I was just searching for "no contact bpd" as i am going through an awful and sudden discard with my wife/with BPD of 5 years. Perhaps this time of year is when BPD start to discard people? Mine also had SAD so she is riding high on her summer high currently, she was with a new guy within days of serving me divorce papers.
Loool, when you give a borderline boundaries all they do is wind themselves up, instigate fights and then leave and cheat. The self destructive behavior goes waaaaaaay beyond cutting themselves, they destroy everything around them.
I gave my ex 4 days a week of my time, nightly calls and jumped when she needed me. It still wasn’t enough! Walked on eggshells, dealt with her insipid tongue, triangulation, gaslighting, arguing, stonewalling and “you don’t love me” BS on & off for 8 years. I love(d) this girl dearly but she’s still out there trying to find someone “better” hurts my heart as many BpD partners know that they can shut off & vanish. Not a good relationship to be in. Mine is a high functioning BPD so her friends think she’s the best thing since sliced cheese. Only behind closed doors with those close does she act out. Sigh …. (Currently off)
Same thing happened with me. I was blocked 7 weeks ago just for saying No to her wanting to rediscuss an argument, as I was fed up with the amount of arguments. So 2 days after that she ended things with me and blocked me. Everyone thinks she is really nice but they don't know what goes on behind the closed doors.
my borderline ex pushed me away. Then broke up with me. then started a smear campaign and told all my people that I'm a narcissist. I'm hurt bad. she's really bashing me. I took care of her kids, I paid all the bills and I genuinely took care of her. 😢
Bro feel half ex wrote letters to my parents saying im an abuser....I'm like wtf ive always been nice and things were going well ? Proper headfuck aint it
If your partner has BPD, RUN, dont walk... RUN! I spent ten years trying to fix a relationship with a bpd partner and finally had to walk away for my own physical and mental health. Wish I had done it 6 weeks into the relationship when the first argument occurred.
Honestly this! I tried to make a relationship work with one for about a year. No matter what I did, it was never right or enough. We'd fight at least once a week, she always found ways to make everything my fault and blaming me. Finally she blamed me for holding her down and not being able to explore other relationships, when she wanted the relationship and rushed into it. I made mistakes, but gosh did I get blamed for a lot of shit. I'm glad I had the strengh to walk away after a year and save my own sanity, I should have listened to my gut and left long ago. Don't date BDP people, run, run fast and wide.
6 weeks into the relationship was enough for me to realize dating with a BPD wasn't a good idea lol, I was losing my mind. It wasn't our first argument, we had been having arguments 2 days into the relationship, perhaps 12 times a day. Like every other hour, she barely slept and kept me awake too. Well, she was having her own arguments with life, I was just her dartboard which represented life for her at the time. The other 12 hours a day she was a totally different person. At the end of 6 weeks I was a zombie, had to *RUN.* That was 6 months ago, I'm told by her parents she has been lately out in the streets looking for me 24/7. I was lucky enough to notice the nuthead in her by the end of two days, so I never invited her to my house, though she knows my town where she has been searching for me. She doesn't know where I work either, but last week she visited the college where I'm affiliated with for my PhD. A true fucking zombie, looks like I'll need the police sooner or later. She needs help, but like most BPDs she looks for wrong places as the source of her problems and solutions. I'm neither of those, she thinks I am both.
@@Edelweiss1102 You're hilarious! ''We'd fight at least once a week''. That's easy peasy, I'd say it's a crisis when you'd be fighting at least 3 times a day. A ton of ''regular'' people without BPD just the way you described the pwBPD as well. Just easier to throw shit and stigmatize an abusive ex because of a disorder. Gather some real facts about BPD and get your shit together. Obviously your ''sanity'' didn't get all that good given the fact how you're lashing out lol.
@Dryer Machine Living with BPD as well. Dunno whether to laugh or call the mental emergency for these nutshells commenting. Considering what they're commenting I myself would think that I'm not the one with BPD 😂😂
@Dryer Machine people tend to generalize... Not everyone suffering from BPD acts the same way. Not everyone who has a partner diagnosed with BPD has the same experiences. There's a lot of noise on this topic no matter where you look. Peace.
Just don't date them at all, even if they are on therapy. I dated one who actually had therapy and it was a complete nightmare. The emotional hurt she caused was horrible, and she didn't even care.
My ex of 3 years definitely has borderline. I myself am codependent and I am understanding why the relationship lasted so long. The emotional manipulation is so scary because I don’t believe they actually know what they’re doing.
Have you ever herd from them again....I know I was in love with my bpd gf and when things all came together for us to start living together and be a family...she dropped me out of know where, she gotten two dogs, a computer, a house to rent out because of me, I done so much for them and still would of, but they picked up anchor and set sail, always tryed to talk with them and anything said at the time was a nail in the coffin and then the last they said, was to never contact me orvtalk to me ever again or I'll have you arrested, and I was a great guy the gentlemen, and I made sure I was doing everything for us and this happens....its very frustrating to not hear from them and wonder if my bpd gf misses me?....she did say some very hurtful hateful things to me and i know this isnt like her, but could also be because she wanted to pursue someone else...she did always get annoyed me touching her the few days before the break up, but I always gave it the benefit of doubt it was because everything was very chaotic at the time....I dont know, ..i. truely feel they are my twin flame and soul mate, yes theres that dr jykle and mr hyde to them but i only sense that spiritual energy between us two...8ve never seen or felt nothing from anyone like this threw all my years alive...i dont know what to do and deal with them having bpd....its middle of the third month and nothing yet,...i cant see them loosing me forever if I helped them so financially and at my exspense....i know they feel something for me because they had said they would keep in touch, but that was before I made a wrong move then was told to never contact her again....what do I do to get her back, ...my anxiety away from them really fucks with me at work, I have tryed so much to regain myself and very little has helped...i just want us back together, so we can work it out and so she can get more help then she already has...my life is with them, it's nothing without us...its just hurting her more getting rid of someone thats good for her like me...and I dont want us to part again, we has swore to it this time,...the first time she moved and I lost her number, because I lost my phone and I never could remember where I found her at on what dating site....and after 3 years I found her on face book and spent a good 7 months with each other....she knows I love her very much, but why the never talk to me ever again message?????....I do respect her to give this time,...but her days of her having children maybe out numberd and I know we wanted kids....and now with this carona virus going world wide etc.. it makes time more anxiety ridden...I literally dont know how I do everyday, I really dont...plz help
Trick Licorice I have not heard from her. She monkey branched to another guy while we were still together and has been with him since. I don’t plan to hear from her again and honestly I don’t want to. When BPD sufferers see that the relationship is getting serious and feeling too real for them they will jump first to avoid being abandoned. The more love and security they get the more they pull away. If you honestly know she has BPD my best advice would be to work on yourself and let her be. If she never gets help for her disorder she will always pull these things on you even if you get back together. You have to put yourself first here you cannot save her only she can do that.
I dated a BDP once, never again! It's harsh, but you just can't reason, work or comunicate with them. One false step and they'll flip your shit. I think people need to be accountable with their actions and thoughs, disorder or not. There's just no chance with BDPs. Do yourself a favour and leave for your own sake.
It'll be all good as long as everything is going according to them. You let them walk all over you, bend backwards for them and give them everything they need. You try and set boundaries and they feel 'controlled' plus you have given them all they need so now they dip.
Man this makes things seem so helpless! Because I really want to help this girl! Everyone her whole life has walked out on her and I’m trying not to be that person but man this is heavy heavy stuff!
@King Chef sadly since I made that post I’ve started to come that realization! Most recently she demanded her insurance card (which she would not have if it wasn’t for me) and because I hung up on her because I told her she wasn’t going to talk to me that way, she proceeded to leave a voicemail basically stating “I better call back or she’d send bullets through my house she wasn’t playing with my dumba** and she didn’t care if it was recorded or if I kept it she would kill me.” It’s really sad still that someone can literally change at snap of a finger but I’ve tried talking to her family and tried to get everyone on board but they are part of the problem. I know at some point she’ll come back around and need something and for her sake imma try to convince her to get help, because no one would put up with her behavior (there’s a lot more and a lot worse than the voicemail) but she’s destined for a life of misery it seems and is only 23 years old :-/
This describes the young woman I was just in a relationship with perfectly... I have been watching your channel for 3 years now and tried so hard to have a healthy relationship with her. It sometimes felt like she had multiple personalities. So loving and caring at the beginning and, as I became more invested in the relationship, she pulled away. It was like being on an emotional teeter totter. Where we were in the relationship was never the same place but completely inverted.
Mine occurred last year and I was devastated. She's the reason I stumbled across these videos. All I can say is that as much as I've missed her, I know we're both better off separate from each other. (Also, yeah, I know I'm a few years late to this video.)
I wish I’d known my ex was bpd before we got together. She dumped me out of the blue and monkey branched to another. I was blindsided. I thought we had a great relationship and had planned a beautiful future together. She seemed to discard it all so easily and without warning. I now know through my own therapy, that this is splitting and devaluing. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, of course, we had our share of ups and downs like every other normal relationship but looking at it all from a distance now I can clearly see the cycle of seduce, cling, and reject. That’s exactly what happened. I’m guessing her bpd was triggered and she felt like she was either being abandoned or engulfed by me and she left. She also vilified me after the breakup and that killed me the most. I couldn’t stand being painted as someone who she viewed as a bad or horrible person. I loved and cared for her so much and still do. I now know that this is also part of the bpd where a person is either good or bad and no in between. I’ve had to learn not to take this personally but to let it just be a part of the bpd. I didn’t cause her bpd, I can’t control her behaviour, and I can’t cure her. I hate that she goes through life feeling unloved because she is so loved by me. Thank you both for this video xx
@@sunnyrana4248 it will get easier. This was written 3 months ago and 3 months on I’ve changed my tune a lot. I don’t have as much sympathy for my ex as I conveyed in the original post. I’m slowly beginning to realise the true extent of the abuse. You can’t see it when you’re in it, but even the love bombing stage is abusive because it’s when the manipulation begins. I’m in therapy which has been an eye opener. I don’t hate my ex but I’m more aware of the darkness behind her actions and I can truly see that nothing I could’ve said or done would’ve prevented the discard. The new supply is just the next ex and I actually feel sorry for her. I hope you’re doing ok 👍🏽
Great assessment! I broke up for the 3rd time in 10 months with my BPD ex...she told me she had BPD in the early stages and I had not heard anything about it at that time. Only once we had our 1st break did I introspect and Google BPD...then i thought, oh, I don't need to take it personal, it is just her condition...we reconnected only to break up a 2nd time a few weeks later...this time I went no contact and she contacted me a couple of weeks later saying she was pregnant...she miscarried a few weeks later and once I reaffirmed boundaries in a convo we had a month ago, she accused me of stealing money...an accusation she made of her previous BF who would repeatedly contact while we were together..I will not be following his lead. Since then I have done a deep dive on BPD and everything you wrote about the mother is bang on...she talks with her every day and the woman has a tremendous influence over her...she told her back in Feb that her thighs were getting too big from her gym workouts(thighs were and are fine) and my ex almost relapsed into her bulimic eating disorder which she had resolved with yoga. Her sister no longer speaks with their mother but my ex seems to have her head buried deep up her mom's ass. Stunning as the woman is the cause of her trauma...history of abusive BFs, alcoholism....just tragic...I know we met for a reason but have no idea what my lesson is in all of this.
