i don't want to be happy *hospital rant*

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  • Опубликовано: 4 авг 2024
  • a little rant from the hospital, sorry the sound isn't crazy optimal - hospital has a lot of background noise and I recorded from my phone. Enjoy! ( For those who don't want to hear me ramble on, the actual rant starts at around 7 minutes in)
    / claire.wineland

Комментарии • 2,3 тыс.

  • @theonceler2756
    @theonceler2756 5 лет назад +1366

    To whoever may see this, just know that in the credits of Five Feet Apart, they gave a special thank to Claire, not once, but twice.

    • @zeesaleh4683
      @zeesaleh4683 5 лет назад +112

      Omg I cried at the end of the credits (I purposely waited for them to finish to see if there was a tribute for her) and I saw “For Claire” with a pic of her. She was truly an inspiration and I don’t think she even knew it.

    • @SalomeaCarmen
      @SalomeaCarmen 4 года назад +20

      Omg yes that’s how I found about the channel

    • @yourmomismyepicmount35
      @yourmomismyepicmount35 4 года назад +19

      I miss her

    • @curtisbemis6640
      @curtisbemis6640 4 года назад +7

      @Ollie she knew it believe me !!! The more you watch the more you will learn

    • @mistermomo2904
      @mistermomo2904 4 года назад +14

      @@zeesaleh4683 Oh she knew it alright :) If you look closely at the credits you'll see her name multiple times as a paid consultant for the film. She was friends with the director, Justin Baldoni. Long story short, he asked her 'be honest, have you ever had a boyfriend with cf?' She answered 'No! Cf'ers can't be in the same room together' and he was like 'this is a movie. Should we do this?'
      www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/justin-baldoni-personal-story-behind-five-feet-apart-1194780

  • @Holycryptonite47
    @Holycryptonite47 6 лет назад +472

    I feel like "you start to live when you begin to die"

    • @mistermomo2904
      @mistermomo2904 4 года назад +24

      And, often, when you start to die, it's already too late...

    • @irenediaz5432
      @irenediaz5432 3 года назад +10

      I think the major thing we can do with these lessons is to try to truly live before we begin to die.

    • @FullTimePatient37
      @FullTimePatient37 Год назад

      Yeah,...

  • @MathewTitus
    @MathewTitus 5 лет назад +698

    Found her on RUclips - Fell in Love with her - then discovered she isn't here anymore...

    • @najmaumer4698
      @najmaumer4698 4 года назад +20

      Relatable

    • @sharkhunt9476
      @sharkhunt9476 4 года назад +58

      She’s still around, just in another way and she’s doing phenomenal in every way shape and form.

    • @katedagr8540
      @katedagr8540 4 года назад +24

      Around a year ago I watched her vid called “what it’s like to die” or sum like that then shortly after i figures out she’d died. Ik the feeling, Rest In Peace to her by the way.

    • @MathewTitus
      @MathewTitus 4 года назад +4

      @@katedagr8540

    • @PrayingForPeaceZajac
      @PrayingForPeaceZajac 4 года назад +2

      Same!!! ;(

  • @curtisn1857
    @curtisn1857 5 лет назад +239

    The depth of her insight was so remarkable for someone so young. Moments like this give me so much hope for the future. Wish this angel was still with us. Rest in peace Claire

  • @Annababy575757
    @Annababy575757 6 лет назад +1400

    You are incredible. Thank you for your videos ❤️

    • @mulvana1569
      @mulvana1569 6 лет назад +12

      Fancy seeing you here

    • @AngelinaNatalie
      @AngelinaNatalie 6 лет назад +14

      girl I'm so glad that someone else I'm subscribed to knows about Claire, I feel like everyone should. You both make incredibly important videos that are actually so helpful to people who need them/want to understand friends or family members who need them. (side note I love you both xx)

    • @LEE-li6vx
      @LEE-li6vx 6 лет назад +1

      Anna Campbell i subbed 2 u

    • @bassfairy_
      @bassfairy_ 6 лет назад +4

      I love when my favorite youtubers watch my favorite youtubers

    • @MissPurpur
      @MissPurpur 6 лет назад +2

      ANNA :D

  • @emilyherrgesell6370
    @emilyherrgesell6370 6 лет назад +700

    You’re a good talker and a good thinker. You’re a philosopher and that’s what you’re meant to be. You may not be proud of who you are, or not happy with yourself, but others are feeding from your life philosophies. Please keep sharing your opinions here on RUclips. I’m watching and listening

    • @h0ebart
      @h0ebart 6 лет назад +11

      Perfectly said! 🙌🏼🙌🏼❤️

    • @rachelel9087
      @rachelel9087 6 лет назад +2

      yesss agreed!

    • @cerbuc546
      @cerbuc546 6 лет назад +1

      Yes!!!!

    • @slowvag8v
      @slowvag8v 6 лет назад +1

      Totally agree!

    • @Demi.d3mi
      @Demi.d3mi 6 лет назад

      Lol 444 likes and 4 replies c: its a sign to me

  • @karlikapche6910
    @karlikapche6910 4 года назад +114

    I just watched the video “what it’s like to die” even though it’s 2 years after it was posted and I don’t think I’ve ever paid so much attention to one video ever.

    • @ines8131
      @ines8131 3 года назад +7

      Same. Also, the fact that she died the way she spent her entire life preparing herself to die (not waking up from the anesthesia) breaks my heart and at the same time heals it :(

    • @rodsmonster4470
      @rodsmonster4470 3 года назад

      @@ines8131 Its actually so sad, when she finally started to have hope she passed away..

    • @jerzievap
      @jerzievap 3 года назад +1

      same.💔 i saw her videos when they first came out and when i found out about her passing i was so heartbroken and i still am.💔💔💔💔

    • @4567mariusz
      @4567mariusz 3 года назад

      Same here! I teach ethics and philosophy and tell my students LISTEN TO THIS! --- this young woman knows. What an incredible testimony and account it was.

    • @tigershenanigans6878
      @tigershenanigans6878 3 года назад

      Yes that is really eye oppening video

  • @mikaylakruger1064
    @mikaylakruger1064 2 года назад +16

    I hate pain. I run from it constantly. I hate focusing on myself and the areas I know I come up short. Claire has been the biggest wake up call I've ever found. She was an Earth Angel and is still giving to the world even after shes left it. I hope her soul knows how much of a lasting effect she's left.
    Thank you Claire. If you can handle your immense pain, I can handle mine.

