Serving the narcissist up some cold revenge
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- Опубликовано: 13 сен 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
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My revenge was to give myself permission to walk away, to breathe, to relax, to have a nice day, and to feel content being in my own skin.
❤
They are nuttier than a holiday fruit cake, cant get out of their Own way and mostly they wont STFU! L😂L
Yassss
The narcissist always blunders and tells own self subsequently Freeing you from their idiocy.
I have always found the BEST revenge is when you no longer give a shit about the OP who is abusing you and you can honestly move on without them.
*"The best revenge is massive success."*
-Frank Sinatra
My favorite type 😏
I recently heard another of his I really liked " Live every day, like it's your last, and one day it will be " 😅
Be so successful, that they even can’t reach your level 😎
alex hormozi
I have heard that Sinatra was likely a narcissist himself.
Best revenge is no contact and living a fulfilled life. When they get wind of it they really hate it. Personal experience here
Amen! 👍🏼😃
Yep, the best revenge is living well!
Oh they can still kick from beyond the grave as my ex narc did. Peace and quiet 20 plus years. He died and a year after his son that I didn't even know existed started harassing me using old statements from his Dad. It was surprising and hurtful to be venomously attacked by a stranger about an old relationship on private details only the ex husband and I knew. Obviously his son is a narc as well.
@@joywebster2678 Weak-minded offspring. If he is personally contacting you for harassment purposes, file a complaint with the sheriff's department. Make sure he gets word that you've done so, whether it be the sheriff's department or by word of mouth thru others.
@@SteeleMagnolia we don't have sherriffs in my country. I backed him off by telling him I'd inform his police dept he works for about his harassment.
Revenge is when you TRULY stop caring.
Yep and by then you stop caring at which point I think, personally speaking, you can forgive because you've healed and moved on.
My wife is giving me revenge yet still say she want to believe she can trust me again.
Does this mean she stop caring and is done. How can she forgive me if she's fishing out revenge.
Im taking it from her but I feel like she wants me to say FCK you a d end it for her.
Please help
"Revenge is you doing you"
-Dr Ramani
💯❤️🙏
My favorite comment in this video!!
What does that mean?
@@callforhealing9842 forking self
Absolutely!And the only reason you were vulnerable to their b.s. from the beginning is because you weren't doing you,because you had learned from faulty childhood lack of nurturing to NOT show up for yourself.They sniff out people who have some degree of self abandonment.As SOON as you decide to really be there for you,to show up for yourself,to DO YOU, they no longer can control you.You are finally home to yourself and their parasitic relationship to your absent old self dies and the narcs blood supply cut off!This IS the BEST revenge because it is no revenge.It is simply you,coming into your aliveness, your true living power
@@callforhealing9842 "Revenge is you doing you" means concentrating on yourself and your life and not wasting any more time thinking about them. It means reclaiming and getting on with your own life! ❤
"...you grow out of them..." & "...their manipulations and BS start to look like amateur hour..." Perfectly said and spot on!
Agree
@northstar done incompetently...
Love it 👍🏻
They really do tend to resemble cartoon characters with their antics given more time, distance and growth away from them.
Exactly. When I think of my ex, I am struck by the ridiculousness and immaturity of just about everything he ever told me. He was able to pull in younger me, but current me would laugh in his face if he tried to "woo" me as he did back then. And he probably is still using the same playbook, which is just sad.
Never lower yourself down to their level. My revenge was to leave and have courage for myself. 🍒
You are awesome and I’m proud of you ✌️
Yes❤️💕❤️
Yeah, leaving is the best revenge. When you're really free, you don't feel no need for revenge anymore.. but yes, they do notice!
I'm at a stage of letting them know. I have boundaries. You can not have everything your way, to satisfy yourself. O Yes! Their giving me the cold shoulder and blocking me out with others, as they now know, their way doesn't always work. It will be awkward as we work together.
I'm at a stage of letting them know. I have boundaries. You can not have everything your way, to satisfy yourself. O Yes! Their giving me the cold shoulder and blocking me out with others, as they now know, their way doesn't always work. It will be awkward as we work together.
Ignore, delete, block: the Holy Trinity of revenge on a narcissist.
I’m no longer preoccupied with justice or revenge and I’ve never felt freer ❤️
@Danielle A, yes! I'm here, too! I ain't got time for that (revenge).
@@johnnycreighton29 yes! The indifference is amazing. 4 years ago I never imagined I would be here. Now when I think of the sick things he did and said to me, I feel a slight tinge of disgust that someone could act that way but other than that, nothing; he isn’t even worth hating 🤷♀️ takes too much energy to feel emotions that heavy over someone who doesn’t deserve my attention!
I can't wait to reach that place too.
I agree! Not worth it👍
@@andreaklah8428 it takes time and grace for yourself but you’ll get there ❤️
Often, being in a relationship with a toxic person is addictive, we act as if we are possessed. Living truthfully, happily, and doing a great work with cutting off the toxin in your life is the best revenge.
That's because we don't really know what would make us happy. "Living truthfully, happily" - we don't really know what's that like and what do we have to do to obtain these things.
So we're settling with a familiar emotionally unavailable / bully person. A narcissist who will take over our life, friends, relatives, material properties... EVERYTHING.
