How to adult badly with OCPD!
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- Опубликовано: 28 мар 2017
- How to adult badly with OCPD! Episode 005
This is the second episode in a three-part series focusing on my personal experiences with OCPD. In this video, I review what it was like struggling with an undiagnosed mental disorder all throughout my twenties. Towards the end of this time period, I was finally diagnosed with OCPD and it was a light bulb moment that I’m sure many of you can relate to. However, it came much too late to save some of the most important relationships in my life during that time. Determined to not let that stop me, I hope you find encouragement in the fact that I still managed to persevere.
Email your questions to:
rawreactions@ocpd.org
to have them answered in an episode.
The International OCPD Foundation:
www.ocpd.org
1:1 Video or Call Consultation & Support:
intro.co/DarrylRossignol
clarity.fm/ocpd/expertise/ocp...
Instagram:
/ ocpd_my_life_in_debris
OCPD: My Life In Debris is a channel dedicated to helping sufferers of obsessive compulsive personality disorder and those dealing with the people in their life that are afflicted with this personality disorder. We will delve into topics covering detailed explanations of the disorder, exploring treatment options, interviews with sufferers, how to live with the disorder, interviews with those that have people in their life with OCPD, and talks with treatment professionals. In addition, we will explore personality disorders and mental health disorders and how to navigate the world when these are a part of your daily life.
最近、日本でパーソナリティ障害クラスターC 群がますます増えてきている点で、私注意 を引きました。こようなことが起きている理由を説明する困難ですが、日本文化がそ 一端を担っていると考える不自然でないでしょう。チャネルアナリティクスを確認し てみると、私コンテンツにアジア、特に日本から関心が寄せられていることがわかりま す。こチャンネル目的、できるだけ多く人にメッセージを届け、役に立ててもらうことな で、動画を日本語字幕付きで提供することにしました。コンテンツ、特に「強迫性パーソナ リティ障害」をテーマにしています。強迫性パーソナリティ障害、日本でも多く見られる強迫 性障害と別疾患です。強迫性パーソナリティ障害、略して OCPD と呼れており、また 文献上で強迫性パーソナリティ障害 (Anankastic personality disorder (APD)) とも呼れて います。OCPD 、白か黒か思考と完璧主義的な特徴を持つ障害です。実際特徴、 るかに複雑ですが、それを説明するために動画を用意しました。内容がお役に立てれ、ある い少なくとも情報として参考にしていただけれ幸いです。ご覧いただきありがとうございま した。また、以下にお気軽にコメントをお寄せください。
用語説明
強迫性パーソナリティ障害
強迫性
完璧
完璧主義者
完璧な
完璧主義
メンタルヘルス
うつ病
不安
#mentalhealth
#ocpd
#perfectionism
#depression
#anxiety
#obsessivecompulsivepersonalitydisorder
#ocd
Really admire your honesty to talk about such painful experiences. I think the really damaging thing about OCPD is that it's so easy to make the same mistakes over and over again even when you've got full knowledge of your diagnosis and character flaws. I was diagnosed in my mid 20s and received some therapy but ended up going back to self destructive patterns again and this has continued for the last 15 years. I can't really see a way out of all the damage I've caused (to both myself and others) but watching this channel and reading the comments at least helps me to know I'm not the only one struggling in this way.
Ajesh P Well if you see similarities between your story and my story (which I do), if I can get there, you can get there. We can do this!
I haven't spoken with, or heard anyone with ocpd speak before. I really see my self when hearing you speak. It's almost a little creepy. The way to formulate, and the carefully selected words. In a month I'm going to start therapy, so then I will get an answer. But the definition of ocpd is just like I would explain the core of my persona. Keep doing these videos!👍
Pia Olsen thanks so much for your honest comment. I'm so happy and excited for you that you're entering therapy. There is a lot of progress that can be made by putting yourself first and taking the condition seriously. I've just started seeing a new therapist myself and I will be discussing how that is working out in future videos.
Personally, I can relate with your relationship struggles because I also have OCPD. I hope you find the relationship you deserve.
Stephanie Mathis I hope that you're not currently struggling. Thanks for the nice comment.
