Jon invents the perfect baseball player | An introduction to the Annex, Secret Base's new podcast
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- Опубликовано: 5 май 2024
- Welcome to The Annex, a brand new podcast from Secret Base. Please keep your arms and legs inside at all times. Every time we visit The Annex, we'll tour a new floor with a different theme, with a variety of segments that explore that theme. Please enjoy this sneak preview of our first episode, "Perfection," which includes an introduction from Ryan Simmons, and the first segment in which Jon Bois attempts to design the perfect baseball player -- not the best, most valuable, or most representative, but simply: the perfect baseball player.
To get full access to The Annex, please consider becoming a patron: / secretbase
Directed, produced and edited by Ryan Simmons
Segments by Ryan Simmons, Jon Bois, Jiazhen Zhang, Seth Rosenthal, Joe Ali, and Will Buikema
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michaelhall5429 if you see this, let's get in touch. for everyone else, enjoy the first taste of the annex! hope you enjoy this introduction and if you want more stories and conversations and general weirdness, we've got you covered at patreon.com/secretbase
You're a, you're a loser life. It's obvious.
Bravo to the production team on this one!!! Get y'all some sponsors for these!!! Hello Fresh, Seat Geek, whoever. But make them pay y'all good for the deal; these spoken word essays are legit 🤙🏿🍻
@@Chooch1080 no, I’m pretty sure it’s a patreon thing. Do not give me ads for something I paid for lol
I think they mean for tube...they could just have the ad in the visual they put here🖖 dont even need to mention em @aDSdl_l
@@Chooch1080 Ad market for podcasts is way, way down. Only way good journalism and commentary can survive now is paywall/patreon models. It is what it is. I'm happy to give my money straight to the workers, who made it, for it.
“Hey guys, what if we just let Jon tweet at the viewer for several minutes?” Love it
i have been thinking about this comment all day. this really is just him bringing the energy of his posting to SB in an incredibly raw form
Part of me was just hoping it would be like a 10 minute video that just ended with him describing Barry Bonds
Batless or with a bat
Bonds was a cheater, far from perfect.
@@MrConverseIf everyone is cheating, then is it still cheating? Plus, steroids doesnt exactly create one of the best disciplines in baseball history. Yeah, he cheated, but there were alot of facits of his play roids didnt help, the people around him were cheating as well, and the first years of his career were still amazing HOF material even without his 2000s
@@jr637-1 Oh without a bat of course!
@@guyonthenet2000then he shouldn’t have taken the steroids and strolled into the hall. He wanted to unnaturally extend his career and it ruined his reputation
this player is roughly 15% Adam Dunn, 20% LaSteroid Daddyhack IV, and the rest I'm pretty sure is one of Jon's prophetic visions.
I think the batting in a pitcher's jacket and landing on something in his pocket as he comes into home plate is a nod to Koo Dae-sung
The bullpen car may have been a reference to the mariners documentary, they had a bullpen car which looked like a tugboat
At least 10% Manny Ramirez
Somewhat Kyle Schwarber based on some of the stats.
And a slight sprinkle of Edgar Martinez 😂
That 17776 coffee cup is the closest we will get to Jon remembering he needs to write 20021.
we're getting GTA6 before we get 20021
He's bringing back Pretty Good, he can take his time
This is what Jon dreamed of growing up to be when he was a child. He is still dreaming of this, as he's still a child.
This is something Jon would definitely say. I read it in his voice after seeing the comment.
Yes and? I'm a little jealous too, this is his job
remember: during the pitching segments, he is NOT wearing a glove.
Or a hat
I kinda forgot i was listening to a fake player wishlist and thought "damn the minor leagues are crazy, when's john gonna tell me this guy's name?"
Bruh I’m 8 minutes in, I didnt realize this was a fake player til just now 😂
Hot cross buns! Lol I'm dying I can't...
Newt Hardtack
Rube Waddell
Clarence Beeftank Jnr.
11:12 "playing Civilization 6 with a joystick"
this cut my laughter to dead silence
Hitting .147 with subpar OBP and slugging while playing exclusively DH and playing just 55% of games (33 HR/yr but we're told he'd have 55-60 if he played a full year). To reach his 5.7 WAR annual total, he would need approximately 68 BsR at minimum (Assuming he somehow is only .001 below average in OBP/SLG).
