Get comfortable with the discomfort..... make friends with the darkness. When I was moving through my first very deep dark valley, I had to avoid all positive people in denial. Their positivity made the darkness worse... because it was positivity from denial. I have realized the importance of sitting in the dark valley. I don't fear the dark valley anymore, and people in dark valleys don't scare me. I can sit with them in their darkness and not even feel hopeless, because I know it is temporary, because I've been there. I have excepted the darkness as part of life. I will probably go through a deep valley again, but I know I will survive, because I have survived.
People can get scared of feeling better. I couldn't let myself be happy since I knew, I at some point would "fall down" hard on the ground. Its been a constant fight I have, to keep myself "in the middle", not too happy and not too depressed.
Overcoming social phobia at 26 is a nightmare, i sill feel like i am in a dream, i'm scared of other human beings to the core, it feels like an horror videogame i have to play to function in society, all this with a thought in back of my mind of isolating and being invisible, i'm struggling alot out there i wish i would disappear or someone capable take my place. i stopped therapy for money sruff and another reason is for the feelin i describe, i miss when i was an hikikomori shut in with no thought of outside world, now is a drama, and a terrorr. But hey for society i'm doing good so....
Oh how I wish I had someone like you to help me understand decades ago! But, you weren't where you are now decades ago. You are Here NOW! Giving me HOPE for the 1st time that I can recover, slowly but (🙏) Surely. Sending many 🤗s too!
My heart goes out to all of you. Took a nervous breakdown after my family NOT showing up after a natural disaster to kick start the hardest part of healing. Be gentle with yourselves💜💜 you know you are on the other side of healing when you literally start looking younger.
This is why I still struggle, 7 decades after my trauma took away all sense of belonging and self worth. I have known what to do for the last twenty years. Putting that knowledge into consistent practice - going against the: "you are not good enough, you don't belong, you are a failure..." is horrifically difficult.
Yep, just spent the past 10 months walking this valley. One of the hardest periods in my life, and my life has been hell, especially the past 30 years . But, I'm finally, bit by bit, coming to myself again, for the first time in over 30 years and am finally now looking forward, moving forward, and taking control of my life again. Praise God! I have hope for the future again for the first time in decades because I see and therefore have my personal power/self confidence back..
that´s so much you already achieved and taken back! Well done! I know it was a long, painful ride, but do you noticed? Dealing with the world becomes fun again. You seized what made you small and throw it wide out of the window. Now you have a safe space you can grow into and out of, big enough to hold you tight, but with many doors and windows to look out of, actually seeing others and to open up for the ones you choose to. march on, the darkness soon dissolves, becoming fresh air and goldeen light! March on, as you earned your sunspot, climb onto it, sit down for a moment and take your time.Feel it. Call it home.
You are so right about maintenance even though things are significantly better than they were. The hardest part for me, in the "valley" was losing my "super power" of dissociation which protected me from deep, hard feelings. It was destructive too, so I'm better without it but when difficult times roll in, I briefly wish I could dissociate! Accepting who I am and that the past is past, although it will come to mind occasionally, is the maintenance bit for me. Re-reading old journals I can see how far I've come and am almost shocked at being reminded how dark my life was. Now? Gloriously better with little blips.
I hear you about the dissociation no longer being a coping mechanisms and having to face hard feelings. That’s where I am now. It can be terrifying because there aren’t sufficient new coping mechanisms developed so the pain can overwhelm easily. Is this what you found too? How did you learn new coping? Or did the pain just gradually get less?
2 years of therapy medication anxiety and now anxiety and depression… changed doctor and medication and hoping this time Will work out. Not even going to christmas with family
Keep looking for the right combination, and don’t give up hope. Sometimes, it’s just a little tweak that even the experts are over looking. And be honest with yourself, If your therapist isn’t gaining progress for you, try another and yet another. I had a therapist years ago that did far more harm than good and smiled while taking my money for a year! O
@ empathy! You and me and so many people. For me was after losing my cousin and 2 months later my mother and i was a care taker for both. Anxiety first year, all day. I was always expecting something bad to happen. I was like a soldier in a war. Hipervigilant. Then got better a little bit. And came pre menopause. 4 steps backwards. And now depression, anxiety and phobias
@@martamegre When the tragic events in life stack up, it’s breeds the potential perfect storm for us humans to fall apart. You did the right things, you helped your loved ones and should be proud. Invite the anxiety in and sit with it so you can take its power away. You will feel you body calm itself once you call-out the BULLY! As for perimenopause, so many women try to tough it out that old school cowboy way and it doesn’t make sense. Get with a doctor who specializes in this time of life. When our hormones are outta wack, ‘man or woman’ life is a massive struggle! May you be blessed and get relief soon 🙏
Keep trying. I have been and am doing better enough to enjoy some things and have better energy. Ketamine was a game changer for me. It was my last ditch effort 🤪
Most are born to fail and flounder so that others can succeed and flourish. You are probably one of the many stepping stones so that others may triumph. But that isn't in the cards for *you.*
❤❤ME too. So many of us. At least me, hiding in the darkness from others, so they would believe I was fine - & LEAVE ME ALONE! Worst thing I could have ever done to myself.😢
I pushed myself too fast and hard up the hill. And I tumbled ALL the way back down into the dark valley. I feel even worse than I did when I started. 🥺 And im so freakin' exhausted. 😭
Same, not everyone gets the good ending, even with doing everything absolutely perfectly and correctly. Reality is indifferent to our existence. What keeps me retrying though, is, “To live happy, is to revolt against the absurdity of existing.”
I am TRULY shocked to watch this video because you just described where I’m at what I’m doing. I’m still coming out of the valley but have begun to see that, objectively, things are a bit better. It’s as though trying to get my footing. I’m working with an amazingly talented trauma therapist… and I am shocked that this is all so true. I’ve been skeptical for so long but I can’t deny that I’ve been honestly putting in the work and, though I can’t quite feel it yet, I m making a good faith effort and my journey is EXACTLY what you just described. Thank you! Really… thank you. This is so affirming that my efforts haven’t been in vain. Happy holidays.
I recovered from my mental health on my own without any assistance or therapist (I had my reasons for this choice), and this video sheds so much more light on the journey I have had, and am still having. Without knowing what I was doing, I made the active choice to continue putting in the time and energy into maintaining my mental health, no matter the cost. Glad to hear I was and still am doing so many things right. Another thing, is when I was escaping my own death valley, I actually *did* have to run up the hill; it wasn't a choice though, my life circumstances forced me to grow as quick as I needed to.
