The Reason Deathworlder Prison Guards Are Always Human | HFY | Sci Fi Story
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- Опубликовано: 5 фев 2025
- The Reason Deathworlder Prison Guards Are Always Human | HFY | Sci Fi Story
Join us for an intergalactic adventure that turns the classic "humans are space orcs" trope on its head in this hilarious sci-fi comedy tale. Set in the Nexus-9 Intergalactic Detention Center, follow Officer Jack "Lucky" Martinez, the only human guard in a facility filled with alien criminals and quantum anomalies.
This story explores what happens when humanity's most terrifying weapon isn't our strength, durability, or deathworld origins - it's our mastery of bureaucracy. When a hyperintelligent space hamster named Professor Squeeks attempts a prison break using quantum physics, Lucky must save the day not with brute force, but with something far more devastating: paperwork.
Experience a unique blend of science fiction and humor as Lucky navigates through a prison shaped like a Klein bottle, deals with a gelatinous warden obsessed with proper documentation, and faces off against quantum physics gone wrong. Watch as he confronts everything from existential gravity generators to time-bending escape attempts, armed with nothing but his trusty clipboard and an endless supply of forms in triplicate.
Discover why the Galactic Council eventually mandates that all maximum security prisons must employ at least one human - not for their physical capabilities, but for their terrifying ability to weaponize administrative procedures. This story perfectly captures the essence of "Humanity, F*** Yeah!" (HFY) while adding a unique bureaucratic twist that will leave you laughing.
Featuring a cast of memorable characters including:
Officer Jack "Lucky" Martinez: The deadpan human guard who fights chaos with paperwork
Professor Squeeks: A genius hamster who teaches quantum physics to fellow inmates
Warden Blip-Blorp: A gelatinous blob who lives for proper documentation
The Prison AI: A helpful system that provides increasingly absurd warnings
The Gravity Generator: An artificial intelligence having an existential crisis
Key story elements include:
Creative sci-fi worldbuilding
Humorous take on human-alien interactions
Clever subversion of common sci-fi tropes
Perfect blend of comedy and science fiction
Satisfying resolution that ties everything together
Whether you're a fan of science fiction, comedy, or stories about humanity's special place in the galaxy, this tale offers something for everyone. It's a fresh take on the genre that will make you laugh while questioning whether the true horror of humanity might just be our ability to organize chaos through endless forms and procedures.
Perfect for fans of Douglas Adams' "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," Terry Pratchett's works, and anyone who's ever had to fill out a form in triplicate. This story proves that sometimes the pen (and clipboard) is mightier than the sword, especially when wielded by a human in an alien prison.
Join us for this uniquely entertaining journey through space, time, and bureaucracy, where the greatest weapon in the galaxy turns out to be proper documentation. Remember: nothing exists until it's been properly filed, even in quantum physics.
#HumanityFuckYeah #SciFiComedy #SpaceOrcs
5:51 “Your alarming display of deathworlder traits during last week’s mandatory peace meditation.”
“You mean when I sneezed”
I’m crying🤣
Human sighs with annoyance.
His non human coworkers: HE'S GONNA KILL US ALL!!!!!!
quantum physics say it already happened
both before and after the necessary paperwork
The one universal certainty: Nothing messes with a person carrying a clipboard and a sour expression. Nothing.
That helped me as a supervisor for a long time, that and raving like a lunatic on a cell phone to a shipper that was late with materials in front of the guys... So when I took other phone calls away from them doing the anger pace walk and looking pissed but I'd be helping plan WoW raids... Fun times
We would use that when I was with Delta doing base infiltration here in the States.
My dad would walk around post with a clipboard, pencil and a yardstick back in the army in the early 50's. Never was bothered because he was obviously working on something.
Never underestimate the power of a clipboard and a purposeful walk.
@@lydellb
NEVER!
Lucky - “Something feels weird.”
Warden - “do you think it might be because you’re standing on the client?”
Lucky - “No, I mean WEIRD weird. Like… weird enough that I don’t feel safe.”
Warden - “But… I’ve seen you jump 100 meters straight down.”
Lucky - “How is that weird?’
Warden - “It was before you knew the tractor beams would slow your fall.”
Lucky - . ‘Come on, seriously… weird.”
