Family Therapist Ranks PIXAR Parents
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- Опубликовано: 29 апр 2024
- What does healthy parenting look like? How do parents show up without being overbearing or controlling?
Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright are taking a look at Pixar parents and ranking them by healthy parenting throughout the films. They rank Coco’s Mama Imelda, Inside Out’s Jill and Bill, Luca’s Daniela and Lorenzo, Onward’s Laurel, and Turning Red’s Ming and Jin. Jonathan uses his expertise in family therapy to explain why some Pixar parents miss the mark and why some excel at parenting their children. Some parents react instead of respond, some are overbearing, and others make room for all emotions to be felt. Jonathan and Alan share some of their parenting wins and misses, and they compliment each other’s dadding.
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Written by: Megan Seawright, Jonathan Decker, and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright, Alan Seawright, and Corinne Demyanovich
Edited by: David Sant
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
English Transcription by: Anna Preis
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hi jono and alan hope you guys are doing great :D
You know Pixar moms have a whole different reputation.
Thanks for the great integration of our sponsorship! 😄
So you have your editors trapped in a dark place huh, I saw that SOS message xD
it´s so fun, I saw an interwiew with the screen wrighter and she said some of the worst experiences Mei goes through are self experiances including the pad scen..
Shout out to Luca's parents for not destroying his collection of human things upon discovering them, even though they think him having them is bad. Triton should have taken notes
Ariel: “Well, at least your parent didn’t destroy your stuff, and make you have to go mute to be with the love of your life.”
Luca: “Yeah, that’s fair ig.”
@@user-oe3db4oj9q Hahaha. This is hilarious!
@@user-oe3db4oj9q (I feel compelled to point out that the muteness was an Ursula-imposed condition, and not something Triton thought would be a consequence)
@@Landis963 It’s fine lol. I just meant that he made her feel like that was her only option
I think Triton wasn't the only one who needs a notebook there... *cough... Coco... cough...*
As a former 13yo girl, those two scenes in Turning Red are scarier than any horror movie will ever be
This! 😅
Absolutely. I would die.
im so glad my mom never found my stuff
Just that tiny flash of her drawing made my whole body wince.
When I was about 13 I drew "hot boy pictures" and I was so scared my mom would find them, that I ripped them in so many tiny pieces before hiding them
My first time watching Coco, I spent the majority of the movie waiting for someone to point out that Mama Imelda would rather see her great-great grandson *dead* than playing music. Literally. "You go back my way, or no way." And the rest of the family was too scared of her to save Miguel's life.
Holy crap I never thought of it like that...
Freaking animation tricked the rest of us into forgetting that they're actually dead
maybe because they already died and has been dead, they undermine the importance of life?
@@jolynecujoh2694 Maybe.
It could be too that if mama Imelda sees music as a way to be forgotten by your family, and in that culture the life AFTER death is so important, she’s saying she’d rather he be dead and REMEMBERED than die later all alone after music does to him what it did to her husband, in her eyes at least. Because if no one remembers Miguel, he dies for real, but if he died there and then in the movie he would definitely continue living on in the afterlife.
I don’t think Mama Imelda meant it that way.
One of the details that I love about that scene in Inside Out is how the parents validate Riley's feelings with their own ("I miss Minnesota too"), but the examples they give are all about her... because this moment isn't about them, it's about her.
Yeah, that’s such a nice detail! Great catch, and that’s something that people do sometimes when they try to comfort people, they try to relate the persons experience to their own, but in doing so unintentionally invalidate the persons feelings by making it all about themselves.
@@Yams-Hams7734 Yes, exactly!
My parents like to... invalidate my feelings by saying that they've suffered the same thing but "worse" and they're fine at the moment
@@jbean9870 ... I'm so sorry. I have friends like that, it must be worse when it's your parents!
@@VictoriaKimball it hurt so bad so when i finally decided to tell my parents what was wrong, andddd yep i got hit with something possibly worse
Oh man, that moment Riley says, "Please don't be mad," when she's breaking down hits so hard. Like as kids, we're so afraid of being honest with parents because we don't know what their reaction will be. Sometimes, it goes well. Sometimes, it doesn't. And all it takes is ONE wrong reaction to something as simple as "I feel bad and I don't know why," or "hey I didn't do well in school" and you'll never hear honesty from your kids again. Because it's learned that lying to keep the status quo is better than telling the truth and causing hurt.
Excellent point.
life was rough growing up, but my parents were always so happy whenever I was happy. so I tried to always stay that way and hide any negative thing that ever happened to me. it's been so hard to unlearn that, even with therapy
@AxisDens dude same. I'm always seen as "the nice sweet kid," so when I do get sass, when I do get pissed off, my feelings are never validated so that makes me MORE infuriated. So I just shut down emotionally and its gotten to the point I don't even know what's a real emotion vs what's a fake cover up which I feel like isn't exactly healthy.
My older sister was disappointed that that Riley is never shown to apologize to her parents for putting them through so much worry. It is clear in this scene that Riley isn't there yet and that being able to admit her unhappy feelings to her parents honestly is the most important thing. But my sister thinks that Riley should have taken responsibility for her actions and admitted that she had not handled her unhappiness appropriately.
Oh yeah the negative reaction I got to coming out beforee I was ready p much sealed up the idea of sharing anything about myself with my mom ever again. And now I end up just saying whatever she wants to hear so we never get to a point of conversation that ends up the way it did that one time
Seeing two dads talk about trying to make chores fun for their kids is healing my inner dad issues.
It's awesome
I love Alan asking a funny, sarcastic, non-rhetorical question, but Johnathan having the perfect clinical answer for it
"I forgot, you're an expert in this."
why 'non-rhetorical question'? im confused
“Am I an overbearing parent?”
“Yes, I’ve witnessed it”
Mei simultaneously doing everything to make her mum proud while having resentment for how overbearing she is so relatable to me it hurts. Her letting her friends take the fall out of fear of dissapointment happened to me as well. That store scene gave me war flashbacks to my mum finding my fanfiction and making me switch schools. That feeling of utter betrayal from her followed by the guilt of doing something 'bad' and deserving punishment was captured perfectly
Here’s an alternate ending I came up with:
Starts out just like in the movie, Ming in her giant form destroys the concert, but Mei gets SO angry that she also turns into a kaiju sized panda, then after pretty much the same exchange we saw in the final movie, Ming lands a slap hard enough to knock Mei to the floor, this is where Mei snaps, after a few seconds of silence Mei stands back up; with dark grey fur, blood-red eyes, and needle-like fangs and claws. Ming’s rage gets replaced with both horror and regret both at what she just did to her own daughter, and at her new look. Now Mei turns into a cyclone of rage, chomps, and claws all the while blaming Ming for everything bad that happened. After a while Ming is finally on the ground unable to move and covered to the brim with scars *then it’s pretty much the same scene in GVK where Godzilla has Kong on the ground but Mei is Godzilla and Ming is Kong* and before Mei can deliver a final blow, her grandmother jumps in in her own panda form which catches Mei off guard, then she starts explaining that Ming only wanted the best for her and to remember the good memories they had together, then after that exchange Ming gains enough strength to apologize to Mei for everything, then the ritual gets done again, then it’s the same scene in the astral world we saw in the movie.
Though idk if this would have been way to violent to show in a Pixar movie
Omg it is *so* true, I couldn't put it into words and properly explain to my brother that she *did* feel like she deserved what happened to her even tho she clearly didn't
I'm sorry that happened to you, but I'm glad you could relate to a movie in this way.
@@nicolasrestrepo6177 This may have been too violent for Pixar.
@@aleksandrasialtsis4382Cars 2 is too violent
One thing about "Coco" that interested me--yes, there was the music ban, but when we see the family functioning at the beginning, Miguel is very securely attached to them. He's comfortable being a bit rebellious, he cheerfully says, "Love you, Mamá" as he leaves, and, maybe most importantly, when he "discovers" about de la Cruz, he doesn't hide it. He assumes that they will all accept it. The fact that he's deeply disappointed when they don't suggests that his usual experience is different--that, aside from music, they have been supportive.
They absolutely are a loving family. But even the most loving families have trauma. The fact that they are so strongly connected has two outcomes: most members don’t question the music ban because the family always does what’s best for you and you can be rebellious because your family loves you anyway.
