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I told my fiance that i wanted a serious relationship on our first date 😆 and that’s actually what made him deleted his dating app as he said, he admires the fact that i know what i want and he appreciates my honesty. 7 months later he proposed to me with a simple diamond ring that is means a lot to me. Just be yourself, and let man see that
THAT is totally sweet! I admire your candor. He must have known what he wanted too! I wasn’t even looking for a relationship then I met a man I became interested in. I am beginning to like him more and more and want a relationship! 😉☺️🥳
Things that scare me away: 1) Narcissist behaviour 2) Motivated by materialistic goals 3) Lack of initiative and does not keep promises 4) Not truly in love with me but in the idea of being in love 5) No respect for my boundaries
@@jacqueline8742There's this guy that I interacted with online via a social interactive game. Talked to him as a friend and then not long after he claims that 'he likes me and wants me to be his gf' without actually meeting me in person yet... seemed like he was desperate to be in love?
The problem is that you’re maybe attracted to emotionally avoidant men (because of anxiety). These character types tend to upset one because they don’t respond and they aren’t upfront. You keep thinking ‘he/she was so nice on the date, so why aren’t they communicating’ and it drives you nuts until you sigh and let go. And then you feel a bit alone again. Instead of getting angry about the people we meet, we should think about setting ourselves up for success. If we attract the wrong people, we need to think how we change our game so that it works in our favor. It helps if you ask 1. What kind of man do you want and 2. How do you attract him 3. How do you become that high value person who attracts the best of men while still being yourself (or the best version of yourself)
The "emasculating behavior" point hit me hard. I am definitely one to just want things done the "right" and "most effective" way, and since my husband is such a sweetheart, I never really considered how he may feel when I do this. From now on, I'll just thank him...and redo it when he goes to work lmao.
That's not true for me. It feels bad when someone says there is a better way of doing something but at the same time it's better because that's the only way to improve. There is a way to tell things without making others hate you
Sure, dont royally insult the guy, but i dont get this...us women just have to play dumb and sit on the couch so he can think he is some kind of bad ass... Meanwhile we dont get to play to any of our strengths? What we spose to do just sit on the couch, and pretend to be happy having no life, and no ability to be hands on and use our brains? Why so we can just sit there and get fat? Are men really that fragile that they cant even behold a competent woman without feeling inferior. That sound like some pussy shit. Now i am not into emasculating men...i believe strongly against it, but i am also not into emasculating myself either. Wtf? If a man cant handle my masculine energy then he needs to fuck off...my opinion. At the same time, i want them to feel self empowered....just not at the expense of my own self empowerment. Cant they feel self empowered without me having to pretend im something that im not? Im not Totally incompetent and totally witless...why should i pretend to be and actually royally devalue myself in the process? And if they cant love me for being who i am and i have to pretend who i am, what the point of even having any kind of relationship?
On second thought, maybe just focusing on your own projects and applying your own expertise and emersing yourself in your own energy within projects, is enough. while you can still just admire him in whatever project he chooses to involve and invest himself in, and also allow him the space to mess it up so he can learn how to do it him self and feel accomplished, and you still admire him and his ability to problem solve that when he didnt know how, he found a way Sometimes they come up with different ways of doing things, that i had never thought of before, and that were brilliant, because they had the room they needed to solve their problem in their own way. This is great. I like this more. And honestly, if they really dont know, most of the time they'll eventually ask. Lol Feeling thankful🙏
When a man becomes cold or silent after a dispute is one thing that will push me away. I prefer instead when a disagreement occurs that he lets me know what bothers him and if he needs time and space I can do that for him. 😌
Kiara White I also think that if a man becomes silent or cold after a dispute that is a red flag 🚩 that this is how they will behave or worse later on in a more committed relationship.
Most men wont share their feelings and thats my biggest turn off if you cant tell me how you are feeling when you are feeling it dont even think about it
What pushes me away 1.) Lack of communication and/or unclear communication 2.) Being cool with doing EVERYTHING I suggest. Nobody wants a yes man 3.) Not being assertive 4.) Uncompromising 5.) Very sexual way too early 6.) This is really For me because alot of women don't mind. Announcing how many cars you have or where you shop at, to show that you have money. It's a major turnoff for me. This makes me immediately uninterested.
Megan Lindsey You’re a beautiful woman. Idk how you can get past #5 and #6 because for one most men are sexual by nature. And, they can’t seem to help themselves with women they are highly attracted to. Sucks sometimes but yeah. I used to get so frustrated about this as well until I learn to used this to my advantage. It’s the promise of it tht keeps things interesting. #6 most men would over compensate to get with a woman they perceived to be out of their league by talkin about this ish they got Another silly one. Yet, it happens 🤷🏽♀️😊
Being aloof and distant (without proper communication) is a huge turn off for me. If he's busy with work or if he needs alone time to deal with something and he lets me know that, I totally get it and I give him space while going about my own life. If he's not responsive and he's cold and doesn't communicate why, it literally drains the desire and affection from me. Makes me feel like he's not into me, or that the relationship is not going anywhere, and usually when he's like that, I start pulling back. I start putting up walls in preparation for a break up or something.
Kristin, I am so sorry. I was married to one and it took me 16 years to realize it. The healing from that kind of abuse is tough but not impossible. Hold your head up. There are some great RUclips videos that address narcissism. Matt has an excellent one as well as Mark Rosenberg. If you search the subject narcissistic abuse or warning signs of dating a narcissist - you'll get some really good information. Praying for you.
As you mentioned near the end...definitely when the commitment moves faster than the connection. And another point you made: Feeling chosen....that is also important for women.
This is a good one! Yeah, I've also been needeing those tricks a lot. Even straight "fuck off" want sometimes work" because the answer is "nice, I really like challanges!".
Hi, get anyone to love or (SP) attracted to you. And Alo get your Ex back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Wilson,he helped me restore my 5 years relationship. Also Dr Wilson Always keep with his words, I will advise you to seek his help thanks
1. Playing games 0:34 2. Being too aloof 1:38 3. Treating him as if he is perfect 2:26 4. The attitude of entitlement 3:36 5. Emasculating behaviour 5:47 6. Instant relationship 8:53
@@maidenmarian1 egos do not protect ego is fear based fear of rejection fear of upsetting egos keep us stuck! Egos are fragile they hinder growth! You protect yourself by knowing yourself inside out and being able to adult and make wise decision even if they hurt or feel uncomfortable by communicating exactly what you want exactly how you feel by showing your vulnerabilities! Egos need to be dropped they are nothing but fear based masks to hide who what and our true feelings xxx
@@CosmicHazeTarot1111 Interesting Ideas. Happy New Year!! I will consider your thoughts!! Merry Christmas past and Happiest of New years to you and everyone here!!!
Haha can't drop the ego nun its the first thing that forms us in our youth we would drop our morals (sense if right and wrong) before we dropped our who's (the thing that tells us what we want and what may make us happy this moment) but u probably weren't talking about the ID lol sorry
I LOVE complimenting my sweetie. Even when he is having a crappy day I make him calm by simply saying “ be easy honey, all is in order” or “you’re so handsome when you are angry, what can I do to make you ugly?”... this always makes him smile.. all while speaking softly and gently touching his arm or face. It’s amazing how quickly he calms down.and begins to laugh.
What do you do if you feel like you don't know how to be 'in balance' with yourself? I've lived so long trying to please and make other people happy that when people say 'be authentic' or 'be yourself', I don't know if what I'm feeling is truly what I want or if it's what I think I SHOULD do...
Bringing the topic of sex up right away. It's like they want reassurance that they will get laid before putting any kind of effort. It's kind of juvenile and I immediately dismiss a guy who does that. I mean, duh, we will eventually get there, what's the rush! It's very discouraging.
Exactly!!!!! Ultimate turn off. Bucket any guy who does it they just want sex. A man who really likes you won’t bring up sex before getting to know you.