I just wanted to comment and say that I love your videos. You have a very clear and almost soothing way of speaking. I'm actually kind of binge-watching them now. I don't have OCPD and I don't know of anyone who does (that I know of, obviously) but I have had a number of significant people in my life with other personality disorders such as NPD and BPD, so I kind of have a fascination (I was going to type obsession, but that would probably be a bit too on the nose :P) with personality disorders in general. One thing I've noticed is that while the underlying cognitive causes of OCPD is very different than those of something like NPD or BPD, the outward effects, and even the way other people can perceive it, are very similar. Coming off as controlling and manipulative, the paranoia about feeling like people are specifically targeting and triggering you, the anxiety and depression, etc, etc, are all also very common in NPD and BPD. Anyway, I guess I'm ranting a bit, but I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your videos.
memotype I'm sorry for the extremely belated response. RUclips is just now letting me know about some older comments that they never notified me of. It makes me feel bad to know that some people must have thought I just ignored their comments. Anyway, I agree that some of the outward signs can definitely register as indicators of other personality disorders. This is all very tricky stuff and OCPD is the least researched personality disorder. Thank you for the kind words and encouragement.
I commend you for being courageous and sharing details of your condition and past experiences. I am so sorry that people were so immensely mean to you. I know you are not telling your story for sympathy. I am so grateful for you sharing all of your knowledge and experiences, it is truly a wonderful thing you are doing. I believe the father of my children has OCPD and he is in denial. I am watching your videos in hopes to better understand him and the condition. You are an excellent speaker and I really enjoy the way you present the information. You are very hard on yourself, which made me a little sad. Nobody asks for a personality disorder or can control how it presents. It is difficult living with someone with a personality disorder but there are some real positive parts of OCPD. I have tried to embrace those parts as much as possible. But at the end of the day I don't think I can live with the rigidness and lack of affection. When you spoke of the oil and greese part it resonated with me because he often wouldn't let me touch him because he was worried I might get oil or dirt on his clothing. My partner is always concerned about saving money and is preoccupied about looking at sale flyers and circling things on sale. I drive him nuts because I am more easy going about spending money. Early in the relationship I saw signs but ignored them. He was overly concerned about how I drove and parked. He didn't like how I packed groceries. He doesn't want to spend time with me because he is so focused on his routines and orderlieness. He claims you can't relax or have fun until all the work is done. He rarely laughs or enjoys himself. It would appear that he sees me as a burden that disrupts the order and flow of his life. The biggest issues presented themselves after having two kids together. We can't agree on parenting at all. He tends to blame me for everything, especially when things are going wrong. We have come to a point where we are both really unhappy. I wanted to go to counselling togeher. He won't consider that he has OCPD. He has told me he wants to separate mainly because there is so much conflict between us.
Kerri McKenzie thank you for your heartfelt comment and for sharing some of your experiences with your spouse. I appreciate your concern for how hard I seemingly am on myself, but it is a journey of discovery and healing and I have good days and bad. So there are days that I forgive myself for the things I've done or the pain I've caused and there are other days in which I dwell on it a little too much. But overall I am doing much better and I think if you watch any of my more recent videos you might see signs of that.
As far as your relationship and husband go, my heart goes out to you. Obviously I know this situation all too well. First thing I would recommend is joining a support group for spouses of those with OCPD. Many people find them to be very helpful. I list resources on my blog and in the descriptions of some of the videos. But the most active and helpful ones seem to be on Facebook. If you know what you want the end result to be, it's best that you take the action necessary. Because if he makes the decision to separate and then decides he wants to get back together but he hasn't made any changes it will be even harder on you the second time. So if you want to give him ultimatums, you need to be wiling to stick by them. If you want the relationship to work but you need him to go to therapy in order for that to happen, you have to be prepared to deliver consequences if what you want to happen doesn't happen. I can't diagnose anyone and I'm not sure what my opinion is worth, but based on your examples it would seem likely that he has some level of OCPD. If you have any further questions don't hesitate to ask.
Omg .. I am so glad my lines have crossed with yours .. someone to relate to!!!💥
Thanks so much for your comment Amber. Feel free to PM me anytime if you need to talk about OCPD. I'm glad you found my videos.
This was quite intense and vulnerable material to share and you did an excellent job in your deliverance of it. It’s so helpful for me to hear the ‘experiences’ someone else has had. I am not sure why but it’s so hard for me to grasp things just from looking at a list of symptoms. Looking at my own experiences tend to be such an emotional or numbing experience that I feel or think I’m not seeing the forest for the trees. What is right and what is a symptom? And I get quite polarized about those experiences. I generally want to defend myself. But there are times when I will find myself taking all the blame.
I’m married and our first 2 years of marriage were beyond rough. Not only did I have my rituals and compulsions I was an only child so I was so out of my element. There was a lot of arguing and her crying and me being confused. And to be fair she was confused as I would stress out and fall apart. We were young and neither of us expected anything like this. One of the reasons I believe we didn’t fall apart is because of her tenacity. I can’t say how this has been a pure stroke of luck. I agreed to go to counseling with her so we could learn to better communicate. I went in very defensive but I did begin to see how I had some poor ways of communicating as did she. This did help and I believe she began to change how she viewed my actions.
