Oh Demi x I know exactly how you feel and mean, my daughter had exactly the same thoughts and feelings, she had to do this at a certain time and had to prep this a certain time, crying about her body, wanting to go back even though she was a prisoner and very unhappy, she was so busy during the day, she had to get up at 4am then was shattered by 5pm it was very distressing for me as a mum to see because at that time the ED was stronger than both of us. Her mind was always on overdrive and the problem was that the ED wanted her always to be moving and doing things to compensate for any food she was eating. So what I did to try and release this (as you can gather my daughter lives at home) when she was younger she absolutely loved jigsaws, we brought loads to second hand ones, I gave her a task so when she got up at 4am, instead of doing her prepping I asked her to look for any jigsaws near us then I would arrange for us to collect them, that meant she was sitting still doing that, we would then spend hours up the table just sitting completing them, focusing on them especially for her brain.If the ED crept up which obviously it did I would change tactics saying I needed a cup of tea and should we have a break on the sofa, she would agree as she would sit with me (she was very vulnerable and needed for me to be close all the time) so while making my tea last forever, she would sleep for a little while and have a rest. What I am trying to say is that at this stage of recovery its about distraction tactics, try to think what you absolutely loved but not food related, my gorgeous girl is now through that stage and so will you Demi, give yourself a big pat on the back and say I’m here because of ME because it’s you doing it. I always praise my girl, I supported her 24/7 and still do but I always remind her that it was HER who did it, it was her who tackled the Ed thoughts and moved forward. Best wishes as always have a great week ❤️
I’m so proud of you Demi. I hate to see people cry, but I was actually pleased when you did. This is because you tend to switch off your actual emotions in your videos, although I admit you have been getting better with showing how you feel. But this video is the real Demi being open & honest & we are all so privileged that you shared so much with us. You also expressed more insight to where you are in recovery & how you feel very mixed up right now. Firstly so much of what you said makes sense. I’m always holding onto the fact that it’s ok because I can go back from recovery tomorrow. Some people may think that’s unhealthy. But it’s something I need just to get me through a tough day. The main thing is that you don’t go back. So if getting through a tough day means you have to tell yourself that you can go back tomorrow is what keeps you from veering off the path immediately then I will always tell myself I can go back tomorrow. The worst thing is to not think that & just stop, tell yourself forget it & let go of that strength you are holding on to. Also, when you go shopping & you come back to show us what you brought, it sounds & looks like loads, & it is. But so much of it is fruits, veg & you add a lot of spices for taste & you don’t seem to vary what you have. I know you add things like the tuna of an egg or some fish. But even with the feta you give yourself such a tiny portion. I know you add in some chocolate to your snacks & you do a lot of baking. I might be wrong but I think your ED is filling your mind with food rather than eating it if that makes sense. Making your mini snacks & meals consumes so much of your time that even when you’re not eating you’re constantly planning on being adventurous with food. I think you actually realise that now though. You said it yourself in your video. I think you need to take a step back & maybe watch back some videos. You’re always in the kitchen, around food, planning on experimenting etc, that’s typical anorexia behaviour. But I know that you know this & that you’re trying to figure out how to get out of free time being a stressful & busy time. I wish I had the answer for you Demi, I really do. Are you still seeing a therapist? Have you met anyone at work who you think you could become good friends with, go out for a snack with someone (I’m not throwing all these things into the mix now as it’s early days). Keep writing things down on your board like you’ve shown us before. Maybe tell yourself that for one hour each day you will not go into the kitchen but use that time for self care? I really hope this doesn’t sound like I’m getting at you. Honestly & truly that is not my intention. You may read this and think that what I’ve said is a load of bull****. 😂 And that’s ok, I won’t be offended. Because I’m no professional. Keep going Demi cos you really are doing amazingly & reflecting at every stage you get to. It’s hard, but being open & honest shows you’re not in denial & that’s a good thing. Sending you all the love and support I can 😘💕
@@MaxinePayne-vb9bfThank you for saying that 😊. I often worry when I post as I don’t want to upset anyone or say the wrong thing. So the fact that you posted about my comment has made me less worried , so thank you again ☺️
@@sarahteahan2329 Hi Sara, it was a fantastic comment and I thought very very helpful, not just to Demi but for anyone else who is in recovery, what you wrote was my daughter’s life earlier in the year so I know exactly what you saying ❤️
Heyy, Thankyou so much. this is so true, sometimes it can be helpful as it does and can get us through the day. Im sorry you can relate and understand these feelings. Thankyou so much for highlighting these things, it realllly really helps me to become more aware. Im going to start trying new things and not sticking to the same things. I really dont want to stay stuck where i am, im so close yet so far from where i need to be. Yesss for sure i love the board so much I added a couple of things on there. I value your comment so much Im sending you so much love and im so proud of you for continuing to fight your own battles. Sending so much love 🩷🩷🩷
Demi, as I have gone through recovery I have been watching your channel. You have been such an encouragement to me, because I have heard you voice everything I think and feel. You have truly helped me recover soooo much faster. Don't get discouraged, you can do this!!
