My father in law was so orgaized and he really took care of his stuff. When he passed away, we just donated his perfectly cared clothes, some appliances and found all documents in perfect order. Perfectly lived and perfectly passed... Love and miss him.
My parent’s both passed and left me a house and they were so organized, same thing, all documents laid out for me, house paid for, car paid for. All I had to do is sell everything and the hoe. I also gave a lot of things to charities and did have a content sale too. I am an only child, so everything left to me. I also gave the caregivers for my parents whatever they wanted or needed, so I felt better for giving to others who were in need that I knew. I gave a lot of the clothing to the nursing home for people living there, that neither had family or people to give them clothes. I donated my mother’s wheelchair to a Charity called the War Amps, for children with amputations, adults or veterans. Everyone gained something and I did especially feeling I made someone else happy.
Bless you, this is a beautiful way to be remembered we should all be so blessed to be this loved and respected. Prayers for your family may you enjoy beautiful memories for years to come.
You were so blessed I was not so lucky. My father didn’t put a beneficiary on any of his bank accts. Also had several life insurance policies. He had no beneficiary. Mind boggling. It all had to go into a probate acct. and taxed.
Your mom had a beautiful home. When my mom went into assisted living I too was left to empty her house. (I’m not actually an only child but geography had made me one.) My mom was by no means a hoarder and lived in a small home but it was still a long, hard job for me. Believe it or not I have a very sweet memory of a young man stopping to ask how much the stuff at the curb was. He had just bought a home around the corner but had very little “fun” stuff. You should have seen his face when we invited him in to see what he could use and that it was free! He left with a 6 foot pool table, patio set, umbrella, coolers. So much “fun” he needed two trips 😊. Apologies for the length of this comment but this video brought back sad but also good memories. Thank you
I’ve just sold mum and dad’s house. Mum lives in a small barn conversion in our garden now. Watching this and reading the comments I suddenly realised that I’ve done it! 65 years of two people never throwing anything away. Broken pans, worn out clothing, endless cheap clutter. An attic full. A garage full. A house full. It took a year and a half to do it and sell it and it wore me out emotionally and physically. But whenever she passes now, all I have is her small home to deal with. An afternoons work. The new lightwood furniture will stay. Her chair, sofa and bed will go. It will become a furnished rental property. I’ve actually done it. I don’t think I had realised. Now I need to start mine.
My parents, who are in their early sixties, recently moved from their old family home to a way smaller apartment. Before I had already started my own decluttering and minimalism journey. So when it became obvious that they would sell the house in the near future, I gave my Marie Condo book to my mom. And they really took her lessons to their hearts! They decluttered radically and are now left with around 25% of their former belongings. So proud of them.
I’ve been trying to declutter things from my life this past year. It’s been a huge realization to me on how much money I’ve spent on things I thought I needed or had to have.
I’ve just sold mum and dad’s house. Mum lives in a small barn conversion in our garden now. Watching this and reading the comments I suddenly realised that I’ve done it! 65 years of two people never throwing anything away. Broken pans, worn out clothing, endless cheap clutter. An attic full. A garage full. A house full. It took a year and a half to do it and sell it and it wore me out emotionally and physically. But whenever she passes now, all I have is her small home to deal with. An afternoons work. The new lightwood furniture will stay. Her chair, sofa and bed will go. It will become a furnished rental property. I’ve actually done it. I don’t think I had realised. Now I need to start mine.
Buried my very organized and clutter free parents years ago…..still involved some work but nothing compared to cleaning out my in laws house filled with 67 years of accumulation. It was absolutely maddening. I don’t enjoy being angry with them, but the home was ridiculous and a tremendous burden to their children. Another great video so thank you very much. I hope people take your advice.
I’m just realising I’m accumulating just like my father and mother. I have drawn up a plan for the next three weeks to clean up. Thank you for this video inspiration.
Thank you for discussing this Benita. My darling father in law who passed away last January at the age of 94..left us with quite the mess to clean up. On top of dealing with a sad loss, the stress was unbelievable with the finances and STUFF. Shortly after his death, I picked up that exact book on Swedish Death Cleaning and took it to heart.. though I am only in my early 50’s I will never put my child through a mess like that. Minimize, organize and be respectful to those you’ve left behind ( now I will watch your video) lol Happy Holidays 🎄🎁🎄
I am exactly the same after cleaning out my parents house and also dealing with a difficult buyer. I vowed and declared I wouldn’t leave this for our boys and have been cleaning out ever since and I have never been someone to have a huge amount of stuff.
Agreed. I cleaned out their 2homes and 2storage areas with some help from family and a professional in a different state. I do NOT want to leave that type of burden on my children. I’ve been decluttering for about 5 years. I’m in my early 70’s. It seems important to do while I am able.
This beautiful, gentle video is a lovely tribute to your relationship with your mum and Willa. 🩶 The concept is such a thoughtful one, reflecting on meaning and purpose in things, feels so very Swedish! You highlighted some real treasures, I thought "Benita's got a gorgeous new cardigan, how it suits her" - how wonderful it was your mum's. And it's obvious why Willa wished for the portrait of child you 🤍. Best wishes for a peaceful yuletide ❄️🕊️
I love the line “time to stop accumulating and start curating.” My mom has Alzheimer’s and began hoarding as everything became important and meaningful. Decluttering was too distressing for her until she had to move this summer. Then the stress doubled as the house clear out began and resettling mom happened simultaneously. It has caused me to have a knee jerk reaction to get my already minimalist apartment pared down even more as my nieces and nephews will be responsible for clearing my own things out.
Yes we did the same but couldn’t clean out until Mum went into care for her Alzheimers as she got too upset. The house was packed with clutter it was awful and stressful to deal with. Once she was no longer living there we cleaned out about 80% of the house making it manageable for my elderly Dad and easier for me when the time comes to clear out one final time.
My father in law was a hoarder (14 dump truck loads) as was my Dad (10 dump truck loads). We took 2 big truckloads to charity and one truckload to the dump for my mom’s belongings before she moved in with us. My mother in law’s house is still full of all her cluttered stuff she has kept. This is a great message. People don’t burden your children to get rid of your junk. It is exhausting for your children.
I feel you. After 3 years of smaller trash and charitable donation runs (twenty 55-gallon contractor trash bags of good, usable clothing was a start) we had "Dumpsterfest" at my in-laws' house this summer. Local scrap metal collector also filled his truck ten times over one week. We had to pay for hazardous waste disposal for a vanload of old electronics. The house and garage(s) STILL aren't empty. It IS exhausting and time-consuming for one's kids. The memories of the cleanout are now stronger than any pleasant times I spent at their house.
I know this was not your intention, but I watched this video with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. A video which was well-made, important, and also very touching. The tour of your Mom’s house was just beautiful! I really liked her place, as well as her furniture and art. Thank you so much. ❤
I have never heard of Swedish Death Cleaning, but it's a great idea. I have downsized to a smallish cabin and almost everything I have is second-hand and would be easy to give away. Fortunately in my rural area in Ontario, Canada we have two "Reuse Centres" were you can donate things in good condition, and anyone can help themselves to the items for free. It is attached to the local dump where we take our garbage, recycling and garden/brush waste. It is a brilliant concept, and you can often find things there that are brand new and still in their original packaging. I have brought home many of the things in my home from "The Reuse" and it is where I find books (which I return there after reading them, unless I pass them on to a friend) and CDs (I may be one of the few people who doesn't subscribe to a music streaming service) and dishes, furniture and fixtures. Although there is a thriving practice of having "yard" or "garage" sales of our unwanted items, I don't live in a place that many people drive by, so I donate everything to the Reuse. At Christmas I get my decorations there, and return them after the holidays. That way every year I have something new and different. And this practice helps ensure that useful items don't end up in our landfills.
The Reuse Center sounds amazing. We have great places to drop things off but we’re not allowed to take anything from there. They will donate what’s good to charities though.
@BenitaLarsson Yes, it IS amazing. Many of us who go there are low income (I'm a low-income senior) and it really helps our budget. I needed bedroom curtains recently and found a set that looked brand new, in exactly the right colour. It was thrilling. So, often we, the people who get things there, are the "charity." But most of us contribute too. And there is plenty enough to go around. It feels like a good community system - where we give and we get freely. No money exchanged. Good items don't end up in the dump - and it's all run by volunteers.
I'm a cataloger in a public library, and cataloged that book when it first came out. My co-workers laughed at the title, but I looked through it and liked it, and agree with the idea. (BTW, libraries do a similar thing on a constant basis--we keep circulation stats for each item, and, if it's outdated and.or not being checked out, we put it in a book sale, or send it to recycling). When my Mom died, she had been living in a very small set of rooms at my brother's house, so she had very little to get rid of. I took a handful of small items I remember from my childhood, and display most of them in a china cabinet. I wish I had her old potato masher that I used growing up. It originally had a red wood handle, but the paint wore away over the decades from the hands of my Grandmother, Mom, and myself, which I think is cool. Mom did leave me a nice amount of money, though, which I still have years later--I paid off a few bills, and bought 5 resin storage cabinets for my garage, which are used daily. I love the photos and the portrait of you as a little girl; so cute!