Wow
Love this comment tbh❤
I'm also a big fan of the scene at the end when he goes to try to help his great grandma remember and his parents finally break through the door. You only see about the chest down, but the dad's posture and tone of voice that are initially very assertive and disapproving IMMEDIATELY soften when he sees how upset his son is.
I felt that analysis personally. My parents were always so supportive of me I remember suffering an ontological shock when they didn’t agree with me on something I thought was just a common understanding. Their disagreement really came out of no where in my perspective.
Jono being able to call Alan out on his overbearing parental tendencies and Alan taking it in complete stride instead of doubling down or getting angry about it is the kind of healthy friendship I live for
so true
comes from a place like I read someone else mention: when your parents always reacted well you are honest. one blow up is all it takes for someone to become defensive and start lying to keep things calm. From there it becomes a habit and translates to your friendships and as an adult it's hard to deprogram yourself.
I cackled! I love their friendship it's so healing to see such healthy masculinity and parenting..🖤
@@liamnehren1054 All of this is very true. Thanks for the insight. I've even seen this play out in my own life.
@@knitwitchpgh I agree!
As a hispanic child and growing up hispanic, I thoroughly loved the family dynamic of Coco because it perfectly represents how trauma and grief affects the family entirely, and how it reflects my situation very well
Oh absolutely specially, when previous generations don’t heal from that and then throw it onto the next batch of kids and then call them crazy for dealing with mental health issues with reality these kids much rather get help processing their emotions, then continuing on the cycle
I love how the part where dad puts the foot down, it takes *all* of them *agreeing* for it to happen. It shows (to me) that he wants to make sure he never disciplines her on just a spur of the moment emotion (like you can see happen in Riley’s head), it is an informed decision that he only uses when he needs to (shown by Riley’s surprise when he tells her to go to her room, which suggests it rarely *if ever* happens)
Granted, in this situation he didn’t have the best information because he was distracted, but it still shows a lot to me that it is something that requires *everyone* in his head to agree with
You can also tell it rarely happens by the other emotions reactions. Fear’s immediate response is to gasp and say, “Not the foot.” If this was something they did with any level of regularity then they wouldn’t treat it with such severity. It seems like they do usual veer on the side of talk things out rather than send her to her room any time she bothers them
@@caliecat8275also the fact that the button they used to ground Riley was in a glass case that needed to be opened with keys
As a kid, I thought Riley's parents were unrealistic.
Now that I'm older, I understand that people like that do exist. Riley is seriously lucky.
EDIT: I should have specified, I was like, 17-18 and that still considered a kid to me. You don't become an adult until you reach the age of reason.
Ikr, i used to think they were unrealistic too, especially after riley's dad just went "go to your room" when i expected a huge explosion to happen
I’m so sorry you guys couldn’t grow up with stable people as parents
right? i watched inside out with my parents and they laughed when the parents were on screen because "i thought these movies were supposed to be getting realistic?"
which now looking back on it, i see that its sad that they think that, but that doesnt change the fact that theyve been horrid to me
You watched Inside Out as a kid???
I’m old…
@@Sarah-qx4vz Don't be. It's not your fault. Look on the bright side, lots of people turn out like Riley's parents because they broke the cycle by learning the right lessons.
I appreciate how Johnathan and Alan don't dismiss Riley's parents due to the argument scene. While supportive parents are great, no one is perfect and disagreements are a part of any healthy relationship.
This is something they discuss in their Incredibles episode, too. Helen is stressed and worried about Bob and their entire family’s survival on Nomanisan Island and Violet brings up that she told them to never use their powers. She angrily says “I know what I said!” but then regains her composure and gets herself to be on her children’s’ levels and explain things the way they need it. She was a great parent all around, but had little moments of imperfection.
This film is SO great! One of my absolute favorites. If this was made today, one or both would basically be villains.
I do think her father was not great for getting mad when she acted somewhat annoyed to a question she had just answer
I'm so with you there. I'm worried this younger generation doesn't know conflict is part of life and there are healthy ways to deal with it
Also it is practically impossible to connect with someone who is having a complete emotional shut down like Riley is. I've been in Riley's shoes and watching my parents try and fail to reach me broke my heart. It wasn't until I let myself feel again that they could help me.
Man, Turning Red will always multiply my appreciation for how calmly my mom reacted to almost the same situation with the finding secret hormonal 13-year-old material. Kept the moment of panic internal, sat me down, let me explain myself without being terrifying, checked to make sure I was being safe (internet stuff), reviewed safety things, then let me be.
Cool. I wasn't discovered per say, but my mom was curious as to what anime I watch (She knew cz she introducedme to anime Via Naruto). So she asked cz she heard me talk about it a lot. So she legit sat with me to watch a Yaoi (Not fully MA), an she was like, okay, not my thing. So she let me be. She even saw my Tumblr (back then it had EVERYTHING). I did warn her but she was just shocked by the ammount n the type 😂
It's good when parents don't freak out for everything right away, if at all. It shows that they have grown as parents and realize that they can react in a more rational manner instead reacting with their emotions.
omg you’re lucky
the minute my mom found out I had a fucking comfort character when I was SEVENTEEN she lost her shit and went through my entire phone 🥲 she calmed down after a few hours but the entire time I was terrified
I like that you say "review." It means she had talked about it with you before.
Onward is so under rated! Great stuff! Big fan! Because of you guys I find myself explaining Ramses’ and Moses’ relationship to my family while listening to the plagues song together haha!
Hi Haminations
fr
i wouldnt necessarily calling it underrrated. the movie over all is a bit below pixars average imo, but some scenes and some aspects are just real gems.
I agree, and I also really liked how it fits in the Pixar theory
Has your brother had another near deatg experience?
My husband died 11 years ago leaving me to raise our 5 year old alone. Hearing you recognize how hard it must have been for the mom in Onward to be a single, grieving mom was very validating for me. Thank you.
God i'm so sorry for your loss. Massive respect towards you and all the other single parents out there!!!
*hug*
@@thenetherbaddie9760 Thank you!
This gave me a little hope for the future, it’ll be a year in august that he’s been gone for us, kids being 5,4 and 2. It’s been so rough and I hear and absolutely hate that you’ve gone through this.
@Milk Zee what the fuck
I find it realistic that Mama Imelda doesn't forgive Hector right away for supposedly abandoning her and Coco, through no real fault of his own. Notably, the epilogue takes place some time later, so she's had a while to warm up to him again.
"you love me?"
"...I don't know! I'm still mad at you!!"
😂
It is realistic for parents to take generation to ask for forgiveness or admitting their mistake... 😁
It's probably hard to let go of anger when that was what kept you moving and what you've felt for a long time, and suddenly, you're told that it was mostly a misunderstanding. It's hard to go back to the you you were before, but yeah, it seems like they've got to talk about it more or less.
Being Too Proud is her strongest characteristic
Like they said in Encanto, a story of fantasy and magical realism, the most fantastical thing about it that any Latinx person can attest is a grandparent admitting they were wrong.
The end of Inside Out will never not make me cry. My parents tried their best, but with four kids, all with high-requirements special needs in incredibly different ways, they were understandably spread thin. Plus they have their own inner baggage and experiences to navigate, including traumas. My mental health struggles got neglected because there just wasn't space. It's cathartic to see Riley not only admit to herself that she's not happy and she can't keep faking it, but to see her parents accept and support her, and reassure her that it's okay to be unhappy.
Didn't realise I had an alt account
Well, if you need to vent, most of us internet strangers won’t judge you. (But seriously, if you feel this is the best place to air your frustration, do it.)
Same I had to go through the exact same situation I have 3 other siblings and went through pretty much the same situation as you
My mom could NEVER get away with acting the way Mei’s mom does over those drawings. I found her old FanFiction when I was 15 😂 She is me and I am her 🥰
Wait, your mom wrote fan fiction?!?
