Hi Abbey, I hope you get to see this comment in some capacity, youve helped me so much with my ED in the past. I am struggling now with ADHD, ARFID and multiple undiagnosed chronic illnesses and I am finding it hard to access resources online with good actionable advice on how to eat for a specific diet like low fodmap or gluten free or how to eat while working with a doctor/RD. I struggle with fatigue and I can hardly prepare food at all which makes me lean on convenience options that ultimately make me feel worse. I need to prepare food from scratch to treat my illnesses but my illnesses limit my energy and the amount of time/spoons I have to meal prep. I know you have resources about similar things related to this topic but from what I can remember none with a focus on chronic illnesses like the ones I outlined, although those videos have helped me tremendously. Thank you for reading this 💜
"Under-fueling your body literally hijacks a healthy brain" COMPLETELY sums up my ED experience. Your mind, experience, and judgment is so compromised. Recovery is wonderful and so worth it!
As a “husky” child of the 80s, I feel like you’re describing the rollercoaster I had been on since being put on my first diet at age 12. I’m almost 40 at this point and feel like I’m finally learning to break the cycle. ❤
Thank you. As I was a baby ballerina at 4 and danced until my mid 20s, I've struggled with EDs all my life. Now at 63, I eat the same things everyday and exercise constantly to validate what I eat. I get that dopamine rush when people say how thin and disciplined I am. If only they knew how all consuming it is. Again, thank you for sharing. I have to make a change ❤
You have worth unrelated to what you weigh and how much exercise you do. Shine your inner light, and people will respond positively to the real you. You are special because you are you!
Thank you for sharing! I just took the first step today in scheduling an initial appointment with an ED recovery program and I'm feeling so nervous, but your content has been so inspirational and helpful to me. I truly don't know if I would have taken this step had it not been for finding your videos. Thank you for everything you do 🩷
Abbey, I adore you! This is your most open personal confession I have seen on your channel over several years. I wished so much to give you a hug while listening you. I have been struggling with anxiety, OCD, OCPD and orthorexia for more than 30 years. I am almost 46 now. I have made peace with myself and accepted my weaknesses, trying to live as well as possible, because I know that I will never get rid of them.
@@AbbeysKitchenI’m with you both, too! We must keep fighting the good fight! May Lord Jesus shine upon us all His strength and wisdom with each new day! Abby, thank you SO much for this video! I felt every word you spoke since my storyline is VERY similar! I LOVE y’all! Praying for us all tonight and always! 🫂🙏❤️
I’ve been watching your channel for years and never clicked so fast on one of your videos before. You’ve helped me to understand one of my loved ones who has had an ED, so much better! Thank you for all of your content! Love you and your videos!
Thank you so much for your vulnerability and telling your story. I was diagnosed with body dysmorphia & IBS in 2019 associated with disordered eating. I was a gymnast and dancer growing up and have struggled with food and healthy eating since childhood. Intermittent fasting is something I still do and then binge as you have described. It is a constant battle, your book and channel have helped me so much 💛 my family noticed my restrictive, yo-yo dieting and I felt so much shame! It's something I do not talk about but my therapist is helping me. You're an inspiration Abbey. X
I am 59 and when i was 19 my aunt died or Anorexia she was 35 she had ED her whole life my mom said she could rember since she was 2 years old throwing her food out the window ! Ultimately she got addicted to Enemas and tore her bowels and died a horibbile death sadly !! My grandparents spent thousand of dollars sending her to rehab and this was in the 1960 and 1970 so sad its a miserable addiction !! So glad to hear your story to give people hope !!
GO Abbey Go! I admire your candour and strength :) This story totally explains why you got into nutrition and are now still making your living off of it, it is like you wanted to get rid of your own issues, and with that are now trying to help others get help and handle their food issues. I appreciate your work.
I have so much emotions over this video.. In high school I started to eat less cause I convince myself I was not hungry. When people asked question , I lied . Then a guy I barely knew told me I will disapear if I continued like that. I realised I had a problem, slowly forced myself to eat more. It was pretty good for few years. Then I started to binge and eat my emotions.. Gained lots of weight over the years. Few months ago, at 45, I decided to loose weight. Reduced my portions, stop snacking in the evening. it's working, people are complimenting me, I feel good. But your video made me realised I'm slowly going back to my high school habit... I need to find a balance and it's not easy !
I've dipped my toes into anorexia theritory multiple times. The worst time was 11 years ago. I went through a terrible relationship situation. Along with the ED came some paranoia and panic attacks as well as learnd helplessness and medium level depression (yes I have been to a psychologist, not self diagnosed). I would eat as little as I could, often feeling dizzy. I started to love the hunger pains, they made me feel strong and in control of at least one aspect of my life. Also during that time I started running regularly. I was avoiding social situations that involved food. When I was out with friends and there was food, like at a market I would say "oh I love these, too bad I just had dinner, next time I need to get one" just to distract them. In reality that food I used to love disgusted me. For me it was never fear of food, but disgust. It was bad. In a way running saved me. A friend guided me with my training. He told me in order to get better at running I had to eat. I trusted him and started eating a little more. Shortly after I started a new internship where lunch and snacks were provided and eaten with the team. That got me back to eating somewhat normally again while still losing weight. Initially I had to, at that point I allready was at a normal weight but not happy yet. Throughout the winter I had gotten rid of the anorexia and decided to relax a little with the diet, the weather didn't allow for so much running with all the icy roads. By spring I had gained 2-3 kilos from my lowest weight and that included the holidays and I was back out running 3-4 days a week. But then I hurt my knee so badly that when I dropped something I would think twice if I really still needed this because just picking it up was so insanely painfull. Needless to say that from that point on the weight slowly came back as the pain lasted for over a year. I still hate my fomer primary care doctor for this lack of care in those years. I went to him describing depression symptoms right out of a textbook (as I later learned). Not knowing about it I thought it might have been some vitamin deficiency. He said that isn't a thing where we live and to just get off my ass and do things. Over the years I lost 5-10 kilos and slowly gained and gained some more, lost a bit again, gained some of it, lost some, gained some. Last year when my new (and amazing) doctor and I were figuring out the right dose of thyroid medication I gained a bunch. And this year due to a very bad case of gastritis I gained some more. Just this week I weighed in at my highest weight ever. I am now close to a 35 bmi and at this point my blood markers are still ok, but I start to struggle with the weight. Now it is about preventing morbidity. I know exactly what I need to do, but the mental aspect is hard. Sometimes I still think how easy losing weight in that horrible time was and wish I could do this again. I really don't want that anorexia back, it is just a thought that crosses my mind.
This hit so many notes in my own story. I had a lot of out of control things happening in my life, my mom died when I was 7, my dad moved us from one state to another new one, he remarried a monster, i was SA by a step brother and a cousin at different times, then kept losing my siblings because my dads wife couldn’t handle teenagers who were clearly desperate for someone to love them unconditionally. When I was in middle school, my dad told me that I was getting heavy looking. So I decided to starve myself. Constantly just saying “oh I’m not hungry “ my dad and his wife became abusive emotionally, mentally and physically, to the point where they fractured my wrist, and but strains in my back. That was the last time I went to youth services and they took me out of their custody and put me in a foster home. My foster mom was allllll about unhealthy skinny tactics. Like living off of Diet Coke and cinnamon bears… so when I finally started eating I of course started gaining weight, and then I had her coming to me and saying “we need to go on a diet!” So the only way I knew how was to stop eating, and work out like crazy! She then told me “you’re losing weight too fast.” I just felt so confused and not good enough no matter what I did. I married an amazing husband, but I gained A LOT of weight because I think it was a security blanket, because if I was skinny I would get unwanted attention from men. And I think I was also just done worrying about every calorie. I’ve been to so many therapists, and still struggle with food! I ended up finding keto 5 years ago. Lost half of my weight and was the healthiest I had ever been. Then Covid hit. I ended up having lots of injuries, and then had a hysterectomy. I’ve gained all of my weight back, and I’ve been trying to figure out what works for me mentally, physically and my body. I also struggle with RA and extreme fatigue! So it’s definitely been hard to figure this weight thing out. I don’t weigh myself because it’s a trigger and also makes me frustrated when I don’t loose as much as I think I should.
