I was married to someone who had severe control issues. Any criticism of her was met with scorn and sometimes with violence. She would whip up trouble in the relationship just for the sheer satisfaction of feeding her sense of power and control. When I began to stand up to her, the relationship went sour and I was painted as the person who needed help. She did this by getting her family and some of my family members on her side by obfuscating the truth and playing on their sympathies. We were married for almost 20 years and after the divorce, I sought help in understanding what really happened and it wasn't until a counselor got me reading on narcissism that things REALLY began to click in my head. Thanks for your videos. I hope they help some people.
In regards to number 5. My mom has been doing that for 20 years. "keeping the peace" with her narcissistic husband. The problem is though by doing that she's become a complete enabler to his behavior, and has drawn myself, and other family members into his circle of supply. She's brainwashed, and she truly believes she's in control. She's been walking on egg shells to keep him "calm" for years, and it's done nothing but drive her quite mad.
You are so on the nose.Ty for your video I learned alot. I was with an abusive Narc. When I broke up he came to my house and I wouldnt let him come in so he tried to take me against my will. He was drunk and he burn my face by flicking a cigarette in my face and burning my hair sitting next to him as I asked over and over again take me home. I seriously thought this was it and I was gonna be on the news a womens body found in a shallow grave news at 8pm. It took me the fourth time trying to escape that I managed to finally get away. The previous attempts I would jump out of the car and run down fields yelling for help onlookers did NOTHING. He would chase me down and physically restrained me by lifting me up and carrying me back(he broke my ribs doing this). I was terrified of him. When I got away I manage to hide by a car and some neighbor said .....hey hes down the street come in the house. I ran in and he helped me cause he could see I was beat up. I called the cops there. They caught him. But disappeared when they let him out and he came after me with 8 guys last year in the summer in there cars at night they pulled up blocked me in down some dark street coming home one night. They started punching my vehicle trying to break the windows of my car to get me. I was terrified. They chased me down six times punching and breaking my lights etc 6 times. Unbelieveble!!! This guy was on a mission to destroy me seriously because I cut it off. Put him in jail. Because I use to race quarter mile race cars I out ran them in my broken down old van that probably broke there hand when they punched it, its such a tank I have no vehicle cause he trashed it and never caught him (its been two years of him harrassing me). Last week the DA called me and said we detained him and charged him hes going up against the judge. I requested a 10 year restraining order against him. They only go to 3 years.They granted me 10 years. I wrote a Impact Statement The prosecutor read it to him she said that the letter was so good that the people clapped after she read it. I think thats how I handled it. In that letter it had all my feelings in it and it all melted away like butter. . He got a year and I got my life for a year to get stronger again. I moved on...... man did he screw with my head though.
How do you cope with someone that looks human but acts like a monster daily? Does wasting our energy, our sanity and our time really help anyone? Or does it just feed the monster and we lose ourselves in their disease of the mind? They are not worth the air we breathe and if anyone thinks otherwise, then by all means, Go and live with one!
A narcissist once said to me, "I hate being wrong, but who doesn't?", to which I replied, "I don't mind being wrong sometimes - not everybody is perfect in every situation". Total slam dunk - catch them out at their own game in mid sentence. Most mature people who don't need to control others don't mind admitting fault if they have made a mistake, after all we a are human. Ok so we are no longer friends - but it's better you go away showing maturity and humility in the face of someone who has just admitted a major narcissistic trait. If they try to add that to their bag of tricks later - by pretending they don't mind being wrong - soon it will eat away at them - after all narcissism is about always being right.
Really, really smart and helpful. Recognizing he is fragile, not taking his insults seriously (that means not believing him that I'm lousy and lame and stupid) has been the answer for me.
I do want to say something that a lot of people out there are not quite aware of. Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder are two totally different things. If you feel like your partner fits all the traits and characteristics of this DISORDER, you need to get away fast! I am serious! They rarely change, and you cannot help them. They will destroy you slowly, while they watch with a grin on their face. You need to run and do 'no contact.' Save yourself, before it's too late!!
These are great tips to utilize especially while creating and implementing your exit strategy. 🙇🙏🏃🏇🚂🚄🚋🚕🚗🚙✈🚢 Stay strong and safe everyone, much love!!!
