Episode 16: On "Should'ing" All Over Yourself (and Others)

“You know what you should do?”
“Stop! That’s now how you’re supposed to do it!”
“Okay, here’s what you should do…”
Can you hear yourself saying those words? Can you picture that person in your life or in your past constantly telling you what you should and shouldn’t do? Does it make you cringe a little?
Most of us can relate to moment or two where you proceeded to tell someone what they should or shouldn’t do, and/or preached about how things are “supposed” to be. These words don’t necessarily reflect some sort of absolute truth, but they do reflect the governing rules of our lives and relationships.
But what happens when the rule system collapses? What “should” we do then? In this episode of Therapists’ Take, Carrie and Josh will address just that and more. Below you will find the talking points for the show (don’t forget to to give us that much desired 5-star review if you like the podcast):
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00:00 - Hi, Carrie! I learned something!
08:20 - Show Overview
09:27 - Explaining Concept of “Governing Rules”?
14:47 - When the Rules Collapse?
22:12 - Changing the Rules
33:05 - Polishing the Edges
35:42 - Books on Rule Failure
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Great Books/Stories about Rule Failure
- Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl - amzn.to/43mbXoT
- When a Monster Calls by Patrick Ness - amzn.to/49QrPT6
- Will by Will Smith - amzn.to/3Trm6MO
- Hurting with God by Glenn Pemberton - amzn.to/3IKtSfr
- Sapiens by Yuval Harari - amzn.to/3TmjH61
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Therapy Resources:
Therapist Directory: www.psychologytoday.com
Betrayal Trauma Therapist Directory: iitap.com/search/custom.asp?i...
The Gottman Institute (Relationship Research) - www.gottman.com/
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About the Hosts
Carrie and Josh are both licensed marital and family therapists (LMFT) that specialize in betrayal trauma recovery. You can read more about them and the work they do on their practice website -www.familysolutionsok.com.
Follow us on our other platforms which include instagram and apple podcasts. Links can be found on our Link Tree - www.linktr.ee/familysolutionsok
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Equipment Used & Oher Amazon Links:
Mic Stands - amzn.to/46o4So6
Rode Pod Mic - amzn.to/3Rsw5Sz
Pyle Mixer Board - amzn.to/3ZsJU5g
iRig Pre 2 - amzn.to/3ZpCPm9
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#TherapistTakePodcast #ChangingTheRules #existentialcrisis

[@flatlandriver2471]

I have looked for stuff? about “shoulding” for awhile. This is cliche but my mother in law lives to “should” people. For years there would be a friends/family group conversation and then she would ask a question about the subject of the conversation, then when someone would answer she would cut them off and start in with the “should”. Zero experience about the subject but she’s off to the races. Now I just leave the room. I don’t care if it’s the middle of Christmas dinner.
Often when my wife would come back into our house from work or shopping or whatever the first thing she would say would be, “who left this here?” or “why isn’t this where it’s supposed to be?”
All of her family, when it’s goodbye time, don’t say goodbye, they tell people how they should travel or how to behave while they’re away or what they “shouldn’t” forget.
For years I didn’t understand any of it. The concept of Rule Breakdown is new. Very helpful. Thank you

[@RecoveryTV4u]

Thanks for your kind response. This is a topic I could go on and on with. I’m glad it was helpful.