6 Ways to Forgive Yourself for Not Knowing What to Do | Handling Regret

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  • Опубликовано: 7 фев 2025

Комментарии • 102

  • @DocSnipes
    @DocSnipes  Год назад +4

    👌More videos can be found on this topic at
    ruclips.net/p/PLcB3trehXswir7EQOsUEZSu7NouGVkrI6&si=1hOjwu3BsD_g2qZw
    ❤️Self help activities and worksheets and concierge coaching with Dr. Snipes can be accessed at DocSnipes.com
    👍Online Courses for Continuing Education (CEU, OPD, CPD) and Substance Abuse Counselor Certification

  • @billthelen6524
    @billthelen6524 2 года назад +7

    I struggle with knowing how to handle my emotions. I know what to do, I just have a hard time dealing with them I know my skills of mindfulness, emotional regulation, and distress tolerance. Though I know what to do, I don't always know how to carry it out. Thank k you Dr Snipes for reminding me that I don't need to beat myself up. As the 12 step program says to take it a day at a time, so mindfulness reminds us to take it moment to moment.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +2

      You’re so welcome, Bill. Have you tried building a distress tolerance toolbox? As always, I appreciate you watching.

  • @jessluck6583
    @jessluck6583 2 года назад +1

    Thinking about talking to myself this way is the kindest way I’ve treated myself in a long time. Thank you!

  • @CynthiaSchoenbauer
    @CynthiaSchoenbauer 2 года назад +14

    Let's face it, you are the mother-type figure of what I never had, having had both a narc mom and dad. I don't need a full-out mother, I am realizing, but I DO need to know what I missed and the wonderful feeling of what it feels like to get it. What I was afraid of and confused about in the world made me need someone to run to besides my self. I always had my empathic self (mostly used for others in a role), my medication, and my trauma response to soothe me, but you help me piece together exactly what I would have had. To have had a good mother would have been HEAVEN! When you interact with me, I see a lot of what was missing and I would have very much loved. Counselors never gave me anything either, when they should have at least modeled a representation of what I missed. (My counselor dropped me because I was too "needy"... when I was not.) But you do that for me. You model what I missed and can actually learn to make up in my life now with my own new experiences, learning, and choosing in relationships. Thanks for not shirking from the representation, like my mother did. From the age of 1 or 2, she seemed to thinks females should be "independent women" and tried to always show us girls that "she was". (She was a women's libber... and never picked up ANY of the female role... we ate out of cans in the 60's! But she was also narcissitic and we had to do everything for her.) 😨

    • @mattlehnardt8035
      @mattlehnardt8035 2 года назад +3

      funny how a nurturing, close and supportive and attuned mother would have created exactly the kind of "independent woman" strong, confident, etc, your mom idealized. Leaving a kid to fend for themselves and abandoning them creates the opposite, which you are incredibly struggling to learn on your own but is so helpful to hear defined by these therapists who thoughtfully take the time to talk to us about it via RUclips. Im proud of you for walking your journey even though its more difficult, best wishes for you!!

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +4

      Thanks for watching, Kitty Kat. I am so very sorry that happened to you and I am grateful to be of help and to join you on your healing journey

  • @HopeWins777
    @HopeWins777 2 года назад +5

    I'm already crying! If I had don't I would have stopped it... How does a mom ever get over that?

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +2

      I am sorry about that. Maybe you can watch these videos until the one on self forgiveness premieres:
      ruclips.net/video/ZMJIkExQeJc/видео.html
      ruclips.net/video/66viBrL-Q7U/видео.html

    • @CynthiaSchoenbauer
      @CynthiaSchoenbauer 2 года назад

      @Babs Kaz My mother earned her guilt as she full-on competed with me and then declared she had won after me going into major depression! Needless to say she was out for only herself and healing her pain at my expense and was not an empath like us who are sorry for what we could not do. I still feel guilty for not being able to rescue the dog and nieces and nephews from her!

