i let my sister move in with me after my husband died, her and her son was so entitiled you would have thought the house and cars belonged to her,, it was a mess but lucky for me she moved out because i was "mean" to her,
Sounds like when my ex husband and I allowed my brother to stay, he ended moving in his wife; having a tantrum when told they'd need to contribute- and still to this day he talks shit about us asking for money when he lived rent free for 6-8 months. Also, shared a car so he could use one of ours while his was in the shop. Folks truly be having the audacity.
I think it still surprises some people when guys do this to their own family. Which is strange since they do it to their own family (wife and children) so often that it's "just a part of life." Both my grown brothers were like this with our mother. She let them live with her well into their twenties. She even let them move back after already leaving in their twenties once or twice each. Both left their room a literal biohazard. That's not an exaggeration. The rooms stank, there was moldy dishes, cups with solid rotten milk, pee bottles, bedding with all sorts of stuff soaked into it, there were always flies everywhere and all that entails. They never paid rent or bills, they didn't do housework unless my mother threatened to kick them out, and were very disrespectful to her the entire time. She raised us on gender roles though, so what more could she expect. They finally both found women to live with instead. Not sure how they convinced anyone they were datable at that point in their lives, but they did. Idk about my older brother since I don't talk to him, but I do know his marriage is a 💩 show, but my younger brother got his life together for the most part. They both have large families (5 kids, 3kids), and at least my younger brother is an active participant in the house and with the children.
My dad did this to me. He moved in with my husband, my two kids, and I just after we bought our first home- he had nowhere else to go as he had worn out his welcome everywhere else. He ended up living with us for two year and among other things severely limited our family’s development and growth.
He’s had a manic episode in the past that was bad enough to require police intervention, that alone should’ve been grounds to not trust him to be in her house alone with her kids, let alone to continue to allow him to live in proximity to her kids. Mental illness is an awful thing to deal with and I do sincerely sympathise with those who suffer from them, but the reality is there are certain mental illnesses, specifically ones that involve either manic or psychotic episodes, that have a high risk of resulting in harm being done to the people around them. I’ve seen the same scenario play out in so many true crime cases, a parent lets a mentally ill and unemployed sibling move in and that sibling ends up killing one or all of them, often in direct response to being pressured to get a job, financially contribute to the household and/or to finally move out. Once you’ve a parent, all your loyalty has to be to your children, you can’t compromise their safety for anyone else. This woman is fortunate she got him to move out and his mental illness didn’t result in anything bad happening, but it’s definitely not a risk she should ever make again. Another small lesson that can be learned from her story is to always be skeptical of someone offering to help you without asking for anything in exchange for it. Most people’s motivations for doing so isn’t rooted in selflessness. Always ask yourself the question: what does this person stand to gain from “helping” you? Her brother offering to watch her kids whilst she was away was a major red flag because he had something VERY obvious to gain from “helping” her: the ability to move into her house and put himself in a position where he can refuse to ever leave.
This ☝️ the manic episode would’ve given me pause. I understand wanting to help a sibling - been there- but the severe mental illness in the past is a potential problem. This nam has definitely got issues beyond the garden variety entitlement most of these nemz have. A non-blood relative nearly killed her mother and would’ve if the father hadn’t stopped her. She’s been to a hospital for mentally ill people at least once and was prescribed meds, which helped her. However. She’s had several weird potentially dangerous episodes since then and we’ve now cut contact as she refuses to go back to her therapist or to take her meds. A line has to be drawn somewhere. Her daughter has found her a safe place to stay and seems to manage the situation but we are well out of it as she’s a loose cannon.
It would have been better to not let him in her house or around her kiddos. Men have to find their own way or be homeless. Do not help them; this is counterintuitive, but it is what’s best. He should be self-motivated to do what he needs to do, reach out to other guys, or flail.
This happened to me. My ex allowed my nephew to live with us because my nephew claimed to be homeless. He stayed for two years and got mad at me when I would ask about how was it going regarding getting back on his feet. I asked this like three times. After a year and a half my ex was like you have to move. He said he didn’t have any money. Not my problem. He was working but he went out because he “didn’t think I wanted him there “. We have him three months and he never looked for a place to live and finally decided to buy a car to live in. Well. When he went to get the car there was a snow storm and I gave him another week. He left but there was a lot of his stuff still at my house. I asked him about it and he said that I threw him out of the house on the middle of a snow storm with no place to live. He also told family members I threw him out. I don’t speak to him but if he is at a family gathering I am cordial.
My brother tried. I asked him one day to go for a ride with me. He didn't know I'd bought him a 1 way ticket back and his bags were in the car. Took him straight to the airport and left him there. Problem solved.
