This has been on my mind a lot recently, and I want to talk about it more! What are your thoughts? Where do you disagree? We might use some of your comments in future videos on this topic 👀
I like what Phyllis Schlafy had to say about it. Women can have it all, they just can't have it all at the same time. I think when children are very young mothers need to be there almost every hour of everyday. And as time goes by and your children need you less and your calling will change. There are different seasons in life. I used to want to be a paralegal but when I became a wife and mother all of that changed. Now I'm content being the heart of my family, the volunteer parishioner, homeschool co-op mom, my husband's helpmate, the granddaughter who visits with her grandmother, and occasionally chauffeur for doctors appointments. Also, my children have helped me fine tune my interests and passions. So when they are older the work I will want to do is probably going to very different from the career I wanted when I was 24. Holistic health really interests me now.
I say thank you, you said it so well, it was so good... It touched me. My views weren't much different, but it helped me to clarify and realize them better and correct them a little and it was an excellent reminder and boost. I totally have things to improve. I've been fighting for these principles for a long time in my family, if only we all were on the same page.
So you hoped to be a present mother, but you aren't present to your children and your husband while you are working? Every moment you are away from them unnecesarily, as in the basic necessities of your family are sadly not provided for by your husband, you are choosing your career over your family.
Christian motherhood must look different. Stay home, educate your kids at home as much and as often as you can. It is of the utmost importance. Marry young, have a bunch of kids, care for the home. This is how women fight against Satan's diabolical plan. Women working outside the home voluntarily is part of the diabolical communist or feminist ideology. Women called to sacrifice a family for a life of service are called to serve as celibate nuns, set aside for the kingdom of God, living in community with one another, working on spiritual motherhood instead of physical motherhood.
What I always miss in these conversations is that we somehow as women can’t play multiple roles at different times in our life. Kids don’t stay little forever. Let’s say you have kids in your 20’s and by the time all are in school you decide to work part time, why is that not promoted more? I’m 32 now, been home for 8 years with 4 babies. Even if I start working at age 40, that’s still a good 25 years of being in the workforce while also been a mom during their formative years. There are so many options for us women. Some just want to be home, some need to do more outside the home. All of it is ok. We go through different seasons in our lives.
I agree! I have been speaking about your point. How we need more women employing women over 40. It’s a crushing choice women are told to make. Career or children - choose at 25 - rather than have a family and have a career when they are grown. In Australia the retirement age is 67. My children will be 18 and 16 when I turn 40. I could get a degree and still work in that career for 23 years. There are so many benefits for hiring mature aged women but the conversation isn’t there between women.
I agree 100%. I could never leave my toddler in a daycare for someone else to care for. He is too vulnerable at this stage, but when he is school aged, he won’t need me as much. I can work then. That’s what my mom did. We don’t have to pick one or the other.
When my children were toddlers I stepped away from my career to stay home with them and homeschool. Felt like I was jumping off a cliff. Thirteen years later, I am now working part-time as an attorney again. I was 49 when I jumped back in the workforce. With God, all things are possible.
This gives me hope! I’m there at moment (at home with a toddler and a baby--left attorney life when trying to have these kids and now at home with them ). I feel the career life was actually easier 😂 and have so much more respect for moms and SAHM more so! When they are older I plan to get back into my career but I do/did worry about getting back into it but I know it’s possible ! Thank you for your comment !
I once heard someone say that being a nanny or daycare worker are full-time jobs that are respected yet society looks down at moms who want to stay home to care for their young. Why is outsourcing applauded yet motherhood not valued more than a career.
This attitude is a side effect of the Marxist ideology that has invaded our society. It sees people and relationships in primarily economic terms. So the idea is that all work should be paid. There is no room in this ideology for the sacrifices of love in the nuclear family. This is also why “sex work” has become de-stigmatized. Because the ideology says that the giving of one’s body for free in a committed relationship is oppression, while being paid for it is empowerment.
Society does not look down on moms, they look down on their selves becasue they are kind of not a part of society becasue they are not in the world earning. Thats why they are alwasy "sneak-dissing" working women and trying to set up their way of life as the better or only way to do it and be a good mother. All the guilting and shaming being put on working women... Fact is, if you are not in the game, no one cares what you do and thats a hard pill to swallow for a lot of women...
One of the most impactful things anyone has ever said to me was when my grandmother said this: when you are home with young kids it’s hard to remember that it doesn’t last long. If you’re blessed with a long life, the time that your children are at home is a very short part of your adult life. Most of your adult life and marriage (if you’re blessed like us) will be after your children leave the home. So first, your marriage must be the top priority. And second, you will have so much time after the kids are out of the house, you will have to rediscover old and new parts of yourself and find other meaningful things to do. You can’t do everything and be everything you’re meant to be all at once.”
Thank you for the reminder, I have a one yr old and two yr old and I sometimes feel like I’m going to be stuck in this stage forever sometimes it’s so hard but I know they grow so fast and it won’t be forever 🥲
I love this! My grandmother passed before I became a wife or a mom. I wish I could have gleaned wisdom from her on these topics. Thank you so much for sharing your grandmother's words!
My parents were both career focused. I guess I was perhaps a needier than normal child. My parents didn't understand or recognize that. It lead to a lot of acting out. My childhood felt extremely lonely. I can't recall my parents playing with me. If I spent time with them it was being "around " while they were doing things like charity or their hobbies. It lead me to have poor self esteem, make bad choices in friends, and romantic partners. I was desperate for acceptance and affirmation. In high school no one even noticed I has an eating disorder. I'm aware this is an extreme case. I, in reaction, was one of those women who said my 100% would be motherhood. But I have discovered after seven years of motherhood, that I need to be mom + to be a good and healthy mom. I am a homeschooling sahm, and it is my number one priority. However, I need to garden, hike, paint, and homestead for me. I love hands on things and creating beauty. It's about balance. A symbolic representation of this is that in my big flowerbed lays a sandbox. My children and I play in the sandbox together where I can also be surrounded by things I've created and enjoy, and occasionally pull a few weeds. Even if I wander off to feed chickens or prune a tree, I hope and believe, my children will know that they are seen, accepted, and secure.
Just a quick comment: I'm not angry at my parents or resentful. I'm breaking a cycle that has been around for a few generations. My parents parented the way they were parented. But I'm a millennial with the world at my fingertips. I am more aware of mental health, trauma, love languages, and attachment styles than my parents were and are. I also have the ability to learn new skills and educate myself with the greatest resource known to man: the internet.
Its not extreme, not having your parents leads to all kind of ugly things! This world dont care about family and parents do what this world tell them to do, so they are not to blame. For me was similar as you and its horrible. If I am a mother some day I want to be a stay at home mom, theres no other way for me! As I know very well the damage of not having parents, mostly the mother with you...
I’d say, Colleen, that your case is not extreme. I believe it is the norm for any child with both parents working full time. I am a homemaker, mother of seven children and I homeschool the children not yet in high school. I cannot even imagine how chaotic and stressful life would be if I worked full time. Think about that phrase…full time. That means your husband and family get you part-time. That is the truth. I believe from my experience as a child of working parents like you, one who also acted out and needed affirmation and attention, that it is what has helped to destroy our culture. Kids deserve to be raised by their mothers. If you are pro-life, I would think that would be so clear to one that holds such beliefs.
We’ve decided I’m a stay at home mom until my children are all in kindergarten. I’m so happy I’m able to stay home for now and spend so much time with them😊
Keep them at home unless you absolutely need the assistance of an outside school. It should be treated as a last resort. When you send your kids to school, someone else is doing the job the parent should be entrusted with. Just because a child is old enough, doesn't mean they are ready or that your job teaching them from home is done. What else are you doing now?
As a parent with an autistic child it baffles me that the government will pay someone wildly unqualified and potentially dangerous to raise my child but won’t provide me with the funds to stay home and educate myself in early childhood special needs education and raise her.
I feel like I’m finally in my sweet spot, staying home with my 3 children, serving at church and doing some work from home a few hours a month. I’ve worked for many years to get to this point and at times I didn’t think it would ever be possible. My husband and I don’t come from wealthy families, we’ve had to work and sacrifice to live for God and be obedient to the call on our lives, but the Lord has truly blessed our family and I’m forever thankful!
Good for you! I’m also a stay at home mom + work from home mom. I work full time, but my job is so flexible that I’m able to devote 90% of the time to my kids and I home school them and we serve in our church, too! ❤ As long as the work gets done, my boss doesn’t care! Sometimes I get some work done after my kids and husband are asleep or if they’re off playing with dad or something. It works for us and I’m so thankful!
I've been saying for years that the corporate world is shorting themselves a fantastic work resource by not offering more part time positions with more flexible hours. I would be willing to work part time if businesses didn't require me to neglect my family for 9+ hours a day. For a society that goes on and on about inclusivity, diversity and nuance it has a VERY binary view of a woman's place in society and it's weighted overwhelmingly to working full time.
Agreed! Even a 4-day week would have been heavenly when my kids were little. I recall talking about that with other moms at the time. It’s so dependent on the profession and in mine, it was full-time or nothing and I carry the insurance.
I also believe employees would be more hard working if you gave them more time with families. 💯 agreed! American culture is way too fast paced and greedy.
I remember all the days going to work crying because I couldn't be at home with my kids. I felt like I was doing the wrong thing. So many people didn't understand. "It's good to see mommy work!" My nights were meant for sleeping because I had to be well rested for the next day, so if my daughter needed me at night I'd get angry. I was such an angry mom when I had to work. Now staying home if I feel that anger from doing "too much" I look back on that time working and being a mom and thank God I'm not doing that now. It is a blessing to stay home with my kids. Happy mom, I can devote all my time to my kids and the home, and still have extra time for myself. I was stretched very thin while working. Kids deserve a calm, patient mom, whatever that looks like for you may be different to me. ❤
I loved your comment. That was me a long time ago. Recently I had a baby she is now 3. I quit my 20 yrs career just to be home with her. I take this as a second opportunity in my life which I was going to embrace. There are days that I miss my career but then I also remember how I hated being away from home for 10 hrs a day and missing my children. I fully embrace these days and cherish every single day because eventually I will go back to work someday in the future.
This was really encouraging as someone who is 35 and single. I want marriage and children badly, but dating is a difficult world these days. This gave me hope and confidence that i can still be a mothering force in the world, even if God doesnt bless me with biological children. Could certainly use some prayers these days though dating as a catholic woman, haha.
Before we met each other, my husband and I refused to settle for anything less than exactly what we wanted as far as having our values and core beliefs line up. We both had never been married before and since we were waiting until marriage, we both never had kids before either. Living 2000 miles apart, we finally met each other while doing our respective ministries not even looking for someone to date -- he was 41 and I was 37. Now here we are, he is about to be 44 and I will be 40 two weeks before our first child is born... she is a very healthy, active in the womb baby girl and this has been a healthy pregnancy (appreciate prayers for safe delivery in June). My husband works hard as a general contracter to provide for our household so that I could quit my job and be a stay at home mommy starting from pregnancy. Even with his volunteer pastoral work, he puts his relationship with God and our little growing family first. My point in saying all this is to encourage you that if you have the desire to marry, which is a biblical desire, trust that God will bring you the right person with the right values in due time. He is sovereign over your life, and He is always trustworthy.
