Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇 Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self
It's unfortunate that we get mostly "others focused " over self focused because of the church. Always telling us to sacrifice and put everybody else first.
The older I get the less inclined I am to endure 'fake' anything. It's a gift to have your whole past to use as a gauge toward knowing authenticity. So, if you can live long enough, happiness is just around the corner.
By and large, I found Americans became profoundly uncomfortable when I expressed authenticity... I left them USA. I don't experience that here very often. I assume the American culture is narcissistic and traumatized. Little wonder the USA is so drugged up. You can't "live" in the USA. You merely survive it! Leaving was the best decision of my life.
Fantastic. I have regressed emotionally since the covid lockdown. My mother died 7 years ago. I’m looking for my remaining families approval and support. I’m an other focused immature functioning way. Thanks for your support 👍❤️🙏
This is powerful. I have been doing "fake" empathy, "fake" caring meaning my inner motivation came from my need to control, over function. Self validate, rescue due to my insecurities, etc and it looks so good on the outer surface..its a facade and what is sad is that many people never have an awakening to realize it and continue to be a victim of this type of pattern believing everyone mistreat them, takes them for granted
I’ve been other-focused for too long sitting on the sideline of my life and goals. Operative words: my goals. It’s time to change that or I’ll continue to feel unfulfilled. Thank you for this video, Jerry. Love your channel 💜
Thank you for your kind words “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop A great workshop for ACOA’s, ACON’s, and any of you who come from dysfunctional families! Workshop leader: Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC LIVE July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
Going from other focus to self focused in the healing journey is a bit like a circus animal that is tied to a post even when they are untied it's so hard to leave. Leaving would be like focusing on oneself, when we are so trained to stay at that post. ❤
I'm so appreciative of all the positive comments and feedback about the video, you guys are amazing. What topics would you like us to cover in future videos? -Yitz
Yitz, you always ask Jerry great questions and summarize a lot of very good points he makes, it's like you read my mind! I like videos on emotional intelligence. Could you guys talk about most important factors, techniques to achieving high EQ?
My whole family is toxic and I finally cut them off when they started to spill their toxicity to my kids. Now they don't have grandparents and I feel guilty because of that. Also, I don't have a role model for parenting, just a bunch of things I don't want to do (mostly everything my parents ever did). I would like some video about parenting after toxic family, not continuing the toxic heritage, dealing with guilt of your kids growing up without an extended family etc.
Yes, I’d love a video about how work life often mirrors what childhood/home-life was like with family of origin. I seem to still experience the same trauma (abusive, conditional, etc) I did as a child in work experiences.
You also have to consider the view of your own family. Every time I got too close to my mother, father, and siblings my mother would scream at me. My husband heads to the car with our children. I just get up and leave without reacting to her action. And then I would go no contact. I won't tolerate being screamed at when I'm in my 30's and 40's and I would not expose my children. It's not necessary to stay in an unhealthy relationship with a narcissistic mother.
I think we're are exspected to be other focused by our dysfunctional family , your think your being selfish and wrong to concentrate on yourself , I can't believe the sense of ease you feel with self focuse without guilt, thanks for a great video.
That is 100% true. My mother is the queen of guiltily me and telling me I should think how others feel or being contemptuous if I express an opinion of so eone that's now all glowing and understanding. Yet simultaneously she is one of the harshest critics and mean about other people, including me.
Thanks for pointing that out, I had missed it! That's beautiful. When you care about someone in a healthy way, you are unlikely to get angry at them when they don't do what you expect them to do.
I'm currently working on my boundaries and it's so much easier to work with others because it's not about what they do, it's about were you stand to begin with. Thank you!❤
I really need to keep this in mind, especially when my mode of operation is to try to fix other peoples problems. Jerry, do you have a video in how to respond to people (family members) who use emotional manipulation. Logically, I am aware with what they are doing but don't know how to respond to it. Thank you both for a great video!
As you listen to more of Jerry’s videos you will start to hear how is the best way to respond (self differentiation). But one great way to prepare on how to respond is to do role plays with a trusted friend or even yourself.