For context, the MLB record is 17.7 by Hugh Nicol in 1887. 68 BsR would be the 21st highest mark in an entire career! Big man can run!
Assuming average efficiency taking extra bases on hits, he would be required to go 340/340 on stolen base attempts.
If we assume every non-HR hit is a single and he steals 3 bases every time then ignoring the times we're told he was thrown out, a below-average OBP of .319 would require him to take 461 PA which would put him on pace for an MLB record 838 PA in a season.
Clearly he just has that IT factor.
at 6:00 he says his obp is .213
Across all sports coaches like rookies for their bravery. Whether it be from their desperation for a starting position, youthful enthusiasm and energy, or just ignorance to how to play a more careful veteran style game, they lay their bodies on the line and take chances that they probably shouldn't, but with enough skill can pay off. This guy would have to have that kind of passion for his entire career. Every plate appearance swinging close to perfect at every pitch whether or not it's actually hittable, sometimes overreaching and babe ruthing it foul. If he does make contact, he becomes an animal entirely focused on stretching the play one base further than conceivable. He looks like a cartoon of a 70s linebacker trying to play baseball for the first time only ever having perfected hitting without knowledge of the rest of the game. And it works a lot of the time. In my head, he has to be attempting to hitting the player with the ball on base to knock it loose every time to make it considering his inability to really move. Not just hitting the defender, crushing their bones. Ragdolling them, the ball, their glove, and clothes. Every game for his whole career, singlehandedly turning the game into a contact sport. It wouldn't just be an IT factor, it's the optimally conceived nfl defensive lineman who is only interested in hitting baseballs and killing anyone in his base path.
Gotta think in this reality WAR incorporates how many pitches you take per at bat and how much that helps the batters behind you (just go with it).
Only way I can see it, and honestly that would have to be why he sticks around so long right?
isn't BsR above average, not above replacement? Assuming replacement level hitting (which seems a bit low considering he hits 30 homers in 55% of a season), he would only need 5.425 wins above average which is about 54 BsR. Assuming a .300 wOBA (~90 wRC+, similar to 2023 Jake Cronenworth, Benentendi, etc) and using the 2023 average wOBA of .318, they'd be worth 4 runs below average or 4 runs above replacement. That would mean you only need 50 BsR
@@samsprout3713 I see Charlie Brown spinning in the air above the pitcher's mound after a hot shot back at him.
>finds video essay labeled "Jon Bois"
>listens to essay
"I don't know what I expected."
The mariners documentary is literally the ENTIRE reason i started watching baseball. Here we are 3 years later and it's an all consuming focus of my free time , any time I'm not watching/ listening I'm poetically working on my curve ball for the weekend game. Thanks Jon , i owe you a beer.
Man, I'm exactly the same. I used to not understand how people could be so invested in sports. I watch the doc and suddenly find myself crying watching the 2022 Ms vs Jays wildcard game 2
Same here, I've found a lifelong passion thanks to Jon and Alex
Secret Base's documentaries on both the Falcons and the Vikings are the only reason I watch gridiron football now. Also watched the Mariners, and I love them and the whole cast and crew, but even that couldn't get me to watch baseball.
I only understand football's rules now because of Jon. It was actually "The search for the worst punt of the 21st century" (I probably got that title wrong) that really got me into it, and it was all over after that. I watched the Falcons' series all the way through, and I was hooked.
i mean it with no exaggeration that i think jon is one of the most compelling writers of our generation
and i think its hilarious he chose sports above all else to write about
He's definitely an exceptional writer, but I don't see it that way. I think of it as the other way around, Jon's exceptional writing comes from his passion and care for sports. I believe it's really that love of the games that makes him so unbelievably compelling.
Im ready for this build in Fumble dimension
This feels like sports Welcome To Night Vale. Neat!
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thought this.
New Jon series??? I can hardly believe my eyes.
Sounds like it’s a new video, but Jon’s just the host for this video.
Its not really a new "Jon series" the annex is a podcast they have on Patreon and this episode was on perfection. This just happened to be jons part of the podcast
Throughout the entire list I couldn't help but repeat over and over, "Jon WTF are you talking about?" while dying laughing.