In a short time though it got rough again but more due to my OCPD. I had sort of a real meltdown and was rather forced into seeking help. I was diagnosed with OCPD but wasn’t ready to accept it. I did dig into CBT in a heavy way, though. I saw a therapist for a short time. I think I put forth just enough effort to keep things afloat in our marriage. I suffered from anxiety and depression on and off.
But again, it got pretty crazy and when I was faced with her boundaries (which involved separation) and the reality that I was doing things that would destroy my career it became a reality to me that I did have ocpd. It was traumatic for me because it’s very hard for me to feel as though I am weak or failing and I felt both of these. But it was the beginning. Of something better though it didn’t feel pleasant at all. And I go into denial at times. It’s not always a straight path like we think it should be.
The last two years of my life have been very difficult for me emotionally as I’ve really faced things from my past that I had not remembered or I simply convinced myself didn’t happen. But my wife has steadily read and learned and shared anything she could find about my disorder. No, she’s not perfect. She’s certainly got issues (after all she not only married me but has stuck around with me for 15+ years!). Oddly, my career has steadily been on the up despite how I’ve been roughing it.
I think it was much easier to begin applying CBT and changes at work than at home. I am my own boss which helps in ways. But running a business with OCPD isn’t very easy either. I’m dealing with people a lot and that’s hard.
It takes courage to heal. And most people aren’t courageous enough to do it. I think you should be proud of yourself for what you’re doing and accomplishing and giving. I certainly do feel good that I’m owning things and healing and growing. Therapy/healing has mostly become something I see as positive and work oriented. It once was just this label of ‘FAILURE. WEAK. INCOMPETENT. WRONG.’I still feel this way some but it’s changed a lot over the last 4 years.
Your videos really are meaningful to me in a very personal way. I want you to know this. I think you’re a good person. I hope life gives good to you in the coming years.
I feel I ramble and end up not making sense when I comment but hope it isn’t all a shamble to read.
Chlink Ink you make some very salient and worthy points. I enjoy your comments. I see a lot of myself as well in the stories you share. The one thing I wanted to touch on was this statement: 'What is right and what is a symptom?'. That is so key to overcoming our disorder, or at least the symptoms and thought processes. If we deem too much 'right' we risk losing everything and accomplishing nothing. If we deem too much a 'symptom' we lose sight of who we are and we risk high anxiety and self doubt. It's a balancing act that plays heavily into why this disorder is complicated and tough to beat. But it is a great idea for a video. I should talk about the symptoms I have that might not be actual symptoms and the thoughts I believe in that might actually be maladaptive thought patterns. There's a lot to unravel.
I'll reiterate that I appreciate the time you put into forming your comments. And it says a lot about you as a person as well (all good things). Thank you for the kind words and I'll go take a look at some of your other comments now. Have a great day!
I was recently diagnosed OCPD and my research on it is full blown. It does feel nice to be seen and I identify with A LOT of what you say as I watch your videos. Even though it feels nice it also feels quite overwhelming seeing flags going back to my earliest memories. I often wish my family saw these things in me because being diagnosed at 33 is like 😭😭😭. I hope I can cope better in life, I wish I had the tools when I was much younger. Thanks for being so transparent,. 🙏🏽
R.E. Chang thank you for your honest comment. I received a diagnosis at a similar age. But I didn't start receiving proper treatment until the last few years. So if you start now you'll have a huge head start on me. And if I'm happy now, you can be happy as well.
if you're anything like my mom, that whole "my way or the highway" attitude absolutely stopped your family from saying anything.
Im leaning alot from you, thanks for your v ideos and opening up your life to us
Kelly Evans you are very welcome.
Thank you so much,you’re incredibly courageous and hearing your painful journey is hard to hear,I’m pretty sure my husband has ocdpd, we’ve been married 44 years..it’s not been easy as my hub depends on order,plans and an extremely rigid outlook,he has far too high expectations of me and our sons,daughter in law..he’s extremely controlling and I’m beginning to learn ways of how to deal with this behaviour..because he’s very loving,caring and protective of me..maybe too much?
I’m-no cake walk and suffer with depression,which he has to live with.
Unfortunately my husband refuses to get diagnosed or go for counselling,he’s in denial.