13:30 I completely get you. And the icky thing is, the only way to combat that, is to take ‘the other thing’ away as option. To do a thing, knowing you cant step back to the familiar tomorrow again. I started with three days before i could. Then a week. But we need to train our mind things are okay, even when we cant run back to the safety. Because plottwist: things are actually not unsafe to begin with. Much love
Im so sorry you can relate to this too!! Your right, small steps and building on changing the way our minds think can happen and we will reach a place of freedom, sending all my love!
Yes i struggle with other obsessions now , routine, constant movement , been productive , house jobs , tidying etc the list gets longer so try keep check in urself if can hun xx Exercise and food still there to so life gets impossible !
awh demi! having an ed will never make sense hence the feeling that you want to go forward but also go backwards. I’m sorry you are feeling like this, it’s hard to try make a reason for how you are feeling, this path you are taking is going to be difficult of course, but later on you will find comfort in the small things that you don’t do anymore, later on in recovery your head won’t seem to re count everything you’ve eaten, when someone told me that i was shocked and accused them of lying, but trust me they were not. I didn’t even notice that I don’t do it anymore, my head was just less filled with horrible ed thoughts. food is just a small part of what the problem actually is, these feelings are completely valid but it’s super important that you don’t go back to your ed. Super super proud of you for everything! sending you the biggest hug and all my love to you xx 🩷
Thankyou so much I really needed to hear this, and your so right thats so true, Im starting to remind myself that freedom is 100% possible. Im so proud of you always, I hope you are well and im sending much love 🩷
I understood you so much!! when I do something un normal that I dont feel good doing, to make myself feel better I just say in the back of my mind "its fine I can always make up next time" even if I dont do it, which I don't it just makes me feel better, I guess. it used to be a good thing to make me do things. but you start to know it keeps you trapped, you need to find other reasons and work towards the actual goal. I was/ still a bit in a constant cycle, luckily for me im a bit younger then you, but also thats not a good thing as it ruined my teenage years. the sooner you move away from it, the sooner you can get back on with your life
I can relate to this so much. I find batch cooking helps me as it means that I’m spending two hours cooking once a week and the rest of the time I just heat up meals I’ve already made. About becoming obsessive about things, keep challenging it, but most of all I have found that as life moves in your need to do certain behaviours moves out of your mind. You’re doing amazingly well, if need be try to schedule in down time. I’m doing an access course as well as working and juggling that as well as relaxing to prevent burnout is hard, but it can be done.
I should really try and batch cook to make it more easier, thankyou so much thats a really good idea to block out some rest time too i will have too try this 🩷
also one tip. try not to over think or plan everything. it doesnt matter if sometimes you just need to buy on the go, or maybe a quicker option. or not plan or someone makes something. It shouldn't over ride your whole thoughts. whether its out of anxiety about what your eating, or if its a rule, you need to work it out. as it can go from one obsession to another. Ingredients are important don't get me wrong but it has a time and. place. if your truly interested about them its fine, but you have to find a healthy balance. so your brain isn't constantly consumed. Maybe finding some sort of passion or hobby, for your day. I know it's not easy! you can work on it I believe in you :)
Thankyou so much yesss i needed to hear this so badly, your right i will have to put this to the test and be a little more relaxed around things! Thankyou again, I hope you are well sending much love
Sorry you’re still struggling to taste coffee. I know that must be disappointing and confusing! Good on you for wanting to support smaller businesses, though 😊 you’re such a wonderful person! Your beautiful soul truly shines 💜 Also wanted to let you know, I relate to the latching on to other things, thing that you mentioned. It can feel distressing and I’m sorry you’re experiencing the same thing! I’ve found cognitive dissonance to be totally exhausting. I hope you can find unconditional peace and contentment. It’s hard to be busy all the time, even if the things you are busy with are deemed to be good. Just remember, you are loved just for being who you are, just for exisiting. You don’t have to do anything to earn it. Sending hugs 💜💜💜💜
It still hasnt come back the taste its soooo strange !!! thankyou !! Thanks for the lovely comment it really means a lot, Sending all my love and hope you are well 🩷 🩷🩷
Well done for cooking with your dad. I always find that I get really irritable when I try to cook or bake with other people. 😬 I don't know why. Also, I really empathise with the battle in terms of other obsessions creeping in. I find it so hard to not be busy as well.