The worst thing about narcissists is that half the time they think the victim doesn't know what is happening - in some cases the victim doesn't - that's when the internet and forums help - get schooled up on how they operate. If you do know what they are doing - observe them and never let them know you have been hurt by them - point out what they are doing is wrong and not beneficial - use what they do against them - be polite and simply point out in congruencies in their actions. There reaction will tell you everything. Once separated from a narcissist - don't ever contact them - they will take the power back and be far worse with you and it will look like you have backed down, that they were not that bad to start with. Stick to your guns. When parting it is ok to be objective and say, "I like you, just don't get why you act like that sometimes", that shifts the emphasis on them in a polite way and shows you are not bitter.
I really believe that if you are born into a family dominated by a vicious narcissist or if you were in a long term relationship with one that even when that relationship has dissolved through death or your departure that you still have a lot of suffering to do post relationship because you end up with something very similar to post traumatic stress disorder and in fact that might be the actual diagnosis! You may suspect that you have PTSD if your symptoms and ongoing condition is not amenable to most common psychological or self help treatments!
It's not worth the energy to deal with a Narcissist. You're fighting an uphill battle. There is no cure for them, so I say ditch all this advice and get out. Who has the energy to always be trying to self preserve, and figure out tricky psychological ways to do something as simple as go to dinner with their family. Life shouldn't be this complicated.
its my mother and u taught me a great deal. i always stand my ground but realize i cannot change her into being normal and will use ur great strategies until shes out of my house and finally in independent living. i also have stopped doing things for her. i will hold my ground without the drama and allow myself to give her the things she wants to hear now so she feels secure to go, thank god.
I wish I had run into this video 7 years ago. I'm still trying to win myself esteem back after a 7 year relationship that literally drained me of all I had; that is when it ended, when I just could not give any more. Is been an experience that I could have done without.
On a deeper note - take personal comfort in the fact that the person you love or like will always be difficult and narcissistic - it's in there blood almost. So rest assured - (if you are a little jealous that she might be in the arms of some other hunk etc), that in reality that new, "supply", to her needs is going through the same crap you went through - because she/he only seeks people they think they can dominate. And remember - you are no longer that person who will be trampled upon. Don't openly laugh at the other person's situation - just know inside that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Narcissists can't feel real emotion so they will never know real love. They have no pity for others, they judge and point score for evaluation purposes only. Well the joke is on them - because they are living a hypocritical existence - one that offers them no real rewarding loving relationship. One that is forged out of having to force respect from others. Manipulate people purely for negative gain on the part of the victim.
The narcissist I knew tried to use sarcasm to put me down - a classic trait, I turned it into a witty observation - the person being American, didn't realise that sarcasm doesn't really work in text form - this did two things she tried to modify the texts and change and try to avoid a conflict - when I decided to finally walk away - she actually put smiley emoticons in to highlight she was joking - but more importantly it proved a point - was she really only joking and being harmless or was she trying to belittle and me down. Well in pointing out the confusion in the form of expressing sarcasm in text - it highlighted that her intentions weren't really hitting home - whatever they were. When she tried to resolved things she tried to be sarcastic: saying: I obviously don't want to hear what you have to say - then put the smiley emoticon in to show that she was joking and that really she did want to hear what I had to say - but too late by then. I had said goodbye. Leaving her being indirect and weird till the very last text. Further making her look immature. In short - she tried to show me that she had finally grasped how to use sarcasm in a text - based on the info I gave her - yet sadly for her it still backfired. In that text she also planted a consequence of walking away - when I had said no contact is a good option - earlier , so by then I was happy to oblige and….walked away.
If they suggest ending the friendship/relationship - walk away with a nice clear sentiment - make it clear that nothing has got to you and that you are merely providing examples when they ask for it - that way you can't be held to account for calling them out on things. Most narcissists delight in hinting the outcome of will happen - be prepared and mention to them that they had mentioned something before about it. If they deny it out right and feign innocence - you have your answer - they were playing you all along. If they avoid the issue and try to minimise a statement they have made - make it clear that no matter how insignificant it is to them - that it can still hurt, most importantly state it would hurt anybody - not just you - that way you are not appearing as the victim.