@@DoofenSpyroDragon16 Yes, I even still have it! It was about a band, New Kids on the Block XD
I found out my mom met my dad because he was in DnD school club. I found the script for all their campaigns
She can go ahead and expose me but be ready woman. Ill turn this house into the salem witch trials,
@@Scarylyn14 that is too cool, not gonna lie 😄 was it innocent or no? 😆 (I wrote fanfic, mine’s innocent, it’s just weird lol)
@@DoofenSpyroDragon16 Oh it was totally innocent, if she wrote spicy stuff she either kept it more safely stashed away or it was one of her things that got lost when she moved away from home after high school
Love seeing a channel with men whom display masculinity through vulnerability. Appreciate you guys and your work as well as sharing your testimonies and experiences
Heck yeah, these Internet Dads are phenomenal role models and I love it!
I always say that your masculinity is defined by who you are at your most vulnerable. To be a man is to love and to be compassionate and I really think that that’s something our boys need to be taught.
Genuine question: How would you define masculinity? And did you mean masculinity through vulnerability or during vulnerability?
That’s not a thing
@@tyriquesmith8850 being masculine enough to not only admit vulnerability but show it as well. It takes true strength of character to be willing to allow others see you as vulnerable.
I LOVE the line that Riley has where she's talking about 'you guys want me to be happy'. That must have been heartbreaking for her parents to hear. Realizing that their kid took their words to heart and didn't realize that she was allowed to have other emotions too. I think what her mom meant by that is dad was questioning if this was the right choice and having the rest of his family being upset and moody about the move would have made it way worse. They didn't mean to imply that she's not allowed to be upset about it but it happened anyway. Road to hell is paved with good intentions.
I kind of think that's the road to health though, not hell. I mean, i can see you are not trying to blame anybody, I am just a firm believer in that in order for boundaries to be recognised and re-evaluated, they kind of have to be breached, on a sort of continuous basis; nobody can really know where that line lies till they've crossed it. That's why self-awareness and making room for pushback from people around us, mistakes and forgiveness and accountability is so much more important than not making the mistakes in first place.
@@asthajindal5275 Wanted to clarify a bit about what I was trying to say. I think you're right about boundaries, but that's not the point I was trying to make. Apologies for being unclear. What I was trying to say is adults use terms that make sense to them in an attempt to get across a concept that kids sometimes aren't ready to understand. The kids then take those words as they understand them, which is not how they were meant. I was one of those kids and I'm still relearning things I misunderstood as a child. That's what I meant by 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions'. Parents mean something good, child takes it wrong, doesn't go well for either.
@@asthajindal5275 Kind of. It’s not cool to go hard and breach a boundary just for the sake of defining them. Occasionally approaching them as an exercise is helpful, but there are several tangential reasons for boundaries to tighten up, and it’s horrible to just tell a person that they need to relax and get over it. It’s a delicate form of therapy, and if you can’t be empathetic, or you try to compare them to others (including yourself), you are not up for the job.
ikr. loved that part
I've always seen Riley's parents as being victims of circumstance. They're forced to move because of Bill's job, and in the process of moving everything just goes wrong. And they're both so wrapped up in grown-up problems that they can't see what Riley's dealing with, and what kind of help she needs.
That final "sadness pushes the button moment" of Inside Out is just incredible. I cannot imagine the feeling of seeing your daughter just suddenly break down like that, and realizing she is miserable and hurting so much, overwhelmed with sadness and she physically cannot contain it anymore. Not to mention the voice acting is so heart-wrenching. You can feel that Riley is broken and is worried to upset her parents too. It makes me cry every time, just feeling so sorry for the character. If I end up having kids, I would want nothing more than for them to be able to open up and feel capable of talking to me about anything.
Also adding that 24:00 is such a good portrayal of emotions on a basic level. Emotions are much more complex than just 5 of the main ones from the movie, so showing in what limited way they can that sadness can lead to joy and share the same headspace in a way is so effective.
I was not a fan of turning red, but as someone with an overbearing mom, watching the mom gives me anxiety attacks. I literally start sweating and everything.., and I’m 36. Between Meis mom and Mother Gothel I am growing ever more sure someone at Disney is secretly my sibling.
I actually love that Disney is addressing generational trauma, especially within cultures like Coco and Encanto. I got me some Abuelas who need to see that 💀
*Pixar
I wish they had put Abuela on here from encanto and the difference between her and Mirabels own mother.
@@YouWillGetThereBuddy It belongs to Disney just as much as Lucasfilm belongs to Disney.
@@YouWillGetThereBuddy Pixar is owned by Disney. It's Disney. Specification is not equivalent to correction.
@@natashaw.7315 maybe they’ll rank disney parents? but mirabels parents were amazing. They constantly supported her even if they didn’t understand her fully both of them stood up to alma and even tried to stop mirabel from getting the candle. Her relationship with her parents is just soo cute especially that scene when she runs into her mothers arms
I just realized that the reason riley's emotions have different genders could be that the male emotions take after her dad, and the female emotions take after her mother. When the two anger emotions were going up against eachother it seemed like a father and son arguing.
I didn't even think of this. This is a great theory.
Especially the Riley's parents. Their emotions for the mother are all females and the dads are all males. So maybe one of their parents weren't in their lives. Which could become a problem as well.
@@kaijugreyy Or... Perhaps as they grew up, their emotions transformed from the emotions they inherited from each of their parents side into emotions that are 100% themselves.
@@toxicginger9936 I think this is the best interpretation. When you’re a kid, you can see yourself as a mishmash of your parents. People are usually quick to point out familial resemblances, which reinforces this notion.
But when you’re an adult, you’ve taken all your aspects and formed your own identity.
@@lifefindsaway7875 Yup! This is exactly what I was thinking!
As I was watching Onward, I remember thinking that I loved the mom. Then I realized that it's because she reminds me so much of my single mom, the silly fun parent who knows how to relate to my brother and I in our own ways and who is always in fun and parenting mode at the same time. It's fantastic to hear that an expert would rank my mom over other moms. She's such a lovable sweet person. Best mom in the world.
I'm surprised you didn't mention him, but Massimo from Luca is an amazing father to Giulia, and eventually to Alberto as well. He's super supportive, he never talks down at them, and when he's concerned he addresses it in a calm, direct way. He doesn't directly tell his kids no and forces ultimatums, but he will state his concerns while allowing them to follow their passions, even if they seem impossible.
Plus he makes amazing pasta pesto.
He intuitively picks up that Alberto has abandonment issues and steers himself into the gap without it being forced.
That’s an a+ dad if I have ever seen one
They are probably saving Massimo for a ranking Fathers list
Same! Add that to the fact that he's still allowed a whole (unsupervised) summer with his daughter after breaking up with the mom. That is Very telling
One thing that struck me about him as a character, was that scene when Luca and Alberto got revealed. He had been scaring them previously with his fishing stuff, but clearly on accident. And when he saw that they were sea creatures, there's this look of realization on his face about why they had been scared. He was also one of the ones who defended them in that moment, as I remember.
My grandparents banned their children from learning to speak German or Japanese, or anything about those cultures because of their experiences during WWII. It took my cousin running away to another country to marry his Japanese wife for anything to begin to change
Sounds like a perfect story for a Pixar movie
And did they accept her? If not, let them keep behaving like the Marleyans alone with no ones around them.
@@lerneanlionWell they said “For anything to begin to change” so I’d assume they’ve at least calmed down a bit.
@@lerneanlion I think they learned to love her because their son does, and the grandkids definitely helped too
These types sometimes soften with time and grandkids. I see this when racist w-hites and their biracial grandchildren.
They kinda lay out what the purpose of each emotion is early on, during Joy’s intro.
It makes perfect sense for Mom’s sadness and Dad’s anger emotions to be in charge when you think about what the purpose of those emotions are.
Anger’s supposed to make sure things are fair, that everyone’s treated justly and correctly.
Sadness, as we learn later, is meant to induce empathy, to feel what others are feeling.
It’s not that dad has anger issues and mom has depression- it’s that dad’s primary concern, emotionally, is fairness. While Mom’s is understanding.
They’re not perfect parents- but a combo of equal parts justice and compassion is a damn good parenting team.
I also think it is, is that we are coming from whatever emotion is at out heart and interacting with others who are not dealing with things the same way we do and it is because they are literally coming from a different place. When we meet the mom and dad we don't know what their central emotion is. It's eye opening to realize that they are not coming from a place of joy all the time. It's good reminder that people have things that they have to deal with and it's not always obvious.