I just realized that I've been climbing that mountain for years, because sometimes I look back to the days where I knew something was up but just didn't care and just skated through life on survival mode. It is so much easier to live in denial than to figure out what's wrong and how to deal with it. But I also realise that if I were to stop going forward and go back to those days, I for one would be extremely dissapointed in myself because I would just undo all the progress I've made through the years, and 2. The back end of the tunnel is so much further away than the light that I'm looking at in the distance, even though it often seems like there is no light at all. Sometimes rocks do fall down from the mountain, and sometimes you do slip and fall, but I have accepted that life sometimes just throws in a wrinkle as a reality check. Sometimes it's from outside forces and sometimes it's because of myself but I also learned that those moments will pass. Sometimes you do 15 steps back and 2 steps forward, but what's important to realise is that even if you did 15 steps back, you still have made more overall progress than last week. We often don't see the progress we've made because we are the progress itself, we are the growth we experience ourselves.
I feel like trauma is just a cycle of: 1. having so much pain that you can’t even control and you are using all the unhealthy coping skills to get away from it 2. You start understanding that pain more and start to face it 3. You start to heal a little bit 4. More even worse trauma unlocked GO BACK TO STEP 1 (its like an endless cycle because there is always worse trauma to process) There is also a special stage when its not the first cycle its like step 1.5 ,you hate yourself more for returning to a behavior you thought you quitted and start having negative self talk and maybe depression on top of your trauma. Its really hard facing all that alone, I really hate it
You are not alone! There are many layers to healing. Even if it feels like you’re in the same exact place there are most likely small changes every time you return to the cycle. ❤
I've found that the answer to "how long will I be in the valley?" is that you're asking the wrong question, you'll just be in the valley, walking, and eventually you'll find yourself walking upwards instead of downwards, but it won't happen at a definite time.
Keep moving forward is the thing that makes me realize I've been in all these stages of denial, acknowledgment, realization, engagement, and enlightenment. If you are just thinking ahead of your actions, you never make it to the other side. All you have to do is to keep moving forward. Keep making progress, how small the action you put into your effort, you definitely make the better part of you and make yourself farther from the first point of your denial ground. I have come to realize that I've been down for awhile but it's just mildly annoying rather than thinking my world is falling apart due to my mental health condition. It's a neverending battle, but it's a battle we are able to fight nonetheless. Keep moving forward and keep positive assuring encouraging things around us. Just keep moving.
I wrote everything out. Every tiny moment and memory - good, bad, very bad, hideous, indifferent to happy. Then I carefully unpacked the pattern. Not blaming but assigning cause and affect. Once I could see clearly my base from 0 was fear in itself, and then fear of, I could work with that. I realised I'd blocked out some horrible situations that needed light ✨️ thank you Scott for your work.
I think I will write down your advice. Willful tolerance sound effective and a realistic way to frame that dark irregular journey. Instead of giving in t o or giving up. Thank you!
Been there done that with the "valley" stage. It was horrifying and I barely made it. Its actually indescribable the sensations and visceral pain I endured, the grieving, the harmful dissociation..jail, hospital the whole 9. Now I'm in the maintenance faze which is still a strange place but I'm thriving and can actually breathe with buoyancy. Amen.
I know I have commented on some of your videos already about not having any hope. I have struggled most of my life with severe depression, anxiety and panic. I did have some childhood trauma when my mom left me at five years old. I am 71 now and I cry every day and night and have 24/7 depression, anxiety and panic because I have lost all hope in ever healing, especially at my age. I obsess about something being broken in my brain! This was very encouraging and thank you for sharing. You are one of the few people that I listen to. You have a lot of wisdom and it does help to know that you have had some of these same experiences so you know what it's like and can understand. God bless you for these videos. He is using you in ways that you could never imagine! This video really hit home. It s exactly what I needed to hear to gain some hope of walking through the valley and doing the work it takes.
When I hear what you say, I have such a feeling that you know exactely what it is! Thanks for sharing not only your knowledge, but also your experience. Makes me feel understood and not alone. Gives me tools to cope and hope.
When you talked about the last two phases I just started crying because I’m so thankful for my hard work and that I went through the valley and that I am climbing and that I can see the top and that I am able to find peace in the knowledge that it’s a lifelong journey! Because I know I am much better equipped now because of every step that I took and that this journey is really not as scary as I thought before. Realizing that it’s not a short run but more like a marathon I trained for is what I accomplished recently. It’s ok that changes take time and it’s beautiful to realize that all measures I took are paying off. It’s just not happening from one day to the other. It can take many years. But it’s so worth it, let me tell you! Go in your own pace. Take detours. Try new things and get connected. And one day you’ll look back and see, out of the blue, that the valley is already far behind you🥾
This video was very good for me. I have had depression/anxiety for 30 years and the psychiatrists have tried drugs with nothing keeping me from having episodes of depression every so often. I had my first episode of depression when I was in my 50’s and always hoped that I would feel like I was before depression. That has not happened and now know there are things I always have to do to not go deep. Like brushing your teeth to not get cavities! If I lived in your area I would be coming to your clinic for help. Your video’s give me insight and affirmations on my depression. The hardest part for me is when the struggle starts, I don’t know what I was doing to start it! The struggle can last from a couple of hours to 3 days or so. Not very often do I have a whole week of no struggle. Now the good part……. I know what to do when it comes and I have learned to cope with it. I have a loving, supportive husband and family from the beginning. Again, your videos are wonderful!! Thank you Carole❤️
You used the phrase "We don't ever want you to go back there (valley of despair) again." Thank you. This helped to get my head up again. Right now I took a too long rest from climbing.
Since being diagnosed in 1987, it's been off and on. But, the past few years have been horrible. Fighting the anxiety every day, and wishing I'd go to sleep and, just not wake up. My Dr says it never "goes away". No, it doesn't.
i m impressed by your ability to put this complicated process into words and in a such comprehensible and relatable way. Thank you very much, as you said this has helped a lot and most importantly gave me hope of what the futur could be for us
This made perfect sense to me. And finally after 18 months I'm coming out of the valley. Bit by bit everyday, move forward. However small. It's happened so gradually that I hardly noticed. Then one day I woke up and wow... I felt better. Keep going. xx
I got broken up with which shoved me over the cliff into the valley of CPTSD despair haha! That was the most pain I've ever experienced holy fuck but ive been climbing my way up ever since. I like to think that much pain at once helped accelerate my healing. Thank you for outlining this :)
Thankyou again , I’m ‘a’ step out of the valley - eating my protein, veggies and fruit , yep ,👍 when i look back (I got 2 fillings from neglecting my self care and now have energy to floss teeth 🦷 before bed ) ,joined a gym with a friend (mostly for the massage chairs ,while she does the AI Pilates 🧘♀️i did do my first 100 steps on the stair machine (took 4 mins 10 secs) started up the (thanks for mentioning )steep hill and will take it slowly , 🏡 house is tidy and calm and just started on the garage (to relocate anything I haven’t used since Covid -that’s nearly 5 years in march 2025 ❤️🩹. It’s been a wide valley ,🏔️🏔️ now for the steep hill 🦵🦵 ill take it slowly 🙏thanks for the tip 👍
It’s been extremely difficult to find a good therapist who actually understands depression/anxiety and can help, without going out of network and paying top dollar. Any additional resources would be appreciated. I’ve been through 6 therapists within the last year.