The emotional ups and downs they drag you through and swear by (a narc would call it "the darker the night the brighter the stars" when confronted about their behavior, thinking they could gloat and make themselves look so in control) will cause that special stress in you, making you want to fix it, make it better, figure it out, make it work, which can ultimately prolong your staying with them, you being full of despair and just running on hope. Funny thing about the person mentioned - they have a long line of exes, and *still* think they are brilliant with their approach to relationship, while all those women who moved on from them are just the worst, as per the narc.
It's a roller coaster ride we embarked on but
didn't know we'd need to pay double just to
be permitted to sit where we wanted and stop
the tide when we wanted, not only when the narc would allow us to!
@@rodica69 we know how to be happy, that's why and what the narc takes from us, you've only to be feeling pretty down after dealing with a narc to see/know your happiness has been robbed! They'll do it again and again!
@@joseenoel8093 this is so true... I used to be a happy, cheerful person. My husband would tell me off about it and say that i was just being irresponsible, living for one day, had no plan for my life and wanted to live on other people's neck, none of which was true. I worked hard, payed off my student loan, financially supported my brother when he started his business, supported my mum.. AND was so much happier prior to having relationship with him! I even went out with my friends for dinners, but not anymore. I remember this one red flag that i ignored: i was ready to go out for dinner with my friend and he saw me and criticised my looks so bad, i cried off all my mascara and went out totally depressed. He later said he was jealous i was going to have good time looking so good. Why the hell didn't i leave!!? Bhhh!
So, revenge is "when you realize that the day before and this day you didn't think about that person". That's growth!
“Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.” Confucius.
I choose to let go and live everyday with the blessings god has granted me!
Over time their behaviors will catch up with them. They will be their own downfall. Meanwhile, you just go ahead and shine like the star survivor that you are.
Earlier today I remembered an old lesson. Silence speaks louder than words.
Does he then give you more of the silent treatment? Passive aggression? Sneaky manipulation?
I cried when you said, one day I'll realize that the day before I didn't think of them at all....cheers to that day!:)
A friend taught me the proverb, "living well is the best revenge." It consigns the bad actor to irrelevancy.
When you have good integrity, people often see that and when the narcissist goes off and tries to explain their behaviors to others, people usually see through it and they end up making themselves look foolish anyway.
Fools believe everything they hear and don't question the narc. True friends know your worth and character.
Accurate. 💯
I am taking a standup comedy class and writing a set about my narc's abuse in order to counterract their smear campaign in my community. It's been incredibly empowering "revenge" and people have been able to see how authentic and raw my story is and it's starting to bite the narc in the a$$. All without me ever having to say a word to my narc ex :).
This is brilliant, I wish you great success with your standup!
I am so sooo happy for you. I wanted to do the same, I took many stand-up clases. I even had classes with Judy Carter. But I am so stage fright that is not possible for me yet. I have my narc jokes waiting, and hope ia not forever.
Again, I am really happy for you. I hope you will share a video with us soon.
🤗🤗
@KS 👍💯Congratulations 🎈 🎉 🎈for your creativity! 🎈❣️😊
Ha! Fantastic! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Good for you, wonderful! I get some of my angst out by drawing cartoon figures of them with thought bubbles and word bubbles. I exaggerate their facial features and anger to display what is really going inside of them. And how it feels to me...the way they act. Like caricatures of them.
There is a song in Portuguese that goes more or less like this: “when you left me, you told me to move on and be happy. I nearly went crazy with grief but then, as usual, I did as you wished. How will you now face my joy, how will you stand to see I have healed, to have me now free from you?” For me, that is the quintessential cold-served revenge.
@IgorV. Max0 I understand where you are coming from and you are probably right about the human, not-so-nice aspect of the revenge. But, from my perspective, you totally missed the point. He dumped her. Pure and simple . She recovered after a long, painful process. Being the person he is, he will not be happy for her happiness. He wished she had remained emotionally attached forever.
Can you send the song from a RUclips clip thxs!!!
@@smohammed2821 there it goes. I found it with subtitles. It is worth translating it in full. It is a beautiful tale of recovery. ruclips.net/video/GcQzrxeQBwc/видео.html
@Yintelligent it may be true but our great achievement is that we don’t care anymore. We are free from them and are now focused on us. We have moved on without looking back at the narcissist. They usually don’t get happy when they realize you are the one who got away. Good luck.
Do you remember the name of the song?
Just go no contact, never go back and live a happy life....just doing this will hurt them bad , fills them with jealous and insecurities...they are incredibly ill .
Stop trying to get "revenge".... Stop putting anymore energy into these massive monsters...investing in your success is the greatest win!!!!!!
going no contact is the best dish served cold and continuing with your life
“Living well is the best revenge”
Yes, because it is not a revenge, it is living YOUR life YOUR way.
Disregarding the universe of the narcissist is health, not revenge. Be healthy, live well!
"Revenge is you doing you." ~ Dr. Ramani
Wise words as always. Thanks again. And whatever your circumstances are, stay strong in doing you🧡
For ten years I had the words "The best revenge is living well and being happy" over my work desk, because I needed to embody that. It was extremely helpful.
I like that saying, as it fits my personal need as well. I'm a woodworker, so I'm going to borrow that saying and make my own sign to hang in my workshop, and I'll even include "Greenwoman Greycat" as credit for the saying, lol.
