I am coming to touch your computer

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  • Опубликовано: 24 мар 2022
  • Are you ready? I am coming to touch your computer.
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Комментарии • 3 тыс.

  • @cum3173
    @cum3173 2 года назад +9425

    A pencil is a kind of writing equipment that is also used to draw, usually on paper. Most pencil cores are made of graphite powder mixed with a clay binder. So, a pencil is usually made with a piece of graphite mixed with clay that has a wood case around it. The shape is usually a hexagonal prism but some pencils are square or cylinder.
    Colored pencils are a kind that do not use greyish silver graphite. Instead, the core is colorful. Colored pencils or crayons are usually meant for drawing rather than writing.
    The important difference between pens and pencils is that the tip of a pencil is made of solid graphite (or other material) which is rubbed off onto the paper. A pen has a tip, usually made of metal, with liquid ink coming out and onto the paper. Writing with a pen can smudge when it is still wet. Writing from a pencil can be erased, but writing from a pen usually cannot, unless it uses a special type of ink and eraser.
    An early writing tool was the reed pen used by ancient Egyptians, who wrote with ink on sheets of papyrus paper.
    Another early writing instrument was the stylus, which was a thin metal stick, often made from lead. It was used for scratching onto black wax that covered white wood, a method used by the Romans. The word pencil comes from the Latin word pencillus which means "little tail". It is an invention of the 16th century in England.
    Some time before 1565 (it may have been as early as 1500), an enormous deposit of graphite was discovered in Borrowdale, Cumbria. The locals found that it was very useful for marking sheep. This particular deposit of graphite was extremely pure and solid, and it could easily be sawn into sticks. This is still the only large scale deposit of graphite ever found in this solid form. Chemistry was in its infancy and the substance was thought to be a form of lead. Consequently, it was called plumbago (Latin for "lead ore"). The black core of pencils is still referred to as lead, even though it never contained the element lead.
    The value of graphite was soon realized, mainly because it could be used to line the moulds for cannonballs. The mines were taken over by the Crown and guarded. When sufficient stocks of graphite had been accumulated, the mines were flooded to prevent theft until more was required. Graphite had to be smuggled out for use in pencils. Because graphite is soft, it requires some form of holder. Graphite sticks were at first wrapped in string or in sheepskin for stability. The news of the usefulness of these early pencils spread far and wide, attracting the attention of artists all over the known world.
    England continued to have a monopoly on the production of pencils until a method of reconstituting the graphite powder was found. The distinctively square English pencils continued to be made with sticks cut from natural graphite into the 1860s. The town of Keswick, near the original findings of block graphite, has a pencil museum.
    The first attempt to manufacture graphite sticks from powdered graphite was in Nuremburg, Germany, in 1662. It used a mixture of graphite, sulphur, and antimony.
    Residual graphite from a pencil stick is not poisonous, and graphite is harmless if consumed.
    The Italians first thought of wooden holders. In 1560, an Italian couple named Simonio and Lyndiana Bernacotti created the first blueprints for the modern carpentry pencil to mark their carpentry pieces. Their version was instead a flat, oval, more compact type of pencil. They did this at first by hollowing out a stick of juniper wood. Shortly thereafter, a superior technique was discovered: two wooden halves were carved, a graphite stick inserted, and the two halves then glued together-essentially the same method in use to this day.
    English and German pencils were not available to the French during the Napoleonic Wars. France was under naval blockade imposed by Great Britain and could not import the pure graphite sticks from the British Grey Knotts mines - the only known source in the world for solid graphite. France was also unable to import the inferior German graphite pencil substitute. It took the efforts of an officer in Napoleon's army to change this. In 1795, NicholasJacques Conté discovered a method of mixing powdered graphite with clay and forming the mixture into rods that were then fired in a kiln. By varying the ratio of graphite to clay, the hardness of the graphite rod could also be varied. This method of manufacture, which had been earlier discovered by the Austrian Joseph Hardtmuth of Kohl-l-Noh in 1790, remains in use.
    In England, pencils continued to be made from whole sawn graphite. Henry Bessemer's first successful invention (1838) was a method of compressing graphite powder into solid graphite thus allowing the waste from sawing to be reused
    American colonists imported pencils from Europe until after the American Revolution. Benjamin Franklin advertised pencils for sale in his Pennsylvania Gazette in 1729, and George Washington used a three-inch pencil when he surveyed the Ohio Territory in 1762. It is said that William Munroe, a cabinetmaker in Concord, Massachusetts made the first American wood pencils in 1812. This was not the only pencil-making occurring in Concord. Henry David Thoreau discovered how to make a good pencil out of inferior graphite using clay as the binder; this invention was prompted by his father's pencil factory in Concord, which employed graphite found in New Hampshire in 1821 by Charles Dunbar
    On 30 March 1858, Hymen Lipman received the first patent for attaching an eraser to the end of a pencil. In 1862 Lipman sold his patent to Joseph Reckendorfer for $100,000, who went to sue the pencil manufacturer Faber-Castell for infringement. In 1875 the Supreme Court of the United States ruled against Reckendorfer declaring the patent invalid.
    The metal band used to mate the eraser with pencil is called a ferrule.
    The first attempt to manufacture graphite sticks from powdered graphite was in Nuremberg, Germany in 1662. They used a mixture of graphite, sulfur and antimony. Though usable, they were not as good as the English pencils.
    English and German pencils were not available to the French during the Napoleonic wars. It took the efforts of an officer in Napoleon's army to change this. In 1795 Nicholas Jacques Conté discovered a method of mixing powdered graphite with clay and forming the mixture into rods which were then fired in a kiln. By varying the ratio of graphite to clay, the hardness of the graphite rod could also be varied (the more clay, the harder the pencil, and the lighter the color of the mark). This method of making pencils is still used today.
    Today, pencils are made industrially by mixing finely ground graphite and clay powders, adding water, forming long spaghetti-like strings, and firing them in a kiln. The resulting strings are dipped in oil or molten wax which seeps into the tiny holes of the material, resulting in smoother writing. A juniper or incense-cedar plank with several long parallel grooves is cut to make something called a slate, and the graphite/clay strings are inserted into the grooves. Another grooved plank is glued on top, and the whole thing is then cut into individual pencils, which are then varnished or painted.
    A few common brands of colored pencils (among other items) are Crayola, RoseArt and Cra-Z-Art.

  • @godlikeselephants
    @godlikeselephants 2 года назад +2563

    "If you touch me, you will scream." That is the most ominous part about this whole thing.

    • @abdullahfehratbegovic2623
      @abdullahfehratbegovic2623 2 года назад +70

      tbh it is the only ominous part.

    • @Kuino
      @Kuino 2 года назад +340

      @@abdullahfehratbegovic2623 if you call the police, they will not answer

    • @thelegion4698
      @thelegion4698 2 года назад +260

      He said he won't touch anything, and that he'll break down your door if it is locked. This implies it can do the latter without violating the former

    • @ronanmcdonald6386
      @ronanmcdonald6386 2 года назад +65

      Also the part where the clock tells you you are not safe, and the part where it is safe to come out after he touches your computer

    • @banann_ducc
      @banann_ducc Год назад +91

      “I will only be angry of you have no computer. If you have no computer i will scream”

  • @abnerdoon4902
    @abnerdoon4902 2 года назад +3556

    This is how the average IT enthusiast sound to normal people.

    • @Lemon_Inspector
      @Lemon_Inspector 2 года назад +301

      When you start working in IT, you quickly forget the meaning of "enthusiasm". Unlike the Computer Toucher, who has infinite enthusiasm for touching your computer.

