Kids Don’t Know How to Read. John Branyan - Full Special
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- Опубликовано: 9 сен 2024
- Kids don't know how to read, or at least they don't know hoe to read as well as kids from the 16th century according to this full Dry Bar Comedy special from John Branyan. The truth is our vocabulary isn't what it used to be, and the writings of Shakespeare are proof of that. Whether you're someone who has an extensive vocabulary, or someone who just gets by with the words they know, John Branyan's retelling of the three little pigs is sure to keep you laughing from start to finish.
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2:00 as a truck driver, I want everyone to know that we need MORE people asking for the air horn!
Thats nice to hear
XD
You got it!
This was the best thing as a kid
I'm so happy to hear that, it's always been my favorite thing to do when I see a big truck, but now that I'm old enough to talk to you guys on a CB, I've felt too old to ask.
How could anyone thumbs down this guy???? He's "Flippin" brilliant!!!
He needs to interpret and record all of the nursery rhymes. I would listen to it every day!!
It's the triggered left-wingers in here. At the beginning of the bit, the guy was talking about how everyone is always so offended and can't laugh anymore. He was definitely talking about left-wingers.
@Stuffnsuch I live near there. Sadly I don't live in the town itself.
Cause they're morons!
"Flippin" morons😂
Let him know! That's a great idea! Tell him Geddy said so. ;)
That's the absolute best revision of The Three Little Pigs ever!🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩
And it went way too long and his family and friends were the only ones laughing.
In the version i had as a kid the wolf just wanted to borrow some sugar from his neighbor's to bake pie
@@ronnyshama a piggy pie I bet?
I would listen to any fairy tale that he told
There's a book of it!
Three Little Pigs, 16th century style = epic.
This is flippin' brilliant! :-D
Never thought I'd laugh this hard at a three little pigs joke 😂😂😂
Yeah agreed.
The leadup was bad, though. Literacy rates were very low in the sixteenth century, less than 1/4 of adults could read, and fewer children. Connected to that, the average person used far fewer words than we do.
Shakespeare was an outlier, an amazing one, but extremely rare.
"Say What?"
😂
Look up Pee Little Thrigs by Archie Campbell
My new, most favorite rendition of The Three Little Pigs
Totally. I think that he needs to do a rendition of Little Red Riding Hood since he mentioned it.
Never hath a man bearing mine own nomenclature found such tremendous joys in having heard the retelling of a literary tale of mass appeal. Indeed, I too, favor it the most!
Ditto!
Best ever!!
*tips monocle in agreement*
I was dying laughing at the Shakespearean version of The Three Little Pigs. Brilliant!!!
Must thine ears marvel to the utmost magnitude of confounded elation in response to the unparalleled sights and sounds of this oft-undercelebrated comical phenomenon? Indeed they must.
And thus was this great magnitude of wisdom bestowed upon us, taken quite graciously, I would say indeed.
He had impressive alliteration too
B.REASON
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Very nicely written
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Yeah. I it was alright. 😅
@@julien.4617 Thou has wracked thy wretched organ of sagacity to the uttermost, and hast by that means painfully produced but a lone word of two syllables, and none of any more, having thereby exhausted the entirety of thine eggheadedness. To the books, I say! To the books! 😉
OK, I'm old. But listening to his Three Little Pigs makes me really feel old being I understood every single word and enjoyed it lol.
Eh, I'm not that old, and I also understand every word 😉
There are some of us word lovers in every generation.
Agreed! I'm like, what's the big deal? 🤣🤣🤣
Same!! We had to read tons of Shakespeare in High School … AND explain it in plain English. Plus … three words… King James Bible… 🤣
Old word nerd here… same!
If it weren't for the context, I'd have been lost.
I bought his book called "A Triune Tale of Diminutive Swine" on a cruse I went on with him and a bunch of other comics. Probably the best vacation I've ever had.
Wow! thats awesome!