Where to start? It’s healthy & totally Developmentally Appropriate for babies, children (& teens) to hve their need for emotional regulation met from their parents ie feel valued & safe. The maturation process should alter the nature of that relationship. That process however, has been changed societally by the additional influences & changes in family structure (from extended to nuclear family) . We need to seek safety from cues outside ourselves in order to be emotionally regulated, especially in a world that is becoming less & less safe both politically & ecologically. Humans need tribe & identification because without them, we don’t develop a clear sense of self on which to focus. It’s true, medical advice is important & needs to be adhered to, the rest, only opinions & part of the attention economy.
Thank you thank you. So grateful for you both. As a codependent with several narcissists in my life I cannot begin to tell you how other focused I am. These insights are life changing for me and I assume many many others. I can't thank you enough for helping to free us from the trappings of our minds.
Interesting, a little confusing, but definitely a new way of thinking. It goes back to your can’t control what others do, only how you react / behave. Hard to remember that in the moment. Thank-you.
You are welcome “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop A great workshop for ACOA’s, ACON’s, and any of you who come from dysfunctional families! Workshop leader: Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC LIVE July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
Life sucks. We have this need for love but in order to survive we have to live like we don’t need it. And it also infringes upon other people to ask them for love. I guess people are supposed to get their love tank filled as babies and small children and if you don’t your screwed! It always feels good to be self sufficient but sometimes you just feel this loneliness inside that’s never gonna be healed. What makes it harder is when you find someone that treats you really loving and then you get addicted to it accidentally. Then if they leave it’s like you’ve been dropped from the sky and feel more horrible than you did before you met them.
You might read Dr. Margaret Paul’s book. HEALING YOUR ALONENESS “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
I agree you don't have to lose self to be empathetic other! I deeply validated myself when I was sad this past weekend. I had an insight that I needed to be this unconditional in holding space for my toddler. It is like, if I learn to be an amazing parent to my own self, of course I have more mastery to hold space like that for another!
This is a great explanation Jerry. J will repeat and take notes too. You together with Dr C.Carter,Lisa Romano, Dr Ramani and Mark Smith and Richard Grannon help me the most. Specially you Jerry Wise. I feel in peace after hearing and look forward to putting in action my life and feel very motivated after listening ,as I say. 🥰 Thanks to both!!! Very good guidance 🙏
My father saw everything that wasn't how he wanted, when he wanted, as defiance! My mother saw everything that wasn't me fitting the mould she had as betrayal even to the point of then and now talking to me as if not putting others first means I'm a horrible person (of course this suits her needs to guilt me into what she wants as well). I completely lost 'my sense of self', became completely other focused! I didn't know who I was and couldn't understand other people either! Yet both of them are self centred never mind self focused! Talk about a mind ****
@@jerrywise I am always watching your videos. I am in New Zealand. I have been up since 6.30am...and I have been watching your Videos since then. I am learning so much! I seem to resonate with everything that you talk about. 😊
Hm. So I'm half an hour in, and I think I understand. Here's my restatement of the key, but I might get it wrong. Your life should be self-driven, not other-driven. Others should not drive your life, but they do get to constrain you. That is, you should choose what goals to pursue based on your own values and priorities, and you should choose _how_ to pursue those goals in a way that respects the boundaries of the people in your life. So don't become a doctor or lawyer because your mom/dad said so-do it because that's the job you want to do. Don't chase the highest-paid job because that's what the customers want you to do-do it because you know how you want to spend the money you'll earn. Or, aim at a more modest job because it'll be lower stress and will leave you with more time to spend with the people you want in your life. And be kind to those people because you care about them and want to be kind, not for the external rewards. I think I got it, but I'm not 100% sure.
Thank you And Thank you for watching… “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
Such a powerful concept. Can you make affirmations for being self focused rather than other focused?. I find that affirmations are a powerful way of imbibing the new concepts.