  • @TheEmmaMcH
    @TheEmmaMcH 6 лет назад +770

    My best friend had a bucket list, she didn't get them all done but her family and I are doing the rest of it for her. It wasn't hollow for her, she didn't have as many opportunities as yourself by the sound of it so anything she wanted to achieve in the timeframe she had was a huge accomplishment. She made one because it was all the things that made her happy. Not big things, going to the beach and park and get her nails and hair done. She did want to go to Japan but wasn't able to because she deteriorated so quickly.
    I agree with you that you probably don't need one because you've done a lot of things. It wasn't what made her life worth living, it wasn't making anyone proud including herself, it was being her. She didn't get time or the opportunity to spread awareness about cervical cancer, but I will.

    • @katiekawaii
      @katiekawaii 6 лет назад +13

      emmaholo ❤️

    • @Pennasaurus
      @Pennasaurus 6 лет назад +76

      emmaholo Thank you for sharing this! After the first 3 minutes I scanned the comments to see if anyone else was buying this shit. I immediately unsubscribed and thought of the many loved ones who were unable to finish theirs, my mom included. Nothing about someone's dreams are hollow. Being near the end of their time or not, just because she feels that way or not, it was just a horrible message. I don't care if she or anyone agrees, I agree with you whole heartedly!!!

    • @XXxXXx-pr6wj
      @XXxXXx-pr6wj 6 лет назад +24

      I nearly lost my mother because of cancer and can understand how horrid it is to see someone you love so dearly slowly slip away without being able to help them. I have been very lucky with the fact that she was able to pull through but understand that not everybody gets that luxery. Reading your comment made me think back to that time and I just wanted to tell you how amazing you are for finishing her bucketlist with her family and that I find you to be a fantastic person. I as well believe that bucketlists are much more then simply 'fun things' that serve as highs for people. People make them because they are creating their own happiness. They hold onto those memories for life and use them to pull themselves through dark days to come. It is the reason I find it so important to make them because when you read through it you will remember that it is possible to smile and be happy again knowing that fun things and new memories will come in the future. I hope you are able to finish the bucketlist and I wish you and her family all the happiness in the world while doing so and hope you can think back to her with a big smile. I also wish your beloved friend peace, may her soul rest softly.

    • @valeriavagapova
      @valeriavagapova 6 лет назад +83

      I think Claire didn't go about explaining her point in the best way possible, but after watching the whole video I see what she was trying to say. I don't think her goal was devaluing the experiences of people who do have bucket lists, but I certainly see how it can be hurtful, especially if you or your loved ones have/had them. I think she was too passionate about her message to think about possibly hurting someone's feelings. So, I understand how you feel, but I personally still find her fundamental point/insight profound and worth listening to.

    • @Pennasaurus
      @Pennasaurus 6 лет назад +7

      XXX XXX That was such a lovely message ❤ Your mom is very lucky to have you!!

  • @i_love_rescue_animals
    @i_love_rescue_animals 6 лет назад +275

    You're actually talking about some very Buddhist concepts - life is suffering, grasping after things that you think will complete you or make you happy - will not complete you or make you happy in the long run, "accepting" that you will suffer and not running from being in pain or just being "uncomfortable" can lead to a more enlightened life. If only I could do that! You are such an insightful, highly intelligent and deep young woman.

    • @bodyofhope
      @bodyofhope 6 лет назад +7

      i_love_rescue_animals The same concepts are in Biblical theology as well.
      www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/dying-to-self-in-the-age-of-self-love/

    • @jillzord
      @jillzord 6 лет назад +9

      The same concept in catholicism.
      "To carry your cross" is the analogy we often repeat. It's what makes life worthwhile, accepting your suffering because it is more meaningful than vapid good sensations and feelings.

    • @tharuneet
      @tharuneet 6 лет назад +6

      i_love_rescue_animals have you read this book called, The power of now by Ekhart Tolle? If not please have a look, think you will enjoy reading it :)

    • @i_love_rescue_animals
      @i_love_rescue_animals 6 лет назад +4

      Tharunee Samarajeewa Yes I have! I was skeptical that it would be any good. I was wrong! It is really good and I still have the book. You might enjoy Buddha's Brain by Rick Hansen. It's really good. I don't know if you are Buddhist or not - but if you aren't, you definitely don't need to be a Buddhist to enjoy it and get a lot out of it.

    • @i_love_rescue_animals
      @i_love_rescue_animals 6 лет назад +1

      Yep. I'm not as familiar with Christian theology - but I do know this - and really a lot of these concepts are in a lot of religions - and just really reflect human nature and the human mind.

  • @Anna13Tonks
    @Anna13Tonks 6 лет назад +281

    I don't think I have ever come across a person strong as you, and this has NOTHING to do with your illness. Just your personality. I admire you like no one else, and you're younger than me! Thank you for keeping us updated and being there as much as you can. My current goal is exactly what you said, get comfortable with life being uncomfortable. So simple yet so scary.

  • @skothiyal2358
    @skothiyal2358 5 лет назад +103

    what pure thoughts...she was a living angle...now she has joined her angle squad in heaven...rest in heaven..

  • @arneottosson4535
    @arneottosson4535 3 года назад +25

    The depth she has at such a relatively early age is just unbelievable. This is the absolute great side of internet. You are helping people with your videos even after your life ended, beautiful ❤️

  • @bellaj2651
    @bellaj2651 6 лет назад +339

    Love listening to her chats 🙏💚

  • @reinafarias5064
    @reinafarias5064 3 года назад +11

    “Sometimes I don’t wanna be happy, don’t hold it against me, if I’m down just leave me there, let me be sad”

  • @Vhallwick
    @Vhallwick 3 года назад +26

    Watching her videos is like a medicine for feeling better with life ♥️

  • @CowwoC
    @CowwoC 6 лет назад +583

    First off, I love you and the message you send to others, and especially that you are SO real!
    Secondly, I'm really uncomfortable with looking at myself in that way, but it is so important. Thank you for that, strangely! 💚

    • @willowzebratop4522
      @willowzebratop4522 6 лет назад

      Sharon Hernandez what the frik!?! stop! if u want a gilfrind/boyfrind this is not the way to do it!!!

    •  6 лет назад +2

      Sharon Hernandez stop spamming! You've been reported

    • @purplesparklefelicity5731
      @purplesparklefelicity5731 6 лет назад +1

      Cow_woC Claire is blazing trails that's for sure.