I’ve been a stay at home mom (aka raising both my babies under 5) and while it can be SO challenging and mentally/physically exhausting… I could not imagine it any other way. I was designed to care nurture and raise them all day. We sacrifice a lot so I can do so. There is no better job and I take it very serious. When I gave birth to my son 5 years ago, one of the first questions I got was “when are you going back to work?” I used to always feel the need to defend my reasoning For staying home to care for him. Now I embrace it.
Wow Lila! I’ve been following you for a long time. I am a mom now and I was taking my child to work with me at the office from 6 weeks old to almost 2 years old. I am home with him now, praise God. My husband and I fully believe in all that you’ve said here!! Such a confirmation. I really couldn’t have said it any better… I mean you touched on SO many points so fluently and explanatory! My job as a mother is the most important ❤️. Love you Lila, you’ve always been such an encouragement to me especially to stand up for the unborn. This was SO GOOD. Thank you for taking this subject on!
We moved away from Germany in order to be able to homeschool, and I do not work outside the home. Since my husband started working from home and being the sole provider, our marriage has been a true blessing. Every woman needs to make her choice, but I won't pretend all choices have the same value. A mother's place is at home with her children, instead of paying strangers to raise her kids.
@@chichilinha2895 Ich denke nicht, dass sich etwas ändern wird. Der Staat würde dadurch Einfluss verlieren, und wir wissen ja alle, dass der Staat nur mehr Macht an sich ziehen möchte.
@@libertasinveritas3198 Ja, leider gut möglich. Der Staat ist hier in vielen Bereichen übergriffig, hab aber auch das Gefühl, dass genau dies immer mehr Leuten sauer aufstößt. Finde ich beeindruckend, dass die fehlende Freiheit in Sachen Schulpflicht bei euch Anlass war, um auszuwandern und wünsche euch sehr viel Erfolg beim Heimunterricht :) Mit der heutigen Technologie gibt es meiner Meinung nach echt keine guten Gründe mehr, um Kindern zu verbieten, von zuhause mitlernen zu dürfen, vor allen Dingen, weil viele Kinder alleine aufnahmefähiger sind als in überfüllten und chaotischen Schulklassen.
What are your thoughts on paying a friend/neighbor woman whose kids are grown to help with the kids and housework in the home in tandem with the mother?
My parents were working parents; my mom climbed the corporate ladder but she was also an incredible mom! I could never do what she did. I don’t know how she did it all. I’m a sahm to a toddler, and I started running a small dayhome as a way to stay home with my son to raise him; but also help be a positive influence in other children’s lives as well, and the bonus of bringing in some money. It helps offset the cost of childcare we don’t have to pay because I’m offering it! ❤ it’s very rewarding work being at home, running my home and taking care of young children.
So true I'm a stay at home mom and I'm cooking cleaning, shopping, growing our food, and teaching my children through customized advanced home schooling. I'm the doctor, the councler, the mediator, and a wife as well. I wouldn't give it up for the world. Thank you God for everything.
This video brought tears to my eyes & really spoke to my heart. As a stay at home mom for a little over a year now to my 3 year old and almost 1 year old, I know that the sacrifices my family is making have been well worth it. It’s so rare to hear someone speak with such high esteem for the work that stay at home moms do in a way that is truly uplifting and encouraging.
I've done both. After college, I had a law enforcement and then private investigative career starting at 21 years old, my husband and I started our own business when I was 34. Started having my babies at 30, but didn't stay home with them until I was 35. So I've done full time work, now I'm full time home with them. The work world will ALWAYS be there - but the time you can spend with your children is PRICELESS and you can never have it back once it's gone. I would trade my career for my kids a billion times over. And I'm homeschooling them until they're done with high school.
I have 5 children. I worked while my two oldest were small and they went to school and daycare. I hated it so much but convinced myself that it was the way it had to be. They are now 20 and 19, in college and my biggest regret is that I didn’t stay home with them full time. I chose to stay home with my others and it is the best decision I have made. I feel for women who aren’t able to recognize this until its too late.
thanks for sharing.. i am always in a dilemma about finding a job outside since all my sisters are working and they have a great career. i sometimes feel left out.. but i cant imagine leaving my babies in daycare since i love them so much and want to be with them all day long. 😢 i dont want to feel regret one day when i realized i dont spend much time with them when they were young. your comment convinced me to be a stay at home mom.. i will just rethink about finding job outside after my babies all have grown up. ❤
It's not that we don't recognize it. Frankly, some of us were just ditched to be a single mom and couldn't find a decent husband after that. Life is nowhere NEAR fair to everyone.
I remember being told I could be anything I wanted when I grew up and I remember the concern on people's faces when I told them I wanted to be a mom, and it was always followed by, "well you can be a mom but you should have a job too, you don't need to be depending on a man!" I'm sure they were well meaning, but I can't help but feel that instead of comments tinged with cynicism they could have stressed finding a good partner with similar values, having years of discernment in a relationship before marriage, and the importance of premarital counseling instead and it would have been much more helpful to a little girl who knew her it was her calling from a young age to be "just" a mom.
@@1993kimkimthat’s exactly what my grandmother told me after I told her at age 5 that I wanted to have 9 kids. Just make sure I have a trade in case “something happens” to my husband. PS we have just two kids, but I still have my skills lol
The worst decision I made was going to law school. It really wasn’t for me and working afterwards was so unfulfilling. I felt like through a series of difficult and surprising events God really woke me up that I needed to stay home. I started homeschooling 3 of my 4 children and it all just clicked. I feel so good during the school year, helping out at the co-op, having meet ups so our kids can play. I don’t feel depressed at all-I feel very good and fulfilled and want to start a little Christian co-op in our small town now.. so much to learn and so much more fulfilling. Just some of my thoughts.
I am a RN and feel so guilty when I have to work because I don't get to see my 18 month old on those days. Luckily I get 4 days a week to be with him though. I know that it is necessary for us to have two incomes in our home but it is hard to be away from him. Thank you for the perspective you gave. I am honored to be his mom but also feel honored to do the work I do.
Lisa, thank you for all that you do! It is very possible to balance both. Unless one come from.a wealthy family it is very difficult to survive on one salary.
Your child will be fine. I was an only child growing up - both of my parents were professionals and work full time. I never felt lonely because I always knew they loved me and spent meaningful time with me when they were home. I’m a professional and work part time. I’m a better mom because I work outside of the home and my identity is not just linked to the home.
I am a nurse as well and I really struggled being gone for 13-14 hours a day for 3 days in a row. I missed so much time with my kids and I tried to make up the time on my off days but it is a lot to deal with. I changed jobs and now do part time from home and part time seeing patients and it’s a much better balance
@@jacobrodriguez7771rue, indeed. i’m also the only child. my parents both worked when i grew up, it was perfectly fine and i loved going to school with my friends
I love being a working mom, but I work from home so I can spend more time with our kids. My husband works full time as well and he is the main breadwinner, but he is also a quadriplegic due to a spinal cord injury. That has made me more aware of how unexpected things can happen in anyone's life (disability but also illness, layoffs, changes in the economy, mental health issues, etc.) that may make it more difficult for an entire family to rely on one person for all the money. We both have a ton of time with our kids but also have two incomes so if anything happens healthwise, we are good!
God is giving the ability to manage and will always provide plus kids seeing you and your husband manage a marriage and parenting in a challenging situation will make ur kids better ppl
Life is filled with unknows, and we should somehow find ways to be prepared for the unexpected but at the same time we need to also not live our life based on what ifs… I’m not sending my children or daycare to school to be potentially molested or indoctrinated so I can have the extra income in case tragedy strikes, be prepared? Absolutely and most importantly trust that the Lord can keep us afloat.
@@wendymtzc that's why I suggested flexibility - I work from home so none of that is a problem. I don't think we should live in fear but I do think some women who don't develop any potentially lucrative skills or, heck, men who are only able to do one job, should be better prepared for the unknown. I think there should be a balance between assuming the worst and assuming that life will always be ideal and according to plan.
@@montanagirl3835 yes completely agree about having some sort of plan B, even though I’m a full time SAHM my husband has a good job and able to support us all, he also has savings, pensions, etc. and I also went to college so definitely be as prepared for the unknown as best as you can
@@wendymtzcthe reason why I pursued an education and work is because I want to be able to support my future husband and in case of anything that happens in the future (God forbid), I'll have the experience, skills, and education to be able to step in and help out my family. I'm still planning to be a stay-at-home mother because I feel like it's the best way to raise children but if something happens in the future, I won't be "stuck".
I’m 52, my husband and I both were not having anyone raising our children or missing out on all those wonderful years. I worked part time which worked out fine. My kids are very happy healthy successful adults. Those were the absolute best years of my life! How can anything or career compare? It can’t.
Thanks for handling this topic with a lot of truth, objectivity and also sensitivity. I attended a bridal shower many years ago where the speaker ridiculed and belittled women who choose to pursue careers. She was a stay at home mom at that point. Fast forward, 20 years later she is sheepishly pursuing a career. Time has taught her a lot.
My wife and I just watched this together. We hope to have kids soon. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic in such an intelligent and structured way. We’ll be watching your next videos! Best regards from Mexico.
It can be lonely sometimes. Hang in there mama. Will pray you find some good friends and community to share the incredible life you have now raising your boys ❤
Loneliness is not bad, God will give you the right people at the right time!. Sometimes he let us alone for a while to show us that we are able to do more than we think we can, to know better ourselves and that we can have overwhelming happy times with little kids!. Remind that He is always there, the best ever loving, faithful companion ever existed. Ask him for good friends, he will provide...
I remember growing up that neighbourhoods were lively places during the daytime, because so many young moms were home. So many neigbourhoods are total bedroom communities now. Being a SAHM these days can be isolating. It's important to get to connect with other moms.
My problem with this is that we pretend that it’s a choice, and I don’t get it. If I had enough money I would be a sahm yesterday. I have a great job but I hate working it brings me nothing of value. But I have to do this in the hope that one day I’ll have enough saved up to maybe stay home with a child for the first year and it’s sad. There’s no answer for people like me who don’t want this.
Thank you! All these women who are fortunate enough to be a SAHM and their husband readily supports it do NOT get it. There are plenty of us women who would like the same thing.
Women used to juggle motherhood with civic pursuits and volunteer work. Now, women juggle motherhood with salaried and wage work. This change has had a major impact on society.
Please do more videos on this, Mrs. Lila Rose. It's annoying to see other videos from other RUclipsrs, especially female RUclipsrs who claim to be liberal or conservative put down or make fun of stay at home moms or working moms. My mom was a stay at home mother and it helped me tremendously. She worked part time shortly at a fastfood chain when money was tight and my dad was having trouble with finding work. So, I respect both the working mom, stay at home moms, and single mom though I'm willinglly single for right now due to Psychological issues I'm getting help for. I really appreciate both the stay at home moms and working moms. ❤
Amen! I find it funny with conservative RUclipsrs, especially female ones, that pressure moms to be stay at home moms. Some of them are mothers and still work full time in their studio away from home. Oh, the hypocrisy. I respect working moms and stay at home moms as well.
I love this! I often feel that the "work" of motherhood is extremely underestimated and undervalued. I am fortunate enough to have a work-from-home job. While this is the busiest I have ever been as the "work" never ends, I would never trade this opportunity. It helps take some of the pressure off my husband and encourages our children to contribute to the home in a way that might otherwise slip by unencouraged. We are more supportive of each other because we can see how each person's contribution supports the family as a whole. I wish that it was easier, societally & economically, to allow one parent to focus on the family so the other could focus on providing. Year after year, it just seems to become more and more difficult.