These are the best comedians I've heard in years. My husband came running in the bedroom because I was laughing hysterically. Nothing is funny anymore, on tv or movies, but these guys and gals ARE.
A man I highly respect who went to the church I grew up in has a quote I love that's right in line with this man's first joke. "God doesn't make mistakes, but he does have quite the sense of humor."
So true...the people that scream tolerance the loudest are the most intolerant of anyone else's ideas.
Yes, somehow tolerance is claimed to be a virtue of higher value than truth.
“Truth” is subjective
That Flippin Arkansas joke made me laugh-cry. "I went to the Flippin High School and got my Flippin diploma, go Birds" Oh man I died. Another ROFL gem from Dry Bar.
So did I! Literally wiping tears from my eyes because of the name of a town, haha!
I live near there. I was at the Walmart there. I had to call my pastor about some things I was buying for the church. He asked me where I was at and I replied, "I'm at the Flippin Walmart." He asked me to repeat it...and I did, then realized what I had just said to my pastor. A woman standing behind me listening to me died laughing! My pastor also laughed and said, "I just wanted to see if you would say it again."
And how bout the white thread, the carpet and the vacuum? Been there, done that. I try to laugh quietly, so I don't miss hearing funny stuff, but he had me "Laughing Out Loud".
@MsCrystalBlue Dead!! 😂
I looked into it, sadly the team is the Bobcats.
I felt a darkness fall over me when this ended at 24:23...he needs a much longer special.
I never tire of this version of the three little pigs story. Hilarious!
I thought you guys were being sarcastic. That's quite possibly the best and most well versed version of "The 3 little pigs" I've ever had the tremendous fortune of hearing.
He's by far my favorite Dry Bar act I've seen. Everything is INCREDIBLY original. I've laughed out loud at most of his punchlines. Brilliant writing and story-telling skills.
He left out the best sneeze - the serial sneeze! My wife is a serial sneezer, lets go with between three and seven little cat sneezes. They might go up in scale and volume, they might go down, they might come fast or slow - but it is always three to seven - unless one acknowledges her sneeze before she's finished. Do that and she's stuck. Gotta let her finish on her own. It is totally awesome. Then I sneeze - inhale, turn my head or cover my nose, and then let fly with a volume that rivals the main guns of the USS New Jersey. We are made for each other :)
OMG!!! Crazy hilarious 🤣🤣🤣🤣
You should meet my band teacher from high school. He has, to date, the loudest sneeze I have ever heard. And always in exact 3s lol.
And the moral of the set is laugh at yourself, laugh often. Laughter is like a useful and effective medicine.
"And they say fish is brain food!" 😂😂😂
The 3 Little Pigs segment was incredible!
Hello 👋 how are you doing?
Brilliant! And I'm impressed he could even remember the whole pigs story by memory!
I loved it not one single f-word and a complete belly laugh thank you sooo much! Outstanding👏👏👏
That's why I love Drybar comedy and been a fan for years
Not one Flippin curse word.
I love his 'three little pigs!' I've heard it as a partial from his special a few times and it never gets old.🤭
Three Little Shakespeare Pigs - Brilliant!
.....Mother Goose is throwing pages in the air screaming "I give up!" Lol
Amen “It’s American made” lmao
I live about 30 minutes from flippin, and yes, we all have made those jokes forever. Never gets old.
Also, down a conway there's a place called "toadsuck park".
And for the king of the hill fans, around little rock there's a "shackelford lane"
He's so right about people having so much tolerance they hate each other it's insane. Lol
I've been to Flippin AR many times, but thankfully I've never been pulled over by the Flippin police
Ive been thru there & sadly their hs mascot is Bobcats lol
@@keonajameese What a Flippin shame
😂🤣🤣🤣
I just live down the road a piece from Flippin AR.
@@brenda324 Me too. I live outside of a town called Ralph about 10 miles from Flippin. If you blink an eye on your way to the Buffalo River you will miss Ralph.
I liked those Flipping jokes.
Flippin, no "g". Flippin IS a town in Arkansas, no lie.