However,I encourage him firmly to let go of what he can’t control,to bring his levels of high expectation down,to allow me to control my kitchen!!! And to live for today,because it’s all we have!!
jean willis thanks for sharing some of your story with me. 44 years is a very long time. I have a relative that might be close in age to you and I believe strongly that this person has OCPD. I find it incredibly sad because it can be very debilitating and in some people it gets worse with age. I look at this person and can see that they think they're too old to change (we all think this), but the quality of their life would be so much higher for the rest of their life if they only sought out therapy.
As your life would also be vastly improved, if I were you I would see what I could do to encourage therapy for your spouse. I would probably start by seeking out some therapy for yourself. If you can eschew the benefits of therapy from a day to day perspective, you may pique his interest. Or if he sees some small but significant changes in you, he might see that there's a benefit. The main thing is to encourage him to see that therapy is not just for people with mental issues, but it's something that everyone can benefit from.
Thank you for sharing so much of your story.
marcioviannaf you are very welcome. I hope to continue sharing more if it in the near future. Thanks for your comment.
Is it just me... or that teleprompter's reflection in that picture frame behind him is driving me/you crazy? haha...
Melisa Zuniga trust me, nobody is bothered by it more than me, haha. Trying to eliminate that from future videos. 🤞🏻
Would you know anything about ocpd coupled with narcissm?
Natacha Unelus I do not have personal experience, but I have a lot of experience speaking with people that experience both together. I would be happy to try and answer and specific questions if you have some. Thanks for leaving a comment.
Relationships are really difficult with OCPD. I'm sorry you learned that so well the hard way. I found it interesting that you would get triggered by your wife cleaning the house before you got home. I'm also very particular about how my house is cleaned and so there's almost an unwritten rule that I'm in charge of cleaning. Fortunately my wife is totally fine letting me clean. But I have found that when I come home and the house is clean I'm torn between being relieved and annoyed. For me, I think I feel guilty whenever she does that. After that I feel like I need to do something else to "repay the debt".
The "repay the debt" is an interesting concept. I would say in general I'm not comfortable with others doing things for me unless in my head I already have an idea of how to pay that person back in some way. For me that has to do with self worth I believe. I would guess that I don't feel I'm worth someone doing something nice just for the sake of being nice.
It's nice that your wife is fine with you handling the cleaning. Mine were not, haha. Right now I feel fine with those sorts of symptoms because I'm single. But I know if I was in a relationship those things would probably flare up.
Definitely know the hardships of OCPD and relationships. It is so much easier to have a diagnosis. Then you can start to recognize the sign and symptoms. CBT has definitely started to help for my family, but it only takes a trigger to catch you off guard to start a spiral.
Thank you for this video. It's clear to me that my husbands has this illness. He has other disorders too in addition to OCPD. I had to file for a divorce because he overworked and had job burnout. He retired early and is now obsessed with computer chess.
He has not participated in yhe marriage for over 6 year. He thought he did? That really confused me. I tried to point out that he didn't but couldn't convince him
We both saw a therapist, but he only had therapy sessions separately. That therapist did not help our marriage because he wasn't aware of my husbands disorder. At least that is the impression he gave me. The therapist told me to just ignore my husband.
It's so sad that my husband doesn't want to seek help with his OCPD and other mental health issues. I
hope someday he'll be aware that he can't do it himself. But I'm not waiting around any longer. He has made so many promises to me to get help, but never followed through.
Thank you again for your videos.
Pamela M thank you for sharing part of your story. It will help others when they read the comments.
I have always wanted to seek treatment since I was aware of the disorder. But it is incredibly common for those with it to not desire to seek out help. I hope that you're finding happiness now. Thank you for commenting.
I was devastated when he made the decision to move out so he could play computer chess. He has addiction issues too. My son's and I have expressed our concerns, but he is great at rationalizing. I feel sorry for him but I can't live with someone like that.
I don't know who would be able to live with someone like that. Prioritizing computer games over your family is so counterproductive to anyone's happiness.
Thank you. I have both OCD ( Autistic ) and ocpd. This has been very interesting
Simi Katra thank you for watching. I'm glad you found it interesting. Feel free to leave any questions that pop up.
God bless you for sharing this. I can relate so much. It's torture when you want marriage to work so badly and it fails due to depression and anxiety, especially when you are ready to seek treatment.
Kat May it's always hard with these topics. I want people to feel as though they are not alone and that just because they failed once, does not mean that they can't succeed in the future. But, at the same time I'm sad to hear of another person that had to go through these things. Feel free to leave any questions you have in the comments and thanks for taking the time to comment.
Thank you!
Nargess Kaviani you’re welcome, and thank you for watching.
