The only thing missing from this excellent theory/method is to also SPEAK YOUR NEEDS and MAKE REQUESTS. It's crucial to express this element for your own empowerment, and giving people an opportunity to choose to meet your needs or make authentic adjustments to fulfill your requests. Yes it's a risk, and yes you're opening up the chance for them to disappoint or hurt you. But if you just "let people do what they want", they may never know that it's not working for you but it could if they just knew what you wanted from them. Not expressing your needs/preferences is really passive and disempowering for both parties.
The let them theory reminds me of let go and let God. I was in an abusive marriage for 18 years. Been divorced 6 years now and to this day my ex treats me the same. He has narcissistic and toxic traits, not saying he is a narcissist. When we got divorced I had to let go and let God. I remember that what God knows about me matters more than what someone else may think they know. Then I heard about the let them theory in 2024 and it really helped to add to that. I no longer let anyone affect my mood, I let them be who they are and understand it’s not personal. It’s the capacity to which they operate. Some of us are further along in emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental intelligence. We can’t expect others to operate at a capacity they don’t know how to. Life changing for sure.
The main problems with "let God" are: 1. God is a fiction, not a reality; 2. If you turn over your personal power to a magical, fictional entity, you are being completely passive, which makes you powerless and changes NOTHING. "Let Me" puts the responsibility on YOU to be proactive and deal with your own problems.
“ in the game of life you are not playing against people, you are playing with them.” “ people do well when they can” Beautiful episode, thank you so much ❤
This discussion helped me see that some people are simply not capable of reciprocating in the way we want. Knowing that makes it easier to "let them." It also makes it easier to "let them go" without harboring bad feelings.
thank you, Matthew, for recognizing the heartbreak you go through before you understand you have to let someone (go) and cannot change him or her. It is so right to take the energy away from the things you can´t change, but it is heartbreaking to give up the hope you have in the beginning that this relationship or friendship might be different and fulfilling your dreams. For me, this is the hardest part. To stay hopeful and move on and I always have to grieve deeply before I can let them be. Mostly I have to give up my deepest wishes and hopes internally and completely and sometimes then I can take what is there in reality. Some of those relationships survive this process well and mature, many don´t. But it is also true, that it is not anyones job to make me happy, it is mine. And there is freedom in that, I can always make me happy, just not in the romantic way.
It’s a beautiful job to make someone happy as long as they make us happy too and as long as they know what makes them happy and can go for it too. I love seeing people make each other happy. And I wish you to meet a person that will ❤
My 2 favourite gurus in the one room! If you only knew how much you both have helped me in my relationships and self improvement, thank you I am eternally grateful for your wisdom, clarity, honesty and compassion 🙏🏼🤗💖
I am 36, newly divorced and really want to move back to London, where my friends are. Over Christmas my dad strongly expressed he doesn’t want me to go and thinks it will be a foolish mistake. I felt sick with guilt. Listening to this video has really helped me! Let them.. I am going x 15:30
It's hard to 'leave' your parents when you know they're getting older... but it's your life. It's the parents duty to keep their expectations towards their children in check. All the best to you in London! (while typing this out, I realised I moved from London to Brighton at age 35 and I still don't think it's a good place 'to build'. Maybe your dad is thinking more longterm. I shut up now😶)
I loved the episode as like Mel Robin and being of the same age as her, i too lived my life as an immature 8 year old with temper tantrums and expecting people to adhere to a standard.' PEOPLE DO WELL WHEN THEY CAN ' and 'LET THEM BE ' will definitely change me for the better. Taking initiative to go out and make friends and instead of being jealous be appreciative that they lead the way and give you a blueprint are also takeaways from the episode. I thank you both.
OMG Matthew - I have listened to your podcasts and content for the longest time... but this podcast was such a lightbulb moment everything that was discussed... so so helpful! Thank you so much to both you and Mel!!! I have needed this for such a long time.. Just Wow Matthew... Big massive thank you! xx Love your content !! Thank you for all your efforts. We are travelling at the moment in Vietnam on a journey and I soooo needed this! And yes I just sent this to my sister! THANK YOU x
Brilliant ! I too see a therapist on a regular basis… however listening to podcasts like these, they add so much more valuable to my life. HUGE thanks to both of you 🥰❤️🙏🌟
Hello Matthew, after 10 years of not actually using my profile on RUclips I logged in again just to write this comment: You are really the best, you are the one i trust most with taking advice on love, can you please do a video about relationships in general? How to maintain a healthy relationship, tips on being an amazing partner and an amazing self at the same time, the videos are mostly about finding a person, but I would love to see one from you for someone who found their person and looks for ways to maintain and seek happiness in their relationship, thank you so much!