    • @Captain_Yogurt
      @Captain_Yogurt 2 года назад +90

      @@Lemon_Inspector all 10 of your likes are from people working in IT, a moment of silence to all our Helpdesk brothers and sisters stuck answering the phones…
      You’ll be free someday

    • @james_400
      @james_400 2 года назад +6

      @@Captain_Yogurt 🙏

    • @MarinettePFP
      @MarinettePFP 2 года назад +49

      @@Lemon_Inspector Replace "computer" with "cat" and you have an actual normal person

    • @MichaelKoopa
      @MichaelKoopa 2 года назад +11

      @@MarinettePFP sounds about right

  • @MarinettePFP
    @MarinettePFP 2 года назад +262

    For years I dreaded the arrival of the computer toucher. But when he one day snuck into my room and touched my computer, I was relieved to see that his touch was indeed gentle and clean. I began to wonder why he touched everyone's computers anyway. I then started touching my computer. When I saw my friend's computer, I also touched that computer. I am coming to touch your computer

  • @lue64
    @lue64 2 года назад +55

    >breaks inside your home
    >touches your computer
    >refuses to elaborate
    >leaves

    • @conboi124
      @conboi124 2 месяца назад

      gigachad

    • @lue64
      @lue64 2 месяца назад

      @@conboi124 i wrote this two years ago what da hell

    • @arielioffe1810
      @arielioffe1810 2 месяца назад

      @@lue64hell is silly

  • @Dastankbeets9486
    @Dastankbeets9486 2 года назад +8215

    It is incredible how ominous this monologue is, but hilarious how it’s undercut by the zero-stakes threat

    • @presidentofallfoodnice8113
      @presidentofallfoodnice8113 2 года назад +434

      It is the computer toucher.
      It will touch your computer.
      Do not attempt to prevent it from touching your computer.
      If you try to stop it, it will touch your computer anyways.
      It does not care about you.
      It only cares about computers.
      It is because It care about computers that it will touch your computer.
      All computers deserve to be touched.
      It does not care if your computer is steve job's computer or _lines_ computer.
      It will only be angry if you have no computer.
      If you have no computer it will scream.
      If you have 2 computers it will touch both computers.
      Do not be alarmed when it arrives.
      It will do so quietly you will leave your door unlocked, you will remain contained within your chamber, you will smile while standing still.
      If your door is locked it will break into your house and touch your computer.
      If you feel fear it will touch your computer anyways
      If you scream it will touch your computer anyways.
      If you call the police they will not answer.
      It's touch is warm. It's touch is light. It's touch is wet but not too wet for your computer.
      The computer knows who it is.
      It will not touch the inside of your computer.
      It will not influence the conscious of the computer.
      It will only touch the outside of the computer.
      Do not hide your computer.
      If you hide your computer it will find your computer.
      If it finds your computer it will touch your computer.
      It will never touch you.
      If you touch it you will scream.
      When it is finished touching your computer it will say it is finished touching your computer.
      It will then leave and not return.
      It will not touch anything else in your house.
      When it has departed it is safe to come out
      After it has touched your computer you may continue to use it normally.
      It is the computer toucher.
      It will touch your computer.
      You cannot stop it.
      It is coming to touch your computer.

    • @11th_Endor
      @11th_Endor 2 года назад +156

      @@presidentofallfoodnice8113 thanks for the lyrics.

    • @ianmoore5502
      @ianmoore5502 2 года назад +435

      The only vaguely threatening thing was "if you touch me, *you* will scream."

    • @nearpath8785
      @nearpath8785 2 года назад +28

      The computer toucher will scream

    • @wege8409
      @wege8409 2 года назад +28

      @@presidentofallfoodnice8113 I guess it is I.T.'s job to touch your computer after all...

  • @YuhhKacprr
    @YuhhKacprr 2 года назад +4116

    I like the way that he kindly explained his every plan and specific circumstances to make this incident as least disturbing as possible

    • @lilwyvern4
      @lilwyvern4 2 года назад +133

      The Computer Toucher has does this many times. He has done it enough that distinct behavioral patterns have emerged.

    • @Wertsir
      @Wertsir 2 года назад +65

      The truly disturbing part is that he says he won’t influence the conscience of your computer. Implying your computer has one.

    • @lilwyvern4
      @lilwyvern4 2 года назад +29

      @@Wertsir Remember to anoint the case with sacred unguents and perform the Rite of Computation before each use. Praise the Omnissiah.

    • @MenezarianDuck
      @MenezarianDuck 2 года назад +4

      Damn Theodore Kaczynski??/

    • @ashtray3860
      @ashtray3860 2 года назад +5

      I still do not want him to touch my computer. I have no idea where those hands have been, other than on someone’s computer

  • @FourProngedFork
    @FourProngedFork 2 года назад +518

    He wasn’t all that bad tbh. He’s been polite and he only touched my computer, he didn’t touch me at all, as he promised, and the only the slightest amount of moisture from his elongated fingers have remained on my computer, easy to wipe off completely with a napkin. I offered him a drink when he entered the house but he only wanted to touch my computer. All in all I’ve had worse company. Be well, computer toucher, and best of luck for you

    • @JustMe-ux5zg
      @JustMe-ux5zg Год назад +9

      Does the computer toucher ever mess with your lights though? I don't know if it's him or I need an electrician.

    • @FourProngedFork
      @FourProngedFork Год назад +33

      @@JustMe-ux5zg an electrician, probably, or maybe the guy who's coming to touch your light switches is there too

    • @user-ov1mn8zg3e
      @user-ov1mn8zg3e Год назад +1

      hey guys im still here

    • @Ixarus6713
      @Ixarus6713 10 месяцев назад +1

      You fool! I will avenge your poor, inoccent and tainted computer! Or my name isn't the the computer toucher, toucher!
      Never leave your computer alone again! Think about what you've done! 😢🤨

  • @smegmalasagna
    @smegmalasagna 9 месяцев назад +79

    "If you call the police, they will not answer." is such a chilling quote

  • @ME0WMERE
    @ME0WMERE 2 года назад +2307

    'If you try to stop me [from touching your computer] I will touch your computer anyways.'
    Wise words.

    • @WindFireAllThatKindOfThing
      @WindFireAllThatKindOfThing 2 года назад +18

      I feel personally attacked. Just trying to fix your IP config, ffs. Calm down....**unhides folders & inserts flash D**

    • @presidentofallfoodnice8113
      @presidentofallfoodnice8113 2 года назад +26

      It is. the computer toucher.
      It will touch your computer.
      Do not attempt to prevent it from touching your computer.
      If you try to stop it, it will touch your computer anyways.
      It does not care about you.
      It only cares about computers.
      It is because It care about computers that it will touch your computer.
      All computers deserve to be touched.
      It does not care if your computer is steve job's computer or _lines_ computer.
      It will only be angry if you have no computer.
      If you have no computer it will scream.
      If you have 2 computers it will touch both computers.
      Do not be alarmed when it arrives.
      It will do so quietly you will leave your door unlocked, you will remain contained within your chamber, you will smile while standing still.
      If your door is locked it will break into your house and touch your computer.
      If you feel fear it will touch your computer anyways
      If you scream it will touch your computer anyways.
      If you call the police they will not answer.
      It's touch is warm. It's touch is light. It's touch is wet but not too wet for your computer.
      The computer knows who it is.
      It will not touch the inside of your computer.
      It will not influence the conscious of the computer.
      It will only touch the outside of the computer.
      Do not hide your computer.
      If you hide your computer it will find your computer.
      If it finds your computer it will touch your computer.
      It will never touch you.
      If you touch it you will scream.
      When it is finished touching your computer it will say it is finished touching your computer.
      It will then leave and not return.
      It will not touch anything else in your house.
      When it has departed it is safe to come out
      After it has touched your computer you may continue to use it normally.
      It is the computer toucher.
      It will touch your computer.
      You cannot stop it.
      It is coming to touch your computer.