Wish I got the humor part of it
The subtle reference to Koo Dae-Sung in #38 is amazing.
it's pretty good
We’re so back
a) Cricket on Secret Base! b) that's not how I expected Will's name to be pronounced c) I'm 100% making a Baseman for my desk at home
if you ask an actual dutch person, i'm still saying it wrong
-will
@@SecretBaseSBN If you are going to dig into cricket, there are so many options for Rewinder episodes that you should do. Here's just a few examples:
- Final ball for the 1999 Cricket World Semi Final between Australia and South Africa
- The underarm incident in 1981
- The "Ball of the Century" in 1993
@@ahogg5960 I would add the final ball of the 2019 World Cup, and the final ball of the 2019 Headingley Ashes test. But due to family background, I am an England fan, so that may be influencing my suggestions.
Pete and Pete mentioned.
My fav 90s show referenced by my fav RUclips channel. All is well.
very pipe
@bjd4 19 o'clock and all... is pipe!
Toby Huss is legend.
@@willbloodworth5248 I love it when things that are friends in my head are friends in real life too! ☺️
@@ehtikhet Considering the absurdist nature of Pete and Pete, and the SB folks being, well... the SB folks, I shouldn't be surprised they're Pete and Pete fans :)
Jon has created the only baseball player that can exist in The Fumble Dimension
Well that’s not fully true. We know that in the Fumble Dimension, Shohei Ohtani has his own team comprising entirely of clones of himself.
@@throwawaydetective9080 I guess then the appropriate addendum would be that this is the only player that can exist only once
Around number 11 I prepared myself for the rug pull from under me and reveal the perfect baseball player is a real guy.
Now I’m just standing on a rug.
I am so glad the perfect baseball player must channel Koo Dae-sung’s heroics and unfortunate injury.
This is just Jon's headcanon Edgar Martinez
Jon creates the funniest man imaginable.
The 17776 coffee only makes me sad that 20020 was never finished 😭
i believe in 20021.
He has said he is definitely going to finish it. Just need to be patient
I love Boisball!!🔥⚾️🔥🥎🔥🎱
i cannot wait to see this guy on the field
I concur. This is the perfect baseball player. I would own this guy's jersey. I have never owned a jersey in my entire life. I have never contemplated owning a jersey in my entire life.
Civ 6 with a joy stick is wild, this man is a hero
You're killing me here, I'm stifling my laughter so hard that my boss came over and asked if I was alright.
Playing civilization VI with a joystick might be the most unbelievable part of this entire exposé
I'm not entirely sure what I just listened to, but I do know that it was perfect.
I was really hoping for this to end "Alas no such perfect player exists. X was the closest contender until we found this picture of him from his 5th birthday wearing a soft baseball cap"
Babe wake up new Jon Bois baseball video
I love the Baseman figurine!
This was WILD
This is art.
Early comment, but the only two episodes of "Pete & Pete" I remember are the one where little Pete is slowly forgetting the perfect song until he only remembers one single note, and the one where the Petes' dad is jealous of the guy who has "King of the Road" on his license plate.
Rewinder: 2006 Orange Bowl 3OTs
Beef History: Lindros vs Flyers Organization
Overlap: Greatest College Football Coach (Saban) and the Greatest NFL Coach (Belichick) coaching in the same division
Beef History: Michael Jordan and Isiah Thomas
Beef History: Phil Jackson and Pat Riley
Untitled: Reggie Miller
Untitled: Tracy McGrady
Untitled: Ken Griffey Junior
Untitled: Carl Yastrzemski
Untitled: Ted Williams
Untitled: Jim Kelly
Collapse: Early 90s Bills
Prism: Steph Curry and all those mid major players
Rewinder: The Catch By Willie
Rewinder: Wide Right I, Wide Right II
Rewinder: Hank Aaron and Barry Bonds breaking the respective HR record(s)
Untitled: Don Nelson
I need an untitled Jim Kelly.
When I was 10 years old my father took me to the Bills training camp in 1994.
I have a Bills blue & red football autographed by Jim in the flesh.
I've been told it isn't worth much because it's not authenticated.
