Why People with Trauma Struggle in Relationships
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- Опубликовано: 16 апр 2024
- Excerpt from This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #495 | Tim Fletcher
Full Episode: • Trauma Expert Tim Flet...
Find Theo Von:
Website: theovon.com
Instagram: / theovon
Facebook: / theovon
Facebook Group: / thispastweekend
Twitter: / theovon
Patreon: / theovon
RUclips: / theovon
#TheoVon #TimFletcher #ThisPastWeekend #TheoVonClips #Trauma #traumahealing #Relationships 
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Just wanted to comment here to proudly share that I've been sober for 1,669 days.
Thats incredible man. Mega proud of you. Im actually 6 months today. Hope to reach your number one day 💪🏻
🎉🎉🎉 good job!!!! Keep going!!!
Well done bro, keep on keeping on!
gang
Good work! 🎉
i’ve gone 3 days without alcohol
I hope you’ve continued this streak since you posted. We’re all rooting for you.
Keep it up, my friend ❤
Nice brother... keep on going
Great job keep it up!! I got 2 days sober and no job never been down this bad but we got this brother
Good shit bro
I hope you are doing incredible
Theo’s vulnerability is beautiful
Probably a Biden supporter 🌈
it is why he’s among my favorites in the current comedy sphere along with Duncan Trussell. hilarious, but can’t help wearing their flaws on their sleeve.
addressing themselves and making others laugh through it
He is low key making changes in society with it.
Literally
That whole line about being fine until something triggers you and then fucking things up beyond repair hit hard. When it's too late it's too late, and you will hate yourself once you come to that realisation.
You got that right. I bail. I f/f run or fight. I did take Tim s course. It’s much easier to be me. Thank God for Tim Fletcher, and his compassionate staff. I am in recovery.
Me f things up! 🤦♀️
i dont remember where i heard it but its something like “no matter how far along the road you are, you are always the same distance from the ditch” which is a little bit depressing at first, but also comforting, because you always know where the ditch is.
@@ahem8013 I've never heard the phrase, but I love it. Something similar I say is "the truth will set you free, but it's going to piss you off first."
People who believe that their life is perfect and can't fail are always in for a worse reaction than a person who is realistic. I know exactly how close I am to failure, because it would take one bad accident, some legal trouble, or even a random freak accident with no explanation and I could be homeless by the end of the year.
A LOT of people don't understand that.
The highway of life is filled with flat squirrels that couldn't make a decision.”
Theo is an absolute hero and role model for speaking out about this kind of stuff. How many of us have the same or similar issues and don't talk about it to anyone?
Not hard dude, talk about it and quit being a little bitch
Yeap being open and exposeing your truth it takes and shows true strengh.
I do talk about it to people, but they can never give me good solution on how to remove the root of the issue
@@Shinyflubbait's about finding what works for you specifically. Usually a combination of different therapeutic approaches work. CBT, ACT, EMDR, neurofeedback therapy, internal family systems. Creative writing...the list goes on. You need to research. The body keeps the score is a good book to start with. Gabor mate is a great educator in trauma as well.
@@themajor333 thank you for the references and your comment! 🙂
Love how Tim immediately went into listening mode as soon as Theo started opening up..
I noticed this too. It’s like watching therapy. I appreciate Thea’s vulnerability
Theo’s*
Yes!!!
Total body language change.
Tim Fletcher is hands down one of the best educators on complex trauma ive ever heard.
Agree! He's the best I've seen so far on YT by a lot. So many helpful videos on his channel - he really gets it, at all levels.
Heidi Priebe is also doing amazing work. Especially lately. You could check her out.
I have C-PTSD so I’m definitely going to check him out. I’m surprised I haven’t seen him before. I watch trauma and autism videos almost daily.
I recommend Dr. Gabor Maté. This is the first time I've heard of Tim Fletcher but I like what he had to say.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporessss
Its actually so powerfull and brave for theo to speak about these things so openly, really the kind of 'manly' we need instead of all these f*ing "alpha males"
The alpha, sigma, beta male crap is just the guy version of astrology. “I’m a Sagittarius.”
