Why ADHDers Are Often Told We're "Too Sensitive" 😁😡😭
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- Опубликовано: 28 мар 2024
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Being told to 'man up!' turns whatever emotion into RAGE!
Yeah! That's actually something I hear about a lot is when anger is used to cover up something else - like feeling hurt, or fear, or even things like envy.
@@HowtoADHD RSD shame
Edit for typo
Im a man. And have ADHD. The ammount of times ive heard that i should man up is a lot. It often just causes me to flip out. And use very strong language against that person.
In reality. I dont actually want to be a man. But that is a different story.
Your strength and recovery has NOTHING to do with your gene code or genitals. Please know that.❤
@@chong2389 It depends. Just pray to God to keep you calm
I still have a visceral reaction to being called too sensitive. It feels so dismissive.
Where i live now, if someone says 'youre so sensitive', the implication in the language is totally different than in English. It instead means that youre very connected to your emotions and the emotions of others, which is not seen as bad just true. I was shocked when someone said it to me and i didnt have the defensive reaction id get when its said in english, it felt kinda nice to be seen as very emotionally intense without being told not to be
@@user-kw4or2wk9k i wish it was like that in english. It was treated as such a bad thing as a kid, but i work as a caregiver for disabled folks now. My sensitivity is such a vital part of doing my job well. It can be such a good thing. But being called sensitive is almost a trigger for me at this point. It immediately makes me defensive & try to justify myself because i'm so used to it being treated as a negative.
Yeahhhhhh, same.
@@user-kw4or2wk9kit has that connection in english too however context matters.
Yup
Considering how often I see (neurotypical) people make a claim based on instinct and then argue backwards why it was the rational choice, having ADHD helped me be very aware of that feelings aren't always rational.
Oh absolutely😂
I hate how I’m either so emotional that I can’t do anything or have no emotions. There is almost no in between. Something makes me emotional and I can’t do anything until I calm down, which is just distracting myself from whatever is causing the emotions
I was constantly told to stop taking things so personally as a child
I am autistic and adhd. This hits me so hard when I am confused abd frustrated
I'm now scared of expressing too happy and am constantly told I'm not happy enough over things like surprises, since I was told I was 'too happy' often as a child. Leading to me being sad and therefore, 'too sulky'
Exactly what I experience!! So hard explaining to others that I know a lot of the times when I overact, that I know my thoughts are irrational but cannot control them. This tends to occur most when I am dealing with a lot emotionally and avoid dealing with them till later.
I'm so glad I found this short! I have C-PTSD, and I experience emotional dysregulation often. Today, I was affected by it very strongly. I probably don't have ADHD, but this channel has been really helpful to me, and I can relate in so many ways. I've been wanting to get assessed for it just to rule it out because I do have a family history of it, but as an adult, no psychiatrist will take me seriously because so many people try to fake ADHD.
Thank you for validating! Ughh not the only one 😊
51 Years old only now having a diagnoses. Bit late been tortured fir decades.
I’ve had times where I turn from a caring and empathetic person to impulsively yell at people my mom is normally this person. I’m also normally a very optimistic and upbeat person but when I nerve is struck I become in a pessimistic state where I start to doubt it’s happened a couple times.
As a person with ADHD I know exactly how you said it's very hard for me to experience what normal people experience especially with happiness or sadness or anger it's just really different and sometimes is making me cry and I have like no friend to talk to because they do not understand the struggle right now crying for no reason just writing this comment making me cry this is the struggle with ADHD😢
I am a logical, calm person, even under pressure/stress. But when I'm emotional, and be it just excitement, all of that is out the windows lol. ADHD really is something
So that's why I was extremely mad at the DMV lady who wouldn't let me use my legal signature that I use on all legal documents.
But- but- wtf 😅
@Kagomai15 They said I couldn't because it had a star in it even though your signature can be anything as long as you can replicate it. And out of spite I did research, and you legally can wear headwear if it's for religious purposes. So I am going to go in for my License photo wearing fox-ears and say it's for satanic purposes and in the state of colorado, they can't question you, they just have to agree.
To be fair, neurotypical people lose it at the DMV as well. lol
@@isaiahrowley9830it's actually a pretty big trend that neurodiversity often doesn't create new issues, it exacerbates universal issues.
Hiring manager for the DMV:
1. Are you a happy person?
Yes: 0 for 3
No: Check!
2. Do you believe everyone is out to take advantage of you?
Yes: Check, check!
No: 0 for 3
3. Do you believe everyone is trying to cheat the government?
Yes: Welcome to the DMV!
No: We'll be in touch...