Love this! In case it will help anyone, here's what helped me recover from orthorexia: -realizing that binging isn't failing. It's our bodies way of trying to keep us from killing ourself from a lack of nutrition. Our bodies know best and are self protective -learning that I can eat anything and not gain weight as long as I don't eat a lot of it which is easier to do if I regularly can have delicious things and am not starving -do exercise that I enjoy doing versus what will theoretically make my body look a certain way. It is easier to regularly exercise when it's something you like -understanding that if I want to feel my best, that requires good nutrition/fuel -feminism requires me to nourish myself because we can't be strong/powerful/leaders if we spend all our time trying to be smaller or focusing on every little thing we put in our bodies -I want to live a long, disease free life if possible and that is unlikely to happen if I don't take care of myself
When you said you couldn’t have chai anymore that really resonated with me. I can’t eat carrots cause I ate only carrots for so long it took me two years to stop being orange :/ also instant Nescafé coffee… there’s so many foods/drinks I can’t have anymore and usually it’s because it was the only thing I ate for months :/
For me it's oranges (or any other kind of citrus fruit). I don't know why, but oranges, tangerines and grapefruit were my go-to when I was ill with my ED. I ate so much citrus, my dentist noticed the enamel on my teeth was starting to wear away (of course I didn't tell him I was eating tons of citrus fruits every day!). Anyway, I can't stand to eat oranges anymore. I ate enough to last me a lifetime!
I see myself in you so much, it's crazy. Thank you so much for sharing. ❤ I also developed binge eating disorder after orthorexia and have big problems with anxiety and medication also was a life saver for me. I feel so seen and I'm happy to not be alone in this. Thank you for your bravery in sharing this Abbey 💖
Thank you for sharing your story and struggles! ❤ It must be very difficult to talk about this issue! As someone who struggles with orthorexia, it means a lot that you shared you story❤ I also have ADHD and perfectionism, and never had anyone told me that they helped my ED. Thank you🥺 I hope this storry will help and touch a lot of people.
I saw an old picture of me and I was like woah what the heck I was so skinny. I had an ed and undiagnosed celiac disease so it was bad. I gained 30 pounds afterwards and then in the future 5 more pounds. The 5 pounds from my birth control. Really helped me feel healthier
Your honesty is so refreshing and inspiring. I've experienced the same restrictive style of eating and the high of the praise that comes from the weight loss I'm currently struggling with binge eating when im stressed. Which is ALL the time with a 3 year old and 1 year old. Your videos inspire me to heal my relationship with food.
Soooo many similarities between your story and my own orthorexia experience, right down to the undiagnosed adhd 😅 Seriously though, I cooked my family meals all through high school for the exact same reason. Life on the other side is better, thanks for sharing your story 💜
Thank you! You've healed so many of our journeys with food, and given us tools to keep making progress. After becoming a mum it was difficult to navigate maintaining a good relationship with food because we are inundated with so many "rules", while needing to return to a healthy weight, and modeling good food relationships for my boys. Your videos have helped me piece a strategy together, but I'd love to learn more about how you managed this and how we can all navigate that three-way balance in a way where there are 1000x more stressors and seemingly 23 less hours in day.
Thank you so much for sharing a piece of your heart with us. Really was so healing for me as I often felt like I was “failing at my ED” by shifting my attention towards my career. You are so empowering and your content has really helped me chart a new path of healing. Thanks Abbey.
It’s definitely a blessing to be that way in high school. To not be insecure about your body, to not have a fat-phobic family that is constantly calling you fat or constantly pointing out when you gain weight. To not have your classmates comment on your weight or to be put on diets at 13. A lot of people have this and they take it for granted. We should be teaching our teenagers, to love their bodies, and that all sizes are beautiful. ❤
Litteraly same. Went to a naturopath to help cure my acnee, went out with an ED. Thank you for sharing and making us feel less alone (the comments section
OMG, it feels very similiar to my experience, eventhough I never restricted that much, learned so much about healthy eating during the process and ended from overweight in a healthy weight, which seems good, but the mental part was just the same! It all got worse when anxiety kicked in as fear for my future in my mid 20ies. I needed food to have the feeling of control, the more control the more pressure, the more pressure the less "success" on the scale, the bigger the feelings of guilt & failure. I'm so happy therapy was my way out of it! First important step by my therapist was to give up dieting for the time of theraphy, to focus on healing first. And than, once my depression & anxiety was treated, I managed not to cling my selfworth and my eating together. Once I was happy I didn't need that control anymore. Now I can accept myself and mybody not being perfect, but treating myself good!
This video was so affirming and eye opening. Like, I have always cringed hard at the term "cheat day" and really don't like calling certain foods "bad". On my current health/weight/fitness journey, I've avoided those concepts with the mantra "Don't make any changes you can't live with forever." I will not forbid myself any food, or berate myself for exceeding my target limits or missing my macro goals. My diet is my lifetime partner and I want it to be a healthy relationship that I don't feel I need a break from or look forward to escaping. If someone looked at my food log, they might say it is a restrictive diet, but no, what they'd see is the result of me making better choices because I'm no longer a slave to the rush of food pleasure and my tastes reflect the loss of that addiction. "Fed is best," the common answer to "is all natural breast milk better for a baby than processed formula", also applies to adults. Foods that best serve your body's needs are definitely more desirable than those that just give you calories and brief satiety, but that doesn't mean some foods are "bad". I'm a cheapskate at heart, and that value seeking hunter in me feels the same about food, and measures its value to me. I do include processed high protein snacks in my diet, mostly as a convenience food when I'm away from home for long periods and as a mid exercise energy boost between my period of walking and my strength training. General rule is that, if you add a zero to the grams of protein and that number is close to the total calorie count, it's a pretty okay source of protein, but I have a few items in my cupboard where the calorie count is 30% or more higher, and I find them acceptable because they fill other needs - some good carbs or fiber, or simply a compromise on a craving (I'm looking at you, Quest cookies and chips lol). The talk about the positive reinforcement you received and your desire to keep getting it was an eyeopener for me, as positive reinforcement is not something I've ever gotten a good deal of. I'm down about 130 lbs from my highest weight, currently own a wardrobe of clothes that I really feel myself in and feel good about wearing, and it is harder than ever before in my life to get dressed when leaving the house. I've gotten so used to the praise I've received that, if I put on something that doesn't make me say "wow!" when I see myself in the mirror, I will keep trying different things until it does. I've never been this concerned about my appearance, and I look better than I have in decades. It really was bothering me because I didn't understand this compulsion. I'd just gotten so used to getting compliments from people, I'd lost the confidence that allowed me to wear whatever I felt like, even if I didn't think anyone would praise me.
Thank you so much for being so real and showing this more vulnerable side of yourself! Even though you've been facing a lot of challenges in your life, I see in you a strong woman that was meant so succeed in life. Hopefully this can help other people realize it's okay to ask for help to feel better ❤️
Your dog! Adorable!!!! Not to minimize your message. You are spot on! I love your videos. Diet culture is INSANE. How is it normal to "count" your food?? Ugh! I am so tired of all of this. At 61, I've released myself from judging my eating. Adding healthy foods, keeping refined foods to a minimum (but still eating them), and enjoying eating - that's the only philosophy I embrace.
I wish I could just have a chat with you so you could alert me to what is healthy thinking and what might be a red flag of an ED. I used to struggle with anorexia but I've learned to love myself and even to this day I don't have a desire to be super skinny. However, because I was overweight once in my life, I tend to always go back to that weight after having children and I feel so uncomfortable in my skin. The only way it seems that I ever get REAL results IS to be very strict on my diet. Like, calculating every meal, lots of fasting and eating well below what I should in a day. We want to have more children but being in my late 30's has made weight loss even harder so I've been even stricter. I hate putting my body through this roller coaster of weight changes, but I love our kids and believe they are totally worth it. I feel so tossed and don't know some days if I'm being logical or not.
Please talk about Colleen Christensen. She's a promoter of intuitive eating. I've noticed that she is looking very sick and thin looking. I am wondering if she is relapsing back into anorexia.
Thanks for your story. I was anorexic and was over-exercising. Then I was binging-eating afterwards; my body’s way of trying to survive! It took me more than 15 years to have a marginally normal relationship with food. Still working on it. xxxx
Thank you for sharing your story. ❤ I think your story is so relatable to so many people. I’m so glad I found your channel. I feel like your approach to eating is with common sense ( not that common sense is always common in this world) ❤
I can relate to unhealthy relationships with food. I grew up a chubby kid. My mother was an alcoholic almond mom if they even called women who wouldn't keep sugar in the house almond moms back then. I would use junk food to compensate for the lack of attention and love I was not receiving. Then, I hit high school and realized the seductive beauty of calories in and calories out on a female teenage body. 🤯 The only time I think I have ever felt "safe" to eat what my body is craving is when I was pregnant. I told myself that I had to nourish the growing baby. I gained and dropped 60+ pounds three times in four years for that privilege. Today, I am going through peri-menopause. If I look at anything delicious, I put on 5 pounds, it feels like. It's challenging and frustrating. I appreciate your channel, Abbey, because you come across as realistic and open. You are a professional who has beaten her food challenges and isn't afraid to share them. Thank you for your knowledge and candid approach to well-being. ❤
What you say about the sugar is fattening, so i'll cut that out.. oh and hey, fat is fattening so i'll cut that out too! Yeah... this is the slippery slope... before you know it you're trying to live off of salad. I have had very severe anorexia, and almost died twice because of it in my teenage years. Still learning to manage eating issues, but no longer anorexic. Again, thanks for this amazingly personal and courageous video!