If you really want to be (his) woman of high standards don't ever 'get there' unless you have a ring and wedding plans. Even then it's best to wait until the honeymoon night because going to bed with him before that takes away his motivation to get married to begin with, and you 'tarnish' your own self worth, even in your own heart. The wedding night is nothing special to him either, if you've already had sex. Men want their wedding nights to be special too, so you both get robbed of that special bonding meant for your wedding night. When you have sex with a man, he stops pursuing you in an emotional way that will grow the relationship, because he already has the shallow thing he's wanted. It stunts the growth of the emotional aspect of the relationship with a man. If you wait, it is incredibly wonderful to see how our relationship develops without giving up your power! If sex is the only thing he wants and he leaves because you're not having sex with him, let him go!!! Our culture is upside down created by men for them to have their cake with no consequences, that includes the option of abortion as well. They have no consequences I'm getting a female pregnant. Do not try to be what he wants at the expense of Who You Are and what you need. It's imperative to find out what you need emotionally, to truly know yourself, and then evaluate whether your dates have what it takes to fill those needs to be a possible mate. Not only one or two of them but all of them! It eliminates wasting invested years with the wrong person because it feels comfortable. Don't get into relationships that turn into habit, rather than a meaningful, purposeful and growing one! The moment you continue a relationship that you know in your gut is not right for you, you're moving into the limbo Zone! We adjust and get used to relationships that we know are not in our best self interest, out of a multitude of false fears! You were fine before you met him and you'll be fine when you let him go! Don't ever settle, God has a 'perfect' mate for you. Not 'perfect' but perfect for you, and you only have to ask God for him. Learn from my experience, don't relive it! ♡
I have found an effective way to get around "let me do it" or "you're not doing it right" is to let the person give it a try for a minute and when they start struggling enough that they may be more receptive to feed back you say "I have a suggestion I think will be helpful". And be willing to allow them to go back to doing what they're doing if they say no.
Very good advice and makes sense. Puts the ball in their court and saves you the gray hair and frustration trying to teach someone who doesn’t want to learn.
This was good!!! Thanks.....I hate it when a man: 1.thinks touching and groping is suppose to turn me on, no it's annoying. Sit and talk to me without touching!!! Stupid octopus 2. Thinking a sexual conversation is supposed to do something for me.....yet when we finally get together, you fail in performance.!! Ugh 3. Not maintaining hygiene.....breath trumps everything!! You can wear the same outfit as long as its clean and pressed....BUT ALWAYS MAKE BREATH A #1 PRIORITY FOR A DATE AND RELATIONSHIP!!!
I believe you Rosalyn! You are so on point especially about breath! Nothing grosser than smelly breath or someone that doesn't shower and wear clean clothes! Greasy hair is a turn off it's not the fifties anymore
When a man gets too relaxed in the relationship it scares me off. Meaning, he takes you out for a while and then it’s let’s stay home. Then staying home becomes the pattern.
I totally agree with being careful not to use “ immasculating behavior towards a man, you don’t want to make him feel inferior. I also think Everyone is sensitive to even subtle criticism and your partner should be encouraging you as well during these times.
That was super! Thanks! The behaviors that pushes me away from a man are control issues, possessiveness and invalidating things I say and do. Not keeping promises or not being helpful or thoughtful in small ways are turn-offs.
This is sage wisdom for the ladies. ......what pushes me away? Talkin the talk and not walkin the walk is what completely throws me off. I gotta see actions.
My now ex used to always try to control how I did everything. Everything had to be done HIS WAY. He was critical and nagging. I'm so over controlling people
my ex husband was that way, controlling everything, and it got worse, telling me east to wear, trying to stop me from.dance class, getting rid of my friends. My trust level is bad but working on that now. so when I met someone I see the signs of controlling I'm out.
M’y ex would never shower and you can smell him from miles.ohh, l hate men who disguise themselves as someone else in order to please and slowly go back to their true self as the relationship progress. I thought l was dating a clean man until one day l went over to get my books from his apt after not seeing him for one month and he smells a mixte of onion and hair grease
I went out on a date with a guy who looked like he slept in his clothes. I lasted long enough to order a meal, told him I had to leave and I paid for the meal and left. He rang me again. Must have needed a free dinner or to borrow an iron 🤔🤣
I got to say that everything you said that pushes men away- is also the same exact things that push woman away as well. Great advice! I love how you explain connection verses commitments and how that works in reality.
Hi, get anyone to love or (SP) attracted to you. And Alo get your Ex back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Wilson,he helped me restore my 5 years relationship. Also Dr Wilson Always keep with his words, I will advise you to seek his help thanks
At a first date, normally the men think we are already together, just because I've agreed to meet for the first time. That scares me away like hell. You are so right. Thanks Mat! I love your vids!
My ex husband did this, complain about his family and me all the time. He walked out and found him an older woman, I guess he needed a mom. Every time he called me about the kids, she was in the back ground telling him what to say or communicate for him. Now they are married and live across the united states from his children and grand child. Life is crazy, just wished he would have communicated this to me before I gave him 26 years of my life. Been 8 years now, and all I can do is laugh, and know what he missing out of this grand child.
@@asaengman6854 Yes, my first serious ex was like this. His mom suggested that I get a better paying job while he pretty much was complacent about his debts and unemployment.
Yeh, I think that was a problem in my "marriage". He had cerebral palsy so he couldn't or wouldn't do much of any chores around the house. Now, when he was younger he was also at boarding schools so, I felt like I had to ask him/tell him to do just about anything around the house. You need to address this one right away in your relationship. Then, it was like I felt like I was bossy, but then I thought he's an adult. He was overly passive on this issue. He felt he just had to go to work and come home. Don't fall into that trap.
A guy I was chatting with told me before I even met him. That he needed some good loving and that he had an insatiable desire. I told him that at this point the desire wasn’t for me and that he was going to have to find someone else to scratch his itch.
Complete honesty. Being vague about or lying about whether you are truly single... deal-breaker. Be sure you are free before you start a new relationship.
Intellectualizing love. "I choose to love you." Because he feels falling love implies a victim mentality. I smiled, I shrugged it off and said, "whatever, I love you."
I have had to deal with a guy who I went out with a few times, realized he was not someone I wanted to continue dating because he acted so needy so I let him know that I did not want to see him any more. But he did not get the message. He kept showing up at my job, coincidentally be at the grocery store same time I was, repeatedly, drove through my neighborhood then call me to say he had just drove by my house, knew I was home but due to the late hour he did not want to bother me. He lived in another town 30 minutes away until he moved a block away from where I now live. So what scares me off are men coming on too strong, are insecure, and behaving like a stalker when I clearly have told them I am not interested in dating them.
And CONGRATULATIONS to 600K!!!!! I am so honored to have been following you for 4 years. You always make my life rich and full of warmth and compassion ❤️😘❤️😘
This video by Mat Boggs is so insightful and helpful! It's true that some behaviors can scare men off, and it's important to be aware of them if we want to attract and keep a healthy relationship. I appreciate how Mat explains the reasons behind these behaviors and provides practical tips on how to avoid them. It's not about changing who we are, but rather about becoming more self-aware and developing healthier patterns in our dating life. Thank you for sharing this valuable advice!
My last boyfriend did that on our third date. I actually thought of not dating him after that and I probably should have listened to my gut instinct but I didn't. Sigh.
Also a disgraceful turn-off for me as well. I am neither his psychotherapist, nor his buddy. Unless we are both discussing relationship characteristics we like or dislike together in conversation. I might back off if i decide to feel sorry for his ex. Also, i causes me to wonder if he's on the rebound, or considering getting back with her, since he is prioritizing discussing her during our precious time together. It's a real detraction from developing anything more meaningful than being solely friends.
Hi, get anyone to love or (SP) attracted to you. And Alo get your Ex back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Wilson,he helped me restore my 5 years relationship. Also Dr Wilson Always keep with his words, I will advise you to seek his help thanks
1) LACK OF RESPECT 2) WANTING MARRIAGE KIDS OR TO BE THE CENTER OF MY LIFE FROM FIRST DATES 3) WANTING ONLY INTERNET SEXUAL TALK 4) BEING JEALOUS OF MY HOBBIES OR STUDIES 5) LOOKING AT OTHER WOMEN FROM FIRST DATES 6) FEELING ALWAYS A VICTIM OF HIS LIFE AND COMPLAINING ALL THE TIME. GREETINGS FROM GREECE!!
What scares me away is when a man tries too hard to impress me, usually with stories or going out of his way to help me. It makes me feel like he’s not trying to get to know me or what ACTUALLY impresses me which is more than skin-deep. The other major one is emotional distance.. and this is sooooo common. I think at least half the guys I’ve dated are emotionally distant and I’ve checked to make sure this isn’t something I’m projecting or causing. I think it’s more to do with the age-group of men I’ve dated (28-34). Guys usually show this by not being communicative or open. By being guarded and just overall distant. They’ll say they’re looking for commitment or a relationship but it just doesn’t show and I don’t feel it and it scares me that they haven’t healed from trauma or they’re non-committal or something. And patience hasn’t usually paid with this 😂 Love the videos you make, Matt! They’ve helped me a lot to feel more empowered and find men that are quality men looking for similar things. I haven’t found the one yet, but your videos have really helped me to be the best version of myself and create a healthy space for when he does come along. Thanks so much! ❤️
You always do such a good job! Scaring me away? 1. Not listening to me 2. Talking abt other women 3. Refusing to do things I like 4. Blowing me off for for buddies or activities Ty
If he doesn't have a life of his own, wants to consume my much of my time then he is needy and cannot possibly offer a partnership. I don't want to mommy or raise a grown man.
