As a 1, who thought I was a 7, also a 6 for a while, I will say one of the most important skills a 1 can develop is distress tolerance. I think one of the reasons we can seem so controlling is that we are actually have extremely sensitive and that sensitivity leads to distress which is very overwhelming for us. Unlike 4s, who can withstand strong emotions and even feel alive through them, 9s who just fall asleep, or 7s who can distract themselves, 1s must FIX the issue and now. Learning to accept difficult emotions and simply sitting with them, or carrying them close, offering them as a sacrifice etc will help tremendously. Just my $.02
Girl! I love other ones. Wow, how perfectly astute and accurate about needing to FIX IT NOW! I’ve found that if I can at the very least understand _why_ something went wrong, I can unclench. I need to know it’s fixable, preventable, repairable. My 7 husband unintentionally extends my stress bc he makes me have to wait until he’s “ready” to address the scary stuff and he’ll avoid it forever. It’s never a good time. Meanwhile, I just need that plan, that reassurance that there’s some resolution and we aren’t just floundering in unmitigated and sloppy chaos. It’s wasteful
I have experienced the over-corrections of a friend who seems to be a constant monitoring presence in casual social gatherings. At times I get very annoyed when she points out some things that I believe could be overlooked (she could use more graciousness). So I just stop talking and let her get busy fixing what's wrong with everyone else! 😊 At the same time, listening to your explanations helps me understand her better ❤
I am a one wing 9, i could certainly dial into 2 a bit more...i WANT more 7, but that really takes more conscious effort (love when the natural 7 just shows up) 4 feels like poop and pulls me down a hole ( finding words to get it outside of me yuck! so hard, this is where the wants and being true to myself lie!) Two things you didnt share, but have made a tremendous difference for me...naming my inner critic (Mildred she's drradful 😅 by trying to keep me safe) i acknowledge her help but remind her that sometimes she is too much...and secondly dialing into how my body feels (this is different than how the heart feels) like oh I'm feeling resistance or resentment or I'm not getting my way (thats the hardest one) when i notice that feeling i hit the attention button and breathe / pause. It doesn't always make it go away, but awareness of it allows me to loosen up and try to be more open. Learning that natural consequences are ok since things dont always go as expected (damn those expectstions!l
That’s great advice. Thanks. I like the ideas and will try some out too. I have to keep the seven at bay and that is like taming wild horses at times. 😅 Social 9 and a half. (Quite one-like!)
IDK about the other Ones, but I mellowed out a lot in my 50s. I wish I had this kind of information when I was younger. I worked through it myself, but this information can hurry growth along. Better than feeling around in the dark for dozens of years.
My niece is a 1 and it is hard to be around her. She is such a know it all even though the subject is something she doesn't have any real world experiences with like parenting and marriage when she is 33 and never in a relationship.
Love your videos. That said , I also get tired hearing what is wrong with me and to fix myself. As people, we grow (positively) when we play on our strengths and quit harping on our weaknesses. I love those videos you make that address our strengths and build upon those strengths. And I get turned off by a negative approach via our faults. And.... you DO "pick on 1s". I'll keep watching as always :)
I do agree in part with you, but talking about the "negative aspects" of each type is also very importantly, because I think it is mostly through these aspects that we come to identify what type we are. You know you're a type X when the negatives of that type hurt you the most. In my case, I started reading and researching about the Enneagram types from type 1 onwards, and when I finally hit type 5 it immediately clicked and I realized "hey, that's me" because at first I felt somewhat attacked on a personal level by what I was reading, you know?
@@LuisGustavoBD agreed, more growth comes from seeing the negative and using it for change. I think a 1 has a hard time not believing they are already prefect.