Great idea. Might try this. Sometimes we need that visual reminder
Here's an interesting proverb from the Philippines: Mahirap gisingin ang nagtutulug-tulugan, which translates to "It is difficult to wake someone who is pretending to be asleep." My partner and my friends had a difficult time opening my eyes to my narcissistic family's abuse. I always had an excuse for them, even though something was definitely wrong and I was getting sadder and angrier each day I spent under their thumb. What finally snapped me out of this pretend-sleep was getting flooded in and needing a safe place to stay. I was living away from my family by then, and yet not a single one of them bothered to reach out and message me to ask if I was okay.
I hope more people see this comment. The proverb itself is very interesting but your story adds a lot. Thank you for sharing
I went through similar. Family was too self focused to help me when needed. I have created a circle of caring loving friends as my family.
Stay strong you don’t need them !!make your own family ! You will be happy .
It is a gut punch when you realize that your FOO does give a damn about you😏
You are not alone, I wish you strength 🙏❤️🌹
I guarantee most of you will have your 'moment' when you realize your narcissist got their kamuppins, or you got your revenge, or simply you don't care either way. If you really want to 'win' - it's simple. You win if you don't spent countless years in between the breakup and this moment....ruminating...and beating yourself up silly about it. You got this! Heal up and live your life !
Zero Revenge is best ! Walk away go no contact ! Self awareness, knowing that I was dealing with an ice cold master emotional manipulator, identifying the toxic, dysfunctional pervasive behavioural patterns is gold. Narcissists are never ever truly happy! Us thriving survivors have some chance of Peace, Happiness and Good Health ! ❤️🌺
You are correct, let go and Watch GOD. He changes things.
@@LC-gu2sc Yep Let Go ! The only way is up ⬆️
No need for revenge. Time is the best answer. Give time to work its way and focus on better things. The twelve year cycle is a natural law cycle. I see that narcissist getting back what he gave. While the one who walked away gracefully had more and more blessings coming his way.
Totally agree with this. They can’t be happy. They don’t know how.
@@DebRoo11 🌸 A Narc Injury (ego) maybe 🤔 Take Good Care of yourself 🌼🌼
Feeling gaslighted after dealing with this for the last 9 months is so hard to get through. I just broke things off yesterday and I still feel so angry that I spent so long with this person. I go from feeling intense waves of anxiety and anger all at the same time. For anyone else going through this, my heart goes out to you. At least with these videos and everyone else commenting about their own experiences, we know that we’re not alone. 💙
It takes time, but you WILL heal. ♥️
I hope you are well after10 months and that you did not go back to that individual
I’m actually going thru this right now idk how to let it go & tell her to leave :(
@@carolynmorales377 Think of everything bad she has done and is doing. Start building a wall around yourself and soon you'll be be strong enough. Dont tell her leave pack her stuff and put her out. flip the script
@@louisepalm4792 thank you, it’s hard but I will deff do that. I already started she suppose to take her things & go & still haven’t :/
imagine how the narcissist would feel if they thought they didn't matter to you.
He found something new and that's all.
The best revenge is good living. All the "bad stuff" that you wish would happen to your narcissist will happen naturally over time, without your effort or thought... so don't waste your time on that (them), spend your time on healing (yourself). I had to learn this the hard way. Peace, happiness, and blessings to all that read this...
"Revenge is you doing you"
That's one of those light bulb switching on inside the mind moments.
The sort of statement that genuinely makes a difference
Takes people to create KARMA😊 they will wait &like it😊
My ex narcissist really kicked me when I was already down. It’s so strange that they gain confidence by hurting others. Great advice! Thank you for the video!
Me too. I was already really suffering. It is baffling how cruel they can be
Narc neighbours delight in trying to bully someone with debilitating multisystem physical disability. How low and pathetic can you possibly be as a human being?
My take on revenge is simple: and it has served me well.
"Revenge is mine, saith the Lord, I, will repay." This means getting out of the way of God, separating yourself from your narcissistic abuser, realize this is a two-way street, that something in me was broken, and this "relationship" of 19 months, just brought it to the surface. If I can recognize, the little/big patterns in my life, then I am free from all the connecting arcs that the narcissist threw/throws at me. And if I am free, I am free indeed. God bless you Dr. Ramani for your wonderful insights. Thank you for sharing with us all, you have indeed been part of my healing. I hope to participate in your healing program.
Eloquent and true... 👌🏼😊
The Lord will meet you at the gates of hell where you can leave your abuser at His feet and then call on the rulers of darkness, powers etc. to join you there and turn them all over to the Father for revenge and repayment of all their sufferings. I did it with a narc member of my family as it was getting too stressful to live with them and she later told me to get out of the house. what a relief. I should have never come there, but now I understand what I am up against
What if you don't believe in a god, but the person who ripped your world apart is a lying, married, "pretend christian" who works for a church, and also tried to hide his religious "life" along with his marital status? I can't wait for a "god" I don't believe in to exact any justice. I've made sure he is exposed. The church has known about us for a long time, and , they know the details leading up to his brutal discard of me. Over a year later, he has made no amends to me. As we speak, there are flyers posted throughout the neighborhood where the church is located. "Jesus hates hypocrites" along with his photo, name of the church, and announcing he is a liar, betrayer, and adulterer. I am probably done. But I have never felt such a strong need to "punish" someone back. And, no, it doesn't soothe me
@@julieknox1682 you posted flyers?
