I was a 1950’s baby. I had undiagnosed ADHD as a child ( diagnosed at 69). I was treated so badly by family, teachers, general public, I was diagnosed at 50 with CPTSD. So as a result of my ADHD, I developed CPTSD. It has been a roller coaster life for me.
@peggywildsmith6002 I was an 80's baby. I was diagnosed as a child, but my parent, (who has narcissistic personality + histrionic personality disorder,) refused to acknowledge it. I, too, experienced what you've described. I was diagnosed with C-PTSD in 2006. I am in my forties and only now looking into it myself. You are not alone, my friend. **Big hugs**
@@B1ackDahlia767 I often wonder who I would be now if I had been diagnosed. I left home at 16 and grew up through trail and error, sort of feral actually. But I made good friends who helped me. To have your parents KNOW and do nothing to help you is astoundingly criminal to me. My heart goes out to you. I don't know you but I will keep you in my thoughts.
I can really understand your comment .I used to get why are you doing well at school e.t.c I was also treated bad by parents and school teachers.i was already seeing a psycharist for psychological problems which were associated with undiagnosed adhd only to diagnose my self online at 54 then my psycharist did the test ,hmmm I think your right ,omg
I am 5 months sober off of cannabis addiction which I was using to silence my ADHD shame. What I'm finding helpful these days is remembering that I'm sick, and it's okay that I can't work like others. Also practicing gratitude, praying and thanking God that what needed to get done got done and trusting that he is loving and compassionate enough to fulfill anything I'm unable to do. This has brought me so much freedom.
I struggled with cannabis use for several years in order to "fix" my crazy emotional rolercoasters. Got my diagnosis 20 years later. All I can say is that it is a really big deal to get off drugs when you have ADHD. You should be so so so proud of yourself! Well done!
I was treated off and on for 20 years for depression and anxiety and it never helped. It wasn’t until one PA asked me about ADHD and if I’d want to try medication. It absolutely transformed my life. I had not felt any sense of happiness or positive well being since childhood and then I started liking getting out of bed. The depression and anxiety didn’t go away but they were orders of magnitude less intense. The shame of having to work so much harder than everyone else in order to stay on top of cleaning and self care is persistent. But rather than indulging the shame I now engage in compassionate self talk and give myself room to fail before regrouping and doing what i need to do.
I really liked how Dr Ayan described that adhd people are more sensitive to feel shame than neuro typical. Shame followed me all my life. Started on a first day in P0 when I was placed on a chair in front of 30 children (because I did not want my mum to leave me there and cried I was extremely shy too). Trauma for life. I used to hide in a cupboard while all children went for lunch, so I had an hour of peace and quiet, food wasn't important. Highly sensitive. During my life lots of acting on an impulse, failed relationships, moving houses about 40 times, changing jobs...collecting diplomas etc. 1 year ago I have changed my diet to fatty meat only. It simplified my life. Easy to cook (air fryer), easy to shop. Cravings for carbs are gone, memory is so much improved I keep testing myself, concentration improved, executive function much improved. Adhd is not gone but I achieved more in 1 year of this diet than ever in my life, and it didn't cost me nearly as much struggle as in the past. Those videos are very much needed.
I remember my kindergarten teacher telling my mother their was something wrong with me because I didn't want to play with the other kids. I still don't want to play with other people 😂😂😂.
I'm 58 and had adhd since childhood .I was diagnosed at 54/55 .I always get why are you so hard on yourself, it's because imwemt through most of my life not being to do certain things
I feel you so hard on not having a sense of accomplishment. Like, even if I do believe that whatever I accomplished was great, and people tell me it's great, well... I'm glad that I did it and that people like it but it's very flat, and like, "cool, okay, did that, that's fine, now I need to do another thing." Like, it's nice, but it's also nothing. So wanting to accomplish things isn't a driver for me because it just...I don't anticipate things or look forward to rewards or whatnot like people talk about. Telling myself I can get ice cream if I finish my laundry just doesn't click for me. I don't care, and I know perfectly well that I can get ice cream whenever I want anyway, so who cares? My rewards are things like... like if I make a necklace for a friend and she loves it, that's the reward. But anticipation of the reward isn't a thing at all. And doing something awesome at work is just my job. Like, that's my job. That's why they pay me. Of course I'm going to do as good a job as I can. Honestly getting a reward can be embarrassing -- like, say I did a good job, but please don't make me the center of attention even for a few minutes. Idk if any of that made sense.
I can relate to that. The Big Challenge is allways: how to motivate myself to get anything done. The most effectiveness I have experienced is impulse based. Like detecting a need for Quick action and being the only one preventing an accident or disaster. Or being the only one in the neighborhood, people know they can ask for some thing or supply or small favor, because your flat is full of stuff and you have many skills and great problem solving abilities and it is done quickly and effectively. These moments in my life helps me put some small value on me at least.