Just had a 30 yr "friendship" destroyed, he came back and ended up being a narcissist, more than 10 fb accounts, ghosting, projection, all that crap, will be cold day before I talk to him again, trusting no one
@@mine176p I'm so sorry to hear that. I have had similar experiences myself with re-connecting to people from my past. Big mistake- they are not who I thought they were and it was quite damaging and hurtful.
Do you know Your relationship can be fixed without going through any therapy stress or going through any stress at all ? With the help of a spiritual spell caster I got my husband back with 48hrs and now we're back together and he's committed to our relationship like never before
One thing that turns me off when getting to know someone is me asking 100 questions about them, their family, their job, future goals...and zero reciprocation. If someone isn't as interested in me as I am of them, then I have better things to do. Long term...men who are slow to define a relationship. Meaning that we are "just dating" months in with seemingly no progression but have no interest in bring with other people either. Feels like I am being treated as a security blanket and used.
I’m glad you mentioned emasculating behavior. I never realized how damaging that can be for a man. It really opened my eyes to some of my own behavior in the past. Thanks for your content!
Hi, get anyone to love or (SP) attracted to you. And Alo get your Ex back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Wilson,he helped me restore my 5 years relationship. Also Dr Wilson Always keep with his words, I will advise you to seek his help thanks
As a man, I'll say this. If a man tolerates emasculating behavior, that's kind of a red flag. I've had a few women pull that with me, and I put an end to it really fast. Sure, I'll give her a chance, saying it won't happen again. If it happens again, it's just over. It's not something you can have inside of a relationship. There has to be respect. People need to be advocates of one another inside of a relationship.
When they ghost me and then they want to come back. I've already started to desensitized myself towards them. I start feeling numb and wonder when are they going to do this again. I lose my trust in them. I then have my heart open for someone else, whom will appreciate me and not take me for granted.
Mary Kathleen Sapp very well said. Thank you And at the same time some women get it wrong, they think being feminine means flirting with every man they see and act like a hoe
Not communicating space/time is needed for whatever reason, which leaves me to figure out emotional detachment has taken place and I am emotionally "single" in our relationship. While processing all that I have said or done over a time frame to figure out if it's me at fault or him. I don't have time for this is my relationship. Speaking your mind will prolong our relationship. Pulling away without communicating, ends whatever we have, abruptly.
Hey Matt. Love your work. Can I make a suggestion? Will you do a recap at the end of your videos on the topics presented in the video (in future videos)? it would be nice to see the text again at the end. thanks for all the great advice. I love them all. hugs
This is so random, but I got here because I was watching the Victorian Dating Etiquette and wondered what the dating etiquette of today is about as I been happily married for nearly a decade. I almost left a couple of minutes into it when I realized that this video is also helpful for a wife to her husband. Thanks, pretty useful advices. 👌
C, You are correct in feeling pushed away at what you listed. I guess the biggest disconnect between men and women seems to be that the man is not seeing the woman as a person. When the man sees the woman only as a sex object, she is not going to want to continue to see him.
When a man thinks what I like and what I feel without knowing me. -You like champagne colored roses. (No i don't). I know you are scared of heights, so we don't need to go.... (No I'm not). And when he is planning my life and what I should do as a result of the above. I'm sorry.
That onion example broke my heart a little... For because of the constant pressure for perfection everywhere, I'm genuinly SCARED when someone asks me to cut an onion. Nothing is ever good enough for some people. They would yell at me, mock me, belittle me for a poor onion (or any other mundane thing not worthy making a fuss about)... I'm a woman and perfectionism destroyed me, so if men are even more sensitive to this, I can't imagine their pain... At least, the onion gives us a mean to hide our tears. I believe in you, guys! Unless you work in a 5 stars restaurant, onion cutting skills shouldn't matter! Becoming and being good is enough! Let's put an end to perfection!
You are so right about the relation between conection and commitment. I haven't seen it that way yet but now that you've said it I totally ( am glad to ) see that yes, when me and my guy got a deeper connection, he got less afraid to commit way more. was beautiful to see, thanks for opening my eyes on that one. What scares me away is when men are talking to me and just smiling the entire time, like you can see how they're undressing me mentally but trying to come off as interested and just nice. It's very awkward for me because it's very obvious and a definite no go
I don’t want sympathy instead he can say you are very strong that you went through so much n still being so strong you are a stong lady .. that will be a nice way of appreciation someone.
Sex talk at early stage; texting but not calling; dates only at none prime time hour; and kept guessing where he is with our relationship. My gut told me to run. We broke up after 1 month of dating. Thank God that I stood strong with 90 days before kissing and etc.
Make you wish every woman would see this video… we’d all understand eachother so much better. Also would be cool if there was a vid like that for men, but I think it’s pretty much listening, not being needy, being clean, having strong values and boundaries, being able to provide and being openminded? What’s missing ladies
I’m sooo aloof at first (and am told I play games when I’m actually busy and am not tied to my phone.) Hence, why I’m glad I found this channel. Thank you. 👍🏻
Hey Rachel, being awkward isn't all that bad. I feel you might like this video. It's shares a simple but powerful 'desire' text messages you can send to a man to make him fall in love and commit to you. Go check it out... ozrohepworth.com/textyou
@@richardrivas3294 I do believe. Im letting the universe help me with it. Im not looking, im happy within myself now, so hopefully I will find love one day. Thank you for your thoughts on this. X
When I finally figured out what emasculation means to a man just a few years ago, my perspective on men changed dramatically. Wish I had learned this back in my teens
1st problem is when a guy friend says "I love you" then doesn't want to commit to a first date. 2nd problem is when a guy seems more like my next project than someone I can count on to be there when I need him. Example: Guy shows minimal interest, but wants me to make the first move. 6-12 months later he still hasn't made a move. I got bored and moved on. He became furious because I didn't want to play his game. If I want a new project I will get a hobby or a pet.
Two absolute turn offs that make me build insecurity and resentment (that men have done more often than I'd like): 1. When I'm trying to get one thing done and I ask for a suggestion, they take over and do it for me, mansplaining how it should be done right. I love to feel empowered and capable, and unwanted "taking over" is very humiliating. After all I only asked for a suggestion. 2. When the guy tells me he will do something, something I might not even have asked for, but now he's created an expectation and then he doesn't do it. Even worse, he doesn't do it, and then comes back as if he never even promised he'd do the thing. That makes me feel so insecure, and even a bit crazy. "Has he really said that? Maybe I got it wrong?" This is a dealbreaker
What scares me away from someone i love is one word responses, not engaging in a conversation. It starts making me anxious, and just totally scares me off. Now it doesn't happen all the time, but if a man told me he was busy and was sending me one-word responses i wouldn't mind. But just sending me one word responses without a meaningful explanation. Makes me feel unimportant.
Scared away. That dude who try so hard to impress and say things that isn't true. You know he is lying. Things like he have money or too much conections and stuff
What scares me away is while on online dating sites or apps like Tinder, if someone suggests and wants to meet waaayyyyy too soon. Like, during the first conversations or the next day...... The More they persist, the more terrified I get. Like, I need to feel like it's safe to meet with you! Just persisting on meeting almost right away before I barely know someone isn't gonna work. It puts too much pressure on me, too. If I know it's safe, then it's ok. Regardless of how we would come into contact.
Not scared, but disappointed: When we get ingored by men, not replying back. Maybe they are also playing hard to get, or playing like a 'good catch'. My mind says, "if u don't reply, then don't. U will not get another message from me either"..
No. They just have 15 OTHER women willing to whore around with them. If they want you (NOT for a relationship or any comittment, mind you, just to sleep with you) they are RIGHT THERE.
#5- I have had men who I have "met" online through dating apps and they just turn the tables on me...manipulating...Mat, is this true where men have done these behaviors to their women?
Mat, you are great, and.... I would gently like to offer my perspective on the onion “situation.” I believe men are being asked at this point in the evolution of humanity to genuinely move beyond having to be slightly “above” their mate in this way. I also believe strongly that there can be the sexual polarity necessary for connection, without her having to restrict her intelligence in this way. Please see the prison you are suggesting as a permanent way of a couple existing. The way I see that situation is, here you are, a brilliant, amazing, successful guy, with 600,000 followers, for Heaven’s sake! - Congratulations on that - and yet you are still somehow so insecure that your wife, your love, your mate, who you obviously adore, cannot share her knowledge with you about how to cut an onion because it makes you feel like less of a man? Can you see how this dynamic keeps both you and her in a weird prison? She literally has to shut up, she cannot freely share her intelligence, because her sharing her knowledge of how to cut an onion would make you feel less of a man??? How about you believe in men enough to believe they can evolve past this sort of thinking? How about instead of talking women into shutting up, that you lead men into feeling secure enough inside themselves that women can be their genuine intelligent full selves in your presence, knowing their intelligence doesn’t make you feel “less than”? The more evolved “self-talk” instead could be something like “ I absolutely love my wife. I am no longer a child. So I do not think like a child. I think like a man. My soulmate sharing her knowledge and intelligence with me in NO way means she does not believe in me. We are learning and growing together, as male and female, but as equals. She is not my mother. Her teaching me something does not threaten my masculinity in any way. My partner, best friend, and love of my life is free to express the fullness of her self, without having to suppress her natural intelligence or wisdom to accommodate my insecurities or any outdated ways of thinking. I commit to evolving past this nonsense and to truly moving humanity to the next level”. I took several days of thought before offering you this perspective, but I feel it is important you hear a rational and heartfelt counterpoint to your perspective. I truly believe this is a much better approach, for both men and for women.