When I finally put my foot down with a narcissist I actually quite happily told them I don't even intend to change them - they want the power of thinking you are working like mad to resolve things - yes I said I do like to patch things up - but when I saw it wasn't working - I was quite happy to tell them that and that changing them is not the important bit - as if to say - keep doing what you are doing - have ball - good luck with it - I don't feel the need to do it - if it makes you feel happy great - just not when I am around. That way you get your point across while being able to rise above it and not look like you are trying to help. If a narc gets aggressive keep a log of it - and report it - but never accept it - point it out - say you don't care what they do - belittle the process of what they are doing. I stress that these tips - having been someone who has just got out of said relationship, only work if you don't have any major ties to the narcissist.
number 3 was my deal breaker with my ex narc. i could handle everything else and i knew she was mental. but i never thought shed turn it on me,. big mistake on my part
Multimillionaireman is right. My husband started going to strip clubs, thinking young women actually liked him, wasted all kinds of money; then blamed me and the kids when he went to jail twice and got banned from the club. Now he can't even think straight; does drugs; all started with porn. When I objected to the porn, he said "you're not going to censor me." An odd statement which was kind of sophisticated for him to say and it turns out he was hanging out with a bunch of cheaters who all try to teach each other how to deal with their families. Losers all.
My oldest sister is a terrible narc. She has been treating me so badly my whole life. I now understand why. But to stay away from her, I have to give up my whole extended family because she runs everything and everybody does what she says. It is a terrible situation. I HAVE to stay away from her, but if I go to a family gathering, and she is there, and I ignore her, then everyone blames ME for being a bitch. SHE is always the VICTIM!! So far now, I am not seeing anyone in my extended family. My other older sister believes what she tells her, and my younger sister has already left the family for good, with her daughter.
My now ex, his baby mama is a narcissist, it caused a lot of issues. When I finally walked away, she made sure that he wouldn’t contact me, and turned everyone on his side that even marginally liked me, against me. I’m glad I’m free and out.
Expose a narcissist - if you are not in a deep relationship with them and can make a clean break from it. They don't give a damn about you - so you shouldn't worry about exposing them. They may deny what they have done - but through texts and the way the react to things - they have already revealed how they operate. Simply reflect and make observations and inform them of their patterns. If they twist things always state what they have done and correct them. You need to state your claim and assert your wishes without appearing to need something from them.
Simple and all true. We must also remember that narcissists were often created that way through being humiliated and abused by another; now WE have been, so be careful not to inflict your own will over others in sheer self-defense. Whatever the cause, narcissism is wrong.
That was amazing. And I never use that word because I think it is over used. So WOW. Incredibly helpful. And your voice is soothing as well, you sound like Martha Quinn! (She's an ex-MTV VJ, she's on Sirius now) THANKS A MILLION FOR THE INSIGHT!
Isn't a Relationship/Family exactly opposite: a Place where we all get Healthy Inter Dependent and relying on each other. If this is not possible then how can you trust that a partner will not let you down in the worst possible moment ?
1) Good quick comments on staying balanced. 2) Now what if, based on the evaluation, I consider myself to be somewhat narcissistic? I genuinely feel like the artistic expression [or whatever] has real intrinsic value even if the world does not seem to necessarily agree? 3) Just curious, "for the sake of philosophical debate"... What does the Narcissist do to become more centered, or balanced?
Interesting you said that about boundries and them invading YOURS because I said that to a narc woman I knew (in being inconsiderate) and THEY DON'T CARE. She even used some of the same words here you used and I took it as shaming tactics "support", "tolerance", "selfishness", etc.
Thanks for your reply! New question: See, I've been looking into NPD because I think my husband has it. However, he exhibits the behaviors almost exclusively to me and the kids. I'm the only person who lives close enough to him to cramp his style. In return, because I'm scared he'll get mad if I disagree with him (and he ALWAYS does!) I seem to have the features of Dependent PD. I display the behavior to him, only. Is there something else we might have? Thanks in advance for your answer.
Love it! At about 50 seconds in, there's an important statement you say -- I didn't get it. You say something that sounds like, "this means never making yourself worth depending on them". What is it really?