@@derekwalker4622 no, flipping is spelled flipping. No idea why you are talking about a flipping town
LoL. I'm a girl with unfeminine blasting sneeze that shook the house and popped the belts off. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Lucky I don't sneeze much, or I will be homeless.
What you said about my momma!?
I always thought my dad sneezed loudly. I'm now middle aged woman, and I sound just like my dad when I sneeze!🤣
The three little pigs is so much more detailed now!!!
This guy is BRILLIANT! LOVE the 3 Little Pigs story :)
Brilliant! almost fell off my chair laughing and WOW! not a single swear word! Who could imagine?!
Absolutely brilliant. I laughed so much. And it was out loud. This dude is great. The Three Little Pigs should definitely only be read like this!
The semi-truck drivers used to honk for us when I was a child living in then-rural Santa Clara County.
Semi- trucks used to have horns that blew when they pulled the cord above the steering wheel at the headliner of the cab. During the 1970’s the manufacturers moved the horn to the starting wheel , like a car.
@@gailhandschuh1138 I was going to say the same thing! I only know that because I was a child of the 70s. Ah...fun road trip/vacation times. 😊
@@gailhandschuh1138
That’s exactly what I’m talking about-we would put our arm up like Popeye flexing his muscle and then imitate the pulling of a cord. And since it was just our little seven-street set of tract homes with a tiny strip mall on the lone feeder road the drivers generally gave us a blast or two.
What's a semi truck?
@@jaynestag95
It’s an old name for big rigs...it’s what they were called at the time I was commenting on, so that’s likely why I reverted to the old name.
Did anyone else picture Fraiser and Niles Crane as pig 1 and 2?
Why isn't anyone talking about his noises?! That legit sounded like a vacuum
Lol and that mysterious whistle sound was on point.
Hello 👋 how are you doing?
He floored me!!!'So original, his entire personality, thoughts... I'm addicted to this guy
Dry bar never disappoints
Holy hell this guy's acting has so much commitment put into it and I love it.
Hands down my favorite dry bar special
We are having an overnight stay at the hospital so I'm enjoying this on a very uncomfortable couch. Thanks for the laughs!
I enjoyed this Ted Talk.
Still laughing over your comment. So funny.
The best rendition of Three little pigs, ever.
As a truck driver I found the first scenario hilarious!!
One of the best DryBar comedians. I laugh the hardest when he talks about the smoker's first cigarette.
Brilliant
that was a incredible version of the 3 little pigs so great
There's 2 cities closeby called kissing and bad kissing and my foreign friend had to point the English meaning out to me cause my mind literally did not notice
🤦♀️!!! You don’t have to worry that you are robbing people of a blessing.🤣🤣🤣
My stupid GPS once took me to the wrong Walmart just before my daughters wedding. When she called me in panic, asking where I was I let her know “I’m in Flippin Arkansas!!!”
I checked it out. There really IS a Flippin Arkansas! I thought it was just a creative joke!
The Shakespearean 3 Little Pigs is one of the best written, best told jokes in History!! All the best, John!
Reminds me of the jokes we made of Fauquier County, VA
Don't want to rain on your parade - but your Shakespeare was perfectly understandable to me
My Birthday's on the 29th of March... aka tomorrow!!!
This was a good birthday present!
Thank you!
Happy Birthday!
@@kitty10141 Thank you!
Flippin Funny!
Thank-you muchly!
Hello 👋 how are you doing?
One of the best comedians I've seen on DBC.
New vacuum cleaner commercial today. They put a green laser on the front to spot dust particles
God invented the duck bill platypus, so yes he has a sense of humour.
GOD calls us sheep. He definitely has a sense of humor.
god😂
John Branyan is one of the absolute best here!!!!! Love him!!!
