Rumination feels like one of the greatest forms of suffering to me. It constricts and squeezes any joy from being alive. The most effective circuit breakers for me are exercise, meditation and playing music. Anything that brings me into my senses. Great ep, thank you.
I find I ruminate when I cant find resolve. Especially in situations where I was blind sided and am shocked or confused by. Like there isn't a clear explanation for the experience. Some of the thoughts I feed myself to give myself that resolve or closure and stop the ruminating are statements like "You can't make sense out of nonsense" or "some things aren't worth your focus and attention" or "you are safe now, you may not know WHY something happened but you are aware of the patterning of it" or "is there another topic that may serve us better?"
I can relate. Not everything has an understandable answer. Some things you will just NEVER know. How someone thinks and behaves is not always entirely figure-out-able and finding a conclusion just for comfort is not the answer. Sometimes "I don't know but it is OK, trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding " is sufficient enough. People have their reasons outside of me usually it's their own projections or experiences. Even if it is me it does not threaten my identity because wether they acknowledge it or not I am still who I am regardless if they see it or not. When other people threaten my identity by acting in opposition to the way I view myself it does not mean I am no longer who I think I am. My identity is centred in who made me and knows me more than anyone, that’s God and who I am co-heirs with spiritually Christ who transforms me daily into his image
The only way I was able to get out of a recent rumination was to tell myself to take a break from it -- that I could worry about it later. This worked much better for me than telling myself to completely forget about it. After breaking the spell of the rumination in this way, I've been reluctant to go back. Procrastination of bad habits has always been my friend when it comes to distancing myself from bad habits.
Love rhis. I also did the same. It worked. For some reason, now i reprogrammed my brain to automatically delay rumination. I also mixed it with doing activities that require focus such as a new sport I am excited about to learn.
Rumination has stripped my life of joy time and time again. When I have tried to explain this phenomenon to others, they absolutely blame me for not letting go of the past. I have attempted to explain that even when I am enjoying a fine, trouble free day, wham! These painful thoughts present themselves, uninvited. It’s important to me that people understand that I do not choose to ruminate. My childhood prepared me to live in rumination hell. Lots of hostility, gaslighting, mixed messages, belittling, and emotional neglect. It is , in fact, setting off alarms in my head to write these words. I am so tired of being hurt and angry. So tired of trying to be normal. Please don’t another person tell me to let go of the past. Do you honestly believe I would not love to have that choice?
It sounds like you have experienced narcissistic abuse perhaps. People who have experienced this have a problematic amount of rumination. And no wonder. Check out Dr. Ramani. Being blindsided by things that happened sounds like trauma.
Thank you both. I needed to hear this. Beating myself up won't bring good deeds. I made mistakes, I regret them, and I desire to learn from them so I can be a better human to everyone and anyone I meet.
I believe I ruminate when I have too much time on my hands and my anxieties take hold. I start going over very upsetting things from the past and trying to change them, as tryingto have a different ending. It doesn't work... Ever!!! But I still do it time and time again.
Shoutout and happy thoughts to all the OCD sufferers out there! I'm still suffering a lot, but at least I'm hopeful and not majorly depressed anymore. Please get a therapist that specializes in OCD if you haven't already. Unfortunately, there are a lot of bad ones out there that don't have a clue and don't do ERP.
This episode describes exactly what I’ve been experiencing for the last year. This going over and over in my mind and just when I think I’ve a handle on it, here it comes to visit me again and then I feel stuck instead of free and at peace! So annoying! You both describe the topic perfectly. Thanks so much for the wonderful work and insights you are sharing with us.
I need to listen to this over again. Thank you so much for the help. I have talked with several counselors about my ruminations after a 12 year marriage that ended due to husband’s infidelity and multiple hidden affairs. I was told it is normal, but the extent and amount affects my ability to function. I really appreciate the explanations as to why we ruminate as well as the ways to resolve it. Thank you!
‘10 is enough’ ~ Rick Hanson on rumination. I love it! I feel like it’s a helpful mantra around perfectionism, which seems to have a close relationship with rumination. I love your show! I share it with whoever will listen. I find it so helpful and endearing. You two are lovely beings to witness! Keep up the great work and thank you.
14:44-16:44 really hit for me. Thank you for this. Also it’s so wholesome to see the father/son relationship you have since I came from such an abusive and neglected family. It really warms my heart to see what the other side is like. ❤
Truly grateful to have found this video I realize I am suffering from this. I believe in healthy self reflection and mindfulness but I realize that my mind to repeating the traumatic experiences even though I desire a better forward moving resolve. I agree that it causes much suffering internally
Thank you for this up to date knowledge and for the research that you brought into your offering. The visual of a cow chewing its cud is a perfect representation!😁. Bringing the humor into a tender topic helps keep me engaged. I appreciate you both and credit/reference you regarding my ongoing growth/healing. Gratitude and appreciation sent...🙏🏻🙌🥰
Hi guys, I really hope you both read this comment of mine to your podcast about rumination. First : THANK YOU!!! Second : the reason I found your channel is because I am having a long period of hard ruminating the most horrible fact that I happen to be born in a very toxic family. As a 70 years old, I have been extremely proud of myself overcoming, a broken marriage, single parenting, getting out of the closet, dealing with some toxic relationship and staying alive, achieving a Ph.D. in Sciences, and had my certificate as a cool grandma. But, lately I added in my learning memory that great problems has come from a dysfunctional family. So after a year ago, that comes into such a great level, that I kind of "died" in a meaning of loving, understanding and pretending every thing is OK". In consequence, I broke as much as possible face to face contact with persons that share part of my blood inheritance. That is very frustrating. Then I have being ruminating all this last year about how bad the event was, how bla bla bla and etc... That is a terrible pain, for your soul and body. Then, searching for help, which mostly gave you great but inefficient tips to control that, but never dissected this subject in such an approach like you and your dad's . The funny thing is that listening to your podcast I fall asleep once hearing every word of the dialog . Then I get up, mind that, just a few minutes ago, with my answer, and hopefully my key to work out my ruminating torture. You guys, showed precisely what is lacking in my family...profound, rich and eloquent dynamic talking ! The only possible dialog in my birth family is conquering by exhausting "the enemy", rather then listening and accepting different ideas. That is the good news. The bad news are that there is no "cure" for them, and I will have to do my homework alone. Besides the intelligent dialog of yours, there was also a very agreeable perfect English pronunciation which for a non native speaker was easy to listen and assimilate. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
Wow. I never thought about rumination being a way to maintain an inter al relationship with someone you no longer have in your life. That really helped me. Thank you. Excellent discussion.