I loved being a parent & it was very hard for me. Still struggling with grief over 6 years after losing my young adult kid to suicide. Crying while watching you guys talking about Pixar families & your own families helps. Marlin & I loved watching Pixar together. He would've liked your channel.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I offer my condolences.
So sorry for your loss...
No matter what, you’re still and will always be Marlin’s parent. ❤
I am a new mother and what you have suffered is my worst fear. You are so strong.
Most people misunderstand Jin’s character as weak because he’s soft spoken. And yet they forget that he is the first to really see his daughter and encourage her that she’s not a monster. That there is a joy to her changing and growing up with the Panda and that she can allow herself to be human rather than just pretending to be happy all the time.
The line “the point isn’t to push the bad stuff away but make room for it and live with it” is incredibly important to any person because we’re trained to appear one way and not allow ourselves to express in a healthy manner. It’s why Jin is one of the best Pixar parents if not the best honestly.
Agreed! He’s a great father and it really shows that all it took was one conversation between him and Mei to break through to her. I think because he’s such a good father, it would have been a better move for him to have talked to Mei earlier or at least talked with his wife about the matter. I feel he’s not “underbearing”, he’s just not very proactive, which I find is common in instances where one person is more assertive than the other when it comes to parenting.
Agreed. Jin took a LOOOOONG time to help his daughter and give her the support she needed. And he really had no excuse. He was home all day. He’s not like King Fergus in “Brave”, who was simply too busy with kingly duties to help his daughter or talk to his wife more.
@@FunFilmFare What does that mean? Like house husbands don't have stuff going on?
@@sandollor House husband or not, if you have a family you'll make as much time for them as you need to help sort their shit. Jin could've taken just 2 minutes to say "Ming/Mei, we need to talk...".
@@FunFilmFare Him being the king was no excuse.
I grew up in a military household. Moving every few years was always the hardest part. That scene in Inside Out with Riley admitting to her parents how she feels about it always hits me hard.
Me too bud, 3 different high schools only to end it out in 2020 Covidtimes
we were military as well. every year to every three years, we would pack up our house and move thousands of miles away. it messed me up everytime.
@@jannaarnold2509 aye same dude!!
Only moved once but went to several different schools and this movie came out the year that I moved so it always hits hard
Same thing for me, I've been moving since I was a baby (i was 3 months when my dad moved the first time lol) and the time this situation especially hit me was at highschool. I felt like I couldn't connect with my new friend group (because they had experiences I didn't participate) and I also couldn't connect with my old friend group for the same reason. Feels selfish and egocentric, but sometimes, after 4 years, I just can't understand what they're talking about, and it makes me sad. 😔
Onward mom is basically how my mom deals with me and my brothers. In her words "Their different kids, so they need different things."
I always thought it was interesting how Rileys emotions were normally run by joy, but moms leading emotion was sadness and dads was anger. I like how they potrayed sadness in a more "motherly" manner that really ahowed the versitility of her character in the mom
This wave of “parents apologizing” movies is both really cathartic but also painfully heartbreaking because my parents refuse(d) to change being aggressive and abusive and overbearing and controlling so I need a Pixar movie where that happens to help teach me how to deal with THAT version of events 😮💨
The closest thing I can think of is the Willoughbys - not Disney/Pixar iirc but it’s on Netflix. The parents were awful from start to finish, never changed, and the movie did not end with their kids accepting that behaviour
@@saumyaseyon1112 I think Matilda (movie/musical) has similar line of story where at the end Matilda chose her family still in a way appreciating her weird biological family; and sadly biological family not always is the healthiest family.
I know what you mean, and my mom did this like about 4-5 years ago and now she’s here helping me with my baby, it’s nice because I recognize that she was trying to protect me but I wanted to have my own journey like her, and make different choices, and now my mom is proud of me :). It’s so different now that i became a parent for the first time
Sometimes life and art don’t imitate each other. In fact, sometimes they influence, and sometimes they don’t.
I am in a similar circumstances where my family did not learn the lesson, and continue to not understand what their abuse did and how much work I’ve had to do to heal and even be remotely normal in my thinking.
They just recently have been trying to force themselves back into my life without following the strict guidelines, I gave them as to how to do that.
My guidelines were I do not want to talk to you and have you in my life until we can reconcile the abuse that happened in the denial and blame on the person that was abused. I told them until they’re ready to discuss how their abuse and neglect affected me and apologize for it properly (not laying out every single bad thing that’s been done because that’s impossible) that we cannot have a relationship nor can they be in my life.
Instead of excepting that and coming to terms, and actually trying to reach out in the way I asked. They have done something to procure my families address since we’ve moved twice now; figure out a way on how to get my unlisted mobile phone number when they have my husband’s and I’ve yet to ask whether or not it was OK to contact me but have been texting “hints” and little digs with progressively more frequency.
Now they have texted me and I am already going through a rough time with my marriage and my church family just split and the whole social structure imploded where I have no spiritual leader.
Life doesn’t always end with reconciliation and everyone getting back together. A lot of times they are bitter endings; bridges burned; people you wish you could tell the truth to who wouldn’t listen, even if you wanted to; relationships drift apart.
Through this, I’ve also seen relationships mend ; truth get unveiled; individuals growing past their current internal state; people who truly do seek you out to reconcile.
It’s rarely the people you expect though . You would think my parents would be compelled to try to listen and respect my wishes, and how I’ve laid out reconciliation.
But it hasn’t been them … the people who have done the right thing have been friends and the odd duckling within a group of friends or social group, who saw the truth.
We can hope for the cathartic “apologizing” but realize a lot of that has to come from the other side before it can even start.
These movies bring a mix of emotions like it does for you . Especially from living life over the past few decades, with a lot of good and bad experiences with others.
It's not realistic, but yeah, cathartic. Sorry you've had difficulties.
It's worth noting that Bill's core emotion is Anger, while Jill's is Sadness. Bill can lose his temper easily, and seems stressed about work, while Jill tries to put on a brave face, though it's clear that she's just as sad about the move as Riley is.
I don't think that that is entirely correct. If you look at both of their consoles, all their emotions are sitting at them equally and working as a team, whereas Riley's emotions generally allow Joy to take the lead. It isn't until the end of the movie when Riley's emotional console is replaced with a much larger one that allows all of her emotions to stand together equally rather than fighting for control.
Also Riley having both male and female emotions means shes either Bi or Transgender
I don’t think that’s why anger and sadness are their main emotions. I think it’s because once you get older, your emotions get more complex. Like sadness correlates with empathy which the mother has and anger correlates with protection and passion because the father is protective over his family. Unlike Riley’s emotions, the parents have more mature emotions that aren’t just simply sad and angry.
I see it as every action has a prevalent emotion, with the other emotions playing a part. Let say you have a test, your main emotion would be fear, but there would be:
- happiness out of knowing it will end in X hours
- anger at having to be tested
- sadness at feeling like you dont know anything
- disgust at the whole notion of being tested
etc
In moms case she is sad about Riley's attitude but uses all her emotions to try and assess and help her daughter.
the dad, who is angry about work or the move or just fired up with thoughts of sports (anger doesnt need to mean a bad emotion) is too hot headed to assess the situation, and just goes for the kill switch.
@@veloc.raptor9136 I don't think that's what they meant by having the mixed genders. I think it means that as we grow up we have tendencies towards different genders but as we age, the emotions mature with us and probably change based on how we grow up. Her core emotio (joy) is still female, so I doubt she's trans anyway.
When Riley says "Please do t be mad" while breaking down hits hard. As kids, we are so afraid of disappointing our parents wether it be dropping a mug or failing a class. We have this mindset that we have to live up to our parents expectations or they won't love us anymore. Speaking from experience. I have done stuff such as stay up all night looking over notes for an exam only to get a C and ended up breaking down despite passing the class but one as so scared because my mum would always tell me that she knows I'm "more than capable" of getting an A. She needed up being super proud of me. It I still have severe anxiety over being "good enough" for my mum. Notice however that I didn't mention my dad... he's not to good.
I can't stress enough that this is the only RUclips channel that gets a genuine laugh out of me. Not a snicker, not a giggle, an actual laugh. The writing on this channel is amazing.
