An open letter to new moms...don't make THIS mistake😔
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- Опубликовано: 29 май 2022
- Years ago I had my first baby and like most mothers making that transition, I battled with a lot. From anxiety to being nervous about every little thing, I thought what I was going through was "normal" for first time moms. Two babies later and more experience, I've learned you have to train your mind even as a mom to carve out the life you want for yourself. Hope you enjoyed this raw video! xx
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Hayley you hit every point 100%. I have almost 13 year old twin girls and a 10 year old daughter too. I remember being so anxious about things. I also felt undervalued and also not having a great example of a mom I had a lot of things to learn. But I know my place and thoroughly enjoy being the “Homemaker” and feel so loved and appreciated for what I do as a full time SAHM!!!
aw that's amazing!!!
Exactly what I wanted to say!
I’m a new mom and totally relate to what you wrote. My own mom did not give a good example and me having to learn everything on my own it can be overwhelming at times. I am in the process of learning as I go especially being a stay at home mom is a new thing for me too.
Me before I had kids: I am soooo mature, I know everything.
Me once I have my first kid: WOW! I literally know nothing!
Now w 14 years under my belt, 3 kids later, I really am comfortable saying I know nothing, and God will grow fruit from our tree. I absolutely LOVE homeschooling and being a mom, without the wine because I don’t drink and am about to be 10 years sober, by His grace alone ❤️
Preach. I hate toxic wine mom culture. Our children are a blessing not a burden. Would love to know the titles of the books you read about being a housewife.
yes! I will share in another video soon! Have to find all the books haha
I recommend "M is for Mama!"
I think this is so true. Another side effect of public school, motherhood is never celebrated or given any meaning. They tell us we need to be independent go to college, have careers etc. There is no focus on the importance of raising your kids and managing your family.
You have matured so much in your mothering years. Which is a natural result of parenting in a healthy family. 💕
Literally not even halfway through the video yet and I'm already SO THANKFUL you are starting this conversation!!! I've been so sick of the "mom life is miserable / kids are awful" trend going on.
Wow! This really hit home for me.. I’m struggling as a stay at home of two toddlers. I often get overwhelmed and am very anxious!! But watching this is def helping me to switch from a victim of it to consciously choosing how I view my situation. I CHOSE to have a family- so grateful for you sharing your insights 🙌💗
The days are long but the years are (truly) short. Just like the nursing years, the toddler years will go by quickly. Time is such a thief, it’s hard to remember that in the hustle and bustle we live in. Prayers for you Lauren ❤️
Hayley, a few weeks back I read something you posted on Instagram about how we basically make motherhood seem so hard instead of really embracing it and enjoying it (not a direct quote but hopefully you get the idea!) and it massively shifted my perspective on being a mom. I have an almost 1 year old and a 4 year old and changing my mindset has been so helpful. Sometimes when I’m really in my head with a hard day, I remind myself that I’m so lucky to have my kids and so thankful that I get to raise them. Loved this video. Can’t wait for more
I love this. I've really missed your content! This isn't the most popular outlook on motherhood right now and might not be for everyone, but thank you for putting this out there for those of us who need it!
Great video! I love mom life! It’s not always easy but its so rewarding and worth it, it’s what i have always wanted to be. My daughter is 16 months and my step daughter who I homeschool is 5 and we make it work! When I tell people my daughter still does not sleep through the night they freak out and say they dont know how I function during the day but I do and those extra cuddles that she needs to sleep right now, ill miss one day so I choose to see it positively instead of negatively
I’m not a mom ( I will be in a short 3 months ) and this is the mindset I want to have. Thank you so much for this video!
This is SO GOOD! Honestly! Thank you for saying the things that nobody else is saying. There is so much joy to be had in this crazy life with little ones. We are not victims.
That's me! 6 kids when oldest was 7. Now i have 8, 2 married and already 2 grandkids, am 43. Always was a SAHM, not much help, but always felt comfortable in my role. I do think that outside people with their opinions, judgment, questioning your ways, undermining, expectations, made all the child rearing years difficult to an extent, and not the fact that i actually hac a bunch of kids and a hime to take care of.