This is great, thank you so much! Before this episode, I never thought about the connection between rumination and black-or-white thinking. But there really seems to be a connection- I think the former depends on the latter.
Thank you for educating on this topic..I successfully found way through a period of ruminating following a relationship..the torture of rumination would have been much less had I found this first.. excellent topic
This is excellent. I am so glad I listened to this. It's quite elucidating. Rumination feels to me like a compulsion to tame the beast of loss. The insight that rumination as a mechanism providing a glue for the fragmentation of self with traumatized people is simple awesome. It resonates loudly.
Another great episode! A clearly defined explanation of rumination and steps for managing our mental curd chewing. Even better, there were suggestions for addressing the why's to alter our perceptions and evolve.
Yes! Longtime OCD sufferer here. I actually started a bit of rumination myself on "distraction." I had multiple therapists in the past who I trusted but they didn't help me because they weren't specialized in OCD therapy. They never did ERP with me. One of them told me to use distraction, which didn't help. Then when I finally saw a decent therapist recently they told me distraction is a safety behavior for OCD. That made me mad at the old therapist. While watching this I started analyzing the good and bad about distraction lol. I think the truth is it can be good or bad, but the therapist needs to be clear about it, which the old one was not. There's a lot more to it than "do something else" when you start physical or mental compulsions. They discussed it well on here!
I ruminate a lot about the past and situations in which I could have done something better. My rumination tends to be about past situations which involved achievements I wanted to make but didn’t reach and I dwell on it and I worry
This has to be the most helpful and eye-opening conversations I have listened in a long while. I took notes and made the decision to stick to my meditation practice much stricter this time. Thank you both. Your dad is an absolute gem. His words on “How good do you have to be a good enough human?” And “ by leaning towards; we increasingly dwell there, and it dwells within us.” With the Krishna story was absolutely beautiful. Thank you, thank you 🙏🏼 ❤
Thank you, again, for another meaningful topic. I have been a big fan of Rick Hanson’s for a long time and even got to see and hear him speak at UCSD about 10 years ago:) And now, I’m a big fan of this podcast….Bravo! Keep up the excellent work, Forrest and Rick.
Absolutely loved it. Calming, informative, eye opening, pleasant to watch, and funny at times. You two together are great! You both seem to be a great communicators. Your dad is great with blending scientific explanations with personal anecdotes, offering a rich, engaging way to understand and manage the DMN and rumination. Subscribed!
I sense in myself that an attachment to something is the source of my destabilizing rumination. It's not the fear, the rumination, it has more to do with an attachment to something, a fear, a thing, a future, etc. So, I can't help my rumination subside until I find what I am attached to. That is where daily meditation and mindfulness practice helps me detach. Embrace is a more free term than attach. Embracement has more freedom for me than attachment.
Nice video. For problem of overthinking be careful what you feed your mind. Avoid comparing yourself with others, reduce watching negative social media and avoid constipation as it affects the mind. Your breathing is closely related to the brain [mind] and gives relief from stress-anxiety. For a relaxed mind observe the sensations of your natural incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for 10-15 minutes or more. You can sit or lay down with eyes closed--No deep breathing. Don’t fight your thoughts. Never meditate with expectations. Make it a lifetime habit to observe your breath day and night before sleep, at work, when travelling, walking in the park, etc with eyes open or closed. Best wishes--Counsellor.
This is a topic I introduce to my coaching clients almost every time. When they can place a name on what’s going on in their minds then they can begin to understand its process and purpose in their growth. Once that’s been addressed, then the time span to their growth and goals is shortened.
Thanks for this content. Really helpful and thought provoking for me personally, and as a therapist. One version of this that I experience is musical 'earworms' - a song that keeps on being repeated, sometimes for days. As with ruminations,I'm curious about their origin, function, and the right way to respond. I suspect there's an overlap in these areas with ruminations.
Forrest, I really liked how you elaborated on rumination as a coping strategy after your father ended his discussion with it has no purpose. Thank you 🙏
Thank you so much, this is just what I needed and it made me cry with some kind of relief to know i am not alone. You mentioned a future talk about self esteem - possibly an interview with someone else - i've just scrolled through your episodes but can't find anything - any ideas?!
Currenty suffering from this from a family rift where I was verbally abused and decided to go no-contact. What is the episode number where you discuss family rifts? Subsriber and new Patron from this episode alone! Love, love, love it!
I ruminate so much about my mood that I can't enjoy what usually makes me happy because I'm ruminating in the moment its so exhausting I just want to forget I ever ruminated
A helpful way I learned is to have a diary with you and write the thoughts down (after you -really, appreciate them) down first thing they come up. But even better for me works to tell sorry that I do not have time now but that you will safe-keep it - then put the thought into an imaginary folder, drawer or anything you like. The second very good part of this all is that you start to work Mind over Matter. The first step to take over leadership. We (consciousness) are the Master of our processes, the CEO. Also to use this all playing with it - will take the edge off - playing with our inner world will take off the stress about and get some curiosity about, making us feel rather - oh how interesting - lets talk about this later!