I'm just realizing that ocpd sounds a lot like me. Thank goodness I work in a call center troubleshooting technology and I am great at this because I keep calls to a minimal by the great stress of learning fast. I don't talk to my family because I think they are messed up in their own ways and I want to be positive. My relationships started off with me making bad choices. Now I meet great guys still growing like I am, but they give up with all my rules and morals. I currently on the verge of loosing another boyfriend, but I am still fighting. I always thought I was a germaphobe because if a roach touched my dishes, I'd throw the dishes away, but due to my relationship I've been forced to deal with these dishes... so I bought paper plates and cups and plastic forks. I thought yay I found a loophole.... until my boyfriend started using my paper and plastics. I haven't mentioned it to him because like I said I'm on the verge of loosing him. I'm glad Daryl made this video because I can so relate. It's bittersweet. Hopefully I can breakthrough quicker.
Hi K Mill,
I'm so sorry that you are going through such a stressful time. I spent years doing similar things in the sense that I would try and create shortcuts or excuses that I thought others wouldn't notice and would allow me to still submit to my symptoms. So I can empathize with the situation you are in. If you do have OCPD, therapy is really your best option. CBT and Schema are common treatment paths for those with OCPD. In the meantime, in my experience honesty has been the one thing that has helped improve relationship situations. If you are willing to admit something is bothering you but that you understand it is unreasonable and that you want to seek help for it, it may alleviate some of the unspoken about stress in the relationship. I can't promise it will, so please go with your gut. But sometimes just explaining how you feel can go a long way in improving a situation.
hi there I have a question, with ocpd do you have poles like you do with bipolar disorder? I think my friend has this and he's getting the major depressive disorder treat it and he was one way but now he's starting to come out of his shell and I noticed that when he has too much on his plate he is nasty and he lashes at me and blame shifts. I wonder if that has anything to do with
BlackMagnolia I've never thought of them as poles, nor have I heard them described as that. But someone with OCPD can be a much different person depending on the amount of depression/stress/anxiety that they have in their life at any particular moment.
Very proud of you
Kenneth Muse that's so kind of you to say. And it's nice to hear from you :)
Oof - I can identify with not being able to stand substances on my hands, and having to use a paper towel or something to touch bathroom door handles. Initially I thought the pandemic turned me into a germophobe, but I think it just highlighted or brought out something that had been there my entire adult life.
Launa Casey the pandemic was really brutal for many people that suffer with obsessive and compulsive traits. I personally wasn't that impacted as germs are not something that I obsess over in general, but I continue to see the affects on other people.
Good day, I’d life to thank you for your channel, i have been in a 3 year relationship with a man that I originally thought was a narcissist, while he still might be slightly narcissistic he was diagnosed with OCD some decades ago, it wasn’t until I came upon your channel, now I firmly believe he has COPD, is is typical in relationships the uneducated spouse could mistake COPD with narcissism?
Laura Chisholm thanks for the comment. I think the short answer is that yes, someone with OCPD could be mistaken for being narcissistic. One doesn't necessarily equate to the other, but it would be within the realm of possibility. If you felt like sharing specifics I'd be happy to let you know if those qualities fall in line with what could be considered OCPD.
I have CPTSD from my mother’s BPD growing up, and some of her decisions. I would make a lot of lists when I was young and get nothing done. I usually attributed it to anxiety. Being an empath, I attracted a lot of narcissists but had an enormous trouble with commitments. Now when I’m finally allowing people to get closer to me, I notice my self criticism is pouring out to other people. It is very strict and it causes me a lot of anger. Have been having trouble understanding until you mentioned the Puritanical OCPD. A lot of this makes sense now.
capoeiristachik1 it's interesting that you brought up CPTSD as I was just doing some research on it. Seems very likely that this could be involved in many cases of OCPD. I'm glad some of my video made sense to you. Please let me know if you have any questions.
@@OCPD_support I can’t wait to finish looking through your content. I have a lot of questions and I will definitely bring them up as they remain. I would love to read about the CPTSD link you are keeping an eye for if you can point me anywhere.
@@capoeiristachik1 I don't have it handy, but I was watching a video on CPTSD when you commented. The video was by the Crappy Childhood Fairy.
I have my 23year old cousin who has this same issue and he is taking therapy. He is too young. Is there a hope in his case, that he will fully recover? Cause, he knew his problem at the age of 23.
@frankskool1351 "fully recover" means different things to different people, so I can't answer that question specifically. But is there hope that he will make significant changes and lead a happy life? Absolutely.
@@OCPD_support Then whats the next step? Just a therapy will do?
@@frankskool1351 there is a lot that this person can do to increase the effectiveness of therapy. Please visit ocpd.org for more information.