@@Sp4c3G195y YES!!!! Ie. I've spent most of my life trying to deconstruct people from hate & often Im approached by siblings of yts pulled into h8 groups as teens - the worst person to try to get someone out of a h8 group is a sibling. Siblings KNOW how to push those buttons, & often operate as mortal enemies...
My dad got me every other weekend as custody, and it was always at my AUNT'S PLACE! Loved seeing family that wasn't toxic, but he was a leech with a job and who knows how many girlfriends. I don't know how they put up with him. At one point, they told him not to drop the toilet seat a million times, and he didn't listen-- it smashed against the bowl. Also ruined their basement with garbage! Not his home. Not his things, but he didn't care about them or me.
Sorry, this happened to her. He's not a child or disabled and he's definitely not HER child so she's not responsible for him. I'm not blaming her, of course, she was trying to maintain a sibling relationship with him and not "kick him" when he's down. However, firm boundaries are needed. If you tell him to clean his room and he doesn't, you lock his @ out.
Just reading this cautionary tale I start guessing mysel:"Did I close my front door?!" Jeez that was exhausting and terrifying just read and imagine that situation.
I think that brother is mentally ill and needs help, but first he has to hit rock bottom enough times for him to want to change. Definitely don't support their self-destruction.
This ☝️ mental illness is extremely difficult to manage and many families have shame around it and go into denial, which makes everything a lot worse. I’ve seen it up close in non-blood relatives, so have cut ties, as they refuse medical care.
Oof. This poor woman. I am so glad I left the nest first and found my own place before my brother decided to leave home. Thankfully he moved to a completely different city and never tried to pull this crap with me.
My uncle was just like this only when he felt like his time to go was near he would want to physically fight and absolutely tear up my grandmas house! Then he would leave for months and months then show back up and start the cycle over! ….. he’s dead now and not a tear was shed by me
Would never be me. My mother always look bad at me when I said the day she is gone me and my brother will not speak anymore and he better don't show off at my door because I will just close it in his face.
People even family have NO shame !!! How can you be so BOLD and a BUM?? No empathy on his part , no shame , he’s not depressed he’s a narcissist. Entitled , user , revengeful , greedy living somewhere that long without offering to clean,’cook , help out or contribute is absolutely disgusting and a true parasite !! Smart idea about getting the house Reno estimates
Guy is definitely a pest… but couches get ruined by sleeping on them? I think I see what level of thought power went into the decision to let him stay in the first place 🙄
It's like some of y'all just feel compelled to throw shots. Like, why was that last piece even necessary. Ughhh. The mean girl spirit just has to jump out
Yes, couches get ruined when you sleep on them for weeks. The cushions will begin to compress to the body of the sleeper. Plus if the sleeper is a night drooler or night sweater, the fabric can become stained and stinky.
Yes, my couch was ruined by my 26 year old stepson. He refused to take naps in his room and the couch smelled like a locker room. I gave him the couch when he moved out.
Yea, couch cushions and pillows will need replacing if someone is routinely sleeping on them. My husband has a sofa in his office and we have one in our living room. He likes to sleep in the living room because of the openness and air circulation from having high ceilings. He knows we have to replace them annually and doesn’t make a fuss. Personally, it doesn’t bother me so long as he keeps it looking new. He takes multiple showers daily so we’ve never had a problem with any odors or stains.
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I agree with letting him stay mad because it'll keep him from coming around to leech. 😂
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No need to coddle grown folks. The sooner you accept the truth, the sooner you can heal, move on, and flourish.
i let my sister move in with me after my husband died, her and her son was so entitiled you would have thought the house and cars belonged to her,, it was a mess but lucky for me she moved out because i was "mean" to her,
Sounds like when my ex husband and I allowed my brother to stay, he ended moving in his wife; having a tantrum when told they'd need to contribute- and still to this day he talks shit about us asking for money when he lived rent free for 6-8 months. Also, shared a car so he could use one of ours while his was in the shop. Folks truly be having the audacity.
the hiding food was a slap in the face. I can feed you but you can't feed me.
Exactly ! How many free dinners did he eat and never offered to buy the family a pizza!?! For gratitude of staying !
@veebliss1266 exactly 💯
Fastest way to get rid of a pest is to turn off the wifi/internet access. We only read books in this house, hahaha😂
I understand what she went through. I tried to help my brother and sister to get back on their feet. Never again.
I stopped rescuing siblings and suddenly had the funds to achieve some of my dreams.
I think it still surprises some people when guys do this to their own family. Which is strange since they do it to their own family (wife and children) so often that it's "just a part of life."