I’m mostly sharing this for other who might be similar. For me I didn’t like the effects of being unable to regulate my emotions, so I would bury them. I got very good at it. Nowadays I have recognized how unhealthy that is and have been working for years to combat that behavior and recognize my feelings, but it is a slow and difficult process. Remember, your feelings are good and valid! Even if you need to work on how you express them!
My fear is probably the worst of it all. It completely paralyzes me.
every emotion feels like an extreme. happiness and being excited sometime gets me to be too loud or hyper. then fear, even of something like the dark or something i imagined makes me not sleep in my room for a week
And finding things funny! Sometimes I start laughing and have a hard time stopping. Turns out that's emotional dysregulation too, but it's a lot more fun (as long as it's something appropriate to laugh about!).
It's also always a sign that I'm overtired. We're always more vulnerable to dysregulation when we have a physical need - sleep, a snack, or feeling unwell.
you have no idea how long its been to hear that! I was recently diagnosed with adhd this year. with major depression and anxiety. and everything is so new to me about the diagnose, since then I researched it and saw your videos. everything just seems so similar that what I went through and going through still, and your videos helped me how to guide them. thank you so much!!!!! your video not just help but inspired that there's nothing to be afraid of. thank you thank you thank you!!!!! I also wanted to buy your book and get an autograph! have an amazing day!!!!!!
Oh yes, my Mom also had to deal with the emotion monster that was my tween years. Now thought I'm pretty aware of the types of things that trigger the irrational upset and know that removing myself immediately is the remedy to getting to zero again.
My mom would quote a nursery rhyme to me when I had meltdowns as a little kid:
"There once was a girl
With a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good,
She was VERY very good.
But when she was bad
She was horrid."
Mine too. And I'm male and 73! It's an old, old poem.
I just cry for no reason cause I'm overwhelmed
I've always thought 'I can keep my anger under control therefore I can't have emotional dysregulation problems' but now i know that it's for all emotions.
I realise that I do.
I'm scared of almost everything, I cry at almost anything, i randomly laugh at almost any moment.
I never thought that it could be due to my ADHD, I just thought that I was just a bad person.
I think one of the reasons our emotional dysregulation gets so bad is we are repeatedly sent the message that our emotions are abnormal. What those people really mean is that our lack of ability to process them is not healthy, but, well, that's not the message I got. So my reasoning was "well I guess if the emotion isn't rational, it's best to just ignore it until it passes".
Yeah that's the take away I ended up getting as well until therapy taught me otherwise. So not only are we contending with the initial emotion but we may now also have to contend with the additional emotion of feeling shame cause we've been shamed before. It's a rather vicious cycle. Once Jessica is back there is a video we want to do that dives into Emotional Impulsivity a bit more because it's such an important topic. Emotions be rough when dysregulated.
@@HowtoADHD Yeah, today I cry where I have to cry I'm human... Sometimes I cry because I need , when I have to laugh I do it when I have to say I have this opinion and someone is going to say I don't accept I always say oh okay but I have my own opinion and I do not agree with you too now the others have to lead with their problems. Because I'm getting better everyday
I wish someone told me about emotional regulation when I was younger. I’m only finding out at thirty years of age & it’s been a rough ride.
Having just gone through a day of this with my son yesterday, I am exhausted, a bit short tempered and my whole body aches. Not one member of my family understands this, and say I make excuses for him or spoil him. It's very lonely
And this whole time I just thought I was crazy~ keep up the great videos!!!!
I feel like this in my adult years is the least of my problems but adhd paralysis/executive dysfunction is a whooooole other story 😭😭😭😭😭
There’s so many different things I could have been good at and I’m mediocre at best. Photography for instance. I have a good eye so the photos can look cool but I don’t go further than that, when I watch a RUclips vid on it it starts to sound like math and things to remember and my brain shuts down.
We also react atypically to those dysregulated emotions. Thanks RSD. Gotta love that when I'm caught off guard or am embarrassed I cry. Super fun.
RSD isn't a thing. It's just emotional dysregulation caused by rejection.
Why my friends think I'm bi-polar. I'm not! 😂❤
I've never been described as too sensitive, but my parents have always said that you can put the word "very" in front of anything that involves me. 😅 There's no middle ground, I'm very interested, or it's very boring. Very happy, or very sad. Etc. etc. Different term for a similar issue. 😆
Thank you for this :)
I have mixed feelings about it.
Of course, you don't want to act out negative emotions, but I think it's kinda beautiful that we can feel more intensely. Especially the positive feelings, like curiosity, excitement, love, etc. I'm not sure that I would want to feel less, you know?
I have trouble the other way. It's super-hard to tell what I'm feeling. Which leads to other bad choices, because I don't know where to put my boundaries.