Thank you both for a wonderful session. I learned alot aout the topic and will apply some of your suggestions. You compliment each other well which makes these podcasts very interesting.
My ruminating happens when I have time to my self or don’t have a packed schedule or can’t find a certainty about life. Which makes me think when I’m older and/or alone I will go insane and be in complete isolation for eternity. I feel like I’m already there or will be there and it is written in stone with no chance of a different picture or escape . I know it sounds crazy but it feels more real than anything when you’re in that state of mind. I pray for it to stop or a way to find help and work on it. It does suck the life out of me and spark and makes you feel alone even when you have people around you. Along with anxiety it takes you to a whole other level. I’m trying to hold back the tears as I’m writing this watching my son get his hair cut. Ive had little breaks from this in the last two years I feel mainly because my brain thinks it will short circuit itself. We feel broken,unfixable,lost,disconnected,nervous,scared. I’m sure I missed a few, this is what some of us go through and you can’t comprehend. Some of us could have a limb cut off and it would be less painful. It feels like an incurable disease in my head that won’t kill you but makes you hang on by a string because there are other people that love you and I can’t be a selfish prick to them. I can have almost anything money can buy and trust me it doesn’t make you feel any better.
@@premierdomino hey man, I've been going through same thing past year, I feel a sense of hopelessness. Ruminating thoughts are making me go insane. I'm pacing the house in constant fear and not sleeping, get really emotional around my kids thinking I'll never get better and won't make it to see them grow up. Anything that helps you? I'm in constant fear and extreme anxiety 24/7.
The only way I can do it is through psychedelics, then 3 months comes up and I'm back to rumination. 3 months are up because last night I barely got any sleep over a single question my sister asked me yesterday about one of my old jobs. This led to nightmares, waking up at 5 a.m. and haven't went back to sleep. Oh well.
That sounds like a really challenging thought pattern. There's definitely some promising research on psychedelics, particularly relating to breaking habit loops and as a potential treatment for depression.
So paychedelics help you reset for several months? I need to start resetting for good because the ruminations are now me- there is no separation… easier to hold by breath than stop them , I think. I’m not joking
Great episode, I was wondering if there's an exercise or any recommendations so I'm able to form as a habit and be in the presence moment. I tent to forget doing it throughout the day, when multitasking or very busy. Any insight would be much appreciated . Thank you!
Yoga Girl, For problem of overthinking be careful what you feed your mind. Avoid comparing yourself with others, reduce watching negative social media and avoid constipation as it affects the mind. Your breathing is closely related to the brain [mind] and gives relief from stress-anxiety. For a relaxed mind observe the sensations of your natural incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for 10-15 minutes or more. You can sit or lay down with eyes closed--No deep breathing. Don’t fight your thoughts. Never meditate with expectations. Make it a lifetime habit to observe your breath day and night before sleep, at work, when travelling, walking in the park, etc with eyes open or closed. Best wishes--Counsellor.
Well Forrest, since YOU endorsed Woven Earth I'm going to try their products. To be honest, I have been skeptical of CBD in general. Trying something new is always interesting.
@@ForrestHanson I sleep well. I'm interested in the anti inflammatory benefits related to joint health that occurs with aging. It feels weird to me being the same age as old people.
I give my chatter voice a name...such as 'clive'. So I say" you're rather talkative today, Clive . how about you give me a little break?" it creates that distance between us and our thoughts
I find it hard to believe the everyone thinks of themselves as bad at times. I know a number of people who would never, ever consider they’ve done anything wrong ever. I make up for that for them 😐
Cheryl, For problem of overthinking be careful what you feed your mind. Avoid comparing yourself with others, reduce watching negative social media and avoid constipation as it affects the mind. Your breathing is closely related to the brain [mind] and gives relief from stress-anxiety. For a relaxed mind observe the sensations of your natural incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for 10-15 minutes or more. You can sit or lay down with eyes closed--No deep breathing. Don’t fight your thoughts. Never meditate with expectations. Make it a lifetime habit to observe your breath day and night before sleep, at work, when travelling, walking in the park, etc with eyes open or closed. Best wishes--Counsellor.
This is why we need Jesus. We are all imperfect and we all fall short of the glory of God. Jesus loves all of you and God sent his son Jesus to die and raise again to save you. ❤
Yeah but what if you can’t like literally can’t or don’t know what. And still on top of it need to figure out what happened and why and how to diffferently. No one wants to keep repeating and getting same results, but some of us are seriously mind blind… even to ourselves. This is when you give up and don’t even know if. Unless I’m just depressed even though I’m on teeatment
Yes it can definitely be used to maintain a sense of self. This happened to me years ago after having had a glimpse of the absence of self and non-dual awareness. Due to somatically felt, intense trauma, one retracted into fantasizing about a past in which that "awakening" had happened young - a bizarre type of egotism which resulted in a deep spiritual depression. Opportunity missed.
I can’t control anything. Not e meditstion, nothing. Maybe if I were climbing free solo I could for a while, but nothing can get me out of this anymore. Scary!
Sometimes working through the rumination can help you see more clearly what is actually being created to cause you pain, I just got a glitch in a long term physical negative glitch from a very complicated dispute with my sister from years ago and energetics left from behind my right eye and a negative thought projection surfaced and released. So, I like to question sometimes, if you sit with the rumination and ask why it is there, - a bit like the cow chewing, you finally can find the solution etc etc.
Christer Aakeroy said I was being disruptive, and this is why I was right. He has an obsession with science that I was helping address. What do I think about in the shower? I have the conversation with the imagined person. Different states that a system might take makes me think about energy states of a molecule. Does Paul Smith understand that I can't work on this lesson about OCD when he is contacting me about women's bodies at the rec and that's what I'm talking to my therapist about instead of OCD?
