I worked in a pub in England. Some guy came in with a woman, it is an English expression, "Would you like a beer?" He asked the woman and she said, "Do I look like I drink beer?!" He turned to me and said, "I'll have a glass of vinegar with a twist of lemon."
He could have added another impressive feat after the 2 word joke, and said "Now we have the 1 word joke......... *points to someone in the audience* YOU"
This might be the only place where I could post this and people would actually not get offended... let's hope. What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken.
Absolutely brilliant show, Jimmy Carr is incredibly funny, but I am amazed that a 13 year old was allowed in. I would have thought the show would have an 18 rated.
In my defense as someone with Parkinson's, we save a tremendous amount of mony by not having to buy batteries. Or lawn sprinklers, but that's not as fun to think about.
Holy shit.... the blonde woman with the nose piercing who works for Nationwide in HR. She's the same one that bellowed NO! when Jimmy asked whether there was any merit to "it's not the size that matters, it's what you do with it". She had long red hair in the other show.
I worked in a pub in England. Some guy came in with a woman, it is an English expression, "Would you like a beer?" He asked the woman and she said, "Do I look like I drink beer?!" He turned to me and said, "I'll have a glass of vinegar with a twist of lemon."
I really needed this today. 😂
I love Jimmy. He eases my pain😔
Damn I wish I could see Jimmy Carr live! 💯🥰❤️🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I have a wicked sick sense of humor. He's right up my alley! 🤣🤣🤣
“… right up your alley.”
Sorry, you are thinking of Alan Carr !
I hope Steve and Tracey actually met up and got together.
today kids i will tell you how i met your mother
Think Steve gave her a filling
@@Dionysos640 There’s no way she was that much older than him.
Got a great hand! Scouser said snap lmfao
Always hilarious is Jimmy
He could have added another impressive feat after the 2 word joke, and said
"Now we have the 1 word joke......... *points to someone in the audience*
YOU"
Best special Ever! 😂😂😂😂😂
You're my favorite comedian. Followed closely by John Mulaney
💀
13:47 😂
3:25 😂
Best position! Manager
Clairvoyant asked if I had my hand read I said no! Shoved it down her knickers! She said you have now lmfao
The "nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded" is an old joke. Yogi Berra (1925-2015) famously said it
20:24 🤣
She pulled me lmfao
Uncles and aunties mums and dads lmfao! Gary glitter
This might be the only place where I could post this and people would actually not get offended... let's hope.
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
Red sky at night! Sky's on fire lmfao
You might have seen it coming!
I have a police record! Blowing in the bag
Leopracy card player chucked his hand in
3:02
Got arrested for asking someone how much a cun't weighs! All because I offered him a pound to weigh himself
Keep that joke to yourself from now on bud
I love dark jokes, a favorite is "what was the last pizza order at the twin towers?"
I don't know!
I got pissed went 4 a sauna! Ended up when the steam was gone bollock naked in the chip shop
52:22
If your ears are ringing turn the alarm clock off
Absolutely brilliant show, Jimmy Carr is incredibly funny, but I am amazed that a 13 year old was allowed in. I would have thought the show would have an 18 rated.
There was another show I watched on here with a 14 year old boy in the audience so it seems there's no rating.
And she stood out with their backs turned
Italians got caught up selling spaghetti junction
Wow!
Stoned again! Hey dude
Jab pusher. Jog on. Sheesh.
Do ya wanna be in my cell lmfao
In my defense as someone with Parkinson's, we save a tremendous amount of mony by not having to buy batteries. Or lawn sprinklers, but that's not as fun to think about.
I changed energy provider! Cola
That is what he asks all his customers soup
Someone called me a cun't! I said thanks for saying that I am more useful than you
Wasn't a brummie then lmfao
Someone hit me with cheese in tesco! I thought immature
Took his driving test he failed! Left his foot on the brake
Like a fishing hook
George Michael poor bastard! He eaten a careless whisper
Oh please, have some respect for the deceased. He's never gonna dance again.
Freesia means stupid cow lmfao
What has star wars and toilet roll have in common?
I hear tales
And 6packs of bacon
I wonder what happened with Tracy? I would have gone out with her 😊
She had some semen and basil soup then went home with a bag of chips 👍🏻
And Willoughby
Police officer asked me to blow into the bag drink driving! He said not that one
Miners went into the mines with canaries! No wonder Norwich city is empty
Geordies live in tyneside! Note that they are all tied up call back later
Pandas have black eyes oh what a surprise
Well, like fatties didn't get bullied in your school...
numbers are wrong bro
Holy shit.... the blonde woman with the nose piercing who works for Nationwide in HR. She's the same one that bellowed NO! when Jimmy asked whether there was any merit to "it's not the size that matters, it's what you do with it". She had long red hair in the other show.
Omg LOL what a Spot!
@@_-.-_-.-_ Oh stop * BLUSH *
I have a thing for faces, I guess. But than kyou just the same
Just about manager
Gin brummie
How many coppers in the line up lmfao?
Both get rid of clingons
Typical Scotland
😀
Vegetarian should not be in the Armed forces
Vegans in the mod! Should be fined
1000 jokes?
Std telecommunications
I cannot talk now I will be home soon darling
Never noticed how much he moves his mouth when he talks
Muff
Ringing in your ears and bollocks
Donald Trump
U need help 🙏
@@blackmaxbranning3666 I do! And you don't? Need help?
Thistles
1 word joke...
Biden!
😊.omoo
Trump