Thank you for posting these very personal and very informative videos. I'm currently in a relationship with a guy who has most of the diagnostic criteria for ocpd. We'd been friends for quite a while before we started dating, so I was aware of some of his ocpd behaviours. What I find hardest is the lack of affection and the total prioritization of work and household tasks over us. When I mentioned the lack of emotional connection, he said he really liked me and would like to see the relationship going somewhere but that he didn't want to discuss it further. My question is, how does love/being in a relationship feel like to someone with ocpd and why is expressing affection so difficult?
CEE BEE I really wish I could answer this one for you. Unfortunately, I identify with two of the subtypes for OCPD, but I don't identify with the 'bureaucratic compulsive' subtype (there are 5 subtypes all together). What I can tell you from speaking with others with this set of symptoms is that they see romantic relationships more like logical partnerships. They can identify that you both get along well with each other, that you have similar interests and that your life goals align. So forming a long term relationship makes sense. It isn't that they don't love you, but that their love lacks the romantic element, as they don't see that as something necessary to sustaining a relationship. Part of it may be that they view themselves in a caretaker role and feel that they are showing their love by working hard to provide. I wish I could offer more insight, but I don't want to assume his motives for his actions. It is possible that he sincerely loves you and at the same time you may never get to an affectionate point together. You will need to decide what's important for yourself. Thanks for leaving me this question. I'm happy to try and answer any follow-ups you might have.
I was thinking and I just wanted to add that in past relationships it might have appeared that I was putting household tasks above the relationship at times. That is the obsessive part of OCPD. My brain would not shut off or slow down if there were cleaning or fixing tasks that needed to be done. I didn't feel like I could give my partner my undivided attention unless I took care of all of those other things first.
OCPD: My Life In Debris
Thank you so much for your response. Everything you say makes total sense to me, in that I feel the relationship feels 'logical' to him. Because I'm quite an affectionate person towards those close to me, I miss that element with him. I feel there's a wall he puts up to stop me getting too close, so, for example, conversations revolve around very 'safe ' topics. I just can't imagine him being vulnerable with me.
What I'd love to know is how someone with OCPD feels being in a relationship, especially over a longer period. Can they let down the barriers to feel a deep connection or do anxieties and feeings of needing to be in control get in the way? Can these relationships work in your opinion? What advice would you give?
PS My partner believes he's got OCD; it's my opinion, having read a lot and found your videos, that he has in fact OCPD.
Thank you again for your great videos. I appreciate you sharing your very personal journey to help others understand this disorder. Bless you.
CEE BEE personality disorders are tricky because they are deeply intertwined into the identity of the person. And as internal and external forces shape how the disorder presents itself in individuals, it's very tricky to give a 'one size fits all' sort of answer. I can answer your questions from my own experience, but again I don't feel that my symptoms necessarily align with your partners. I am happiest in a good relationship. There are a few things that are easier when I'm single. I don't feel like I'm disappointing anyone and my anxiety is lower as I only have to interact with people when I choose to do so. But the benefits of a loving relationship far outweigh the negatives. I am an affectionate person inside of a relationship. I'm not a physical type of person outside of relationships (no hugs or handshakes if they can be avoided), but I've never really struggled with a partner. Intimacy issues have come up in the past and I'd most likely tie those in to depression.
As far as letting down the barriers, that really depends on why they are up. If he genuinely has OCPD and his barriers are a result of that, I cannot imagine them coming down without therapy. If they're up over past failed relationships, then yes, over time I don't see why a healthy relationship wouldn't turn those thoughts around.
As far as your most important question (can these relationships work), that depends on so many factors. The first being, if he never changes a thing, could you be truly happy continuing on in a relationship with him? Or if you aren't happy, would he be willing to accept an OCPD diagnosis if that's what he has, and if so would he work to improve some of his symptoms. Many people in relationships with people with OCPD feel emotionally abused, neglected or manipulated. If you're not feeling any of those things you have a much better chance of making the relationship work. I can't say if he will get better over time or if he will get worse. But if you love him and he loves you, then there's always hope.
OCPD: My Life In Debris Thank you for your very prompt and informative response. It's very helpful and much appreciated.
I just wanted to let you know that I answered your question more thoroughly in my latest video.
Hi, I'd never heard of ocpd til I received a diagnosis a few days ago. It fits me to a T! But I'm struggling with that because now I'm seeing everything about me to be considered a bad thing and part of a disorder. Do you have any advice for this? Or any videos on how to improve?
Kari Harris thank you for leaving your thoughts in the comments. First off, as a quick answer to your question you might want to check out two of my videos title 'Why change my life now and is it even possible' and 'So you have OCPD, what now?'.