How, you found six therapists who had time for you? In Germany you would struggle to find a single therapist in a 50 mile radius who has time for a single introductory talk within 30 days.
Well, what helped me is knowledge around the biological aspects, how the brain works and how certain parts of the struggle feel a certain way. Someone clearly said, that this akward feeling around something you do, but wanna quit or other way round- you know what you should focus on, but don´t do it yet. This inner fight is what you have to do. Things like that are often quite literatlly happening, as you have to switvh your default processing willingly to a different way. It´s normal that this feeks awfulm but don´t stop. It´s worth the pain, and the pain is needed to get changes done.
@@avalonroyce I realized that i´m not crazy nor just sucking being human ^^ sometimes it helps hearing someone elses story to finally recognise. or a medical professional pointing out, what you wouldnt asked about. watch and read and learn and share....that helps processing and you learn proper ways to interact with yourself, in a way that your body and mind will understand quicker. Honestly, I just think aliitle back and I cannot believe how many things I learned and understood about me the first time! I am all for proper professional diagnosis, but as many of us cannot access same that quick, it´s incredible helpful having these ressources Freedome of Information! woohoo! And also Thanks to all of you creating, sharing, teaching in a reliable, save and understanding way
@@avalonroyce oh, AND it will at some point feel worse than ever. Try leaning into it, feeling those feelings you have already felt, but couldnt process properly. There is no way around, it will hurt but it´s worth crawling through. Be honest and gentle with yourself
Thank you Dr. Scott! I can't afford therapy. I really can't afford most things that could possibly help me feel better, so you sharing your knowledge, experience, optimism and kindness makes me feel so grateful towards you for your generosity. Hugs and a very happy new year!
I'm in that valley right now. I have my family that roots for me and say that they believe I will get through this like the past three times, I'm day-care at a mental health clinic so I'm able to sleep, because I have difficulties sleeping at a clinic due to my sound sensitivity. I already found a analytical Psychologist to help me after my hospital stay. The nurses are kind and patient, so are the doctors. And yet, I still have this fear in me that I wouldn't be able to survive this. That no help provided to me would be enough. Hearing you say that you believe noone is beyond help really lightened my heart a bit, only for these thoughts to eat up this little piece of hope. I hate all this so much. I don't want to be sick anymore. I'm scared that my hopelessness and lack of confidence will one day cost my live. I don't know what to do to make myself believe that I can get through this. Everyone tells me that they believe I'm stronger than I ever was before my first hospital stay, but myself. And I'm afraid that this will end me. I don't want that. What can I do?
It’s the most painful thing, when hope is dwindling. But we wouldn’t be searching on this channel if we totally lost it. Keep seeking help and little by little you’ll find it! ❤️
I feel like I have to power through the valley because the path behind me vanishes into the void. I feel like I have to keep walking forward or die. I know I can do it, but I don't know if I'll make it.
Dr Scott you are so good at explaining mental health issues. I think it's because you have been there yourself. Thankyou for helping me understand that l am not alone. You are the voice of reason on my dark days and keep me going. 🙏💗
Unfortunately, that never change. It's sad but until they themselves or a close family member goes through it- they think it's fake. It's not fair but it's the world we live in. Which is why we need to advocate for ourselves.
the denial thing is so true.. right now i am unsure what to do now that i got rid of old coping mechanisms.. this video was so relatable and helpful as always, thank you
I would wager that many, if not most, who retreat are simply running out of money/insurance. All medical treatment, including, if not especially is expensive. Not everyone has the resources to go to therapy every week for months or years. For those of us in this situation the valley is deep and never-ending.
When I try to connect with other people in group therapy I always end up as an outsider. I try to participate, I try to be open... but no, the others gets closer to eachother and talk to eachother. But Im the always outsider in the group therapy; somehow I am not able to connect and participate. It starts good, people are initially welcoming to me when first they meet me, but then it gets worse and worse and worse. I can't help to conclude that the person I am is repulsive to other people, they just need a little bit of time to learn to know me to realize that. It's kinda hard to believe your claims that there isn't something inheretenly wrong with me that is very different from how others with depression and trauma has it when Im the only recurring outsider non-participant person in these a groups, among people who should otherwise be my peers in this journey. This problem was not covered or mentioned in your video so im sitting here concluding that for me your advice isn't going to work. That there IS something specially wrong with me that few others experience, and no one can offer a solution for that, least of all myself.
I emailed Dr Scott to suggest types of Groups. I do believe it would helpful - but I have run into the same issue that you've had. It only made me feel more ALONE & OUTCAST.😢 Maybe he will have good suggestions. So, you are not ALONE with this issue, & it hurts❤
I think I’m going to join an Out Patient program because I can’t heal just on my own reading books. I need community and structure but one that is Trauma informed and focused. In the video he talks about keeping your mind occupied in the frontal lobes. I realize I need to be busier but being with the normal healthy world feels too daunting right now.
I don't know why nobody is talking about keezano’s book Your Life Your Game. I read it last year, it beautifully shows how connecting with God and building meaningful relationships can lead to spiritual growth and success in both your personal and professional life. A must-read. God bless ❤️🙏🏼
Dr Scott, you are an incredible resource and an excellent complement to my IRL therapist. Wishing you a cozy Christmas with your family. THANK YOU for the wonderful gifts of wisdom you share so freely. ❤🎄
This whole video goes for my long covid journey as well. Solidly in phase 3. I really hope im going to get better. But the fear of getting worse again is so intense. Slow steps.
I don't think anyone is immune to mental health problems. Including people who in the past have always been fine. And besides mental heath there are all kinds of other problems people have to deal with. So when you say "You always have to work to stay in recovery." it sounds daunting and maybe even unfair, but really everyone has do things on a daily basis to keep their life together, so I can do it too.
I love all your videos but this one REALLY spoke to me. I feel validated but also challenged! Thank you for acknowledging that the dark valley is a common experience and how easy it is to give up and turn back. But thank you also for being so honest about the journey and how it never really ends, but the view will become so much better.
Even people with mental struggles can't understand me. Even they call me lazy and whiny. And that I have it easy compared to many others, but don't do anything. And I have nothing to argue about it. I'm just too weak to do anything to help myself. Maybe because I had brain trauma in my childhood, idk.