That means so much. Thank you for watching! :)
I know! They make me smile every episode, they’re just so quirky and funny, especially Alan. He’s got such snarky remarks. 😆
Honestly better channel than Psych2Go which honestly feels a bit preachy to me like “do this or you won’t be healthy” and to me their channel doesn’t feel human.
But they feel human (well because they are lol)
So this might be a possible hottake on Psych2Go.
The scene with Riley's parents is brilliant in so many ways, because the actions of the emotions are very well thought out. When the father puts the foot down, anger gives the order, but the ones who actually turn the keys to activate it are fear and disgust.
Now that you've spelled it out this way, the caption for dad putting the foot down should be "I can't believe you've done this"! XD
So far the only Pixar parents that almost close enough to how my parents are in real life, Mei's mother. I heard in the original storyboard, she was once about to be made into a stereotypical villainーwhere Mei turns into a panda, and her mother was happy with it because it helps with their museum business, thus she became more money hungry. I'm actually glad, that they made her became the "helicopter parent" instead.
I really appreciate that they show that Mei is really HAPPY to do what she wants mostly too. The two genuinely get along, and Mei is happy being an overachiever and doing things with her mom. Their primary conflict is when Mei starts needing a little independence and her mom isn't ready to let go. That's so much more real to me than parents who are villains or overachieving kids who are miserable etc.
@@UchihaKatgreat point! I grew up wanting to please too… but sometimes wonder to what extent am I diffusing my boundaries to please others instead of genuinely enjoying being helpful. ❤ I loved Turning Red immensely
helicopter copter helicopter 😂🤣
I swear Mei lived my worst nightmare
On the topic of parenting, I'd love to see you guys cover the Goofy Movie and Max/Goofy's relationship. I think it'd be a nice lighthearted topic and also a fun watch
Missed opportunity in not talking about Giulia’s dad. He’s the real MVP in that movie, not just in his relationship with Giulia but also his eventual “adoption” of Alberto (included both at the end of the movie and in the short “Ciao Alberto”).
Theyre probably just focusing on the main character's parents, Giulia was kinda a side character
Gosh I love the line “keep your soldiers off my land or our kingdoms will go to war!” So much, cuz it really shows how much she understands each kid. Like she’s telling Barley to keep his things clean but the way she does it is pretty funny and I love to see that understanding
Don't forget about Finding Nemo. When Dory tells Marlin it was ridiculous to tell Nemo he would never let anything happen to him, because then nothing would ever happen to him. That was seriously a great moment to me.
The sea the ocean
Marlin should've definitely been in here because he was an overprotective parent as well and pushed Nemo too far that it strained their relationship !!!
@@danielleking262 nostalgic night light food
Turning Red was a very personal movie for me. I relate to Mei very much because I was my mother's pride and joy when I was still a child who excelled academically, socially, and extra curricular-wise. When I reached 14, I was so burned out from trying to accomodate to her expectations. I discovered that I like writing (something I never thoroughly explored) and was bullied heavily. I tried to get some form of support, but she would just tell me how I've "downgraded" and to "toughen up". I've done things I'm not proud of (nothing illegal. Just cringey lol).
It went for the worse after my dad died. She would turn me into her emotional punching bag and expect me to be the bigger person. I had to respect her wishes because she's an adult, meanwhile not respecting my boundaries and treating me as if I were still a child despite being a full grown adult. I watched Turning Red by myself and just teared up.
respect your mom cause she’s your MOM not just any adult
@@noorbohamad5796 ..did you read the comment?? they were emotionally abused. no mother that does that to her child deserves any sort of respect.
I'm sorry you experienced that, I hope you're in a safer, better place now. Bullying is so awful, and it's the worst when you're a kid because you're just trying to find your place, especially with the additional abuse you faced from your mother, you're insanely strong, i'm sorry you had to be at such a young age. you're not alone, as much as it hurts. but you came out the other side of all of this. that's something to be proud of yourself for, the fact you kept going. i'm proud of you for still being here, for still going, though it's so so hard. I'm rooting for you :^)
Sorry that happened to you, I hope you're doing okay now ❤
@@noorbohamad5796 Absolutely NOT.
Just because someone shits you out into this unforgiving world does NOT make them immediately deserving of respect!
Respect is a TWO WAY street. And just because someone has survived in this shitty world longer does not mean they deserve any more or less than anyone else either!
I always thought Riley's parents were the most understanding and compassionate with her. And I cannot tell you how much second-hand embarrassment I felt through my entire being when Mei's mother in Turning Red confronted the boy at the store with her drawings. Like, OMG I turned red myself. I can't believe someone would EVER do that. 😳
Yeah talk about embarrassing. So your daughter has a crush do you know anything more than she has feelings about a bo if not sit down and talk with her. Hopefully after everything her mom and her actually managed to talk especially about her mom behavior.
Luckily for me, I never talked about crushes with my own overbearing parents, and left no traces. Sorry Mei 😅
Despite being a fantasy character, Laurel Lightfoot is the most grounded parent on the list.
If you include Colt as a stepfather figure he’s also very grounded for the fantasy setting. He’s never the mean boyfriend, he respects Ian and Barley’s boundaries only stepping in when Barley is causing problems in the general community.
I want to be her if I become a parent.
I can’t believe I never noticed before that Riley has both male and female emotions in her head and her parents have one or the other. That was a big conscious choice by the filmmakers. I love it.
They only made that choice because they thought of the main emotions were all female then boys wouldn’t be interested in watching it. People have taken a lot of interesting theories out of it which I do like seeing but it’s sad that the real reason is something so meaningless and kind of stupid.
@@Fram383 oh jeez that makes sense. The result is good but ugh.
@@Undomaranel I guess I wasn’t listening to the same podcasts you do. I rarely listen to the ones that talk about new movies.
@@bitchenboutique6953 I heard it was a pretty big talking point and I was just a suprised when I first saw that, but I heard it was because boys wouldn’t be interested in the film if all of her emotions were woman 🙄
I mean, they aren't though? It's still the same character wearing a mustache or a pair of feminine looking glasses.
20:38 Yes! Exactly! I noticed that too when I watched this. Sadness is in the lead, but overall the whole team is very mature and cautious. This shows Mom's been through real serious pain and likely depression in her past. But instead of being out of balance and ruled by sadness, she's worked through it and reached a healthy balance. It's caused her to become more empathetic, attentive, and mature. Sadness is like all the emotions in that it has very positive uses, and only becomes negative when it's all you feel or when you suppress it. I like that you point out that the dad is very mature too -- likely a hothead in his past, but now the nuclear option is "go to your room". He needs to pay better attention, but even so this is good self-moderation.
Something else that makes Rileys parents really good is that her dad, after cooling off, goes up to apologize to her. He's not super successful cause of the said missing parts in Rileys mind, but he still tries to apologize and make her feel better after snapping at her.
Please do more ranking of these. Would also love ranking of friendships, Sully and Mike, Lightening and Mater, Marlin and Dory, Buzz and Woody, etc.
Yes, friendship goals are so important to talk about. Kids should learn about what healthy friendships looks like.
yesss!!!!
Yes please. Loved the Marvel bromance one 👌🏼
Peter and Ned, Sam and Bucky, the possibilities are endless
Luca’s mom reminds me of Marlon from Finding Nemo. They both hold on too tightly to their children and prevent them from exploring the world so they can gain new experiences. They both assume it’s too dangerous and their children start to resent them. That’s what happened with me, I wasn’t really allowed or encouraged to go anywhere and it really stunted my social and emotional growth. I’m glad these movies are teaching that it’s important for our children to get out there so they can grow as people and develop their own unique sense of self, and that parents can still have room to grow too.
Marlon at least had the motivation being “I lost my wife and nearly all my children but one, so I have to protect the only one left, who is also disabled.” He was overbearing, but it was easy to understand why.
When I first saw Inside Out, I was in Alaska and missing my family back in Minnesota, just like Riley. I sobbed my eyes out, knowing just how she felt and I called my mom and had a real connecting moment with my mom talking to her about it. Such a touching movie. I'm so glad they made it onto your list!
Definitely talk about parenting more on this channel! It’s so great to hear two dads discussing that topic.