    • @lastbornrelic3430
      @lastbornrelic3430 2 года назад

      @@dootdoot94xo44 confused

  • @littleseamstress
    @littleseamstress 6 лет назад +61

    a bucket list is just things you want to try at any point in your life. the interpretations you put on it and what it means are your own.

    • @stephelizabeth
      @stephelizabeth 6 лет назад +5

      Agreed.

    • @iloveujesusxo
      @iloveujesusxo 6 лет назад +8

      Agreed. I think she's reading way too much into what a bucket list is...

  • @natalyfurlong5327
    @natalyfurlong5327 5 лет назад +56

    This is 2019 and I know Clair is now in heaven but all I ever wanted for her was to have the best life she could have had God bless you Clair Wineland.
    You spent your lif e vary well.

    • @garbageday587
      @garbageday587 4 года назад

      God is an imaginary friend you should know that

    • @emmasharkey3777
      @emmasharkey3777 4 года назад +13

      Garbage Day coming from an atheist, you are a garbage person

    • @oana.222
      @oana.222 2 года назад

      i think she is in a very nice place now. but she didn't really believed in God, she was buddhist :)

    • @FullTimePatient37
      @FullTimePatient37 Год назад

      I feel, though she died she died happy , got the lungs were happy going in, died peacefully as her mum said, but her life was painful and she made it joyful miraculously!

  • @kikimonster1111
    @kikimonster1111 6 лет назад +14

    "Giving something of ourselves is going to make life worth living"
    I think that is such a powerful statement and is very true. I know you lived your life to that standard.
    Rest in Peace Claire, you were an inspiration to so many lives.

  • @jillzord
    @jillzord 6 лет назад +64

    My mom ALWAYS says that! The speech nowadays is so centered in "what matters is to be happy "
    We'll never be entirely happy. Good moments exist, but centering your life on the concept of being happy will be fruitless.
    What western tradition teaches us is to maintain a sustainable life with good decisions and be good to people around us.
    What you said is extremely true and deep! You're one of the few people who recognizes the struggle that is necessary to make life worthwhile, instead of numbing happy feelings that have no meaning and no substance in the long run.

  • @Imjustkayhaha
    @Imjustkayhaha 6 лет назад +479

    I don't think that bucket lists are necessarily about making your life worth anymore. I think it's more about things that you really just want to experience before you don't have the chance anymore. Example: I have never been snorkeling. It's always been a dream of mine. I'd love to try it before I die. So I put it on my bucket list. I know it won't give my life any more meaning. But I'd still be sad if I never got to experience it. It's not a shallow want.

    • @kirasussane1556
      @kirasussane1556 6 лет назад +15

      Louise Belcher
      Agree with you and even if is a shallow need I don't think Is wrong
      Being selfish or shallow are not bad things is part of our human nature is only bad when they overcome us and those instics dictate all our life otherwise I think is ok to be shallow once In a while
      If I were to die I would luv to travel to the Patagonia

    • @littlegirlblue6326
      @littlegirlblue6326 6 лет назад +10

      I don't find it selfish at all. You're just making the most out of your life. My grandfather almost died and he said he wished he did things he always wanted to do instead of work to the bone.

    • @bonemeat3917
      @bonemeat3917 6 лет назад +14

      Not a shallow want? Ahahaha get it? Snorkelling, shallow.. AHAHAHA

    • @adlan_kacak
      @adlan_kacak 6 лет назад +1

      I'm agree

    • @lukegerst6119
      @lukegerst6119 6 лет назад +3

      Louise Belcher that doesn’t necessarily have to be a bucket list you could just want to go snorkeling, I want to meet Gwen Stefani that doesn’t mean that I have to put it on this cheesy list of things to do be fore I die

  • @kevindecoteau3186
    @kevindecoteau3186 Год назад +13

    Claire, you are missed. Such a wise person.

  • @Edward-ko9pn
    @Edward-ko9pn 6 лет назад +34

    Claire I have watched your videos and want to say you are a beautiful person. As a terminally ill Cancer patient myself I know how you feel. I have been terminal now for 8 years with the Cancer spreading from my Kidney to my lungs then to my brain. During the last 8 years I have traveled all over the world, watched my children grow into adults, watched a grandson being born, and just recently bought a motorcycle. When I look back at all the things I have done or places I have been like going to Paris, Cuba, Washington DC, New York City, Amsterdam, London England wherever! what I have noticed is each item on the bucket list is short lived, impermanent in nature. Sure each thing on my bucket list gave me experience, memoires and pleasure but each was short lived and always came to an end. When it came to end I was always looking for the next big thing or next item on my bucket list to fill in that void or that emptiness. More importantly, I needed that next distraction from the Cancer!!. As time went on I realized I needed something deeper more intrinsic like something that would anchor me to the present moment. That's when I found meditation and mindfulness. I also studied Buddhism and now try to live a life with "limited" clinging, craving and attachment. No I'm not a monk in robes. I am just a laymen that still travels living my life. The difference now compared to before is that I live my life in the present moment as mindfully and meaningfully as I can each and every day.

    • @MarvelInTheGarden
      @MarvelInTheGarden 6 лет назад

      Edward such a wise perspective! I’m wishing you all the health and love!
      Can you please tell where does one start to study those things? I really want to try mindfulness and meditation.

    • @izzydizzy9759
      @izzydizzy9759 Год назад

      You have inspired me! Thank you :)

  • @Kayabc
    @Kayabc 6 лет назад +675

    Word of the day: fundamentally. 😘

    • @monalexi649
      @monalexi649 6 лет назад +1

      Explicit Low haha literally always !

    • @MitzieRose
      @MitzieRose 6 лет назад +1

      Shhh - I have a word of the day every day too :D (I thought it too lol)

    • @ruthlynam7380
      @ruthlynam7380 6 лет назад +7

      woah we're twiins

    • @nicholefrank6770
      @nicholefrank6770 6 лет назад +2

      Oh my gosh I just said the same thing!!

  • @pirilampa
    @pirilampa 6 лет назад +131

    The problem with bucket lists is a bit the same with NYE parties. You're so anxious about having "the time of your life" that you end up completely not enjoying it.