Thank you for this video. I applied this with my break up and also family and friends and I have been able to let go of all the hurt And I am more calm !! And I’ve also decided to LET THEM be out of my life ! ❤ I was always feeling guilty because I didn’t want to interact with my family members bc “ we’re family” - I don’t care if your family or a friend if you’re toxic I don’t want you in my life and I’m not gonna feel guilty about it anymore!!
Thoroughly enjoyed this!!!! Also excellent timing as I just practiced this theory (unknowingly) a couple days ago when a guy I was supposed to meet for a New Year’s eve date (second date after a phenomenal first date a few days prior) suddenly cancelled and was making excuses that didn’t feel right…. well…. I LET HIM and I went about my business and haven’t looked back. Now he’s a ghost 👻…. by his choice alone (he can reach out if he wants…. but the window for me to still date him likely has closed…. as I have priorities in my life that don’t seem aligned to him). Thank you 🙏🏼 Matthew and Mel ❤❤❤
Invaluable. So glad I’m not the only one who overthinks social media posts; good to see the vulnerable side of you Matthew. Thanks Mel also; I’ve been using let them for a few weeks now, after a friend said she’d seen it cropping up. This will also help my (Hypnotherapy) Clients. I also use an affirmation, what’s possible for others is possible for me. I’ve potentially been invited on to a couple of podcasts and found myself thinking, maybe they want someone more well known etc. My friend just said, stop right there. I could go on and on. Thanks again guys x
Wow! 🤩 Thank you guys, what a beautiful, tender and inspiring conversation! Mel, what an amazing work, I'm impatient to read you! Matthew, thanks for sharing struggles about your career life, I appreciated that now as an entrepreneur. The last moment was so cute! I started telling my friends I wanna become a better friend in 2025, telling them more that I love them, and being more proactive. Now they started telling me "I love you" more as a consequence. So I'm also advocating for your work and the "first change yourself" mindset. ❤
THANK YOU to each of you!! Great way to kick off the new year! So inspirational! I loved Mel's comment about the 73 mistakes that were found in her new book after it had been published. This reminds me of the Chinese adage regarding their admiration of cracked pottery. The cracks are places where the 'light' enters.❤
Ya I talk to anyone I come across. Not EVERYone but whoever happens to me in the way lol. Mostly look for things to comment on the shared situation is easiest topic. If convo dies that's fine and ride it out/go each their way. Sometimes they're not open to talk at all. That's fine too, just move on like the wind.
Thank you, Matthew and Mel. I have been following both of you since being discarded by a dismissive avoidant to learn how to move forward. This has been fantastic and insightful!
OMG what a breakthrough! This should be called I am the center of the universe theory. If you ever wonder why marriages fail, people are incapable to build healthy relationships. Everyone is so massively self-centered. When are we going to reinvent the wheel of Get Over Yourself Theory?
❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥 Thank you for this podcast. I listened thoroughly every minute of it. Sometimes 3-5 times again. Best wishes from Kazakhstan 🇰🇿 And I subscribe to this page ❤️
I love you guys! Blessings and thanks for a tune up as to where my mind travels to a negative of self doubt and create that energy that traumatizes me. Learning to release in a narcissistic relationship. Stay balanced and heal. Love but a who is this guy shit! Right. I’m very spiritual so the energy is so off the charts. I e been deep diving to heal as it’s all about the teacher. You both are that! Thank you!
I'm 63 and only recently realised I am emotionally immature and have almost zero EQ, I'm thinking that although I want to it's maybe too late for me to start again
We learn something new every day. I'm 65 and determined to have a healthy relationship with a man someday. My mom met my stepdad when they were in their 60's. They've been happily married for almost 30 years.