Thanks so much! We've done a few videos on parenting. Search our channel! :)
That scene with Riley telling her parents she misses her home hits me like a truck every single time. I remember watching the movie in theaters with my family and crying the moment Riley said “I want to go home” because that sentiment hit me so hard. At the time it had only been a few years since my family moved across the country, so that scene struck a very raw nerve and continues to affect me in the same way even as an adult as I continue to grapple with the long-term effects of the move. It brings me to tears every time.
I haven't seen Inside Out since it came out and seeing that scene again almost had me sobbing. Next time I need a good cry, I'm rewatching the whole thing.
Inside Out may not be among my personal favorite Pixar films, but that scene was executed so well, and I find it to be by far the best scene of the movie.
Very much the same, I actually actively avoid watching Inside Out again just to avoid this scene. Which.. yeah... That in itself says a lot... I had basically the same experience with moving just.. scaled up. By like ten. I've never gone to the same school more than two years in a row, and this fall will be the first time I've lived in one _state_ longer than three years. (Not in a row, just longer than three years in total.)
@@wolfishpotato6978 Lemme guess, were you military brat?
@@SmoothTurtle840 Yup
My parents would teach Sunday school & help out at school from time to time. Other parents were surprised that their kid behaved better for my folks than for them. My folks would say it’s because they treated them like adults & explained WHY rules were the way things were instead of just dictating. They’d treat the kid with respect & got it back.
Every time I see a film like Luca where parents just dictate without the reason I’m so grateful my parents were open & honest with me.
I’d love to see a ranking list of sibling relationships
Right at the end there just reminded me of the vast difference between my parents disciplinary styles. My mom was very authoritative and when she was disciplining me I was always completely checked out. All my focus was on not feeling/showing any emotion and saying what she wanted to hear. My dad, on the other hand, would do things like work in jokes and I felt like I was actually able to be there and have a conversation about the situation. And there wasn't this cloud of anxiety hovering over me for the rest of the day afterwards. It might seem like it should be the other way around but it actually made way more impact on me when my dad was the one who disciplined me because I actually *wanted* to do what he wanted and make him proud instead of feeling like I was being forced into it
I feel like I'm a terrible father for a variety of reasons, so I'm starting therapy as soon as the VA can figure out how calendars and time work. Until then, thank you, Internet Dads, for putting out a video on parenting. 🥺
You're a better father than most by admitting there may be an issue and making steps to work through it! Wishing you the best!
As a pediatrician and Navy vet, I’m here to say this comment already puts you ahead of many of your peers. Sending you love and best wishes❤
You’re already improving. 😉 You’re watching Cinema Therapy. You can’t go wrong here! Seriously, though, I am impressed you are willing to take therapy to become a better father to your children. It’s a step forward.
I have no context for your parenting concerns but the best thing any parent can do is address their own trauma --- both dramatic traumas like war AND especially relational childhood attachment trauma from having had dysfunctional/abusive parents
Thanks for putting yourself and your kid first ❤
Former terrible parent here, it takes work, but keep trying. We're bad one day but as long as we keep trying to be better the next, it matters. When you can let the kids lead a bit. Best of luck.
I'm child free by choice but I appreciate the immense struggle that is parenting so much. You don't need a reason to be child free, you also don't need a reason to want children. The patience, love, communication, and everything else that goes into it is so demanding and I really want to see more healthy parenting content. ❤
i dont think you need a reason to want children, but you definitely have to think about what it actually means to have children before you put them into the world.
SAMEEE
child LESS I’m 1 too and I kinda intend to remain that way maybe for some more time mostly cause I don’t wanna get pregnant after having spent years/a literal lifetime physically sick and suffering miserably both physically and also
non-physically as well
@@noorbohamad5796 Hey, just a little terminology PSA: many who don't want children prefer to identify as "childfree" rather than "childless" because the suffix "-less" implies that the lack of children is involuntary and/or undesirable. Thus, we use "-free" instead to make it clearer that the lack of children is, for us, a positive thing. That's not to say *everyone* who doesn't want kids identifies as childfree rather than childless, and certainly if you think you might want kids at some point in the future, just not *now,* it's entirely reasonable to say childless ("childfree" generally implies a permanent stance, i.e. "no kids ever").
And children need a village, including loving aunts/uncles, family friends, teachers/coaches, etc. Having a wide variety of adults to look up to and get guidance from is so important.
I have never seen your channel before, and as a mixed race woman in psych studies, i have lots of bad assumptions about the « two white men podcast/react » pandemic. But oh was I wrong on this one. What a beautiful show of masculinity in vulnerability and accountability. I cried at some points, paused to reflect and think at other… What an amazing video! There’s a follow button clicked right there. I loved it, I can’t express how much it healed me to see men/dads talk about all those things, and create an emotionally validating environment i wish i could’ve had as a child/teenager. I love cinema and psychology, I’m so happy I’ve found your channel! Amazing thank you guys and all the team behind for this great video! :)
We love our internet dads, welcome to the family
5:13, 30:49 and Alan saying "Come with me gatinha" made my day. Thank you both for being so amazing, internet dads💜
One thing that's often overlooked is how this behaviour passes down to children. My ex (who actually introduced me to this channel lol) has an extremely manipulative and overbearing mother who has conditioned her to villainize everybody around her, in an effort to harshly stifle her personal development (which she did), and keep her locked close.
Her mother postures at being so understanding of her daughter's mental health issues and brain injury, but the moment her daughter so much as has a panic attack, she swoops in, makes a gigantic deal out of how troublesome the situation is, and how hard it is on _her_ personally, and what are other people going to think? She entirely conditioned her child to believe that it's not OK to be vulnerable, or to have a breakdown.
In the end, that's exactly how my ex ended up dealing with every relationship she had, romantic or otherwise. The first time someone has a breakdown or a vulnerable moment, she treats them like they're literally made of venom, treats them like they are unequivocally broken and undeserving of love, and then leaves. She then proceeds to obsess about her seething hatred of that person for months on end.
This is learned behaviour through-and-through, because is otherwise not like that at all, and I don't think many parents realize how much they're fucking their kids up for life by behaving this way.
We see exactly this in Turning Red. Ming’s example of how to act as a mother came from her own experience as being her mother’s daughter, she emulated what her mother did and expects Mei to act as she did in the daughter role. History repeating, until Mei breaks the cycle by showing that it’s 2002, things do change but they don’t need to be overhauled completely.
It's hard, too. Because you know that mom got it from her parents.
I'm trying to unlearn all the stuff I got from my parents now at age 30... And man. I'm so glad I never had kids. Unlearning toxic behaviors is one thing, match that up with unlearning guilt for being a person and having feelings with teaching a kid that it's okay to be a person and have feelings? I already feel like I'm raising myself again. I can't imagine having the energy or the compassion needed to be a good parent and not pass along my and my parents' trauma.
That parent has a untreated clinical personality condition.
I cannot express how much i love John's honesty towards Alan when he makes a realization. It really shows how much trust there is there, and they don't rely on eachother to lie to prevent hurt feelings. That's really impressive, especially in such a little moment like that. Could really make a big impact on Alan's kids life, and it shows just how much they both care
Speaking of bad parenting, Zira from Lion King 2 is possibly the worst. She hoped to raise Kovu to become Scar 2.0 by using hatred, malice, and even verbal & physical abuse.
Luckily, his childhood friend Kiara appreciated him for who he really was, showed him how to let go and have fun. Unconditional love changed him for the better.
This is my Ted talk for y’all to make an episode featuring The Lion King 2.
Zira has earned the “world’s worst mother” award.
As someone who personally has a rocky relationship with my mom, stuff like this never fails to make me cry bc I know she's trying her best and that she has been through more than me trauma wise but I just wish that she handled both my and her own emotions better.
With Inside Out, I always found it interesting that the father's headquarters were taking it to "Defcon 2" but didn't actually yell at Riley, he was (mostly) calm, assertive and firm in his discipline. I also would have loved to have seen inside the parent's minds when Riley was breaking down/opening up.
Just found your channel, as someone who both needs therapy and loves movies I really like your analyses. I didn't know today would include me crying along with two men while watching Inside Out together or watch two men share genuine compliments about each other's parenting. Thanks for providing a fresh perspective for mature modern masculinity.