  • @Trystannenoire
    @Trystannenoire Год назад

    Thnx, cause I have been lost in self criticism for a long time. Looping in mind all the things I am regretful, and finding no peace.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  Год назад

      I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video

  • @aliciatalia
    @aliciatalia 2 года назад +1

    Thanks!

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video.
      What did you find most helpful from it?

  • @sirenagarrido3836
    @sirenagarrido3836 2 года назад +3

    My God is unbelievable that you are picturing me exactly how I feel and felt about few things that happened in the last few years and my mistake is trying to figure out how to fix it and I always put myself in that position of higher standard on myself something I don’t ask anyone to be I beat myself up all the time for things I should have done different and like you said is the past I have to learn and move on and be more gentle with myself and loving me more thank you so much I really need to heart this thing the way you said otherwise it have taken more time to understand now is time to heal

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +1

      You’re so welcome. I am so glad the video helped you. You say you put yourself in a position of higher standards. Have you watched the video on embracing imperfection? ruclips.net/video/t32r-CJMXcw/видео.html

  • @TruthRocker
    @TruthRocker Год назад +2

    This is a Really Wonderful video!!!! Thank YOU Doctor Snipes for ALL of your exceptional information, and your impactful and insightful delivery--just to name a few!!!!

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  Год назад

      You’re so welcome. Thanks for watching the video. What tips will you consider using first to start forgiving yourself for not knowing what to do?

    • @TruthRocker
      @TruthRocker Год назад

      @@DocSnipes that is a very good question

  • @Th0ughtZ_
    @Th0ughtZ_ 2 года назад +2

    Excellent video Dr. Snipes.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      I appreciate you watching the video. What tips will you use to forgive yourself?

    • @Th0ughtZ_
      @Th0ughtZ_ 2 года назад

      @@DocSnipes One I'll be using is reflecting on how regret is impacting me negatively.

  • @lindahebb4832
    @lindahebb4832 2 года назад +1

    Doc Snipes you are going to hit 300 k followers before you know it. I’m so proud of this channel and I’m not a therapist or a student. Lol. I do work a homeless shelter as a shuttle driver and logistics department. This channel helps me in so many ways yo keep my own emotional bank 🏦 full. I appreciate you and congratulations 🎉 ahead of time. I’m going to blink my eye and you will be hitting 300 k.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thank you so much for watching the video and thank you for your kind words. I am glad the channel helps you keep your emotional bank full. I am grateful to be of help.

  • @belle1901
    @belle1901 2 года назад +1

    I need this, helping an ill friend & making mistakes

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +1

      I am so glad the video helped your friend. Thanks for watching

  • @thomaszack3573
    @thomaszack3573 11 месяцев назад +1

    You have a beautiful smile. Your work has helped me. Thank you, 🙂

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  11 месяцев назад

      You are so welcome

  • @mattlehnardt8035
    @mattlehnardt8035 2 года назад +1

    i think its a core connection-trauma that goes deepest when our main connective person gaslights us, or otherwise ignores or minimizes or abuses our connection with them, and it leaves us wondering where 'home' is, cause they were it. Those traumas and psychological/emotional cuts don't don't have anywhere else to go except into our body/emotions. and we may not have the words to even process whats happening/happened. So we just feel (I feel) lost, in outer space. and we think that feeling is us, that that's who we are. its not who we are. but its all we have where the empty space is where our relationship was supposed to be, and theres nothing. so how does that feel? the worst kind of lost, and then we get mad at ourselves for not 'being more' or 'enough' for people to make them want to be with us, connect with us, or otherwise make life work. Narcissists can get very dark and deep, so it hurts when they choose that over our relationship or even being a human being to us. (me). yeah.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      I appreciate you watching the video. Have you seen the videos on healing after a breakup on the channel?

    • @mattlehnardt8035
      @mattlehnardt8035 2 года назад

      @@DocSnipes I will look it up, thanks.

  • @gonzaal11
    @gonzaal11 2 года назад +1

    Thank you sooo much for all of your videos Doc Snipes! You cover so many important topics.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +1

      You’re so welcome. Thank you for watching the video. What did you find most helpful from it?

