Humans Don’t Know How to Die | HFY | A Short Sci-Fi Full Story
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- Опубликовано: 20 мар 2024
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#scifi #hfystories #hfy
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HFY is a story/series that takes a “human element” in either humanity or an “other” (race/species or object) that exists in a “setting” (future or other world/universe) with varying levels of culture, technology, society and history that help show in some shape or form the potential good or bad for humanity’s race/culture. In These stories Humans are often referred to as Human, Humanity, Deathworlder, Hellwolder in reference to the human planet of origin , Earth. This planet is seen by most of the universe as a place where only death and chaos can survive.
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" - He drank an amount of alcohol, which would be enough to kill 4000 people of our own.
- And what were the results?
- ... He asked for more."
That made me wonder if the guy was Irish 😂😂😂😂
I would absolutely LOVE to hear what such a species would think in that situation if they had encountered Michael Malloy!
(If you don't know who that is, I recommend watching Sam O'Nella's video "The Tale of Michael Malloy".
watch?v=kuYylDsN6KQ
You won't believe this guy was real til you see it!)
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"After over 1000ml of ethyl alcohol failed to kill the specimen, we requisitioned a small selection of chemical warfare substances which are banned throughout the galactic federation: Among them the toxic industrial solvent Methanol Alcohol, the hyper-carcinogenic preservative formaldehyde, being Hydroxy Oxophenylbutyl Benzopyranto [Warfarin], the manufacture of which is considered a class 5 war crime against all sapient species and simple possession of it is punishable by death.
The vapors emanating from a single milliliter of liquid form methanol alcohol at room temperature has been known to poison the atmosphere in a 9 meter radius of the liquid portion.
Two ml of Methanol was added to a drink in a sealed container under a fume hood by scientists working in full pressure suits, the lab having been separated entirely from the ship's life support system to ensure no accidental contamination spread to the rest of the ship.
The drink was provided to the human via a mechanized dispenser in the human's room. He opened and ingested it, failed to detect the presence of the hyper-toxic synthetic solvent, with no ill effects.
In exasperation, the amount was immediately increased to a staggering 30ml.
After approximately 10 minutes, the human retrieved it from the dispenser and ingested it as well, then proceeded to question if we had "changed to the good stuff" because "this one has some real kick to it!"
Finally, a simple meal of cooked meat between layers of bonded sheets of complex carbohydrates was prepared.
The meal was sprayed with enough formaldehyde to preserve a creature 10x the human's size from decay caused by all known micro organisms, laced with enough [Warfarin] to kill over 3 million of my species if added to a city's water supply, and finally for good measure, small sharpened steel spikes were added to the meal...
...the human ingested the entire portion, and asked for "seconds".
Conclusion:
Nope.
NopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNope!
We need to leave this galaxy.
All of us.
Recommend we begin immediate preparations to create enough generational-ships to evacuate our species' entire populace to the Andromeda galaxy, and hope the humans have no intention of colonizing it in the next ~100,000 cycles.
No, cause remember he got a hangover, probably English..@@SolTerran5050
@@MurfFJ 😂😂😂😂
@@MurfFJ Maybe a german from Bavaria?
"We pumped loads of toxic atmosphere into their chambers and..."
"And?"
"...they thought it was funny."
Ah, the problem is, you can't hear the change in timbre if you're surrounded by the atmosphere. It only works if there's an imbalance in atmosphere between the sound source and the ears, because the sound changes, the wavelength or whatever, when travelling through different gases with different properties.
It's always an amusing trope or idea, but it relies upon one not knowing something about different gases and sounds.
@@AndrooUK Tell that the Lung Aliens
That one would have probably had some bad side effects had they left it longer.
10:40, "...human children are deranged psychopaths"! I lost a half cup of coffee on that one. Haven't laughed that hard in quite a while!
Oh yeah I wasn't drinking liquids at the time, but definitely had me laughing, especially when the little girl made a game of it, Definite images of Lizzy Borden 😂😂😂😊
He wasn't wrong though. That is the funny part
@GeorgeOrwell-yz6zx no, they weren't wrong. I play stellaris and with just that you shpuld know a bit about me
@@ethanthomson2336 Ha. We all have our escapes from reality. 🍻
Have a 6 year old nephew can confirm
Aliens "lets poison the human with lethal chemicals" Human: "Can I have some more?"
Several alien crew members: *proceed to soil themselves and faint*
Add a little baking soda and a pinch of cinnamon and you'll have some fine freebase my friend.
we have two superpowers, ( not including our brains and hands) and one of them is our livers.