“I’m an alpha male.”
It’s the same sh!t.
@@brennancarter7721 one has to do with patterns involved with planet & moon alignments...& the other are labels based on social habits. I guess I see your point on how similar the sky clock & social hierarchy are the same.
The f does alpha male mean to you? A mechanic? A blue collar worker? It's all part of woke BS. Stop feeding into it
@@brennancarter7721that makes no sense at all
Ummmm....I believe there is a place for some of it. The self improvement stuff. Because once a guy has worked out his trauma....he needs to also be able to work out what truly motivates and sustains him and what the expectations are of the people that he wants to have around him. There are masculine traits of strength, loyalty, integrity, being a protector that are very important for a man to learn in order to gain respect from women, respect from other men- and most importantly the respect of one's self.
It’s so true that relationships bring out our trauma. The old saying goes hurt people, hurt people 😢
And healed people heal people
I hate that BS copout saying. Not all hurt people hurt people. A lot of hurt people have genuine empathy for others bcuz they know exactly how it feels.
Hurt people have helped people and healed them too!
@@goodmorningsundaymorning4533yes!!!! Thank you for calling out this toxic thought process!!!
I recently heard of data that actually most traumatised people actually don’t redo the thing that has been done onto them
Hearing Theo say “when I saw a functioning family I would be like ‘what the f*** is this’” killed me
😂 now I’m staying to see this moment
Shits real too. Just seeing a family eating dinner together used to break me
@@zackwebb8697 sorry mate
@@MsMak03 no worries, I eat dinner with my wife and kid now
Severely abused and abandoned by both parents as a kid. "Fake intimacy" is THE BEST explanation of what I used to be (dated old rich guys, made out with young guys in the club, etc.) and eventually I met my husband thru a coworker when I was 35. He suffered maybe more trauma than me as a kid. Together 14 yrs now with a kid. I reiterate all the time I don't want the BS relationship. We have gone into therapy at trying times, learning SO much about how our traumas shaped us and can say that we are MORE solid today than ever. It can be done. Just meet someone as fucked up as you😅
Thanks
Very true, you could also spend some time being single, out of a relationship, to go to therapy and work through issues before committing to another person whom you may hurt or may hurt you.
@@LatteCoco1yes this is true to a point but as a survivor oF CPTSD and child abuse i have been on my own for 10 years and in therapy and doing the work but i found that without practicing with someone else in a relationship things stay in theory rather than practice. After trying both ways, i find that practicing and trying with someone who is understanding and struggling with their own stuff is a better idea.
Plus, haven’t we suffered enough??? Why should we be alone even longer as adults after we have already been so lonesome since a child?? Doing the work by yourself is key but you also deserve to try with the right person. Imagine reading about how to play basketball and getting on the court as opposed to playing one on one for just as long. Which way will teach you more about yourself and give you muscle memory?
😂😂. Got it! 😂😂
@@oregonsnob31agreed!!
I have been married twice and engaged now. We are taking our time, as the trauma from toddler sexual abuse impacted me to the core. This relationship is different. He has helped me heal and has allowed me to take my own pace in our relationship. I think the difference though, I finally love myself. My sexual abuse was not my fault, and I don’t have to carry that trauma around with me. I found joy and gratitude, which is foreign to me. I turn 46 next month and for the first time, am not bogged down by the trauma I carried around for 44 years. ❤️
Inspiring
God bless you and God bless your upcoming marriage 🙏
The body holds memories. It takes work& courage to re program the feelings& reroute nerves ❤ you got this
Thank God you found someone that understands
It had nothing to do with you. I had some low level stuff as an older child. I was luckily always able to understand it wasn't me despite coming from a hard core religious background too where being pure is way overemphasized.
If anyone is reading this, you are worthy. You are loved. And there is hope. Love you Theo.