I 100% understand where you're coming from and I agree that men need to take responsibility for their own emotional triggers and also take more responsibility for and become more competent in household roles. That said, I think I also understand what Matt is saying here: there is a difference between altering behaviour with judgment (e.g. "You're doing it wrong!") and altering behaviour with a suggestion (e.g. "Hey babe, can I give you a tip? Look, this is how I do this, and I find it makes it much easier"). Even as I'm writing these two ways of communicating out, I can feel my muscles tense up as I'm writing the first and I experience the second with almost no resistance whatsoever. In this type of situation, I think both partners need to grow; one needs to learn to accept feedback without getting defensive or deflated, while the other needs to ensure the feedback has been delivered with love and respect instead of with judgment and impatience.
good point luka . I get very impatiant with women therefore avoided relationships for a long time, i would like to understand what I am really missing.
I think Mat was using a very minor example. I think what happens sometimes some relationships IF it becomes a regular thing. Yeah it's emasculating. Just like when a woman is feeling like a man is insulting her intelligence because he thinks hes smarter because he's the man yeah it's rude it's insulting. If you flip that, the man feels like he's being emasculated all the time about trying to do something and you don't have faith in him that's what a man's perspective is. It's validating to both sides. I've seen couples where they were tearing each other down so much overtime it became second nature. I think he's just trying to point out a few things.
Kimberley's are SO smart! I'm another Kimberley (YES, with that exact "ley" spelling!) so I thought I'd write that haha 😘. But seriously.... you are 100% right on! Men need to get past their mommy issues and realize (as you wrote) that offering an alternative way of doing something is not necessarily scolding or emasculating. Sure, some women can be harsh in their delivery and make it seem like scolding; but a sane woman would approach it with humor. In my experience, humor will almost always diffuse any defensive feelings (unless they were ALREADY pissed off about something 😳 haha) - but that's beyond the scope here! You made an excellent point about his advice for us women to just keep quiet is detrimental for any relationship- or for us to evolve as humans. I think it's more in the delivery - in other words - it's not so much what you say, but how you say it. I'll add however that honestly- let someone else, ANYONE else chop an onion. It stinks and makes me cry anyway!!! Plus being single, I don't have that other someone to chop an onion. If I did, I'd be grateful and let them do it and further, I'd let them do it any damn way they please...just so I wouldn't have to!!! ---some married people need to spend time on their own with NO help to appreciate their significant other! No help with taking garbage out in bad weather, no one to help cart laundry up stairs, no one to help lug groceries in the house, and on...and on... and on... If they spent a month or even a week alone, they'd then count their damn blessings and shut their picky yaps! 🤔😁
Join the *Manifest Your Man* program and get *coached by Mat Boggs TODAY* : www.bravethinkinginstitute.com/love-relationships/resources/mym/offer/strategy-session
What scares me away is a guy who starts calling me “baby” after one conversation.
Amy Wall 😂😂😂
Gross !
Agree
Baby 👀
I don't like being called honey, sweetie, baby, doll, etc. At nearly 60 I don't think I should change!
I told my fiance that i wanted a serious relationship on our first date 😆 and that’s actually what made him deleted his dating app as he said, he admires the fact that i know what i want and he appreciates my honesty.
7 months later he proposed to me with a simple diamond ring that is means a lot to me. Just be yourself, and let man see that
THAT is totally sweet! I admire your candor. He must have known what he wanted too! I wasn’t even looking for a relationship then I met a man I became interested in. I am beginning to like him more and more and want a relationship! 😉☺️🥳
I'm confused why this isn't the top rated comment.
Man my dream is to be married and my past exes knew about it, never proposed to me and my last ex used it against me.
This is me in every starting relationship hahaha. It’s keeps the right one around surely 😂
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Only talking about himself and not asking me questions about me. Even when I interject something about me and he instantly turns it back to him .
Run 😂🏃♀️
Yes, totally agrees
Classic narcissist behavior
THIS
It's unfear though
Things that scare me away:
1) Narcissist behaviour
2) Motivated by materialistic goals
3) Lack of initiative and does not keep promises
4) Not truly in love with me but in the idea of being in love
5) No respect for my boundaries
What does it mean to be in love with the idea of being in love and how can I spot that in a guy? Thank you
@@jacqueline8742There's this guy that I interacted with online via a social interactive game. Talked to him as a friend and then not long after he claims that 'he likes me and wants me to be his gf' without actually meeting me in person yet... seemed like he was desperate to be in love?
Yes, Pei Pei Lee. On point 👍🏼
I had all of those people pie in my narc ex husband.
Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty I am free at last!!!
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
What pushes me away is when they don’t fully express themselves and you have to either wait or guess how they actually feel.
Yes...true... very irritating part who is not expressing himself
Same, especially when I find out that I did something they don’t like and I had no idea
I conqure with you
Agreed!
The problem is that you’re maybe attracted to emotionally avoidant men (because of anxiety). These character types tend to upset one because they don’t respond and they aren’t upfront. You keep thinking ‘he/she was so nice on the date, so why aren’t they communicating’ and it drives you nuts until you sigh and let go. And then you feel a bit alone again.
Instead of getting angry about the people we meet, we should think about setting ourselves up for success.
If we attract the wrong people, we need to think how we change our game so that it works in our favor.
It helps if you ask 1. What kind of man do you want and 2. How do you attract him
3. How do you become that high value person who attracts the best of men while still being yourself (or the best version of yourself)
The "emasculating behavior" point hit me hard. I am definitely one to just want things done the "right" and "most effective" way, and since my husband is such a sweetheart, I never really considered how he may feel when I do this. From now on, I'll just thank him...and redo it when he goes to work lmao.
That's not true for me. It feels bad when someone says there is a better way of doing something but at the same time it's better because that's the only way to improve.
There is a way to tell things without making others hate you
Never knew that "innocent advice" was emasculating 😱 thank you
The same here, can agree 💯
Sure, dont royally insult the guy, but i dont get this...us women just have to play dumb and sit on the couch so he can think he is some kind of bad ass... Meanwhile we dont get to play to any of our strengths? What we spose to do just sit on the couch, and pretend to be happy having no life, and no ability to be hands on and use our brains? Why so we can just sit there and get fat?
Are men really that fragile that they cant even behold a competent woman without feeling inferior. That sound like some pussy shit.
Now i am not into emasculating men...i believe strongly against it, but i am also not into emasculating myself either. Wtf?
If a man cant handle my masculine energy then he needs to fuck off...my opinion.
At the same time, i want them to feel self empowered....just not at the expense of my own self empowerment.
Cant they feel self empowered without me having to pretend im something that im not? Im not Totally incompetent and totally witless...why should i pretend to be and actually royally devalue myself in the process? And if they cant love me for being who i am and i have to pretend who i am, what the point of even having any kind of relationship?
On second thought, maybe just focusing on your own projects and applying your own expertise and emersing yourself in your own energy within projects, is enough. while you can still just admire him in whatever project he chooses to involve and invest himself in, and also allow him the space to mess it up so he can learn how to do it him self and feel accomplished, and you still admire him and his ability to problem solve that when he didnt know how, he found a way
Sometimes they come up with different ways of doing things, that i had never thought of before, and that were brilliant, because they had the room they needed to solve their problem in their own way.
This is great. I like this more.
And honestly, if they really dont know, most of the time they'll eventually ask. Lol
Feeling thankful🙏
When a man becomes cold or silent after a dispute is one thing that will push me away. I prefer instead when a disagreement occurs that he lets me know what bothers him and if he needs time and space I can do that for him. 😌
Kiara White I also think that if a man becomes silent or cold after a dispute that is a red flag 🚩 that this is how they will behave or worse later on in a more committed relationship.
That’s the crazy thing we are in a committed relationship.
Happy update lol 😂 We doing better with communication than the last time 💙🥰
Most men wont share their feelings and thats my biggest turn off if you cant tell me how you are feeling when you are feeling it dont even think about it
@@jvstkiki yay!