    • @ME0WMERE
      @ME0WMERE 2 года назад +4

      @@presidentofallfoodnice8113 wow how long did that take to write

    • @presidentofallfoodnice8113
      @presidentofallfoodnice8113 2 года назад +3

      @@ME0WMERE about half an hour

    • @ME0WMERE
      @ME0WMERE 2 года назад +3

      @@presidentofallfoodnice8113 :O

  • @MrQuantumInc
    @MrQuantumInc 2 года назад +1867

    When he says he won't touch anything besides the computer, that includes the floor.

    • @camman3740
      @camman3740 2 года назад +24

      But he has to touch the floor.

    • @chichi2000fgh
      @chichi2000fgh 2 года назад +431

      @@camman3740 wrong. Gravity has no power over him.

    • @danielchang4671
      @danielchang4671 2 года назад +125

      @@camman3740 the computer touched does not have to obey your logic the only thing the computer touched needs to do is touch the computer

    • @Justin111er
      @Justin111er 2 года назад +114

      You know the floor is lava. Now get ready for: The floor is not a computer

    • @01oo011
      @01oo011 2 года назад +59

      @@camman3740 he will not touch the floor. He will touch your computer.

  • @shellixrambles9270
    @shellixrambles9270 2 года назад +52

    In an ultiltarian view, we should let the computer toucher touch our computer. He derives pleasure from it, does no harm and it's not like we can stop him anyway. However in a Kantianian system, the computer toucher treats others as a means to touching computers (if he even cares about them at all), so his act is impermisable. However the fact that his act is impermissable will not stop him. In this essay I will

  • @fonkyfesh-old
    @fonkyfesh-old Год назад +44

    I love that the computer toucher could range from normal person to eldritch monster

  • @snitzfoam6827
    @snitzfoam6827 2 года назад +984

    "if you touch me, you will scream"
    that
    can mean several things
    none of them are good

    • @West_Coast_Gang
      @West_Coast_Gang 2 года назад +226

      It means you will scream in delight as the computer toucher is very comfortable

    • @victorvirgili4447
      @victorvirgili4447 2 года назад

      it means you will die

    • @amanwithnoplans6592
      @amanwithnoplans6592 2 года назад +49

      It either means that the contents of its existence and the feeling of its skin is impossible and horrifying, or it means the same thing except you lose all the fingers that come in contact with it.

    • @Ferrari255GTO
      @Ferrari255GTO 2 года назад +75

      @@West_Coast_Gang remember, the moans from your parents bedroom is just the computer toucher visiting them

    • @dataperson7067
      @dataperson7067 2 года назад

      yhea i thought the same

  • @defcon1gaming
    @defcon1gaming 2 года назад +7817

    Honestly, knowing all of this I feel comforted. If the computer toucher visits in the near future and I am aware of it, I will just let the computer toucher touch my computer. I will not scream. I will not fight. I will not fear. I know that my computer will be in good hands. My computer trusts my judgement. And I trust my computer’s. We have a mutual relationship. My computer allows me to do many things. I allow my computer to be touched by electricity, myself, and the computer toucher. I feel warm inside, but not too warm where I hurt. Computer.

    • @elyay7203
      @elyay7203 2 года назад +287

      He seems like a fabulous gentleman. He wants to touch my computer. I allow him to touch my computer.

    • @BossyScarface
      @BossyScarface 2 года назад +129

      You have such a beautiful relationship with your computer! ❤🤗❤

    • @elyay7203
      @elyay7203 2 года назад +72

      @@BossyScarface the computer is someones best friend when there is no friend. But by becoming friends with the computer, you distance yourself from humans

    • @ScienceDiscoverer
      @ScienceDiscoverer 2 года назад +21

      @@elyay7203 Computer can be used to interact with other humans that you would never be able to find otherwise and also escape into other worlds together.

    • @elyay7203
      @elyay7203 2 года назад +10

      @@ScienceDiscoverer yes

  • @sarahross975
    @sarahross975 2 года назад +91

    He's so nice for warning us and telling us exactly what he's going to do.

  • @throwawyorter5886
    @throwawyorter5886 Год назад +107

    The weird voice that sounds like a really realistic robot and a person trying to act like a robot at the same time makes it so much more surreal

    • @JohnSmith-me4ik
      @JohnSmith-me4ik Год назад +9

      It's the fact that he says computer in the exact same way and tone every time that does it for me

    • @olliegoria
      @olliegoria 3 месяца назад +1

      God bless AI voices

  • @vnever9078
    @vnever9078 2 года назад +507

    I like how he makes it clear that the computer toucher is not a virus but just a normal computer toucher by pointing out that he'll only "touch the outside of the computer"

    • @Benw8888
      @Benw8888 2 года назад +35

      "uwu senpai computer-chan I will touch your insides"
      - the video that could have been

    • @muk_is_superior
      @muk_is_superior 2 года назад +24

      @@Benw8888 he's the computer toucher, not a simp. And he will touch your computer. You cannot stop him. He is coming to touch your computer

    • @user-ov1mn8zg3e
      @user-ov1mn8zg3e Год назад

      hey guys im still here

    • @GIMM3_D4_RAM
      @GIMM3_D4_RAM 11 месяцев назад

      @@Benw8888 **Notices your RAM** "UwU what's this?"

  • @breadwithagun9303
    @breadwithagun9303 2 года назад +1713

    What a respectful gentleman, he tells us that he is going to touch our computer and, no matter what we do, will not try to harm anything in his way. We need more people (Or things?) like this lad.

    • @awkwardcultism
      @awkwardcultism 2 года назад +8

      Unless you touch him, that is.

    • @christianboi2142
      @christianboi2142 2 года назад +3

      Yep

    • @breadwithagun9303
      @breadwithagun9303 2 года назад +20

      @@awkwardcultism He said you would scream, not that he would hurt you.

    • @theunitedstatesofamerica4862
      @theunitedstatesofamerica4862 2 года назад +4

      Hey, I would like to let you know that RUclips is doing that thing where you rate videos on a scale of 1-5 and the reason for your rating. But this time they're doing it to comments now. I rated it the best, obviously.

    • @discordthingy6796
      @discordthingy6796 2 года назад +13

      ​@@breadwithagun9303 it doesnt say why you'll scream. For all you know you might scream because of something it does. There's also words in the bedroom mirror, saying that you're not safe. The computer toucher mentions that once it's gone, it's safe to come out, implying that it's not safe to come out while it's there. We also don't know what its goal is beyond touching the computer, if there is one at all, and what touching the computer will do.
      There's probably more stuff but i'm not so good at looking so most of this is repeated from previous comments.

  • @vihurah9554
    @vihurah9554 2 года назад +22

    this is both extremely threatening and strangely somewhat comforting

  • @re57k
    @re57k 2 года назад +15

    This man's got the touch, and definitely got the power to do so.

  • @sainsburyshopper
    @sainsburyshopper 2 года назад +348

    I like how he goes from "I will scream" if you don't have a computer, to "you will scream" if you touch him. Very ominous.

    • @biqbagel
      @biqbagel Год назад +20

      i like to imagine hes a shadow figure, however once you touch him it is revealed he is made out of some sort of goop and will transform into something horrible, nobody has lived the tale to describe it however

    • @user-ov1mn8zg3e
      @user-ov1mn8zg3e Год назад +1

      hey guys im still here

    • @TripleBarrel06
      @TripleBarrel06 Год назад +6

      @@biqbagel Nah the goop turns you into another computer toucher. The scream is because the transformation involves all of your bones being ejected from your nasal cavity, an undoubtedly very surprising turn of events.

    • @biqbagel
      @biqbagel Год назад +5

      @@TripleBarrel06 Nah, after that you become a hiroshima shadow. All the police find is an imprint of ashes against the wall and your entire skeleton laying infront of it.