I'm sorry that you've been diagnosed with OCPD. But the reality is that you're in a small minority of people that actually know that they have it and therefore are in a position to actually do something about it. So that's a silver lining, so to speak. The reality is that the disorder is a personality disorder, which means that most of what makes you 'you' is tied to the disorder. But that also includes the good. Not all of the symptoms turn out to be bad things. What you need to do is to start identifying the ways in which the OCPD negatively impacts your life and your relationships with people. Then talk about those things with your therapist and start working towards a healthier mindset. I don't want to downplay it. It is a lot of hard work depending on the severity of your OCPD.
OCPD may lead you to be difficult or to exhibit bad behaviors, but it doesn't make you a bad person and it doesn't make everything you do bad. You still have the choice to change and if you make that choice life gets to be so much better. Please let me know if you have more questions and I'll be happy to try and answer them.
Thank you so much, I'll check out those videos!
I just wanted to let you know that I answered your question more thoroughly in my latest video.
ruclips.net/video/qpTmrCbVlCw/видео.html
Thanks man. Reminds me I was thinking the other day if it would be good to have things like OC(P)D dating websites and things like that. Although I'm not sure how that might work out! 2 OC(P)D people together? It would be an experience anyway
Rog Fusionkid I've seen that idea talked about in forums. I'm not sure how much of a difference it would make. If you were carbon copies of each other, you would probably not get on each others nerves, but you'd most likely get bored with each other over time as well. And the likelihood of having the same OCPD symptoms seems slim to begin with.
@@OCPD_support it might work well. Each person keeps their own stuff in order and between you should have everything covered ☺
Thank you for sharing such personal information. I do think it is brave and helpful. It didn't sound to me that the OCPD had much to do with the awful managers situation; that sounds mostly like them taking advantage of you. (I fear for my autistic son that he is too earnest and that others will be able to manipulate him.) I wondered during your storytelling if the reason you had two marriages (as opposed to two relationships) had to do with the religiousness you mentioned previously. Does the puritanical subtype (or personal preference etc) mean that you still adhere to similarly religious ideas?
Thanks for the reassurance with the theft story. Absolutely they may have found a way to pin it on me either way. They could have just as easily planted some merchandise in my backpack themselves. I just made the whole thing easier on them. But, the reality is that my wanting to try merch on at home was a bizarre request that wouldn't have happened without the OCPD. The videos would be crazy long if I went into specifics on these stories, but I can elaborate here. Basically if I tried on clothing that someone else might have tried on before me I would want to shower after. So by taking the shirt home, I could try it on and then jump in the shower. If I liked it and it fit, I'd throw it in the washing machine and everything was cool. I'd just pay for it the next day. If it wasn't my style or didn't fit, I'd just bring it back the next day, no harm no foul.
Very good question by the way. Nice pick up. Yes, the first marriage would have been probably been when I was too young due to religious beliefs. In the second, that may have played a part, but there were others reasons that influenced my decision. Also, and I hate this about myself, I tend to be a hopeless romantic. Not anymore, but I was most of my life.
Hopefully you can gain back some of that hope.
curious if you had any form of childhood neglect or trauma?
@ruba4251 I wouldn't classify anything I experienced as neglect. However, I did experience some forms of trauma.
Pardon me for asking, but is there a possibility of co-morbid OCD and OCPD? They do have a certain probability of occurring together, and after all, you were diagnosed with both.
Mark Stahl absolutely. It is completely possible to be diagnosed with both.
@@OCPD_support So perhaps your initial diagnosis of OCD was not a misdiagnosis per se, but rather an incomplete diagnosis; not to split hairs or anything, hehe. Whatever the case, your level of personal insight will take you MILES toward recovery. I firmly believe that. You're awareness will have a BIG impact on your prognosis. Just never give up!
Just a question. My ex fiance (but who is still my friend) has OCPD. But to the nth degree if that is possible. One of the things I heard was that people with this disorder have a problem being empathetic or unable to recognize the distress of others because this disorder just totally overrides it. He can be the most critical, rudest person I've ever met and at that time I would literally walk on eggshells to avoid the outbursts. I once went through a death in the family at the same time I lost my job and was very down. But he was not able to "show" compassion, even though I know he must have had on some level due to the assistance I got the next day or so. Is it that people with OCPD just don't know how to show it or have some kind of experiential avoidance? Thanks for your honesty. I appreciate it. (PS: I still care for my friend. Trying to help him)
Redsky Mountaintop thanks for your question. It gets really tricky when you get into the specifics. There are at least 5 sub-categories of traits belonging to the OCPD family if you will. I am able to empathize and sympathize, but not always. My own personal levels of stress seem to impact my reactions. The short answer to your question is yes. It is possible for someone with a particular type of OCPD to put morality, frugalness, success, organization and so on and so forth before the feelings of others. The only way out of this situation would be therapy for this person. I can promise you that. I would be willing to bet that if he presents himself as a happy person, it is more than likely that he is actually suffering on the inside.
