Children Will Financially Ruin You. Tom Simmons - Full Special
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- Опубликовано: 9 сен 2024
- Children will financially ruin you, or at least in the case of Tom Simmons in this full Dry Bar Comedy special, you should probably name your child Owen, because that is what you'll be doing for the rest of your life. Whether you're someone with 10 kids, or someone who has put off having kids, this full Dry Bar Comedy special from Tom Simmons is sure to keep you laughing from start to finish.
If you enjoyed this full Dry Bar Comedy special from Tom Simmons, be sure to check out the links below for even more Dry Bar Comedians you might enjoy!
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"Yeah, there's a reason why kids are so cute - it's so you don't throw 'em in a dumpster at 3 in the morning." SPOT ON my guy 😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂 yess
I have no kids but the way my family is set up, I basically raised my siblings and God it makes me not want to have kids at all. And I love kids. Love cuddling them and hanging out with them but the relief I feel when their parents come home and I can go back to only taking care of me, is immeasurable.
I'm with you! People said I'm very good with kids and that I would surely be an awesome mom if I could have one (I'm barren)! LoL.
They don't know that the reason for those are: 1) because I'm a child at heart myself (that's why I can connect/relate with them so much). And 2) I don't have to take care and live with them 24/7! I am FREE!!! 🤣
Took the words right out of my mouth 😸
I love being an aunt! I was possibly born to be an aunt! I highly recommend aunt-hood or uncle-hood to anyone with a sibling, or even a cousin. If you don’t have any relatives that can provide this experience, just borrow or rent. Owning is way to complicated, all sorts of unexpected costs, random repairs, and generally too hard to maintain.
@@ShannonMcW
Yes! I'm that silly yet cool aunt, too. I have no siblings, but my closest cousin who lives next door has 3 kids, and they're all sticking to me like glue almost everyday. And when I'm not in the mood to play, all I need to do is told them to go home. LoL. Auntiehood it is for me...😄❤
@Olly Nolly you just described how parenting feels, and the only relief is their bedtime. I have 5 kids and didn't realize how much it'd be until i had my last kid😭🤣
"....my baby is making hash?! No wonder these things are so valuable!" 🤣🤣
Did NOT get enough laughs for that!
They weren't ready 🤣
"Owen says 'why can't I be a big brother'?" "Well, you should've slept through the night a few more times." LOL
“We named our son ‘Owen’, ‘cause that’s what we’re gonna be doin’ for the rest of our lives” 🤣🤣🤣
lmao
@@pareshlalta792 q
@@larrywade2753 what ?
The "employee discount" joke is spot on! Hilarious set, Tom!!! Love it!!!
For real!
Way funnier than the audience seems to believe.
The audience is smart
Details of baby entering the world. Entertaining.
Pretty darn accurate!
Authentic 😁🤣
Ha,"I'm saving .53 cents on pop tarts! This guy is hilarious 😂
This guy and his wife are hilarious. I would absolutely BINGE Haunted House Flippers- the end of the special killed me.
Yes the will financially ruin you, but don't forget that they can and probably will emotionally ruin you too LOL
So true I know from experience‼️👍👍
They will also be choosing your Nursing Home some day, as well.
😂😂😂
I don't think my kids were expensive, but their schools hit us up for money all the time!
You'd think brainwashing would be cheaper
O my word, lol, nearly choked on my water at "put it nxt here to daddy's", LOL
I have 12 children, they were easy the husband was harder 😂😂🤣🤣😂
Holy Moly!!!!😱😱😱 God Bless you and your family!!!
😂😂😂
Sounds like your husband must've been 'hard' all the time??! LOL 😆😂🤣
That stimulus though
@@maxlove4906 that is not nice keep clean please.
Home-colleged 🤣🤪
"Isn't really sure where Lebanon is..." LOL :)
I love good clean comedy. Thanks for thinking of those of us that do Dry Bar. This guy is great.. very funny.
A lot of us also
L O V E good clean comedy.
Thanks for the grammatical giggle, lol!!