I'm not knowledgeable enough about ADHD to have a particularly useful perspective here, the How to ADHD channel is a great resource for that. Just thinking about it, hyperfocus is a symptom of some presentations of ADHD, so I could imagine "hyperfocusing" on a particular thought pattern.
My rumination came from an incident where I was trying to help a possum that was on the walkway. Someone said I was poking this small possum with a stick and 'reported' it as such. I felt threatened as it could, if that side of the situation was believed. And I went over and over what happened in my head. An hour after that person got security to walk them to their car after I had said I thought they were self involved after asking for a bit of water to put on a cap to feed the possum, we finally got the possum, someone else came and helped solve the problem.... and the possum went back up the tree. I ruminated over the morning dispute that I knew was coming my way and had through the rumination processed like the cow, how to face the next morning. Which I did this morning and fortunately my distressed voice was heard. A side aspect of this process was the psycho/physical pain dialectic that occurs when that negative rumination arises and I learnt a little of how to use that to learn that my mind body want to process or release something - with my learning 2 very complicated hooks in my mind body from a previous horrible DV situation. Thus, I now value this rumination, but also know I need to understand the pain and its source to seek out the answer I am searching for. NOW, the objective is to learn how to use this organic process more effectively!
Like other commentors I got a lot out of listening to this presentation. But, around minute 42 he says to take some responsibility for what was done to oneself and have compassion for the one who did harm to you. Other people say the same thing. I want to stop this - "violent fantasizing," is what some people call it - but I cannot justify forgiving some people for the harms they did to me. I know that If I were to run into some of the evil persons of my past today, if I had the means at hand now I would f'k them up. To say a prayer for them, to say affirmations, like "I forgive myself for my part of that event," just does not work for me. I try to do some of the other things he advises, like appreciating the novelty of the space I am in now, being directed towards something, getting busy doing or busy being present. To other people who watch this video I wish you good luck and I hope you find relief from the suffering we endure.
There is no solution when you find out someone is telling lies about you to loved ones. After ruminating on this bad behavior, you come to say 'just let it go'. Not worth your time or brain space.
I think the scariest part about rumination is you start convincing yourself it’s actually true. Then the doom of waiting for the fallout is always there -Oppressive and dark.
For me it's the opposite. Under the shower, my brain thinks very positive, and becomes very creative, and I tend to just come out of the shower right at that moment to get everything done, because I get very energetic and creative during the shower :) I don't know why and what's the impact of showering on my brain.
What it does is make me weak when I should be blocking somebody I will unblock and be open to communication just so I can get it to stop. The course what I'm doing is I'm starting to process all over again. ..
Please help me i was on acid and thought i dont love my boyfriend and only use him so im not lonely and now im ruminating on it all the time i dont know what to do
I find myself ruminating in my current relationship. I worry about the slightest actions. For example I deleted a previous dating app, and stopped speaking to individuals because me and her are together. However, when ever I open my phone I get worried that I am going to go and open the app although it's been deleted and I begin ruminating and start to question if I really wanted to open the app. Do you have any suggestions? I hope this makes sense.
This sounds like typical intrusive thoughts. Just like those random thoughts that can pop up when you drive "what if I steer the car into the guardrail right now" and stuff like that. You have the choice to either be like "lol weird thought" and move on, or go full investigation mode "omg how could I think that thought what does it mean". The former is a healthy way of dealing with random thoughts, the latter is a way to stress yourself out about something that isn't relevant. You are probably someone who cares a lot about doing the right thing and being loyal etc, it's natural that random stress thoughts about those topics would catch your attention.
Rumination feels like one of the greatest forms of suffering to me. It constricts and squeezes any joy from being alive. The most effective circuit breakers for me are exercise, meditation and playing music. Anything that brings me into my senses. Great ep, thank you.
I concur ❤❤
I just do a lot of drugs.
Yep. I feel that, especially from a trauma that I created last year, and am picking up the pieces from.
I find I ruminate when I cant find resolve. Especially in situations where I was blind sided and am shocked or confused by. Like there isn't a clear explanation for the experience. Some of the thoughts I feed myself to give myself that resolve or closure and stop the ruminating are statements like "You can't make sense out of nonsense" or "some things aren't worth your focus and attention" or "you are safe now, you may not know WHY something happened but you are aware of the patterning of it" or "is there another topic that may serve us better?"
Thanks for sharing. Very helpful
Yes. Needing closure...
Psychoanalytic therapy is the best method to find the underlying reasons for whatever results in ruminating. At least it was for me. 😮😢😊
I can relate. Not everything has an understandable answer. Some things you will just NEVER know. How someone thinks and behaves is not always entirely figure-out-able and finding a conclusion just for comfort is not the answer. Sometimes "I don't know but it is OK, trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding " is sufficient enough. People have their reasons outside of me usually it's their own projections or experiences. Even if it is me it does not threaten my identity because wether they acknowledge it or not I am still who I am regardless if they see it or not.
When other people threaten my identity by acting in opposition to the way I view myself it does not mean I am no longer who I think I am. My identity is centred in who made me and knows me more than anyone, that’s God and who I am co-heirs with spiritually Christ who transforms me daily into his image
That works great until you keep experiencing that thing over & over again like "Groundhog Day"...
The only way I was able to get out of a recent rumination was to tell myself to take a break from it -- that I could worry about it later. This worked much better for me than telling myself to completely forget about it. After breaking the spell of the rumination in this way, I've been reluctant to go back. Procrastination of bad habits has always been my friend when it comes to distancing myself from bad habits.
Thanks for this. How common was your rumination. I wonder will this work for me. I will give it a try
Love rhis. I also did the same. It worked. For some reason, now i reprogrammed my brain to automatically delay rumination. I also mixed it with doing activities that require focus such as a new sport I am excited about to learn.