I spent the last 11 months walking in this valley. Two hospital admissions. Days I really found it hard to go on. Loneliness is my biggest problem. I need to find my tribe, to be true to myself. Give up bad habits and toxic people in my life. I lost my best friend and my Hero to Suicide my Mum aged 76 on January 8th 2021, I miss her terribly. She had cancer but I honestly believe covid drew her over the edge the isolation and the thought of it never ending. I blame the media TV and Radio for sensationalizing covid to an extent that it brought despair and pain into people's lives. Yes it was an awful time, but there should have been last media stories about it. Today is so so tough even though its 4 years this January. Never a fan of Christmas its a tough time for a lot of people, who live on their own. Next year I will go abroad hiking or give out food to the homeless. I am on meds for depression and and anxiety. I was good last two weeks but yesterday and today have been tough. Horrible when the depression and anxiety come back a set back. They can be hard to take when you have 14 good days 😢
What about the stories of people who have succeeded, gotten fully better, high functioning, like school, job, Independance, etc, to slowly and eventually devolve to absolute disability and disfunction? We talk about slow improvements, but all I experienced for the past 20 years is ever increasing disability, despair, unfortunate circumstance, etc. I’m left now with no friends, no therapy, no healthcare, no money, severe agoraphobia, physical chronic pain, and no knowledge or resources to even get a foot off the ground to start life again. How did I go from having everything, to having almost nothing so fast and severely? I’m seriously questioning if I made a serious critical error along the way somewhere, or if this was all inevitable? I’m not very far from devastation, in that I still have secure housing, and just enough monthly income for food and basic needs. But that’s about it, literally. 😐
Praying for you and for all of us. I think just remembering that other people have been in the same boat you are in and eventually found victory and stability can be a helpful reminder. It’s so painful not to see a way out but there is for everyone. The more hopeless sometimes the more hope in the end because you know you can survive anything. ❤️
Strongly second the point about diagnoses. For the longest time I postponed looking into autism bc I figured I probably had it but it didn’t really change who I was. I couldn’t have been more wrong, learning I have it and learning to live with it was one of the biggest life changes I’ve ever gone through, followed by the discovery that I have ptsd.
I’m right in the valley and feel so alone, scared and don’t want to die but it looks so much easier. My children need me to come back to myself. I’m trying to wean off diazepam, stuck on 11mg, down from 40mg. Seeing psychologist, 2025 is my year of beating the darkness and going j to the light. Fucking scary though…..❤
Forgive me if this is too personal a question. I was just wondering if you could say anything about the scary feelings you are experiencing because I am having the same symptoms. For me it’s pain I’ve never felt (on this level) and then the fear that I can’t heal or make it go away. Also feeling disconnected to safety, others and even myself. No worries if you don’t want to respond. I was just looking for someone with relative experiences.
Love your advice Dr. Thank you. I was admitted to a clinic for GAD 2 weeks ago. I have been prescribed new meds. I dont know wether I feel better or not but I'm going to push through.
I have the diagnosis but I have never had community. And I’m almost 35 now with 4 children. Alone. Every day. 24/7. Who are also quite neurospicy themselves. And I’ve been alone and navigating this all. By myself. Their whole lives. And they’re now 8-13 years old.. I feel like we at this point? Have to become our own community for one another. Because I don’t think we’re ever getting one, otherwise.. at this rate.. it just seems to be too big of a job for most other people and they can not be truly bothered..
I hope you are right. I feel like I've been between stage 3 & 4 since January 2021 (it's December 2024 now). 3 years of daily struggle against depression, anhedonia, passive SI and now anorexia. I don't know if I have the strength to maintain stage 5 if or when I ever get there.
So how do you go all the way through the valley? I have been dealing with depression for 40 years. I have had bad therapy experiences. I don’t have insurance that covers mental health anyway, and I don’t want to spend hundreds of dollars a month on something that in the past has not helped. I have been in the valley FOR YEARS. I am on meds. How do you get through the valley?
Thank you for this. My psychiatrist who I've been seeing for years doesn't say much. Listening to your videos has been very helpful for me, especially Maslow's hierarchy of need which I learned in my introductory psychology course back in college. How can you tell if you're actually suffering from depression or if it's your environment making you feel the way you do? I feel that I suffer from depression and anxiety but I also wonder if the people I deal with on a daily basis and my environment also play into this. How do you distinguish the two?
man, my substance abuse (kratom/7oh) really keeps me stuck in this mental downfall. I need to be completely sober to actually move forward with my mental health.. this bandaid stuff isnt working. Goodluck ya'll
Get comfortable with the discomfort..... make friends with the darkness. When I was moving through my first very deep dark valley, I had to avoid all positive people in denial. Their positivity made the darkness worse... because it was positivity from denial. I have realized the importance of sitting in the dark valley. I don't fear the dark valley anymore, and people in dark valleys don't scare me. I can sit with them in their darkness and not even feel hopeless, because I know it is temporary, because I've been there. I have excepted the darkness as part of life. I will probably go through a deep valley again, but I know I will survive, because I have survived.
You did it, gives me hope to work it out as well
@@rynaa-nj2vn ♥️!!!
Thank you for your comment! The timing couldn’t have been better! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Wise words give hope. You don't have to fix someone. You can sit together and be.
People can get scared of feeling better. I couldn't let myself be happy since I knew, I at some point would "fall down" hard on the ground. Its been a constant fight I have, to keep myself "in the middle", not too happy and not too depressed.
Overcoming social phobia at 26 is a nightmare, i sill feel like i am in a dream, i'm scared of other human beings to the core, it feels like an horror videogame i have to play to function in society, all this with a thought in back of my mind of isolating and being invisible, i'm struggling alot out there i wish i would disappear or someone capable take my place.
i stopped therapy for money sruff and another reason is for the feelin i describe, i miss when i was an hikikomori shut in with no thought of outside world, now is a drama, and a terrorr. But hey for society i'm doing good so....
Oh how I wish I had someone like you to help me understand decades ago! But, you weren't where you are now decades ago. You are Here NOW! Giving me HOPE for the 1st time that I can recover, slowly but (🙏) Surely. Sending many 🤗s too!
Thank you Peggy!
Ditto Ditto Dygery Doo
I'm back in a deep depression again 😢.. nothing feels real anymore, it's frightening!
Me too I’m so tired of it 😔
I am 70 something. I don't think I can do it at this age with so little time left.
I know that does not sound helpful, but I am just saying you are not alone in this.
My heart goes out to all of you. Took a nervous breakdown after my family NOT showing up after a natural disaster to kick start the hardest part of healing. Be gentle with yourselves💜💜 you know you are on the other side of healing when you literally start looking younger.
@@andreapeters981 thank you ❤️
This is why I still struggle, 7 decades after my trauma took away all sense of belonging and self worth. I have known what to do for the last twenty years. Putting that knowledge into consistent practice - going against the: "you are not good enough, you don't belong, you are a failure..." is horrifically difficult.
Thank you. Feeling alone makes it worse. Your words make it better. Understanding is the key.