“The odds are just not in our favour” i nearly cried hearing this, nearly 4 years since my an0rex!a manifested and i feel so sad and stuck, but this isnt my fault. I hope everyone else knows that too ❤
I'm 57 and have had EDs (and now realizing ADHD, probably, and OCD) since age 11. Sadly, it IS a lifelong struggle. I'm much better now than I was decades ago, but I have spent soooo much of my intellect and life force thinking about food, it's upsetting. I've also had IBS-C since birth, along with panic attacks starting in 2010 after a sudden onset health issue made me get scared about dying.
Thank you for this video. I can't go into it too much right now because of time constraints but I have struggled with food, body dysmorphia and my weight at every end of the spectrum. I'm currently working with a dietitian to try to reduce down to a healthy weight. While the plan we have in place is working and feels good both emotionally and physically, i'm also terrified i'm going to slip into that disordered eating pattern again. Hearing your story and the ways you thought which is so similar to the way my mind reacts to food gives me hope that if I'm careful I can do this.
Thank you so much x your story is inspiring. I have Bipolar, Aniexty and insomnia diagnosis. So interesting to see how Food and mental health are interlinked. Keep on keeping on, from Anna in New Zealand
Interesting what you said about people with food disorders going into the health industry. I used to work with a woman who was an RD. She always looked good. She was always so thin so my assumption was that she took really good care of herself. But I never saw her eat at any company functions. She might take a bite or two but she just never ate a meal, not once. As not understanding the whole food ED thing back then, people kind of used to make fun of her, telling her she needs to eat, etc. It was just a known thing that she never ate. It has been many years since I've seen her but she seemed really thin, but physically fit. I had never really put the two together.
I love this because it is SO real and honest and EXACTLY how ED sounds in the brain and how it looks lived out! Thank you for sharing and laughing at yourself too!
I am Autistic and developed Epilepsy at age 5, for the 5 years that followed I was on a plethora of anti seizure medications. The doctors kept changing them because of side effects including hallucinations, insomnia, depression, anxiety, panic attacks and weight gain. Every time I started a new drug my weight would shoot up. My school nurse spoke to 5 year old me about my lunchbox without my mum present, she picked in the fact I had a little cereal bar (when other kids had cupcakes in their lunch boxes). The hospital were weighing me every week and started blaming my mum for my weight gain, so from age 5 my mum had me on a constant diet. By the time I came off the medication at 10, as I had grown out of my seizures, I was overweight, had experienced years of relentless bullying and my parents were going through a very messy divorce. My mum had to start working full time and by age 11 I was spending a lot of evenings home alone. I started binging, didn’t know how to make myself a healthy dinner at that age and I was just fucking miserable. So by the time I was 13 I was morbidly obese. I saw a doctor for my heavy periods, she told me I had PCOS without doing any testing (I don’t have PCOS). She told me that if I ever wanted to have children (I was 13) I would need to eat less than 1200 calories a day and walk fast for 2 hours a day, she literally said “walk like a man is chasing you”. I started that and lost a bit of weight. Then, one day, some boys who would bully me on my walk home threw a drink at me, I nearly whacked them with my bag, but I froze. Something clicked in my head then and I just stopped eating for 2 days. I decided during those 2 days that 350 calories a day would be ok. I did this for about 9 months and dropped a lot of weight, I stopped bleeding during periods and just experienced excruciating pain, my vision started going completely black every time I stood up for about 20-30 seconds (I got used to walking around in the dark). I started having palpitations every morning, my heart rate at rest dropped below 40bpm and I could never stay warm, even in the middle of summer. Then we went on holiday to Paris for a few days and, stuck in a hotel room with my mum I ended up eating more, mostly carbs as I am Vegan. My legs and stomach swelled up and I felt so incredibly weak. When we finally came home, I lied that I must have caught the flu as I couldn’t move from the sofa for a few days, I couldn’t even lift my head. To this day I have no idea why my mum never did anything to help here… She said she would take me to the GP for the swelling at some point. After a few days of not eating on the sofa, I requested a soy yoghurt, that led to a binge… So I learned how to make myself throw up from an online guide. Over the proceeding 4 years I would cycle between a few weeks starving and a few weeks of binge purging. I was still losing weight, but a lot slower than before. At 15 I got a debit card and started buying laxatives online. I started laxative binges, sometimes getting through whole boxes of laxatives. It was agony, but I enjoyed it in a sick way. At some point I started getting scared of breathing in calories, so I would breathe so shallow at times that my voice went hoarse; I also stopped brushing my teeth and washing with products in case I absorbed calories (somehow?) At 17 I was at my lowest weight, a bag of bones really, but when I looked in the mirror lumps of fat would start appearing all over me. Then I finally saw the Autism specialist psychiatrist. She diagnosed me with Autism and Anorexia Nervosa, started me on citalopram and agreed to continue seeing me until I turned 18 and I started recovery. Obviously recovery was a very bumpy road with lots of relapses along the way, but 8 years later I became a mum. Not really sure how I got here honestly. But my body is bloody resilient!
Abbey, I loved listening to this. I have struggled with orthorexia, yo yo dieting, an eating disorders all throughout middle school. I have been an intense athlete my entire life- cross fit, dancer, and just finished my college running career. I related with so much of your story and I appalud you for sharing it because it takes bravery but it can help so many people! I am a current half marathoner and am in the midst of training for a marathoner. I have struggled with anxiety as I put pressure on myself to get perfect grades and succeed in everything. I went through an eating disorder in sixth grade, which destroyed my confidence and caused me lots of bruises, pain in my stomach, bloating, and fatigue. I struggled with sleep as I was addicted to caffine. I was living off of fruit and caffine and running constantly. I found that if I wanted to continue to run and compete at a high level, I needed to eat more and stop losing weight. My recovery was hard; being stuck in the hospital forced to eat for about a week and then being stuck at home not allowed to exercise and having to eat specific foods was hard, but it allowed me to understand the value of food and the importance of fuel. I am now happier, enjoying my running, as I finished my college athletic carrer with a seconf place win and am graduating from college on Saturday.
The "ED-sufferer to nutritionist/dietitian" pipeline is too real. Back in 2012/2013 when I was finishing university and emerging from a decade+ of the binge/restrict cycle, I got into weight training and the paleo diet. And since changing my diet away from a ton of carb-heavy bingeing and starting to exercise AT ALL had genuinely helped my health (even though the paleo diet is total BS), I got obsessed with nutrition and dietetics. I even started a Tumblr called "Occupy Fitspo" (remember fitspo? that was a time) where I would post pictures of elite athletes of all body shapes and sizes. My ideas around nutrition were kind of fucked up (I thought beans were dangerous because they contained antinutrients and that even whole-wheat/multigrain bread and brown rice were to be avoided), and I really wanted to do this wildly expensive distance learning "holistic nutrition" program. Thank god I didn't have the money for it and my mom wouldn't help! Eventually I found out about intuitive eating and that really helped me get on the way to better health, but that would unfortunately take another 5-8 years.
Thank you for sharing, Abbey. I had an ED when I was a teenager and early 20s. I just wanted to be thin. You furbaby with the paw on you is just so very sweet. ❤❤❤
This made me feel not so alone. I'm 41 years old and grew up with my family and friends constantly calling me skinny. I have always had a fast metabolism, and I've always struggled to eat enough calories. I got so sick of people commenting on my weight that one year, I force fed myself and gained almost 30 lbs. People stopped commenting on my weight, because now I was the "standard" size, but I felt AWFUL. I eventually decided I needed to stop my behavior and try to accept myself however I looked, or no matter what people said about me. I lost the weight pretty quickly (that fast metabolism you know), and again started getting the body comments. People said I looked "SO good". I still struggle with my body image. I'm so afraid of being "skinny" that calorie counting is part of my everyday life. I have learned to speak up however, and refuse to let anyone talk about my body. Why do people feel like they have the right to decide what someone elses body should look like? Thanks Abbey for being open!