( long twith muscle fibers for endurance hunting is the other )
"Conclusion: i quit." Made me chuckle 🤭 so funny
Imagine a species of alien that could survive anything that would kill you that would just scare the heck out of me so now we know how that alien felt
Yes I laughed so hard LOL
Me too😂😂 even funny was avoid the deranged physcopath childern.
Narration: "You humans must come from a Level 9 Death World!"
Humans: Earth is a 'Death World?' Hardly! It's actually a rather comfortable place to live."
You are describing every conversation I, as an Australian, have ever had with an American.
@@sambathelionking Every part of our world has its dengers, Australia has its wild life, and my nation is placed between two imperlistic nations which we had to endure.😅
@@whitewitch32 It's unsettling how little this narrows it down
Hmmm, I get the feeling that the xenospecies that ran the experiments were about as hearty as butterflies.
From the description they sound like jellyfish creature with gas sacks that were born on a low gravity world
@@jowiemonsterthe use of the term larvae makes me believe they are insectoid
Imagine the horror for those poor Aliens, if they ever get an invite to visit out "Death World" 🤣
Wait, what? These aliens have access to human stories of psychic powers but no stories describing human violence or weapons?
They describe the psychic powers as being described in human “fiction,” so, perhaps, they thought the other stories were fictional as well?
They were looking to murder the humans surreptitiously. They wanted to avoid being caught or exposed.
The weapons used by humans are too heavy and the recoil would be too big for them. Or that's what was said on the story
@@davidt.5513 Human literature, fictional or otherwise, would inform of the threat posed by poisons produced by various animals, plants, fungi, and bacteria on the human home world. There are a gazillion easy ways to terminate this "apex predator".
5:58 What happens when you anger a human? Everyone knows. They want to assassinate them something working in 1 second and does not required to physically punch through armed guards.
Pure comedy. A lighthearted story we didn't know we needed.
"conclusion: I quit". that legit had me in tears I was laughing so hard after the build up. lol
Their "Assassination" on us humans are entertainments and recreational stuff😂😂😂😂
Interesting that an FTL capable species ended up being dumber than a pile of rocks.
Yeah. They know humans need oxygen. They can easily manipulate the gas mixture. But it doesn't occur to them to simply supply a room with an atmosphere containing no oxygen?
@@warpedweirdoMaybe their systems can't eliminate oxygen, or they don't want the lack of oxygen to be detected by a sensor in a target's quarters, so have to try other gases that wouldn't be detected by the atmospheric sensor and sound an alarm.
@@AndrooUK The aliens tried to alter the atmosphere in other ways, so they must have been convinced their manipulation wouldn't be detected until too late. However they did it, they could do it with a lack of oxygen too.
First it's live support, there is limit to manipulation second they fear the Human just open the doors find generator and turn 30% oxygen ratio. Because he piloted other space carrying ship witch broke in midle of travel.
sounds like their building material is so flimsy that a human child could rip a space ship apart with just their hands
given we made our ships out of aluminum you can do the same with our space ships lol. there isnt atmophere to crush or anything so really light weight materials is best to reduce how much energy/fuel needed to leave a planet.
@@azurephantom100 Its funny to think that our space stations are just really sturdy balloons.
Well if you use UV reflecting paint you can just go witch wooden structure as your spaceship.
This turned into an ACME ad towards the end 😂😂 great stuff though subbed
This would be good for a short sci-fi film.
What a great experience 🤣 Couldn't stop laughing... It was like looking a Mel Brooks or Monty Python film.
Thank you for this story, more of this, please !!!
as a kid we played a game of tag with a dart that was supposed to be thrown at a dartboard, somehow got one put in the underside of my foot
Yeah, I'm Gen X, too.
Yeah, that's nothing! When *I* was a kid, we played a variant of "freeze tag" that involved the person who was "it" lobbing "Jarts" (the version with the metal tips) at other players. We played rock-paper-scissors with actual rocks, paper, and scissors. (Nobody ever presented "paper"; it was ineffective in the face of attacks involving rocks and scissors!) We played "doctor" with steak knives, cops-and-robbers with real pistols and clubs. The most fun playtime activity for me, however, was using my sister's Easy-Bake oven to melt down crayons, then pouring the hot wax onto the heads of my unsuspecting friends! Good times, good times...
@warpedweirdo Pssshh, city kid! Our version of smeer the qu*** was an actual hate crime. We played red rover, but instead of holding hands, we stretched concertina wire. We played dodge ball using 8 lbs bowling balls, and we never bobbed for apples. We bobbed for box jellyfish. 🪼 😎
lol the helium part
You should try sulfur hexafloride (i think iis floride or is that the one that kills you). Anyway, it makes your voice crazy low.