It is sad that libraries buy poor quality "popular" new-and-shiny media and remove the good books. Many people suggest decluttering books and just getting them from the library when needed...but the library has already discarded them.
I am so sorry for your loss and having had to handle this. I totally relate. My father passed 8 years ago and he and my mom lived 2 hours away on a lake. It quickly became apparent that my mother could not live on her own. My sister and I had to clean out their house and belongings before selling it. We moved my mom in with my sister before having to put her in a nursing home for around the clock care. We are still distributing all of their belongings, selling, donating or getting rid of it all. It is life changing, exhausting and humbling. ❤
That was a really personal vlog and so much appreciated. I read the book a few years ago and tried to have my husband read it. He just doesn’t get that you can’t leave a mess for your children. He has now been diagnosed with cancer and will be undergoing surgery in January. It’s awful, especially when someone is a hoarder and I’m talking the past 30 years. People, please don’t be selfish , think of those who come after you.
Like you, I’m so tired of hearing the excuse: “when I go, just get rid of it all.” It’s not that simple!! Not every charity will take it all and disposal costs money. Combine that with a landlord that wants it all out to put a new tenant in!!
I didn’t realize that what I was doing had a name! My mom’s house is packed, almost hoarder style. She has dementia and won’t get rid of anything. I’m dreading the task of moving her next year. I started getting rid of excess 5 years ago, worried about how my daughter would have to clean up after me as I will have to do with my mom. I see swedish death cleaning as an act of love and the responsible thing to do. Thank you for sharing this! I will have to read the book now. 🥰
I am in exactly the same position, my parents never threw anything away. Now my dad is alone at 93. I am an only child, I have a supportive husband but his health is not good. I will never do that to my children!
I had to deal with my mom’s things after she passed away. She was a “mild” hoarder, but most stuff still went to the bin. I sometimes found important things among what amounted to trash, so it was not just a matter of grabbing and dumping, rather I had to open hundreds of plastic bags, go through thousands of bits of paper, to sift out the memorabilia. She also left no will, no clear documents to put her affairs in order. If you’re going to ease the burden on your family, preparing a will-or even just insurance to cover the expense of a funeral-should be part of the plans as well. I believe the book touches on this, advising to prepare a folder with relevant contacts and information for a trusted party to have.
Hello Benita! I'm from Mexico, I'm in my thirties and I've been following your channel for several years. I really enjoy all your content and I particularly liked this video, it made me shed a few tears. I don't plan on having children, so living without so many things has been a focus on my mind. Thank you very much for all the good tips. May the channel continue to grow! ¡Saludos desde México! :)
I love this approach. It's so important to do this before cognitive decline sets in, it gets exponentially harder when making decisions is no longer something you can do well
I am thankful to my two younger sisters who were co-carers for our parents in their last few years. My sisters decluttered our family home before they all moved in together. I miss just a handful items but I know the emotions would've been too much. The memories of them see me through without the items taking up physical space! Benita, thank you so much for sharing your Mother's home with us. I have wanted to see her home for so long to see how different your tastes, style and lifestyles are. The Belgian sofa setting is something I'd love to keep. But your reasons to let them go would be mine too. We just don't sit on furniture like our elders did. I consider this video an early Christmas present. 🙏🎄
I read a suggestion somewhere that when decluttering, if there's an item of sentimental value but you know you won't use it or have a place to display it, take a photo of it. Maybe make a scrapbook. then donate it and imagine someone gratefully using it. That always sounded like a lovely idea to me.
@@dod2304I have read that too. I have too many photos on my devices to care about more photos.😅 My sisters had already decluttered before I had a chance to ask to save some things. Even my youngest sister is still upset about a few things she realised she should've kept. But I think they did a great job under the circumstances.
Ooh Benita, thank you for sharing! I really admire how both you and your mother handled it, and how you both cared about the other person. I can imagine it still was a stressful and sad process.. That book sounds like a very good read and I will definitely look it up! I actually think about this a lot. When my dad passed away, a few years ago, it was relatively easy, because his partner remained in the home so she kept everything. When she moved to a smaller home about a year later I got some of my dad's belongings. I got a very old family album, a few paintings/art my dad made (that I actually like) and a set of speakers he built himself. About two moving boxes full. And every thing I got feels special and is something I enjoy in one way or another. However, my mom is a hoarder (definitely trauma induced from WW2) who lives in a huge house (my entire apartment is smaller than her living room), completely stuffed with things. She is convinced that there are people/companies that will pay me money to clear/clean out her house when she is gone. I..., think differently. It is not something my mother ever wants to talk about (I have been trying for about 20 years), so I have no idea where any of her papers are (for her funeral, her house), or where things like family albums/baby pictures/etc. are (I have never seen a baby picture of myself, although they should exist). My mom simply refuses to talk about it. Just thinking about having to deal with it someday, is very stressful and it makes me sad that thinking about death is something my mother can't face... Of course I hope my mother will be around for many, many years and that she can enjoy her home in good health for a long, long time! However, realistically I will most likely out-live her... I don't have any children or nieces/nephews/cousins so when I die there will be no "next generation", so I try not to keep things "for others", although I can be a little sentimental. I moved two months ago and went from my largest apartment (69m2), to my smallest apartment (35m2). I love it! And I hope whomever is tasked with clearing out my apartment, once I am gone, won't feel too overwhelmed or burdened. I hope they will find a well curated, well lived, well loved home, that might make them smile here and there.
You are so right..even before I heard of her book , I started decluttering my home.I was about 40 then. I am 70 now and have moved, down sized a lot. Going through my parents things after their passing felt overwhelming, yet I was what some would say ruthless. We can't keep everything and not everything was to my taste in my season of life. There is always something to declutter. I have used this phrase for decades.."It is just stuff, it can't hug you or love you back Always enjoy your content and visiting with you.
I, too, am an only child, however I never married or had children. My mother is 87 and I hope I will be as practical and organized as you - I admire the way you look at things and are so practical.
The saying “reality bites” is no truer than this video. My husband and I have no children, next of kin or close enough friends. Obviously I’m organised and practical to be watching and subscribing. I have no idea what will happen to us in our golden years. My mother is also 87 and staying with us over Christmas. She has no idea how lucky she is.
I don’t have children, but a number of nieces & nephews. I recently downsized to a one bedroom apartment and got rid of a lot of stuff. Now I am trying to keep up a steady pace of decluttering. It does make life so much simpler to have less.
My parents’ house is chock full of their beloved possessions. My mother despairs about leaving it all behind, but I tell her not to worry about it. She’s 90 and I don’t want her to fret about what would be an impossible job. I think it will be easier emotionally to handle after they are both gone. Would it be nice if they were well-organized and more essentialist in nature? Sure. However, that’s not their nature and I don’t want to make their final years to have unhappiness related to the perceived need to de-clutter. I’ll figure out how to deal with it all when the time comes.
I read this book ab 5 years ago and I really liked to read it. This book was very thought-provoking. At that time, I had already been on the path of minimalism for 2 years, but this book helped me understand one key thing: what would I leave behind for my children if I were to die suddenly, for example in an accident, illness, etc. I promoted this book a lot to my Hungarian compatriots as a must-read in this materialistic world.
The number of views this video has had in 4 hours is amazing and shows that we all struggle with the decluttering process, but particularly after the loss of a loved one. My own experience when my 93 year old mother died has made me more determined to make sure I don’t leave a lot for my son (an only child) to sort through at the end. It was overwhelming to deal with my loss and then to sort through the family home that had been built by my father and grandfather, and thankfully my brother and sister were there to help. Emotions ran high as we said goodbye to loved items but there was also laughter as we remembered our extremely happy childhood. I’ve kept Mum’s favourite lounge chair and a few smaller things, like the kitchen spoon rest us kids bought her one mothers’ day - all practical and useful. I still have a few boxes left to sort through eight years after her passing. This video has motivated me to finish that job. Thanks Benita.
I have been helping my 82 year old mom declutter her home which includes her own stuff and stuff from both my grandmothers and great aunt. In the past, she was reluctant to get rid of anything but after 2 serious falls she has been so much more agreeable. In fact, we've had quite a few laughs at some of the things she's kept. I'm also an only child and don't want the burden and stress of dealing with all this stuff when she passes so I'm encouraging her to gift some of her things to family members and friends who really want them. As we all know, it's a process.
What a calm, positive and healthy way to approach the topic of death. Weirdly, I found it comforting. I love all of your videos but this one especially. Thanks Benita. ❤️
What a thought-provoking video, beautifully filmed. My parents tried to clear out their things before they died just 3 months apart. But my mum wished she’d started earlier as she ran out of energy in later life. I definitely need to make a start now!
I’m sorry for your loss. I was talking to an older friend about this - we’re never going to be younger than we are now! It’s not likely that we’re going to have more strength and energy in the future. And it takes time and practice. Everything we can do now will be something we don’t have to deal with later. ❤
Thankyou Benita for covering this topic I have read and enjoyed the book. 3 years on since my mum passed away I still have papers and photos to go through this has been helpful.