Amen my thoughts exactly 💯
Getting "revenge" on a narcissist is the best because it isn't even bad. It just means being a decent person, not picking up fights they lay down and just living the life YOU want. And the fact that they have to live with themselves and you aren't around to "help".
Blocking, ignoring and not taking the bait drives them nuts! If necessary document, record and legal action.
This is Brilliant. There are very angry influencers out there who support unhealthy revenge, and it gives me great Hope and Courage that you are helping us take a healthy approach, Dr. Ramani. What every Narcissist wants is to believe the delusional fantasy that they are the Center of Your Universe, and that without them you would shrivel up and die. The last thing they want to see is someone living a Healthy, Empowered life without them.
This is exactly what my husband believes - that i am nothing without him. He deliberately put sticks in wheels when i wanted to start working after my baby was born.
Preach
Your post is very inspirational and inspiring. Thank you for sharing your insight.
Mine will say,you are useless at everything,what can you do without me,let’s see how you survive on your on with the child.
@MoniqueJackson Thank you! Your insight is profound. ❤
"The best revenge is a happy life". I agree, with one exception - when my ex realized he couldn't hurt me directly any more, he started hurting our children. That was even worse. Detaching from the narcissist came at a huge cost to our children. The more I got help (therapy), the more the kids were targeted. Dr. Ramani, would you consider doing an episode on the consequences of one parent becoming indifferent to the narcissist while trying to protect their children from retaliation? Has this happened to others?
This is what I'm facing as well. The manipulation and games don't work on me so he turns it on the kids...
My ex narc is doing this as well, with our grown sons. He has smeared my good name, but uses our sons as flying monkeys against me. I don't have a clue about what I'm even being accused of, but know that it involves the CPS case involving our infant grandson. The ex was ultimately responsible for events that took place, when the judge removed our grandson from family custody.
Oooh yess!!! YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Love!
@@SteeleMagnolia Oh my god, I am soo sory.. beond words..
@@ivanaandric5703 The ex has shown to be the most deceitful and abusive human being I have ever known. His most recently failed relationship just poured more fuel on the hate that he's filled with, and I was the scapegoat for it all. The web of lies he can weave to make himself look like a victim is out of this world. I never knew so much hate could consume a person, and he could bring on the tears to gain sympathy from whomever he sought out as his flying monkeys.
I have been married to a narcissists for 30 years. I am recently divorced...these wise words are priceless for my healing! Thank you Dr. Ramani!
you will only go up from here :)
I was married to one for 20 years. I am glad to hear that it can and will get better foe those of us who endured decades of abuse
@@shermanbrennan794 same! I worry about my young adult children...the damage that has been done to them...and still continues. This platform is so incredibly helpful and hearing from others is inspiring.
CONGRATULATIONS on your freedom, peace and happy days ahead!
So happy for you!!!
Absolutely! I know that” I want to destroy your happiness radar” all too well. Everything is a competition to make me feel lesser than. I started focusing on myself, disengaging, and taking back my power and it feels so good! Thank you Dr.Ramani!
Going no contact while focusing on self-healing and growth is the best “revenge”. It’s not a deliberate attempt to stick it to the narc, but a by-product or shall I say bye-product of getting your life in order after severing ties with the narc.
Exactly!! ❤️ I am focusing on this too. Here’s to healing! 👍🏻
Loled at the bye-product :)
Seeing it as a bye-product, I love this! 😊
I love "bye-product" so much!
Brilliant. ❤️ I agree with you 🙂
The best revenge is to take aaaaall the time and efforts they put into bringing you down, or making you dependent of them, or making you believe you're nothing, or controlling you, or invading your thoughts and confidence........, and completely unmake their job. All of their time consuming efforts will be for nothing.
Even if they never find out, YOU will know!
Thank you so much, doctor!!
For me, revenge is less satisfying than just getting out of the way of the natural consequences they have coming to them. Revenge is just as toxic as feeling like you have to constantly run interference and/or walking on eggshells to shield your abuser from the natural consequences of their behavior.
I still get flashes of wanting revenge because their behavior does offend my natural sense of justice. That’s part of being human, but I try not to live in the revenge mindset because ultimately it really only hurts me.
For years I let the bitterness and rumination consume me and any enjoyment that I may have had in life. It burning away my soul, not a nice way to live.
The Turkish have a proverb: The best Revenge is a beautiful life Although IT may be difficiult to just walk away and not get any satisfaction for all the Abuse one suffered. I have decided that I have wasted enough energy on this hateful subject.I am not going to allow him to again dry me out with his negativity. I have hired a lawyer hough to try and get all the money back He stole from me. Thus I will not have to get in contact with him again, a professional will handle the case unemotionally.
That’s why I like another proverb better -a teaching by Sun Tzu: “if you wait by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float by”.
Living well is the best payback.
@@amac2573 I agree
Beautifully said--thank you!
I grew up with a narcissistic father who sexually assaulted me regularly, beat me, strangled me and psychologically devastated me for pleasure. One of his biggest rules was to never, ever allow people outside of our family to find out about the abuse, because he is extremely attached to his public image in the small community that he lives in. I am writing a book about my experience with childhood abuse and domestic violence. It is also going to include my journey of escaping the situation, recovering and building a new life for myself. If I finish and publish it while my father is still alive, I am going to send him a copy. I don't know how he will react publicly, but I know that he will be horrified. I will know that I stood up to him.