@@TheSolidSnakeOilhexafluoride. Just missed the U in there. 😆
crabs lol dang this made me laugh
Try to run the text through a spell checker before feeding it to an AI voice generator.
I found the misspelling and mispronunciations to be quite annoying.
Thank you for your comment . I will take care of this next time
@@IceFiction404 Along with what the OP said... From my own experience watching subtitled stuff since the 90s, having mistakes in the subs, is a surefire way of breaking my engagement. This same thing extends to these AI voiced videos. A mistake makes the viewer/listener have to stop for a moment and go "wth did they mean?", else they miss or misunderstand something. Completely destroying any immersion.
Over the years I have built up quite a tolerance. Or rather, the ability to reimmerse myself with relative ease. So to me, it is an inconvenience, but plenty of people just go 'stop no don't end die' and go off to something else.
That said, this story was quite enjoyable.
the mispronunciations of this robot robot voice finally became so ludicrous, that i can’t even lodge a complaint! it was just so hilarious. 😂 Still, putting real people, actors, out of work, is getting pernicious and extremely unacceptable!! 😾
Laughed out loud!😅
me too
They never tried reduced oxygen levels? Did they not study human biochemistry at all? Incompetence on their xenobiologist's part considering they noticed an increase in activity with higher oxygen. 😆
Thanks for the funny story.
Earth average oxygen levels are 20% oxygen Inhaling 23% oxygen atmosphere is near instantly lethal in humans your cells produce energy by fusing carbon and oxygen but much of the energy produced by this process is heat increased oxygen levels cause cells to overheat and die rapidly
I'm just imagining Arthur Dent on holiday.
its been long time since i laughed so hard!! XD love it!
I’m glad you like it
"I quit" hehe.
What I’m getting from this is that we are the cockroaches of the galaxy. Nearly impossible to kill
What would these poor aliens think of orcas or polar bears? Or lions?
Actually... river otters are nasty too.
I can't help but picture the narrator as being either one of the gas bags from the first mass effect, or the strange gaseous beings you rescue in stellaris that only live in the atmosphere of gas giants. That makes this story much funnier.
conclusion by humans: "aliens are weird. its not that hard to kill us"
This is a good example of us humans being apex survivalist, stuck between predator and prey.
When i heard “the most deadly poison ever; Alcohol” i knew this was gonna be a good one.
If our larvae are psychotic and deranged, what exactly do they think adults will be like?
Obviously just the usual "batshit insane"
Dang. Now this family knows what it's like for Superman.
Laughing my head off. Excellent vacation for humans for free too
It was worth some good laughs. Thanks for share.
Glad you like it
I have listened to this story at 3 times and still found it very funny 😂
While the voice is good, the robo read on this thing leaves a lot to be desired.
mission log 03 : could not conceive of LOWERING the amount of oxygen? and how exactly did you manage to figure out spaceflight?
A thumbs up for being pretty amusing but you definitely need an upgrade on the text to speech program. You expect there are going to be some mistakes but like a couple of the other stories on your channel it is tripping on easy words it should not be having any problems with.
I laughed so hard with this story.
that muscle degradation after "vacation" is them most hard part
The tattoo being an inadvertent threat display to the aliens is hilarious.
HFY stories picturing humans as "deathworlders" is like bunnies seeing themselves beating up wolves once you hear stories from the three body problem 😂
Totally hilarious story. Laughed continually, even when AI mispronounced words. Actually made story funnier.
This was pretty funney. I really got a kick out of it.
Rule No: 1 for all species natve to our death world. Don't - mess with - the hairless monkeys.
Monkeys? Monkeys have tails, We're Apes,, Great Apes, WHO, Who, who, You calling a Monkey? That makes me want to scratch the itch in my arm pit. :),
These stories would have us believe that all other species in the universe are completely inept and as hardy as wet tissue paper.
I really hate ai narrations but this was flipping hilarious 😂
This had me laughing so hard I could hardly breath at times. I loved this story.
Had a good laugh with this one!
I glad you like it !!
Loved the story, cannot wait for the next one.😊
The computer narration needs some tweaking.
5:20 bro saw the vegeta edits
Truly hilarious! Thanks!
I did enjoy this story but.... The AI needs more work. Voice is ok. Pronunciations pretty bad.
This was great!
OMG I haven't laughed so hard in a very long time. Thank you
Not sure why, But this story was fun !
I Can Imagine Those poor people just do their best, and we just Think og it as fun 😂
I would also throw The towel and quit before going luna
Really enjoyed this. Very well conceptualized and written. Nice work!
OMG! That was hilarious!!!!
If their most durable material houses are made of cardboard to humans then what the hell are their ships made of?
paper maybe 😂😂
You don't need much to keep 1 bar of atmosphere in.