Old lady 54 years old. Started binging and purging with my mom’s “chocolate “ candy when I was in second grade. I have never recovered. I did have 3 children and during those pregnancies I was the best me!! No caffeine, no soda, alcohol and loads of fruit veggies beans grains and protein. I grew great babies. But I went to a hospital program that at the time I thought it was a joke and I played their game and discharged after 2 weeks. Unfortunately I never had any other therapy and at my age I still only eat protein and veggies and I take ALOT of purging products. It’s disgusting but I don’t know it is just my life. I admire you Abbey and think you’re so intelligent and strong! You’re incredible
Wow i thought this would be coded ED glory days story but it absolutely was not. I dont have an ED but enjoy your videos and this gave me a lot of understanding about those that do suffer EDs
That’s really helpful but also scary! I have been struggling with orthorexia as well, and I think I’m on the other side (although my gluten intolerance doesn’t help and not being able to let go of that control is sometimes triggering). But now I am starting to have difficulty sleeping. It’s only a few nights a month, but it’s getting more and more frequent. Hope I’m not following on your footsteps for that!!!
I like hearing ED recovery stories because it always ends different from my own. I've been recovered for almost 10 years. I was anorexic for about 15 years. I recovered from anorexia and immediately developed severe food allergies. The success story of "...and then I ate chocolate and pizza and big bowls of spaghetti and all the bakery goodies I could find..." wasn't an option for me and still is not an option for me. I was able to eat more of a variety of foods in anorexia than I can now. This is a diagnosed allergy. It continues to get worse. Every year there are more foods I develop reactions to. There is no cure.
Not sure if this has been said yet, but homeopathy and naturopathy are not remotely the same thing, even though some people use the term 'homeopathy' to mean 'natural medicine' - it is not.
I find it a bit ironic that you would make an entire video telling people what you ate during your "ed" thus giving people tips and also showing pictures of yourself at your thinnest to somehow validate yourself. When on tik tok you rightfully demonise people who body check before their WIEIAD. 😅 and please don't say it was to just show pictures of your blog. That's not it.
Watching this is making me hungry…I’m going to get some beer. Be right back! 🃏 😉 I’m kidding guys (dark humor gets me through the days), but seriously, having an ED is absolute hell. I’m turning 40 at the end of this year (maybe?) if my body doesn’t give out. I have missing teeth, excess body hair, yet the hair on my head is thin, coming out in clumps. I have extremely painful heartburn, stomach pain, no energy, liver problems, bones breaking or separating constantly the last few years, extreme depression, panic attacks, and oh yeah; did I mention that my body is about ready to give out? It’s been almost 30 years of this crap and I am beyond certain that I won’t be around much longer. I don’t have insurance nor the money for treatment. Very rarely does someone get the luxury of inpatient care in my home state. Mental illness, several overdoses/suicide attempts, 30 years of anorexia/bulimia doesn’t indicate I’m sick enough for long-term inpatient help in Texas without $$$. From my experience (and what I’ve witnessed) is that even those with health coverage are sent home within a week or two. It’s no wonder the majority of online crowdfunding (GoFundMe, etc) is for medical expenses. Fūçķ eating disorders.
Hi Abby, thank you for sharing your story! I feel seen. My experiences have been quite similar: born 1990, undiagnosed ADHD, toxic diet culture everywhere, perfectionist, PTSD, IBS, anxiety and 0rth0rexia. My mother installed a strong fear of being overweight in me. She died of an incurable brain tumor at 49. Everyone was talking about "winning against the c@ncer", which was completely inadequate, bc it had never been a fight after which she could live. But this tale got to me and I tried my best to evade c@ncer - meaning no sugar, no alcohol etc. I lived very restrictive. Now that I slowly overcome my trauma and that my ADHD is treated, my ED gets better as well. Also, I have been tested for allergies and know which foods to cut out. Took me almost 20 years all in all. Life is good now.
My ED problems began in my mid 20s when I started my PhD. I felt wrong in every respect I had raging anxiety and social anxiety and a few other mental health things that I'd been coping withby comfort eating for most of my life. I decided to get myself organised and pulled together so I'd feel like I could handle my PhD and "fit in". So I went to good old Googled and I mean you can guess what happened next. I'm very extreme too and it just feels went on and on and got worse. So yeah orthorexia. I mean you start to challenge yourself right? If I can do that what else can I do? You feel stronger and powerful in a weird way because you're controlling everything and making yourself do hard things. I think I found that addictive as well because I'd always been kind lazy before. I never finished the PhD and I had more problems after this. The aesthetic thing, actually it started out as wanting to fit in smaller clothes and wear nicer things etc but that went out the window very quickly, it was just about getting smaller and controlling more and I really didn't get validated for anything, people didn't think I looked good at all they look scared when they saw me, but I still kept on because by that time it was locked in. I haven't got rid of it, I've got better but there's still issues. It's tough it never totally goes away. I love the stuff you do on your channel where you call out all the body type promo stuff and fitness stuff that's all over social media cause this is what gets me a lot these days, it's soooooo bad.
i'm so grateful for this! the more we open ourselves up and share, the more we can ensure that there is awareness that we are not, in fact, alone. i appreciate that you said it will be a process. i feel like i will never be recovered but i created my own community with a • in between the e and the d (called restore•d) because i believe that we can live and thrive in the space between. and, we understand. i believe it's much more difficult for those who have not faced ed in some capacity to support those who are struggling now. much love and keep this kind of content up!
Thank you for sharing the details, I knew you had an orthorexia background, but how that developed and what that looked like, it is so interesting how the physical and mental pieces interact in eating disorders. I often question how to define the line between an eating disorder and being the victim of an eating disordered culture. I think the continuation of the behaviour despite knowing you were too thin is a big indicator, which makes seeing that line more difficult for those in higher body weights. Both have the same physical consequences, which cross over to the brain as it starves, again making me wonder how to know without an official diagnosis, when the starved brain has the same response just due to the starvation, and our culture continually tells us that a fear of weight gain, especially if we are in a larger body, is justified.
This conception that everyone has more body fat as an older teen compared to their younger self is not true for people who don’t change their diet through those years, the reason why people gain weight is that they eat more or more calorie dense foods
Thank you for sharing. Off and on struggled with ED from 5-31, when I got pregnant, and being healthy and loving myself became such a priority so I could be a positive influence for my daughter. 4 years later and I though I was healed....but now I sit next to someone at work who doesn't eat all day cause of some drug on the market and it is such a trigger, it makes me not want to go into work because I feel guilty for eating or being hungry, like I'm weak for having an appetite. It is a struggle.
“any external praise felt like I was being given a big hit of dopamine and it just gave me this temporary high out of my state of anxiety and sadness” as an anorexic with long undiagnosed ADHD- FELT!
You have obsessive-compulsive personality disorder? Tgat is what OCPD stands for in the DSM 5 its a very rare personality disorder to have. I've never met anyone with it apart from my mom. I too have a personality disorder but not that one I do have ocd tho
Thanks again to Eight Sleep for sponsoring today's video. Head to www.eightsleep.com/ca/abbey/ and use code ABBEY to get $350 off Pod 4 Ultra.
Hi Abbey, I hope you get to see this comment in some capacity, youve helped me so much with my ED in the past. I am struggling now with ADHD, ARFID and multiple undiagnosed chronic illnesses and I am finding it hard to access resources online with good actionable advice on how to eat for a specific diet like low fodmap or gluten free or how to eat while working with a doctor/RD. I struggle with fatigue and I can hardly prepare food at all which makes me lean on convenience options that ultimately make me feel worse. I need to prepare food from scratch to treat my illnesses but my illnesses limit my energy and the amount of time/spoons I have to meal prep. I know you have resources about similar things related to this topic but from what I can remember none with a focus on chronic illnesses like the ones I outlined, although those videos have helped me tremendously. Thank you for reading this 💜
"Under-fueling your body literally hijacks a healthy brain" COMPLETELY sums up my ED experience. Your mind, experience, and judgment is so compromised. Recovery is wonderful and so worth it!
I've done the same of cutting carbs. and fats
Yes like literally I was so sick plus undiagnosed celiac disease so I legit was rarely hungry bcuz I couldn't disgest food
honestly has a hint of bipolar since you think everyone else is wrong and you are right
Best advice I ever got: if you’re looking for a sign to recover, just having that thought is your sign. Do it.