When does cptsd end?
Idk. But that is a million dollar question.
A randomer on RUclips saying that isn't gunna make people think any different lol
"someone you met in a service area" wth Theo lol. Love this man. He says it like it is.
Studied with Tim for 8 months, he's the reason I've healed so much from complex trauma and now coach others to. I absolutely loved seeing him on TPW -big fan of Theo! A surreal experience for me in the most amazing way!
I second that! I was just introduced to Tim via RUclips algorithm a couple months ago and he has reinforced my healing process exponentially. ❤
What an honor
SURREAL!!! Theo and Tim talking Complex Trauma ❤❤️🩹
Right?? He's incredible. I'm so happy the right people are finally getting the exposure. The public desperately needs his valuable and healthy lessons he teaches
Me too, been watching him for years! ❤🇨🇦
Fake intimacy is truly the perfect way to describe this.
Theo’s sincerity is moving. Thank you 🥹
The thing that ultimately blows is how complex trauma kicks in when you’re finding yourself, or supposed to.
so hard to figure your shit out when there's a screaming child in the back of your head lol
@@eg4441no seriously. It irritated me for years and then I listened to the noise and realized it was me. Changed my life. All my attention is now towards helping the poor baby inside🩷
This is my favorite Theo. He makes himself so vulnerable by basically recording a therapy session
Agreed. Am absolutely convinced he knows his comedy and persona is a front for his true life's work. People underestimating him is his Superpower.👍😍🙏
I’m healing from childhood trauma. I’m 34, never had a “real” relationship in my adulthood. I’m an only child. No family of my own. Sad stuff. But just like this man said: THERE IS hope. I’m in a 12 Step Codependency Recovery meeting that I attend weekly.. I also quit porn.. and I’m gonna try and start dating this year and make a TRUE change. Thanks for this RUclips clip yall 💖💖💖💖
Don't date in your first year of CoDA. You've got this!
Wishing you the best. I’m also an only child and struggled with porn.
❤❤❤
Wow. I love Theo for admitting these things about himself.
THEO OUT HERE HAVING THE CONVERSATIONS WE ALL NEED TO HAVE!💜☮️
So true
I pray for him. I can relate. I found my love at age 49. I’m blessed.
With all these games and no honesty …how? I’m about ready to be done and just started.
❤❤❤
Blessed indeed!
the term gaslighting is from an old 1930’s movie where a husband is trying to make his wife think she is going crazy by turning down the gas lights and acting like he doesn’t see it when she mentions that the lights are not working
Yes we have to tell the young ones this as they use this term but don’t know where it comes from.
It’s good to know the origin of things.
@@Cactus_hugok b00mer
@@BlGGESTBROTHER that phrase is boring and old.
@@goodmorningsundaymorning4533 ok, b00mer
Today literally marks a year that my ex left me, this video helps a lot. Daily reminder, always stay truly happy with yourself. Have a blessing day y’all.
This is such an important conversation. Examining how trauma shapes our schemas and the way we approach relationships is life changing.
A lot of people never address their trauma and at some point it becomes so big, becomes way too much for them to deal with on emotional and psychological level, and they begin to collapse entirely. Some people choose drugs and alcohol, some choose sex, some choose pornography, addiction list goes on. But if you don’t deal with your stuff, you ultimately gonna repeat the cycle over and over and over again.
Damn. This dude's honesty and vulnerability. Much respect.
Ive been alone for over 10byears now. 33 years old. Still think of her every single day, throughout the day, missing her, pissed at myself. She was absolutely wonderful. Just wildly beautiful inside and out. So so good to me. I cant say the same of myself. If i could go back in time, id beat the everliving shit outta me. Since then ive learned why i treated her the eay i did, and i know now i was taking my internal pain, self hate, self worth/esteem issues out on her. And that was SO wrong. I blew it. Bigtime. I Feel like the best of my life has come and gone. I sure hope im wrong.
Absolutely, you can move forward and meet someone who is right for you now.