Wow. That was good. My ex was BPD. She was a user, self centered and a manipulator. And post on Facebook that she was in a miserable relationship and in a black pit. Very untrue and misleading. She was always the victim.
If she tells you up front that she has BPD, run for the hills as fast as possible. Now I’m going through horrible heart break. There is no help for them so love yourself enough to leave before you get hurt.
I'm going through it. You feel you're really really special. And when the reality hits you are left alone to realise that it was all in your head and there's a number of people before you and there will be many more after you. pwBPD only care about themselves and their own needs. Maybe it's the illness that's responsible for it but sadly it is what it is.
Same thing happened to me. We had talked about marriage. She left with no real explanation and still doesn’t have any sense of why. I thought she could work through it. It’s been heartbreaking.
@@ameliacharles7831 I understand your struggle. It’s been nearly 3 months and I’ve now moved on. Once you realize that you’re not the crazy one and you did e everything right, you’ll begin to heal. These creatures are horrible and do it care who they hurt as long as they get appeased
@@alyssa_91 Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. She told me she was ready to chat over coffee just a couple of days ago. I told her I had a long going on and couldn't see her for a while. I want to be more healed and stronger if/when I see her again. Although it hurts still, and I do miss her (when I was idealized... which sucks to understand more now. And also when she's not in a dip/mood shift) ... I know intellectually that she's not good for me and ultimately this was a blessing in disguise. I appreciate your words. I tend to be overly compassionate for others which is a detriment to myself honestly. I want to believe what you've said in a heart way, but as of now it's just in my mind. Hopefully, I'll get there soon. I'm really happy for you, and it's super encouraging to hear there's light at the end of the tunnel! If you have any words of wisdom on what helped you get there... I'm all ears.
Hey coach I noticed you haven’t done a video where the breakup does not seem bad, but they still broke up with you. She will still answer texts, will see you occasionally, and keeps sharing location, etc, yet she still broke up with you. I think it could help those of us who are experiencing a breakup that doesn’t seem bad, yet they still broke up with us.
I think most videos refer to this kind of breakup. Why else would they advice *the dumpee* to use no contact? It is when the dumper still answers, still cares, but they just don't want a relationship with you. You go no contact, you don't compromise for anything less than a relationship. You give them more space than they asked for, you give them your absence. Otherwise they don't feel separation anxiety, they are able to make a smooth transition in their life which won't include you as your partner. They don't even feel hurt because you are still around. If you keep talking as if nothing is wrong, sooner or later you'll find out they are dating someone else, they might not want to talk to you or they might say "I don't mind talking to you but I'm with someone else, so it's up to you" (in other words, they don't care much if you want to talk to them or not, they just don't want to hurt you). That happens all the time, it has happened to me. Do not avoid conflict and say "the breakup wasn't bad," I'm sure you aren't happy with where you are. If you keep talking like nothing is wrong, you won't get anywhere, because your ex broke up with you and nothing is wrong for the dumper so they can talk like it's all fine. You need to stand up for yourself, say this situation will only hurt you in the long run even though you are afraid of losing her forever. So "this is what I think and feel, I don't agree with this breakup but I respect it, I won't enjoy not hearing from you, give me a call if you change your mind" is the best approach for you. I know it is hard, it is easier to hang around and expect she may flip the switch. But it doesn't really happen. This is coming from someone who slept in the same bed with her ex for 2 weeks, went out at night, cooked dinner together, made vacation plans, so I can tell you the breakup wasn't bad at all. She just changed the subject when I brought up our relationship, I compromised, tried to be happy with what she had to offer. Then we talked 1-2 hours a day everyday for 2 and 1/2 months. She is with someone else now. She was also afraid of losing me forever, but she didn't want a relationship either. By compromising, I just relieved her fear of loss, which disappeared anyway when she found someone else. Things are really worse than you think, she has lost emotional attraction, it won't come back unless you disappear.
Onur Böle Lots of solid wisdom. There’s not all bad in this though. I’m gonna be vulgar but it’s honest and true so it’s fine. The truth is the BPD person is fucked up. Sick. At first or maybe the entire time, they’ll be completely fine with breaking up no matter what you had. Even a solid marriage idea both if you discussed. That’s sick. If they really loved you and were crazy about you the way you were for them then the breakup should be fuckin heart destroying and painful. Grieving process, pain, tears etc. and that’s fuckin common sense if the love was huge. That’s an automatic result no matter who it is. If someone can not feel that bad Then they’re sick. SURPRISE! They suffer from a sick disorder. It’s not you’re fault. You don’t have to be sad like you weren’t enough and never meant anything and you feel worse for feeling true love for them but you don’t mean shit. It’s the disorder. It literally isn’t personal. Knowing they have BPD, knowing the disorder, knowing their sick completely helped me. I’ve gone through it. I was like “wow, that’s not my shit, I was fuckin phenomenonal with her, damn I’m good”. “ She’s sick, wow”. I’ll put it this way, you have a pet tiger. You feed him. Love him. You saved his life and took him in. But your ignorance and not knowing how a tiger acts ends up killing you. Yeah you thought you could drive with him in the car in the front seat. Get it?Always expect a fucked up process or whatever with a BPD. On another note. If someone breaks up with you, be done. No contact forever. Chasing them and talking to them and working with them after they didn’t care about you in the first place is a disgrace to yourself. I wasn’t dumped but she showed clear signs she didn’t care but still wanted me in her life. I dropped her. She knows whose fuckin boss and she can die from her fucked up ways of what lost me. And btw I bet my life she misses she wants me back together with her from handling it like that anyway. Be alpha, live yourselves with the mentality of who gives a fuck if they leave. Thad power and it’ll attract women anyway regardless. You flow the way to do and if they don’t flow with it fuck em. One more thing with borderlines due to their sickness they CAN be cooled if there’s a breakup and careless and fine with it which is fucked up BUT... I bet you that’s at first. Some time goes on and then they’re crying and missing you and your dick. My ex BPD and I went through that like 3 times. So the cold and not caring didn’t last. It hurt the fuck out of her. It was a delayed affect though. I don’t deal with shit anymore. I’m fuckin untouchable but love with a passion. There’s balance. That’s what a masculine man with a big heart is. Thanks for reading
Onur Böle this is the same situation I am in! My ex cried and said she doesn’t want to lose me, not ready for a relationship and was not ready to give up on me, and wanted to stay friends. I said I cannot and let me know if you change your mind. It’s been 3 weeks no contact.
Dang, Coach Mar Mar. You hit it right on the nose. That's exactly it. When I used to cut, it used to be to stop the emotional pain and change it into physical pain. Which to me is/ was easier to handle. But I don't know if I cause as much trouble/crises. Well after I've stopping cutting. I think i might have or had borderline personality disorder. I've finally gotten to that point. Yay me. Thanks to you'll both. I love you'll so much and thankful for you'll both. ♥️
I didn’t realize I was so codependent until this recent partner. I’m typically a very confident and self assured person but I felt so weak around her. She ran the show. We broke up and got back together when I reached out but not as a relationship. Just friends that became fwb and eventually became close again. Much like a relationship without the title. Long story short, she out of the blue started distancing from me, talking to me less, less physical contact (no sex at all) and no affection. Not even any words of affirmation really. This was out of character as at the beginning I was love bombed hard. Basically became unreadable amd unreachable lol. Hurt like hell. As all I wanted to do was understand. Ignored with no accountability, it was hard to deal with.
Exactly the same here. No explanations all. Then she says she wants no contact, and when I don’t text her she text me like crazy. Push pull etc. It’s so sad cuz I still really love her but she treats me like I’m nothing. Garbage. 😔 im so gutted
Would you say putting babies in daycare is a cause of borderline? I know childcare providers are taught to not comfort or coddle babies and toddlers- it always broke my heart and made me sick dropping my sons off. When my oldest was a baby, I didn’t have a choice but to work overtime with minimum wage. When my youngest was born I was able to work two days and pay rent late for the sake of my babies. My oldest was abandoned by his father at the age of 4 so he has a lot of pain and trauma that he doesn’t like to discuss with me anymore as a teen. Is there anything I can do to help? He’s much better now and is a happy kid, but I worry that he will no longer come to me when the pain is unbearable. I always let him know that his dad loves him in a way that isn’t enough because his dad has an illness and has nothing to do with my son. The trauma will forever be there though and it’s every parents wish for their kids to feel wholesome familial love and support which he didn’t get.
I was told by my therapist that my ex likely has Borderline Personality Disorder, as they demonstrate most of the 9 traits that qualify as BPD (and apparently 5 must be present to be diagnosed). I'm not certain about that (nor am I qualified), but they are also very Fearful Avoidant / Disorganized Avoidant. It was a tumultuous relationship at times, and very sweet and loving at other times. They later told me that they believed every single day that I was about to break up with them, even though I said and did nothing to cause it, they've just always been that way. They were also bulimic and also had a history of suicide attempts, even from a very young age.
Still watching you and continuing the personal growth, and constantly looking back at the workbooks. even though I’m in an amazing relationship, never stop self investment. things get better everyone! Stay optimistic ❤️
Thank you for this video. I’m not sure what my ex’s issue is, or my own issue for that matter. I know I’m “avoidant” most of the time, but with her I certainly displayed very anxious attachment style symptoms. After reading “Attached” and listening to your videos for months now, I think my ex may be disorganized. And after a few therapy sessions my therapist had indicated she believed my ex was borderline and the best is to leave her alone. I have never loved anyone like I’ve loved her. But she doesn’t seem to be able to be consistent with any decision she makes, and we have never been together (in numerous attempts) for more than 2 to 3 months. (And this was a true long distance relationship. I’m from the US, she’s in Spain). I wish we could find a way to be together and healthy. But at this point I’m not sure it is possible. I’ve gotten your workbooks and I am trying to work on myself now that I finally have my depression under semi-control with medication (from her leaving me so many times in the worst ways possible). I guess this story in the end is of two “crazies” that met, were instantly connected... and not ready to be together due to fears of being hurt or abandoned, and anxieties stemming from the incredible sacrifices that one of us (or both) would have to make to be together. I feel both of us need a lot of personal growth work, and it will take a long time. But I’ve always wanted to be the best option for my partner. I’m starting to accept that the story of my ex and I is an imposible one... no happy ending in sight. But at the very least my hope is to be the best partner i can be for my next relationship.... whenever it happens... I think I sabotage my chances many times. Thank you both for the great work you do and for the wealth of information you’ve given me. Best wishes. And thank you for giving me a platform in this opportunity to vent a little bit.
Andromeda, I think we will be stuck in the “no contact” phase for a long time 🤦🏻♂️... Thank you. I do remember the video. I should look for it and watch it again.