What pushes me away
1.) Lack of communication and/or unclear communication
2.) Being cool with doing EVERYTHING I suggest. Nobody wants a yes man
3.) Not being assertive
4.) Uncompromising
5.) Very sexual way too early
6.) This is really For me because alot of women don't mind. Announcing how many cars you have or where you shop at, to show that you have money. It's a major turnoff for me. This makes me immediately uninterested.
Not just you, totally agree with your last one. Show me that you are stable and can pay your bills, not that you spend money you could easily save.
Megan Lindsey You’re a beautiful woman. Idk how you can get past #5 and #6 because for one most men are sexual by nature. And, they can’t seem to help themselves with women they are highly attracted to. Sucks sometimes but yeah. I used to get so frustrated about this as well until I learn to used this to my advantage. It’s the promise of it tht keeps things interesting. #6 most men would over compensate to get with a woman they perceived to be out of their league by talkin about this ish they got
Another silly one. Yet, it happens 🤷🏽♀️😊
I’m totally with you!
Announcing how many cars you have🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@GoingGreenMom I know right?
Being aloof and distant (without proper communication) is a huge turn off for me. If he's busy with work or if he needs alone time to deal with something and he lets me know that, I totally get it and I give him space while going about my own life. If he's not responsive and he's cold and doesn't communicate why, it literally drains the desire and affection from me. Makes me feel like he's not into me, or that the relationship is not going anywhere, and usually when he's like that, I start pulling back. I start putting up walls in preparation for a break up or something.
This...I feel the same way. I'll quickly build a fortress to anticipate getting brokenhearted.
I hate when men ghost me, or when they make me feel like I am the one while instead they’re dating other girls 🤦🏾♀️
Make them chase you...don't be so available. He can't ghost you...because he's too busy chasing you.
@@CrystalDatingCoach don't play games. Just move on
@@Tailionis Yes. Use Strategies to make him/her like you more...Not to make someone like you.
@Vick F woman want to be Pursued.
@Vick F try to find out if there's a reason for that... maybe sth about your lifestyle doesn't sit well with them... ??
Things that scare me away? He is always right about everything, and my opinion is always wrong.
Him always being right in his opinion and you always being wrong - that's a narcissist run the other way.
Totally agree.
@@zechariah4663 yes I finally figured that my ex husband is one. The behaviours I mentioned are mostly all from him
Kristin,
I am so sorry. I was married to one and it took me 16 years to realize it. The healing from that kind of abuse is tough but not impossible. Hold your head up. There are some great RUclips videos that address narcissism. Matt has an excellent one as well as Mark Rosenberg. If you search the subject narcissistic abuse or warning signs of dating a narcissist - you'll get some really good information. Praying for you.
The same reason my relationship ended two months ago. 🙄🙄
As you mentioned near the end...definitely when the commitment moves faster than the connection. And another point you made: Feeling chosen....that is also important for women.
I came here *to learn how to scare off men*
This is a good one! Yeah, I've also been needeing those tricks a lot. Even straight "fuck off" want sometimes work" because the answer is "nice, I really like challanges!".
😂😂😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣
Lol 😂 I actually started applauding tht. 😂😂
Scares women away: inconsistency, neediness, inability to respect your principles and views in life, rudeness
YES!!!
On point! And may I add the inability to respect... your basic needs..
And not respecting boundaries.
Definitely
Hi, get anyone to love or (SP) attracted to you. And Alo get your Ex back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Wilson,he helped me restore my 5 years relationship. Also Dr Wilson Always keep with his words, I will advise you to seek his help thanks
1. Playing games 0:34
2. Being too aloof 1:38
3. Treating him as if he is perfect 2:26
4. The attitude of entitlement 3:36
5. Emasculating behaviour 5:47
6. Instant relationship 8:53
If everyone would just drop their egos life would be much easier 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
But in a way for us ladies, our egos can protect us. I think we must do things to keep growing and stay safe.
@@maidenmarian1 egos do not protect ego is fear based fear of rejection fear of upsetting egos keep us stuck! Egos are fragile they hinder growth! You protect yourself by knowing yourself inside out and being able to adult and make wise decision even if they hurt or feel uncomfortable by communicating exactly what you want exactly how you feel by showing your vulnerabilities! Egos need to be dropped they are nothing but fear based masks to hide who what and our true feelings xxx
@@CosmicHazeTarot1111 Interesting Ideas. Happy New Year!! I will consider your thoughts!! Merry Christmas past and Happiest of New years to you and everyone here!!!
Haha can't drop the ego nun its the first thing that forms us in our youth we would drop our morals (sense if right and wrong) before we dropped our who's (the thing that tells us what we want and what may make us happy this moment) but u probably weren't talking about the ID lol sorry
@@neomehollow1391 You mean the Super Ego. I don't thing this is what she meant.
I LOVE complimenting my sweetie. Even when he is having a crappy day I make him calm by simply saying “ be easy honey, all is in order” or “you’re so handsome when you are angry, what can I do to make you ugly?”... this always makes him smile.. all while speaking softly and gently touching his arm or face. It’s amazing how quickly he calms down.and begins to laugh.
When a man is stingy, no matter how attractive his other qualities, I loose interest.
👌👌👌👌👌 me too
Naghmeh Salek tight ass is 🤢 unless they have an extremely bad financial situation then it’s different
Exactly👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽
Same here😂😂
Agreed
What do you do if you feel like you don't know how to be 'in balance' with yourself? I've lived so long trying to please and make other people happy that when people say 'be authentic' or 'be yourself', I don't know if what I'm feeling is truly what I want or if it's what I think I SHOULD do...
Bringing the topic of sex up right away. It's like they want reassurance that they will get laid before putting any kind of effort. It's kind of juvenile and I immediately dismiss a guy who does that. I mean, duh, we will eventually get there, what's the rush! It's very discouraging.
Exactly!!!!! Ultimate turn off. Bucket any guy who does it they just want sex. A man who really likes you won’t bring up sex before getting to know you.
If you really want to be (his) woman of high standards don't ever 'get there' unless you have a ring and wedding plans. Even then it's best to wait until the honeymoon night because going to bed with him before that takes away his motivation to get married to begin with, and you 'tarnish' your own self worth, even in your own heart. The wedding night is nothing special to him either, if you've already had sex. Men want their wedding nights to be special too, so you both get robbed of that special bonding meant for your wedding night. When you have sex with a man, he stops pursuing you in an emotional way that will grow the relationship, because he already has the shallow thing he's wanted. It stunts the growth of the emotional aspect of the relationship with a man. If you wait, it is incredibly wonderful to see how our relationship develops without giving up your power! If sex is the only thing he wants and he leaves because you're not having sex with him, let him go!!! Our culture is upside down created by men for them to have their cake with no consequences, that includes the option of abortion as well. They have no consequences I'm getting a female pregnant. Do not try to be what he wants at the expense of Who You Are and what you need. It's imperative to find out what you need emotionally, to truly know yourself, and then evaluate whether your dates have what it takes to fill those needs to be a possible mate. Not only one or two of them but all of them! It eliminates wasting invested years with the wrong person because it feels comfortable. Don't get into relationships that turn into habit, rather than a meaningful, purposeful and growing one! The moment you continue a relationship that you know in your gut is not right for you, you're moving into the limbo Zone! We adjust and get used to relationships that we know are not in our best self interest, out of a multitude of false fears! You were fine before you met him and you'll be fine when you let him go! Don't ever settle, God has a 'perfect' mate for you. Not 'perfect' but perfect for you, and you only have to ask God for him. Learn from my experience, don't relive it! ♡
I agree totally.
A guy like that I would dump right away. Instant
A very immature guy!!
I agree 💯 with your advice. It's not just emasculating behavior; it's undermining the man.
My husband said to me "Honey let me slay the dragon!" It was so perfect for me to understand what he was saying.
In my view, what scares women away from is his uncertainty in relationship and losing temper with you right away when something happens.
women feel like they need to test a mans anger and this is abusive and unproductive manipulation.
I have found an effective way to get around "let me do it" or "you're not doing it right" is to let the person give it a try for a minute and when they start struggling enough that they may be more receptive to feed back you say "I have a suggestion I think will be helpful". And be willing to allow them to go back to doing what they're doing if they say no.
Very good advice and makes sense. Puts the ball in their court and saves you the gray hair and frustration trying to teach someone who doesn’t want to learn.
1) Vanishing
2) Ignoring texts or calls
3) “Jokes” at my or other peoples expense
I have a ghoster
Rid of him
Yea, that's shitty behavior either way it's going.
This was good!!! Thanks.....I hate it when a man: 1.thinks touching and groping is suppose to turn me on, no it's annoying. Sit and talk to me without touching!!! Stupid octopus
2. Thinking a sexual conversation is supposed to do something for me.....yet when we finally get together, you fail in performance.!! Ugh
3. Not maintaining hygiene.....breath trumps everything!! You can wear the same outfit as long as its clean and pressed....BUT ALWAYS MAKE BREATH A #1 PRIORITY FOR A DATE AND RELATIONSHIP!!!