Sorry to say but i know a narcissistic person is hard to deal with but they deserve love to just like any other mentally ill person. Your first advice is don't get involved in narcissistic person. Being involved w a narcissist for 15 years u learn to deal with their illness. I'm not saying it's easy but it's possible.
Monika -- thanks for your answer! New question: My husband has NPD; but exhibits the behaviors almost exclusively to me. I'm the one who cooks dinner, who does all kinds of things around the house. I can't do them without needing to ask him permission about how he is willing to let me do it. Does he have NPD, or is there another possibility?
It’s too vague. Is refusing to negotiate or compromise or engage in reasoned deliberation “holding your ground”? Getting your way? We have a lot of narcissistic women who over generalize and distort reality with cognitive distortions and spar with logical fallacies and think they’re “holding their ground”.
you have it only about narcists in a relationship is it also possible by a collega of your work? i have a collega at my work sitting on the same table where i do my work she has the symptomes of a narcist i don,t speak asnymore to her she was very vey angry with me and now she leet me feel it i am wreally getting a lot of stress and i am not the only one at my work but wel the one who is sitting whit her on the same table i find it awefull if i see that she make a mistake i must go to my boss so he can say it to her and that is even not possible she is getting very angry with him to what can i do to get les sstressful to my work she listened to nobody she is perfect she doesn,t have to think before she speak because she has Always wright i was once feeling sick so i wasn,t talking very much she said why do you not talking to me i said i am feeling sick she said i don,t care if you are feeling sick you can talk to me and she getting angry with me i wil never speak again with her she has also that charming shetarted with that and now i don,t like her i can,t even forgive her on this moment i can,t say get away from me i can,t get sit on a other table so i hope one of you wil get me advice to deal with her by the way i am a woman and i think she is not lesbiene she has a frend she saiyng that she is lying to
LOL! :D Dont fall in love with one?!? Well let me just say that one of my best friends is a Narcissist(actually medical profesionals have confirmed that he is one) Yes he an ego problem,Yes he talks a lot about himself,yes he gets very mad when people offend him or try to make him change is mind about something he believes in. That said he is very loyal.When ever Im in trouble he comes though what ever to help....Been though hell with him twice with a song in our heart and a whiskey bottle in hand :D But the other stuff is true(2,3,4,5 and 6)...i would highly recommend to remember who YOU are...
A narcissist is only nice when he is broke, ill or a similar situation where they need your help. After they make a lot of money and keep it a secret from you and spend it on, oh let's say strippers, for instance, then you will realize what a poopass he is. So, get in touch with his boss and other associates and spread the good word about how he won't help his family, etc. Embarrass the living beJesus out of the guy. As I say, pretend he's your little brother and play ball!
I admit i have A LOT of these cluster b traits but i am married and my husband although struggles with me at times would never run the opposite direction-you nasty person telling people to run the other direction from us-its people like you who made us this way in the first place!
I admit i have A LOT of these cluster b traits but i am married and my husband although struggles with me at times would never run the opposite direction-you nasty person telling people to run the other direction from us-its people like you who made us this way in the first place!
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I was married to someone who had severe control issues. Any criticism of her was met with scorn and sometimes with violence. She would whip up trouble in the relationship just for the sheer satisfaction of feeding her sense of power and control. When I began to stand up to her, the relationship went sour and I was painted as the person who needed help. She did this by getting her family and some of my family members on her side by obfuscating the truth and playing on their sympathies. We were married for almost 20 years and after the divorce, I sought help in understanding what really happened and it wasn't until a counselor got me reading on narcissism that things REALLY began to click in my head. Thanks for your videos. I hope they help some people.
why would you stay with Narc, its not a benefit to you , your children, or anyone else, all better off without their presence. RUN RUN RUN
Run- with your hair on fire!!!! Get another job. Stop talking to that family member.
Save yourself!
In regards to number 5. My mom has been doing that for 20 years. "keeping the peace" with her narcissistic husband. The problem is though by doing that she's become a complete enabler to his behavior, and has drawn myself, and other family members into his circle of supply.
She's brainwashed, and she truly believes she's in control. She's been walking on egg shells to keep him "calm" for years, and it's done nothing but drive her quite mad.