  • @katiekawaii
    @katiekawaii 6 лет назад +100

    From minute 7:00 to VB 10:00 is, in my experience, *the* fundamental truth of life. Everything flows from it. It's the entire lesson of 12-step programs, and the reason what worked for alcoholics happens to work for about a million other problems as well. Life hurts, and a meaningful life can't be found in avoidance of the pain of it. Accept life for what it is, wonderful and terrible, connect with other people, and try to be of service to them.

  • @mazzaj89
    @mazzaj89 5 лет назад +20

    She was so smart and well spoken. Thank you Claire, for sharing your history with us. You were truly an inspiration.

  • @joycewyatt2550
    @joycewyatt2550 6 лет назад +135

    Most people, especially young don't expect to get sick, you were born sick, so your experiences are different. You had no choice to face your illness head on, when you are not born with the illness it makes you experience life different. Its like being on a rollercoaster and bam your time runs out, for you you are grasping at each minute, trying to stay alive. So I think that is why people have bucket lists. That is their way of hanging on to each minute. Stay strong, you are a special person!

    • @stillsurviving5864
      @stillsurviving5864 6 лет назад +11

      Joyce Wyatt
      I agree with you so much! I am still young but I was diagnosed with several chronic conditions, the most prominent being 4 years ago. It’s weird to watch others your age move on and accomplish the things that you want to do while you’re stuck in a hospital or in bed. My conditions are not terminal, but progressive so they lead into a very limited quality of life. The unknown is scary, and as humans, we try and combat it with what we know, and to combat what we can’t control with what we can. I wish that I wasn’t sick but I’m grateful for the lessons I have learned and that has to be enough for now

    • @bodyofhope
      @bodyofhope 6 лет назад +7

      StillSurviving Hi Joyce. I'm in the same boat and wanted to give a shout to a fellow spoonie sister. Eventually you stop watching others move fwd with longing and loss. You stop wondering "what if?" And "I used to be..."
      Then it becomes about today. Just today, each moment, and yourself.
      I believe everyone can use their lives and stories for a purpose. You are the only person with your story, and your wisdom- just like Claire.
      Every single action matters. You are a survivor just like your name says 😘

    • @RB-se7jt
      @RB-se7jt 6 лет назад +3

      Amen thank u for saying that

    • @h0ebart
      @h0ebart 6 лет назад +1

      Joyce Wyatt nicely put

    • @stillsurviving5864
      @stillsurviving5864 6 лет назад +1

      Mary M
      Thank you so much! I’m working on it and I’ll get there some day😊

  • @juleree
    @juleree 6 лет назад +16

    Some people do bucket lists just like they make goals. It's just something to do.

  • @bordosense
    @bordosense 6 лет назад +10

    Bucket lists aren't about being successful or not, it's about what I want to do the most. For example, traveling, just researching places, thinking where do I wanna go makes me happy. For loads of people, it's like that- making a list of things you would like to do makes you motivated to go out there. And by going after your goals/wishes you get to experience many other wonderful things that weren't on your bucket list but made you happier and/or wiser. So I say make a bucket list-if it will motivate you, if it will make you happy- it's not a shallow thing to do.
    And for some people, it's the only thing that their loved one left... things that the person wanted to see or wished to do and I think you can tell what kind of a human being he was by seeing what he wanted to experience from this life, what he desired for.

  • @TheWolfman932
    @TheWolfman932 5 лет назад +5

    It's insane how your videos just popped up when I've been feeling down for a long time and wasn't really appreciating life. Your videos are inspiring and I appreciate you uploading them.

  • @cameronrouse2033
    @cameronrouse2033 6 лет назад +3

    ive watched your videos for just around three years and your videos always bring a smile to my face, i love the content you make has such an amazing perspective and it is freaking awesome

  • @WoahhTeamJacob
    @WoahhTeamJacob 6 лет назад +94

    Damn i wish you would write a book.

    • @Tula1987
      @Tula1987 6 лет назад +5

      I really do too!! A book or diary with your thoughts would be awesome! Lots of love to you!

    • @ArmisteadFamily
      @ArmisteadFamily 6 лет назад +11

      I mean, this IS the book.

    • @sophiem5631
      @sophiem5631 6 лет назад +5

      actually she has! i don't know if it has a publisher yet but she's definitely written one, she's mentioned it on her podcast/instagram...!!!

    • @renada0580
      @renada0580 6 лет назад

      YES!!!

  • @darkwisteria9120
    @darkwisteria9120 6 лет назад +12

    For me, a bucket list is a reminder to actually live life rather than live “through” it. That life is an adventure and an opportunity rather than hardship that I have to get through.

  • @brendathompson3758
    @brendathompson3758 6 лет назад +8

    Anthony Kiedis said something wonderful in his autobiography -- he said that he appreciates every single emotion on the spectrum. I think that this transcends into some greater notions about being at peace in one's life -- that to be at peace does not require one to seek out happiness, but rather to embrace the moment, all the moments, no matter how uncomfortable. Somewhere in that discomfort is peace; peace is innate.

  • @allisoffmusic
    @allisoffmusic 6 лет назад +57

    Love the way you express what you think. I know it's weird to think that you have "fans", but there are people who actually connect with you and don't want to keep track of your health in a creepy, needy, self-help way. You like to talk and you're good at it, so people like listening to you and what you have to say. Hope you can find a way of travelling more! Lots of love from Lima, Peru

    • @Joy.Elizabeth
      @Joy.Elizabeth 6 лет назад +1

      Allison Basurto exactly 100%

    • @yosephog5509
      @yosephog5509 6 лет назад

      why isnt this in spanish

    • @allisoffmusic
      @allisoffmusic 6 лет назад +2

      yoseph og Claire doesn't speak spanish so it wouldn't have made sense to write in a language she doesn't know

  • @enrriquechinchilla936
    @enrriquechinchilla936 6 лет назад +27

    A lot of people disagree with you, but I understand your point. Giving yourself to others really feels like you’re here for something. Yes the bucket list sounds ethereally exotic, but they only fulfill the desire of the superficial; of wanting to do what everyone else is doing in fear of missing out on the “greatest” moments of your life. You’ve changed me and I feel like you’re already doing your part. :)

    • @TheEmmaMcH
      @TheEmmaMcH 6 лет назад +3

      Buckets list aren't always built on superficial things, what would you consider superficial for someone to have on there bucket list? What they want out of life?