I think I dated him too lol
when you believe that you deserve a good guy,that’s when you will attract him.Your brain will filter out the trash
💯.
I believe you Rosalyn! You are so on point especially about breath! Nothing grosser than smelly breath or someone that doesn't shower and wear clean clothes! Greasy hair is a turn off it's not the fifties anymore
On point!!! 💯
When a man gets too relaxed in the relationship it scares me off. Meaning, he takes you out for a while and then it’s let’s stay home. Then staying home becomes the pattern.
Melladee Crisler - "A new broom sweeps well" 😒
Right! But covid is changing this
@@jujuvtx true but one could still put in effort. Such as nature dates.
I am fine with going home. But if it is just "netflix & chill" F that fakery.
Omg yes!!! I hate this so much.
I totally agree with being careful not to use “ immasculating behavior towards a man, you don’t want to make him feel inferior. I also think Everyone is sensitive to even subtle criticism and your partner should be encouraging you as well during these times.
That was super! Thanks!
The behaviors that pushes me away from a man are control issues, possessiveness and invalidating things I say and do. Not keeping promises or not being helpful or thoughtful in small ways are turn-offs.
That's a sweet compliment. Thanks you, Oscar.
This is sage wisdom for the ladies. ......what pushes me away? Talkin the talk and not walkin the walk is what completely throws me off. I gotta see actions.
How are you doing 😊😊😊👋
My now ex used to always try to control how I did everything. Everything had to be done HIS WAY. He was critical and nagging. I'm so over controlling people
My dad is like this and I believe he's a covert narcissist
my ex husband was that way, controlling everything, and it got worse, telling me east to wear, trying to stop me from.dance class, getting rid of my friends. My trust level is bad but working on that now. so when I met someone I see the signs of controlling I'm out.
.
@@angelicearth78 .
@@angelicearth78 .
I almost forgot ! "BAD HYGIENE". Dude it's not attractive when you forgot to brush your theeth or cuting your dirty nails before a date 🤢.
Just coming to see me from home without smelling fresh puts me off 🤮
Girls do that too. I never call those girls back.
M’y ex would never shower and you can smell him from miles.ohh, l hate men who disguise themselves as someone else in order to please and slowly go back to their true self as the relationship progress. I thought l was dating a clean man until one day l went over to get my books from his apt after not seeing him for one month and he smells a mixte of onion and hair grease
😂😂
I went out on a date with a guy who looked like he slept in his clothes. I lasted long enough to order a meal, told him I had to leave and I paid for the meal and left.
He rang me again. Must have needed a free dinner or to borrow an iron 🤔🤣
I got to say that everything you said that pushes men away- is also the same exact things that push woman away as well. Great advice! I love how you explain connection verses commitments and how that works in reality.
Hi, get anyone to love or (SP) attracted to you. And Alo get your Ex back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Wilson,he helped me restore my 5 years relationship. Also Dr Wilson Always keep with his words, I will advise you to seek his help thanks
+2347063620887⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of breakup-.,
Agree, like a guy that doesn't offer to help carry suitcases or other large objects.
I really need a very nice date 😊
@@TheLaurabecky Wow! that's so sexist. A big red flag is women who want equality, but claim entitlement to unequal behavior.
At a first date, normally the men think we are already together, just because I've agreed to meet for the first time. That scares me away like hell. You are so right. Thanks Mat! I love your vids!
Continuous negativity. Complaining about his life but not doing anything to change it.
Yes!!!
Yes!!! I hate that! Grow up for heaven sake and take care of yourself and your life. It's like them seeking for a new mom. Puh!
My ex husband did this, complain about his family and me all the time. He walked out and found him an older woman, I guess he needed a mom. Every time he called me about the kids, she was in the back ground telling him what to say or communicate for him. Now they are married and live across the united states from his children and grand child. Life is crazy, just wished he would have communicated this to me before I gave him 26 years of my life. Been 8 years now, and all I can do is laugh, and know what he missing out of this grand child.
@@asaengman6854 Yes, my first serious ex was like this. His mom suggested that I get a better paying job while he pretty much was complacent about his debts and unemployment.
This is the absolute worst.
Yeh, I think that was a problem in my "marriage". He had cerebral palsy so he couldn't or wouldn't do much of any chores around the house. Now, when he was younger he was also at boarding schools so, I felt like I had to ask him/tell him to do just about anything around the house. You need to address this one right away in your relationship. Then, it was like I felt like I was bossy, but then I thought he's an adult. He was overly passive on this issue. He felt he just had to go to work and come home. Don't fall into that trap.
A guy I was chatting with told me before I even met him. That he needed some good loving and that he had an insatiable desire.
I told him that at this point the desire wasn’t for me and that he was going to have to find someone else to scratch his itch.
You are very smart. Good for you!
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Complete honesty. Being vague about or lying about whether you are truly single... deal-breaker. Be sure you are free before you start a new relationship.
I think it’s so rude when your out on a date and he’s checking his phone! Bye Bye!
How ironic.
His phone and Jeep mean more to him than people
My senior prom was ruined cause the guy I took was on his phone all night talking to another girl
Yes! I hate that.
Agreed
When he says I love you or I care about you but he hardly knows you! He just wants to get laid!
Sooooo true!!
Actually it’s more likely that he’s a hardcore narcissist. This is a common thing from narcissistic and/or abusive partners (men and women actually).
Faylyn I’m interested in this comment about narcicists jumping the gun on “I love you”. Do you have any more info?
Faylyn I’m interested in this comment about narcicists jumping the gun on “I love you”. Do you have any more info?
Intellectualizing love. "I choose to love you." Because he feels falling love implies a victim mentality. I smiled, I shrugged it off and said, "whatever, I love you."
I have had to deal with a guy who I went out with a few times, realized he was not someone I wanted to continue dating because he acted so needy so I let him know that I did not want to see him any more. But he did not get the message. He kept showing up at my job, coincidentally be at the grocery store same time I was, repeatedly, drove through my neighborhood then call me to say he had just drove by my house, knew I was home but due to the late hour he did not want to bother me. He lived in another town 30 minutes away until he moved a block away from where I now live. So what scares me off are men coming on too strong, are insecure, and behaving like a stalker when I clearly have told them I am not interested in dating them.
Hello how are you doing 😊😊☺️
And CONGRATULATIONS to 600K!!!!! I am so honored to have been following you for 4 years. You always make my life rich and full of warmth and compassion ❤️😘❤️😘
This video by Mat Boggs is so insightful and helpful! It's true that some behaviors can scare men off, and it's important to be aware of them if we want to attract and keep a healthy relationship. I appreciate how Mat explains the reasons behind these behaviors and provides practical tips on how to avoid them. It's not about changing who we are, but rather about becoming more self-aware and developing healthier patterns in our dating life. Thank you for sharing this valuable advice!
There is a difference between telling how to improve and telling you don't know the thing.
Talking about other woman and mentioning his ex on a date
My last boyfriend did that on our third date. I actually thought of not dating him after that and I probably should have listened to my gut instinct but I didn't. Sigh.
Sooo true...
1
Also a disgraceful turn-off for me as well. I am neither his psychotherapist, nor his buddy. Unless we are both discussing relationship characteristics we like or dislike together in conversation. I might back off if i decide to feel sorry for his ex. Also, i causes me to wonder if he's on the rebound, or considering getting back with her, since he is prioritizing discussing her during our precious time together. It's a real detraction from developing anything more meaningful than being solely friends.
I hate that so much! Being compared to an ex is just as bad.
Love what you said. Being grateful, showing gratitude, and humility--thinking of others before you think of yourself. Awesome.
What men do to push women away: mansplaining, ignore or pull away, talk to an ex, and lie/omit/or keep details vague.
Yep, if he causes me to be in question, I don't trust him and I'm not going to live that way.... again...
oh, you mean be 90% of men in the dating pool? thats why we are all screwed.
THIS!! I recently cut off a marriage prospect cuz of this!!!
Hi, get anyone to love or (SP) attracted to you. And Alo get your Ex back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Wilson,he helped me restore my 5 years relationship. Also Dr Wilson Always keep with his words, I will advise you to seek his help thanks
+2347063620887⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of breakup-.,
1) LACK OF RESPECT 2) WANTING MARRIAGE KIDS OR TO BE THE CENTER OF MY LIFE FROM FIRST DATES 3) WANTING ONLY INTERNET SEXUAL TALK 4) BEING JEALOUS OF MY HOBBIES OR STUDIES 5) LOOKING AT OTHER WOMEN FROM FIRST DATES 6) FEELING ALWAYS A VICTIM OF HIS LIFE AND COMPLAINING ALL THE TIME. GREETINGS FROM GREECE!!