@@LuisGustavoBDyes yes yessss, this angsty, kinetic energy that makes you have to get up and move around bc you’ve never read your own thoughts in other people’s words before, described so perfectly and incredibly detailed and specifically telling you about your own most constant internal battles and motivations to your common, passing annoyances and it’s absolutely wild to experience. It feels like you’re being ripped open but in a good way bc for the first time ever you are like, wait? I’m not alone? These thoughts aren’t just a thing I have been fighting by myself my whole life? I dunno it’s crazy and awesome and I really have grown so much bc of it. Years ago, after relying on internet info for so long I finally got a couple physical books to read and my husband and I would take turns reading sections to eachother, as we read through the books from start to finish, deciding on who was what type as we went. We were unsure and I remember my husband reading aloud from one of our books talking about why one’s are so deeply in pain and what led to it and what a healthy, integrated, made-it-to-a-7 level of self acceptance looks like for ones. How we can actually achieve a mindset that allows us to love ourselves and become our best selves, and I just remember him weeping as he read it to me and me crying as well because the pain lined up so much but the beauty did as well; I had never felt so seen and so loved and so _hopeful_ in the first real moment that I felt love and grace and kindness for myself. I saw myself in this compassionate, forgiving, and loving light and that was such a beautiful feeling. One of the many times my husband has let me see with the utmost clarity that he like, really freakin loves me dude. I had no intention of doing so but I shed a few tears typing this comment! Anyway, we read through all of them and as we read the 7, in the same section of the book where it describes what full healthy integrated 7s look like, why it’s ok that they have their hang ups but through effort they can transcend fear and become their best selves to live a full life, I was reading it to him and the same thing happened where we were both weeping with love and hope and joy and through this like, precious clarity of self acceptance and hope for the future.
ST- a focus on "respect," or "chain of command" and TJ- "effectiveness" or "getting the job done." Two very important characteristics of a Type 1 personality as well...
I see what you mean about Jesus probably not having a type although I always see it as he is in human form so he has to have all the same temptation we have but with out failing in it so that would be pro he has an enneagram type. He could possibly look like a 1 as it was that he was sent to save the world from its self having that righteous behaviour. So that could be a possible for your view on no type. Interesting to her your view on it though I suppose we will never really now. Anyway yes it’s important to lean on both wings I tend to lean on my 2 however in lockdown I went more on the 9 obviously that was because it was a very pro 9 that The government was pushing. From England do I don’t know if it was possible different in America. That could be a possible video for you in the future if you can lean more on one wing over time more than your original wing. Always enjoy your content especially as you can go very detailed.
![FNAF vs TF2 - Episode 2 [SFM]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/z5b3V2-VLb0/mqdefault.jpg)
As a 1, who thought I was a 7, also a 6 for a while, I will say one of the most important skills a 1 can develop is distress tolerance. I think one of the reasons we can seem so controlling is that we are actually have extremely sensitive and that sensitivity leads to distress which is very overwhelming for us. Unlike 4s, who can withstand strong emotions and even feel alive through them, 9s who just fall asleep, or 7s who can distract themselves, 1s must FIX the issue and now. Learning to accept difficult emotions and simply sitting with them, or carrying them close, offering them as a sacrifice etc will help tremendously. Just my $.02
Girl! I love other ones. Wow, how perfectly astute and accurate about needing to FIX IT NOW! I’ve found that if I can at the very least understand _why_ something went wrong, I can unclench. I need to know it’s fixable, preventable, repairable. My 7 husband unintentionally extends my stress bc he makes me have to wait until he’s “ready” to address the scary stuff and he’ll avoid it forever. It’s never a good time. Meanwhile, I just need that plan, that reassurance that there’s some resolution and we aren’t just floundering in unmitigated and sloppy chaos. It’s wasteful
This!
My 1 husband is a wonderful guy, but from time to time I have to remind him he's not the only adult in the room.
I thought you were going to say, from time to time you need to remind him …how to load up that dishwasher 😊
I guarantee that he will find that reassuring. I love to see that the people around me are both capable and willing to hold down the fort
😂I’m a 1 I can see that.
I have experienced the over-corrections of a friend who seems to be a constant monitoring presence in casual social gatherings. At times I get very annoyed when she points out some things that I believe could be overlooked (she could use more graciousness). So I just stop talking and let her get busy fixing what's wrong with everyone else! 😊 At the same time, listening to your explanations helps me understand her better ❤
I am a one wing 9, i could certainly dial into 2 a bit more...i WANT more 7, but that really takes more conscious effort (love when the natural 7 just shows up) 4 feels like poop and pulls me down a hole ( finding words to get it outside of me yuck! so hard, this is where the wants and being true to myself lie!)
Two things you didnt share, but have made a tremendous difference for me...naming my inner critic (Mildred she's drradful 😅 by trying to keep me safe) i acknowledge her help but remind her that sometimes she is too much...and secondly dialing into how my body feels (this is different than how the heart feels) like oh I'm feeling resistance or resentment or I'm not getting my way (thats the hardest one) when i notice that feeling i hit the attention button and breathe / pause. It doesn't always make it go away, but awareness of it allows me to loosen up and try to be more open. Learning that natural consequences are ok since things dont always go as expected (damn those expectstions!l
That’s great advice. Thanks. I like the ideas and will try some out too. I have to keep the seven at bay and that is like taming wild horses at times. 😅 Social 9 and a half. (Quite one-like!)