The best of your life is yet to come bc you have grown more than you realize by recognizing and owning what happened in your relationship that caused it to end. Accept the fact that it was an extremely difficult time in your life and you survived with insight that will give you peace heading into your future.
For many people it's just easier to romanticize someone when they are gone.
We all make mistakes and relationships are not easy. It will happen dont be affraid, you acknowledged it and that’s freedom. Good luck 👼🏼💪🏻🙏🏻
It's true there's plenty of fish in the sea.
Theo Von is like watching a baby deer. They are wobbly and cute and you're just watching them fumble in awe and praying they don't fall down. ❤ very endearing
Gross. I hate your condescending comment. Theo’s approach is on purpose to add to the level of help he gives to the masses by paving the way. His comedy and his guidance is too deep for people like you to grasp. He aint no baby, thats for sure.
You need to check yourself and wonder why you feel above someone who shows absolute brut strength in the arena of life.
@oregonsnob31 Yeah, you're taking that all wrong. Baby deer are endearing but they are also strong and resilient and take off walking from birth and watching it is exciting and breath taking. You are afraid for them because they appear innocent, but you know they are also a noble, fierce creature that's doing its own thing as intended. I take it you feel superior to deers or something and aren't seeing them as magical and stoic as I do... lol cool beans tho
Theo, I want you to know that I think you are brave as hell. Love you, Brother. God bless you.
I suffered terrible mental and physical abuse as a child right up until I was 16. My father died when I was 8 and my mother absolutely destroyed me. Every day is a struggle but watching this gives me hope for the future and I get some understanding why I struggle in my life. If anyone else is struggling, talk with your friends or seek professional help like I am. God bless you all 🙏
God bless you ❤
Felt like a fly on the wall in a room of one of Theo's therapy session. Wasn't sure if I should fly away or keep eavesdropping.
Glad you stayed check out Tim fletcher. He's amazing. Don't know how this came up in my feed. I don't know who Theo is but Tim fletcher I do. 🥰
Theo you brought on Time Fletcher!? OMG I love it! Bro you are growing!!
Thank you for being so open and vulnerable.
I’m in my 40s, never married, no kids, and I used to think that I was just “bad at relationships”. It was only until recently I’ve come to realize just how much damage was caused by me being abused as a kid. In my younger days, I thought that making it through all that just made me “tougher”, now I realize that it just made me straaaaanger, lol. For those suffering with C-PTSD, maybe a “healthy” relationship isn’t the answer, perhaps we simply need to find the “Harley Quinn” to our Joker, and vice versa???
Exactly. I relate to all you said. We didn’t have access to all this free therapy growing up.
Not sure about that either. 😢
I wonder why so many men are no kids or wife and assume they are players.
Yes. Healthygamergg channel has a video about this. Matching traumas and growing together.
I wish for a harley quinn but unfortunately things do not work that way.
Right there with you theo, tough as hell being in a relationship atm coming from a non affectionate childhood
Thank you for your candidness. I'm a woman, and hearing it from a guy explains a lot and is healing. I've had childhood trauma and see myself being responsible for the feelings of others, being gaslighted from childhood by dysfunctional parents, and later in marriage. Thank you for this, and thank you the most for being so honest.
You're onto something good, keep it rolling
Theo will never realize how many life’s he has saved. Obviously it is up to ones own self to get sober but Theo having hours and hours of content to lean on helps tremendously. I quit at the end of last December and relapsed recently, I’ve found myself listening to Theo again like I did earlier in the year. God f-Ing bless Theo Von, sobriety is worth it, never think it isn’t. Learn from your relapse and make sure it will be a one time hiccup
Tim is a gift. Truly.
The realest person on social. Authentic
Not the colab we expected, but the colab we needed!!
If someone is looking for a place to start. Look into attachment styles, specifically avoidant attachment. That's what theo is talking about.