Just watching this is bringing back so many memories of my childhood and the feeling of being "broken" ..... Knowing about ADHD has helped me heal . . But at the same time I have a certain type of anger towards my caregivers now... How could they not see it wasn't deliberate? But I think I should also remind myself that the resources I have now, were not accessible to them, they just did their best probably and that's what matters I guess ... Somewhere along the lines we are all humans and ought to see good in others... Otherwise life becomes pathetic
I have been using alarms and lists and a laundry list of different apps and hacks to stay on track, follow routines, stay organised, and remember stuff, ever since I was 17-ish and started to be more serious about school and internships and later work. I am now 44, got diagnosed with ADHD last year, and I can now confidently say that NONE OF THE TIPS WORK. Yes I make lists, and I instantly forget they exist. I set alarms and ignore them. I am perpetually ridiculously early for appointments because of the freeze mode I go into when I have an appointment. I have barely any routines, because none stick. I can’t even take my meds routinely. Not that they seem to do anything, anyways, I am still a mess in all the same ways as before. So I have no idea how I’m ever going to reach a point where I can accept myself with all my flaws, whatever that means. Is the constant negative narration in my head then gone? Is that the sign of acceptance? And my life is still utter chaos and I’m just sitting in the middel of the trainwreck and shrug because /acceptance/? I really enjoy this podcast and I consume any and every piece of information about ADHD that I can find. It often feels validating, altough some topics are enraging (like the diet thing and the dopamine tips). But I still have no notion of anything getting any better for me. Knowing more has not helped me in any way. I tend to think the ignorance I had before was better, althought the constant burn out wasn’t sustainable. I think the sad victim part I used to play around my family and at work was less anxiety-inducing than the loud defense I now give, with blank stares in reply that push me down even more than the sound of my own voice. Not sure what the point of this comment is, but I was just compelled to respond. I am really happy for all of you that have been helped by the things I mentioned here, it’s not a criticism on any of the speakers or other commenters. I can only conclude that my life long conviction is simply true: I really AM too stupid to function 💁
To me it sounds like you have got a lot of CPTSD overlapping the ADHD symptoms, but Im not a phd. I would suggest CBT but I know how difficult it is to start some things others recommend. Lol. Its likely you use the inner rage as a coping mechanism to get stuff done. May want to try herbal medicine to keep the "side effects of stress" lower and maintain that coping mechanism until you learn how to do stuff out of pleasure? I have noticed that in myself. Just getting into survival mode to get stuff done. Serotonin - dopamine -- adrenaline is the hierarchy of motivation for me. Easy to run out of the first two if the task is demanding, so you do have to learn which task requires which neurotransmitter, so to say. Everything is a tool. Think about it.
My very clever daughter was having some issues with life. I delved into what psychological reasons could be holding her back. Not only do I think I have found what is happening in her world I have also found what has been happening in mine for so many years. Although neither of us us have been formally diagnosed, we ADHD. I have no doubt. We now laugh at each other, our weird traits, and it has brought us closer. We have an understanding of how we work. I now feel shame for feeling shame and living with the constant weight of shame for my entire life. Constantly. And I always forget my washing 😂😂😂.
I love all you content, and I must say i giggle along with some of your shorts. Could you address Adhd rage and anger, I get so irritated so easily. Thank you for helping us all. Love from Canada
The anger and irritability is often from a trigger that reminds us of rejection (someone turning up late, someone not doing something they said they would etc).
I love your conversations and the varied people you bring on. It really gives me insights into why I am the way I am and also makes me feel less alone. Thanks.
This sounds promising. 😊 edit: diagnosed as an adult, had it all my life, looking back. Anxiety and depression treated w meds, w ect, didn't really work for me. I had a high level of trauma throughout my childhood. I tick all the boxes, lucky me. Fascinating!
Could you imagine being able to stop yourself from a rage by thinking ahead of time? Me neither. It’s like thinking about stopping projectile vomiting. It isn’t something I even know is going to happen. Something snaps and I projectile vomit when I open my mouth. Only it’s rage. And I am blind but I can still hear. Thinking about stopping that? I dont even know it’s going to happen. It isn’t an impulse. I’m just gone.
Insightful and necessary deep dive into a crucial aspect. The toll that stress and anxiety take can be so deep too. Intuition, logic and wisdom can easily be clouded by it, I think that got missed here even as you acknowledge the way how we can feel no sense of accomplishment. I used to write a fair bit before work stress repeatedly burned me out, I’ve still got the spark, but the drive is having to wait a while as I work on more pressing needs. I’ve done tons of therapy work on all this for over 20 years, more before discovering AuDHD which informed the stuff I’ve done since, and still doing things that need planning or much thought, especially creativity, is difficult. It seems to be the freeze state aka dorsal shutdown, from the somatic perspective like Bessel van der Kolk’s work. Unfreezing at last. It’s taking a long time to let go of expectations to do more. Things like blood pressure and sugar level are indeed affected, classic 🤷🏻♀️
Over sharing has Got be in trouble Either because I have talked to much. People would say I don't care , shut up. Or I would say something that was in someone's interest. Like money or a opportunity they would like. They would try and get it for themselves
I only learned about three years ago that my parents are both Narcissists, they abused me in different ways litterally since I was born, it was hell. At 12 I got additonally sexually abused by my stepfather and my covert Narcissist mother turned up the volume of her abuse even more. My whole family, my siblings and even my kids turned away from me, everyone, including myself believed I had BPD. At about 35 I was in a relationship with an autistic man and did a test because I felt I had most of the traits and the results were clear I was. I dismissed it, though. I had this specific picture of an autistic man in my head and put every problem of mine on the trauma. At 38 I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and GAD, at 48 I learned I have CPTSD, at 52 I realised (again) I'm autistic and got diagnosed ADHD about two months ago. My symptoms don't make sense yet, so I'm.on a waiting list for an Autism diagnosis. I found a picture of myself at the age of nine, a class picture. And while everyone of my classmates snuggled up, I sat apart of them. Teachers back then told my mother that I didn't take part in school but instead stared out of the window, dreaming, I never made friends up until today, I always had and still have a trillion thoughts in my head' a day, I'm out in nature as often as I could forever, I was a soft, quiet child, pushed around by adult bullies. I raised my two children totally on my own while working and I've been heavily depressed for all.my life and suicidal until I met my husband at 52, the first healthy person I've ever had in my life, guilt and shame have always been destructive feelings leading to self-hatred. Part of it sure is the fact that my mother intentionally shamed, blamed, scapegoated me and always played the victim, so I took over all of these emotions. Also I do know that eating too much sugars and processed foods gets me depressed, I try eating clean whenever I can, also being in my menopause at the moment and overeating often. Btw: I don't think it's good saying that "everyone experiences shame", that's like saying that everyone is a bit autistic or adhd. No, not everyone is and the shame neurodivergent people experience are usually life threatening. Just like not everytime our parents did something wrong is abuse and not everyone who's experienced a difficult childhood got traumatised
I might add I’m 58 and waiting on a psychiatrist assessment through the right to choose , my GP said I am 💯 a candidate for an assessment because my life has been extremely shall we say colourful and with two failed marriages because .. people can be a hyperfocus too .. self medication, alcohol , drugs .. wild special interests and a whole bunch of other mad stuff .. in his words “ I think you just need to hear it after everything you’ve been through”..