Both my grown brothers were like this with our mother. She let them live with her well into their twenties. She even let them move back after already leaving in their twenties once or twice each. Both left their room a literal biohazard. That's not an exaggeration. The rooms stank, there was moldy dishes, cups with solid rotten milk, pee bottles, bedding with all sorts of stuff soaked into it, there were always flies everywhere and all that entails.
They never paid rent or bills, they didn't do housework unless my mother threatened to kick them out, and were very disrespectful to her the entire time. She raised us on gender roles though, so what more could she expect.
They finally both found women to live with instead. Not sure how they convinced anyone they were datable at that point in their lives, but they did. Idk about my older brother since I don't talk to him, but I do know his marriage is a 💩 show, but my younger brother got his life together for the most part. They both have large families (5 kids, 3kids), and at least my younger brother is an active participant in the house and with the children.
They'll come in your house and not clean behind themselves or help in any way but try to take over.
My dad did this to me. He moved in with my husband, my two kids, and I just after we bought our first home- he had nowhere else to go as he had worn out his welcome everywhere else. He ended up living with us for two year and among other things severely limited our family’s development and growth.
He’s had a manic episode in the past that was bad enough to require police intervention, that alone should’ve been grounds to not trust him to be in her house alone with her kids, let alone to continue to allow him to live in proximity to her kids.
Mental illness is an awful thing to deal with and I do sincerely sympathise with those who suffer from them, but the reality is there are certain mental illnesses, specifically ones that involve either manic or psychotic episodes, that have a high risk of resulting in harm being done to the people around them. I’ve seen the same scenario play out in so many true crime cases, a parent lets a mentally ill and unemployed sibling move in and that sibling ends up killing one or all of them, often in direct response to being pressured to get a job, financially contribute to the household and/or to finally move out.
Once you’ve a parent, all your loyalty has to be to your children, you can’t compromise their safety for anyone else. This woman is fortunate she got him to move out and his mental illness didn’t result in anything bad happening, but it’s definitely not a risk she should ever make again.
Another small lesson that can be learned from her story is to always be skeptical of someone offering to help you without asking for anything in exchange for it. Most people’s motivations for doing so isn’t rooted in selflessness. Always ask yourself the question: what does this person stand to gain from “helping” you?
Her brother offering to watch her kids whilst she was away was a major red flag because he had something VERY obvious to gain from “helping” her: the ability to move into her house and put himself in a position where he can refuse to ever leave.
💯💯💯💯💯 Your last two paragraphs are very helpful. Not only did he offer, she didn't ask either, which makes it even MORE suspicious.
This ☝️ the manic episode would’ve given me pause. I understand wanting to help a sibling - been there- but the severe mental illness in the past is a potential problem. This nam has definitely got issues beyond the garden variety entitlement most of these nemz have.
A non-blood relative nearly killed her mother and would’ve if the father hadn’t stopped her. She’s been to a hospital for mentally ill people at least once and was prescribed meds, which helped her. However. She’s had several weird potentially dangerous episodes since then and we’ve now cut contact as she refuses to go back to her therapist or to take her meds.
A line has to be drawn somewhere. Her daughter has found her a safe place to stay and seems to manage the situation but we are well out of it as she’s a loose cannon.
My dusty male relatives know they can't call me for anything. The answer is always "NO!"
It would have been better to not let him in her house or around her kiddos. Men have to find their own way or be homeless. Do not help them; this is counterintuitive, but it is what’s best. He should be self-motivated to do what he needs to do, reach out to other guys, or flail.
This happened to me. My ex allowed my nephew to live with us because my nephew claimed to be homeless. He stayed for two years and got mad at me when I would ask about how was it going regarding getting back on his feet. I asked this like three times. After a year and a half my ex was like you have to move. He said he didn’t have any money. Not my problem. He was working but he went out because he “didn’t think I wanted him there “. We have him three months and he never looked for a place to live and finally decided to buy a car to live in.
Well. When he went to get the car there was a snow storm and I gave him another week. He left but there was a lot of his stuff still at my house. I asked him about it and he said that I threw him out of the house on the middle of a snow storm with no place to live. He also told family members I threw him out. I don’t speak to him but if he is at a family gathering I am cordial.
Sorry you were treated so badly.
My brother tried. I asked him one day to go for a ride with me. He didn't know I'd bought him a 1 way ticket back and his bags were in the car. Took him straight to the airport and left him there. Problem solved.
A destitute DUSTY! I just know this was a pookie who thinks he deserves to be somebody's kingdonless kang
I was taught that it is family you have to watch for because your enemies know they can't get close to you! And this story proves it!
YES!!!!! My mum & bruv are monsters.💔💔
Shoo! True in so many ways. Never thought about in this way, but you’re right. Family knows what buttons to push.