    • @BhappyD
      @BhappyD 6 лет назад +2

      I have a terminal illness, and I also happen to have a "bucket list". I can assure that none of the things on my list are superficial, and none of them determine my overall happiness. There are meaningful things that I want to experience before I die, some big, some small. Maybe a few things will get checked off, maybe none at all, but that doesn't matter to me as my happiness is not solely reliant upon checking things off of a list. Now, that doesn't mean that actually doing those things won't bring me added happiness and fulfillment to my life, and I see nothing wrong with that. After all, only I can determine what brings me joy. Even though I've been sick since birth, I still have hopes and dreams just like anyone else. Experiences I want to have, things I want to see, places I want to go, memories I want to make. What Claire doesn't realize is that she actually DID make a bucket list for herself, she just didn't write it out on paper or gave it an official title. She herself claims that there were things she dreamed of doing all her life, she had goals, things she was passionate about, things she ultimately accomplished. Her list would have consisted of wanting to travel and wanting to be a public speaker, along with some of the other desires I'm sure she has had throughout her life. To me, that's what a "bucket list" is all about. You're simply taking note of experiences you want to have in your life, as this world has a lot of beauty to offer. And those dreams and desires CAN bring happiness and meaning to someone's life, but that doesn't mean that those things DEFINE your happiness, nor is it what your happiness depends on. There certainly IS happiness in doing the things you love, experiencing the beauty in the world around you, and making memories with the people you care most about. A bucket list is a tangible reminder of your desires to do those things. It isn't a set plan for your life, and your life is no more or less happy or meaningful if you don't cross any of those things on your list. There are things that I will never be able to do that are on my list, as I'm far too sick to do them, but it's still nice to think about. There are also many things on my list that are not for me, but things I want to do for others. There are also smaller aspirations that I am able to "cross off" on a daily basis, finding daily reasons to smile and laugh, and sharing that joy with someone I love, being one of them. My list is not "hollow" or "superficial". It is not about wanting to do what everyone else is doing. And it certainly has nothing to do with the fear of missing out. There is nothing "exotic" about it. It's for me, and me alone. I shouldn't still be alive at the age of 24, but I am, although I'm severely affected by the end stages of my disease. I'm not promised tomorrow, and so I make it a point to live my best life today, and most of the time that has nothing to do with anything on my "bucket list". But on the special occasion where I do get to cross something off (which usually isn't in the literal sense), especially something that I've never experienced but always wanted to, I don't know how I couldn't find joy or meaning in that. Everyone has dreams, hopes, desires, and aspirations. A "bucket list" is just putting those simple things in writing. It's not a life plan you have to stick to, and it's not what determines you happiness or feelings of meaningfulness, but it doesn't mean that it can't contribute to those feelings. It's up to every person to determine what brings them happiness, joy, and fulfillment, and no one can determine or define those things for someone else. Despite my circumstances, I'm happy. Truly and genuinely happy, each and every day. That's all that matters. And I wish that same happiness to everyone else, no matter how they find it. 😊💞 God bless!

  • @chloeparker2494
    @chloeparker2494 6 лет назад +6

    I could listen to you talk all day❤️
    Thanks for being such an inspiration for EVERYONE!

  • @susannalung3150
    @susannalung3150 6 лет назад

    I absolutely love the concepts that you cover in your videos. You're absolutely amazing! Love you!

  • @elinethomasgaard5189
    @elinethomasgaard5189 6 лет назад +5

    dealing with terminal illness my self, and honestly I find your videos more helpful than my therapy sessions ❤️❤️ really appericiate you sharing your thoughts on things, keep up the good work

  • @Delaxin
    @Delaxin 4 года назад +7

    this messy, semi-repetitive rant gave me more inspiration than any TED talk or speech or really any public speaking. i wish i was able to donate to her gofundme before her transplant, just so i couldve been a part of helping such a great person.

  • @Candicedickinsonllc
    @Candicedickinsonllc 6 лет назад +224

    She’s stating HER opinion . If it works for then it’s your perspective and don’t get offended. If you agree then that’s great . Pay attention to the good points she makes instead of feeling the need to get offended because you don’t agree

    • @ashbell6712
      @ashbell6712 6 лет назад +2

      simplycbh well said x

    • @twistedbliss58
      @twistedbliss58 5 лет назад +3

      And other people can state THEIR opinion

  • @Amy.Scorpio
    @Amy.Scorpio 2 года назад +11

    She was so naturally adorable 🥰

  • @Fae_Winter
    @Fae_Winter 6 лет назад +60

    My bucket list is not for doing certain things before I die. It’s for doing things that I just gotta do, that I’m super stoked about. Maybe it should be a “Fun List”. But I take it in context of how people say, “You ain’t LIVED till you do a, b, c,...” etc.

    • @stillsurviving5864
      @stillsurviving5864 6 лет назад +10

      Joanna Hischke
      That’s how I’ve planned mine as well. My life is limited due to chronic illnesses so I want to try and plan fun into it. A lot of my life is about waiting. Waiting for pain to stop, waiting until it’s time to take my medicine again, waiting until I get a doctor who listens, waiting until people understand. Waiting, waiting, waiting. I want to not have a need to wait and to just live. However, having things to look forward to is essential and that’s kinda what my list consists of. Things that I want to do, places I want to go, and people I want to be with

    • @Fae_Winter
      @Fae_Winter 6 лет назад +2

      StillSurviving that is so awesome that you do that! It’s so cool that you want to travel and see people. Such essential parts of life. ❤️

    • @RB-se7jt
      @RB-se7jt 6 лет назад +8

      Joanna Hischke dont change it to fun list. I feel like people always think they have to agree with or walk on eggshells with people who are dying

    • @Fae_Winter
      @Fae_Winter 6 лет назад +7

      R B aw thanks! Actually I have always wondered if I was categorizing it correctly. Just didn’t seem like an actual “bucket” list to me, the more I thought about it. Because if I died without having done Jose things on my list, I wouldn’t bat an eye. And I would NEVER use a bucket list as a way to help myself be at peace with dying. That is totally unnecessary for me personally.

    • @RB-se7jt
      @RB-se7jt 6 лет назад +6

      Joanna Hischke I totally get it. This video is kind of bitchy lol

  • @cecex4545
    @cecex4545 6 лет назад +26

    it's difficult to define because "miserable" is different for everyone. most people live with a relatively normal balance of emotions, and they need to learn that all those emotions are okay to feel etc so i think this definitely applies to them.
    But some people live a *hellish* existance, and i think this is a dangerous concept for them, especially those who have done from being a young child who genuinely do not know what happiness is. To those people - it really can get better so please don't think you just have to "learn to live with it" because that may well be unrealistic for you. Some people definitely experience suffering to an extent most couldn't even *imagine* . Being constantly miserable and suicidal is NOT the typical state of existance, which is genuinely hard for some people to see. I thought for a long time that everyone was actually feeling how I was, and I was just weak so couldn't deal with it as well as them. I learned further on though that my life actually does suck and most people do feel happiness and satisfaction lol, so just know that if you feel like that, there are better times ahead.