You are spot on about the emasculating behavior. Thank you for educating women.
What scares me away is when a man tries too hard to impress me, usually with stories or going out of his way to help me. It makes me feel like he’s not trying to get to know me or what ACTUALLY impresses me which is more than skin-deep.
The other major one is emotional distance.. and this is sooooo common. I think at least half the guys I’ve dated are emotionally distant and I’ve checked to make sure this isn’t something I’m projecting or causing. I think it’s more to do with the age-group of men I’ve dated (28-34). Guys usually show this by not being communicative or open. By being guarded and just overall distant. They’ll say they’re looking for commitment or a relationship but it just doesn’t show and I don’t feel it and it scares me that they haven’t healed from trauma or they’re non-committal or something. And patience hasn’t usually paid with this 😂
Love the videos you make, Matt! They’ve helped me a lot to feel more empowered and find men that are quality men looking for similar things. I haven’t found the one yet, but your videos have really helped me to be the best version of myself and create a healthy space for when he does come along. Thanks so much! ❤️
You always do such a good job!
Scaring me away?
1. Not listening to me
2. Talking abt other women
3. Refusing to do things I like
4. Blowing me off for for buddies or activities
Ty
When he said that he is a very jealous man.oh my..I want to run right away..!jealous ppl can lead to violence!!
If he doesn't have a life of his own, wants to consume my much of my time then he is needy and cannot possibly offer a partnership. I don't want to mommy or raise a grown man.
when you believe that you deserve a good guy,that’s when you will attract him.Your brain will filter out the trash
Just had a 30 yr "friendship" destroyed, he came back and ended up being a narcissist, more than 10 fb accounts, ghosting, projection, all that crap, will be cold day before I talk to him again, trusting no one
@@mine176p I'm so sorry to hear that. I have had similar experiences myself with re-connecting to people from my past. Big mistake- they are not who I thought they were and it was quite damaging and hurtful.
No one is perfect and everything and everyone is perfect ❤️
What scares me away is when a guy is trying to moves the relationship forward too quickly. Or heavy love bombing and excessive flattery
Narcissists love bomb & more very quickly. It is good to beware of these behaviors!
Valuing me to include me in things we share interest in & sharing/spending his time with me that’s the most valuable thing he can give to me
Do you know Your relationship can be fixed without going through any therapy stress or going through any stress at all ?
With the help of a spiritual spell caster I got my husband back with 48hrs and now we're back together and he's committed to our relationship like never before
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Hello it works. WhatsApp him now and get help.
One thing that turns me off when getting to know someone is me asking 100 questions about them, their family, their job, future goals...and zero reciprocation. If someone isn't as interested in me as I am of them, then I have better things to do.
Long term...men who are slow to define a relationship. Meaning that we are "just dating" months in with seemingly no progression but have no interest in bring with other people either. Feels like I am being treated as a security blanket and used.
Vanessa Meadows someone who asked that many questions straight off the bat would have me running a mile.
@@megja1812 what type of communication do you use when getting to know someone new?
when you believe that you deserve a good guy,that’s when you will attract him.Your brain will filter out the trash
I’m Repelled when a new guy offers his physical advances to me verbally, testing the waters.
when you believe that you deserve a good guy,that’s when you will attract him.Your brain will filter out the trash
I’m glad you mentioned emasculating behavior. I never realized how damaging that can be for a man. It really opened my eyes to some of my own behavior in the past. Thanks for your content!
Hi, get anyone to love or (SP) attracted to you. And Alo get your Ex back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Wilson,he helped me restore my 5 years relationship. Also Dr Wilson Always keep with his words, I will advise you to seek his help thanks
As a man, I'll say this. If a man tolerates emasculating behavior, that's kind of a red flag. I've had a few women pull that with me, and I put an end to it really fast. Sure, I'll give her a chance, saying it won't happen again. If it happens again, it's just over. It's not something you can have inside of a relationship. There has to be respect. People need to be advocates of one another inside of a relationship.
Love this,I want the man to win me over.Im tired of being so certain of the man and he doesn't think twice about me,smh.
hi dear, you’re so cute and I would love to be friends with you. Can you text me on WhatsApp for us to get to know each other.
+18154104037
When they ghost me and then they want to come back. I've already started to desensitized myself towards them. I start feeling numb and wonder when are they going to do this again. I lose my trust in them. I then have my heart open for someone else, whom will appreciate me and not take me for granted.
If you want him to act more like a man... you act more like a feminine woman! It really works🦋
Mary Kathleen Sapp very well said.
Thank you
And at the same time some women get it wrong, they think being feminine means flirting with every man they see and act like a hoe
Keep your heels, head, and standards high. Coco Chanel
@Blue Eyes feminine does not mean weak or needy.
@Blue Eyes I agree
Not communicating space/time is needed for whatever reason, which leaves me to figure out emotional detachment has taken place and I am emotionally "single" in our relationship. While processing all that I have said or done over a time frame to figure out if it's me at fault or him. I don't have time for this is my relationship. Speaking your mind will prolong our relationship. Pulling away without communicating, ends whatever we have, abruptly.
Hey Matt. Love your work. Can I make a suggestion? Will you do a recap at the end of your videos on the topics presented in the video (in future videos)? it would be nice to see the text again at the end. thanks for all the great advice. I love them all. hugs
This is so random, but I got here because I was watching the Victorian Dating Etiquette and wondered what the dating etiquette of today is about as I been happily married for nearly a decade. I almost left a couple of minutes into it when I realized that this video is also helpful for a wife to her husband. Thanks, pretty useful advices. 👌
When he doesn’t do what he says he is going to do. It conveys lack of integrity.
In the corporate world that "emasculating" behavior is called "micromanaging", bad there and even worse at home
Hello
what pushes women away:
1. being too sexual
2. always talking about my body
3. being mean very often
4. TOO much compliment
C, You are correct in feeling pushed away at what you listed. I guess the biggest disconnect between men and women seems to be that the man is not seeing the woman as a person. When the man sees the woman only as a sex object, she is not going to want to continue to see him.
@@maidenmarian1 misogyny
When a man thinks what I like and what I feel without knowing me. -You like champagne colored roses. (No i don't). I know you are scared of heights, so we don't need to go.... (No I'm not).
And when he is planning my life and what I should do as a result of the above. I'm sorry.
That onion example broke my heart a little... For because of the constant pressure for perfection everywhere, I'm genuinly SCARED when someone asks me to cut an onion. Nothing is ever good enough for some people. They would yell at me, mock me, belittle me for a poor onion (or any other mundane thing not worthy making a fuss about)... I'm a woman and perfectionism destroyed me, so if men are even more sensitive to this, I can't imagine their pain... At least, the onion gives us a mean to hide our tears.
I believe in you, guys! Unless you work in a 5 stars restaurant, onion cutting skills shouldn't matter! Becoming and being good is enough! Let's put an end to perfection!
You are so right about the relation between conection and commitment. I haven't seen it that way yet but now that you've said it I totally ( am glad to ) see that yes, when me and my guy got a deeper connection, he got less afraid to commit way more. was beautiful to see, thanks for opening my eyes on that one.
What scares me away is when men are talking to me and just smiling the entire time, like you can see how they're undressing me mentally but trying to come off as interested and just nice. It's very awkward for me because it's very obvious and a definite no go
I don’t want sympathy instead he can say you are very strong that you went through so much n still being so strong you are a stong lady .. that will be a nice way of appreciation someone.
Sex talk at early stage; texting but not calling; dates only at none prime time hour; and kept guessing where he is with our relationship. My gut told me to run. We broke up after 1 month of dating. Thank God that I stood strong with 90 days before kissing and etc.
That was smart
Make you wish every woman would see this video… we’d all understand eachother so much better. Also would be cool if there was a vid like that for men, but I think it’s pretty much listening, not being needy, being clean, having strong values and boundaries, being able to provide and being openminded?
What’s missing ladies
I’m sooo aloof at first (and am told I play games when I’m actually busy and am not tied to my phone.) Hence, why I’m glad I found this channel. Thank you. 👍🏻
This makes me realize how incredibly awkward I am around men.
Hey Rachel, being awkward isn't all that bad. I feel you might like this video. It's shares a simple but powerful 'desire' text messages you can send to a man to make him fall in love and commit to you. Go check it out...
ozrohepworth.com/textyou
I tell my boyfriend he’s perfect for me, flaws and all. I suppose that’s a better way to say that someone is perfect if you’re going to.
Oh yeah.
Well said.
Telling me to calm down or don't worry, when I'm upset.
Thanks Mathew, really helped our relationship work out better than I actually thought!