As a “husky” child of the 80s, I feel like you’re describing the rollercoaster I had been on since being put on my first diet at age 12. I’m almost 40 at this point and feel like I’m finally learning to break the cycle. ❤
Thank you. As I was a baby ballerina at 4 and danced until my mid 20s, I've struggled with EDs all my life. Now at 63, I eat the same things everyday and exercise constantly to validate what I eat. I get that dopamine rush when people say how thin and disciplined I am. If only they knew how all consuming it is. Again, thank you for sharing. I have to make a change ❤
Good luck on your journey to recovery 💕
You have worth unrelated to what you weigh and how much exercise you do. Shine your inner light, and people will respond positively to the real you. You are special because you are you!
Honey how are you doing? Are you doing better? Don't be too harsh on yourself if you aren't, just keep trying to get better
Thank you for sharing! I just took the first step today in scheduling an initial appointment with an ED recovery program and I'm feeling so nervous, but your content has been so inspirational and helpful to me. I truly don't know if I would have taken this step had it not been for finding your videos. Thank you for everything you do 🩷
Your dog putting their paws on you is so sweet. 💞
Abbey, I adore you! This is your most open personal confession I have seen on your channel over several years. I wished so much to give you a hug while listening you. I have been struggling with anxiety, OCD, OCPD and orthorexia for more than 30 years. I am almost 46 now. I have made peace with myself and accepted my weaknesses, trying to live as well as possible, because I know that I will never get rid of them.
Sending a virtual hug to you too. It's tough and I'm there right with you
@@AbbeysKitchenI’m with you both, too! We must keep fighting the good fight! May Lord Jesus shine upon us all His strength and wisdom with each new day! Abby, thank you SO much for this video! I felt every word you spoke since my storyline is VERY similar! I LOVE y’all! Praying for us all tonight and always! 🫂🙏❤️
Your pup being a main character and making sure you are ok ❤❤ much love to you Abby and thank you for shining some light on mental health x
I’ve been watching your channel for years and never clicked so fast on one of your videos before. You’ve helped me to understand one of my loved ones who has had an ED, so much better! Thank you for all of your content! Love you and your videos!
Thank you for being so vulnerable and open 💖 Your dog constantly trying to hold your hand through this video absolutely killed me .. 😢❤
Thank you so much for your vulnerability and telling your story. I was diagnosed with body dysmorphia & IBS in 2019 associated with disordered eating. I was a gymnast and dancer growing up and have struggled with food and healthy eating since childhood. Intermittent fasting is something I still do and then binge as you have described. It is a constant battle, your book and channel have helped me so much 💛 my family noticed my restrictive, yo-yo dieting and I felt so much shame! It's something I do not talk about but my therapist is helping me. You're an inspiration Abbey. X
I am 59 and when i was 19 my aunt died or Anorexia she was 35 she had ED her whole life my mom said she could rember since she was 2 years old throwing her food out the window ! Ultimately she got addicted to Enemas and tore her bowels and died a horibbile death sadly !! My grandparents spent thousand of dollars sending her to rehab and this was in the 1960 and 1970 so sad its a miserable addiction !! So glad to hear your story to give people hope !!
GO Abbey Go! I admire your candour and strength :)
This story totally explains why you got into nutrition and are now still making your living off of it, it is like you wanted to get rid of your own issues, and with that are now trying to help others get help and handle their food issues. I appreciate your work.
I have so much emotions over this video.. In high school I started to eat less cause I convince myself I was not hungry. When people asked question , I lied . Then a guy I barely knew told me I will disapear if I continued like that. I realised I had a problem, slowly forced myself to eat more. It was pretty good for few years. Then I started to binge and eat my emotions.. Gained lots of weight over the years. Few months ago, at 45, I decided to loose weight. Reduced my portions, stop snacking in the evening. it's working, people are complimenting me, I feel good. But your video made me realised I'm slowly going back to my high school habit... I need to find a balance and it's not easy !
I've dipped my toes into anorexia theritory multiple times. The worst time was 11 years ago. I went through a terrible relationship situation. Along with the ED came some paranoia and panic attacks as well as learnd helplessness and medium level depression (yes I have been to a psychologist, not self diagnosed). I would eat as little as I could, often feeling dizzy. I started to love the hunger pains, they made me feel strong and in control of at least one aspect of my life. Also during that time I started running regularly. I was avoiding social situations that involved food. When I was out with friends and there was food, like at a market I would say "oh I love these, too bad I just had dinner, next time I need to get one" just to distract them. In reality that food I used to love disgusted me. For me it was never fear of food, but disgust. It was bad. In a way running saved me. A friend guided me with my training. He told me in order to get better at running I had to eat. I trusted him and started eating a little more. Shortly after I started a new internship where lunch and snacks were provided and eaten with the team. That got me back to eating somewhat normally again while still losing weight. Initially I had to, at that point I allready was at a normal weight but not happy yet. Throughout the winter I had gotten rid of the anorexia and decided to relax a little with the diet, the weather didn't allow for so much running with all the icy roads. By spring I had gained 2-3 kilos from my lowest weight and that included the holidays and I was back out running 3-4 days a week. But then I hurt my knee so badly that when I dropped something I would think twice if I really still needed this because just picking it up was so insanely painfull. Needless to say that from that point on the weight slowly came back as the pain lasted for over a year. I still hate my fomer primary care doctor for this lack of care in those years. I went to him describing depression symptoms right out of a textbook (as I later learned). Not knowing about it I thought it might have been some vitamin deficiency. He said that isn't a thing where we live and to just get off my ass and do things. Over the years I lost 5-10 kilos and slowly gained and gained some more, lost a bit again, gained some of it, lost some, gained some. Last year when my new (and amazing) doctor and I were figuring out the right dose of thyroid medication I gained a bunch. And this year due to a very bad case of gastritis I gained some more. Just this week I weighed in at my highest weight ever. I am now close to a 35 bmi and at this point my blood markers are still ok, but I start to struggle with the weight. Now it is about preventing morbidity. I know exactly what I need to do, but the mental aspect is hard. Sometimes I still think how easy losing weight in that horrible time was and wish I could do this again. I really don't want that anorexia back, it is just a thought that crosses my mind.
This hit so many notes in my own story. I had a lot of out of control things happening in my life, my mom died when I was 7, my dad moved us from one state to another new one, he remarried a monster, i was SA by a step brother and a cousin at different times, then kept losing my siblings because my dads wife couldn’t handle teenagers who were clearly desperate for someone to love them unconditionally. When I was in middle school, my dad told me that I was getting heavy looking. So I decided to starve myself. Constantly just saying “oh I’m not hungry “ my dad and his wife became abusive emotionally, mentally and physically, to the point where they fractured my wrist, and but strains in my back. That was the last time I went to youth services and they took me out of their custody and put me in a foster home. My foster mom was allllll about unhealthy skinny tactics. Like living off of Diet Coke and cinnamon bears… so when I finally started eating I of course started gaining weight, and then I had her coming to me and saying “we need to go on a diet!” So the only way I knew how was to stop eating, and work out like crazy! She then told me “you’re losing weight too fast.” I just felt so confused and not good enough no matter what I did. I married an amazing husband, but I gained A LOT of weight because I think it was a security blanket, because if I was skinny I would get unwanted attention from men. And I think I was also just done worrying about every calorie. I’ve been to so many therapists, and still struggle with food! I ended up finding keto 5 years ago. Lost half of my weight and was the healthiest I had ever been. Then Covid hit. I ended up having lots of injuries, and then had a hysterectomy. I’ve gained all of my weight back, and I’ve been trying to figure out what works for me mentally, physically and my body. I also struggle with RA and extreme fatigue! So it’s definitely been hard to figure this weight thing out. I don’t weigh myself because it’s a trigger and also makes me frustrated when I don’t loose as much as I think I should.
It’s so refreshing to hear you talk about these topics . Dealing with diets and binging since I can remember and listening to you is healing
you got this! It's worth the fight
Love this! In case it will help anyone, here's what helped me recover from orthorexia:
-realizing that binging isn't failing. It's our bodies way of trying to keep us from killing ourself from a lack of nutrition. Our bodies know best and are self protective
-learning that I can eat anything and not gain weight as long as I don't eat a lot of it which is easier to do if I regularly can have delicious things and am not starving
-do exercise that I enjoy doing versus what will theoretically make my body look a certain way. It is easier to regularly exercise when it's something you like
-understanding that if I want to feel my best, that requires good nutrition/fuel
-feminism requires me to nourish myself because we can't be strong/powerful/leaders if we spend all our time trying to be smaller or focusing on every little thing we put in our bodies
-I want to live a long, disease free life if possible and that is unlikely to happen if I don't take care of myself
When you said you couldn’t have chai anymore that really resonated with me. I can’t eat carrots cause I ate only carrots for so long it took me two years to stop being orange :/ also instant Nescafé coffee… there’s so many foods/drinks I can’t have anymore and usually it’s because it was the only thing I ate for months :/
For me it's oranges (or any other kind of citrus fruit). I don't know why, but oranges, tangerines and grapefruit were my go-to when I was ill with my ED. I ate so much citrus, my dentist noticed the enamel on my teeth was starting to wear away (of course I didn't tell him I was eating tons of citrus fruits every day!).