I'm watching these kinds of videos mostly because I want to educate my sisters or any other young women. But this video also spoke to me.. thank you for including those who are childless, not many say that they also have an important role in society. By that comment alone I feel seen and blessed. Thank you for acknowledging it. Blessings to you, your family and your work!
As a working mom, I wholeheartedly agree. I started out as a stay-at-home mom and went back into the workforce and juggling it all is very hard but at the same time going to work in some ways is a break. You don't get to have that as a stay-at-home mom and I remember those moments too.
@@EvelinZamora-q9s Wrong. I love being a SAHM, and wouldn’t trade it for ANYTHING. I’m defending motherhood. It’s the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done, and will ever do. Just because something is hard doesn’t make it bad. Usually quite the contrary.
Are you saying that 8 hours of shift at work is easier than stay at home mom? That's what sounds like to me, "I can say 100% that working outside the home is much easier than being a SAHM." You got to understand that being stay at home mom is a full time job, and if you decide to work then who is taking care the kids? you got to send them a daycare cause somebody has to take care the kids.
I am not a mom yet, but I have been leaning into this conversation about motherhood lately. I want to have kids one day and I hope I will be a good one. Thank you Lila.
It's beautiful how you uplift motherhood and stay at home moms, Lila!💚I'd love to continue working remote and be with my children if I become a mom one day. I see it as a great opportunity that generations before us didn't have and for many it continues to be impossible due to the nature of their jobs/circumstances. But you are right, if there is a conflict of interests, the best interest of the children should always be the priority.
I love this so much, Lila! Becoming a mother has been the best and most rewarding thing but it is crucial to know your worth is not in your mothering alone! ❤
I had to leave work and become a SAHM because my children were growing up without me. My career wouldn't let me have less hours. Had to do minimum 50 hrs a week. It's the best decision I've ever made. Being home to be in and see these memories
Thank you for bringing up this topic Lila! I’m newer to your content and have found so much value in the wisdom you share! I would love it if this conversation continued and maybe see some round table discussions with different experiences of motherhood. It would be so helpful to hear about different experiences as someone who is is newly married and desires to be intentional with my life choices before (hopefully) becoming a mother.
After my first little one, I had PPD - so working outside the home a couple days a week helped me get out of that. But now that I've had my second without PPD and successfully started a business, after much thought and prayer, I folded it to be a full time stay at home mom. I was afraid at first that I'd be overwhelmed being in "mom mode" all day, but it has actually been so great and totally worth the sacrifice of an extra income (despite the struggle to be extra thrifty these days!!) So thankful I made the switch!
The one thing I would add is something you only briefly mentioned. We may be called to stay home or to some type of work. Usually when we follow that calling, things work out. I'm a full time lawyer (for both economic and vocational reasons) with 4 kids, ages 8-7months. And lucky for me my workplace is extremely flexible and allows me to work from home whenever I want. The Lord paves a way for these kinds of things.
@@wendymtzc do you disagree with Lila in how she presented the idea of women playing multiple roles? I was simply adding that women may do so because of a calling. And that when they follow that calling, God makes it so that women don't have to "leave their children." Honestly I think you interpreted my comment uncharitably. Pursuing a career is not the same as leaving one's children, especially in the context that I gave. What scripture passages are you referring to?
@@anaisgonzales1557 I understand some women are not able to be a SAHM full time, I’m also not saying having extra income on the side is wrong, all I’m trying to say is that if women are able to fully raise their children, they should do so, instead what I see many times is women making excuses as to why it is ok for them to work and rely on daycares and schools to do so. If one can work from home and still be able to be there for her children that’s great, someday I would love to make some money on the side but right now with 5 young children is just unrealistic, they take my whole day.
My wife is a SAHM. The key part you mentioned was about Planning. Young adults should be raised to better plan and exercise more discipline regarding sex and relationships. The better planning and discipline, the more flexibility you'll have as parents when the kids come.
Some people like to work, some people have passions for stuff other than parenting, you wife does not have the eye of the tiger so its easy for her but for others it would be like having their nails pulled out one by one.
@@r.walker7986I had my own business and closed it after I was pregnant with my son to raise him. There are seasons and kids are a short one. We are raising a legacy and it requires sacrifice. Success is not linear or in a box of materialistic goals. Relationships are always what people express regrets on in older years or on their deathbed.
@@r.walker7986 id say his wife has “the eye of the tiger” of raising loving, god fearing, responsible children. Shes put aside her career to raise her children. Shes blessed and smart! As a woman with a partner, shes able to do that.
@@bbyjcky1 That's rarely the case. Its a default. Children make terrible "purposes' and it unfair to make another human being your purpose, too much pressure on them.
A child also needs a father. I was raised by a problematic abusive mother, and a workaholic absent father. It messed me up, my mother should never have become a parent, let alone a stay at home mum. With my partner we have managed to split our stay-at-home time. 6 months I am the stay at home parent, and the rest of the year he is. Our work allow this and it is the best for the child's upbringing. We women are so much more than just our wombs. Let alone all the abusive relationships a woman cannot escape when she has no money of her own.
@@wyleecoyotee4252Yes, all the talk about sahm, but no factoring in how this push for the traditional roles hurts women who are abused who have no financial outlet outside her husband. This impacts the childs view of a man and of God. If we dont factor this in, we are only turning the clock back to the early 20th century that lead civilization to an incline of atheism and feminism, which stemmed from failed male leadership in the home.
I really enjoyed this episode. I think you did a great job finding a middle ground. Thank you for being a reasonable voice and for not apologizing for your position!
I was very pleasantly surprised with this episode. I think you said it well! The time issue you mentioned is one of the many things I have issue with with public schools. As kids get older I think more time away from mom is appropriate, but when the huge bulk of time is away from mom and family, it is harmful.
One of the hardest things for me transitioning from college to marriage, then motherhood was ALLOWING myself to be a stay at home mom without feeling like I was “useless”. What a friggin load of crap. SAHM life is a blessing, but being with kids 10-12 hours a day and not being able to “clock out” or say “hey kids! I’m heading out early, I’m gonna take it easy today!” Doesn’t work like that. Having a job comes with its other challenges but man…I understand why some women just stick to a job and pay someone else to watch their kids. IT’S HARD!!! But so worth it in the end too 🥹😓
Absolutely fantastic!!!.. finally someone who tells it like it is...for mothers unless Absolutely necessary the kids should come first...with the lords grace you can have everything you want...just not at the same time...embrace every season for what it is...unfortunately even men don't realize the importance of a woman being at home ...it takes courage , sacrifice and great devotion to being a SAHM
Thank you for talking about how mothers have more to contribute than just motherhood! This is something I wrestle with as a mom who stays home with my kids and works remotely.
7 months pregnant with my first baby. I am so excited to stay home and cherish my time with her, get to know her, develop a deep bond. I cannot imagine going to work to pay for her to be taken care of by a stranger/ daycare. When I tell people this I get a lot of wild responses. Most people are like “oh don’t lose yourself” or “you will want to come back to work” or “are you sure?? You could still work part time at least” …. It’s really interesting to witness the responses. Very few people have given me supportive responses, or understanding where I am coming from. She is only going to be a baby/ young child for an extremely short period of time. I plan to go back to work once she is in school full time, but before that simply doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t want to outsource my childcare and lose that time with her, having someone else influence who they are/ know them more than I do.
This is such a good video! I was widowed when out twins were 11.5 months old. I struggled with going back to my business as a life insurance agent or being a SAHM. Thank God my husband had life insurance so that allowed me to take a couple years off. I decided to go back to building my business because I know first hand the importance of proper financial planning for families. I also enjoy building a business and I want my daughters to see a momtrepreneur ❤ Great stuff
I worked in tech and made really good money but the job was sooo demanding and I was working 60 hour weeks and my evenings were often interrupted with work things. When I had my first baby I even missed his first steps because I got an evening phone call. So I gave my employer the option of me going part time or quitting. They didn’t accept my terms so I quit. Ironically they are a company that makes diapers but they had zero work flexibility for mothers 😅 I’m soooo much happier just being a stay at home mother. While part time would have been great, God clearly wanted me to just exclusively be a stay at home mom for now.
We just did a podcast on this, too! It's called "Thinking About The Future At The Expense Of The Present" where we talked about how we are called to be a good steward of EVERYTHING that God gives us. Our children need us and they're watching everything that we're modeling for them. Thank you for talking about this! I'm so encouraged by the conversations you have!
I would love for you to talk about this on a deeper and functional/financial level as well. Here is the brass tax or example of what i mean. 1) some countries give up to 6 months or 1 year or paid maturity leave. While that sounds AMAZING, I am curious how how that works and frankly who pays for it. 2) when roe v wade was overturned, a lot of companies made public statements about how they will pay for their employees to travel to get abortions. Why? Because it’s cheaper than paying for a woman to have a baby, maternity leave, and understanding that her world view will forever change. Also, I am curious about how you think covid/work from home/hybrid work affected your parking moms. A few things 1) I know women that literally had babies during covid, their employers didn’t know, they took the covid layoff and just used that as a paid 6 month maturity leave. 2) Now women, if it’s possible, can stay home with their kids much more if they have a hybrid/work from home job.
Great thoughts, I would add that working outside the home is wrong not only if it negatively affects your child but also if it harms your marriage or relationship with your husband
I am also so blessed to have a super flexible job where I can work from home and be super in tuned and present for my household and with my children, while also contributing in meaningful ways that are important to me. I appreciate Lila’s balanced approach here!
@@13flirtygurl of course! I own a very small marketing company. So I write emails for two different companies. I'm also pursuing a doctorate in theology, so that takes up some time as well. My kids attend Catholic School and a cute little preschool a few days/ week, and I am able to actually work, clean, do laundry and work out while they are there, and also have all of the snuggle and mommy time when they are home! It's truly such a blessing.
This was a very insightful conversation!! Definitely think it’s a view point that more should hear!! Wish voices like this were the ones that are amplified! Thank you for this conversation! ❤
I’m grateful to be able to work at home. I have a great job and have experienced my fair share of recognition, raises, promotions etc. I would give it all up to be able to give all my attention to my family. Nothing compares to the value of spending quality time with your family. I feel like every minute at work is a waste of time. I need to work tho. So here we are.
Thank you for this talk. I am a mother and wife, nothing to me is more important. Nothing fulfilled me. I will never leave my children and i am thankful for a strong husband. The world is trying to separate us. I won’t allow it.
I came to your content due to seeing your graceful display on THAT episode of the @whatever Podcast. Thank you for your voice and the way that you carry yourself. I look forward to listening to more of what you have to say. May God keep blessing you with the courage needed to keep doing what you do. You are a fine example of a virtuous Catholic woman. Much love from this ex-degenerate convert to the faith ♥️
I love the part about economic necessity. I worked for the first two years of my oldest daughters life and she was in daycare for one of those years. My husband and I crunched the numbers and decided to have me stay home, it’s been over six months and we haven’t needed to break into our savings yet! I love trying to save everywhere I can and finally feeling like I am the one taking care of my kids. We had more money before but what good is just more money when your babies need you.
Also I love what you said about being with your children more than others. That killed me when my little girl was in daycare from 8-5, that she was there for so long but only with me for an hour in the morning and a few hours at night. Completely agree!
Thank you for pointing out a mothering role even without children. My late husband and I chose to not have children, however, we were involved in our church as volunteers for the youth group. This is also valuable to hear for my single friends.