If I don't publish it in his lifetime, it will still be a good book that I can be proud of. My primary goal is raise awareness and show other people that it is possible to escape, recovery and healing are possible. I will include resources that victims and survivors of childhood abuse, sexual assault and domestic violence can draw on to make themselves safe, get back on thier feet and heal
It sounds like you have suffered tremendously, and I think it is so great that you are speaking up and out about your experiences.
I believe my ex husband would have sexually assaulted our daughters, if I had remained with him (I currently have full custody and only allow supervised visits for him, because of things he's done which indicate he sexualized them in his mind and, given the chance, I think he would have crossed that line in real life). I have wondered a lot if there is a connection between sexual predators and narcissistic people? It would make sense in multiple ways, most notably them seeking their own gratification at the expense of whomever).
@@deeh5126 definitely a link there: all people who abuse others in any way are narcs; not respecting the physical integrity and emotional safety of others, thinking you have a right to the body of other people for your pleasure and to feel powerful .. all of that is part of the narc traits for sure. Good that you are doing what you can to protect your daughters, I hope you and them stay safe and hopefully one day don't have to deal with your ex anymore.
So sorry you had go through this.. sending you love and happiness x
@@hannahassan2574 💚
I never really realised how much i gaslight myself about my relationship with my ex narc. He up and left one day, moved country and never acknowledged me again. I was left in the home we shared, a rental, while he became a millionaire with pretty young girl. Because i was ghosted i tend to fill in the gaps with gaslighting myself. Then i have to remind myself that no he was not my lost perfect man, but he was cruel, dishonest and unfaithful. Thank you again. You really help me. 🙏
We basically have to cleanse our souls of their toxins, and that takes so long to accomplish, but time will heal. I look at it as though he did me a favor, when I caught him cheating, as it saved me from more wasted time with him.
You are an inspiration ❤
I'm baffled. It's almost like Dr. Ramani was talking about me. I was dumped after 10 years married to a narcissist and although some people pressed me to get revenged, I never did, and from a distance I saw his second and third marriages terminate (apart from other relationships). I got goosebumps when Dr. said "You wake up one day and recognize that the day before you didn't think about them at all." That day happened. And another one, and another one. And so many more! The scars are not going to erase. But I am mostly healed. Dr Ramani, thank you. I have learned a lot from your videos, and especially, I learned that I am enough and that I am not crazy. Have a great year.
How in the world do you come up with these excellent topics? Every topic is better than the last.
She has first hand experience, she's been through it...that's how you know she's the real deal 💯
Thank you!
The idea of seeking revenge is not crazy. It’s OK to want somebody to pay. It’s what would be just. What would be even more just, would be to shame them or somehow let everybody in the world know, in order to help potential future victims. But we don’t live in that ideal world where justice always prevails. I totally agree with Dr. Ramani on this. It isn’t revenge per se, but it may be better. Although I think that the moment when she realized she was deleted and blocked thus having no influence, importance, presence and no chance of hoovering, (because she did realize for sure) well, thinking about that always gives me some satisfaction.
When I go no contact or gray rock the narcissist my good energy is used appropriately for my own healing and self growth, rather than mindlessly ruminating or seeking revenge about the narcissist....in those moments I am a better human being 😌 thank you dr. Ramani for all you are helping me and all of us in our journet through this earth life...💞🙏🕊
"Revenge is you doing you". Wise words.
Revenge is you being able go through your life without having to engage with the narcissist and their drama. With that said, welcome the narcissist's silent treatment and see it as a vacation from their drama. Give yourself the gift of silence because it will allow you to be more productive and to relax.
The day came when I drove by the office where I had worked for many years and experienced narcissistic abuse and I didn't turn my head to look or think about it until I was blocks away. This has taken years, but I was so happy to realize I was finally healing.
This is wonderful! I experienced something similar recently, as what would have been my anniversary came and went, and while I knew it was coming up, and apprehensive about the day, it was the day after that I realized "huh, that was yesterday!". Not a pang in my heart! Win!
My daughter is an evil destroyers narcissistic woman she's now just spat me out after many year no explanation I've two lovely grandchildren I cant see do I have a new pain I can't stand it any more she knows that
I grew up in toxic, abusive family with a narc mother and sister. Music always made me feel less alone, and in this moment there are two songs that I feel close to my feelings and my recovery path. New Year's Eve, I screamed both at the sky and it was so liberating! The songs are Rearviewmirror by Pearl Jam and Let it go from Frozen. I wish everyone that this healing journey will lead us to look at them from a distance (mentally) and to be able to say: I'm free!
Great songs!
Music works for me too, now the narcs have ruined the access to that in order to punish me for knowing who all of them are. They think that my isolation is from them... In fact I've learned to utilize their power hunger as a way to fuel my self love. It works. Stand tall. This too shall pass.
I've always liked Phil Collins " I don't care anymore ".
Elton John’s “I’m still standing!”
The best way I've found to hurt a narcissist is to cut them out of your life... completely... Zero contact... going the distance to try and harm a narc just drags out the negative BS that you've already been suffering from. Love and care for yourself more than you hate others.