Anyway, I can't stand to eat oranges anymore. I ate enough to last me a lifetime!
I see myself in you so much, it's crazy. Thank you so much for sharing. ❤ I also developed binge eating disorder after orthorexia and have big problems with anxiety and medication also was a life saver for me. I feel so seen and I'm happy to not be alone in this. Thank you for your bravery in sharing this Abbey 💖
Poppy giving paw 😍
Poppy's working it for the camera
Thank you for sharing your story and struggles! ❤ It must be very difficult to talk about this issue!
As someone who struggles with orthorexia, it means a lot that you shared you story❤
I also have ADHD and perfectionism, and never had anyone told me that they helped my ED. Thank you🥺
I hope this storry will help and touch a lot of people.
I saw an old picture of me and I was like woah what the heck I was so skinny. I had an ed and undiagnosed celiac disease so it was bad. I gained 30 pounds afterwards and then in the future 5 more pounds. The 5 pounds from my birth control. Really helped me feel healthier
Your honesty is so refreshing and inspiring. I've experienced the same restrictive style of eating and the high of the praise that comes from the weight loss
I'm currently struggling with binge eating when im stressed. Which is ALL the time with a 3 year old and 1 year old.
Your videos inspire me to heal my relationship with food.
Soooo many similarities between your story and my own orthorexia experience, right down to the undiagnosed adhd 😅 Seriously though, I cooked my family meals all through high school for the exact same reason. Life on the other side is better, thanks for sharing your story 💜
Thank you! You've healed so many of our journeys with food, and given us tools to keep making progress. After becoming a mum it was difficult to navigate maintaining a good relationship with food because we are inundated with so many "rules", while needing to return to a healthy weight, and modeling good food relationships for my boys. Your videos have helped me piece a strategy together, but I'd love to learn more about how you managed this and how we can all navigate that three-way balance in a way where there are 1000x more stressors and seemingly 23 less hours in day.
Thank you so much for sharing a piece of your heart with us. Really was so healing for me as I often felt like I was “failing at my ED” by shifting my attention towards my career.
You are so empowering and your content has really helped me chart a new path of healing. Thanks Abbey.
you're one of the youtbers I most love, I watch your contents for years now, and just love them all😍😍😍
It’s definitely a blessing to be that way in high school. To not be insecure about your body, to not have a fat-phobic family that is constantly calling you fat or constantly pointing out when you gain weight. To not have your classmates comment on your weight or to be put on diets at 13. A lot of people have this and they take it for granted. We should be teaching our teenagers, to love their bodies, and that all sizes are beautiful. ❤
Absolutely
Love how supportive your pup is❤
Litteraly same. Went to a naturopath to help cure my acnee, went out with an ED. Thank you for sharing and making us feel less alone (the comments section
OMG, it feels very similiar to my experience, eventhough I never restricted that much, learned so much about healthy eating during the process and ended from overweight in a healthy weight, which seems good, but the mental part was just the same! It all got worse when anxiety kicked in as fear for my future in my mid 20ies. I needed food to have the feeling of control, the more control the more pressure, the more pressure the less "success" on the scale, the bigger the feelings of guilt & failure. I'm so happy therapy was my way out of it! First important step by my therapist was to give up dieting for the time of theraphy, to focus on healing first. And than, once my depression & anxiety was treated, I managed not to cling my selfworth and my eating together. Once I was happy I didn't need that control anymore. Now I can accept myself and mybody not being perfect, but treating myself good!
A video on the process of slowly adding calories back to your diet, and recovering would be so beneficial to so many people.
This video was so affirming and eye opening. Like, I have always cringed hard at the term "cheat day" and really don't like calling certain foods "bad". On my current health/weight/fitness journey, I've avoided those concepts with the mantra "Don't make any changes you can't live with forever." I will not forbid myself any food, or berate myself for exceeding my target limits or missing my macro goals. My diet is my lifetime partner and I want it to be a healthy relationship that I don't feel I need a break from or look forward to escaping. If someone looked at my food log, they might say it is a restrictive diet, but no, what they'd see is the result of me making better choices because I'm no longer a slave to the rush of food pleasure and my tastes reflect the loss of that addiction.
"Fed is best," the common answer to "is all natural breast milk better for a baby than processed formula", also applies to adults. Foods that best serve your body's needs are definitely more desirable than those that just give you calories and brief satiety, but that doesn't mean some foods are "bad". I'm a cheapskate at heart, and that value seeking hunter in me feels the same about food, and measures its value to me. I do include processed high protein snacks in my diet, mostly as a convenience food when I'm away from home for long periods and as a mid exercise energy boost between my period of walking and my strength training. General rule is that, if you add a zero to the grams of protein and that number is close to the total calorie count, it's a pretty okay source of protein, but I have a few items in my cupboard where the calorie count is 30% or more higher, and I find them acceptable because they fill other needs - some good carbs or fiber, or simply a compromise on a craving (I'm looking at you, Quest cookies and chips lol).
The talk about the positive reinforcement you received and your desire to keep getting it was an eyeopener for me, as positive reinforcement is not something I've ever gotten a good deal of. I'm down about 130 lbs from my highest weight, currently own a wardrobe of clothes that I really feel myself in and feel good about wearing, and it is harder than ever before in my life to get dressed when leaving the house. I've gotten so used to the praise I've received that, if I put on something that doesn't make me say "wow!" when I see myself in the mirror, I will keep trying different things until it does. I've never been this concerned about my appearance, and I look better than I have in decades. It really was bothering me because I didn't understand this compulsion. I'd just gotten so used to getting compliments from people, I'd lost the confidence that allowed me to wear whatever I felt like, even if I didn't think anyone would praise me.
Thank you so much for being so real and showing this more vulnerable side of yourself! Even though you've been facing a lot of challenges in your life, I see in you a strong woman that was meant so succeed in life. Hopefully this can help other people realize it's okay to ask for help to feel better ❤️
Your dog! Adorable!!!! Not to minimize your message. You are spot on! I love your videos. Diet culture is INSANE. How is it normal to "count" your food?? Ugh! I am so tired of all of this. At 61, I've released myself from judging my eating. Adding healthy foods, keeping refined foods to a minimum (but still eating them), and enjoying eating - that's the only philosophy I embrace.
I can't imagine myself every healing from my ED!
thank you for your honesty and wisdom, it's a big mental load, much love to you and those who struggle
This is so relatable and enlighting Abbey. I need to get on the therapy train is what I'm realizing more and more...
I wish I could just have a chat with you so you could alert me to what is healthy thinking and what might be a red flag of an ED. I used to struggle with anorexia but I've learned to love myself and even to this day I don't have a desire to be super skinny. However, because I was overweight once in my life, I tend to always go back to that weight after having children and I feel so uncomfortable in my skin. The only way it seems that I ever get REAL results IS to be very strict on my diet. Like, calculating every meal, lots of fasting and eating well below what I should in a day. We want to have more children but being in my late 30's has made weight loss even harder so I've been even stricter. I hate putting my body through this roller coaster of weight changes, but I love our kids and believe they are totally worth it. I feel so tossed and don't know some days if I'm being logical or not.
Please talk about Colleen Christensen. She's a promoter of intuitive eating. I've noticed that she is looking very sick and thin looking. I am wondering if she is relapsing back into anorexia.
@@user-fc4xg5ym1t Abbey looks normal tho
Thanks for your story. I was anorexic and was over-exercising. Then I was binging-eating afterwards; my body’s way of trying to survive! It took me more than 15 years to have a marginally normal relationship with food. Still working on it. xxxx
Thank you for sharing your story. ❤
I think your story is so relatable to so many people. I’m so glad I found your channel. I feel like your approach to eating is with common sense ( not that common sense is always common in this world) ❤
That dog is so freaking cute omg
I’m so glad you shared your story as a person who found your channel not too long ago! I didn’t expect such a brave backstory 💪🏻❤
Thank you for being so kind and listening❤
I can relate to unhealthy relationships with food. I grew up a chubby kid. My mother was an alcoholic almond mom if they even called women who wouldn't keep sugar in the house almond moms back then. I would use junk food to compensate for the lack of attention and love I was not receiving. Then, I hit high school and realized the seductive beauty of calories in and calories out on a female teenage body. 🤯 The only time I think I have ever felt "safe" to eat what my body is craving is when I was pregnant. I told myself that I had to nourish the growing baby. I gained and dropped 60+ pounds three times in four years for that privilege.