Rumination has stripped my life of joy time and time again. When I have tried to explain this phenomenon to others, they absolutely blame me for not letting go of the past. I have attempted to explain that even when I am enjoying a fine, trouble free day, wham! These painful thoughts present themselves, uninvited. It’s important to me that people understand that I do not choose to ruminate. My childhood prepared me to live in rumination hell. Lots of hostility, gaslighting, mixed messages, belittling, and emotional neglect. It is , in fact, setting off alarms in my head to write these words. I am so tired of being hurt and angry. So tired of trying to be normal. Please don’t another person tell me to let go of the past. Do you honestly believe I would not love to have that choice?
I feel exactly this way,at least I know I'm not alone
Neither of you are alone
It sounds like you have experienced narcissistic abuse perhaps. People who have experienced this have a problematic amount of rumination. And no wonder. Check out Dr. Ramani. Being blindsided by things that happened sounds like trauma.
C-PTSD?
Thank you both. I needed to hear this. Beating myself up won't bring good deeds. I made mistakes, I regret them, and I desire to learn from them so I can be a better human to everyone and anyone I meet.
That was well put.Rumination is a form of masochism.It is a defeatist' activity.
I believe I ruminate when I have too much time on my hands and my anxieties take hold. I start going over very upsetting things from the past and trying to change them, as tryingto have a different ending. It doesn't work... Ever!!! But I still do it time and time again.
Shoutout and happy thoughts to all the OCD sufferers out there! I'm still suffering a lot, but at least I'm hopeful and not majorly depressed anymore. Please get a therapist that specializes in OCD if you haven't already. Unfortunately, there are a lot of bad ones out there that don't have a clue and don't do ERP.
Ruminating does keep you in some sense connected to the loss. Stopping would mean letting go of that final thread.
This episode describes exactly what I’ve been experiencing for the last year. This going over and over in my mind and just when I think I’ve a handle on it, here it comes to visit me again and then I feel stuck instead of free and at peace! So annoying! You both describe the topic perfectly. Thanks so much for the wonderful work and insights you are sharing with us.
Thank you!
I need to listen to this over again. Thank you so much for the help. I have talked with several counselors about my ruminations after a 12 year marriage that ended due to husband’s infidelity and multiple hidden affairs. I was told it is normal, but the extent and amount affects my ability to function. I really appreciate the explanations as to why we ruminate as well as the ways to resolve it. Thank you!
‘10 is enough’ ~ Rick Hanson on rumination. I love it! I feel like it’s a helpful mantra around perfectionism, which seems to have a close relationship with rumination.
I love your show! I share it with whoever will listen. I find it so helpful and endearing. You two are lovely beings to witness! Keep up the great work and thank you.
14:44-16:44 really hit for me. Thank you for this. Also it’s so wholesome to see the father/son relationship you have since I came from such an abusive and neglected family. It really warms my heart to see what the other side is like. ❤
Truly grateful to have found this video I realize I am suffering from this. I believe in healthy self reflection and mindfulness but I realize that my mind to repeating the traumatic experiences even though I desire a better forward moving resolve. I agree that it causes much suffering internally
Oh lord did I feel more human after listening to this.. Thank you -- Hello from the UK.
Thank you for this up to date knowledge and for the research that you brought into your offering. The visual of a cow chewing its cud is a perfect representation!😁. Bringing the humor into a tender topic helps keep me engaged. I appreciate you both and credit/reference you regarding my ongoing growth/healing. Gratitude and appreciation sent...🙏🏻🙌🥰
Thanks Shari, I really appreciate it.
Hi guys, I really hope you both read this comment of mine to your podcast about rumination. First : THANK YOU!!!
Second : the reason I found your channel is because I am having a long period of hard ruminating the most horrible fact that I happen to be born in a very toxic family. As a 70 years old, I have been extremely proud of myself overcoming, a broken marriage, single parenting, getting out of the closet, dealing with some toxic relationship and staying alive, achieving a Ph.D. in Sciences, and had my certificate as a cool grandma. But, lately I added in my learning memory that great problems has come from a dysfunctional family. So after a year ago, that comes into such a great level, that I kind of "died" in a meaning of loving, understanding and pretending every thing is OK". In consequence, I broke as much as possible face to face contact with persons that share part of my blood inheritance. That is very frustrating. Then I have being ruminating all this last year about how bad the event was, how bla bla bla and etc... That is a terrible pain, for your soul and body.
Then, searching for help, which mostly gave you great but inefficient tips to control that, but never dissected this subject in such an approach like you and your dad's . The funny thing is that listening to your podcast I fall asleep once hearing every word of the dialog .
Then I get up, mind that, just a few minutes ago, with my answer, and hopefully my key to work out my ruminating torture. You guys, showed precisely what is lacking in my family...profound, rich and eloquent dynamic talking ! The only possible dialog in my birth family is conquering by exhausting "the enemy", rather then listening and accepting different ideas.
That is the good news. The bad news are that there is no "cure" for them, and I will have to do my homework alone. Besides the intelligent dialog of yours, there was also a very agreeable perfect English pronunciation which for a non native speaker was easy to listen and assimilate. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
I have imaginary conversations all of the time.I'm usually revising an old negative interaction..It's an all day situation.
Yeah, it's very common. I definitely do this as well.
It's not your fault, we all do this when we've been affected significantly by something or someone. It will pass.
Me also..... It's been decades now.
@@ForrestHanson
Me too. All the time
I just lost my whole day exactly like this and that’s why I was looking for this video. It’s soooo damn draining and enfuriating
Wow. I never thought about rumination being a way to maintain an inter al relationship with someone you no longer have in your life. That really helped me. Thank you. Excellent discussion.
This is great, thank you so much! Before this episode, I never thought about the connection between rumination and black-or-white thinking. But there really seems to be a connection- I think the former depends on the latter.