Jerry Wise i ha e a question. As i was the one in the family who had to feel for everyone, i felt. I was / am the sensitive one, the scapegoat. I have 1 brother that is older than myself. I am 55, my brother 58 and our narcissist mom 83. Ive been conserned and wondering how the family dynamics shift, because the residuals , trauma and family dynamics are so engrained in us now, how do families maneuver this when the toxic narcissist dies? That toxicity will be pinging around family members because her energy i cant imagine it will go away or die with her . Right? Maybe i didn't articulate that very descriptively. Do you talk about this topic in any videos?
Great video topic, in family systems thinking, when a parent dies this is called a nodal event and it shifts everybody's emotional location in the system. I will talking more about this in my programprogram.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/
you have no idea how your videos helped me. I always felt that something was wrong with me, I was a parentified child and always felt sorry for the feelings of others. I constantly deny myself in favor of others, offer myself a lower salary or agree to quit without compensation, I am so tired of this and no one told me that you would not be a bad person if you take care of yourself. unfortunately in my country there are no good psychotherapists, I watch your videos with subtitles and translate. Thank you very much
This is golden. I’ve already listened 3 times, and now I bought the book you referenced on audible. This feels like the missing link in managing my anxiety and better getting in touch with my self.
Thank you Nisha “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
Good book I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my RUclips channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my RUclips channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional
Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇
Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027
‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self
It's unfortunate that we get mostly "others focused " over self focused because of the church. Always telling us to sacrifice and put everybody else first.
The Boundaries book by Cloud and Townsend may be the best thing that happenned to Christianity.
💛Jerry said, “..when we focus on others we give up our own agency. And sadly it’s a trap. If you focus on others you’re already in a trap.”💛💛 (36:31)
The older I get the less inclined I am to endure 'fake' anything. It's a gift to have your whole past to use as a gauge toward knowing authenticity. So, if you can live long enough, happiness is just around the corner.
By and large, I found Americans became profoundly uncomfortable when I expressed authenticity...
I left them USA. I don't experience that here very often.
I assume the American culture is narcissistic and traumatized. Little wonder the USA is so drugged up. You can't "live" in the USA. You merely survive it!
Leaving was the best decision of my life.
Fantastic. I have regressed emotionally since the covid lockdown. My mother died 7 years ago. I’m looking for my remaining families approval and support. I’m an other focused immature functioning way. Thanks for your support 👍❤️🙏
You are not alone. I am also looking for my familie's approval and love all the time.
This is powerful. I have been doing "fake" empathy, "fake" caring meaning my inner motivation came from my need to control, over function. Self validate, rescue due to my insecurities, etc and it looks so good on the outer surface..its a facade and what is sad is that many people never have an awakening to realize it and continue to be a victim of this type of pattern believing everyone mistreat them, takes them for granted
I’ve been other-focused for too long sitting on the sideline of my life and goals. Operative words: my goals. It’s time to change that or I’ll continue to feel unfulfilled. Thank you for this video, Jerry. Love your channel 💜
This was incredibly helpful. I have a journal filled with notes. Thank you both!
Until these profound truths....the average relationship is a chocolate-
enmeshed mess!
This was difficult to hear. Time to get off the trap
‘Empathy and self-focused.’
‘Empathy comes from self- empathy’
Jerry is always right on.
Thank you for your kind words
“Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist”
Workshop
A great workshop for ACOA’s, ACON’s, and any of you who come from dysfunctional families!
Workshop leader: Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC LIVE
July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time
On Zoom
Topics:
The Illusions of the Narcissist
The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists
Living in the War Zone
7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist
10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently
Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment
Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents
Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have
And more…
Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos.
Q & A
Role Plays
Volunteer participation
You will receive the recorded workshop
You will receive the notes for the workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
I know it's hard, but the bottom line is GROW UP! At least that's what I'm hearing.
My opinion is that the problem lies in the DEGREE of “other focus”. When others become my reason for “being” then we are “enslaved”.
Something that came to me is that if I continue going into abusive situations then I have not fully accepted the situation or person..
This is deep. And accurate
@@jerrywise I think it took a lot of layers of the onion to be removed before I came to this realization.
@@jerrywise Can you guys elaborate a bit? does that mean we ignore Red Flags?