    • @gonzaal11
      @gonzaal11 2 года назад +1

      @@DocSnipes I believe the overall fact of forgiving oneself for just not knowing what to do. Even when I did know what to do and I froze up. It helped me to continue so that if I was ever in the same situation, to just react in a different way.

  • @HopeWins777
    @HopeWins777 2 года назад +1

    Accepting that we don't have control over other people and accepting that we don't know what we don't know, should not end up in regret. Strife. It's simply comes down to the realization that the next best course of action is to be better prepared next time. Seems to comes down to acquiring the wisdom to know the difference.

  • @judithwallace2091
    @judithwallace2091 2 года назад +1

    One of your best! Thank you.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most helpful from it?

  • @AnaK-kx4lr
    @AnaK-kx4lr 9 месяцев назад

    So insightful and helpful!!!

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  9 месяцев назад

      Glad it was helpful! Thank you for watching

  • @dlynsky
    @dlynsky 2 года назад +1

    This is so good! Such an important topic

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thank you for watching the video. What tips will you use first to start forgiving yourself for not knowing what to do?

  • @gettingschooled3094
    @gettingschooled3094 2 года назад +1

    Very helpful. A lot of regret from inaction.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +1

      Glad the video was helpful. One has to ask themselves why was not-acting more rewarding than acting at that time?

    • @clouddancer46
      @clouddancer46 2 года назад +1

      Every day is now, ho easy on yourself..

  • @paulamarshall9971
    @paulamarshall9971 2 года назад +1

    Wow wish I found this channel sooner thank you so much ❤

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      You’re so very welcome, Paula. I am grateful for you being here and watching the video. What did you find most helpful from it?

    • @paulamarshall9971
      @paulamarshall9971 2 года назад

      @@DocSnipes my partner started a new career in tattooing and I was overwhelmed with omg he will meet somebody else he will leave me , I never had my dad in my life “his choice” my attachment and anxiety all made sense to me after watching your videos, I regret putting my trauma on him , I need to forgive myself for why I sometimes behave irrationally

  • @ma_iii
    @ma_iii 2 года назад

    Thank you this is so helpful

  • @beadingbelle3486
    @beadingbelle3486 2 года назад +4

    My problem is i knew what to do back then but was unable to do it as i was being emotionally blackmailed - i was effectively in a corner & so damned if i did & damned if i didn't, so i took the option that gave me an easier life at the time - the less bumpy route. Turned out it wasn't exactly easier as nothing i did was ever right & it caused a lot of problems later on, too, not least with pent up resentment & anger inside myself. True, i obviously didn't know as much back then as i do now & would have probably handled it more calmly if i'd had the skills i have mow, but i still beat myself up a lot of the time when things go wrong in the present becasue they seem to be a consequence of what i should've done & didn't do back then. My intelligent brain knows it's fruitless to dwell on this as i can't change a thing of what happened but i can live & work on things now, today, but it doesnt stop the pain of the past coming back again & again. I guess the crux of the matter is i blame myself for what i see as taking the 'cowardly' route, but back then it was a case of damage limitation for myself & those around me so i let it go on, & i guess i have to try to find a way to forgive myself for that (or at least find a way of reconciling my actions to myself) because whatever the outcome would've been, it wouldn't have been a pleasant one either way. Thank you, Dr Snipes, for your videos-they are helping me very much along the road of my healing journey.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +2

      You’re so welcome. I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciated you watching. I think it was very brave for you to take that that road. What tips from the video will you use to forgive yourself?
      Here is the video on increasing self compassion, maybe it helps: ruclips.net/video/ZMJIkExQeJc/видео.html

    • @CynthiaSchoenbauer
      @CynthiaSchoenbauer 2 года назад

      I like the way you take responsibility for your growth as you reflect on the past. You are officially NOT a narcissist, as far as I am concerned, because you do this.

    • @beadingbelle3486
      @beadingbelle3486 2 года назад

      @@DocSnipes i've been thinking a lot since watching the video & have got to the place where i'm past hating the ones who harmed me because they don't deserve the energy i put into it. I am also being a lot easier on myself as regards the anger - not feeling so guilty about it &, knowing that it's a normal part of the process, it is getting less.