(Edit...I posted before I watched based off a lot of experience and things I've learned from watching Dr. Ramani)
Amen. Self-care is the most important part of healing. Focus instead on yourself, and you will be free.
revenge is making them irrelevant, and living life in a way that fulfilling to u.
So true, they can't handle that😂😂😂💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾
I agree, seeking "revenge" isn't the right objective. I will choose "resurrection" over revenge--I want my sense of self brought back to life! I'm getting there...I think I'd call my current phase "resuscitation."
Thanks for all you do to help illuminate the path on this journey.
So true Dr Ramani… As I drove from the supermarket this morning.. I started think how to plan my days .. and a 💡 light bulb went off in my head.. GONE are the days when I was thinking how did I get here… ruminating … stuck thinking why did they do that.. Now with the knowledge of Narcissism I can put these experiences in their place.. making room for SELFCARE and going after what makes me happy!! My revenge!!
whenever you do not think about these evil ppl in a day, you are you again
I used to muse about revenge-I masticated those thoughts-but now I simply don’t care. I actually think that’s more powerful.
Not caring is the apex of freedom from a narcissist. I remember the highlights of the bad times and barely that. I call those times, "The Dark Years" and I have no desire to turn the light on and revisit them. I said that'll never happen again, and that was almost 40 years ago--and it hasn't and WON'T unless I somehow have a brain injury.
My best revenge has been educating myself on what I’ve been through and how to move on with my life 😇 Thanks doc 💐🙏
You are correct doctor my distorted memories started to become more accurate. "Revenge is a double edge sword. The longer you hold it the deeper you cut yourself " Chris Colfer.
Don't take revenge let karma do all the work. Weak people take revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore.
Learn to re-love yourself and go back to who you were before you met the narcissist. Disorder is necessary for the manifestation of order to take place. Stay in line with yourself no matter what obstacles you may face in life. Never blame anyone in life; the good people give you happiness. The worse people give you lessons and the best people give you memories. "Tough times don't last tough people do" Robert Schuller.
"Life is a cruel teacher she loves to give you the test first and lesson later"- Daymond John. The narcissist is a test from life and one of her the lessons among many is to learn to be resilient.
Beautifully said
@@anavoodoo7122 thank you for the acknowledgement. May peace be with you. 🙏😁
You have a great attitude
@@danmcdonald8522 Thank you for the acknowledgement. May peace and love reign on this world.
I took much revenge. I'm not weak.
This woman is a genius
Julie Courville,Hope you are not with a narcissist....
So perfectly said Dear Dr. Ramani. The true victory is to Walk In Love, to love yourself enough to let go of the narcissist and the harm they did to you. Yes Grow and Prosper. Peace.
@Wise 👍💯❣️love your name by the way 🙏😊
I call it buying back real estate. I gave up a lot of ground and every time I recognize a manipulation, I can stand back and see it clearly. Of course, I wish this had happened 50 yrs ago but, as long as I’m still alive, it’s never too late. I’m really looking forward to the new seminar. This can be a Happy new Year
I like that, "buying back real estate"
Thank you Dr. Ramani, it is because of your information that I am able to see and understand exactly what I've been battling for the last few years. It is because of you that I have a sense of sanity in an insane relationship, and sense of calm despite the chaos, and finally have some hope in of the hopeless world he has made for me. I am truly grateful for your work and words of encouragement.
Yes! Staying focused on post traumatic growth is a necessity! Celebrate the small wins. Let time do its healing work. It’s often grueling, but will create the path to higher ground. ☀️
Amen! The best revenge I got is setting boundaries with my narcissist in my life and in my mind but also deep in my soul. No regret or guilt for giving up on them and pushing them out emotionally. Some people are just never going to stop hurting you/playing games with your mind and you must accept that hard truth.
Reclaiming my truth and intuition is saving me daily and I can’t wait to totally outgrow them and their victim narrative. New Years resolution!
Omg...i just love this fantastic lady so much! Ty Dr. Ramani!
They WILL notice bc the narc is always checking up on you!
Happy New Year, Dr Ramani and listeners / viewers. If you're reading this, you're still alive! That's not a bad thing, eh?
Revenge is living your best life. Healing from and forgiving yourself and finding your best most creative fun self. I have travelled, explored the world, taken up painting and worked on my healing for the past six years (after my ex left me after 25 years for a younger ‘supply) including adopting the cold water therapy of wild swimming. I feel more truly alive now than I ever have despite ME/CFS and being far into my sixth decade. The quality of my energy is so much better even if the quantity isn’t.
Apparently my ex hates my thriving, despite his apparently doing likewise. What a shame! 😁
Signed up for your healing program, so thankful and glad you’re doing this. Perfect timing too!
A life well lived is the best revenge, narcissists can’t stand seeing you content/happy.
I LOVE THIS. I’ve spent the last seven years healing and growing. And now when I encounter them I *own* them. That was a satisfying conversation in which I knew exactly how to play them, just as they had always done me. They taught me their playbook and I knew exactly how to use it back on them. And they told me they have felt trapped all this time - trapped by the trap they built. But more importantly, whenever I meet a new abusive person now, they seem like a toddler jumping for something held high over my head. I’m unimpressed and unaffected. Jordan Peterson says “A good man is not a man that isn’t dangerous. A good man is a man who has the capacity to be dangerous and controls himself.” This experience has made me “dangerous” and safer and able to shut abusers down. And now I get to enjoy the goodness without the threat of harm anew. I am trying to retrain my mind to remember I’m safe now. I don’t have to worry about if others are safe because I know how to spot them, handle them, and to get myself away. I can trust myself. That process is a work in progress though. But I know it will come as did the healing. Keep working every day, each day is one step on the journey to a more beautiful life!