Welcome and thanks for watching!
Finding someone, anyone who doesn't just join in the "My life is worse" competition and actually ALLOW YOU to feel those emotions that are hard to deal with are so important, and thankfully I could somehow figure this out on my own. So I try my hardest to be that person for others. Anyone who reads this: please, please, PLEASE just stop and think about this. If you recognize that you always bring focus to yourself when someone else is also hurting, please change it. I understand that YOU need someone like this too, but once enough of us recognize this we can all support each other, helping others you'll eventually find help for yourself. And while I'm practically alone in this for now, I have hope that others will soon join. Love you all! Never invalidate your feeling, and please feel free to cry during inside out. It's a crazy good movie.
While Up was upsetting, the scene with Riley wanting to go home was the first time I cried during a Pixar movie. I think it was because my home was taken away by a freak wildfire, so I related to the idea of wanting to go home. Unfortunately, that home is gone and I can never go back to it, so I have learned to move forward
Hey, I think you meant Inside Out, babe.❤ I understand how rough that is as I live in So Cal where wildfires are prevalent though I've never lost my home. Sorry that happened but glad you're safe.
@@squarebear619 thanks for the support! 😊 I guess I worded that weird: I meant that while Up was sad at the beginning, it didn’t bring me to tears. Inside Out did 😅
Hi, former overbearing mom in recovery here. I was overbearing because I was neglected. There are a LOT of reasons parents become overbearing, but the most common motivation is love for our babies! ❤
I think most overbearing parents come from a place of love. I've never doubted that my mother loved me and wanted what she thought was best for me, even as I disagree about what that is. I try and give her the benefit of the doubt because of that love too, even as some of her behavior is still shitty to this day.
@@sarahr8311 Or at least a misplaced interpretation of it. The hardest thing can be to step back and give your kid agency because you worry they’ll stray from you. The key thing is to make sure they want to come back of their independent choice.
hey, kudos to you for owning up to that! it definitely comes from a place of love, and that can always be relearned and expressed in a healthier way
Good god, my and my sister's mom was a "free-range parent," a massive mistake of the '80s and '90s that basically meant "emotional neglect with a cherry on top." We were fed and clean and went to school, but our mom never _guided_ us or taught us how to process anything, ever. So now my sister is a hyper-vigilant, extremely overbearing helicopter mom to her two kids who will not take any criticism. And now that her eldest daughter is 9, she's big-time rebelling and my sister is having a rough time with her kid who "hates" her. :(
You gave me something to think about… see I grew up in and out of hospitals so I was kind of hard, though annoyed, by my mom’s helicopter parenting the point where I hide things from her. Like when I fall or even if I loose something on campus/get lost bc my mom will take that and try to protect me and sometimes even use that to worry about me handling myself. I’m 19 and still go against her for my independence as a college student. But my mom moved to this country from Ecuador at 12 years old. Her mom wasn’t really ready to be a mother, as she had my mom at 17. So my mom was raised by her grandmother in America. My mom from a young age was taking care of her sisters and would express that it felt like she had to look after and protect everyone. Now I wonder if that has anything to do with how she is now with me
I've never seen Inside Out despite my eternal love for animation, but I started to tear up even with the minimal context. There was something about that moment when joy took over and the faint smile of relief/contentment/comfort crossed Riley's face while in her parents' arms... My baby just turned one recently. The days can feel so rushed and stressful, especially working full time. But this was a reminder that small moments can matter so much. I hope my daughter will always be able to find comfort with me.
It's been a hot minute since I've actually watched Inside Out, but now, as a teenager, one who's looking towards college and leaving home, I relate to Riley and her feelings more than ever. I really appreciate how Pixar did the movie, it's very relatable for me.
I lost my dad at Christmas time a couple months ago. This episode was really tough to watch. Anything to do with parents just seems to set me off. When Jonathan talked about how our stories need to be told to move through things, I realised how much I have been bottling up my grief. It's really hard to talk about it. How much I miss him and how I'm only missing him more as time goes on. I use University as an escape to hide from how painful being at home is, but I want to try and express my grief more.
Thank you, Jonathan and Alan, for providing a safe corner of the internet. It's nice to know I still have my internet dads to give me good advice.
My heart goes out to you - my dad died when I was in college too, and at the hospital really close to my school so it sucked being back after he died. Obviously I don't know your relationship with your dad but bottling grief is something I also did, so I relate in a way. What helped me was going to counseling and processing that grief on my own, but I'm so glad you found Cinema Therapy! I wish it was around when I was going through my dad's death.
Hey. I just wanted to send you internet hugs. Feelings are ok. I like to remember those I've lost by telling stories about them. You'll find your way internet friend
@@yvonneweiohara399 Thank you for sharing. I don't have a lot of friends in similar positions, so I often feel like I'm all on me own. I appreciate you commenting.
@@wolfiegirlsuki Thank you for the comment. Sending an Internet hug right back!
I’m glad that Cinema Therapy is helping you, and I pray that you continue your journey of healthy grieving. I am so sorry for your loss, internet hugs and God bless you and comfort you ❤️❤️❤️
I have such a special place in my heart for Inside Out and to an extent the parents in Inside Out. Riley’s story is very similar to mine because I’ve gone through a lot of moves to new cities and a couple years back was the worst one yet. Lucky for me I have two wonderful parents who helped me through my sadness just like Riley’s parents and I’m so grateful for them. To this day I have never seen that scene and not bawled my eyes out.
Change is hard, and it can have a negative effect along the way, but it's ok
When he expressed it as grief it made me understand Riley’s feelings much more deeply than before. It’s the death of a life you had before, and for someone who had a stable life and consistency up until that point it’s earth-shattering. I had death around me my whole life and lost so many people I cared about so many times before I turned 10, so a move wasn’t that big of a deal for me. That doesn’t mean it’s any less traumatic though.
I know that this is more about parenting and not marital relationships but seeing the scene at the table in Inside Out reminded me of one of my favorite moments in the movie when towards the end and the main conflict resolved the emotions of the mom take the memory of the Brazilian pilot they swooned over and they toss it and then proceed to swoon over their husband. It's such a cute moment in my opinion.
Also, just a little observation: when Riley starts crying and says "please don't be mad" the parents look at each other in a way that mskes me think they were saying "we messed up. How could we make her think we would be mad at her like that?"
As someone who just recently switched schools and left my friends behind, Riley's crying scene stood out to me. I do wanna go back and see my friends again, but I don't wanna disappoint my parents.
At 24:30, Jonathan had me in tears. I'm currently processing my childhood in therapy, and the biggest thing currently is my mom's emotional negligence. Just to have someone validate that how my mom treated me wasn't right - it's empowering. As kids, our parents are our universe. They're our introduction to life and the world, so when they do something you assume it's appropriate. Even as an adult, I'm unable to fully accept that certain things I was taught as a child aren't true. That I don't deserve to be abused. That my emotions are real. That I have a voice.
Thank you so much for this channel. It has helped me so incredibly much, especially identifying when I've been mistreated in the past.
I am wishing you much healing and sending you much love 💖💖💖💖
RE: Making chores fun, my Mom would have us do these “15 minute room rescues”. She would get excited about it. So it was like a fun challenge for us to do.
I like how they showed that Rileys' snarky response, that her parents see as attitude, was "controlled by fear, and brfore that, disgust trying to act like joy, which shows some confusion amoung the emotions. Fear maybe, of telling her parents that was missing their old home? Fear that they might be dissapointed to find that she was not always "their happy girl?"
Everytime Riley says “please don’t be mad” and the parents look at each other like “our baby is hurting we aren’t going to be mad” makes me cry 😢
I love how John was concerned about Pixar’s writers childhood because of the stories they’re making xD couldn’t laugh more ‘cause this new films are the ones where I can relate the most and that’s why I love them 🤣🤣🤣
It's taken way to long but I finally get it. It's portrayed as a accident, joy and sadness getting lost, but in real life, Riley subconsiously banished them. She felt that she couldn't feel sad because she didn't want to hurt her parents but fake joy isn't real joy so she lost both of those emotions. I have felt this way and it is the worst empty feeling ever. I walked around like a zombie just like Riley did on the bus in just complete survival mode and I was unreachable to everyone until I let myself grieve. I understood most of this on a surface level but today I got it completely. This is an amazing movie.