I’m only 41 but to some extent I do this already. If there’s a rainy day I like to go through a small space…nothing overwhelming like a whole category or room. Just a few cupboards or a couple of drawers.
Myself being an only child and when my parents passed, I too was left a house and car. I did have a sale and also gave to my parent’s caregivers and the nursing home to those in need and also the wheelchair of my mother’s to a charity War Amps. I gave much of the furniture to a charity. It was overwhelming, but I felt good and still feel good that I made a lot of less unfortunate people happy and provided for. Even there car I sold very cheaply to the nurse that looked after my parents when they were in the hospital. Sometimes I miss some of their things from the house, but when I think how happy I made someone else, it makes me happy. My parents too left me all documents in a desk for me, all organized, so everything as easy. I like the art you kept for yourself.
You & Margareta Magnusson are my kindred spirits when it comes to Swedish Death Cleaning. I started the practice 5 years ago when my mom knew that she was moving to the next life and asked me to declutter her stuff --- Mom was a maximalist so it took years to let go of all her stuff including my own. Decluttering is so liberating. Gratitude to your channel and Margareta's audio book for being around to always cheer me on in this simplification/minimalism journey 🫶
I empathise with you Benita as I am an only child and it was emotional to take care of my mother's and father's belongings after they passed. Downsizing is key.
I am now 49. I am at the point of decluttering and really knowing what I use. As things need replacement, I think long and hard about doing so. I have "upgraded" to better quality items and I do take care of my items very well. My next step is to sell my house and find a small spot, somewhere near the water. I am making plans for that already. The space will be half the size of what I am in now and even as I am quite curated, I need to purge more. It's been a year since I started this process, which means I have lived with what I have long enough to know if I use it or not. I like to clean right before New Year's, that in between grey area of the holidays. It's going to be epic this year and I cannot wait. I do not want to leave my son a mess. I've been through that with my own parents and it was exhausting and we ended up tossing so much, because we were overwhelmed but on a time crunch to sell their home to pay debt. Don't forget your debt either. Death clean that also. I am a photographer and artist, so I am working through all of that right now too.
Benita, I've been doing minimalism and death cleaning for quite a while now. I'm 74. I have one child (A son) and we're very close. We've talk about things he may want and he's taken some things already. My Mum ended up in a nursing home and by the time she died there was very little of her stuff to deal with. She also ended up in Hospice. The staff there were so wonderful to our family. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Love those photos!! I enjoyed the book too, found it helpful and not at all morbid. I think we all have stories of relatives who didn’t (couldn’t) face their own mortality and left behind big messes. It’s awful to be angry at a person you’re grieving for. I have tried to learn from the relatives I visit - if I am annoyed with them for keeping something broken they’ll never fix I look around my own home for the same kind of clutter. It’s much easier to see other people’s junk than our own! There was an American show about death cleaning with Swedish experts who guide people through the process. It was quite fun but only available on Peacock streaming - it was maybe a bit too blunt/honest for network TV.
Benita this was a wonderful video. Thank you for opening up your Mom’s home to your viewers. So very charming. ❤ This video really struck a cord for me. I had to clean out my parents giant 5 bedroom home after they passed. They left EVERYTHING…… it was very difficult to do while also grieving. It was the same house I grew up in, they lived there for 53 years. So I was also reliving all my childhood memories. I am a mother of one daughter and I have vowed to not put her through the same trauma. Thank you for handling this topic so gently. Yes, therapy is a good idea for this stage of life. I loved seeing the things you saved and hearing your memories. Thank you ❤
My mother decluttered a lot of her things in her eighties. My main task when she died was to sort through her clothes. She had a lot of jumpers. I still have a couple of cotton jumpers I loved. The rest went to the charity shops. I kept some nice pots and pans and a lot of books. Some of her books are with me but the rest found a home in a library at Oxford University because they were rare. My mother and father in law moved to a small flat during Covid and they had never decluttered. It took a year to sort through their things and dispose. Clothes seem to be one of the biggest hoarding problems.
Thank you, Benita, for discussing this subject! It's absolutely important to talk about this, as evidenced also by the comments left here by other viewers. Preparing for your passing - that is simply the right thing to do, a responsible, adult thing to do instead of avoiding this subject out of unnecessary prejudice. Regrettably, it's not yet a thing here in the Baltics, because, I guess, mainly of the prejudices and for elderly people as my grandparents - because during the Soviet times they could hardly get anything at all, so they treasured everything they had until the very end. As for myself, I must admit that despite being in my 40ies, I haven't yet outgrown the accumulative phase, but I do hope to leave a 'clean slate', well, as far as practicable to my relatives after my own passing.
I was amazed that the caption of your first birthday pic was in German! I love Margareta’s book so much and it all makes so much sense. Thanks for tackling this subject. Hallo and hej from Cologne, Germany! 👋🏻
I hear myself in you. I took care of my Mom at home, moved in with her, until she passed at 93yo. I started my downsizing, kept what was important to me. My Dad passed at 85yo in 2005. I too was only living child (lost sister in car accident) I also have one son. I am now 75yo, healthy, retired RN and say all the time declutter your stuff and don't leave it for your kids, they don't want it! I now live in an apt, 6-700 sf.apt, high ceilings, etc. So, I've been trying to live a minimalist life with things!! Keep what you love. That's my gift to my son, so, he doesn't have to do it. Thank you for all your tips!
What a lovely video honouring how you took care of your moms things. Rather than pick up tips I thought of how your mom lived in that home and then I thought of my mom and the things I still have of hers. So well done 🌟
Thank you for sharing your mom’s house with us. You can tell it was a home filled with love. I also love that book and this morning suggested to Tim he get rid of all his fishing gear since he hasn’t used it for a few years but he’s refusing at the moment. The only thing I’ve kept from my parents home is a few photos, my mom’s blue mixing bowl and a couple of oil candles. ❤
My partner could hear Benita’s video so I’m hoping he may take it on board! Things like a big box of videos for a course that one day he’d like to take (but hasn’t for at least ten years!). I think a lot of men are worse than women at hoarding because they can stuff their things away in a cupboard and not think about it anymore.
Thank you for posting. I am currently in the midst of doing the same for a relative in another state. Thankfully she had downsized a few years ago, but the logistics of doing this long distance is interesting. You chose beautiful things to keep. Ironically I started reading the book just before she passed. I plan to leave a binder of information and instructions to spare the next person!
I cleared out my 98 yr old Mums small home 2 years ago. Most items went to charity shops, very little got thrown away or kept. As she didn’t have jewellery or expensive items. All Ive kept is a small box of photos and memories x
My mom passed away in April 2022. The older she got how more stuff she had and kept. Nothing was thrown away or brought to goodwill or something. My brother, sister and I had to clean up her house. I found a pile of onused napkins from the local cafetaria in a kitchen drawer. Her house was filled to the brim with stuff. Every nook, every cranny, every closet, every drawer was packed. We had SO MUCH work to clean it all up. It was crazy. Be blessed that your mom was willingly to declutter her stuff before she passed away. I moved 2 months ago and I got rid a ton of stuff. My new house is smaller than the previous house, so I had to do it. I am very happy with the results. I live alone and I don't want that my sister and brother have to go trough tons of stuff when I die earlier than them. Irma from the Netherlands
I had one of those startling moments when sorting my mother in law’s estate as she was never married to my husband’s father. She just took his name. I guess she just couldn’t bring herself to tell her family after hiding it for years. She didn’t need to keep the paperwork and this would have been perfect for death cleaning. Im motivated to destroy my old journals now as i never want others to read them, thank you for sharing 💖
Love this. I am trying to declutter and Swedish Death Clean. I don't find it morbid at all. Unfortunately my husband is not "on board" with this as much as I am. I will admit we live on a farm and a lot of items are necessary, tools, wood, things that fall into the "we might need that someday". So my barns, garage etc . My son has been instructed to have an auction. If my husband passes before me I will take care of disposal of a lot of things before I pass.
My mother had very little and I never worried that clearing out her house would be overwhelming. Your statement about clearing out your mother's house is so true. Even though my mother had so little the job was overwhelming.
Leí el libro de La limpieza de la muerte hace un par de años y se nuevo la estoy releyendo. Tengo 66 años y mi marido y yo vivimos en un piso de 170 m2. Mis hijos ya se fueron a vivir su propia vida. Ahora queremos mudarnos a un piso de 70 m2 y tengo de despojarme de la mayoría de las cosas que he ido acumulando. Un trabajo enorme pero muy conveniente por nosotros y por mis hijos. Gracias por este vídeo, Benita.
what a beautiful video! I admit I teared up watching when you spoke about your parents as I lost my father a few years ago. it really makes you think about all the items you leave behind and what others will do with it. the house was gorgeous!
I love they way you kept her closest possession. Her cardigan, which you wear. I believe people leave the essence of themselves in and on the things they touch. Her vibration will still be on the cardigan. Much love, from a previously death cleaned, but not completely, lady. ❤
Lovely seeing your mom’s home and the possessions you kept of hers.I also kept some of my parents possessions and enjoy seeing them around my home.Thank you Benita🫶🏻.