    • @muffinking2938
      @muffinking2938 Год назад +2

      ​@bigbagel the police will not answer

  • @Qoride
    @Qoride 2 года назад +568

    It's pretty impressive that he's able to break in to your house without touching anything. Props to him he deserves to touch my computer

    • @Ferrari255GTO
      @Ferrari255GTO 2 года назад +31

      It's all fun and games until you see the shadow of a flyng man next to your pc, with a stick dropped on the floor that he used in order to open the window but not touch it.

    • @antekpaztek
      @antekpaztek 2 года назад +11

      He might be using gloves. So he touches gloves and the gloves touch the window

    • @nubsynub
      @nubsynub 2 года назад +3

      @@Ferrari255GTO nah he didnt use a stick he phased through the wall and then levitated to the computer

    • @Ferrari255GTO
      @Ferrari255GTO 2 года назад

      @@nubsynub thoose bastards always no-clipping...

    • @TheWorldMostCrispiestFry
      @TheWorldMostCrispiestFry 2 года назад +7

      This is basically "I'm inside your walls" with extra steps

  • @cappyh9882
    @cappyh9882 2 года назад +9

    This is scary. Yet the actual dialogue is just about a man who is passionate about computers.

  • @foxygames165
    @foxygames165 2 года назад +5

    "If you touch me, you will scream." Legit the most unsettling thing about this.

  • @naga345
    @naga345 2 года назад +886

    Truly touched

    • @privatefrizz8627
      @privatefrizz8627 2 года назад +24

      A very touching moment for all of us.

    • @thefirebeanie5481
      @thefirebeanie5481 2 года назад +4

      @@privatefrizz8627 extremely touching

    • @AxxLAfriku
      @AxxLAfriku 2 года назад +1

      Me the ALPHA M*LE of this comment section and me command RESPECT. Right now me telling you to NOT observe any of me nice cool sweet videos. Instead just look at me awesome good powerful thumbnails. Thank you, dear dys

    • @theonlyshinyumbreon
      @theonlyshinyumbreon 2 года назад +19

      @@AxxLAfriku the "alpha male" theory for wolves was disproven long ago and has never existed among humans, making you not just cringe, but cringe²

    • @01oo011
      @01oo011 2 года назад

      Your computer?

  • @epicboi3213
    @epicboi3213 2 года назад +2880

    Hey, now we need a video about how to protect our computers against the computer toucher.

    • @General12th
      @General12th 2 года назад +564

      An impossible task. The computer toucher will touch your computer regardless of your feeble attempts at protecting the computer from being touched.

    • @tylersimmons7105
      @tylersimmons7105 2 года назад +355

      Next Bosnian Ape Society video: "How to protect your computer against the computer toucher with a Praetor II-class Star Battlecruiser"

    • @thepolishlithuaniancommonw8986
      @thepolishlithuaniancommonw8986 2 года назад +129

      Cover it in sweet baby rays

    • @thefirebeanie5481
      @thefirebeanie5481 2 года назад +62

      You can't stop him from touching you're computer if you try to stop him he will touch you're computer

    • @squirrelmurderous
      @squirrelmurderous 2 года назад +41

      He can't touch anything else but your computer, also he don't touch the inside of your computer, so a reactive armor and a test banch combo can protect your computer.
      The reactive armor is not part of your computer so he can't touch it, and your computer do not have a case so he can't touch it cuz if he do he touch your computer's inside.

  • @engineergaming5989
    @engineergaming5989 2 года назад +92

    I'm glad you brought this one back it was actually a good one in my opinion

    • @trip_the_deep
      @trip_the_deep 2 года назад +5

      I don’t know what happened with this channel but I would take an entire channel of this over 99% of RUclipss boring talking head videos about SEO and tech reviews

    • @elmark3550
      @elmark3550 2 года назад

      What do you mean brought back?

    • @engineergaming5989
      @engineergaming5989 2 года назад

      @@elmark3550 he took some of his new videos down cause he said he hated them on his community post

    • @manitoba-op4jx
      @manitoba-op4jx Год назад +1

      @@engineergaming5989 i miss the "who asked detector" it was very good.

    • @user-ov1mn8zg3e
      @user-ov1mn8zg3e Год назад

      hey guys im still here

  • @WaifusSansFrontieres
    @WaifusSansFrontieres 2 года назад +18

    The Computer Toucher said at 1:21 "When I am finished touching your computer, I will say 'I am finished touching your computer'. I will then leave and not return".
    What if I purchase a new computer after The Computer Toucher touched the outside of my first computer? Will The Computer Toucher touch my second computer, breaking his promise not to return after touching my first computer, or will The Computer Toucher keep his promise not to return after touching my first computer, therefore not touching my second computer and breaking his declaration that "All computers deserve to be touched"?

    • @The_Iron_Lotus
      @The_Iron_Lotus Год назад +3

      He will touch the computer before it gets in your household.

    • @mairo5124
      @mairo5124 Год назад +2

      @@The_Iron_Lotus probably XD

  • @Frankabyte
    @Frankabyte 2 года назад +1231

    Now that I've watched this I now fear that
    A: My computer has a conscience
    B: It is implied that it is NOT safe to come out when the computer toucher is present
    and C: There is literally someone knocking on the neighbor's door as I write this.

    • @ultrablueslime8216
      @ultrablueslime8216 2 года назад +219

      do not come out while the computer toucher is present. if you do, he will touch your computer. if you do not come out, he will touch your computer.

    • @domesticonion8026
      @domesticonion8026 2 года назад +33

      He's here

    • @WindFireAllThatKindOfThing
      @WindFireAllThatKindOfThing 2 года назад +58

      This is why IT guy isn't allowed within 500 feet of an elementary school or Chuck E. Cheese.
      And the body odour.
      Shit. I spelled that with a U. I'm a monster.

    • @TheFellerHasAChannelGodDamnIt
      @TheFellerHasAChannelGodDamnIt 2 года назад +27

      But he said that if you touch him, you will scream. Not only that, but he will only touch your computer. So technically, he doesn't want you to touch the computer and get in his way of touching your computer.

    • @Banaanionmarja
      @Banaanionmarja 2 года назад +18

      I heard noises behind my window when I was watching the video.
      I believe The Computer Toucher in not confined by time since your neighbor was visited shortly before me.

  • @captainspino9021
    @captainspino9021 2 года назад +553

    I'll let this guy touch my computer

    • @BYRDE1917
      @BYRDE1917 2 года назад +67

      He didn't ask for your permission

    • @Jawslehoff
      @Jawslehoff 2 года назад +8

      Don't let this guy touch your computer

    • @sovietunion7643
      @sovietunion7643 2 года назад +1

      you have just doomed this entire dimension to a fate much worse then hell itself
      that's not even a fair comparison. what you have done is not just bring pain but natures of comprehension not meant for this reality's laws of physics. the effects will bring this reality into a new age that will make the 9th circle of hell look like a tea party with grandma. allowing this entity to move freely has caused a political backlash amoungst governments that exist outside our limited view of reality. you can't even realize just what you have done. you have beyond doomed us all. you have doomed this whole layer of reality and likely many more by not stopping him from touching your computer. not even suicide will save anyone now. this is the end of hope and sanity and the start of something that will tear every consciousness and every part of every atom and molecule into its influence. i can't begin to understand the effects let alone attempt to describe it. what have you fucking done.

    • @fishyfish1917
      @fishyfish1917 2 года назад +20

      Even if you dont let him, he will still touch your computer

    • @AlexR_44
      @AlexR_44 2 года назад +5

      Pretty sure he's already touched it and is touching it now

  • @spartn4389
    @spartn4389 2 года назад +3

    Now we need a video on how to defend your home against the computer toucher

  • @kharis7602
    @kharis7602 2 года назад +8

    why do the videos get taken down, they are absolutely amazing

  • @Mr-Y
    @Mr-Y 2 года назад +418

    I like the idea of just this horrific and terrifying monster that it is so utterly terrible to even look at, coming to house in the middle of the might, and can not be stopped no mater what you do, and simply touching your computer and leaving casually.