Thankyou so much, yess it can be so hard i always prefer to have my own space in the kitchen but trying to break the habit, i can relate to this too but we will get there in time, sending all my love x
Of course it is so much more than just the food. In reality it isn't about the food, the food is a symptom of a bigger problem, and that is something you need to work on. I really think you need to step back from full time work because recovery is exhausting. Give that your all right now
Honestly, now I'm OBSESSED with pesto. I don't now, why, but my extreme hunger kicked in so much, and I'm craving for things like this. (I'm eating with just a spoon... without glutenfree bread or something "side". Just the pesto... 😅)
Demi, Ive been watching you from the start. You've made such great progress but I notice especially this video you seem to especially be struggling again with the thought processing and getting sentences and words out like your maybe under nourishing your brain or maybe just suffering from extreme stress/ fatigue. Please don't take this as criticism or hate. I say it as I genuinely care even though I only know u through a screen as a viewer. Please take things easy and give yourself permission to nourish yourself well. Hugs. Xx
I think you are right, you want to really limit time spent obsessing on about food and everything around it... would it help to distract yourself with a new hobby,film or book.Or maybe take up a musical instrument ❤❤
Oh Demi x I know exactly how you feel and mean, my daughter had exactly the same thoughts and feelings, she had to do this at a certain time and had to prep this a certain time, crying about her body, wanting to go back even though she was a prisoner and very unhappy, she was so busy during the day, she had to get up at 4am then was shattered by 5pm it was very distressing for me as a mum to see because at that time the ED was stronger than both of us. Her mind was always on overdrive and the problem was that the ED wanted her always to be moving and doing things to compensate for any food she was eating. So what I did to try and release this (as you can gather my daughter lives at home) when she was younger she absolutely loved jigsaws, we brought loads to second hand ones, I gave her a task so when she got up at 4am, instead of doing her prepping I asked her to look for any jigsaws near us then I would arrange for us to collect them, that meant she was sitting still doing that, we would then spend hours up the table just sitting completing them, focusing on them especially for her brain.If the ED crept up which obviously it did I would change tactics saying I needed a cup of tea and should we have a break on the sofa, she would agree as she would sit with me (she was very vulnerable and needed for me to be close all the time) so while making my tea last forever, she would sleep for a little while and have a rest. What I am trying to say is that at this stage of recovery its about distraction tactics, try to think what you absolutely loved but not food related, my gorgeous girl is now through that stage and so will you Demi, give yourself a big pat on the back and say I’m here because of ME because it’s you doing it. I always praise my girl, I supported her 24/7 and still do but I always remind her that it was HER who did it, it was her who tackled the Ed thoughts and moved forward. Best wishes as always have a great week ❤️
You did great for your daughter it so hard I’ve struggled along with my mum to as my support x
@@leannecraggs3165 It certainly is Leanne, I hope you are doing ok, I am glad you have your mum for support ❤️
You are a great mum! Wishing you and your daughter the best 😊
Hope she's doing better, I've learned so much about eating disorders from talking to Demi, had no idea how it takes over your mind.
@@birdie.mae.22 ah thank you x
I’m so proud of you Demi. I hate to see people cry, but I was actually pleased when you did. This is because you tend to switch off your actual emotions in your videos, although I admit you have been getting better with showing how you feel. But this video is the real Demi being open & honest & we are all so privileged that you shared so much with us. You also expressed more insight to where you are in recovery & how you feel very mixed up right now. Firstly so much of what you said makes sense. I’m always holding onto the fact that it’s ok because I can go back from recovery tomorrow. Some people may think that’s unhealthy. But it’s something I need just to get me through a tough day. The main thing is that you don’t go back. So if getting through a tough day means you have to tell yourself that you can go back tomorrow is what keeps you from veering off the path immediately then I will always tell myself I can go back tomorrow. The worst thing is to not think that & just stop, tell yourself forget it & let go of that strength you are holding on to. Also, when you go shopping & you come back to show us what you brought, it sounds & looks like loads, & it is. But so much of it is fruits, veg & you add a lot of spices for taste & you don’t seem to vary what you have. I know you add things like the tuna of an egg or some fish. But even with the feta you give yourself such a tiny portion. I know you add in some chocolate to your snacks & you do a lot of baking. I might be wrong but I think your ED is filling your mind with food rather than eating it if that makes sense. Making your mini snacks & meals consumes so much of your time that even when you’re not eating you’re constantly planning on being adventurous with food. I think you actually realise that now though. You said it yourself in your video. I think you need to take a step back & maybe watch back some videos. You’re always in the kitchen, around food, planning on experimenting etc, that’s typical anorexia behaviour. But I know that you know this & that you’re trying to figure out how to get out of free time being a stressful & busy time. I wish I had the answer for you Demi, I really do. Are you still seeing a therapist? Have you met anyone at work who you think you could become good friends with, go out for a snack with someone (I’m not throwing all these things into the mix now as it’s early days). Keep writing things down on your board like you’ve shown us before. Maybe tell yourself that for one hour each day you will not go into the kitchen but use that time for self care? I really hope this doesn’t sound like I’m getting at you. Honestly & truly that is not my intention. You may read this and think that what I’ve said is a load of bull****. 😂 And that’s ok, I won’t be offended. Because I’m no professional. Keep going Demi cos you really are doing amazingly & reflecting at every stage you get to. It’s hard, but being open & honest shows you’re not in denial & that’s a good thing. Sending you all the love and support I can 😘💕
That’s a amazing comment ❤️
@@MaxinePayne-vb9bfThank you for saying that 😊.