Yes- there has to be…. A right or wrong answer and rumination is based upon the crucial importance of knowing and a right and wrong..
Thank you for educating on this topic..I successfully found way through a period of ruminating following a relationship..the torture of rumination would have been much less had I found this first.. excellent topic
This is excellent. I am so glad I listened to this. It's quite elucidating. Rumination feels to me like a compulsion to tame the beast of loss. The insight that rumination as a mechanism providing a glue for the fragmentation of self with traumatized people is simple awesome. It resonates loudly.
Another great episode! A clearly defined explanation of rumination and steps for managing our mental curd chewing. Even better, there were suggestions for addressing the why's to alter our perceptions and evolve.
Loved it as usual. Sooo close to an OCD ep and the craving of certainty.
Yes! Longtime OCD sufferer here. I actually started a bit of rumination myself on "distraction." I had multiple therapists in the past who I trusted but they didn't help me because they weren't specialized in OCD therapy. They never did ERP with me. One of them told me to use distraction, which didn't help. Then when I finally saw a decent therapist recently they told me distraction is a safety behavior for OCD. That made me mad at the old therapist. While watching this I started analyzing the good and bad about distraction lol. I think the truth is it can be good or bad, but the therapist needs to be clear about it, which the old one was not. There's a lot more to it than "do something else" when you start physical or mental compulsions. They discussed it well on here!
I ruminate a lot about the past and situations in which I could have done something better. My rumination tends to be about past situations which involved achievements I wanted to make but didn’t reach and I dwell on it and I worry
Thanks so much! I feel like I can think again, without ruminating
This has to be the most helpful and eye-opening conversations I have listened in a long while. I took notes and made the decision to stick to my meditation practice much stricter this time. Thank you both. Your dad is an absolute gem. His words on “How good do you have to be a good enough human?” And “ by leaning towards; we increasingly dwell
there, and it dwells within us.” With the Krishna story was absolutely beautiful. Thank you, thank you 🙏🏼 ❤
Ty so much has helped me do a refresh of my cbt and helped am ocd relapse lovely to see father and son
Thank you, again, for another meaningful topic. I have been a big fan of Rick Hanson’s for a long time and even got to see and hear him speak at UCSD about 10 years ago:) And now, I’m a big fan of this podcast….Bravo! Keep up the excellent work, Forrest and Rick.
Absolutely loved it. Calming, informative, eye opening, pleasant to watch, and funny at times. You two together are great! You both seem to be a great communicators. Your dad is great with blending scientific explanations with personal anecdotes, offering a rich, engaging way to understand and manage the DMN and rumination. Subscribed!
Thumbs up! Understanding is the key to all conflicts and this video gives understanding in a quick way with realistic examples. Thx!
Appreciated the episode and really appreciated the sum-up! Very helpful!
I sense in myself that an attachment to something is the source of my destabilizing rumination. It's not the fear, the rumination, it has more to do with an attachment to something, a fear, a thing, a future, etc. So, I can't help my rumination subside until I find what I am attached to. That is where daily meditation and mindfulness practice helps me detach. Embrace is a more free term than attach. Embracement has more freedom for me than attachment.
After listening to this, I was ruminating about ruminating! 🤦🏻♀️
Same omg 😂
Thank you to both of you Dr Rick and Forest H , very enlightening episode .
Nice video. For problem of overthinking be careful what you feed your mind. Avoid comparing yourself with others, reduce watching negative social media and avoid constipation as it affects the mind. Your breathing is closely related to the brain [mind] and gives relief from stress-anxiety. For a relaxed mind observe the sensations of your natural incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for 10-15 minutes or more. You can sit or lay down with eyes closed--No deep breathing. Don’t fight your thoughts. Never meditate with expectations. Make it a lifetime habit to observe your breath day and night before sleep, at work, when travelling, walking in the park, etc with eyes open or closed. Best wishes--Counsellor.
This is a topic I introduce to my coaching clients almost every time. When they can place a name on what’s going on in their minds then they can begin to understand its process and purpose in their growth. Once that’s been addressed, then the time span to their growth and goals is shortened.
Thanks for this content. Really helpful and thought provoking for me personally, and as a therapist. One version of this that I experience is musical 'earworms' - a song that keeps on being repeated, sometimes for days. As with ruminations,I'm curious about their origin, function, and the right way to respond. I suspect there's an overlap in these areas with ruminations.
This was so beneficial! Thank you so much!
Thank you for sharing, it spoke to me.
Forrest, I really liked how you elaborated on rumination as a coping strategy after your father ended his discussion with it has no purpose.
Thank you 🙏
Thank you so much, this is just what I needed and it made me cry with some kind of relief to know i am not alone. You mentioned a future talk about self esteem - possibly an interview with someone else - i've just scrolled through your episodes but can't find anything - any ideas?!
Thank you I really needed your podcast❤❤❤
Quality content. Thanks!
Currenty suffering from this from a family rift where I was verbally abused and decided to go no-contact. What is the episode number where you discuss family rifts? Subsriber and new Patron from this episode alone! Love, love, love it!
I ruminate so much about my mood that I can't enjoy what usually makes me happy because I'm ruminating in the moment its so exhausting I just want to forget I ever ruminated
Thanks!
A helpful way I learned is to have a diary with you and write the thoughts down (after you -really, appreciate them) down first thing they come up. But even better for me works to tell sorry that I do not have time now but that you will safe-keep it - then put the thought into an imaginary folder, drawer or anything you like. The second very good part of this all is that you start to work Mind over Matter. The first step to take over leadership. We (consciousness) are the Master of our processes, the CEO. Also to use this all playing with it - will take the edge off - playing with our inner world will take off the stress about and get some curiosity about, making us feel rather - oh how interesting - lets talk about this later!