When he started telling the story of the 3 little pigs, it reminded me very strongly of John Bunyan's "Pilgrim's Progress" XD
"AS I walk’d through the wilderness of this world, I lighted on a certain place where was a Den, and I laid me down in that place to sleep; and as I slept, I dreamed a Dream. I dreamed, and behold I saw a Man cloathed with Rags, standing in a certain place, with his face from his own house, a Book in his hand, and a great Burden upon his back. I looked, and saw him open the Book, and read therein; and as he read, he wept and trembled; and not being able longer to contain, he brake out with a lamentable cry, saying What shall I do?"
It actually reminded ME of Archie Campbell's rendition of the story of "Rindercella, and her Mugly Other, and two Sad Blisters" from Hee Haw back in the day.
Just proves you do not have to be nasty to make people laugh.
Arkansan here!
The Flippin HS mascot is the Bobcat. Yea, they missed it by a mile.
Well now... Someone's a veteran of the Shakespeare Festivals. 😆
Honestly, though, dude should publish that. I would totally buy that book. Make a profit, spread the laughter, and enrich vocabularies, all at once.
He DID publish it as a book. :D
You've probably already found it by now; it's titled, "A Triune Tale of Diminutive Swine."
Did anyone else end up with an ad about a vacuum during his joke about the single white fuzz in the carpet? Was weirdly well timed lol
The best version of the Three Little Pigs ever!!
😂 Three Pigs story was wonderful.
Johnny bro is right. There is humor in humility. God bless this man!
Hilarious! Such a talented comic!
This was my second time watching this performance. Still laughed more than before.
Went to see Tim Hawkins many years back and John was there too!
Edit: John has a book of this version of 3 little pigs. I own it. 😅
totally and Shakespearean brilliant! Fabulous! congrats and thank you!!!!
Just plain genius, mic drop.....
Learn from this kids! You CAN make a comedy routine (or even carry on a normal conversation) without using the word LIKE more than once or twice. Expand your vocabulary.
Nicely done, John.
Laughter is a gift! It's the best medicine, truly!!
Say What? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
3rd time watching this in 2 days just to hear Shakespear 3 little🐖🐖🐖 love to hear more😂
That's not cellulite that's unreleased choo! 😂😂😂
So Freaking Funny! My dad always said, "Try and find humor in every situation" and my mom always said, "Be able to laugh at yourself". Bless their hearts. I remember their advice every day and the tough moments in life go by a lot quicker. ( : Life is only 10% what is thrown at you, but 90% is how you react to what is thrown at you .... Think monkeys and zoos. ( :
This man is ALWAYS a laugh riot! He never fails to make me laugh.
I’m from Arkansas and have lived in flippin before. They know it’s funny just burnt out on the joke. Glad someone put it out there this way. Good stuff
Prithy, harken to me! The story at the end is most wondrous! Most wonderous indeed!
Memorize this and volunteer to tell the kids sitting around the campfire the story of “ The Three Little Pigs”.😂😂😂
I love passing on my stupidity. It’s hilarious!
That ‘3 little pigs” should be a movie 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭
ROFLMBO! This is hilarious 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂, laughed so hard I cried!
I have so many coins in the shag! I’ve been using those three holes in the bowling ball!! 😂Man and woman! 😂
He's very funny. Really remembers the 3 little pigs story good. 😂
Is this a re-upload? Well, I'm still re-laughing out loud :D
Ye pretty sure it’s a repeat
There were segments I hadn't seen before, so I think it's the usual case of finally uploading his special instead of just clips.
Which we should celebrate, I appreciate it when they put out the full special without the app
That was awesome! I'm speechless!😉
The part about the vacuum and the small piece of something on the floor got me 💀
I never get tired of his "3 Little Pigs" story!
the many times I watched A Midsummer's Night Dream, (The British acting group version) has come in handy and I could keep up with such a brilliant and portal rendering of yonder mirth
Wonderful! Just Wonderful! There, that's 2 different words.
These are the best comments I've ever read! In a way, I wish we still spoke this way. Our language has degraded so badly.
When I was coughing and he started coughing a smokers cough omg I died
Gold, Jerry, Gold!