It's a prudent way to clean up before dying. My mother downsized her flat to two rooms at the end. All her furniture were kept by her grandchildren. So nothing has to be thrown away. I am no minimalist but try to downsize my things because I am 67 years old and you never know how long your time on earth will last. Thanks for your inspiration, Benita
Dear Benita, thank you for sharing this very sensitive experience. This video was very important and helpful to me on so many levels. In the same time it was at moments painful to watch. I couldn´t help putting myself on your place, thinking of your loss and about my mother. I try to inspire her with my own example, showing how much easier life becomes when you own less. Apparently not only life... However this is a delicate topic, that not everybody is ready to accept. I believe this book could help me to make even more progress on my minimalist journey.
Thank you for sharing your video. You have inspired me. My mom passed away a few years ago and I am still unloading her stuff. I became overwhelmed and stopped. But you have giving me hope and inspiration. I will start up again and declutter mom's things. Like you I am an only child and it's been hard. But fortunately I have been decluttering for quite a while now and being 77, I worry my cousins will be stuck. But after watching your video, they won't be, Thanks again. ❤
This brings back so many memories of the cleaning and clearing process after my mom died. I doubt she was aware of the book you speak of but she was very organized which helped with clearing out process. Teresa would have been 96 today.
Benita, thank you so much for sharing your experience. Soo glad that you were able to declutter with her. I read the book and truly enjoyed it while taking away tips that have served great purpose!
I did my first big purge in 2019 but then last year did a huge ACTUAL death clean and I am still amazed at the amount of stuff I got rid of. "stuff' takes on an entirely different identity when you're death cleaning. I've been on minimalism journey for a few years and still have too much but I'm getting there!
Thank you for your lovely video. My Mum did a SDC which made my life a bit easier when she passed. I turned 60 last year and started my SDC soon afterwards as did my husband. We don’t have children so it’s a little more important to get things sorted and we have a lot of stuff! I’m finding it easier to part with things as I go along and we’re now talking about downsizing again and travelling more. It’s a win win situation! x
I was gifted this book , have read it twice, it truly inspired me and I have been going through things, don’t want to burden my children with too much. I truly enjoyed this video and always admire what you do, thank you.
My mom purged throughout her life and was organized but still a house full when she died suddenly at 86. I have started this process. My goal is to have the closets minimal. And furniture in spare rooms that has drawers or cabinets empty. It is ongoing for sure. I can only do so much as my husband does not want to downsize his clothing or tools etc. You do what you can.
Yes, empty those drawers! My mom had several empty ones that had housed paperwork and photos. So lovely for me to just check them off immediately on my long to do list!
I am getting close to sixty and constantly letting go of more times. This past weekend I became more ruthless with decluttering as I remembered how much stuff my mother had when she passed. I don't want to have anyone go through that so I have chosen to live with a lot less and finding that I don't miss it or need it anyway,
Recently discovered your channel and I'm obsessed! I love it! My grandpa passed away a couple of years ago and cleaning his house was quite the chore--about 60 years worth of stuff even when he and grandma were not great hoarders. It was also bittersweet because they helped raise me. We donated a lot of their good china and appliances to our local immigrant community, and we sold grandpa's tools, too.
Lovely video! I really struggle with ‘heirloom pieces’ things that have been passed down in my family for over 100 years…. I have no use for them but feel so guilty getting rid of family history… antique mirrors and other furniture from my second great grandparents in the 1870s 🙈🙈 help!
You don’t have to be the custodian of all that if you don’t want it. Don’t feel guilty for selling it or donating it where it can be appreciated by someone else!
After having to recently clear out two home me and my husband have decided to have a clear out. The best thing is the more you declutter the more you find thing that have true memories to them.
I love that you kept the birch bark baskets! My mom had several in the 70’s, as she loved Scandinavian design, but over the years, after we kids moved away, they disappeared. I think I might try to find one or two to buy, as they evoke nice memories. As a child of a hoarder, I want to thank you for affirming the need for caring for the next generation during or after our passing. My parents were not mentally able to do this, but I intend to make my children’s burden much less when it’s my time. As well as making my own time much more enjoyable! Thank you, Benita, you are a comfort and an inspiration. Best wishes to you from my whole family. ❤
I've taken care of several family members things after death... what a blessing your mom went through things and allowed you to help. She had a lovely home... I'm sorry the buyer was difficult... karma. Having a binder for all home improvements for taxes is critical. I love the Swedish death cleaning process. My stepdad fell and ended up in residential care. He had no opportunity to go though his (my childhood) home and make decisions. We had to sell ASAP so he had money to pay for care. It was overwhelming and whatever I could not donate, we had to toss into a salvage bin. It was very difficult for me. It's best to make these decisions for yourself... life is full of surprises... do it NOW! Very thought-provoking video Benita.
Thank you for another heartwarming and practical sharing. Read that book and thinking of reading again to decide on my on Swedish death cleaning plan! It is beautiful to be able to plan ahead intentionally!
I started really decluttering 10 years ago and as we got rid of my mothers lifetime collection of stuff it spurred me on. Now we live in a tiny apartment but I long for one as big as yours just for some empty space. Our kids will be blessed when we die and don’t leave them a huge mess. But and it is a big but my mother in-law is 94 and her house and basement are crammed with tons of stuff so we get to face that someday.
Before my mother passed away, she would lament about the need to tidy her house. I could never understand it, my parents' spacious house was lovely and very well organized with gorgeous shelving units my father had built lined with vintage baskets. It was only after she was gone and I took a closer look in those baskets that I understood what she meant. And in the end, I did tidy that house... alone. I still regret the missed opportunity to sit together and hear the stories behind those items she had so lovingly held on to.
If you're looking for sources, I've tried to collect as many as I can here: www.benitalarsson.com/sources
My father in law was so orgaized and he really took care of his stuff. When he passed away, we just donated his perfectly cared clothes, some appliances and found all documents in perfect order. Perfectly lived and perfectly passed... Love and miss him.
That’s such a great gift to his family!
My parent’s both passed and left me a house and they were so organized, same thing, all documents laid out for me, house paid for, car paid for. All I had to do is sell everything and the hoe. I also gave a lot of things to charities and did have a content sale too. I am an only child, so everything left to me. I also gave the caregivers for my parents whatever they wanted or needed, so I felt better for giving to others who were in need that I knew. I gave a lot of the clothing to the nursing home for people living there, that neither had family or people to give them clothes. I donated my mother’s wheelchair to a Charity called the War Amps, for children with amputations, adults or veterans. Everyone gained something and I did especially feeling I made someone else happy.
Bless you, this is a beautiful way to be remembered we should all be so blessed to be this loved and respected. Prayers for your family may you enjoy beautiful memories for years to come.
I hope to leave my stuff in such good order when I die.
You were so blessed I was not so lucky. My father didn’t put a beneficiary on any of his bank accts. Also had several life insurance policies. He had no beneficiary. Mind boggling. It all had to go into a probate acct. and taxed.
Your mom had a beautiful home. When my mom went into assisted living I too was left to empty her house. (I’m not actually an only child but geography had made me one.) My mom was by no means a hoarder and lived in a small home but it was still a long, hard job for me. Believe it or not I have a very sweet memory of a young man stopping to ask how much the stuff at the curb was. He had just bought a home around the corner but had very little “fun” stuff. You should have seen his face when we invited him in to see what he could use and that it was free! He left with a 6 foot pool table, patio set, umbrella, coolers. So much “fun” he needed two trips 😊. Apologies for the length of this comment but this video brought back sad but also good memories. Thank you
What a great way to get rid of all that ! He must have thought he won the lottery!🙌🏻
I’ve just sold mum and dad’s house. Mum lives in a small barn conversion in our garden now. Watching this and reading the comments I suddenly realised that I’ve done it! 65 years of two people never throwing anything away. Broken pans, worn out clothing, endless cheap clutter. An attic full. A garage full. A house full.
It took a year and a half to do it and sell it and it wore me out emotionally and physically. But whenever she passes now, all I have is her small home to deal with. An afternoons work. The new lightwood furniture will stay. Her chair, sofa and bed will go. It will become a furnished rental property. I’ve actually done it. I don’t think I had realised.
Now I need to start mine.
This is a lovely story. Thank you for sharing it!
My parents, who are in their early sixties, recently moved from their old family home to a way smaller apartment. Before I had already started my own decluttering and minimalism journey. So when it became obvious that they would sell the house in the near future, I gave my Marie Condo book to my mom. And they really took her lessons to their hearts! They decluttered radically and are now left with around 25% of their former belongings. So proud of them.
I’ve been trying to declutter things from my life this past year. It’s been a huge realization to me on how much money I’ve spent on things I thought I needed or had to have.
That realization alone will be so great going forward!
I’ve just sold mum and dad’s house. Mum lives in a small barn conversion in our garden now. Watching this and reading the comments I suddenly realised that I’ve done it! 65 years of two people never throwing anything away. Broken pans, worn out clothing, endless cheap clutter. An attic full. A garage full. A house full.