Her theory isn't completely thought through. It's like half baked. She's right about that we can't change people and it's our responsibility to let them be who they are but it's also right to put up boundaries because it's still not ok to let these people completely go nuts. It's not our responsibility to ignore all bad behavior in sake of it's ok because this who they are. Sure we shouldn't be to harsh on small mistakes but not tolerate everyone bulls...
Yes definitely read the book... let me is the first part and, as she says in the book, the less important part. Let them, then let me. Let me choose not to stand for that behavior. Let them act that way... then let me choose to distance myself, etc
Thank you so much for this interview. Matthew said at 14.16 that not bad spiral will come of it if you use the let them. What do you do when there is. I mean I noticed in my life when I let ppl be disappointed with me they leave me most of them for good. Even family members. Then what do you do?
If you did say no in a friendly, loving and kind way and they still leave, then they weren´t the right people for you. Then you have to go and look for your tribe. Sometimes they come back, when they see you living happily.
Something made me watch this when I haven't been in here much. Why? Because of what my posts may look like to others. I think I needed to watch this for many reasons. May 2025 be more "posty" for me after this! 😂 Also, let them enjoy my posts- or not. Their choice! I got a lot from this - more than just about worrying over posts.
What about when you have a controlling mother in law that damages the relationship. They will never change, therefore it feels as if the only way out is out for good.
But what about if the decision to "let them" DOES kill the relationship? Perhaps that person feels punished for that, thinks YOU are toxic, etc--that the choice to do that MAY kill a relationship which as she states you can't control others actions. So how do you deal with that void/lss? I'VE MADE THE EFFORT. There is no nterest. So how do I not personalize that? Also, the key is how do ddo you know what isn't in. your control? If you believe that making adjustments will potentially make you more likeable, doesn't that mean that is in your control?
I completely disagree with the sister scenario at the 30 minute mark. You cannot do ALL the work and ALL the emotional labor in a relationship and justify it as 'it's your responsibility'. That's just making excuses for people not respecting you or giving reciprocal effort. Why bother communicating wants/needs if she's going to dismiss them not being met? She's contradicting herself about not being a doormat and then describing being a doormat for the 'sake of the relationship'. I am not a 'tit for tat' person like she says she was but I'm also not going to be the ONLY one making an effort. I stopped being the only one making an effort just because I valued the relationships and I never heard from people ever again and I let them. Okay, now at 35 minutes she's talking about not chasing people. She's such a contradiction with her advice. People do owe you a call back or an email or a text if you're friends at some point. Expecting on your timeline is unreasonable and not acknowledging that people have lives but it's just flat out rude not to respond to people at all. It's not 'giving your power' to the other person to expect to be treated with manners by people that are supposed to be your friends. There is nothing 'life changing' about this. I love Matthew and his content but this woman is talking in circles. How is life changing to be polite and engage the people you meet on a daily basis?
@@ireefree2024 She must be making the rounds of the podcasts to push her new book. Self-appointed relationship expert. Matthew's content is excellent. This woman not so much. I got to about the forty minute mark and turned it off. Nothing of value.
"Why bother communicating wants/needs if she's going to dismiss them not being met?" To see if you're on the same page. You may feel like you're making all the efforts, while they may feel like everything is alright. Everybody has different needs and idea around relationships. You need to communicate what you expect and see how they react. Whether they invest more or keep dismissing you. Then you can decide what to do next. She's not saying that it's your responsibility to do all the work. It's your responsibility to meet your needs, and apply "let them" to people who don't meet them and move on.
@@kerryharvey6365 to me this is exactly what she's saying. The 'sister story' goes along with 'let them'. If you feel like you put all the effort and they dismiss you, reach out to them. Communicate that you expect more in return, and see where it goes. If you don't like it, 'let them'. Don't push it, because it won't help. The 35min talk - she's excluding the 'people not responding' situations you're referring to at the very start. There's no excuses for them, they're not your friends. It is more about you chasing the wrong people. You're not 'giving your power' to others by expecting them to treat you with manners, as long as you're not chasing them. If you're putting all the effort and they don't give a crap, but you keep putting all the effort and get frustrated that they still don't give a crap, this is when you 'give your power'. Because you're loosing your energy on something you can't control. You're chasing a person who's not available for you and you let their reaction control your mood. At least this is what I understood from her talking :)
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
“It’s nobodies responsibility but mine, to make me happy” 🙌🏼
The only thing missing from this excellent theory/method is to also SPEAK YOUR NEEDS and MAKE REQUESTS. It's crucial to express this element for your own empowerment, and giving people an opportunity to choose to meet your needs or make authentic adjustments to fulfill your requests. Yes it's a risk, and yes you're opening up the chance for them to disappoint or hurt you. But if you just "let people do what they want", they may never know that it's not working for you but it could if they just knew what you wanted from them. Not expressing your needs/preferences is really passive and disempowering for both parties.