Today, I am going through peri-menopause. If I look at anything delicious, I put on 5 pounds, it feels like. It's challenging and frustrating.
I appreciate your channel, Abbey, because you come across as realistic and open. You are a professional who has beaten her food challenges and isn't afraid to share them. Thank you for your knowledge and candid approach to well-being. ❤
here for you❤
What you say about the sugar is fattening, so i'll cut that out.. oh and hey, fat is fattening so i'll cut that out too! Yeah... this is the slippery slope... before you know it you're trying to live off of salad. I have had very severe anorexia, and almost died twice because of it in my teenage years. Still learning to manage eating issues, but no longer anorexic. Again, thanks for this amazingly personal and courageous video!
“The odds are just not in our favour” i nearly cried hearing this, nearly 4 years since my an0rex!a manifested and i feel so sad and stuck, but this isnt my fault. I hope everyone else knows that too ❤
I'm 57 and have had EDs (and now realizing ADHD, probably, and OCD) since age 11. Sadly, it IS a lifelong struggle. I'm much better now than I was decades ago, but I have spent soooo much of my intellect and life force thinking about food, it's upsetting. I've also had IBS-C since birth, along with panic attacks starting in 2010 after a sudden onset health issue made me get scared about dying.
So happy to see your puppy buddy for this one. 😊
Thank you for sharing your story. ❤
This made me feel so seen!
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New subscriber!! Thank you for sharing and making me feel like I’m not alone.
Thank you for this video. I can't go into it too much right now because of time constraints but I have struggled with food, body dysmorphia and my weight at every end of the spectrum. I'm currently working with a dietitian to try to reduce down to a healthy weight. While the plan we have in place is working and feels good both emotionally and physically, i'm also terrified i'm going to slip into that disordered eating pattern again. Hearing your story and the ways you thought which is so similar to the way my mind reacts to food gives me hope that if I'm careful I can do this.
Thank you so much x your story is inspiring. I have Bipolar, Aniexty and insomnia diagnosis. So interesting to see how Food and mental health are interlinked. Keep on keeping on, from Anna in New Zealand
Interesting what you said about people with food disorders going into the health industry. I used to work with a woman who was an RD. She always looked good. She was always so thin so my assumption was that she took really good care of herself. But I never saw her eat at any company functions. She might take a bite or two but she just never ate a meal, not once. As not understanding the whole food ED thing back then, people kind of used to make fun of her, telling her she needs to eat, etc. It was just a known thing that she never ate. It has been many years since I've seen her but she seemed really thin, but physically fit. I had never really put the two together.
I just love how you expline things
Thanks for sharing, Abbey! ❤
I love this because it is SO real and honest and EXACTLY how ED sounds in the brain and how it looks lived out! Thank you for sharing and laughing at yourself too!
You're so welcome!
I resonate with your story so much. Crazy how similar your experience was to mine.
I am Autistic and developed Epilepsy at age 5, for the 5 years that followed I was on a plethora of anti seizure medications. The doctors kept changing them because of side effects including hallucinations, insomnia, depression, anxiety, panic attacks and weight gain. Every time I started a new drug my weight would shoot up. My school nurse spoke to 5 year old me about my lunchbox without my mum present, she picked in the fact I had a little cereal bar (when other kids had cupcakes in their lunch boxes). The hospital were weighing me every week and started blaming my mum for my weight gain, so from age 5 my mum had me on a constant diet. By the time I came off the medication at 10, as I had grown out of my seizures, I was overweight, had experienced years of relentless bullying and my parents were going through a very messy divorce.
My mum had to start working full time and by age 11 I was spending a lot of evenings home alone. I started binging, didn’t know how to make myself a healthy dinner at that age and I was just fucking miserable. So by the time I was 13 I was morbidly obese. I saw a doctor for my heavy periods, she told me I had PCOS without doing any testing (I don’t have PCOS). She told me that if I ever wanted to have children (I was 13) I would need to eat less than 1200 calories a day and walk fast for 2 hours a day, she literally said “walk like a man is chasing you”. I started that and lost a bit of weight. Then, one day, some boys who would bully me on my walk home threw a drink at me, I nearly whacked them with my bag, but I froze. Something clicked in my head then and I just stopped eating for 2 days. I decided during those 2 days that 350 calories a day would be ok. I did this for about 9 months and dropped a lot of weight, I stopped bleeding during periods and just experienced excruciating pain, my vision started going completely black every time I stood up for about 20-30 seconds (I got used to walking around in the dark). I started having palpitations every morning, my heart rate at rest dropped below 40bpm and I could never stay warm, even in the middle of summer.
Then we went on holiday to Paris for a few days and, stuck in a hotel room with my mum I ended up eating more, mostly carbs as I am Vegan. My legs and stomach swelled up and I felt so incredibly weak. When we finally came home, I lied that I must have caught the flu as I couldn’t move from the sofa for a few days, I couldn’t even lift my head. To this day I have no idea why my mum never did anything to help here… She said she would take me to the GP for the swelling at some point. After a few days of not eating on the sofa, I requested a soy yoghurt, that led to a binge… So I learned how to make myself throw up from an online guide. Over the proceeding 4 years I would cycle between a few weeks starving and a few weeks of binge purging. I was still losing weight, but a lot slower than before. At 15 I got a debit card and started buying laxatives online. I started laxative binges, sometimes getting through whole boxes of laxatives. It was agony, but I enjoyed it in a sick way. At some point I started getting scared of breathing in calories, so I would breathe so shallow at times that my voice went hoarse; I also stopped brushing my teeth and washing with products in case I absorbed calories (somehow?)
At 17 I was at my lowest weight, a bag of bones really, but when I looked in the mirror lumps of fat would start appearing all over me. Then I finally saw the Autism specialist psychiatrist. She diagnosed me with Autism and Anorexia Nervosa, started me on citalopram and agreed to continue seeing me until I turned 18 and I started recovery.
Obviously recovery was a very bumpy road with lots of relapses along the way, but 8 years later I became a mum. Not really sure how I got here honestly. But my body is bloody resilient!
Abbey, I loved listening to this. I have struggled with orthorexia, yo yo dieting, an eating disorders all throughout middle school. I have been an intense athlete my entire life- cross fit, dancer, and just finished my college running career. I related with so much of your story and I appalud you for sharing it because it takes bravery but it can help so many people! I am a current half marathoner and am in the midst of training for a marathoner. I have struggled with anxiety as I put pressure on myself to get perfect grades and succeed in everything. I went through an eating disorder in sixth grade, which destroyed my confidence and caused me lots of bruises, pain in my stomach, bloating, and fatigue. I struggled with sleep as I was addicted to caffine. I was living off of fruit and caffine and running constantly. I found that if I wanted to continue to run and compete at a high level, I needed to eat more and stop losing weight. My recovery was hard; being stuck in the hospital forced to eat for about a week and then being stuck at home not allowed to exercise and having to eat specific foods was hard, but it allowed me to understand the value of food and the importance of fuel. I am now happier, enjoying my running, as I finished my college athletic carrer with a seconf place win and am graduating from college on Saturday.
Congratulations on your successes and graduation! Great vibes being sent your way. ❤
The "ED-sufferer to nutritionist/dietitian" pipeline is too real. Back in 2012/2013 when I was finishing university and emerging from a decade+ of the binge/restrict cycle, I got into weight training and the paleo diet. And since changing my diet away from a ton of carb-heavy bingeing and starting to exercise AT ALL had genuinely helped my health (even though the paleo diet is total BS), I got obsessed with nutrition and dietetics. I even started a Tumblr called "Occupy Fitspo" (remember fitspo? that was a time) where I would post pictures of elite athletes of all body shapes and sizes. My ideas around nutrition were kind of fucked up (I thought beans were dangerous because they contained antinutrients and that even whole-wheat/multigrain bread and brown rice were to be avoided), and I really wanted to do this wildly expensive distance learning "holistic nutrition" program. Thank god I didn't have the money for it and my mom wouldn't help! Eventually I found out about intuitive eating and that really helped me get on the way to better health, but that would unfortunately take another 5-8 years.
This video is exactly what I needed rn tysm Abby ❤❤
Thank you for sharing, Abbey. I had an ED when I was a teenager and early 20s. I just wanted to be thin. You furbaby with the paw on you is just so very sweet. ❤❤❤
Thanks for sharing!!
Thanks so much for sharing. It gave me a lot to think about and how to work on my why.
Glad it was helpful!