"Don't challenge the delisions". That is an interesting point. I have been trying to help the person by challenge his delusions
You are so on the nose.Ty for your video I learned alot. I was with an abusive Narc. When I broke up he came to my house and I wouldnt let him come in so he tried to take me against my will. He was drunk and he burn my face by flicking a cigarette in my face and burning my hair sitting next to him as I asked over and over again take me home. I seriously thought this was it and I was gonna be on the news a womens body found in a shallow grave news at 8pm. It took me the fourth time trying to escape that I managed to finally get away. The previous attempts I would jump out of the car and run down fields yelling for help onlookers did NOTHING. He would chase me down and physically restrained me by lifting me up and carrying me back(he broke my ribs doing this). I was terrified of him. When I got away I manage to hide by a car and some neighbor said .....hey hes down the street come in the house. I ran in and he helped me cause he could see I was beat up. I called the cops there. They caught him. But disappeared when they let him out and he came after me with 8 guys last year in the summer in there cars at night they pulled up blocked me in down some dark street coming home one night. They started punching my vehicle trying to break the windows of my car to get me. I was terrified. They chased me down six times punching and breaking my lights etc 6 times. Unbelieveble!!! This guy was on a mission to destroy me seriously because I cut it off. Put him in jail. Because I use to race quarter mile race cars I out ran them in my broken down old van that probably broke there hand when they punched it, its such a tank I have no vehicle cause he trashed it and never caught him (its been two years of him harrassing me). Last week the DA called me and said we detained him and charged him hes going up against the judge. I requested a 10 year restraining order against him. They only go to 3 years.They granted me 10 years. I wrote a Impact Statement The prosecutor read it to him she said that the letter was so good that the people clapped after she read it. I think thats how I handled it. In that letter it had all my feelings in it and it all melted away like butter. . He got a year and I got my life for a year to get stronger again. I moved on...... man did he screw with my head though.
How do you cope with someone that looks human but acts like a monster daily? Does wasting our energy, our sanity and our time really help anyone? Or does it just feed the monster and we lose ourselves in their disease of the mind? They are not worth the air we breathe and if anyone thinks otherwise, then by all means, Go and live with one!
A narcissist once said to me, "I hate being wrong, but who doesn't?", to which I replied, "I don't mind being wrong sometimes - not everybody is perfect in every situation". Total slam dunk - catch them out at their own game in mid sentence. Most mature people who don't need to control others don't mind admitting fault if they have made a mistake, after all we a are human. Ok so we are no longer friends - but it's better you go away showing maturity and humility in the face of someone who has just admitted a major narcissistic trait. If they try to add that to their bag of tricks later - by pretending they don't mind being wrong - soon it will eat away at them - after all narcissism is about always being right.
Really, really smart and helpful. Recognizing he is fragile, not taking his insults seriously (that means not believing him that I'm lousy and lame and stupid) has been the answer for me.
I do want to say something that a lot of people out there are not quite aware of. Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder are two totally different things. If you feel like your partner fits all the traits and characteristics of this DISORDER, you need to get away fast! I am serious! They rarely change, and you cannot help them. They will destroy you slowly, while they watch with a grin on their face. You need to run and do 'no contact.' Save yourself, before it's too late!!
These are great tips to utilize especially while creating and implementing your exit strategy. 🙇🙏🏃🏇🚂🚄🚋🚕🚗🚙✈🚢 Stay strong and safe everyone, much love!!!
The worst thing about narcissists is that half the time they think the victim doesn't know what is happening - in some cases the victim doesn't - that's when the internet and forums help - get schooled up on how they operate. If you do know what they are doing - observe them and never let them know you have been hurt by them - point out what they are doing is wrong and not beneficial - use what they do against them - be polite and simply point out in congruencies in their actions. There reaction will tell you everything. Once separated from a narcissist - don't ever contact them - they will take the power back and be far worse with you and it will look like you have backed down, that they were not that bad to start with. Stick to your guns. When parting it is ok to be objective and say, "I like you, just don't get why you act like that sometimes", that shifts the emphasis on them in a polite way and shows you are not bitter.
The best advice ever. If holding your grounds causes rage, leave. Journaling is beneficial. Thanks.