Thank you both for a wonderful session. I learned alot aout the topic and will apply some of your suggestions. You compliment each other well which makes these podcasts very interesting.
My ruminating happens when I have time to my self or don’t have a packed schedule or can’t find a certainty about life. Which makes me think when I’m older and/or alone I will go insane and be in complete isolation for eternity. I feel like I’m already there or will be there and it is written in stone with no chance of a different picture or escape . I know it sounds crazy but it feels more real than anything when you’re in that state of mind. I pray for it to stop or a way to find help and work on it. It does suck the life out of me and spark and makes you feel alone even when you have people around you. Along with anxiety it takes you to a whole other level. I’m trying to hold back the tears as I’m writing this watching my son get his hair cut. Ive had little breaks from this in the last two years I feel mainly because my brain thinks it will short circuit itself. We feel broken,unfixable,lost,disconnected,nervous,scared. I’m sure I missed a few, this is what some of us go through and you can’t comprehend. Some of us could have a limb cut off and it would be less painful. It feels like an incurable disease in my head that won’t kill you but makes you hang on by a string because there are other people that love you and I can’t be a selfish prick to them. I can have almost anything money can buy and trust me it doesn’t make you feel any better.
@@premierdomino hey man, I've been going through same thing past year, I feel a sense of hopelessness. Ruminating thoughts are making me go insane. I'm pacing the house in constant fear and not sleeping, get really emotional around my kids thinking I'll never get better and won't make it to see them grow up. Anything that helps you? I'm in constant fear and extreme anxiety 24/7.
Incredibly helpful, many thanks! 🙏
This was a lovely episode.
This education gives me hope
Thank you both so much for this it makes so much sense to me. And what you are teaching will help me, wow this is amazing.
A really excellent podcast on 'ruminating'. Thank you
This was very helpful. I subscribed.
Excellent topic and the breakdown of rummaging and diffrent stages in life on sad events and happy events and confrontation events.👌👍👏
The only way I can do it is through psychedelics, then 3 months comes up and I'm back to rumination. 3 months are up because last night I barely got any sleep over a single question my sister asked me yesterday about one of my old jobs. This led to nightmares, waking up at 5 a.m. and haven't went back to sleep.
Oh well.
That sounds like a really challenging thought pattern. There's definitely some promising research on psychedelics, particularly relating to breaking habit loops and as a potential treatment for depression.
So paychedelics help you reset for several months?
I need to start resetting for good because the ruminations are now me- there is no separation… easier to hold by breath than stop them , I think.
I’m not joking
Oh boy, I sure understand that! My 4:00 a.m. wake-ups are killing me.
I am so sorry for your pain.
Again, thankyou so so much! I learnt alot today all because of a Possum!
Thank you so much for this wonderful episode. Also, could you please recommend some good books on the topic?🙏🌹
An excellent episode, so helpful! Thank you!
Great episode, I was wondering if there's an exercise or any recommendations so I'm able to form as a habit and be in the presence moment. I tent to forget doing it throughout the day, when multitasking or very busy. Any insight would be much appreciated . Thank you!
Meditation
I really needed this information, thanks!
Extremely Helpful
Thank you. I wish I saw this 20 years ago.
Yoga Girl, For problem of overthinking be careful what you feed your mind. Avoid comparing yourself with others, reduce watching negative social media and avoid constipation as it affects the mind. Your breathing is closely related to the brain [mind] and gives relief from stress-anxiety. For a relaxed mind observe the sensations of your natural incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for 10-15 minutes or more. You can sit or lay down with eyes closed--No deep breathing. Don’t fight your thoughts. Never meditate with expectations. Make it a lifetime habit to observe your breath day and night before sleep, at work, when travelling, walking in the park, etc with eyes open or closed. Best wishes--Counsellor.
@@shyaaammeneen63 thank you!!
This was quite helpful. Thank you!
Well Forrest, since YOU endorsed Woven Earth I'm going to try their products. To be honest, I have been skeptical of CBD in general. Trying something new is always interesting.
Yeah mostly same for me. I tried their stuff and liked it - and my partner loved it - but of course your mileage may vary!
@@ForrestHanson I sleep well. I'm interested in the anti inflammatory benefits related to joint health that occurs with aging. It feels weird to me being the same age as old people.
@@sharonfisher3179 Awesome, I haven't tried their joint-focused product but I'd definitely be curious how it goes for you.
@@sharonfisher3179😂
I give my chatter voice a name...such as 'clive'. So I say" you're rather talkative today, Clive . how about you give me a little break?" it creates that distance between us and our thoughts
Really enlightening, thank you ❤.
This was a good conversation as it ended
I find it hard to believe the everyone thinks of themselves as bad at times. I know a number of people who would never, ever consider they’ve done anything wrong ever. I make up for that for them 😐
I ruminate because I’m trying to figure out with the - is going on. I don’t think anybody ruminates for no reason. But, I’m not a doctor either…✅
Cheryl, For problem of overthinking be careful what you feed your mind. Avoid comparing yourself with others, reduce watching negative social media and avoid constipation as it affects the mind. Your breathing is closely related to the brain [mind] and gives relief from stress-anxiety. For a relaxed mind observe the sensations of your natural incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for 10-15 minutes or more. You can sit or lay down with eyes closed--No deep breathing. Don’t fight your thoughts. Never meditate with expectations. Make it a lifetime habit to observe your breath day and night before sleep, at work, when travelling, walking in the park, etc with eyes open or closed. Best wishes--Counsellor.
Thanks for sharing 😊
Omg, I got such a laugh at this! Thank you!
This is amazing
This is really good.
