will shave her legs and underarms but the smell persists !

    • @igigirising6150
      @igigirising6150 6 месяцев назад

      My mom whose 89 WILL NOT wash herself at all. I've tried positive reinforcement and when she sees the tub set up like a spa, she says HELL NO I'm not bathing. My dad gave up on her. This is a repeated cycle and I'm very tired. She even steals my underwear to only soil them and leave them laying around in her room.
      Today I said "enough is enough". I restricted access to my bedroom downstairs and removed any underwear she had in her drawer and go her some depends to wear. She even does random shit that a five ye old does making mess purposely to cause confusion. She spits on the floor in her room and us just outright nasty.
      I said to myself , please don't let me become like that when I'm up in age.
      I still have patience but it's starting to affect my health. I said I will not allow anyone cause my health to fail due to foolishness. I love my mom dearly BUT she has got to do better with this.

  • @kelsiepharaoh4099
    @kelsiepharaoh4099 Месяц назад +1

    My grandmother in law refuses our efforts to shower her. The only time in 2 months she's showered was when we rented a hotel and the whole family took her
    Took her to take a shower twice and both times she refused once there. I would do the pedicure thing but as a stay at home Mom I don't really see the way for me to commit to this whole ritual every week. Honestly I myself barely have time to shower.

    • @kelsiepharaoh4099
      @kelsiepharaoh4099 Месяц назад

      Also, the way cloth, she does this herself but it's obviously missing large parts of herself, I will offer to help and she refuses. I don't wanna force it

  • @chrisemmert1387
    @chrisemmert1387 Год назад +1

    Your recommendations are great.
    My problem is my wife has hearing issues and cannot hear most of what I say to her.
    She also has aphasia and cannot talk/answer any questions, even if she does understand with her dementia.

  • @eileenm1402
    @eileenm1402 2 года назад +2

    Something to keep in mind with regard to a bidet toilet seat - you will probably need a plumber to hook up the wash feature and if you want the water warm or the toilet seat warmed you may need an electrician.

    • @TerracottaMs
      @TerracottaMs 2 года назад

      if you are close to an electrical outlet it will be an easy hook p-no electrician. and it is so easy thatwith the enclosed great instruction the water hook up is also easy. try it!

    • @soniasias6226
      @soniasias6226 Год назад

      I picked up one at Wal-Mart. $28. Installed myself in 10 minutes and it works good.

  • @lordhamercy9098
    @lordhamercy9098 2 года назад

    Timely

  • @terehoward4896
    @terehoward4896 2 года назад +3

    Have you any suggestions for use of alcohol? My husband has had an anxiety disorder most of his life. He was a complete teetotaler until about 10 years ago. He was in a very stressful job and began to use wine to relax. Never was a problem until he entered into dementia. Now I must dole it out or he would drink unlimited amounts. It has become a source of contention between us because as he deterioates he wants more and more. He has bought some and hides it, and I always know because he drinks too much and acts accordingly. How do I cope with his growing alcoholism?

    • @cmstacy
      @cmstacy 2 года назад +2

      Great question...maybe try AA for some information. Contacting his physician would be the first step. Alcholism is nothing to be messed with on an unprofessional level. Dementia is a heartbreaking diagnosis for everyone involved. I'm facing the first stages with my husband now. Get any and all info as much as you can. Many resources available. Good luck with your loved one. Don't forget it's not their fault.

  • @kathyk1690
    @kathyk1690 6 месяцев назад

    The last time my husband was going to get in the shower, he became so terrified that I haven't tried again. The look on his precious face was heartbreaking. We have a bidet, but he usually sits crooked on the toilet seat so I mainly use it to get water on the toilet paper so I can clean him. He has needed help going to the toilet for a couple of years now. I found some no rinse wipes that later up when you wet them and those have been great! I usually get him to just sit on the toilet and scrub him down with those scrubzz and just pat him dry. We also have the regular no rinse cleaning cloths, but I love the scrubzz because of the no rinse later it creates. We do not have a walk in shower, so he has to step over the tub to get in the shower. It's just so scary for him that I'm afraid he will fall. I'm hoping this is a good enough way to keep him clean.

  • @lorettawatkins5024
    @lorettawatkins5024 Год назад

    My neighbor got her loved one to wash her back for her and then said wow that feels so good, now let me do your back, mom. It worked.

  • @lilys7431
    @lilys7431 2 года назад +9

    Just gave me a great idea, I can get Mom psyched for cleanup by getting her lotion on her back and get some human touch worked in there. Thanks 😊 She goes for manicure and pedicure routinely so limbs are covered.