I really believe that if you are born into a family dominated by a vicious narcissist or if you were in a long term relationship with one that even when that relationship has dissolved through death or your departure that you still have a lot of suffering to do post relationship because you end up with something very similar to post traumatic stress disorder and in fact that might be the actual diagnosis! You may suspect that you have PTSD if your symptoms and ongoing condition is not amenable to most common psychological or self help treatments!
It's not worth the energy to deal with a Narcissist. You're fighting an uphill battle. There is no cure for them, so I say ditch all this advice and get out. Who has the energy to always be trying to self preserve, and figure out tricky psychological ways to do something as simple as go to dinner with their family. Life shouldn't be this complicated.
its my mother and u taught me a great deal. i always stand my ground but realize i cannot change her into being normal and will use ur great strategies until shes out of my house and finally in independent living. i also have stopped doing things for her. i will hold my ground without the drama and allow myself to give her the things she wants to hear now so she feels secure to go, thank god.
I wish I had run into this video 7 years ago. I'm still trying to win myself esteem back after a 7 year relationship that literally drained me of all I had; that is when it ended, when I just could not give any more. Is been an experience that I could have done without.
Yup!!! Holding the ground can be too difficult. Been there. Good points ! Thanks. I used to tell myself to calm down. A lot. 💕💜
On a deeper note - take personal comfort in the fact that the person you love or like will always be difficult and narcissistic - it's in there blood almost. So rest assured - (if you are a little jealous that she might be in the arms of some other hunk etc), that in reality that new, "supply", to her needs is going through the same crap you went through - because she/he only seeks people they think they can dominate. And remember - you are no longer that person who will be trampled upon. Don't openly laugh at the other person's situation - just know inside that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Narcissists can't feel real emotion so they will never know real love. They have no pity for others, they judge and point score for evaluation purposes only. Well the joke is on them - because they are living a hypocritical existence - one that offers them no real rewarding loving relationship. One that is forged out of having to force respect from others. Manipulate people purely for negative gain on the part of the victim.
The narcissist I knew tried to use sarcasm to put me down - a classic trait, I turned it into a witty observation - the person being American, didn't realise that sarcasm doesn't really work in text form - this did two things she tried to modify the texts and change and try to avoid a conflict - when I decided to finally walk away - she actually put smiley emoticons in to highlight she was joking - but more importantly it proved a point - was she really only joking and being harmless or was she trying to belittle and me down. Well in pointing out the confusion in the form of expressing sarcasm in text - it highlighted that her intentions weren't really hitting home - whatever they were. When she tried to resolved things she tried to be sarcastic: saying: I obviously don't want to hear what you have to say - then put the smiley emoticon in to show that she was joking and that really she did want to hear what I had to say - but too late by then. I had said goodbye. Leaving her being indirect and weird till the very last text. Further making her look immature. In short - she tried to show me that she had finally grasped how to use sarcasm in a text - based on the info I gave her - yet sadly for her it still backfired. In that text she also planted a consequence of walking away - when I had said no contact is a good option - earlier , so by then I was happy to oblige and….walked away.
I so wish I would have ran the other way. What a trap he was...ugh.
If they suggest ending the friendship/relationship - walk away with a nice clear sentiment - make it clear that nothing has got to you and that you are merely providing examples when they ask for it - that way you can't be held to account for calling them out on things. Most narcissists delight in hinting the outcome of will happen - be prepared and mention to them that they had mentioned something before about it. If they deny it out right and feign innocence - you have your answer - they were playing you all along. If they avoid the issue and try to minimise a statement they have made - make it clear that no matter how insignificant it is to them - that it can still hurt, most importantly state it would hurt anybody - not just you - that way you are not appearing as the victim.
When I finally put my foot down with a narcissist I actually quite happily told them I don't even intend to change them - they want the power of thinking you are working like mad to resolve things - yes I said I do like to patch things up - but when I saw it wasn't working - I was quite happy to tell them that and that changing them is not the important bit - as if to say - keep doing what you are doing - have ball - good luck with it - I don't feel the need to do it - if it makes you feel happy great - just not when I am around. That way you get your point across while being able to rise above it and not look like you are trying to help. If a narc gets aggressive keep a log of it - and report it - but never accept it - point it out - say you don't care what they do - belittle the process of what they are doing. I stress that these tips - having been someone who has just got out of said relationship, only work if you don't have any major ties to the narcissist.