It took a year and a half to do it and sell it and it wore me out emotionally and physically. But whenever she passes now, all I have is her small home to deal with. An afternoons work. The new lightwood furniture will stay. Her chair, sofa and bed will go. It will become a furnished rental property. I’ve actually done it. I don’t think I had realised.
Now I need to start mine.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Buried my very organized and clutter free parents years ago…..still involved some work but nothing compared to cleaning out my in laws house filled with 67 years of accumulation. It was absolutely maddening. I don’t enjoy being angry with them, but the home was ridiculous and a tremendous burden to their children. Another great video so thank you very much. I hope people take your advice.
Thanks so much for watching! By the comments it seems to have inspired a few!
I’m just realising I’m accumulating just like my father and mother. I have drawn up a plan for the next three weeks to clean up. Thank you for this video inspiration.
Thank you for discussing this Benita. My darling father in law who passed away last January at the age of 94..left us with quite the mess to clean up. On top of dealing with a sad loss, the stress was unbelievable with the finances and STUFF. Shortly after his death, I picked up that exact book on Swedish Death Cleaning and took it to heart.. though I am only in my early 50’s I will never put my child through a mess like that. Minimize, organize and be respectful to those you’ve left behind ( now I will watch your video) lol Happy Holidays 🎄🎁🎄
The stress IS real! Happy holidays to you too!🌲
Just been through this, & totally agree.
I am exactly the same after cleaning out my parents house and also dealing with a difficult buyer. I vowed and declared I wouldn’t leave this for our boys and have been cleaning out ever since and I have never been someone to have a huge amount of stuff.
Agreed. I cleaned out their 2homes and 2storage areas with some help from family and a professional in a different state. I do NOT want to leave that type of burden on my children. I’ve been decluttering for about 5 years. I’m in my early 70’s. It seems important to do while I am able.
This beautiful, gentle video is a lovely tribute to your relationship with your mum and Willa. 🩶 The concept is such a thoughtful one, reflecting on meaning and purpose in things, feels so very Swedish! You highlighted some real treasures, I thought "Benita's got a gorgeous new cardigan, how it suits her" - how wonderful it was your mum's. And it's obvious why Willa wished for the portrait of child you 🤍. Best wishes for a peaceful yuletide ❄️🕊️
Thanks for those sweet words!
I love the line “time to stop accumulating and start curating.” My mom has Alzheimer’s and began hoarding as everything became important and meaningful. Decluttering was too distressing for her until she had to move this summer. Then the stress doubled as the house clear out began and resettling mom happened simultaneously. It has caused me to have a knee jerk reaction to get my already minimalist apartment pared down even more as my nieces and nephews will be responsible for clearing my own things out.
Alzheimer’s is such an evil thing ❤️
She’s really quite brilliant.
Probably cause she was having memory loss she was trying to hold on to things that she remembered
Yes we did the same but couldn’t clean out until Mum went into care for her Alzheimers as she got too upset. The house was packed with clutter it was awful and stressful to deal with. Once she was no longer living there we cleaned out about 80% of the house making it manageable for my elderly Dad and easier for me when the time comes to clear out one final time.
Why will they be responsible for it? Is there a legal reason, or is it a cultural reason?
❤ I'm seventy and have completed my death cleaning. I feel free. Decluttering requires maintenance but it's easy now.
Yay for you!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
My father in law was a hoarder (14 dump truck loads) as was my Dad (10 dump truck loads). We took 2 big truckloads to charity and one truckload to the dump for my mom’s belongings before she moved in with us. My mother in law’s house is still full of all her cluttered stuff she has kept. This is a great message. People don’t burden your children to get rid of your junk. It is exhausting for your children.
So sorry you had all that to deal with!
Just been thru this & yes, totally exhausting & maddening.
@@BenitaLarsson I’m very sorry for your loss last year. Merry Christmas.
I feel you. After 3 years of smaller trash and charitable donation runs (twenty 55-gallon contractor trash bags of good, usable clothing was a start) we had "Dumpsterfest" at my in-laws' house this summer. Local scrap metal collector also filled his truck ten times over one week. We had to pay for hazardous waste disposal for a vanload of old electronics. The house and garage(s) STILL aren't empty. It IS exhausting and time-consuming for one's kids. The memories of the cleanout are now stronger than any pleasant times I spent at their house.
@@Objet_Dart That sounds overwhelming. I wish you luck and peace in this journey.
I appreciate how lovingly you explain the difficult process of handling your mom's estate.
Thank you and thanks for watching!
Agree
I know this was not your intention, but I watched this video with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. A video which was well-made, important, and also very touching.
The tour of your Mom’s house was just beautiful! I really liked her place, as well as her furniture and art.
Thank you so much. ❤
Aww, thank you so much!
Me too.😢
I have never heard of Swedish Death Cleaning, but it's a great idea. I have downsized to a smallish cabin and almost everything I have is second-hand and would be easy to give away. Fortunately in my rural area in Ontario, Canada we have two "Reuse Centres" were you can donate things in good condition, and anyone can help themselves to the items for free. It is attached to the local dump where we take our garbage, recycling and garden/brush waste. It is a brilliant concept, and you can often find things there that are brand new and still in their original packaging. I have brought home many of the things in my home from "The Reuse" and it is where I find books (which I return there after reading them, unless I pass them on to a friend) and CDs (I may be one of the few people who doesn't subscribe to a music streaming service) and dishes, furniture and fixtures. Although there is a thriving practice of having "yard" or "garage" sales of our unwanted items, I don't live in a place that many people drive by, so I donate everything to the Reuse. At Christmas I get my decorations there, and return them after the holidays. That way every year I have something new and different. And this practice helps ensure that useful items don't end up in our landfills.
The Reuse Center sounds amazing. We have great places to drop things off but we’re not allowed to take anything from there. They will donate what’s good to charities though.
@BenitaLarsson Yes, it IS amazing. Many of us who go there are low income (I'm a low-income senior) and it really helps our budget. I needed bedroom curtains recently and found a set that looked brand new, in exactly the right colour. It was thrilling. So, often we, the people who get things there, are the "charity." But most of us contribute too. And there is plenty enough to go around. It feels like a good community system - where we give and we get freely. No money exchanged. Good items don't end up in the dump - and it's all run by volunteers.
Brilliant.
I'm a cataloger in a public library, and cataloged that book when it first came out. My co-workers laughed at the title, but I looked through it and liked it, and agree with the idea. (BTW, libraries do a similar thing on a constant basis--we keep circulation stats for each item, and, if it's outdated and.or not being checked out, we put it in a book sale, or send it to recycling). When my Mom died, she had been living in a very small set of rooms at my brother's house, so she had very little to get rid of. I took a handful of small items I remember from my childhood, and display most of them in a china cabinet. I wish I had her old potato masher that I used growing up. It originally had a red wood handle, but the paint wore away over the decades from the hands of my Grandmother, Mom, and myself, which I think is cool. Mom did leave me a nice amount of money, though, which I still have years later--I paid off a few bills, and bought 5 resin storage cabinets for my garage, which are used daily. I love the photos and the portrait of you as a little girl; so cute!
Thanks so much for sharing!
It is sad that libraries buy poor quality "popular" new-and-shiny media and remove the good books. Many people suggest decluttering books and just getting them from the library when needed...but the library has already discarded them.
Very practical tips and has motivated me in my '70's to eliminate a lot of useless items. Your Mom's home was really beautiful!
Yay for taking charge!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I am so sorry for your loss and having had to handle this. I totally relate. My father passed 8 years ago and he and my mom lived 2 hours away on a lake. It quickly became apparent that my mother could not live on her own. My sister and I had to clean out their house and belongings before selling it. We moved my mom in with my sister before having to put her in a nursing home for around the clock care. We are still distributing all of their belongings, selling, donating or getting rid of it all. It is life changing, exhausting and humbling. ❤
Yes, it’s all that!
That was a really personal vlog and so much appreciated. I read the book a few years ago and tried to have my husband read it. He just doesn’t get that you can’t leave a mess for your children. He has now been diagnosed with cancer and will be undergoing surgery in January. It’s awful, especially when someone is a hoarder and I’m talking the past 30 years. People, please don’t be selfish
, think of those who come after you.
Sending best wishes for you and your husband!❤️
Like you, I’m so tired of hearing the excuse: “when I go, just get rid of it all.” It’s not that simple!! Not every charity will take it all and disposal costs money. Combine that with a landlord that wants it all out to put a new tenant in!!
I didn’t realize that what I was doing had a name!
My mom’s house is packed, almost hoarder style. She has dementia and won’t get rid of anything. I’m dreading the task of moving her next year. I started getting rid of excess 5 years ago, worried about how my daughter would have to clean up after me as I will have to do with my mom. I see swedish death cleaning as an act of love and the responsible thing to do. Thank you for sharing this! I will have to read the book now. 🥰
It IS an act of love! Enjoy the book, it’s a great read!