God protects us from our enemies because He knows our hands are full from trying to protect ourselves from family and friends. 😂😂😂
@@Sp4c3G195y YES!!!! Ie. I've spent most of my life trying to deconstruct people from hate & often Im approached by siblings of yts pulled into h8 groups as teens - the worst person to try to get someone out of a h8 group is a sibling. Siblings KNOW how to push those buttons, & often operate as mortal enemies...
Excellent commentary B&B! 😡Also hidden food + piss bottles = roaches. 👿He was the king (or kang) roach!
My dad got me every other weekend as custody, and it was always at my AUNT'S PLACE! Loved seeing family that wasn't toxic, but he was a leech with a job and who knows how many girlfriends.
I don't know how they put up with him.
At one point, they told him not to drop the toilet seat a million times, and he didn't listen-- it smashed against the bowl. Also ruined their basement with garbage!
Not his home. Not his things, but he didn't care about them or me.
Sorry, this happened to her. He's not a child or disabled and he's definitely not HER child so she's not responsible for him. I'm not blaming her, of course, she was trying to maintain a sibling relationship with him and not "kick him" when he's down. However, firm boundaries are needed. If you tell him to clean his room and he doesn't, you lock his @ out.
Just reading this cautionary tale I start guessing mysel:"Did I close my front door?!"
Jeez that was exhausting and terrifying just read and imagine that situation.
It can be potential partners or relatives. Keep your head on a swivel and keep you NO game strong 🙅🏾♀️
I wish your channel became million subscribers ASAP so more and more women would daily informed around the globe.
I think that brother is mentally ill and needs help, but first he has to hit rock bottom enough times for him to want to change. Definitely don't support their self-destruction.
This ☝️ mental illness is extremely difficult to manage and many families have shame around it and go into denial, which makes everything a lot worse. I’ve seen it up close in non-blood relatives, so have cut ties, as they refuse medical care.
If he can shop for new clothes online he can shop for a new rental property
Oof. This poor woman. I am so glad I left the nest first and found my own place before my brother decided to leave home. Thankfully he moved to a completely different city and never tried to pull this crap with me.
Reason I haven't seen my only sibling in over 28 years. I learned early
My uncle was just like this only when he felt like his time to go was near he would want to physically fight and absolutely tear up my grandmas house! Then he would leave for months and months then show back up and start the cycle over! ….. he’s dead now and not a tear was shed by me
Just say no. You can still care for them and not allow them to live with you. Keep the peace for yourself.
Yes!!!! BurbNBougie is my joy!!!!! ♥️♥️♥️♥️💞💞💞💞
Would never be me. My mother always look bad at me when I said the day she is gone me and my brother will not speak anymore and he better don't show off at my door because I will just close it in his face.
People even family have NO shame !!! How can you be so BOLD and a BUM?? No empathy on his part , no shame , he’s not depressed he’s a narcissist. Entitled , user , revengeful , greedy living somewhere that long without offering to clean,’cook , help out or contribute is absolutely disgusting and a true parasite !! Smart idea about getting the house Reno estimates
Narcissism and certain mental illnesses often go together, according to a psych unit I did at uni 👍
🎉
How do people not have any self-respect?
🪳
I would have been kicked him out. Idc if it’s a sibling. Move back in with your parents
People with depression behave like that mentally and physically
Let's not play armchair psychologist here. Plenty of entitled fools do stuff like this as well.
I'm depressed and my house is clean and I have my own. This guy is just a bum, user and a leech.
🥃💎
How can I send you a DM?
IG, Bluesky, or Reddit BurbNBougie
@BurbNBougie sent you a DM on IG.
Guy is definitely a pest… but couches get ruined by sleeping on them? I think I see what level of thought power went into the decision to let him stay in the first place 🙄
It's like some of y'all just feel compelled to throw shots. Like, why was that last piece even necessary. Ughhh. The mean girl spirit just has to jump out
Yes, couches get ruined when you sleep on them for weeks. The cushions will begin to compress to the body of the sleeper. Plus if the sleeper is a night drooler or night sweater, the fabric can become stained and stinky.
Yes, my couch was ruined by my 26 year old stepson. He refused to take naps in his room and the couch smelled like a locker room. I gave him the couch when he moved out.
Yea, couch cushions and pillows will need replacing if someone is routinely sleeping on them. My husband has a sofa in his office and we have one in our living room. He likes to sleep in the living room because of the openness and air circulation from having high ceilings. He knows we have to replace them annually and doesn’t make a fuss. Personally, it doesn’t bother me so long as he keeps it looking new. He takes multiple showers daily so we’ve never had a problem with any odors or stains.