IDK about the other Ones, but I mellowed out a lot in my 50s. I wish I had this kind of information when I was younger. I worked through it myself, but this information can hurry growth along. Better than feeling around in the dark for dozens of years.
That's cool to hear! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
My niece is a 1 and it is hard to be around her. She is such a know it all even though the subject is something she doesn't have any real world experiences with like parenting and marriage when she is 33 and never in a relationship.
Sounds like she's mastered the art of theoretical expertise!
I'm a One, and I dislike this as well!
Love your videos. That said , I also get tired hearing what is wrong with me and to fix myself. As people, we grow (positively) when we play on our strengths and quit harping on our weaknesses. I love those videos you make that address our strengths and build upon those strengths. And I get turned off by a negative approach via our faults. And.... you DO "pick on 1s".
I'll keep watching as always :)
Well said!
I do agree in part with you, but talking about the "negative aspects" of each type is also very importantly, because I think it is mostly through these aspects that we come to identify what type we are. You know you're a type X when the negatives of that type hurt you the most. In my case, I started reading and researching about the Enneagram types from type 1 onwards, and when I finally hit type 5 it immediately clicked and I realized "hey, that's me" because at first I felt somewhat attacked on a personal level by what I was reading, you know?
@@LuisGustavoBD agreed, more growth comes from seeing the negative and using it for change. I think a 1 has a hard time not believing they are already prefect.
@@LuisGustavoBDyes yes yessss, this angsty, kinetic energy that makes you have to get up and move around bc you’ve never read your own thoughts in other people’s words before, described so perfectly and incredibly detailed and specifically telling you about your own most constant internal battles and motivations to your common, passing annoyances and it’s absolutely wild to experience. It feels like you’re being ripped open but in a good way bc for the first time ever you are like, wait? I’m not alone? These thoughts aren’t just a thing I have been fighting by myself my whole life? I dunno it’s crazy and awesome and I really have grown so much bc of it.
Years ago, after relying on internet info for so long I finally got a couple physical books to read and my husband and I would take turns reading sections to eachother, as we read through the books from start to finish, deciding on who was what type as we went. We were unsure and I remember my husband reading aloud from one of our books talking about why one’s are so deeply in pain and what led to it and what a healthy, integrated, made-it-to-a-7 level of self acceptance looks like for ones. How we can actually achieve a mindset that allows us to love ourselves and become our best selves, and I just remember him weeping as he read it to me and me crying as well because the pain lined up so much but the beauty did as well; I had never felt so seen and so loved and so _hopeful_ in the first real moment that I felt love and grace and kindness for myself. I saw myself in this compassionate, forgiving, and loving light and that was such a beautiful feeling. One of the many times my husband has let me see with the utmost clarity that he like, really freakin loves me dude. I had no intention of doing so but I shed a few tears typing this comment!
Anyway, we read through all of them and as we read the 7, in the same section of the book where it describes what full healthy integrated 7s look like, why it’s ok that they have their hang ups but through effort they can transcend fear and become their best selves to live a full life, I was reading it to him and the same thing happened where we were both weeping with love and hope and joy and through this like, precious clarity of self acceptance and hope for the future.
Great video! Very helpful. Thanks Tom!
Glad it was helpful!
Yep, ones can be very hard- harsh, even crushy...🤪
I have a Type 1 friend who comes accross, ever so subtly, as arrogant sometimes but will not admit it. 😂😉...
Maintain self-image through adversity 🤯
Yes
Thank you, Dr. Great! I am a type one ESTJ what can you tell me about this Enneagram and MBTI combination..
ST- a focus on "respect," or "chain of command" and TJ- "effectiveness" or "getting the job done." Two very important characteristics of a Type 1 personality as well...
I see what you mean about Jesus probably not having a type although I always see it as he is in human form so he has to have all the same temptation we have but with out failing in it so that would be pro he has an enneagram type. He could possibly look like a 1 as it was that he was sent to save the world from its self having that righteous behaviour. So that could be a possible for your view on no type. Interesting to her your view on it though I suppose we will never really now.
Anyway yes it’s important to lean on both wings I tend to lean on my 2 however in lockdown I went more on the 9 obviously that was because it was a very pro 9 that The government was pushing. From England do I don’t know if it was possible different in America.
That could be a possible video for you in the future if you can lean more on one wing over time more than your original wing. Always enjoy your content especially as you can go very detailed.
Thanks