I can't believe that simply telling a BPD to stay in control would work. I had good boundaries with the bpd man I was dating and he just absolutely backstabbed me like I couldn't even imagine. And he did this from the start of the relationship.
This is point blank the best spot on description of borderline personality disorder that I have ever heard. And it also perfectly describes someone who I used to be somewhat close to in my family. Thank god for psychiatry and these types of explanations. I now feel less guilty about my decision to stonewall the crazy acting family member I was forced to be around when I younger.
Everything I need to hear in this moment. The journey is long and finding tools like this video makes it more doable. Gives me more hope and focus to continue working on myself. Thank you very much for the research and compilation of notes.
It’s nice to hear a more positive outlook in this situation. Most others jut tell you to get out run but it’s not so easy to do if you have fallen in love with somebody. You want to do whatever it takes to make things work. Which I’ve found is a lot of education as far as learning about the disorder. It’s going to be work but I think it will be worth it. Thank you so much ❤
Hearing the letter say "I don't think I need you, but I'm figuring out if I want you." Is amazing. I tried to get my ex to realise this. He had BPD (undiagnosed when we were dating until recently; but I knew he had it. It was unmistakable.) He would always say "I need you. I want you to need ME." And I would reply "I don't need you at all. I want you. I desire to spend time with you and be with you. I want you because you're precious, not because I need something from you." And I used to think those words were so beautiful, until he gave me a look so offended I was taken aback. I think the intense desire to be needed comes back to abandonment for NPD people, because is they are needed they won't be left. However, in my case, my ex's desire to be needed seemed to be an ego thing also. Pretty sure he had comorbid NPD.
Could you please make a video about quiet Borderlines and break ups? I'd love to understand my ex better Much love to you and thank you for the information
Absolutely EXCELLENT!!!! EXCELLENT listen to. Thank you Margaret. Very informative and very interesting. It explains A LOT and I can now see how his upbringing created this. I feel sorry that a person becomes this way and has to live their lives like this because of inconsistencies and selfishness from his parents and his mother’s side of the family. Very sad and I don’t even think a person can recognize this because it’s how they have lived/survived their entire life. So interesting. Love this. ♥️
I'm feeling overwhelmed by my borderline ex. We dated for two years. He would constantly break up with me, say he wanted me so much and when I agreed to try again change his mind. Ignore me for long periods of time. We broke up for three months. When he went into the navy he broke up with me. We talked again after that and got back together. 6 months without seeing him in person and deciding to try dating again I wanted to take it slow. He proposed. When I told him I wasn't ready (I was 19 years old.) He freaked out. I broke up with him (first time i did it) and he threatened to kill himself. He really was going through it and during that time. That's when he got diagnosed with borderline and he was cutting and very suicidal. I felt so bad. Now two years later we just started talking again the first week was bliss. He said he wanted me and we both agreed it'd be different this time. But yesterday he started with the doubts. Just like he used to do. And he's been ignoring me all today. I dont know what to do. I really love him and want to be with him but I don't see how I could be with him like this. He also changes his mind on us so fast he says he won't but he always does. He's doing it now. I don't know what to do. I've never felt this way about anyone but him. I want us to work but I can't do it if it's just going to be like last time. I dont know how to help him and I dont want to trigger him or myself more.
My ex with bpd left me for no reason that made sense in our reality. First she love bombed me until I fell in love with her. Then after everything Ive done for her she broke my heart, blamed me for everything, used me, then went back to her ex who she claimed was abusive and she hated. I would highly advice against dating a borderline for your mental health.
i have bpd n my symptoms have been reducing as i work on it. i recently started to fall for a young woman with bpd. reading this comment section makes me feel HORRIBLE about myself. i don't think im a monster and most of the damage i have done is self inflicted. i dont think most of you guys or right
I think my ex is a borderline. He broke up with me when I became little demanding on trust issues. Been two weeks. I miss him like hell but maintaining my no contact. Do borderline exes come back?
Very informative video that has helped me understand more the situation I used to be involved in My ex was diagnosed with BPD and let me know before entering the relationship which I appreciate greatly. I selfishly fell in love with her far too quick and brushed it to the side thinking it would be something we could work on together to help her, and for that I’m sorry to her and I wish she would know. It is such a confusing illness and I can only hope we keep furthering our understanding of it and spread it’s awareness to most importantly help those that suffer with it but also to help those related to them, their friends and their partners. From my experience she was so full of love, so spontaneous, and so much fun to have in my life. Her humour was incredible too as you mentioned. Unfortunately because of my own personal circumstances and being at a low point in my life we didn’t have the opportunity to take it slow and we became ‘fused’ very quickly - even mentioning marriage and running away together. We started living at her mum’s house as otherwise I would have been homeless, and with only after a couple months of getting to know each other, then half a year later we were sharing our own flat together. The relationship for me went south so fast and quickly it was hard for me to wrap my head around and still is. Splitting is a real curveball that hits you hard and I was made to feel like we had the most beautiful partnership to then feel like I was the most awful person to be in her life in a day. I got called names and accused of things that weren’t who I am and it made me question if she knew me at all but also whether I knew her at all. At the time I dealt with it so poorly and just upset her more. Now, had we still been speaking with the therapist and had I been fortunate enough to have read what I have now and listened to informative videos like this there would have been such a beneficial layer of knowledge and know-how in the approach and perhaps I would have dealt with it better - so hopefully there is more awareness raised We don’t talk anymore which is still difficult to wrap my head around but probably beneficial to the both of us. I learned a lot it being my first relationship firstly, but also it helps my perspective with mental health a bit more too and just how important raising awareness is. I personally feel it’s important to stress too that relationships are built on love between two people, and even if one of them has a disorder of sorts that doesn’t take away your accountability and responsibility. I should have been better in so many different aspects and that will always be a deep regret of mine. Great video - thank you for helping me understand more and easing my mind a little bit today :)
@@ChefFandangle Hey friend, I’m sorry to hear that! It’s such a confusing situation to be in. It can get better though and videos like this and speaking with family and friends certainly helped me to begin with especially in terms of understanding! For me this feels a lifetime ago that I watched this but since then I looked after myself and started trying things I wanted to try for years too and have become a much happier person. I even had a small catch-up with the ex through text a few months ago and it was nice to hear she and her family were doing well but also to know that there was no pressure in what or if to reply I hope you deal with whatever you’re going through, understand how and why things happened and eventually be able to move on 🙏
I met somebody at work in 2016. He wasn't fast to move. Once we connected, he told me it was only for sex. I thought it over knowing I had the choice to go ahead with it or not. The guy was terribly handsome and masculine so of course I absolutely wanted a taste of him so I decided to go ahead with it and accept the friends with benefit situationship. The second time we got together, he told me he had BPD and would not ever again be as a couple as it was not for him. Told me he did not have nice childhood, being the elder of 3 boys, his mom was bipolar and alcoholic. Apparently she died in a car accident when he was 11 years old and he tried to get his mother out of the car (he was on the site with his dad). Not knowing what was BPD, I researched it a lot to: 1 ) educate myself as to what it was that I would have to deal with 2) not take things personally 3) to protect myself and detach from any behavior on his part that could be offensive. 4 ) to not try to be his savior. He was never agressive or angry with me although on a few occasions he was direct, blunt and sometimes crude in his language. He was more of the avoidant type but in his own particular way, he comforted me when my dad was diagnosed with cancer and passed in 2018. Eventually we took different roads jobwise so at the end we weren't working at the same place anymore. Our friends with benefits situation lasted 2.5 years, way way longer than I would have expected initially, after which he simply ghosted me in 2019. Popped up by text message 1 year later to disappear again without meeting. No contact on either side since then. End of story. I was not heartbroken but he is somebody I will never forget. I cherish fondly the good moments we had together . I appreciated his upfront honesty about his condition right from the start and thank him in my heart for it even to this day.
If you had a nice interaction with a bpd like this, then you probably need weren’t that close. They show their ugly side to people they’re comfortable with
@@philipmillard3178 yeah,whenever you talk about how their action makes you feel,they feel like you are questioning their character so you get splitted
Yup dealt with all of this with my ex. Studied the condition inside and out, first sign was the cutting, proposing after a few weeks of going out. I was so young
My other problem with my BPD ex aside from the mental abuse was that he lied numerous times and cheated so there’s not much fixing that relationship with any kind of therapy unfortunately. People say that BPD people have impulsivity which I believe but the studies also have shown that cheating and lying aren’t symptoms, they’re a choice.
but what is with the quiet borderline? someone told me, she have social anxiety disorder and borderline, she treat me always like i dont exist and say we are no friends. i was very nice to her but i wanted to know more about her and she dont wanted it. i dont know how to think about this. there are so many borderline videos but nobody deal with a breakup from their side and gaslighting for days while tell positive things to her. she basicly ignored me all the time, seldom wrote.
these were the last words...did i came to near or does she really not care one bit? >> i am telling u i dont want to be near u in any way I DONT WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH U ANYMORE GET IT PLEASE JUST LEAVE
Yep! Suuuuuper needy in the beginning, and then turned on me but still wouldn’t say the words “breakup”. He just kind of played hot and cold and wouldn’t give me an answer. Hated me some days, called me a narcissist (I have depression and overly empathic obviously! That’s why I lasted two years with my ex trying to make it work). He says he wants peace but then calls me a narcissist because I was emotional about my dads death and also blocked me right after- also saying in his text, I’m not bitter, just let this go and don’t reach out again.
My Love has BPD. We are in our 50's and were a couple years apart in the same school. We just got together 15 months ago. Rollercoaster. She has moved to a great job on the other coast. Long distance relationship at this time. She is afraid to have me out. Fear of affecting her job. But she wants me there and wants to grow old with me. I will not abandon her and will deal with whatever comes. We break up almost weekly. At least for a few hours. Often I am a punching bag for her stress relief. Don't get me wrong she is a good woman. I am empathetic with her. Some of the harsh rants cause me to slip and say things I regret. She wants me to be her hero. Yet she often hangs up or blocks me like the last two days. Help me be her rock.
Really helpful video, especially on the origin of splitting. I've been struggling to try to understand this, as I've experienced splitting but have never understood why.
This sounds exactly like my ex boyfriend and his ex wife. They both threatened to kill themselves, she told him to slice his wrist which he said he was going to do and I said I would call 911 if he didn't stop talking like that, then she texted me telling me she was cutting her self at work because she couldn't handle the pain anymore then he found her later that day at her house and had cut the tops of her legs with razor blades. Can two borderlines be married or even together? I often wondered if she had issues because of what she said and done and things she had told me that had nothing to do with what was going on between the 3 of us. Also do borderlines have high pain levels, high sexual levels even if the man is old enough to be her dad or grandpa? Just trying to figure out what it is that I have been dealing with. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Many borderlines were sexually abused which explains her high tolerance to pain. Borderlines can't be diagnosed without cutting and suicidal ideation. They both sound toxic at a minimum. It weird that she would be calling you!