@@majoroldladyakamom6948 lol, maybe that's the way I meant to spell it.. kidding, I corrected it. Thanks.
@Baba Ganush I don't know, I think it's a matter of taste. I know a lot of comedians that don't use foil language and are doing pretty well for themselves. Dry bar is also showing everyone that clean comedy can bed just as funny if not moreso than raunchy jokes.
This guy is hilarious please put more content of him on here 😂😂
The maintenance man of our building is a better than a husband. He fixings things but leaves after that!
Dude, thus guy us right. At walnart they said only self check out is opened and i had a full cart.
This man is right. I should get a discount it took me about 15 minutes to do it so i should get 15 minutes of my time given back to me! I value my time at $30/hr. So i should get $8. In shear saving at least. I am being extremely reasonable
Jokes about kids, the best. So funny. Thank you 😊
This was so hilariously funny and relatable at the same time. I loved it. 😂
This is soo good. Yes parenting is beautiful and extremely stressful and scary at the same time!
That ending was PERFECT. I laughed, SO Hard.
You can absolutely see light through closed eyelids my guy lol I know he was mentioning as part of a bit, but still
You can but I've found a beanie cap pulled down over the eyes blocks enough so I can go to sleep and keeps my head from getting cold while I sleep. I guess if you're hot natured you have to adjust clothing levels elsewhere, though, so the cap doesn't overheat you while you're sleeping.
Lol... light at night can be bright, even with eyes closed. I stick blue tac or tape over visible little power lights as I am also sensitive to light when sleeping 😎😊🤣
Very funny and intelligently entertaining. It isn't everyone's cup of tea. But he is super smart.
I'm sure many people would love to listen to more intelligent jokes as well
He got me on the first sentence 🤣🤣
This guy was funny, audience was dry.
That last bit about the invite to the TV show! OMGGGGGG. Thank you thank you thank you for showing the reality of reality TV that dumbs down everything & throws out talent that could have served the country the world but it’s not “dumb” enough. I felt the entire conversation and it’s actually their loss and funny that you pointed out before & yet they the “experts” couldn’t understand hah. I just say NO to everything too now. This one was fun to watch. You don’t need TV to validate your worth 💪🙂
LOL!!! I can definitely relate the Self Checkout!
I wish I could 'like' this many times over. I really like this guy.
He is going to be home colleged.
😂😂😂😂😂😂
He’s very dry and low-key and I wasn’t certain I’d make it through his whole set, but he’s low-key and funny and I’m glad I didn’t bail.
I'm the same way when I sleep 😂 I need it dark! It's much better.
Yep...& quiet! No tv, etc on. My ex used to think i was picking on him by telling him i could still hear his show. But i have super sensitive hearing & he was going deaf. There's a joke in that somewhere, haha.
Let me tell you about my spawn.... this is so damned ORIGINAL!
Thank you for the laughs!!! Excellent
Hurrah for the non-violence. Me too, even though I had horrible role models as a child -- but it didn't result in me repeating the cycle, it resulted in me never wanting to do that to anyone I supposedly love. He's a good guy; I love the way he talks about his kid, how he respects how the kid sees the world (even if it's funny in the moment).
That final bit about "America's Got Talent" looking for dumber comedy was so biting and to the point.
If you're not laughing you don't have kids. Go to the shopping mall or whatever it's called where you are. See the parents with kids, learn your lessons just by seeing what those little Owens are like. 😂😂😂 Can always hand them back no receipt or excuse needed. That's the way it goes with me, don't mind loading them full of sugar and giving them noisy toys or spending a day in the toy store as it ain't my problem it's the parents 😂😂 who have to deal with it all, good luck to all the parents out in this crazy world 💯
Great all th way thru! Thx 4 sharing, i needed this :)
Love the backdrop!
I loved this guy! Can’t believe he’s not around more often in other widely known places keep it up man, you were great from beginning to end!
The whole set was hilarious, but the ending,...laughed way too long on that. That was the best. Righteous!