Happened to me. Rugged pulled from a 7 year relationship from thinking over a weekend. Someone who thought running was a better solution than discussing those concerns. Stay strong everyone.
Happened to me recently, 2.5 months ago. I’m healing now. I think she’s unaware but I wish she could see the stuff I’m seeing.
Nothing good comes from dealing with people who treat others that way. It sucks, I’ve been there too. All you can do is remind yourself that you did the best you could to nurture the situation and make a genuine effort to connect with someone you liked. You put your best foot forward, it didn’t work out but now it’s time to close that door and move forward
That’s rough. I unknowingly had a two year relationship with an avoidant. I wasn’t aware of attachment styles at the time. Her behavior was so bizarre to me, and it was impossible to know what to do. It’s like there were no right answers.
@josephbrown9685 it best to take that period of isolation and hit the books. The discard was 4 months ago and I haven't heard a word from her. It demolishes your self esteem when someone you felt had your back decides to bail rather than communicate. Icing on the cake was asking me to be friends after. Don't beat yourself up more than you have to. It's best to express gratitude of the time spent, take what happened at face value and hope they save themselves from themselves. It's truly sad, people who yearn for love and acceptance but won't allow themselves to and let fear win.
@@pdubs1408 Well said. It’s been over a year since we were in a relationship together and we talked yesterday after having no contact for several months. She mentioned about wanting to be friends but I told her that I can’t be only friends. I actually still care about her but I know I can’t solve everything for her. Sorry to hear about what you went through and hope you are doing better now.
I hope Theo finds a strong woman worth continuing his healing
me too...he deserves a human who will be there for him...if he listens to Tim, he has hope.
Thank you for always being genuine and having real guests. Real conversations our society needs. ❤
This is great. I appreciate Theo’s honesty and vulnerability.
THE WORLD IS NOT BECOMING TRAUMATIZED, WE ARE BECOMING MORE EMPATHETIC AND UNDERSTANDING ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Ahhh I love Tim fisher!!! What an awesome crossover.
I love that he speaks to both religious and non religious folks in such a respectful, scientifically informed way ❤️
I needed to see this so much today. I'm struggling a lot right now.
❤
🤗
Thank you for being so upfront and honest!
The level of intimacy and vulnerability that Theo lets us into is a gift. It’s admirable and such an honor to watch. As a therapist, this is such a powerful tool for people to see and help achieve transformation in their lives! Way to go! Keep it up 🎉
I’ve been thinking about an episode like this for like 2 years. Ilysm thank you for being real I think I have been starving for someone to reflect the difficult things I feel in media.
This is so powerful. Thank you for helping people heal.
Thank you for this podcast theo
I really needed this episode, Theo. Thank you brother❤
I appreciate you sharing this on your platform. I hope so many people in our communities take heed. 🙏🏼
I really appreciate this conversation. I think every person needs to know this.
Thank-you Theo for your honesty . This discussion really hit home to me.
Thank You! Seriously, Thank You, Theo, for having this guest on to talk about these things. Much, much needed!
More people need to listen to Tim Fletcher. His knowledge is second to none. I was never an addict but I've suffered from CPTSD. His videos have been saving my life along with DBT and stoicism.
I can relate to Von sooo much. Wish I could find someone exactly like him
Can't thank you enough for this one Theo. It was really eye-opening, and healing for me. Tim is a genius! Sending love, peace, and prayers your way.
I like how open Theo is. It’s brave and intriguing.
I love that you got Tim! Thanks guys, will find the full episode next.
Thank you for this video Theo. I needed this.
theo you the realest! I learn so much bout myself through you and its therapeutic
Tim Fletcher is an expert.
youre doing a great job, Theo. i appreciate what youre creating here
Theo, thank you for being so candid about yourself. I think most of us who care and have empathy can relate
This resonates HARD! Thanking you so much for having this conversation and sharing it🙏🏼
Really appreciate the honesty
❤🙏🏻❤
I had a realization during this convo. The parent is always made out to be the root cause and then the child becomes what they are because of it. The thing is, the oarent was once a child too, and they likely had complex trauma that made them that way towards their kids. Every generation is just another layer of trauma and when you stack up enough generations, you see what a hopeless situation we’re all in unless we break the generational trauma
Trauma is gay
Theo you are helping so many people by being so honest about yourself
Loving these conversations thank you, Theo and Tim ❤
Tim has helped me soooo much! I’ve been listening to his videos for months. Thanks for having him on!!!!