Warden - “Mr. Martinez, I have no doubt that at this very moment, you have in you pocket there small packets of poison, each one of which would near-instantly kill everyone here just by breathing the air. After which the station would enter hyperspace and then self-destruct. The packets are labeled a mild food flavor enhancer. There is only one place in this station you can open one of these packets without killing everyone. That one place is ‘not in the station’. And you choose to store them in your pocket. Because if they are in your pocket, you can defend them. The fact that your pocket probably *IS* the safest place to store something so dangerous is just proof that the word ‘weird’ means nothing.”
Lucky raised a finger, as if he were making a profound, debate-winning point, but said nothing. He opened his mouth as if to speak, then shut it again. “It pains me to say this, but I can find no fault in your logic.”
a perfect bonus!
The hitchikers guide to the galaxy wants their explanation back
3:03 Consuming the souls of my enemies. The thing you say to really fuck with someone's mind. LOVE IT!!!!
After reading The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. These stories have me in stitches! 😂
I really need to read that I've seen the movie and part of the series but wow it sounds very fun
@@eliandervalderen5849 it's a trip and one I recommend
Well you must be one frop who knows where his towel is.
I know!😂 This story would fit so well with hitchhikers!
I love that, of all things he could have used, BEUROCRACY was what he chose, and it WORKED
Anyone that doesn't fear Human BEUROCRACY.......doesn't understand it and hasn't lived it.
Oh god not human bureaucracy! Even us humans both fear and hate it to varying degrees
This comment reminded me to the one about a xenobiology class going in a field trip to Australia domt even the human, no ESPECIALLY the human was against that
Wait till they encounter Earth Lawyers
😂😂😂😂
Shhhh. We don't want to start a galactic war.
@@Megaman22xx
that would actually prevent several of them
those are illegal on most civilized worlds!
In the Army, if you wanted to be left alone, all you had to do was walk around with a clipboard and a pen. People would flee. 😂
If a higher-up comes to ask what's going on: "Sir, surprise inspections are not surprise inspections if you are warned about them in advance, sir!"
Love it! 😆
Bonus point for a solid white coffee mug full of go juice
😂
"Physics Optional" Okay, the voice might be AI and the writer might say "triplicate" way to often but this shit is too funny.
I love how nonchalant this AI is.
> a Klein bottle turned inside out
lol So funny because it was entirely unexpected.
sounds like a regular glass to me.
But how???
How do you turn a Klein bottle inside out
@@thejuggernautofspades9453
that's the funny impossible part
There are three certainties (or should I call them guarantees) in life:
One. There is death in line 2. There are taxes.
Three. There is always bureaucracy without exception.
There is a German saying:
"Von der Wiege bis zur Bahre: Formulare, Formulare"
Which roughly means "From the Cradle to the coffin: Forms and more forms"
It's based on precisely THIS level of bureaucracy.
Telepathic tax evader 😂😂😂😂
This is up there with "Beaucracy" by Douglas Adams and "Bill the Galactic Hero" series.
The silly is appreciated.
Thanks.
Me to myself while listening: Can you stop laughing... FOR 5 MINUTES! 😂😂😂😂😂
“For reasons known only to the architect he designed a prison in the shape of a Klein bottle”
OK that was funny
I wonder how many know what is a Klein bottle! 😆😆😆
@@CipiRipi-in7df not many I assume but that was top tier humor
I don't know why but this entire thing feels like it was a section of a story from hitchhiker's guides to the Galaxy where the crew ended up in a universe where the Earth didn't get blown up but the demolition crew got stranded on earth and they got rescued but in the process we're forced into a bureaucratic nightmare of having to uplift the Earth. I actually like that idea
This feels like humans doing paperwork and bureaucracy somehow causes "Schrodinger's cat" theory to somehow take effect and collapse realities not being observed by the human filing the paperwork.
This would force an entity that normally exists on multiple unseen realities to effectively choose which versions of itself it would have to kill off and only exist in the realities the human could put down on paper. 😂
I disagree. I'd take the realities unobserved. Can't force me to do paperwork if I only exist where paperwork doesn't. Sure, it means we can't observe each other. But do you want to observe anything that makes you do paperwork when observed?
@@richardbrooksshnee
being out of sight won't spare you the paperwork
@danielbenyair300 beyond reach is beyond reach. Escaping paperwork is norm.
@@richardbrooksshnee Except you have to deal with the other you in another quantom state snitching on your own quantum state. The quantum state is observing itself, it is literally like shroedingers cat, the collapse is inevitable.
This was so damn dumb but very entertaining
Trust me you want to lose your whole fingernail and not just part of it. They never grow back right.