Non violent communication from M.Rosenberg 👍
Agreed ❤
Totally agree
The let them theory reminds me of let go and let God. I was in an abusive marriage for 18 years. Been divorced 6 years now and to this day my ex treats me the same. He has narcissistic and toxic traits, not saying he is a narcissist. When we got divorced I had to let go and let God. I remember that what God knows about me matters more than what someone else may think they know. Then I heard about the let them theory in 2024 and it really helped to add to that. I no longer let anyone affect my mood, I let them be who they are and understand it’s not personal. It’s the capacity to which they operate. Some of us are further along in emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental intelligence. We can’t expect others to operate at a capacity they don’t know how to. Life changing for sure.
Amen
Yes
God has nothing to do with it.
The main problems with "let God" are: 1. God is a fiction, not a reality; 2. If you turn over your personal power to a magical, fictional entity, you are being completely passive, which makes you powerless and changes NOTHING.
"Let Me" puts the responsibility on YOU to be proactive and deal with your own problems.
Amen. I just left my abusive marriage a month ago. Just got her book and plan on reading it this year. God bless you! 🤍
“ in the game of life you are not playing against people, you are playing with them.”
“ people do well when they can”
Beautiful episode, thank you so much ❤
This discussion helped me see that some people are simply not capable of reciprocating in the way we want. Knowing that makes it easier to "let them." It also makes it easier to "let them go" without harboring bad feelings.
😊
thank you, Matthew, for recognizing the heartbreak you go through before you understand you have to let someone (go) and cannot change him or her. It is so right to take the energy away from the things you can´t change, but it is heartbreaking to give up the hope you have in the beginning that this relationship or friendship might be different and fulfilling your dreams. For me, this is the hardest part. To stay hopeful and move on and I always have to grieve deeply before I can let them be. Mostly I have to give up my deepest wishes and hopes internally and completely and sometimes then I can take what is there in reality. Some of those relationships survive this process well and mature, many don´t. But it is also true, that it is not anyones job to make me happy, it is mine. And there is freedom in that, I can always make me happy, just not in the romantic way.
It’s a beautiful job to make someone happy as long as they make us happy too and as long as they know what makes them happy and can go for it too.
I love seeing people make each other happy. And I wish you to meet a person that will ❤
@@ceciliamac4283 Thank you, dear, maybe it will happen. It is beautiful when someone wants to make you happy. You just can´t expect it 🙂
@ Exactly!
My pleasure dear 💗💞🫶🏼
And you will! Surrender your desire to the higher power and it will be done ✨
My 2 favourite gurus in the one room! If you only knew how much you both have helped me in my relationships and self improvement, thank you I am eternally grateful for your wisdom, clarity, honesty and compassion 🙏🏼🤗💖
I am 36, newly divorced and really want to move back to London, where my friends are. Over Christmas my dad strongly expressed he doesn’t want me to go and thinks it will be a foolish mistake. I felt sick with guilt. Listening to this video has really helped me! Let them.. I am going x 15:30
It's hard to 'leave' your parents when you know they're getting older... but it's your life. It's the parents duty to keep their expectations towards their children in check. All the best to you in London! (while typing this out, I realised I moved from London to Brighton at age 35 and I still don't think it's a good place 'to build'. Maybe your dad is thinking more longterm. I shut up now😶)
I loved the episode as like Mel Robin and being of the same age as her, i too lived my life as an immature 8 year old with temper tantrums and expecting people to adhere to a standard.' PEOPLE DO WELL WHEN THEY CAN ' and 'LET THEM BE ' will definitely change me for the better. Taking initiative to go out and make friends and instead of being jealous be appreciative that they lead the way and give you a blueprint are also takeaways from the episode.