thanks so much! i was living with one/ i'm moving next month. but, this is so accurate. omg. so glad i realized sooner rather than later!!
number 3 was my deal breaker with my ex narc. i could handle everything else and i knew she was mental. but i never thought shed turn it on me,. big mistake on my part
Multimillionaireman is right. My husband started going to strip clubs, thinking young women actually liked him, wasted all kinds of money; then blamed me and the kids when he went to jail twice and got banned from the club. Now he can't even think straight; does drugs; all started with porn. When I objected to the porn, he said "you're not going to censor me." An odd statement which was kind of sophisticated for him to say and it turns out he was hanging out with a bunch of cheaters who all try to teach each other how to deal with their families. Losers all.
My oldest sister is a terrible narc. She has been treating me so badly my whole life. I now understand why. But to stay away from her, I have to give up my whole extended family because she runs everything and everybody does what she says. It is a terrible situation. I HAVE to stay away from her, but if I go to a family gathering, and she is there, and I ignore her, then everyone blames ME for being a bitch. SHE is always the VICTIM!! So far now, I am not seeing anyone in my extended family. My other older sister believes what she tells her, and my younger sister has already left the family for good, with her daughter.
So true. When you stand your ground the narc goes berserk.
everything you said about #5 taught me a lot, thanks!
My now ex, his baby mama is a narcissist, it caused a lot of issues. When I finally walked away, she made sure that he wouldn’t contact me, and turned everyone on his side that even marginally liked me, against me. I’m glad I’m free and out.
#3's a good point, and i would if i could. but sometimes life isn't that simple.
thank you.
Expose a narcissist - if you are not in a deep relationship with them and can make a clean break from it. They don't give a damn about you - so you shouldn't worry about exposing them. They may deny what they have done - but through texts and the way the react to things - they have already revealed how they operate. Simply reflect and make observations and inform them of their patterns. If they twist things always state what they have done and correct them. You need to state your claim and assert your wishes without appearing to need something from them.
very helpful - I am learning to do this little by little.
"Run the other way -- you'll save yourself a lot of trouble." Aint it the truth!!!
Simple and all true. We must also remember that narcissists were often created that way through being humiliated and abused by another; now WE have been, so be careful not to inflict your own will over others in sheer self-defense. Whatever the cause, narcissism is wrong.
I'm not gonna even handle them, I'm just gonna leave them.. Good for me, I left my ex and I just saved my life..
That was amazing. And I never use that word because I think it is over used. So WOW. Incredibly helpful. And your voice is soothing as well, you sound like Martha Quinn! (She's an ex-MTV VJ, she's on Sirius now) THANKS A MILLION FOR THE INSIGHT!
Isn't a Relationship/Family exactly opposite:
a Place where we all get Healthy Inter Dependent and relying on each other. If this is not possible then how can you trust that a partner will not let you down in the worst possible moment ?
this really rings true.
this is terrifying
Very helpful, thank you
1) Good quick comments on staying balanced.
2) Now what if, based on the evaluation, I consider myself to be somewhat narcissistic? I genuinely feel like the artistic expression [or whatever] has real intrinsic value even if the world does not seem to necessarily agree?
3) Just curious, "for the sake of philosophical debate"... What does the Narcissist do to become more centered, or balanced?
Interesting you said that about boundries and them invading YOURS because I said that to a narc woman I knew (in being inconsiderate) and THEY DON'T CARE. She even used some of the same words here you used and I took it as shaming tactics "support", "tolerance", "selfishness", etc.
Many comments are about.relationships?? But what about friends who display the same characteristics...
I've done these things and they do work, though i get very tired of having to do things this way to have some type of peace...i'm physically tired.
I'd more than love to leave...thanks.
Narcissism was Removed from the DSM this past year !!! It's no longer a Personality Defect !!
Thanks for your reply! New question: See, I've been looking into NPD because I think my husband has it. However, he exhibits the behaviors almost exclusively to me and the kids. I'm the only person who lives close enough to him to cramp his style. In return, because I'm scared he'll get mad if I disagree with him (and he ALWAYS does!) I seem to have the features of Dependent PD. I display the behavior to him, only. Is there something else we might have? Thanks in advance for your answer.