I often worry when I post as I don’t want to upset anyone or say the wrong thing. So the fact that you posted about my comment has made me less worried , so thank you again ☺️
@@sarahteahan2329 Hi Sara, it was a fantastic comment and I thought very very helpful, not just to Demi but for anyone else who is in recovery, what you wrote was my daughter’s life earlier in the year so I know exactly what you saying ❤️
@@MaxinePayne-vb9bf ♥️❤️❤️
Heyy, Thankyou so much. this is so true, sometimes it can be helpful as it does and can get us through the day. Im sorry you can relate and understand these feelings. Thankyou so much for highlighting these things, it realllly really helps me to become more aware. Im going to start trying new things and not sticking to the same things. I really dont want to stay stuck where i am, im so close yet so far from where i need to be. Yesss for sure i love the board so much I added a couple of things on there. I value your comment so much Im sending you so much love and im so proud of you for continuing to fight your own battles. Sending so much love 🩷🩷🩷
Demi, as I have gone through recovery I have been watching your channel. You have been such an encouragement to me, because I have heard you voice everything I think and feel. You have truly helped me recover soooo much faster. Don't get discouraged, you can do this!!
Thankyou so much, this has genuinely made me feel so happy inside. Im so proud of you for fighting back. Your amazing sending so much love!!!
13:30 I completely get you. And the icky thing is, the only way to combat that, is to take ‘the other thing’ away as option. To do a thing, knowing you cant step back to the familiar tomorrow again. I started with three days before i could. Then a week. But we need to train our mind things are okay, even when we cant run back to the safety. Because plottwist: things are actually not unsafe to begin with. Much love
Im so sorry you can relate to this too!! Your right, small steps and building on changing the way our minds think can happen and we will reach a place of freedom, sending all my love!
You are being so brave and doing so well - one day at a time, you really are fab X
thankyou so much ❤ x
Yes i struggle with other obsessions now , routine, constant movement , been productive , house jobs , tidying etc the list gets longer so try keep check in urself if can hun xx
Exercise and food still there to so life gets impossible !
It's the result of a starved brain, that feeling of chaos.The only thing to do is eat more
I can 100% relate, its really hard but we can do this! The exercise is the hardest habit xx
awh demi! having an ed will never make sense hence the feeling that you want to go forward but also go backwards. I’m sorry you are feeling like this, it’s hard to try make a reason for how you are feeling, this path you are taking is going to be difficult of course, but later on you will find comfort in the small things that you don’t do anymore, later on in recovery your head won’t seem to re count everything you’ve eaten, when someone told me that i was shocked and accused them of lying, but trust me they were not. I didn’t even notice that I don’t do it anymore, my head was just less filled with horrible ed thoughts. food is just a small part of what the problem actually is, these feelings are completely valid but it’s super important that you don’t go back to your ed. Super super proud of you for everything! sending you the biggest hug and all my love to you xx 🩷
Thankyou so much I really needed to hear this, and your so right thats so true, Im starting to remind myself that freedom is 100% possible. Im so proud of you always, I hope you are well and im sending much love 🩷
I understood you so much!! when I do something un normal that I dont feel good doing, to make myself feel better I just say in the back of my mind "its fine I can always make up next time" even if I dont do it, which I don't it just makes me feel better, I guess. it used to be a good thing to make me do things. but you start to know it keeps you trapped, you need to find other reasons and work towards the actual goal. I was/ still a bit in a constant cycle, luckily for me im a bit younger then you, but also thats not a good thing as it ruined my teenage years. the sooner you move away from it, the sooner you can get back on with your life
This is so true !!!! I think it also really does hit home when you reflect at the amount of time we have lost :(
I can relate to this so much. I find batch cooking helps me as it means that I’m spending two hours cooking once a week and the rest of the time I just heat up meals I’ve already made. About becoming obsessive about things, keep challenging it, but most of all I have found that as life moves in your need to do certain behaviours moves out of your mind. You’re doing amazingly well, if need be try to schedule in down time. I’m doing an access course as well as working and juggling that as well as relaxing to prevent burnout is hard, but it can be done.