About the washing machine advice, i think the girl should also talk to her parents/friends/school teacher about her anxiety and make them understand, and not just a health professional. It is important to get support at home as well, especially there! 😊
As someone (late diagnosed) with ADHD, I think we try incredibly hard to "be normal" and if we "skate by" we are looked at as "normal" and more and more and more is piled on us, but no one sees our need for a break because to them "We don't work as hard, so we shouldn't be so tired". This pushes us to feel like we just need to work and work and work and we don't ever get to enjoy a break or achievement. It is hard to actually advocate for ourselves when other people have belittled us for our whole lives.
It wasn't until I did my postgrad when I was 28 that I really started to wonder why my peers, a lot of whom were not English, weren't finding the balance of the course as difficult as I was. It's the first time I became aware that maybe there was something to all the name calling I received about being stupid and lazy. Now, 10 years later and diagnosed with ADHD and ASD, it's hard to shake those beliefs
We check the evidence to see overwhelming number of failures and how much we failed along the way to an eventual success. We feel like we don’t deserve it. Why should we feel proud of our relatively small number of successes, no matter how amazing they are?
Thank you for the talk. I assume the Monkey Brain refers to the Default Mode Network. I don't call it the "little guy" in me, I started viewing it more detached as a "quick search" -tool for a unrefined data retrival from the brain, like a quick dial on a phone or maybe more accurately, a badly working chatbot. Unfortunately this one has the capability to trigger visceral reactions and switch off the rational thinking bits. My personal approach is to train the DMN to bring more suitable output. It doesn't only react to all kind of triggers, it also reacts to verbal cues from the rational brain. You can (after having calmed down a bit) literally directly talk to it in your head and say something like: "Hey, you know, thank you for bringing this all up this time as usual, but I'd liek to do some tweaks here: a little less of this unrelated stuff and a bit more of this more relevant stuff. And you also know that this part has already been debunked, so you can archive it." or "You know, next time you accomplish a task, bring up some joy and maybe a bit of pride like beack back then, when we got a really good grade for this essay.... and let these big ol memories of your mother making fun of you in front of others in the box. It's of no use anymore, just drop it." - The important thing really is to make it a compassionate, lighthearted inner dialog with your inner quick search tool rather than dive into what it brought and live through it. After all what it learns is, the more you react, the more it was right with what it came up. The visceral reaction is the right-o-meter. Takes a little effort, but usually less than a lifetime. Will it cure the thing? Nope, but it made (at least) my life much easier.
Yes it might be tough to have adhd but please consider how hard it is for the family and friends of adhd individuals to deal with their chaos and mess. It is an incredibly disruptive disorder to the ones around the sick individual. I would appreciate the adhd people stepping out of their victim role and start being grateful to everyone who stuck around despite it being torture to be pulled into this constant state of chaos.
It is hard to stand by and watch the life of someone you love go absolutely bonkers, again and again. It can drain you emotionally, and make you start despise the person even if you know they cannot help it. If you have managed to stick by a person with ADHD you are a really good friend. And good friends need to be nurtured, and to have breaks🤪😉😊 noone understand that better than me. I have often been hurt by my family judge me harshly because I am poor and cannot keep jobs. And I have always wondered why they are more angered by it, than me living it. I keep away from them, and don't tell them anything about my life, talk only about positive themes, and yet they keep on being annoyed. I understand they are ashamed of me, and hurt and nervous by me never managing to live a good life. I got diagnosed last week. I am 50. My ADHD have caused a lot of failures, but loosing my family is the biggest one.
Help yourself. . Parents have severe denial that they are not at fault . Complete denial. .get your own help. .but if you have narcisisstic parents you could be affected by that
Be gentle with yourself and learn as much as you can about it and what sets off triggers and remember you aren’t alone. You are going to doubt yourself every single day of your life. But you are brilliant and more capable than any neurotypical person you know. It is a challenging life. Avoid drugs and alcohol. It makes everything soooooo much worse!!!!!!!! The shame, 100 fold worse when you have drugs or alcohol on your system. Imagine it being worse!! I can’t tell you enough, avoid them! I wish I had known when I was young what you are now able to learn. Hugs and love to you!!!!