I stay at home with my 2 babies 5 days a week! The other two days, they come to work with me! It’s such a blessing! It’s a little Mother’s Day out program at a church that they just come with me, and sometimes I’m in one of their rooms! I get to nurse my youngest as well. It’s nice to have a socializing outlet with other moms and bring home some income! The babies also get to have little buddies. I’m planning on homeschooling when the time comes, but we will look into cohorts and charter school options too! It’s a balance y’all!
A stay at home mom works just as hard as any other type of mother. All mothers are working moms. Some work-at-home moms get paid and earn money while being at home.
So much wisdom this is an answer for me what I have been praying and seeking God about. I took 4 years out of teaching to raise my son. For my sister, she had not had that calling, but for me God lead me to and I can see why that my som needed me for his needs. I was not supported the whole time and made to seem lazy or I was making the wrong decision and went back to work not because I needed to I just was pressured and I could see the effects of doing so. This has made me know what I need to do and to follow what God has called me personally to do to homeschool. It is not everyone's calling but God has given me grace for it and this has encouraged me. ❤❤❤❤
Am the nurse, the teacher, the cleaner, the cook, the mother, the childcarer, the playmate, the team player, the doctor, the instructor and the guide, the party organiser. Am a stay at home mom and am blessed to be all of this in 1. My mother was absent my whole life growing up and as an adult it affected my relationship and when i became a parent I didnt want same patterns for my children. I quit my job to be a stay at home mom as i didn't want my children to end up with childhood trauma and today am enjoying my reward and was the best decision i made and i love my 2 beautiful kids more than any jobs out there. Its very isolating but rewarding
You're doing an amazing job, thank you so much for this message, its been something on my mind for a while and I somehow needed it to be validated by a role model woman such as you. Thank you again !
Dear Lila Rose, thank you for being a great role model for young women in this modern era. I grew up looking up to celebrities and find it difficult to implement their values because it's just different. But, you have shown me what it means to truly be a woman in our society today. May God bless you and your family❤🙏🙌
I know folks who have decided mom will work, dad stays home. And I think it works just as well. It’s not for me, personally. But there are women who’d rather work, and men who’d rather stay home. And they make a really good pair. As long as one of the parents is the dominant presence in the young child’s life and not a stranger, it works well.
I just stumbled upon you recently! We have so many of the same thoughts. I am a stay at home mom that has done a few part-time jobs. I cannot place enough importance on being a very present, nurturing mother. I look forward to hearing much more from you in the future!
Enjoyed listening! This is one topic that has been heavy on my heart. I work outside the home as a prosthetist. I work with amputees and I make and provide prosthetic devices. It is a very rewarding career. I also have the privilege of working with a company that loves my family and is supportive of my role has a mother. I also am blessed to have a husband that is competent and we share the same desire to be present for our kids. we have a 5 year old, a 3 year old and a one year old. With each kid I was able to take 4 months off for a maternity leave. They have all been in and out of daycare, but it started out as just 3 days a week with the first one and I stayed home one day a week and my husband stayed home one day a week. By baby number 3 it was 5 days a week they were in daycare and we both hated the thought that they were with some else 5 days a week and only with us for 2. Life was hectic so we decided together, initiated by my husband, that instead of sending our oldest to Kindergarten he would stay at home and we would homeschool. Overall our kids have been so much happier and they are all thriving and our home life is much more joyful and peaceful. I feel we definitely have an ideal situation. I am in complete control of my schedule so I am able to be home two days a week and they are with dad the other 3 days. It is not easy to juggle all the time and it definitely takes my husband and I really working cooperatively and showing each other grace but for us, it has been working out really so far. Even with all that said though I still struggle with wanting to be at home more and would love to be able to encourage and support other moms/families to think outside the box when it comes to what is possible. Yes you can work and be present for your kids. No matter what that looks like it will require some sacrifice, but you will never regret spending more time with your children, because like you said it is not our only woke, but raising children and this next generation is important work that should not be overlooked or minimized. One thing that has helped me in moments of struggle is just realizing that yes even though I can do multiple rolls, I cannot do all things all the time. There are seasons where work is more of a focus and there are seasons where kids/husband/family are more the focus.
I “ramble” a lot when sharing my teen yrs and just my thoughts to my tweens hoping they can glean something valuable from it. I try my best to anchor it to the Bible’s teachings. This one by Lila is golden! I am almost done with The Talk (Sex and Changes during Puberty) and I plan on making my 7th & 5th grader watch this as a finale! Lila’s format / style is almost like mine. I try to touch on a lot of things like a goldmine of life lessons or reflections. This is also how my mom tried to teach & prepare me. I think it’s brilliant! There is something for a future husband/ father and future wife/ mom here. You also summarized culture today… I don’t know where to begin with that. You touched on so many things that are necessary esp. at the current state of our world - so much wisdom shared here. Thanks, Lila, for making this!!! ❤ -- “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” ~Philippians 2:3
Love this video and I appreciate your perspective. I don't disagree with you in prioritizing spending the majority of waking hours with your children - it's just hard in practice if you do choose to/need to work a traditional full-time w2 job. Often I do wish I spent more time with my children. My advice to women who are FTEs, is to really prioritize the quality of time that you do get with them. Intentional play. Putting down your phone/limiting screen time. Create common jargon/songs/prayers that you speak out loud with your kids. I have an almost 3 year old and a 1.5 year old. Every day on the way to school we say a school prayer, repeat the fruit of the spirit and I ask them what their job is, to which the almost 3 year old says to "be good, be safe, be happy, be kind, be smart, and have fun!" I'm thankful I do work for an employer that offers flexibility to working moms (modern day corporate America flexibility). I do dream of a society where we can find that priority of home/family time balance for women. But the reality of the day is most families need a dual income household to live comfortably.
I respect the fact that you stand firmly in your belief that women should be mothers first, but that they should also have space in their communities outside of motherhood. Too many conservative content creators seem to be under the impression that mothers should be barricaded in their homes and rarely allowed to leave. As someone who is neither conservative nor liberal, I find your viewpoint refreshimg.
Maybe you get into this later, but this is another example of how Catholicism can feel VERY middle/upper class. Are poor people not allowed to have families? If a husband and wife can’t work at home or have a very flexible schedule, are they not allowed to be intimate in case they bring a child into that situation?
According to scripture; women should only be marrying men that are providers (a man doesn't have to be rich to be a provider). There is no suggestion to marry men who are dead broke poor in the bible; I've never read it. Which means that you should almost ALWAYS have the option to stay at home in a TRULY godly marriage because your man will always be willing to make it happen.
I’m a stay at home mom. Had to stay home after my third child was born. I have four children. I’ve realized after a lot of societal guilt and snide comments that what I have done Is the best I could have done. Unfortunately society judges me for having given up my career as a teacher to do this. I find my kids need me and will need me even or especially as teenagers.
Thank you so much for this video. I was going through this emotional struggle of leaving my kids and going to work, but now i realize i am not gonna work. i left my kid for 4 days and went to work and i hated it. I love being a SAHM. Much love from India.... This video was truly God send.
Hello Mrs. Rose. Thank you for your continued contribution to these various important matters. I’m new to your channel but have followed your journey and I am thankful for your efforts. Mothers and fathers are indeed critical, especially at this vulnerable point in our culture. God bless you and yours.
Good points. Finally you address the issue. Also I would appreciate if you speak against hook up culture. Almost 80% of abortions happen outside of marriage.
11:50ish: I think it's important to remember that these "aggressive" forms of feminism didn't pop out of the ground for funsies - these were legitimate survival strategies for a lot of women in the face of trauma, abuse, and other factors. So many women that we've collectively lost sight of the ideal that just surviving as a woman shouldn't be so difficult. I myself became the breadwinner for my family after seeing just how vulnerable you are as a SAHM in an abusive marriage; fortunately, I'm a good fit for the work that I do and I'm remarried to a man who LOVES being a SAHD, so it worked out okay. Re: The Feminine Mystique - remember that this was the era where there was often only one car for the family and the husband took it to work, so the wife really was "trapped" at home. In many ways that midcentury culture was an overreaction to the war-time chaos of WW2, and so the feminist response was very natural. Particularly when you layer in that all these men post-war were sent home with PTSD, told to "man up", so they took it out on the vulnerable people in their lives (i.e. their wives and children), because the men badly needed help that: 1) they didn't even know how to ask for; 2) they wouldn't have been given anyway.
I was having a conversation with my friend. She mentioned to me that “people have aspirations”. That got me thinking that do we as a society think of work as aspirational and parenthood as a responsibility? Can’t having children be an aspiration too? Could watching them grow be fun too? The one thing I do advocate is that women have a solid identity of their own. Motherhood or work I have seen women closely tie their entire being to one thing or the other. I believe we have parts. Having own identity is very important. Feminism is also about choice. If as women we associate financial ability with respect then we are doing what men did to women: telling them they are useless because they don’t earn
With my first child I went back to work after only 7 weeks not even because we needed the money but more of just feeling I needed to be back at work and be a "boss chick". Absolutely hate that job by the time I get home working full time I can't be a good mom or wife since it's just mentally draining feeling like I just need to be alone. Now pregnant with child #2 hoping to do things differently this time and be a SAHM.
This has been on my mind a lot recently, and I want to talk about it more! What are your thoughts? Where do you disagree? We might use some of your comments in future videos on this topic 👀
I like what Phyllis Schlafy had to say about it. Women can have it all, they just can't have it all at the same time.
I think when children are very young mothers need to be there almost every hour of everyday. And as time goes by and your children need you less and your calling will change. There are different seasons in life.
I used to want to be a paralegal but when I became a wife and mother all of that changed. Now I'm content being the heart of my family, the volunteer parishioner, homeschool co-op mom, my husband's helpmate, the granddaughter who visits with her grandmother, and occasionally chauffeur for doctors appointments.
Also, my children have helped me fine tune my interests and passions. So when they are older the work I will want to do is probably going to very different from the career I wanted when I was 24. Holistic health really interests me now.
I say thank you, you said it so well, it was so good... It touched me. My views weren't much different, but it helped me to clarify and realize them better and correct them a little and it was an excellent reminder and boost. I totally have things to improve.
I've been fighting for these principles for a long time in my family, if only we all were on the same page.
Thank you posting this video, lots more woman and men need to hear this. Thank you!
So you hoped to be a present mother, but you aren't present to your children and your husband while you are working? Every moment you are away from them unnecesarily, as in the basic necessities of your family are sadly not provided for by your husband, you are choosing your career over your family.
Christian motherhood must look different. Stay home, educate your kids at home as much and as often as you can. It is of the utmost importance. Marry young, have a bunch of kids, care for the home. This is how women fight against Satan's diabolical plan. Women working outside the home voluntarily is part of the diabolical communist or feminist ideology. Women called to sacrifice a family for a life of service are called to serve as celibate nuns, set aside for the kingdom of God, living in community with one another, working on spiritual motherhood instead of physical motherhood.
What I always miss in these conversations is that we somehow as women can’t play multiple roles at different times in our life. Kids don’t stay little forever. Let’s say you have kids in your 20’s and by the time all are in school you decide to work part time, why is that not promoted more? I’m 32 now, been home for 8 years with 4 babies. Even if I start working at age 40, that’s still a good 25 years of being in the workforce while also been a mom during their formative years. There are so many options for us women. Some just want to be home, some need to do more outside the home. All of it is ok. We go through different seasons in our lives.