Especially if there's no wind outside.
Ah yes, bribery and gifts... The only human weaknesses. 😂
The first captain gave up too easily. Zero oxygen or some carbon monoxide would have done the trick.
They seemingly did that experiment while under the assumption that what we actually *need* to breathe is nitrogen (wrong) and that oxygen is harmful to us (it is, but we die without it). They removed the nitrogen, and increased oxygen, which would be the equivalent to removing oxygen and increasing carbon monoxyde if they were using the right gases. So the thought process was correct, but they were working with fundamentally flawed basic info.
Even a small increase in the CO2 produces some quite harmful effects. You don't need the CO
@@DontScareTheFish Sure, but he might have noticed a high CO2 level so it wouldn’t have been as stealthy as I think they wanted.
Given that oxygen is quite a harmful substance in general and even to the wrong parts of our biochemistry...
Wait till i eat some fried okra, bout to introduce these special flowers to some good ol bio/chem warfare
Despite my previous comment, I loved the subject matter and the story itself. Have heard several other takes on the subject of "poisons for other species not bothering humans." If not for the many distracting mispronounciations, this world rank among the best.
Great story, I laugh a lot.
Oh my, that gave me quite a chuckle. 😁
If it weren't for the mispronunciations and misspellings This story would be good, not just funny
Thank you for the comments. We've fixed all errors in future narratives. You can enjoy
Understandbly I would quit too :D
Soooooo great and super funny
@4:30 Conclusion: Do Not give humans alcohol. (he he he he he)
good story its fun and funny
Holy crap please proofread and correct the voice on these things.
Very good. Thanks for the chuckle.
That was fun!
Thank you 💐🌺💐for all your effort & the time you put in when uploading this. It is really truly appreciated 🙏
An unexpected treasure, bcs I wasnt expecting to laugh 😂
I kept waiting for the next experiment, & looking forward to see how it would fail 😂😂
At last mis-pronounced words work.
"Rule #7, All materials, tools, weapons, or mechanical conveniences must be obtained from the Acme Corporation." Chuck Jones
Level 5 Death World, sheemsse, haven't you got anything more exciting than ,,, Romper Room stuff? How about a River full of Crocodiles to swim, or Take the Cave from The Grizzly Bear for the Night, Better yet, a 24 hour timed game of Cowboy's and Aliens, with paint balls of course, but with unlimited Ammo??? That could be fun!!!! Fun, Yup, Fun.
its real easy, just ask one of us. Someone would eventually say it if they bribed us
In reality Xenon in higher amounts is a problem because it is heavier than what we normally breathe. It drops to the bottom of the lungs and fill the lungs slowly. In the end you suffocate because there is no breathable air in your lungs. You can loose the Xenon by putting the head lower than the rest of your body like tipping a glass water so that it can empty. There is Xenon normally in the air, but it is no problem because the amount is tiny enough to not cause problems and Xenon supports the production of red blood cells. Professional athletes use this for training.
The alcohol part is wrong. A human has 7 liter blood. One per mill is 1g alcohol in the blood and for most 4 per mill is deadly. One ml alcohol weights 0.789g so 40ml are 31.56g alcohol in 7 liter blood. That means 4.5 per mill - That is already a deadly dose for most 'untrained' people. The 1000ml are 789g in 7 liter blood. That is deadly and not just a small headache and because of they did it in one night you can add the other 140ml alcohol to that.
This is SO silly😂
I agree with the conclusions about children.
If you were surrounded by the gas(es), that being your mouth and ears, you wouldn't be able to hear the change in *timbre*. It would sound normal to you.
(Just, not 100% helium/xenon, because that would be fatal. Being in a zero (or very low) oxygen atmosphere would be fatal, whatever the gas(es) used.)
after 7 minute 🤣 107 ways freaking accident, a man drove a boat and the ankor drop in the water and came back right behind his head and still live.
OmgThat one funny story i ever hear 🤣😅
That end made me laugh...
That was quite funny.
I see some people moaning about mispronuciation and the A.I getting the odd thing wrong and I just don't get it. This was hilarious, entertaining, and fun. And compared to some of the shite that passes as TV these days, I think this is brilliant 😂😂😂
I can just imagine what they would think of our current world.
That feel when you meet a race that's made up entirely of END 10 characters.
This was some funny shit. Kudos to the author that came up with this. 🤣
I like it
Funny 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
😂 sounds just about right
lol tldr: plz do not the humans
Brilliant
Just first try was pretty funny
The AI is awful.
Lol these ppeps thought "if you cant beat em, entertain them"
I laughed so much!!!! This was great. Tattoos?