I so feel this. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I am honestly struggling with the same thing and I’m glad to see someone else talking so openly about it. This video was a blessing to me thank you for sharing ❤️😊
Very true that a schedule it’s def necessary or helpful with children and just the moms/ parents life in general. I went from a working mom to a stay at home mom who didn’t know what to do with her time. I had to treat my day like a job. Of course I have more flexibility than a job but a routine is so good. And really finding my purpose as a mom. Attitude is everything and my perspective def made or broke the day. Not everything will go your way with kids but go with the flow or set new expectations as the day goes on. Also with my first kid I stressed so much with the baby’s sleep but realized that did me no good. With my second I brought her everywhere and she slept when she was ready. So much more freeing and baby was just fine and didn’t lack sleep. Keep making videos like this !!!!
This is so spot on. I needed to hear this. I am completely type A control freak (even prior to kids). It’s hard to let go of the control aspect and accept that I can’t control everything. I have worked really hard to regulate my emotions as best I can and not ruin mine/everyone’s day bc one thing didn’t go to plan!
I totally relate to this!
This is sooo good! I learned new things today 🤩, needed this ❤️
Hayley, this was amazing. I felt like i was listening to a podcast. This was so empowering, so motivational, and so moving- especially with the intro. I have one girl, 18 m old. I have been wanting a second, and was worried and anxious because i finally got “this one” down. This video moved me, pushed me to follow my heart and take it easy. I love this, I can’t express how much i do.
aw thank you so much Zena! Seriously! You will do great
YES THIS!!! i need to read some of those books! Thank you for being so raw :)
Yes! I love that you are owning this stance on motherhood ❤
So relatable. I've spent the last 5 years stressing myself out over every little decison in parenting. Looking forward to more of your videos.
Love this hayley!! Thank you for speaking out on this 💖
HAYLEY. You are speaking directly to me and the journey I’ve been over the last few months. I’ve become aware of this and really shifted my mindset and outlook with motherhood and house management and it has changed everything.
I’m more productive, doing MORE, expending MORE energy, and actually somehow feel like I have MORE time and breathing room. We are happier and healthier.
Anyway, I love that I have found another mom who can be a positive influence. Our mindsets and moods trickle down and around to our family and household.
Love this video so much. Thank you!
Thank you so much for giving your honest experience. This is something I've been subconsciously doing without realizing it.
Same here Cynthia!
You killed it with this video love!
This is all the truth I needed to hear. Great way to put it all together.
I needed to see this..
Thankyou ❤️
Heres to happier mum .. dad and kids! Im so excited to do better!
WOW really needed this today
so raw, I like that.
This is so relatable…. I thought it was just me that felt this way. I am so glad you made this video !
Yes girl!! More of this!!
I'm coming in on this from a slightly different angle. I love the idea of taking charge of my life and how I want to define my role as a mom. At the same time I think rather then naming ourselves as having a victim identity, it's important to have grace with ourselves. If we can be gentle and love the parts of ourselves that are anxious and sour because we feel out of control, it can be an easier and more sustainable change to take charge. Love to Hayley and strong opinions! I'm just looking at it a bit differently. Love how open, honestly, and confident you are!
I love that you’re taking this new route and responsibility of your household nearly throwing out the victim Mantality I had to do that myself and it’s hard to do it’s hard to tell yourself like come on like you’re better than this but thanks for sharing and I’ve been a follower for years now I’m a mom of two expecting my third
I loved you back then , I related to you so much , and believe it or not you gave me comfort .
I can't really relate to the business part of your videos , now , but I understand
Yes 🙌🏼 this is some wisdom right here!
Thank you for this!
The one and only way I have found peace in mothering is by staying off social media. November of 2019 I deleted my Fb and Insta, and I am soooo happy I did. That alone GAVE me anxiety! I can’t compare to any other mother if I don’t see her.
Same!! I didn’t realize how much of my anxiety was being caused by social media until I quit cold turkey a year ago! I’m so much happier with all aspects of my life now but especially my home/family life
@@marisamartinez6573 right?! I hadn’t realized it either, social media is truly a joy sucker! My anxiety was through the roof, and honestly even those very rare posts were people were being “real”, looking back on it I don’t think it was at all. Of course you don’t want to have your child throw a massive fit and you are recording it, that would be disgusting. But real life struggles should be more talked about from moms, from anyone in general, everything is so perfect in those little squares and that’s just not life.
I agree! While its not the only way I found peace, I also deleted my Instagram and Facebook a year and a half ago and it helped tremendously with my comparison of other moms and feelings of not being a good enough mom, wife, friend, etc...