Car accident from running stop signs. A t-bone to be exact
I moved from my hometown when I was 7. I remember being really angry, sad and feeling so much hate on the ride. And my parents didn't have a talk with me about it, never. Both did their best, but the lack of communication really impacts us while growing up
You forgot a pair of the most amazing and I would definitely say incredible parents in the history of Pixar. Helen and bob. They were supportive of their family. They absolutely adored their family. They admitted when they made mistakes and they did all of it in life and death situations. Both of them are shown to grow as people throughout the entirety of their movie series and I believe they deserve a little more than a honorable mention. All right, not so honorable lack of mention
I think they didn't mention them because they already did a full episode about them. It's calles "what the Incredibles got right about parenting".
I love inside out because, regardless of how absurd the setting is (anthropomorphized emotions), the grief and pain, the joy and anger, etc., are all portrayed so faithfully.
Riley's journey is something every kid who's had to move away from those they love had to endure and it is so god damn relatable.
I honestly want to see Jonathan rank Disney villains, and see who's definitely the craziest 🤣
In what sense? Most obsessive would be, idk, Hook maybe. Most psychotic (in the sense of a psychotic break from reality) might be Frollo. Most irrational - perhaps the Queen of Hearts? And most sociopathic has a whole bunch of candidates.
I went to see Inside Out with a friend and we both got emotional at the scene where Riley breaks down, but we had taken away very different interpretations. I thought I nailed the point of the movie and started talking about how realistic it was. How you're normal then ~10 or so you realize Joy isn't really around anymore and you're stuck with a numb emptiness that invades your everyday life. It starts seeping into your existing memories as you recontextualize them or realize that level of excitement and happiness is behind you and you get jealous of your past self. Then ~15ish all that's left is apathy randomly broken up by random bursts of actual emotion. And you go into numb states where you're a zombie trying to go back to where you were happy. I was a little surprised when Joy made it back to the brain and Riley went back to normal but it's a kid's movie so it makes sense they wanted a happy ending.
My friend gently informed me that I was way off and talked about growing up having to move around for his dad's job and how he was never able to fully lay roots down anywhere which left him constantly missing what he left behind.
The analysis here reminded me of how off I was when interpreting the message lol. When my mom and I moved we stayed near the same area so the point of the movie flew way over my head
What I realized now from the Inside out clips is that when the feelings communicate with each other, like in the dad’s head, fear and anger communicate with each other because he got scared of his wives reaction and then his assertiveness took over. Then they communicate again before he sends Riley to her room. It sort of reminds me of when people get scared before getting angry when confronted and that’s just great attention to detail.
29:40 I love that Alan and Jono just start complimenting each other on their parenting. So wholesome!
I go back and forth between wanting kids and not wanting kids. The reasons I don't want to is I'm afraid of failing, not much experience with kids and most importantly fear of judgment from my family of how I would raise my family compared to how everyone else was raised. The reasons I do want kids is because I've always wanted to be that figure, I've always wanted give someone a life that is better than mine and to do everything in my power to make sure they are safe and happy but most importantly I want to be there for those moments where you look at them and go wow we did this.
With what you've said, I think you'de be a good parent! It's normal to be afraid of failing or hurting your kids, and also is uncomfortable to be judged by other people. The thing is: you WILL 'fail' sometimes and hurt your children unintentionally, that's just being human, and parenting is a learning process (a hard one). But what's important is that you're able to take accountability when that happens, validate your children's emotions if you've hurt them and apologize to them. Believe me, no kid needs a 'perfect' parent, instead they need a human, caring and responsible one. And I think that just by being aware that you might fail sometimes, makes you a potentially very good parent. Also, if you're able to apologize and take accountability when you've hurt your children's feelings, you will also be their model figure to learn to take accountability when they also fail, and that's very healthy. As for what others might think, I know it can be uncomfortable, but you are the only one who knows best about your life. Others might think differently, but you are the only one who knows your truth and you have the right to try and do things (as parenting) the way you believe is the right way, even if others might not think the same. That being said, I wish you a happy life wether you decide to be a parent or decide not to! ^^
No matter how healthy, wealthy or "good" of a background someone has, (the prospect of) parenthood is frightening. For everyone. If you'd have no concerns or second thoughts whatsoever, that would be the most worrisome - it implies a happy-go-lucky attitude or naivety that things can't go wrong.
Be considerate, be kind, but above all, be brave. Don't let fear hold you back from something you wish for. Put in the work and take the leap ❤️
I can admit thinking very similar few years ago. Very identical in fact.
I can say that I gave the child thing a go and it has has been 49/51 split on both ends. My fears have come true on negatives as I can't hold my temper 100% of times but that has given new kinda unity with my partner who has learnt new cues and level of team work with me. It is hard work and at times exhausting but when our daughter smiles and shows what she has learnt... it's all worth it. We are proud of her and proud of us.
I can't say that you would experience the same but you will never be ready of parenting by watching videos and reading books. That bundle of joy might throw all guides to bin on day one and you just have to roll with it. Parenting is truly the great game of improvising
this is absolutely a personal choice, but I want to say that your reasons for having kids are pure and honest. pretty sure that is a great starting point
Me too. I’m worried about my own emotions and I know how hard it can be so I’m not sure I’d even be a good parent, I get where you’re coming from.
One of my favorite things about Riley's breakdown in Inside Out is when she says "please don't be mad." Her entire life she has been operating thinking she *has* to be happy for other people and thus isn't allowing herself to feel upset or sad. When she says that, the reason why Joy was always in charge makes sense. She just doesn't want to let anyone down. When the parents say, "we aren't mad" I think that truly allows Riley to be at her most vulnerable and heal with her family. She realizes its okay to be upset, and she can talk about it with her parents, she doesn't have to run away.
Well joy and everyone else meant well and that led to some problems because they were so caught with trying to manage they just didn't think about her feelings about this whole thing from the start.
This may be my favorite video! I love the family dynamics, so this subject matter was perfect, and getting to see bros genuinely compliment each other without any underhandedness is just so wholesome and what we need!
Thank you so much!
My problem with Imelda is that she immediately assumed the worst and she seemingly made no effort to find out the truth. She must have known Ernesto was touring with Hector and known how to contact him. Wasn't she slightly suspicious when Ernesto started passing off Hector's work as solely his? She seems to have been against and resentful about her husband's career in the first place to think a devoted father would just walk out.
you have to understand how hispanic families work. She was expecting someone who would want to put his family before his dreams, which is an expectation that I agree with. Family always comes first and then your dreams unless your dreams align with your family. She was wary of him because she was left with everything he left behind each time he went to play music. Music is ingrained in our culture don't get me wrong but she wanted him to find something that could support them in a way that they needed, especially having such a young child. And she possibly could not have noticed what was happening as she handled everything. Regardless, most people don't assume that the people their husband are closest to have killed them. And no, I really don't want to hear people say "but that is so *toxic* simply because we don't fold to what is the modern American family expectations.
Also understand that this took place years ago, probably shortly after the Mexican Revolution. Getting in touch was hard: you sent a letter or a telegram if you were lucky, and a touring musician would have no set address. Mamá Imelda probably thought he abandoned them for another woman.
Hope you guys react to “Wolf Children” for Mother’s Day this year. Hanna is a PHENOMENAL mom! And the whole movie is full of “Crying with Adam” moments.
It’s coming soon!
@@CinemaTherapyShowYay!
I went through the exact same thing as Riley. I moved away from everything I knew and each "island" of my identity slowly faded away. I lost my joy. The part where she breaks down makes me tear up because the writers of this movie completely encompassed what it's like to be so filled up with pain and confusion, that at some point you just break down and cry. I grieved so long.
I lost everything in that season of life, but what stayed was my family, and I was too blind and hurt to see it. I'm even more grateful for them because of it. Such a wholesome movie.
When you think about it, Mama Emelda is demanding that her own great, great grandchild can either live the life she chooses for him, or he can just die. Pretty screwed up when you put it that way.
These coughing jokes! Alan hope you're okay but the editors have me CRYING🤣