I'd take my chances
@32:01 Blip Blorp is filling in paperwork threat assessments he add to the human assessment that they are capable of using paperwork as a "weapon of mass destruction" But I think that it should read " weapon of mass documentation".
What are your thoughts? PLEASE fill out the relevant forms in 7th dimensional spacetime and in triplicate for "responding to comments of dubious content" before commenting.
😂😂😂
@@thaddeuszukowski4633 I'm sorry sir your comment has been passed to the AUDIT department because you miss typed the date on the '6th level dimensional form : second copy'.
You should have a resolution in 7 to 8 standard galactic months.
Thank you for your time.
have you gotten Permit A 38 to enter the reception to request the request forms for the said forms?
@@RedDadRedemption
Unfortunately the Auditor has not yet been cleared to receive permit A 39, which is required to be granted Permit A 38
estimated Time for resolution up to 18 standard trans universal months
Thank you for your Time, patience in advance
PS. This information has been properly filed and archived in double Tripple Triplicate in all concerning Timelines, States of Temporal Occurrence and Plains of Existences (Sentient, Non-Sentiment as well as those not adhering to the Fundamental Constants as Understood in this Universe)
@@HrLBolle I apologise for the delay in replying to your post I was filling in the Forms A 38 and delta 42 "permission to talk to the receptionist to request the applicable forms" But i forgot to triplicate the delta 42 and had to start again. I shall get back to you when the applicable forms have been requested and countersigned.
You can hear that even the AI that read this got confused at what it was saying, THAT'S funny
The prison guard playing chess with the space hamster looks like matt walsh from the daily wire.
This reminds me of Terry Pratchett so much. God I loved his work so much!
Obviously written by a Douglas Addams fan who learned physics watching Joe Rogan.
I love this. idk why but I love this. And I dont even like paperwork.
So silly. I loved it.
Bro, the guards basically reading everyone into submission😅
Thank you! Needed the laugh!! ❤😅
They have Dr. Hamsterviel locked up there
Humans are reality warpers haha Genius
Probably best classified as reality stabilizers. Humanity should be prohibited from perceiving starship engines lest they disable FTL for that ship.
Dr. Hämsterviel got a new prison guard huh?
An homage to Terry Pratchett. Fantastic!
Take a shot every time they say "Quantum"
I DON'T WANNA DIE IN ONLY FIVE MINUTES!!!
I'm dreading what next Thursday's lunch is going to be, if ultra-quantum-mechanical, multi-dimensional monitoring security computers have to make a note and a warning about it a week ahead of time.
Nothing better than videos making humans look like the ultimate force of the universe while making most of everything look like xeno scum needing a good boot.
"at least 2 parallel universes in advance"... lol
Wasn't that the same prison two humans broke out of using cigars and toothpaste I think?
Enjoyed that one!
Do you know what is the most funny about this? That we are freaks about categorization. We have books that categorizes dragons and we fight about it. We try to figure out everything even if it means destruction. We do it because we can and because we want to actually see it.
Gravity flipped and no one carried. 😅😅 Humans invented bureaucracy 😅😅😅
3:34 Ok, but here me out. If we understand matter and energy at the most fundamental level, we could achieve so much. Now hand me the sunflower seeds.
3:55 you think you just gonna slip Dr. Hamstervelle using an obvious alias past me? lol lilo and stitch is one of my all time favorite movies.
Right out of the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy
The writer of this story missed an opportunity. It should say "Your kind have gone from being feared as savage deathworlders to being feared as savage bureaucrats."
Hehe whats the difference?
@@codysonic1 .. savage bureaucrats are far more sophisticated than savage brutes.
They invented "death by a thousand cuts". Each cut properly documented. In triplicate... :P
Add copies of this can be found in various files because they've all been done in quadruplicate. Although in with the interspecies cancel in the various worlds it's been done in some cases in Octoplicate.
Are humans were made into HR department in the galaxy?😂😂😂😂
Funny thing about that, umm. Humans are, well. We are the reason for galactic hr. AND are hea vily recruited for galactic EO.
Brainworm... "Pinky and the Brain" theme song
An indise out klien bottle huh..... lmao!!! XD
So just a regular klien bottle then. Does he realize an inside out klien bottle is just a klien bottle?
Well, once turned inside out, it is not the same Klein bottle. Theoretically, it is still a Klein bottle, as it fit all the requirements of a standard Klein bottle. But is a different one. So, it must be an alien one. 😆😆😆
quantum uncertainty? well it will definitely become certain after this 243481 pages of paper work :)
quantum mechanic: you know what? I give up
Humans huh? Bah, hairless apes too busy fighting each other to ever form a alliance with the galactic senate 😃
14:28 best part for the ppl who do not get physics me included 🤣🤣
Hello, I’m Cecilia. It’s lovely to meet you!
