Is your Spouse Unhealthy? Don't do This...
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- Опубликовано: 23 июл 2015
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When an unfaithful spouse has an affair, they are unhealthy and not seeing or thinking clearly. But is it appropriate to expect an unhealthy person to be making healthy choices? We set ourselves up for failure when we expect an unhealthy person to make healthy, responsible choices.
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Well that just sucks again for the betrayed. Just saying..
That makes PERFECT sense. I'm the betrayed. Thank you.That REALLY helps.
Wow, you just described my husband. He's really unhealthy & I'm beginning to think this marriage is a wash. At least I know it's not wrong of me to want a better relationship..
i would try expert help if you haven't already and give him a chance to respond, but if he doesn't perhaps the writing is on the wall? not everyone makes it and that's sad, but sadder if you will, is that not everyone wants to do the work needed and i'm sorry your husband appears to be that.
Mine lives in denile that he is unhealthy.
This is a fantastic analogy.
Checkout Samuel's Vlog for today. It's important to have the right perspective while going through recovery. Please share.
Can you do one on if they are not willing to divulge social media accounts because they don’t feel like they owe that betrayed anything? How do you handle that ? I am the betrayed .
I think By gf has Dependent Personality Disorder (DBD), all the syptoms mathces her behaviours...She had a long term affair (1year or so)....It's been little over 5 months since the D'day. At the beggining i was mostly sad...now for last couple of months I've been feeling so much anger within me. When ever i'm angry i start talking about how badly she hurt me, how the relationship has been damaged...etc etc...I mean i kinda remind her about all the wrongs she did...then, she gets upset, angry, starts crying...etc... This is really exhausting!
i feel you brother, therapist from my couple counseling suggested she cut out the links with her coworked my partner was having an affair with and just keep it like she would with any of her other coworkers, she snapped since, giving me the silent treatment etc.
i feel like the best thing tondo in our situations is to make it timed anger, maybe 10 or 20 minutes max ! after go back to positive talk and how to fix, videos like these, text, breathing exercices etc...
focus on the negative only bring more negatives
✌️ stay strong
He ad!MIT's that he is sick, but won't do anything about it. It can not be just one way.
true, admitting he's sick isn't enough. he needs to take action. these two articles/ videos may help you get him to take action. you have more power than you think, but you have to decide to not enable him anymore if you want to see change: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change
What if the betrayed is sick as well?
This came up for me recently. Im in a relationship with a porn addict who had an online affair. Affair is gone but he continues to relapse about 3-5 times a month. I have so much hope in between but I am crushed to peices and hating and shaming him when he acts out. He keeps saying I'm sick, I need help, please help me! I scoff at the concept. How am I supposed to help HIM to stop hurting ME?! The answer seems simple. Its ridiculous. I don't know how to help or have empathy for someone who can still enjoy to get themselves off knowing that its going to put me back in that pit of dispair. Its like he's a bully. We are seeking help but I'd love some advice today.
hi there. he needs to seek out his own help. he needs to take action and pursue expert care and help. he can go to sexaholics anonymous, he can take our course for unfaithful spouses here: www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing, he can watch videos here and elsewhere, he can find an expert therapist as well. there is much he can do to manage his own recovery not have you babysit him or manage it for him. i would encourage you to get the help you need to heal and to cope with what you've been subjected to my friend.
Your videos are great. Every single one is helpful. Were going to do the bootcamp. We've been in our own recovery for 10 months, it would be nice to see what we have to share with each other now.
Somthing I dont think I've seen covered in your series that I think would be helpful to cover is Hysterical Bonding because I think it's a confusing phenomenon and an important factor in delayed anger.
Thankyou for everything you do.
@@ancientfern2693 thank you. my pleasure to help you and support you.
Hello,
Please I need guidance.
My husband cheated on me . In his trade he works long hard hours. He was my night in shining armor. He saw what my ex husband did. I never worried about him cheating. But he would say he working or staying with the crew but none of it was true. We divorced because he didn’t want me. 2 years later he moved a girl in our house, but he just told me he loves me, I’m his person , soulmate he messed up big time. Then he changes his tune. He says he needs help but won’t go. So I said I can’t be his friend
Please advise what else I can do..
rochelle
i would push for expert professonal help rochelle. anything less won't do the job and won't get to the core issue you're facing. here are a couple articles you can use to help you find clarity and empowerment on drawing boundaries for him in your relationship: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change
I caught my husband in our salon behaving sexually inappropriately with a client. He immediately started drinking (sober for 10 yrs). He was diagnosed with Impulsive Borderline Personality, Generalized Anxiety, Depression. We started therapy. 6 months later he admits to "another client kissing him". According to our therapist, I shouldn't be asking anymore questions. He will shut me down in a second, which doesn't help me. Is it even possible for him to "get healthy". He admits what he did was wrong, could've made other choices, didn't want a divorce?? I feel like I'm trying to get healthy for my kids but stuck in his unhealthiness.
i think it's terrible advice to hear you shouldn't answer any questions. that's borderline ridiculous. here's why: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/survive-an-affair-how-much-to-tell it's possible for him to get healthy sure, but he will need expert help, an infidelity specialist and a borderline personality specialist for sure. I would make your own healing the top priority friend.
My name is Jason in would love your opinion. My wife has been having an affair for the past month physically and emotionally probably much longer now I’m having trouble getting her to be honest with me. We agreed to take a short separation for four days. And now that she’s back she won’t tell me where she was which leads me to believe she was with her lover. I still want to forgive my wife I know I have not been perfect she says she wants to work on things But it just doesn’t seem that way. My wife is a great person she may have lost her way within the past two years when I fell into a deep depression and suicidal thoughts I don’t know but that’s my conclusion on why she lost her attraction to me. I think she is a limerance with this man. She said she cut it off with him to work on our-relationship but I don’t believe that. please tell me what you think I should do?
i would do the free bootcamp with her on the site: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp that will be a great litmus test for her and how willing she is to get help. then, i would consider doing our online courses or our in person weekend intensive, both you can find here: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekendhttps: //www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses/online-courses or you can find an expert therapist that can help you navigate through all this and create boundaries, manage expectations and establish a process. the truth is, it will take the process to see how safe she is and how bad she wants to save the marriage Jay.
it's not your fault man. if you were in a depression and dealing with valid reasons a good wife would help build you up and be there for you in everyway she could not abandone you at your weakest moments. just like mine did after 22yrs together my best friend died and I was blamed for it for making him leave my house when I found out he was shooting heroin in our bathroom every morning and I didn't want my young daughters to find him dead. like his brother found him but still everyone blamed me and I was depressed felt guilty ECT. when I finally broke down from holding it in for 10 months my wife avoided me said she was trying not to cry or make it worse and looked away to neighbors house seemed odd so I asked what was wrong she replied that he was her friend to. which I agreed but I knew him for almost 30yrs. only to find out when I went to work that day she had an affair and was having one for a while with our neighbor who was also her best friends husband. then blamed me for everything crazy things only to find out about 5 other affairs over the entire 22yrs together that she blamed me for also and ran away bc she couldn't deal with it. anyways ask more questions check her Google timeline and you will find the truth of were ever she has been what time date everything is on the phone in Google maps timeline. it's how I found out the truth bc she just acted like your wife did to you by shaming me to feel worthless so you only focus on depression or defending yourself for crazy guilt trips or false accusations she puts on you to avoid the truth. don't fall for it please took 3yrs of my life away as she said she loved me and will do whatever it takes to make it right. just won't actually do anything but say it and ask me why I just won't believe her? After 22yrs of straight lies and betrayal and abandonment. just trying to help.