  • @sophiependragon2467
    @sophiependragon2467 Год назад +2

    This is gold. I listened to this multiple times over the years and I never truly understood what she meant until now. Meaning, I had an intellectual understanding, not an experiential understanding if that makes sense. I'm so happy she shared this with us. And it feels so reassuring to hear her message, hardly anyone talks about this, the reality of life. It's so refreshing and reassuring ❤️❤️❤️

  • @juliaca611
    @juliaca611 3 года назад +2

    When I hear the Buddhist philosophy of accepting suffering and not relying on hope, I don’t know how I feel about it. It feels so heavy. But when you say it like this I feel the *goodness* of accepting life as it is.

  • @avery2672
    @avery2672 5 лет назад +6

    i wish i could tell this girl how incredible and amazing she was, she had such a positive outlook on this and did the best she could. i wish i could tell her to be strong, and to live her best life ♥️🧸🌻

  • @ItsMelliB
    @ItsMelliB 6 лет назад +23

    I love your soul. It's precious. You are a great human Claire.
    All the best to you, and positive vibes sent your way!

  • @meerschweinchenn
    @meerschweinchenn 6 лет назад

    just from watching you, you have changed my perspective and helped me immensely. thank you.
    im terribly guilty of running away from the things that make me uncomfortable, i struggle with following my dreams and i often feel lost. ive wanted to quit the medical field MANY times, bc its hard, its painful, its demeaning, its uncomfortable, its time consuming. my instructors are constantly breathing down our necks, expecting more than we could ever give back to them, running on empty every day but barely sleeping at night bc of anxiety. i want to run from things because i fear that unhappiness and suffering means im not doing well. im tired, worn out, struggling, therefore i must not be suited to become a great nurse?
    but youre so SO right. the things that matter take pain, suffering, and time to accomplish. im going through hell so that one day i can heal.
    i needed to hear your words. i wish you the best and i look forward to more videos. ♥

  • @Kikyobellflower
    @Kikyobellflower 6 лет назад

    Thanks for this. This video is a great reminder that came at the right time for me. I realized how much I have purposefully avoided addressing my pain, physical and emotionally, in the past two years and it is not living. Avoided so much 'living' just to not feel uncomfortable. Like you said, being alive is going to be filled with pain and hardship and struggle but thats what makes life great. I have been doing better for myself this year and it has truly been a ride. Thanks again. These are the kinds of rants I love.

  • @pastaslut
    @pastaslut 3 года назад +3

    i remember when i first listened to this video… i was playing minecraft and was completely captivated by claire’s words. i watched it when she was still here and subscribed immediately. ive somehow arrived back at this video today and it’s heartbreaking to hear that claire has passed a few years ago.
    rest in peace, claire wineland. you will always be remembered

  • @dinadiesis6866
    @dinadiesis6866 6 лет назад +41

    I hate bucket lists too!! Mainly because I will never accomplish many of the things I would put on one, and that makes me feel worse, not better about dying. I'd feel like a failure, when spending time with my loved ones is really the only thing that matters to me.

  • @sheenawashere16
    @sheenawashere16 6 лет назад

    I loved this so much!! I always felt quite empty making bucket lists. It felt as though as soon as I wrote something down, the value of the item was immediately diminished and it almost felt like I was putting things on the list for the sake of putting things on the list. I think the reason they feel so empty is because as soon as you write about all the things you want to do, you forget about experiencing the moment you have in the present as you're always looking at the future. You forget to appreciate what you have because you're always thinking something out there will make you feel better.

  • @jodiesumner1520
    @jodiesumner1520 6 лет назад +1

    I absolutely love you! You’re great! Been binging on your videos and really find you inspiring!

  • @bodyofhope
    @bodyofhope 6 лет назад +8

    At the end of your life (no matter what age or reason), you have the realisation that exotic vacations, skydiving, writing a novel, etc. have nothing to do with your contentment or satisfaction of HOW YOU LIVED.
    Goals like travel are still awesome, but not for the sake of "living your best life."
    I love your videos, Claire. You put into words so eloquently what the rest of us cannot ❤

  • @dot4464
    @dot4464 3 года назад +6

    Claire is like therapy. She gave so much more to the world than she could have imagined ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  • @wthvickie
    @wthvickie 6 лет назад +2

    I adore Claire so much. You motivate me to be not only myself but to not get caught up in minuscule things.

  • @Archemik99
    @Archemik99 3 года назад +2

    Gone, but never forgotten. I come back to this video at least once a year, there was so much wisdom in Claire.

  • @aurora6849
    @aurora6849 5 лет назад +8

    well, from my life experience, as someone that has been depressed and suicidal, but also as someone that in an overall view loves life more than any other thing, I've came to a conclusion that I find pretty uncomfortable to us, humans.
    Life doesn't offer you one answer, one prespective. Take our virtues and flaws as an example: I can be extremely competitive but that makes you more active towards your goals. If you think about any flaw, you'll find a bright side of it, and vice versa. So, basically those are all charecteristics.
    The same with life: it is as simple as complex. There have been times when I was all about worth and meaning, thinking and thinking about what is this thing called life, while other times the simple fact of breathing, accepting this and not giving a damn about all the reasons why was just delightful and made life totally worth living.
    We must accept both. We must accept that life doesn't give a linear answer. Life is as beautiful as ugly, as soft as painful, as superficial as meaningful, as simple as complex. To all of us, that's kind of uncomfortable right? We always seek the answer, the truth. But what if two truths totally anulate eachother? Well, that's life, something that we'll never understand and we shouldn't live to do so.
    Let's accept that we know nothing, that life is wayyy beyond our knowledge, and just do what our hearts feel it's right, and do the best with the realities we live in. At the end of the day you're not going to meet someone that holds the incontestable absolute truth, so do your thing as best as you can. This beautiful girl Claire did what she felt right, she shared her experiences and thoughts with us. Just for that her life was worth it. Or was it? Maybe we're alive just to kill time for no reason. But for me what she did feels right as hell sooo... But yeah what I'm saying it's just my prespective, there are many other valid ones.
    Stay awesome