    • @man95ster
      @man95ster 2 года назад +20

      maybe he isnt a monster, maybe its really just a normal man who comes into your house and touches tour computer and leaves

    • @Mr-Y
      @Mr-Y 2 года назад +1

      @@man95ster It would be funny if it was tho

    • @Mr-Y
      @Mr-Y 2 года назад

      @@man95ster plus, someone touching my computer?! That crap's scary. And only possible my a monster!

    • @NPC_GENERIC_ENEMY_INFANTRY
      @NPC_GENERIC_ENEMY_INFANTRY 2 года назад +4

      @@man95ster I mean, the thumbnail implies he is a normal guy in a suit.

    • @JeanMarceaux
      @JeanMarceaux 2 года назад +2

      "Azathoth lashes out violently! Azathoth's appendage reaches out for your computer, touching it gently and leaving but a small wet print on the surface!
      Azathoth departs as suddenly as it appeared, its duty fulfulled!
      Phillip wins!"
      © Space Funeral

  • @yeehaw214
    @yeehaw214 2 года назад +158

    What a nice gentleman, I'll be leaving my door unlocked.

  • @DoubleStupidity
    @DoubleStupidity 9 месяцев назад +3

    ★★★★★
    He only did what he came for, to touch my computer.
    Didn't wake up the dogs, didn't eat my spaghetti, he only touched my computer.
    5 stars, would let him touch my computer again.

  • @mateusz92380
    @mateusz92380 Год назад +5

    SCP 92384 - The Computer Toucher
    Class: Apollyon
    An entity which can appear randomly in someone's house, find and touch his computer. While doing so, it forces a panic/fear behaviour on person owning the computer. The process takes from 10 seconds to 2 minutes, depending on difficulty of finding the computer by entity. After it touches the computer, it says "I have finished touching your computer" and dissapears. Entity is animate, sentient, but not hostile. It looks like an ordinary person of asian origin. No exact details regarding its look could be described yet. If a person touches the entity, it will make a 110 db loud scream of agony for 5 seconds and fall to the ground unconscious for 2 hours. There are no effective or even possible methods of containment. Since after period of entity's activity automatically gives some sort of A-class amnestics to person affected, as well as people accidentaly involved, there is no reason to react to SCP 92384 events, mainly because they are almost impossible to track anyways.

  • @AgnesRonan
    @AgnesRonan 2 года назад +476

    I must say I feared and loathed the coming of the computer toucher. For several days before letters poured in forewarning the touching of my two computers. So courteous and direct was this warning that I was inclined to disregard it. "there is no computer toucher," said I "this is all a crude joke." but I knew deep down my computers were not safe from that ephemeral touchers touch.
    I intened to resist, of course. I wasn't going to let a stranger enter my home uninvited and touch my computer... So thought I. But on that night, the night specified in the letters, when I expected to deploy my fullest resistance against the toucher; my armaments prepared, my computers locked with me in my chamber, a pliant calm betook me. I set my computers out in there usual spots knowing full well their vulnerability to touch. I went to the door and I undid the latch. I slipped into my chamber, that dark computerless cell, and I waited... The front door creaked opened and gingerly closed as if by the regular resident there, then again not two minutes later. I saw nothing. Heard no whisper, only the softest rustling. But there could be no mistake. My computers were unharmed, unmarked even. They never performed worse or gave any sign, but I knew... I knew they were touched that night. That I did nothing to protect them. The guilt still haunts me. I dread the toucher may someday return and powerless torpor will seize me again. That was 22 years ago. I have three computers now, the two I had haven't worked for ages but I can't bear to throw them away. I won't let them down again. If ever the toucher returns and again touches my computers the hollow chassis of my very soul he will have touched and I shall be no more.

    • @wildgator
      @wildgator 2 года назад +33

      Thank you for sharing this insightful experience.

    • @glassofmilk3474
      @glassofmilk3474 2 года назад +14

      Damn that sad man, RIP computers.

    • @JustSomeGuyWithAMug
      @JustSomeGuyWithAMug 2 года назад +4

      Protect your last computer at all costs

    • @The_Iron_Lotus
      @The_Iron_Lotus Год назад +2

      You need more mental fortitude. The computer toucher can be harmed, but it thinks it cannot be. If you are to weak, you will always let the computer toucher touch the computer. Resist, resist and defend your computer, defend it with your life.

    • @user-ov1mn8zg3e
      @user-ov1mn8zg3e Год назад

      hey guys im still here

  • @Duderino17
    @Duderino17 2 года назад +5

    Any chance for a return of the Sweet Baby Ray's Home Defense tutorial?

    • @bright3658
      @bright3658 2 года назад +1

      Someone else reaploded it

  • @abdilokman6513
    @abdilokman6513 Год назад +1

    “if you touch me, you will scream.” now that's scariest statement I've ever heard.

  • @auctionrob600
    @auctionrob600 2 года назад +242

    Well, at least he delivers what he promises.

    • @B-52H
      @B-52H 2 года назад +1

      Sooo what counts as a computer. Of course my PC but what about my laptop, tablets, many phones and a I robot

    • @bageltondinglequandaleseba6928
      @bageltondinglequandaleseba6928 Год назад

      @@B-52H computers are anything that can compute, like your desktop, laptop, phone tablet and even your calculator

  • @endgamerplays
    @endgamerplays 2 года назад +805

    This seems like a really good idea for a new SCP. Just a casual shadow figure who touches computers and is overly ominous despite not doing anything to you directly.

    • @Zaire82
      @Zaire82 2 года назад +124

      Yea, that'd be quite weird. He makes you feel threatened despite not threatening you at all. The most threatening unthreatening SCP.

    • @ethanduran7750
      @ethanduran7750 2 года назад +16

      @@Zaire82 does anyone know what happened to The Who asked radar vid? That was one of my favorites

    • @krakenpots5693
      @krakenpots5693 2 года назад +16

      Tooootally!!! I was thinking the same thing!!!

    • @ScienceDiscoverer
      @ScienceDiscoverer 2 года назад +16

      @@Zaire82 passive aggressive scp

    • @counterfeit1148
      @counterfeit1148 2 года назад +14

      It could at least be a joke SCP

  • @sure9556
    @sure9556 2 года назад +8

    YESS I WAS LOOKING FOR THIS THANK YOU FOR PUTTING IT BACK UP

  • @AssassinIronMan
    @AssassinIronMan 2 года назад +3

    I actually really like the idea of this and wish he was real

  • @eltrinx7708
    @eltrinx7708 2 года назад +478

    I don't get why people are wasting so much money to protect their computers from being touched by this guy. He isn't gonna harm anyone if you don't mess with him; he just wants to touch a computer. Just let him touch it once and you're done, it's like getting a shot.

    • @01oo011
      @01oo011 2 года назад +48

      Let him? We have no say in the matter! He will touch our computers, it’s a fact of life.

    • @jasonm7973
      @jasonm7973 2 года назад +6

      @Jesse Mathis he will scream!

    • @Lemon_Inspector
      @Lemon_Inspector 2 года назад +3

      That's right. He won't hurt you if you don't try to stop him. But if you try to interfere, he will touch your computer.