Perhaps it would be better to think about our self focus as self care and to express it that way so that the issue of selfishness is less confused.
Going from other focus to self focused in the healing journey is a bit like a circus animal that is tied to a post even when they are untied it's so hard to leave. Leaving would be like focusing on oneself, when we are so trained to stay at that post. ❤
I'm so appreciative of all the positive comments and feedback about the video, you guys are amazing. What topics would you like us to cover in future videos?
-Yitz
How about something for those who are single and how dysfunction drives people away from romantic relationships.
Yitz, you always ask Jerry great questions and summarize a lot of very good points he makes, it's like you read my mind!
I like videos on emotional intelligence. Could you guys talk about most important factors, techniques to achieving high EQ?
I would like something related to severe unemployment (in spite of having college degree), constant emotional abuse and CPTSD. Thanks again!!
My whole family is toxic and I finally cut them off when they started to spill their toxicity to my kids. Now they don't have grandparents and I feel guilty because of that. Also, I don't have a role model for parenting, just a bunch of things I don't want to do (mostly everything my parents ever did).
I would like some video about parenting after toxic family, not continuing the toxic heritage, dealing with guilt of your kids growing up without an extended family etc.
Yes, I’d love a video about how work life often mirrors what childhood/home-life was like with family of origin. I seem to still experience the same trauma (abusive, conditional, etc) I did as a child in work experiences.
Life saving self focus instead of focus on others . More on this topic for me to take myself of others
You also have to consider the view of your own family. Every time I got too close to my mother, father, and siblings my mother would scream at me. My husband heads to the car with our children. I just get up and leave without reacting to her action. And then I would go no contact. I won't tolerate being screamed at when I'm in my 30's and 40's and I would not expose my children. It's not necessary to stay in an unhealthy relationship with a narcissistic mother.
I think we're are exspected to be other focused by our dysfunctional family , your think your being selfish and wrong to concentrate on yourself , I can't believe the sense of ease you feel with self focuse without guilt, thanks for a great video.
That is 100% true. My mother is the queen of guiltily me and telling me I should think how others feel or being contemptuous if I express an opinion of so eone that's now all glowing and understanding. Yet simultaneously she is one of the harshest critics and mean about other people, including me.
This was very helpful, thank you.
Glad it was helpful!
Perfect timing -
Nov. 1, 2020
I was ready to hear this 🎊
Funny I thought about my kids not growing up selfish,
What if you are being self focused and others want you other focused ?
What an insight on empathy: "It's out if my sense of self that I can care about you." Around 26:30.
Thanks for pointing that out, I had missed it! That's beautiful. When you care about someone in a healthy way, you are unlikely to get angry at them when they don't do what you expect them to do.
I'm currently working on my boundaries and it's so much easier to work with others because it's not about what they do, it's about were you stand to begin with. Thank you!❤
I really need to keep this in mind, especially when my mode of operation is to try to fix other peoples problems.
Jerry, do you have a video in how to respond to people (family members) who use emotional manipulation.
Logically, I am aware with what they are doing but don't know how to respond to it.
Thank you both for a great video!
As you listen to more of Jerry’s videos you will start to hear how is the best way to respond (self differentiation). But one great way to prepare on how to respond is to do role plays with a trusted friend or even yourself.
Left my country and went to live on an island! Lol :)
Where to start?
It’s healthy & totally Developmentally Appropriate for babies, children (& teens) to hve their need for emotional regulation met from their parents ie feel valued & safe. The maturation process should alter the nature of that relationship. That process however, has been changed societally by the additional
influences & changes in family structure (from extended to nuclear family) .
We need to seek safety from cues outside ourselves in order to be emotionally regulated, especially in a world that is becoming less & less safe both politically & ecologically.
Humans need tribe & identification because without them, we don’t develop a clear sense of self on which to focus.
It’s true, medical advice is important & needs to be adhered to, the rest, only opinions & part of the attention economy.
Thank you thank you. So grateful for you both. As a codependent with several narcissists in my life I cannot begin to tell you how other focused I am. These insights are life changing for me and I assume many many others. I can't thank you enough for helping to free us from the trappings of our minds.