@@OCPD_support Thank you kindly for your response. I think he too can be sympathetic, but can be very oblivious. Despite his critical nitpicking etc, he really is a good person. I actually feel for him and want to help because it affects his entire life and I'm the only left. If you have any other resources you can recommend, would be highly appreciative. Many thanks.
@@redskyalice2529 I put together a website at ocpdonline.com and there is a really good support group for both people with and without OCPD on Facebook. It's just called OCPD Support Group.
@@OCPD_support Thank you :)
Anything to do with too much stress
BlackMagnolia stress takes a heavy toll on someone with OCPD. But if you're asking whether it can be a cause, that's a question that hasn't been answered well. It's not something that would appear out of nowhere during your adult years. But as a child, stress or trauma could be possible components of developing OCPD.
I recently got diagnosed with OCPD, and before that until now I have feelings towards someone with OCPD as well. I'm not sure if that's why I want him & even confronted him about my ongoing feelings, but I generally don't think I can be with a 'normal person'. However, at times, I get doubts and fears of how our relationship could get when it moves more seriously.
A silly question, do you think OCPD & OCPD relationship would work out?
Anashlytical that is not a silly question at all. It is however a complicated question. Are neither one of you receiving help for OCPD? Are both of you receiving help for OCPD? Is only one of you receiving help? And on and on I could go with different combinations. However, and this is only my opinion, unless your particular OCPD traits/symptoms line up exactly, I think your relationship would be more challenging with someone with OCPD than with someone without OCPD. That doesn't mean it can't work. It just means what I said - "more challenging". Thanks for the question.
@@OCPD_support Thanks a lot for understanding, and sorry for being late! For me, I'll get to receive help after I treat my depression... 😅 As for him, he used to but isn't now receiving help, however, he helps himself and me with it. Finally, regarding the OCPD symptoms, we seem to have it on a similar level but mine is less in control, as I just got diagnosed recently with it after it reached to a breaking point along with a bunch of baggage (MDD, GAD, unclear Panic Disorder and BPD)
@@oOMrsRadcliffeOo well, it sounds as though you are still dealing with a lot, but you sound better in your comment and I hope that you are finding a way to balance things out. I don't mean you sound better as in "you have no more problems", but you just sound as though you are coping better.
@@OCPD_support You're wholesome ☺ I appreciate your care really, especially in wording (I guess it's part of our OCPD that is underrated)
& True... more or less, so I'll try this challenge of 2 OCPDs that are interested 🙏🏻
@@oOMrsRadcliffeOo thank you for your comment as always :)
Do you feel that you had become abusive toward your partners through your OCPD?
Also, do you have any suggestions on how to hint to my partner that he might have OCPD and not OCD.
Hi Nicole,
For this question can you PM? I'd need to know more about your partners OCPD to make any sort of suggestion. I don't want to ask you personal questions about it in a public forum.
Yes. Absolutely. Not in an intentional way and certainly not
consistently. But I would let myself get overwhelmed to the point of
saying something mean when I felt backed into a corner. I felt hurt by
their actions. Actions that had no bad intent behind them. They would do
something innocuous and I would take it personally and then "punish"
them with silence. Again, none of this was intentional on my part. My
brain would just shut down or go into defense mode. Point is, I loved
them and respected them, but I let the OCPD dictate my reactions instead
of letting my true feelings for them dictate my reactions.
OCPD: My Life In Debris How do i private message?
When you go to the home page of the channel, go to the "about" tab and you will see the option there.
I wouldn't say that I suffer under OCPD, more like that I would like to tone myself down for the sake of my marriage.
GINtastic LLC of course each of us will have our own goals and challenges when it comes to OCPD and I think it's important to self reflect in order to decide what changes will be required for us to lead happy lives while not making the lives of the people most important to us more difficult. Only we can decide what is necessary and only we can decide which forms of treatment to pursue. I'm here on RUclips to share my experiences and what's worked for me. Thanks for your comment.
hi, are you left handed? please reply, thanks. i enjoyed watching this video.
Hi goo6, I'm not actually left handed. Is there a reason you were curious? Thanks so much for the feedback on the video. I'm glad you enjoyed it.