For me all I want to be is accepted as best someone can. I hate too much praise and making a fuss of, on the rare occasion that it might seem warranted just as I hate constant criticism and control. It’s all too conditional for me. Sure comment lightly with a smile that you are pleased for me and don’t nessarily completely dismiss it or put it down but don’t make it about you and being proud of me or approving of me and also it might sound awful but I didn’t do it for “you”. I have no idea if this would resonate with anyone. I don’t like enmeshment and expectations . I prefer people to mostly mind their own business ( which of course they never do) and just be as pleasant and civil and equitable as they can be and I will try vis versa too. Unfortunately I rarely feel I experience that. I know this perspective has confused and offended some “normies”. 🤷♀️ Idk if it something that I take as the attitude from childhood that I am supposed to earning other peoples approval all the time so when they congratulate me I feel angry and intrigued upon. Sure thank me with out too much fuss if I have done something to directly and intentionally help you out of my own free will because I have recognised as a fellow human being but anything else should not be about you and rewarding me with your recognition and approval. If you don’t just like me for my company I would rather be ignored, cheers. Also I think if someone is pleased and congratulatory it feels like and pressure and expectation/ precedence now that I have “proved” I can do it so I need to sustain it and keep doing when it likely I probably can’t and then will come their frustration and disappointment.
Love these Podcasts but man the intro bothers me so much it almost turns me off the whole video. You tease me with your knowledge, you don't need to bait me, I'm already here.
Hey everyone, i have a best friend, he is not diagnosed yet(but even people already diagnosed told him he is 100% ADHD and something more), he is ashamed, frustrated and many other feelings, he can't sleep and if, he has nightmares etc......He thinks it wont change anything in his life getting diagnosis..... Since childhood he has been misunderstood by everyone including parents... How should I help him? Is getting diagnosed will help him? Sorry if i bother, just might you could help me to find some solution to better his life😊 Thank you 🙌🏻 Have a great day everyone 😊
@@onegorgeouschick Thank you for answering my friend 😃 Yeah he does drink a coffee and cola.... He did a lot of wrong treatments in the past, all of them prescribed by doctors, all wrong so he just gave up..... Well if I may ask you, how do I explain him this,that he has to go get diagnoses? Cuz he needs good explanation and reason why he has to do it, otherwise he won't go... Thank you 👍🏻 really appreciate you answered, I thought nobody will 😊🙌🏻
@absurdworldfacts With adhd we hv so many co- morbidities - depression, oversensitive,(rsd) anxiety, poor sleep habits, addiction to anything, (i.e., phone, alcohol, chocolate), rage, anger. We hv no idea that we r different. We don't realise that we feel things more intensely. Late diagnosed, I was very lucky to hv met someone 11yrs ago who noticed erratic behaviour when my Ritalin LA ran out. (Same paragraph: praise grandson , then swear 🤬 hate, kill, 5 words that signal:- Take rit immediately) For me that's every 6 hrs. Alcohol of course also takes it straight out of my system Those 5 words I never , never use unless it has run out. Of course I never believed him when first told, but after checking time and again, oh dear, it's true. So although we think that's nothing, the uncontrolled rage is scary & unwarranted. Yes, we can hyperfocus on stuff we like but with Rit I can also focus on stuff I need to do to control being overwhelmed. That's just a bit . By the way most of the adders I know are also high IQ. Once diagnosed one can get anti depressants plus , plus anything else really helpful for a full exciting life
@@onegorgeouschick Wow that's 100% accurate.... I'm amazed, now I can tell him he is not alone, there are people that happened to them the same... And the way to cope with it is to get diagnoses with some professional in ADHD and let's see what happens..... Thank you from bottom of my heart, you don't imagine how glad I am that you answered 🙌🏻😃 I wish you all the best in your journey 🥰 have an amazing day my friend 🌞
Wat is te running joke About never going to be sponcered bij H. I just never heard the phrase so don't worry if it's a joke I'm dum foundet joke's on me
Your having a laugh dr cmht dont give to shits about us were on are own here .3 years no ones help felt so suisidal even my gp said durin covid there are phones.
I was a 1950’s baby. I had undiagnosed ADHD as a child ( diagnosed at 69). I was treated so badly by family, teachers, general public, I was diagnosed at 50 with CPTSD. So as a result of my ADHD, I developed CPTSD. It has been a roller coaster life for me.
Everybody
@peggywildsmith6002 I was an 80's baby. I was diagnosed as a child, but my parent, (who has narcissistic personality + histrionic personality disorder,) refused to acknowledge it. I, too, experienced what you've described. I was diagnosed with C-PTSD in 2006. I am in my forties and only now looking into it myself. You are not alone, my friend. **Big hugs**
@@B1ackDahlia767 I often wonder who I would be now if I had been diagnosed. I left home at 16 and grew up through trail and error, sort of feral actually. But I made good friends who helped me.
To have your parents KNOW and do nothing to help you is astoundingly criminal to me. My heart goes out to you. I don't know you but I will keep you in my thoughts.