I thank you both.
OMG Matthew - I have listened to your podcasts and content for the longest time... but this podcast was such a lightbulb moment everything that was discussed... so so helpful! Thank you so much to both you and Mel!!! I have needed this for such a long time.. Just Wow Matthew... Big massive thank you! xx Love your content !! Thank you for all your efforts. We are travelling at the moment in Vietnam on a journey and I soooo needed this! And yes I just sent this to my sister! THANK YOU x
Brilliant ! I too see a therapist on a regular basis… however listening to podcasts like these, they add so much more valuable to my life. HUGE thanks to both of you 🥰❤️🙏🌟
Matthew just keeps getting together with the people who I adore the most. But he is still the one who I adore the mostest ❤
Hello Matthew, after 10 years of not actually using my profile on RUclips I logged in again just to write this comment: You are really the best, you are the one i trust most with taking advice on love, can you please do a video about relationships in general? How to maintain a healthy relationship, tips on being an amazing partner and an amazing self at the same time, the videos are mostly about finding a person, but I would love to see one from you for someone who found their person and looks for ways to maintain and seek happiness in their relationship, thank you so much!
Thank you for this video. I applied this with my break up and also family and friends and I have been able to let go of all the hurt
And I am more calm !!
And I’ve also decided to LET THEM be out of my life ! ❤
I was always feeling guilty because I didn’t want to interact with my family members bc “ we’re family” - I don’t care if your family or a friend if you’re toxic I don’t want you in my life and I’m not gonna feel guilty about it anymore!!
Thoroughly enjoyed this!!!! Also excellent timing as I just practiced this theory (unknowingly) a couple days ago when a guy I was supposed to meet for a New Year’s eve date (second date after a phenomenal first date a few days prior) suddenly cancelled and was making excuses that didn’t feel right…. well…. I LET HIM and I went about my business and haven’t looked back. Now he’s a ghost 👻…. by his choice alone (he can reach out if he wants…. but the window for me to still date him likely has closed…. as I have priorities in my life that don’t seem aligned to him). Thank you 🙏🏼 Matthew and Mel ❤❤❤
This is soooo good! 2025 will be better with the “let them, let me” theory > what I can’t and can control is the key question. Thank you Mel and Matt!
Invaluable.
So glad I’m not the only one who overthinks social media posts; good to see the vulnerable side of you Matthew. Thanks Mel also; I’ve been using let them for a few weeks now, after a friend said she’d seen it cropping up. This will also help my (Hypnotherapy) Clients. I also use an affirmation, what’s possible for others is possible for me. I’ve potentially been invited on to a couple of podcasts and found myself thinking, maybe they want someone more well known etc. My friend just said, stop right there. I could go on and on. Thanks again guys x
Great advice and theory. Thanks Mel and Matthew. ❤
Wow! 🤩 Thank you guys, what a beautiful, tender and inspiring conversation! Mel, what an amazing work, I'm impatient to read you! Matthew, thanks for sharing struggles about your career life, I appreciated that now as an entrepreneur.
The last moment was so cute! I started telling my friends I wanna become a better friend in 2025, telling them more that I love them, and being more proactive. Now they started telling me "I love you" more as a consequence.
So I'm also advocating for your work and the "first change yourself" mindset. ❤
THANK YOU to each of you!! Great way to kick off the new year! So inspirational! I loved Mel's comment about the 73 mistakes that were found in her new book after it had been published. This reminds me of the Chinese adage regarding their admiration of cracked pottery. The cracks are places where the 'light' enters.❤
I love seeing y'all's friendship. What a beautiful thing🩵
what a way to start this year!!!!! the 2 people that have helped the most in my healing journey... AMAZING
My two favorite go-to gurus for life and relationship wisdom in one video. Love!!! Thank you for this! ♥️
Fabulous! Let them and LET ME is one of the best intellectual and emotional practices I've heard in a long while.
Ya I talk to anyone I come across. Not EVERYone but whoever happens to me in the way lol. Mostly look for things to comment on the shared situation is easiest topic. If convo dies that's fine and ride it out/go each their way. Sometimes they're not open to talk at all. That's fine too, just move on like the wind.