Amen
I agree! I have been speaking about your point. How we need more women employing women over 40. It’s a crushing choice women are told to make. Career or children - choose at 25 - rather than have a family and have a career when they are grown. In Australia the retirement age is 67. My children will be 18 and 16 when I turn 40. I could get a degree and still work in that career for 23 years. There are so many benefits for hiring mature aged women but the conversation isn’t there between women.
I agree 100%. I could never leave my toddler in a daycare for someone else to care for. He is too vulnerable at this stage, but when he is school aged, he won’t need me as much. I can work then. That’s what my mom did. We don’t have to pick one or the other.
That’s how I also think.
I wouldn't send my child to school. We moved away from Germany in order to be able to homeschool and I would highly recommend it to everyone.
When my children were toddlers I stepped away from my career to stay home with them and homeschool. Felt like I was jumping off a cliff. Thirteen years later, I am now working part-time as an attorney again. I was 49 when I jumped back in the workforce. With God, all things are possible.
This gives me hope! I’m there at moment (at home with a toddler and a baby--left attorney life when trying to have these kids and now at home with them ). I feel the career life was actually easier 😂 and have so much more respect for moms and SAHM more so! When they are older I plan to get back into my career but I do/did worry about getting back into it but I know it’s possible ! Thank you for your comment !
I once heard someone say that being a nanny or daycare worker are full-time jobs that are respected yet society looks down at moms who want to stay home to care for their young. Why is outsourcing applauded yet motherhood not valued more than a career.
Great point. It makes no sense!
This attitude is a side effect of the Marxist ideology that has invaded our society. It sees people and relationships in primarily economic terms. So the idea is that all work should be paid. There is no room in this ideology for the sacrifices of love in the nuclear family. This is also why “sex work” has become de-stigmatized. Because the ideology says that the giving of one’s body for free in a committed relationship is oppression, while being paid for it is empowerment.
Its valued , but its a responsibility, not a job.
If daycare workers were so respected they would get paid more.
Society does not look down on moms, they look down on their selves becasue they are kind of not a part of society becasue they are not in the world earning. Thats why they are alwasy "sneak-dissing" working women and trying to set up their way of life as the better or only way to do it and be a good mother. All the guilting and shaming being put on working women... Fact is, if you are not in the game, no one cares what you do and thats a hard pill to swallow for a lot of women...
One of the most impactful things anyone has ever said to me was when my grandmother said this: when you are home with young kids it’s hard to remember that it doesn’t last long. If you’re blessed with a long life, the time that your children are at home is a very short part of your adult life. Most of your adult life and marriage (if you’re blessed like us) will be after your children leave the home. So first, your marriage must be the top priority. And second, you will have so much time after the kids are out of the house, you will have to rediscover old and new parts of yourself and find other meaningful things to do. You can’t do everything and be everything you’re meant to be all at once.”
Thank you for the reminder, I have a one yr old and two yr old and I sometimes feel like I’m going to be stuck in this stage forever sometimes it’s so hard but I know they grow so fast and it won’t be forever 🥲
I love this! My grandmother passed before I became a wife or a mom. I wish I could have gleaned wisdom from her on these topics. Thank you so much for sharing your grandmother's words!
Thank you for this❤❤❤❤
Thanks for sharing. Very impactful!
This 🙏🏻😭 thank you for this comment
My parents were both career focused. I guess I was perhaps a needier than normal child. My parents didn't understand or recognize that. It lead to a lot of acting out. My childhood felt extremely lonely. I can't recall my parents playing with me. If I spent time with them it was being "around " while they were doing things like charity or their hobbies. It lead me to have poor self esteem, make bad choices in friends, and romantic partners. I was desperate for acceptance and affirmation. In high school no one even noticed I has an eating disorder. I'm aware this is an extreme case.
I, in reaction, was one of those women who said my 100% would be motherhood. But I have discovered after seven years of motherhood, that I need to be mom + to be a good and healthy mom. I am a homeschooling sahm, and it is my number one priority. However, I need to garden, hike, paint, and homestead for me. I love hands on things and creating beauty.
It's about balance. A symbolic representation of this is that in my big flowerbed lays a sandbox. My children and I play in the sandbox together where I can also be surrounded by things I've created and enjoy, and occasionally pull a few weeds. Even if I wander off to feed chickens or prune a tree, I hope and believe, my children will know that they are seen, accepted, and secure.
Just a quick comment: I'm not angry at my parents or resentful. I'm breaking a cycle that has been around for a few generations. My parents parented the way they were parented. But I'm a millennial with the world at my fingertips. I am more aware of mental health, trauma, love languages, and attachment styles than my parents were and are. I also have the ability to learn new skills and educate myself with the greatest resource known to man: the internet.
What a wonderful story - thank you for sharing ❤
Thank you for sharing some of your story and wisdom here ❤
Its not extreme, not having your parents leads to all kind of ugly things! This world dont care about family and parents do what this world tell them to do, so they are not to blame. For me was similar as you and its horrible. If I am a mother some day I want to be a stay at home mom, theres no other way for me! As I know very well the damage of not having parents, mostly the mother with you...
I’d say, Colleen, that your case is not extreme. I believe it is the norm for any child with both parents working full time. I am a homemaker, mother of seven children and I homeschool the children not yet in high school. I cannot even imagine how chaotic and stressful life would be if I worked full time. Think about that phrase…full time. That means your husband and family get you part-time. That is the truth. I believe from my experience as a child of working parents like you, one who also acted out and needed affirmation and attention, that it is what has helped to destroy our culture. Kids deserve to be raised by their mothers. If you are pro-life, I would think that would be so clear to one that holds such beliefs.
We’ve decided I’m a stay at home mom until my children are all in kindergarten. I’m so happy I’m able to stay home for now and spend so much time with them😊
That is awesome. ❤
I've sent 2 to school and it does not feel natural to be away from my 5yr old+ for 8hr+ for 5 days straight.
Keep them at home unless you absolutely need the assistance of an outside school. It should be treated as a last resort. When you send your kids to school, someone else is doing the job the parent should be entrusted with. Just because a child is old enough, doesn't mean they are ready or that your job teaching them from home is done. What else are you doing now?
@@kristinwannemuehler9757i disagree. don’t see how it’s terrible for you to send your kids to school to learn math and science
As a parent with an autistic child it baffles me that the government will pay someone wildly unqualified and potentially dangerous to raise my child but won’t provide me with the funds to stay home and educate myself in early childhood special needs education and raise her.
its your responsibility, having kids is a life choice not a career path. What other parts of your life would you like us all to pay for for you?
It would be nice, wouldn't it?However, unfortunately, the world doesn't work like that.
@@paramorefanaddict yet
Why would other people pay for you to stay home with your child when it's your choice?
Yeah,that's sad😢
I feel like I’m finally in my sweet spot, staying home with my 3 children, serving at church and doing some work from home a few hours a month. I’ve worked for many years to get to this point and at times I didn’t think it would ever be possible. My husband and I don’t come from wealthy families, we’ve had to work and sacrifice to live for God and be obedient to the call on our lives, but the Lord has truly blessed our family and I’m forever thankful!
Good for you! I’m also a stay at home mom + work from home mom. I work full time, but my job is so flexible that I’m able to devote 90% of the time to my kids and I home school them and we serve in our church, too! ❤ As long as the work gets done, my boss doesn’t care! Sometimes I get some work done after my kids and husband are asleep or if they’re off playing with dad or something. It works for us and I’m so thankful!
Please help me I would love to know where to work in a more flexible job. I’m a mother of 3.
@@kristenadornoCan you please share where do you work please. I am a mom of 3. Thank you
@@wilsncz7197same!
I want to point out that my children are my legacy. Being a SAHM is important to me.
I've been saying for years that the corporate world is shorting themselves a fantastic work resource by not offering more part time positions with more flexible hours. I would be willing to work part time if businesses didn't require me to neglect my family for 9+ hours a day. For a society that goes on and on about inclusivity, diversity and nuance it has a VERY binary view of a woman's place in society and it's weighted overwhelmingly to working full time.
Yes part time with benefits!
Agreed! Even a 4-day week would have been heavenly when my kids were little. I recall talking about that with other moms at the time. It’s so dependent on the profession and in mine, it was full-time or nothing and I carry the insurance.
I also believe employees would be more hard working if you gave them more time with families. 💯 agreed! American culture is way too fast paced and greedy.
Same! The HOURS they demand of us is ridiculous.
I remember all the days going to work crying because I couldn't be at home with my kids. I felt like I was doing the wrong thing. So many people didn't understand. "It's good to see mommy work!" My nights were meant for sleeping because I had to be well rested for the next day, so if my daughter needed me at night I'd get angry. I was such an angry mom when I had to work. Now staying home if I feel that anger from doing "too much" I look back on that time working and being a mom and thank God I'm not doing that now. It is a blessing to stay home with my kids. Happy mom, I can devote all my time to my kids and the home, and still have extra time for myself. I was stretched very thin while working. Kids deserve a calm, patient mom, whatever that looks like for you may be different to me. ❤
I loved your comment. That was me a long time ago. Recently I had a baby she is now 3. I quit my 20 yrs career just to be home with her. I take this as a second opportunity in my life which I was going to embrace. There are days that I miss my career but then I also remember how I hated being away from home for 10 hrs a day and missing my children. I fully embrace these days and cherish every single day because eventually I will go back to work someday in the future.
This was really encouraging as someone who is 35 and single. I want marriage and children badly, but dating is a difficult world these days. This gave me hope and confidence that i can still be a mothering force in the world, even if God doesnt bless me with biological children. Could certainly use some prayers these days though dating as a catholic woman, haha.
Iam not Christian but spiritual. If you are close to God it will definitely keep you at peace in your life. ❤
Before we met each other, my husband and I refused to settle for anything less than exactly what we wanted as far as having our values and core beliefs line up. We both had never been married before and since we were waiting until marriage, we both never had kids before either. Living 2000 miles apart, we finally met each other while doing our respective ministries not even looking for someone to date -- he was 41 and I was 37. Now here we are, he is about to be 44 and I will be 40 two weeks before our first child is born... she is a very healthy, active in the womb baby girl and this has been a healthy pregnancy (appreciate prayers for safe delivery in June). My husband works hard as a general contracter to provide for our household so that I could quit my job and be a stay at home mommy starting from pregnancy. Even with his volunteer pastoral work, he puts his relationship with God and our little growing family first. My point in saying all this is to encourage you that if you have the desire to marry, which is a biblical desire, trust that God will bring you the right person with the right values in due time. He is sovereign over your life, and He is always trustworthy.
I’ve been a stay at home mom (aka raising both my babies under 5) and while it can be SO challenging and mentally/physically exhausting… I could not imagine it any other way. I was designed to care nurture and raise them all day. We sacrifice a lot so I can do so. There is no better job and I take it very serious.
When I gave birth to my son 5 years ago, one of the first questions I got was “when are you going back to work?” I used to always feel the need to defend my reasoning
For staying home to care for him. Now I embrace it.
Same ! WoW thank you for sharing !
Wow Lila! I’ve been following you for a long time. I am a mom now and I was taking my child to work with me at the office from 6 weeks old to almost 2 years old. I am home with him now, praise God. My husband and I fully believe in all that you’ve said here!! Such a confirmation. I really couldn’t have said it any better… I mean you touched on SO many points so fluently and explanatory! My job as a mother is the most important ❤️. Love you Lila, you’ve always been such an encouragement to me especially to stand up for the unborn. This was SO GOOD. Thank you for taking this subject on!