I can really understand your comment .I used to get why are you doing well at school e.t.c I was also treated bad by parents and school teachers.i was already seeing a psycharist for psychological problems which were associated with undiagnosed adhd only to diagnose my self online at 54 then my psycharist did the test ,hmmm I think your right ,omg
@B1ackDahlia767 ur parent has it too
I am 5 months sober off of cannabis addiction which I was using to silence my ADHD shame. What I'm finding helpful these days is remembering that I'm sick, and it's okay that I can't work like others. Also practicing gratitude, praying and thanking God that what needed to get done got done and trusting that he is loving and compassionate enough to fulfill anything I'm unable to do. This has brought me so much freedom.
I struggled with cannabis use for several years in order to "fix" my crazy emotional rolercoasters. Got my diagnosis 20 years later. All I can say is that it is a really big deal to get off drugs when you have ADHD. You should be so so so proud of yourself! Well done!
I was treated off and on for 20 years for depression and anxiety and it never helped. It wasn’t until one PA asked me about ADHD and if I’d want to try medication. It absolutely transformed my life. I had not felt any sense of happiness or positive well being since childhood and then I started liking getting out of bed. The depression and anxiety didn’t go away but they were orders of magnitude less intense.
The shame of having to work so much harder than everyone else in order to stay on top of cleaning and self care is persistent. But rather than indulging the shame I now engage in compassionate self talk and give myself room to fail before regrouping and doing what i need to do.
@@Blueskybuffalo ❤
I really liked how Dr Ayan described that adhd people are more sensitive to feel shame than neuro typical. Shame followed me all my life. Started on a first day in P0 when I was placed on a chair in front of 30 children (because I did not want my mum to leave me there and cried I was extremely shy too). Trauma for life.
I used to hide in a cupboard while all children went for lunch, so I had an hour of peace and quiet, food wasn't important. Highly sensitive.
During my life lots of acting on an impulse, failed relationships, moving houses about 40 times, changing jobs...collecting diplomas etc.
1 year ago I have changed my diet to fatty meat only. It simplified my life. Easy to cook (air fryer), easy to shop. Cravings for carbs are gone, memory is so much improved I keep testing myself, concentration improved, executive function much improved. Adhd is not gone but I achieved more in 1 year of this diet than ever in my life, and it didn't cost me nearly as much struggle as in the past. Those videos are very much needed.
Thank you
I remember my kindergarten teacher telling my mother their was something wrong with me because I didn't want to play with the other kids.
I still don't want to play with other people 😂😂😂.
One of the first things the consultant told me after my assessment and diagnosis was not to be too hard on myself.
I'm 58 and had adhd since childhood .I was diagnosed at 54/55 .I always get why are you so hard on yourself, it's because imwemt through most of my life not being to do certain things
@@chinablueliberty2822 I still get told that at 58
I feel you so hard on not having a sense of accomplishment. Like, even if I do believe that whatever I accomplished was great, and people tell me it's great, well... I'm glad that I did it and that people like it but it's very flat, and like, "cool, okay, did that, that's fine, now I need to do another thing." Like, it's nice, but it's also nothing. So wanting to accomplish things isn't a driver for me because it just...I don't anticipate things or look forward to rewards or whatnot like people talk about. Telling myself I can get ice cream if I finish my laundry just doesn't click for me. I don't care, and I know perfectly well that I can get ice cream whenever I want anyway, so who cares? My rewards are things like... like if I make a necklace for a friend and she loves it, that's the reward. But anticipation of the reward isn't a thing at all. And doing something awesome at work is just my job. Like, that's my job. That's why they pay me. Of course I'm going to do as good a job as I can. Honestly getting a reward can be embarrassing -- like, say I did a good job, but please don't make me the center of attention even for a few minutes. Idk if any of that made sense.
I can relate to that. The Big Challenge is allways: how to motivate myself to get anything done. The most effectiveness I have experienced is impulse based. Like detecting a need for Quick action and being the only one preventing an accident or disaster. Or being the only one in the neighborhood, people know they can ask for some thing or supply or small favor, because your flat is full of stuff and you have many skills and great problem solving abilities and it is done quickly and effectively. These moments in my life helps me put some small value on me at least.
Yes makes perfect sense
Just watching this is bringing back so many memories of my childhood and the feeling of being "broken" ..... Knowing about ADHD has helped me heal . . But at the same time I have a certain type of anger towards my caregivers now... How could they not see it wasn't deliberate? But I think I should also remind myself that the resources I have now, were not accessible to them, they just did their best probably and that's what matters I guess ... Somewhere along the lines we are all humans and ought to see good in others... Otherwise life becomes pathetic
I have been using alarms and lists and a laundry list of different apps and hacks to stay on track, follow routines, stay organised, and remember stuff, ever since I was 17-ish and started to be more serious about school and internships and later work. I am now 44, got diagnosed with ADHD last year, and I can now confidently say that NONE OF THE TIPS WORK. Yes I make lists, and I instantly forget they exist. I set alarms and ignore them. I am perpetually ridiculously early for appointments because of the freeze mode I go into when I have an appointment. I have barely any routines, because none stick. I can’t even take my meds routinely. Not that they seem to do anything, anyways, I am still a mess in all the same ways as before. So I have no idea how I’m ever going to reach a point where I can accept myself with all my flaws, whatever that means. Is the constant negative narration in my head then gone? Is that the sign of acceptance? And my life is still utter chaos and I’m just sitting in the middel of the trainwreck and shrug because /acceptance/?