  • @rachaeldague1402
    @rachaeldague1402 6 лет назад +40

    You got this girly!! stay strong we love you🙏🏼❤️😘

  • @cherylcarlson3315
    @cherylcarlson3315 6 лет назад

    For so many of us the bucket list is the infusion of hope that gets us through another shift, another leaking toilet, the check engine light while the baby is having asthma attack and the sitter just gave you notice. You are right about just living life with as much integrity and joy of the moment and this message has helped me in this dark time of some funky exhausting neuromuscular disease that hit at 60. You have encouraged me to just push the envelope even if it isn't a guaranteed success cause doing the "right thing" for so long and denying my writing and storytelling no longer makes sense. I watched this video while spinning alpaca fibers into yarn and grooving on the way thin fibers grab onto one another and become this strong useful,soft warm yarn and the whole process is very simple but requires persistence. You and alpaca fibers are great teachers.

  • @eff0_o
    @eff0_o 6 лет назад

    i feel like i’ve had this in the back of my mind forever but you pulled it out ahh this is so amazing

  • @GirlPower423
    @GirlPower423 6 лет назад +8

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us! Your videos always make me think and view things in a different way. Love you gal, keep doing you ❤️

  • @tanyaburt4759
    @tanyaburt4759 6 лет назад +32

    Working in palliative care, I’ve learned never to judge or condemn whatever anyone wants to do with their time they have left. If that’s a bucket list then they deserve to hang on to that as they navigate the hardest moments of their lives.

    • @letsmakeitagoodworld
      @letsmakeitagoodworld 6 лет назад +2

      While I get Claire's point and I don't think she was saying bucket lists are bad if used the right way, I agree with you, I worked in pal care (not in the medical field, but as a volunteer with day patients and med filing etc) and I saw how these lists (I didn't hear too much speak of them) but for some it was something positive in their life to focus on and retain some control over, thinking back it was sometimes a way to make things happen which took considerable help and effort in which otherwise wouldn't have been able to happen if it was a goal wrote down for others to know about to. I think as long as its not something people place to much expectation on its a good thing :)

    • @mitchreeves8234
      @mitchreeves8234 6 лет назад

      Tanya Burt which is exactly what she said at the start, this is her personal opinion

  • @jamieelizabeth2185
    @jamieelizabeth2185 6 лет назад

    There is something so breathtaking about you; your soul, your beauty, your eloquence with your words, your actions as a human despite the struggles you face. I am literally in awe every time I watch you and then I find out you have a foundation that helps thousands of people. I was just looking through your IG and the IG for your foundation and I am just sitting here in amazement. I can’t wait to watch your journey, I hope you decide to share it (whatever you are comfortable with of course) Sending hugs, good vibes and positivity your way girl! Stay strong! 😘💙

  • @LikeAStone1016
    @LikeAStone1016 6 лет назад

    I needed this today. Thank you. Your soul is old, and you're so... wise. You understand things about life, and about the world, that some people never understand, no matter how many years they live. I've been feeling really empty lately, like I'm constantly giving little pieces of myself you everyone around me. I'm the sole caregiver for my mother, who is blind and has a heart condition, and a very needy Vietnam veteran with no family and nobody to take care of him but me. I run 3 households including my own. Trying everyday to be a caregiver, and a daughter, and a wife, and keep everything together gets to the point where I feel extremely overwhelmed, and like all of the happiness has drained out of me and been replaced with a constant responsibility. I also foster neonatal kittens, which Is a job all on its own lol, and other animals, because when I find a cause I care about, or when someone needs something, I try to do whatever I can to help. I've tried really hard to live my life in a way that's dedicated more to helping others, and making the world as a whole just a tiny bit less crappy for those around me, than I have to making myself happy. People are always telling me I spread myself too thin, that I take on too much, but my thought is how can you not? There's so much pain in the world, so many others who haven't been as lucky as I have, that I can't help but to try and assist in any way possible. I've been caught up in my own head this last few days, idk, maybe longer, thinking about how much I feel like I'm missing out on opportunities for myself while I'm giving so much of my time to others, but hearing what you said really put things into perspective for me.

  • @geeniusbar
    @geeniusbar 6 лет назад +17

    goodbye angel, thank you for being my inspiration

  • @solcinalli
    @solcinalli 6 лет назад +3

    This is so true. I love how you make me think about stuff I didn't realize before

  • @nick_bag
    @nick_bag 6 лет назад

    I could literally listen to you for hours, the way your mind works is absolutely incredible.

  • @Anyposs
    @Anyposs 6 лет назад

    I completely agree with "feeling good about myself," in the way that you love yourself and those around you in thought, speech, and action. Thank you for being such an inspiration. Much love, and peace!

  • @ohwatermelonninja
    @ohwatermelonninja 6 лет назад +3

    needed this SO much today.
    thank you.

  • @nobarbie8748
    @nobarbie8748 6 лет назад +7

    You just changed my entire perspective. Thank you so much, you have a brilliant mind.

  • @quintonmallory8311
    @quintonmallory8311 6 лет назад

    You have the clearest and freshest perspective on life, and you have done so much for everyone and we know you will continue to do so. You are truly inspirational and your videos help me out so much

  • @Marinaaa62
    @Marinaaa62 6 лет назад +2

    So real, raw and honest. I never thought of bucket lists this way. So true though. You’re such a beautiful soul, keep doing you💕

  • @PastorPeewee20
    @PastorPeewee20 6 лет назад +40

    I've been hospitalized for almost 9 yrs now and have lately thought about putting myself out in RUclips land but haven't had the uh c uh guts lol to do this but watching you from hospital bed to inspires me and gives me encouragement thanks!