This made me feel not so alone. I'm 41 years old and grew up with my family and friends constantly calling me skinny. I have always had a fast metabolism, and I've always struggled to eat enough calories. I got so sick of people commenting on my weight that one year, I force fed myself and gained almost 30 lbs. People stopped commenting on my weight, because now I was the "standard" size, but I felt AWFUL. I eventually decided I needed to stop my behavior and try to accept myself however I looked, or no matter what people said about me. I lost the weight pretty quickly (that fast metabolism you know), and again started getting the body comments. People said I looked "SO good". I still struggle with my body image. I'm so afraid of being "skinny" that calorie counting is part of my everyday life. I have learned to speak up however, and refuse to let anyone talk about my body. Why do people feel like they have the right to decide what someone elses body should look like? Thanks Abbey for being open!
Old lady 54 years old. Started binging and purging with my mom’s “chocolate “ candy when I was in second grade. I have never recovered. I did have 3 children and during those pregnancies I was the best me!! No caffeine, no soda, alcohol and loads of fruit veggies beans grains and protein. I grew great babies. But I went to a hospital program that at the time I thought it was a joke and I played their game and discharged after 2 weeks. Unfortunately I never had any other therapy and at my age I still only eat protein and veggies and I take ALOT of purging products. It’s disgusting but I don’t know it is just my life. I admire you Abbey and think you’re so intelligent and strong! You’re incredible
It’s never too late to recover ❤
Poppy is precious ❤
Wow i thought this would be coded ED glory days story but it absolutely was not. I dont have an ED but enjoy your videos and this gave me a lot of understanding about those that do suffer EDs
That’s really helpful but also scary! I have been struggling with orthorexia as well, and I think I’m on the other side (although my gluten intolerance doesn’t help and not being able to let go of that control is sometimes triggering). But now I am starting to have difficulty sleeping. It’s only a few nights a month, but it’s getting more and more frequent. Hope I’m not following on your footsteps for that!!!
This hit hard. 😮💨
Thank you for your video, Abbey!
You are so welcome!
I like hearing ED recovery stories because it always ends different from my own. I've been recovered for almost 10 years. I was anorexic for about 15 years. I recovered from anorexia and immediately developed severe food allergies. The success story of "...and then I ate chocolate and pizza and big bowls of spaghetti and all the bakery goodies I could find..." wasn't an option for me and still is not an option for me. I was able to eat more of a variety of foods in anorexia than I can now. This is a diagnosed allergy. It continues to get worse. Every year there are more foods I develop reactions to. There is no cure.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are so brave ❤
Thank you so much for sharing this. I really helps understand and deal with things like that
Not sure if this has been said yet, but homeopathy and naturopathy are not remotely the same thing, even though some people use the term 'homeopathy' to mean 'natural medicine' - it is not.
Lost if similarity with my own anxiety high school story
I find it a bit ironic that you would make an entire video telling people what you ate during your "ed" thus giving people tips and also showing pictures of yourself at your thinnest to somehow validate yourself. When on tik tok you rightfully demonise people who body check before their WIEIAD. 😅 and please don't say it was to just show pictures of your blog. That's not it.
Watching this is making me hungry…I’m going to get some beer. Be right back! 🃏 😉
I’m kidding guys (dark humor gets me through the days), but seriously, having an ED is absolute hell. I’m turning 40 at the end of this year (maybe?) if my body doesn’t give out. I have missing teeth, excess body hair, yet the hair on my head is thin, coming out in clumps. I have extremely painful heartburn, stomach pain, no energy, liver problems, bones breaking or separating constantly the last few years, extreme depression, panic attacks, and oh yeah; did I mention that my body is about ready to give out?
It’s been almost 30 years of this crap and I am beyond certain that I won’t be around much longer. I don’t have insurance nor the money for treatment. Very rarely does someone get the luxury of inpatient care in my home state. Mental illness, several overdoses/suicide attempts, 30 years of anorexia/bulimia doesn’t indicate I’m sick enough for long-term inpatient help in Texas without $$$. From my experience (and what I’ve witnessed) is that even those with health coverage are sent home within a week or two. It’s no wonder the majority of online crowdfunding (GoFundMe, etc) is for medical expenses. Fūçķ eating disorders.
Thanks for sharing Abbey ❤❤
Hi Abby, thank you for sharing your story!
I feel seen. My experiences have been quite similar: born 1990, undiagnosed ADHD, toxic diet culture everywhere, perfectionist, PTSD, IBS, anxiety and 0rth0rexia. My mother installed a strong fear of being overweight in me.
She died of an incurable brain tumor at 49. Everyone was talking about "winning against the c@ncer", which was completely inadequate, bc it had never been a fight after which she could live. But this tale got to me and I tried my best to evade c@ncer - meaning no sugar, no alcohol etc. I lived very restrictive. Now that I slowly overcome my trauma and that my ADHD is treated, my ED gets better as well. Also, I have been tested for allergies and know which foods to cut out. Took me almost 20 years all in all. Life is good now.
My ED problems began in my mid 20s when I started my PhD. I felt wrong in every respect I had raging anxiety and social anxiety and a few other mental health things that I'd been coping withby comfort eating for most of my life. I decided to get myself organised and pulled together so I'd feel like I could handle my PhD and "fit in". So I went to good old Googled and I mean you can guess what happened next. I'm very extreme too and it just feels went on and on and got worse. So yeah orthorexia. I mean you start to challenge yourself right? If I can do that what else can I do? You feel stronger and powerful in a weird way because you're controlling everything and making yourself do hard things. I think I found that addictive as well because I'd always been kind lazy before. I never finished the PhD and I had more problems after this.
The aesthetic thing, actually it started out as wanting to fit in smaller clothes and wear nicer things etc but that went out the window very quickly, it was just about getting smaller and controlling more and I really didn't get validated for anything, people didn't think I looked good at all they look scared when they saw me, but I still kept on because by that time it was locked in.
I haven't got rid of it, I've got better but there's still issues. It's tough it never totally goes away. I love the stuff you do on your channel where you call out all the body type promo stuff and fitness stuff that's all over social media cause this is what gets me a lot these days, it's soooooo bad.
i'm so grateful for this! the more we open ourselves up and share, the more we can ensure that there is awareness that we are not, in fact, alone. i appreciate that you said it will be a process. i feel like i will never be recovered but i created my own community with a • in between the e and the d (called restore•d) because i believe that we can live and thrive in the space between. and, we understand. i believe it's much more difficult for those who have not faced ed in some capacity to support those who are struggling now. much love and keep this kind of content up!
This sounds a lot like what I’ve been struggling with for the past 4 years.
Thank you for sharing the details, I knew you had an orthorexia background, but how that developed and what that looked like, it is so interesting how the physical and mental pieces interact in eating disorders. I often question how to define the line between an eating disorder and being the victim of an eating disordered culture. I think the continuation of the behaviour despite knowing you were too thin is a big indicator, which makes seeing that line more difficult for those in higher body weights. Both have the same physical consequences, which cross over to the brain as it starves, again making me wonder how to know without an official diagnosis, when the starved brain has the same response just due to the starvation, and our culture continually tells us that a fear of weight gain, especially if we are in a larger body, is justified.
This conception that everyone has more body fat as an older teen compared to their younger self is not true for people who don’t change their diet through those years, the reason why people gain weight is that they eat more or more calorie dense foods
Thank you for sharing. Off and on struggled with ED from 5-31, when I got pregnant, and being healthy and loving myself became such a priority so I could be a positive influence for my daughter. 4 years later and I though I was healed....but now I sit next to someone at work who doesn't eat all day cause of some drug on the market and it is such a trigger, it makes me not want to go into work because I feel guilty for eating or being hungry, like I'm weak for having an appetite. It is a struggle.
“any external praise felt like I was being given a big hit of dopamine and it just gave me this temporary high out of my state of anxiety and sadness” as an anorexic with long undiagnosed ADHD- FELT!
I have suffered with ED for about 15 years and I Want to know what is considered recovered...
Hey Abbey it would be super amazing if you did a collab with Tabitha Farrar I feel like it would be very beneficial
Thank you for sharing...your pup is adorable.
another banger. 2 great vids in such a short time span! luv ya 💞
thank you so much for sharing
Very brave, Abbey. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you ❤
Thank you💜
thanks for sharing!
You have obsessive-compulsive personality disorder? Tgat is what OCPD stands for in the DSM 5 its a very rare personality disorder to have. I've never met anyone with it apart from my mom. I too have a personality disorder but not that one I do have ocd tho
Considering she doesn’t even know what it means, I highly doubt it. Being a perfectionist is not a PD.
I have anxiety and IBS.