I really enjoy this podcast and I consume any and every piece of information about ADHD that I can find. It often feels validating, altough some topics are enraging (like the diet thing and the dopamine tips). But I still have no notion of anything getting any better for me. Knowing more has not helped me in any way. I tend to think the ignorance I had before was better, althought the constant burn out wasn’t sustainable. I think the sad victim part I used to play around my family and at work was less anxiety-inducing than the loud defense I now give, with blank stares in reply that push me down even more than the sound of my own voice.
Not sure what the point of this comment is, but I was just compelled to respond. I am really happy for all of you that have been helped by the things I mentioned here, it’s not a criticism on any of the speakers or other commenters. I can only conclude that my life long conviction is simply true: I really AM too stupid to function 💁
To me it sounds like you have got a lot of CPTSD overlapping the ADHD symptoms, but Im not a phd.
I would suggest CBT but I know how difficult it is to start some things others recommend. Lol.
Its likely you use the inner rage as a coping mechanism to get stuff done. May want to try herbal medicine to keep the "side effects of stress" lower and maintain that coping mechanism until you learn how to do stuff out of pleasure?
I have noticed that in myself. Just getting into survival mode to get stuff done. Serotonin - dopamine -- adrenaline is the hierarchy of motivation for me. Easy to run out of the first two if the task is demanding, so you do have to learn which task requires which neurotransmitter, so to say.
Everything is a tool. Think about it.
My very clever daughter was having some issues with life. I delved into what psychological reasons could be holding her back. Not only do I think I have found what is happening in her world I have also found what has been happening in mine for so many years.
Although neither of us us have been formally diagnosed, we ADHD. I have no doubt.
We now laugh at each other, our weird traits, and it has brought us closer. We have an understanding of how we work.
I now feel shame for feeling shame and living with the constant weight of shame for my entire life. Constantly.
And I always forget my washing 😂😂😂.
I love all you content, and I must say i giggle along with some of your shorts. Could you address Adhd rage and anger, I get so irritated so easily. Thank you for helping us all. Love from Canada
The anger and irritability is often from a trigger that reminds us of rejection (someone turning up late, someone not doing something they said they would etc).
I love your conversations and the varied people you bring on. It really gives me insights into why I am the way I am and also makes me feel less alone. Thanks.
This sounds promising. 😊 edit: diagnosed as an adult, had it all my life, looking back. Anxiety and depression treated w meds, w ect, didn't really work for me. I had a high level of trauma throughout my childhood. I tick all the boxes, lucky me. Fascinating!
I hear you loud and clear I also was put on anti depressants in late twenties but diagnosed at 54
Could you imagine being able to stop yourself from a rage by thinking ahead of time? Me neither. It’s like thinking about stopping projectile vomiting. It isn’t something I even know is going to happen. Something snaps and I projectile vomit when I open my mouth. Only it’s rage. And I am blind but I can still hear. Thinking about stopping that? I dont even know it’s going to happen. It isn’t an impulse. I’m just gone.
Incredibly valuable listen
Believe this it’s brilliant you have done a podcast. The only one I have been able to watch all the way through.Thanks
Insightful and necessary deep dive into a crucial aspect. The toll that stress and anxiety take can be so deep too. Intuition, logic and wisdom can easily be clouded by it, I think that got missed here even as you acknowledge the way how we can feel no sense of accomplishment.
I used to write a fair bit before work stress repeatedly burned me out, I’ve still got the spark, but the drive is having to wait a while as I work on more pressing needs. I’ve done tons of therapy work on all this for over 20 years, more before discovering AuDHD which informed the stuff I’ve done since, and still doing things that need planning or much thought, especially creativity, is difficult.
It seems to be the freeze state aka dorsal shutdown, from the somatic perspective like Bessel van der Kolk’s work. Unfreezing at last. It’s taking a long time to let go of expectations to do more. Things like blood pressure and sugar level are indeed affected, classic 🤷🏻♀️
Also .. I’m a massive oversharer 😅
You could also have codependency = over sharer
Over sharing has Got be in trouble
Either because I have talked to much. People would say I don't care , shut up. Or I would say something that was in someone's interest. Like money or a opportunity they would like. They would try and get it for themselves
@@derosa195 I’ve been assessed by my GP and referred for an Adhd psychiatrist assessment, I have a huge list of adhd symptoms
Oh crap... I do that too. 😂
I only learned about three years ago that my parents are both Narcissists, they abused me in different ways litterally since I was born, it was hell. At 12 I got additonally sexually abused by my stepfather and my covert Narcissist mother turned up the volume of her abuse even more. My whole family, my siblings and even my kids turned away from me, everyone, including myself believed I had BPD. At about 35 I was in a relationship with an autistic man and did a test because I felt I had most of the traits and the results were clear I was. I dismissed it, though. I had this specific picture of an autistic man in my head and put every problem of mine on the trauma. At 38 I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and GAD, at 48 I learned I have CPTSD, at 52 I realised (again) I'm autistic and got diagnosed ADHD about two months ago. My symptoms don't make sense yet, so I'm.on a waiting list for an Autism diagnosis. I found a picture of myself at the age of nine, a class picture. And while everyone of my classmates snuggled up, I sat apart of them. Teachers back then told my mother that I didn't take part in school but instead stared out of the window, dreaming, I never made friends up until today, I always had and still have a trillion thoughts in my head' a day, I'm out in nature as often as I could forever, I was a soft, quiet child, pushed around by adult bullies. I raised my two children totally on my own while working and I've been heavily depressed for all.my life and suicidal until I met my husband at 52, the first healthy person I've ever had in my life, guilt and shame have always been destructive feelings leading to self-hatred. Part of it sure is the fact that my mother intentionally shamed, blamed, scapegoated me and always played the victim, so I took over all of these emotions. Also I do know that eating too much sugars and processed foods gets me depressed, I try eating clean whenever I can, also being in my menopause at the moment and overeating often.