Yep, just spent the past 10 months walking this valley. One of the hardest periods in my life, and my life has been hell, especially the past 30 years . But, I'm finally, bit by bit, coming to myself again, for the first time in over 30 years and am finally now looking forward, moving forward, and taking control of my life again. Praise God! I have hope for the future again for the first time in decades because I see and therefore have my personal power/self confidence back..
Congratulations on your hard work paying off! 🎉🎉🎉
that´s so much you already achieved and taken back! Well done!
I know it was a long, painful ride, but do you noticed? Dealing with the world becomes fun again. You seized what made you small and throw it wide out of the window. Now you have a safe space you can grow into and out of, big enough to hold you tight, but with many doors and windows to look out of, actually seeing others and to open up for the ones you choose to.
march on, the darkness soon dissolves, becoming fresh air and goldeen light! March on, as you earned your sunspot, climb onto it, sit down for a moment and take your time.Feel it. Call it home.
To have some sort of spiritual belief is helping. I will probably never be "healed" so my goal is to make life bearable.
You're strong!
Group therapies are so boring
Dr. Eilers, took nearly 30 years, but you “get me”. Thanks for the content. Daily listener, trying to Win every One Second decisions.
You are so right about maintenance even though things are significantly better than they were. The hardest part for me, in the "valley" was losing my "super power" of dissociation which protected me from deep, hard feelings. It was destructive too, so I'm better without it but when difficult times roll in, I briefly wish I could dissociate! Accepting who I am and that the past is past, although it will come to mind occasionally, is the maintenance bit for me. Re-reading old journals I can see how far I've come and am almost shocked at being reminded how dark my life was. Now? Gloriously better with little blips.
I hear you about the dissociation no longer being a coping mechanisms and having to face hard feelings. That’s where I am now. It can be terrifying because there aren’t sufficient new coping mechanisms developed so the pain can overwhelm easily. Is this what you found too? How did you learn new coping? Or did the pain just gradually get less?
2 years of therapy medication anxiety and now anxiety and depression… changed doctor and medication and hoping this time Will work out. Not even going to christmas with family
Keep looking for the right combination, and don’t give up hope. Sometimes, it’s just a little tweak that even the experts are over looking. And be honest with yourself, If your therapist isn’t gaining progress for you, try another and yet another. I had a therapist years ago that did far more harm than good and smiled while taking my money for a year! O
Oh wow me too! I'm not sure if to be proud of myself or concerned why I don't feel lonely
@ empathy! You and me and so many people. For me was after losing my cousin and 2 months later my mother and i was a care taker for both. Anxiety first year, all day. I was always expecting something bad to happen. I was like a soldier in a war. Hipervigilant. Then got better a little bit. And came pre menopause. 4 steps backwards. And now depression, anxiety and phobias
@@martamegre When the tragic events in life stack up, it’s breeds the potential perfect storm for us humans to fall apart. You did the right things, you helped your loved ones and should be proud. Invite the anxiety in and sit with it so you can take its power away. You will feel you body calm itself once you call-out the BULLY! As for perimenopause, so many women try to tough it out that old school cowboy way and it doesn’t make sense. Get with a doctor who specializes in this time of life. When our hormones are outta wack, ‘man or woman’ life is a massive struggle! May you be blessed and get relief soon 🙏
Keep trying. I have been and am doing better enough to enjoy some things and have better energy. Ketamine was a game changer for me. It was my last ditch effort 🤪
Man. When you said it's never gone, the tears run. 😢
IKR sigh 😞
Most are born to fail and flounder so that others can succeed and flourish. You are probably one of the many stepping stones so that others may triumph. But that isn't in the cards for *you.*
❤❤ME too. So many of us. At least me, hiding in the darkness from others, so they would believe I was fine - & LEAVE ME ALONE! Worst thing I could have ever done to myself.😢
I pushed myself too fast and hard up the hill. And I tumbled ALL the way back down into the dark valley. I feel even worse than I did when I started. 🥺 And im so freakin' exhausted. 😭
Same, not everyone gets the good ending, even with doing everything absolutely perfectly and correctly. Reality is indifferent to our existence. What keeps me retrying though, is, “To live happy, is to revolt against the absurdity of existing.”
I am TRULY shocked to watch this video because you just described where I’m at what I’m doing. I’m still coming out of the valley but have begun to see that, objectively, things are a bit better. It’s as though trying to get my footing. I’m working with an amazingly talented trauma therapist… and I am shocked that this is all so true. I’ve been skeptical for so long but I can’t deny that I’ve been honestly putting in the work and, though I can’t quite feel it yet, I m making a good faith effort and my journey is EXACTLY what you just described. Thank you! Really… thank you. This is so affirming that my efforts haven’t been in vain. Happy holidays.
Loss never ends. Finding a way to accept it is the goal.
I recovered from my mental health on my own without any assistance or therapist (I had my reasons for this choice), and this video sheds so much more light on the journey I have had, and am still having. Without knowing what I was doing, I made the active choice to continue putting in the time and energy into maintaining my mental health, no matter the cost. Glad to hear I was and still am doing so many things right.
Another thing, is when I was escaping my own death valley, I actually *did* have to run up the hill; it wasn't a choice though, my life circumstances forced me to grow as quick as I needed to.
So I am clearly in stage 5. Was wondering why my level of terror keeps coming back. Now I know - I NEVER want to lose the progress I have made.
I love how you explain aspects of mental health and recovery!
Thank you!
I just realized that I've been climbing that mountain for years, because sometimes I look back to the days where I knew something was up but just didn't care and just skated through life on survival mode. It is so much easier to live in denial than to figure out what's wrong and how to deal with it. But I also realise that if I were to stop going forward and go back to those days, I for one would be extremely dissapointed in myself because I would just undo all the progress I've made through the years, and 2. The back end of the tunnel is so much further away than the light that I'm looking at in the distance, even though it often seems like there is no light at all.
Sometimes rocks do fall down from the mountain, and sometimes you do slip and fall, but I have accepted that life sometimes just throws in a wrinkle as a reality check. Sometimes it's from outside forces and sometimes it's because of myself but I also learned that those moments will pass. Sometimes you do 15 steps back and 2 steps forward, but what's important to realise is that even if you did 15 steps back, you still have made more overall progress than last week. We often don't see the progress we've made because we are the progress itself, we are the growth we experience ourselves.
I feel like trauma is just a cycle of:
1. having so much pain that you can’t even control and you are using all the unhealthy coping skills to get away from it
2. You start understanding that pain more and start to face it
3. You start to heal a little bit
4. More even worse trauma unlocked GO BACK TO STEP 1
(its like an endless cycle because there is always worse trauma to process)
There is also a special stage when its not the first cycle its like step 1.5 ,you hate yourself more for returning to a behavior you thought you quitted and start having negative self talk and maybe depression on top of your trauma.