Jordan Peterson is a narcissist, telling bs.
" 'Revenge is a kind of wild justice.' It is so, but without this wild austere stock there would be no justice in the world." Burke
I hope you’re okay dealing with your circumstances, Dr Ramani. Best wishes for ya.
Thank you for the kind wishes! ❤️
I am so happy to have found this channel. This morning I was telling my neglectful narcissistic husband of 35 years about a particular strawberry seed I planned to plant. I was explaining the flavor as pineapple. And in his usual retort style to devalue what I was doing he said, "well why don't you just grow pineapples. Because of everything that I learned on this channel I replied,." I will let you answer that question yourself ". It was so freeing to know for sure that his motive was to devalue me. I don't have to ruminate on it , question if that's really his motive or if I am less than because I now know for sure that it is his motive. I do have to say that this knowledge makes me a little bit sadder then being in the confusion of questioning his motives. But as you say, this gives me a happier schema of myself. It is so hard to understand that for all these years I continued to question if those were his motives because I trusted him. So I guess the sadness is knowing that I cannot trust him.
Thanks for your comments. I'm 36 years in. I notice so much now that he has an unconscious compulsion to de value me. My son's admire me an my parenting of them. My husband can't stand it. He said I make it sound like he did nothing - almost true but he has to devalue me. Yes it's sad but i am not confused. That's liberating yes?
Please listen to Dr. Ramini as much as you need to get the courage to leave. They dont love you. They just love the control they have over you. Stop being his doormat!
@@dml4539 it's called the double bind
❤
Despite the narc, after divorcing him, I did overcome every aspect of his endeavors to make me fail. He didn't think I could do it with five kids and not having had a job outside of the home. It was hell, it was demeaning, it took an emotional and physical toll on me, but I would not allow him to bring me down any further. I was a Phoenix Rising, from the narc's hateful ashes.
It took me 5 years to figure this out with the hardcore narcissists in my mom's family. When my mom's birthgiver died and i got no gratification like I was expecting, that's when I woke up and realized that wishing for their pain was only hurting me and when I truly started healing.
In the same boat.
Looking forwards for an entire year in which my birth demon won't get one red cent out of me!
I’m 37 years old with two kids. You’ve helped me understand why my covert narc dad behaves the way he does - and have helped me protect my kids by setting boundaries that I never had. Thank you x
Initially, I felt a sense of revenge when I got on the other side of a narcissistic relationship. Over time that morphed into imperviousness and indifference. I'M OUT!!! and couldn't care less what they think, doing, them.
Finding the vibration of love, freedom, joy, happiness, enthusiasm is a higher vibration than revenge. Staying there as much as possible and you start to change the momentum in your life. Everytime you have flashbacks be soft and gentle with yourself...this shall pass, my mind is free, im getting stronger day by day, they helped me know more clearly what i want in a partner, it wasnt right for the both of us, i can find other things to be happy about...etc....do it when youre calm. Cause if you're all tight it wont work
I've found over time that another proverb, a biblical one actually, which is, "revenge is mine sayeth the Lord". Or "Karma will get you in the end". Or, "a life lived well is the best revenge". No longer being under the control of a narcissist also constitutes 'revenge'. I have a proverb of my own now which seems to work well as a survival and thriving strategy: It's basically what you would do if a skunk waddled into your garden. Don't feed it (its ego), don't poke it (it'll kick up a stink) and back away slowly and quietly. No need to waste energy on plotting revenge and risking a massive stink in return!
I found removing myself and remaining silent to the Narcissist works wonders. Then the Healing cones Naturally with work.
Feels amazing
I don’t believe in revenge. I believe, “Give a person enough rope to hang themselves”. I was afraid that the narcissist would alienate my entire extended family against me. But it didn’t happen. Sooner or later people see the narc’s true colors if you simply disengage.
There's another saying about revenge that fits well here: "The best revenge is to live well."
The best revenge on a narcissist is living well. It drives them nuts when they realise they no longer have the power and leaves them jealous.
I’m not convinced there is revenge for narcissists. It’s like fighting fire with fire. I also firmly believe that what goes around comes around. I have a new blessing/curse. “May you meet nothing but people like yourself”. A blessing for the good and a curse for the bad. I allows me to give it to the universe to deal with this person and prevents me from being so affected.
This is a video I need to save and play every time a single thought about the narc comes to upset me…. My mind is my real estate and I ain’t giving any part of that to the Narc anymore, been there and done that for last 30 years. It’s time to take the weeds out by roots and plant some flowers 🌸… I just love your analogy. Thanks Dr. Ramani from the deepest part of my heart ❤️
La vengeance est un plat qui se mange très froid that's what we say in French, thanks a lot Doctor Ramani for your videos it helps me a lot healing from weird relationships and understanding a lot and taking myself back. Merci énormément pour tout. Vous m'aidez beaucoup dans ma vie de tous les jours et de comprendre toutes ces relations avec des narcissiques. Merci merci. Mille merci.
The best revenge is to live happily ever after in peace and harmony and no contact what so ever.