Big applause! Tom is exceptionally funny.
Fun parenting tip.
I put myself in timeout might even have the luxury here and far of being grounded when the kids are away.😉
Mom's don't laugh....we get mad! "I TOLD you not to do that!" Gotta love 'em!
This man is GOLD
I laughed hilariously out loud when he started talking about his turn the mop aisle 3
That was clever Tom. I think the (sit-down) audience did have a little trouble keeping up at times. but I loved it.
This guy is THE BEST!
Spot on! I've got three kids and providing for their needs and a couple of wants has got us in the broke house every payday!
This guy Tom is so Funny 🔥
Hilarious!
Love this guy!!!So funny!!!
There’s a book series about a house flipper that keeps running into ghosts. It’s a fun, cozy mystery read. :)
What's it called?
Sounds like a great book, what's the name????
Man, I will have to see if I can find the author! It’s been a few years ago since reading that series
This guy is hilarious!
Thus guy is awesome! Thanks DryBar!
That is the secret of financial success - no kids
I love the self check-out jokes, I don't use self check-out
This was hilarious xD A lot of fresh material I'd never heard before.
Thanks so much I needed the laughs! This was hilarious!
this guy is great!
I was imagining the audiences face on the dumpster joke and was rolling laughing 🤣 😃 😀 it was like he hit them with a 2×4.
But I had kids and was like yea your right.
Newborn view of the world was so true.....I like this guy.
Love it love it 100% I laughed until I cried you totally funny man thank you for that
!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like I've seen a portion of his special but not the full set! I like him though 😂😂
I agree, I've seen part of this too.
This guy made me laugh a lot! So funny !!!
That last joke was brilliant.
I should check out his other sets on yt to hear what they're talking about. This was a good set.
The reason kids are cute stops you throwing them in the bin😂 😂😂😂😂
absolutely love this guy so funny thankyou for your humour
By the way… I did not get them back in the same pristine condition 😂 Hysterical!!! Love his timing!!! 😂
The title tells me this is going to be accurate and hilarious.
Me and Tom have similar situations about parenting...it was all full of humor now if I think about it.
Now this guy is funny, seriously
“Dear North Carolina, We understand you have started disciplining your kids like Northern cities. That is, you aren’t. You should follow the example of South Carolina (ouch). Due to this and a MYRIAD of non-Southern things that you have let overtake your state, we are going to have to let you go.“
Signed,
The South
I don’t see Supermarkets dropping the price of goods in the store, after making us pay $0.15c - $2.00 for an advertising opportunity plastic bag.
The light bit hit WAY too close to home...
Hilarious!! Too bad the inhouse group didn't keep up with his humor he was great!!🤣🤣
I'm stealing the haunted house flipper idea.
Oh please spare the rod spoil the child. I have a wonderful 34 year old that I used the occasional corporal punishment on when he was a toddler. He's not scarred in the least. We have a ton of disrespectful children vin our schools because parents are afraid of their children.
Very Funny, and true Tom !!!
You're the best dude. So much fun now boy.!
This guy needs to watch "Haunted Property Brothers" by studio c.
Good god man not enough ads on this video
Lol I agree with your wife about light getting through eyelids ... love your special 🤣
The Ric Flair drip is strong in this one.
9:03 🤣😂🤣
25:49 Yes! Absolutely!😂
He is awesome! Reminds me of Bill Engvall and Ray Romano.
This guy is a sweet bear! Very relatable ! An aproachable man!
A had a good laugh with this one :D
Kids are too expensive!!
😂😂😂 thank you!
Funny 😂
Best finishing joke ever! Even if the show was awful (it most definitely was NOT), that last line alone justifies the 30 minute video.
No kids no pets
thanks for your comedy you made me laugh your amazing
Woo hoo! Brian Regan reference!!!
You are funny
The joke about college is off though.
Trade school people work more in their fields than most college grads
Learn to be a Plumber, Electrician, or a Welder
Now they make $$$$$$
compassion laughing a kids lol.