Btw: I don't think it's good saying that "everyone experiences shame", that's like saying that everyone is a bit autistic or adhd. No, not everyone is and the shame neurodivergent people experience are usually life threatening. Just like not everytime our parents did something wrong is abuse and not everyone who's experienced a difficult childhood got traumatised
I might add I’m 58 and waiting on a psychiatrist assessment through the right to choose , my GP said I am 💯 a candidate for an assessment because my life has been extremely shall we say colourful and with two failed marriages because .. people can be a hyperfocus too .. self medication, alcohol , drugs .. wild special interests and a whole bunch of other mad stuff .. in his words “ I think you just need to hear it after everything you’ve been through”..
Age 42, I feel you completely on the same journey x
@@lornaelizabeth6290 it’s such an AHA moment .. once you see it you just can’t unsee it
About the washing machine advice, i think the girl should also talk to her parents/friends/school teacher about her anxiety and make them understand, and not just a health professional. It is important to get support at home as well, especially there! 😊
As someone (late diagnosed) with ADHD, I think we try incredibly hard to "be normal" and if we "skate by" we are looked at as "normal" and more and more and more is piled on us, but no one sees our need for a break because to them "We don't work as hard, so we shouldn't be so tired". This pushes us to feel like we just need to work and work and work and we don't ever get to enjoy a break or achievement. It is hard to actually advocate for ourselves when other people have belittled us for our whole lives.
It wasn't until I did my postgrad when I was 28 that I really started to wonder why my peers, a lot of whom were not English, weren't finding the balance of the course as difficult as I was. It's the first time I became aware that maybe there was something to all the name calling I received about being stupid and lazy. Now, 10 years later and diagnosed with ADHD and ASD, it's hard to shake those beliefs
We check the evidence to see overwhelming number of failures and how much we failed along the way to an eventual success. We feel like we don’t deserve it. Why should we feel proud of our relatively small number of successes, no matter how amazing they are?
Yes
The same if someone says they love you. "No you don't mean that. You just saying that."
I don’t say that out loud anymore. But I still think it.
Because of a severe rejection sensitivity. .called self live deficiet
Thank you for the talk. I assume the Monkey Brain refers to the Default Mode Network. I don't call it the "little guy" in me, I started viewing it more detached as a "quick search" -tool for a unrefined data retrival from the brain, like a quick dial on a phone or maybe more accurately, a badly working chatbot. Unfortunately this one has the capability to trigger visceral reactions and switch off the rational thinking bits. My personal approach is to train the DMN to bring more suitable output. It doesn't only react to all kind of triggers, it also reacts to verbal cues from the rational brain. You can (after having calmed down a bit) literally directly talk to it in your head and say something like: "Hey, you know, thank you for bringing this all up this time as usual, but I'd liek to do some tweaks here: a little less of this unrelated stuff and a bit more of this more relevant stuff. And you also know that this part has already been debunked, so you can archive it." or "You know, next time you accomplish a task, bring up some joy and maybe a bit of pride like beack back then, when we got a really good grade for this essay.... and let these big ol memories of your mother making fun of you in front of others in the box. It's of no use anymore, just drop it." - The important thing really is to make it a compassionate, lighthearted inner dialog with your inner quick search tool rather than dive into what it brought and live through it. After all what it learns is, the more you react, the more it was right with what it came up. The visceral reaction is the right-o-meter. Takes a little effort, but usually less than a lifetime. Will it cure the thing? Nope, but it made (at least) my life much easier.
Its called self love deficiet disorder
Yes it might be tough to have adhd but please consider how hard it is for the family and friends of adhd individuals to deal with their chaos and mess. It is an incredibly disruptive disorder to the ones around the sick individual. I would appreciate the adhd people stepping out of their victim role and start being grateful to everyone who stuck around despite it being torture to be pulled into this constant state of chaos.
It is hard to stand by and watch the life of someone you love go absolutely bonkers, again and again. It can drain you emotionally, and make you start despise the person even if you know they cannot help it. If you have managed to stick by a person with ADHD you are a really good friend. And good friends need to be nurtured, and to have breaks🤪😉😊 noone understand that better than me. I have often been hurt by my family judge me harshly because I am poor and cannot keep jobs. And I have always wondered why they are more angered by it, than me living it. I keep away from them, and don't tell them anything about my life, talk only about positive themes, and yet they keep on being annoyed. I understand they are ashamed of me, and hurt and nervous by me never managing to live a good life. I got diagnosed last week. I am 50. My ADHD have caused a lot of failures, but loosing my family is the biggest one.