Totally admire how honest Theo was… because it can in effect help so many others who feel/ have felt like this
Its cool to be honest and all but if you never change your actions then what is the point. Like with theo admitting he's cheated in every relationship. That's a great firsr step but if he never actually stops himself from cheating then it comes off as fake pandering.
This guest you had is amazing everyone needs to listen to him ❤
thank you so much for sharing this. I feel less alone. I’m 22 and I’ve been in and out relationships since 16. And I’ve always found myself soaked in guilt and disappointment from my cheating behaviour. Losing and constantly having hope that it’ll get better.
I loved so much yet always ended up committing to hurtful decisions.
Thank you so much for this.
I always realize theos fan base is always supportive and relating. Thats always good harmony 💙
Way to go Theo for being so transparent. I think that just makes people feel like they can too. You’re doing a great job. God Bless you Bro 👊
Theo! Thank you so much for having Tim Fletcher on your show! I discovered him about four years ago and learned so much from him about childhood trauma. You are helping many people by having him on your show, including me. Looking forward to watching the full episode.
LOVE Tim Fletcher! His series on RUclips is amazing! From Canada 🇨🇦
Thank you, Theo, for your courage and strength. Admitting vulnerability is difficult. Respect to you, Sir.
Bless you, Theo.
You are doing important Work here.
Peace from France.
🌻
Theo’s journey is truly inspirational. From the stories with Joey Diaz to things he talks about openly, with a full heart and without judgement to the guests he has on, it’s like we can live with him through his process alongside which I am so happy to be able to lean in to his courage. When two great separate circles meet you know you’re on to something. I have no doubt it is resonating with so many people and it is people like him this world needs now more than ever. Super cheesy I know but I wanted to share. Thank you so much, Theo!!
This conversation could literally change the world. Thank you Theo Von & Tim Fletcher :)
Love Theo's openness!!
Theo is the absolute best. Using his comedy to ease into these topics is great and allows people to connect on a level that doesn’t feel uncomfortable. This hit the nail on the head for me and so many others I know. Thank you Theo for sharing your friends and research from your own journey with all of us.
Theo seems like such a good guy.
I've been on my own for two years so I can work on my trauma issues. It's not easy but I'm a better person because of it. Theo is one amazing hero for doing the hard work and sharing it with us.
I needed to watch this video! Opened my eyes up about stuff i never thought about♥️ thank you!
Thank you. Needed to see a clip like this today.
This video has opened my eyes and is so relatable to what I’m going through. Thank you Theo & Tim from Owen in the UK 🇬🇧
I cannot even begin to express how happy I am to see Tim Fletcher getting out into the world and media. I was blessed and fortunate enough to have Tim as a teacher in a treatment facility in Winnipeg, Canada. He taught me SO MUCH. And still does with his RUclips videos. I hope more and more people hear what he has to say. I believe he has the ability to heal people with all of the incredible information he has obtained. Keep doing your thing, Tim!! 😁
Much love from Sudbury Ontario Canada
I listen to Tim Fletcher daily. He is part of my day when I am cleaning my house or doing projects his lectures are always on the background. ❤
I can’t believe Tim is on here! I love what he teaches. He is helping families heal. ❤
Theo!! Thank you for actually going through and voicing yourself. Iv NEVER heard anyone actually admit there real HEAVY baggage they carry into relationships, and that has its roots in yourself and not the other person. Theres a very common trope where folks blame thier roots of trauma on the new person in their life, giving them the love and time the one who hurt them NEVER did.