Yeaaaah that's definitely the other side of it. We actually did a video on that too, you can find it here: ruclips.net/video/gyMOSsg3Nps/видео.html
@@HowtoADHD I see that I watched that, but far enough back that I wasn't aware of how it applied to me. XD Time for a rerun!
Thanks!
Relatable!!!
Growing up with a mom who (probably) has undiagnosed very severe ADHD meant that sometimes her 12 year old didn't vacuum the stairs just the way she would like and we'd get a full breakdown of all the ways that being a single mother is terrible and that we treat her like a slave and that we clearly HATE her or we wouldn't behave that way, followed by telling us the next day that "when I'm angry, I say things I don't mean and you should just ignore what I say then." I wish I could, Mom. I wish I could. I get that it was very much a "straw that broke the camel's back" situation, but her inability to regulate her frustration traumatized me.
So sorry to hear that
thx you so much
Thank you!
Your channel is part of my self help mind meditation....😊❤
I ❤ my adhd guy 😊
Yes.
I struggle with Emotional with DYS-regulation too. I Haate it
The more I learn about ADHD, the more I am baffled that no one ever even thought about me having it growing up. No teacher, no counselor, no other adult, just because I didn’t interrupt class by screaming and running around (I did interrupt it frequently by crying, even during tests). I am like the textbook definition of everything I heard about undiagnosed ADHD women.
Edit: my whole family is completely emotionally unregulated, including extended family, so of course no one would notice anything wrong there. I was even praised by my parents and relatives how “patient” and “focused” I was growing up. Only after living with a host family for a couple months and all 5 of them all unanimously agreeing I was the “person with the shortest attention span by far” did I realize I maybe wasn’t as good at focusing as my family had told me growing up-
Or: finding out you’re neurodivergent after living with “normal” people because your whole extended family of 100+ people is presumably neurodivergent and thinks that’s the norm
I recommend getting tested if you haven’t already. Anxiety and trauma can also present like ADHD in many ways, and some of us have a mix.
Does the same coins for the opposite?
Just being completely numb. Like, you know a situation is sad, but you're just *sitting there* and existing.
It could, I'm not entirely sure if that's something that could be caused by ADHD(I'd have to research it some more) but that sounds more like Anhedonia, which is more commonly associated with Depression. Either way, I'd recommend talking to your doctor about it because it could be ADHD, it could be Depression, or possibly both.
I think that I never actually had an anxiety disorder (which is what my family doctor suggested when I first went to her with my suspicions about adhd) but instead just emotional dsyregulation
Anxiety is complicated when in conjunction with ADHD. It can tend to come down to whether your anxiety fades when your ADHD is treated or not. For some getting their ADHD treated helps make their anxiety far more manageable, for others, that anxiety doesn't change all that much despite their ADHD treatment. Having trauma complicates this as well!
Over neural activity in the amygdala.
So that’s why I had a crush on someone that I knew wasn’t going to work out and then couldn’t handle it when it didn’t work out?
I mean, sure. But that's also how NT people work. And crushes. I mean, they're called crushes for a reason - they either get crushed or crush you.
This is very true. I tried smoking the green stuff, and it actually enhanced my emotions, and I wasn't able to control them. I laughed to the point that I cried and then literally started crying as if someone had passed away. Worse feeling ever, especially when it's uncontrollable. I thought I had something to do with my age at the time. Of the teenager.. Now that im an adult This time it was a edible, same thing happened.. So Yup
❤❤❤ you and your channel! It really does help validate what is going on in my noggin. I also find it immensely helpful when trying to “over explain” my “behaviors” to friends and family. You are a true doll and so very brave to put yourself out there for the rest of us neurodivergent people out there! Also? Have you ever watched “The Holderness Family”? They have a great RUclips channel that uses humor and songs that really hit home with our community! If you or your subscribers have not yet seen any of their work? May I suggest them watching ADHD, a song parody set to the tune “Under the Sea” from The Little Mermaid”.
I am truly grateful for all that you do! You, my beautiful friend, are a ROCKSTAR!!! ❤
the only emotion i know is Rage
Yeah screw people I talk to them but I’m ready to go lol!
Have you heard of RSD (Rejection Sensitive Disorder? I guess you could say it's about the same thing as this.
💯 Feeling judged and having your over reaction dismissed kicks in profound shame and anger at yourself.
Yup! We covered Rejection Sensitivity, in fact you can find it here: ruclips.net/video/jM3azhiOy5E/видео.html
I saw that AFTER I posted this lol
It's called you older brother punching on you when mom turns her head. That why I cried.
I personally had to take David Goggins advice and learn that my brain isn’t always acting in MY interest and so have to dissociate myself sometimes and ask it “what are you doing a-hole”
i have always considered myself way more passionate than nearly everyone i know. dysregulation or not, we are more alive than them.