I should really try and batch cook to make it more easier, thankyou so much thats a really good idea to block out some rest time too i will have too try this 🩷
also one tip. try not to over think or plan everything. it doesnt matter if sometimes you just need to buy on the go, or maybe a quicker option. or not plan or someone makes something. It shouldn't over ride your whole thoughts. whether its out of anxiety about what your eating, or if its a rule, you need to work it out. as it can go from one obsession to another. Ingredients are important don't get me wrong but it has a time and. place. if your truly interested about them its fine, but you have to find a healthy balance. so your brain isn't constantly consumed. Maybe finding some sort of passion or hobby, for your day. I know it's not easy! you can work on it I believe in you :)
Thankyou so much yesss i needed to hear this so badly, your right i will have to put this to the test and be a little more relaxed around things! Thankyou again, I hope you are well sending much love
You're doing awesome Demi and you'll get to where you want to be, it's ok to cry, we're here for you.
thankyou Jack :) hope you are well
@@Demiproudman I am, thanks sweetie.
you're so strong and brave for keeping pushing forward
Thankyou so much sending so much love
Sorry you’re still struggling to taste coffee. I know that must be disappointing and confusing! Good on you for wanting to support smaller businesses, though 😊 you’re such a wonderful person! Your beautiful soul truly shines 💜
Also wanted to let you know, I relate to the latching on to other things, thing that you mentioned. It can feel distressing and I’m sorry you’re experiencing the same thing! I’ve found cognitive dissonance to be totally exhausting. I hope you can find unconditional peace and contentment. It’s hard to be busy all the time, even if the things you are busy with are deemed to be good. Just remember, you are loved just for being who you are, just for exisiting. You don’t have to do anything to earn it.
Sending hugs 💜💜💜💜
It still hasnt come back the taste its soooo strange !!! thankyou !! Thanks for the lovely comment it really means a lot, Sending all my love and hope you are well 🩷 🩷🩷
100 % understood everything you say I think it def a monster in our heads telling us all the same things xx
Sending big hugs xxx
Well done for cooking with your dad. I always find that I get really irritable when I try to cook or bake with other people. 😬 I don't know why. Also, I really empathise with the battle in terms of other obsessions creeping in. I find it so hard to not be busy as well.
Thankyou so much, yess it can be so hard i always prefer to have my own space in the kitchen but trying to break the habit, i can relate to this too but we will get there in time, sending all my love x
Of course it is so much more than just the food. In reality it isn't about the food, the food is a symptom of a bigger problem, and that is something you need to work on. I really think you need to step back from full time work because recovery is exhausting. Give that your all right now
Food looks lovely ❤
Thankyou so much ❤
Sending a hug to you ❤
Thankyou so much ❤
❤
❤
Honestly, now I'm OBSESSED with pesto.
I don't now, why, but my extreme hunger kicked in so much, and I'm craving for things like this.
(I'm eating with just a spoon... without glutenfree bread or something "side". Just the pesto... 😅)
AHHH YESSS pesto is amazing !!! I also get these random spikes of extreme hunger, remember its okay and listen to your body, sending all my love
Just a curious question… how come you always have your room so dark with the curtains closed during the day?
Wishing you well❤
Demi, Ive been watching you from the start. You've made such great progress but I notice especially this video you seem to especially be struggling again with the thought processing and getting sentences and words out like your maybe under nourishing your brain or maybe just suffering from extreme stress/ fatigue.
Please don't take this as criticism or hate. I say it as I genuinely care even though I only know u through a screen as a viewer. Please take things easy and give yourself permission to nourish yourself well. Hugs. Xx
Thankyou so much I have noticed this in myself too, working hard towards pushing through this stage of my journey xxx
I think you are right, you want to really limit time spent obsessing on about food and everything around it... would it help to distract yourself with a new hobby,film or book.Or maybe take up a musical instrument ❤❤
For sure something Im working towards ❤❤