#4 is a good one
Love it! At about 50 seconds in, there's an important statement you say -- I didn't get it. You say something that sounds like, "this means never making yourself worth depending on them". What is it really?
Wonderful what a release!
What if your partner only has half the traits of a Narcissist?
Sorry to say but i know a narcissistic person is hard to deal with but they deserve love to just like any other mentally ill person. Your first advice is don't get involved in narcissistic person. Being involved w a narcissist for 15 years u learn to deal with their illness. I'm not saying it's easy but it's possible.
I think people may not be narcisistic all the time. So, if they are slightly narcisistic, then what should you do? let them know?
Monika -- thanks for your answer! New question: My husband has NPD; but exhibits the behaviors almost exclusively to me. I'm the one who cooks dinner, who does all kinds of things around the house. I can't do them without needing to ask him permission about how he is willing to let me do it. Does he have NPD, or is there another possibility?
wonderful video
Thank you!!
Hey guys! :) You can check the first part of this video here: ruclips.net/video/ipLO9TbA408/видео.html
I luv # 1...run the other way!
It’s too vague. Is refusing to negotiate or compromise or engage in reasoned deliberation “holding your ground”? Getting your way? We have a lot of narcissistic women who over generalize and distort reality with cognitive distortions and spar with logical fallacies and think they’re “holding their ground”.
#5 and #6 good stuff. Thanks.
Can't hear you. Audio isn't loud enough
What about narcissistic female friends........
Need better volume
the narcissist experience of the past 12 months. it was a simulated experience with a simulated person. nothing was actual real.
you have it only about narcists in a relationship
is it also possible by a collega of your work?
i have a collega at my work sitting on the same table where i do my work
she has the symptomes of a narcist
i don,t speak asnymore to her she was very vey angry with me and now she leet me feel it i am wreally getting a lot of stress
and i am not the only one at my work but wel the one who is sitting whit her on the same table
i find it awefull
if i see that she make a mistake i must go to my boss so he can say it to her and that is even not possible she is getting very angry with him to
what can i do to get les sstressful to my work
she listened to nobody she is perfect she doesn,t have to think before she speak because she has Always wright
i was once feeling sick so i wasn,t talking very much she said why do you not talking to me i said i am feeling sick she said i don,t care if you are feeling sick you can talk to me and she getting angry with me
i wil never speak again with her
she has also that charming shetarted with that and now i don,t like her
i can,t even forgive her on this moment i can,t say get away from me i can,t get sit on a other table so i hope one of you wil get me advice to deal with her
by the way i am a woman and i think she is not lesbiene she has a frend she saiyng that
she is lying to
Every one needs love narcissistic people should be loved also they just need help
LOL! :D Dont fall in love with one?!?
Well let me just say that one of my best friends is a Narcissist(actually medical profesionals have confirmed that he is one)
Yes he an ego problem,Yes he talks a lot about himself,yes he gets very mad when people offend him or try to make him change is mind about something he believes in.
That said he is very loyal.When ever Im in trouble he comes though what ever to help....Been though hell with him twice with a song in our heart and a whiskey bottle in hand :D
But the other stuff is true(2,3,4,5 and 6)...i would highly recommend to remember who YOU are...
No reason to stay with them ..
A narcissist is only nice when he is broke, ill or a similar situation where they need your help. After they make a lot of money and keep it a secret from you and spend it on, oh let's say strippers, for instance, then you will realize what a poopass he is.
So, get in touch with his boss and other associates and spread the good word about how he won't help his family, etc. Embarrass the living beJesus out of the guy. As I say, pretend he's your little brother and play ball!
So your advice is "run away"?!
That is not a tip, that's just nothing. Utter rubbish
AAAA++++
Narcissist is just a poor persons word for someone who is better than them. Kings have a right to be narcissistic.
I admit i have A LOT of these cluster b traits but i am married and my husband although struggles with me at times would never run the opposite direction-you nasty person telling people to run the other direction from us-its people like you who made us this way in the first place!
Nice
I admit i have A LOT of these cluster b traits but i am married and my husband although struggles with me at times would never run the opposite direction-you nasty person telling people to run the other direction from us-its people like you who made us this way in the first place!