So glad to hear. Congratulations on your beautiful family Laura!!
We moved away from Germany in order to be able to homeschool, and I do not work outside the home. Since my husband started working from home and being the sole provider, our marriage has been a true blessing. Every woman needs to make her choice, but I won't pretend all choices have the same value. A mother's place is at home with her children, instead of paying strangers to raise her kids.
I am German and wish homeschooling was an option here. Hopefully this will change🙂
Agree sahm 16 yrs homeschool mom to 8 ❤
@@chichilinha2895 Ich denke nicht, dass sich etwas ändern wird. Der Staat würde dadurch Einfluss verlieren, und wir wissen ja alle, dass der Staat nur mehr Macht an sich ziehen möchte.
@@libertasinveritas3198 Ja, leider gut möglich. Der Staat ist hier in vielen Bereichen übergriffig, hab aber auch das Gefühl, dass genau dies immer mehr Leuten sauer aufstößt. Finde ich beeindruckend, dass die fehlende Freiheit in Sachen Schulpflicht bei euch Anlass war, um auszuwandern und wünsche euch sehr viel Erfolg beim Heimunterricht :) Mit der heutigen Technologie gibt es meiner Meinung nach echt keine guten Gründe mehr, um Kindern zu verbieten, von zuhause mitlernen zu dürfen, vor allen Dingen, weil viele Kinder alleine aufnahmefähiger sind als in überfüllten und chaotischen Schulklassen.
What are your thoughts on paying a friend/neighbor woman whose kids are grown to help with the kids and housework in the home in tandem with the mother?
My parents were working parents; my mom climbed the corporate ladder but she was also an incredible mom! I could never do what she did. I don’t know how she did it all. I’m a sahm to a toddler, and I started running a small dayhome as a way to stay home with my son to raise him; but also help be a positive influence in other children’s lives as well, and the bonus of bringing in some money. It helps offset the cost of childcare we don’t have to pay because I’m offering it! ❤ it’s very rewarding work being at home, running my home and taking care of young children.
How is it rewarding?
So true I'm a stay at home mom and I'm cooking cleaning, shopping, growing our food, and teaching my children through customized advanced home schooling. I'm the doctor, the councler, the mediator, and a wife as well. I wouldn't give it up for the world. Thank you God for everything.
This video brought tears to my eyes & really spoke to my heart. As a stay at home mom for a little over a year now to my 3 year old and almost 1 year old, I know that the sacrifices my family is making have been well worth it. It’s so rare to hear someone speak with such high esteem for the work that stay at home moms do in a way that is truly uplifting and encouraging.
I've done both. After college, I had a law enforcement and then private investigative career starting at 21 years old, my husband and I started our own business when I was 34. Started having my babies at 30, but didn't stay home with them until I was 35. So I've done full time work, now I'm full time home with them. The work world will ALWAYS be there - but the time you can spend with your children is PRICELESS and you can never have it back once it's gone. I would trade my career for my kids a billion times over. And I'm homeschooling them until they're done with high school.
So awesome! I am 34 now and starting a business with my husband. I want to educate my own kids.
@@HopeAbigailDayan Do it!! It's a beautiful life, being with your family.
I have 5 children. I worked while my two oldest were small and they went to school and daycare. I hated it so much but convinced myself that it was the way it had to be. They are now 20 and 19, in college and my biggest regret is that I didn’t stay home with them full time. I chose to stay home with my others and it is the best decision I have made. I feel for women who aren’t able to recognize this until its too late.
thanks for sharing.. i am always in a dilemma about finding a job outside since all my sisters are working and they have a great career. i sometimes feel left out.. but i cant imagine leaving my babies in daycare since i love them so much and want to be with them all day long. 😢 i dont want to feel regret one day when i realized i dont spend much time with them when they were young. your comment convinced me to be a stay at home mom.. i will just rethink about finding job outside after my babies all have grown up. ❤
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It's not that we don't recognize it. Frankly, some of us were just ditched to be a single mom and couldn't find a decent husband after that. Life is nowhere NEAR fair to everyone.
I remember being told I could be anything I wanted when I grew up and I remember the concern on people's faces when I told them I wanted to be a mom, and it was always followed by, "well you can be a mom but you should have a job too, you don't need to be depending on a man!" I'm sure they were well meaning, but I can't help but feel that instead of comments tinged with cynicism they could have stressed finding a good partner with similar values, having years of discernment in a relationship before marriage, and the importance of premarital counseling instead and it would have been much more helpful to a little girl who knew her it was her calling from a young age to be "just" a mom.
Excellent point and suggestions😊
@@1993kimkimthat’s exactly what my grandmother told me after I told her at age 5 that I wanted to have 9 kids. Just make sure I have a trade in case “something happens” to my husband.
PS we have just two kids, but I still have my skills lol
Yessss!!!! Thank you for this comment. I agree completely!
The worst decision I made was going to law school. It really wasn’t for me and working afterwards was so unfulfilling. I felt like through a series of difficult and surprising events God really woke me up that I needed to stay home. I started homeschooling 3 of my 4 children and it all just clicked. I feel so good during the school year, helping out at the co-op, having meet ups so our kids can play. I don’t feel depressed at all-I feel very good and fulfilled and want to start a little Christian co-op in our small town now.. so much to learn and so much more fulfilling. Just some of my thoughts.
I am a RN and feel so guilty when I have to work because I don't get to see my 18 month old on those days. Luckily I get 4 days a week to be with him though. I know that it is necessary for us to have two incomes in our home but it is hard to be away from him. Thank you for the perspective you gave. I am honored to be his mom but also feel honored to do the work I do.
Lisa, thank you for all that you do! It is very possible to balance both. Unless one come from.a wealthy family it is very difficult to survive on one salary.
Your child will be fine. I was an only child growing up - both of my parents were professionals and work full time. I never felt lonely because I always knew they loved me and spent meaningful time with me when they were home. I’m a professional and work part time. I’m a better mom because I work outside of the home and my identity is not just linked to the home.
@@jordankaangelova false
I am a nurse as well and I really struggled being gone for 13-14 hours a day for 3 days in a row. I missed so much time with my kids and I tried to make up the time on my off days but it is a lot to deal with. I changed jobs and now do part time from home and part time seeing patients and it’s a much better balance
@@jacobrodriguez7771rue, indeed. i’m also the only child. my parents both worked when i grew up, it was perfectly fine and i loved going to school with my friends
I love being a working mom, but I work from home so I can spend more time with our kids. My husband works full time as well and he is the main breadwinner, but he is also a quadriplegic due to a spinal cord injury. That has made me more aware of how unexpected things can happen in anyone's life (disability but also illness, layoffs, changes in the economy, mental health issues, etc.) that may make it more difficult for an entire family to rely on one person for all the money. We both have a ton of time with our kids but also have two incomes so if anything happens healthwise, we are good!
God is giving the ability to manage and will always provide plus kids seeing you and your husband manage a marriage and parenting in a challenging situation will make ur kids better ppl
Life is filled with unknows, and we should somehow find ways to be prepared for the unexpected but at the same time we need to also not live our life based on what ifs… I’m not sending my children or daycare to school to be potentially molested or indoctrinated so I can have the extra income in case tragedy strikes, be prepared? Absolutely and most importantly trust that the Lord can keep us afloat.
@@wendymtzc that's why I suggested flexibility - I work from home so none of that is a problem. I don't think we should live in fear but I do think some women who don't develop any potentially lucrative skills or, heck, men who are only able to do one job, should be better prepared for the unknown. I think there should be a balance between assuming the worst and assuming that life will always be ideal and according to plan.
@@montanagirl3835 yes completely agree about having some sort of plan B, even though I’m a full time SAHM my husband has a good job and able to support us all, he also has savings, pensions, etc. and I also went to college so definitely be as prepared for the unknown as best as you can
@@wendymtzcthe reason why I pursued an education and work is because I want to be able to support my future husband and in case of anything that happens in the future (God forbid), I'll have the experience, skills, and education to be able to step in and help out my family. I'm still planning to be a stay-at-home mother because I feel like it's the best way to raise children but if something happens in the future, I won't be "stuck".
I’m 52, my husband and I both were not having anyone raising our children or missing out on all those wonderful years. I worked part time which worked out fine. My kids are very happy healthy successful adults. Those were the absolute best years of my life! How can anything or career compare? It can’t.
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Thanks for handling this topic with a lot of truth, objectivity and also sensitivity. I attended a bridal shower many years ago where the speaker ridiculed and belittled women who choose to pursue careers. She was a stay at home mom at that point. Fast forward, 20 years later she is sheepishly pursuing a career. Time has taught her a lot.
My wife and I just watched this together. We hope to have kids soon. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic in such an intelligent and structured way. We’ll be watching your next videos! Best regards from Mexico.
As a stay at home mom to 3 boys, I'm not going to lie... I am lonely. But at the same time, I've never felt more fulfilled.
It can be lonely sometimes. Hang in there mama. Will pray you find some good friends and community to share the incredible life you have now raising your boys ❤
Loneliness is not bad, God will give you the right people at the right time!. Sometimes he let us alone for a while to show us that we are able to do more than we think we can, to know better ourselves and that we can have overwhelming happy times with little kids!. Remind that He is always there, the best ever loving, faithful companion ever existed. Ask him for good friends, he will provide...
I remember growing up that neighbourhoods were lively places during the daytime, because so many young moms were home. So many neigbourhoods are total bedroom communities now. Being a SAHM these days can be isolating. It's important to get to connect with other moms.
My problem with this is that we pretend that it’s a choice, and I don’t get it.
If I had enough money I would be a sahm yesterday. I have a great job but I hate working it brings me nothing of value. But I have to do this in the hope that one day I’ll have enough saved up to maybe stay home with a child for the first year and it’s sad.
There’s no answer for people like me who don’t want this.
Exactly!
Very valid
Thank you! All these women who are fortunate enough to be a SAHM and their husband readily supports it do NOT get it. There are plenty of us women who would like the same thing.
Women used to juggle motherhood with civic pursuits and volunteer work. Now, women juggle motherhood with salaried and wage work. This change has had a major impact on society.
Please do more videos on this, Mrs. Lila Rose.
It's annoying to see other videos from other RUclipsrs, especially female RUclipsrs who claim to be liberal or conservative put down or make fun of stay at home moms or working moms.
My mom was a stay at home mother and it helped me tremendously. She worked part time shortly at a fastfood chain when money was tight and my dad was having trouble with finding work.
So, I respect both the working mom, stay at home moms, and single mom though I'm willinglly single for right now due to Psychological issues I'm getting help for.
I really appreciate both the stay at home moms and working moms. ❤
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Amen! I find it funny with conservative RUclipsrs, especially female ones, that pressure moms to be stay at home moms. Some of them are mothers and still work full time in their studio away from home. Oh, the hypocrisy. I respect working moms and stay at home moms as well.
I love this! I often feel that the "work" of motherhood is extremely underestimated and undervalued. I am fortunate enough to have a work-from-home job. While this is the busiest I have ever been as the "work" never ends, I would never trade this opportunity. It helps take some of the pressure off my husband and encourages our children to contribute to the home in a way that might otherwise slip by unencouraged. We are more supportive of each other because we can see how each person's contribution supports the family as a whole. I wish that it was easier, societally & economically, to allow one parent to focus on the family so the other could focus on providing. Year after year, it just seems to become more and more difficult.