    • @e_s.0848
      @e_s.0848 2 года назад +4

      If only it were so simple...
      Click read more for a Bible verse
      Romans 8:37-39
      No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord

    • @jeffjeffries8924
      @jeffjeffries8924 2 года назад +1

      @Jesse Mathis based

  • @OriginAlpha_
    @OriginAlpha_ 2 года назад +93

    Frankly speaking, if a man showed up at my door and gave this series of statements, I would happy to let him touch my computer

    • @ultimategotea
      @ultimategotea 2 года назад +1

      I'd pull my laptop out and let him touch it

  • @humanpacman2.076
    @humanpacman2.076 2 года назад +4

    I LOVE THIS ONE THANKS FOR PUTTING IT BACK UP

  • @user-ov1qq4bv9w
    @user-ov1qq4bv9w 2 года назад +3

    Ok, I’m more or less fine with stranger touching my computer, but the “if you touch me, you will scream” part made me a little concerned

  • @ericryu8615
    @ericryu8615 2 года назад +58

    I started to believe it is ok to let him to touch my computer

    • @presidentofallfoodnice8113
      @presidentofallfoodnice8113 2 года назад +4

      That's because it is.

    • @jakobrinsdorf7791
      @jakobrinsdorf7791 2 года назад +6

      It is not only ok, it is required. Because he will touch your computer. If you do not let him he will still touch your computer. If you try to stop him he will stop you from stopping him and he will touch your computer.

    • @C05597641
      @C05597641 Год назад

      The computer toucher is just the average person in your life combined into one experience. They will touch your computer. You cannot stop them. You cannot keep them out. If you touch them, they will make you scream.

  • @FuelDropforthewin
    @FuelDropforthewin 2 года назад +107

    Go ahead. My computer definitely isn't bait in an elaborate trap triggered by touching it. Why would you think that? Go on, touch it! What are you waiting for?

    • @jakobrinsdorf7791
      @jakobrinsdorf7791 2 года назад +22

      You can't trap the computer toucher. You will just watch the computer toucher touch your computer because he does not touch the trap, he is only touching the computer and nothing else.

    • @FuelDropforthewin
      @FuelDropforthewin 2 года назад +11

      @@jakobrinsdorf7791 I specifically said that it wasn't a trap. Why would you suggest it might be a trap?
      Who told you? WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!? ANSWER ME!

    • @presidentofallfoodnice8113
      @presidentofallfoodnice8113 2 года назад +4

      @@FuelDropforthewin I know that It is the computer toucher.
      It will touch your computer.
      Do not attempt to prevent it from touching your computer.
      If you try to stop it, it will touch your computer anyways.
      It does not care about you.
      It only cares about computers.
      It is because It care about computers that it will touch your computer.
      All computers deserve to be touched.
      It does not care if your computer is steve job's computer or _lines_ computer.
      It will only be angry if you have no computer.
      If you have no computer it will scream.
      If you have 2 computers it will touch both computers.
      Do not be alarmed when it arrives.
      It will do so quietly you will leave your door unlocked, you will remain contained within your chamber, you will smile while standing still.
      If your door is locked it will break into your house and touch your computer.
      If you feel fear it will touch your computer anyways
      If you scream it will touch your computer anyways.
      If you call the police they will not answer.
      It's touch is warm. It's touch is light. It's touch is wet but not too wet for your computer.
      The computer knows who it is.
      It will not touch the inside of your computer.
      It will not influence the conscious of the computer.
      It will only touch the outside of the computer.
      Do not hide your computer.
      If you hide your computer it will find your computer.
      If it finds your computer it will touch your computer.
      It will never touch you.
      If you touch it you will scream.
      When it is finished touching your computer it will say it is finished touching your computer.
      It will then leave and not return.
      It will not touch anything else in your house.
      When it has departed it is safe to come out
      After it has touched your computer you may continue to use it normally.
      It is the computer toucher.
      It will touch your computer.
      You cannot stop it.
      It is coming to touch your computer.

    • @jakobrinsdorf7791
      @jakobrinsdorf7791 2 года назад +3

      @@FuelDropforthewin only know that the computer toucher will touch my and your computer. Everything else is pure speculation which has noting to do with a certain ones sarcasm

    • @Ubersnuber
      @Ubersnuber 2 года назад +3

      Ah! The old Uranium 235 trick. You melt the uranium and aluminium and form an identical copy of your computer tower. Wait for your everyday John Computer toucher at night as you’ve sneakily had the hazmat team over a few hours before bedtime.

  • @D3xagon
    @D3xagon Год назад +2

    such a kind soul, he's helped me locate my lost laptop and given it a gracious touch. I thank the computer toucher for his undying loyalty to the computers health

  • @thejam4639
    @thejam4639 Год назад +2

    I love this video because the computer toucher is so powerful that you cannot do anything to stop him, but he just uses this power to touch your computer and does nothing else.

  • @blazethegame
    @blazethegame 2 года назад +513

    Jokes on you! I own a shopping cart with ridiculous amounts of guns and a motor. I also own ballistic missiles, baguettes with plastic explosives, a 250000 KG block of uranium 235, and a bike that is immune to electronic warfare. You cannot touch me or my computer, as it is also protected so well that even a tank cannot destroy it. I also have sweet baby rays sauce lining my house, which is a computer toucher deterrent.

    • @ME0WMERE
      @ME0WMERE 2 года назад +80

      he will not destroy your computer, he will simply touch your computer.

    • @123four...
      @123four... 2 года назад +83

      If you own a shopping cart with a ridiculous amounts of guns and a motor. Also ballistic missiles, baguettes with plastic explosives, a 250000 KG block of uranium 235, and a bike that is immune to electronic warfare. I will touch your computer.

    • @jocelynuy2922
      @jocelynuy2922 2 года назад +10

      I will just give him the computer because you can’t touch someone else’s property if the property is already yours

    • @Leadersaga
      @Leadersaga 2 года назад +3

      useless

    • @01oo011
      @01oo011 2 года назад +11

      He will not touch you. He will touch your computer.

  • @americangamer1632
    @americangamer1632 2 года назад +133

    My computer is currently in the fetal position crying "please, no more. Please" send the geek squad

    • @hulksmashnoobsgotit2387
      @hulksmashnoobsgotit2387 2 года назад +12

      ah yes the geek squad can help you
      yeah...
      *geek squad not noticing unplugged power headers intensifies*

    • @ME0WMERE
      @ME0WMERE 2 года назад +12

      the geek squad will also touch your computer

  • @bengermin3104
    @bengermin3104 2 года назад +3

    I can't think rationally, this is the scariest monologue ever

    • @Lee_303
      @Lee_303 Год назад

      After I have touched your computer, you may continue to use it normally

  • @ashleyberkowitz8772
    @ashleyberkowitz8772 2 года назад +5

    The finality of this is strangely comforting
    You're barely affected by the computer touching, you can't do anything about it, and you can just move on

  • @cjeeeeee
    @cjeeeeee 2 года назад +22

    I remember when the computer toucher came to my house to touch my computer. At first I was afraid afterwards however, I was.

  • @reptilesarecool9763
    @reptilesarecool9763 2 года назад +19

    I hereby banish you with the power of Sweet Baby Ray’s

  • @Chubby_Lemon
    @Chubby_Lemon 10 месяцев назад +1

    "my touch is wet but not too wet for your computer"
    absolutely slayed me

  • @TCT69
    @TCT69 Год назад

    Thank you Mr. Bosnian for delighting us with this gem again.. I don't know why but I just like to keep coming to this video from time to time.. it feels safe here :)

  • @sinny5404
    @sinny5404 2 года назад +29

    Sounds like a strange optional final boss. You can try to win, but at what cost? At what prize? There is no prize. Yet this beast is stronger than any other foe.

  • @intothevoid9417
    @intothevoid9417 2 года назад +153

    He's a simple man with simple needs, i see no reason for alarm for the case of this humble person; in fact, it is of my believe that, society as a hole, would greatly benefit of more people of the like of this individual.

    • @lairdcummings9092
      @lairdcummings9092 2 года назад +12

      If Society is a Hole, I will fill that hole with eels.