    • @ashbell6712
      @ashbell6712 6 лет назад +6

      Pastor Peewee do it! make whatever you want,however you want on social media. Do it simply because you can because for people like you, myself,Claire etc life choices dont come so easily for us without constant compromise, especially when hospital gets in the way. So give it a shot. You have nothing to lose but, because it would be YOUR channel, your content you do have valuable gifts to gain from it - it's not even about viewer success (-though we would all subscribe!) It's about finding some autonomy for yourself beyond life's constraints.give it a try pastor because, if nothing else, it's a life's experience you can claim for yourself. If you don't like it, no harm no foul, but if you do ..... life can open up

    • @joyfaithlove7948
      @joyfaithlove7948 6 лет назад +6

      full healing to you

    • @PastorPeewee20
      @PastorPeewee20 6 лет назад +2

      Ash Bell wow great way of explaining why I should and thinking about it I suppose I could use it as a ministry as well. Thanks ash. I'll pray about it

    • @PastorPeewee20
      @PastorPeewee20 6 лет назад +2

      joyfaithlove thank u greatly, God bless you

    • @ashbell6712
      @ashbell6712 6 лет назад +1

      Pastor Peewee if this helps your prayers atall pastor let me put it this way - I am 49 yes old and very sceptical of most social media so the last thing I usu ally do is leave comments to strangers because you just never know .... (no offence to you personally). It's strangely ironic then that I reply to yours and then you talk of considering ministery work on RUclips because I myself am not a 'religious' person in any traditional sense, Ie, no church attendency etc... but I do often look for spiritual grounding in life - so maybe you could take it as some sort of sign that I felt drawn to replying to you where I would normally not do so and it seems somehow right that you should be thinking of doing this. Just my instincts, nothing more, but as I said before, there's nothing to lose here and maybe chances to inspire to gain ...... I wish you luck In whatever lies ahead for you

  • @nataliegordon1727
    @nataliegordon1727 6 лет назад +10

    Your genuine soul is addicting, could listen to you all day. Hate to see you in hospital

  • @kaylee1772
    @kaylee1772 6 лет назад

    Please continue to make more videos sharing your perspective on these topics. Your point of view has had a very big impact on me. I'm still young but my life has been very hard and painful so far. However, I'm no longer scared of the pain or scared of doing what I want with my life, even if its hard and it hurts. No one has ever told me that its ok to be in pain, thank you very very much for being the person to do so. I know you don't know me but you're videos and speeches have changed the way I feel about suffering in this life, so thank you again.

  • @stemikger
    @stemikger 6 лет назад

    You are such an amazing person!!! Thank you for all you do for people who are searching for a real message and inspiration!!

  • @natenaterson8889
    @natenaterson8889 5 лет назад +4

    I would’ve given anything to just sit down an talk to you for an hour, you are an angel, most amazing speaker this would has to offer, Rest In Peace Claire

  • @H3RCuL33Z
    @H3RCuL33Z 6 лет назад +7

    Just wanted to let you know that you have a beautiful, friendly, strong, personable, intuitively wise and motivating aura about you. I enjoy your insight and your life lessons, and i personally feel like everyone can learn something through you and your experiences. Keep it up and i look forward to your videos!

  • @lolgirl68
    @lolgirl68 6 лет назад

    this is actually incredibly comforting. i have depression, and often, it’s worsened by the feeling that since people are in worse situations than me, i don’t deserve to be unhappy. i feel so guilty for having such a “good” life and still being so depressed. thank you for this❤️

  • @chipchop9067
    @chipchop9067 3 года назад +1

    Just another day that I needed to hear and see Claire.
    I wish could've met you. You've been a big inspiration and helped me in so many ways. I love you Claire!

  • @whtvr100
    @whtvr100 6 лет назад +4

    This was exactly what I needed to hear right now. Thank you! I love your cynicism and intelligence. It's always so very refreshing!

  • @Saintfan24
    @Saintfan24 6 лет назад +3

    You’re absolutely right Claire. I can’t even describe how amazing you are.
    And yes I think you got your point across very well.

  • @hollymoore1191
    @hollymoore1191 6 лет назад +1

    you're amazing. thank you for this. i have severe anxiety and depression and this helped me to look at the way i think.

  • @lise978
    @lise978 6 лет назад +1

    THANK YOU for picking up your camera and ranting. It's a gift that you're sharing such wisdom. I wish you the best with everything you're going through at the moment. Hoping you're able to find moments of peace amidst the chaos. Cheers from Canada

  • @utterlygrosstrash
    @utterlygrosstrash 6 лет назад +6

    1. im in love
    2. PREACH
    3. i need more rants like this in my life

  • @leonloic744
    @leonloic744 6 лет назад +4

    Thank you so much for this message, Claire.
    It feels so good to hear somebody speak about what really matters.
    The depth and complete honesty of your thoughts are helping us a lot to make life meaningful
    Life is about what you can give, and you're so right that it is the only thing which will make us satisfied in the end.
    The French guy.
    Cheers

  • @peachmorris
    @peachmorris 6 лет назад

    I absolutely love the sentiment you're putting out in this video and it makes so much sense to me. I also think it's totally valid if people can't try their hardest to live a 'good life' or just don't want to, because life is valid and precious whatever form it takes.

  • @lunyssa353
    @lunyssa353 6 лет назад +1

    THIS WAS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with the world, Claire! I am so grateful for your existence.☺💗💕💕

  • @ambersarmy8141
    @ambersarmy8141 6 лет назад +3

    The rain in the background is so soothing! Love your vlogs 😘

  • @alexandriakaprelian6280
    @alexandriakaprelian6280 6 лет назад +5

    Claire was the anomaly in which she proved to us wisdom isn't always gained through age.
    Our loss of Claire's short life is great, but her inspiration will always live on.
    ❤️❤️❤️

  •  6 лет назад

    I've been subscribe to you for a year now and I feel so invested emotionally... I feel proud of you and I love you. You are so beautiful inside and out. I don't want you to go away. 😢

  • @jeffjavens1215
    @jeffjavens1215 6 лет назад

    I love you. You help me keep things into perspective, and most importantly, be strong. You've made such an impact in your short life, and are an inspiration. Thank you for being you!

  • @addangel
    @addangel 6 лет назад +4

    This is such an important video. Claire, your kindness and wisdom and experience will always live on

  • @HeyyyEverybody
    @HeyyyEverybody 6 лет назад +5

    *AMEN!*
    I love hangin' out with Claire. She's my spirit animal.

  • @rachelrain5742
    @rachelrain5742 6 лет назад

    Your message about learning to accept what is uncomfortable in life is exactly what I needed to hear. For a long time I have thought there must be something fundamentally wrong with me because I am uncomfortable so much of the time. I have an anxiety disorder that makes daily tasks especially difficult. Maybe if I can learn to accept my condition, and that this life is just going to feel painful much of the time, I can sink into that and find more room to grow, I too feel like I want to keep living this life and commit to that no matter what. Thank you so much.