This sounds very healthy and balanced! Congrats to you and your family!
I'm watching these kinds of videos mostly because I want to educate my sisters or any other young women. But this video also spoke to me.. thank you for including those who are childless, not many say that they also have an important role in society. By that comment alone I feel seen and blessed. Thank you for acknowledging it. Blessings to you, your family and your work!
As someone who was an educator for 3 years before having kids, I can say 100% that working outside the home is much easier than being a SAHM.
As a working mom, I wholeheartedly agree. I started out as a stay-at-home mom and went back into the workforce and juggling it all is very hard but at the same time going to work in some ways is a break. You don't get to have that as a stay-at-home mom and I remember those moments too.
*Absolutely* , hands down!!
U say that because ur not passionate about motherhood
@@EvelinZamora-q9s Wrong. I love being a SAHM, and wouldn’t trade it for ANYTHING. I’m defending motherhood. It’s the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done, and will ever do.
Just because something is hard doesn’t make it bad. Usually quite the contrary.
Are you saying that 8 hours of shift at work is easier than stay at home mom? That's what sounds like to me, "I can say 100% that working outside the home is much easier than being a SAHM." You got to understand that being stay at home mom is a full time job, and if you decide to work then who is taking care the kids? you got to send them a daycare cause somebody has to take care the kids.
I am not a mom yet, but I have been leaning into this conversation about motherhood lately. I want to have kids one day and I hope I will be a good one. Thank you Lila.
It's beautiful how you uplift motherhood and stay at home moms, Lila!💚I'd love to continue working remote and be with my children if I become a mom one day. I see it as a great opportunity that generations before us didn't have and for many it continues to be impossible due to the nature of their jobs/circumstances. But you are right, if there is a conflict of interests, the best interest of the children should always be the priority.
I love this so much, Lila! Becoming a mother has been the best and most rewarding thing but it is crucial to know your worth is not in your mothering alone! ❤
I had to leave work and become a SAHM because my children were growing up without me. My career wouldn't let me have less hours. Had to do minimum 50 hrs a week. It's the best decision I've ever made. Being home to be in and see these memories
Thank you for bringing up this topic Lila! I’m newer to your content and have found so much value in the wisdom you share! I would love it if this conversation continued and maybe see some round table discussions with different experiences of motherhood.
It would be so helpful to hear about different experiences as someone who is is newly married and desires to be intentional with my life choices before (hopefully) becoming a mother.
I have been saying these things since I was a little kid. I am glad to know that I am not alone in my thoughts. You earned yourself a subscriber!
Thanks for being here!!
After my first little one, I had PPD - so working outside the home a couple days a week helped me get out of that. But now that I've had my second without PPD and successfully started a business, after much thought and prayer, I folded it to be a full time stay at home mom. I was afraid at first that I'd be overwhelmed being in "mom mode" all day, but it has actually been so great and totally worth the sacrifice of an extra income (despite the struggle to be extra thrifty these days!!) So thankful I made the switch!
The one thing I would add is something you only briefly mentioned. We may be called to stay home or to some type of work. Usually when we follow that calling, things work out. I'm a full time lawyer (for both economic and vocational reasons) with 4 kids, ages 8-7months. And lucky for me my workplace is extremely flexible and allows me to work from home whenever I want. The Lord paves a way for these kinds of things.
So are you saying God calls some mothers to leave their children to pursue their careers? That would be contrary to what’s taught in the scriptures
@@wendymtzc do you disagree with Lila in how she presented the idea of women playing multiple roles? I was simply adding that women may do so because of a calling. And that when they follow that calling, God makes it so that women don't have to "leave their children."
Honestly I think you interpreted my comment uncharitably. Pursuing a career is not the same as leaving one's children, especially in the context that I gave.
What scripture passages are you referring to?
@@anaisgonzales1557 I understand some women are not able to be a SAHM full time, I’m also not saying having extra income on the side is wrong, all I’m trying to say is that if women are able to fully raise their children, they should do so, instead what I see many times is women making excuses as to why it is ok for them to work and rely on daycares and schools to do so. If one can work from home and still be able to be there for her children that’s great, someday I would love to make some money on the side but right now with 5 young children is just unrealistic, they take my whole day.
@@wendymtzc you didn't address anything I said
Yes!! Praise the lord and trust in him❤
My wife is a SAHM. The key part you mentioned was about Planning. Young adults should be raised to better plan and exercise more discipline regarding sex and relationships. The better planning and discipline, the more flexibility you'll have as parents when the kids come.
Some people like to work, some people have passions for stuff other than parenting, you wife does not have the eye of the tiger so its easy for her but for others it would be like having their nails pulled out one by one.
@@r.walker7986I had my own business and closed it after I was pregnant with my son to raise him.
There are seasons and kids are a short one. We are raising a legacy and it requires sacrifice. Success is not linear or in a box of materialistic goals.
Relationships are always what people express regrets on in older years or on their deathbed.
@@r.walker7986 id say his wife has “the eye of the tiger” of raising loving, god fearing, responsible children. Shes put aside her career to raise her children. Shes blessed and smart! As a woman with a partner, shes able to do that.
@@bbyjcky1 That's rarely the case. Its a default. Children make terrible "purposes' and it unfair to make another human being your purpose, too much pressure on them.
A child also needs a father. I was raised by a problematic abusive mother, and a workaholic absent father. It messed me up, my mother should never have become a parent, let alone a stay at home mum. With my partner we have managed to split our stay-at-home time. 6 months I am the stay at home parent, and the rest of the year he is. Our work allow this and it is the best for the child's upbringing.
We women are so much more than just our wombs. Let alone all the abusive relationships a woman cannot escape when she has no money of her own.
Lila should do a podcast about this.
@@wyleecoyotee4252Yes, all the talk about sahm, but no factoring in how this push for the traditional roles hurts women who are abused who have no financial outlet outside her husband. This impacts the childs view of a man and of God. If we dont factor this in, we are only turning the clock back to the early 20th century that lead civilization to an incline of atheism and feminism, which stemmed from failed male leadership in the home.
Children ARE the future of humanity!
I really enjoyed this episode. I think you did a great job finding a middle ground. Thank you for being a reasonable voice and for not apologizing for your position!
I was very pleasantly surprised with this episode. I think you said it well!
The time issue you mentioned is one of the many things I have issue with with public schools. As kids get older I think more time away from mom is appropriate, but when the huge bulk of time is away from mom and family, it is harmful.
One of the hardest things for me transitioning from college to marriage, then motherhood was ALLOWING myself to be a stay at home mom without feeling like I was “useless”. What a friggin load of crap. SAHM life is a blessing, but being with kids 10-12 hours a day and not being able to “clock out” or say “hey kids! I’m heading out early, I’m gonna take it easy today!” Doesn’t work like that. Having a job comes with its other challenges but man…I understand why some women just stick to a job and pay someone else to watch their kids. IT’S HARD!!! But so worth it in the end too 🥹😓
I feel the same way. I was actually thinking that exact thought this morning while cooking lol.
Absolutely fantastic!!!.. finally someone who tells it like it is...for mothers unless Absolutely necessary the kids should come first...with the lords grace you can have everything you want...just not at the same time...embrace every season for what it is...unfortunately even men don't realize the importance of a woman being at home ...it takes courage , sacrifice and great devotion to being a SAHM
Thank you for talking about how mothers have more to contribute than just motherhood! This is something I wrestle with as a mom who stays home with my kids and works remotely.
7 months pregnant with my first baby. I am so excited to stay home and cherish my time with her, get to know her, develop a deep bond. I cannot imagine going to work to pay for her to be taken care of by a stranger/ daycare. When I tell people this I get a lot of wild responses. Most people are like “oh don’t lose yourself” or “you will want to come back to work” or “are you sure?? You could still work part time at least” …. It’s really interesting to witness the responses. Very few people have given me supportive responses, or understanding where I am coming from. She is only going to be a baby/ young child for an extremely short period of time. I plan to go back to work once she is in school full time, but before that simply doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t want to outsource my childcare and lose that time with her, having someone else influence who they are/ know them more than I do.
This is such a good video! I was widowed when out twins were 11.5 months old. I struggled with going back to my business as a life insurance agent or being a SAHM. Thank God my husband had life insurance so that allowed me to take a couple years off. I decided to go back to building my business because I know first hand the importance of proper financial planning for families. I also enjoy building a business and I want my daughters to see a momtrepreneur ❤ Great stuff
I worked in tech and made really good money but the job was sooo demanding and I was working 60 hour weeks and my evenings were often interrupted with work things. When I had my first baby I even missed his first steps because I got an evening phone call. So I gave my employer the option of me going part time or quitting. They didn’t accept my terms so I quit. Ironically they are a company that makes diapers but they had zero work flexibility for mothers 😅
I’m soooo much happier just being a stay at home mother. While part time would have been great, God clearly wanted me to just exclusively be a stay at home mom for now.
We just did a podcast on this, too! It's called "Thinking About The Future At The Expense Of The Present" where we talked about how we are called to be a good steward of EVERYTHING that God gives us. Our children need us and they're watching everything that we're modeling for them. Thank you for talking about this! I'm so encouraged by the conversations you have!
I would love for you to talk about this on a deeper and functional/financial level as well.
Here is the brass tax or example of what i mean.
1) some countries give up to 6 months or 1 year or paid maturity leave. While that sounds AMAZING, I am curious how how that works and frankly who pays for it.
2) when roe v wade was overturned, a lot of companies made public statements about how they will pay for their employees to travel to get abortions. Why? Because it’s cheaper than paying for a woman to have a baby, maternity leave, and understanding that her world view will forever change.
Also, I am curious about how you think covid/work from home/hybrid work affected your parking moms. A few things
1) I know women that literally had babies during covid, their employers didn’t know, they took the covid layoff and just used that as a paid 6 month maturity leave.
2) Now women, if it’s possible, can stay home with their kids much more if they have a hybrid/work from home job.
Amazing podcast topic!! You make me so excited to be a mother and serve my family !
Great thoughts, I would add that working outside the home is wrong not only if it negatively affects your child but also if it harms your marriage or relationship with your husband
I am also so blessed to have a super flexible job where I can work from home and be super in tuned and present for my household and with my children, while also contributing in meaningful ways that are important to me. I appreciate Lila’s balanced approach here!
What kind of job do you have if you don’t mind me asking. This sounds like my dream!
@@13flirtygurl of course! I own a very small marketing company. So I write emails for two different companies. I'm also pursuing a doctorate in theology, so that takes up some time as well. My kids attend Catholic School and a cute little preschool a few days/ week, and I am able to actually work, clean, do laundry and work out while they are there, and also have all of the snuggle and mommy time when they are home! It's truly such a blessing.
As a new mom/stepmom I really appreciate these videos they help me as I navigate this journey God has for me
This was a very insightful conversation!! Definitely think it’s a view point that more should hear!! Wish voices like this were the ones that are amplified! Thank you for this conversation! ❤
I’m grateful to be able to work at home. I have a great job and have experienced my fair share of recognition, raises, promotions etc. I would give it all up to be able to give all my attention to my family. Nothing compares to the value of spending quality time with your family. I feel like every minute at work is a waste of time. I need to work tho. So here we are.
Great commentary- we need more voices uplifted around these issues.
Thank you for this talk. I am a mother and wife, nothing to me is more important. Nothing fulfilled me. I will never leave my children and i am thankful for a strong husband. The world is trying to separate us. I won’t allow it.