I am in exactly the same position, my parents never threw anything away. Now my dad is alone at 93. I am an only child, I have a supportive husband but his health is not good. I will never do that to my children!
I had to deal with my mom’s things after she passed away. She was a “mild” hoarder, but most stuff still went to the bin. I sometimes found important things among what amounted to trash, so it was not just a matter of grabbing and dumping, rather I had to open hundreds of plastic bags, go through thousands of bits of paper, to sift out the memorabilia.
She also left no will, no clear documents to put her affairs in order. If you’re going to ease the burden on your family, preparing a will-or even just insurance to cover the expense of a funeral-should be part of the plans as well. I believe the book touches on this, advising to prepare a folder with relevant contacts and information for a trusted party to have.
Yes to the will and funeral fund! My mom had both in place which was a relief.
Hello Benita! I'm from Mexico, I'm in my thirties and I've been following your channel for several years. I really enjoy all your content and I particularly liked this video, it made me shed a few tears. I don't plan on having children, so living without so many things has been a focus on my mind. Thank you very much for all the good tips. May the channel continue to grow! ¡Saludos desde México! :)
If this video is helpful I’m happy!
I love this approach. It's so important to do this before cognitive decline sets in, it gets exponentially harder when making decisions is no longer something you can do well
Yes, totally, don’t wait too long!
"a gentle art" I love that sentiment.
I am thankful to my two younger sisters who were co-carers for our parents in their last few years. My sisters decluttered our family home before they all moved in together. I miss just a handful items but I know the emotions would've been too much. The memories of them see me through without the items taking up physical space!
Benita, thank you so much for sharing your Mother's home with us. I have wanted to see her home for so long to see how different your tastes, style and lifestyles are. The Belgian sofa setting is something I'd love to keep. But your reasons to let them go would be mine too. We just don't sit on furniture like our elders did. I consider this video an early Christmas present. 🙏🎄
Yes to keeping most memories inside and not as physically items!🙌🏻
I read a suggestion somewhere that when decluttering, if there's an item of sentimental value but you know you won't use it or have a place to display it, take a photo of it. Maybe make a scrapbook. then donate it and imagine someone gratefully using it. That always sounded like a lovely idea to me.
@@dod2304I have read that too. I have too many photos on my devices to care about more photos.😅
My sisters had already decluttered before I had a chance to ask to save some things. Even my youngest sister is still upset about a few things she realised she should've kept. But I think they did a great job under the circumstances.
Your mom’s home is charming. It is well collected. Sorry for your loss. Losing your mom can be so traumatic
Ooh Benita, thank you for sharing!
I really admire how both you and your mother handled it, and how you both cared about the other person.
I can imagine it still was a stressful and sad process..
That book sounds like a very good read and I will definitely look it up!
I actually think about this a lot.
When my dad passed away, a few years ago, it was relatively easy, because his partner remained in the home so she kept everything. When she moved to a smaller home about a year later I got some of my dad's belongings.
I got a very old family album, a few paintings/art my dad made (that I actually like) and a set of speakers he built himself. About two moving boxes full.
And every thing I got feels special and is something I enjoy in one way or another.
However, my mom is a hoarder (definitely trauma induced from WW2) who lives in a huge house (my entire apartment is smaller than her living room), completely stuffed with things.
She is convinced that there are people/companies that will pay me money to clear/clean out her house when she is gone.
I..., think differently.
It is not something my mother ever wants to talk about (I have been trying for about 20 years), so I have no idea where any of her papers are (for her funeral, her house), or where things like family albums/baby pictures/etc. are (I have never seen a baby picture of myself, although they should exist).
My mom simply refuses to talk about it.
Just thinking about having to deal with it someday, is very stressful and it makes me sad that thinking about death is something my mother can't face...
Of course I hope my mother will be around for many, many years and that she can enjoy her home in good health for a long, long time!
However, realistically I will most likely out-live her...
I don't have any children or nieces/nephews/cousins so when I die there will be no "next generation", so I try not to keep things "for others", although I can be a little sentimental.
I moved two months ago and went from my largest apartment (69m2), to my smallest apartment (35m2).
I love it!
And I hope whomever is tasked with clearing out my apartment, once I am gone, won't feel too overwhelmed or burdened.
I hope they will find a well curated, well lived, well loved home, that might make them smile here and there.
Sending best wishes to you and your mother. Hope you have many more years together.
@@Gonzdadiana Thank you so much, that is very kind of you!
It will make them smile, I’m sure of if!
You are so right..even before I heard of her book , I started decluttering my home.I was about 40 then. I am 70 now and have moved, down sized a lot. Going through my parents things after their passing felt overwhelming, yet I was what some would say ruthless. We can't keep everything and not everything was to my taste in my season of life. There is always something to declutter. I have used this phrase for decades.."It is just stuff, it can't hug you or love you back Always enjoy your content and visiting with you.
Great job on 3 decades of death cleaning!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I, too, am an only child, however I never married or had children. My mother is 87 and I hope I will be as practical and organized as you - I admire the way you look at things and are so practical.
Being pragmatic and unsentimental helps for sure😅
The saying “reality bites” is no truer than this video. My husband and I have no children, next of kin or close enough friends. Obviously I’m organised and practical to be watching and subscribing. I have no idea what will happen to us in our golden years. My mother is also 87 and staying with us over Christmas. She has no idea how lucky she is.
I don’t have children, but a number of nieces & nephews. I recently downsized to a one bedroom apartment and got rid of a lot of stuff. Now I am trying to keep up a steady pace of decluttering. It does make life so much simpler to have less.
So much simpler when you don’t spend your days managing stuff!
My parents’ house is chock full of their beloved possessions. My mother despairs about leaving it all behind, but I tell her not to worry about it. She’s 90 and I don’t want her to fret about what would be an impossible job. I think it will be easier emotionally to handle after they are both gone. Would it be nice if they were well-organized and more essentialist in nature? Sure. However, that’s not their nature and I don’t want to make their final years to have unhappiness related to the perceived need to de-clutter. I’ll figure out how to deal with it all when the time comes.
That’s a great approach!
I began this process three years ago. It is very satisfying and I highly recommend. It’s a gift to my children!
The best gift you can give!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Thanks so much for sharing this personal task. I think Swedish death cleaning is an unselfish act for those loved ones left behind.
It really is! Thanks for watching!
I read this book ab 5 years ago and I really liked to read it. This book was very thought-provoking. At that time, I had already been on the path of minimalism for 2 years, but this book helped me understand one key thing: what would I leave behind for my children if I were to die suddenly, for example in an accident, illness, etc.
I promoted this book a lot to my Hungarian compatriots as a must-read in this materialistic world.
So thought provoking even for an already minimalist!
Well handled. Your mom was a treasure and practical as well. Thank you for sharing her with us.
I love that she was so pragmatic!
The number of views this video has had in 4 hours is amazing and shows that we all struggle with the decluttering process, but particularly after the loss of a loved one. My own experience when my 93 year old mother died has made me more determined to make sure I don’t leave a lot for my son (an only child) to sort through at the end. It was overwhelming to deal with my loss and then to sort through the family home that had been built by my father and grandfather, and thankfully my brother and sister were there to help. Emotions ran high as we said goodbye to loved items but there was also laughter as we remembered our extremely happy childhood. I’ve kept Mum’s favourite lounge chair and a few smaller things, like the kitchen spoon rest us kids bought her one mothers’ day - all practical and useful. I still have a few boxes left to sort through eight years after her passing. This video has motivated me to finish that job. Thanks Benita.
I love that you kept such practical and useful things!
I had a tear as well
I have been helping my 82 year old mom declutter her home which includes her own stuff and stuff from both my grandmothers and great aunt. In the past, she was reluctant to get rid of anything but after 2 serious falls she has been so much more agreeable. In fact, we've had quite a few laughs at some of the things she's kept. I'm also an only child and don't want the burden and stress of dealing with all this stuff when she passes so I'm encouraging her to gift some of her things to family members and friends who really want them. As we all know, it's a process.
My mom and I also laughed at some of the things she kept and the reasons 😆
What a calm, positive and healthy way to approach the topic of death. Weirdly, I found it comforting. I love all of your videos but this one especially. Thanks Benita. ❤️
What a thought-provoking video, beautifully filmed. My parents tried to clear out their things before they died just 3 months apart. But my mum wished she’d started earlier as she ran out of energy in later life. I definitely need to make a start now!
I’m sorry for your loss. I was talking to an older friend about this - we’re never going to be younger than we are now! It’s not likely that we’re going to have more strength and energy in the future. And it takes time and practice. Everything we can do now will be something we don’t have to deal with later. ❤
Do start earlier than you think you should!
@@olivemaycards 👍
👍@@BenitaLarsson
No matter what you do or do not do. Nothing makes it easier when a parent passes away , neat or cluttered, the pain still is there and remains ..
Thankyou Benita for covering this topic I have read and enjoyed the book. 3 years on since my mum passed away I still have papers and photos to go through this has been helpful.
I’m so happy if it’s a helpful video!