@@hatcherhomestead it truly does make a difference! It irritates me looking back on how much time I spent wasting on social media 😖
Loved this, so motivation. More!
Amen!! Love this video. Being a mom is a blessing and I still have self pity a lot but ik that's the enemy telling me lies. Mother of 5 and 2 step daughters 😁 i have definitely changed what I watch on social media.
An eternal mindset, Becoming unbusy, and Structure are key for my house ☀️
4 kids in 4 years plus 4 babies in heaven.
❤️
Love this video girl! I’m going to try your strict schedule plan and see how it goes! I know just meal planning alone has made life so much smoother!
I loved this video! I am seriously loving you’re new mom content and find it extremely relatable. Can you show more DITL or examples of schedules you make? I’m alone with 2 toddlers who wake up at 6am and the days get so long, we need more detailed ideas. Thanks!
I really needed this video. You have voiced my thoughts exactly. The whole mom victim mentality kind of ruined my experience with my first child. I think that it is very important for a mother to master her emotions. It’s hard, but not impossible. It’s an art, which can bring so much joy into our life.
It takes time but every mom will settle into her own routine. We experience everything differently including motherhood. Good luck to all the new mom’s. You got this!
So true!
Thank you! I struggle with some of things you mentioned. I have three little ones 6, 2 and 3 months. I look forward to more videos!
Oof tough to hear but very true! Sleep as a newborn was so triggering for me, though putting my daughter on a schedule even when people were telling me I was being too regimental was the best thing for us both. She’s just turned 2 and we have such peaceful days overall. We both know exactly what to expect from the day and I actually find that so freeing somehow. I love my job as a mom, now I need to apply the same principles to my job as a homemaker without falling into the victim mentality which is so easy to do!
What an inspiring video ❤️ I followed your channel ever since you were pregnant with Annabelle and you grew so much. (I remember copying how you used to swing your newborn baby to sleep while standing)
Proud of you and thanks for the mom inspiration.
I live this this. Please give us more mom motivation videos.
Currently planning my day for tomorrow as I watch this…yes managing your mind is important. I no longer say “i dont have time”, i know say “im learning to prioritize the things that i want to do with the time i have”
I’m going to need you to start a podcast! Listening to you talk about motherhood/life is so helpful!
I think this is one of the best videos you have made!
This is so good. I had two kids back to back (13 months apart) and I was struggling. I felt lazy because I was so tired and yet my house was clean and I was doing just fine. But it's funny how we don't think we are "doing enough" but we are enough. I am continually reminding myself I am doing my best as SAHM and being present with my kids. I will continue to strive to be better but not push myself beyond my limits.
Thankyou for this! This really encouraged me so much. I’m a first time mom to a one year old boy. ❤️
Preach, woman! Preach!!!
You know when you're going through something and you didn't realize you needed to hear something, and you snap out of a mindset that dragged you down? That's what your latest videos are doing right now. I've been completely diving and drowning into this victim mentality. I am not sure how it happened. I recognize myself in a lot of things you're mentioning, and I see how when I do some of the things you're advising, I feel better. I just need to put a better schedule into place. The worse part is my sleep. So inconsistent and just ruining my day. I need to fix that so I can start the day on a better note! Thanks for all your tips.
Great perspective. I'm a mom of a 2 yr old girl. I definitely had moments like what you said, the kid having an episode and I stress out everyone else because of it. All while working from home. Thank you for the advise.
Great great video. We as mothers definitely have to emphasize on the positivity of motherhood. Once one mother learns from mistakes made we should put it out there for all mothers to learn from. We should continuously find the joy of being a mother. The cycle of negativity needs to stop.
IT’s especially hard for a SINGLE mom you have there dad so fr
Wish there always a super like. I have symptoms of depression and I weighs on me that I can be doing better. Last semester I proved to myself that I did have time to be me and mom and an employee. Working from home full time and going to school full time and being the sole care giver/teacher to my son with the exception to class schedule, I realized I CAN. It’s hard not to fall back into that comfort but I notice when I am active and offering my son more experiences in life he is happier and our relationship is best. Also take your vitamins they lead me out of the fog.
This is why I love your channel. Maybe because we’re on the same page 🙂💕 “being a 90’s house wife” is cool and I appreciate hearing it from you. thanks so much for this.