Please don’t ❤
I came to your content due to seeing your graceful display on THAT episode of the @whatever Podcast.
Thank you for your voice and the way that you carry yourself. I look forward to listening to more of what you have to say.
May God keep blessing you with the courage needed to keep doing what you do. You are a fine example of a virtuous Catholic woman.
Much love from this ex-degenerate convert to the faith ♥️
Lila, your pro life-work is so important and wonderful. God bless you.
I love the part about economic necessity. I worked for the first two years of my oldest daughters life and she was in daycare for one of those years. My husband and I crunched the numbers and decided to have me stay home, it’s been over six months and we haven’t needed to break into our savings yet! I love trying to save everywhere I can and finally feeling like I am the one taking care of my kids. We had more money before but what good is just more money when your babies need you.
Also I love what you said about being with your children more than others. That killed me when my little girl was in daycare from 8-5, that she was there for so long but only with me for an hour in the morning and a few hours at night. Completely agree!
Also one more thing - thank you Lila for all that you do. You are an amazing role model and I hope my girls grow up and do amazing things like you!
Really well thought out and articulated, thanks Lila - we're lucky to have your voice!
Thank you for pointing out a mothering role even without children. My late husband and I chose to not have children, however, we were involved in our church as volunteers for the youth group. This is also valuable to hear for my single friends.
I stay at home with my 2 babies 5 days a week! The other two days, they come to work with me! It’s such a blessing! It’s a little Mother’s Day out program at a church that they just come with me, and sometimes I’m in one of their rooms! I get to nurse my youngest as well. It’s nice to have a socializing outlet with other moms and bring home some income! The babies also get to have little buddies. I’m planning on homeschooling when the time comes, but we will look into cohorts and charter school options too! It’s a balance y’all!
I was worried about viewing this video but lila addresses this video with such compassion and wisdom.
Love this episode Lila! I would love to hear more about fathers who are workaholics and how to handle that
I have important contributions beyond the most important contribution, which is raising my children.
I needed that so so much. Thank you
A stay at home mom works just as hard as any other type of mother. All mothers are working moms. Some work-at-home moms get paid and earn money while being at home.
Well said Lila this is such an important topic that my wife and I have wanted public discourse about! Thank you- God bless you.
So much wisdom this is an answer for me what I have been praying and seeking God about. I took 4 years out of teaching to raise my son. For my sister, she had not had that calling, but for me God lead me to and I can see why that my som needed me for his needs. I was not supported the whole time and made to seem lazy or I was making the wrong decision and went back to work not because I needed to I just was pressured and I could see the effects of doing so. This has made me know what I need to do and to follow what God has called me personally to do to homeschool. It is not everyone's calling but God has given me grace for it and this has encouraged me. ❤❤❤❤
Am the nurse, the teacher, the cleaner, the cook, the mother, the childcarer, the playmate, the team player, the doctor, the instructor and the guide, the party organiser. Am a stay at home mom and am blessed to be all of this in 1. My mother was absent my whole life growing up and as an adult it affected my relationship and when i became a parent I didnt want same patterns for my children. I quit my job to be a stay at home mom as i didn't want my children to end up with childhood trauma and today am enjoying my reward and was the best decision i made and i love my 2 beautiful kids more than any jobs out there. Its very isolating but rewarding
You're doing an amazing job, thank you so much for this message, its been something on my mind for a while and I somehow needed it to be validated by a role model woman such as you. Thank you again !
Dear Lila Rose, thank you for being a great role model for young women in this modern era. I grew up looking up to celebrities and find it difficult to implement their values because it's just different. But, you have shown me what it means to truly be a woman in our society today. May God bless you and your family❤🙏🙌
Sahm catholic mom to 8 children . My life is for my family and the Lord ❤ 16 years sahm love my husband children n the Lord whole heartedly ❤
I know folks who have decided mom will work, dad stays home. And I think it works just as well. It’s not for me, personally. But there are women who’d rather work, and men who’d rather stay home. And they make a really good pair. As long as one of the parents is the dominant presence in the young child’s life and not a stranger, it works well.
I just stumbled upon you recently! We have so many of the same thoughts. I am a stay at home mom that has done a few part-time jobs. I cannot place enough importance on being a very present, nurturing mother. I look forward to hearing much more from you in the future!
Enjoyed listening! This is one topic that has been heavy on my heart. I work outside the home as a prosthetist. I work with amputees and I make and provide prosthetic devices. It is a very rewarding career. I also have the privilege of working with a company that loves my family and is supportive of my role has a mother. I also am blessed to have a husband that is competent and we share the same desire to be present for our kids. we have a 5 year old, a 3 year old and a one year old. With each kid I was able to take 4 months off for a maternity leave. They have all been in and out of daycare, but it started out as just 3 days a week with the first one and I stayed home one day a week and my husband stayed home one day a week. By baby number 3 it was 5 days a week they were in daycare and we both hated the thought that they were with some else 5 days a week and only with us for 2. Life was hectic so we decided together, initiated by my husband, that instead of sending our oldest to Kindergarten he would stay at home and we would homeschool. Overall our kids have been so much happier and they are all thriving and our home life is much more joyful and peaceful. I feel we definitely have an ideal situation. I am in complete control of my schedule so I am able to be home two days a week and they are with dad the other 3 days. It is not easy to juggle all the time and it definitely takes my husband and I really working cooperatively and showing each other grace but for us, it has been working out really so far. Even with all that said though I still struggle with wanting to be at home more and would love to be able to encourage and support other moms/families to think outside the box when it comes to what is possible. Yes you can work and be present for your kids. No matter what that looks like it will require some sacrifice, but you will never regret spending more time with your children, because like you said it is not our only woke, but raising children and this next generation is important work that should not be overlooked or minimized. One thing that has helped me in moments of struggle is just realizing that yes even though I can do multiple rolls, I cannot do all things all the time. There are seasons where work is more of a focus and there are seasons where kids/husband/family are more the focus.
Omg I love this girl! My day starts at 6am and ends at 10pm
Thank you, Lila! This was so practical and gave me so much clarity.
I “ramble” a lot when sharing my teen yrs and just my thoughts to my tweens hoping they can glean something valuable from it. I try my best to anchor it to the Bible’s teachings. This one by Lila is golden! I am almost done with The Talk (Sex and Changes during Puberty) and I plan on making my 7th & 5th grader watch this as a finale! Lila’s format / style is almost like mine. I try to touch on a lot of things like a goldmine of life lessons or reflections. This is also how my mom tried to teach & prepare me. I think it’s brilliant! There is something for a future husband/ father and future wife/ mom here. You also summarized culture today… I don’t know where to begin with that. You touched on so many things that are necessary esp. at the current state of our world - so much wisdom shared here. Thanks, Lila, for making this!!! ❤
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“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” ~Philippians 2:3
INCREDIBLE PODCAST! I couldn’t agree more with everything you spoke on 🙌🏽
Thank you!!
Love this video and I appreciate your perspective. I don't disagree with you in prioritizing spending the majority of waking hours with your children - it's just hard in practice if you do choose to/need to work a traditional full-time w2 job. Often I do wish I spent more time with my children.
My advice to women who are FTEs, is to really prioritize the quality of time that you do get with them. Intentional play. Putting down your phone/limiting screen time. Create common jargon/songs/prayers that you speak out loud with your kids. I have an almost 3 year old and a 1.5 year old. Every day on the way to school we say a school prayer, repeat the fruit of the spirit and I ask them what their job is, to which the almost 3 year old says to "be good, be safe, be happy, be kind, be smart, and have fun!"
I'm thankful I do work for an employer that offers flexibility to working moms (modern day corporate America flexibility). I do dream of a society where we can find that priority of home/family time balance for women. But the reality of the day is most families need a dual income household to live comfortably.
They used to train mothers. The degree was called Home Economics.
And many years ago, women had role models and support systems. Now they don't have that same advantage.
I respect the fact that you stand firmly in your belief that women should be mothers first, but that they should also have space in their communities outside of motherhood. Too many conservative content creators seem to be under the impression that mothers should be barricaded in their homes and rarely allowed to leave. As someone who is neither conservative nor liberal, I find your viewpoint refreshimg.
Maybe you get into this later, but this is another example of how Catholicism can feel VERY middle/upper class. Are poor people not allowed to have families? If a husband and wife can’t work at home or have a very flexible schedule, are they not allowed to be intimate in case they bring a child into that situation?
what a ridiculous comment
According to scripture; women should only be marrying men that are providers (a man doesn't have to be rich to be a provider). There is no suggestion to marry men who are dead broke poor in the bible; I've never read it. Which means that you should almost ALWAYS have the option to stay at home in a TRULY godly marriage because your man will always be willing to make it happen.
I’m a stay at home mom. Had to stay home after my third child was born. I have four children. I’ve realized after a lot of societal guilt and snide comments that what I have done Is the best I could have done. Unfortunately society judges me for having given up my career as a teacher to do this. I find my kids need me and will need me even or especially as teenagers.
Our children don’t keep us from our dreams. They make our dreams sweeter.
Thank you so much for this video. I was going through this emotional struggle of leaving my kids and going to work, but now i realize i am not gonna work. i left my kid for 4 days and went to work and i hated it. I love being a SAHM. Much love from India....
This video was truly God send.
You're awesome Lila! Keep holding it down.
Hello Mrs. Rose. Thank you for your continued contribution to these various important matters. I’m new to your channel but have followed your journey and I am thankful for your efforts. Mothers and fathers are indeed critical, especially at this vulnerable point in our culture. God bless you and yours.
Good points. Finally you address the issue. Also I would appreciate if you speak against hook up culture. Almost 80% of abortions happen outside of marriage.
11:50ish: I think it's important to remember that these "aggressive" forms of feminism didn't pop out of the ground for funsies - these were legitimate survival strategies for a lot of women in the face of trauma, abuse, and other factors. So many women that we've collectively lost sight of the ideal that just surviving as a woman shouldn't be so difficult. I myself became the breadwinner for my family after seeing just how vulnerable you are as a SAHM in an abusive marriage; fortunately, I'm a good fit for the work that I do and I'm remarried to a man who LOVES being a SAHD, so it worked out okay.
Re: The Feminine Mystique - remember that this was the era where there was often only one car for the family and the husband took it to work, so the wife really was "trapped" at home. In many ways that midcentury culture was an overreaction to the war-time chaos of WW2, and so the feminist response was very natural. Particularly when you layer in that all these men post-war were sent home with PTSD, told to "man up", so they took it out on the vulnerable people in their lives (i.e. their wives and children), because the men badly needed help that: 1) they didn't even know how to ask for; 2) they wouldn't have been given anyway.
I was having a conversation with my friend. She mentioned to me that “people have aspirations”. That got me thinking that do we as a society think of work as aspirational and parenthood as a responsibility? Can’t having children be an aspiration too? Could watching them grow be fun too? The one thing I do advocate is that women have a solid identity of their own. Motherhood or work I have seen women closely tie their entire being to one thing or the other. I believe we have parts. Having own identity is very important. Feminism is also about choice. If as women we associate financial ability with respect then we are doing what men did to women: telling them they are useless because they don’t earn
With my first child I went back to work after only 7 weeks not even because we needed the money but more of just feeling I needed to be back at work and be a "boss chick". Absolutely hate that job by the time I get home working full time I can't be a good mom or wife since it's just mentally draining feeling like I just need to be alone. Now pregnant with child #2 hoping to do things differently this time and be a SAHM.