Interesting, a little confusing, but definitely a new way of thinking. It goes back to your can’t control what others do, only how you react / behave. Hard to remember that in the moment. Thank-you.
You are welcome
“Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist”
Workshop
A great workshop for ACOA’s, ACON’s, and any of you who come from dysfunctional families!
Workshop leader: Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC LIVE
July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time
On Zoom
Topics:
The Illusions of the Narcissist
The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists
Living in the War Zone
7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist
10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently
Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment
Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents
Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have
And more…
Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos.
Q & A
Role Plays
Volunteer participation
You will receive the recorded workshop
You will receive the notes for the workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
Life sucks. We have this need for love but in order to survive we have to live like we don’t need it. And it also infringes upon other people to ask them for love. I guess people are supposed to get their love tank filled as babies and small children and if you don’t your screwed! It always feels good to be self sufficient but sometimes you just feel this loneliness inside that’s never gonna be healed. What makes it harder is when you find someone that treats you really loving and then you get addicted to it accidentally. Then if they leave it’s like you’ve been dropped from the sky and feel more horrible than you did before you met them.
You might read Dr. Margaret Paul’s book. HEALING YOUR ALONENESS
“Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist”
Workshop
Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC
July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time
On Zoom
Topics:
The Illusions of the Narcissist
The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists
Living in the War Zone
7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist
10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently
Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment
Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents
Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have
And more…
Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos.
Q & A
Role Plays
Volunteer participation
You will receive the recorded workshop
You will receive the notes for the workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
Yeah
I wonder if you would call it, “minding your own business” in the old days?
And keeping your own nose clean !
I agree you don't have to lose self to be empathetic other! I deeply validated myself when I was sad this past weekend. I had an insight that I needed to be this unconditional in holding space for my toddler. It is like, if I learn to be an amazing parent to my own self, of course I have more mastery to hold space like that for another!
This is a great explanation Jerry. J will repeat and take notes too. You together with Dr C.Carter,Lisa Romano, Dr Ramani and Mark Smith and Richard Grannon
help me the most. Specially you Jerry Wise. I feel in peace after hearing and look forward to putting in action my life and feel very motivated after listening ,as I say. 🥰
Thanks to both!!! Very good guidance 🙏
Thank you both..you are changing our lives..
My father saw everything that wasn't how he wanted, when he wanted, as defiance! My mother saw everything that wasn't me fitting the mould she had as betrayal even to the point of then and now talking to me as if not putting others first means I'm a horrible person (of course this suits her needs to guilt me into what she wants as well). I completely lost 'my sense of self', became completely other focused! I didn't know who I was and couldn't understand other people either! Yet both of them are self centred never mind self focused! Talk about a mind ****
So AWESOME!!!
Glad you think so!
@@jerrywise I am always watching your videos. I am in New Zealand. I have been up since 6.30am...and I have been watching your Videos since then. I am learning so much! I seem to resonate with everything that you talk about.
😊
This was awesome!!!
Thank you so much !!! 😊
You are so welcome!
Hm. So I'm half an hour in, and I think I understand. Here's my restatement of the key, but I might get it wrong.
Your life should be self-driven, not other-driven. Others should not drive your life, but they do get to constrain you. That is, you should choose what goals to pursue based on your own values and priorities, and you should choose _how_ to pursue those goals in a way that respects the boundaries of the people in your life.
So don't become a doctor or lawyer because your mom/dad said so-do it because that's the job you want to do. Don't chase the highest-paid job because that's what the customers want you to do-do it because you know how you want to spend the money you'll earn. Or, aim at a more modest job because it'll be lower stress and will leave you with more time to spend with the people you want in your life. And be kind to those people because you care about them and want to be kind, not for the external rewards.
I think I got it, but I'm not 100% sure.
12 step practitioner here and again, Jerry is spot on regarding powerlessness/ surrender.
Thank you
And Thank you for watching…
“Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist”
Workshop
Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC
July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time
On Zoom
Topics:
The Illusions of the Narcissist
The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists
Living in the War Zone
7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist
10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently
Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment
Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents
Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have
And more…
Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos.