  • @pityparty9955
    @pityparty9955 2 года назад +3

    I don’t like to bathe more than every 3 days because my skin is soo dry. Don’t like greasy lotions either. I go by the oiliness of my hair. To combat complaints I use strongly scented talcum between showers.

  • @danakelly892
    @danakelly892 9 месяцев назад

    The bidet has been very helpful. I no longer need to help clean my husband after he uses the toilet. The bidet attaches to your existing toilet, just remove existing toilet seat.

  • @jamespeck5843
    @jamespeck5843 2 года назад +4

    Hi how r u . Thanks so much so helpful. As mom is in dementia. I need help to cope n learn how to do this thank u so much

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  2 года назад +2

      You are so welcome!

    • @jamespeck5843
      @jamespeck5843 2 года назад +2

      Just need so much help . To find my wY n I love ur videos

    • @blueminnie13
      @blueminnie13 2 года назад +1

      Hello James, I love Dr. Natilie's videos. There's something for every topic and the videos get to the point. Dr. Natilie's series of care blazer interviews was also very comforting to me. There's so much honestly in them which is much more helpful than advice from people that aren't care giving 24/7. If you are a new caregiver, also check out Teepa Snow on YT. She has a very different delivery but I found her explanations about limited vision, sensitivity, how to hold someone to move them, and how to cope with the delusions very helpful.

    • @jamespeck5843
      @jamespeck5843 2 года назад +1

      @@blueminnie13 omg thank you so much. I think I'm just starting this new journey on dementia. My mom was hit with it for yrs . But she is at a point that she needs care . It's seen no one hears me .thanks for reaching out

  • @JafoolyPorchers
    @JafoolyPorchers Год назад

    I got my dad too wash his hair by cutting it for him! Similar to the pampering idea! 2 for 1 result!

  • @vistulacooper6802
    @vistulacooper6802 2 года назад +3

    Bidet? NOPE!!!!! Next.....Mani/Pedi? NOPE!!!! Tried that tonight, NOPE!!!! NEXT......Warm washcloth? NOPE!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🙏

  • @cheryljune1603
    @cheryljune1603 2 года назад

    This was my mother during the end

  • @mairismetal8135
    @mairismetal8135 Год назад

    I can still get my mother Inlaw into the bath 🛁,but it’s a struggle to keep her focused ,once we have her tops off and pants half off she pulls her pants back up and grabs her tops because she’s cold

  • @Jude13able
    @Jude13able Год назад +4

    I think I have been doing this wrong..... I tell my dad that his room smells like someone spread s--- all over the walls and he stank and the whole house smells like sickness and he doesn't wash his a--. But the crazy thing is he goes and take a good shower every time. The way I tell him is by being harsh because if I try to be nice and stuff he won't listen.

  • @igigirising6150
    @igigirising6150 6 месяцев назад

    My dad doesnt like flushing the toilet behind himself. Ive hung up signs in the bathroom as reminders. Ita like hes marking his territory or something. This is a living hell. I told my son that one day im gonna get in my car and not return back.😢😢

  • @judymclaughlin6993
    @judymclaughlin6993 Год назад +4

    I'm to the point why bother for someone who could care less.

    • @alwaysbossy2533
      @alwaysbossy2533 11 месяцев назад

      Exactly

    • @LorraineHuff
      @LorraineHuff 10 месяцев назад +4

      1. Because you love them
      2. Because you don’t want to see sores on their skin.
      3. Because you might want to take them out occasionally or have visitors drop by.
      4. Because you may have to live with the smell.
      5. Did I mention because you love them and want what’s best for them?

    • @PoeInTheDitch
      @PoeInTheDitch 7 месяцев назад +1

      Because they have a horrible memory disease that isn't their fault, and it's neglect. Is it incredibly hard for their caregivers? Of course. Quite possibly the hardest thing someone will ever have to do. But, it's not the dementia victim's fault. They're not in control of themselves, anymore. And as hard as it is for us, it's Hell for them. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
      And if your loved one is blood-related, I hate to break it to you, but there's a significant chance that you will get dementia, as well. Wouldn't you hope that someone would help you considering that you'll behave the same way if/when you suffer from dementia?

  • @andreahawkins5890
    @andreahawkins5890 7 месяцев назад

    Things are starting to get to cutting the shirt off on the sides looking for paper tops potato patao

  • @knotwerken
    @knotwerken Год назад +3

    great suggestions ... don't work

  • @alwaysbossy2533
    @alwaysbossy2533 11 месяцев назад +1

    Who has the time to do this daily on day to day basis ? Honestly ? Especially to a mentally ill old person . Nope

  • @alwaysbossy2533
    @alwaysbossy2533 11 месяцев назад

    This is just a complete waste of time. Throw them away ASAP to old people home and forget they exist