I’m only 41 but to some extent I do this already. If there’s a rainy day I like to go through a small space…nothing overwhelming like a whole category or room. Just a few cupboards or a couple of drawers.
Myself being an only child and when my parents passed, I too was left a house and car. I did have a sale and also gave to my parent’s caregivers and the nursing home to those in need and also the wheelchair of my mother’s to a charity War Amps. I gave much of the furniture to a charity. It was overwhelming, but I felt good and still feel good that I made a lot of less unfortunate people happy and provided for. Even there car I sold very cheaply to the nurse that looked after my parents when they were in the hospital. Sometimes I miss some of their things from the house, but when I think how happy I made someone else, it makes me happy. My parents too left me all documents in a desk for me, all organized, so everything as easy. I like the art you kept for yourself.
Donating and giving away is the best feeling!
You & Margareta Magnusson are my kindred spirits when it comes to Swedish Death Cleaning. I started the practice 5 years ago when my mom knew that she was moving to the next life and asked me to declutter her stuff --- Mom was a maximalist so it took years to let go of all her stuff including my own. Decluttering is so liberating. Gratitude to your channel and Margareta's audio book for being around to always cheer me on in this simplification/minimalism journey 🫶
So liberating! I’ve only read the paper version but will get the audio book so I can hear her!
I empathise with you Benita as I am an only child and it was emotional to take care of my mother's and father's belongings after they passed. Downsizing is key.
So key. So key!
I am now 49. I am at the point of decluttering and really knowing what I use. As things need replacement, I think long and hard about doing so. I have "upgraded" to better quality items and I do take care of my items very well. My next step is to sell my house and find a small spot, somewhere near the water. I am making plans for that already. The space will be half the size of what I am in now and even as I am quite curated, I need to purge more. It's been a year since I started this process, which means I have lived with what I have long enough to know if I use it or not. I like to clean right before New Year's, that in between grey area of the holidays. It's going to be epic this year and I cannot wait. I do not want to leave my son a mess. I've been through that with my own parents and it was exhausting and we ended up tossing so much, because we were overwhelmed but on a time crunch to sell their home to pay debt. Don't forget your debt either. Death clean that also. I am a photographer and artist, so I am working through all of that right now too.
Your house near water sounds dreamy!
I can't wait. I know she is out there, somewhere, waiting for me! :) @@BenitaLarsson
Happy Birthday to my favorite utube friend who taught me about the peace found in simplicity ❤🎉
Benita, I've been doing minimalism and death cleaning for quite a while now. I'm 74. I have one child (A son) and we're very close. We've talk about things he may want and he's taken some things already.
My Mum ended up in a nursing home and by the time she died there was very little of her stuff to deal with. She also ended up in Hospice.
The staff there were so wonderful to our family.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
70s are the new 50s, I wish you a long healthy life with your baby💜
Yay for you! And how lovely to be close to your son! I am with mine too and it’s the best😊
Love those photos!! I enjoyed the book too, found it helpful and not at all morbid. I think we all have stories of relatives who didn’t (couldn’t) face their own mortality and left behind big messes. It’s awful to be angry at a person you’re grieving for. I have tried to learn from the relatives I visit - if I am annoyed with them for keeping something broken they’ll never fix I look around my own home for the same kind of clutter. It’s much easier to see other people’s junk than our own! There was an American show about death cleaning with Swedish experts who guide people through the process. It was quite fun but only available on Peacock streaming - it was maybe a bit too blunt/honest for network TV.
I saw that show! The first episode was a bit off putting but then it picked up and I loved it!
Benita this was a wonderful video. Thank you for opening up your Mom’s home to your viewers. So very charming. ❤
This video really struck a cord for me. I had to clean out my parents giant 5 bedroom home after they passed. They left EVERYTHING…… it was very difficult to do while also grieving. It was the same house I grew up in, they lived there for 53 years. So I was also reliving all my childhood memories. I am a mother of one daughter and I have vowed to not put her through the same trauma.
Thank you for handling this topic so gently. Yes, therapy is a good idea for this stage of life.
I loved seeing the things you saved and hearing your memories.
Thank you ❤
I’m so glad you enjoyed it! And we so feel the same about how much you pass on to our children!
My mother decluttered a lot of her things in her eighties. My main task when she died was to sort through her clothes. She had a lot of jumpers. I still have a couple of cotton jumpers I loved. The rest went to the charity shops. I kept some nice pots and pans and a lot of books. Some of her books are with me but the rest found a home in a library at Oxford University because they were rare.
My mother and father in law moved to a small flat during Covid and they had never decluttered. It took a year to sort through their things and dispose. Clothes seem to be one of the biggest hoarding problems.
You picked some great useful things!🙌🏻
Thank you, Benita, for discussing this subject! It's absolutely important to talk about this, as evidenced also by the comments left here by other viewers. Preparing for your passing - that is simply the right thing to do, a responsible, adult thing to do instead of avoiding this subject out of unnecessary prejudice.
Regrettably, it's not yet a thing here in the Baltics, because, I guess, mainly of the prejudices and for elderly people as my grandparents - because during the Soviet times they could hardly get anything at all, so they treasured everything they had until the very end.
As for myself, I must admit that despite being in my 40ies, I haven't yet outgrown the accumulative phase, but I do hope to leave a 'clean slate', well, as far as practicable to my relatives after my own passing.
Thank you so much for watching and for sharing!
I was amazed that the caption of your first birthday pic was in German! I love Margareta’s book so much and it all makes so much sense. Thanks for tackling this subject. Hallo and hej from Cologne, Germany! 👋🏻
It does make total sense, doesn’t it!
I hear myself in you. I took care of my Mom at home, moved in with her, until she passed at 93yo. I started my downsizing, kept what was important to me. My Dad passed at 85yo in 2005. I too was only living child (lost sister in car accident) I also have one son. I am now 75yo, healthy, retired RN and say all the time declutter your stuff and don't leave it for your kids, they don't want it! I now live in an apt, 6-700 sf.apt, high ceilings, etc. So, I've been trying to live a minimalist life with things!! Keep what you love. That's my gift to my son, so, he doesn't have to do it. Thank you for all your tips!
What a lovely video honouring how you took care of your moms things. Rather than pick up tips I thought of how your mom lived in that home and then I thought of my mom and the things I still have of hers. So well done 🌟
Thank you for sharing your mom’s house with us. You can tell it was a home filled with love. I also love that book and this morning suggested to Tim he get rid of all his fishing gear since he hasn’t used it for a few years but he’s refusing at the moment. The only thing I’ve kept from my parents home is a few photos, my mom’s blue mixing bowl and a couple of oil candles. ❤
Those are great keepsakes!
My partner could hear Benita’s video so I’m hoping he may take it on board! Things like a big box of videos for a course that one day he’d like to take (but hasn’t for at least ten years!). I think a lot of men are worse than women at hoarding because they can stuff their things away in a cupboard and not think about it anymore.
@@22jo222 oh they are definitely worse!
Gosh Benita, you have had SUCH a lot on your plate this past year. Wishing you love, strength and the bright green shoots of Spring-to-come 🌱🪴🐝
Thank you so much!
Thank you for posting. I am currently in the midst of doing the same for a relative in another state. Thankfully she had downsized a few years ago, but the logistics of doing this long distance is interesting. You chose beautiful things to keep. Ironically I started reading the book just before she passed. I plan to leave a binder of information and instructions to spare the next person!
The binder is such a great idea!
A few years ago I shred the diaries that I had kept from ages 16-50. My daughters didn't need to read them 😂.
Exactly! You decide what you want your loved ones to know about you😅
I cleared out my 98 yr old Mums small home 2 years ago. Most items went to charity shops, very little got thrown away or kept. As she didn’t have jewellery or expensive items. All Ive kept is a small box of photos and memories x
Those mementos sound perfect to me!
My mom passed away in April 2022. The older she got how more stuff she had and kept. Nothing was thrown away or brought to goodwill or something. My brother, sister and I had to clean up her house. I found a pile of onused napkins from the local cafetaria in a kitchen drawer. Her house was filled to the brim with stuff. Every nook, every cranny, every closet, every drawer was packed. We had SO MUCH work to clean it all up. It was crazy. Be blessed that your mom was willingly to declutter her stuff before she passed away. I moved 2 months ago and I got rid a ton of stuff. My new house is smaller than the previous house, so I had to do it. I am very happy with the results. I live alone and I don't want that my sister and brother have to go trough tons of stuff when I die earlier than them. Irma from the Netherlands
I have also some clothes from my mom. It makes me happy when I wear them.
Even if there isn’t a ton of stuff it’s still a lot to deal with so the fact that you’ve started is commendable!
I had one of those startling moments when sorting my mother in law’s estate as she was never married to my husband’s father. She just took his name. I guess she just couldn’t bring herself to tell her family after hiding it for years. She didn’t need to keep the paperwork and this would have been perfect for death cleaning. Im motivated to destroy my old journals now as i never want others to read them, thank you for sharing 💖
Ooh, that’s a surprise! Thanks so much for watching!