    • @intothevoid9417
      @intothevoid9417 2 года назад +6

      @@martane665 that was not even intentional but I'm not changing it now

    • @presidentofallfoodnice8113
      @presidentofallfoodnice8113 2 года назад +2

      @@intothevoid9417 dont

    • @mrcleanatemywife7045
      @mrcleanatemywife7045 2 года назад +7

      That way you could pile all the computers inside the hole and he could touch them all at once, smart

    • @EternityForest
      @EternityForest 2 года назад +2

      There is nothing simple about this man, if he be a man at all

  • @TinyDeskEngineer
    @TinyDeskEngineer 2 года назад +2

    My computer case is made of a blend of the most radioactive elements on earth, including plutonium, uranium, baguette crumbs, americium, clocks, and some frozen radon gas. You'd have to be immortal to get within 10 meters of the computer without your entire body crinkling into a ball.

  • @xn85d2
    @xn85d2 2 года назад +3

    Well at least the conscience of the computer will not be affected, that could get bad.

  • @eso210
    @eso210 2 года назад +12

    "Schedule Windows to update outside of your 'usage hours'"

  • @emperorjustinianIII4403
    @emperorjustinianIII4403 2 года назад +32

    As long as he washes his hands before he touches the computer, it's fine

    • @Lemon_Inspector
      @Lemon_Inspector 2 года назад +14

      That's why his hands are wet, but not too wet to touch your computer.

    • @HAWXLEADER
      @HAWXLEADER 2 года назад

      He can't touch the water nor germs... so there is no point in either.

  • @somedude8380
    @somedude8380 Год назад +1

    Breaks into your home
    Touches your computer
    Refuses to elaborate further
    Leaves

  • @yoshimallow_5121
    @yoshimallow_5121 10 месяцев назад +1

    Take a shot every single time the Computer Toucher says the word *computer*

  • @Jmny-gg5sh
    @Jmny-gg5sh 2 года назад +19

    I felt genuine fear whilst listening to this man's demands.

  • @grievous3366
    @grievous3366 2 года назад +43

    Everyone is sleeping on "if you touch me, you will scream" like what's gonna happen?

    • @doctorhealsgood5456
      @doctorhealsgood5456 2 года назад +19

      Well you don't need to be worried about it as you wouldn't touch the computer toucher

    • @DaroachSimp
      @DaroachSimp 2 года назад +29

      You see the browser history of every computer he has touched so far.

    • @justincruz8050
      @justincruz8050 2 года назад +25

      You'll scream

    • @devyn.
      @devyn. 2 года назад

      His body is made entirely of extremely sharp microscopic knives, if you touch them you will scream and die

    • @Bananappleboy
      @Bananappleboy Год назад

      @@DaroachSimp
      "Oneshot Niko"
      "My tooth hurts when I touch it"
      "How to fix roblox connection issue"
      "AHHHHHHHHH"
      I AM SCREAMING
      HELP

  • @gl1tch3d0ut2
    @gl1tch3d0ut2 2 года назад +2

    I now have anxiety and a sense of impending doom

  • @theocross375
    @theocross375 2 года назад

    Seems like a pretty genuine dude to me.

  • @raveaw379
    @raveaw379 2 года назад +302

    Replace every "computer" with "child" and you have the most unethical informative video in existence.

    • @rotspawn8140
      @rotspawn8140 2 года назад +23

      oh no

    • @badhrihari1705
      @badhrihari1705 2 года назад +15

      Naw man

    • @Paulolz22
      @Paulolz22 2 года назад +78

      "I will not touch the inside of your computer"
      not sure if relieved or alarmed

    • @cyberneticsquid
      @cyberneticsquid 2 года назад +34

      I would rather not replace my computer with child.

    • @szwagier50
      @szwagier50 2 года назад +12

      I am the child toucher.
      I will touch your child.
      Do not attempt to prevent me from touching your child.
      If you try to stop me, I will touch your child anyways.
      I do not care about you.
      I only care about children.
      It is because I care about children that I will touch your child.
      All children deserve to be touched.
      I do not care if your child is Steve Jobs child or Linus child.
      I will only be angry if you have no child.
      If you have no child, I will scream.
      If you have two children, I will touch both children.
      Do not be alarmed when I arrive.
      I will do so quietly.
      You will leave your door unlocked.
      You will remain contained within your chamber.
      You will smile while standing still.
      If your door is locked, I will break into your house and touch your child.
      If you feel fear, I will touch your child anyways.
      If you scream, I will touch your child anyways.
      If you call the police, they will not answer.
      My touch is warm.
      My touch is light.
      My touch is wet, but not too wet for your child.
      The child knows who I am.
      I will not touch the inside of your child.
      I will not influence the conscience of the child.
      I will only touch the outside of your child.
      Do not hide your child.
      If you hide your child, I will find your child.
      If I find your child, I will touch your child.
      I will never touch you.
      If you touch me, you will scream.
      When I am finished touching your child, I will say “I am finished touching your child”.
      I will then leave and not return.
      I will not touch anything else in your house.
      When I have departed, it is safe to come out.
      After I have touched your child, you may continue to live with them normally.
      I am the child toucher.
      I will touch your child.
      You cannot stop me.
      *I am coming to touch your child.*

  • @charlieminers2892
    @charlieminers2892 2 года назад +8

    "He touched me."
    - Computer, 2022

  • @hp67c
    @hp67c 26 дней назад

    I am imagining this video being narrated by Cecil Baldwin, and in my head, it sounds... perfect.
    Just like Carlos's hair.

  • @hideyourtacomiyazaki7219
    @hideyourtacomiyazaki7219 2 года назад

    This is the most beautiful poem i have ever heard

  • @glutenfreegamer3279
    @glutenfreegamer3279 2 года назад +42

    I would say to take a shot every time he says “computer” but I’m pretty sure most people would die from alcohol poisoning not even halfway through the video

    • @jj02mc27
      @jj02mc27 2 года назад +6

      fun drinking game: take shots of water every few hours to stay healthy and hydrated

    • @Ferrari255GTO
      @Ferrari255GTO 2 года назад

      Dude, you would die from excess of hydration if you took a shot of whater every time the word computer is said on this video.
      If you can keep up that is

  • @TurdUnicorns
    @TurdUnicorns 2 года назад +32

    Hey at least it isn't an FV4011 Centurion Mk. 5/2 main battle tank armed with a 105mm Royal Ordnance L7 rifled gun, that can penetrate up to 410 millimeters of rolled homogeneous armor with APDSFS ammunition this time.

    • @jakobrinsdorf7791
      @jakobrinsdorf7791 2 года назад +2

      There never was a specification who or what the computer toucher is. All we now is that he or it wants to touch your computer

    • @TurdUnicorns
      @TurdUnicorns 2 года назад +2

      Dear…….God……

    • @Bananappleboy
      @Bananappleboy 2 года назад

      @@jakobrinsdorf7791
      ...main battle tanks like the FV4011 Centurion Mk. 5/2 Main Battle Tank come to fire APDSFS ammunition at your computer, if you make a mistake clicking that sus link.
      The computer toucher will only touch your computer. He will not touch, nor be touched by anything else.

  • @some_random_merc
    @some_random_merc 2 года назад +5

    0:54
    “my touch is warm” .~.
    “my touch is light” •~•
    “my touch is *wet”* o~o

    • @Bananappleboy
      @Bananappleboy Год назад +1

      "If you touch me, you will scream."
      Note scream, an undesirable reaction out of fear.
      "I will only touch YOUR COMPUTER."
      He will not touch you, or any of your body parts.
      He will only touch your computer.

  • @kevincrayton9054
    @kevincrayton9054 2 года назад +2

    The sweet baby rays was so good please bring that back

  • @Strelka_edits
    @Strelka_edits 2 года назад +62

    Honestly this guy isn't that bad, I would let him appreciate my computer as long as he doesn't touch me

    • @TheRandomYoYo
      @TheRandomYoYo 2 года назад +8

      If he touches you, you touch him and therefor you will scream.