@@Andromeda_M31 maybe she is a borderline and he is a narcissistic psychopath. To be honest I don't know but a lot of what they are saying in this video sounds identical to what she did. For all I know they both could have been lying to me about what she did. It's a long story and a very confusing one. He has came back into my life but I think it is because she don't want anything to do with him period. There's nothing between us, at least for me. It took me a long time to get over him and the things he did, said and done to me. I'm thinking about ending what ever it is that it is now. I'm not in love with him nor do I feel attracted to him like I did. But he told me he wanted to get right with God and that is the main reason I started to talk to him again. I again believed that I could help him. But I can't help someone that don't want help. Then he tells me how his ex wife is into church and is saved now which is a great thing but my gut is telling me that he is only saying what he's saying to try and get her back. I could be wrong and I shouldnt say that because I don't know, only him and God knows but I do know that I don't want messed up again in all of this toxicity. If she found out he was talking to me again only God himself would know what she might do this time. Him and I were together for a year and a half after they were divorced for aprox 2 yrs and she was mad when she found out and said to me so you are the secret. But he chose her in the end, then ghosted me for over 3 1/2 years then she left him high and dry and now he's back. But it took a long time to get me back and I'm not ever going to go back to that place again. I'm worth more then that and then some... Thank you for your comment and God bless 💞
Just like every other person there are different traits, some more destructive & what you'd call abusive behaviours. So yeah, not everyone does the cutting or ''stealing cars''. In fact, a lot turn their feelings & etc into arts and that kind of stuff.
My bpd ex we have been together 8 years. He had left like 6 times so dramatic moved out and causes so much drama between people. Always begs for me back and I took him back because he’s great with my daughter who he raised from 2 to 10 but this time I’m so done. He’s 35 and is an alcoholic and drug person. I hope he gets sober and get into therapy because he’s great when he is sober and grounded. I was like an addict chasing that side of him
It does work to tell them to knock their shit off. My ex says “ok”. My ex calms down every time I tell him sternly to stop It’s like talking to a child. Very true video.
I don`t know what my ex has anymore... I was here under the name Watchnewstv (with also a pokeball picture) And been talking and helping alot of people here (And love to do so) :D... My story was that my ex had 2 major Depressions where i tried to help her (whe had a 6.5 year relationship) Now sinds a month (and not thalking for 7/8 to respect her space and moving on) She hacked the account above :( Every app - contact agenda was gone just without a reason. I wanted to stay friends, but this took A major blow to me :(. I now know i can Never trust her again... I Say this just to let you know that these people are much harder to save then whe think... As sad as it sounds.... Love to all of you :D
Hey all. :) I believe that the last example was someone who has suffered from Adhd but not borderline. The style of writing is very Intp (myers Briggs) and they're not usually Bpd people but prone to Adhd. Besides that, it isn't likely that a Bpd person sees things that clearly and gets that far. Here, too, the explanation might be that it just isn't actually someone with Bpd, but Adhd mimicking Bpd. I know you're professionals and I happily absorbed your information. It's all great. I only worry that the last example gives people false hope. Yes, the world needs some hope and the hopeful note is very nice and warm but someone with Bpd could falsely assume that they can break through it rather than manage it. All the best!
My ex is bipoler and she has done stupid things since the breakup! But during our almost ome year relationship she felt so good you could see it in her face but family and friends had other opinions. Im on 5 months of nc. She is miserable right now. To stubburn and with alot of proadnes. If i get back with her i will make her talk du you marget. You give calmness and thas inly males me feel some hope for her.
I think I’ve got borderline disorder it can affect ur life...I’ve learned a bit but now I understand,can I ask a question coach?...if ur ex look at ur friend status with u on it and put stuff on social media saying it’s hard to let me go but she has to etc and putting something on about narcissist etc This happened after she came back I’m in radio silence a month now she said she loves me we slept together and never spoke again that day she said not to get in a relationship she wants to see me December and that I need to focus on myself as she saw some changes in me and this will be another way to force me working on myself I’m a bit confused but yes therapy is going good u guys do a lot of good thank you
My ex-girlfriend who has BPD just broke up with me after getting an abortion. We were not ready to have a baby and she wanted to keep the baby at first for reasons such as "Oh I had a dream that this baby is a miracle or my friend did a tarot card for me saying to accept the new changes in life" but after I sat down with her and talked to her with logic saying that I am in school, she just started her own business and how I prefer to be a father rather than just a dad and how me asking her to get an abortion is not because we are not ready but because of fear that we cannot give the baby the life that deserves, she took time to think and came to the same conclusion but told me that if she gets the abortion she cannot be with me anymore even tho she loves me. We had a great year of relationship and we were there for each other every step of the way with so many beautiful plans for the future. I always understood her and she understood me and except for this sad part of the relationship, I do not recall one fight that we've had. Yesterday when she broke up with me over the text she said that she thinks that she cannot be with me anymore and we need to go our separate ways for a while to heal and talk down the road for closure. I feel like it is just like when I was being told by my parents as a teenager that something that I wanted to do was not right. I was getting mad at them even tho they were right, but realizing after a while that I actually appreciate them stopping me from making that decision.
I just broke up with my long d girlfriend and I think she has very obvious BPD. Extreme moodiness, hot and cold, lack of empathy, inability to have the equal and rational conversation over relationship problems (she will always blame me), and the threat of suicidal attempt (during my one week No Contact after the breakup she sent me pics of her cutting herself so I had to call her friend and reestablish contact). I love her but I feel helpless. It has been affecting my mental status pretty badly as she would threaten me to do a lot of things for her and play the victim card whenever I said no to make me feel like a terrible boyfriend.
I wish I could send this to my ex boyfriend, because I was hospitalised after we broke up and I was absolutely distraught and devastated (I have BPD). I think he was under the impression that I did it for attention when I absolutely did not, and it was awful to have such an insensitive reaction to a difficult situation. I told him after that I was getting the appropriate treatment and need time to focus on myself. I also emphasised that I understood why he broke up with me.
Thank you! I wish i and my ex saw this video a few years ago. Now it makes way more sence why i feel how i feel and act how i act. It's like a cloud just lifted from my head
Be careful going back to a boderline if they are abusive. My ex had borderline and kept accusing me of cheating when I wasn't and punched me to the ground. I found out after the assault he was the one cheating. I left him and won't go back.
That’s terrible. Glad to hear you’ve moved on. I’ve been through the cheating accusations with a borderline. It’s so hard when you given so much to them and they disrespect you with the accusations like this.
That's the borderline M.O. My ex ruined years of my life and sucked the life out of always accusing me of cheating, in the end I found out she was fucking like 5 different guys at any given time. I'm convinced that borderlines aren't human. They look like people but they're literal demons.
I am a BPD and my ex left me. It is funny how mean people are with borderlines. I wish you could be in my head and so you could experience what it's like. I loved my ex very much. And I still do. I wish I was aware that I was a borderline before we separated. Lack of knowledge about my situation made it worse. I could have controlled myself. I could have done things to prevent our separation from happening. Rn, I still miss him very much and but I do not talk to him. I apologized for everything I did, even though, I know it's not enough. The best I can do is respect his wishes... I will not bother him anymore and love him from a distance... PS: He doesnt know I am BPD and I just found out I am one after we broke up
What made you realise you were borderline? Did you have rages or get upset very dramatically when you were disappointed ? Did you ever run away wanting to get away from your partner? Did you ever shout at your partner or resort to insults when angry/upset?
These videos just leave me with my jaw dropped 🙁…do narcissists with BPD exist? …or are they one and the same thing? I know for sure my ex has something..there is just too much overlap in the symptoms and traits
I knew my ex was either BPD or NPD 4 months in, apparently he was recently diagnosed with BPD which wasn't a surprise, but I do believe that he had comorbid NPD. He would act like a complete Borderline, but then there were moments/periods of time where he had the biggest ego and would boast about how needed he was (in his job, friendships, etc...). It was whack because 24 hours before he could be crying and saying he wanted to die, and that he hated himself etc... I think a big sign is the ego thing - are their behaviours driven by ego or a desire to inflate their sense of superiority/recognition? My ex 100% had this.
I think it can't be recovered because it's in the Subconscious of the person nd just to have been captured in jail or hospital.. Otherwise they will keep seeking victims
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
I see lots of people are finding this video today. Where are you guys discovering it from?
I was just searching for "no contact bpd" as i am going through an awful and sudden discard with my wife/with BPD of 5 years. Perhaps this time of year is when BPD start to discard people? Mine also had SAD so she is riding high on her summer high currently, she was with a new guy within days of serving me divorce papers.
I watched pain of breakups from workbooks and this came on next.
@@spaceme0wth mmm really no time. But ever are sudden and surprising!
I sent you an email about exactly this yesterday, and it came up on my feed now. Thank you Craig and Margaret!
Loool, when you give a borderline boundaries all they do is wind themselves up, instigate fights and then leave and cheat. The self destructive behavior goes waaaaaaay beyond cutting themselves, they destroy everything around them.
Yup
So is bpd the same thing as fearful avoidant ? Because disorganized attachment is fearful avoidant right ?
So true. They are quick to cheat and then blame it on you. “ you forced me to go that far because you never cared about me”
@@ghostcircuitry TRUE. That is what happened to me almost 1,5 month ago...
I gave my ex 4 days a week of my time, nightly calls and jumped when she needed me. It still wasn’t enough! Walked on eggshells, dealt with her insipid tongue, triangulation, gaslighting, arguing, stonewalling and “you don’t love me” BS on & off for 8 years. I love(d) this girl dearly but she’s still out there trying to find someone “better” hurts my heart as many BpD partners know that they can shut off & vanish. Not a good relationship to be in. Mine is a high functioning BPD so her friends think she’s the best thing since sliced cheese. Only behind closed doors with those close does she act out. Sigh …. (Currently off)
Same thing happened with me. I was blocked 7 weeks ago just for saying No to her wanting to rediscuss an argument, as I was fed up with the amount of arguments. So 2 days after that she ended things with me and blocked me. Everyone thinks she is really nice but they don't know what goes on behind the closed doors.
my borderline ex pushed me away. Then broke up with me. then started a smear campaign and told all my people that I'm a narcissist. I'm hurt bad. she's really bashing me. I took care of her kids, I paid all the bills and I genuinely took care of her. 😢
I'm really sorry
Bro feel half ex wrote letters to my parents saying im an abuser....I'm like wtf ive always been nice and things were going well ? Proper headfuck aint it
SAME HERE
Damn! I moved this chicks whole apartment and gave her money smh. I’m gonna chalk my losses up to the game
If your partner has BPD, RUN, dont walk... RUN! I spent ten years trying to fix a relationship with a bpd partner and finally had to walk away for my own physical and mental health. Wish I had done it 6 weeks into the relationship when the first argument occurred.
Honestly this! I tried to make a relationship work with one for about a year. No matter what I did, it was never right or enough. We'd fight at least once a week, she always found ways to make everything my fault and blaming me. Finally she blamed me for holding her down and not being able to explore other relationships, when she wanted the relationship and rushed into it. I made mistakes, but gosh did I get blamed for a lot of shit. I'm glad I had the strengh to walk away after a year and save my own sanity, I should have listened to my gut and left long ago. Don't date BDP people, run, run fast and wide.