Sorry for your loss. ❤ I read that book too and loved it. That portrait of you is adorable!
Thank you, the book is such a good read!
Love this. I am trying to declutter and Swedish Death Clean. I don't find it morbid at all. Unfortunately my husband is not "on board" with this as much as I am. I will admit we live on a farm and a lot of items are necessary, tools, wood, things that fall into the "we might need that someday". So my barns, garage etc . My son has been instructed to have an auction. If my husband passes before me I will take care of disposal of a lot of things before I pass.
So glad you enjoyed it! Sounds like you have a plan, which is a great start!
My mother had very little and I never worried that clearing out her house would be overwhelming. Your statement about clearing out your mother's house is so true. Even though my mother had so little the job was overwhelming.
So much more work than you'd expect!
Leí el libro de La limpieza de la muerte hace un par de años y se nuevo la estoy releyendo. Tengo 66 años y mi marido y yo vivimos en un piso de 170 m2. Mis hijos ya se fueron a vivir su propia vida. Ahora queremos mudarnos a un piso de 70 m2 y tengo de despojarme de la mayoría de las cosas que he ido acumulando. Un trabajo enorme pero muy conveniente por nosotros y por mis hijos. Gracias por este vídeo, Benita.
Thanks so much for watching! Happy downsizing!
what a beautiful video! I admit I teared up watching when you spoke about your parents as I lost my father a few years ago. it really makes you think about all the items you leave behind and what others will do with it. the house was gorgeous!
I love they way you kept her closest possession. Her cardigan, which you wear. I believe people leave the essence of themselves in and on the things they touch. Her vibration will still be on the cardigan. Much love, from a previously death cleaned, but not completely, lady. ❤
Lovely seeing your mom’s home and the possessions you kept of hers.I also kept some of my parents possessions and enjoy seeing them around my home.Thank you Benita🫶🏻.
Thanks so much for watching!
It's a prudent way to clean up before dying. My mother downsized her flat to two rooms at the end. All her furniture were kept by her grandchildren. So nothing has to be thrown away. I am no minimalist but try to downsize my things because I am 67 years old and you never know how long your time on earth will last. Thanks for your inspiration, Benita
I’m happy if you found the video inspiring!
Happy birthday to you, dear Benita.🎉
Dear Benita, thank you for sharing this very sensitive experience. This video was very important and helpful to me on so many levels. In the same time it was at moments painful to watch. I couldn´t help putting myself on your place, thinking of your loss and about my mother. I try to inspire her with my own example, showing how much easier life becomes when you own less. Apparently not only life... However this is a delicate topic, that not everybody is ready to accept. I believe this book could help me to make even more progress on my minimalist journey.
Thank you for sharing your video. You have inspired me. My mom passed away a few years ago and I am still unloading her stuff. I became overwhelmed and stopped. But you have giving me hope and inspiration. I will start up again and declutter mom's things. Like you I am an only child and it's been hard. But fortunately I have been decluttering for quite a while now and being 77, I worry my cousins will be stuck. But after watching your video, they won't be, Thanks again. ❤
Thanks so much for watching it! And I’m so happy if it inspired you!
I have regretted so many things I have let go and have also regretted the things I have kept.
This brings back so many memories of the cleaning and clearing process after my mom died. I doubt she was aware of the book you speak of but she was very organized which helped with clearing out process. Teresa would have been 96 today.
What a gift to you that she was organized!
Benita, thank you so much for sharing your experience. Soo glad that you were able to declutter with her. I read the book and truly enjoyed it while taking away tips that have served great purpose!
It’s such a good book with so much great advice!
I did my first big purge in 2019 but then last year did a huge ACTUAL death clean and I am still amazed at the amount of stuff I got rid of. "stuff' takes on an entirely different identity when you're death cleaning. I've been on minimalism journey for a few years and still have too much but I'm getting there!
Well done you!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Thank you for your lovely video. My Mum did a SDC which made my life a bit easier when she passed. I turned 60 last year and started my SDC soon afterwards as did my husband. We don’t have children so it’s a little more important to get things sorted and we have a lot of stuff! I’m finding it easier to part with things as I go along and we’re now talking about downsizing again and travelling more. It’s a win win situation! x
I was gifted this book , have read it twice, it truly inspired me and I have been going through things, don’t want to burden my children with too much. I truly enjoyed this video and always admire what you do, thank you.
So glad you enjoyed it!
My mom purged throughout her life and was organized but still a house full when she died suddenly at 86.
I have started this process. My goal is to have the closets minimal. And furniture in spare rooms that has drawers or cabinets empty.
It is ongoing for sure. I can only do so much as my husband does not want to downsize his clothing or tools etc. You do what you can.
Yes, empty those drawers! My mom had several empty ones that had housed paperwork and photos. So lovely for me to just check them off immediately on my long to do list!
Your mom's home looked so beautiful ❤
6:32 My grandparents had that same painting above the love seat in their living room :). This brought back memories!
I am getting close to sixty and constantly letting go of more times. This past weekend I became more ruthless with decluttering as I remembered how much stuff my mother had when she passed. I don't want to have anyone go through that so I have chosen to live with a lot less and finding that I don't miss it or need it anyway,
Out of sight, out of mind!
Recently discovered your channel and I'm obsessed! I love it! My grandpa passed away a couple of years ago and cleaning his house was quite the chore--about 60 years worth of stuff even when he and grandma were not great hoarders. It was also bittersweet because they helped raise me. We donated a lot of their good china and appliances to our local immigrant community, and we sold grandpa's tools, too.
Lovely video! I really struggle with ‘heirloom pieces’ things that have been passed down in my family for over 100 years…. I have no use for them but feel so guilty getting rid of family history… antique mirrors and other furniture from my second great grandparents in the 1870s 🙈🙈 help!
You don’t have to be the custodian of all that if you don’t want it. Don’t feel guilty for selling it or donating it where it can be appreciated by someone else!
After having to recently clear out two home me and my husband have decided to have a clear out. The best thing is the more you declutter the more you find thing that have true memories to them.
I love that you kept the birch bark baskets! My mom had several in the 70’s, as she loved Scandinavian design, but over the years, after we kids moved away, they disappeared. I think I might try to find one or two to buy, as they evoke nice memories. As a child of a hoarder, I want to thank you for affirming the need for caring for the next generation during or after our passing. My parents were not mentally able to do this, but I intend to make my children’s burden much less when it’s my time. As well as making my own time much more enjoyable! Thank you, Benita, you are a comfort and an inspiration. Best wishes to you from my whole family. ❤
Thank you so much!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences on such a tough topic.
Thanks so much for watching the video!
I loved that book!!! 📕 Such a gentle approach to a very emotional subject. I really hope that Margareta is alive & well & living with peace of mind.
I googled and from what I understand she’s well!
@@BenitaLarsson So glad to hear that!! Thank you 🙏
I've taken care of several family members things after death... what a blessing your mom went through things and allowed you to help. She had a lovely home... I'm sorry the buyer was difficult... karma. Having a binder for all home improvements for taxes is critical. I love the Swedish death cleaning process. My stepdad fell and ended up in residential care. He had no opportunity to go though his (my childhood) home and make decisions. We had to sell ASAP so he had money to pay for care. It was overwhelming and whatever I could not donate, we had to toss into a salvage bin. It was very difficult for me. It's best to make these decisions for yourself... life is full of surprises... do it NOW! Very thought-provoking video Benita.
I am so glad that you kept your most cherished items and let the rest bless someone else. 🥰
The portrait of you is amazing. What wonderful memories you have xxxxxxxxxxx
This was the most gentle explanation of this that I have ever seen. Thank you so much.
Aww, I'm so happy to hear that!
Ill be 85 in September. It appears i need to begin this process. Thanks for a wondwrful video.
Thank you for another heartwarming and practical sharing. Read that book and thinking of reading again to decide on my on Swedish death cleaning plan! It is beautiful to be able to plan ahead intentionally!
Thanks so much for watching again!
I started really decluttering 10 years ago and as we got rid of my mothers lifetime collection of stuff it spurred me on. Now we live in a tiny apartment but I long for one as big as yours just for some empty space. Our kids will be blessed when we die and don’t leave them a huge mess. But and it is a big but my mother in-law is 94 and her house and basement are crammed with tons of stuff so we get to face that someday.
That’s are always buts, aren’t there😅
I can really appreciate all of the work that you went through along with your grief. I am in a similar situation, this video is lovely. Xo
I’m happy if it’s of help to you!
Before my mother passed away, she would lament about the need to tidy her house. I could never understand it, my parents' spacious house was lovely and very well organized with gorgeous shelving units my father had built lined with vintage baskets. It was only after she was gone and I took a closer look in those baskets that I understood what she meant. And in the end, I did tidy that house... alone. I still regret the missed opportunity to sit together and hear the stories behind those items she had so lovingly held on to.
It's those hidden areas that are the worst That's where the stuff tends to hide.
Thank you for sharing this explaining this in great detail. Your Mums house was beautiful I can hope my home will be less cluttered in years to come.
Thanks so much for watching!