Starting 2025 with Mel and Matthew?! YES! 🤩
Thank you for this surprise.
Hugs from Serbia! ❤️
Thank you, Matthew and Mel. I have been following both of you since being discarded by a dismissive avoidant to learn how to move forward. This has been fantastic and insightful!
It was very good, the best way to start the year. Thank you for both of you!
Amazing episode, Matthew. A heartfelt thank you is extended to both you and Mel 🙏🤍
This is a profound. Thank you Mel.
I feel like this is easy in theory not so much in practice
Nice but depressing to wait towards the end of the year fir THESE breakthroughs and resources!!❤😢😮 3:14
Great questions Matthew ❤️👏
OMG what a breakthrough! This should be called I am the center of the universe theory. If you ever wonder why marriages fail, people are incapable to build healthy relationships. Everyone is so massively self-centered. When are we going to reinvent the wheel of Get Over Yourself Theory?
❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥 Thank you for this podcast. I listened thoroughly every minute of it. Sometimes 3-5 times again. Best wishes from Kazakhstan 🇰🇿 And I subscribe to this page ❤️
I love you guys! Blessings and thanks for a tune up as to where my mind travels to a negative of self doubt and create that energy that traumatizes me. Learning to release in a narcissistic relationship. Stay balanced and heal. Love but a who is this guy shit! Right. I’m very spiritual so the energy is so off the charts. I e been deep diving to heal as it’s all about the teacher. You both are that!
Thank you!
This episode save me in so many ways
Incredible podcast! ❤
The best podcast ever❤️
Love love love this podcast both so spot on thankyou 💖✨
Great message- thanks
Loved this podcast. It put all my perspectives into words! Thank you!
Groundbreaking Mel! ❤🎉
I really needed to hear this!
Thank you! 🙏🏻
Thank you! ❤
I'm 63 and only recently realised I am emotionally immature and have almost zero EQ, I'm thinking that although I want to it's maybe too late for me to start again
We learn something new every day. I'm 65 and determined to have a healthy relationship with a man someday. My mom met my stepdad when they were in their 60's. They've been happily married for almost 30 years.
@anneliesewright662 that's so encouraging! Thanks for sharing!
You might live for 20 more years & may still bless someone else’s life in some capacity.
Definitely not too late!
How have you realised that?
It's a good day podcast happy new year❤❤❤
So informative and inspirational! Thank you both very much!!
I always look forward to listening to/ watching your content ❤
Keep doing what you do.
Loved this woman. Makes sense
Queen Mel Robbins 👏🏼
Loved this Interview!! Totally resonates!! Thank you ❤
Her theory isn't completely thought through. It's like half baked. She's right about that we can't change people and it's our responsibility to let them be who they are but it's also right to put up boundaries because it's still not ok to let these people completely go nuts. It's not our responsibility to ignore all bad behavior in sake of it's ok because this who they are. Sure we shouldn't be to harsh on small mistakes but not tolerate everyone bulls...
That’s where the let me part of the theory comes in
Hey, she's not saying you shouldn't set boundaries. Setting them is part of doing and saying what's right and authentic for you.
Yes definitely read the book... let me is the first part and, as she says in the book, the less important part. Let them, then let me. Let me choose not to stand for that behavior. Let them act that way... then let me choose to distance myself, etc
Exactly, so you "let them" do whatever they're gonna do and just ignore it, stop giving it any attention and give yourself peace instead
You now have a road map to make that vision a reality
Thank you so much for this interview. Matthew said at 14.16 that not bad spiral will come of it if you use the let them. What do you do when there is. I mean I noticed in my life when I let ppl be disappointed with me they leave me most of them for good. Even family members. Then what do you do?
If you did say no in a friendly, loving and kind way and they still leave, then they weren´t the right people for you. Then you have to go and look for your tribe. Sometimes they come back, when they see you living happily.
Great episode. ❤🎉
Thank you!!
Love her❤
What about having a physical handicap that is stopping you from having what others have? Would be interesting to hear her answer.
Babe wake up, another Matthew/Mel podcast just dropped! Happy 2025!
Morning! 💜
I am sooooo disappointed……….. you have such a good voice ❤
I love this ❤
thank you it was great
1st comment , ❤🎉 matthew ...
Beautiful!