Its really hard facing all that alone, I really hate it
You are not alone! There are many layers to healing. Even if it feels like you’re in the same exact place there are most likely small changes every time you return to the cycle. ❤
I have "endured" for 49 years now. Lifelong depression. No valley or anything
Finding a group for daughters of narcissistic mothers on Facebook made a huge difference for me
I've found that the answer to "how long will I be in the valley?" is that you're asking the wrong question, you'll just be in the valley, walking, and eventually you'll find yourself walking upwards instead of downwards, but it won't happen at a definite time.
Keep moving forward is the thing that makes me realize I've been in all these stages of denial, acknowledgment, realization, engagement, and enlightenment.
If you are just thinking ahead of your actions, you never make it to the other side. All you have to do is to keep moving forward. Keep making progress, how small the action you put into your effort, you definitely make the better part of you and make yourself farther from the first point of your denial ground.
I have come to realize that I've been down for awhile but it's just mildly annoying rather than thinking my world is falling apart due to my mental health condition.
It's a neverending battle, but it's a battle we are able to fight nonetheless.
Keep moving forward and keep positive assuring encouraging things around us. Just keep moving.
I appreciate you and your heart so much! You are a blessing. ♡
I wrote everything out. Every tiny moment and memory - good, bad, very bad, hideous, indifferent to happy. Then I carefully unpacked the pattern. Not blaming but assigning cause and affect. Once I could see clearly my base from 0 was fear in itself, and then fear of, I could work with that. I realised I'd blocked out some horrible situations that needed light ✨️ thank you Scott for your work.
A.k.a the dark journey of the soul.
Willful tolerance and self compassion are key. Good luck everyone ❤
I think I will write down your advice. Willful tolerance sound effective and a realistic way to frame that dark irregular journey. Instead of giving in t o or giving up. Thank you!
Been there done that with the "valley" stage. It was horrifying and I barely made it. Its actually indescribable the sensations and visceral pain I endured, the grieving, the harmful dissociation..jail, hospital the whole 9. Now I'm in the maintenance faze which is still a strange place but I'm thriving and can actually breathe with buoyancy. Amen.
I know I have commented on some of your videos already about not having any hope. I have struggled most of my life with severe depression, anxiety and panic. I did have some childhood trauma when my mom left me at five years old. I am 71 now and I cry every day and night and have 24/7 depression, anxiety and panic because I have lost all hope in ever healing, especially at my age. I obsess about something being broken in my brain! This was very encouraging and thank you for sharing. You are one of the few people that I listen to. You have a lot of wisdom and it does help to know that you have had some of these same experiences so you know what it's like and can understand. God bless you for these videos. He is using you in ways that you could never imagine! This video really hit home. It s exactly what I needed to hear to gain some hope of walking through the valley and doing the work it takes.
When I hear what you say, I have such a feeling that you know exactely what it is! Thanks for sharing not only your knowledge, but also your experience. Makes me feel understood and not alone. Gives me tools to cope and hope.
Im going through the valley right now, so the timing on this video is perfect. Thank you!
When you talked about the last two phases I just started crying because I’m so thankful for my hard work and that I went through the valley and that I am climbing and that I can see the top and that I am able to find peace in the knowledge that it’s a lifelong journey! Because I know I am much better equipped now because of every step that I took and that this journey is really not as scary as I thought before. Realizing that it’s not a short run but more like a marathon I trained for is what I accomplished recently. It’s ok that changes take time and it’s beautiful to realize that all measures I took are paying off. It’s just not happening from one day to the other. It can take many years. But it’s so worth it, let me tell you! Go in your own pace. Take detours. Try new things and get connected. And one day you’ll look back and see, out of the blue, that the valley is already far behind you🥾
This video was very good for me. I have had depression/anxiety for 30 years and the psychiatrists have tried drugs with nothing keeping me from having episodes of depression every so often. I had my first episode of depression when I was in my 50’s and always hoped that I would feel like I was before depression. That has not happened and now know there are things I always have to do to not go deep. Like brushing your teeth to not get cavities! If I lived in your area I would be coming to your clinic for help. Your video’s give me insight and affirmations on my depression. The hardest part for me is when the struggle starts, I don’t know what I was doing to start it! The struggle can last from a couple of hours to 3 days or so. Not very often do I have a whole week of no struggle. Now the good part……. I know what to do when it comes and I have learned to cope with it. I have a loving, supportive husband and family from the beginning.
Again, your videos are wonderful!! Thank you Carole❤️
You used the phrase "We don't ever want you to go back there (valley of despair) again." Thank you. This helped to get my head up again. Right now I took a too long rest from climbing.
Psychology showed me just how bad other people are (narcissistic). Now I don't want to socialize at all. That's not good (isolation).
OR you're choosing privacy and peaceful solitude. I LOVE being alone.
Since being diagnosed in 1987, it's been off and on. But, the past few years have been horrible. Fighting the anxiety every day, and wishing I'd go to sleep and, just not wake up. My Dr says it never "goes away". No, it doesn't.
Same here
Do you take medication?; I do now and it’s helped so much 150mg of sertraline and I’m never going to stop- I’m 64 by the way 🎄🙏🏻😍
It doesn't go away, it's lifestyle changes and being with the right people who fit well into your life.
i m impressed by your ability to put this complicated process into words and in a such comprehensible and relatable way. Thank you very much, as you said this has helped a lot and most importantly gave me hope of what the futur could be for us
I know so many people who are looking for a good therapist who understands what they are going thru. Sharing your videos.
A heart felt thank you Dr. Scott. I really connect with you brother
This made perfect sense to me. And finally after 18 months I'm coming out of the valley. Bit by bit everyday, move forward. However small. It's happened so gradually that I hardly noticed. Then one day I woke up and wow... I felt better. Keep going. xx
I got broken up with which shoved me over the cliff into the valley of CPTSD despair haha! That was the most pain I've ever experienced holy fuck but ive been climbing my way up ever since. I like to think that much pain at once helped accelerate my healing. Thank you for outlining this :)
I can relate. Same here. She quit me over a year ago and I'm still struggling hard. Thanks for posting. Keep going.
I needed this. I'm so stuck rn.
Thankyou again , I’m ‘a’ step out of the valley - eating my protein, veggies and fruit , yep ,👍 when i look back (I got 2 fillings from neglecting my self care and now have energy to floss teeth 🦷 before bed ) ,joined a gym with a friend (mostly for the massage chairs ,while she does the AI Pilates 🧘♀️i did do my first 100 steps on the stair machine (took 4 mins 10 secs) started up the (thanks for mentioning )steep hill and will take it slowly , 🏡 house is tidy and calm and just started on the garage (to relocate anything I haven’t used since Covid -that’s nearly 5 years in march 2025 ❤️🩹. It’s been a wide valley ,🏔️🏔️ now for the steep hill 🦵🦵 ill take it slowly 🙏thanks for the tip 👍
Thank you so much as always!