With a little work, this could be worked into Keith Laumer’s stories about Retief.
Recurring theme of 47b 🤨. Things that make you go hummmmm.
Actually fun
"Papers, please" becoming a threat instead of a request
The souls of my enemies😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Honestly I see more HFY stories that are just Humans getting fed up with arbitrary Galactic Bureaucracy and going "F*** this" that this story feels like a fever dream.
Just imagine the chaos if they met Matt Murdock AKA The Daredevil 😂
Aw yes, "Human Bureaucracy" The ULTIMATE WEAPON OF COSMIC CONTANMENT. NO ONE (or Thing Apparently) want to fill out THAT MUCH PAPERWORK!
Oh my god this is so Dumb, but so FUNNY at the same time!
Are we sure this wasn’t written by Terry Pratchett? The im getting déjà vu and hinking of some of the stuff from DiscWorld
human recourses the most destructive force in the universe
LOL !! So funny !
Pinky and the Brain just met Inspector Gadget's secretary 😅
How did he fail to acquire a mall cop job ON EARTH!?
Even fundamental forces hate teambuilding
Hold my coffee....
Can't, gravity decided coffee is repelled by a cup. Please file form 362B in duplicate and filed in paper, email, and quantum entanglement in three timelines.
Who the hell wrote this ,Its sad and hilarious at the same time .I cant stop laughing
23:21 so you are telling me that an alien quantum computer can run .exe files but linux needs emulation?
Funny just became a prison guard not to long ago
Man I quantum don't quantum think that they quantum quite said quantum enough quantum times in this quantum story.
again a martinez😂
1:43 There is no such thing as a "Kline Bottle turned inside out" or rather if you turn a cline bottle inside out you just get a regular Kline Bottle. There outsides are there insides and the insides are there outsides. They can only exist in 4D space.
The "Quantum" Deus ex machina abuse is next level.
No, no, nononononono... The one thing we didn't want to give the universe at large!!! No!!!...
HE CAN FILE TAXES RUUUUUUN
Is the thumbnail Matt Walsh interrogating Peanut?
two words: Quantum OSHA
Whoop Whoop homies
✌🏻🐵✌🏻
That face has a Pokemon look😅
The Bureaucracy is expanding in order to meet the ever expanding needs of the Bureaucracy.
Funny aliens
They forgot to add that humans are very good at a game called poker we've also taken lying to another dimension in quantum mechanics bureaucracy has a been around for hundreds of years and has been used as a weapon usually when dealing with subordinates it's a way to slow everything down to the Amber level of things( you know like how flys end up in amber) humans have done that in order to keep their fellow humans honest, another words you may have cheated on the first page but the second copy and third copy have to be exactly alike and if you have to do that a 100 times someone who worked as a secretarial assistant in my high school and helped our schools secretary I have to copy from the forms and there were a lot of forms the grades that a student got I had to put them in exactly the way they had been put in by the teacher along with any notes the teacher had put in there I how to make some in quadruplicate. I have to admit how in Hook he is typing a writing something out and it immediately it kills one of the Pirates he never actually uses a gun it's the paperwork that kills the pirate, I believe it's the virtual paperwork that kills the pirate. So yes we're very dangerous species.... And in our case looks can be very deceiving, us and your average feline.
what the hell did I just listen to
What's with reddit and interpretative dances?
Is quantum mechanic says that nothing is impossible until it is observed then it stands to reason that bureaucracy is the answer to that question it is quantum mechanics documented and observed...
To whomever wrote this-please take the word "Quantum" OUT of your vocabulary. you keep using it, I do not think it means what you think it means. And when I start counting how many times a word is used in a story as I hear it, ignoring the plot, you have seriously lost me. Otherwise I like you writing, and love the narrator.
Several concepts are repeated multiple times. Please edit better.
aint that the truth🤣🤣
I’m convinced lucky is from Germany lol
ok soo how many souls of your enemies do you consume per day?
Why are there only 3 humans in this universe?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
It's hard to listen to this no matter how entertaining it is because of the retcons like near the end they talk about why humans are actually scary but lucky already said that
😂😅
EARTH SUPREMACY YEAH :D
3.5min in, and it’s clear aliens do not grok sarcasm. Why bother getting out of bed?