41:14 was so relatable omg
This is why we need Jesus. We are all imperfect and we all fall short of the glory of God. Jesus loves all of you and God sent his son Jesus to die and raise again to save you. ❤
Yeah but what if you can’t like literally can’t or don’t know what. And still on top of it need to figure out what happened and why and how to diffferently. No one wants to keep repeating and getting same results, but some of us are seriously mind blind… even to ourselves. This is when you give up and don’t even know if. Unless I’m just depressed even though I’m on teeatment
Yes it can definitely be used to maintain a sense of self. This happened to me years ago after having had a glimpse of the absence of self and non-dual awareness. Due to somatically felt, intense trauma, one retracted into fantasizing about a past in which that "awakening" had happened young - a bizarre type of egotism which resulted in a deep spiritual depression. Opportunity missed.
I can’t control anything. Not e meditstion, nothing. Maybe if I were climbing free solo I could for a while, but nothing can get me out of this anymore. Scary!
There is hope ❤
Sometimes working through the rumination can help you see more clearly what is actually being created to cause you pain, I just got a glitch in a long term physical negative glitch from a very complicated dispute with my sister from years ago and energetics left from behind my right eye and a negative thought projection surfaced and released. So, I like to question sometimes, if you sit with the rumination and ask why it is there, - a bit like the cow chewing, you finally can find the solution etc etc.
Christer Aakeroy said I was being disruptive, and this is why I was right. He has an obsession with science that I was helping address. What do I think about in the shower? I have the conversation with the imagined person. Different states that a system might take makes me think about energy states of a molecule. Does Paul Smith understand that I can't work on this lesson about OCD when he is contacting me about women's bodies at the rec and that's what I'm talking to my therapist about instead of OCD?
Is there an association between rumination and ADHD ?
I'm not knowledgeable enough about ADHD to have a particularly useful perspective here, the How to ADHD channel is a great resource for that.
Just thinking about it, hyperfocus is a symptom of some presentations of ADHD, so I could imagine "hyperfocusing" on a particular thought pattern.
My rumination came from an incident where I was trying to help a possum that was on the walkway. Someone said I was poking this small possum with a stick and 'reported' it as such. I felt threatened as it could, if that side of the situation was believed. And I went over and over what happened in my head. An hour after that person got security to walk them to their car after I had said I thought they were self involved after asking for a bit of water to put on a cap to feed the possum, we finally got the possum, someone else came and helped solve the problem.... and the possum went back up the tree. I ruminated over the morning dispute that I knew was coming my way and had through the rumination processed like the cow, how to face the next morning. Which I did this morning and fortunately my distressed voice was heard. A side aspect of this process was the psycho/physical pain dialectic that occurs when that negative rumination arises and I learnt a little of how to use that to learn that my mind body want to process or release something - with my learning 2 very complicated hooks in my mind body from a previous horrible DV situation. Thus, I now value this rumination, but also know I need to understand the pain and its source to seek out the answer I am searching for. NOW, the objective is to learn how to use this organic process more effectively!
Like other commentors I got a lot out of listening to this presentation. But, around minute 42 he says to take some responsibility for what was done to oneself and have compassion for the one who did harm to you. Other people say the same thing. I want to stop this - "violent fantasizing," is what some people call it - but I cannot justify forgiving some people for the harms they did to me. I know that If I were to run into some of the evil persons of my past today, if I had the means at hand now I would f'k them up. To say a prayer for them, to say affirmations, like "I forgive myself for my part of that event," just does not work for me. I try to do some of the other things he advises, like appreciating the novelty of the space I am in now, being directed towards something, getting busy doing or busy being present.
To other people who watch this video I wish you good luck and I hope you find relief from the suffering we endure.
There is no solution when you find out someone is telling lies about you to loved ones. After ruminating on this bad behavior, you come to say 'just let it go'. Not worth your time or brain space.
I think the scariest part about rumination is you start convincing yourself it’s actually true. Then the doom of waiting for the fallout is always there -Oppressive and dark.
So crazy you guys are like twins❤
Your thesis advisor was Lakoff? 🤯 Wow.
For me it's the opposite. Under the shower, my brain thinks very positive, and becomes very creative, and I tend to just come out of the shower right at that moment to get everything done, because I get very energetic and creative during the shower :) I don't know why and what's the impact of showering on my brain.
I ruminate about ruminating, that what if i keep on thinking forever that would be bad ah its an endless loop at this point
Ok. Now I am dwelling on ruminating and the thought I want to be gone is here AGAIN.
What it does is make me weak when I should be blocking somebody I will unblock and be open to communication just so I can get it to stop. The course what I'm doing is I'm starting to process all over again. ..
What would happen if I stopped thinking about the issue ... nothing by thinking about it does not make me in control of it or change it at that time
So, if it's a "Big Red Flag", then how do you correct that?
Please help me i was on acid and thought i dont love my boyfriend and only use him so im not lonely and now im ruminating on it all the time i dont know what to do
I have begged God to help me stop or do something else since I’ve tried but cant
I find myself ruminating in my current relationship. I worry about the slightest actions. For example I deleted a previous dating app, and stopped speaking to individuals because me and her are together. However, when ever I open my phone I get worried that I am going to go and open the app although it's been deleted and I begin ruminating and start to question if I really wanted to open the app. Do you have any suggestions? I hope this makes sense.
This sounds like typical intrusive thoughts. Just like those random thoughts that can pop up when you drive "what if I steer the car into the guardrail right now" and stuff like that. You have the choice to either be like "lol weird thought" and move on, or go full investigation mode "omg how could I think that thought what does it mean". The former is a healthy way of dealing with random thoughts, the latter is a way to stress yourself out about something that isn't relevant. You are probably someone who cares a lot about doing the right thing and being loyal etc, it's natural that random stress thoughts about those topics would catch your attention.
@@instant_mint thank you so much for your response.
Plus thankyou for your relationship grief comments!
I never hear anyone associate ruminations with hand washing. Is it the same for someone with contamination issues?
I'm so glad you mentioned the Enneagram, I thought you were a 4! 😅