6 weeks into the relationship was enough for me to realize dating with a BPD wasn't a good idea lol, I was losing my mind. It wasn't our first argument, we had been having arguments 2 days into the relationship, perhaps 12 times a day. Like every other hour, she barely slept and kept me awake too. Well, she was having her own arguments with life, I was just her dartboard which represented life for her at the time. The other 12 hours a day she was a totally different person. At the end of 6 weeks I was a zombie, had to *RUN.*
That was 6 months ago, I'm told by her parents she has been lately out in the streets looking for me 24/7. I was lucky enough to notice the nuthead in her by the end of two days, so I never invited her to my house, though she knows my town where she has been searching for me. She doesn't know where I work either, but last week she visited the college where I'm affiliated with for my PhD. A true fucking zombie, looks like I'll need the police sooner or later. She needs help, but like most BPDs she looks for wrong places as the source of her problems and solutions. I'm neither of those, she thinks I am both.
@@Edelweiss1102 You're hilarious! ''We'd fight at least once a week''. That's easy peasy, I'd say it's a crisis when you'd be fighting at least 3 times a day. A ton of ''regular'' people without BPD just the way you described the pwBPD as well. Just easier to throw shit and stigmatize an abusive ex because of a disorder. Gather some real facts about BPD and get your shit together. Obviously your ''sanity'' didn't get all that good given the fact how you're lashing out lol.
@Dryer Machine Living with BPD as well. Dunno whether to laugh or call the mental emergency for these nutshells commenting. Considering what they're commenting I myself would think that I'm not the one with BPD 😂😂
@Dryer Machine people tend to generalize... Not everyone suffering from BPD acts the same way. Not everyone who has a partner diagnosed with BPD has the same experiences. There's a lot of noise on this topic no matter where you look. Peace.
If the bpd is not getting therapy then DONT DATE. It's not good for either party.
Remember abuse is abuse.
Correct
Just don't date them at all, even if they are on therapy. I dated one who actually had therapy and it was a complete nightmare. The emotional hurt she caused was horrible, and she didn't even care.
@@pyroxxx Same
My ex of 3 years definitely has borderline. I myself am codependent and I am understanding why the relationship lasted so long. The emotional manipulation is so scary because I don’t believe they actually know what they’re doing.
Have you ever herd from them again....I know I was in love with my bpd gf and when things all came together for us to start living together and be a family...she dropped me out of know where, she gotten two dogs, a computer, a house to rent out because of me, I done so much for them and still would of, but they picked up anchor and set sail, always tryed to talk with them and anything said at the time was a nail in the coffin and then the last they said, was to never contact me orvtalk to me ever again or I'll have you arrested, and I was a great guy the gentlemen, and I made sure I was doing everything for us and this happens....its very frustrating to not hear from them and wonder if my bpd gf misses me?....she did say some very hurtful hateful things to me and i know this isnt like her, but could also be because she wanted to pursue someone else...she did always get annoyed me touching her the few days before the break up, but I always gave it the benefit of doubt it was because everything was very chaotic at the time....I dont know, ..i. truely feel they are my twin flame and soul mate, yes theres that dr jykle and mr hyde to them but i only sense that spiritual energy between us two...8ve never seen or felt nothing from anyone like this threw all my years alive...i dont know what to do and deal with them having bpd....its middle of the third month and nothing yet,...i cant see them loosing me forever if I helped them so financially and at my exspense....i know they feel something for me because they had said they would keep in touch, but that was before I made a wrong move then was told to never contact her again....what do I do to get her back, ...my anxiety away from them really fucks with me at work, I have tryed so much to regain myself and very little has helped...i just want us back together, so we can work it out and so she can get more help then she already has...my life is with them, it's nothing without us...its just hurting her more getting rid of someone thats good for her like me...and I dont want us to part again, we has swore to it this time,...the first time she moved and I lost her number, because I lost my phone and I never could remember where I found her at on what dating site....and after 3 years I found her on face book and spent a good 7 months with each other....she knows I love her very much, but why the never talk to me ever again message?????....I do respect her to give this time,...but her days of her having children maybe out numberd and I know we wanted kids....and now with this carona virus going world wide etc.. it makes time more anxiety ridden...I literally dont know how I do everyday, I really dont...plz help
Trick Licorice I have not heard from her. She monkey branched to another guy while we were still together and has been with him since. I don’t plan to hear from her again and honestly I don’t want to. When BPD sufferers see that the relationship is getting serious and feeling too real for them they will jump first to avoid being abandoned. The more love and security they get the more they pull away. If you honestly know she has BPD my best advice would be to work on yourself and let her be. If she never gets help for her disorder she will always pull these things on you even if you get back together. You have to put yourself first here you cannot save her only she can do that.
@@shav12 same thing with me after 5 years
thank god my relationship only lasted about a few months and was an ldr: still, that fucked me up man. cant even begin to describe it all...
Hello, do you mind to share examples of their actions which affect you emotionally?
I dated a BDP once, never again! It's harsh, but you just can't reason, work or comunicate with them. One false step and they'll flip your shit. I think people need to be accountable with their actions and thoughs, disorder or not. There's just no chance with BDPs. Do yourself a favour and leave for your own sake.
It'll be all good as long as everything is going according to them. You let them walk all over you, bend backwards for them and give them everything they need. You try and set boundaries and they feel 'controlled' plus you have given them all they need so now they dip.
@@Andyd9111 yup
Man this makes things seem so helpless! Because I really want to help this girl! Everyone her whole life has walked out on her and I’m trying not to be that person but man this is heavy heavy stuff!
@King Chef sadly since I made that post I’ve started to come that realization! Most recently she demanded her insurance card (which she would not have if it wasn’t for me) and because I hung up on her because I told her she wasn’t going to talk to me that way, she proceeded to leave a voicemail basically stating “I better call back or she’d send bullets through my house she wasn’t playing with my dumba** and she didn’t care if it was recorded or if I kept it she would kill me.”
It’s really sad still that someone can literally change at snap of a finger but I’ve tried talking to her family and tried to get everyone on board but they are part of the problem. I know at some point she’ll come back around and need something and for her sake imma try to convince her to get help, because no one would put up with her behavior (there’s a lot more and a lot worse than the voicemail) but she’s destined for a life of misery it seems and is only 23 years old :-/
@@juliancorps4709 i hope you got away and never had to deal with her again
This describes the young woman I was just in a relationship with perfectly... I have been watching your channel for 3 years now and tried so hard to have a healthy relationship with her. It sometimes felt like she had multiple personalities. So loving and caring at the beginning and, as I became more invested in the relationship, she pulled away. It was like being on an emotional teeter totter. Where we were in the relationship was never the same place but completely inverted.
Agreed. Once you truly start to care with a BPD, they flip and don't want you.
Mine occurred last year and I was devastated. She's the reason I stumbled across these videos. All I can say is that as much as I've missed her, I know we're both better off separate from each other. (Also, yeah, I know I'm a few years late to this video.)
I wish I’d known my ex was bpd before we got together. She dumped me out of the blue and monkey branched to another. I was blindsided. I thought we had a great relationship and had planned a beautiful future together. She seemed to discard it all so easily and without warning. I now know through my own therapy, that this is splitting and devaluing.
Our relationship wasn’t perfect, of course, we had our share of ups and downs like every other normal relationship but looking at it all from a distance now I can clearly see the cycle of seduce, cling, and reject. That’s exactly what happened. I’m guessing her bpd was triggered and she felt like she was either being abandoned or engulfed by me and she left. She also vilified me after the breakup and that killed me the most. I couldn’t stand being painted as someone who she viewed as a bad or horrible person. I loved and cared for her so much and still do. I now know that this is also part of the bpd where a person is either good or bad and no in between. I’ve had to learn not to take this personally but to let it just be a part of the bpd. I didn’t cause her bpd, I can’t control her behaviour, and I can’t cure her. I hate that she goes through life feeling unloved because she is so loved by me.
Thank you both for this video xx
This really made me sad, I am in the same exact situation 😞
@@sunnyrana4248 it will get easier. This was written 3 months ago and 3 months on I’ve changed my tune a lot. I don’t have as much sympathy for my ex as I conveyed in the original post. I’m slowly beginning to realise the true extent of the abuse. You can’t see it when you’re in it, but even the love bombing stage is abusive because it’s when the manipulation begins. I’m in therapy which has been an eye opener. I don’t hate my ex but I’m more aware of the darkness behind her actions and I can truly see that nothing I could’ve said or done would’ve prevented the discard. The new supply is just the next ex and I actually feel sorry for her. I hope you’re doing ok 👍🏽
@@sunnyrana4248 me too
@@vintagebabyseventythree6244 facts
Dealing with exactly the same situation I feel for you
if you've been dumped by a borderline count it as a blessing from god. just get over it and move on. you do NOT want them to come back.
Great assessment! I broke up for the 3rd time in 10 months with my BPD ex...she told me she had BPD in the early stages and I had not heard anything about it at that time. Only once we had our 1st break did I introspect and Google BPD...then i thought, oh, I don't need to take it personal, it is just her condition...we reconnected only to break up a 2nd time a few weeks later...this time I went no contact and she contacted me a couple of weeks later saying she was pregnant...she miscarried a few weeks later and once I reaffirmed boundaries in a convo we had a month ago, she accused me of stealing money...an accusation she made of her previous BF who would repeatedly contact while we were together..I will not be following his lead. Since then I have done a deep dive on BPD and everything you wrote about the mother is bang on...she talks with her every day and the woman has a tremendous influence over her...she told her back in Feb that her thighs were getting too big from her gym workouts(thighs were and are fine) and my ex almost relapsed into her bulimic eating disorder which she had resolved with yoga. Her sister no longer speaks with their mother but my ex seems to have her head buried deep up her mom's ass. Stunning as the woman is the cause of her trauma...history of abusive BFs, alcoholism....just tragic...I know we met for a reason but have no idea what my lesson is in all of this.
Your post was your lesson. It was also a lesson to many others.
Thanks!
Wow. That was good. My ex was BPD. She was a user, self centered and a manipulator. And post on Facebook that she was in a miserable relationship and in a black pit. Very untrue and misleading. She was always the victim.
💯
If she tells you up front that she has BPD, run for the hills as fast as possible. Now I’m going through horrible heart break. There is no help for them so love yourself enough to leave before you get hurt.
I'm going through it. You feel you're really really special. And when the reality hits you are left alone to realise that it was all in your head and there's a number of people before you and there will be many more after you. pwBPD only care about themselves and their own needs. Maybe it's the illness that's responsible for it but sadly it is what it is.
@@Andyd9111 you’re exactly right
Same thing happened to me. We had talked about marriage. She left with no real explanation and still doesn’t have any sense of why. I thought she could work through it. It’s been heartbreaking.