Yes.. i feel the same way, im a mom of 4 and i feel if i dont have a schedule on things to do or where to go i dont get nothing done. I also feel the most depress when i dont go by a schedule, i start feeling like i dont have time to do anything because i have my kids at home then in school, but when i know they have like a dr appointment or we need to go to a family party or school i get more things done knowing we have to leave the house than just staying indoors doing nothing.
I would looooove a booklist on all the momma mindset books you talked about from decades past 😄
This was perfect. So encouraging. Do you have any books you’ve read that you could recommend ?
Girl! I felt like it was cut off. I wanted to hear more, I was so ready😆. I agree 100%, love your videos!
Omg i needed to hear that
Love this!
Thank you Shea!
Yes! Victimhood running rampant
I like your content a lot...Something you said made me think about something I read lol awhile back that said: "Discipline is Freedom"
Omg I’m living this same process right now! I have been shifting my mentality. Re indoctrinating is the perfect way to put it. Iv read some good books too and have been careful who I follow to detox the negativity from my thoughts. It’s magical how changing a few things and shifting your mindset can transform your life. Thank you for making this video. I swear I feel like we re connected haha most stages you’re living, I’m going through the same thing since you had your first daughter iv been following you bc I had my son around the same time. Wishing you many Blessings always xoxo
The world me more of this!
I actually loved watching you when you first had Annabelle because I felt like I could relate.
Girl you're so pretty
I'm glad there are still people out there that, like me, are not ashamed of going back to a traditional, old-fashioned way of life where a wife takes care of the home and children. It's been so drilled in to so many of our brains that women should work out of the home and that's what makes you successful. What's so wrong about being a housewife, homemaker, and mom? NOTHING is wrong with that. It is just a different path than most people take these days and it's something to be proud of.
Thanks for this! I'm a Mom of 3 littles and homeschooling them. We don't have family in our state to help out. I have said I'm overwhelmed and the kids have a poor attitude towards school, which brings me down. But your comments were helpful and I will reflect on them as I try not to show my frustrations. Do you know by chance which personality type (on MBTI) you are? I've been researching to see why it's so difficult for me to stick to the plans I make and part of it might have to do with how my mind works. Would love to know if that's true for anyone else too.
As a mom of 2, I could never put my finger on as to why those memes bothered me lol but you nailed it. Just seemed like we have to be miserable being a mom and it’s inevitable or something. Just no hope lol but you explained perfectly.
💜
You can do everything with kids , travel , go restaurant or grow yourself as a person . I live day by day with kids and adjust to their age and stage in life
100% agree!
I love this video Hayley! I am about to turn 29 years old and my husband and I are thinking about trying for our first baby. I would love any first time mommy advice from you!!! I admire you so much!
Thanks so much for this perspective. Huge lightbulb moment for me as you were talking about “victim mentality.” I really needed to hear this! ❤️
I have learned to embrace motherhood and homeschooling:)
Could you do a video explaining how you plan your days the night before like what it consist of stuff like that! would be extremely helpful 😊
This is amazing
Needed this
I love this video! So much truth. Can you give examples of a day schedule. I have a 2,3,11,14 year old and really desire to be more productive and less emotional. Some of the things you said sounded just like me girl!!!
Managing emotions has been the hardest thing for me. I work full-time outside the home and I just can’t get it together. Did you read books on that aspect? Stress I’ve learned is my major trigger to not being able to manage emotions.
Could you please share the book list?
Can you do a video sharing an idea of planning the next day ? More with the educational part of it😃
I was so happy to see this video. First of all i always loved to see your videos and second i love you guys. I think being a mother is always hard people tend to romanticize it. But i love being a mother and love doing a lot of activities with them and yes we have good days too.
I have 4 children and still feel like a new mom 😂
😂
List of the books your read!?! Please
Hey mama, what are the books that helped you ! I have literally been searching for this kind of information
Can you please make this a series! about how to become a better housewife and mother! I love this. I have two girls and feel like I’m winging it, and now We are thinking of the third.
REALLY need the names of those books. I'm a ftm to a 15mo and I'm struggling 🥺
What books on changing from that toxic mindset about motherhood, would you recommend?
Amazing
Is there a video for the motherhood books you have read to change your mindset?
Can you link to the books you read on how to be a housewife?
Can you share the book list :)
yes! Will do another video on this!
Can you share some of the books you liked?