I just attract bullies and people that are mean. I'm not too sensitive. I'm just right for me.
Add that to bpd & it’s horrible 😢
If I had a dollar for every time I was labeled as “sensitive” by the adults in my life growing up I could pay for at least a year of therapy lol
I wish every teacher and parent understood this. Instead of scolding us for feeling big emotions to the point where No emotion is allowed and the self hatred begins. 🥲
I equate it to a real life Incredible Hulk.
They diagnosed me with ADHD as a child. Turns out as an adult I never was. Apparently millions of people were misdiagnosed in the 90’s and early 2000s. Just something to look out for. Turns out I was just an energetic person…funny how that works
Oh that's why......
Everything makes so much sense now.....
Being called sensitive while in the middle of a meltdown did not help at all. I had no idea ADHD was a thing I could have, since I wasn't hyperactive.
I wish I knew what program was called when I was in Junior High, (Middle School, it was the 80's okay 😆)
I was in a special ED program bcuz of my ADHD it taught huge of this regulation, critical thinking thru my frustration, and skills to help me navigate mostly without meds. But even with these golden skills this still a occasional trip up for me to this day.
I worry this kind of video would be use against us. Even if our emotions are high and our reaction is wrong, that does not make our emotions wrong.
Nowhone is negating the validity of your emotions, it’s saying that your emotions can control you more than the average person.
So how do we help these individuals? My daughter is very much like this- she has an adhd diagnosis.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Sorry got real scared accidentally
I'm good now
How do you speak so well in your videos? Its clear you have adhd but how do you manage being a youtuber and releasing cintent on time or even filming the content on time? Ive been struggling for years. I havent even finished a single lets play ive started.
👏👏
Yeah the sadness one gets me. Super depressed... just distract myself and wait five minutes (okay that's an exaggeration , but not by much)
So people are going to be different with this but
I used to think that my mom deserved an award for dealing with me
Then I realized she had the choice whether or not to have me and she signed up for having a kid that was going to be unexpected or difficult or whatever because you can't pick your kids
I still think they deserve awards because raising a little human is incredibly challenging and demanding.
@@avril.227 Sure but the implication we're addressing here is that parenting an ADHD kid is notably harder and should get some kind of special mention, when honestly, it's usually harder on the kid than the parents (in the sense that they have no choice, experience or relative references to work with, and they're getting negative messaging about themselves throughout, including parents declaring their need for awards).
Yes, parents who try deserve praise and support. This is true. It's also not what we're talking about.
I am normal???
Is anyone? 😅
What is normal? 😂
I think deal with it pretty well
How do you fix it?
you dont fix it, you own it and then it gets easier
We're working on a video that goes into this a little bit! It... just needs to wait for Jessica to come back from maternity leave, heh.
@@HowtoADHDthank you, curious on how to manage dysregulation
❤
🐒
Is it strange for me to have highly inattentive type ADHD, yet still be very well emotionally regulated? Is the emotional disregulation more closely associated with the impulsive/hyperactive type?
I’m pretty sure it’s more to do with the hyperactive and impulsivity stuff, but it’s known now that all adhd people have at least some aspects of all the “types”
Also an adhd person can seem les emotionally dysregulated because of anxiety, depression, and dissociation muting their emotions
Not all symptoms affect everyone. You might have learned really good emotional management skills or just not have that issue to begin with. But you might also be very high masking - if people were brought up in a situation where they weren’t allowed to express their emotions they just learn to suppress them. This isn’t particularly great though. Or yeah you might be depressed and numb. Could be a lot of things.
@@Cheesepuff8 Not for me. I don't have any of those issues.
Not strange at all! We all have a different combination of symptoms and how that looks and what we struggle with can vary widely. According to Doctor Barkley, if I remember correctly!, the more one struggles with impulsivity in general, the more they may struggle with emotional impulsivity (which is a part of emotional dysregulation) as well! But of course things aren't often in neat little boxes, so there are likely other things that can affect both emotional stability AND instability. :)
it's about a skill not mental health. but it;s nice to wear a label for average intellects.
Clearly you don't know that ADHD is a disability. It's in the dsm because it's a mental health issue. ADHD is real and valid. Please educate yourself instead of commenting such an ignorant and hateful statement.
we really are just doing everything on hardmode arent we
Yeeaaaahhhh it kinda feels that way doesn't it?
Having a crush with an inattentive type ADHD 🧠 is soooooooo exhausting on to many levels 😂. I always tried to through that part as quickly as possible and get all clarifications possible out of the way, just to get beyond that blasted and quite executive function busting state. Which could look like paralysis AND overworking with burnout 🥹