Something made me watch this when I haven't been in here much. Why? Because of what my posts may look like to others. I think I needed to watch this for many reasons. May 2025 be more "posty" for me after this! 😂 Also, let them enjoy my posts- or not. Their choice! I got a lot from this - more than just about worrying over posts.
This Let Them theory is like having “another leg under the table” as Matthew would say.
What about when you have a controlling mother in law that damages the relationship. They will never change, therefore it feels as if the only way out is out for good.
But what about if the decision to "let them" DOES kill the relationship? Perhaps that person feels punished for that, thinks YOU are toxic, etc--that the choice to do that MAY kill a relationship which as she states you can't control others actions. So how do you deal with that void/lss? I'VE MADE THE EFFORT. There is no nterest. So how do I not personalize that?
Also, the key is how do ddo you know what isn't in. your control? If you believe that making adjustments will potentially make you more likeable, doesn't that mean that is in your control?
I am tired of taking care of men. I give up.
So much takeaways for my 30s
Let them cook now 😉
❤ this
✨OMG😍Both of you ✨🤩
I completely disagree with the sister scenario at the 30 minute mark. You cannot do ALL the work and ALL the emotional labor in a relationship and justify it as 'it's your responsibility'. That's just making excuses for people not respecting you or giving reciprocal effort. Why bother communicating wants/needs if she's going to dismiss them not being met? She's contradicting herself about not being a doormat and then describing being a doormat for the 'sake of the relationship'. I am not a 'tit for tat' person like she says she was but I'm also not going to be the ONLY one making an effort. I stopped being the only one making an effort just because I valued the relationships and I never heard from people ever again and I let them.
Okay, now at 35 minutes she's talking about not chasing people. She's such a contradiction with her advice. People do owe you a call back or an email or a text if you're friends at some point. Expecting on your timeline is unreasonable and not acknowledging that people have lives but it's just flat out rude not to respond to people at all. It's not 'giving your power' to the other person to expect to be treated with manners by people that are supposed to be your friends.
There is nothing 'life changing' about this. I love Matthew and his content but this woman is talking in circles. How is life changing to be polite and engage the people you meet on a daily basis?
Me too. Doesn't make sense 😕
@@ireefree2024 She must be making the rounds of the podcasts to push her new book. Self-appointed relationship expert. Matthew's content is excellent. This woman not so much. I got to about the forty minute mark and turned it off. Nothing of value.
"Why bother communicating wants/needs if she's going to dismiss them not being met?"
To see if you're on the same page. You may feel like you're making all the efforts, while they may feel like everything is alright. Everybody has different needs and idea around relationships. You need to communicate what you expect and see how they react. Whether they invest more or keep dismissing you. Then you can decide what to do next.
She's not saying that it's your responsibility to do all the work. It's your responsibility to meet your needs, and apply "let them" to people who don't meet them and move on.
@@czossosnkowy Yes, of course. That's perfectly reasonable but that's not what she said. She contradicted herself more than once.
@@kerryharvey6365 to me this is exactly what she's saying.
The 'sister story' goes along with 'let them'. If you feel like you put all the effort and they dismiss you, reach out to them. Communicate that you expect more in return, and see where it goes. If you don't like it, 'let them'. Don't push it, because it won't help.
The 35min talk - she's excluding the 'people not responding' situations you're referring to at the very start. There's no excuses for them, they're not your friends. It is more about you chasing the wrong people. You're not 'giving your power' to others by expecting them to treat you with manners, as long as you're not chasing them. If you're putting all the effort and they don't give a crap, but you keep putting all the effort and get frustrated that they still don't give a crap, this is when you 'give your power'. Because you're loosing your energy on something you can't control. You're chasing a person who's not available for you and you let their reaction control your mood.
At least this is what I understood from her talking :)
💚
❤
47:57
Retreat is during football season ?? oh cmon
❤🙏
Mel needs to learn how to LET THEM speak and not interrupt every sentence the other person is trying to say.
🌟 🌟 🌟
She has some amazing ideas but her communication feels a little disrespectful as she keeps interrupting you and derailing the conversation.
So she’s just saying ‘be selfish’.
She’s so ADHD omg haha, never letting him finish his thoughts. I do appreciate her insights though.