Thank you Matthew. I am in a new long distance relationship. I've been watching your videos and they really have helped.
hi dear, you’re so cute and I would love to be friends with you. Can you text me on WhatsApp for us to get to know each other.
Being too needy and controlling...
I am drawn to a man who has his own life! Hes independent nut makes time for me😉
Controlling behaviour and not having any freedom to be yourself
when you believe that you deserve a good guy,that’s when you will attract him.Your brain will filter out the trash
@@richardrivas3294 thats so true. I have spent over a year getting to that point. 💫✌
@@juliemcdonald8167 am sorry about that miss...I know you’ll find your true love one day,do you believe?
@@richardrivas3294 I do believe. Im letting the universe help me with it. Im not looking, im happy within myself now, so hopefully I will find love one day. Thank you for your thoughts on this. X
@@juliemcdonald8167 it’s ok miss,we could still talk though!Are you on WhatsApp or hangout?
When I finally figured out what emasculation means to a man just a few years ago, my perspective on men changed dramatically. Wish I had learned this back in my teens
1st problem is when a guy friend says "I love you" then doesn't want to commit to a first date.
2nd problem is when a guy seems more like my next project than someone I can count on to be there when I need him.
Example: Guy shows minimal interest, but wants me to make the first move. 6-12 months later he still hasn't made a move. I got bored and moved on. He became furious because I didn't want to play his game. If I want a new project I will get a hobby or a pet.
Two absolute turn offs that make me build insecurity and resentment (that men have done more often than I'd like):
1. When I'm trying to get one thing done and I ask for a suggestion, they take over and do it for me, mansplaining how it should be done right. I love to feel empowered and capable, and unwanted "taking over" is very humiliating. After all I only asked for a suggestion.
2. When the guy tells me he will do something, something I might not even have asked for, but now he's created an expectation and then he doesn't do it. Even worse, he doesn't do it, and then comes back as if he never even promised he'd do the thing. That makes me feel so insecure, and even a bit crazy. "Has he really said that? Maybe I got it wrong?" This is a dealbreaker
Mind games.....gaslighting.....RUN!!!
What scares me away from someone i love is one word responses, not engaging in a conversation. It starts making me anxious, and just totally scares me off. Now it doesn't happen all the time, but if a man told me he was busy and was sending me one-word responses i wouldn't mind. But just sending me one word responses without a meaningful explanation. Makes me feel unimportant.
when a man is too smooth. games.One sided conversations - I honestly don't even have to listen just throw in an occassional uh huh.
Scared away. That dude who try so hard to impress and say things that isn't true. You know he is lying.
Things like he have money or too much conections and stuff
What scares me away is while on online dating sites or apps like Tinder, if someone suggests and wants to meet waaayyyyy too soon. Like, during the first conversations or the next day...... The More they persist, the more terrified I get.
Like, I need to feel like it's safe to meet with you! Just persisting on meeting almost right away before I barely know someone isn't gonna work. It puts too much pressure on me, too.
If I know it's safe, then it's ok. Regardless of how we would come into contact.
When they talk in detail about past relationships...very immature
hey karen, you’re so cute and I would love to be friends with you. Can you text me on WhatsApp for us to get to know each other.
+18154104037
Not scared, but disappointed:
When we get ingored by men, not replying back. Maybe they are also playing hard to get, or playing like a 'good catch'.
My mind says, "if u don't reply, then don't. U will not get another message from me either"..
That so true
No. They just have 15 OTHER women willing to whore around with them. If they want you (NOT for a relationship or any comittment, mind you, just to sleep with you) they are RIGHT THERE.
That's true TaurusGirl
Women do the same bs
The kind that become obsessed, telling me he loves me just knowing for two days and practically planning our lives, UGH 😩 I’m thinking “RUN” 🏃♀️
hi dear, you’re so cute and I would love to be friends with you. Can you text me on WhatsApp for us to get to know each other.
+18154104037
#5- I have had men who I have "met" online through dating apps and they just turn the tables on me...manipulating...Mat, is this true where men have done these behaviors to their women?
Only God is perfect.
When everyone's here to learn more ways to scare men off, the subject matter might need to be looked at.
Also want to add lack of skills. If he can't fix a flat tire.... thank you next
You are my Brother from another mother. I appreciate your teachings, I’m learning and being changed.
Mat, you are great, and.... I would gently like to offer my perspective on the onion “situation.” I believe men are being asked at this point in the evolution of humanity to genuinely move beyond having to be slightly “above” their mate in this way. I also believe strongly that there can be the sexual polarity necessary for connection, without her having to restrict her intelligence in this way. Please see the prison you are suggesting as a permanent way of a couple existing. The way I see that situation is, here you are, a brilliant, amazing, successful guy, with 600,000 followers, for Heaven’s sake! - Congratulations on that - and yet you are still somehow so insecure that your wife, your love, your mate, who you obviously adore, cannot share her knowledge with you about how to cut an onion because it makes you feel like less of a man? Can you see how this dynamic keeps both you and her in a weird prison? She literally has to shut up, she cannot freely share her intelligence, because her sharing her knowledge of how to cut an onion would make you feel less of a man??? How about you believe in men enough to believe they can evolve past this sort of thinking? How about instead of talking women into shutting up, that you lead men into feeling secure enough inside themselves that women can be their genuine intelligent full selves in your presence, knowing their intelligence doesn’t make you feel “less than”? The more evolved “self-talk” instead could be something like “ I absolutely love my wife. I am no longer a child. So I do not think like a child. I think like a man. My soulmate sharing her knowledge and intelligence with me in NO way means she does not believe in me. We are learning and growing together, as male and female, but as equals. She is not my mother. Her teaching me something does not threaten my masculinity in any way. My partner, best friend, and love of my life is free to express the fullness of her self, without having to suppress her natural intelligence or wisdom to accommodate my insecurities or any outdated ways of thinking. I commit to evolving past this nonsense and to truly moving humanity to the next level”. I took several days of thought before offering you this perspective, but I feel it is important you hear a rational and heartfelt counterpoint to your perspective. I truly believe this is a much better approach, for both men and for women.
I 100% understand where you're coming from and I agree that men need to take responsibility for their own emotional triggers and also take more responsibility for and become more competent in household roles. That said, I think I also understand what Matt is saying here: there is a difference between altering behaviour with judgment (e.g. "You're doing it wrong!") and altering behaviour with a suggestion (e.g. "Hey babe, can I give you a tip? Look, this is how I do this, and I find it makes it much easier"). Even as I'm writing these two ways of communicating out, I can feel my muscles tense up as I'm writing the first and I experience the second with almost no resistance whatsoever. In this type of situation, I think both partners need to grow; one needs to learn to accept feedback without getting defensive or deflated, while the other needs to ensure the feedback has been delivered with love and respect instead of with judgment and impatience.
Good point, and I also agree with Anamaria's comment. What I think Matt means is that men are put off by suggestions that are mixed with contempt.
good point luka . I get very impatiant with women therefore avoided relationships for a long time, i would like to understand what I am really missing.
I think Mat was using a very minor example. I think what happens sometimes some relationships IF it becomes a regular thing. Yeah it's emasculating. Just like when a woman is feeling like a man is insulting her intelligence because he thinks hes smarter because he's the man yeah it's rude it's insulting. If you flip that, the man feels like he's being emasculated all the time about trying to do something and you don't have faith in him that's what a man's perspective is. It's validating to both sides. I've seen couples where they were tearing each other down so much overtime it became second nature. I think he's just trying to point out a few things.
Kimberley's are SO smart! I'm another Kimberley (YES, with that exact "ley" spelling!) so I thought I'd write that haha 😘. But seriously.... you are 100% right on! Men need to get past their mommy issues and realize (as you wrote) that offering an alternative way of doing something is not necessarily scolding or emasculating. Sure, some women can be harsh in their delivery and make it seem like scolding; but a sane woman would approach it with humor. In my experience, humor will almost always diffuse any defensive feelings (unless they were ALREADY pissed off about something 😳 haha) - but that's beyond the scope here! You made an excellent point about his advice for us women to just keep quiet is detrimental for any relationship- or for us to evolve as humans. I think it's more in the delivery - in other words - it's not so much what you say, but how you say it.
I'll add however that honestly- let someone else, ANYONE else chop an onion. It stinks and makes me cry anyway!!! Plus being single, I don't have that other someone to chop an onion. If I did, I'd be grateful and let them do it and further, I'd let them do it any damn way they please...just so I wouldn't have to!!! ---some married people need to spend time on their own with NO help to appreciate their significant other! No help with taking garbage out in bad weather, no one to help cart laundry up stairs, no one to help lug groceries in the house, and on...and on... and on... If they spent a month or even a week alone, they'd then count their damn blessings and shut their picky yaps! 🤔😁
One thing for me that pushes a woman away is too much over protective and jealous all the time... and ofcourse liar