I have dual diagnosis of ASD and Combined ADHD with complex mathematics disabilities anxiety, depression CPTSD and RSD
I wasn’t diagnosed very late in adulthood at age 42 last year
Self medicating all the time
Recurrent, acute shame 😢omg
So so true
Great Doctor .im not related 🎉
No one cares about anyone elses steuggle. .thats the great casm here
I'm 17 and after researching I self diagnosed myself with ADD but my parents don't believe it any advice
Help yourself. . Parents have severe denial that they are not at fault . Complete denial. .get your own help. .but if you have narcisisstic parents you could be affected by that
I bet they are self absorbed narcisists
Be gentle with yourself and learn as much as you can about it and what sets off triggers and remember you aren’t alone. You are going to doubt yourself every single day of your life. But you are brilliant and more capable than any neurotypical person you know. It is a challenging life. Avoid drugs and alcohol. It makes everything soooooo much worse!!!!!!!! The shame, 100 fold worse when you have drugs or alcohol on your system. Imagine it being worse!! I can’t tell you enough, avoid them! I wish I had known when I was young what you are now able to learn. Hugs and love to you!!!!
Someòne said need external everywhere. List timers
For me all I want to be is accepted as best someone can. I hate too much praise and making a fuss of, on the rare occasion that it might seem warranted just as I hate constant criticism and control. It’s all too conditional for me. Sure comment lightly with a smile that you are pleased for me and don’t nessarily completely dismiss it or put it down but don’t make it about you and being proud of me or approving of me and also it might sound awful but I didn’t do it for “you”. I have no idea if this would resonate with anyone. I don’t like enmeshment and expectations . I prefer people to mostly mind their own business ( which of course they never do) and just be as pleasant and civil and equitable as they can be and I will try vis versa too. Unfortunately I rarely feel I experience that. I know this perspective has confused and offended some “normies”. 🤷♀️ Idk if it something that I take as the attitude from childhood that I am supposed to earning other peoples approval all the time so when they congratulate me I feel angry and intrigued upon. Sure thank me with out too much fuss if I have done something to directly and intentionally help you out of my own free will because I have recognised as a fellow human being but anything else should not be about you and rewarding me with your recognition and approval. If you don’t just like me for my company I would rather be ignored, cheers. Also I think if someone is pleased and congratulatory it feels like and pressure and expectation/ precedence now that I have “proved” I can do it so I need to sustain it and keep doing when it likely I probably can’t and then will come their frustration and disappointment.
Love these Podcasts but man the intro bothers me so much it almost turns me off the whole video. You tease me with your knowledge, you don't need to bait me, I'm already here.
Hey everyone, i have a best friend, he is not diagnosed yet(but even people already diagnosed told him he is 100% ADHD and something more), he is ashamed, frustrated and many other feelings, he can't sleep and if, he has nightmares etc......He thinks it wont change anything in his life getting diagnosis..... Since childhood he has been misunderstood by everyone including parents... How should I help him? Is getting diagnosed will help him?
Sorry if i bother, just might you could help me to find some solution to better his life😊
Thank you 🙌🏻
Have a great day everyone 😊
Yes, it will help.
He probably consumes lots of coffee & cola.
That's why
@@onegorgeouschick Thank you for answering my friend 😃
Yeah he does drink a coffee and cola.... He did a lot of wrong treatments in the past, all of them prescribed by doctors, all wrong so he just gave up.....
Well if I may ask you, how do I explain him this,that he has to go get diagnoses? Cuz he needs good explanation and reason why he has to do it, otherwise he won't go... Thank you 👍🏻 really appreciate you answered, I thought nobody will 😊🙌🏻
@absurdworldfacts
With adhd we hv so many co- morbidities - depression, oversensitive,(rsd) anxiety, poor sleep habits, addiction to anything, (i.e., phone, alcohol, chocolate), rage, anger.
We hv no idea that we r different. We don't realise that we feel things more intensely.
Late diagnosed,
I was very lucky to hv met someone 11yrs ago who noticed erratic behaviour when my Ritalin LA ran out.
(Same paragraph: praise grandson , then swear 🤬 hate, kill, 5 words that signal:- Take rit immediately)
For me that's every 6 hrs.
Alcohol of course also takes it straight out of my system
Those 5 words I never , never use unless it has run out.
Of course I never believed him when first told, but after checking time and again, oh dear, it's true.
So although we think that's nothing, the uncontrolled rage is scary & unwarranted.
Yes, we can hyperfocus on stuff we like but with Rit I can also focus on stuff I need to do to control being overwhelmed.
That's just a bit . By the way most of the adders I know are also high IQ.
Once diagnosed one can get anti depressants plus , plus anything else really helpful for a full exciting life
@@onegorgeouschick Wow that's 100% accurate.... I'm amazed, now I can tell him he is not alone, there are people that happened to them the same... And the way to cope with it is to get diagnoses with some professional in ADHD and let's see what happens..... Thank you from bottom of my heart, you don't imagine how glad I am that you answered 🙌🏻😃 I wish you all the best in your journey 🥰 have an amazing day my friend 🌞
@@absurdworldfacts
My pleasure
Lots of great help on the net
9:02
Broken sense of time. . Clasdic
Your frends don't want to know they don't want to listen there not therapist you can't dump your probs on frends
My monkey wants that Snack😮not me 😮wtf I’ll be trying that tonight after me dinner 😅
Wat is te running joke About never going to be sponcered bij H. I just never heard the phrase so don't worry if it's a joke I'm dum foundet joke's on me
Your having a laugh dr cmht dont give to shits about us were on are own here .3 years no ones help felt so suisidal even my gp said durin covid there are phones.