Pushing thru alone is the most painful thing I have ever experienced….yes….I was the one that lived in denial of trauma for decades!
This was very timely and useful for me. Thanks!
THANKYOU!!! I'm a visual learner and this helps me so much!!
It’s been extremely difficult to find a good therapist who actually understands depression/anxiety and can help, without going out of network and paying top dollar. Any additional resources would be appreciated. I’ve been through 6 therapists within the last year.
How, you found six therapists who had time for you?
In Germany you would struggle to find a single therapist in a 50 mile radius who has time for a single introductory talk within 30 days.
Well, what helped me is knowledge around the biological aspects, how the brain works and how certain parts of the struggle feel a certain way.
Someone clearly said, that this akward feeling around something you do, but wanna quit or other way round- you know what you should focus on, but don´t do it yet.
This inner fight is what you have to do. Things like that are often quite literatlly happening, as you have to switvh your default processing willingly to a different way. It´s normal that this feeks awfulm but don´t stop. It´s worth the pain, and the pain is needed to get changes done.
@@thelicemazurHow has learning about the brain helped you? I'd like to learn.
@@avalonroyce I realized that i´m not crazy nor just sucking being human ^^
sometimes it helps hearing someone elses story to finally recognise. or a medical professional pointing out, what you wouldnt asked about.
watch and read and learn and share....that helps processing and you learn proper ways to interact with yourself, in a way that your body and mind will understand quicker.
Honestly, I just think aliitle back and I cannot believe how many things I learned and understood about me the first time!
I am all for proper professional diagnosis, but as many of us cannot access same that quick, it´s incredible helpful having these ressources
Freedome of Information! woohoo! And also Thanks to all of you creating, sharing, teaching in a reliable, save and understanding way
@@avalonroyce oh, AND it will at some point feel worse than ever. Try leaning into it, feeling those feelings you have already felt, but couldnt process properly.
There is no way around, it will hurt but it´s worth crawling through.
Be honest and gentle with yourself
Thank you, Dr Eilers, for doing what you do. You're a lifesaver. Literally.
Thank you Dr. Scott! I can't afford therapy. I really can't afford most things that could possibly help me feel better, so you sharing your knowledge, experience, optimism and kindness makes me feel so grateful towards you for your generosity. Hugs and a very happy new year!
I'm in that valley right now. I have my family that roots for me and say that they believe I will get through this like the past three times, I'm day-care at a mental health clinic so I'm able to sleep, because I have difficulties sleeping at a clinic due to my sound sensitivity. I already found a analytical Psychologist to help me after my hospital stay. The nurses are kind and patient, so are the doctors. And yet, I still have this fear in me that I wouldn't be able to survive this. That no help provided to me would be enough. Hearing you say that you believe noone is beyond help really lightened my heart a bit, only for these thoughts to eat up this little piece of hope. I hate all this so much. I don't want to be sick anymore. I'm scared that my hopelessness and lack of confidence will one day cost my live. I don't know what to do to make myself believe that I can get through this. Everyone tells me that they believe I'm stronger than I ever was before my first hospital stay, but myself. And I'm afraid that this will end me. I don't want that. What can I do?
I'm right here right now loosing hope is very difficult.
It’s the most painful thing, when hope is dwindling. But we wouldn’t be searching on this channel if we totally lost it. Keep seeking help and little by little you’ll find it! ❤️
He is so right about this. 😊
I feel like I have to power through the valley because the path behind me vanishes into the void. I feel like I have to keep walking forward or die. I know I can do it, but I don't know if I'll make it.
Stay strong, brother or sister. I think there’s actually something to all this… and I used to be a HUGE skeptic.
Dont forget to stop and take breaks if you can my friend :) I'm in my own valley but sometimes it helps to catch your breath
@@edwardfjohnson Thanks
Really appreciate your sound knowledge and have been benefiting from it but what I really appreciate is why you do it. Thank you.
Dr Scott you are so good at explaining mental health issues. I think it's because you have been there yourself. Thankyou for helping me understand that l am not alone. You are the voice of reason on my dark days and keep me going. 🙏💗
I second that, Dr Scott. You are a blessing. You actually understand us.
6:00 Except that no one out in the community accepts that mental illness is a medical condition (including my doctor)
Unfortunately, that never change. It's sad but until they themselves or a close family member goes through it- they think it's fake. It's not fair but it's the world we live in. Which is why we need to advocate for ourselves.
@@downtostandupSo true!!
@@downtostandup Yes, I sent the IRL to my doctor
the denial thing is so true.. right now i am unsure what to do now that i got rid of old coping mechanisms.. this video was so relatable and helpful as always, thank you
I would wager that many, if not most, who retreat are simply running out of money/insurance. All medical treatment, including, if not especially is expensive. Not everyone has the resources to go to therapy every week for months or years. For those of us in this situation the valley is deep and never-ending.
Thank you for what you do for your subscribers. To me you have been an absolute life saver
When I try to connect with other people in group therapy I always end up as an outsider. I try to participate, I try to be open... but no, the others gets closer to eachother and talk to eachother. But Im the always outsider in the group therapy; somehow I am not able to connect and participate. It starts good, people are initially welcoming to me when first they meet me, but then it gets worse and worse and worse. I can't help to conclude that the person I am is repulsive to other people, they just need a little bit of time to learn to know me to realize that. It's kinda hard to believe your claims that there isn't something inheretenly wrong with me that is very different from how others with depression and trauma has it when Im the only recurring outsider non-participant person in these a groups, among people who should otherwise be my peers in this journey. This problem was not covered or mentioned in your video so im sitting here concluding that for me your advice isn't going to work. That there IS something specially wrong with me that few others experience, and no one can offer a solution for that, least of all myself.
I emailed Dr Scott to suggest types of Groups. I do believe it would helpful - but I have run into the same issue that you've had. It only made me feel more ALONE & OUTCAST.😢
Maybe he will have good suggestions. So, you are not ALONE with this issue, & it hurts❤
I think I’m going to join an Out Patient program because I can’t heal just on my own reading books. I need community and structure but one that is Trauma informed and focused. In the video he talks about keeping your mind occupied in the frontal lobes. I realize I need to be busier but being with the normal healthy world feels too daunting right now.
I don't know why nobody is talking about keezano’s book Your Life Your Game. I read it last year, it beautifully shows how connecting with God and building meaningful relationships can lead to spiritual growth and success in both your personal and professional life. A must-read. God bless ❤️🙏🏼
Great book for mindset, l agree
l just bought it
❤!!! U give us hope! Thankyou
Thanks for these videos. I can relate to a lot of them, these are very helpful and informative.
Dr Scott, you are an incredible resource and an excellent complement to my IRL therapist. Wishing you a cozy Christmas with your family. THANK YOU for the wonderful gifts of wisdom you share so freely. ❤🎄
Can you PLEASE make a video about Addiction (especially mobile addiction). It's been ruining lives...