@@ameliacharles7831 I understand your struggle. It’s been nearly 3 months and I’ve now moved on. Once you realize that you’re not the crazy one and you did e everything right, you’ll begin to heal. These creatures are horrible and do it care who they hurt as long as they get appeased
@@alyssa_91 Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. She told me she was ready to chat over coffee just a couple of days ago. I told her I had a long going on and couldn't see her for a while. I want to be more healed and stronger if/when I see her again. Although it hurts still, and I do miss her (when I was idealized... which sucks to understand more now. And also when she's not in a dip/mood shift) ... I know intellectually that she's not good for me and ultimately this was a blessing in disguise. I appreciate your words. I tend to be overly compassionate for others which is a detriment to myself honestly. I want to believe what you've said in a heart way, but as of now it's just in my mind. Hopefully, I'll get there soon. I'm really happy for you, and it's super encouraging to hear there's light at the end of the tunnel! If you have any words of wisdom on what helped you get there... I'm all ears.
Hey coach I noticed you haven’t done a video where the breakup does not seem bad, but they still broke up with you. She will still answer texts, will see you occasionally, and keeps sharing location, etc, yet she still broke up with you. I think it could help those of us who are experiencing a breakup that doesn’t seem bad, yet they still broke up with us.
I think most videos refer to this kind of breakup. Why else would they advice *the dumpee* to use no contact? It is when the dumper still answers, still cares, but they just don't want a relationship with you. You go no contact, you don't compromise for anything less than a relationship. You give them more space than they asked for, you give them your absence. Otherwise they don't feel separation anxiety, they are able to make a smooth transition in their life which won't include you as your partner. They don't even feel hurt because you are still around. If you keep talking as if nothing is wrong, sooner or later you'll find out they are dating someone else, they might not want to talk to you or they might say "I don't mind talking to you but I'm with someone else, so it's up to you" (in other words, they don't care much if you want to talk to them or not, they just don't want to hurt you). That happens all the time, it has happened to me. Do not avoid conflict and say "the breakup wasn't bad," I'm sure you aren't happy with where you are. If you keep talking like nothing is wrong, you won't get anywhere, because your ex broke up with you and nothing is wrong for the dumper so they can talk like it's all fine. You need to stand up for yourself, say this situation will only hurt you in the long run even though you are afraid of losing her forever. So "this is what I think and feel, I don't agree with this breakup but I respect it, I won't enjoy not hearing from you, give me a call if you change your mind" is the best approach for you. I know it is hard, it is easier to hang around and expect she may flip the switch. But it doesn't really happen. This is coming from someone who slept in the same bed with her ex for 2 weeks, went out at night, cooked dinner together, made vacation plans, so I can tell you the breakup wasn't bad at all. She just changed the subject when I brought up our relationship, I compromised, tried to be happy with what she had to offer. Then we talked 1-2 hours a day everyday for 2 and 1/2 months. She is with someone else now. She was also afraid of losing me forever, but she didn't want a relationship either. By compromising, I just relieved her fear of loss, which disappeared anyway when she found someone else. Things are really worse than you think, she has lost emotional attraction, it won't come back unless you disappear.
Onur Böle Lots of solid wisdom. There’s not all bad in this though. I’m gonna be vulgar but it’s honest and true so it’s fine. The truth is the BPD person is fucked up. Sick. At first or maybe the entire time, they’ll be completely fine with breaking up no matter what you had. Even a solid marriage idea both if you discussed. That’s sick. If they really loved you and were crazy about you the way you were for them then the breakup should be fuckin heart destroying and painful. Grieving process, pain, tears etc. and that’s fuckin common sense if the love was huge. That’s an automatic result no matter who it is. If someone can not feel that bad Then they’re sick. SURPRISE! They suffer from a sick disorder. It’s not you’re fault. You don’t have to be sad like you weren’t enough and never meant anything and you feel worse for feeling true love for them but you don’t mean shit. It’s the disorder. It literally isn’t personal. Knowing they have BPD, knowing the disorder, knowing their sick completely helped me. I’ve gone through it. I was like “wow, that’s not my shit, I was fuckin phenomenonal with her, damn I’m good”. “ She’s sick, wow”. I’ll put it this way, you have a pet tiger. You feed him. Love him. You saved his life and took him in. But your ignorance and not knowing how a tiger acts ends up killing you. Yeah you thought you could drive with him in the car in the front seat. Get it?Always expect a fucked up process or whatever with a BPD. On another note. If someone breaks up with you, be done. No contact forever. Chasing them and talking to them and working with them after they didn’t care about you in the first place is a disgrace to yourself. I wasn’t dumped but she showed clear signs she didn’t care but still wanted me in her life. I dropped her. She knows whose fuckin boss and she can die from her fucked up ways of what lost me. And btw I bet my life she misses she wants me back together with her from handling it like that anyway. Be alpha, live yourselves with the mentality of who gives a fuck if they leave. Thad power and it’ll attract women anyway regardless. You flow the way to do and if they don’t flow with it fuck em. One more thing with borderlines due to their sickness they CAN be cooled if there’s a breakup and careless and fine with it which is fucked up BUT... I bet you that’s at first. Some time goes on and then they’re crying and missing you and your dick. My ex BPD and I went through that like 3 times. So the cold and not caring didn’t last. It hurt the fuck out of her. It was a delayed affect though. I don’t deal with shit anymore. I’m fuckin untouchable but love with a passion. There’s balance. That’s what a masculine man with a big heart is. Thanks for reading
Probably their friends manipulating them, or they went on to a new supply.
Onur Böle this is the same situation I am in! My ex cried and said she doesn’t want to lose me, not ready for a relationship and was not ready to give up on me, and wanted to stay friends. I said I cannot and let me know if you change your mind. It’s been 3 weeks no contact.
Dang, Coach Mar Mar. You hit it right on the nose. That's exactly it. When I used to cut, it used to be to stop the emotional pain and change it into physical pain. Which to me is/ was easier to handle. But I don't know if I cause as much trouble/crises. Well after I've stopping cutting. I think i might have or had borderline personality disorder. I've finally gotten to that point. Yay me. Thanks to you'll both. I love you'll so much and thankful for you'll both. ♥️
I didn’t realize I was so codependent until this recent partner. I’m typically a very confident and self assured person but I felt so weak around her. She ran the show. We broke up and got back together when I reached out but not as a relationship. Just friends that became fwb and eventually became close again. Much like a relationship without the title. Long story short, she out of the blue started distancing from me, talking to me less, less physical contact (no sex at all) and no affection. Not even any words of affirmation really. This was out of character as at the beginning I was love bombed hard. Basically became unreadable amd unreachable lol. Hurt like hell. As all I wanted to do was understand. Ignored with no accountability, it was hard to deal with.
It's always like that, you never know where you are in the relationship.
Exactly the same here. No explanations all. Then she says she wants no contact, and when I don’t text her she text me like crazy. Push pull etc. It’s so sad cuz I still really love her but she treats me like I’m nothing. Garbage. 😔 im so gutted
Would you say putting babies in daycare is a cause of borderline? I know childcare providers are taught to not comfort or coddle babies and toddlers- it always broke my heart and made me sick dropping my sons off. When my oldest was a baby, I didn’t have a choice but to work overtime with minimum wage. When my youngest was born I was able to work two days and pay rent late for the sake of my babies. My oldest was abandoned by his father at the age of 4 so he has a lot of pain and trauma that he doesn’t like to discuss with me anymore as a teen. Is there anything I can do to help? He’s much better now and is a happy kid, but I worry that he will no longer come to me when the pain is unbearable. I always let him know that his dad loves him in a way that isn’t enough because his dad has an illness and has nothing to do with my son. The trauma will forever be there though and it’s every parents wish for their kids to feel wholesome familial love and support which he didn’t get.
I was told by my therapist that my ex likely has Borderline Personality Disorder, as they demonstrate most of the 9 traits that qualify as BPD (and apparently 5 must be present to be diagnosed). I'm not certain about that (nor am I qualified), but they are also very Fearful Avoidant / Disorganized Avoidant. It was a tumultuous relationship at times, and very sweet and loving at other times. They later told me that they believed every single day that I was about to break up with them, even though I said and did nothing to cause it, they've just always been that way. They were also bulimic and also had a history of suicide attempts, even from a very young age.
Margaret was so fantastic. Such a loss to us all. Hard to believe she is no longer with us. Heaven sure did gain an angel.
Thank you for this one.
Margaret, you are the greatest!
It's always hard with borderline partners but with time and space you can find compassion.
Still watching you and continuing the personal growth, and constantly looking back at the workbooks. even though I’m in an amazing relationship, never stop self investment. things get better everyone! Stay optimistic ❤️
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. You are not the savior of anyone. You can’t do ANYTHING except look for yourself.
Thank you for this video. I’m not sure what my ex’s issue is, or my own issue for that matter. I know I’m “avoidant” most of the time, but with her I certainly displayed very anxious attachment style symptoms. After reading “Attached” and listening to your videos for months now, I think my ex may be disorganized. And after a few therapy sessions my therapist had indicated she believed my ex was borderline and the best is to leave her alone. I have never loved anyone like I’ve loved her. But she doesn’t seem to be able to be consistent with any decision she makes, and we have never been together (in numerous attempts) for more than 2 to 3 months. (And this was a true long distance relationship. I’m from the US, she’s in Spain). I wish we could find a way to be together and healthy. But at this point I’m not sure it is possible. I’ve gotten your workbooks and I am trying to work on myself now that I finally have my depression under semi-control with medication (from her leaving me so many times in the worst ways possible). I guess this story in the end is of two “crazies” that met, were instantly connected... and not ready to be together due to fears of being hurt or abandoned, and anxieties stemming from the incredible sacrifices that one of us (or both) would have to make to be together. I feel both of us need a lot of personal growth work, and it will take a long time. But I’ve always wanted to be the best option for my partner. I’m starting to accept that the story of my ex and I is an imposible one... no happy ending in sight. But at the very least my hope is to be the best partner i can be for my next relationship.... whenever it happens... I think I sabotage my chances many times. Thank you both for the great work you do and for the wealth of information you’ve given me. Best wishes. And thank you for giving me a platform in this opportunity to vent a little bit.
They did a video about different phases of relationships. Maybe you two are stuck in the power struggle stage where most couples never recover.
Andromeda, I think we will be stuck in the “no contact” phase for a long time 🤦🏻♂️... Thank you. I do remember the video. I should look for it and watch it again.
@@DjBrunoFiasco All the best for future
I can feel your pain. Stay strong
I can't believe that simply telling a BPD to stay in control would work. I had good boundaries with the bpd man I was dating and he just absolutely backstabbed me like I couldn't even imagine. And he did this from the start of the relationship.
This is point blank the best spot on description of borderline personality disorder that I have ever heard. And it also perfectly describes someone who I used to be somewhat close to in my family. Thank god for psychiatry and these types of explanations. I now feel less guilty about my decision to stonewall the crazy acting family member I was forced to be around when I younger.