I handed it to Jim myself! I met Thurman Thomas, Andre Reed, & Bruce "Bad things, man" Smith.
It's a treasured childhood memory.
Belichick and Saben were once were HC and OC for Cleveland
@@VYT_Sports really!? gee they never seem to mention that. next thing you’re gonna tell me is that they are close friends since 1982.
Looking forward to it!!
More Jon stuff yay
This was perfect.
Anyone not subscribed to SB on Patreon is nuts. Already so much awesome stuff in the first week.
I loved Pete and Pete and that is one of the two episodes I remember. The other is the ones where little Pete tries to stay awake for a world record and he and his friends all have different ways of keeping themselves from falling asleep
You sonofab. I nearly died choking on diced peaches when you made the rudy joke.
I like the fact that after throwing a single pitch all of his limbs just exploded, as if the act of throwing a ball is like antimatter, destroying him on contact.
IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE
To learn more about the episode from Pete and Pete look up “Pete and Pete rule 34”
I cannot believe this got a ❤ from SB 😂
That was OUTSTANDING!
0:26 was the "Phil's samurai sword demonstration" bit a microphones reference?
I watched this video doing elliptical machine in the gym and had to leave to the toilet to hide my laughter at 7:30
For a second there when the music kicked in at the start, I thought I was listening to one of Uncle Aaron’s beats
It is very important to me that I know what nation this fellow plays in Civ 6.
Now THIS is baseball
I love the vibe behind this.
Glad Jon was released from his cryogenic chamber to give us content. Incredible stuff as per usual
what a vibe, hell yeah bois
We were so close to perfection until the bullpen cart only played a MIDI version of Van Halen's "Jump," and it wasn't even that loud.
I've never been more proud of the Secret Base team.
This whole video is like an Adam Sandler movie
This actually makes me laugh, though. I’m really glad Adam’s started doing serious movies, not just because it means Rob Schneider has to try to have a real career, but because Uncut Gems and Hustle were both really good.
I didn't know if there is much in the universe better than a Jon Bois story.
you guys are the best!
some the beat content on yt definitely some of the most creative. secret base is so legit
MORE JON LETS GOOOOOOOO
This is incredible. I approve of y’all!
Just started this and the Godfrey memoir and Kofie live on stage gave me good chuckle, we've been living in the SBN/PAPN/SZD multiverse for a while now, longer than I realize sometimes.
This is a masterpiece.
CLARA WHEN
"Godfrey: A Memoir"
The world needs this to exist for real.
Begins with that episode of Pete & Pete, hooked me instantly.
You are also now visualizing the Dorktown charts as Jon Bois narrates
I love this
wow, deep memory resurfaced with that specific episode of Pete & Pete, and that exact quote about eating BBQ. I remember literally nothing else about the show.
Ooh.
Perfection is indeed subjective but I think we can create some pretty interesting players if we look hard enough at data and the eye test.
I look forward to the art of this perfect baseball boy
Loving the baseman statue
I'd honestly pay the patreon subscription just to have an updated-monthly ever-expanding list of the qualities which make this player the perfect baseball player
Big into this.
That was, uhh, trippy
WE’RE SO BACK, BABY LFG!!!
Perfect.
Jon was really channeling the spirit of Kurt Vonnegut with this one
I don’t remember the last time I laughed this hard. Gonna share this with my dad, thank you.
I forgot this was a wishlist and was totally convinced that Jon was described Manny Ramirez
JON BOIS YOU SAID
as long there is Jon Bois on SBNation I'll still be subscribed.
no way secert base is doing content on cricket. As a cricket and baseball fan this is dream come true.
Was honestly expecting a reveal at the end that these were all traits of real players at one point
Jon Bois is a generational talent and a beautiful mind. Put him in a museum.
My god, he did it...that is inarguably the perfect baseball player.
Cool!
Jesus Christ I thought I could secretly listen to this at work. I could not
Sir Donald! Finally!
Sounds like a top prospect to me, especially with the second song of the video that Uncle Al sampled IYKYK
I see that coffee cup. I'm still waiting... patiently.
More Jon. Anything Jon.
The annex 😮
I barely started and the 17776 cup made me a bit emotional ngl
This is like if Nightvale had a future hall of famer in their farm league.
Thank yall❤