I did! Check the video “when you’ve lost the will to do what you need to do”
😢 I needed this. Thank you.
Thank you for this 🙏☺️
This whole video goes for my long covid journey as well. Solidly in phase 3. I really hope im going to get better. But the fear of getting worse again is so intense.
Slow steps.
I’m into a long Covid journey as well and my anxiety is through the roof right now.
Oh my my my Thank you❤❤❤❤
I don't think anyone is immune to mental health problems. Including people who in the past have always been fine. And besides mental heath there are all kinds of other problems people have to deal with. So when you say "You always have to work to stay in recovery." it sounds daunting and maybe even unfair, but really everyone has do things on a daily basis to keep their life together, so I can do it too.
I agree with your explanation every time I watch your video I understand and learn something new really that feels good
Thanks 💯
I love all your videos but this one REALLY spoke to me. I feel validated but also challenged! Thank you for acknowledging that the dark valley is a common experience and how easy it is to give up and turn back. But thank you also for being so honest about the journey and how it never really ends, but the view will become so much better.
Seeing a roadmap of hope helps me feel purpose and drive for the stage I’m in. Thanks for this.
i´d be ok with it never being over if i wasn´t alone.
im tired of climbing back up
I had to retire from the fire dept due to depression, ptsd, tinnitus.
Your content is very helpful, as always!👍👍
Thank you. ❤
Even people with mental struggles can't understand me. Even they call me lazy and whiny. And that I have it easy compared to many others, but don't do anything.
And I have nothing to argue about it. I'm just too weak to do anything to help myself. Maybe because I had brain trauma in my childhood, idk.
I’m trying to be patient
I'm 70! I don't have time to get through that valley.
There is right now.
Thank you, this framing is helpful
I’m not a gamer but I love this analogy. Makes so much sense and helps! Thank you Scott
I spent the last 11 months walking in this valley. Two hospital admissions. Days I really found it hard to go on. Loneliness is my biggest problem. I need to find my tribe, to be true to myself. Give up bad habits and toxic people in my life. I lost my best friend and my Hero to Suicide my Mum aged 76 on January 8th 2021, I miss her terribly. She had cancer but I honestly believe covid drew her over the edge the isolation and the thought of it never ending. I blame the media TV and Radio for sensationalizing covid to an extent that it brought despair and pain into people's lives. Yes it was an awful time, but there should have been last media stories about it. Today is so so tough even though its 4 years this January. Never a fan of Christmas its a tough time for a lot of people, who live on their own. Next year I will go abroad hiking or give out food to the homeless. I am on meds for depression and and anxiety. I was good last two weeks but yesterday and today have been tough. Horrible when the depression and anxiety come back a set back. They can be hard to take when you have 14 good days 😢
Always felt, it would be better to stay in the valley, but then you have to function and deny and it begins a new, thank you for your video!
4:03: When I learned I had OCPD it was a life changer.
All of your content resonates with me. Thanks for doing what you do!
What about the stories of people who have succeeded, gotten fully better, high functioning, like school, job, Independance, etc, to slowly and eventually devolve to absolute disability and disfunction? We talk about slow improvements, but all I experienced for the past 20 years is ever increasing disability, despair, unfortunate circumstance, etc. I’m left now with no friends, no therapy, no healthcare, no money, severe agoraphobia, physical chronic pain, and no knowledge or resources to even get a foot off the ground to start life again. How did I go from having everything, to having almost nothing so fast and severely? I’m seriously questioning if I made a serious critical error along the way somewhere, or if this was all inevitable? I’m not very far from devastation, in that I still have secure housing, and just enough monthly income for food and basic needs. But that’s about it, literally. 😐
Praying for you and for all of us. I think just remembering that other people have been in the same boat you are in and eventually found victory and stability can be a helpful reminder. It’s so painful not to see a way out but there is for everyone. The more hopeless sometimes the more hope in the end because you know you can survive anything. ❤️
Strongly second the point about diagnoses. For the longest time I postponed looking into autism bc I figured I probably had it but it didn’t really change who I was. I couldn’t have been more wrong, learning I have it and learning to live with it was one of the biggest life changes I’ve ever gone through, followed by the discovery that I have ptsd.
I’m right in the valley and feel so alone, scared and don’t want to die but it looks so much easier. My children need me to come back to myself. I’m trying to wean off diazepam, stuck on 11mg, down from 40mg. Seeing psychologist, 2025 is my year of beating the darkness and going j to the light. Fucking scary though…..❤
Forgive me if this is too personal a question. I was just wondering if you could say anything about the scary feelings you are experiencing because I am having the same symptoms. For me it’s pain I’ve never felt (on this level) and then the fear that I can’t heal or make it go away. Also feeling disconnected to safety, others and even myself. No worries if you don’t want to respond. I was just looking for someone with relative experiences.
Love your advice Dr. Thank you. I was admitted to a clinic for GAD 2 weeks ago. I have been prescribed new meds. I dont know wether I feel better or not but I'm going to push through.
I was thinking this week that I wanted to go in patient as well. I’m just not sure yet.
Great stuff! Many great thoughts.
Recovery is not a destination, I umderstand this now
That's how i feel. I try to get over it and face my S*t.
I have the diagnosis but I have never had community. And I’m almost 35 now with 4 children. Alone. Every day. 24/7. Who are also quite neurospicy themselves. And I’ve been alone and navigating this all. By myself. Their whole lives. And they’re now 8-13 years old..
I feel like we at this point? Have to become our own community for one another. Because I don’t think we’re ever getting one, otherwise.. at this rate.. it just seems to be too big of a job for most other people and they can not be truly bothered..
I hope you are right. I feel like I've been between stage 3 & 4 since January 2021 (it's December 2024 now). 3 years of daily struggle against depression, anhedonia, passive SI and now anorexia. I don't know if I have the strength to maintain stage 5 if or when I ever get there.
So how do you go all the way through the valley? I have been dealing with depression for 40 years. I have had bad therapy experiences. I don’t have insurance that covers mental health anyway, and I don’t want to spend hundreds of dollars a month on something that in the past has not helped. I have been in the valley FOR YEARS. I am on meds. How do you get through the valley?
Thank you for this. My psychiatrist who I've been seeing for years doesn't say much. Listening to your videos has been very helpful for me, especially Maslow's hierarchy of need which I learned in my introductory psychology course back in college. How can you tell if you're actually suffering from depression or if it's your environment making you feel the way you do? I feel that I suffer from depression and anxiety but I also wonder if the people I deal with on a daily basis and my environment also play into this. How do you distinguish the two?
Very good visual
man, my substance abuse (kratom/7oh) really keeps me stuck in this mental downfall. I need to be completely sober to actually move forward with my mental health.. this bandaid stuff isnt working. Goodluck ya'll