Not really relevant to me but definitely one of the most informative videos you both have done.. Thanks Margaret
Everything I need to hear in this moment. The journey is long and finding tools like this video makes it more doable. Gives me more hope and focus to continue working on myself. Thank you very much for the research and compilation of notes.
It’s nice to hear a more positive outlook in this situation. Most others jut tell you to get out run but it’s not so easy to do if you have fallen in love with somebody. You want to do whatever it takes to make things work. Which I’ve found is a lot of education as far as learning about the disorder. It’s going to be work but I think it will be worth it. Thank you so much ❤
Hearing the letter say "I don't think I need you, but I'm figuring out if I want you." Is amazing. I tried to get my ex to realise this. He had BPD (undiagnosed when we were dating until recently; but I knew he had it. It was unmistakable.) He would always say "I need you. I want you to need ME." And I would reply "I don't need you at all. I want you. I desire to spend time with you and be with you. I want you because you're precious, not because I need something from you." And I used to think those words were so beautiful, until he gave me a look so offended I was taken aback. I think the intense desire to be needed comes back to abandonment for NPD people, because is they are needed they won't be left. However, in my case, my ex's desire to be needed seemed to be an ego thing also. Pretty sure he had comorbid NPD.
Could you please make a video about quiet Borderlines and break ups? I'd love to understand my ex better
Much love to you and thank you for the information
Yes! Quiet borderlines are a stealthy, steely trap.
Another vote for the quiet/'high-functioning'/waif subtype. PLEASE.
I vote for this as well! Quiet borderlines and breakups isn't talked about much here. It would be a very helpful video.
Absolutely EXCELLENT!!!! EXCELLENT listen to. Thank you Margaret. Very informative and very interesting. It explains A LOT and I can now see how his upbringing created this. I feel sorry that a person becomes this way and has to live their lives like this because of inconsistencies and selfishness from his parents and his mother’s side of the family. Very sad and I don’t even think a person can recognize this because it’s how they have lived/survived their entire life. So interesting. Love this. ♥️
I'm feeling overwhelmed by my borderline ex. We dated for two years. He would constantly break up with me, say he wanted me so much and when I agreed to try again change his mind. Ignore me for long periods of time. We broke up for three months. When he went into the navy he broke up with me. We talked again after that and got back together. 6 months without seeing him in person and deciding to try dating again I wanted to take it slow. He proposed. When I told him I wasn't ready (I was 19 years old.) He freaked out. I broke up with him (first time i did it) and he threatened to kill himself. He really was going through it and during that time. That's when he got diagnosed with borderline and he was cutting and very suicidal. I felt so bad. Now two years later we just started talking again the first week was bliss. He said he wanted me and we both agreed it'd be different this time. But yesterday he started with the doubts. Just like he used to do. And he's been ignoring me all today. I dont know what to do. I really love him and want to be with him but I don't see how I could be with him like this. He also changes his mind on us so fast he says he won't but he always does. He's doing it now. I don't know what to do. I've never felt this way about anyone but him. I want us to work but I can't do it if it's just going to be like last time. I dont know how to help him and I dont want to trigger him or myself more.
Is it possible to be borderline and not suicidal or have rages?
My ex with bpd left me for no reason that made sense in our reality. First she love bombed me until I fell in love with her. Then after everything Ive done for her she broke my heart, blamed me for everything, used me, then went back to her ex who she claimed was abusive and she hated. I would highly advice against dating a borderline for your mental health.
i have bpd n my symptoms have been reducing as i work on it. i recently started to fall for a young woman with bpd. reading this comment section makes me feel HORRIBLE about myself. i don't think im a monster and most of the damage i have done is self inflicted. i dont think most of you guys or right
YOU CANNOT HELP THEM ! If your partner is BPD !! RUN AWAY ! FAR FAR AWAY!
Thank you so much for this presentation! It was amazing, and perfectly timed. So helpful and hopeful! Bless you for your work.
Great video. Margaret, it was very informative.
I think my ex is a borderline. He broke up with me when I became little demanding on trust issues. Been two weeks. I miss him like hell but maintaining my no contact. Do borderline exes come back?
My ex is too. I'm still wondering if he'll at least come around my way. It's been 6months now.
Did he ever come back?
@@olindalampkin5271 not yet but I'm not looking for him to come back anymore
No they hoover but don’t come back
@@leont4062 Yes he is now chasing nonstop. Getting lot of missed calls daily but I am ignoring.
Very informative video that has helped me understand more the situation I used to be involved in
My ex was diagnosed with BPD and let me know before entering the relationship which I appreciate greatly. I selfishly fell in love with her far too quick and brushed it to the side thinking it would be something we could work on together to help her, and for that I’m sorry to her and I wish she would know. It is such a confusing illness and I can only hope we keep furthering our understanding of it and spread it’s awareness to most importantly help those that suffer with it but also to help those related to them, their friends and their partners.
From my experience she was so full of love, so spontaneous, and so much fun to have in my life. Her humour was incredible too as you mentioned. Unfortunately because of my own personal circumstances and being at a low point in my life we didn’t have the opportunity to take it slow and we became ‘fused’ very quickly - even mentioning marriage and running away together. We started living at her mum’s house as otherwise I would have been homeless, and with only after a couple months of getting to know each other, then half a year later we were sharing our own flat together.
The relationship for me went south so fast and quickly it was hard for me to wrap my head around and still is. Splitting is a real curveball that hits you hard and I was made to feel like we had the most beautiful partnership to then feel like I was the most awful person to be in her life in a day. I got called names and accused of things that weren’t who I am and it made me question if she knew me at all but also whether I knew her at all. At the time I dealt with it so poorly and just upset her more. Now, had we still been speaking with the therapist and had I been fortunate enough to have read what I have now and listened to informative videos like this there would have been such a beneficial layer of knowledge and know-how in the approach and perhaps I would have dealt with it better - so hopefully there is more awareness raised
We don’t talk anymore which is still difficult to wrap my head around but probably beneficial to the both of us. I learned a lot it being my first relationship firstly, but also it helps my perspective with mental health a bit more too and just how important raising awareness is. I personally feel it’s important to stress too that relationships are built on love between two people, and even if one of them has a disorder of sorts that doesn’t take away your accountability and responsibility. I should have been better in so many different aspects and that will always be a deep regret of mine.
Great video - thank you for helping me understand more and easing my mind a little bit today :)
It really work out for me i got my ex back
+ 2 3 4 7 0 4 5 9 8 3 7 6 0
Great comment i feel the exact same way about my now ex. She hates me but i love her so much.
@@ChefFandangle Hey friend, I’m sorry to hear that! It’s such a confusing situation to be in. It can get better though and videos like this and speaking with family and friends certainly helped me to begin with especially in terms of understanding! For me this feels a lifetime ago that I watched this but since then I looked after myself and started trying things I wanted to try for years too and have become a much happier person. I even had a small catch-up with the ex through text a few months ago and it was nice to hear she and her family were doing well but also to know that there was no pressure in what or if to reply
I hope you deal with whatever you’re going through, understand how and why things happened and eventually be able to move on 🙏
I met somebody at work in 2016. He wasn't fast to move. Once we connected, he told me it was only for sex. I thought it over knowing I had the choice to go ahead with it or not. The guy was terribly handsome and masculine so of course I absolutely wanted a taste of him so I decided to go ahead with it and accept the friends with benefit situationship. The second time we got together, he told me he had BPD and would not ever again be as a couple as it was not for him. Told me he did not have nice childhood, being the elder of 3 boys, his mom was bipolar and alcoholic. Apparently she died in a car accident when he was 11 years old and he tried to get his mother out of the car (he was on the site with his dad). Not knowing what was BPD, I researched it a lot to: 1 ) educate myself as to what it was that I would have to deal with 2) not take things personally 3) to protect myself and detach from any behavior on his part that could be offensive. 4 ) to not try to be his savior. He was never agressive or angry with me although on a few occasions he was direct, blunt and sometimes crude in his language. He was more of the avoidant type but in his own particular way, he comforted me when my dad was diagnosed with cancer and passed in 2018. Eventually we took different roads jobwise so at the end we weren't working at the same place anymore. Our friends with benefits situation lasted 2.5 years, way way longer than I would have expected initially, after which he simply ghosted me in 2019. Popped up by text message 1 year later to disappear again without meeting. No contact on either side since then. End of story. I was not heartbroken but he is somebody I will never forget. I cherish fondly the good moments we had together . I appreciated his upfront honesty about his condition right from the start and thank him in my heart for it even to this day.
If you had a nice interaction with a bpd like this, then you probably need weren’t that close. They show their ugly side to people they’re comfortable with
Applause Margaret. Thank you to both of you for your hard work and genuinely caring hearts.
"Just tell them what they're not allowed to do." man why didn't I ever think of that 🤦
And this when they go ballistic
@@philipmillard3178 yeah,whenever you talk about how their action makes you feel,they feel like you are questioning their character so you get splitted
Yup dealt with all of this with my ex. Studied the condition inside and out, first sign was the cutting, proposing after a few weeks of going out. I was so young
My other problem with my BPD ex aside from the mental abuse was that he lied numerous times and cheated so there’s not much fixing that relationship with any kind of therapy unfortunately. People say that BPD people have impulsivity which I believe but the studies also have shown that cheating and lying aren’t symptoms, they’re a choice.
but what is with the quiet borderline? someone told me, she have social anxiety disorder and borderline, she treat me always like i dont exist and say we are no friends. i was very nice to her but i wanted to know more about her and she dont wanted it. i dont know how to think about this. there are so many borderline videos but nobody deal with a breakup from their side and gaslighting for days while tell positive things to her. she basicly ignored me all the time, seldom wrote.
these were the last words...did i came to near or does she really not care one bit? >> i am telling u i dont want to be near u in any way
I DONT WANT
TO BE FRIENDS WITH U
ANYMORE
GET IT
PLEASE
JUST LEAVE
and then she blocked me, i tried to find out about how she is and why she is silent all the time against me.
Yep! Suuuuuper needy in the beginning, and then turned on me but still wouldn’t say the words “breakup”. He just kind of played hot and cold and wouldn’t give me an answer. Hated me some days, called me a narcissist (I have depression and overly empathic obviously! That’s why I lasted two years with my ex trying to make it work). He says he wants peace but then calls me a narcissist because I was emotional about my dads death and also blocked me right after- also saying in his text, I’m not bitter, just let this go and don’t reach out again.
My Love has BPD. We are in our 50's and were a couple years apart in the same school. We just got together 15 months ago. Rollercoaster. She has moved to a great job on the other coast. Long distance relationship at this time. She is afraid to have me out. Fear of affecting her job. But she wants me there and wants to grow old with me. I will not abandon her and will deal with whatever comes. We break up almost weekly. At least for a few hours. Often I am a punching bag for her stress relief. Don't get me wrong she is a good woman. I am empathetic with her. Some of the harsh rants cause me to slip and say things I regret. She wants me to be her hero. Yet she often hangs up or blocks me like the last two days. Help me be her rock.