    • @beadingbelle3486
      @beadingbelle3486 2 года назад

      @@DocSnipes I also realise that it's because i had a better nature than the narc that they were able to take advantage of it, & that my better nature isn't a weakness beause i always blamed myself & had such shame for being weak & gullible but, of course, it's precisely because of that that the narcs are able to do what they do - they wouldn't choose another narc to do it to as they know they wouldn't be able to get away with it. It's not that i was weak at all but had a kind of 'inner beauty' - for want of a better phrase - something the narcs didn't have & something they knew they could exploit to their advantage. It's disgusting really as it's a bit like the hunter animal playing with its prey. For years that 'inner beauty' has been marred with the hate & anger it has caused, but i now have to reach deep inside & find & pull out that inner beauty because it's still there - it's not weakness or gullibility, but it's the better more beautiful side of my nature which the narc sought to exploit, use against me, & ultimately destroy. It's wonderful when a realisation comes - like a light bulb going on - & i feel i have moved forward into a new chapter of my healing journey. Thanks again for being instrumental in this.

  • @HopeWins777
    @HopeWins777 2 года назад +1

    Does anyone know how to get a copy of the transcript? RUclips took away the copy paste ability and I would like to take notes

  • @anyways661
    @anyways661 2 года назад +1

    Thank you💛

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most helpful from it?

    • @anyways661
      @anyways661 2 года назад

      @@DocSnipes When you say to consider "all the other stuff" going on ... Made me feel a little kinder towards myself... Maybe it doesn't help to be so hard on oneself. Many of my regrets come from being a double bind, where there is no clear good choice. So now I focus on gratitude and endurance.

  • @anitach5901
    @anitach5901 2 года назад +1

    Thanks a mill .

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      You’re so welcome. Thank you for watching the video. What did you find most helpful from it?

    • @anitach5901
      @anitach5901 2 года назад

      @@DocSnipes Reframing unserviceable thoughts in better servicing conceptualised , techniques of self forgiveness practice I have found super useful.

  • @CynthiaSchoenbauer
    @CynthiaSchoenbauer 2 года назад +1

    I love this stuff! I call it "girl stuff", along with fashion, and baby tips. 👧

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +1

      :) Thank you, Kitty Kat!

  • @rorytyner9102
    @rorytyner9102 2 года назад +4

    Is there a dependable way of contacting you? Tried on Facebook messenger. Looking at taking one of your courses.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +2

      Hi. If you’re interested in taking courses, please email support@allceus.com. Thank you!

  • @toddboothbee1361
    @toddboothbee1361 2 года назад +1

    I was having tachycardia and mindlessly gave out my social security number. There seems something unethical about asking for ssn while in a level 4 emergency, and not mentioning why they want it. Now I have to worry about ID theft, as well as being charged almost $20k for an hour there.

    • @toddboothbee1361
      @toddboothbee1361 2 года назад +1

      I'm aware they can deny medical treatment if you don't give ssn and don't have insurance etc.. Still...

    • @Irisi13
      @Irisi13 2 года назад +2

      When my husband was in the military if you didn't give them your spouses' ssn, you weren't admitted.

    • @toddboothbee1361
      @toddboothbee1361 2 года назад

      @@Irisi13 Thanks. I guess it isn't really voluntary, after all. Besides, this was the only hospital in the county.

    • @naturalnikki8675
      @naturalnikki8675 2 года назад

      You do NOT have to give your SSN to receive health care services. That practice overall has been phased out. Some drs, hospitals still have it on their forms, but you can leave it blank. If they happen to question you, simply state “I do not use my SSN for health care services.” Outside of the military/VA, they cannot deny you services. Feel free to Google it if needed.

    • @toddboothbee1361
      @toddboothbee1361 2 года назад

      @@naturalnikki8675 I had already Googled it, and I found that though you're not legally required to provide your ssn, the hospital isn't required to accept you as a patient. Unless you're in need of emergency care. Now I will kick myself. I wasn't thinking straight, believing I might drop dead. Damn it! Everything in this country is damned ordeal, run by a bunch of carnies.