It has been my motto the last 32 years since I escaped my malignant narcissist boy friend.
I think that the best revenge is not to ignore the narcissist if you come upon them. It is to be polite and move on. You are then showing that you have no feelings (good or bad) towards them. If you ignore them or be rude to them, you show them that you are still affected by them. By being polite and moving on, you are showing them that they are irrelevant to you and are indifferent about them. Show them that they have no affect on you. If you harbour ‘hate’ and show rudeness or intentionally ignore, you are showing that the narcissist still affects you. If they are on the other side of the road, do not go out of your way to say hello, just walk on your way, but if they are on your side of the road, just say ‘hello, great weather today isn’t it’ and walk on by. Do not stop though !!!
We don’t have to participate. Eventually every narc will exact revenge on themselves on our behalf. Either they will die early. Or they will become an aging narcissist; which is torture. Their own internal torment is far worse than anything anyone could have ever done to them.
Which is so sad. Perhaps it’s more justice than revenge.
In any case we can let go.
Any action motivated by revenge is as wrong as the actions taken against you.
I don't care about revenge. I just want to get to the part about being completely indifferent to one specific narcissist. I want to stop being afraid of this person, and I want to stop having nightmares where they are hurting or controlling me.
Wanting revenge just makes you the same as the person who wronged you, just learn not to bothered by crap or people who do stuff to you. Remember don't ever give anyone your power and you will remain in control of yourself.
I don't believe in revenge in this case. I just remove myself from the situation as soon as I am able (mentally, physically and emotionally) . Vengeance belongs to God.
I’m a walking target for narcissistic people, they flock to me as though I had a neon sign over my head that says abuse me. My parents were narcissistic and every relationship I’ve been in was with a narcissist, my bosses have all been narcissists as well.I feel like there must be something wrong with me that makes them attractive to me, which is exactly what they want me to feel like. The only way I can escape them is to not have anything to do with humans altogether, I have developed acute agoraphobia after finally having a complete nervous breakdown after years of being abused I find the more I get to know people, the more I like dogs.
I feel you because I am going through the same line in my life. It seems in hindsight in all relationships I was with a narcissistic person, the last one really broke me completely. And in my job I currently also suffer under three narcissistic supervisors and managers. Although I applied for different jobs, I could not yet secure a new job and leave the company, which is frustrating. My mom obviously is also one, I had to learn though a psychological consultant. But although I sometimes cocoon myself and find it easier to cope with it all by locking everyone out of my life, it is important to keep the faith in some good people out there. They exists and it is important to keep up a healthy social system with people who truly like you for who you are. I thankfully have that and I love my friends who are supporting of me and my feelings. Not everyone out there is bad and I am confident I will find love again, and it will be a healthy relationship. Because I learned now to watch out for red flags and healthy boundaries after therapy.
Hey, I feel the same.. some days are better amd I’m still possitive and meet only positive people. But usualy a lot narcisist neighbour atracting! That’s feel like every your move at home they know it and see it.. sometimes I believe this is like envy guest , who see everything and btw I ‘ve read somewhere , that that is true, so no problem with people , but with guests.. I wish me and all like us to find peaceful place at home, work and even outside.
Life is very good for us! 🎉❤🍀😇
I’m trying to be mindful of the ruminating and breath and force myself to think of anything that’s positive. I also remind myself that I’m not the person they (whole family) say I am. I remind myself I have value! And I keep all I’ve learned from Ramani’s close to my heart.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately! I didn't even really feel like Revenge was worth it. Initially I just wanted people to see what kind of person this person was, but it's not even worth that either and most times people don't end up responding how you would think they would. Living well and not even giving them a second thought is probably the best thing you can do in terms of Revenge because it burns them up when they find out that they're not even on your radar.
Our revenge is cold!
Stone cold silence!!!
That's our revenge and what's best for us...
A voice instructor explained once that Revenge can also be a "symbolic" gesture of returning the hurt back, like handing a person who harmed you a letter with your thoughts in. Hurt must be "returned", otherwise it will stay in you and eat up on you, transforming into sickness, depression...in this case, standing up for yourself, taking care of you, and letting them know they lost a prisoner, is far from symbolic. It will punch them in their ego. Dr Ramini, thank you and God bless you, your beloved ones and your beautiful team. You are helping so many people with the arm of knowledge and with the strength of wisdom🙏🙏🙏🙏I pray this "dark cloud" your personal life is going through will pass, and the sun, which is waiting for you just above it, will shine soon🙏🙏🙏
So true, dear Dr.Ramani, thankyou. Years ago I was devoted to exacting revenge upon my former abusers. It had drained my capacity for contentment. Liberating myself from my own toxicity was difficult , yet so beneficial to my sanity. Accepting that my revenge is a dish best not served at all, works a charm for me. Love this content, thankyou 💕.
Dear Doctor Ramani, thank you so much for this video on revenge!
Because I do not endorse revenge, I did the following to „hurt“ the narcissists in my life: I stopped to consider myself as a „victim“. I am not a victim of narcissists, but a target for narcissists. This alone gradually raised my self-esteem. And then - by growing and learning - I became a moving target, so hard to hit! And watching the narcissists frustration and anger about their inability to hit and hurt me anymore was pure satisfaction. Sweetest revenge served ice cold with an insouciant smile.