Yoooo I needed this thank you
After a breakup, Does no contact work for a borderline? I am breaking up with one and would like to know
Hey Coach Craig. Excellent video. I really love Margret Foley’s way of communicating. Very useful video for me. I’ll sub and like. Ty
If a borderline is your ex. Then you just won the lottery
Why❓❓
@@bibekpal9297 have you been in a relationship with one?
@@brianclemons5375 don't know about borderline.. But sure she has personality disorder
@@brianclemons5375 what do you mean?
Really helpful video, especially on the origin of splitting. I've been struggling to try to understand this, as I've experienced splitting but have never understood why.
This sounds exactly like my ex boyfriend and his ex wife.
They both threatened to kill themselves, she told him to slice his wrist which he said he was going to do and I said I would call 911 if he didn't stop talking like that, then she texted me telling me she was cutting her self at work because she couldn't handle the pain anymore then he found her later that day at her house and had cut the tops of her legs with razor blades.
Can two borderlines be married or even together?
I often wondered if she had issues because of what she said and done and things she had told me that had nothing to do with what was going on between the 3 of us.
Also do borderlines have high pain levels, high sexual levels even if the man is old enough to be her dad or grandpa?
Just trying to figure out what it is that I have been dealing with.
Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Many borderlines were sexually abused which explains her high tolerance to pain. Borderlines can't be diagnosed without cutting and suicidal ideation. They both sound toxic at a minimum. It weird that she would be calling you!
@@Andromeda_M31 maybe she is a borderline and he is a narcissistic psychopath. To be honest I don't know but a lot of what they are saying in this video sounds identical to what she did. For all I know they both could have been lying to me about what she did. It's a long story and a very confusing one.
He has came back into my life but I think it is because she don't want anything to do with him period. There's nothing between us, at least for me. It took me a long time to get over him and the things he did, said and done to me. I'm thinking about ending what ever it is that it is now.
I'm not in love with him nor do I feel attracted to him like I did.
But he told me he wanted to get right with God and that is the main reason I started to talk to him again. I again believed that I could help him. But I can't help someone that don't want help.
Then he tells me how his ex wife is into church and is saved now which is a great thing but my gut is telling me that he is only saying what he's saying to try and get her back. I could be wrong and I shouldnt say that because I don't know, only him and God knows but I do know that I don't want messed up again in all of this toxicity.
If she found out he was talking to me again only God himself would know what she might do this time. Him and I were together for a year and a half after they were divorced for aprox 2 yrs and she was mad when she found out and said to me so you are the secret. But he chose her in the end, then ghosted me for over 3 1/2 years then she left him high and dry and now he's back.
But it took a long time to get me back and I'm not ever going to go back to that place again.
I'm worth more then that and then some... Thank you for your comment and God bless 💞
I presume there is different stages of BPD like not all do cutting or “stealing cars”?
Or suicide attempts.
Just like every other person there are different traits, some more destructive & what you'd call abusive behaviours. So yeah, not everyone does the cutting or ''stealing cars''. In fact, a lot turn their feelings & etc into arts and that kind of stuff.
My bpd ex we have been together 8 years. He had left like 6 times so dramatic moved out and causes so much drama between people. Always begs for me back and I took him back because he’s great with my daughter who he raised from 2 to 10 but this time I’m so done. He’s 35 and is an alcoholic and drug person. I hope he gets sober and get into therapy because he’s great when he is sober and grounded. I was like an addict chasing that side of him
@@LizaLavolta it progressed to that
It does work to tell them to knock their shit off. My ex says “ok”.
My ex calms down every time I tell him sternly to stop It’s like talking to a child. Very true video.
Brilliant video! Thanks
I don`t know what my ex has anymore... I was here under the name Watchnewstv (with also a pokeball picture) And been talking and helping alot of people here (And love to do so) :D...
My story was that my ex had 2 major Depressions where i tried to help her (whe had a 6.5 year relationship) Now sinds a month (and not thalking for 7/8 to respect her space and moving on) She hacked the account above :(
Every app - contact agenda was gone just without a reason. I wanted to stay friends, but this took A major blow to me :(. I now know i can Never trust her again... I Say this just to let you know that these people are much harder to save then whe think... As sad as it sounds.... Love to all of you :D
Hey all. :) I believe that the last example was someone who has suffered from Adhd but not borderline. The style of writing is very Intp (myers Briggs) and they're not usually Bpd people but prone to Adhd. Besides that, it isn't likely that a Bpd person sees things that clearly and gets that far. Here, too, the explanation might be that it just isn't actually someone with Bpd, but Adhd mimicking Bpd. I know you're professionals and I happily absorbed your information. It's all great. I only worry that the last example gives people false hope. Yes, the world needs some hope and the hopeful note is very nice and warm but someone with Bpd could falsely assume that they can break through it rather than manage it. All the best!
Rightttttttt when I needed this 🙏
My ex is bipoler and she has done stupid things since the breakup! But during our almost ome year relationship she felt so good you could see it in her face but family and friends had other opinions. Im on 5 months of nc. She is miserable right now. To stubburn and with alot of proadnes. If i get back with her i will make her talk du you marget. You give calmness and thas inly males me feel some hope for her.
Eros Vera with me the family had opinions since we met and it never stopped it’s bad man I’m in 1 month nc and yes going forward
Keep it going mate. Iam feeling sorry for her and the only thing who makes me hurt is se her hurting
I think I’ve got borderline disorder it can affect ur life...I’ve learned a bit but now I understand,can I ask a question coach?...if ur ex look at ur friend status with u on it and put stuff on social media saying it’s hard to let me go but she has to etc and putting something on about narcissist etc This happened after she came back I’m in radio silence a month now she said she loves me we slept together and never spoke again that day she said not to get in a relationship she wants to see me December and that I need to focus on myself as she saw some changes in me and this will be another way to force me working on myself I’m a bit confused but yes therapy is going good u guys do a lot of good thank you
My ex-girlfriend who has BPD just broke up with me after getting an abortion. We were not ready to have a baby and she wanted to keep the baby at first for reasons such as "Oh I had a dream that this baby is a miracle or my friend did a tarot card for me saying to accept the new changes in life" but after I sat down with her and talked to her with logic saying that I am in school, she just started her own business and how I prefer to be a father rather than just a dad and how me asking her to get an abortion is not because we are not ready but because of fear that we cannot give the baby the life that deserves, she took time to think and came to the same conclusion but told me that if she gets the abortion she cannot be with me anymore even tho she loves me.
We had a great year of relationship and we were there for each other every step of the way with so many beautiful plans for the future. I always understood her and she understood me and except for this sad part of the relationship, I do not recall one fight that we've had.
Yesterday when she broke up with me over the text she said that she thinks that she cannot be with me anymore and we need to go our separate ways for a while to heal and talk down the road for closure.
I feel like it is just like when I was being told by my parents as a teenager that something that I wanted to do was not right. I was getting mad at them even tho they were right, but realizing after a while that I actually appreciate them stopping me from making that decision.
+ 2 3 4 7 0 4 5 9 8 3 7 6 0
I just broke up with my long d girlfriend and I think she has very obvious BPD. Extreme moodiness, hot and cold, lack of empathy, inability to have the equal and rational conversation over relationship problems (she will always blame me), and the threat of suicidal attempt (during my one week No Contact after the breakup she sent me pics of her cutting herself so I had to call her friend and reestablish contact). I love her but I feel helpless. It has been affecting my mental status pretty badly as she would threaten me to do a lot of things for her and play the victim card whenever I said no to make me feel like a terrible boyfriend.
Margaret is amazing 👏
Make a video about QBPD
Thanks
I wish I could send this to my ex boyfriend, because I was hospitalised after we broke up and I was absolutely distraught and devastated (I have BPD). I think he was under the impression that I did it for attention when I absolutely did not, and it was awful to have such an insensitive reaction to a difficult situation. I told him after that I was getting the appropriate treatment and need time to focus on myself. I also emphasised that I understood why he broke up with me.
Thank you! I wish i and my ex saw this video a few years ago. Now it makes way more sence why i feel how i feel and act how i act. It's like a cloud just lifted from my head
I have a Skype session with Margaret next week. My ex is a borderline. Can’t wait for advice
Did she tell you to run and point in a specific Direction?
Be careful going back to a boderline if they are abusive. My ex had borderline and kept accusing me of cheating when I wasn't and punched me to the ground. I found out after the assault he was the one cheating. I left him and won't go back.
That’s terrible. Glad to hear you’ve moved on.
I’ve been through the cheating accusations with a borderline. It’s so hard when you given so much to them and they disrespect you with the accusations like this.
That's the borderline M.O. My ex ruined years of my life and sucked the life out of always accusing me of cheating, in the end I found out she was fucking like 5 different guys at any given time. I'm convinced that borderlines aren't human. They look like people but they're literal demons.
thank you so much
I am a BPD and my ex left me. It is funny how mean people are with borderlines. I wish you could be in my head and so you could experience what it's like. I loved my ex very much. And I still do. I wish I was aware that I was a borderline before we separated. Lack of knowledge about my situation made it worse. I could have controlled myself. I could have done things to prevent our separation from happening.
Rn, I still miss him very much and but I do not talk to him. I apologized for everything I did, even though, I know it's not enough. The best I can do is respect his wishes... I will not bother him anymore and love him from a distance...
PS: He doesnt know I am BPD and I just found out I am one after we broke up
What made you realise you were borderline? Did you have rages or get upset very dramatically when you were disappointed ? Did you ever run away wanting to get away from your partner? Did you ever shout at your partner or resort to insults when angry/upset?
Mind just ended our 3 month relationship a month and a half ago
“Why would she? Nobody ever has!” Lol she probably didn’t let anyone. 🙄
These videos just leave me with my jaw dropped 🙁…do narcissists with BPD exist? …or are they one and the same thing? I know for sure my ex has something..there is just too much overlap in the symptoms and traits
Do a coaching with Margaret
@@CoachCraigKenneth I wish I could afford it Craig, my ex left me with nothing 😞
I knew my ex was either BPD or NPD 4 months in, apparently he was recently diagnosed with BPD which wasn't a surprise, but I do believe that he had comorbid NPD. He would act like a complete Borderline, but then there were moments/periods of time where he had the biggest ego and would boast about how needed he was (in his job, friendships, etc...). It was whack because 24 hours before he could be crying and saying he wanted to die, and that he hated himself etc... I think a big sign is the ego thing - are their behaviours driven by ego or a desire to inflate their sense of superiority/recognition? My ex 100% had this.
Can we just get a podcast with hours of chat lol
24 hour podcast would be nice
I think it can't be recovered because it's in the Subconscious of the person nd just to have been captured in jail or hospital.. Otherwise they will keep seeking victims
Oh... Dear god. It sounds exactly like my ex
Margaret 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏💪💪💪
This describes my ex husband to a T.
Did you miss-speak when you said "Borderline is the only diagnosis that you know to include suicidal ideation and behaviour?"
He’s cute 😍😍
You have impeccable taste :)
Guess who's watching within seconds? 😂😂
I'd rather just die alone than deal with a borderline/heavily avoidant.