Q & A
Role Plays
Volunteer participation
You will receive the recorded workshop
You will receive the notes for the workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
You can't change them. You can only change yourself. Often times our change forces them to change.
Such a powerful concept. Can you make affirmations for being self focused rather than other focused?.
I find that affirmations are a powerful way of imbibing the new concepts.
Mind-blowing!
Shift, in consciousness!
TYSMFS!
😎
Thank you for watching.
Any donation would help in making these videos.
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations
Does Self focused means self care?
What is the difference between being self-focused and being selfish?
Life changing!
I had no idea how pervasive this was in my life - thank you
Jerry Wise i ha e a question. As i was the one in the family who had to feel for everyone, i felt. I was / am the sensitive one, the scapegoat. I have 1 brother that is older than myself. I am 55, my brother 58 and our narcissist mom 83. Ive been conserned and wondering how the family dynamics shift, because the residuals , trauma and family dynamics are so engrained in us now, how do families maneuver this when the toxic narcissist dies? That toxicity will be pinging around family members because her energy i cant imagine it will go away or die with her . Right? Maybe i didn't articulate that very descriptively. Do you talk about this topic in any videos?
Great video topic, in family systems thinking, when a parent dies this is called a nodal event and it shifts everybody's emotional location in the system. I will talking more about this in my programprogram.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/welcome/
What a great discussion. I'm pleased to see you have many other videos with Yitz. I really enjoyed the dialog format!
Glad you enjoyed it!
resonate
Great content! 🦊
Thank you! 😁
you have no idea how your videos helped me. I always felt that something was wrong with me, I was a parentified child and always felt sorry for the feelings of others. I constantly deny myself in favor of others, offer myself a lower salary or agree to quit without compensation, I am so tired of this and no one told me that you would not be a bad person if you take care of yourself. unfortunately in my country there are no good psychotherapists, I watch your videos with subtitles and translate. Thank you very much
Thank you for your kind words.
Thank you for watching.
Any donation would help in making these videos.
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations
Great video! Thank you so much!!!!🤗🤗🤗
You are so welcome!
Self-focused 🙂
Other-focused 🤢
This is golden. I’ve already listened 3 times, and now I bought the book you referenced on audible. This feels like the missing link in managing my anxiety and better getting in touch with my self.
God bless you...you only changed my inside world...I'm beginning to be free.thank you thank you..
Thank You so much! This made it so clear!!
You're very welcome!
I deeply appreciate both of you, and the information you are bestowing. THANK you. 🕯🕊
enlightening.
soooo great
So intressant and helpful
Thank you ❤️
Thank you so much, Jerry! Your kind wisdom is such a calm in the storm for me many days!💜
Thank you Jerry Wise ❤
You are welcome
Thank you.
You're welcome!
Holy shit! Stop the gross hacking!
Thanks for another great and helpful video. I enjoyed your guest as well. I have alot of takeaways and reminders from this one.
Glad it was helpful!
I would like to work Jerry's team as a Life Coach! Anyone knows how?
Go to website and send me an email www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com Jerry
12 step practitioner here and again, Jerry is spot on regarding powerlessness/ surrender.
Thank you Nisha
“Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist”
Workshop
Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC
July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time
On Zoom
Topics:
The Illusions of the Narcissist
The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists
Living in the War Zone
7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist
10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently
Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding
Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment
Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents
Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have
And more…
Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos.
Q & A
Role Plays
Volunteer participation
You will receive the recorded workshop
You will receive the notes for the workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events
Thank you both 😃
Our pleasure!
Great video. It was enhancing my self awareness more and more. Thank you.
You're so welcome!
What do you think of the book "Attached"? Curious to know.
Good book
I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021
“Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work
It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom
Sign up on website to get info on workshops
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop
Sign up now for early bird price
I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website:
• Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop
• Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop
• Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my RUclips channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my RUclips channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional
I would say the goal to reach is live and let live.
Both at the same time
💯
amazing! thank you from my soul
You're very welcome