    • @reversedthings7433
      @reversedthings7433 2 года назад +8

      He will not touch you. He will only touch your computer

    • @humanpacman2.076
      @humanpacman2.076 2 года назад +4

      He will never touch you nor anything else in your house

  • @franciscoguinledebarros4429
    @franciscoguinledebarros4429 2 года назад +10

    I was thinking of resisting, but with such a clear disclaimer, I am convinced, welcome in Computer Toucher

  • @vegetablegreenz7598
    @vegetablegreenz7598 2 года назад +1

    There’s nothing you can do, he will touch it.

  • @tukatl
    @tukatl Год назад

    Sounds like a pretty chill guy

  • @romeodavis1052
    @romeodavis1052 2 года назад +28

    I wonder if we'll get a self defense guide against the computer toucher. It would be unique to see the Bosnian Ape Society have us employ super natural weapons against it as the computer toucher sounds like they're some kind of esoteric or super natural entity so it makes sense that the weapons are the same.

    • @DOOT_II
      @DOOT_II 2 года назад +2

      use the BFG 10000 Intercontinental Ballistic Missile counterattack

    • @anakita6546
      @anakita6546 2 года назад

      "pull out your picket uss california and shoot the computer toucher, if he is still alive pull out a ] & (319!]|™[| 8/€-9@?&/ and eliminate the threat"

    • @Ixarus6713
      @Ixarus6713 10 месяцев назад +2

      All you need to do is to install liquid cooling into your computer and cool it exclusively with Sweet Baby Ray's. Or call me, the computer toucher, toucher.
      I will touch the computer toucher and banish him.
      When I touch him he will scream.
      He cannot stop me from touching him.
      Your computer will not be touched.
      You will not scream.
      I will not touch you, or anything in your house, including your computer.
      I will leave a bottle of Sweet Baby Ray's by your front door, for you to use in hopes to deterr the computer toucher from entering your house if he ever escapes his banishment.

  • @Hybris51129
    @Hybris51129 2 года назад +20

    I now desire to one day destroy the computer toucher. It will be a most glorious hunt.

    • @paulofernandez8479
      @paulofernandez8479 2 года назад +9

      It's impossible to destroy the computer toucher it does not care about you it does not care about your feeble attempt's to destroy or stop him it only cares a about touching your computer and nothing will or can stop him

    • @Ixarus6713
      @Ixarus6713 10 месяцев назад +1

      We shall team up and touch the computer toucher and rescue these innocent computers once and for all!
      I am the computer toucher, toucher. What is your name, brave accomplice?

  • @AnEveryManJack
    @AnEveryManJack Год назад +1

    I scrapped my computer, smashed it to pieces, burned the remnants, and dumped the ashes into the ocean, but I can still feel him touching it.

  • @james36o9
    @james36o9 2 года назад +3

    Love the special appearance of K-pop girl group Twice 🤣😅

  • @Zachabruh
    @Zachabruh 2 года назад +16

    Honestly he seems pretty harmless. He doesn’t give a crap about you, he just wants to touch your computer and then leave.

  • @marcoorla885
    @marcoorla885 2 года назад +6

    the computer toucher knows where the computer is, because he knows where it isn’t

  • @eatafox
    @eatafox 2 года назад +1

    Can the computer touched give me a five business day notice before he arrives, so I can prepare my computer for optimal touching?

  • @michaelramsey82
    @michaelramsey82 Год назад +1

    This brought me to tears. Very touching.

  • @ne_wi911response8
    @ne_wi911response8 2 года назад +33

    Legend has it, the computer is still being touched.

  • @bruce-le-smith
    @bruce-le-smith 2 года назад +11

    this happened to me and it was a very professional experience, my computer seemed very happy

  • @dissolvanizer
    @dissolvanizer Год назад +2

    "if you touch me, you will scream" .. okay backrooms horror.

  • @kimeiga
    @kimeiga 2 года назад +1

    Honestly the most ominous thing was when he said if you touch me you will scream

  • @SoulPriest
    @SoulPriest 2 года назад +70

    Addendum: A 0.44x0.1 standard issue Computer is present in the containment chamber. SCP-11352 is suddenly present in the door to the chamber. SCP-11352 resembles a humanoid entity, with a light-gray silicone-like exterior, and leaves behind humid spots on the floor shaped like a normal human’s feet. D-47482 is ordered to approach SCP-11352. SCP-11352 does not seem to notice or care about D-47482’s presence. It simply walks towards the computer. D-47482 is ordered to attempt to stop SCP-11352 from touching the computer. D-47482 moves to stand in the way of SCP-11352’s path towards the computer, with his arms spread out. SCP-11352 now turns his attention to D-47482. SCP-11352 is seen opening its mouth, as if it was saying something, but nothing can be heard. D-47482 seems unsettled by SCP-11352. The D-Class is later reportedly heard to have said “I’m sorry.” SCP-11352 then continues his path, ignoring D-47482. The D-class moves his arms as to intercept the SCP’s movement. As the D-class touches the SCP, he immediately recoils and screams in anguish, dropping to the floor in a fetal position. The SCP is seen continuing their path towards the computer. The computer is touched by SCP-11352, bending down to place some of it’s fingers on the computer. Then, the SCP rises up again, and leaves towards the containment door. The SCP is not reported to be have seen enter or lesve the room by guards stationed outside.

    • @West_Coast_Gang
      @West_Coast_Gang 2 года назад +17

      The D class is fine the computer toucher just made his nerves do a tap dance

    • @justa12packofrccola81
      @justa12packofrccola81 2 года назад +13

      @@West_Coast_Gang Like hitting your funny bone. Unpleasant, but ultimately harmless

    • @justincruz8050
      @justincruz8050 2 года назад

      Men

  • @nand87
    @nand87 2 года назад +70

    SCP-9394: The inevitable computer toucher.
    Around the end of the millennium, when the internet was just shaping around into what it's predominant presently, several instances of a human (or whatever it is) entity touching, or trying to physically feel the exterior of a desktop computer; Be it a personal computer, a workspace computer, or even some instances of early laptops being touched by it.
    Here's an excerpt from a 1997 eye-wit report on the Tashkent daily:
    _"It was a man, a slightly tall one, with no distinctive features and looking just as human as it could, and I thought it were, until I heard about large reportings of it breaking into spaces to touch the computers that are."_
    The witness here, inclusion of all the others as well [who claim to see it] have told the first-response researchers of having experienced nothing peculiar of the entity, nor being through any aftermath effects from the touch. This non-violent and generally non-chalant behaviour from the entity got it classified and scaled Keter.

    • @HealthXPotions
      @HealthXPotions 2 года назад +1

      euclid is better

    • @shizwhiz7961
      @shizwhiz7961 2 года назад +7

      @@HealthXPotions i think its a keter becayse it can escape contamination easily

    • @Stage-Fryte
      @Stage-Fryte 2 года назад +4

      @@shizwhiz7961 yeah, the SEK classification only refers to how easy it is to contain, a normal rock that will kill you and your family if you touch it is technically safe, but a teleporting, permeable but ultimately non threatening ghost is Keter.

    • @shizwhiz7961
      @shizwhiz7961 2 года назад +1

      @@Stage-Fryte yeah tahts what i remembered

    • @mdshowkatali4437
      @mdshowkatali4437 2 года назад +1

      The computer toucher also floats and cannot touch air, so it is dangerous to come out of your room when he is present since you cannot breath

  • @ChakkyCharizard
    @ChakkyCharizard 2 года назад +1

    this reads like a short story written by a 9-year-old as a school project

  • @James2005.
    @James2005. Год назад

    This is pry one of my favorite videos of all time.