  • @amandalambert1309
    @amandalambert1309 2 года назад +1

    What do you do with a partner of 38 years who has resentment & anger towards you & your choices & says they couldn’t ask because they felt powerless.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +1

      I am so sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. Please try asking this question on Thursday’s FREE Live Q&A session (09.02.2023) at 4PM EST. I am looking forward to seeing you there.

  • @anudeepaghosh
    @anudeepaghosh 2 года назад +4

    I was trying to contact you too. Is there a way?

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +1

      Sorry for the late reply. Sadly, these messages can easily get missed.
      If you’re interested in taking courses, please email support@allceus.com.
      If you want to ask questions on mental health, please join the channel (you can become a silver member for $9.99 / month) at: docsnipes.com/join . By joining the channel, you can become a member of the Doc Snipes telegram group and you can also ask questions when I go live for members.

    • @redeamedrichly3
      @redeamedrichly3 2 года назад

      @@DocSnipes 🤝🆒 info.

    • @anudeepaghosh
      @anudeepaghosh 2 года назад

      @@DocSnipes Thanks a lot Doc for the info..

  • @richtheking7157
    @richtheking7157 2 года назад +2

    My problem in my youth is that I froze up a lot.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What tips from the video will you use to address that?

  • @margueriteoreilly2168
    @margueriteoreilly2168 2 года назад +1

    Aww ur brilliant
    Belfast Ireland 🇮🇪 😎

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      Thanks for watching the video. What did you find most helpful from it?

    • @margueriteoreilly2168
      @margueriteoreilly2168 2 года назад

      @@DocSnipes
      I have been in trauma
      So much I my own life.
      I am learning to have abilities to make suches,
      Not bad desions,
      I liked that part .
      I feel like I let others walk over me .
      I hate fighting or arguing
      So
      I like u say honestly
      It suchs
      Learn from actions to cope

  • @HarpreetSingh-il5sy
    @HarpreetSingh-il5sy 2 года назад +1

    So cute🥰

  • @RobRowan-l2p
    @RobRowan-l2p 4 месяца назад

    I'm verbally attacking my girlfriend.
    I'm being just like my mom.
    Ilived in fight or flight mode for 50 plus years.
    I owe Thanks to my girlfriend who has been educating me on how to communicate.
    I only learned how yell and scream.
    That's what I learned growing up.

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  4 месяца назад

      Thank you for being so open and honest about your experience. It takes a lot of self-awareness to recognize those patterns and how they’re impacting your relationship. Growing up in an environment where yelling and screaming were the norm can make it really hard to unlearn those habits, but it’s incredible that your girlfriend is helping you develop healthier ways to communicate. That kind of support is so valuable, and it sounds like you’re on the path to change.
      Btw, if you're interested in more tips on the topic or if you want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes.
      Is there a particular communication skill your girlfriend has taught you that you’ve found especially helpful in breaking those old patterns?

  • @redeamedrichly3
    @redeamedrichly3 2 года назад +3

    🥺👐🏼🆒info, thanks.😇
    🕊️✝️

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +1

      You’re so welcome. Thanks for watching

  • @NormanChester882
    @NormanChester882 2 года назад +2

    Bye,

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +2

      Thank you for attending the premiere, Norman! Looking forward to seeing you again at another premiere :)

    • @NormanChester882
      @NormanChester882 2 года назад +2

      @@DocSnipes Hallelujah

    • @NormanChester882
      @NormanChester882 2 года назад

      @@DocSnipes Doctor, do you have info on the use of CBD products for anxiety, while on probation in Georgia, say , if prescribed by doctor, Thank you

  • @raven4090
    @raven4090 2 года назад +1

    Thanks!

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад +1

      You’re so welcome. Thank you for watching

  • @lillianlopez8609
    @lillianlopez8609 2 года назад +1

    Thank you!!

    • @DocSnipes
      @DocSnipes  2 года назад

      You’re so welcome. What tips from the video will you use to forgive yourself for not knowing what to do?